0:00

My name is Alex, and I have an incredible

0:02

birth family and also an incredible

0:05

found family. Nor

0:11

will be alright forever. Nor

0:21

will be alright alright.

0:26

So I think it goes without saying. I

0:28

think I say it all of the time. I brag about

0:30

it. Really at this point, I have the

0:33

greatest family, like in the whole

0:35

world. I mean, they're gonna be on my podcast.

0:37

We're gonna talk about all of that, even in a deeper sense

0:39

than you know. But if you know me at all, I

0:42

am no pun intended a family guy.

0:44

Like it is who I am. I was raised with

0:46

the coolest mom, the best dad, and my

0:49

absolute superhero and three sisters

0:51

who are like equal parts hype

0:53

women and security guards. Like it's

0:55

a it's a nice balance, and they're

0:58

incredible, And up until I

1:00

moved to New York at eighteen years old, they

1:03

were the only people I really kind

1:05

of considered family. Um.

1:08

And when I turned eighteen and I moved to New York, I

1:10

think I went through what every eighteen

1:12

year old goes through, which is like, who

1:15

am I? What do I like? Now I'm an adult,

1:17

I get to do what I want, I get to act how I want.

1:19

Everything that I've been told I can't do. I want

1:21

to do, and I wanted to try so many

1:23

new things. I was working at All Saints, and then afterwards

1:26

I remember going to like a cantina

1:28

where they never carded people because I was eighteen years old,

1:31

and like all of those things that happened

1:33

while I was in New York, and there was a period of

1:35

time I didn't see my parents for like four

1:38

or five months, which I know doesn't sound like

1:40

a lot. Actually now I'm saying it like doesn't sound like a lot

1:42

of time at all, but for me, that's probably

1:44

equivalent to like a decade. Even now,

1:46

living in a completely different state, I see

1:49

my parents at least once a month, and then when

1:51

they all when we all lived in the same state, it would be insane

1:53

if I didn't see them four or five times

1:55

a week. So that all being said, being

1:57

away from them for that long time and

2:00

being somebody who always needs,

2:04

not necessarily the presence of other people, but

2:06

other energy. I always feed off of other

2:08

people's energy, and if I don't have it, then I

2:10

don't really feel quite like myself. A

2:12

lot of my friends that I had that lived in New

2:14

York, that I had known, you know, my management and

2:17

my business management and even

2:19

just close friends I had in New York became

2:22

this new kind of version of family

2:24

that I would have you know, dinners with, and I

2:26

would if they had kids, I would get close with their kids.

2:29

If they lived with their parents, I would get close with their parents.

2:31

If they had grandparents, I would go up there, like I remember

2:33

going to I want to shout out Robin Mann,

2:35

who was probably my first version of

2:38

like found family. When I was eighteen, I

2:40

lived with her. She had two kids that were about my

2:42

age, two sons. I remember going

2:44

to pass over at her mom's house

2:46

and like being treated like just like another son

2:48

and having that like found family. Ron

2:50

Starr, who has been on our show before, talking

2:53

about finances, I remember sleeping

2:55

on his couch and when I didn't have money,

2:57

he would like give me extra money to make

3:00

or I could eat and I could pay for recording

3:02

equipment. And seeing that and having

3:05

them as such a close family, And I want to preface

3:07

this whole episode that neither

3:09

of the two are better or

3:11

worse, or or more important

3:13

or less important. I would never trade anything in

3:15

the world for my birth family at

3:17

all, Like I think I still have the greatest family

3:20

ever, but I think it's healthy as a person

3:23

to experience life

3:26

as you know, on your own, and

3:28

so like I think about things like that where it's like, I think

3:30

it's important to branch out. And I'm so

3:32

excited about this episode because we have two amazing

3:34

guests, one of them being a

3:37

piece of my found family. So it

3:39

really just got me thinking how important

3:41

is found family and where do you find

3:44

family? No, we

3:46

are what

3:50

is up? Everybody? Welcome back to Let's get into

3:52

it. This is my podcast where we talk about

3:54

really everything. I'm so excited

3:56

about this episode. This is um an episode

3:58

that we actually was one of the first episodes we ever

4:01

thought about doing, because it's something that's

4:03

very important to me, like you heard in my story earlier,

4:05

which is found family or chosen

4:07

family versus your birth family

4:10

or your assigned family. UM. So, I have some

4:12

awesome guests to talk about this

4:14

exact topic. First, I have a therapist

4:16

also known as the Angry Therapist,

4:19

author, host of the podcast also called

4:21

the Angry Therapist, and a brand new

4:23

dad which we'll talk about later. Side note.

4:25

He is the partner of one of our previous guests.

4:27

Vanessa Bennett, who joined us for the Mindfulness

4:30

episode. Uh, they are partners, they're both

4:32

therapists. I have a lot of questions about that.

4:34

John Kim, how are you man? I'm will

4:36

thank you so much for having me. I'm excited

4:38

to be here. It's a it's a fun topic

4:41

and I'm not gonna lie. John, you have some

4:43

you have some real competition with this guest, because this next

4:45

guest is also my best friend in the

4:47

whole world. I have known him

4:50

for now six years.

4:52

Um. We have traveled the world together. He's

4:55

an amazing photographer. He's one of my my closest

4:57

friends and is now as of like a month ago, my

5:00

roommate Dylan March. What's up?

5:02

What's up, buddy?

5:05

I didn't know. I didn't know that. I didn't know the intro, the way

5:07

that we're set up. If you if you're not visually seeing

5:09

this is me and Dylan are sitting in the same room.

5:12

We have Catherine the producer in her house, and we have John

5:14

in his house. So it's gonna be very very interesting.

5:16

First, Dylan and I are gonna be talking about a

5:18

topic that Katherine named, and I think it's

5:20

so funny. Because it's the one time that it's true

5:23

a brother from another mother. Then

5:25

we're gonna take a break, John and I are going to talk about

5:28

finding your family. And then lastly

5:30

we're gonna have a big round table talking about your

5:32

first family, your birth family, uh,

5:34

and how that compares and contrasts to your

5:36

found family. But before we get into

5:38

those topics, I have a question that I ask every

5:41

single one of my guests, including myself, and

5:43

that question is what have you been doing this

5:45

week to improve your life?

5:47

Um? I'll go first, uh and Dylan knows

5:50

this. I am back on the fitness

5:52

train in full. Like I think with

5:54

the second shutdown of California that came

5:56

in like July, I got to a point where I was

5:58

like, what's the point of being in really good shape

6:01

when nobody sees it? And

6:03

I'm and I'm eating only healthy foods

6:05

and something that I enjoy a lot, which is all

6:07

different types of foods. So I kind of let

6:10

myself slip a little bit. But now I'm fully

6:12

back on the fitness train. I started working with

6:14

a personal trainer um via

6:16

Zoom and it's a it's awesome. So that's

6:18

what I've been doing this week to improve myself? Dylan,

6:21

what do you have for us um?

6:23

Doing the fitness thing as well, But as

6:26

of last Friday, I left my

6:29

nine to five job, and I think I'm gonna be doing a

6:31

bit more photography and trying to lean into that

6:33

a bit. So it's a bit of a

6:35

bigger change. But this week I'm putting

6:37

some effort into that solid, solid

6:40

John, what do you have for us um?

6:42

I've been trying to get off the hedonic treadmill.

6:45

And what I mean by that is I spent most of my life

6:47

trying to chase shiny things, tying

6:50

happiness to once I get that

6:52

thing, whether that is, you know, a range rover

6:55

or an empire, doesn't

6:57

matter what it is, that thing right, or maybe it's a

6:59

better body um. And so

7:01

I'm trying to break the habit of

7:03

tying my worth to something

7:06

that is outside of self. That's

7:08

a that's a practice, that's a lifelong practice,

7:10

but just been really trying to focus on it this week. That

7:12

seems like a challenge for me to be doing

7:15

next week. For next week's what have I been doing to

7:17

improve myself? Because I think I could definitely use a

7:19

little bit of that work solid. Well,

7:21

look it looks like we're having all we're all having a great week.

7:23

We're all having a great time. Everybody a lot of time. Great

7:25

week. Um, well, that's just crack

7:28

straight into it. Then John will be with you in

7:30

just a second. Dylan, it's

7:32

time for us to go one on one.

7:34

I'll start off with a quote that that Catherine

7:36

found and sent to me that I really really liked. It's from Gloria

7:39

Steinham and she says, your birth family is crucial

7:41

in nurturing and raising you, but your chosen

7:44

family, your friends are really who

7:46

you grow up with and who allow you to work and

7:48

be yourself and support you in times of

7:50

bad and good, which

7:52

is exactly why I wanted to have one of my closest

7:54

friends and somebody that I consider chosen

7:57

slash found family. Dylan, here

7:59

is actually we want to go back and start from the beginning

8:02

of how our friendship turned into like

8:04

what it is today. Like you're one of he's

8:06

one of my closest friends, and oddly enough,

8:08

also your mom is one of my closest friends,

8:10

which is solid as well. Um, but

8:13

if you know you already know, if you listen to this podcast,

8:15

you probably already know Dylan because I do

8:17

reference him a lot. He is one

8:20

of my not only one of my closest friends, but one of my only friends,

8:22

um, which is fun. So let's go

8:24

back to the beginning. I actually met

8:27

Dylan through his brother Hunter, who

8:29

is dope and hopefully comes on this podcast

8:31

UM soon as well. And Hunter was

8:33

working at Awesomeness TV. This is circa

8:36

two fourteen, and long story short,

8:39

I met Hunter because I met with Awesomeness

8:41

TV. I told everybody

8:43

I would perform a song for them, and Hunter had actually

8:45

requested me to sing a Sam Smith song. That's

8:48

like the very first time I spoke with Hunter and

8:51

uh. And then through the next few

8:53

months, Hunter and I had worked together on a couple of projects

8:55

with Awesomeness TV, including

8:57

we somehow both got invited to try

9:00

out a cruise ship, like literally be the first

9:02

people to ride this cruise ship and we

9:04

both got a plus one. So I had brought

9:06

my little sister and Hunter brought

9:08

his little brother who is Dylan.

9:11

So uh, Dylan and I met on a

9:13

cruise ship. Super romantic

9:16

and long story short, I think

9:18

just the whole cruise we all just like vibe together.

9:20

We all had like a good energy with

9:23

each other, and we all just kind of got

9:25

along super well, to the point where even after

9:27

the cruise, we just like hung out all the time.

9:29

I would come over and like make a video with Hunter,

9:32

and then after Hunter and I would work, he would keep

9:34

working and I would hang out with Dylan. Dylan,

9:37

I have a fun question to ask you, because I feel like I've been

9:39

telling a story. Why do you think we

9:41

gravitated towards each other as friends?

9:44

UM, I don't know. I think my family and probably

9:47

a Hunter and me more than my mom and

9:49

Mickey who you had lived with. Um,

9:52

We've always been very attracted to people with passion,

9:55

so it doesn't really matter what it was.

9:57

I mean, at the time when we met, you had been so passionate

10:00

about music, and you were obviously

10:02

so talented, So you know, we

10:05

see that and it's something that is

10:08

driving for us. But it's also I

10:10

just think it's rare to find people

10:13

that are so passionate about things. So

10:15

we saw that with you, and it was something that obviously

10:17

we're so envious of because I think Hunter and I

10:19

have been very lucky

10:22

or gifted where we've always kind of been good at

10:24

stuff, like we've always been able to pick something up,

10:26

but we're so musically not there.

10:29

So that's definitely like something we've always been so envious

10:31

of. So I think that was probably the biggest draw

10:34

that I never never even heard you say that, which was

10:37

very meaningful. Um,

10:40

but no, I think for me too, it's literally

10:42

like, you know, coming from where. And I've

10:45

talked many times on this podcast about my

10:47

upbringing and having a lot more of a not

10:50

politically but like conservative upbringing

10:53

even outside of politics, and and

10:56

meeting you and Hunter and

10:58

having this mindset that that I

11:00

kind of adopted from you guys, which

11:03

was just more open mindedness around

11:05

everything. Like I think that's my favorite thing about you and

11:07

Hunter in your whole family is that directly

11:10

to this point, you guys really

11:12

helped open my mind and really

11:14

helped me search for other meanings

11:17

of things that I was a little confused about or I

11:19

didn't know fully, and you guys kind

11:21

of not only inspired me to think like

11:23

that, but also provided like a

11:25

place that made me feel like, oh, I can be

11:28

I can be this person, or I can try this person,

11:30

or I can swear more, or I can you

11:32

know, smoke weed or whatever it is. You guys were always

11:34

super like Dylan does not support

11:37

weed. Um. That being said,

11:40

Uh, you guys were always super open and and cool

11:42

about that. Um. You actually traveled

11:44

through Australia and lived in Australia

11:47

for what was it, un totally two years years,

11:50

So you spent some time in Australia and I ended

11:52

up hanging out more with Hunter around that time and it but

11:54

I always stayed you know, close to your family. But when

11:56

you came back, you actually went on tour

11:59

with me, and that's when we started

12:01

shooting photography and video for me, and

12:03

we actually ended up working together, which got us

12:05

you know, traveling all around the world

12:08

and going on multiple tours together. And

12:10

UM, I think that really strengthened our friendship

12:12

and made us you know, even closer. Um

12:15

up until the point now we are here

12:17

at twenty nineteen, UM, when

12:19

I was living in my old

12:22

old house, uh, and the lease

12:24

was ending. We both knew that we were going to

12:26

be leaving on tour in like two months after

12:28

that, and you had mentioned

12:30

like, since we're going to be leaving in two

12:32

months instead of signing a new lease for like a

12:34

year, why don't you just move in to my

12:36

mom's house because Dylan grew up here in

12:39

Los Angeles and uh, and long

12:41

story short, we kind of set it all

12:43

up and I moved in, which started

12:45

now like this new phase, which

12:47

was the first time that we sort of lived together,

12:50

like we lived together obviously, and then we

12:52

went on tour, which was sort of also living

12:54

together. Uh. And then when we came

12:56

back, I went and left for um

12:59

for Finding a Han at the movie that

13:02

I filmed in Thailand for like two months. When

13:04

you were filming the movie, we had always intended

13:07

on moving into a new place together. So

13:09

when Alex came in, he came

13:11

in for the tour and then he booked the movie, so he was gonna

13:13

be another away for another three months. And

13:15

in that time I had moved in with my brother. So

13:18

Alex came back from his movie and

13:21

just moved back into my mom's house by

13:23

himself. And that's kind of how that whole

13:27

stronger relationship with my family started, right

13:29

right right, because then you left, I came back,

13:32

and this was where it got like, this is where it was

13:34

really meaningful, but it was almost like funny because

13:37

I remember when Dylan called me and I was filming the

13:39

movie and he was like, yo, UM,

13:41

I have bad news for you. I'm moving out. And I

13:43

was like, all right, cool, Like I'll move out.

13:46

I'll find a spot when I get back, because in my mind

13:48

I was like, you're leaving your mom's house, like I should

13:50

also leave, like I shouldn't stay.

13:53

And then I came back and I talked to his mom

13:55

Sandy shout out, Sandy shoutow Mickey, and

13:57

I talked to his mom and I was like, hey, I'm gonna start looking

13:59

for play says, and Sandy was the one who's like,

14:01

hey, you don't have to if you don't want to, like we like

14:03

having you. And then it was from

14:05

that was probably November all

14:08

the way up until about a month

14:10

ago in October. I lived there without

14:12

Dylan, so I'd still see Dylan pretty

14:15

pretty often, UM, but I was more

14:17

so hanging out with Sandy and Mickey,

14:19

who are Dylan's mom and Dylan's stepdad.

14:22

And that's when it really I think

14:24

switched from two really really

14:26

close friends to found

14:28

family. Is where we are now, and so that's

14:31

kind of the story, and that's where I wanted to start

14:33

with. UM. But now I'm sitting here and I kind

14:35

of want to recollect with you. Del What

14:37

do you think is like the big differentiator

14:40

between like just a friend or a really good friend,

14:42

like a best friend, versus somebody who you're like,

14:44

you're like my family. Um,

14:48

I'm not too sure because I have like best friends I've

14:50

grown up with my whole life. But outside of

14:52

you and now our other roommates, Sam, like, I don't

14:54

consider anyone family like you know my

14:56

other friends and I love them, and I've been friends with him for

14:58

fifteen years. But like, if I go, you

15:01

know, years without talking to him,

15:03

I'm fine where I don't really have that with you guys.

15:06

But I don't know. It is that kind of feeling that

15:09

I know you'll always be there for me. I know Sam will

15:11

always be there for me. It's the same for you. And

15:14

I know my family will always be there for you and years

15:16

for me. So I think that's a big factor.

15:18

I think it is that trust, that kind of vulnerability

15:21

that we can have with each other, where maybe we don't

15:23

feel that way with our other friends despite how close

15:26

we feel with them. I think it's

15:28

also like just a week ago, I walked

15:30

out and I was wearing this outfit because I really wanted

15:32

to wear these shoes, and Dylan was like making

15:34

breakfast and he was just like, hey, I

15:36

gotta be honest with you. I don't like your outfit.

15:39

And it made me really like it's like I think things like that,

15:41

Like it's not only a vulnerability

15:43

that you kind to be fair. He was

15:45

going to meet a modeling agency. Yeah, granted,

15:47

I was going to get

15:49

sets of style Dylan. That's the other thing Dylan

15:51

I had, Like I absolutely bite Dylan

15:54

style. Every time he finds a new

15:56

brand, I go and I buy all of it.

15:58

It's like it's it's it's bad. But

16:01

I think another thing that makes that found family situation

16:03

easy is I think it's also natural that

16:06

you can you can also get into

16:08

that more serious moment. Like you said, like the vulnerability,

16:10

but it's also a trust that if you

16:12

say, like, hey, I don't your outfits not

16:14

the best. I think it's just like it comes from a place

16:17

to love. It reminds me of my my family when my family

16:19

would be like, hey, don't do that, you shouldn't wear

16:21

that outfit, or it's super

16:23

important and special to me. And

16:25

that's what made you guys like super closest

16:27

family to me, What was your I have a

16:29

funny question to ask, and I don't know if it's funny. I have an

16:31

interesting question to ask you as I got as you

16:34

left, What were your like initial thoughts on

16:36

like, you know, I think I called them

16:38

now very close friends of mine. I think it was

16:40

always a good thing. I mean, I

16:42

know for you that you can always seem like someone

16:44

who needed a family around, and I think your family

16:47

all left at the time. And I

16:49

know, saying from my mom, she very much had

16:52

this empty nest syndrome living in the big house.

16:54

And you know, Hunter and I weren't

16:56

that far away, but we probably weren't the

16:58

you know, first call come over

17:00

initially. So I think it was like

17:02

this perfect thing that fell

17:05

into the place for both of you. I know my mom is

17:08

you know, you're more her tribe than

17:10

I think I even am. Like she likes to have those

17:12

big, deep conversations and she wants to talk

17:14

about the universe, and you know, Hunter

17:16

and I are like, oh my god, here she goes again, like enough,

17:20

like we're done. And you're on the opposite end of the spectrum

17:22

where you're like, yeah, what does it mean,

17:24

you know, like what's it all about? And I think

17:27

you guys, you filled that gap that she

17:29

never got with us, um probably

17:31

of wanting to, you know, explore

17:35

those deeper things which she very much turned into

17:37

and with spirituality, like Hunter and I never picked

17:39

up any of the spirituality, and I think in her later

17:42

years she's very much adopted it. And

17:44

I think she likes hearing the position of someone who grew

17:46

up in a more spiritual foundation, where Hunter and I are

17:48

like, give it a rest, like we're done.

17:52

I think that's the clost part about found family

17:54

too, is that, like, you come from such different

17:56

walks of life, and if you can get to that point

17:58

of being found family, then you

18:00

can bring such a high level of quality

18:03

of just outside

18:06

perspective on on everything that

18:08

that came. I think your mom also helped me, and you

18:10

guys helped me a lot in in a lot of things

18:12

that I was raised to believe that I was

18:14

unsure about, or that things

18:16

that I didn't I wasn't raised with the

18:19

knowledge of that you guys might have had knowledge or

18:21

or experience in that helped kind of

18:23

lead me or guide me in like certain directions which I

18:25

think is super cool. We're gonna take a quick

18:27

break, but before that, I have one last question because,

18:29

like you had mentioned your you know, of

18:32

of all of your friends, the two people that you consider

18:34

found family are actually now your roommates.

18:37

But there's a very common thing that you say, like don't

18:39

live with your roommates. Um, one,

18:42

what do you think of the don't live I mean don't live with your best

18:44

friends. Sorry, don't live with your best friends, live

18:46

with your roommates. What are your thoughts on

18:49

on that concept of like don't live with your best

18:51

friends? And were you nervous about all three

18:53

of us? I know you lived with Sam when you guys were in college together,

18:55

so you had a little bit of experience in that, um,

18:57

and then we had been on tour together, which if you've

18:59

never been on tour, it's probably even closer

19:02

than being roommates because you literally

19:04

share absolutely everything of

19:08

the time. But um, but what are your thoughts on

19:10

that? Not really nervous? I mean

19:12

Sam and I have lived together. Sam's very

19:14

independent, very introverted, and I'm

19:17

kind of the same. So I think like for

19:19

me at home has always been that place where I like to be alone,

19:21

and you know, have my time to recharge.

19:23

I'm very introverted in that sense where recharge

19:26

being alone. So Sam, I wasn't nervous

19:28

about. They

19:31

know Sam, Sam and Dillon

19:33

are both so closed off, Like I'm

19:35

the one I wake up in the morning, I'm like, good morning,

19:38

everybody. What are we doing for breakfast?

19:40

What are we doing? Walk

19:43

in your room and just stand there like,

19:45

dude, what are you doing? Get

19:47

out of my room? But I

19:49

think you know now,

19:52

I think maybe touring, like because we did have that little

19:54

rift initially when we spent so much time together

19:56

that I was like kind of like, all right, dude, like I

19:58

need you to back off a little bit. But I think

20:00

as we both got busy, I mean, you're more busy

20:02

now. Um you have your girlfriend

20:05

when I don't know if your viewers now, but you

20:07

have your girlfriend now, So I

20:10

think it's less like of

20:12

that your need or my need to

20:15

be together all the time. So now

20:17

it's no issue at all. But

20:19

I mean, you know, like I like my space, and yeah,

20:21

I know you need and I need your friend

20:23

time. So I try and accommodate that. You

20:26

learn, you learn both, you learn that

20:28

exact stuff with both being roommates, but also

20:30

being found families. You figure out what works,

20:33

what doesn't work, what this person needs. And I

20:35

think that that when you get to that level of vulnerability,

20:37

that you're not worried about

20:40

if they like you or if you're going to be friends. I know I always

20:42

make the same joke to Dylan where I always say, Hey, are

20:44

we gonna be friends forever? But like, when you

20:46

have that confidence that, like you know that

20:48

it's the family level, it's not even just being

20:50

friends level, then it's you start really thinking about, Okay,

20:52

what does this person need? What can I do to help this person

20:55

either succeed in their task that they're

20:57

on right now, or even succeed in a bigger

20:59

picture. Um, but Dylan, I'm so happy

21:01

you're my friend, so happy you're my found family.

21:04

We're gonna take a quick break. When we come back, we'll be talking

21:06

with a real, truly

21:08

apparently very angry therapist.

21:11

We'll be right back. Welcome

21:14

back to Let's get into it. I'm alex Iono,

21:16

and we are here with John

21:19

Kim a k A the angry

21:21

therapist. John. What's up? What's

21:23

up? I want to say first, I've been sitting here

21:25

just staring at your glowing skin and feeling

21:28

really old man. And I'm sitting in front of a window,

21:30

so I got a natural sunlight coming in. We're on zoom,

21:32

there's no filters, and your skin is

21:34

just glowing. It's like I also

21:37

have a big bright window in front of

21:39

me, so it's giving it. It's really favoring

21:41

me. And Dylan's also sitting back farther and

21:43

not getting the light, so it's even giving a better

21:46

contrast. It's truly, it's

21:48

truly a wizard of our situation. You gotta look. You

21:50

probably beautiful skin too. I just can't see you that far.

21:53

Yn't going as well. Dylan

21:55

is better askin than I do. I break out. I have

21:57

like I have to go to the dermatologist all the time. All

22:00

In like throws spaghetti

22:02

water on his face and it's fine. It

22:04

does a job. Yeah. Um,

22:07

so, John, We're gonna get into the whole

22:09

found family thing because I want to hear your experience

22:11

if you have you know, the same kind of situation.

22:13

But before we get into that, I want to know because

22:15

you know my listeners. I'm sure

22:18

some of them have heard of heard your podcasts

22:20

and are familiar with you, but I want to know what makes

22:22

you the angry therapist? Um?

22:25

Just being Korean man. I was born angry,

22:27

that's my default. No. I

22:30

I used to be a really angry person. And I was angry

22:32

because I was unhappy. I was

22:34

in my twenties, a

22:36

struggling screenwriter in Hollywood, grew up

22:38

in l A. And I didn't allow

22:40

myself to be happy until I was successful.

22:42

My definition of success was, you know, the house

22:45

on the hills, the fancy cars

22:47

and a three picture deal, all that stuff. Um.

22:49

And I was talking to my own therapist and he's like,

22:51

if you can't be a screenwriter, what

22:53

do you want to do with your life? And I was like, you know what, if I can't

22:55

move people by the masses, I want to do

22:58

what you're doing. I've always loved psychology. I want

23:00

to go be a therapist. And he's like, well, go do it.

23:02

And um, next thing you know, I'm thirty

23:05

five, just got divorced, and

23:07

I'm in grad school. And what I didn't know,

23:09

what he didn't tell me was after you graduate,

23:12

you got to do three thousand hours. And so

23:14

it took me six years, which

23:16

probably compounded my anger. Um

23:19

and and so that you know, I used to be angry.

23:21

I'm not angry anymore, but um, I used

23:23

to be unh angry. That came from being

23:25

unhappy, angry

23:27

stemming from unhappiness. That's that's

23:29

awesome. I think the coolest thing is and and uh

23:32

and again your partner Vanessa, who has been on the show.

23:34

If I'm not mistaken, she also has a similar

23:36

background in the sense, so she was working production,

23:39

right, wasn't she a producer? Yes,

23:41

incorporate so not in entertainment

23:44

for vitening water for you

23:46

know, right right right and adds and adds.

23:48

That's what it was. And so that's that's that's super cool.

23:51

I'm very very interested in hearing

23:53

more of your podcast, so we're definitely going to be

23:55

listening to it more and more. But let's get back to

23:57

uh, found family, what do you have an experience

24:00

with that with them, with kind of adopting

24:02

your own, you know, group of people that feel

24:04

so um what what a great topic.

24:07

By the way, And when I was listening to you guys

24:09

and how you are so integrated

24:11

with your your roommate and his family

24:14

and vice versa, and I was like, and there

24:16

was a part of me that was kind of jealous. I was like, wow,

24:18

that's amazing to have that kind of support. And

24:20

I think with me, I remember

24:22

having a found family when I was younger.

24:25

So I grew up in the eighties. You guys were just

24:27

an idea. And my parents

24:29

are always at work, right because they are workaholics,

24:31

and so I was left alone. There were also not

24:33

a lot of Asian people. Um, so I

24:35

was kind of like the Korean

24:38

orphan that the families took

24:40

in for like Thanksgiving, you know, And

24:42

so I just hopped around and then and I remember

24:45

the uh, the warmth and the support

24:47

of being around a

24:49

family, not only because I was friends with the

24:52

you know, their children, and also but the

24:54

mom and dad and the older sisters. And

24:56

it was almost tribal. And I can imagine

24:58

back in the day, this is what it felt like

25:01

to do life with people. It

25:03

had that kind of like community, tribal,

25:06

you know, win this together. Um. And then

25:08

as I grew up just been on

25:10

my own and being like a drifter.

25:13

I haven't experienced that since I was like twelve. Mm

25:16

hm, that's that's uh.

25:18

I don't know if that's awesome or if it's I mean,

25:20

it made you where where you are now, which is which

25:23

is awesome. Um, but I can that's totally

25:25

tough because I think for me, like you said

25:27

the word tribe, and for me growing up

25:30

in Los Angeles and you know,

25:32

living with my family and turning eighteen moving to New

25:34

York, having other found family like I've mentioned

25:36

earlier in the stories, I don't

25:38

know where I would be without it, and

25:41

and so um, I I applaud

25:43

you for not having that kind of situation

25:46

and and and still ending up where you are, which

25:48

is which is amazing. Yeah, I mean

25:50

I have my own family now, but maybe that's also why

25:53

I've been so angry that I've

25:55

never had a found family. Um, well,

25:57

there you go. We're not meant to do life

25:59

alone. You know, we're tribal creatures, and

26:01

so uh having a

26:03

support system, having having not only

26:05

friends, but other people that you can count on,

26:08

Man, that makes you feel less alone in the in the world.

26:10

And also when it's hard to believe in yourself,

26:12

you have other people that are gonna champion your story and carry

26:15

that And that's amazing absolutely. And I

26:17

mean outside of being the angry therapist

26:19

on your podcast, you are a real therapist

26:22

in real life. UM, And I know,

26:24

I'm sure that you've experienced,

26:26

you know, people clients who come to you

26:29

and experience things like this. I know, in talks

26:31

with my own therapist, he refers

26:33

a lot to like a support group or

26:35

or you know, your close friends, or

26:38

my therapist even references that found family

26:40

or that chosen family to rely on. How

26:42

often are you seeing or utilizing

26:45

people at like people's friends or people's support

26:47

groups that aren't necessarily their birth family, UM

26:50

to help them get through things that they're dealing with.

26:52

Yeah. So the thing for me now, and I think it's

26:54

been happening in the last I would say five to ten

26:56

years, the explosion of UM

26:59

commun needy with fitness. You know, you're talking about

27:02

fitness and how that's your thing this week.

27:05

UM. The invention of things like

27:07

cross fit was the tightness of

27:09

the community and before

27:11

the pandemic, when we were out and about, I

27:14

found a lot of support and power in going

27:16

to those classes and sweating

27:18

with people, you know, building something,

27:20

whether it's a new body or friendship in communities.

27:23

And uh, I think because back in the day, we

27:25

know, you know, we just went to the gym and and we just

27:27

picked up weights and and you know, reading

27:30

us weekly on the treadmill and stuff. I was very kind of like

27:32

a lot of solitude. Um. Now

27:35

it's like you do it in communities, and I

27:37

think that's that's the way to do it these days as

27:39

an adult. You know, yeah, absolutely,

27:41

Um, I think I think one of the biggest things in terms

27:44

of found family is, you know, some people

27:47

use their found family or or

27:49

really rely on their found family because they

27:51

don't have or they they are pretty distant

27:53

from their birth family, um, like you mentioned

27:56

earlier. But then I also think that some people

27:58

use their found family, you express

28:01

themselves in ways that they feel like they might not

28:03

be able to with their birth family.

28:06

Immediately, think of Mila jam

28:08

who was on our Beyond the Beyond

28:11

the Binary episode, and she

28:13

referenced in her upbringing how

28:16

she didn't even realize who

28:18

she could be or who she really truly

28:21

was at heart until she moved out to New York

28:23

and started hanging out with other

28:26

gay or trans friends. And and so that's

28:28

what comes to my mind is the LGBTQ plus community

28:30

specifically because in my own

28:33

experiences firsthand, I've had friends

28:35

who have come out to me and there are other found

28:37

family before they actually turn

28:39

around and and and actually come out to their

28:42

their birth family or their assigned family.

28:44

Why has found family important or

28:47

more important to some people, um than their

28:49

actual birth family. I think because it gives

28:51

you fresh perspective. It's kind of what you're talking about

28:53

now. Families are very sticky. The dynamic

28:55

of a family is very sticky. So when you grow

28:58

up with a certain kind of set of rules

29:00

and values and all that, and that's what you used to um,

29:03

you're very narrow and it feels like that, you know, there's

29:05

there's a very clear cut what's wrong, what's right. And

29:08

then when you get absorbed by another

29:10

family, another container, another space,

29:12

another tribe. Now you're seeing,

29:15

um, the world through other other lenses.

29:17

And then I think then it opens it up and it's like,

29:20

oh wait, you know this family

29:22

thinks these things and it's different from mine.

29:24

It's not not not wrong or right, but you know, and now

29:26

I have choices, and I think that's it

29:29

can stretch you mentally, you know it.

29:31

It's the world big mentally, emotionally,

29:34

psychologically, UM, there's

29:37

this like weird sense that I feel of

29:39

like of almost like belonging

29:41

that I feel when I'm connected to my found

29:44

family or when I'm connected to people

29:46

who feel open enough to be their truest

29:48

selves, and and there's like there's this

29:51

inclusivity that you feel on

29:53

both ends, that you feel like you're including somebody

29:55

enough that they feel comfortable. And then also when

29:58

you're on the receiving end, that you just feel included

30:01

and you feel like you belong. I go back to like

30:03

my friendship with Dylan and and and

30:05

Hunter and Sandy and all of them. When

30:08

I when I really got close and connected

30:11

with Sandy and Mickey and they would invite me to

30:13

family breakfasts and birthdays and stuff,

30:15

like, you feel like you belong and you feel like you're

30:17

really you know in the moment um.

30:20

What happens to somebody though mentally

30:23

when they do not have a found family, especially

30:26

if they if they really

30:29

do need one. I think it's

30:31

like, um, a saltwater

30:33

fish living in a fish

30:36

bowl, you know what I'm saying. I think, Um,

30:38

we're not designed to be to to do

30:40

life alone. And so when we don't have

30:43

a found family or friends, uh,

30:45

and we're isolating ourselves. We live

30:47

in the scariest place on

30:49

the planet, which is in between our ears. You're

30:51

right, So we're thinking a lot. We're we

30:53

have a lot of cognitive distortions, we have a lot of self

30:55

doubt, and there's no one that's gonna help

30:58

us, you know, process that there's no one that's gonna

31:00

pull us out of our mental quickstand. So it's

31:02

very easy to drown. It's very

31:04

easy that our scales turned gray

31:07

and we're not swimming if we don't

31:09

have support as far as you know, a

31:11

found family, friends, partner,

31:13

you know all of that stuff. Damn, you

31:15

said the scariest place in the world. I was thinking,

31:17

like, O, hey, where is this? And that's

31:20

wild. I'm I'm I'm keeping that. I'm gonna

31:22

write a song about that. I'll give you. I'll give you five for

31:24

writing. So

31:27

I have a couple of final questions before we take

31:29

one more break. So if somebody

31:31

is feeling alone, right, you said we were not

31:34

meant to do life alone, but

31:36

they don't necessarily have a found family. What

31:39

what's your advice and how somebody could go

31:41

about finding their community, finding

31:43

their family. I know you mentioned like workout groups

31:46

and all of those things, but what's the advice

31:48

that you would give to to the listener right now,

31:50

who is thinking, man, I need that. I

31:52

think this is where the internet

31:54

has is such a gift, right because the Internet

31:56

can be a double edged sword. Um, you

31:59

can create and joint communities online.

32:01

You know, I've gotten any and I think

32:03

if you don't have a place as far

32:05

as going outside your house, or if you don't have you

32:08

know, a fitness community, if you don't have friends,

32:11

then online you can jump

32:13

into communities that you

32:15

know based on your passion, based on what you

32:18

like, and start engaging

32:20

with people, whether to via zoom

32:22

or even if it's on Facebook, it doesn't matter, right,

32:24

It's still there's real people been those profile picks.

32:26

So um, I think that's that's a good

32:28

place to start, you know. Yeah, I think that's really cool

32:30

about that is that as public

32:33

as the Internet can be, you know, you

32:35

can also sign up with a private account. If it's something

32:37

that you're nervous about, you can make a whole side

32:39

private account and and be in a group

32:42

that makes you feel, you know, true

32:44

to yourself and makes you feel heard and seen.

32:46

And you could be going by you could go by

32:49

you know, John Kim the Angry therapist, or you could

32:51

go by like you know, Josh Michael's

32:53

the X you know, college

32:56

swimmer. No, but like nobody knows, and so I

32:58

think, um, that's something that that could be really

33:00

meaningful. And I think it's also very meaningful right now during

33:02

COVID and during this pandemic, especially

33:04

as we're unfortunately looking like

33:06

we're prepping for the second wave of it all

33:08

and we're not going to be able to hang out with each other

33:11

and go out and mingle and socialize with each

33:13

other. Um, is there any other advice

33:16

that you would have, especially for right now where we are,

33:18

outside of being online, for

33:20

somebody who needs to go about trying to find

33:22

some found family right now. You know, it's something

33:25

that you have to make an effort to effort

33:27

for. I mean, you know, I think a lot of people, even with friends, as

33:29

we become adults. When we're in school, friends

33:31

kind of are in our structure.

33:34

So whether it's you know, camp or recess

33:36

or detention, it's a lot of plug in play.

33:38

But when you become adults, you actually have to make

33:40

an effort to make friends, you know, and I think a lot of us,

33:43

um, we don't do that. I know I didn't. I thought

33:45

friends were a waste of time growing up. You know, I

33:47

just wanted to build my empire, and now I'm realizing

33:50

how important it is. So whether you do

33:52

it online or offline, it's like

33:54

building any relationship, you have to go find

33:57

and put effort into creating

33:59

your found family, creating friendships. You gotta

34:01

put yourself out there, you know. Yep,

34:03

that's and I think that's a perfect place to end. You

34:05

gotta go out there. You do have to put in the work. Found families

34:08

and something that you find by

34:10

just you know, sitting at home and you

34:12

know, wallowing in your own sadness. So this

34:15

is this is that outside voice saying you

34:17

got this, go for it, Go

34:19

and put in that work, and I know that

34:21

you'll find people. That's the biggest thing too, that

34:23

is that as different as we all are as

34:25

people, I think everybody has some

34:28

group or some friend or some found

34:31

family somewhere that will completely

34:33

you know, fit to them the way that I'm fortunate

34:36

to have, you know, the March family, um

34:38

and and Mickey and Sandy Lee,

34:40

you know fit with me. Yeah

34:43

yeah, And you know, label it under self care.

34:45

You know, it's not something extra. It's just

34:47

like your daily sweat or what you put

34:49

in your body. You got to make an effort

34:52

to surround yourself with people that are going

34:54

to champion your story. That is perfect,

34:56

John, thank you so much for coming on the podcast. We're gonna

34:58

take a quick break when we can back. We've talked a

35:00

lot about Found family. Now we're going to compare

35:02

and contrast it to our birth families

35:04

and how those work together. We'll be right

35:06

back. All

35:09

right, we are back. This is let's get into it.

35:11

I'm alex Ion No. We have had

35:13

some great conversations today with my guests

35:16

Dylan March, my best friend, and John Kim,

35:18

the Angry Therapist, And now we're talking

35:20

about your first family, your birth

35:22

family versus your found family.

35:24

And I don't really think versus in the sense of like

35:26

they ever are clashing, because for me, like

35:29

I mentioned earlier in my story, I have, in my

35:31

opinion, the best family on Earth. I was assigned

35:33

and given and birth to an

35:35

incredibly supportive and incredibly

35:38

loving, no matter who I am, no matter how

35:40

I act, loving type of family,

35:43

and I just kind of added on to it. Um.

35:46

We've talked a lot about that kind of on

35:48

this episode and how important found family can

35:50

be. I guess for

35:52

me, obviously, my my family super healthy.

35:54

Dylan, your family, you guys are all

35:57

you guys are all very close and it's a very good,

35:59

tight knit family. Um, John,

36:01

what's your what is your thought

36:03

on how healthy slash

36:05

unhealthy relationship from our first family

36:07

can play into how much somebody will need

36:10

a found family. Oh, I think it's everything.

36:12

I worked in nonprofit for five years helping

36:15

teenage addicts with their addiction,

36:18

and over five years treating

36:20

you know, thousands of kids. The one common

36:22

denominator was a family.

36:25

And uh no one had dad's

36:27

So either dad was not there or

36:29

he was emotionally not there. And so

36:31

I saw the byproduct of that. And uh,

36:33

I think we live in a father to listen nation, you know. And

36:35

even with with my family, my dad

36:38

was great. He came to America with no money, worked

36:40

his ass off, but he was also an

36:42

alcoholic and I think a workaholic.

36:45

And uh, you know, he never taught me how to hit

36:47

a ball. He never sat down and told

36:50

me what a man looks like. Um,

36:52

we never had any kind of those kind of conversations.

36:55

And so I found my role models. Um,

36:57

you know, in movies in locker rooms,

37:00

and they were all distorted versions of men

37:02

right in pornography and you know everything

37:05

that that was outside of the family. And so

37:07

I wonder who I would

37:09

have become or if I wonder if I

37:11

would have crossed a great divide from boy demand

37:14

in a faster if I

37:16

had a dad who was more present,

37:19

you know. Yeah, absolutely,

37:21

and Dylan. Now, I guess on the contrast,

37:24

how does your I guess you might not necessarily

37:27

have a need for a found family, but like,

37:29

we've spent a lot of family time together. My family was just here

37:31

about a month ago, and we have all of that experience.

37:34

What's your experience with the found family, even though you

37:36

do have such an awesome dope

37:39

family as it stands me. Yeah,

37:41

I mean, I'm very much on a contrast to you, John.

37:43

I grew up with, you know, my dad, who

37:45

was kind of my superhero and probably one of the most

37:47

affectionate men on the planet. And

37:49

then when I was five, my stepdad

37:52

came into the picture and he was like double

37:54

that role. And they've always had such a

37:56

healthy relationship between my dad and stepdad,

37:59

and without ever admitting

38:01

it, they're probably best friends as well. Wow,

38:04

that's amazing. I'm going to leave this podcast

38:06

really angry and jealous.

38:08

Justify um.

38:12

But so I think for me, I mean,

38:14

it's like you said, like I think, I

38:16

think my family has always been very quick

38:18

to welcome people in between

38:20

you and even Sam, and so

38:23

I think probably my idea of found family isn't

38:26

so strong because I've always felt so supported

38:29

by mind. But yeah, with your family, I've never

38:31

felt, you know, not included.

38:33

And I think because even initially,

38:35

I know, I'm sure we were way Hunter and

38:37

I were not the friends

38:39

you're probably parents expected from

38:42

you how to and I grow very

38:44

liberally, and we were, you know, I think, hyper

38:47

sexualized, very young, and I think when when we

38:49

had met Alex, he was very on

38:51

the opposite the end of that spectrum. Always

38:54

think even going to bring that stuff off, But that's hilarious,

38:56

keep going. So I think we're just lucky, because I do think

38:58

your parents had some warming up to do to us,

39:00

but they have and I think they see the

39:03

value that we've brought to your life, and I you

39:06

know, I'm so happy that they can accept people

39:08

like us who are very not probably

39:11

what they're used to. Yeah, I think that that's the big

39:13

thing is like found family. There's

39:16

it's like a it's a two part thing, like you have to find

39:18

the family, but then you also have to be the family

39:20

that is welcoming and opening

39:23

or and open, you know, like you said, my parents

39:25

were with you, and I think your parents were with me.

39:28

And in a smaller sense, like I'm

39:30

making the loudest noise I possibly can

39:32

for about twelve hours a day, and

39:35

the fact that not only your

39:37

mom and Mickey were cool with it, they were also

39:39

like they wanted to hear it. They would often ask

39:41

what I'm doing, And it's I think it's a

39:43

dual effort thing for a found

39:46

family that you want to be good

39:48

to this found family, but also the found

39:50

family is going to be open and uh

39:52

and loving and and and inclusive

39:55

with you or or either of your family

39:57

is willing to adopt at this point or no

40:00

stopped. Yeah for seven

40:02

year old Korean therapists, you are so welcome

40:04

to calm. We having Thanksgiving here at the house. John,

40:06

you Vanessa, You're more than

40:09

welcome to come. I think it would be amazing and I'm sure

40:11

that we could all use some more therapy, so it'd be perfect

40:13

it'll be a perfect exchange.

40:16

Um. I think something that I really really

40:18

loved when I was thinking about this

40:21

whole episode is the concept of like family

40:23

values. Right, So, like I was raised

40:26

and my family as values, but then I

40:28

blend my birth family and my new family

40:31

together and I have my own set of family

40:33

values. You know. I think for me being

40:35

raised and very religiously being raised

40:37

in Arizona, which fortunately is starting

40:40

to turn but originally was an insanely

40:42

conservative state, especially politically

40:45

too. Then moving to California, having

40:47

friends like Dylan and Hunter and having

40:50

a team like Billy and Liz and Ron

40:52

who have helped me kind of learn new things.

40:54

And I really experienced so many things in life, and

40:56

now I have my own set of family values.

40:58

And I think a lot, especially right now, a lot of people

41:00

are spending a lot of time away from their families,

41:02

some of them for the first time ever. Yeah,

41:06

what's something that you both discovered that

41:08

you deeply valued yourself that didn't

41:11

necessarily come from the family

41:13

that you were raised in, Something that you would consider

41:15

your own and your future family

41:17

values. You know, I get admit, I'm kind of

41:19

on the beginning of this journey. Um,

41:21

I don't feel like I had a lot of values. I mean,

41:24

you know, I wanted to be a good person. I've never

41:27

killed anyone or you know, done anything

41:29

like that. But as far as values, I didn't

41:31

grow up with a certain set

41:34

of blueprints that we went by. Right.

41:36

Um, My parents basically wanted

41:38

to give their kids designer genes

41:41

so they wouldn't be beat up. So um,

41:43

they just worked a lot and we were just surviving.

41:45

So this idea of like, you know, here

41:47

are the values, Um, it was basically

41:50

study hard and and and try to be American.

41:52

So now at forty seven and

41:54

having an eight month old daughter, now I'm starting

41:57

to have this conversation with myself, Um,

42:00

what are my values? You know, what do I want to pass

42:02

down what's important to me? And I think it's also

42:04

what's happening in the world globally with

42:06

this whole pandemic and shake up and also the

42:09

political landscape. People are going back

42:11

to what are my values? What do I

42:13

believe in? What am I willing to fight for? So

42:16

uh, this is a very topical question,

42:18

I think globally and individually.

42:21

Yeah, for sure, Dylan,

42:23

do you have anything that you kind of put together now?

42:25

That may not necessarily be

42:28

parallel with the raising the way you're raised.

42:30

Um, I think like when I look at I

42:33

guess the ends were justified by the means from my family.

42:35

I mean, you've seen the wrath of my

42:37

mom. I mean she could

42:39

be the angry mom and do her own podcast,

42:42

but you know, she found

42:44

spirituality and in the last five

42:46

years or so over life, and that's changed a lot. But

42:49

I think everything that she's done, which you know,

42:51

we used to fear her growing up, which was

42:53

but her whole values was for us at

42:55

least. What she wanted from us was get good grades,

42:58

don't do drugs, and don't get a are pregnant,

43:00

and like other than that, our life was free to do

43:02

what we want. So you know, I could

43:04

be thirteen and come home at two in the morning if I was

43:07

sober and had good grades. And you

43:09

know, initially she scared the hell out of me. But now I think

43:11

those values that you put in me, I think I'm gonna

43:14

probably adopt with my children, but

43:16

no, I don't in terms of other families.

43:18

I think I'm I still look at my mom like

43:20

as perfect. That's what she's done. Like

43:22

where my dad I very much of like you

43:25

get older and you realize he wasn't he

43:27

was great at sports, and he was good looking, and he was the bachelor,

43:30

and he had all that stuff going for him. But I,

43:32

like, I still very much idolize

43:35

how my mom has raised us. And um,

43:38

so I think I'm gonna stay pretty true to my

43:40

first family in terms of values. That's

43:42

good. I mean, I think that I'm gonna stay true

43:44

to so many of the first and I think that that's

43:46

going to lead me into my next question that I have for both of

43:48

you are My next kind of statement is that

43:50

like when you do have a great first family, like

43:53

your found family will help you explore things or

43:55

you'll it'll help you, you know, answer

43:57

some questions for yourself. But at the end of the day,

44:00

if you have an amazing you know, first family

44:02

of an amazing birth family, I feel the exact

44:04

same. Like I think when I when I turned

44:06

eighteen, it was about the same time I met you, and

44:08

I went off and explored what life

44:11

was like outside of my small Mormon

44:14

Arizona upbringing, and I,

44:16

you know, a drank alcohol for the first time,

44:18

and I tried weed for the first time,

44:20

and like and wasn't afraid about

44:22

like waiting till marriage and all of those

44:24

things that we've talked about on this podcast before.

44:27

Um, I think a lot of those things were

44:30

less of my family not allowing

44:32

me to do those things and more of me being

44:34

worried that they wouldn't do those

44:36

things. I kind of made the decision for them.

44:39

Um. But I'm so lucky that I

44:42

went off and I did those things and I found you

44:44

know, I I expanded my brain and I kind

44:46

of put together my own family values in such a

44:48

safe place. UM with

44:51

uh, you know, with you and with Hunter. Like

44:53

you had mentioned when we first met, I

44:55

remember this very specific conversation

44:57

we had on the cruise ship that

44:59

made me go like, holy cow, these guys

45:01

are different. These guys are not like

45:04

me. Um. And and it's it is

45:06

it is like I'm not going to explain. It's

45:08

an NSF dubs right here. For that I

45:11

want to I want to kind of crack over into

45:13

kind of closing this up. Um, John,

45:15

you're a new dad. Congratulations

45:17

to thank you. Congratulations. Uh,

45:20

you're also a new dad and probably the worst time

45:22

possible to be a new dad. I mean, we're dealing

45:24

with every problem in the world right

45:27

now, from COVID to the madness

45:29

of this election, to global warming

45:32

and climate how is

45:34

that? I think it's the well I I

45:36

disagree. I think it's the best time to be a dad.

45:38

I think it's the worst time to to have a baby.

45:41

So the actual in going

45:43

to hospital all that, of course that's terrifying,

45:45

But to be a dad, it's the best time. I

45:47

have zero pomo. No one's doing anything,

45:49

so it's like, oh, now the time to be changing

45:52

diapers. Man, I don't feel like I'm left

45:54

out. Um. I Also, we also recently

45:56

moved to a home in Altadenah. I got some

45:58

chickens now and it's

46:01

uh, you know, it's and I don't want to say that it's a distraction

46:03

because there's a lot going out going on in

46:06

the world. Um, but I

46:08

think what it does is it grounds me. So

46:10

instead of allowing myself to have

46:13

anxiety and think the sky is falling

46:15

and all of this with what's going on, UM,

46:17

I could watch that, witness that, but

46:19

then I, um, I have a baby, so

46:22

UM to look into a baby's

46:24

eyes to see you know, um,

46:27

your DNA looking back at you is is pretty

46:29

amazing. Mm hmm. And now

46:31

having this whole conversation, what

46:34

are your what are your takeaways? Um,

46:36

as a father now from your own

46:38

experience of of having an upbringing with

46:40

the birth family you did and and now you

46:42

know, being who you are. Yeah,

46:44

just to simplify, my biggest school with

46:46

my daughter is to be there. So whatever

46:49

that looks like, whether it's emotionally physically,

46:51

I have to always remind myself to be there. Um.

46:54

I think that's the most important. I don't think any

46:56

parents is perfect. I think we all have our

46:59

stuff that we gotta work through. But as

47:01

long as I'm there, I think

47:03

that will set her up for a better

47:06

life because again, I think we live in a farther

47:08

of this nation. I think a lot of dad's,

47:11

um, well moms too, but you know, just being a guy,

47:13

a lot of dad's they're just not there.

47:15

You know, they're they're they're they're emotionally

47:17

not there or they're just physically not there. And

47:20

uh, that's something that's very important to me

47:22

to be there for her. Ah, that's

47:24

that's amazing. That's where we should really end the

47:26

show here, guys. I mean, the takeaways

47:29

are easy, I think I think for me this

47:31

episode is awesome because we have three people from

47:33

three completely different walks of life, you know,

47:36

John being much much

47:38

different than Dylan and I, but even Dylan and I having

47:40

different upbringings in the sense of how we

47:42

were raised, and then when we met, you know, bringing

47:44

different qualities to each other's lives, and bringing

47:47

different qualities to each other's

47:49

families and picking up qualities from each

47:51

other's families as well, which is really awesome. And

47:53

then also understanding that while

47:56

you know, while John didn't necessarily have that

47:58

same experience growing up or through his

48:01

you know, his teens are his early adulthood. Uh,

48:04

the importance of how important

48:06

it is to not go through life alone, especially right

48:08

now in COVID and and and massive

48:11

amounts of division and

48:13

and lots of hatred going both ways. It is

48:15

very important to know that, like, life is not meant

48:17

to be done by yourself,

48:19

and it's not meant to be done in the small

48:22

bubble that you were raised in, and it's not meant

48:24

to be done you know, any other way

48:26

than inclusively and with

48:28

everybody together. So UM, thank you

48:30

guys both for being on my show. Um,

48:33

this is now my favorite part of the show is called

48:35

not So Shameless promo. UM, basically,

48:38

I'm gonna give you guys the floor and you get to tell us

48:40

where we can find you. John, you want to kick

48:42

it off, yeah, I guess. Uh.

48:44

Instagram would be the most uh where I'm the most

48:47

active at the Angry Therapists and speaking

48:49

of um families and not doing

48:51

life alone. During the pandemic, I created

48:53

something called the Lab and so we've got a

48:55

twelve live zoom groups were running every

48:57

week and uh, tons of people jumping

49:00

in there to feel like they're part of something. And

49:02

so that's also out there too.

49:04

If you want to jump in, that sounds perfect.

49:06

I might. I might have to come and jump into those just because

49:09

I like I like. Dylan knows that I like

49:11

having friends around and talking to people, and he'll

49:13

probably be happy if I joined that instead of talking

49:15

to him and wondering that in my room, instead

49:18

of standing in his room. Dylan, that being

49:20

said, give it to us for me. There's really

49:22

only Instagram. You can check it out. It's

49:25

at d l N m r c A

49:27

so Dylan Marsh without vowels some

49:29

photography stuff on there. If you're into that. Yeah,

49:31

if you need a photographer. I can tell you firsthand,

49:33

best photographer in town, shoots film, shoots

49:36

digital. I'm doing the self promo for him. Hey, what's

49:38

up, guys. This is Dylan March. Here. Shoot, I shoot,

49:40

I shoot, I shoot film, I shoot

49:42

digital, I shoot anything you want. If you want

49:45

your baby shot pictures, we got it.

49:47

We got it here for you. Come on down Dylan March

49:49

Enterprises. Thank you. The salesman,

49:51

thank you. I'm a salesman for you. Don't worry man. That's what friendships

49:54

all. That's what found family is. You gotta find somebody

49:56

who will sell your products for you. Love

49:58

it, John, Thank you so much, and thank

50:00

you so much. Listeners. Thank you so much for listening.

50:03

Again. If you are loving the podcast,

50:05

please rate the podcast, please subscribe. That

50:07

is how we grow. You could leave a um,

50:10

what's the word I'm looking for? Why do I always not know this word?

50:12

Review? Review? Thank you? Please

50:15

rate the podcast, Please subscribe to the podcast,

50:17

and if you've got some time, make a nice sweet

50:19

review. That is how we grow. But we will

50:22

see you guys next time. Thanks for listening. Peace.

50:31

We really want you to get the help you need, so if

50:33

you need help, please seek independent advice

50:35

from a competent healthcare or mental health professional.

50:38

The views and opinions expressed in this podcast are solely

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50:43

in the podcast, and do not represent the opinions of I

50:45

heart Media or its employees. This podcast

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51:00

or opinions made on this podcast, Wolf

51:03

That's a Doozy