Episode Transcript
Transcripts are displayed as originally observed. Some content, including advertisements may have changed.
Use Ctrl + F to search
0:00
Hundred. Percent. Welcome.
0:05
To another episode to Bears One
0:07
k You can see the. Biggest.
0:10
Live Podcast in the World! If you
0:12
go to New York City and go
0:15
to Madison Square Garden on August ninth
0:17
and tenth to see Killed Tony and
0:19
joining us is Tony Hinchcliffe? Yeah! That's
0:22
why they soak Killzone. I remember doing it
0:25
in the belly room. yeah not even
0:27
sold out in the belly room and I
0:29
needed you guys back then and now you
0:31
did. In my you did was a
0:33
huge favor. Also it was kind of a
0:36
fun thing because everybody had their podcasts and
0:38
it was like if you're another comic
0:40
like they go. I read my package you
0:42
oh yeah I want to do my
0:44
friends podcast support. I mean I know you
0:46
private as it can't be yes you you
0:49
can't You could not have imagined that
0:51
it would reach this thing. Right, I'm
0:53
nuts. Yeah, I'm secretly nuts that ah
0:55
I see yeah I did, but I
0:57
did. Didn't think it would be this
1:00
soon when the pandemic happened and all
1:02
you guys and everybody and salts and
1:04
Joe and everyone got to keep doing
1:07
their podcast and I am in as
1:09
a very and I and waited use
1:11
go on pause that we did the
1:13
worst thing ever but the people loved
1:16
it which was we complained about not
1:18
being able to survive in a studio
1:20
like this while people would send. In
1:23
sixty seconds, sets via file and then
1:25
they. We would zoom with them to
1:27
interview them afterwards but then it was
1:29
a way to make it happen. He
1:31
was crazy but and so is. kind
1:33
of like everybody got to see how
1:35
much we were struggling and apply that
1:37
to their own struggles it or area
1:39
instead of oh everybody else is just
1:41
doing their normal podcast. a. The
1:44
from. What I gathered afterwards and by
1:46
the way at the time of them
1:48
as fucking depressed. Yeah yeah In In
1:50
Guy was losing my mind in Los
1:52
Angeles. Yeah my neighborhood was where the
1:54
riots here, where we were shooting our
1:56
studio. Is that Love Brian Sunset So
1:58
there's literally to thought home. encampments on
2:00
fire that you had to walk by
2:02
to get into the studio like the
2:04
city was on fire yeah it was
2:07
crazy and so no it was
2:09
rough but like it was relatably rough yeah
2:11
because I'm like this is not what we
2:13
do this you're probably I mean I think
2:15
when I think about like all the I
2:18
mean it's innovative it's a very unique one
2:20
and only show but you also been the
2:22
most consistent person I think I don't feel
2:24
like you've missed a week we have not
2:26
we have put out an episode every single
2:29
Monday for 11 years that's pretty incredible
2:31
everyone should know that the 11 years
2:33
yeah that's pretty incredible 11
2:35
years doing a podcast 11 years so I
2:38
think a lot of you know it's like I it's
2:40
so funny I had a kid backstage I
2:44
was in some arena and this
2:46
kids backstage he's college kids and
2:49
I know their dad or something and I had just
2:51
done an arena and he's like dude you know you
2:53
got to do we should get
2:56
on kill Tony if you do stand
2:58
up on kill Tony that's big it's
3:00
crazy it's crazy because it's like it's
3:14
it's I feel disconnected from comedy
3:17
all quite often because I feel like I
3:19
do this thing that I'm doing now which
3:21
isn't really adjacent to how we started you
3:23
know it's like it's it's fun it's big
3:25
and it's awesome I just ended my tour
3:27
in Austin Saturday and
3:30
then we start up for fully loaded this summer
3:32
fuck yeah we're gonna have a fucking blast and
3:34
and but I went one
3:36
night I went to dinner at Eddie B's with Leanne and I
3:38
got a message from Tony's like come by and do kill Tony
3:41
and I hadn't done the show since it was
3:43
in in the store and I went and got
3:46
on it and I was I know this is
3:48
gonna sound crazy to people I was very funny
3:50
like and I forgot you were I forgot
3:52
it was funny and you know
3:54
what I'm gonna be honest with you it's been
3:57
driving me crazy Hearing people
3:59
talk shit. something. The. Once
4:01
in awhile about you because I'm like,
4:03
wait, Now. Maybe a
4:05
little that maybe a tides but or
4:07
about way. I swear I'm not even
4:10
kidding. Words especially kissing your as be
4:12
were so funny. That episode in the
4:14
moment completely improvise and it's hard for
4:17
be will people would be shocked in
4:19
a what comedians. Get. There and
4:21
sinus defend off because I'm hosting and they want
4:23
out. They want to china hosts be I want
4:26
to host. Oh you mean like me instead of
4:28
who has no your dream And instead of sitting
4:30
back and just cranking homers and picking their moments
4:32
and you were glad. Always know I struggle with
4:34
with your show. This is I tell you this
4:37
in the very beginning. I did it the other
4:39
of a number of times the very first time
4:41
I was. so what would we do? You know
4:43
if people want me to there's that. The men
4:46
like you know I could rip them apart and
4:48
I'm like ah I was one of the I've
4:50
seen. A few other people do this were
4:52
like I always try to go Like here's
4:54
here's what I think is due to get.
4:57
Better. At the I try to be like
4:59
oh that's great but it's not funny by
5:01
guy. actually just go like I think you
5:03
sad part is great people think guess, think
5:06
that when they come on oh it's arose
5:08
shy gonna make fun of people and I
5:10
tell them like when they go hey destroy
5:12
you know roasting isn't really my thing. I
5:14
would I go great That's my thing. Yeah
5:16
yeah I do that. That's somewhat everybody's supposed
5:18
to do. Advice is great just being funny
5:20
and notice things I notice that is the
5:22
real Rome. We did the or one year
5:24
anniversary show him Joe and I did have
5:26
the tenure. The tenure. So. Fun!
5:29
Yeah, I was a spectator at that
5:31
and I was enjoying myself good. I
5:33
was high, yeah, I was drunk yeah,
5:35
and it was actually like having a
5:37
front row seat literally to watch this
5:40
know yeah show take place. That was.
5:43
incredible it was so fun to be a part
5:45
of i noticed that that's been happening a lot
5:47
of these big ones i was like a big
5:49
experiment for us to do the bigger venues a
5:51
huge venue with a bigger production and all this
5:54
stuff how does it change because i haven't seen
5:56
one of the arena was is it's is a
5:58
pretty much the same thing just larger
6:00
scale larger scale but i'm so
6:02
ready and on that it is
6:04
kind of like you know
6:06
i'm like really driving the ship so
6:08
i have noticed that it is harder
6:10
for the guests to kind
6:13
of pick their spot to pick their spot
6:15
because i have enough time i'm not used
6:17
to a bonus five seconds of laughter reverberation
6:19
and that's five seconds when you're used to
6:21
having to have your next question or your
6:24
next joke or whatever that lets you come
6:26
up or wherever you want to steer the
6:28
ship how much more intimidating is it for
6:30
these newbies to do an arena
6:32
set. It's impossible everybody out of the bucket
6:34
is bombed on these things. They have to
6:37
be. It's terrifying. First time i did an
6:39
arena i was
6:41
eight years in i was opening for uh russell
6:44
peters yeah and he flew me over to
6:46
london first we
6:48
did his he did a warm-up show for
6:50
7,500 people in birmingham and then we
6:52
go to do the o2 and
6:55
i'm like so i'm i'm eight years
6:57
into stand-up terrified
7:00
and that's with like a set that i
7:02
know i'm doing right i can't imagine
7:05
doing a cold one minute there we have
7:07
learned that 100 of people out
7:10
of the bucket bomb so how do you
7:12
how do you deal with that so what
7:14
i've been doing lately and it's great that
7:16
we've had these practice runs before going to
7:18
msg is i stalk the line the way
7:20
you're calling the forum a practice run yeah
7:22
it is weird god damn it
7:24
sometimes i don't know how a fucking
7:26
cringy and ridiculous i sound i hope
7:28
it's no it's the truth is like
7:30
msg is the shit i mean it's
7:32
like it is i'm probably never gonna
7:34
do msg but the forum for me
7:36
was like a that's because i live in l.a still
7:39
totally but it i mean
7:41
i know i think you did the forum
7:43
twice so like i mean so yeah it's
7:45
like it is a practice run and the
7:47
roast and i did the staple center with
7:49
gillis and schultz how was that it was
7:51
unbelievable i mean like with schultz gillis post
7:53
malone and derrick poston who's my fucking homie
7:55
who i Originally hooked up with Schultz.
7:57
Schultz a few years ago was like hey, you got another.
8:00
Opener. I could use the show you know
8:02
Endzone out Guy on his blog. well that's
8:04
how I that's only three integrated. He said
8:06
an Opener that I could use in San
8:08
Antonio. My son's my own though. it is
8:10
like a media yes because I need David
8:12
Lucas was kind of more independent and on
8:15
of how to describe it. like is more
8:17
like an independent creature. Yeah, but Derek is
8:19
just such a fun to hang and serves
8:21
over funny Engineering are rising stock like crazy.
8:23
I work with them four nights a week
8:25
of the mothership. He brings me up there
8:27
regularly so. To. Get to do
8:30
the Staples Center with Derek Called opening
8:32
Who who opens almost all the shows?
8:34
That the mothership I mean is being
8:36
built like fucking Darth Vader? Yes! And.
8:39
Suffered. To go Him: Me: Gillis
8:41
who is literally my favorite fucking
8:43
drinking buddy. Him and I were
8:45
just at Texas Stadium. Doing.
8:47
This fuck in Texas Longhorn fund
8:49
raising thing for billionaires and the
8:51
other day and we had the
8:53
best time. I don't think people
8:55
realize like me insane like. Hang
8:58
yeah and I'm whiskey cokes and he's
9:00
beers so by the time he hits
9:02
you know his fifteen by by three
9:04
starts showing some fine of and dropped
9:06
the case measured Viagra that I am
9:08
I'm seven whiskey and coke. then we're
9:10
having the time of our lives. Man
9:12
we went up in Texas stadium, smoke
9:15
the fucking blind by ourselves. like to
9:17
see him, me, him and La Mare
9:19
and his little crew and fuckin were
9:21
just having them. Best time here in
9:23
Austin So it's funny to that. Like.
9:25
Translates. Derek moved the comedy store
9:28
guy moved to Austin one of the
9:30
first guys the move. Or Derek than
9:32
me than Gillis than Souls who blew
9:34
my mind. Watching. His stand
9:37
up like he's talking about his
9:39
actual life and have me gasp
9:41
or scared. And it's so much
9:43
smarter. and I literally have made
9:45
me feel. Like. I kind of
9:47
a half because I'm up there talking about
9:49
trans school shooters and o'clock and did this
9:51
sub the wind down to the tiger Hannigan
9:53
all this buck and I'm like reaching for
9:55
anything in the world that I find dark
9:57
and funny is that they're talking about his.
10:00
The actual life killing and I'm cracking up
10:02
throw like holy shit. It's hard for me
10:04
to laugh at comedians talking about raising a
10:06
kid and this than than what about the
10:08
wife and that that the bar but it's
10:11
a really good and then he brought up
10:13
Post Malone and and the whole time you're
10:15
looking to talk about out. Of
10:18
your the crowd went ballistic and he
10:20
fucking smashed and then we brought up
10:23
his dad who always.earth Day yeah and
10:25
and I got a few roads jokes
10:27
off on him and it was just
10:29
so much fun. Man and like what a
10:31
trip to L A to get to start their
10:33
go through the pandemic, their the Riot. go back
10:35
and have that kind of away and go back
10:37
and have that kind of week. I mean he
10:40
couldn't have written and especially getting it started with
10:42
the roast which I wasn't very late addition to.
10:45
His your beer fridge feeling a little
10:47
empty? Door-is your door to beer with
10:49
out the run Whatever drink your in
10:51
the mood for they've got you covered
10:54
already or I'll call with dollars today
10:56
and drink in the savings. Use Code
10:58
Bears Twenty Four to get. Twenty.
11:01
Five percent off up to fifteen
11:03
dollars value on a thirty five
11:05
dollar minimum. Sub. Total on
11:07
your next alcohol or for elders who uses only.
11:09
This is the move I'm telling you right now.
11:12
We wanted to make more a martinis
11:15
gin martini how really carry gentlemen house
11:17
and when you drive vermouth and winter
11:19
door-so easy was better than go to
11:21
the store and having to go through
11:23
the lines. that made it so simple.
11:26
The alcohol selection on door-his top shelf
11:28
with. Thousands. Of stores all
11:30
over the country, you're certified what you're looking
11:32
for and more. Beer, wine, mixers, Mark Tales
11:34
and more seem to be delivered straight to
11:36
your door. Save up to twenty five percent
11:39
off up to fifteen dollars value when you
11:41
spend thirty five dollars or more with Code
11:43
Bears. Twenty four Sweaty. Just grab a drink
11:45
for the evening or stand in for the
11:47
night. Door. Dash is here to
11:49
help you have the greatest evening you're
11:51
ever going to have. Terms apply must
11:54
be twenty one or order to order
11:56
alcohol, drink responsibly. Delivery and promotions available
11:58
in select markets. You are C
12:00
Three O Two is bringing the Octagon back to
12:03
Newark for the tenth time. And while I can't
12:05
guarantee there will be ten times the I can
12:07
I can say this. You do
12:09
not wanna miss out on any the
12:11
action over trafficking sports books the officials,
12:13
sports betting partner of the you Fc.
12:15
It's a banger of a card with
12:18
lightweight, middleweight and welterweight matchups. All said
12:20
take place in the Octagon. I
12:23
mean. If. You told me when
12:25
I first started watching. Us.
12:28
See that there was a way to make your see better. Off
12:31
of or I would have never believed
12:33
you. Thank you Draft Kings! New to
12:35
Draft Kings! Listen up new get new
12:37
customers Get a no sweat that up
12:39
to fifteen hundred dollars. just make a
12:41
minimum deposit of five dollars and you
12:44
get a bonus bad back in the
12:46
amount of your original bet. If your
12:48
first bet doesn't hit download the drafting
12:50
sports book job. now use Code Bears
12:52
That code Bears for new customers to
12:54
get a no sweat that up to
12:56
fifteen hundred dollars if your first pet
12:58
bet. doesn't it only on draft Kings.
13:00
The. Crown is yours. Gambling.
13:02
Problem Call One Eight Hundred Gambler or
13:04
in West Virginia Visit One Eight Hundred
13:07
gambler.net in New York Com Eight Seven
13:09
Seven Eight. Hope in Why or text
13:11
hoping why For Six Seven Three Six
13:13
Nine in Connecticut Help is available for
13:15
problem gambling. Call Eight Eight Eight Seventy
13:17
Nine Seven Seven Seven Seven or visit
13:19
ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of
13:21
Boot Hill Casino Resort in Kansas Twenty
13:23
one and overheads varies by jurisdiction. Void
13:25
in Ontario One: No sweat that for
13:27
new customer issued as one bonus bed
13:29
based on amount of initial losing bet
13:31
on a spaz expire. One hundred sixty
13:33
eight hours after issuance see Dk and
13:35
G.toes last Mm A for eligibility, wagering
13:38
and deposit restrictions, terms and responsible gaining
13:40
resources Shut out to our favorite sponsored
13:42
through Classic for making a fellow look
13:44
and feel good no matter how we
13:47
move. Elevate your style. The summer with
13:49
True Classic were timeless pieces meet modern
13:51
comfort. Our sponsor, True Classic is here
13:53
to help you make it a summer
13:56
to remember and close you will never
13:58
forget for a limited time. Only
14:00
get twenty five percent off when
14:02
you shop. Now with our exclusive
14:05
link: a True classic.com/bears It is
14:07
tough to find a T shirt
14:09
that just fits your body rights
14:11
and for some reason as you
14:14
thin or chubby or grotesque, True
14:16
Classic just fits you perfectly. Designed
14:18
to accentuate your best meters to
14:21
classic shirts are tailored for a
14:23
perfect fit snugly the arms and
14:25
chest just the right amount of
14:28
room and the midsection the best.
14:30
Part is a True Classic says premium
14:32
products at an affordable price. You can
14:34
get their best selling tee shirts, put
14:36
his jeans and more, and three six
14:38
and nine packs that raise upgrade your
14:40
closet shop now with my exclusive link
14:42
a True classic.com/bears and save up to
14:44
twenty five percent off with your first
14:47
or discover the perfect blend of summer
14:49
vibes and timeless elegance with True Classic
14:51
Shop Now and elevate your summer wardrobe
14:53
with ease. Ways story with
14:55
us. Oh did we talked about obviously
14:57
you know you're sad and we were
14:59
hanging out and and you know all
15:01
that stuff. But and we saw yet
15:03
the Five K. But so how did
15:05
when were you? How are you a
15:07
late addition head with three other crazy
15:09
crazy story. So like you know, I
15:11
wrote for the last ten Comedy Central
15:13
roast. Comedy Central never gave me a
15:15
shot at all to get on on.
15:17
which was crazy because if you remember,
15:19
Comedy Central was literally making stars at
15:21
the time. I guess I now use
15:24
to way. Back in the day and and
15:26
the rest were huge For a minute Huge.
15:28
And the roast before I started writing on
15:30
it. The writers that were on the Rose
15:32
before I started writing on it were Whitney
15:34
Cummings, Anthony Jasmine. Like that that the best
15:36
to the have a clear path. Yes! so
15:38
on the first roast I'm like okay so
15:40
if I kill it in this writer's room
15:42
and get a ton of jokes and really
15:44
focus I can get on the next one.
15:47
Yeah, Ten. Ten.
15:49
Later fuckin' Trump Booms! ah fucking
15:51
Rob Lowe, Bruce Willis. eat Alec
15:53
Baldwin, you name and I'm like
15:56
that close. never got on one
15:58
but all that stuff. Conversely I
16:00
good you would it be both because of
16:02
for these are usually conversations the happened with
16:05
like managers and eight you know behind it
16:07
rains they you tell your manager allah do
16:09
this I had manager for a long time
16:11
ago and I'm I'm very loyal loyal dogs
16:14
some like we're going to do it together
16:16
mind realize it's as wasn't happening. Sure enough
16:18
he retired a month before the pandemic know
16:20
what movie yeah exact timing on his for
16:22
oh my god it was unbelievable He moved
16:25
my be connected with says he had the
16:27
I yawn is that when they're on my
16:29
what the. Fuck though I've to in
16:31
sambol so you never get your shot. And.
16:34
Then never get my shop and I'm super
16:36
close to Jeff Ross who yeah no I
16:38
worked with directly on a lot of those
16:40
things. He really does executive produce all these
16:42
things yeah knows how to do it. I
16:44
told him I said without your fingers in
16:46
the pie other would have been i'm when
16:48
I'm your I'd I Ike I gave him
16:50
his flowers at night and the next day
16:52
and it to and like every party I
16:55
saw him because I think it's understated how
16:57
it is very understated. Next it is because
16:59
you were writer for ten years. How
17:01
important the writing team and Jeff Ross
17:03
and the production team is to those
17:05
roast. Yeah, because they staged in a
17:08
way. They know what people are going
17:10
to say. They know where they're going
17:12
to say. it's they create a fucking.
17:14
Recipe. For you to succeed? Yeah,
17:16
and it's And Jeff Ross. I.
17:18
Said it's from one hundred times drunk
17:20
even sober. He fucking is the reason
17:22
everyone loves his loving that roast. oh
17:24
yeah it's it's if been up to
17:27
a large part just oh absolutely in
17:29
every single one of the rest that
17:31
of ever happened before at he's the
17:33
reason why I'm not kidding you we
17:35
are such big bros guys him and
17:37
I that with roasting wasn't like a
17:39
common term. Believe it or not it
17:41
seems like it is now but it
17:43
wasn't like in the Zeit Geist ten
17:45
years ago and so like when that.
17:47
When. We started we like when
17:49
we would see a headline on
17:52
the internet like ah yeah now
17:54
ah ah you name it like
17:56
fuckin. I'm Joan Rivers Roast Kim
17:58
Kardashians on the View. Something like
18:00
that window seat when we would
18:02
see the word rose B B
18:04
I am very uncool our say
18:06
using that word agree with such
18:09
old art form yeah procedures he
18:11
jeff I don't want to interrupt
18:13
only you'd keep talking about this
18:15
is going forward to this Buddha
18:17
ever see just year ago as
18:19
is the diversity. Don't want any
18:21
government. Seems like he
18:23
kind of did it. I have been really good
18:25
as foreign commerce and your my partner I've been
18:27
really good. Very proud again. Imagine how many times.
18:30
He wanted to interrupt: If you think you've
18:32
been reviewing the s and assessed. Damn
18:36
your crew is cracking our i am a
18:39
sinner up the law and ah you were
18:41
saying no matter how the app that you
18:43
already interrupted you may have followed through now.
18:45
Nope. pathetic a mind you already did it
18:48
said you know you are really and or
18:50
us As good as it is said. I
18:52
forgot. About
18:54
that of the bad and or up said
18:57
Mr it was the observances of Ross when
18:59
he roasted be Or or is it By
19:01
twenty years ago Jeff Ross did an old
19:03
school rose with all the legends. And. They
19:05
were doing it at the fryer at
19:07
first Club as he said, God.
19:11
Was his see so as I
19:13
wouldn't flutter would be Arthur's Deck
19:15
And then the camera cuts to
19:17
be are Thirty Years She saw
19:19
Life has Hamid he he Debussy's
19:21
Roast of A Shack, The Sack
19:23
Row yeah, Zach Lowe and and
19:25
Emmett Smith wrote The Anasazi. It's.
19:27
The. Of shot brought that up My thoughts sack
19:29
use like the ever see that those like is the
19:32
hardest. Either is the most. Isn't
19:34
about rid of while of yeah well that's
19:36
the thing is like and you know I
19:38
learned from him. oh lot about like Okay
19:40
so you can do this but if you
19:43
do this and can't do that and he
19:45
you know when I mean you can't go
19:47
too much. One extreme. So.
19:50
Yeah. Now they're with. Pots. i
19:52
was making or first of all yeah so he
19:54
how you want to get indo at how do
19:56
you come about in a crazy kinda like a
19:58
hot scoop yeah that was all right so let's
20:00
get it But first of all, I've never been
20:02
a Netflix darling the special that I was lucky
20:04
to get to make with a steady cam in
20:08
2015 seven years into my career Was
20:11
a miracle they were looking for something different
20:13
with continuity and I and it was like
20:15
a year after Birdman came out So I'm
20:17
like, what if somebody shot a special like
20:19
that right take? Yeah, and all I had
20:21
was one show at the ice house I
20:24
wasn't that good the difference between a seven
20:26
or eight year for median doing an hour
20:28
special in 15 years It's
20:30
light years But
20:32
I was lucky to get it at the time
20:35
and it worked and then once that two-year licensing
20:37
deal was up and gone I'm like fuck this
20:39
special get it out of here. I'm so much
20:41
better. I don't want anybody to see it, right?
20:44
So and it seemed
20:46
like they weren't knocking at the door anyway
20:48
you know, I think they have a thing
20:51
with likable people or a thing that they
20:53
can see or something that tests well or
20:55
whatever and and So
20:58
they didn't want me on this thing to
21:00
start and I knew that like this was
21:03
clear I'm just not an industry guy. I
21:05
mean clearly I've my show my hit
21:07
show is on YouTube Yeah, and you don't
21:09
see me much more other than that so
21:13
but I have a great team a great agent
21:15
a great manager for the first time ever and
21:20
So I hit them up and I'm like, hey, I'm
21:22
making you guys all this money I want you to
21:24
do something for me I want to get on this
21:26
thing which is crazy because in the beginning when they
21:28
first announced it I'm like, oh, that's cool They're
21:31
gonna do a rose to Tom Brady. That's great. But
21:33
as it got closer and I'm like live Tom
21:35
Brady Did I
21:38
have a feeling this and I be the
21:40
biggest comedy event in this? Period
21:43
are you at all hitting up Ross because he's
21:45
your friend I did hit up Ross
21:47
when they first announced it to congratulate him Feel
21:50
like he thought that I was gonna ask to get
21:52
on it. But honestly at the time again This was
21:54
like two months before I I Was
21:57
just like, oh, that's cool. That Could be the start of
21:59
a cool area. The of roasting on Netflix.
22:01
But then as the got closer. I
22:04
realize like know this could be
22:06
the stimulate the biggest coolest yeah,
22:08
easiest thing ever. I. Am that?
22:10
It's so my tone on it just changed
22:13
and I didn't just what I didn't just
22:15
want to head up Rossum. Yeah, okay give
22:17
me on this area. He knew that the
22:19
and I'm a great guy for the job.
22:21
it's it's and live on Netflix. Who better
22:23
than the guy that roast people live every
22:25
week, every week on a big ass shell
22:27
in front of a big ass audience that
22:29
happens to do arenas which is where this
22:31
is being sought a few days. But afford
22:33
it, I'd do it anyway. Plus I britain
22:35
on the last ten Comedy Central roast. plus
22:37
I'd done crazy roast myself and so it
22:40
was kind. Of like all that mix together
22:42
and then I was mentioning it did show that
22:44
Netflix is doing this Tom Brady rose and he
22:46
gets all message Tom Brady you node stuff of
22:48
a. Related just like
22:50
Thomas is Tom Brady for yeah, I'm like,
22:52
really, do that And it's sure enough he
22:55
does. And. He says Tony's the
22:57
best route. He sent me a screenshot
22:59
of at Tony's the Best roaster in
23:01
the world You gotta Tony Hinchcliffe check
23:03
out this clip Etonians class. A sudden
23:05
that mean roasting Snoop Dogg one in
23:07
a semi. the picture, the screen grab
23:10
and Brady goes out. I'm gonna send
23:12
this right along. Looks great and I'm
23:14
still nothing. Still, they weren't budget ai
23:16
be up and die. Yeah guys people
23:18
hate you. I know it's not a
23:20
I have a I know, I know,
23:23
not all of us are fuckin' darling.
23:25
About and shall be headed fox
23:28
anyway so we should tell your
23:30
story. I to get really frustrated.
23:35
At you our our while Noah
23:37
are you were done Other go
23:39
anything like this that I program
23:41
at understanding I'm at I Am
23:43
Care You guys phoned it in
23:45
like an Israeli airstrike as as
23:47
as and so thing on earth
23:49
in a society of. Us
23:52
don't put out when Urban was
23:55
thinking my Sat. in his sad
23:57
a saved us as sell me or
23:59
anyone tell way So this
24:01
is pretty huge in the fact that the
24:03
guy who is the roast is about yeah
24:06
Who's that happens to be one of the most
24:08
powerful right famous people is like I like this
24:11
guy and still nothing right? Which which for you
24:13
know for everybody? There's no way anybody could possibly
24:15
know what they do on these things is they
24:17
tell you Because Comedy Central did
24:19
this forever to me they go look we're
24:22
not the ones booking it It's
24:24
the person who's being honored. Yes
24:26
booking it right? Oh, you know
24:28
if Rob Lowe or Justin Bieber
24:30
Alec Baldwin or you name it
24:32
Yes, right, which they're not gonna
24:34
say yes Yeah, who they were
24:37
their favorite Canadian that they've seen
24:39
on the right on the big
24:41
thing anyway, so
24:45
Still nothing now. We're a few weeks out
24:47
but Oh
24:51
So they want Dana White for the thing because
24:53
Tom loves Dana White that that's the Dana White
24:55
hits me up right before we tape A random
24:57
Monday Kill Tony and he goes hey, they want
24:59
me to do this Tom Brady roast Can you
25:01
help me or my head roast advisor? I've worked
25:03
with them before on something where you had to
25:06
do comedy and I go I go Dana
25:09
I'm gonna be honest with you, bro. I'm trying to
25:11
get on this thing. It would
25:13
be huge for me But
25:15
I'll help you out any way we can like
25:18
if you want to figure something out Yeah, but
25:20
as of right now, I'm still trying to get
25:22
on it, but I'll still help you But
25:24
I kind of like this is like a big one for
25:27
me Yeah, and I haven't
25:29
wanted anything forever Literally
25:31
when I moved to Texas, I'm like
25:33
fuck all of everything fuck everything. I've
25:35
got everything I wanted now I can
25:37
make money and have a blast doing
25:39
my own YouTube show that I have
25:41
a hundred percent control of no network
25:43
notes I don't need anything.
25:46
I can make my own specials drop them
25:48
on YouTube I'm so done with Hollywood. It's
25:50
hilarious and I love it. It's so freeing
25:52
not to worry about anything or be greedy
25:55
Or you know what? I mean? Just want anything.
25:57
I have what I want even though that sounds
25:59
corny Today's episode is
26:02
brought to you by Manscaped, the leaders
26:04
in below the way screaming whether for
26:06
your husband, baby daddy, or father figure,
26:08
our friends at Manscaped have crafted the
26:11
total package for his special day. Whether
26:13
it's for the boys downstairs, his beard,
26:15
or even the best pair of underwear
26:18
out there, Manscaped has his bases covered.
26:20
Head over to manscaped.com and get 20%
26:22
off plus free shipping with
26:24
the code BEARS from Daddy to
26:26
Zaddy trusts Manscaped. And I got to
26:29
tell you there is no better feeling
26:31
than feeling like the person significant
26:33
to you cares about your genitals
26:36
and your grooming. It shows you
26:39
I want the thing that you have in,
26:42
around, and inside of me and if
26:44
you take care of it there's a
26:46
better chance that I'll give it a
26:48
lick. Allow me to introduce
26:50
the Beardhedger Pro Kit, the complete beard maintenance
26:52
kit for all the bearded kings. This all-in-one
26:55
kit comes with a beard hedger. Manscaped's most
26:57
advanced beard trimmer as well as shampoo, conditioner,
26:59
oil, and balm for his beard. It also
27:01
comes with a brush comb and scissors so
27:04
he can style his beard and mustache like
27:06
the true gentleman he is. Get 20% off
27:09
plus free shipping with the code BEARS
27:11
at manscaped.com. That's 20% off with free
27:14
shipping at manscaped.com and use the code
27:16
BEARS. Never forget where you came from
27:18
if you know what I mean. Happy
27:20
Father's Day from Manscaped. Is your beer
27:23
fridge feeling a little empty? DoorDash is
27:25
your door to beer without the run.
27:27
Whatever drink you're in the mood for,
27:30
they've got you. Order your
27:32
alcohol with DoorDash today and drink in
27:34
the savings. Use code BEARS 24 to
27:36
get 25% off up to $15 value
27:40
on A $35 minimum
27:42
subtotal on your next alcohol order for
27:44
eligible users only. I Mean there's like
27:46
sometimes you just don't want to leave.
27:49
That's me. Once We're at a spot
27:51
and we're hanging out, I Just don't
27:53
want to leave and now you don't
27:55
have to. The Alcohol selection on DoorDash
27:58
is top shelf. Beer, wine, There's
28:00
martell and more can be delivered straight
28:02
to your door, save up to twenty
28:04
five percent, up to fifteen dollar value
28:06
when you spend thirty five dollars or
28:08
more with Code Bears Twenty Four. So
28:10
whether you're grabbing drinks for an event
28:12
or staying in for the night door-is
28:14
here to help you have a great
28:17
evening. any evening terms apply must be
28:19
twenty one or older to order alcohol,
28:21
drink responsibly. delivery and promotions available only
28:23
in select markets. Anyway,
28:25
but here I am all of
28:27
a sudden like fuck fuck this
28:29
row, stop on deck and rak
28:31
that shit on the guy for
28:33
the job. So ah I'm and
28:35
then it gets closer. My agent
28:37
is fantastic. Ah. Marty.
28:39
Least sack at you to yea
28:41
applies the pressure to the Cps
28:43
like this old timey legends who
28:46
yeah no reps will say are
28:48
all and my I have no
28:50
because unlike unlike these agents and
28:52
managers naughty youngest kid they all
28:54
wrapped like the cleanest people Seinfeld
28:56
gas again they are gassy like
28:58
all these people that wear suits
29:00
and like. Only. Talk about
29:02
having grandchildren or whatever. And the
29:05
unlike their naughty bastard kid that
29:07
they can a root for and
29:09
like to the like, he's a
29:11
renegade is making this money different
29:13
ways. It's not an be in
29:15
a whatever. Anyway, I'm. He
29:17
got excited and applied the pressured
29:19
to arm. You. Know the people
29:22
over there at Netflix and then the
29:24
Dana thing head chef head. Tom.
29:26
Brady head in. This little storm started
29:28
so it ended up being okay. We.
29:31
Have an idea for you. Let's.
29:33
Do a thing Called and their first
29:35
Jeff warned me. He's like. Keep.
29:37
An open mind when we pitched the idea that
29:40
we're going to pitch you over this zoom call
29:42
which I'm like oh fuck here we go home
29:44
and when I'm out on a unicycle and clown
29:46
makeup and not I did you and jokes and
29:48
they're like we want you to do. We want
29:50
you to do a thing called Kill Tommy and
29:52
I'm like who are and I am I trying
29:55
to play it cool because I'm like. are
29:57
you guys gonna let me brand my
29:59
podcast on this fucking diabolically
30:02
huge comedy event. Like
30:05
this is what I'm thinking. They're like, yeah, and you pull
30:07
a name out of a bucket and it's gonna be Dana
30:09
White sitting next to you and it's good for Dana because
30:11
they'll only have to do a minute and da da da
30:13
da. And I'm like, this is fucking
30:15
crazy. And I go and I get to roast and
30:17
they're like, well, you know, there's the people at your
30:19
table that you can make fun of. I go, you
30:22
guys want me to make fun of the
30:24
greatest fighters in the world that haven't
30:26
been set up or made fun of
30:29
and Dana White who runs the only
30:31
sport that I like sitting next to
30:33
the octagon for. You're gonna fuck up
30:35
the only existing good relationship that I love
30:38
in the world. You want me to just
30:40
light up people at my table?
30:43
They're like, yeah, well, you get a minute. He could get like
30:45
a minute. Like, so Dana gets a
30:47
minute and I get a minute. I'm like,
30:50
so, you know, I had to fight
30:52
the entire time up until rehearsal 24
30:54
hours before, which a rehearsal
30:56
was just like a blocking. I'm just seeing
30:58
how everything looks on camera and me and
31:00
Dana are sitting there. And
31:03
the long and the short version of
31:05
the story is like, you know, I
31:07
go, you guys have got to let
31:09
me cook here. And I'm like not
31:12
arguing with this executive producer lady or
31:14
Jeff, it's kind of like, you know, I'm
31:16
kind of like, guys, this is
31:19
like, I can do this. Let me show you
31:21
what it would look like. Okay. And
31:23
one person's like, we see it as a desk
31:26
piece. Stay at the table. I'm
31:28
like, I hear you, but I
31:31
maybe I'm crazy here. This is literally
31:33
what I said. And I saw my
31:35
boys, Jerron Horton and Benji Aflalo, who
31:37
are two writers for the roast that
31:40
I got into writing roast jokes again,
31:42
a fucking decade ago. So these are
31:44
like my, it seems like they're working
31:46
for them, but they're kind of like
31:48
my fucking like interior
31:50
soldiers that, you
31:52
know, are, you know, and not owe
31:54
me anything, but we're all fucking homies.
31:57
Anyway, they walk into this blocking rehearsal.
31:59
And now I have like numbers a little bit,
32:02
right? And there's all these stand-ins
32:04
that are sitting there with your guys'
32:07
things on the dais. Burke Kreischer and Kevin
32:09
Hart is some different black guy standing there
32:11
looking for like camera blocking all this shit.
32:13
And they go, here's what it would look
32:15
like, all right? So Dana White, da da
32:17
da da da, ba ba ba ba. And
32:19
then I go, fuck you, bitch. And I
32:21
start walking, right? And I go, here's the
32:23
stool that Aaron Hernandez kicked out from under.
32:25
I start showing them jokes, which I didn't
32:27
do the whole time because you
32:29
don't want other writers or anybody
32:31
to hear any of your actual material.
32:33
I mean, they could hear your guys'
32:35
material, but I mean my good material.
32:37
I didn't want them to hear any
32:39
filler type, because
32:43
it's a sneaky business, especially
32:45
in Hollywood. That's why, oh, one of the many reasons
32:47
why I got the fuck out is like, make
32:50
your own shit, save it for you, enough
32:52
giving it away. So I wasn't doing any
32:54
of my jokes during the blocking thing. How,
32:57
how, how far ahead were you doing, like,
33:01
were you prepping the jokes? So
33:03
what's crazy is that I put
33:05
together a small four-person army immediately.
33:07
I treated this like I had
33:10
my own fucking, like
33:12
I was on the thing, like I
33:14
was going to do a full set
33:16
immediately at my giant fucking,
33:19
you know, office that I have. Anyway,
33:21
so like I treated
33:24
it, and maybe it's not necessarily
33:26
manifestation, but it was
33:28
extreme preparation. Another place where we differed. Keep going. Oh,
33:31
preparation, yeah. Preparation
33:33
H, maybe, am I right, hemorrhoid
33:35
guys? No, I'm kidding, anyway. But
33:38
I really did, and I was obsessed with it,
33:40
and you know, it
33:42
was kind of crazy, because I'm like, holy
33:44
shit, I am only obsessing about this right
33:46
now, but if it goes good, it'll
33:49
give me four or five days to obsess about my show
33:51
at the forum, which I had already put a lot of
33:53
effort into before the roast thing. So it was kind of
33:55
crazy, because I put all my
33:57
chips into this roast, Which is
33:59
crazy. Because again, I knew I was two
34:01
hours into the show at this point because that's
34:04
important and I figure that out. I know
34:06
that about Roasting is the deeper are you in,
34:08
the deeper you're in, the more you have to
34:10
kind of caught or readjust. And
34:13
see really dialed into what's happening on
34:15
say rice super would you be? fuck
34:17
did you edit I think dude, you
34:19
edited something out out ton Yeah, couldn't
34:21
I'm saying even from prompter right? Cause
34:23
I saw a hundred percent I we
34:25
are so readily so they did or
34:27
asinine how I was switching things around
34:29
yes and moving things and sliding in
34:31
new things and new headers and new
34:33
sweeteners and that even then nice shoes
34:35
bitch did you win those in the
34:37
divorce? The ballot check. Everything that I
34:39
started with which is a huge fucking
34:41
risk. Everything that I started. With with
34:43
I wrote at the table i guess
34:45
you'd like I'm like okay nobody said
34:48
that. He Randy Moss was begging for
34:50
ring Bilbao attacks. Phone is ringing. Ring
34:52
ring. Those. Shoes The topic I'm staring
34:55
at Tom Brady's use the whole time he was
34:57
pant legs are riding high on literally right and
34:59
or less status or some gave fuck ensues. The
35:01
under failed to do men if I had a
35:03
man that s to they were they were not.
35:06
They were like women's booth and by the way
35:08
that's another thing you talk about like especially a
35:10
risk at the top of the sat in that
35:12
situation for so I could have fallen off the
35:14
fucking stairs like is why enjoy thing could go
35:17
wrong And when I said my opening line that
35:19
when I did that turn from day in and
35:21
I got a nice shoes bed some fucking. Making
35:23
sure my phone up the stairs did you
35:25
windows in the divorce he goes on and
35:27
on the anybody notice this he goes the
35:29
our sub one of these right up your
35:32
fucking ass because he was not at he
35:34
didn't know who he didn't he he must
35:36
Now he says he must not have remembered
35:38
who the fuck I am or whatever. oh
35:40
he said it in the moment and if
35:42
you watch that roast if you watch it
35:44
became really see it. There is a pant
35:46
legs are down but they go hi there
35:48
so gay Yes anyway he goes I'll shove
35:50
it up your ass and at that moment.
35:52
I just. You'll notice V
35:55
re watch like I go. oh hey, every
35:57
better. Not quite a day or back of
35:59
my brain. Do
36:01
you acknowledge what Tom Brady der I
36:04
had? No order. You plow forward. That's
36:06
a while million dollar moment right now.
36:08
and I go. Yeah, Oh God. I
36:10
should acknowledge it. but it wasn't Might
36:12
nobody else heard it. It's too early
36:15
to burrow off everything. Ignore, ignore, Ignore.
36:17
Let's go. Let's go. Let's go. Run
36:19
the ball. Run the ball run. I
36:21
would go back to Like Football Guy
36:23
On You as the analogies. Anyway, I'm.
36:26
So. I ignore that which is fucking
36:28
great that I did to the all
36:30
the i made those mistakes before are
36:32
yet to the difference between guys that
36:34
are doing or us for the first
36:36
time and guys like you. Been doing
36:38
it for fucking fifteen players yes exactly
36:41
and again Tell Tony helps everything helps
36:43
you have to know what to ignore
36:45
what the move on keep the momentum
36:47
going says a thing for performing regular
36:49
shows to when you're when especially mused
36:51
me to stand up in arenas. Sometimes
36:53
you. You. Hear something or
36:55
see something and your brain in a moment
36:57
has to go. Is that worth? Acknowledging.
37:00
Because you realize fifteen thousand people didn't see
37:02
that? Are you going to derail the show?
37:05
And unless it's like know where the you
37:07
don't you let things slide and in the
37:09
you have to exactly. And then all of
37:11
a sudden. People. At home or like
37:14
the fuck is he talking? Would it not? and of
37:16
a day like? I bet you'd love to do that.
37:18
Tom Yeah, a car to work. That's not the only
37:20
thing you want us about my i yet to have
37:22
joke right after that. After. This she's
37:24
up the ass. I went straight to
37:26
because the positioning had changed. So like
37:28
so many things changed. Originally I had
37:31
Kevin Hart's shadow Randy Moss. that's not
37:33
your sad of that's Randy Moss but
37:35
now pronk with sitting in between. Are.
37:37
No knock around a ballot
37:39
with sitting in between. Grant.
37:42
and randy moss so instead of abandoning that
37:44
show completely i switched to grant cabin hearts
37:46
and i wrote the random is because now
37:48
i'm like i didn't realize randy moss was
37:50
gonna be next to build ballots act as
37:52
that wasn't in the blocking thing dell it's
37:54
it was a special gas came out late
37:56
so i'm like oh i can go this
37:58
way so i go Randy Moss, crazy that
38:00
you asked Bill Belichick for a ring. You know what
38:03
else doesn't have a ring? Bill
38:05
Belichick's phone. And then
38:07
I thought we're here for Tom, Aaron
38:09
Hernandez's stool, and all this stuff. Kevin
38:11
Hart, Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart, Kevin Hart,
38:14
right? So I was moving now
38:16
geographically. Can I interrupt? Instead of?
38:19
Yeah. Was it your choice to walk the dais? Because
38:21
that was my favorite part. Yeah. So
38:23
I didn't actually get to finish. When Jaron and
38:26
Benji and everybody in this rehearsal are coming in
38:28
and they're like, it's a desk piece. And I'm
38:30
like, having me sit at this table and shooting
38:32
it like that for a minute is like hiring
38:34
the world's greatest sushi chef to make you a
38:37
peanut butter and jelly sandwich. You guys have to
38:39
let me cook. I don't even like
38:41
use like cool slangs like that. But
38:43
I had heard it recently and I'm like, I kind of like that. Like
38:46
you have to let me cook. Let me cook. Someone
38:49
made that as a t-shirt. Yeah. Tony
38:51
Hinchcliffe let him cook. Yeah. And
38:53
I fucking agree. And I did. And I said it
38:55
and I go, you guys think I'm crazy? And
38:57
the director lady who was awesome.
39:01
Was rekt in like 12 years of Saturday Night Live.
39:03
Exactly. So she was there now too
39:05
in this rehearsal. We're going back 24 hours. And
39:08
I go, call me crazy, but shouldn't it
39:11
be like this? And I'm up there doing
39:13
it and I'm moving and I see her
39:15
like, yeah, because she has something to do
39:17
now that isn't just shooting the fucking podium
39:19
or shooting screen. Yeah. You
39:21
know, it's like. Mixes it up.
39:23
Yeah. It breaks up the monotony
39:25
and I had to come up with that idea.
39:28
The best though is that you told me later
39:30
because when you were done, you sat down
39:32
next to me and later on you
39:34
were like, yeah, I was told to go back to my
39:36
seat, but I fucking decided to sit right here. Let
39:40
them know. Well, actually one of
39:43
their original ideas was that's
39:45
what's crazy is they go, it's a desk piece. But
39:47
when you're done, you can go up and sit up
39:49
on the second level with
39:51
the with the players. Yeah. Why
39:53
would I do that? Why I just look like a like
39:56
a like an intruder or something. I want
39:58
to be part of this now. Like that's so weird. Let
40:00
me do what I can do and then
40:02
I'll end up there. Yeah and
40:05
so You know, so I
40:07
got it because the director was in and
40:09
my homies were like, yeah, that looks great
40:11
And just like yeah, man, that looks great.
40:13
So, you know and you know, no
40:16
Disrespecting Netflix or the EP because they couldn't
40:18
have known no, of course. I'm just some
40:21
fucking rabble-rouser That's just shooting my shot. It
40:23
could have seemed like I'm gonna go up
40:25
there and fucking you know But
40:28
everybody looked good in the end. They look like
40:30
fucking genius Yeah for sure But so
40:32
many switches were happening in the moment like if you
40:34
guys knew it would boggle your mind You want to
40:36
hear about our story? Oh, yeah,
40:39
let's do it. So they called
40:41
and They're I guess they called
40:43
Bert first. They're like, hey, we have this idea We
40:46
want to have you guys in the rose and then Bert said yeah 100%
40:51
Tom's into and they went well,
40:53
but we haven't reached out Thomas. We don't need
40:55
to we're in. Oh, wow Yeah,
40:57
we're in done done. They said we'll
40:59
pay so I said, okay So
41:03
how much they told me I said Tom I get the same
41:05
I said, yeah, so we were in oh
41:08
my god He called me he was like, hey, we're doing
41:10
the road doing the rose. Absolutely fucking nice. I didn't know
41:12
I Said
41:15
Tom light left light left. I
41:17
said why I knew that I knew that I knew I
41:19
knew two things I knew one is And
41:23
it was very clear to me when we got on the
41:25
dais is that not every Football player
41:27
was familiar with any of us comics and
41:29
I was like and not any of the comics have anything
41:31
that you can Make fun of I'm definitely a good target.
41:33
Oh, yeah So I was like I was like, I know
41:35
that's why I got the offer initially was like, yo
41:38
We've seen you get there's a lot to make fun of
41:40
you about yeah I didn't I didn't realize how much I
41:42
was bringing to the table to be made fun of I
41:44
didn't know how much I was Gonna make fun of myself Authentically
41:47
on accident. Yeah, but I was like, that's cool.
41:49
I'm in for that. I'll be I'll get lit
41:51
up I'm not good at roast jokes. I'm not
41:53
good at making fun of people So
41:56
and Jeff knew that and just like well, we want
41:58
to do something different. Yeah, Tom still like I'm not
42:00
doing it. Right. Yeah, I was like, no.
42:02
Smart. You
42:05
were right. I
42:08
was like, I don't know. We want to break up.
42:10
I guess sort of a version of what they
42:13
did with you. But they were like, we want to do
42:15
something different. We want to do the two of you. And
42:18
I was like, and then I thought, you
42:20
want us to both go to the podium together? And
42:23
they were like, no. Just like almost
42:25
like a variety piece. Maybe
42:27
a screen. First, it was pitched
42:29
as a sports center thing. So
42:32
when they pitched that one, we kind of
42:34
were like, I don't know, man. Making
42:38
fun of it in a sports center way. So
42:41
then we pitched this idea about making
42:43
fun of him with
42:46
whiteness, being
42:48
a psycho. And they're like, oh, yeah, no one's doing
42:50
that angle yet. Sent
42:53
them a script. They send their
42:55
script, like their punch-up script, combine the
42:57
two. Yeah, you're like, that's
42:59
good enough. Kind of. That's great.
43:01
I'll tell you what. I will say I
43:03
will. No reason to work on this anymore.
43:05
It's just the most watched thing ever. First
43:08
and foremost, first and foremost, all you should
43:10
be saying is, thank you, Bert and Tom.
43:13
Because without us, it is a bunch of people
43:15
doing the exact same thing. We
43:18
broke up. We definitely thank you again, Kardashian. It
43:20
was a comedy up until you guys started. Then
43:22
you guys got to really change the tone a
43:24
bit. Make everybody appreciative.
43:27
I had no idea. I
43:30
told him this. I'm still living in
43:32
oblivion. I had a blast. I think we
43:35
did great. I've not met one person that
43:37
did not like what we did. I
43:40
don't read comments, because there's like, what are
43:42
you going to shit on someone who didn't
43:44
maybe do as well as you or
43:47
Nicky? That's the thing. Right, of course. As well
43:49
as you and Nicky who were next level. It
43:51
was next level. And you have to realize. If
43:53
your team wins and you were on the dais,
43:55
all you do is go, that was fun and
43:57
fun as shit. It's like when you see a.
44:00
a boxer or a
44:02
wrestler attempt. The UFC.
44:06
It's the,
44:08
you can be an Olympic gold medalist,
44:10
standup comedian, and you go into that
44:12
world where Nicky has that much experience
44:14
and I. Oh, so much. We were
44:16
doing this, Peter
44:19
Shore, the owner of the comedy store, is
44:21
doing a mini documentary behind the scenes about
44:23
Kill Tony going to Madison Square Garden. It
44:25
just so happened that we're staying at the
44:28
same hotel in LA and he's shooting this
44:30
thing from the driver's seat, me, on the
44:32
way to the roast. And
44:34
I give this weird analysis, just looking out
44:37
the window, I kind of forget that he's
44:39
there. I'm just talking to my team, kind
44:41
of like talking out a meditative, like it's
44:43
corny as this sounds, like steak, because it's
44:45
jokes, who cares. But anyway, and I literally
44:48
called what was going to happen
44:50
because I know this world so well.
44:52
And I knew the order of events and I
44:55
literally go, it's gonna be a
44:57
fucking smoke show, the first
44:59
20, 30 minutes. I
45:02
go, the energy's gonna be insane,
45:04
it's gonna be beautiful, Tom's gonna look
45:06
great, it's gonna be intimidating, he's gonna
45:08
be taller than everybody remembers, he's gonna
45:10
be cooler than everybody thinks. And
45:13
Jeff and Nicky are going to
45:15
light the place on fire. I
45:17
go, especially, I mean,
45:19
Jeff, we know what he's going to do. Jeff
45:22
can't have a breakout performance because he's Jeff,
45:24
he's done it, he has a breakout performance.
45:27
Nicky, and I go, Nicky is going
45:29
to decimate the room and everybody is
45:31
going to be playing catch up. So
45:34
me two hours in after everybody
45:37
and their mother and every special guest
45:39
has to fucking just know that
45:41
that's going to happen, I can't be like, oh,
45:44
when there's no catching up to that. It's like
45:46
a mentality thing. I'm gonna ask you a very
45:48
fucked up question. Okay. But I've
45:50
wondered this. If
45:52
you had put Schultz in Nicky's spot, would
45:55
everyone be talking about Schultz and not Nicky?
45:59
If you would have put... Nikki and Schultz's spot.
46:02
And Schultz and Nikki's. It's
46:05
a flow thing. If you look at
46:07
Nikki's style, which she
46:10
stayed consistent throughout her roasting career,
46:12
if you look at her style,
46:14
she does this continuity thing. She
46:16
does this thing where she goes, bird, I love
46:19
your joke. And then the
46:21
ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-punch line,
46:23
ba-ba-ba-punch line, ba-ba-ba-punch line.
46:25
And it's just continuous.
46:28
And she's so good. You
46:31
gotta hand it to Kevin because he
46:33
can't reach it. Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-punch line. I'm short,
46:35
which I love. If you look, you
46:38
know, I'm like known in
46:40
the writer's room for sending in eight
46:42
word jokes. Whereas so many people, you
46:44
could see, you can, we used to
46:46
do this thing, right? All the writers, say
46:48
there's fucking 12, 16 writers or
46:50
whatever, everybody sends in all their jokes. The
46:52
writer's assistant compiles them. And then we read
46:54
them in the room and all laugh, right?
46:58
You could see where my jokes start.
47:00
You can tell because it's these fucking
47:02
one liners where everybody else has like,
47:04
you know, three lines or a paragraph
47:07
or whatever the fuck it is. You
47:09
know, sometimes two lines, whatever. And if I
47:11
have a long one, if I have a
47:13
long one in my clump, it's like the
47:16
Burt, little Tiger King, Liber King, da-da-da-da-da-da.
47:18
People are like, what the fuck is that?
47:20
That's a great joke. But like, I'm obsessed
47:22
with short jokes. It's one of the reasons
47:24
why, you know, Jeff and I clung
47:27
together immediately. He's like, what the fuck? Peter,
47:29
make me another drink, please. So
47:34
it's not about who's, right? I'm not taking
47:36
away from Nicki. I'm not taking away from
47:38
Nicki. Nicki, look, I've known Nicki 20 years.
47:41
She is fucking, when
47:43
I stood backstage and I saw, first of
47:46
all, she was like 6'4 in that outfit.
47:48
She looks stunning. She was, I was drawn
47:50
to her out of all those people. And
47:52
I was like, oh, she's gonna fuck, she is walking in.
47:56
It was also a flawless set.
47:58
Oh, exactly. So
48:00
my point is, it's not who's
48:02
funnier or necessarily positioned. It's a
48:04
battle of styles. Schultz
48:07
had, you know, it's like a reload. You
48:09
know, he's moving on. Does this make
48:12
sense? There's breaks in the momentum.
48:14
You know, this person's here, da da da da da
48:17
da da da, boom. And it's great. And
48:19
it's huge. And then it's a reset. Right. It's
48:22
a reset. So the momentum breaks. I thought
48:24
Schultz did great. I thought he did. Me, Schultz and
48:26
Tom were all sitting together and after Nicky, all of
48:28
us were like, oh, holy fuck, man. This
48:30
is like, this is, it's going to be a tough
48:32
hill to climb. Oh, exactly. And Schultz,
48:34
I think Schultz was masterful. He was so
48:37
fucking good. Oh, totally, totally. I almost, I
48:39
would argue he is not brought, and
48:42
look, you and Nicky owned
48:45
that evening. I have nothing,
48:47
I have no flowers to take other
48:49
than to give. But I
48:51
do believe that people are understating. No one's really
48:53
talking about how great Schultz was. And
48:56
look, as a standup comedian, and
48:58
I love Andrew, he, three
49:00
hours in, this motherfucker goes up
49:02
after everyone has ringed this goddamn
49:04
thing dry and still crushes. Still,
49:08
people should be writing about him going
49:10
like, this dude had the fucking, he
49:12
was the fucking last dude in the
49:14
orgy. Oh yeah. And his dick was
49:16
still rock hard. Yep. And he blew a load in
49:18
her and he kissed her on the lips. Oh, 100%. No,
49:21
he was great. And now I'm hard. But
49:25
it's really, you know, another thing is
49:27
that with Nick, the
49:29
way Nicky writes and connects it all, like
49:31
a, like a model train almost,
49:33
like it's like, it all flows.
49:35
And if you look at her old roast, like
49:37
if you see an old clip of the things
49:40
she's done before, she's doing that there. She's so
49:42
good. Do you want to know? This was so
49:44
amplified. This will probably make some people crazy, maybe
49:46
make me crazy. A few nights
49:48
later, I was at the forum for my show. Yeah.
49:51
And the executives came by that show talking
49:53
about the roast, asked if I wanted to
49:55
be involved in the next roast. Oh,
49:57
wow. And that's after that set. even
50:00
ask me that that's how created I am by
50:02
the industry you guys went out there and did
50:04
what you did and you're already
50:06
being invited to the next one yeah it isn't
50:08
even booked yet yeah yeah fucking decimate and yeah
50:10
I have no idea what's going on well we'll
50:12
see if we can get put a word in
50:14
for you yeah that's the thing hey I'll send
50:16
you a screen grab I love it I can't
50:18
wait Tony yeah you want to
50:21
if you want you can write for us but
50:26
I didn't even get to tell you guys like
50:28
the one of the coolest parts of the thing
50:30
from my story just so you know
50:32
what an underdog I was yeah is
50:35
in the final thing it
50:37
was like okay you can roam the
50:39
stage but keep it to two
50:41
minutes two minutes which
50:43
is like crazy it's like five
50:46
jokes with applause breaks yeah you know I know
50:48
that I have the all hell naws up my
50:50
sleeve which I watched you I watched I watched
50:52
you cut off your applause breaks yeah yeah and
50:55
I watched you for the you would they would
50:57
start clapping and you go hip yeah and and
50:59
get it cuz I was like I was like
51:01
oh he's running this yeah and for the 17
51:04
people that are excited about the technical side
51:06
of roasting that I'm talking about here's the
51:08
crazy fun fact is that
51:10
it was only on that day before the
51:12
day before in which I had this like
51:15
breakthrough because I'm a stoner most people don't
51:17
know cuz I don't like make it my
51:19
identity or anything you know what I mean
51:21
but I smoke blondes all the time and
51:25
like I was just kind of chillin and I
51:27
had this like moment where I'm like wait a
51:29
second every other comedian is
51:31
going to be going off of arena timing
51:34
they're going to want to look good they're
51:36
going to want to get applause breaks they're
51:38
going to want to soak it in they're
51:41
giving me a shorter set
51:43
than everybody else and I'm
51:46
other than Jeff the roastiest comedian that
51:48
has anything to do with this thing
51:51
So I am going to hit the fucking
51:53
gas pedal You did. And I'm going to
51:55
play for the people that are watching at
51:58
home or the people that are screening. Grabbing
52:00
at for the internet I'm gonna
52:02
play towards them and send some two
52:04
hours then like I couldn't do that
52:07
early on right? Iraqi spot else it
52:09
would seem like as guys like to
52:11
rapid fire aca what's he do on
52:14
what zip a problem with anyway so
52:16
like. I. Had this moment
52:18
and and I ran up by our
52:20
Whitney Cummings said.and a brunch the day
52:22
before I got on the ask is
52:24
something she's a fucking gangster genius and
52:27
I go. I think I'm on a
52:29
play this thing like fast and hard
52:31
because I'm two hours and like that's
52:33
exactly it. You have to fuckin make
52:35
it yours go over the top and
52:37
yeah. That. Sounds right. And.
52:40
It was in a why secret weapon or wants
52:42
to pacing on that the arms and it was
52:44
you know I look at tom said this com
52:46
give you this compliment behind your back. A
52:49
they were talking about. People
52:52
were saying like how great. Was.
52:54
That rose. How great was Tony
52:56
Hinchcliffe? In that way, Tom's like,
52:58
you know we've watch this guy.
53:01
Cook. His entire life he and
53:03
his like we watches Guy be a monster,
53:05
his entire career we knew he had that
53:08
ability. I don't think we just got to
53:10
watch him shine to everyone where he's always
53:12
shine to us right? and as will got
53:14
bunch of very important people and everyone's like
53:16
really in Tom's like man that guy did
53:18
exactly what he does every single fucking night
53:21
he just got the platform to do it
53:23
on that and it will our me what
53:25
it felt like to me again. I always
53:27
make corny U S C analogies because it's
53:29
my other favorite thing. But like. Is in.
53:32
This is obnoxious to say that it really
53:34
felt like my like Nate Diaz vs. Connor
53:36
moment where everybody was shocked except for me
53:38
and even I was like and like when
53:40
Kevin Hart that moment you remember that moment
53:43
where it course he's going on and on
53:45
for a minute. Thirty seconds and I turned
53:47
to you and that was real By the
53:49
way, I wasn't kidding. I literally go is
53:51
he still talking about me in ago. yeah
53:54
i remember your face like yeah do
53:56
as is your buck in yeah moment
53:58
the right now Well then Tony turned
54:00
to me he goes I've arrived. I
54:02
said that? Yeah and you go and
54:04
now everybody knows. I said you know
54:06
it's so funny. It's what
54:08
you did is is I
54:10
will say is bigger than
54:13
a Netflix special. It feels that way.
54:15
It is. I mean I mean it was
54:17
bigger than a Netflix special.
54:19
What Nikki did, what
54:22
Nikki, and Nikki eclipsed everyone.
54:24
Oh yeah, and I'm saying the two takeaways were
54:27
you and Nikki that was it that was it
54:29
for the whole night. Yeah, and I
54:31
think it goes understated how brilliant Kevin Hart was.
54:33
Yeah, Kevin Hart was. He was. Oh my God.
54:35
Brilliant. He was great. He set the stage. He
54:37
set the energy for that room. It doesn't get
54:40
talked about because he's like a superstar. He does
54:42
all this shit and yeah, you know the jokes
54:44
are like he does everything but watching him just
54:46
as the host of that and the energy and
54:49
the like he was fantastic. Oh, I mean that's
54:51
the it's the Jeff Ross effect, right? It's like
54:53
you're like. question
55:24
about it. I don't know if you guys have a question about the
55:26
internet being as bad as I do. I know.
55:28
I know that you're like I don't know if you guys have a
55:30
question about it. I know that you got a question about it. I
55:32
know it's funny. I know that you guys have
55:34
a question about it. And he said to me. He's like, I'm not
55:36
a giant fan of the internet, but he said on our podcast. We're
55:38
sending you privately and he said, let them go
55:40
after my buddy. Wait, you see what I burn down and I was like,
55:42
okay, I got that for you. Then if we die, we die together. I
55:44
will tell you I'm gonna fuck with anyone says on the internet. We didn't
55:46
die. We had a great time. And we sat down confident. We're like dodge.
55:48
We had the internet's gonna decide. Whatever they want to hate. I don't really give
55:51
a fuck. You guys are bawling out of control.
55:53
It was. It was kind of funny We sat down Tom
55:55
Brady was like that was great after
55:58
the Netflix people the after party I
56:00
had to call him. I go, do you know
56:02
that like online they're like you guys ate shit?
56:04
And I was like I had no idea But
56:07
I made this point on other
56:09
podcasts about especially about The
56:12
non-comics meaning like the athletes kim
56:14
kardashian. She's a great example uh
56:17
and ben aflick kim kardashian gets up there And
56:21
and she's getting booze, right? But what
56:23
she does is she stays unflustered Stays
56:26
in the pocket keeps on prompter
56:28
and eventually The jokes
56:31
she got to jokes that won the crowd over and
56:33
they ended up applauding and you're like wow She went
56:35
from there like we hate you till they gave her
56:37
props Ben went up there and I
56:40
don't know if it was uh A panic
56:42
thing or what but it just went yeah,
56:44
it went off the rails. No, it
56:46
was weird That that whole that whole
56:49
thing was just bizarre. Yeah, the ben
56:51
part was goofy, but it shows you
56:53
that it ain't easy I think it shows you it
56:55
ain't easy. I also think that um Because
56:57
we didn't know he was there. I don't know if you knew
56:59
we didn't know he was there I heard a rumor that he
57:02
might be there. So I had a couple things up my sleeve,
57:04
but there was also like You
57:06
know, he had a daughter that just came
57:08
out as trans. No, did you know that?
57:10
No. Yeah She's like i'm a
57:12
man So
57:16
stupid catch me doing that at the next
57:18
multimedia roast uh, No,
57:22
the thing is they told us he was back
57:24
there later on yeah with writers Up
57:26
until I think he went on which tells you that
57:29
you're making Last-minute changes
57:31
which probably are changes that
57:33
he suggested exactly which is
57:36
Very dangerous dangerous. What's the problem is that
57:38
well, and I and I think you know,
57:40
once again I was I always go back
57:42
to the writers because they're mike gibbons mike.
57:44
Lawrence. Uh, I I'm
57:46
I'm thinking of the two mics, but
57:49
monsters they they all know so
57:52
much More than we do. Oh,
57:55
yeah, and sometimes if you don't I mean look
57:57
I see mike. Lawrence and I go tell me
57:59
what to say. He gave me the
58:01
Hitler joke on the day of. He was
58:04
like, uh, you know, Hitler stuck with his wife
58:06
until the end. And I was like, oh, awesome.
58:08
Like I know he's a better comic
58:10
than I am. He is just, that guy's
58:12
brain is better than mine. If he took
58:15
his shirt off and got drunk, he might
58:17
be having a better career than me. But,
58:19
um, but, um, listen,
58:25
I'm likable. I get it. But,
58:28
uh, but I think that's the
58:31
problem when you get these superstars in there where
58:33
they go, I know what I'm doing. And
58:35
I'm not gonna listen to Mike Lawrence or Mike
58:37
Gibbons or all the great writers that are attached
58:40
to that. Which is a very movie star thing
58:42
to do. I can't shit on Ben Affleck. No,
58:45
I'm not shitting on him. I just think
58:47
that's the decision thing. If he was making
58:49
adjustments to a camera angle or a movie
58:51
or something like that, that would make sense.
58:53
What did you think of his angle? Do
58:55
you think that angle could have been funny?
58:57
No, it was stupid. In fact, it stepped
58:59
on what Tom was about to do later.
59:02
Somebody should have made huge
59:04
adjustments to that. That's where a network executive
59:06
should have been like, wait a second. This
59:08
is kind of like talking about internet trolls.
59:10
I'll tell you what I think is like
59:12
almost a thing there is that Ben
59:14
Affleck is a super sharp guy. And
59:17
I think you can, a really smart
59:19
person who's really creative, you
59:21
can get into overthinking these
59:23
things. Whereas like the
59:26
regular joke writer, roast writer is like,
59:28
here you go. And they go, I
59:31
want to elevate this more. It's like
59:34
it's overdoing the bit. And I think that's
59:36
really why it didn't ultimately.
59:38
It just takes tons and tons
59:40
and tons of experience doing that.
59:42
Like even my set, going back
59:44
to it again, like it's like
59:47
being raised in an all black neighborhood and
59:50
doing every single black show that I could
59:52
do when I was in LA. All the
59:54
trip and on Tuesdays, the crack them up
59:56
Thursdays, the moped of Mondays, the chocolate Sundays,
59:58
like there's all these. different call
1:00:01
Wednesday we hate white
1:00:03
Wednesday no I'm kidding
1:00:05
I don't know yeah
1:00:08
but all
1:00:12
of that put together all of the risks
1:00:14
that I took in each one of those
1:00:16
shows was applied to what can I get
1:00:18
away with okay so I'm calling Kevin Hart
1:00:22
a shadow to Gronkowski I'm
1:00:25
saying that Kevin Hart is
1:00:28
so small that when his ancestors picked caught
1:00:30
and they called it deadlifting I'm like oh
1:00:32
fuck that's right there on the line right
1:00:34
up against it and then
1:00:37
there's definitely some of the athletes
1:00:39
on stage yeah oh what's amazing
1:00:41
and again the fucking director got
1:00:43
him blanking out Judy
1:00:45
or Beth Beth right I
1:00:48
mean my god she fucking got this shit
1:00:50
and it could have backfired but we did
1:00:52
the goddamn dance yes yes
1:00:55
yes Beth McCarthy Miller killed it
1:00:57
so for example when I'm doing
1:00:59
the cotton picking Kevin
1:01:01
Hart joke she literally has two
1:01:03
black offensive linemen from the Tampa
1:01:06
Bay Buccaneers over each one of
1:01:08
my shoulders and I they're
1:01:10
literally like they have their drinks and shit one
1:01:13
of them does at least and I
1:01:15
go Kevin Hart is so
1:01:17
small that when his ancestors
1:01:19
pick cotton and at that part you see them
1:01:21
both go like and
1:01:23
like one's taking a sip like that
1:01:25
like literally they're in over my shoulders
1:01:28
flanking me and when
1:01:30
I hit the deadlifting part you see them
1:01:33
both like one goes that way and one
1:01:35
goes that way laughing and it's like whoo
1:01:37
yeah thank God how many of those did
1:01:39
you have shows I imagine what those
1:01:42
shows you're talking about coming up where
1:01:45
you took a risk like that and it
1:01:47
just went horribly wrong so many so many
1:01:49
I had one where I went
1:01:51
off on this one guy in an all black show
1:01:54
like I mean the super black show they used to
1:01:56
do this thing in a movie theater I
1:02:00
mean, it was like gang, gang, gang,
1:02:02
gang, gang, gang, gang, LA gang, gang,
1:02:05
gang, gang, super gang gang show. I
1:02:07
cannot describe to you how dangerous the
1:02:09
show was. I was
1:02:11
like one of three token white guys
1:02:13
that were in the rotation for this
1:02:16
thing because I would go for it. One
1:02:20
night this guy, I do
1:02:22
a Michael Jackson pedophile joke and
1:02:25
some guy with a big fucking
1:02:27
grill and you know, just, you
1:02:30
can picture it. Stan Zimba goes, you
1:02:32
don't make fun of Michael Jackson, fuck
1:02:34
you homie. And I go fuck
1:02:36
you, you broke bitch. And like I'm, I just start
1:02:38
going in on him in the crowd. Boom,
1:02:40
I'm smashing this guy, right? But I got there
1:02:42
late and then had to run to the comedy
1:02:44
store. So I don't know who anybody in the
1:02:46
place is. I go look at your tin foil
1:02:48
bitch ass grill. Sit down
1:02:50
you fucking broke ass bitch. You spent all
1:02:53
your money on the outfit you wore out
1:02:55
tonight. The crowd's just roaring and they were
1:02:57
roaring a little bit too
1:02:59
loud but I didn't really notice why I
1:03:01
didn't think anything of it. And I'm running
1:03:04
late to my spot at the comedy store. I get a
1:03:06
call from my manager on a
1:03:09
speaker phone and I take it. I go what's up?
1:03:12
I just had a fun set at the black show
1:03:14
and he goes, yeah, did you
1:03:16
just completely annihilate ASAP
1:03:20
Rocky? I'm like, oh
1:03:22
fuck. Oh, is that
1:03:24
who that was? And they're like, yep,
1:03:26
I just got a call from one of my
1:03:28
assistants saying that ASAP Rocky is
1:03:30
like mad but happy but mad.
1:03:33
I'm like, oh shit. This
1:03:35
is the thing. There's two questions I
1:03:37
have to ask. But
1:03:40
one is I find really interesting and I find it
1:03:42
interesting now that your name's being
1:03:44
brought up to me so often is I
1:03:47
don't think people know who you are.
1:03:49
I think when people think of you,
1:03:51
they think of Hollywood, LA, moved to
1:03:53
Austin, Embrace the Austin, Outlaw, what you
1:03:55
would call it. But it all stems
1:03:58
from you growing up. didn't even
1:04:00
realize this in a rough part of
1:04:02
Ohio. Oh, yeah, the roughest. And I
1:04:04
don't think Youngstown, I didn't understand how
1:04:06
rough it was. You don't look
1:04:08
like that. Exactly. And I don't sound like
1:04:10
it. A lot of, that's why one of
1:04:12
my least favorite things in the world are
1:04:14
white people that try to sound
1:04:17
black that were raised in all black neighborhoods.
1:04:19
Cause it's like, you don't have to, you
1:04:21
don't have to do that. That's weird. Cause
1:04:24
like no one, I swear to
1:04:26
God, I wish I could show
1:04:28
you like video, like, like fucking,
1:04:30
uh, Google maps 3d. Like
1:04:33
my neighborhood was so diabolically insane that
1:04:35
it's unbelievable to the human eye. Like
1:04:37
if we made a movie about it,
1:04:39
no one would believe it. No one
1:04:41
would believe it. So the coolest thing
1:04:43
about you is that like, and so,
1:04:45
but that's where the fearlessness begins. So
1:04:47
what's crazy is that by the time
1:04:49
I hit the cotton picking and by
1:04:52
the time I hit the, you know,
1:04:54
this, the bath, the fearlessness with him,
1:04:56
I moved to Sam J, black,
1:04:59
obese, lesbian. So Netflix checked
1:05:01
off a lot of boxes. Now I hit
1:05:03
them once in the ribs, right? Yeah. Mr.
1:05:05
Two minutes that stay at the desk. We
1:05:07
didn't want them here anyway. Right. Just one
1:05:10
little, one little, yeah. And
1:05:12
so I was
1:05:14
actually, that all hell
1:05:16
nods joke, which I
1:05:19
knew the second it clicked in my
1:05:21
head, like I was actually,
1:05:23
um, this sounds crazy, but I was getting
1:05:25
a massage at the time. And
1:05:28
I trap
1:05:30
a lot of shit in my shoulders. This
1:05:32
is a weird, like braggadocious stupid thing. But
1:05:35
like the masseuse had
1:05:37
her fucking elbow right in here. And I'm
1:05:39
trying to think of a Sam J joke.
1:05:42
And I'm like, okay, black lesbian. Come
1:05:44
on, Tony. You've got this. You've got
1:05:46
this. So what did
1:05:49
they do? They eat pussy, right? But what
1:05:51
a black women say, what a black women
1:05:53
say, oh, hell nah. And
1:05:56
I'm like, Oh my God. Nah, nah,
1:05:58
nah, nah, nah, nah, nah. She
1:06:00
doesn't eat pussy. She all hell-naws on it
1:06:02
and I stopped the massage and I'm literally
1:06:04
like I gotta I'm sorry I have to
1:06:06
get up and I get my face out
1:06:08
of my you know What I know your
1:06:11
face is swollen You can't even open your
1:06:13
eyes and shit and I'm writing this down
1:06:15
and I tell them a sooth this perfect
1:06:17
little like sweet Innocent right bull of a
1:06:19
chick that fucking goes crazy on my
1:06:22
upper back. I Go, I
1:06:24
just wrote a joke about a black lesbian.
1:06:26
I said she doesn't eat pussy She all
1:06:28
hell-naws on it and I've never she's like
1:06:32
And she's not that type of person
1:06:35
like hysterically crack up and
1:06:37
I'm like, oh fuck This is
1:06:39
like a crazy joke like it's different
1:06:41
than it's a great joke It's a
1:06:43
fucking you gotta go for it. You have to
1:06:46
believe in if you I mean another super technical
1:06:48
thing is I take a few Steps out. I
1:06:51
saw a Drake concert Like
1:06:53
eight months ago Which was amazing and I kept
1:06:55
noticing that he would do this thing where he
1:06:57
would go right up to the edge of the
1:07:00
stage at times He's on a box in the
1:07:02
round and on big things and on big lines
1:07:04
It almost looked like his foot was hanging off
1:07:06
and like he was in it's a high stage
1:07:08
extra high stage too and it would look like
1:07:11
he was about to fall off and I loved
1:07:13
it sometimes I'll see like a great concert or
1:07:15
something and I'll be like, oh that's rock. Yeah,
1:07:17
that's good So I started kind of applying that
1:07:19
to the big theaters stand-up shows that I was
1:07:22
doing and on the all hell-naws joke I was
1:07:24
so excited and I looked down I almost
1:07:26
fell off the fucking stage live on Netflix
1:07:28
because I took a few steps up I
1:07:30
go she doesn't eat pussy. She ah Like
1:07:33
I mean I literally stepped out for
1:07:35
almost alive on Netflix in the middle
1:07:38
of a killer set almost Disappeared out
1:07:40
of a real quick before we wrap
1:07:42
up. How happy is your mom for
1:07:44
all? Oh, she's ecstatic She's
1:07:47
absolutely fucking she came on your mom's
1:07:49
house. Yeah, ten years ago or something
1:07:51
Oh, she's like one of my favorite
1:07:53
things. Oh, yeah, she loves you guys.
1:07:56
She she talks about that all
1:07:58
the time But she must be elated for
1:08:00
your success. Oh it's absolutely insane.
1:08:02
She's like my doctor and the
1:08:04
ladies at the, you know, she's 78. Yeah.
1:08:07
She's like I went to my doctor's appointment all the
1:08:09
ladies are like are you Tony's mommy killed
1:08:11
it? That's awesome. Like everywhere she goes which
1:08:13
is like there. That's where 78 year olds
1:08:16
go. Yeah. To the doctor's office where there
1:08:18
hangs. Yeah. All right one more question. Yeah.
1:08:20
One more question and this
1:08:22
is maybe a useless question. You've been
1:08:24
doing stand up how long? 17 years.
1:08:27
17 years. I've been doing it 22 maybe
1:08:29
23 maybe 24. Wow. Which is another crazy
1:08:34
thing. Sorry to interrupt you for a change.
1:08:36
Payback's a bitch. But no
1:08:40
that week, this crazy week that I had was my
1:08:42
17 year anniversary of starting stand
1:08:44
up at the comedy store and my
1:08:46
three year anniversary of my cancellation all
1:08:49
in the same crazy ass week that
1:08:51
I had in LA which was pretty
1:08:53
crazy. Fucking nuts. Yeah. Staple Center, TwoForums,
1:08:55
YouTube theater and I got to basically
1:08:57
call my shot at the comedy store.
1:08:59
Like the highest level that you dream
1:09:02
up as a door guy being able
1:09:04
to be the special guest pop
1:09:06
in and be like I want to go now. Which
1:09:09
you know I only was doing my
1:09:11
normal set. Yeah. Like a good human.
1:09:13
But you know
1:09:16
it was just a very surreal week
1:09:18
of hitting the, yeah that's like it.
1:09:20
Yeah. I've shared a lot of moments
1:09:22
with you privately that I don't mind
1:09:24
sharing that but
1:09:26
I in saying that I know your
1:09:29
struggle, I know where you have been, I remember
1:09:31
when the fucking cancel thing happened. I remember when
1:09:33
you were not the hot ticket item. Right. I
1:09:35
remember you getting in trouble for shit you sat
1:09:37
on a plane with Joe one time. I remember
1:09:40
all that. You were there. You were
1:09:42
the only person that was there the day I
1:09:44
did my first
1:09:47
paid regular spot. You were the only person, you pulled me
1:09:49
aside and you said I know this is a big moment
1:09:51
for you. You brought
1:09:54
me out and it was and we shared that
1:09:56
privately. We had a shot together. And
1:10:00
So I know you how tough is
1:10:02
it with these kids that are doing Kill Tony that
1:10:05
are now all the sudden? So
1:10:07
famous doing these arena shows and
1:10:09
they're very talented. Yeah, Cam Patterson.
1:10:11
I took him on the
1:10:13
road He's one of the most enjoyable human beings to
1:10:15
be around his dad is fucking amazing all the time
1:10:18
Onstage offstage at restaurants on that
1:10:20
Emma trip everywhere But how do
1:10:22
you keep it measured for them
1:10:24
to let them know
1:10:26
yo, you still just started? This
1:10:29
is a long career and you're getting so
1:10:32
fucking there's with the kid that moves
1:10:34
around rock and rod. Yeah, you rock
1:10:36
it Casey rocket, I
1:10:38
mean he's fucking he's so fun to watch
1:10:41
but you how do you do
1:10:43
you talk to them? Like
1:10:45
like Joe talked to us or to
1:10:47
keep them measured to go Hey, you're just starting
1:10:49
and there's gonna be a long career and it's
1:10:51
it's not always gonna be as fire hot as
1:10:53
it is right now And
1:10:55
like because that's the most fascinating thing. It's
1:10:58
the secret sauce to my life It's the
1:11:00
thing that actually keeps everything in balance. I
1:11:02
don't have kids. I don't know, you know
1:11:04
a wife I so
1:11:07
as Corny as this sounds
1:11:09
they kind of are my You
1:11:12
know not children, but fucking sort
1:11:14
of I love comedy so much
1:11:17
I live it and breathe it
1:11:19
and so my favorite
1:11:21
thing is to tell them everything that
1:11:23
I know you know, kill Tony is
1:11:25
a It's
1:11:28
it's it's actually modeled after
1:11:31
kill bill which is like
1:11:33
training Assassins that was
1:11:35
the original idea of the name behind
1:11:37
it is like let's Fucking
1:11:40
kind of help people and teach them
1:11:44
Everything that we know and and and
1:11:46
and be fearless and work with the
1:11:48
funniest people we know And
1:11:50
if you're good, you get a golden
1:11:53
ticket if you're great if you're unbelievable,
1:11:55
you're a fucking regular Cam
1:11:57
got regular ship after one set It's
1:12:00
unprecedented on that show for me to
1:12:02
go, you know what? You're so good.
1:12:05
I want to see a new 60
1:12:07
seconds from you every single week. It
1:12:09
is such a hard position. He's the
1:12:12
youngest ever regular. He's the greenest regular
1:12:16
He had only been doing it in Austin a couple
1:12:18
months when he was made a regular He was doing
1:12:20
it in Tampa couple I think a year and a
1:12:23
half or two years something crazy And
1:12:25
so like, you know to work with the
1:12:27
funniest people, you know and to get to
1:12:29
help them and truly help them I mean,
1:12:32
I tell them all the same thing you
1:12:34
have to write write write write, right? Don't
1:12:37
waste your energy on bullshit and don't do
1:12:39
a ton of other people's podcasts They're all
1:12:41
gonna try to suck the energy
1:12:43
out of you wait to do the big
1:12:45
podcast if you want to promote yourself because
1:12:47
Everybody gets hit up immediately if you have
1:12:49
a good set on Kill Tony you get
1:12:51
invited to 30 Austin Not
1:12:54
open micers, but you know, whatever. Yeah, yeah I
1:12:57
give them all the advice which I that I can
1:13:00
which is all trickle down from Joe which
1:13:02
I think goes for all of Us Joe created
1:13:04
this paradigm where you share all the information Absolutely
1:13:07
if Kill Tony was 20 years ago
1:13:10
It would be a shit show. Yep that kid cam.
1:13:13
He we did an arena in Portland,
1:13:16
Maine and During
1:13:18
my set he went and did two open mics.
1:13:20
Yeah, they're crazy. That's what they do came back
1:13:23
Yeah, dad's like his dad was there his dad's
1:13:25
like you should be hanging out. He's like, no,
1:13:27
I gotta get on stage I was like that's
1:13:29
the fucking hunger man What they
1:13:31
do and that's how I was I was
1:13:33
a fucking nut my boy Toby
1:13:35
who just moved here to be a bartender
1:13:37
here He was a former bartender at the
1:13:39
comedy store Reminded me the other
1:13:42
day He goes dude.
1:13:45
I was telling somebody about your work ethic. They
1:13:47
were talking shit They were saying I don't know
1:13:49
how Tony got this or that or whatever. I
1:13:51
go. Let me tell you something Tony He's from
1:13:54
Chicago. I'm a bad impressionist. But anyway, he goes
1:13:56
Tony used to fucking when I was a door
1:13:58
guy at the store He
1:14:01
goes Tony used to get on the fucking tour buses
1:14:03
that would pull up in front of the store and
1:14:05
go hey I'm gonna do three minutes And
1:14:08
I he reminded me of that yeah I used
1:14:10
to do that like if it was before a
1:14:12
shift or whatever and the TMZ bus Came
1:14:14
up and they had a microphone on the thing
1:14:16
so I would go right up there and I
1:14:18
go hey How's everybody doing? I had some bad
1:14:21
jobs in my day You see a busboy in
1:14:23
a bag boy like all these corny shit terrible
1:14:25
fucking beginner level jokes and But
1:14:27
but it was work I'm getting better and
1:14:29
that's how they all are and I share that with
1:14:31
them I go if you guys want to go bomb
1:14:33
it and open mic after fucking doing a sold-out theater
1:14:35
with me feel free They've been doing that the whole
1:14:37
time Hans Kim him William Casey. They just
1:14:40
can't get enough They have a vegetable appetite
1:14:42
or a maid comics And if they get
1:14:44
one little tag or one little thing all
1:14:47
of a sudden that's 15 20 seconds out
1:14:49
of next week's minute that They've chipped away
1:14:51
at so, you know kill Tony you get
1:14:53
to actually watch these people grow And
1:14:56
it's you know, they everybody in-house
1:14:58
loves them when they see their
1:15:00
long sets and People
1:15:04
can nitpick, you know at their minutes
1:15:06
on kill Tony But never
1:15:08
ever ever in the history of comedy have you
1:15:10
gotten to watch? Somebody's actual
1:15:13
growth you're getting to watch them
1:15:15
put together their brand and their
1:15:17
cams new minutes are always fucking
1:15:19
good bro The Casey Rockets is
1:15:21
fucking awesome William and Hans
1:15:23
all the all the people you have on
1:15:25
David Lucas is a monster There's
1:15:27
so many fucking great. You're so good for
1:15:30
comedy the thing we love the most and
1:15:32
and look at all Fish stinks
1:15:35
at the head Joe Rogan created a
1:15:37
paradigm for us to give. Oh, yeah,
1:15:39
and and you man. I'm I'm
1:15:42
so Happy for
1:15:44
your success genuinely happy. Thank you. Would
1:15:46
you kill them? I was like, yeah
1:15:49
I told you I was very proud of you man. Oh,
1:15:51
yeah, that was amazing. You like helped me like Settle
1:15:54
back in like the adrenaline from that because
1:15:56
it was kind of like I don't know
1:15:58
eight mile issue my like moment right
1:16:01
just letting go and have
1:16:03
letting all the work do it for
1:16:05
me yeah and like being there with you and
1:16:07
like I looked out in the crowd and I
1:16:09
thought it was like a blur as corny as
1:16:11
that sounds cuz I've done arenas and I've done
1:16:13
stand-up in the round at Madison Square Garden and
1:16:16
all these places with Joe and my
1:16:18
own big giant theaters but there was something
1:16:20
about all of that coming together live on
1:16:22
Netflix awesome to see and we're super happy
1:16:24
for you personally for the podcast too also
1:16:26
we will call you on the next roast
1:16:29
yeah I'm gonna help you guys out I'll
1:16:32
do the same fucking set thank
1:16:35
you fucking set thank you
1:16:38
can suck my dick America the world
1:16:40
is global bird the whole world we'll
1:16:42
see you next time thanks guys thank
1:16:44
you oh
Podchaser is the ultimate destination for podcast data, search, and discovery. Learn More