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Wireless. You're

12:00

giving Wookie You're

12:03

giving Wookie and you fell out

12:05

of your chair like seven times to the point where I think

12:07

we had to just confiscate it Have I told this story on

12:09

the podcast? I Think so,

12:11

but I think you should give him a quick refresher

12:13

I'm we're all at my birthday dinner on the beach

12:15

and mind you it's just beautiful Like

12:17

in any other world this would be wholesome, but

12:20

I don't know why I thought that like the

12:23

sweet wholesome Beautiful birthday dinner

12:25

should be after Noah's Ark Which is the bar in

12:27

the middle of the Turks ocean that everyone goes to

12:29

to get it like the most hammered of their life

12:32

And so I'm already threw up on Kyla like you

12:34

know, it was I like it was Everyone

12:36

was a mess including me I was probably

12:39

the most of a mess and

12:41

I'm sitting at the head of the table in the

12:43

sand at this table and chairs And

12:45

I just remember all I

12:48

remember like how like you saw it, but

12:50

like I have the POV, you know what

12:52

I mean? Yeah, you ever think continuing to

12:54

go sideways and then I would see

12:56

stars and then sideways and then stars

12:59

and then Sideways like I just

13:01

I was so drunk I couldn't sit with the chair No

13:03

one is even trying to catch you at a certain point

13:05

because it's like there she goes And

13:07

I finally I turned to Joey Joey who's sitting next to me

13:09

and I'm like And

13:12

I'm like Being like a

13:15

about it too. I'm like in zooming my

13:17

birthday like my chair won't sit up She

13:19

likes you have just switched to the mirror

13:21

and you know Joey he's like, okay Like

13:23

let's okay here take my chair and I

13:25

just remember we switched chairs and finally I'm

13:27

like, thank God Like it was the chair

13:29

and then all of a sudden sideways stars

13:33

Looking at the stars and I was like, oh It

13:37

was so you but you know what you've such

13:39

a fun time. I am happy you're sober though

13:41

I think we really I spent an entire night

13:43

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13:46

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13:48

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a-n-g-i.com. I

16:38

really want to have a drink on my birthday. I

16:42

don't think you should. I don't

16:44

think it's what it's called cracked up to be. I

16:47

know, but it's so is. And maybe I'm

16:49

just in this wave right now where I'm

16:51

convincing myself that it so is and it

16:53

isn't. It

16:56

just obviously sobriety is hard. And

17:00

I have never gone on this sober

17:02

journey with the intention of it being

17:04

like forever. And

17:07

I say that because it's like, I

17:14

love all of, and this goes for drinking

17:16

and sobriety, like the good sides of sobriety

17:18

and the good sides of drinking. And obviously

17:20

there are bad sides to both. Obviously with

17:22

sobriety, they are less detrimental to bad sides.

17:26

But the bad side for me is how bored

17:29

I am all the time. Like, and

17:31

my social battery and my back

17:34

hurts so goddamn bad. I

17:37

would love to take the edge off. And like, I

17:39

would love to be able to have a drink with

17:42

all my friends. I would love to be able

17:44

to have a glass of wine at dinner. Like I- But you

17:46

can't. I know. And I'm at this

17:48

point and I already know what people

17:50

are going to say to this. And I'm trying to convince

17:52

myself otherwise. But to

17:55

me, sobriety forever feels like

17:58

defeat. Like

20:01

we both, like I would be passed

20:03

out before I could even start posting

20:05

the TikToks you were posting. You

20:08

know what I mean? Like it wouldn't happen. I don't

20:11

know if that's necessarily why. And I'm just

20:13

in such a happy, healthy relationship. Like it's,

20:16

I was really thinking about this last night. Like how much, I

20:19

never want to be like this person brought me out of like

20:21

darkness because you bring yourself out of darkness. But

20:24

like my motivation to be better for someone

20:26

else on top of being better for myself.

20:28

Like I don't want him to be

20:31

dating drunk,

20:33

awful fucking Tana. You know what I

20:35

mean? Yeah. Also, how does he

20:37

have, he really doesn't have any experience with that too.

20:39

He does. Does he? That's how we met. Oh yeah,

20:42

you met drunk. Yeah. And

20:44

like for a few months, like, Well, that's good at least.

20:46

Not good. And I, you know what I mean though. Like,

20:49

like he, you know what I mean? Like he loves me

20:51

always. But like, yeah,

20:53

I just, I

20:56

don't know. It's just like, I want

20:58

to go to Mexico with all my friends

21:00

and be able to celebrate these months of

21:03

hard work and dedication and wholesome

21:05

and like come home and then be wholesome again. I want

21:07

to. Yeah, that's what I was, I guess, kind of trying

21:09

to get eyes. Like, I wonder

21:11

if it depends on the friends. Like in the past,

21:13

it's always been like, you know, all the like most

21:15

delinquents. And Stephanie, I feel like now you have a

21:17

lot more people in your life who are like more

21:19

wholesome. Yesterday I got lunch

21:21

with everyone and was kind of talking about it with them

21:23

as well. And I think that I never want to put

21:25

it on anyone else. You know what I mean? Like, oh,

21:27

they'll hold me accountable to a few drinks. But

21:30

like that it's vocalizing everything. So

21:32

I feel like everyone's on this journey with me,

21:34

you know? Of course, I would love for you

21:36

to stay sober forever. But at

21:38

the same time, I also, I feel like if

21:41

I were to say like, absolutely not. No, that's when people end up

21:43

like sneaky drinking. No, I

21:45

would never do that. I really wouldn't. I

21:47

would just be honest with you, you know,

21:49

everyone. But it's, I

21:51

just want what everyone else is able to have

21:54

so badly. And I'm the type of person that

21:56

when I want something so badly, I will

21:59

love. in and get it. Like you

22:01

know what I mean? Like yeah I

22:03

will dedicate myself to figuring out

22:06

how to become this type of person that I want

22:08

to be. I will dedicate myself to

22:11

being able to drink moderately but it is

22:13

just a scary slippery slope.

22:16

Very easy yeah it's like walking on

22:18

a tight rope and getting to the

22:20

other side you know and like and

22:23

maybe I'll drink again and I don't

22:25

know like not want to

22:28

be like I feel like I've just spent so much time not

22:30

being hung over and yada yada that I don't want to

22:32

feel like that ever again. Yeah but

22:35

I don't know it's hard like and a lot of

22:37

people I know a lot of people die on the

22:39

hill of alcoholics can never drink again and I know

22:41

I can already see so many comments of like people

22:44

usually relapse three times before they go sober

22:46

for life and like whatever and it's like

22:48

I just don't want to be that fucking

22:51

statistic like I want to drink fucking moderately

22:53

so bad. Yeah not have to have these

22:55

like extreme sober.

22:57

Yeah like I absolutely hate

22:59

that I'm so yin or yang in everything

23:01

I do and I would love to find

23:04

happy mediums in. I wish there was like

23:06

a literal way to like cut yourself up

23:08

like a physical way to cut yourself. There's

23:10

a medicine called naltrexone that Trevio is telling

23:12

me about but like heroin addicts and shit

23:15

used to do that like but it works

23:17

for alcohol because it turns off your brain

23:19

like how much dopamine you receive when you're.

23:21

So it changes your dopamine yeah

23:24

I don't like how you respond I mean I just

23:26

don't know what I'm gonna do it's obviously like it's

23:29

it is it feels easier to just

23:31

be sober forever but like sadder to me and

23:33

way less fun. I get what you're saying

23:35

like but I also I'm in a point where

23:37

I don't get what you're even talking about because

23:40

it's like well maybe because I drink so

23:42

often I don't drink heavily but I drink very

23:45

often like almost every day and

23:47

it's I don't feel the same from it I

23:49

don't like I don't get like happy like and

23:51

you know when you first start drinking and like

23:53

you have that feeling we're like oh my gosh

23:55

I'm starting I haven't felt that in I definitely

23:58

do feel that but but that's probably not good, but

24:00

also don't do it for six months. And then think

24:02

that's what I'm saying. I think that I've gotten myself

24:05

to that point, but it's because of touring and stuff.

24:07

I was obviously drinking so constantly. And

24:09

in my head, I can always find an excuse to drink because

24:11

I don't really have, like, I'm like, I drink every day. I

24:13

don't have a drinking problem, but I don't

24:15

have like a problem stopping myself. So I'm

24:17

like, whatever, like, yeah, it's, it's moderate. It's

24:19

like having dessert every night. Like you're able

24:21

to like, you know what I mean? Yeah,

24:23

but I've also like, I've almost like built

24:26

myself up to the point where it literally is like, it

24:29

has no value. It changes nothing. That's true.

24:31

I just, and I don't want when I

24:33

say that I bored and

24:35

I'm not having fun for people to mistake

24:37

that, like there is sober fun. Like I

24:39

enjoy sitting with my friends and fucking talking

24:41

and laughing. I enjoy playing poker. I enjoy

24:44

fucking going shopping. I enjoy doing this. I

24:46

enjoy other things. It's just like taking the

24:48

edge off, letting a little loose, like have,

24:50

like dancing with all your friends after some

24:52

drinks. Like, you know what I mean? Like

24:56

drinking a wine and having the giggles and

24:58

like my scoliosis doesn't hurt so fucking bad.

25:00

Yeah, but just keep in mind all of

25:02

the things, like everything's happening exactly the same.

25:05

You're just feeling, you just feel different. So it's

25:07

like your back still hurts. I just don't know

25:09

about it. That's that is, I, yeah, I just

25:11

would love to not know about it for five,

25:13

you know, but I mean, we'll see. I get

25:15

that. Why don't we get you a back brace?

25:20

There has to be steps before we know. I

25:22

know, I know. And I don't, it's not just

25:24

that. I get what you're saying. I know what

25:26

you're saying. It's just tough because it's like, I

25:28

know. And I would just love to be able

25:30

to like celebrate, like drink my, like have a

25:33

glass of champagne on my birthday and celebrate, like,

25:35

and it not be this toxic relationship. I'm just

25:37

trying to like find a way to

25:39

rewrite this and like, I'll

25:42

see. I'm not gonna go crazy balls to

25:44

the walls. I was talking about this all

25:46

day the other day and I went and

25:48

watched the Amy Winehouse movie. And at the

25:50

very end of the movie, it just cuts

25:52

to a black screen that was like, Amy

25:54

died on Dada Dada after drinking, after a

25:56

long stint of sobriety. And

26:00

I was like, oopsie. Yeah.

26:02

Is this fucking play about us? Yeah. Like

26:04

fuck, you know, I mean, so

26:07

I don't know. I really don't. I mean,

26:09

I wanna be safe and

26:11

I wanna be healthy and I wanna be happy and I wanna

26:13

be the best me I can be. And

26:16

I would- What if we all went

26:18

sober and then you wouldn't

26:20

feel so sad? No, it's not that. Cause

26:23

I'm able to sit around everyone else drinking and

26:25

it's not like I feel like not

26:27

included. Yeah, y'all hear that? It's

26:29

more like a sadness of like, I wish I could

26:32

be like everyone else and

26:34

be moderate. But you're so much

26:36

better than everyone else. I

26:39

love you. You're sober and rich and famous. I really

26:42

do love you. Just kidding. I love

26:44

you too. Well, I think your birthday is gonna be fun

26:46

whether you drink or not. I agree. Of

26:48

course, last, all your birthdays of

26:50

Tana's past have been blackout fests. And

26:53

I don't want that. I don't want

26:55

that at all. And I've had like

26:57

lovely conversations with everyone where

26:59

they know and respect that. And I

27:02

think like I definitely want it to give

27:04

a little more wellness retreat vibes than

27:07

it ever has. I just came back from

27:09

a wellness retreat. How was it? I'll bright

27:11

you a little itinerary. I,

27:13

that trip looked so fucked. It was- You

27:16

actually inspired me to want to go to Mexico.

27:18

I was like, Brooke is thriving. It's just so

27:20

amazing there. And literally everybody's so much nicer in

27:22

Mexico. I don't know what it is, but like,

27:25

oh, I love it there so much. And it's such a quick fight.

27:28

I went with aloe moves and literally

27:30

it was, it was the most extravagant thing. I've never even

27:32

really been on a band, but I've been on one burden

27:34

trip, I think. But this was just

27:36

like the most extravagant thing I've ever seen.

27:38

I had a swimming pool in my room.

27:40

Waldorf fucking, and the gifting was crazy. Like

27:42

when I saw your closet, I was like,

27:44

there's no way they just gave her a

27:47

whole new fucking wardrobe. Just obviously aloes got

27:49

budget, but like just the amount of thought

27:51

that they put into everything was so fucking

27:53

crazy. It was so fun, so cute. And

27:55

everybody there was like literally amazing. All the

27:57

trainers, because it was like, it was six

27:59

of us. influencers and then like

28:02

probably six trainers. I think they're smarter to

28:04

do a way smaller trip too because it's

28:06

like less

28:08

drama, less like a million people

28:11

making TikToks and like drama and like whatever. Like

28:13

I felt like they were kind of like rewriting

28:15

the brand trip. Yeah, it was supposed to be like really

28:17

intimate and like it was, like we had, I don't

28:20

know, everyone got close. Was there any drama?

28:22

There was no drama. Well,

28:26

I'm happy that you went. I'm so

28:28

excited. I'm praying you're gonna be able

28:30

to make it to Tana

28:32

Moves. I'm coming to Tana

28:34

Moves. Okay, so listen guys, I'm getting my boob

28:36

job in, wait,

28:40

10 days. What's the exact

28:42

day? June 18th. Oh

28:44

my God, that makes me happy because then, that's funny, that's already

28:46

worth it. Might be June 19th. I wanna

28:48

take care of you so bad. I

28:51

don't think it's gonna be that much. So one of

28:53

the girls on the trip with us, on the aloe

28:55

trip, had literally gotten her boob job

28:58

five days before and she came, first

29:00

of all, her boobs before looked exactly like mine now.

29:02

She showed me the before and after. That's gotta be

29:04

so reassuring, like I'll have what you're having. So much

29:06

because first of all, she told me it was sad

29:08

as she got and it's 300 CCs, which

29:11

is exactly what I'm getting. One of them's like

29:14

290 something. And you're going where? Through

29:16

the nipple? Through the nipple. She didn't, she

29:18

went from under, but doesn't matter. She had

29:20

the same starting point as me, which is

29:23

what's important. After only five days, I've never

29:25

seen a more, they looked

29:27

perfect. Your recovery is gonna go one

29:29

of two ways because it's like, I've

29:31

seen you pretty fucked up across life,

29:33

right? Like on some different substances and

29:35

whatnot. And you are like very, what

29:38

the fuck? Not nothing crazy,

29:40

dude. You're in your fucking twenties, okay? And

29:43

you live in fucking LA. Like I've never,

29:45

sorry. Like

29:47

I'm saying like, you

29:49

don't get like, like I feel

29:51

like me off of like a Valium after a surgery

29:53

is like hooty silly. Like I feel like you're just

29:55

gonna be like, I'm chilling,

29:57

where's Murph? I truly don't. I

30:00

don't think I'll take any of that because they,

30:02

you're numb. I'm supposed to

30:04

be numb for like days after. Oh really?

30:06

Yeah. And then after that, they

30:08

say you can, if you, it can take Tylenol, you

30:10

should. And I have

30:13

drug addict parents. Like I don't really need to be taken

30:15

any sort of opiate. Yeah, that's fair. And

30:17

it's so easy. Like that's how, um, everyone

30:19

gets addicted to heroin for sure. Yeah.

30:23

Not that, but I don't have like, that sounds so

30:25

delusional to say, I'm like, I don't have an addictive

30:27

personality that way, but I really don't. Like I've tried

30:29

every drug on them. Well, maybe not every, but like,

30:31

I don't have any desire to do any of that.

30:34

That's good. But I could also like, obviously like, if

30:37

you are in a lot of pain, Yeah, I might,

30:39

if I have to then slay, but I think it'll

30:41

be fine. Like she was chilling. She was doing yoga.

30:44

That is crazy. Boring new tits. She said she

30:46

had drains. Cause like, I don't

30:48

know, like, you know how sometimes they give you drains when you get surgery

30:50

like that. They took about the morning

30:52

that she came and she was

30:54

literally amazing. They looked so perfect. And I

30:57

need to get her to send me a picture. She's

30:59

like so awesome for getting on that flight and I'd

31:01

be so scared. She was. But I

31:03

like, I became to my birthday last year with brand

31:05

new tits. Like I do think there's a, obviously if

31:07

you can't, like I'm not, like I know.

31:09

I would have to be careful and like, it would be

31:11

like kind of sad to see everyone like swimming and having

31:13

fun and like I can't get in the water. And especially

31:16

cause I call those so fucking hot. Yeah. Well, we could

31:18

tan and you could put your little lower body in and

31:20

stuff. And like towards the end of it, I kind of

31:22

want to shoot a podcast there. Like I think there

31:25

is a world where it could definitely happen. Can

31:27

I bring a boyfriend? Of course. Which

31:29

one? Well, I'd have to

31:32

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to learn more. It's just

31:58

getting. back on

32:00

hinge. Really? I've been hinging it up. That's

32:02

good. Cause I fear you're in a Mr.

32:04

Big situation. I am in a Mr. Big situation,

32:06

but you don't have to talk about it.

32:09

But, um, I've

32:11

just been looking. I don't think I want to date.

32:13

I already said I don't want to date and I

32:15

really like, I do feel so much happier when I'm

32:17

not dating. I've been slaying. I love it. Hinge is

32:19

like Tik Tok. The problem is my attention still has

32:21

to be somewhere. So, so long as I, that

32:24

person is still alive, my

32:26

attention is going to be on him, whether I'm

32:28

seeing him or not. So I need attention, like

32:30

put my attention somewhere. Yeah. Little distraction. I swear

32:32

it really is like swiping through a Tik Tok

32:34

though. You know what I mean? You're like patchwork

32:37

tattoos, silver, like funny caption. And then you're like

32:39

bodybuilder man, way too many gym photos, not that

32:41

funny caption. And like, yeah, it's so funny. It

32:43

really is so fun and honest to God. There's

32:45

so many hot guys on hinge. I believe it.

32:48

I love it. Maybe I'll find my man on hinge.

32:50

My or Alison found her man on hinge. Oh

32:53

yeah. I think they're so happy. I was in

32:55

a successful hinge relationship for a second there. And

32:57

I was like all credits to the app designed

32:59

to be deleted, but then everyone else was a

33:01

murderer. So I actually was just thinking about this

33:03

hinge guy that I was talking to, um, like

33:07

in this house, like last year, and I

33:11

just let this slide so hard and looking back,

33:13

like it's so unlike me to do this. The

33:15

other day someone was Ari six foot one and

33:17

someone was asking me how tall Ari is. And

33:19

I was like, Oh, he's six foot one. And

33:22

I was like, I was thinking about it. And

33:24

I know that because I matched with this guy

33:26

on hinge, right? And his hinge

33:28

said he was six one. We go on our

33:30

first date. We are, he's five 11

33:33

and I'm in heels. Like we are the same fucking

33:35

height. And I'm like, you

33:37

fucking lying ass bitch. And I think his

33:39

hinge said six two, two, like six, two

33:41

to five draw the line two inches is

33:43

the max. Cause I remember it because Ari

33:45

was like one night he, the guy came

33:47

over and then left and Ari was like,

33:49

Tana, I'm six one. And I'm standing there

33:51

like looking at Ari and I was like,

33:53

Oh fuck. Like I've been

33:55

bamboozled and swindled. And the guy kind of looked

33:57

like Ty Collins too. So then him being like

34:00

I was like, don't tell Paige. No, and everyone

34:02

was like, you're literally dating Ty right now. Like

34:04

I had to stop because it was- Ty's five

34:06

seven. But like, do you get what I'm

34:08

saying? Like five 11 to me in heels. I was like, this is Ty.

34:11

Like I'm running around and fucking Ty. But like what's

34:13

crazy is it isn't sure. Like five 11 isn't sure.

34:15

No, but lying about your height on the dating app

34:17

is so fucking wrong. But I would do it if

34:19

I were a man. No question about it. I would

34:21

lie about my height until the cows came home and

34:24

I would gaslight anybody who tried to tell me otherwise.

34:26

I would carry around a faulty

34:28

tape measure. I

34:31

would literally ride it home. It's so true. It's

34:33

funny because we were on tour and I think

34:35

you and me were talking about this and then

34:37

J-Rod like chimed in. And Noah, it

34:39

was Paige. I don't know who it was, but we were

34:41

talking about how like on hinge you

34:43

match with a guy who's six four because

34:45

then you know he's at least six one.

34:47

Yeah, and well, what's important is that you

34:49

know there's no such thing as a man

34:51

who's five 11 because anyone in their right

34:53

mind would say six foot. Hello, like don't

34:55

be stupid. So if they say five 11,

34:57

they're five eight. Absolutely. Because that means they

34:59

can't go so far as to say six

35:01

foot because that would be just too much.

35:04

And this is just so universally known across

35:06

women and like never talked about. Like that's

35:08

fucking crazy. And men are always trying to

35:10

talk about how women lie. Like I

35:13

guess you could say women lie on dating apps by

35:15

using Face Tune Galore. I was using this photo of

35:17

me on hinge for a while that was just like

35:19

me out weed lake with like brown roots. Like I

35:21

didn't even look like that. I'm just presenting as somebody

35:23

I'm not on my dating apps. I'm like one photo

35:25

is me holding a baby. One photo is me on

35:28

a horse. I'm like, who are you trying to fool?

35:30

Like you have a podcast where you talk about anal.

35:32

Yeah, I had to like really fucking change my shit

35:34

up in the end of hinge. Like I made my

35:36

fucking star photo of me with like an iguana on

35:38

my head drunk. I was like, let me just have

35:40

them know the real me. I made my prompt about

35:42

Helen Keller. It's like, you know, I

35:45

don't even know. That's how you get a real one. I

35:48

need to circle back to our, I was gonna

35:50

segue and then I completely forgot, but two hour

35:53

opiate conversation that we just had. I

35:56

feel like I have said too many

35:58

things on this podcast. about

36:01

pills too casually to

36:04

the point that now people think that like I'm

36:06

abusing my prescriptions and abusing pills and like oh

36:09

I've seen people say that about us actually and

36:11

I just want to say like right now I

36:14

am prescribed Adderall and I'm prescribed

36:17

Xanax I'm prescribed the

36:19

smack pack for ADHD like you

36:21

need the fucking stimulant to make yourself

36:23

focus and then unfortunately you

36:26

can't sleep or at least I can't when I

36:28

take Adderall so I'm prescribed Xanax for

36:31

the anxiety and to kind of chill me out before

36:33

bed but I take it I was

36:35

gonna say only as prescribed but I take less than

36:38

I'm prescribed and like I always have and I always

36:40

will and like I

36:42

have been in places of my life where I'm

36:44

severely abusing pills and I will never

36:46

ever ever be that person again and I'm not at all

36:48

and like I know the severity of that and I just

36:50

like we have a lot of young girls watching us and

36:52

I just don't want to like glamorize

36:54

that in a way like that I'm just taking

36:57

shit for fun and taking shit randomly into you

36:59

know I'm not I take what I need for

37:01

when I need it and like it's

37:03

that's that on that and like I just don't want people

37:05

to think that I'm out here yeah no

37:07

I agree with that and I think we've done a

37:10

bad job with that too because I've said like I

37:12

took my Adderall today and like that's not a

37:14

thing you're supposed to take your Adderall every day

37:16

you know what I mean and I'm obviously prescribed

37:18

Adderall for every day but I feel like it's

37:20

really common with people who take Adderall it's like

37:22

you first of all I hate how

37:25

it makes me feel like I hate my personality on

37:27

it and stuff like really I just don't like it

37:29

I've never liked it but I

37:31

need it and it's like mm-hmm so I'll take it when I

37:33

feel like I really need it and I cannot function without it

37:36

or if I can't like do something without it but if I

37:38

can get away with not taking it I'm not taking it and

37:40

I can't be ashamed to say that because it's like I don't

37:42

like it makes me so miserable it makes me like it

37:46

just is like I hate my personality on it

37:48

and if I have one that day which is

37:50

like I'm almost never I get so fucking sad

37:52

about that all the time like ADHD is just

37:54

the worst in the regard that all

37:57

of the medicine that you take for it

38:00

has so many awful. There's

38:02

hardly anything that's like anything

38:05

that makes ADHD better is like borrowing

38:08

energy from like the future. And then like,

38:10

yeah, it's like I do. And

38:14

I just hate that, but it's like I can't focus.

38:16

I am on like the one antidepressant

38:18

though that like does help with because it's like

38:21

it is a stimulant. It helps with ADD. So

38:23

I feel like it will be a turn. I

38:25

can like get away with like that, but

38:28

I still like struggle to get like

38:32

get myself to do literally basically anything. Yeah, maybe

38:34

I'll try that honestly. You know what I mean?

38:36

But I just want to let everyone know I'm

38:38

not like the cameras

38:40

aren't going off and I'm not giving like

38:42

Bart out like Wendy Williams. You know what

38:45

I mean? Like I'm just, yeah, me neither.

38:47

I'm very much moderate and like I don't

38:49

take anything like

38:51

crazy. That's a crazy thing to me too is

38:53

I spent so much of my life like very

38:57

addicted to Xanax. I mean, granted I

39:00

was going through a lot and

39:02

my whole life was ten times more toxic and

39:04

I hadn't dealt with like a lot of my

39:06

traumas and family issues and everything. So I was

39:08

in more of a state of life to like

39:10

suppress a lot. But

39:13

like now I can take what I'm prescribed

39:15

the tiniest amount when I need it, when

39:17

I'm having anxiety, when I can't sleep and

39:19

that's it. And I'm like, if I can

39:22

do that with Benzos again with

39:24

the slippery slope, I'd love to have a

39:27

glass of wine now and again. I got

39:29

to eliminate Xanax altogether from my life with

39:31

Gabapentin because Gabapentin like to me has been

39:34

that's that was my lifesaver. That's another one I'm prescribed,

39:36

by the way. Thank you very much. It does look

39:38

like we abuse post because of the way I just

39:40

like I never want to like and you can also

39:43

abuse. Like I think you just said that like

39:45

you can abuse things that you're prescribed just as

39:47

easily as you can abuse street drugs. But I

39:49

will shamelessly say that that is

39:51

my miracle. Like it has made me

39:53

so much better in life at everything.

39:56

Functional relationships, everything, because I can just

39:58

not be so fucking panicked. They all

40:00

like. My prescriptions save my life when

40:02

I'm using them as directed, which is always,

40:05

and I just never want anyone to go

40:07

through the bouts of addiction to pills and

40:09

stuff like I have. And I just want

40:11

to say that so bluntly.

40:13

Because I felt like... Yeah, I agree. And

40:15

even in Hawaii, taking that Adderall, because I

40:18

didn't have mine that was from Cody and

40:20

just joking about it. Obviously

40:22

it was a funny joke to talk about. I

40:24

accidentally fucking took this and was rolling

40:27

tits and needed orange juice. Yeah, but that's

40:29

not funny. Yeah, but I just don't want

40:31

people to think that... Also really scary out

40:33

here, because I've had times... It's

40:35

hard in LA to find

40:38

a new psychiatrist, because it's like you have to

40:40

be in network and I don't even have insurance

40:42

and most psychiatrists won't take uninsured

40:45

patients. And I didn't have money at the time, so

40:47

I couldn't go from doctor to doctor. It was like

40:49

a whole thing. So I was buying my

40:51

actual medications from random people. I was just going

40:54

to say that the only reason I have

40:56

that is because the shortage here. Everything

40:58

prescriptions... It's so fucking funny.

41:00

I saw a TikTok about this the other

41:03

day, but Adderall is for people who can't

41:05

fucking do shit without it, right? And

41:08

Adderall is for people that literally doing the

41:10

most minor fucking thing, like calling 80

41:12

pharmacies to try to find it, is the hardest thing

41:14

in the world without it. I know, and it's like

41:16

the one... Of course I can't fucking do that, because

41:18

I don't have it. Yeah, and it's like the shortage

41:21

of Adderall. Oh

41:24

my God. I'm surprised the streets aren't aflame. I

41:26

have a friend who, poor thing, has taken

41:28

her six months to fill out her fucking ADHD form,

41:31

and I'm like, well, you probably got it.

41:34

Yep, right. I was having

41:36

Paige get my prescriptions in fucking

41:38

Massachusetts because I couldn't get

41:40

them here. I was like, dude, maybe across the country's

41:42

got some. They did. It was good Adderall.

41:45

There's no good with that, Adderall. It went taken as direct. Well,

41:47

you know, there's instant. There's

41:50

an ex. Sorry. It went taken as

41:52

prescribed by your doctor. Any hoozy. Okay? I'm

41:55

fucking done. In my perfect world, I would

41:57

never have to be on any medication ever again, and I did do

41:59

that. I did that for a stint

42:01

because when I moved like same thing when I moved

42:03

here from Arizona You can't fill a prescription from Arizona

42:05

in California So I had to go cold turkey and

42:07

I'm on the one well butrin you withdraw from bad

42:10

Like especially I'm on 300 milligrams a day if I

42:12

were to just stop taking it one day I could

42:15

have like like you can like really

42:17

withdraw from it like a dirt like a drug

42:19

drug And it was

42:21

horrible I had to go through all that so then I didn't

42:23

want to get back on it because I was like Oh my

42:25

god, like I cannot go through this again So I was off

42:27

it for like several years But then the whole Clinton thing happened

42:29

and probably I would would have never even entered that relationship if

42:31

I were properly medicated That's so

42:33

fucking fair. Um, wait, did

42:36

we ever talk about the fact that he made that video? We

42:38

didn't dude Bless

42:43

his heart like honestly at this point and get it you guys

42:45

are so tired of hearing me talk about it, but it's hilarious

42:49

Unfortunately, I fear he

42:51

had a marketing genius Blip

42:53

and you know what? it's about time he utilized

42:55

this to his advantage because I've been milking this

42:58

shit until the cows come home like I And

43:01

I can't help it like I'm sorry that like when something that

43:03

traumatic is gonna happen to me obviously, I'm gonna make jokes about

43:05

it like literally probably for the next five years of my life,

43:08

but He started promoting

43:10

his new song on tick-tock like

43:13

Using like like buzzword or like like

43:15

trying to start off the tick-tock and

43:17

says it's time I finally addressed the

43:20

rumors like as in killed

43:22

my family faked the Australian accent Yeah

43:25

and then I and I I literally I

43:27

watched the whole fucking tick-tock in full and

43:29

I sat there and like was like stupid

43:32

soup like I was so mad at myself

43:34

for like Falling for

43:36

the gimmick and I was like, oh my god, like

43:38

I'll net I can never do this again I'll never

43:40

give him a dollar again. Like but that was like

43:42

one of those things where it's like honestly slay like

43:46

Yeah, it's like more power to fucking do

43:49

Yeah, we know this person who

43:52

a lot of people

43:54

may be up in arms about them getting

43:56

pets and getting rid of them and I

43:58

have these two friends who like refuse to

44:00

even watch their videos because they're like, I'm

44:03

not giving her a cent. I need

44:06

to start implementing that more because unfortunately

44:08

I am a hate watcher to the

44:10

core. Me too, I keep sending people's

44:12

lights on. And I'm paying these people's bills. I said this the

44:14

other day, it was like, like I can't even call my, like

44:16

it's like- People probably do that for us too. I

44:19

know, for sure. Thanks. It's just like, I'm

44:21

a hate watcher to the fucking core. Like I,

44:23

but then the other day I was like, I'm

44:25

a fucking fan. Like how am I gonna sit

44:27

there and be like, I hate this person, but

44:30

I watch every single fucking TikTok. You're, Tana, you're

44:32

paying their bills. I just had this conversation where

44:34

I like, I think I've hated someone. Like I

44:36

have one person in particular that I hated to

44:38

the point of being obsessed with them. And now

44:40

I just like, I think I'm her biggest fan.

44:42

Because, oh wait, say it, I'll be bit. Duh.

44:46

I literally- Like, I like it. She's so fascinating to

44:48

me that I can't even like knock her anymore. It's

44:50

like, I love her. That's the fucking thing is it's

44:52

like- Like I love her. You have to, okay, stop

44:54

saying that over and over again. Because I literally do.

45:00

But I, where is the line between

45:02

those two things? Because I fully agree. Like it's

45:04

like a car crash that you can't look away

45:06

from. And I hate it. And I love her

45:08

very, very similar. Like you, it's just being passionate

45:11

about something. That's so true. Profound Brooke. To be

45:13

indifferent is the worst feeling that you can have

45:15

towards somebody. I fully agree.

45:18

I fully agree. That is fucking crazy. And I've

45:20

never been indifferent about anything. Never be

45:22

ever. That's one thing we have in common, you

45:24

and I. Never once in

45:26

my life, like we just strongly feel about

45:29

absolutely everything. It's so fucking real. I like

45:31

that. I like having big feelings. Can I

45:33

talk about A-list celebrities bailing on me? Yes,

45:37

sure. Tell me if I've ever podcasted about this and

45:39

to shut the fuck up, okay? But

45:41

there was a day a couple

45:44

months ago where I

45:46

got invited to go on Wiz Khalifa's

45:49

podcast. And I always end

45:51

up like, I don't know what this is. You

45:53

and I were even talking about this yesterday but

45:56

it's like the few days before something,

45:58

like I'm leaving on tour. or a

46:00

big trip or whatever in my life

46:03

historically always end up being

46:05

the most booked and busy days of my

46:07

life. It's like God wants that for me.

46:09

I don't know what it is. Like every

46:11

single time we're going to leave on tour

46:13

that Friday before I'm going to have two

46:15

podcasts. It just happened to me. I was

46:17

doing therapists and dropouts and fucking planning

46:20

our show and fucking just a million fucking things. And

46:22

it's like, why couldn't this have been spread out over

46:24

the week? Like why could Jake Shane only do the

46:27

day before we had leave for like it just like, and

46:29

I love him. So obviously I'm going to go do it,

46:31

but I'm saying like it just historically this always happens to

46:33

me and this was another one of those. We were leaving

46:35

for Coachella and I get

46:37

invited to go on Wiz Khalifa's podcast and this is the

46:40

only day that he can do. And of

46:42

course I'm like, I'm going to fucking do that.

46:45

I love Wiz Khalifa. It doesn't matter. I didn't

46:47

even know Wiz Khalifa had a podcast over amazing.

46:49

Yeah. And never forget, sorry to cut

46:51

you off, but it's Wiz Khalifa related the time that

46:53

we were outside that restaurant and Wiz Khalifa is like,

46:55

Tana, I'm like, what? That's the,

46:57

and that's the thing. I've like known him

46:59

forever. And like, wait, what? Your friends with

47:02

Wiz Khalifa. I was so excited to be

47:04

like, look, this is my friend, right? Like

47:06

such a flex. So kind of like, what

47:08

is going on out there? Oh my fucking

47:10

black and yellow, black and yellow bitch. You

47:12

know, that's me, right? That's, that's what I'm

47:14

thinking on the way I'm like playing whatever.

47:16

So I get all ready. I get up.

47:18

I put on my best. Like I'm hanging

47:20

out with Wiz outfit. What was

47:22

it? He's going to eat this shit up.

47:24

You know what I mean? Just more like,

47:26

like streetwear, like, you know, like good sneakers

47:28

and like a good watch and like, yeah,

47:30

just, and it's far

47:32

as fuck and it's fucking up my whole day

47:35

to like get there. And I get

47:37

there and I walk in

47:39

and it's, it's just a Wiz Khalifa asset.

47:41

You know, it's hotbox with smoke. There's 500

47:44

people. I was like, Oh my God, why don't we do this

47:46

for the podcast? Like, it was just insane.

47:48

Like they're giving me gifting. There's a million

47:50

bad bitches. Like, I'm so excited, whatever. And

47:53

I'm like, this is worth it. I'm glad

47:55

I came. And I wait

47:57

for 30 minutes. He doesn't come.

48:00

I order Chick-fil-A, I'm starving. I

48:02

wait for another hour, hour and a half goes by. And

48:06

finally, someone just comes over to me. I

48:08

swear to God, as casually as like, would you like

48:11

a water? And they're like, Wiz

48:13

is finishing his album. He's

48:15

not going to pull up. Like, you know what I mean?

48:17

Not going to pull up is crazy. He

48:20

gave you a taste of your own medicine. My eye

48:22

starts twitching. And I'm like, fuck. And

48:24

I've told you a million times, I kind of get

48:26

off to people bailing on me. And I don't know

48:29

why. I don't know why. Because you probably are validated

48:31

like, oh, other people are out here doing this too.

48:33

And I'm not a bailer anymore. I haven't bailed on

48:35

anyone in like, as long as I can remember. I've

48:37

maybe like rescheduled things and whatever. Like, I've definitely grown

48:39

and I just respect the fuck out of people's time

48:41

as much as I can. You know, I still, especially

48:44

with the ADHD, not to crush it, but

48:46

like, I'm late to shit occasionally

48:49

now and again. But I'm

48:52

like, so fucking sad. But then

48:54

they're like, will you do the

48:57

podcast anyway? And I'm like,

49:00

it's one of those situations where there's 500

49:02

people there. And like, I

49:05

just didn't want to be a bitch. You know what I

49:07

mean? Yeah. So is it

49:09

his podcast or he was just? It's called like stoned

49:11

and sexy, I think. So it's like a bunch of

49:13

girls in him. And so then

49:15

I end up, I'm like, OK. And

49:18

so then I end up filming with these girls that I

49:20

don't know. And like, we do a whole podcast. And they

49:23

were amazing. Like, they were so sweet and like

49:25

funny and like really awesome girls.

49:27

One of them was like, let's go play basketball.

49:30

Like, I want to take you. And I was

49:32

like, let's go ball his life. I'm so down.

49:34

You know, I love basketball. And you

49:36

do. You fuck with a good game of pig.

49:39

I really do. And

49:41

it was cute. But it was one of those

49:43

things where it's like, fuck. I almost just wish

49:46

I could have left every day before tour. Like,

49:48

are you fucking kidding me? Like, whatever, blah, blah,

49:50

blah. And we just don't end

49:52

up rescheduling. And I don't know. I hope

49:54

you finish the album and whatever. Right. Same

49:57

thing. Yesterday, these two.

50:00

days have been the most jam-packed

50:02

days of my life. Today is fucking literally, I

50:04

don't even know how, like we're shooting this podcast,

50:06

I have a meeting, I have Kiki's fucking dance

50:08

recital in Calabasas. Most important thing you've done on

50:10

your own. I know. And I'm excited to go

50:12

be godmother of the year and it's gonna be

50:14

really fucking fun and then a white box event

50:16

later, I don't even know. These past two days

50:18

have just been like so packed and

50:21

I get a text from

50:24

Lele Pons earlier in the week and she's

50:26

like, hey I can't

50:28

tell you why but can I

50:30

call you with Will Smith tomorrow

50:34

or whenever at like 10

50:36

a.m. I love Will. I love Will

50:38

Smith and I'm like obviously

50:40

for whatever this is I'm sure they're filming it like

50:42

it's not like Will Smith is just like calling

50:45

Tana Mongeau. Maybe he's a fan.

50:47

I fucking love Will

50:50

Smith so much and I'm like

50:52

thinking of all these jokes I want to say and

50:54

whatever and it's at the fucking crack of dawn so

50:56

I get all fucking ready and I'm just like and

50:59

mind you the second that I'm done with that I have to go

51:01

be in that role model music video so everything was kind of like

51:03

timed out what you were supposed to do with me and I'm

51:06

so sad. I was supposed to be in the video. At

51:10

least you were aloe moozing it up. You know

51:12

but I'm heartbroken he's so hot. I'm really sad

51:14

because it would have been so fun. Us too.

51:17

It really would have been but sad.

51:21

Everything's timed out whatever I'm just stressed I'm

51:23

fucking trying to figure things out whatever and

51:25

I wait around 11 a.m.

51:28

or whenever comes I'm full clam I'm

51:30

waiting on Will Smith. An hour

51:33

goes by I'm waiting on Will Smith I'm

51:35

texting Lele it's on do not disturb I'm

51:37

pressing notify anyway I'm like

51:39

where is Will whatever and I

51:41

wait and I wait and I wait I wait Will

51:44

Smith bailed on me. They had time to

51:47

call I think I was last on the

51:49

docket I think I was added in as

51:51

a final sub in and I think that

51:53

they definitely made the calls to Hannah Stocking

51:55

and Paris Hilton and Tana Mongeau just didn't

51:58

get the fucking call. No I bet. I

52:00

bet something came up, I bet he was

52:02

in a entanglement. That

52:08

was the thing too, I was like, fuck, it's probably

52:10

for the better because every joke I was going

52:12

to say was just like, shouldn't be said to

52:14

Will Smith and it's... Yeah, probably not, but he's

52:16

really like, he's into the social media game. Like

52:19

I remember when he was running around on yachts

52:21

with Liza Koshy. Oh yeah, like he loves like

52:24

the King Bach of it all, the

52:26

Lele. Yeah, he loves like that genre

52:28

of... I bet it's because like these

52:30

traditional media celebrities just see their numbers

52:32

and like, well, they're the most universal

52:34

because that same type of humor is

52:36

funny, like whether you even really understand,

52:38

like it's funny everywhere. You know what I mean?

52:41

Like in other countries and stuff too. Will Smith's filming

52:43

me, Wiz Khalifa's filming me. I'm sure you'll have another

52:46

chance with Will Smith. I'm

52:50

sure that opportunity will present itself again. And it's so funny

52:52

because I can never actually say shit. Like I'm not saying

52:54

this in like a way, like because it's like... No,

52:57

it's okay. It wasn't meant to be. But

53:00

you know what is meant to be? Having Gypsy Rose

53:02

on our podcast. In fact, she went live yesterday and said

53:04

that she would come on the canceled podcast so long as

53:06

we would have her, meaning we are going to have to

53:08

fly wherever she is. It's

53:11

exactly what I was saying yesterday. I

53:13

saw the clip. I'm so excited. I go to try

53:15

to DM her. We follow each other, but it wasn't

53:17

working. So I was like, whatever. I had Paige send

53:19

an email over to her team and

53:22

she is done with her press docket

53:24

until... Well, this isn't press. This is

53:26

just friends. This

53:28

is just friends chatting, Gyps. I

53:30

couldn't agree more. I'm like, just come

53:33

kick it, whatever. And of

53:35

course here I am this morning. I was like so

53:37

sad because I'm like, just come be our friend. It doesn't have

53:40

to be a part of the press. We just want to hang

53:42

out, girl. Gypsy, please. Gypsy, please. But

53:44

then I'm like, Tana, I don't know where you

53:46

get off thinking that she doesn't have like a

53:48

whole team running her shit. It's

53:50

just because the way the live was. Like it was

53:53

very much like she was... It's so notchalant, so casual. She's

53:55

just like, yeah, sure, I'll go on. Like, okay.

53:57

Like then we're on our way. I would be

53:59

there absolutely. And she's blue balling me. I

54:02

would be there tomorrow. I don't know

54:04

why we are in such a dry spell.

54:06

I've tried to get everyone, everyone wants uncancelled.

54:10

I give up too. Nobody wants to come on

54:12

cancel. It's gonna be Paige.

54:15

Like we can start putting her in like, having her

54:17

like wear a wig and be like, I'm Julia Fox

54:19

today. I know, she could be Stasi

54:22

baby says she'll come on, but she

54:24

says only if she has full creative

54:26

control. I've had that conversation

54:28

with Stasi. And

54:31

I love her. I love her so much, but I

54:33

just, it's like all the people that we've had on

54:35

are people that have said yes. And like, I've ran

54:37

out, you know what I mean? And now everyone else,

54:39

like the second tier of like all the other people

54:41

that everyone's like, Oh my God, have them are the

54:43

people who have told me yes a million times, like

54:45

when they're in LA and then they come to LA

54:47

and like, don't hit me up. And like, what I

54:49

like, it's all the people who like. I've had people

54:51

even tell me like, Oh, sorry, my publicist has told

54:53

me I can't. And I'm like, shit,

54:56

like, what do we

54:58

need to change about ourselves? Besides the

55:01

talking about opiates all the time and

55:05

being problematic and exposing people. I'm

55:09

defeated. You have no idea

55:11

how much I have been trying to get anyone

55:13

on this podcast. I think Pookie and Jet might

55:15

do it. That would slay. I

55:18

feel like he could give me business advice.

55:20

Do you see Mason Disick on Instagram? Yeah,

55:22

it's because he's in high school now. I

55:24

think he probably wasn't allowed to have an

55:26

Instagram until high school. It's so funny. He

55:29

came back as a full Chrome hearts kid.

55:31

First of all, he's probably been always probably

55:33

Chrome's Chrome hearts baby. But

55:35

I'm saying we've, I don't know if we've actually ever

55:37

talked about this on the podcast, but like, there's a

55:39

genre of human. Yes. Like there's

55:41

all these LA boys who like every

55:43

single one of them has a quote

55:45

unquote different walk of life, but like

55:47

they haven't, you know what I mean?

55:49

Parents or billionaires, like on some,

55:51

like every single one of their parents invented something

55:54

vital we use every day or like lifelong

55:56

brands or whatever. And they all

56:00

in these multi-million dollar houses in Malibu. They're

56:02

all best friends with Christian Stark who is

56:04

the son of the owner

56:06

of Chrome Hearts and Frankie

56:08

Stark and the whole Stark family. And

56:11

they all wear Chrome Hearts every day and

56:13

none of them have jobs and they never

56:15

will. And they're all super attractive and they're

56:17

like posted up and like, it's a whole

56:19

community. Girls in LA are dying to fuck

56:21

them. You know what I mean? Like, it's

56:24

like this whole thing. I remember

56:26

I was fucking one of them for like a while

56:28

and I like thought I was like, I was like,

56:31

this is it. I remember as well. Where's he now?

56:37

Prison probably. I think

56:39

he's in prison, I'm not kidding. But so hot,

56:42

you know? And like I would let

56:44

him put it in my butt and I was

56:46

like, oh my God. I know, you would always

56:48

tell me that. I still haven't let anyone go

56:50

anywhere near my butt and I think my time

56:52

is ticking. Well, I can't let anything go near

56:54

my butt ever again. I

56:56

just, circling back to the tour of

56:58

it all, this

57:00

is what I get though. This is what

57:02

I fucking get because any time in my

57:05

life I have historically ever said that I

57:07

think something's going to be easy, it is

57:09

Armageddon and I know this. It's like,

57:13

it could literally be going to CVS and back

57:15

right now. Do not say you think it's going

57:17

to be easy. You're gonna get in a 10-car

57:19

pile up on your way there, Tana, you know

57:21

this, you know this, it's just my life. Like

57:23

matter of fact, do I want something to go

57:26

to shit? I will say I think it's going

57:28

to be easy because then I know it's going

57:30

to go to shit. And here I am, we

57:32

finished the Chicago shows and you know me, I'm

57:34

riding on this fucking high horse all around Chicago

57:37

where I'm like, we're done. We're done with tour,

57:39

like it feels like we're done. I know we

57:41

have the California shows but we're no longer in

57:43

the Midwest. We're no longer across the country. We're

57:45

no longer worried about a million things. Like I

57:48

can have a million security if I want. We're

57:50

in California, I feel safe. Neighborhood, family shows, we're

57:52

gonna have a special guest. The shows are gonna

57:54

carry the shows. The shows are gonna be so

57:56

easy because of that. The California girls, you know

57:59

they're just driving from there. They're coming out. We're

58:01

all gonna fucking hang out. Like it's so easy.

58:04

I could bring my IV nurse if I wanted

58:06

to. I could bring a masseuse if I needed.

58:08

I could bring whatever the fuck it is to

58:10

fix any ailment. Amari's gonna come. He's my comfort

58:12

person. This is the longest monologue I've ever heard

58:14

you do. So fucking easy. I'm sorry. No, that

58:16

was amazing. I could go on for the next

58:18

hour, dude. I wouldn't

58:20

shut the fuck up about how I felt like

58:23

these friendly neighborhood shows were gonna be a fucking

58:25

breeze, bro. And we get

58:27

there. And we get there, Brooke Amber. You and

58:29

me. And you know, we're a little last minute

58:31

on the show planning, but we get it written.

58:33

We're there. We're gonna rehearse in Santa Barbara. We're

58:36

in Santa Barbara. We fucking Ubered to the show.

58:38

We fucking, we haven't even seen the bus yet.

58:40

It's fucking an hour away. The

58:43

dropouts pod is coming. I'm like, we

58:45

is crazy. She took

58:47

the bus. Okay. But

58:49

you know what? The bus picked you up 20

58:51

minutes from your house. It was, it

58:54

just scooped you on the way. Okay. Yeah.

58:57

And the dropouts are coming the first day. They're gonna

58:59

help us. Like just, we're gonna do stuff with them.

59:02

The crowd's gonna be so excited. And

59:04

we get to this fucking venue, right?

59:07

Well, I wake up that morning. Okay. And

59:09

I have my whole like nugget,

59:11

sweet and sour, fucking

59:14

bubblegut surprise for dinner the night before.

59:16

But I do that pretty frequently. Okay.

59:19

Yeah. You would think you could handle it. And

59:21

I wake up the next morning and I have a footy little

59:23

shit. Okay. It's footy, but

59:26

it's just footy. Okay. It's

59:28

not like, oh my God, hospitalized me. It's like,

59:30

I- It's just a little like off, a little

59:32

Wookie. I had a super size special last night.

59:35

And my poop is a little Wookie, duh. This

59:37

happens to me all the time. A Wookie poop

59:39

after a sort the night before. Sorry for every

59:41

word I'm using, I'm serious. We just made all

59:43

these up, but you get what I'm saying. Okay.

59:46

20 minutes go by and I'm like, oh, I'm

59:49

not done Wookieing. The Wookiefication

59:51

is still Wookieficationing. I

59:54

go, I squeeze and I go back,

59:56

beauty blending my concealer. Shit, it's fine.

59:59

Right? And then I go

1:00:02

again, this one's giving, I'm pouring a gallon

1:00:04

of water into the toilet. And I'm

1:00:07

like, okay, it's gotta be all out of me. Right? I

1:00:10

get to your room. We're trying to fucking rehearse the show.

1:00:12

I'm back and forth, whatever. Now by the time we've made

1:00:14

it to the venue, I have had eight liquid

1:00:16

shits. Oh no.

1:00:18

I order a modium ad because I now

1:00:21

understand that this might be an issue. We

1:00:24

couldn't even rehearse the show one time. It

1:00:27

was just you up there, like being you

1:00:29

and me. I was running back and forth

1:00:32

to both of our chairs doing sound check.

1:00:34

And I swear to show God, thank God

1:00:36

that this venue bathroom somehow was like right

1:00:38

beside the stage. Cause we have other ones

1:00:41

where you have to take a boat, a train and a plane to get to

1:00:43

the bathroom from the stage and we'll get there.

1:00:45

You know what I mean? But I'm just

1:00:48

shitting 25 times by the time we even

1:00:50

before our meet and greet, we're done with

1:00:52

rehearsal. I couldn't sit. I

1:00:55

couldn't sit. My butthole,

1:00:57

I know, I know

1:00:59

my butthole looked like a Brandy Melville scrunchie.

1:01:02

You know exactly what I mean. And

1:01:07

now it's like every single person on the tour

1:01:09

now has to know about it. Right? Cause

1:01:12

it's like a white. That's like so dehumanizing too. Cause

1:01:14

it's like, you can't even hide it. Like you just

1:01:17

have to like bite the bullet and say, listen to

1:01:19

me, everybody. I had to have like a real circle

1:01:22

around me meeting where

1:01:24

I'm staring at Aaron, J

1:01:27

rod, tour manager, Aaron,

1:01:29

Paige, Alison, all five

1:01:32

dropouts, all of the

1:01:34

dropouts podcast, everyone,

1:01:36

everyone they brought and say, I'm

1:01:38

so sorry if things don't go accordingly today, I

1:01:41

can't stop shitting water. I

1:01:44

now take on the brat diet. I'm

1:01:46

trying bananas, rice, applesauce and toast. I'm

1:01:49

trying to stop at the meet and greet. I

1:01:52

felt so bad for the people by the

1:01:54

end. Like I was just weathered. I mean,

1:01:56

I did you see that someone left the

1:01:59

show and said, that they got diarrhea. I

1:02:07

believe it. You gave a fan diarrhea. I had

1:02:09

to. That

1:02:12

is not the meet and greet package anyone's. And

1:02:17

that's the thing I was having to tell all

1:02:19

the fans like because it was I was just

1:02:21

so visibly in distress and leaving every two seconds

1:02:23

and whatever. And

1:02:26

it's like we get through this show but then

1:02:28

it just gets progressively worse. I thought it was

1:02:30

going to be one of those things where it

1:02:32

went away after this day or two days. Bro,

1:02:34

I'm seeing fucking stars. I'm starting to be so

1:02:37

dizzy. I'm drinking PDLA. I'm trying to like recoup

1:02:39

my hydration but I can't. And I'm like damn

1:02:41

near passing out on stage seeing there was a

1:02:43

show in Sacramento

1:02:45

where we had Jake Shane come to and

1:02:48

that's the thing dealing with this with like special guest

1:02:50

is 10 times harder. So now

1:02:52

it's it's like by far the hardest fucking

1:02:54

run of tour but also not it's the

1:02:56

most liquid run of tour literally ever. And

1:03:01

there was one point on stage in Sacramento those

1:03:03

people they seem to enjoy it because like we

1:03:05

kind of made it a bit like they were

1:03:07

laughing and cheering and it was like funny but

1:03:10

like I saw full black and I had to

1:03:12

turn to you and be like say what I'm

1:03:14

supposed to say right now like I can't talk

1:03:16

and I had to run off stage like three

1:03:18

times and shit that happened for the rest of

1:03:20

tour. Imagine having to look at a crowd of 2000

1:03:23

people and say like I'm so sorry I'm shitting

1:03:25

water I'll be it was

1:03:27

really really I'm I'm glad you

1:03:29

made it through but I would have really had

1:03:31

a hard time that would have been really hard. It

1:03:34

was so fucking horrifying.

1:03:36

Mari heard me too in the hotel I

1:03:38

was just thinking thank God it wasn't makoa.

1:03:41

He said that it sounded like someone was

1:03:43

pouring cream of wheat into the toilet. And

1:03:47

I've never in my 25 years and I fucking

1:03:49

mean this hand to God. Digital

1:03:53

footprint. Not

1:03:55

anything smell like that. It

1:03:58

has come out of me. No no I'm sorry though.

1:04:00

I'm sorry, like on some

1:04:02

real carcass shit. Oh, on

1:04:04

some, no, I'm so fucking for real

1:04:06

though, like. I fear we've gotten too

1:04:08

comfortable. I don't wanna be insensitive.

1:04:10

I'm really like, sorry for that. And at first

1:04:13

it was Gerd Gate, then it was Diarrhea Gate.

1:04:15

Like I just, I fear something is

1:04:17

so wrong with my overall health, but I am so scared to

1:04:19

get a blood panel. I've always been the type of person. Wait,

1:04:21

do you wanna come with me? I'm going tomorrow. I'm

1:04:24

gonna do it at home. God, she's so

1:04:26

rich. I can't, you're more than welcome to join

1:04:28

me. I got you. I'm probably like BOGO or

1:04:30

something, right? They're not BOGO. You don't get a group on

1:04:32

on a blood panel, but

1:04:34

I do have to get blood work tomorrow. I'm just saying it

1:04:36

could be fun for us to do it together. I have such

1:04:39

a fear, and I've always been this way, and I hate this

1:04:41

about myself, of like, I hate

1:04:43

knowing. I don't like knowing. Like

1:04:46

if I ever had like cancer, like I

1:04:48

would wanna just fucking die. But if you

1:04:50

know and everything's fine, that feeling is even

1:04:52

better than, you know, just

1:04:55

ignorance. I know, but at the off chance it

1:04:57

is, and I can't emotionally handle the like paranoia

1:04:59

and anxiety of- No, because then you can fix

1:05:01

it. Whatever's wrong. I

1:05:03

don't know why I'm like this. Like I would

1:05:05

rather just fucking croak. No, you wouldn't,

1:05:07

but it's really common actually. A lot of people

1:05:09

are that way. I know, and I hate

1:05:11

that. So I've been putting off this blood panel, but I did.

1:05:14

It's so funny, because I wonder if it's like

1:05:16

canceled podcast related. Like I've been shitting solid the

1:05:18

whole time, and then I woke up today and

1:05:20

shit water for the first time since then, and

1:05:22

now I'm more of like- Maybe you're allergic to

1:05:24

me. I'm not allergic to you, but I'm just

1:05:26

so scared I'm gonna like jet pack through the

1:05:28

roof at Kiki's dance recital with my like fat-

1:05:30

You can't embarrass Kiki in that way. At

1:05:33

all. She would never forget it, can't in a bath.

1:05:35

I've been shitting water today too. Maybe it's

1:05:37

just a bug. I

1:05:39

don't know. Are you being judgmental? No,

1:05:41

because it just happened to be a bug. Oh. It

1:05:46

could be a bug. When did

1:05:48

I just shit? Oh, I shit myself in Mexico, but

1:05:50

I was in Mexico. I don't fucking know, dude. I

1:05:52

really don't. I

1:05:55

really don't. It might just like genuinely

1:05:57

be like my big back behavior. I

1:05:59

keep- I keep catching myself, like I'll be

1:06:02

eating a fucking full-blown meal and

1:06:04

it's like a Jack in the

1:06:06

box munchies pack and I'm sitting there eating it

1:06:08

thinking about what I'm gonna eat later. It's

1:06:10

like, you're eating something. You're eating something right now.

1:06:13

What the fuck are you planning your next meal?

1:06:15

Fat ass. No, that's,

1:06:18

I don't know. I don't mean fat ass, even in like

1:06:20

a body shaming way. I mean it in like a behavioral

1:06:22

way. Like the behaviors

1:06:24

are fucking the other night

1:06:26

I like, I come upstairs. I'm so

1:06:28

full and I smoke weed and I'm like,

1:06:30

listen Tana, we are breaking the mold tonight,

1:06:32

okay? You are not about to have these

1:06:35

munchies. You are not about to have these munchies. And

1:06:37

I swear, I do so good for hours. I'm drinking

1:06:39

water. I'm like, I'm gonna go to bed. And I

1:06:41

swear to God, I get up out of my sleep

1:06:43

and the only thing in my room is my fucking

1:06:46

Easter basket, Brooke. My Easter basket. I

1:06:48

wake up with plastic eggs and jelly

1:06:50

beans in my bed. It's like, do

1:06:52

you have any fucking shame? Easter wasn't

1:06:54

even that long ago. I don't think

1:06:57

that's that crazy. Brooke, I woke up

1:06:59

with plastic eggs and jelly beans in

1:07:01

my bed. Sounds delicious. I

1:07:03

could have it right now. You're

1:07:06

a real friend. You really are. But it's

1:07:09

just the big back behavior is so fucking

1:07:11

crazy. I want to show you

1:07:13

something really funny. Oh. That

1:07:16

I don't remember when I was

1:07:19

doing MTV in

1:07:21

like the end of season one or something.

1:07:23

I don't remember when it was actually, let

1:07:25

me just like stop myself. And

1:07:27

this was another point in my life where it was like the

1:07:29

most extreme burnout I'd ever had. Like

1:07:32

I was just really struggling and I was on so

1:07:34

many. So I was abusing drugs

1:07:37

and taking Xanax and being

1:07:39

awful. And MTV

1:07:41

is like, we're going to have you go on this press

1:07:43

run. And I've never in my

1:07:45

life done a press run like this, right? Like

1:07:47

when we do our press now, I think it's

1:07:49

like, we choose podcasts that are fitting to us

1:07:51

and like interviews that

1:07:54

are like, you know what I mean? Like the

1:07:56

interview is not against you. Like you

1:07:58

know what I mean? Just all of that. They

1:08:00

send me on this press run and I'm just, I'm

1:08:02

like playing with the puppies at Buzzfeed and shit. Like

1:08:05

it's just very much like unlike things I've ever done.

1:08:08

And mind you, this was the time of

1:08:10

my life where my ailment was not diarrhea

1:08:12

or GERD, it was periorbital cellulitis and my

1:08:14

eye would swell up all big. Oh, I remember the

1:08:17

photo. I love that photo. That was actually how Alexis

1:08:19

Oakley and I super bonded because she had just started

1:08:21

doing my makeup for maybe like a month and then

1:08:23

my eye would swell up so huge. And I'd be

1:08:25

like, contour it. Like, I don't know. Give

1:08:28

me the skinny eye especially. And MTA was

1:08:30

very much like, now it's

1:08:32

like, I would be like, fuck no.

1:08:34

I'm not going to do like Buzzfeed with

1:08:36

a fucking swollen out of my head eye.

1:08:39

I'll insert a photo. You know how it

1:08:41

got like crazy, right? And

1:08:43

at the end of this press run, they

1:08:45

have me go on

1:08:47

KTLA. Like just

1:08:50

like the regular fucking like channel

1:08:52

five morning news. And I have to get

1:08:54

there at like 5 a.m. It's

1:08:57

just like on this crazy lot. It's unlike anything

1:08:59

I've ever done. And I don't watch

1:09:01

any, I've never re-watched anything from the MTV era because

1:09:03

it just like, I feel sad for that girl. You

1:09:05

know what I mean? In every way, just everything

1:09:08

with Jordan, like just all the fighting, like

1:09:10

just everything. I was just, I was sad.

1:09:13

And I found this clip on my timeline

1:09:15

the other day of me on

1:09:18

KTLA morning news. Swollen

1:09:20

eye, whole nine. Listen to

1:09:23

my demeanor. Like just defeated. Like I'm

1:09:25

like, what the, why the fuck am

1:09:27

I here? Oh no. There's

1:09:29

some statistics. 5.2 million

1:09:31

subscribers on YouTube. I was among the one and a

1:09:33

half million people who just watched your trip to Miami,

1:09:36

which seemed like a lot of fun. That's such a crazy way

1:09:38

to put it. Thank you for watching that. It was

1:09:40

definitely a rollercoaster. I bet Tanya Mongeau is here.

1:09:42

Nice to see you. Nice to see you.

1:09:44

Mispronouncing my name. Like get off of KTLA news.

1:09:47

Wait, that's the God you've lived so many

1:09:49

lives. So nice. How did all this happen? I have no

1:09:51

idea. I think I wake up every day and that's the first

1:09:53

question I ask myself. I was doing my hair today and I

1:09:55

was like, well what's going on? Oh,

1:09:58

I love your little voice. Not you so much. I'm like young Tana.

1:10:00

Who is that girl? That is so crazy. My

1:10:02

voice in that time is like so wild. Why

1:10:05

the fuck was I on KTLA news? I don't

1:10:07

know, but I love, I'm on Tana Mongeau TikTok

1:10:09

and I can't believe how much, I

1:10:11

can't believe how much like, first of

1:10:14

all, how many lives you've lived, but also

1:10:16

just like how many phases like, I

1:10:19

find videos of you every single day that I've

1:10:21

never seen before and it's so exciting. Right now,

1:10:23

like, there's like that one

1:10:25

viral clip that's so funny. It

1:10:27

got sent in the group chat this morning. What

1:10:29

was it? It's like you in a

1:10:31

Chris Miles video. But

1:10:34

you're like, that wasn't

1:10:36

very convincing, but like your little face is so cute.

1:10:38

Me with the guy who doesn't like me back. Yeah,

1:10:41

Chris sent me that, the fucking, the comments. I

1:10:43

feel so bad for him because it's like- I

1:10:45

do too, cause he's really actually like misunderstood. It's

1:10:47

like making sense. He's so misunderstood and I think

1:10:50

it's like, if he could ever sit down on

1:10:52

this podcast and like just show the Chris that

1:10:54

we know. Everybody would love him. He's the funniest

1:10:56

person I've ever met and like I just, I

1:10:59

really, like I know that my fans love me so

1:11:02

much, but like it takes

1:11:04

two to tango in a toxic

1:11:06

ass relationship. And like people

1:11:08

are also like me and the guy who doesn't like

1:11:10

me back, me and the guy who doesn't love me.

1:11:12

Like he's just a very stoic person. Like he loves

1:11:14

me with everything he had in me and like tried

1:11:16

his very best. And like, it was so two to

1:11:19

tango, toxic. I

1:11:21

was awful. I was throwing shit too. I was fucking

1:11:23

like, you know what I mean? And it's like, yeah,

1:11:26

but you know what? It's always true. It's the same

1:11:28

way like we look at celebrities and stuff and we

1:11:30

think like we know what people's relationships were like and

1:11:32

we don't. It's so true. It is

1:11:34

so fucking true. I really am trying not to do that

1:11:37

so much anymore because it's like, I'd love to subscribe to

1:11:39

those like ideas. But like,

1:11:41

I have lived so many fucking lives. I think

1:11:43

that's why I like, it's so

1:11:45

funny because I'll always to you be

1:11:47

like, I'm so fucking tired, Brooke. You

1:11:49

don't understand. And like, you know what

1:11:51

I mean? Or like I'm burnt the fuck out. And

1:11:54

it's like, we'll do the same thing. Like

1:11:56

touring and the way it affects me

1:11:58

versus the way it affects you. because I just feel

1:12:01

like I've been going. I still got the energy

1:12:03

in me. Yeah, like, you know what I mean?

1:12:05

And I'll be like, I just wish like, you

1:12:08

know what I mean? Yeah, although I was

1:12:10

working too, except I was getting paid $12 an hour.

1:12:13

That is very, I definitely am not

1:12:16

knocking that, okay? Your

1:12:18

work ethic is so fucking amazing. Can

1:12:20

I say something about myself that I

1:12:22

hate? Sure. And

1:12:25

I wanna see if you agree or don't. You definitely don't. You

1:12:28

don't know me. But it's a good thing that you don't, I

1:12:30

noticed this so much on tour and I hate that I'm this way and

1:12:33

I can't change it.

1:12:35

Makoa's trying, like, being with Makoa, he

1:12:38

tries to help me with this because he's very

1:12:40

present and thinks everything's so beautiful and it's like,

1:12:42

babe, look how beautiful that is, right? Beautiful architecture,

1:12:45

right? People

1:12:47

will pass a beautiful church and be

1:12:50

like, that's so pretty. Or it's

1:12:52

like, we'll be in a city and people will be

1:12:54

like, oh my God, you need to go see all

1:12:56

of this. It's so beautiful. I

1:13:00

just don't understand, like big whoop, it's a

1:13:02

building. Like even just like, I

1:13:04

was at the Louvre in Paris and I was like...

1:13:09

I think it's something that comes a little bit with age. I

1:13:12

was a little older, I mean, not older than you are now, I

1:13:14

guess, but I was like that when I

1:13:16

was younger. I was like, I don't give a fuck about that. Why

1:13:19

am I like that? The Eiffel Tower was cool. But

1:13:22

it took the Eiffel Tower. But it's

1:13:24

the same way, you grow into

1:13:26

things. You remember like your style

1:13:28

and houses used to be like that dentist office special

1:13:31

and now like you're liking a little bit more character.

1:13:33

I feel like as you get older, you'll start to

1:13:35

appreciate stuff like that more. I

1:13:37

just liked the fact, like for example, we just performed

1:13:39

at the, or

1:13:42

what is it? It was Palace of Fine Arts

1:13:44

in San Francisco. Which was just crazy. There's something

1:13:48

so dehumanizing about being at the Palace of Fine

1:13:50

Arts. That was the... Somebody was rolling over in

1:13:52

their car. And I'm on the stage talking about

1:13:54

how I'm shitting waterfalls out of my ass and

1:13:56

they look like the ones on my Instagram in

1:13:58

Hawaii. Yeah, but it's just so beautiful. And

1:14:00

you think to yourself like, oh my God, like a man, like

1:14:03

men used to build things like this and

1:14:05

now they fucking

1:14:07

paint their nails and gaslight paint their

1:14:09

nails and gaslight. And

1:14:12

it really is upsetting. And that makes me appreciate it a

1:14:14

little bit more. I'm like somebody who did this, like could

1:14:16

change a tire and ride a horse and

1:14:19

probably did with like a steel outfit on.

1:14:23

It is so crazy. I went to the

1:14:25

Zach Bryan concert. It was life changing. And

1:14:27

now my whole cup is full again. That

1:14:30

was another thing where I was just shitting water and

1:14:32

so sad, like this whole run of tour. I couldn't

1:14:34

do anything. And I was so fucking sad. I'm

1:14:37

literally like, I'm in, I keep telling you this, but

1:14:39

I'm in a period where it's like, I can't get

1:14:42

serotonin. I feel like for him anything and it like

1:14:44

is really upsetting me because usually I can get serotonin

1:14:46

from like going to the Grove and seeing like one

1:14:48

baby. And I can't like right now

1:14:50

I'm like everything. I just feel very

1:14:52

like numb. Yeah. And it's

1:14:54

like, I hate that. So that's why I like needed to

1:14:56

go on my little wellness tree, but I'm not kidding. I

1:14:58

went to the Zach Bryan concert. I have never been happier.

1:15:00

It was so fun and like spiritual. It was his first

1:15:04

stadium show. You know, when you're

1:15:06

in like a, like a, like a era's tour where it's

1:15:08

like, there's so much energy that it's like, you literally feel

1:15:10

it. It made me sick to

1:15:12

my stomach. And now I have to go down and I think

1:15:15

to every, I fucking just love the revival of it all. Like

1:15:17

the clips of revival and how he just like, like sexy

1:15:20

red went up. It got to go up. It was every,

1:15:22

and he was singing his heart out. It was so cute.

1:15:24

I saw a clip of Rihanna coming up too. It was

1:15:26

just them. And it was really cute. How'd she like met

1:15:28

him? I think that's crazy. I didn't

1:15:30

even think about that. Yeah. I've even

1:15:32

seen all the Bri and Grace drama. I have.

1:15:35

And I'm trying like, um, kind

1:15:38

of what I was just saying, like I'm trying not to form an

1:15:40

opinion about it because I hate

1:15:43

when people like psycho analyze our relationship based

1:15:45

on like what they see. It's so, so

1:15:47

actually so, so, so true. I hate it.

1:15:49

Cause it's like, you're never right. It's not,

1:15:52

you guys are never right. Yeah. No

1:15:54

offense. I love you guys, but yeah,

1:15:56

that is so fucking true. Like hyperanalyze every single like look

1:15:59

and like. inflection of like things that I

1:16:01

say, things that you say, like the

1:16:03

way we respond, like the jokes we make in it fucking

1:16:05

infuriates me, because I'm like you literally like don't know what

1:16:07

our friendship is like at all. Or like we have a

1:16:09

fight and like people think it's the end of the world

1:16:11

and the end of our friendship. Yeah and they can never

1:16:13

let go of it and like, you know. And you and

1:16:15

I just like are over it in fucking 20 hours. Yeah,

1:16:18

so I feel bad for them and also like, it

1:16:21

kind of goes for us too, like we are obviously

1:16:23

haven't really had any problems like in a long, long

1:16:25

time. But like think

1:16:28

about any normal friendship in

1:16:31

real life, like there's never a friendship where you don't go like

1:16:34

weeks without talking to each other or like a

1:16:36

week without talking to one another. Like we have

1:16:38

to show up here every single week, no matter

1:16:40

what. Like how we're feeling or if we're mad

1:16:42

over literally a shirt. Yeah or if like even

1:16:44

just you might like be, you know, off doing

1:16:46

something else kind of thing. Like it's weird to

1:16:48

have to like literally like check in that constantly

1:16:50

like. Yeah and like show

1:16:53

up and deliver a certain

1:16:55

friendship and dynamic if that's not how

1:16:57

you two are actually feeling that. And

1:17:00

it doesn't even have to be negative. Yeah, it has nothing

1:17:02

to do with that. But even if just like, like if

1:17:04

I'm going through something or like if I, you know, I'm

1:17:06

off dating somebody or whatever it is like. And

1:17:09

then I have to come back here and just like act

1:17:11

normal. And like we haven't even maybe talked or something like

1:17:13

that, like I think that's kind of what's happening to them

1:17:15

where it's like, it's just like

1:17:17

in a normal friendship that might be like a

1:17:19

little bit of like a distancing time

1:17:22

for them where they would come back together and it's like

1:17:24

just sucks because everyone has to watch it. Well, this is

1:17:26

me just speculating again on like what I don't fully know,

1:17:28

but like, we've all

1:17:30

had those situations as well where like a friend gets a

1:17:32

boyfriend and like it changes

1:17:34

things. Well, it's, she's also in a

1:17:37

really unique situation cause that's not

1:17:39

a boyfriend. That's the most, like one of the most

1:17:41

famous people in the world at the moment. Like, and

1:17:44

so her whole life has been turned upside down

1:17:46

like so immediately. And she, God bless her. Honestly,

1:17:49

I like admire the way that she's able to still like

1:17:51

have her own job and podcasts and things that she

1:17:53

does and stuff cause you know what I would

1:17:56

do. I would be the girlfriend

1:17:58

and I would. eat that shit up and I

1:18:00

would lose all sense of identity and I would

1:18:02

no longer want to do anything for myself ever

1:18:04

again. You

1:18:07

know what I mean? But that's just who I am. No, but

1:18:10

Bree's not like that. I'm saying she's like she still

1:18:12

wants to do her other shit and she still shows

1:18:14

up and like goes off and does her own work

1:18:16

shit. I would never. I also just give it like

1:18:18

you were just saying like giving it

1:18:20

to Grace for coming back and just showing up

1:18:22

as if everything isn't upside

1:18:24

down. Yeah and it's hard on the other

1:18:27

end of it too. Like I've had like my best friends

1:18:29

get boyfriends and wanted to literally like die

1:18:31

because I'm like where are you? Mm-hmm.

1:18:34

I don't know the whole situation. Me neither but I

1:18:36

feel bad. I think people

1:18:39

should just like... Yeah and I

1:18:41

don't know as much as Grace to figure it

1:18:43

out. I'm a crazy personality. So I

1:18:45

intake way more Grace and of Grace's

1:18:49

side and people's talking about Grace. Like I don't even

1:18:51

know what you know what I mean? Yeah.

1:18:53

I need to like know more about... No I love Grace

1:18:55

so much but I just feel bad

1:18:57

like in any situation like that when it's like...

1:19:00

Yeah it's just people like becoming obsessed with the

1:19:03

friendship dynamic and not knowing anything. Well it adds like

1:19:05

a whole other like difficult element to like what's already

1:19:07

hard when you're like going through it with a friend.

1:19:09

You know what I mean? Because now like it has

1:19:11

to be perceived by all these people. Yeah. And

1:19:14

like give them a second. Like they've been friends their

1:19:16

entire lives. Yeah and like that is so sad and

1:19:18

scary and that does happen to like us and I

1:19:20

do just feel for that because I hate when that... Like

1:19:23

if you and I are going through anything ever and the

1:19:25

internet's weighing in on it it's always just 10 times harder

1:19:27

you know? Yeah but

1:19:30

Grace is slang. Grace is going on tour with Whitney

1:19:32

which is fucking insane and so amazing. I can't wait

1:19:35

to go to one of those shows. And she's been

1:19:37

doing stand-up like crazy. Like she's always doing shows which

1:19:40

bless her heart I wish so badly that I could

1:19:42

fucking... Do that. Oh I want to be able to

1:19:44

do it. It takes the best balls in the world.

1:19:46

It does. It's so interesting too because it's like we

1:19:49

technically do that but like

1:19:51

if you weren't there I would never

1:19:53

be able to go out there. I already can

1:19:55

barely go out there when you're like there. I

1:19:57

don't think that's true. It's so hard for me.

1:22:00

So many things that I

1:22:02

almost like couldn't feel any of it,

1:22:04

not like that I couldn't feel it, but it's like

1:22:06

it was so overwhelming that I just refused to acknowledge

1:22:08

any of it as being real. Yeah. So it just

1:22:10

like that whole, I just literally had to start like

1:22:12

going through the motions because it was like, this cannot be

1:22:15

like that. This isn't. There's no way this is our life.

1:22:17

And if I were to try to process it, like

1:22:19

because I'm so hyper emotional, I would have like, just

1:22:22

gone off the rocker. Yeah. I 100% agree.

1:22:24

It's like, it's the most overwhelming

1:22:27

feeling of love. And you

1:22:29

know what I mean, high anxiety and going hard and just

1:22:31

every emotion. It's going to be so cool to like, we're

1:22:33

going to like tell our kids about that forever and hopefully

1:22:36

we can do it for a lot longer. I agree. And

1:22:38

I think we learned so much. And if

1:22:41

we were to ever come back with another tour, which I

1:22:43

think we will, they

1:22:45

want us to go to Canada, you know, I would

1:22:47

love to go to Canada and

1:22:49

the UK and Australia. And yeah,

1:22:52

I'm really excited. I want to go.

1:22:54

I want to do canceled down under

1:22:56

so bad. Like imagine if that was

1:22:58

like our vibe for all the different.

1:23:00

Every Australian tour I ever had to,

1:23:02

I was fucking like, you're going to

1:23:04

find some sexies. You're going to find some

1:23:06

real fucking sexies. Like it's going to be fun. It's

1:23:08

so fun. International touring is so fun. Get

1:23:11

big off my phone. I'm just really happy. And

1:23:13

I'm happy to be home. I'm happy we got to do it together. I feel

1:23:15

like that would have been, if you hadn't been

1:23:17

there, I definitely wouldn't have been there. It is

1:23:20

the most special bond and like

1:23:22

memory. And we didn't even

1:23:25

fight. We literally fought once. And

1:23:28

I think that it's just like, we

1:23:30

also, but it wasn't even a fight. It was

1:23:32

like five minutes, but like that's not

1:23:35

that I think like we were just going to

1:23:37

fight the whole time, but like, that's really cool.

1:23:39

I would have fought with anybody like spending that

1:23:41

much time with someone. We both just had to

1:23:43

like, it was a real test to like learning

1:23:45

someone else emotionally, at least for me. Like

1:23:48

I felt like I really had to learn

1:23:50

who you are as a person. What makes

1:23:52

you tick? What to take to

1:23:55

heart? Like, I think the same thing. I

1:23:57

had to like adapt my behavior to like.

1:24:00

what you like, you know what I mean? Like

1:24:02

the things that you're doing. But it's crazy cause

1:24:04

like the second that I started like

1:24:06

being a little bit less like hard on you for

1:24:08

like the little things that you like

1:24:11

that frustrated me about you, they stopped and

1:24:13

like vice versa, you know what I mean?

1:24:15

Like I'm not so like judgmental and hyper

1:24:17

analytical and stuff when you're like,

1:24:19

it was like chicken and the egg. Like it

1:24:21

just like one of us had to stop and then it

1:24:24

just all stopped. Yeah, I think that we just gave each

1:24:26

other a lot more like patience and slack

1:24:28

and like, you know what I mean? And

1:24:31

in the best way, like to just let each other

1:24:33

beat each other and like do whatever. And like, I

1:24:35

think I just had to learn like so many little

1:24:37

things. Like I just can't take, I

1:24:40

feel like I'm the type of person who takes

1:24:42

everything someone says and does to heart really bad

1:24:44

and then I react on that too. And like,

1:24:47

I just, I was able to really like, oh

1:24:49

Brooke, like might've said something that I would normally

1:24:51

snap but I think she's being a little mean

1:24:53

right now. I would walk it off. But you

1:24:55

know what that like, that's something even I am

1:24:57

learning like now way later in life because

1:25:00

I don't think of anything that I say or like how

1:25:02

I act and like sometimes like situations

1:25:04

as abnormal at all. But like,

1:25:07

I think it's cause I grew up with sisters and my

1:25:09

mom and all of us have always talked to each other

1:25:11

in such a like horrible, nasty,

1:25:14

terrible way towards like, I

1:25:17

don't think twice about like being like, you're such a fucking

1:25:19

stupid, fucking dumb. Literally.

1:25:22

And I was able to just

1:25:24

like understand that finally. And

1:25:26

I think that it made me like. It's

1:25:28

like, I don't mean it's just like, that's

1:25:30

how I like. Cause I don't, I don't

1:25:33

think you're a mean, mean person at heart

1:25:35

at all. I don't, I really fucking don't.

1:25:37

And like it was, I was able to

1:25:39

just take it as more of like a

1:25:41

sister dynamic. And I get so defensive too,

1:25:43

that it's like, if I'm being mean, it's

1:25:45

because I got my feelings hurt. I

1:25:50

don't know. I think, I think

1:25:52

you're just a sassy diva. I'm

1:25:55

sassy. You're sassy. But it's a

1:25:57

quirk and you are. So

1:26:00

amazing. No, it's not even that. I

1:26:02

have all of my quirks too, and I think that

1:26:05

we were just able to work

1:26:07

it out and just form more of

1:26:09

a sisterly relationship. I really do understand

1:26:11

you more than I've ever understood

1:26:13

you, and I think it's made our friendship

1:26:15

so much stronger. I think

1:26:17

so too. You know what I mean? And

1:26:19

it's only gonna get better. And I'm so

1:26:21

fucking excited for the future. I really fucking

1:26:23

am. Like I just, I can't wait. This

1:26:26

is a really wholesome and kinda serious episode,

1:26:28

but I hope you guys at home still

1:26:30

enjoyed it. I feel like the

1:26:32

last one that we'll have came out was

1:26:34

like Giggle Fest page, masturbating on your rainbow

1:26:36

tarp and Trevie. You

1:26:40

know what I mean? But that's the dichotomy of

1:26:42

this lore. Guys,

1:26:44

comment below, by the way, what kind

1:26:47

of merch you would love to see us have. We

1:26:50

have been trying to put our foot into a canceled

1:26:52

podcast merch line, and I just like feel

1:26:54

like we're in an influencer space right now where people

1:26:57

are, like Alex Earl dropped her

1:26:59

merch, and I've never seen more fucking people at

1:27:01

home critiquing this shit. Like it was Met Gala

1:27:03

fashion in my life. It's late though. I thought

1:27:05

it was everything. But I'm like, oh my God.

1:27:07

Like I used to just think of a random

1:27:09

phrase, printed on a shirt. I wouldn't even get

1:27:11

a sample. Some people are still doing that though

1:27:13

too. I think there's still a market for that.

1:27:15

And I just, I wanna make it good shit

1:27:17

that we actually wear like every single day. And

1:27:19

like, I've been trying to figure that out too,

1:27:21

because our styles can be so different. Like, yeah,

1:27:23

we're running into some issues with that, where it's

1:27:25

like, like what she would wear, I

1:27:28

wouldn't wear and what I would wear, you wouldn't wear. Yeah, like it's

1:27:30

like for you. And so then I'm at this

1:27:32

place where I wanna make the merch drop kind of 50 50,

1:27:34

you know, like a clean

1:27:36

girl, like a beige sweat

1:27:39

suit with like a cute little like cowboy graphic

1:27:41

that says something funny in tan writing. Like that's

1:27:43

more like a you type of

1:27:45

outfit, whereas mine might be like real

1:27:47

tree camo with like a red font. Okay,

1:27:50

yeah, camo like leopard with like

1:27:53

cherries and bows. Yeah, it's what

1:27:55

we call Kedquine. Kedquine fashion.

1:27:57

So we're trying to figure out how to kind of. have

1:28:01

something for everyone, but

1:28:03

also make it good. So if you guys have any

1:28:05

requests or phrases or something that you would like really

1:28:07

fucking love to see on some stuff, I just wanna

1:28:09

make sure it's like the best thing. And just like

1:28:11

what types of items we

1:28:14

wanna know. We do wanna know. So if you guys could sound off

1:28:16

in the comments below, that would mean the world to me. And just

1:28:19

guys, I love you so much. And thank

1:28:22

you for being a part of like this whole journey.

1:28:24

And I was really emotional

1:28:26

at this last run of tour. Like I was crying

1:28:28

on stage and like, just like, grateful

1:28:32

isn't even the word. Like you

1:28:34

did all of this for me, from

1:28:37

the jump and for her as well. And just like your

1:28:40

support and love for us. And the fact that we

1:28:44

have so many people who are just fucking like

1:28:46

us and relate to our mommy issues and our

1:28:49

dating lives and our twenties. And we

1:28:52

have this girl come up to us and like, thank

1:28:54

us for being so real about navigating and

1:28:58

like whatever. And I don't even think of some things like that

1:29:00

sometimes. And I just like, I

1:29:03

just really fucking appreciate everyone

1:29:05

so much. And even

1:29:08

just with my sobriety and this journey, like I

1:29:10

feel like I've been so open

1:29:12

and honest about how

1:29:14

I feel about everything. And how I even just

1:29:16

this episode being like, maybe I wanna drink and

1:29:19

like maybe just all my feelings about like some

1:29:21

of the deepest shit inside of me. And they

1:29:23

do nothing but support and love us so much.

1:29:25

And it's like, holy fuck.

1:29:27

I'm just, I'm so grateful

1:29:29

for all of you guys so much

1:29:31

for being here through all the

1:29:33

eras, toothbrush, conventions, marriages,

1:29:37

KTLA and Chris Miles.

1:29:41

Mindy. We

1:29:45

love you. We love you. Bye guys. It's

1:29:47

fucking 500 degrees in here. And if they don't stop

1:29:49

fucking building that house next door so we can open

1:29:51

these fucking doors, it's like, what are you installing?

1:29:54

Like a water slide? Like I just don't understand.

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