0:00

Like Leanne's a top. She's a top? Yeah. How

0:02

so? She gets on top of me. OK. Right,

0:04

is that what a top is? No. Top is

0:06

the person penetrating. Yeah, no, I'm definitely the top.

0:09

I top her every time. I top her off.

0:12

100% cheers. Cheers. The

0:18

Love of Fairy event is on at

0:20

Whole Foods Market. With deals on delicious

0:22

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0:24

floral department's in full bloom. So

0:26

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0:28

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0:30

and seafood departments, save on animal

0:32

welfare certified New York strip steaks,

0:34

and sustainable wild caught lobster tails

0:36

to make the night sizzle. Gifts

0:38

from the wellness and beauty department

0:40

are always a nice touch. And

0:42

you have to grab those chocolate

0:44

dipped strawberries. Make Whole Foods Market

0:46

your Valentine's Day destination. And

0:50

guess what? It's the two of us again. I know. What

0:52

a treat. We're

0:55

super excited because later this

0:57

week Bertrand and I

0:59

are going to be in Las Vegas for the

1:01

big game at the MGM Grand Garden Arena. If

1:04

you are planning on being in Las Vegas Saturday

1:06

this week, you have a chance to come see

1:08

us. We're super excited about these shows. But tell

1:10

them the big news. The big news. The big

1:13

news. This is the biggest news you'll ever hear

1:15

on this podcast. This is the biggest thing I've

1:17

ever done in my entire career. I am more

1:19

excited for this than the birth of my second

1:21

child. Sorry, Ayla. Bert

1:25

and I have been working on something

1:27

for a long time. When I say

1:29

a long time, we're over a year

1:31

and a half of the

1:34

seas being laid out

1:36

of this thing. And we went through a really

1:39

intensive, very involved process.

1:42

Way more than I was comfortable with, to be quite honest

1:44

with you. It's a lot. This

1:47

has been going on for roughly probably four

1:49

years where people were approaching us and approaching

1:51

us and approaching us. And Tom being Tom

1:53

said, if chicks

1:57

want to fuck you, you should know that

1:59

you can fuck. Let's take a look. this

2:01

dick out to market. That's exactly that's a

2:03

quote and so we

2:05

essentially were like you know you can

2:07

you can sign up with people or you can

2:09

do this yourself you can do it on your

2:11

own and invest your money

2:13

invest your money invest your time really

2:16

commit I mean it becomes it's your baby you

2:19

know I liken it and honestly like it's like

2:21

a version of saying like do you want to

2:23

write it or do you want a ghostwriter? I've

2:25

seen people have these types of babies before and

2:27

have nannies take care of them yeah yeah yeah

2:29

we want to raise this baby this is our

2:32

baby this is our baby if you're watching this

2:34

is your baby too this is your baby this

2:36

is our baby we named it for you yeah

2:38

this is like it you are the you're the

2:40

ones that got us here and

2:42

so Bertrand and I are launching

2:46

our very own vodka

2:49

yes poor Osos poor

2:51

Osos it is for bears and what

2:54

we have decided to do today is

2:57

we're gonna have a huge

3:00

huge huge what

3:04

is it revelation invitation

3:07

launch yeah in Las Vegas our

3:09

soft launch we are doing a

3:11

huge launch and this for the

3:13

fans yeah listen we

3:16

overshare we tell you everything

3:19

about our lives and we feel like

3:21

this is a family I know you guys come up to us

3:23

all the time and say I feel like I know you could

3:25

you listen to show well that's why we decided to do it

3:27

at the big game because we're doing the show there so we

3:29

decided let's do a soft launch there

3:31

just for the fans we're gonna have our vodka there

3:34

for you to taste we're gonna have great fucking

3:36

merch I'm talking next-level merch

3:38

look over my left fucking

3:40

shoulder we're gonna have great

3:43

secret time Tom wore our shirt when it

3:46

is has calf-court shot I did it at

3:48

the magic game I saw it I was

3:50

like oh yeah it's great merch it is

3:52

great merch it's an even and

3:55

I'm saying this I know I should be but

3:57

I'm gonna just tell you it is an amazing

3:59

product like We have we have a

4:01

an incredible product. We got paired

4:03

up with we do something like this The

4:06

goal is you go who's the best? Like

4:09

who are the best people available to work with so

4:11

we did that we sought out

4:13

we interviewed people We

4:15

went with people that we felt like could help us Develop

4:18

the best product available the best design those like

4:20

to all the people that we talked to and

4:22

we didn't choose to work with Yeah, yeah, you're

4:25

some great great great great people and to be

4:27

honest. You just weren't good enough I got fuck

4:29

those guys we went we went with the a1

4:31

team so We're

4:33

talking a1 on the next level. There's so much to get into

4:36

on there is I want to start I want it. Well, so

4:38

what we're gonna do now is do a

4:40

taste test. We are because we have so

4:44

There's there's so much to cover There's a lot to come and

4:47

this actually I'm by the way right now would be a great

4:49

time to get yourself a drink Yeah,

4:51

yeah, get yourself a drink for your drink. This is

4:53

the last drink of that old vodka You'll ever have

4:56

because when ours comes out We're

4:58

running trains on this shit. We

5:01

are we are running trains on this. I have

5:03

to tell you I actually really I loved The

5:06

process like you've seen like everybody

5:09

has seen products launch

5:11

and to actually be involved in one

5:13

was a really

5:16

like you actually begin with

5:18

the design like the the

5:20

actual Label designs and the

5:23

bottle designs and that's a whole process

5:25

like you are brought Dozens

5:28

of like this is the way a bottle can

5:30

look Let me show them the bottle yet. We

5:32

got I mean we don't have to do it now

5:34

I think we wait because the bottle I'm

5:37

in love with this bottle I'm in love with this bottle and there's

5:40

little nuances that we and we'll tell you what we wanted to

5:42

do and what they wouldn't Let us do what the

5:44

FDA would not allow. Yeah, I

5:47

was I still think a butt plug

5:49

cap. Okay, so It

5:53

was a really fun for that process, right? That's

5:55

like the way it looks and like, but this

5:57

is what the label will be. I Usually design.

6:00

The name. That was a whole process. like

6:02

Wicked the name beats only wanted to. we

6:04

wanted to a. Because. I

6:06

was pretty adamant about vodka, but

6:08

I love others are for the

6:10

longest time. I love that. A

6:13

Lower doses and Tom's fluent Spanish him When he

6:16

said it it just sounded like it wanted to

6:18

be a my mouth of you know like latino

6:20

guys does have their way with you. It's

6:23

I feel we want our i could have it's

6:25

way with yeah I think is going to we

6:27

want you to wake up with our with our

6:29

Vi kan X you embed and you go google

6:31

what did you do to me last night of

6:33

as here's the thing man the name can be

6:35

great the the label can be great. The.

6:37

Bible design can be great but at the end of

6:40

the day. Is. All about is

6:42

this great vodka. And.

6:44

I. Think we have hit a

6:46

fuckin' Home. Run

6:49

luckily. We. Have a

6:51

guy the putting this ten thousand hours

6:53

we did that. eyes, tongue. Does.

6:55

Two things. Eat. Pussy and

6:58

drink Vodka. A

7:00

silly pussy presedo is the name of

7:02

the the was the other The in

7:04

a pussy you eat is also the

7:06

the name of the distiller that has

7:08

one like are in the one hundred

7:10

a wart like this is like top

7:12

the zebra prestigious tech or given out

7:15

the I like that Boeing had one,

7:17

the F H P had one and

7:19

and then Anna and I'll I'll have

7:21

what I want to say is I

7:23

had started this process in my life

7:25

by ten years ago I got approached

7:27

by bunch of August start a vodka

7:29

your the machines. Made sense and and

7:31

I'm a big vog drinker. And.

7:34

I opted out of it for two

7:36

reasons. I opted out of it. Number

7:38

one: I. Could

7:40

not. I did not like any of the

7:43

vodkas better. And I just kept

7:45

chasing them wanting one to turn me and

7:47

be and like all that's it like I'd

7:49

of vodka Viking needs to be like. A

7:53

get like a slick T m in it that

7:55

you don't realize you have and then you catching

7:57

like oh shit Travis Kelsey to deemed me yeah

7:59

and then you go fuck because you don't want

8:01

to be like the first the i'm you see

8:03

like nine and they need to taste these to

8:05

slide into you and the and I. And.

8:08

I was. I'm super picky does. Here's the deal.

8:10

there's a bunch of brands you're not a get

8:12

me to switch on yeah is very candidly you

8:15

pry not going to come. it's been will kind

8:17

of car. Want to pick to drive or watch

8:19

or. Ah, But so

8:21

does I'm. pretty ugly enough, I'm pretty fluid

8:23

on sodas. Are you? yeah? yeah. you can

8:26

go back here. Feel like I'm really into

8:28

sister? Yeah chested. That makes a great I

8:30

rubio like better than any the other sexual

8:32

partners sexual partners can switch me. Yeah ah

8:34

ah. Ah bit.

8:37

And this is gonna get a little cloudy

8:39

and whatnot but like whiskies in not gonna

8:41

commit me. Is hard to get me to.

8:44

There's. A couple I hear ya night like like

8:46

legendary brands year unlikable bourbons that you just like.

8:48

and once you once you have a mule like

8:50

this is it. oh my you're talking to your

8:52

dad and having a conversation you like your money

8:54

gets and then are some that are just so

8:56

hard to get your like Pappy Van Winkle I

8:58

had that would Nori By the way we got

9:00

us and Nori bottle. My. Not a

9:02

cinema case I'm been like for like

9:05

your it those So when we were

9:07

talking about any of this. I

9:09

kind of new. Voc is where I wonder what I

9:11

wanted Lana my heart in in at all things we

9:13

got post by it. Every.

9:16

Type of alcohol you could ever imagine. And.

9:18

I can send button and at first

9:20

we said whiskies. we both love whiskey.

9:22

Yeah we said ah. We. Thought Killer

9:24

I can tell you I think the to

9:27

Kill a market is saturated with such you'd

9:29

stars. It's hard to make a splash. And

9:32

then ah, General.

9:34

is like who the fuck drinks didn't know

9:36

you do as you in ryan reynolds sometimes

9:38

i do so does it do but vodka

9:40

his also been like it's always been there

9:42

is but been consistent and i love having

9:44

of i could drink and if it's really

9:46

good vodka of zip chilled vodka if it

9:48

really good and by the way railroads were

9:50

coming after you know com o better way

9:53

i just want to give a heads up

9:55

mark wahlberg the rock george clooney to cooney

9:57

and his buddy know like dumb and dumber

9:59

on those motorcycles when we're done with them. Oh yeah. We

10:01

are coming at, by the way, we don't play by the rules you play by. No.

10:04

More podcast rings and comics, we can't get fired.

10:06

We're getting, we're coming after you motherfuckers. All in

10:08

good fun, all in good fun. The,

10:13

the fucking, no, no, it's,

10:15

so, the thing about it

10:17

is they actually, like you kind of,

10:19

because when we had this first conversation, I was

10:21

like, yeah, but are we just going

10:24

like, here's like, you guys

10:26

made this vodka, here's Sippet. This is what every

10:28

vodka distiller says. Yeah, you can't really tell the

10:30

taste. Yeah. And I said, I

10:32

can. I drink vodka, that's my drink. You definitely,

10:34

you definitely can tell when you are going to

10:36

a taste test, and you start sampling,

10:38

and here's the thing that'll blow your mind, is

10:41

going to a blind taste test.

10:43

You think, because branding is so

10:45

effective, you'll be blown away

10:47

that you'll, you'll have a Sippet one, you're like, what

10:49

is this absolute dog shit? And

10:52

then you learn it's one of the

10:54

most famous brands. You just are

10:57

conditioned to point at bottles and

11:00

go like, yeah, I'll have that. Or you call out the name, you

11:02

Sippet, and then you're like, this is actually

11:04

not good. These guys

11:07

have developed this proprietary

11:09

process for distilling vodka

11:12

that will change the way

11:14

you taste vodka, I'm not kidding. And it will

11:16

change the way you live your life, and I

11:18

say that as a guy whose brand is recovery.

11:21

My brand is getting up and getting after it in

11:23

the morning. I like to party, but I don't like

11:25

to lose my next day. I want to fucking earn

11:28

that day. And so

11:32

when we were approached by them, I was hesitant at

11:34

first, I was like, I told Tom, I was like,

11:36

well, I've done vodka tastings. It's gonna be

11:38

a shit show. And then

11:41

they told us about this. This is a, I. No,

11:44

this is like premium stuff.

11:46

This is like a non-GMO

11:48

wheat, okay? So those other

11:50

brands, a Lot of the most

11:53

popular brand, they use corn. There's another guy named

11:55

Burt that has a vodka, I think. I don't

11:57

know his last name. Well, when you taste the

11:59

corn vodka. You're like. We

12:02

we had them in our samples we had we

12:04

had rows of of corn and wheat, the one

12:06

thing that stands out right away. We.

12:08

Taste better. And then you learn that

12:10

wheat is more expensive and wouldn't you

12:13

know it the more expensive one is

12:15

the higher quality product is. it does

12:17

taste notably better and the distilling process

12:19

they go through they blast it with

12:21

nitrogen, they blast it with it, strips

12:23

like all the shit content out of

12:25

there and it leaves you with this

12:27

unreal. The Okay. so here's Roman. Do

12:29

I want to tell you that? Ah,

12:31

I want to tell you that I've

12:33

only taste tested this when I wasn't

12:35

drinking. Sir. Well, I did. As

12:38

I put it, my mouth, yeah, and I let it sit.

12:40

my mouth. And I spit it out. So.

12:42

Most I wasn't drinking so I got a

12:44

real taste tests where I got like the

12:47

real taste head but I have not been

12:49

able to guzzle. okay away we're about to.

12:51

So what we're going to do here today.

12:54

Right here on the podcast. First

12:56

I want you to try now

12:58

that you're. Actively drinking move. This

13:01

is what we had that party for people

13:03

yeah we had about we had a oh

13:05

says party it was just like are no

13:07

eighty people are some to either This is

13:09

what was serve their he might not even

13:11

remember to serve their this what this is

13:13

where you have in your hand right now

13:15

I'm a bullet I ah I have notes

13:17

but I want to see of my nose

13:19

or accurate to desist from that party. Night.

13:22

This is we all. This is Wheat. As

13:39

good, Good. Good. Good.

13:45

You would enjoy that vodka yeah yeah

13:47

of Europe during in the whole thing

13:50

and just simply oh fuck. Oh.

13:53

okay okay of them get drunk and

13:55

i go get get drunk a that's

13:57

why outright ever that i've earned wages

13:59

for No, I'm fucking

14:02

I'm fucking on it Tommy. Okay,

14:04

but here's the one I'll

14:06

just tell you zen into fucking chase these

14:08

we just drinking vodka on our tongues. Yeah

14:10

do it this one I'll

14:15

just tell you is sample B. Okay now

14:18

You should be nice to be able

14:20

to cleanse our I need to cleanse my palate. Can you

14:22

get me a diet coke or something? Yeah, yeah, good call.

14:25

Cheers. By the way diet

14:27

coke's going down to I'm

14:31

gonna I'm gonna have to I just realized I got

14:33

to break up with Tito Yeah,

14:35

I gotta break up with Tito's by the way do it

14:37

right now You

14:41

want to text her a caller I Should

14:43

reach out to them then I mean I feel

14:45

like it's gonna be hard because they think that

14:47

we're like They think we're dating and

14:50

I've been I've definitely been even sleeping with her for a

14:52

while with her for a very long time And there was

14:54

a period where I thought we were dating too. Yeah, but

14:57

then I just started I don't know.

14:59

I start my eyes started wandering. Mmm You

15:01

got started drinking tequila shout out to Casa Migos think

15:03

I swap with you Thank you I started drinking tequila

15:05

and then I and then I and then every now

15:08

and then I go back but It's

15:10

like it's like old pussy. You just go back and you're

15:12

like, it's not bad. No, it's not bad Like but it's

15:14

and then now I'm oh

15:17

my god what? Fit

15:22

I'm never gonna say Double

15:24

Tito's and soda big glass. No, I'm ever

15:26

again for the rest of your life. Oh My

15:32

god, that's like That's like when you when

15:34

you when you looked in your phone and you saw your

15:36

dad's number and you're like, oh fuck Yeah, can I call

15:38

him? I'll never say double Tito's

15:40

big glass. No line double Tito's sort of big

15:42

glass. No line I'll never say hi dad. I Mean

15:47

I think yours is probably a little little little

15:49

different, but it's the same Double

15:52

Tito's sort of Porous

15:54

is soda big Glass. Oh

15:56

I Ring that rolls Porous is a

15:58

soda. Gobble.

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18:00

is yours. Who

19:01

is saying no to him? You know Winston Churchill. Do you think we

19:03

can or do you think we

19:05

will? Because

19:08

I'll send it but I mean do you think he'll get it?

19:10

I'll deliver it. I'll hand deliver it. You'll fly over

19:12

there? I'll fly to fucking Russia and I will. You

19:15

know they wouldn't let me do that for the movie because I said insurance

19:17

purposes? We do not have insurance. We do not have to worry about that.

19:19

We do have insurance. Oh we do? Yeah. Yeah

19:22

we definitely have insurance. This

19:25

is a real company everybody. Yeah but. Ben

19:28

Tom and I own. Yeah. This is

19:30

a real company. We have a lot of employees. Yeah. This

19:33

is like no joke. Yeah. We had

19:35

meetings every fucking week. But can I tell you

19:37

something? What? Just the

19:40

story, the video of you boarding a

19:42

flight, checking a case

19:45

of vodka and

19:47

flying to Moscow and

19:50

then they're like what are you doing here? And you're like I was dropping

19:52

this off for Putin and they're like what the fuck are you talking

19:55

about? Did you try to get it to him? I

19:57

bet he knows. I bet. I bet. I

20:00

mean like you have a strong Russian connection

20:02

dude. I have this practically family. Could you

20:04

think we could like maybe make some calls?

20:07

Where they would arrange for without

20:09

a fucking doubt bro. I'm one of them I

20:12

have speak their language as much as a

20:14

dog does I'll understand them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

20:16

I think I think We

20:19

should make a Gift of who

20:21

gets these cuz rock did that to me solid

20:24

the rock solid when he was the

20:26

rock sold Terra-mana so fucking well. Yeah, I

20:28

didn't even know there were other tequila's out

20:30

to be dead honest with you when he

20:32

would do a Terra-mana toast and by the

20:34

way, I did pretty good branding for Dwayne

20:36

no shit like when I was doing Terra-mana

20:38

Tuesdays Tara and and and Because

20:42

I would I would love drinking it after a

20:44

workout a glass of tequila Well, here's the thing

20:46

we're gonna we're gonna make a list of who

20:48

we're sending some to but

20:51

what's awesome is that there will be Multiple

20:54

opportunities for you if you want

20:57

to try it a This

20:59

week in Vegas. There's gonna there's gonna

21:01

be OSOS Everywhere. Mm-hmm. If

21:03

you're coming to the show you're gonna be

21:06

Presented with an opportunity for sure there

21:09

after this week. We're gonna have Multiple

21:12

events in different cities for sure. We're gonna do one

21:14

here in Austin Yeah, I think we should do one

21:16

in LA for sure definitely do one in LA We're

21:19

gonna do can we announce the thing we're gonna do?

21:21

Oh, yeah the live event.

21:24

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah We're doing a live

21:26

event like a live pot. I like Oh

21:28

two bears live the old school two bears

21:30

live Yeah, the funnest the time we saw

21:32

sweatpants dick. Yeah, we should give him a

21:34

bottle. Yeah Owen Gray's getting

21:36

a bottle all the porn stars get bottles

21:39

Fucking bottles for pore stars. I feel

21:41

like in my you know, my turkeys

21:43

you do porn prove it Send me

21:46

a video and I will send

21:48

you some porosas But

21:50

it's gonna be fucking black and by the way, oh, we

21:52

should be the 5k No

21:55

brainer may may 5k a man

21:57

by the way the follow-up

22:00

phone call you can say it

22:02

now. Remember after after we introduced

22:04

that idea yep the one thing was

22:06

like Louie was like hmm definitely not

22:08

I'm gonna read it verbatim I'm

22:12

gonna read it verbatim so we get

22:14

off the episode this is

22:17

a while back but if you remember we

22:20

called all these comedians and we told

22:22

them about this 5k

22:24

we were gonna do and then we called

22:27

Louie and so just so

22:29

you know he was just like hard pass soft

22:32

commit hard pass the same thing I'm definitely not doing that

22:34

we were like all right well it was great to talk

22:36

to you and we hung up and then he texted me

22:38

I wrote you're the best thank you and then he wrote

22:40

I will probably do that race it would actually be a

22:43

good thing for me to get ready for so Louie

22:46

CK's in Louie CK's

22:48

in everybody okay radio

22:50

silent from Kevin Hart he

22:53

uh this

22:57

is the next one hold

22:59

on oh

23:02

you're uh do we

23:04

we didn't hear from Kevin Hart but

23:07

we should do we

23:11

should do a big drinking we

23:14

should Kevin Hart did not reply

23:16

but my neighbor and Neil just texted me so

23:21

oh good the restaurant

23:24

tour different guy how many neighbors

23:26

do you have I mean there's

23:29

a few it's a neighborhood it's

23:31

not one yeah so shout

23:34

out also to drip our partners in this

23:36

partners a drip or fucking absolutely awesome okay

23:39

this one this sample

23:41

is sample B also

23:43

wheat give

23:46

it a shot give it a sip do

23:49

it don't do the same time I want them

23:51

to see how smooth it is that you don't

23:54

gag you can drink it on your tongue I

23:56

don't know and by the way these are fucking

23:58

some vodka tastes like fucking stare Realizing solution.

24:00

Oh, they absolutely I'm gonna

24:02

let it sit too for a little bit. Okay, I go

24:04

first You're

24:13

bubbling it dude.

24:17

All right. Here we go Come

24:21

on So

24:30

that's this shit that's the shit that's the

24:32

shit he is the shit the shit the

24:34

other one's good It's a little spicy for

24:36

me. This is this is a better I

24:38

feel a taste of like of pepper in

24:40

in the one we tired before which I

24:43

I'm not in love with because sometimes

24:46

I think that pepper especially I'm soda

24:48

guy I feel like it gets confused

24:50

for contaminants Like when when when you

24:52

a vodka soda at its best is

24:54

a morning drink in my opinion Yeah

24:56

at an airport when you're just trying

24:58

to get on the plane That's what I

25:00

have on the most and that first sip you

25:02

don't want the vodka to yell at you No, you

25:05

don't want to punch in the throat, right?

25:07

You just wanted to scratch the back of your arm Yeah,

25:09

and go like hey. Hey, we're going in this room. You

25:11

look cute today. Look you look really cute today. So my

25:24

My neighbor who you referenced

25:26

because you do you do look cute I like

25:28

to sure my neighbor who

25:30

you reference is a restaurant My

25:50

stomach just cramps I got a cramp in my

25:52

stomach All

25:58

right, so I

26:01

gotta tell you this is true Okay,

26:10

so I'm

26:22

gonna oh my god. I'm gonna fucking oh I

26:30

have a dog. Oh, okay. So here's

26:33

the thing All right.

26:35

All right, but can I tell you this about

26:37

this first? I'm going eight milligrams new new lipper.

26:39

Okay Let

26:43

me tell you this you referenced my neighbor

26:46

the one that you know, he's a restaurateur

26:48

he owns a bunch of

26:50

restaurants I Sent him

26:52

this He hits

26:54

me up. He goes. I had my

26:56

director of beverage Come

26:58

over and did a blind

27:01

taste test with five premium

27:04

vodka brands and he goes this one

27:06

this was like his For

27:09

sure his favorite. It was the

27:11

absolute best tasting one. It's that's well, so

27:13

we did so we go ahead

27:15

you finish Well, this is the first time we're

27:17

gonna try a blend of

27:20

these two It's gonna be hard to get

27:22

not me not loving that meat same. That's

27:24

got hints of vanilla. It's got It's

27:28

got real warm vibes. You remember when you were a

27:30

kid you when you mom made you a milkshake and

27:33

And you were like, it's good And then your dad made

27:35

you one and he put vanilla extract in it and you're

27:37

like, why is this one so much better? Yeah, and he

27:40

goes I put vanilla extract in and you're like and

27:42

your mom's like it's just extract It's not

27:44

it's just extract but it's better. It's better.

27:46

It's the that's the that's the that's

27:49

the vodka that fucks with me I like I

27:51

love that we did a blind taste test at

27:53

birdie boy productions where it's all women 12 women

27:56

We all sat him at the table We

27:58

had all the vodka south. I wasn't I was

28:00

just putting it in my mouth and spitting it out.

28:02

They were all drinking it and we put sheets and

28:04

everyone, we'd taste it and everyone on a scale of

28:07

one to ten would vote for them. Number

28:11

two was the one we got

28:14

but unanimously was

28:16

the first one. I

28:18

texted you, we got a winner and you

28:21

said don't tell me. Don't tell me. I

28:23

didn't want to know. We didn't talk about it

28:25

literally up until a couple minutes

28:27

ago where he goes, well I am

28:29

B and I went, which one do I like? He

28:31

goes, you like B or whatever.

28:34

And I go, which one to Tom like you? I like

28:36

B too. We both loved fucking B. I didn't talk to

28:39

anybody about the preferences. I just did it. And to me

28:41

also by the way, for my

28:43

taste, my palate, this was clearly the

28:45

better one. Let's try the blend. Okay.

28:48

Look, when I started podcasting, an online store

28:50

was the furthest thing from my mind and

28:53

I actually, let's not

28:56

say I'm not cutting edge technology guy.

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see how it is. Let's give ourselves a second. We're

30:51

not gonna get fucking wasted. Okay, okay, okay. Okay. I

30:55

just put a lip in. Oh, is this?

30:58

Mm-hmm. And so

31:00

this is a blend. This is a blend. I gotta take

31:02

this fucking thing out. I wanna taste it for real. All

31:05

right, oh my God. I almost shit my pants. Oh

31:08

my God. We should have a Patreon where we explain

31:10

some of our jokes. What's

31:16

interesting about vodka

31:18

is I, you know, I have them parting a tongue,

31:21

but I've been allowing myself my

31:23

nights. Yeah. We

31:25

snuck a bottle of Puerhosos to Philly. You

31:27

did? Yeah. I was like,

31:29

I don't wanna, I didn't want anything else. Like, I gotta

31:32

be dead honest with you. I'm not slamming, I'm not gonna

31:34

slam those big brands. Yeah. I'm only

31:36

gonna fuck with the people that we can reach to and

31:38

talk to, Mark Wahlberg, The Rock, George Clooney. He's a good

31:40

friend of ours. Those aren't big brands? No, but those, they're

31:42

fucking people. Yeah, yeah. Like, I'm not gonna, I

31:44

mean, I guess we should not go after the little guys and

31:46

go after the big guys, right? Yeah. Like,

31:48

fuck Grey Goose. Like, I just don't, it

31:51

is such an upsell, in my opinion, that

31:53

like, and when I have it, I

31:55

don't, it does not knock

31:58

my fucking socks off. No. It's

32:00

what I was talking about. It's what people go. Oh, I

32:02

know that brand It's

32:05

like it's like the bartender or the you know

32:07

servers like well, which one could you go? Okay,

32:09

I'll take that We need to get

32:11

fucking bartenders in our pocket Back

32:15

the key that's the fucking key. You gotta walk

32:17

in there with it It's just like it's just

32:19

like when they need to move coke from from

32:21

Venezuela to Miami. Yeah, it

32:24

wasn't They didn't

32:26

they they needed great pilots who are willing to

32:28

take a fucking leap of faith and make a

32:30

little extra cash kickbacks To bartenders. Yeah, that's what

32:33

we got to do start paying bartenders out

32:35

of pocket. There you go. Ashola, baby. I'll do

32:37

it Yeah, let's fucking get in bartenders get in

32:39

free for all our shows. That's what we should

32:41

do Meant green bartenders you gotta prove

32:44

your bar. How do you prove that? Oh, no

32:47

Hey, it's somebody just goes I'm a bartender You're

32:50

like, here you go. All right, prove it and

32:52

the guy goes hey And

32:54

you're like, all right, you're good. He goes next

32:57

you're like, oh yeah, this guy's yeah We're

33:00

gonna get fucking wasted at the big game Yeah,

33:04

we're gonna get fucking wasted These are gonna be

33:06

all backstage and let's talk about the celebrities We're

33:08

gonna get wasted get them to say regrettable stuff

33:10

and go viral. Oh, man. We need Pete Davidson

33:12

there He'll do he'll do that.

33:14

He'll set it up Pete Davidson goes viral anything.

33:16

He does. That's true You You

33:20

know him good. I know him.

33:22

I wouldn't say I know him real well I know

33:24

him pretty good, but he's always got a new phone

33:26

number. He does switch on numbers like he's fucking like

33:28

he doesn't care about anybody Photo

33:30

I literally at one point I had six numbers

33:32

in my phone that were his I've got two

33:34

and I don't think he gave

33:37

me the right one cause I was standing next to someone

33:39

the heat and light Really? Yeah,

33:41

and I was edited out. Oh

33:44

the yeah. Yeah, and so he didn't give I don't think

33:46

he gave me the right one I think was like, huh,

33:48

huh, huh? You're standing right

33:50

next to him, but Pete Davidson we got

33:52

to hook him up Yeah, we just got

33:54

a flood our buddies and our friends everyone

33:56

that's running the 5k gets a bottle of

33:58

course fucking Louie The post race

34:01

party is going to be, we're just gonna, you know

34:03

what we should do? Fill a pool

34:05

with vodka. That

34:09

would be great and wasteful. Yeah,

34:11

let's do it. And then we'll get

34:13

James Robert Champlain to drink it. Robert

34:16

Paul Champlain? That guy, that guy. He

34:19

be into something like that. Yeah, yeah. Oh,

34:22

fuck yeah. Robert there, any swimming, it's gonna

34:24

be fucking lights out, dude. We have, by

34:26

the way, we have big events planned, very

34:29

big events planned to celebrate

34:31

the vodka, which we don't wanna announce now.

34:34

By the way, the 5K was definitely not

34:36

on that list, but it does fit the

34:38

fucking, it fits it. Because this is a

34:40

vodka that you can, and

34:42

I'm being serious, the way they distill this, you

34:44

can party your fucking dick off and get up

34:46

the next morning for me to do radio, workout,

34:49

do two shows, get in the bus,

34:51

have another sip, right back to sleep. We

34:53

need to come out with marijuana next. We've got

34:55

a company. We need to take

34:57

over rap snacks. We need comic snacks. Comic snacks is

34:59

a good idea. But the weed,

35:02

some edibles, come on. I'm

35:06

all about those edibles, dude. Oh, so, oh,

35:08

so good. All right, let's try the next

35:10

one. All right, this is the blend. Clear

35:15

your mind. Trying to clear my palate. I wanna

35:17

taste the blend, I wanna appreciate the blend. I

35:19

am pretty dead set on A. I

35:21

don't know if I'm gonna be able to fucking... You're

35:29

not set on A, you're set on B. Well, you know the one

35:31

I like. This

35:33

is the blend. You go first. Okay. I'm

35:36

not gonna tell you what I think. Don't tell me what you think. It's

35:39

like we're sharing a girl like Mason Cameron. Go

35:54

ahead. Go

35:58

ahead. I

36:06

have notes. Number

36:10

one, it's

36:14

got a very subtle kick,

36:16

very subtle spice to it.

36:18

Not as much as the other one. The other one overwhelms

36:20

me a tad bit. The A does, yeah. That

36:26

kick, it kind

36:28

of is like, it doesn't make

36:30

a ton of sense, but

36:33

it does like bacon

36:35

on a Krispy Kreme donut. Yeah,

36:38

yeah, yeah. What I

36:40

love about the first one is the smoothness.

36:44

The B. The B. The B is

36:46

my favorite, the smoothness. B it

36:48

is. My

36:51

ranking goes B, the blend, then A. Yeah?

36:55

B first, first place.

36:58

The blend, second place. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah,

37:00

yeah. I go B, then blend, then A.

37:03

The B is just, and I'm being serious, this

37:06

is something I can fucking stand

37:08

by. I don't think there's anyone

37:10

that's a vodka drinker that wouldn't love that vodka.

37:13

It is so fucking smooth,

37:15

and I'm telling you the

37:18

roundness of it. It's

37:21

silk, dude. It's silky smooth, and 100%

37:24

got to give credit to

37:26

these distillers for doing this,

37:28

because it is unlike anything

37:31

else we've ever drank. I've never had

37:34

anything like that. I've never had a vodka

37:36

like that before. It's like, it

37:38

feels like, it's

37:40

like when you, you know you

37:42

have sushi, right? And

37:45

you go, yeah, I like sushi. And then like for

37:47

the first time, somebody takes

37:49

you to a

37:51

omakase experience where the

37:53

chef is Japanese,

37:57

and he actually goes to the fish market

37:59

in the morning. And you

38:01

have that for you go. Oh, I

38:04

guess I haven't had sushi before yeah This

38:06

is a this is a whole different thing.

38:08

It's like public sushi versus yeah Yeah, good

38:10

from Florida, but public sushi versus the first

38:12

time I was in New York and that

38:14

sushi And I was like oh, this is

38:16

like butter. Yeah Yeah, I see why I

38:18

could do I remember I got so addicted

38:20

to sushi. I would eat it non fucking

38:22

stop I bet I would just have anything

38:24

that you like take a liking

38:26

to everyone's like hey, man You might want to

38:28

chill on that is that 45 pieces of sushi?

38:35

By the way, you know how much I love these These

38:41

Fucking nicotine pouches was

38:43

this morning I worked out and then on the way

38:45

here I couldn't find them in my car and I

38:47

texted his somebody's got to go pick up nicotine pouches

38:49

right now and Then when I

38:51

parked and they were on the floor, I was like, oh, it's all good.

38:54

I'm fine I Wake

38:58

up thinking about them The

39:02

big tobacco game RJ

39:09

Reynolds when he was like hey man, I know

39:13

the cigarettes taste good. Did you wake up thinking about? Like

39:16

yeah, what is that? Yeah, I

39:18

think they're addictive. He's like that could be good business.

39:20

We cool Yeah, I think it'd be good for us.

39:22

You know, we need to meet we need to have

39:24

hmm brand ambassadors Absolutely

39:28

without a doubt brand ambassador. Yeah, there's

39:31

two dudes. I follow I

39:33

follow a lot of I told you I told you about

39:35

this other I follow you a lot of young dudes Yeah

39:37

on Instagram that are like fun party guys in

39:40

shape fun get after it They're

39:43

all love zens. Yeah, and they're

39:45

gonna love our vodka for Osos.

39:48

God damn We we need to come about this

39:50

a different way. We need to go after the

39:52

rock Go after him. Yeah.

39:54

Yeah, like in a wrestling in a wrestling promo kind

39:56

of way Okay, like really get

39:58

him to appreciate us Huh.

40:01

Okay. Yeah. Oh,

40:03

do you think we can get Brad Pitt to fall off the

40:05

wagon? No. God

40:07

damn it. That would be great branding for us

40:09

if we got Ben Affleck to fall off the wagon. I think

40:12

we should probably leave the people who have

40:14

chosen sobriety alone. No, I was hoping they

40:16

were like, it's so good. It's so good.

40:18

Great story. Like David Hasselhoff eating a cheeseburger.

40:20

Yeah, drunk, yeah. Oh, we need

40:23

to recreate those commercials. That's

40:25

funny. We should do that. Recreate them.

40:28

You on the floor? It's going to pay

40:30

for your fucking college. Shut your

40:32

fucking stupid mouth. You're like

40:35

your mother. Yeah, I could

40:37

do that. We could really get into this. We

40:39

could have my kids in the promos. That'd be the

40:42

first. Oh. Yeah, we

40:45

should really lean into underage drinking. So good. You're

40:47

so good at child kid drinking. Go

40:50

ahead. He's round. I

40:52

like it. It's pretty smooth. I like it

40:54

pretty good. Hey, dad. Better than

40:56

toilet water. Dad, it's better. It's smooth. Always

40:58

go to sleep now, dad. Fuck.

41:02

You guys are wild. Dude,

41:04

the... They flooded our

41:06

bathroom. Are you

41:08

serious? I haven't drank

41:11

in over a week. And

41:14

it just kicked in. I got a buzz. It

41:16

feels so good. It was leaking

41:18

downstairs in my house. I love

41:20

alcohol. Two inches of water in our

41:23

bathroom. I love alcohol. That

41:25

was cool. Oh, it's

41:28

warm. It warms you. You

41:30

know, weed is like a comfy

41:33

blanket. I kind of want more B. More

41:35

B? I could do another B.

41:37

I don't want to fuck up glasses. I wouldn't

41:39

mind with a little ice. Ooh. Sip

41:42

on it. I've actually never done that with this. Here,

41:45

hook me up. Um,

41:48

I came upon this realization last night.

41:50

Yeah. I got high. By

41:53

the way, for all the

41:55

bragging of sobriety I do, I have not

41:57

been sober at all. I've been smoking weed

41:59

almost every day. fucking day weed

42:01

is awesome did you just pour

42:03

it all in your glass it's only

42:05

a little bit in there fucking

42:08

blend the I'll

42:17

try with you Christ

42:22

so you're such a fucking dick I

42:24

didn't mean to man that's why I

42:26

don't run trains on girls with you

42:28

why do you fucking really yeah you

42:31

fuck you in the end

42:33

and then you'd be like he cream-pied I don't want to

42:35

get in there my bad bird

42:44

the we're gonna run a train on one of our

42:46

wives who would it be what if we're gonna run

42:48

a train on one of our wives who would it

42:50

be if we were gonna run a train on one of

42:52

our wives who would it be who

42:57

do you think would be okay first

42:59

yeah let's like we taste tested okay

43:01

who would be the funnest who okay

43:03

who would probably allow it neither

43:05

one dude hold on neither

43:09

one who would shut it

43:11

down harder probably Christina yeah

43:14

dude you would not be okay with

43:16

that oh she won't even give me

43:19

your address this time I

43:21

don't coming over with your address you know

43:24

you're gonna put it online yeah no

43:26

oh yeah yeah cuz you do things like that

43:28

I don't put people's address on put yours I

43:31

did do that yeah I did do that that

43:33

was a fucking all the actual error yeah

43:36

that was for showing up

43:39

I gave out my my phone number got

43:41

leaked but wasn't

43:44

all you should do what we

43:47

should activate the trolls the people that hate us

43:49

get them to like it oh they're activated what

43:51

would you like them to do that's actually a

43:54

good idea we'll

43:59

send them bottles of vodka be like just you

44:01

know enjoy

44:04

yeah enjoy the friends

44:06

enjoy my friends we need to

44:08

go on reddit we need to get cute on we

44:10

need to really lean into what we did with the

44:12

beehive and Swifties yeah with our vodka we

44:15

send it to everyone that's fucking active

44:17

online we can get tailored a bottle fucking

44:22

yes she is a hundred percent gonna

44:24

be at our show a

44:26

hundred percent oh yeah oh dude we're

44:28

meeting Taylor Swift next week this

44:31

week this week this week yeah

44:33

this week that's crazy you think

44:36

she's gonna make reference to that

44:38

episode that you were like

44:40

hey what if you're like meeting backstage

44:42

and she's like oh no no

44:44

no please edit that out did

44:46

I already said it didn't I yeah

44:48

I was out there yeah fuck fuck

44:50

what if she does it well

44:53

she's like my hand let's run I can't

44:56

run him she's

44:58

like he's gonna catch us it's gonna be bad he's

45:01

gonna bludgeon you to death

45:04

yeah he trains

45:06

to hurt people like you yeah yeah

45:09

we're but we gotta get

45:11

we gotta get a little

45:13

hey take one what's the little caller I'm loose

45:15

I love alcohol so

45:17

much it is so good for you it

45:19

is good for you it's good for your brain I think

45:22

so like I can't imagine that that any

45:25

any turn-of-the- century doctor would ever not prescribe

45:27

this totally and be like no I

45:29

think he just need a shot you know that's what they

45:31

used to give the the guys that came in

45:33

off-world just give them one shot like you're gonna be good

45:35

in 2001 it's what

45:38

the the old lady from Spain that I

45:40

lived with during my semester abroad would tell

45:42

me whenever I didn't feel well really don't

45:44

like them whiskey I was like what

45:47

she was just like yeah you don't feel well have have

45:49

some alcohol this is what Leanne's dad's doctor

45:51

told him about his aphid shadow white lightning and

45:53

a peppermint stick you're gonna be fine be fine

45:55

yeah and he'll do it shadow with a shot

45:57

of white lightning and peppermint by the way you

45:59

You always do feel better. It's not necessarily

46:01

healing you, but like you do it and you're like,

46:04

yeah, I am feeling a little better. You

46:06

just did a shot. It

46:08

really writes your boat right away. Yeah, it does.

46:11

It does. I was thinking last

46:13

night I got high before dinner and

46:15

I thought weed

46:18

is like a comfy soft, like fur

46:20

blanket. Like it feels good, but you're

46:22

not really warm. Alcohol is

46:24

like a heavy blanket that holds you down and

46:26

goes, we're not going anywhere tonight. Don't worry about

46:28

the thunder and lightning. It's going to

46:30

be just fine. Yeah. I love

46:32

getting loose on it too. Like right now is my favorite

46:34

moment. This is a good moment. You know, I'm a big

46:36

horse rider, right? So

46:40

when you ride a horse, when did you

46:42

first ride a horse? I

46:46

trained horses. I trained with horses. You trained

46:48

with horses. I trained, I ran Buffalo across

46:50

Texas. That is the

46:52

biggest bird statement you'll ever fucking hear. I

46:56

ran them maybe a mile in Houston. Was

47:00

this for a show? It was for Travel Channel, Triplet.

47:02

So we had to learn. And you were good on

47:04

horseback? Not originally. I got bucked off

47:06

a horse in Costa Rica and I

47:09

had a real fucking freaked out thing around

47:11

horses. And then this guy, I

47:13

forget his name, John something, lives in

47:15

Texas. He has a ranch and he'll let you

47:17

go and train horses. Like learn

47:19

how to ride horses. And so he taught us.

47:23

The main thing we had to learn at first was how you had

47:25

to get your horse to trust you. So you had to go out

47:27

in the pasture and catch it. Like you had

47:29

to go out and catch a horse. It's very

47:31

easy. You just put a rope over their neck. That's

47:33

me riding a horse. That's my horse. Yeah.

47:36

Look good. Yeah. I

47:39

mean, you never feel more manly than when you're on

47:41

top of a horse. But there's a thing about the

47:43

horse reads your energy. So

47:45

if you have fucked up energy and you take that to a

47:47

horse, the horse reads it and then he doesn't trust you. The

47:50

horse needs you to be confident, much like

47:52

alcohol. If you go in to alcohol with

47:54

fucked up energy, fucked up shit comes out.

47:56

Yeah. But if you go in with alcohol, it's just like

47:58

a horse and it trusts you. to you, then

48:00

good shit happens that night. And so riding

48:03

a horse, this is going to turn into a brilliant

48:05

fucking quote. I bet this gets written in a fucking

48:07

publication when I'm dead. So now

48:11

there's three things on a horse you can do

48:13

for really, you can trot, you can gallop and

48:15

you can canter. Okay, they all kind of suck,

48:17

but you got to learn how to do those

48:19

before you can ever sprint with it. But sprinting

48:21

with a horse is the most symbiotic, perfect

48:23

feeling you've ever had. It's better than great

48:26

sex, I would argue. And I'll

48:28

tell you why. The canter, a little bit of

48:30

this, a gallop

48:32

is a trot

48:35

is what you mostly do on a horse.

48:38

But once you sprint with a horse, much

48:40

like alcohol, when you decide to

48:42

go fucking ham, it

48:45

takes control. The horse takes control. It says,

48:48

don't feel the saddle, don't feel the startups

48:50

barely hurt or hold onto these reins. I

48:52

got you. And you can see his

48:54

neck moving as it sprints and

48:57

your body gets into rhythm just like

48:59

great sex, just like great sex, your

49:01

body gets into rhythm with the horse,

49:03

the wind that your face smile

49:05

ear to ear, your hair is blowing. It's

49:08

the greatest feeling you can ever have anyone

49:10

that's ever ridden a horse with a sprint

49:12

knows exactly what I'm talking about. And

49:15

that is why I'll never quit drinking.

49:17

Because when you sprint with alcohol, when you really get

49:20

after it and you have one of those nights, you

49:22

don't wake up going, God, we can't hurt all night and

49:24

just had a couple drinks. And now it's like shit. You

49:27

go, we got after it. I want to sprint again. Cheers.

49:36

This is the fucking blend. This is the fucking

49:39

mix right here. Yeah, this is the fucking mix.

49:41

This is nice just on ice. And

49:43

I'm telling you as a fucking vodka guy,

49:45

that's good on ice. You have

49:47

that in a paper cup with ice and you're

49:49

not going to destroy the integrity of the paper cup, you're going

49:51

to get to it way faster. That's so

49:54

good. Oh, that's fucking nice. Let's talk about

49:56

all our vodka. Who made the make me

49:58

strings? Yeah, we do. make mixed drinks.

50:00

Oh we gotta make mixed drinks! Oh we need a

50:02

Kool-Aid and vodka! Kool-Aid and vodka?

50:05

Screwdriver? Orange? Kool-Aid and vodka? Uh

50:08

Cape Cod? Uh uh soda

50:10

water? Soda water's a go-to.

50:12

Um what's that

50:15

like? What

50:17

is that drink they make now? What is it? Isn't there

50:19

like you pour like some type of cider or like a

50:22

you mix it with like a is

50:25

it a soda? No and that's just soda

50:27

water. There's something like flavored that is

50:30

it like a cranberry? That's the that's that's uh

50:32

Cape Cod. That's the Cape Cod? Cape Cod's and

50:34

you can do it with your real cranberries where

50:36

you boil it on the cranberry and put down

50:38

sugar and then put a little dash of lime

50:40

on it's so fucking good. How about this now?

50:43

What? Oh oh

50:45

oh oh oh whip it out.

50:48

We'll just pull it out show it out. All

50:51

right there

50:53

it is. That's our bottle. You're

50:56

gonna need to put something dark so people can

50:58

really appreciate. There are

51:00

the Osos. The two

51:03

bears. The two bears. One's growling, one's

51:05

smiling. Pick which one we are. Show

51:07

them the top. I love the top.

51:10

This is a cork is

51:12

a honeycomb. Honeycomb top. Because

51:14

bears love honey. They do.

51:17

We're red. Should we walk them by we by

51:19

we picked this bottle? Yeah sure. So we

51:21

looked at a bunch of different bottles and

51:23

in my opinion this bottle is perfect. It

51:26

doesn't ask too much of you when you grab

51:28

it but it lets you ensure you got a

51:30

full night ahead. It does. It's

51:33

just the perfect amount of heft. The

51:35

perfect design. Hand grips

51:38

it like it comfortably. Yeah. It's not like oh

51:40

how do I. And it keeps you

51:42

honest. Yeah. See that neck. There's no

51:44

vodka inside that neck. So you know what

51:47

you're drinking. You know exactly. It's no misleading

51:50

design. I've been there a lot. Yeah. We were

51:52

like whoa whoa whoa how buzz are we. God

51:54

damn. It's a fucking cool bottle. I'm so excited

51:56

to be a vodka

51:58

owner. Yeah. I

52:01

love this. I love this logo. I

52:03

love this logo. You have one bear

52:05

with his tongue out, one bear growling.

52:07

I love the... Everything about this, and

52:09

by the way, painstakingly, we went

52:12

through everything. This is not... This color right

52:14

here with the two-headed bear right here, I

52:16

don't know if you can see it, but

52:18

you can see the two-headed bear standing. Everything

52:21

about this. Bottle choice

52:24

design and label design alone

52:27

was honestly like a multiple-month

52:30

process where you get... You

52:33

get, okay, how about this one?

52:35

And then you give... It's like notes, right? You just

52:37

go, not to this, no to this, no to this,

52:39

yes, I like this. And then you

52:41

get a new bottle. And all that is like

52:44

a process to land on a bottle, and the

52:46

same thing goes for the design, the way the

52:48

glass... The Oso's

52:51

name is in the glass. It's

52:54

etched into the glass. Everything

52:57

from the label. This whole thing is,

52:59

like I said, a multiple-month process just

53:01

to land on a bottle, a label,

53:03

the cork. Bert was

53:05

insistent, actually. He really

53:07

wanted this to be an actual butt plug,

53:10

the cork. Because people collect the tops

53:14

of Blanton's, and

53:16

I was like, dude, these will... Imagine all the

53:19

promos we'll get of people shoving their ass.

53:22

By the way, we came real close to

53:24

having Two Bears Butt-Fucking on the bottle. Here's

53:27

the thing, this is why it's good to have me here. No, we

53:30

didn't. We came so fucking close.

53:34

The butt plug and the Two Bears Fucking... It

53:36

was so hard to turn away from the Two

53:38

Bears Butt-Fucking. You were really pushing those. Special

53:41

Edition bottles. Yeah, and everybody

53:43

in these design meetings was

53:45

like, wait, is he serious? And Bert

53:47

was like, no, I'm 100% serious. Yeah,

53:50

100%. And all the marketing ideas, I've

53:52

been 100% serious. And they're like,

53:54

that, we definitely absolutely can't do that. And I'm like,

53:57

hold on, because no idea is a bad idea. Right.

54:00

definitely launched the Two Bears Buff fucking over gay pride month.

54:05

What is that, June? Did you know not all gay guys

54:08

get fucked in the ass? I

54:10

learned this at some point, yeah. Dude, isn't that crazy?

54:12

Yeah, it is crazy. It's not kind of selfish. It's

54:14

like doesn't even make them gay, really. Some of them

54:16

just fuck you in the ass. That's

54:19

it. I could do that. Yeah. If I had known that

54:21

was part of the equation, I'd be like, Oh yeah, I'm

54:23

gay also. Yeah. I get to fuck dudes in the ass.

54:25

Sure. Sure. You're telling me I can not, I can go

54:27

in and go, Oh, I would rather not be fucked in

54:29

the ass. And there's one guy going, Oh, I'll do it.

54:32

Yeah. Yeah, you're a top. Yeah,

54:34

I did not know. I thought top and bottom

54:36

meant just in the moment. Yeah.

54:38

Like Leanne's a top. Mostly,

54:41

but I've been a top a couple times. She's

54:43

a top? Yeah. How so? She gets on top

54:45

of me. Okay. Wait, is that what

54:47

a top is? No. Top

54:49

is a person penetrating. I'm

54:52

just a top. Okay. Wow.

54:55

Yeah. Clean up that verbiage. Sure. Yeah.

54:57

No, I'm definitely, I'm the fucking top.

54:59

I get a hopper every time. Yeah.

55:04

Sure, man. We get these to porn directors and just have

55:06

them in the background. Just little

55:08

Easter eggs. Yeah. Everybody in

55:11

the adult industry is getting one of these. Everyone

55:13

in the adult industry hit us up. Yeah.

55:15

And that's the other thing. If you want to be an ambassador,

55:17

if you'd like to be a part of our ambassador program, just

55:21

let us know. Yeah. The

55:23

ends are open. You know, how I've always operated.

55:25

If I like a brand, I always mention the

55:27

brand. Yeah. And that's how it works. If you

55:29

like our brand, mention our brand. We'll see those.

55:32

We'll hit you up and we'll be liberal with

55:34

it. Like this is, this

55:36

is a, obviously this is a financial

55:38

venture. We both went into this

55:40

with the promises of being billionaires. And

55:44

we plan on that and wait to see how reckless we

55:46

are with money then. But

55:49

more importantly, this is our money and we are

55:51

going to be fun with it. Yeah. And we

55:53

are going to make sure that it gets into

55:55

the right hands of the right people. And so

55:58

if you're one of those right people, just Post

56:00

a bunch of us online, let us see that you're

56:02

there, and don't say stuff like,

56:04

Hey you fat fuck. I'm

56:06

gonna work out with you, you fat fucking piece of shit. Day

56:11

279 of trying to get this fat fucking piece

56:13

of shit racist. You work out with me? Yeah,

56:15

no, no, it's not the right approach. We're

56:18

going to Russia. We're going to

56:20

Russia. Find us, dude.

56:22

I'm saying, if you're in Vegas,

56:25

come to the show, come find us

56:27

this week, come hang out, and

56:30

look for the live events we're going to do.

56:32

We're going to do them here in Austin. We're

56:35

going to do them in LA. Then we made

56:37

the right choice. I know, it is

56:39

B all the way. I'm being dead serious, and

56:41

I would argue that when

56:43

you have your first glass of this, you need to have it on the rocks.

56:46

You need to have it just straight on the rocks. It's that

56:48

enjoyable. It's as enjoyable, and this

56:50

is a big statement for Vodkas. Chelsea

56:53

Handler needs one. We should face that. Oh,

56:55

yeah. It's

56:58

as enjoyable as when you get a

57:00

neat whiskey. It's that enjoyable, which

57:02

is, dude, when it comes to vodka,

57:04

there's only two

57:07

I can think of that I would ever,

57:10

ever ask that of. Like, it's

57:12

just a tall order for vodka. You're not doing that

57:14

with absolutely- What, neat? Yeah. You're definitely not doing that

57:16

with that shit. I did that in Russia. There's like

57:19

24 traditional

57:21

toasts that they do, and you just drink

57:23

vodka the whole time. I got fucking black-out.

57:25

We got to get some Russkies involved

57:27

here, stateside. We need the mafia.

57:30

Okay, but we can also

57:32

get just some notable Russian-American.

57:35

Alejandro Vetchkin. There you go. Hey,

57:39

type in famous Russians. How

57:42

about famous Russians in America? How

57:44

about famous Russian porn stars? All

57:48

right. How about- Let's

57:50

see what famous Russians we got. No,

57:53

no, no. Get off porn stars, bro. I

57:56

have one that I just followed the other day. Yeah.

58:00

Pretty good. She was I saw her Instagram

58:02

and I was like, there's no way this

58:04

chick doesn't fuck right? Yeah, so I go

58:06

to her thing. It's like she's got

58:08

an only fans I was like pass and

58:10

so I went to Pornhub types her name in

58:13

oh First I

58:15

guess you're getting fisted in the asshole She

58:18

goes hard. She's an ambassador. We're definitely

58:20

getting ambassador I'm

58:22

not thinking about this branding a little bit,

58:24

but I'm a Kelsey Would

58:27

like to FaceTime Burt right now. Really? Oh fuck

58:30

ever put my glasses on She wants to talk

58:32

because you said the moms go at it. I

58:34

said the moms cuz yeah our moms first her

58:36

mom She probably

58:38

what is she sizes up? I'll tell your mom. Yeah, it's

58:40

by the way. She would wreck our moms. Yeah You

58:43

kidding me My mom drinks white wine until

58:46

she black passes out and then you call her and she

58:48

thinks she's in the middle of a dream You talked for

58:50

15 minutes. She was a

58:52

face time. Yeah. Yeah, I think Peters talking

58:54

to her She should be calling any

58:56

minute now here talking to her. I'm taking my zen

58:58

out I'll put one in No,

59:02

I'm gonna keep it out. There's 222 good things happen

59:04

to 222. Okay, I'm gonna have

59:06

a sip of vodka for the starts Well,

59:09

we need to get the Kelsey mom

59:11

wasted on vodka Ask

59:14

her let me make a you think she's pissed first

59:17

question Okay,

59:21

real quick do a list of things I'm not supposed to

59:23

say to Travis and Jason Kelsey's mom Real

59:25

quick. Yeah I

59:29

mean just You

59:32

know how to talk to a fucking It's

59:35

a pro athlete mom Hi,

59:37

Mrs. Kelsey What

59:40

do you think what do you think Tom and I

59:42

could beat them in oh good call

59:45

Yeah, good call find out when you spot.

59:47

Oh, we're gonna use this as Intel. Yeah

59:49

to find out what we can destroy them

59:51

in Yeah What

59:53

kid Tom? Yeah

1:00:00

Taylor as sweet as she seems? What's Taylor

1:00:02

like? What's Taylor like? Did she sing to you? That's

1:00:04

not a good one. No, I didn't. Hey.

1:00:09

Tell us something, oh, I know, I got a good

1:00:11

one. Tell us something about Jason

1:00:14

and Travis that

1:00:16

nobody knows and what were they like as kids? Yeah,

1:00:19

yeah, yeah, yeah, what were they like as kids? Did

1:00:22

you know that Travis? What,

1:00:26

you're, I already, I know them. You're writing them down, I

1:00:28

fucking know them. Yeah, that's right, leave them up,

1:00:31

leave them up. Good call. I

1:00:33

mean, another Sipafatka. Where's your phone? It's

1:00:36

right here, I'm waiting for incoming. Where's the

1:00:38

call? Should be any minute now. I

1:00:43

don't think I've been this nervous to talk to

1:00:46

anyone, even FaceTiming Chappelle. That was so

1:00:48

nerve wracking. I'm fucking sweating right

1:00:50

now. You wanna go back to famous

1:00:53

Russians in the meantime? My heart's racing.

1:00:55

Yeah, go back to famous Russians, okay. Anne

1:00:59

Rand, no, Ayn Rand, she's dead.

1:01:01

Irving Berlin, dead. Can you put

1:01:03

in not dead famous, David Copperfield's

1:01:05

Russian? He's gonna be in Vegas.

1:01:08

David Copperfield's Russian? Okay,

1:01:11

let's see. That guy's definitely dead.

1:01:15

Dead, dead, dead, dead. Edward Furlong? Here

1:01:17

we go. He parties. Ooh.

1:01:20

Who's the guy without a tooth? We want him. Oh,

1:01:22

your first call was good. Alexander Ovechkin. Yeah. His

1:01:25

nickname's The Machine, I think. Okay, we

1:01:27

can definitely make that happen. Yup.

1:01:30

All right. Next. Next.

1:01:34

Maru Shampova. Oh, Maru Shampova. Fuck,

1:01:36

no brainer. No fucking

1:01:38

brainer. She was raised on vodka. Who

1:01:41

is, is she with someone famous? Is she

1:01:43

married to someone famous? Married to the guy

1:01:45

that started the thing. She's like married to

1:01:47

a billionaire. She is? Yeah. She's

1:01:52

six, too? What the

1:01:54

fuck? Really? She's only 36? Do

1:01:57

you know how hot 36 is? Alexander.

1:02:00

Gilkes he's like he's like

1:02:02

a oligarch really Yeah,

1:02:05

he's a handsome guy. He's really good-looking.

1:02:07

Oh, what's about who's the one that's

1:02:09

with Enrique Iglesias the other tennis

1:02:11

tennis player. I Don't

1:02:14

know you know I'm talking about What's

1:02:17

his lady's name? Anna

1:02:19

Kornikova Anna Kornikova is Russian

1:02:21

sounds Russian. She's Russian. Oh She's

1:02:25

married to Enrique Iglesias. Yeah, dude. We need

1:02:27

to have all these chicks Okay,

1:02:30

hold on go back to the other list the the yeah.

1:02:33

Yeah. Okay, so she's in oh, yeah

1:02:37

Okay, arena. How you say it? Sheink?

1:02:43

Yeah, here in Bradley

1:02:45

Cooper had a kid Oh Knikoff.

1:02:48

Oh, we got a dancing guy. We

1:02:50

dance we dance. All right. We got

1:02:52

barishnikov, dude This

1:02:55

is a no-brainer. This is a murderer's

1:02:57

row of brush work. Okay, wait, hold

1:02:59

on pivot Yeah, so Mexican beer brands

1:03:01

do not sponsor Mexican comics because

1:03:03

they already drink that shit Okay,

1:03:06

they only do white comics. That's their in internal branding.

1:03:08

See really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Wait, wait,

1:03:10

I don't want to see the rest of this list

1:03:12

though. Okay on Yeah,

1:03:15

Corinne and Corvova. Yeah done Okay,

1:03:19

he's done drinking You've

1:03:22

Genné Malin can It

1:03:25

looks like you want to bought hockey's a bunch

1:03:27

of the penguins for 15 years. Okay, so

1:03:29

he's a stud Yeah, we sent it to him for

1:03:31

sure Missed

1:03:34

teeth. That's he want. I'll see number one Okay,

1:03:37

he's number seven. Oh, it was

1:03:39

the other way. Alexander. Oh Jeff. Oh, that's against

1:03:41

our big our big white. Okay. All right

1:03:45

We just need one promo out with

1:03:47

him going. Hello. Hello. I'm Alexander Projektkin

1:03:49

you might know me from such hockey

1:03:51

games as when we played the whalers

1:03:54

You know you give me one million and I drink

1:03:56

you book. You know what they did to him You

1:03:58

know the Bob did to him what? They were like,

1:04:00

hey man congrats on getting into the NHL. It's

1:04:02

gonna be like $2 million to make sure your family's safe. Really?

1:04:06

I think so. And then

1:04:08

Donna should have, whatever

1:04:11

she says you FaceTime her back right away.

1:04:13

Kelsey, I'm ready to rumble at any time.

1:04:15

Please contact my people. Just

1:04:17

FaceTime her right away. All

1:04:22

right, this is the most aggressive FaceTime I've ever done.

1:04:24

Yeah, but it's awesome. This is the most FaceTime I've

1:04:26

ever done. You're gonna be

1:04:28

really disappointed. I am not Donna. I

1:04:31

work with Jason. I DM'd you. I'm

1:04:34

texting with Victoria. Donna

1:04:37

couldn't go on FaceTime because

1:04:39

she is not her face

1:04:42

isn't on. So I said, let's

1:04:44

text Bert, you dictate it and

1:04:46

I'll type it. Are you with her right now? I'm

1:04:49

not, no. Okay. Tell

1:04:51

her, tell her, tell her. Tell her

1:04:53

she's, my mom has not scared me as bad as she

1:04:55

scared me. I am, I'm

1:04:57

shaking right now and I'm drinking vodka. I'm

1:05:00

sorry to disappoint you that I'm not Donna, but I work

1:05:02

with Donna and we were just trying to make it funny

1:05:05

for the podcast. Oh, okay. It was awesome.

1:05:07

It was awesome. Hey, tell her I got

1:05:09

my mom an ellipse go for 15 minutes

1:05:11

a day. Awesome.

1:05:15

Thank you. Sorry about that. That's okay,

1:05:17

bye. All right, well, she's

1:05:21

got a mediator. I'm gonna have you tell me. You're

1:05:25

almost had Mama Kelsey shit in your pants.

1:05:27

I'm shitting my fucking pants. Yeah. Okay.

1:05:32

So what if we, what's the nationality that's

1:05:34

underrepresented that if we give this vodka to,

1:05:36

they will then bring it to their people?

1:05:39

Like, so if we say, if we just, what if

1:05:41

we pivot from what you just said? What if we

1:05:44

give it to the Mexicanos, man? I

1:05:46

love it. They have huge

1:05:48

population here. They're fucking, they're

1:05:50

like the greatest hardworking, humble

1:05:53

people. They love a good time. They love

1:05:55

good food. They love celebrations. And they love

1:05:57

saying things with an accent. And they fucking

1:05:59

awesome. Porosos, come on. What

1:06:01

are we doing? Yeah, this is right in front of our

1:06:03

fuck They're like I don't really fuck with vodka, but then

1:06:05

they try this and they're like, oh shit. I guess I'm

1:06:07

a vodka drinker Porosos para mi? Oh,

1:06:11

we got to do a Spanish commercial. Oh Definitely.

1:06:14

Oh definitely do a Spanish commercial and you just

1:06:16

put up in prompter and I'll just read it

1:06:18

I don't even know what it says. Yeah, we

1:06:20

should do like a full production commercial though. Fuck.

1:06:22

Yes Yeah, and do we go into those little

1:06:24

bodegas those little like those good bars that are

1:06:26

just a box in like East LA Go on

1:06:28

with a bunch. I Yeah,

1:06:31

they have like MS 13 guys drink it

1:06:33

like she's good you can live

1:06:35

that's our ambassador program 18th free gang Sorry,

1:06:38

that's more Mexican So

1:06:44

let's talk about when we sell this vodka make billions Okay,

1:06:47

how much see how much you can sell a vodka company

1:06:49

for see how much like? Did

1:06:51

see what Randy Gerber and that in Georgia? They

1:06:53

sold their that's a killa for by the way.

1:06:55

I get shout out. I can't really shit on

1:06:58

that. It's such a good tequila one

1:07:01

billion In

1:07:03

2017 that was like a hundred and that was not a billion

1:07:05

then Wait,

1:07:11

what would you do if you had a billion dollars? Well,

1:07:15

you got to pay tribute to the vodka, okay, so I'd

1:07:17

be spending a lot of my time with that I

1:07:19

would be drinking I get it. I'm getting a yacht. I've

1:07:22

already thought this through a little bit Yeah, I'm getting a

1:07:24

yacht I'm

1:07:26

gonna probably spend the majority of my time in like

1:07:29

the south of France Oh

1:07:31

nice and down through Italy Italy

1:07:33

Italy I'm

1:07:36

gonna be obnoxious Really

1:07:38

like really aggressive Like

1:07:40

if you think I'm bad now, where do you see

1:07:42

me then? I'm gonna be fat again very fat.

1:07:44

Oh very fat Oh, yeah, you throw in the towel

1:07:46

at that point a hundred percent. There's

1:07:49

no way there's no way you Okay

1:07:53

Well, we should do if we make like it's really

1:07:56

jet. Mm-hmm. We make a billion

1:07:58

dollars. Mm-hmm How

1:08:00

much is that? It's a lot. It's

1:08:02

like how many millions? It's

1:08:05

one more that it's a thousand millions. I thought it's

1:08:07

a hundred millions. No, that'd be a hundred million So

1:08:12

billions thousands of billions it's one thousand

1:08:14

of a million it's

1:08:16

one thousand millions. Yeah, so we have

1:08:18

thousand millions Well,

1:08:22

how much do you need you only really need you

1:08:24

don't need that much you need like

1:08:26

let's go okay So how about this? We'll

1:08:28

cap our take? Mm-hmm at

1:08:30

like Rogan like 350 He

1:08:33

gets what he had like 350 million dollars. I have

1:08:35

no idea what he had What yeah, like he probably

1:08:38

has like 350 million dollars. Okay, so

1:08:40

we'll cap our thing I'll say this do not

1:08:42

believe I know this firsthand

1:08:44

from multiple people don't believe

1:08:47

those celebrity net worth Articles,

1:08:50

they are never Remotely,

1:08:52

they're just guesses. Oh, those people don't know

1:08:54

what people have. Oh, I DM them You

1:08:57

DM them? He said how much you make and I was

1:09:00

told him no, I'm kidding. I'm kidding So

1:09:02

but we got to give back. Yeah,

1:09:04

we got to invest I gotta be honest. We got

1:09:06

to look invest in liver research Not

1:09:09

only that you could buy a whole bunch of houses

1:09:11

for habitat for humanity. Oh I'll

1:09:13

buy South Tampa. There you go with

1:09:16

a billion dollars. Yeah, I can

1:09:18

buy I could buy theoretically So

1:09:20

it's a thousand millions. Okay, I'll

1:09:22

get 500 million dollars. Probably I probably get

1:09:24

less than that, right? Yeah, probably so let's say

1:09:27

I get 300 million dollars. Well, that's

1:09:29

what I need to live on So I can't really give

1:09:31

anything to anyone. Yeah, that's true Yeah,

1:09:33

it's our teams Google how much a yacht

1:09:35

is well, there's pretty wide range in prices.

1:09:37

Really? Yeah Yeah,

1:09:40

you can That's crazy that

1:09:42

I already went through my billion. Yeah this

1:09:45

weekend in Las Vegas Curtain

1:09:48

I have it's so fucking good and I'm not

1:09:51

I swear to God all my children

1:09:53

I would never Steer

1:09:56

down the wrong path with alcohol. I'll

1:09:58

lie to you a lot But

1:10:00

not about alcohol. I

1:10:03

lie about alcohol too about whether

1:10:05

or not I drink it. The

1:10:08

porosos is legit and we will

1:10:10

be Saturday, February 10th at the

1:10:12

MGM Grand Garden Arena in Las

1:10:14

Vegas doing stand up and launching

1:10:17

Porosos Vodka. Please come out,

1:10:19

please find us, please have a drink with us. Join

1:10:22

the party, join the excessive celebration

1:10:24

and then afterwards I promise you

1:10:26

we will have events.

1:10:29

You will see us pop up in multiple places

1:10:31

for sure in Austin, for sure in Los Angeles.

1:10:34

Many more to come. That's it for today.

1:10:36

I am plastered. I

1:10:38

am buzzed. Let's wrap this up.

1:10:41

Love you. Tom, I love you way more. Congrats.

1:10:45

And thank you guys very much for all your support.

1:10:48

You're the reason that this happens so we appreciate it

1:10:50

from the bottom of our hearts. Thanks so much. Thank

1:10:53

you. Thank you.