0:02

This is a Headgun Podcast. There's

0:07

something magical about unboxing. When

0:09

you unbox BritBox, you uncover

0:11

a world of British entertainment.

0:13

Stream the UK's most brilliant

0:15

series, including new and upcoming

0:17

seasons of Shetland, Father Brown

0:19

and Death in Paradise. Plus

0:21

new originals like Payback, Irvin

0:23

Welsh's Crime and Archie, the

0:25

story of Hollywood's greatest leading

0:27

man, Cary Grant. Unbox BritBox

0:29

and escape to the best

0:31

of British TV. Stream with

0:33

a free trial at britbox.com

0:37

Hello all family, this is Super

0:39

Producer Isaac checking in once again

0:41

before the episode. Just a

0:43

reminder, if you didn't listen to last

0:45

week's episode, we have switched the first two

0:48

episodes of this month. And so

0:50

there will be some references to this being

0:52

the first episode of February. However,

0:54

it is not obviously. I

0:56

trust you guys to be intelligent and smart

0:58

enough to figure that out. All right, here's the

1:00

episode. This

1:04

is all fantasy everything. The podcast where

1:06

we fantasy draft anything and everything from

1:09

the world of pop culture. On

1:11

today's episode, we are drafting

1:13

places to hide a body

1:15

with our guest, the standup

1:17

comedian, writer, just wonderful

1:19

all around person, Rosebud Baker.

1:23

I'm your host, Ian Carmel. And with me

1:25

as always are my good friends, Sean, Jordan

1:27

and David Bory. Let's get into it. Welcome

1:47

to another brand

1:50

new episode of all

1:52

fantasy, everything. The very

1:54

first episode of February,

1:57

where for the entire month we

1:59

are going to be drafted. with guests who

2:01

we have never had on the podcast before. Yeah.

2:04

Jewish guests. It's not

2:06

that you're very exclusively rosebud. You're

2:09

Jewish, right? Sure. For

2:11

this podcast. Yeah. Fantastic.

2:14

All right. Can I be Jewish for a minute? For a

2:16

couple hours? No, no, no. You

2:18

won't have me, huh? I'm not welcome. No.

2:21

You won't have me. You guys were nicer

2:23

than that. We won't. We won't

2:25

have it. We won't have it. We

2:27

won't have it. We got enough

2:29

bad PR right now, Sean. We don't need you. I'll

2:32

stay Irish. What would I do to your PR? Besides,

2:34

say it was dope all the time. I'm happy. Brother.

2:38

All right. You can be Jewish. Thank you. You

2:41

said that three times. Shalom. I

2:43

appreciate it. Yeah. Thank

2:45

you. Nice to see you. It's February.

2:47

It's February. Rosebud, thank you for joining us.

2:49

Thank you for having me, guys. I'll get

2:51

right into the intro. Well, no, first of all, we were talking

2:54

about you are three

2:56

months removed from having a baby. Three

2:58

and a half now at this point. Yes. Three

3:01

months removed is a nice way to put it. She

3:03

gave it up for adoption. She's been inserted,

3:05

right? That's like the nicest

3:08

way to say I have postpartum depression.

3:10

That's a nice way to put it. Which

3:14

I don't think I do, but you know, just

3:16

toss up. Mama's removed the first three months after

3:18

I was born. It was a

3:20

bummer. Like

3:23

she was there, but she just wasn't there. You

3:25

know what I mean? Three months removed from having

3:28

a child. Yeah. Because that

3:30

is over, right? You have a child and then three months

3:32

out you're fine and all the work is done. Yeah. Yada,

3:35

yada, yada. Graduation. Absolutely.

3:37

You put out food and water, you

3:39

make a big enough cardboard box and

3:41

throw some pillows in there. Because

3:44

they like a box, right? They like the walls around

3:46

them or anything of a cat. Yeah. The

3:49

cat's a baby. They're thinking of inmates, I think.

3:51

Inmates, right. Yeah. They don't like

3:53

you is the word on that. Yeah, they don't

3:55

like it. I don't want to say that. Sean's

3:57

a hardcore conservative, just think he's like far, far

3:59

right. Oh good, that's why I got

4:01

booked on this, right? Yeah, absolutely. And this baby

4:03

came from a man and a woman, if I'm not

4:05

mistaken, correct? As got intended. There

4:08

we go. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I

4:11

shouldn't start like this. No,

4:13

let's start. Let's fill up

4:15

your... Yeah, let's... It's fun talking

4:18

to a brand new parent, because I like... These guys gave me

4:20

so much shit, because all I did was kvetch

4:22

to use the vernacular. That's not what happened, bro. We didn't

4:24

give you shit, and thank you for your kvetch. Oh, you

4:26

did a backpedal. They go back and listen about 200 episodes

4:28

ago, 150, and see what these dudes were doing. I

4:31

was thinking you were talking about your vasectomy. I

4:34

was thinking, you're not vasectomy, so... It's funny you should bring

4:37

up a vasectomy. I left my cape at home, but I

4:39

did get a vasectomy too, so yeah, I'm out here. Great.

4:42

See, I feel like vasectomy people are worse about

4:44

talking about their vasectomies than people are

4:47

about kids. Yes, we definitely are. Big

4:49

time. Yeah, yeah. It's

4:51

the opposite of talking about your kid in a way.

4:53

It's talking about your vasectomy. They seem more proud

4:55

of the vasectomy every time, even when

4:57

they have kids. They seem more proud

4:59

of the vasectomy. Keep going. Keep

5:02

going. That's the hell we're living in. I'm

5:04

not going to hear me rebut on this.

5:06

You have a point. This is a very

5:08

valid and fair point. Every episode, he was

5:10

discussing his elective nut surgery, and it was

5:12

just over and over and over again. He

5:14

called it vasectomy, but yeah. Nobody ever talked

5:16

about my selective nut surgery, and not fucking

5:18

her. They didn't have

5:20

room for all those. Yeah,

5:23

they had to trim down. That's good for you. Congratulations,

5:25

David, by the way. Thank you. Thank you. I'm

5:28

a hero, but I don't care. I just kind of smoothed out. Oh,

5:30

Bo-Toc. You got the wrinkles taken out? Yeah, yeah. Kind

5:33

of a Bo-Toc. It looks like a Louis Vuitton bag. I had

5:35

a Louis Vuitton logo. Well, that's beautiful. Yeah, it's really good

5:37

though. It's also- I'm glad you're not so

5:39

surprised. It's also not one of the flashier Louis Vuitton. It's more

5:42

of the quiet luxury sort of look, where it's like if you

5:44

know, you know. You

5:52

can kind of see yourself in it a little bit.

5:55

Yeah, it's not like a big, bright Louis

5:57

Vuitton print. Like a basketball court. Right,

6:00

at the back, yeah. I

6:02

love that. Thank

6:04

you. Thank you very

6:06

much. Sean Jordan

6:08

is here, Sean is Jordan on Twitter,

6:11

Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean

6:13

got a vasectomy. I didn't

6:15

bring it up. I didn't bring it up. You

6:18

can hear a whole bit about that if you go to Comedy Central's

6:20

latest season of featuring, I'll tell you that. I

6:22

think March 21st will be at the Egyptian Theater in Boise.

6:24

I think that's probably the only thing. Also,

6:26

come to High Note Comedy, the last Thursday

6:29

of every month, High Note Comedy in Portland, Oregon.

6:31

Shane Brandon and I, I never

6:33

say it, but we have Tom

6:36

Tkachar this month? I'll tell you

6:38

where we're going to be tonight is the Desert Ridge Emperor of

6:40

the three of us. Wait, oh, wait,

6:42

no, no. Oh, this is... Oh, February, this comes

6:44

out in February. February. What

6:46

a dipshit. Then, yes, we do have Tom Tkachar at

6:48

the end of the month, but yes, come to Phoenix

6:51

tonight as well. seanjordancomedy.com. I digress. February.

6:53

I like this. February.

6:57

New name. You're kicking it off for

6:59

us. We're very excited to have you. Oh,

7:01

hell yeah. No press. No press. Okay,

7:03

well, I feel it already. Lots of pressure. I

7:06

didn't feel it until you said no press, but

7:08

now I'm actually wracked with nerves. I

7:11

mean, I know that you're a clutch player, so I wanted

7:13

that for you. I feel like

7:15

this is a motivational tactic. You'd do better

7:17

when the heat's up. It's

7:20

not your responsibility that Headgum, the network, called us

7:23

and said, hey, you guys are on thin

7:25

ice. You really need this February month of podcast

7:27

to hit. Yeah,

7:29

I believe Game Changer was the

7:31

term they used. Okay, cool. They

7:34

said sink or swim, last ditch effort. They

7:37

took a picture of Sean's kid, tore it in half, kind

7:39

of like Sinead O'Connor with the Pope. Great.

7:41

And you guys were like, let's call it

7:43

comic whose brain cells have melted from having

7:46

a child, and we'll just have her. Great.

7:49

Yeah, that's cool. I love to perform

7:51

under pressure. I love it. Honestly,

7:53

we're taking this thing. We're selling it

7:56

for insurance money. Don't even worry about

7:58

it. Bullshit's

8:00

a fucking ruse. I had a match,

8:02

baby. Sean, do you want to say

8:04

Jewish lightning during the... Do I? I

8:07

don't know. I haven't been Jewish very long. Is that

8:09

something we say? You

8:12

can. You can try.

8:14

Try not to. I don't think a good

8:16

rule of thumb any time you join a

8:18

group is to not say words that you

8:21

think only they can say for the first

8:23

month. Yes. Like 30

8:25

days, maybe you don't try

8:28

the spicy stuff. Yeah. I

8:30

just said I tried kavec out earlier and that seemed to

8:32

float, so I'm okay. That was great. It sounds very natural

8:34

coming out of your lip. Thank

8:37

you. David Boy, coolguyjokes87 on Instagram. Where

8:39

can people see you do stand-up comedy?

8:42

Don't ever come see me do stand-up

8:45

comedy. Watch Royal Crackers season two on

8:48

HBO Max or Adult Sw... Wait,

8:50

when is this cut? It's

8:52

not out. It's February 1st. People should come

8:54

see you tonight at the Desert Ridge. Yeah, come see

8:57

me at the Desert Ridge. Come

8:59

see these new bits I've been working with. Quite

9:02

honestly, didn't work in Cleveland last weekend, but

9:05

who knows? I got a cruise ship in

9:07

Seattle to tighten them up before this

9:10

happens. I'm so happy. It's going to

9:12

be great. Come see those bad guys. Come

9:14

tonight. Yeah, go be good. And a live podcast. I was

9:16

doing a stand-up. It's going to be great. It is going

9:19

to be dope, dude. I don't know. That

9:21

shit in DC was fire. I had a great time. I'm excited

9:23

to be here for the guys in February. DC

9:26

and Phoenix, slightly different demographics, but

9:28

I believe in Phoenix. Yeah,

9:31

I believe in it.

9:35

Rosebud Baker is here at Rosebud

9:37

Baker on Instagram. Not

9:40

on Twitter? Is that right? No,

9:42

I left. Hell yeah. Good for

9:44

you. David did too. David

9:46

too. Yeah. I really admire that. I

9:49

said forget it. Now you're on threads though, right? Yes,

9:52

I am on threads. Yeah, I actually

9:54

am. You're on threads. Yeah,

9:56

huge on threads. All

10:00

my dates can be found on my website, rosabedbaker.com.

10:03

But I'm not announcing a

10:05

tour until later this year. So

10:08

you could just follow me on Instagram. That's

10:12

good. Follow you on Instagram. That's the end

10:14

there. Yeah. Keep it clean. You

10:16

were just verified on

10:19

Netflix? Yeah. Hell

10:21

yeah. Life and Beth? Yeah. Life

10:24

and Beth on Hulu. I'm

10:26

on verified standup on Netflix that

10:28

is streaming now. And

10:31

you can see my special on Comedy

10:33

Central's YouTube. It's called Whiskey Fist. Fantastic.

10:36

Now I want to be Irish again. They said Whiskey

10:38

Fist. It gets me going, I'm excited. Yeah.

10:41

You can be an Irish Jew. Yeah,

10:44

yeah, I can be an Irish Jew. Or I don't know the rules, Ian. Is that,

10:47

do they do that? I don't

10:49

know how many Irish Jews there are. There's gotta be

10:51

one guy holding it down. I want to hear how

10:53

that guy talks. I can be Jewish. I don't know

10:55

if I've met one Irish Jew

10:57

in my life. It feels

10:59

wrong for me to say Jew. I don't

11:01

think I can- It doesn't feel right. I

11:03

don't like it. Saying he's an Irish Jew

11:05

does feel problematic. But

11:08

like one on the island, that

11:11

would be very exciting. To hear

11:14

a person talk who seeped in both those

11:16

cultures. Lots of Judaism and

11:18

Italian crossover in New York, but the Irish

11:20

who were there as well didn't seem to

11:22

get into the, you know the Italians seemed

11:24

to be the middle

11:26

circle of the Venn diagram of the

11:29

New York, of like New York white

11:31

immigrants. This is complicated. Jews, Irish, Italian

11:33

in the middle. No, let's talk about

11:35

their breeding habits. This is

11:37

getting good. Early

11:43

on, let's get it out. Which

11:48

of those groups do you think is the most secretive

11:50

and sneaky? Oh, I,

11:53

okay, you almost got me. You

11:55

want to take a second before you answer sometimes. You

11:58

want to stop and think. Before you say

12:01

the Irish. You can see

12:03

Whiskey Fists on Comedy Central's YouTube page and

12:05

that's available now. People can see that now?

12:08

Yes. Yes. That is available now.

12:10

Yeah. Uh, so

12:12

many places to enjoy. Also, you can

12:14

watch her on This Joker with

12:17

her man Will Smith. Oh, my! Oh, yeah!

12:20

Because what a weekend that was. Wait, is it out? Did

12:22

that ever see the light of day? I

12:25

think it's on... I

12:27

think it's on Roku. It

12:30

is? Oh, I have the Roku. Dude, I didn't...

12:32

You didn't tell me that. Nobody told me that.

12:34

Yeah, nobody was... I don't know if

12:36

you've been watching Will Smith. There's was a lot of other news

12:38

going on. You can tell me. Yeah. You can text me or

12:40

something. Well, I'm gonna watch it right now. Yeah,

12:43

I think now it feels a

12:45

little bizarre to be like, Hey,

12:47

Will Smith was fostering a bunch

12:49

of young comics in

12:52

Vegas. Now I wish we

12:54

did it with Jada. I know. That

12:57

would have been the red. Red table top? Honestly,

12:59

I think that would have kept that whole platform

13:01

alive. What was the platform we were supposed to be

13:03

in? Quibi. Jada could

13:05

have saved Quibi for sure. Mm-hmm.

13:09

If we would have found out that Will Smith

13:11

had you in a boxing gym, where he was

13:13

just practicing slapping up and coming

13:15

stand-up comedians, getting ready for the Oscars, like that,

13:17

that could have been a twist on the series.

13:20

Yeah. Two years, three

13:22

years in advance. Yeah. Yeah.

13:24

You got to get ready. Everybody

13:27

thought that was an impromptu moment? Absolutely

13:29

not. Will Smith won an Oscar. He

13:32

approaches a role seriously. Yeah. There's no

13:34

impromptu. No, it's none of that. No, it's not

13:36

an impromptu Will Smith moment. No, he slapped comedians

13:38

with half hours. He slapped comedians, you know

13:40

what I mean? Like all over the map.

13:42

You know, he was slapping Emo Phillips, I

13:44

heard, for a while. Like he put the

13:46

work in. Emo Phillips slapped him back. Yeah.

13:49

One of my favorite pranks was after that

13:52

slap. I printed out a

13:54

photo of the moment and

13:56

framed it and signed

13:59

it. Thanks for your support,

14:01

Will. And I put it

14:03

in Che's dressing room as Saturday Night Live.

14:06

That's so hot. That's so hot. That

14:09

was one of my most proud

14:11

pranks. But he did know it

14:13

was me right away, which is

14:16

awesome. That's so funny, man. Are you

14:18

a big prankster? Yeah, I was like, he doesn't. I

14:21

do like pranking people, yeah. I'm

14:23

not a big prankster. But if one comes to

14:25

me where I'm like, oh, that's fun,

14:27

then I'll do it. I like that. I

14:29

get scared. Even if I text something where it's supposed to be, I

14:31

get scared. Like, oh, they're going to think I'm serious for a second.

14:34

It's going to wreck a part of their day and then it's going

14:36

to snowball. I get to in my head about it. That's the point.

14:39

I know. I get freaked out. I want to do that. I'm

14:41

nervous. Every time I've done it, I get too high. I

14:43

don't feel like they can't. It can't ruin somebody's day

14:45

for it to be fun. It has to be something

14:47

where somebody is just a little confused

14:49

and you get to laugh

14:51

your ass off by yourself. Sure, yeah.

14:54

Yeah. I've only ever been on

14:56

one prank. Really? Yeah.

14:59

We, in high school, he's

15:03

going to hate that I told

15:05

you the story. We put Sam's

15:07

talent in a diaper and

15:11

then our friend James Poffel worked at

15:13

Walmart and he was like not a

15:15

cool guy. Like, he played football,

15:17

yeah. White guy with two hoop earrings, you

15:20

know what I mean? Just very self-serious. Yeah.

15:22

We greased up Sam and he ran in

15:24

and James was working the counter

15:26

and he picked him up and shook him

15:28

and rubbed on him and then ran off.

15:31

It was a good prank though. It was

15:33

a very good prank. That's a great prank,

15:35

though. Yeah, it was a good time. That's

15:37

a great prank. That's really good. Yeah. I

15:40

bet Sam felt comfortable in the diaper. Yeah, he's

15:42

fine. I

15:45

feel like it was more talking him into it

15:47

than you would have thought. What was the end

15:50

theme? I don't remember. It

15:52

was big though. 540 diaper. He's way bigger in high

15:54

school than he is now. So it was bigger. It

15:56

was a weird end. It's got a ball. It

15:59

was like when we were... trying to start we tried to

16:01

start a fraternity is this is a weird

16:03

time being in

16:05

high school around the time jackass was on

16:08

television was like there were a lot of

16:10

people locked up just doing chaos without any

16:12

of the humor yeah we did the fire

16:15

in the hole I walked up to a drive-thru into the

16:17

fire in the hole one time with a broken foot I

16:19

had a boot on my foot yeah a boot on my

16:21

foot I walked up to the drive-thru window still

16:23

found a way to throw a big-ass diet coke at

16:26

this dude that I didn't even get at that McDonald's

16:28

and then the older you get you're like man like I went home

16:30

and like got a fight with like

16:32

gotten an argument with someone and like maybe got divorced

16:34

over that you know I did I get that's what

16:37

I'm saying I don't like doing that because it makes

16:39

me like how did I affect the rest of his

16:41

day you know you can have pranks that don't have

16:43

fire no you can't well wasn't fired I didn't light

16:45

it on fire I'm not a lunatic I

16:48

just threw a huge coke at the stranger I'm not crazy

16:50

anyways what are we doing here

16:54

my name is Ian Carmel at Ian Carmel

16:56

on Twitter Ian Carmel on Instagram TikTok YouTube

16:58

all of those things please

17:01

pre-order my book t-shirt swim club memoir

17:05

I gotta I gotta perfect this better kind of

17:07

a memoir in 13 essays or so

17:11

about being fat growing up

17:13

fat losing weight all that

17:15

the way fat people are portrayed in culture all of those

17:17

things written by me and then

17:19

my little sister who is a psychologist comes

17:21

in after every chapter and tells

17:24

you what was really going on in each of those

17:26

chapters that's awesome yeah it

17:28

was so much fun to write people

17:31

are digging the galleys out there does she

17:33

have her little sister and she comes in she's

17:35

like Ian was being a baby just

17:40

let you know it wasn't that bad

17:42

just one word chapters cap you

17:47

you have a you have a psychologist

17:49

gaslighting you in your own book that's

17:51

I want to read

17:54

you gotta get a good baby that

17:56

is a great so you

17:58

pre-order that now pre-order help a

18:00

lot. If you go to bookshop.org, it will

18:03

allow you to do it through one of

18:05

your local bookstores, which keeps that

18:07

money in your town rather than

18:09

going to Amazon. But if you want to pre-order on Amazon,

18:11

I'm not gonna tell you not to do that. I'm

18:14

not gonna be the guy telling you not to do that. Standup-wise,

18:18

I will be at Zamy's in Chicago on the 18th,

18:20

but it's sold out! Thank you for doing that. I

18:22

really appreciate that. I just want to

18:24

thank you for buying tickets for those

18:26

shows. March 8th and 9th, Sean Jordan and

18:28

I will be at Sports Drink

18:30

in New Orleans, Louisiana. And then I'll be at

18:33

the Fun Point in San Francisco. First time to

18:35

New Orleans for you! It's gonna be amazing! Whale

18:37

bones all weekend. Whale bones all week.

18:39

You're gonna drink a hurricane out of a trombone, dude.

18:41

I think that's what we're gonna get going. I'm gonna

18:43

drink a lot of stuff out of trombone, my friend.

18:46

Man, watch out for those hurricanes, though. Nope. That shit's

18:48

a problem. You can have like two

18:50

of those. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're all right.

18:52

I sure can. I will. Thanks. I appreciate

18:55

it. You sure can. Yeah. Next thing you

18:57

know, you're trying to break into a Mani

18:59

Fresh set on Magazine Street. That was a

19:01

very specific game, man. Yeah, that's what happened.

19:03

Mani, pass the mic! Mani

19:13

Fresh! We have to! I'll say I was in

19:16

the booth again. Mani, I've been in the booth,

19:18

dude. I get it. Come

19:20

see Sean Hungover at the Preservation Hall

19:23

jazz concert the

19:26

morning of our show. That's gonna be great. But

19:28

March 8th and I, then I'll be at San Francisco at the

19:30

punchline the next weekend, and then March 23rd, Revolution

19:33

Hall in Portland, Oregon. March 23rd. Boys

19:36

Yeah, I know. Come

19:38

check out all those shows. But enough

19:40

about stand-up comedy. It's time to get into

19:42

our draft topic today. We

19:44

are talking about places to hide a body. Rosebud,

19:47

wait, this was your idea. Yeah, get

19:50

in there, psycho. Yeah, yeah. What was

19:52

the new mother, Rosebud bacon? I lied

19:54

to what's on the mind. connected

20:01

I need to be very very clear for the

20:04

internet and for the cops well dude they're not

20:06

like Google I started Google in like places to

20:08

you I'm like no don't make that something you

20:10

searched for I was a real hard one that

20:14

like I didn't want to type it in like

20:16

no I don't want it so these are all

20:18

off the dome that's why it's a weird list

20:20

anyway I interrupted what what I actually did Google

20:22

it and then immediately was like oh I

20:24

already did that damn it like I read

20:26

about some I just did it got caught

20:28

yeah you gotta hide like places to hide

20:30

a body you have to Google places to

20:32

hide a body lol you're

20:38

not doing like also like how do

20:40

kangaroos have sex like yeah I did

20:43

tell him where to hide big

20:45

things and then it was like your mailbox and like

20:47

that's not a fucking body size I can fit a

20:49

body in the mailbox what am I doing where to

20:51

hide something the size of a body something a murderer

20:54

would never think I have

20:56

to be clear that I only came up with this because

20:58

I was in Florida and I feel

21:00

like all the murders that I

21:02

watch on TV not in

21:04

real life happened in

21:06

Florida you know

21:09

yeah it feels like a place

21:11

that more that a lot of murder happens

21:13

right for sure like

21:16

it yeah yeah

21:18

coastline to yeah

21:20

there's a humidity and there's the

21:22

and I think probably it's poverty

21:25

related I'm I guess I'm making

21:29

an assumption but manatees

21:31

you see a manatee and you're like well

21:34

nothing matters yeah

21:36

if that's if that's real then what is

21:38

like then what the fuck is anything be

21:40

so funny if somebody was so inspired by

21:42

a manatee they're like I'm nothing matters yeah

21:45

yeah if that's if that's real then what

21:47

is like then what the fuck is anything

21:50

be so funny somebody was so inspired

21:52

by a manatee they're like I'm gonna kill my whole

21:54

family I think that's what it is yeah they're like

21:56

I need that I have not been living my true

21:58

life Can I also put up an

22:01

idea? Did

22:04

you notice in and maybe you guys don't

22:06

feel this way. So I'm curious to see.

22:08

Do you guys feel like people in Florida

22:10

are oddly attractive? I

22:13

don't adjacent to that. Well, follow mugshot.

22:15

He's on all back up. You want

22:17

to talk about that? No, I'm very

22:19

curious. I just every time I go

22:21

down there, it's like there's a lot

22:23

of really hot beach people.

22:25

And I feel like that many

22:28

hot people baking under

22:30

the sun would lead to a lot of crimes of

22:32

passion. Are you talking about

22:34

Miami specifically? I'm talking

22:36

even Tampa. Well,

22:38

I'm in it either. I feel like in

22:40

Florida, you're either in eight to 10 or

22:42

a one to three. Nobody.

22:45

Yeah, there's not a lot in between. There's not

22:47

a lot in between. That's right.

22:49

Right. There's not like a girl

22:51

or guy next door type in Florida. I don't know. No, no,

22:53

no, no, no. I don't even think of Miami

22:55

as Florida. I don't I just don't

22:58

really connect the two ever in my

23:00

brain. I always go like, oh yeah,

23:02

Miami's there. But it doesn't. South

23:05

American metropolis that happens to exist in our

23:07

country is our field. Right. Every time I'm

23:09

there. It looks like the Latin Grammys down

23:11

there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. A

23:15

little further up the coast is the Jewish Grammys. If you

23:17

go to West Palm Beach, as

23:20

in grandmothers, because that's what that's like

23:22

most of my experience in Florida was

23:24

going to visit my grandparents in

23:26

Florida. So I was just like,

23:29

oh, Florida. Yes. Got great deli in a

23:31

thriving Jewish community. That's like what I thought

23:33

of Florida and Haitian. And

23:36

Haitian nurses. You

23:41

could get some of the best deli I've ever had

23:43

has been in Florida just because there's so many like

23:46

New York expats. I thought you were going to

23:48

say what's from Haitians. From Haitians.

23:50

Haitian. What

23:54

you do speaking French making patties.

23:56

Yeah. Sorry,

24:01

I just we both just said um at

24:03

the same time like we were high school

24:06

crushes. Yeah So

24:09

anyway I'm

24:12

gonna run down the hallway like Naruto hang up first

24:14

Do we used to do we say you hang up

24:16

and then we would sit there and like breathe on

24:18

the phone and just that I know and then

24:20

your mom's up and she's like you fucking hang

24:22

up, you know I Don't

24:26

really have a bedtime, but I'm just I'm gonna go to

24:28

bed, but it's not my bedtime I'm gonna go on my

24:30

bed. It's not because she called cash that but you has

24:33

nothing to do with what my mom just said I

24:35

was playing a lot of massively multiplayer online

24:38

role-playing games at the time. So what's my

24:40

flirting happened via text? Oh Hell

24:42

yeah, other 15 year old

24:45

dude Absolutely,

24:55

you mean cool jugs 420 wasn't a girl The

25:02

the the paladin the

25:04

chaotic neutral paladin We

25:07

are drafting places to hide a body The

25:10

whole entire state of Florida would be a good answer

25:12

for that By the way now the way we determine

25:14

the order of this draft is through a rollicking game

25:16

of rock paper scissors play between the three Of you

25:19

and we throw on shoot. Here we go

25:22

Rock paper scissor shoot Rosebud

25:26

wins a natural victory to pay for

25:28

a natural win How is

25:31

what as the winner it is

25:33

incumbent upon you to determine the order of today's

25:35

draft? But before you do that, I will remind

25:37

you it is a serpentine draft and what is

25:39

that? Yeah,

25:42

oh man, it's like Santa it was

25:44

it's like standing line at the bank How about that or like,

25:46

you know? You got to go through all the the line at

25:49

the like the bank teller they have all the tape set up

25:51

So you go in you go to the left And

25:53

then you go up a little bit you go all the way back

25:56

to the right You're on the same side for a second go

25:58

up a little bit all the way back to the left left go up

26:00

a little bit all the way back to the right until

26:02

you're at the bank teller great yeah

26:05

yeah basically

26:07

if you pick fourth in the first or any

26:09

pick first in the second round guys

26:11

we go through five rounds the other one I had was

26:14

a little more convoluted but I got it like oh what

26:16

is that so yeah that's great okay

26:18

Rose what will the order of

26:20

the draft be I'll

26:22

go first mm-hmm Dave you

26:24

want to go second hell yeah Sean

26:27

third Ian fourth perfect

26:29

fantastic sure corner great great Rose bud you

26:31

have the first pick in the places to

26:33

hide a body all fancy everything fantasy draft

26:36

and we're gonna get to that pick right

26:38

after this short break this

26:41

episode of all fantasy everything is brought

26:44

to you by policy genius now life

26:47

insurance isn't something that you think about

26:50

probably ever I don't know I never thought about it when I

26:52

was younger or really up until like a

26:54

year ago or two and a half years ago

26:56

I want to be exact but then you

26:58

know we had a daughter and I started thinking about

27:01

financial planning dah dah

27:03

dah things for the future and it is

27:05

something that now you know now that I

27:07

have it's one of those things it's easy

27:09

to be like oh bro you got to

27:12

get life insurance what do you don't have

27:14

license rights but making it a part of

27:16

your financial planning is so important you can

27:18

start shopping if you want to with policy

27:20

genius to find the right policy to protect

27:22

you and your family getting life insurance today

27:25

obviously means that you're gonna have peace of mind so there's

27:28

something more to happen to you you know you

27:30

pass away because you're too dope stuff like that

27:32

your family can cover the expenses you don't want

27:34

to leave anyone hanging out there

27:36

with all that on their back then

27:38

luckily with policy genius it helps you

27:40

compare your options from top companies and

27:42

their team of licensed experts are on hand

27:44

to help talk you through it and

27:47

getting life insurance is

27:49

it's weird because you don't know anything about

27:51

it I didn't know what to Google or what to look

27:53

up or anything like that and with policy

27:55

genius they just go in and they just compare

27:57

all the rates for you they go through want

28:00

you to give the best deal that you need

28:04

to give. And again, if you're a parent

28:07

or caregiver, it's extremely important just to

28:09

make sure those people are covered. Like

28:12

I said, you want to leave them with the best chance they

28:14

got. And like I said, with

28:16

PolicyGenius, the technology, it makes it so easy

28:18

to compare life insurance quotes from America's top

28:20

insurers in just a few clicks. You can

28:23

find the lowest price. Even if

28:25

you already have a policy through work, something

28:27

like that, it might not give you exactly what

28:29

you're looking for. And with PolicyGenius, you can find

28:31

life insurance policies that start at just $292

28:35

per year for $1 million of coverage. Some

28:38

options offer same-day approval. They avoid

28:41

unnecessary medical exams. So PolicyGenius, the way

28:43

to go. They have license, award-winning agents

28:45

help you find the best fit for

28:48

your needs. They work for you,

28:50

not the insurance companies. So it's just going to

28:52

make sure you get the best deal possible. So

28:54

give it a shot. Save time and money and

28:57

provide your family with a financial safety

28:59

net using PolicyGenius. Head to policygenius.com or

29:01

click the link in the description to

29:03

get your free life insurance quotes and

29:05

see how much you could save. Again,

29:07

that's policygenius.com. This episode

29:10

of All Fantasy Everything is brought to

29:12

you by DraftKings. Now DraftKings, the leader,

29:14

by the way, the leader in fantasy

29:16

sports just dropped a brand new fantasy

29:18

app called Pick Six. Pick

29:20

Six is the newest way for you to

29:22

get in on the fantasy football action with

29:25

DraftKings. Let's pick between two

29:27

and six NFL players and choose if they're

29:29

going to have more or less of a

29:31

stat. Come on, that sounds easy. It

29:33

sounds fun. That's what's going to get me

29:35

in there because if you don't know about everything, it's a

29:37

great way to do it. It'll get you in there. You

29:39

get fun. You get to enjoy the game. So

29:42

like for example, will a player have more

29:44

or less than 100 rushing yards or will

29:47

a player have more than one touchdown? Things

29:49

like that. You can track your lineup. You

29:51

compete against others for a draft shot at

29:54

huge cash prizes. So get down on it.

29:56

Give it a shot. Download

29:58

the DraftKings Pick Six app now. and

30:00

sign up with code AFE. Again

30:02

that's code AFE only on DraftKings

30:04

pick six. The crown is yours

30:07

baby. Gambling problems? Call

30:09

1-800-GAMBLER, 18 plus in most eligible

30:11

states, but

30:14

age varies by jurisdiction. Eligibility

30:16

restrictions apply. Valid only in

30:18

states where DraftKings PIC6 operates.

30:21

PIC6 not available in all

30:23

states, including but not limited

30:26

to Connecticut and New York.

30:28

For up-to-date list of states,

30:31

please visit dkng.co/PIC6 states. Void

30:33

where prohibited. See terms at

30:36

pic6.draftkings.com. And

30:38

we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy Everything.

30:40

Already in progress. The only podcast that has

30:42

ever existed. This is it. One

30:45

of the only forms of recorded media. So we

30:47

really appreciate you rocking with us. I know the Eagles

30:49

had an album they put out once but... Other than

30:51

us, it's Hell freezes over by the Eagles and then

30:54

it's like field recordings of Swamp Sams. Yeah. And that's

30:56

who you can listen to. And that

30:58

guy that was watching Mount St. Helens blow up and

31:00

he was like a hundred yards away. Oh

31:03

it's too close. And then they found the recording. I

31:05

listened to it when we were there. It is gnarly because

31:07

he's not even... he doesn't sound like I would. I'll

31:10

tell you that. How would you sound? Fucking

31:13

bummed. He sounds like he's

31:15

in awe. He's like it's

31:17

happening. It's happening. I'm just like man

31:19

I'd be screaming. I'd be crying. Yeah.

31:21

I'd be like oh no. Rose,

31:27

by the time for your first pick, where

31:29

would you hide it? Okay so

31:32

this is gonna this is gonna sound pretty heartless you

31:34

know but I've seen a lot of true

31:36

crime. We'll get heartless baby. And I've

31:38

thought about it and I think where

31:40

John Wayne Gacy went wrong aside from

31:42

all the murders. And you would say the

31:45

only place he went wrong. Arguably.

31:47

I would say next to all the murdering

31:53

was that he hid the bodies in

31:55

the basement of his own house under

31:57

his own home. There we go. So

32:00

I would say, and it's

32:03

heartless, but I think

32:05

under your mother's home. Do it. Wow.

32:08

That ain't heartless. You think your mom wants you to get caught? That

32:10

came out. That came out. That came

32:12

out. My mom's house for sure came out. Yeah. Absolutely.

32:16

Yeah. I think that's got to be my first pick because

32:18

it's, you know, it's like, first of all, nobody believes women. So,

32:22

you could be like,

32:24

my house, it stinks. And

32:27

everybody's like, shut up, nobody. Take

32:30

a shower, you old man. Yeah, exactly. So

32:33

there's that. And

32:36

then also, nobody's really like, knows

32:38

that around her home, if

32:40

anything, they're not going to go, oh, there's a dead

32:42

body here. They're going to be like, something's wrong with

32:44

this house. And this poor old lady probably has

32:47

Alzheimer's and like, needs some help.

32:49

Like they're, it's not going to be, they're not

32:51

going to her going, there's a crime

32:53

scene here. And people would

32:55

think she died and then they would go do a

32:58

wellness check. And then when she was alive, they'd be

33:00

so relieved that they might not even remember to check

33:02

for the source of the smell. They probably won't even

33:04

bring it up. They'll be like, oh, thank God she's

33:06

alive. And let's not let her know what she smells

33:08

like. Man, it stinks in

33:11

that alive woman's house over there. Would

33:14

all of your moms let you bury a body under her,

33:16

her house? Fuck no. No.

33:19

Oh yeah. Kelly Jordan would go to the

33:22

mats for sure. Oh, Sue Carmell would let me do it. Absolutely.

33:24

Absolutely. No

33:26

way. No way in hell. This is funny because

33:28

we're like, we're split down the middle because my

33:30

mother, she, I can't think of, she

33:32

knew. I wouldn't even let me

33:34

go under there if she didn't know what I

33:36

was doing under her porch for a few hours.

33:38

Fuck no. I think my question, the ethics, but

33:40

if I was like, if I was like, there's

33:42

no way out of this for me except bearing

33:44

this body under the house, she'd, yeah, she in

33:46

a heartbeat. Yeah. I

33:48

wouldn't let me feel like that. She wouldn't even let

33:50

make me feel that bad about it. She would like

33:52

try to like leave some of the guilt or it's

33:54

like, well, you know, everybody dies eventually anyway. And they

33:57

probably want that forever. You should have heard of him.

34:00

And then if he would have paid you, you wouldn't have had to kill

34:02

him and bury him out of the house. So it's just a fault for

34:04

two in the street. She's one of those,

34:06

if I was a bank robber, she'd be like, and

34:08

he's robbing pretty nice banks. Like she'd be so excited

34:10

about it. He was on

34:12

TV robbing a bank the other night, you

34:14

know. Yeah, national. Yeah. Yeah,

34:17

my mom would be like, you can't, first

34:19

of all, she'd be like, why aren't you

34:21

inside? Like I'm normally inside. So

34:24

if I'm not inside, it's suspicious. Yeah.

34:27

Yeah. Why are you out of board? Right.

34:29

Well, I'm going to tell Kelly, Jordan, what I'm doing. I'm not

34:32

just going to go do it. I'm going to be like, I'm

34:34

going to go do this. So I wouldn't let her catch me.

34:36

I'm not telling any. You would tell your mom you were going

34:38

to go kill somebody? No, I'd tell

34:40

her I was going to bury the body under the

34:42

crib. That I wouldn't do it. And like, I'd let

34:44

her know. Be like, I'm out here burying a body.

34:46

My mom, she would tell some

34:49

aunties, some friends. I'll tell

34:51

you this. Couple fucking neighbors.

34:54

I'm not my brother's girlfriend. Like,

34:58

my mom would literally call the cops on

35:00

me. If she, that's how my mom would

35:02

be like, I'm not doing this. I got

35:04

like Johnny Depp and blow just like, yeah,

35:06

she's like, I got three other kids. You

35:09

know, yeah. Yeah. Now, I'll

35:11

tell you, one can go down. Yeah. Beat it.

35:14

Digging, they get a whole berry body under the house.

35:16

I tried to dig a whole to bury a cat

35:18

in some South Dakota ground. And that

35:20

had to be like half a foot deep. It

35:22

is hard to dig a hole. You,

35:24

you got to have, you got to have a bobcat, man. You, you,

35:27

you got to do it by hand. What time

35:29

of year? It wasn't, it wasn't winter.

35:31

It was like, I don't know, May or something. Fucking hard to dig

35:33

a hole, man. That's funny. I,

35:35

I buried a dog one time too. Yeah.

35:38

With a bobcat though. I buried a

35:40

cat, but I did it with a shovel. But it was, you

35:42

know, that loose loamy Oregon soil. No,

35:44

you're just saying you threw a bunch of it on

35:47

top of a dead cat, right? Yeah.

35:49

No, I'm saying that the Oregon soil is

35:51

probably nicer, more fertile, burdened than what you

35:53

got in South Dakota. Sure. Fuck

35:56

you. And anyway, yeah, on your mom's house, I get

35:58

it. Absolutely. David

36:00

where you had nobody okay

36:03

this one's weird obviously there's some recon work

36:05

obviously there's some recon work that you've got

36:07

to do there's some logistics

36:11

there's some timing shit but I

36:13

would first place someone else's

36:16

grave yeah

36:18

yeah you

36:20

gotta get a grave digger on the payroll

36:23

yeah but dig it up to the casket

36:25

just plastic plastic wrap throat on top because

36:27

those bodies are there they decompose you get

36:29

somebody who died in the six what I'm

36:31

saying somebody else's grave that is

36:33

such a good idea yeah here's the thing

36:36

have you thought through any of the details of it

36:38

I immediately was like that's such a great idea and

36:40

then I started thinking the details and I was like

36:42

wait you gotta get

36:45

what's going on payroll so it's got to be

36:47

like in my it's got to be in my

36:49

basement for a little bit and then I get

36:51

a job at the morture I get a job

36:53

at the funeral lucky go you're gonna hang out

36:55

for a while or I go to like like

36:57

there's a lot of places where graveyards are that

36:59

people don't come in general so I look

37:02

I I case out a graveyard for a month

37:04

or two I see one where

37:06

that no one has come to visit

37:08

at all yeah one of those in like a

37:10

bad person or like renters out the code a or

37:13

something like that he's a great

37:16

I case it for a month and then

37:18

I go in late night with my bobcat

37:22

put it in there you got the dead body at your crib

37:24

for a month huh if

37:26

it's you're getting ball man if I'm

37:29

murdering somebody it's not gonna be somebody

37:31

that somebody like knew I was gonna

37:33

kill it's gonna be like uh it's

37:35

gonna be like a kill I thought I could get away

37:37

with a thrill kill yeah it's gonna be because I've

37:42

gotten so rich and so famous

37:44

and done so many arena tours

37:46

that I just want to feel

37:48

something yeah I fly to the

37:51

floor of the keys and I

37:53

kill a stranger yeah I

37:55

it's I can't remember where in the context I

37:57

think it was somebody I wasn't

38:00

on stage but somebody from stage asked there was a cop in

38:02

the room, but the cops said the best

38:04

if you do want to knock a cop for murder

38:06

you just find a stranger and kill them. That's

38:08

what they said. We never saw those. You just

38:11

find someone who is zero. Somebody's

38:17

told you that? Somebody was just like... I've

38:20

read that in multiple places. Pretty sure there was a cop in

38:22

the crowd and a comic was talking to them. You know one

38:24

of those like hey what do you do? Well crowd workship

38:27

and then the cop said this is how you get away

38:29

with murder if you really want to do it you just

38:31

find someone to kill. And that's why we need

38:33

to defund the police. This guy's out here. He

38:38

said he was a cop. Oh you

38:40

want to kill somebody? Oh dude let me

38:42

tell you how to kill somebody. I could have been Huey Lewis

38:44

for all I know. I don't know if he was a cop

38:46

for sure. I'm just saying. And

38:48

I was half-popped in the back of the room I'm guessing. So

38:50

who's to say? Huey Lewis. I

38:52

don't think he's hiding the fact that he's Huey Lewis. I'm gonna

38:54

be proud of that. You can't hold a hog like that. Biggest

38:57

one in Hollywood, notoriously. I think that's

38:59

meant to be a girl. That's true. No it's Huey

39:01

Lewis. Huey Lewis must be the big... Listen

39:04

we can debate this all day but that's not where we're dealing with.

39:08

Somebody else is grave. Somebody else is grave.

39:10

Grave on that is. Dead body inception. Fantastic.

39:13

You would have to do something to make sure it

39:15

didn't stink. Or no I guess

39:18

burying it would... Yeah burying it would be a good

39:20

thing. If I just put it in a plastic tarpon

39:22

barrier... Yeah that'll work. Yeah

39:25

you've been to a funeral. They're deep in there. Yeah

39:27

especially if you're freshly dug grave. If you're just digging

39:29

that back up and then putting the body in there.

39:32

That's probably even better you do it right after somebody

39:34

got there. You do it right after. Right.

39:36

The mountain of dirt. There's no grass over it.

39:38

Maybe even that night. That's where

39:40

the casing comes in handy because if

39:43

somebody's been recently buried and nobody

39:45

shows up, like in

39:47

that month to visit. Right. First

39:50

of all what a bummer. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah.

39:54

And let's not forget there's good

39:56

graveyards and there's bad graveyards. For

39:58

sure. There's bad graveyards. people

40:00

graveyards yeah yeah

40:02

and then their skeletons can be twins they

40:05

don't have

40:08

to be a scared anymore yeah I'm gonna be a scare

40:10

that's go would you would you put some flowers on the

40:12

grave after you dug them in there no

40:14

be cool about it no you wouldn't and then

40:16

say something cool about it I think that's done

40:18

no that's what it is

40:21

shit what it is that suspicious leaving

40:23

flowers I feel like yeah no I

40:25

I'm gonna do it I'm gonna kill the guy

40:27

I'm gonna bury him and I'm gonna complete I'm

40:29

never going to Toledo again no I would

40:32

you understand I don't even fly over right

40:34

and you mean Spain not even Ohio dude

40:36

yeah old to leave oh that's a

40:42

good one uh Sean

40:44

come for your first pick deep

40:47

out in the ocean out just where

40:49

you can't see land I don't I mean it's a classic

40:51

for a reason classic the class everybody out there put some

40:53

free weights on them and just boom I don't know how

40:55

anybody would ever find a body ever if it was at

40:57

the bottom of the ocean I am when I

40:59

was thinking about this I just don't understand I know

41:01

the means to get a boat and like get that

41:03

far up but no face no

41:06

case if you dump the body far enough down in

41:08

the ocean they ain't finding it I I

41:10

just to me this is you know somebody

41:12

who didn't graduate college obviously but I

41:14

just don't get they don't cover that a college just

41:17

to be clear yeah they don't have it I don't

41:19

want to do I graduated if they covered it welcome

41:21

to welcome to your

41:24

dorm there's a seminar tonight

41:26

about how to head a body how

41:28

to like really I do maybe like

41:30

it do but I'm saying like out

41:33

there I I don't know just way

41:36

the fuck out there and make it sink

41:38

and then it's gone right yeah

41:40

I think yeah yeah no clothes

41:42

on it sure I mean it's a it's

41:44

a classic for a reason it's the it's

41:46

like the mob you are seeing mob stuff

41:48

sopranos like road that said yeah yeah

41:51

like deep out there like like in

41:53

the I don't know they could I've never seen this friend as they

41:55

go that like deep out in the Atlantic and just they

41:58

get a multiple at the same time that seems like move

42:00

if you're like if you're piling up bodies you just take

42:02

one trip a year or something or a month or however

42:04

you are. The issue is how do you get these bodies

42:06

to the boat? Right. We gotta have them be it same

42:08

thing with a graveyard you gotta have a you gotta juice

42:10

somebody in that you trust. I think you gotta case

42:12

the boat or you can cut it

42:14

up. Or you could find

42:17

a dump truck. You wear

42:19

the dump truck heading and

42:21

just throw the body in the dump truck. You get

42:23

yeah and you find a boat like you could also

42:25

have like a homie who has a boat go out

42:27

to this really far out place a whole bunch for

42:29

like a month. For no

42:31

reason then you kill him. I got two bodies but you

42:33

know where to get rid of. No like have him do

42:35

this thing for for no reason for a long time just

42:37

to get rid of the suspicion. So that

42:40

they do check or whatever you know and then one

42:42

day he goes out like somebody sneaking like a flight

42:44

attendant sneaking drugs. They never check their luggage. That's the

42:46

same kind of thing with that boat. So one day

42:48

you just put the body on the boat. I don't

42:51

know I saw it in Blow. I've talked about Blow twice in

42:53

the last 15 minutes probably. That movie where they were smuggling drugs

42:55

in the 1970s? That Johnny Depp movie. I don't know why it's

42:57

on the brain right now but it is. So

42:59

anyway deep in the ocean. I bet they check

43:01

flight attendant in some way you know what I

43:04

mean? They didn't in Blow Ian. It was so

43:06

there. Yeah that movie

43:08

ended before 9-11. It's

43:10

harder to fly now. David 9-11 never happened. So

43:12

I mean what do you guys want to talk

43:14

about? I don't like that

43:16

it's getting dark in that room you're

43:19

looking at. It is. No. It's going

43:21

on both ways. The whole city is

43:23

losing power. It is. Sean's talking about

43:25

9-11 like an edgy LA stand out.

43:28

We're getting in like chiaroscuro

43:30

lighting. Yeah. I tried

43:32

to. I tried to do these. I

43:36

can't actually. There's too many wires coming out of this shit

43:38

box. Deep in the ocean.

43:40

Sean's recording on a desktop computer. Does

43:45

anyone ever do that? I never think about it. I don't know.

43:47

Yeah. It'd be more fun. You guys would be bigger if I

43:49

was. It'd be fun to see your face. I think do you

43:52

have a desktop super producer ice? I do.

43:54

There we are. Listen to how cheery that was.

43:57

All this murder. I do. I do. I

44:01

have a Mac mini. I have it

44:03

integrated into my little studio room here. I

44:06

saw Mac mini open for too short. Yeah,

44:08

he did Keep

44:11

myself in better spirits for the rest of this draft.

44:13

I didn't kill these people. They were just dead already

44:15

And I'm just figuring out how to get rid of

44:17

their body Oh no, cool. This is like a litter

44:19

Okay Unless

44:22

it's in the ocean Yeah, yeah,

44:25

that's that won't cause problems No,

44:27

I'll just wrap them in a big plastic bottle and

44:29

then it should just go away, right? Yeah That's

44:32

what happens when you litter in the ocean if you

44:34

can't see it. It's gone I

44:36

was just in Florida and they all said that so

44:40

You're allowed to litter in the ocean. Yeah, yeah throw

44:42

all the empty tanning oil Just throw all the bottles in

44:44

the ocean. I was actually at the aquarium and they said

44:47

that's the best way to get rid of your trash It's

44:50

like space who knows what's in the water.

44:52

Yeah I'm going to

44:54

draft this might be crazy and

44:57

I don't know exactly how I'm gonna pull it off Well,

44:59

I'm gonna do the research. Okay, I'm

45:01

gonna do the research. Okay, I've got a

45:03

body I'm going to Learn

45:06

how to embalm in some way or another And

45:09

I'm going to hide it at that bodies

45:12

exhibit that tours from town to town.

45:14

Yeah, man. Oh my god Fuck.

45:17

Yeah, I'm gonna put like a

45:19

helmet on it. I'm gonna pose it I'm

45:22

gonna go in Maybe

45:24

right when it okay. You're gonna cut it into

45:27

64th. So it's like one of those poster things

45:30

I'm gonna put I'm gonna dress it up. I'm

45:32

gonna weekend it Bernie's it and go to the

45:35

pixels weekend of Bernie's But it's gonna be dressed up

45:37

in like all these clothes and then when I like

45:39

pull the parka off of it It's like an exposed

45:41

nerve system or whatever and then I'm booking it. Nobody's

45:44

gonna notice. They're gonna be like, oh look at that

45:46

one It's rollerblading Perfect. Yeah.

45:48

Yeah, dude. You ever been to one of those?

45:51

By exactly creeps me out so bad. I

45:53

can't I don't like anybody. There's anything under

45:55

here. I've been to two, right? They're

46:00

fascinating, they're fascinating. It's not morbid

46:02

to me, it's like, it's crazy

46:04

to see. I know I

46:06

said it a second ago, but they have a body sectioned out

46:09

so you can flip through it like the posters at Spencer's where

46:11

it's just like, it's crazy

46:13

to see. They just cut it into

46:15

like a whole human body. Yep,

46:18

it is bananas. My

46:20

mom is like crazy into that shit. Is

46:22

it weird that I don't feel any way

46:24

left or right about it? Well

46:26

it takes away the... I'm not into

46:28

it, but... ...you feel like you're

46:30

looking at a person. And a lot of it's like

46:33

you see what a brain looks like. It's not all

46:35

like just bodies flayed out like it's a funeral open

46:37

casket or something. But have you ever seen somebody dress

46:39

a deer or something? Or like jump with guts or anything?

46:42

I sure have, that shit. It

46:44

all feels the same to me. I

46:46

like to think that I'm a flesh bag full of

46:48

magic. I don't want to know anything about anything going

46:50

on inside of there, I hate it. Yeah,

46:55

it's jarring. I don't know. It's so interesting to

46:57

me though. Same thing with like... I used to

46:59

watch that Trauma Life in the ER show. It's

47:01

just interesting to me. I don't know why. Bro,

47:03

my mom used to play that shit because my

47:05

mom's a nurse. She used to play it during

47:07

dinner and like leaving up right up to dinner.

47:09

That's a little much. You're cracking into lasagna and

47:12

someone get a gun-set wound dress. She watches like

47:14

surgery shows because she's fascinated by it and rightfully

47:16

so, you know. But like it's like... I'm

47:19

with you Carmel. That does not phase

47:21

me. You could eat dinner

47:23

while watching surgery. Yeah, it doesn't

47:25

bother me. Sometimes I'll

47:27

be at airports looking at pimple popping videos, eating

47:29

a Jersey Mike's. I don't give a fuck. If

47:31

it was poop surgery, it bothered me. I

47:34

can't. Pimple popping videos are really

47:36

actually worse to me than the body's

47:38

exhibit. No, it's fucked. I

47:40

understand. It's like an extreme anxiety pain.

47:44

Yeah, I'll just gag watching them. I

47:48

just look quite close. I'm like... But

47:50

that's the fucked up part is I'll keep watching

47:53

them. I'll be gagging like

47:55

disgusted and I keep flipping through

47:57

them. It's like spicy chips. Someone

48:00

dig a bug out of their ear for like

48:02

20 minutes that I just want like the satisfaction

48:04

of having it be done Oh, yeah People

48:08

removing like bot flies like all kinds of earwax

48:10

out of the ear the earwax out of the

48:12

ear Oh, you can do

48:15

you access that it looks like you don't be

48:17

jerky dude. How's that grosser than a surgery? What's

48:19

one where the people have the stuff on their

48:21

noses and they can't have the hot no that

48:24

it's like It's like really like burst vessels

48:26

or whatever and they come in with

48:28

the hot thing and they like like a

48:31

boil They're planting a boil or something. No, no, no,

48:33

it's like they like burn the skin

48:35

off the note. I don't know how

48:37

to explain it It's gross. My Instagram's

48:39

fucked because it was just you know,

48:42

everybody's listening this It's

48:44

like that in them butts. It's like It's

48:47

really mine is really mine is actually

48:50

very similar to that just in terms

48:52

of like the it's either

48:54

someone Covering or having just

48:56

like or going into like

48:59

a horrible life-altering surgery Or

49:02

or like girl

49:04

dad content. Yeah And

49:07

then like all of a sudden the middle of

49:09

it Shane Torres is like, why do they charge

49:11

the same for everything bang? She's

49:15

gonna love that No,

49:18

she's in my algorithm heavy though. I see him a

49:20

lot. He's in my life. Yeah Minus

49:23

dudes who like dress like

49:25

me and then cats and

49:28

sandwiches not bad minus skateboarding

49:31

and shoes I

49:34

interesting stuff mob wife styles taking the internet

49:36

by storm Say

49:39

I like that man The last

49:42

one that you that you mentioned that

49:44

last story you mentioned leads perfectly into

49:46

my next draft Well, you

49:48

don't get to go we got a minute back to

49:51

back. It's me I

49:54

get to go. I thought oh you go back

49:56

and then it comes back up. Oh,

49:58

you get you get you in first You get

50:00

to a row back to you all right. I wouldn't do you like

50:02

that Some

50:06

of mine aren't overly

50:08

concerned with me being caught well.

50:10

No. I don't worry about it Don't overly

50:12

concern yourself with that right now All

50:15

right, David's getting a cot they're gonna Take

50:18

it above get into this cemetery We're

50:26

all getting caught right absolutely. I'm just trying

50:28

to make the front page, baby We're

50:30

all trying to get a Netflix Get

50:35

back on there one way or another

50:37

I'm having a tough time moving tickets

50:42

I'm gonna hide their face on my face, and

50:44

I'm gonna go do stand-up Okay,

50:47

so this is have you seen those like

50:50

It's an aquarium, but it's got it's like it's

50:53

kind of a cheaper aquarium And like it's the

50:55

places where they would have those like mermaid girls

50:57

with like an air You know like swimming through

50:59

someone. Oh, yeah Yeah, there's a

51:01

gig that does that at the new the

51:03

newberry in Montana You put you up the

51:05

hotel where they have the mermaids. They don't

51:07

seem happy So I'm dressing

51:10

the I'm dressing the body up like a

51:12

pirate and dropping it into one of those

51:14

aquariums That

51:16

pirate like that That

51:19

pirate skin is falling up like

51:21

no point like you know people work there for

51:23

a long time They're gonna notice this body decomposing

51:25

or whatever and maybe the fish

51:27

eating it, but by that time I'm long gone Okay,

51:30

I'm long on it and

51:33

eventually ends up. It's like hell. Maybe it

51:35

starts as a skeleton Maybe I'm just trying

51:37

to get rid of a skeleton because I

51:39

like use the acid in the bathtub all

51:42

that stuff But I got to get rid of the skeleton

51:44

somehow BAM skeleton

51:46

dress like a pirate in a

51:48

kind of a cheap aquarium Perfect, I

51:50

like it. Yeah, I kind of think

51:52

part of me thinks even if the aquarium knows

51:54

that that's not supposed to be there They're

51:57

so charmed by it that they're like, let's

51:59

not ask questions that we don't want the answers to. You're

52:01

trying to get away with murder on charm? Yeah.

52:05

When I say that, that is not that crazy.

52:07

I think a lot of people do. There's a

52:09

lot of people that have. I take that back.

52:12

I'm sorry. I'm trying to charm my way through it. Most

52:14

of them. I mean the successful ones anyway.

52:17

Yeah. So yeah, there's just

52:19

a pirate in this aquarium all of a sudden. Anyone

52:22

working there doesn't care enough to notice it or

52:24

not, I think, anyway. That's why I'm getting

52:26

rid of this body. All right. Yeah,

52:29

dude. I

52:32

like it. I'm in. I got

52:34

some wild shit too. Now,

52:36

I'm not sure if this is what

52:39

you said, Rosebud. I'll make a different pick if

52:41

not. But can I

52:43

say in the cement foundation of like

52:45

a brand new office building? I mean,

52:47

or is that too close? I feel like you're

52:49

doing mafia classics. Well, because

52:51

they make a ton of sense. Very bad way. I'll

52:54

bounce on the handlebars a little bit with the

52:56

later picks. Honestly,

52:58

maybe I was too serious about it. But if I was

53:00

honestly in the corner and I had

53:02

to do this, these are the two things that I would

53:04

really want to get done. I'd be like, this is the

53:07

best way to make sure that it

53:09

doesn't get found. So

53:12

I guess I got to have a

53:14

contractor who gets a good job. And

53:16

then they let me know when they're going to

53:18

build the biggest building. And then you just put them

53:21

right in the foundation when they pour it, like Lethal Weapon

53:23

3. They did it to that guy. Yeah, it's great.

53:25

Great. Yeah. This

53:27

is another classic. Another mob

53:29

classic. It is. I feel like

53:31

a soup can. Am I being a dork here? I'll

53:34

do better ones. By the way, you

53:36

can soup cans. I

53:39

think it's fair. Yeah. Soup

53:41

cans are full of soup, dude. People love soup. I don't

53:43

want anyone to think I'm serious. To me, these were glaringly...

53:47

I was like, well, if I did

53:49

want to get rid of it, these are the first two things I would

53:51

do. And then I'm going to start getting silly. But yes. The

53:55

truth is, the timing on this one. Yeah,

53:58

I mean, you gotta be someone who knows... You

54:00

have to know somebody making a building when they're

54:02

pouring the cement, right? I know people at the

54:04

top. So in this let's say this is a

54:07

I know I said I wasn't gonna kill anyone This

54:09

is someone I've been wanting to kill for a while So I'm just

54:11

waiting to kill him until I know there's gonna be a dope building

54:13

that they're gonna construct in downtown And then as

54:16

soon as that happens, I'm like, all right So

54:20

many kill him blow dart to the neck they pass

54:22

out no pain But they saw me before they died

54:24

and then how do you know the people building this

54:26

building? Oh, I know people at the

54:28

top I wouldn't worry about all that Yeah,

54:31

I Know

54:34

who I know. Oh, it's no at the very top at the

54:36

top of the very top So the could I'm gonna creme some

54:38

say what are you talking about Joe Biden? If I if I

54:40

knew Joe I'd wake him up tell him to lower the APR

54:47

No, I don't know who it is

54:49

city planners a dirty city planners who will take will

54:51

take some money to let me put a body At

54:53

the bottom of like the new first

54:56

premiere. They're gonna build in Sioux Falls or something So

54:58

you are the mob? Yeah, I

55:00

mean I run those. Yeah, you are the

55:02

mob. Okay, I run super well not I'm

55:05

I'm a loose organization of friends.

55:08

Yeah At

55:11

the top at the very very top at the top You

55:15

mentioned that I know a lot of people at the top

55:17

So it's funny you bring it up because I do know

55:19

a lot of people you're not necessarily saying Italian you could

55:21

be Albanian Well, I'm Jewish. I know I'd a lot of

55:23

people up at the top. Yeah claim

55:26

it now I

55:29

People up at the top I

55:32

mean I thought that's why you do it. I'm I

55:37

Was born the way I was born man, I didn't have any control, but yeah

55:42

Born sick of such I just want

55:45

Anyone's like Ian your your outlandish pirate idea doesn't seem

55:48

like it holds a lot of water I just want

55:50

to hear people talking about a whole lot of water

55:52

that that body's gonna absorb that water like crazy. That's

55:54

right. Yeah David

55:56

on baby second pick. All right Alright,

56:00

he raised his voice. This

56:04

is another one that would have to be done late at night, but I

56:06

think you could get away with it. Did

56:09

you ever have a community garden at school

56:11

when you were a child? Yeah. Like

56:14

a school garden? Yes. From a variant

56:16

of a school garden. Ohhhh! Wow! Elementary

56:18

school is way easy to break into.

56:20

Fucked up! You've got people eating corpse

56:23

tomatoes! You've got children eating corpse tomatoes!

56:25

First of all, it's good for them.

56:28

It is. You've never seen the Lion King dude?

56:30

We turn into the dust and the antelope eat

56:32

the grass. So yeah. John just wanted to see

56:34

the Lion King on Broadway. It's a garden planted

56:36

by children. It's already done slapdash. I

56:39

could easily pull it up and put it

56:41

back together in a way that makes it

56:43

look like children. You know what I mean? What

56:45

does slapdash mean? I've never heard that. Quickly.

56:50

Quickly with haste. Ohhh!

56:52

I've never heard that. Oh, okay. I

56:54

think quickly with haste means the same thing. But

56:57

I hear things told to me two different ways all the time. Would

57:00

you? No part of you... So

57:03

already now in this scenario you've killed someone and now you're

57:05

hiding the body. But you would not be haunted by the

57:08

notion of a bunch of kids eating

57:10

like a salad made out of body

57:12

lettuce? You're fine with it. No

57:15

more than I would be having ended

57:17

someone's life in a brutal manner. I

57:19

don't know. That's not to be brutal. In for a penny, in

57:21

for a pound, right? I'm a bad guy now. Yeah. You

57:24

know what I mean? Yeah. Now

57:26

that's fair. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Put it right in there.

57:29

It feels like you've thought it through. Yeah, yeah,

57:31

yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enough. I

57:33

mean, you know. In a way

57:35

it's a nice thing to give to this person you

57:38

killed where it's like, oh, they do immediately go get

57:40

to be a part of the circle of life. Yeah,

57:42

they get to go back ashes to ashes. You get

57:44

to feed children. And I don't think...

57:46

I feel like a lot of those gardens don't

57:48

even work that well because kids are stupid. So

57:51

it's just going to get recycled and the kids are going

57:53

to plant over it the next year. That doesn't really turn

57:55

into edible food a lot. Yeah, they're not making prized cucumbers

57:58

over there. They're in the second crate. Yeah,

58:01

yeah, just catching garter snakes Sean

58:03

you just saw the Lion King the Broadway

58:05

production idea of review Yeah,

58:07

I cried a bunch. It was amazing. Go see the

58:10

Lion King if you can Go

58:22

catch it if you can it's up and

58:24

coming yeah Yeah, before

58:27

you care man I'm dickhead behind me

58:29

talking about this like this like

58:31

British chocolate bar that he got and he was sharing

58:33

it with all his Buddies he was so loud. I

58:36

was close to sharing the news sharing the news about

58:38

it about where he got it and how whatever I

58:40

was just like man shut the fuck up. That's all

58:42

let's just want it I yeah, it was by and

58:44

then my wife got bummed at me for getting bummed

58:46

on him She's like he's just having fun. I'm like

58:49

yeah, so he's so you know that's when you're just

58:51

so loud Like you're just talking to

58:53

people next during the show. No, that's why

58:55

it didn't get brought up. It was But

58:59

you were getting pissed at somebody for talking before

59:01

the show it was so loud the way I

59:03

was doing it I'm on your side with

59:05

this Sean. I feel like I Went

59:08

to dinner with Andy last night and there

59:11

was like a waitress that was narrating everything

59:13

She did where it's like every single time

59:15

I blinked. She'd be like I'm

59:17

on your right She was just telling me what side

59:19

of my body And then

59:22

and I was just getting and then Andy Because

59:25

he enjoys watching me get upset started

59:27

setting her up to tell stories It

59:33

was I was like I'm calling a lawyer

59:41

That would make a good boy would turn around and ask

59:43

the dude about the candy bar it would have diffused me

59:45

real quick I'd be like, oh, yeah. Yeah, I

59:47

couldn't help a lot But I was

59:49

so mad if she went on for

59:52

so long Yeah,

59:55

that's awful Sean what

59:57

kind of candy bar wasn't really quick And

1:00:00

then I know, man, I was afraid. Come on.

1:00:03

I have no idea what it was. You know, I

1:00:05

couldn't think I was insufferable. Rose

1:00:07

by time for your second and third picks. Oh,

1:00:10

second and third. Yeah. Okay. So

1:00:14

my second is. All

1:00:17

right. So it's a little weekend at Bernie's

1:00:19

as well. You put

1:00:21

the let me know if this is stepping

1:00:23

on yours, Ian. Okay. I

1:00:25

was thinking you put the body on

1:00:28

the handlebars of a bike

1:00:31

and you start you start rolling

1:00:33

around town in

1:00:35

a state with like strong pedestrian laws. And

1:00:38

like Berkeley car. Yeah.

1:00:42

Oh, you're going to tell me for it. Yeah,

1:00:44

you hit a car and the and the body

1:00:46

goes flying and you go, well, that's my best

1:00:48

friend. Yep. What did

1:00:51

you do? Yeah, that's good.

1:00:53

That is really. Yeah. That is

1:00:55

absolutely brilliant. Oh, no. Yeah.

1:00:57

Oh, my God. That was that

1:00:59

was our last bicycle ride together.

1:01:05

This is where we get caught because they

1:01:08

can definitely tell how people died. But it's

1:01:10

a fun idea until then. He

1:01:12

got no, he got shot a gigantic

1:01:14

tank. Not if I suffocate him. Right.

1:01:17

If I suffocate him, it could be it could

1:01:19

be, you know, he scared himself

1:01:21

to death. That's

1:01:24

how they got kapone. Yeah. He

1:01:27

was holding a bullet up against his head and the

1:01:29

car door shoved it through his forehead. Even

1:01:32

now on to a bullet. I

1:01:35

love that idea. Fucking car. Man, he died before I

1:01:37

could say I forgive you for having sex with my

1:01:39

wife. That's crazy. But there he is. Got

1:01:43

smoked by that car. Yeah,

1:01:46

that's a great idea. Put it on someone else. Absolutely.

1:01:48

Yeah. You know what I'm saying? That scene in Tommy

1:01:50

Boy, we just shut the door. He's like, what'd you

1:01:52

do? See,

1:01:54

so that's that

1:01:56

is fantastic. Good. Oh, that's my that

1:01:59

was my second. Second, my third one

1:02:01

is Pot of Chili. Oh,

1:02:04

damn it! Yeah, making them into food. I had that one too, the Titus Andronicus. I figured

1:02:06

we'd go later, a bunch of lunatics. I figured that'd go in the end. Oh

1:02:09

no, it's gonna get weird. Yeah, I feel like Pot of Chili is

1:02:11

more normal. It

1:02:22

seems more normal. We're normal

1:02:24

in a children's garden, I'll give you that. Yeah.

1:02:31

Yeah, so Pot of Chili, every time I'm eating chili, I'm

1:02:33

kind of like, there could be a body in this. I

1:02:35

would not know. There's so much going on

1:02:37

here. And I don't even

1:02:39

know if I would care, because it's so good. For

1:02:42

sure. So I feel like if

1:02:44

you're eating a Pot of Chili and it's ever

1:02:46

even crossed your mind, there could

1:02:48

be a dead body in this. You're not gonna

1:02:51

not take another bite. Right.

1:02:53

You just said that from what you're playing behind. You're

1:02:55

like, probably not, but maybe. And then you keep eating.

1:02:57

No one would stop eating. Exactly. So

1:03:00

I'm just betting on that, you know? You

1:03:03

might hit it with a hot sauce a couple more times, just to

1:03:05

be like, let me balance that out a little bit. Right.

1:03:08

Just to get that thought out of my head. Yeah. I've

1:03:10

done that, but it's not about the date. But it's when like

1:03:12

onions or something where I'm like, ah, it's probably not an onion,

1:03:14

and I just keep going, I already had a bunch of onions,

1:03:16

who cares? Yeah. This

1:03:19

is that, there's that Shakespeare play

1:03:22

that like South Park did a riff

1:03:24

on, where they feed someone

1:03:26

to like, and they feed them to his own

1:03:28

parents. It's from the Shakespeare play Titus and Veronica.

1:03:32

And it's a great, like if somebody's a prick, it's

1:03:34

a great way to get revenge on them. Yeah.

1:03:37

Yeah. Absolutely. This

1:03:39

year, I'm worried because this is close

1:03:41

to my next fit. Well, let's

1:03:43

get to it right now. Yeah, let's hear

1:03:45

it. Okay. So you guys know how I've

1:03:47

been looking into making my own sausage? Yeah. You're

1:03:52

gonna grind them up. Like Play-Doh. But

1:03:57

over the holiday season.

1:04:00

I give them out to tons of

1:04:02

all my friends So

1:04:06

I peace meal it so like hey,

1:04:08

here's the venison Here's a bratwurst and

1:04:11

here's a mystery and they'd you know,

1:04:13

they think it's Gator or some shit

1:04:15

But it's like I sausage I sausage

1:04:18

the body out to a bunch of

1:04:20

people who never knew him. They eat

1:04:22

him And you're

1:04:24

not saying the meat you're not lying

1:04:28

No, I'm just it's a mystery. You know,

1:04:30

oh that one's a little fun. There is

1:04:32

no David He's so crazy remember when he's

1:04:34

making wine. There's a good sausages. What a

1:04:36

good guy Yeah, you drain

1:04:38

the blood you drain the blood and made

1:04:40

it wine. Yeah, it's all your friends Yeah,

1:04:42

you would have to have made us another

1:04:45

thing first. That's like a great idea It's

1:04:47

like first you may you really don't be

1:04:49

early. That's what I'm saying like wine in

1:04:51

the spring I guess dude

1:04:53

in the break move and then

1:04:55

winter when everybody's getting sausages Yeah,

1:04:59

it's already now. I have the you know what I

1:05:01

mean, and it'll be fun You know what I mean

1:05:03

cuz I thought about it making wine you make your

1:05:05

own labels You know what I mean you bottle it.

1:05:07

Yeah, if you cork it yourself. Oh now this is

1:05:09

a fun thing now I'm that guy yeah,

1:05:11

you get to design a graphic You

1:05:15

out in the shed he's having fun out there. They

1:05:17

don't know I'm Grinding up a

1:05:19

bookie, or I don't know who the person is You're

1:05:23

thinking about making grinding up a chance

1:05:25

of gold star sausages black-owned

1:05:27

Denver made and I

1:05:30

love their sausages, and I was like I think I could

1:05:32

be a sausage guy. It's not that hard. It's not that

1:05:34

hard Yeah, yeah, the sausage king of

1:05:36

Denver dude. It looks really satisfying My

1:05:42

question is this if you have just like

1:05:44

a kitchen like it's gonna take a long

1:05:46

time Is it gonna take that

1:05:48

how big is this guy? I'm killing lock the

1:05:50

door you tell me Lock

1:05:53

the door. I think if I was gonna kill somebody

1:05:55

it probably wouldn't be a huge guy Yeah,

1:05:58

okay. It wouldn't be a kid I

1:06:01

feel like I didn't my mind didn't go there

1:06:03

but You

1:06:06

got a boy you yelled that Big

1:06:09

it well, I mean I I

1:06:12

I dress I'd feel dry dress him You

1:06:15

know I mean I've got him let him bleed out on the

1:06:17

tarp all that stuff cuz nobody

1:06:19

thinks I'm a murderer So in this I

1:06:21

have time I don't think I killed this

1:06:23

guy. You're the guy get out pralings in

1:06:26

the summer homemade Yeah, yeah Everybody

1:06:29

knows you go through phases everybody knows I

1:06:31

make my own potpourri and I had it

1:06:33

out to the neighborhood I remember

1:06:36

two years ago. You got that smoothie maker

1:06:38

and for like three weeks I was getting

1:06:40

a different smoothie on my doorstep every day.

1:06:42

Come on. That's your Giving out foods to

1:06:44

people anyways, that's great, and I don't

1:06:46

think human I think you wouldn't taste that if I if

1:06:48

I seasoned it up right I don't think it would taste

1:06:50

like I don't think you Would know I don't

1:06:53

want to sound of chain right I would if

1:06:55

in a in like an alive situation I would

1:06:57

eat a person pretty quick. I don't think I

1:06:59

would be struggling too hard. That's not what well.

1:07:02

That's different We just

1:07:04

said people I'm just saying like I don't

1:07:06

think if somebody was like frozen dead of

1:07:08

natural causes or whatever from from being Out

1:07:11

in the wilderness. I don't think it would be that

1:07:13

hard am I crazy? If

1:07:16

you're about to die in the wilderness if you're about

1:07:18

to die That's what I'm saying like I just I

1:07:20

think I mean it would be harder than because you

1:07:22

probably wouldn't Be able

1:07:24

to cook them. Oh Right,

1:07:26

and you'd probably have to kill him yourself. I

1:07:29

would just go over and freestyle by their Your

1:07:34

body's gonna react to the guilt you know like

1:07:36

you might feel you could

1:07:39

have guilt and puke it up like and

1:07:41

then you've killed a guy and Tried and

1:07:44

like had to build a fire

1:07:46

and tried to cook him and probably failed

1:07:48

at that and then Finally just ate him

1:07:50

raw and then you're just like I puked him

1:07:52

up For All

1:07:54

this was for nothing. Ate him raw. made me laugh

1:07:56

pretty hard. Viola

1:08:00

Some of the holiday weight right now

1:08:02

and the site like you forget. When.

1:08:05

You're really hungry. how light switch it to an

1:08:07

animal Again, pretty clear of say mm yes

1:08:09

it does. You know what you do start to

1:08:11

go back into that lights s after like

1:08:13

ten hours. I mean imagine yes, eight days or

1:08:15

what. I do know however long it as you'd

1:08:18

go without food before you like good but we're

1:08:20

Hanukkah as are been. I can say without a

1:08:22

doubt if I was pregnant I would eat

1:08:24

a man within two days. Do.

1:08:27

In. The woods? Yeah no I said. Yeah,

1:08:30

I don't make his essay animal by

1:08:32

Babbel. You're just like Everly out on

1:08:34

my hormones and instinct or we and

1:08:36

I'm always wanted his sins. Or it's

1:08:38

like, say, let's both enjoy his voice

1:08:40

brother. Slice.

1:08:42

Tie it off lightly or we was. You're going

1:08:45

to have a reason for his own body. I

1:08:47

mean, we both see them. You.

1:08:49

Am a guy are going to seize you, cut off

1:08:51

his foot. That's a lot of how are you gonna

1:08:53

do that is that pure charisma. you can just sell

1:08:56

him on. As I got a resume. yeah, they've

1:08:58

got a really short avenue and do it now.

1:09:00

Can. You don't have

1:09:02

to die. Nobody has to die. Cities

1:09:06

get magazine or less assists the

1:09:08

right move. Yeah, I see what

1:09:10

I was thinking was. On top

1:09:12

it off it's a nice we could get all that.

1:09:15

Yeah. Yeah, that would not want to meet

1:09:17

on effort right? Geico? Get a young right

1:09:19

now you'll and tell me. Yeah.

1:09:22

It's like a pig foot where you like. It's

1:09:24

flavorful but it's not. It's a belly full. You

1:09:26

know, the media group. Yeah would

1:09:28

be super the do foot but like all

1:09:31

that suit rat all that sit around the

1:09:33

tibia cydia. And Boehner I and. Yeah.

1:09:36

Those and the marrow such the man allowed to

1:09:38

do with a and allowing. Yeah, wow,

1:09:40

we all really got into this.

1:09:42

You gotta, you cannot afford the

1:09:44

whole buffalo them years ago. Excessive.

1:09:47

so you're really committed to sit.

1:09:49

Yeah, everybody's we're all real or

1:09:51

not. We were talking about pieces.

1:09:55

Of Art is the an angry like was

1:09:57

something sounds? Guess it's just something about recipes.

1:10:00

Yeah out an hour you do. I decided

1:10:02

to a regular thing was nice but if

1:10:04

that's what I would have done with the

1:10:06

will with any me as. Regarded.

1:10:08

As one of. Those

1:10:11

are some companies are bit.

1:10:13

I. Am third or second. Desert.

1:10:15

Absurd. So it's going third fourth right now and

1:10:18

and forth and back to me. That's

1:10:20

correct of his Third Zelda try to see

1:10:22

when I get to go get so I

1:10:24

would are. Cremate. The

1:10:26

person and then skydive with their

1:10:29

asses and as let-flow. Or

1:10:31

said a beautiful. And.

1:10:33

then you a fine and addicts or of they could find

1:10:35

a cremated body. I don't know if that's possible. But

1:10:38

that. You know I would make sure that ashes

1:10:40

were scattered. Wherever. That's. Just.

1:10:43

Approaches to allow me to criticize your pecs. I

1:10:45

got a guy I got I got the way

1:10:47

through which uses his and on A.where you cremating

1:10:49

the sky. Well. Okay so this

1:10:51

came from. I know a girl that used

1:10:54

to live above of a morgue and arena

1:10:56

not a morgue sorry funeral. So in my

1:10:58

mind I'm thinking she has access. we sneak

1:11:00

in. ah I don't even know they do

1:11:02

this on say now that I'm seen in

1:11:04

allowed. they probably don't cremate the bodies at

1:11:06

the funeral so no video to crematoriums. Yeah

1:11:08

so I would find somebody who lived above

1:11:10

a crematorium to I make my own of

1:11:12

it's people traditionally live above crematorium. I get

1:11:15

a know this girl she was you know

1:11:17

as many people at that offices miss me

1:11:19

see defensive front of the top. Of a

1:11:21

cream at our age where I found my

1:11:23

know this bird outbid literally on the top

1:11:25

this one vast more assistant I have access

1:11:27

that are very much orpheus and it's unfortunately

1:11:29

it's Christmas Day or some holiday where nobody

1:11:31

would ever be there. An hour

1:11:33

with sneak in? We. Cremate

1:11:36

body. And. Then I go skydiving. Always wanted

1:11:38

to do that anyways. this gimme a good reason. And

1:11:40

then lack Only smoke billowing from the chimney

1:11:43

has kind of assessed him. overtone, Yeah,

1:11:45

a little bit. Will tried it and and apparently knows

1:11:47

a new Pope. Or put a green

1:11:49

and red smoke ball up there to kind

1:11:51

of mix it. You know some people are

1:11:54

going about pretty remote. One of those, yes,

1:11:56

we could be an inventory. I'm does lessen

1:11:58

my successor roster. Mama.

1:12:02

And then when I was a job. When

1:12:05

I want to jump out of the airplane with a backpack

1:12:07

and they say normally widow let people jump out with a

1:12:09

backpack, I'd say it's cool. And. Then they'd be like

1:12:11

are it. Out

1:12:13

as it is that says that really would

1:12:15

you Start off so. I

1:12:18

don't think so now that I have a kid. That's.

1:12:20

A weird thing where your legs next can't

1:12:22

imagine her be and like yeah. Dad.

1:12:25

Died because he went skydiving like yeah I was

1:12:27

asked to have to do we do much my

1:12:29

the ass. For. I would have, I'd

1:12:31

still probably bungie jump and owes them a

1:12:33

huge difference. For. Some reason

1:12:35

I think I would. I think so either

1:12:38

know guide adding is safer than bungie jumping

1:12:40

he is seems like it's easier on your

1:12:42

back if nothing else. piano know. Ah,

1:12:44

I don't know. I pray. When do we? The. Baddies.

1:12:46

A real exposure therapy for you. To.

1:12:49

The as aren't afraid of flying so like do

1:12:51

it. Went from skydiving would have been like fuck

1:12:53

him take it on. Yeah. I mean

1:12:55

I let me get ripped up for

1:12:57

censure of got of allowing one a

1:13:00

one room. The. Gabby. Don't. See

1:13:02

Cydia My mental now though. I

1:13:05

think the first l a times a scrappy to

1:13:07

somebody. For. My drum within. instructors

1:13:09

grammarly on others you go to in

1:13:11

he was subdued. Courses: Or

1:13:14

as soon as who knows if I would. But in this if I

1:13:16

you know. Back. To the wall I

1:13:18

gotta get rid of his body yet by said us. Are.

1:13:21

right? And wrong with

1:13:23

hope. It. Doesn't. On the weekend

1:13:25

at Bernie's Situation million. Years.

1:13:30

Of the movies I've got to drive you haven't

1:13:32

seen. we get a Bernie's we're talking about the

1:13:34

it the logo was you dress up the dressing

1:13:36

of a corpse and making people who is not

1:13:38

they make I've got my male body rt or

1:13:41

with yeah. I got

1:13:43

a job at the airport right? You. Should

1:13:45

hear what you do it at the airport handle

1:13:47

a bags is a suite of take a tickets

1:13:49

on this I. Had

1:13:51

run rounds of airport under two different identities

1:13:54

and Mrs. Key to this one of I'm

1:13:56

in Carmel. Is. the guy flags and

1:13:58

planes with the lights lot of responsibility The

1:14:01

other guy, uh... Ian Carmel. The other

1:14:03

guy, your twin brother. Bonjorno Gutierrez. Is

1:14:06

the other name I got it under. Totally

1:14:08

normal. Bonjorno Gutierrez.

1:14:11

Totally normal. Bonjorno. So,

1:14:15

Bonjorno Gutierrez, baggage handler. One

1:14:18

day, Ian and Bonjorno have the same shift. They

1:14:20

show up together. Well, look, they both are.

1:14:23

There's Ian, Bonjorno. And

1:14:25

I'm, you know, Bonjorno. Oh, he's sitting down on his bag. On

1:14:29

his baggage cart, he's dead. He's

1:14:32

dead. Bonjorno's the corpse, okay? Right. In this scenario. Even

1:14:35

though I've been going, working both of these shifts. Just to

1:14:37

set up the reality that there are two people. I'm

1:14:40

flagging a jet engine in. I see what you're doing. I'm

1:14:43

flagging a jet engine in. Jet

1:14:45

engine turns. I run

1:14:47

over, grab Bonjorno. Toss him

1:14:49

right into the jet engine. He gets sucked through. Whoa.

1:14:51

Yeah. It's on the ground,

1:14:53

so nobody on this airplane is dying. But also,

1:14:55

I don't believe that you could then autopsy

1:14:58

a jet engine dead body. So if I shot this

1:15:00

guy, you never tell him. You're never going to find

1:15:02

out. Right.

1:15:05

I think so. So this is sort of an airport

1:15:07

situation. And before anyone gets too

1:15:09

judgmental, I do know some people at the top. Dude,

1:15:11

I didn't think you didn't. Now, are you going

1:15:13

to ask everyone on the flight if they need to be where they're

1:15:15

going? Or are you just going to assume that their time doesn't matter

1:15:17

and wipe your ass with it? This plane, I'm

1:15:20

wiping my ass with it. I don't care. I don't

1:15:23

care. Yeah. That's

1:15:26

smart. No, that's

1:15:28

good. I'll fuck

1:15:30

with that, dude. You're sitting looking out the window.

1:15:32

You can't murder somebody in cold blood and throw

1:15:35

their body into a jet engine while respecting

1:15:38

people's schedules. That's right. I'm

1:15:41

sorry you're not going to make the game. I'm

1:15:43

sorry. Yeah. There'll

1:15:46

be more Super Bowls. What do you want? Maybe I'm doing

1:15:48

it on a Wednesday. Maybe I'll

1:15:50

make sure I do this on a Tuesday when it's

1:15:52

like, all right, nobody's going to a wedding. I pray

1:15:54

I'm not going to do it on a Friday, holiday

1:15:57

weekend. Why not? Then

1:16:00

are you doing a middle is gonna kill

1:16:02

and paypal your count plans? You get? Yeah

1:16:04

dude. Can win worlds into it on

1:16:06

a Friday for the Friday News dump. You know

1:16:08

to me you want to be a story of

1:16:10

the we'd be right about that. Yeah, okay, that

1:16:12

is right, I'd known scissors been a Friday afternoon.

1:16:14

Smart what you do on Friday nights. Coke. Friday.

1:16:17

Night he adds much drugs homes auto

1:16:19

the up with a book about. This

1:16:23

ah those mods or bed to start a new

1:16:25

jet engine and we're going to get the

1:16:27

my fourth pick right? after one more there is

1:16:30

your bread. The

1:16:32

show is sponsored by Better

1:16:34

Help Now. We. Talk about it all

1:16:36

the time. But. It is so important

1:16:38

with mental health. You. Know a

1:16:41

common just for example. Like relationships.

1:16:43

A common misconception is that relationships.

1:16:45

They're. Easy. You see people on public and

1:16:47

like oh my gosh, they must be They

1:16:50

must be perfect all the time And. It's.

1:16:53

Fairly is that like that's it takes

1:16:55

work like every thing else and you

1:16:57

know the best relationship sometimes can happen

1:16:59

when both people put the put the

1:17:02

work in to make them are you

1:17:04

know to manage the relationship because nobody

1:17:06

likes anybody all the time. And therapy

1:17:08

could be a place to work through

1:17:10

all those challenges that you're going to

1:17:12

face in your relationship. Whether you know

1:17:14

whether it's relationship with friends or work

1:17:16

your partner, anyone Honestly talking to some

1:17:18

bc don't have to bear the weight

1:17:20

of all of those problems. Everybody

1:17:23

needs help, Everybody needs to unload. Just

1:17:25

needs like of a new set of

1:17:27

ears. You need somebody who is educated

1:17:29

to help you out. You know the

1:17:31

teach you positive coping skills, how to

1:17:33

set boundaries a good as beer homey

1:17:35

that you go get a drink with

1:17:37

i mean second help to but it

1:17:40

is nice to have somebody who knows

1:17:42

exactly what they're doing the listen to

1:17:44

you to. Try to guide you in the

1:17:46

right directions and give you the tools to help you. Manage.

1:17:49

Those things in the future on your

1:17:51

own. So if you are thinking of

1:17:53

starting therapy, give better help a try.

1:17:55

it's don't Entirely Online is designed to

1:17:57

be convenient as flexible they suit your

1:17:59

skin. The old girl bouncing around. I

1:18:01

get it and won't get different stuff

1:18:03

going on. he just fell out of

1:18:05

breath. Questioner: he can match the licensed

1:18:07

therapist in. You can switch their visit

1:18:10

anytime for no additional charge. so get

1:18:12

on it. If you think about it,

1:18:14

stop think and start doing It's become

1:18:16

your own soul mates. Whether you're looking

1:18:18

for one, are not. Visit Better health.com/all

1:18:20

Fantasy Today the a ten percent off

1:18:22

your first month. Again, that's Better help.com/all

1:18:24

Fantasy. Walk

1:18:26

over to have him zero bearing already in progress.

1:18:29

Songs. Tiger a give a generator. Oh yeah

1:18:32

baby! And. I'm about to generate. My.

1:18:34

Fourth back it's way or the house. Man

1:18:36

looking nice about a know the guys out

1:18:38

here. greener. This

1:18:41

want to get involved known some people. Would

1:18:43

not be remiss. You know about it. I'm going to get my

1:18:46

hands on a crematorium same way you're going to get a body

1:18:48

and a that. Mermaid. Bit the at

1:18:50

no point in the top step by step.

1:18:52

Out. Disembodied or and I know I

1:18:54

don't recognize. This

1:18:57

ah in this one. All

1:19:00

through take his knowing some artists. I'm.

1:19:03

Going to take the body. And I'm going

1:19:05

to dip it in bronze. Point

1:19:08

out all like a hard it solo. My

1:19:10

kill never size and yes yeah I

1:19:12

love all are missing. You know this

1:19:14

guy goes missing. nobody can find them.

1:19:16

Were also sad when I'm like hey I

1:19:18

was there is something I can do

1:19:20

but the the one thing I can

1:19:22

do is express myself artistically. Of

1:19:25

years the statue of out that I hate

1:19:27

the I is a like best mr where

1:19:29

you get your hands on a crematorium played

1:19:31

it where you get your hands on of

1:19:33

that of bronze. At.

1:19:35

A at A at A The Places

1:19:37

That Have Gone and a bronze A

1:19:39

cast Michael at Michael's Spank You Oh

1:19:42

yeah, never thought of that Hobby Lobby.

1:19:44

Mean. A Michael's at least as a reference.

1:19:46

Yeah, they could get in. May. Also

1:19:48

sent out to Michaels they just yeah,

1:19:51

they set me up. Beautiful framing job.

1:19:54

Oh. yeah i know it out at

1:19:56

extreme thousand dollars it was way more

1:19:58

money than i thought suffering me It's

1:20:00

so expensive okay, but then you know, but

1:20:02

it's a company. Yeah, it's not like everything

1:20:05

has to be cut custom apparently I went

1:20:07

in I went in to frame a picture

1:20:09

for Laura for Christmas and they go It

1:20:13

was a flyer for a show that she just did she did we

1:20:15

don't have anything or her stuff It was it was my album It

1:20:24

was that dude where Arnold it Arnold and Carl Weathers

1:20:26

just like shake hands and like this that predator Who's

1:20:28

I just framed that for it was and

1:20:30

right soprano Don and Donald Trump riding in a

1:20:33

motorcycle together So I go in and

1:20:35

they're like, alright, so originally it'd be $500. But with the

1:20:37

holiday special, it's 140 and I was like what? Well,

1:20:41

but first of all, that's I feel like that's one of those where

1:20:43

you're like You could say whatever you want is

1:20:45

what it normally would have cost You know what? I mean,

1:20:47

like you go to the half price store and they're like

1:20:50

normally this polo shirts 90 bucks But we're giving it to

1:20:52

you for 40 you go to the house price. It's like

1:20:54

50 That was a place

1:20:56

maybe it's just a local this was for your

1:20:58

painting of the Joker Wyatt Earp and Barack Obama

1:21:00

playing poker Yeah,

1:21:04

that's great Here

1:21:06

you go. That's a brilliant idea Foundry

1:21:10

I'm sitting here pissed. I didn't come up

1:21:12

with that. That's good. That's genius

1:21:14

So it's just an exact statue of

1:21:16

the very guy and I'm finding it

1:21:19

a bronze foundry Sean a bronze foundry

1:21:21

Wait, wait, wait, though. Yeah. Yeah,

1:21:24

it's a statue of the guy you

1:21:26

killed We're

1:21:31

That's where you're going that okay So

1:21:33

that feels like maybe you haven't

1:21:35

thought it out Well, you were such good when I'm

1:21:37

trying to get caught You were such good friends with

1:21:39

your bookie that you made a statue of him because

1:21:42

nobody could find the body and you missed him Maybe

1:21:44

in this maybe I'm killing like a prominent figure that

1:21:46

work hunt. Yeah That what

1:21:48

I'm saying, it's like hey, we're all so sad

1:21:50

about this guy missing and I've expressed that feeling

1:21:52

artistically Okay, I'll just

1:21:55

be a statue anything. It could be

1:21:57

a statue of Frankenstein. Happy Halloween everybody.

1:21:59

You're gonna somewhere where you drive by it

1:22:01

every day and be like, gotcha. You

1:22:04

fool. You idiot. Not

1:22:08

today, but I guess once it's like, it's a male

1:22:10

body. I guess I could put any, like sculpt any

1:22:12

face I want on there. Right. I could put it

1:22:14

in there. It could be esoteric. You could put the

1:22:16

Joker, you could put Doc Holliday. Those are

1:22:19

cute. Peter Griffin, you could do. Male

1:22:22

to male body. So yeah. Mr.

1:22:24

Burns. You can get you Mr. Burns. That'd

1:22:27

be funny. Yeah. We'll

1:22:29

draft next time. We'll draft people. It could be.

1:22:33

Sean, time for your fourth pick. Uh,

1:22:36

you know those, okay. There's those, like, those

1:22:38

lava pits in Hawaii where the lava is

1:22:41

always barely moving. I swear

1:22:43

to God, God damn it. I

1:22:46

swear to God. I just thought like, I was,

1:22:48

I was like, I need one more pick and

1:22:50

I thought of that. And then you started saying

1:22:52

it. That's really weird. Yes. That's

1:22:54

why this is good. But yeah, I did.

1:22:56

So it, the, what I was thinking of

1:22:59

is Zach used to get ripped and put

1:23:01

on these videos of that lava overtaking cars

1:23:03

and like cans of Coke or whatever. I'm

1:23:05

just like, it would do a body pretty

1:23:07

dirty. Get rid of that shit

1:23:09

like that. Cause you can't dig up that lava. I mean it,

1:23:11

and also there's nothing left. So I think I just lay it

1:23:14

peacefully and crack a 40 and

1:23:16

just kind of watch it. Watch it

1:23:18

overtake the body, I guess. Wow.

1:23:20

There has to be millions of bodies under

1:23:22

that lava. I like

1:23:25

the kind of Liam Neeson ending on that one.

1:23:28

You just sort of cracking open a beer

1:23:30

and watching your work. Yeah.

1:23:33

Yeah. I

1:23:35

don't know if there's millions of bodies. No, I'm

1:23:37

just saying it just seems like if you had

1:23:39

to, and it's crass to say because there's

1:23:42

probably, that's probably, you know, overtaken actual bodies. I'm not

1:23:44

trying to go there, but just saying if I was

1:23:46

trying to get rid of somebody that owed me money,

1:23:48

that's what I would do. Going

1:23:50

to Hawaii, finding one of those actors or

1:23:53

Iceland. It'd be a big cut

1:23:55

off your nose to spite your face kind of thing. Cause

1:23:57

I would fly them. Yes, I'd fly that body first class

1:23:59

to Hawaii. Just to bury them in love

1:24:01

with it because they have. You been such a good

1:24:03

mood. Know why humans wouldn't you be like I've had

1:24:05

enough? Yeah there were be like whoa, this is where

1:24:07

they film Forgetting Sarah Marshall Look at this. Rate

1:24:12

is. Ah, In

1:24:14

into magma. Fantastic. Yep!

1:24:17

David whether that you for spec

1:24:19

man. I was gonna say

1:24:21

volcano but now I'm fucked. Yeah that

1:24:23

was one I had was just the

1:24:25

it's it's it was. The timing of

1:24:28

the announced helicopter tours are. You.

1:24:30

I'm Sam. I don't I think

1:24:32

he gave his they are so this is

1:24:34

not. My. Current reality, but it

1:24:36

was one of my apartments in San

1:24:38

Francisco. I'm saying

1:24:40

in my blinds neighbors

1:24:42

bet you're wrong And

1:24:44

how of. Yeah,

1:24:47

that's it's contents. Blind,

1:24:50

expect a grown man

1:24:52

shall never went out

1:24:55

for. A

1:24:57

Why would you? It's like a cold and

1:24:59

house if you can find it. at ease

1:25:01

with. My

1:25:03

older version of my height? What? Does.

1:25:09

Or. Doesn't everyone laughs As such As

1:25:11

put it is that. Rewards

1:25:17

There's. Yeah. Could.

1:25:19

Smell it the what are they gonna do

1:25:21

You know not gonna do it early apparently

1:25:23

didn't I really fast. It's not as they're

1:25:26

more know that. Sentence

1:25:28

or heightened divert. With. Now

1:25:30

I feel it's she'd be the first to smell it.

1:25:32

Yeah. Maybe I bury it in your

1:25:34

backyard the mit but in her yard

1:25:37

I was here and a shovel. but

1:25:39

at least bad advice whenever someone will

1:25:41

be as soon as throw in the

1:25:43

put a boxer. Ssssss, I

1:25:45

saw. this is all make me last for

1:25:47

sexual rehomed. Very naughty if he was. Just.

1:25:51

leave when and maybe a very in her backyard

1:25:53

and suppose that that them you're like maybe i

1:25:55

just put it back there just as funny to

1:25:57

me all his name of sex i'm very mature

1:25:59

yahoo service Uh, talking about

1:26:01

murder shots. That

1:26:04

what you're about? You're about murder. You're

1:26:07

that kind of guy. Okay. Fucking cool. You're

1:26:09

about life and death right now. Yeah. I'm

1:26:12

married to an alive woman. So, okay. I just

1:26:14

killed a guy. Damn. And

1:26:17

I can huck this body over a fence.

1:26:19

But also she was, she was old. So

1:26:21

I think I could bury it at night

1:26:23

and it wouldn't be that big a deal.

1:26:26

Cause we may outside drink it and party

1:26:28

and sometimes, and she wouldn't be like, Yeah,

1:26:30

you know what I mean? Buried over a

1:26:32

few nights. Anything. The very thing I have some

1:26:34

friends party in and I sneak over and bury

1:26:36

it while my friends are partying next door. One

1:26:39

question. She have a

1:26:41

dog. No, she didn't have any animals. Nice.

1:26:46

Nice. Oh, I

1:26:48

see no flaws on this point. Blame

1:26:51

it on an invalid. Rosebud

1:26:55

time for your fourth and then your final picks as

1:26:58

it is a serpentine draft. Damn, I'm curious. I don't

1:27:00

know. I gotta get a. All right. Um,

1:27:03

my last one. Okay.

1:27:05

Well, I'd have to befriend

1:27:07

a puppeteer. I

1:27:11

would have to befriend a puppeteer. I

1:27:16

like this. I see what you're talking about.

1:27:18

I'm talking about a serious puppeteer. I'm not

1:27:20

talking about like some children's mall puppeteer. I'm

1:27:22

talking about something. That would say an act

1:27:24

nearly as difficult as murder itself. Exactly.

1:27:28

There might be somebody who might've worked on

1:27:30

the lion king. What Sean recently saw. We

1:27:33

got a big, big tear crowd. Hit up Rosebud. Yeah.

1:27:36

I need someone Julie Taymor

1:27:38

level puppeteering and

1:27:42

I placed the body. I have to

1:27:44

teach me everything they know. So there's

1:27:46

going to be an apprenticeship. There's going

1:27:48

to be a lot of prep work

1:27:50

for this, but I placed the

1:27:52

body on, uh, the rooftop of

1:27:54

the tallest building in whatever city I happen to

1:27:56

be in, or they happen to be in. And

1:28:00

I call the cops and I say, I'm

1:28:02

up here. This guy's threatening to jump and,

1:28:07

you know, and the cops get sort of

1:28:10

gather at the, and I'm talking him

1:28:12

down the whole time while I'm doing

1:28:14

all the puppeteering. Rick,

1:28:16

I have so much to live for. Yes.

1:28:19

So I, there's a whole scenario

1:28:22

going back and forth and

1:28:24

then, you know, obviously he jumps and

1:28:28

everybody just goes, damn. Yeah.

1:28:31

This woman was a hero. She did her best.

1:28:33

I like that. I

1:28:35

like it because you come out on top. This

1:28:38

isn't just a neutral end. You actually, your

1:28:40

life gets better for having killed

1:28:42

this man. And I like people saying it's not your

1:28:44

fault. They're like coming over to you and saying, Hey,

1:28:46

I just want to make sure that you know this

1:28:48

isn't your fault. Yeah. They,

1:28:50

it's, I kill two birds

1:28:52

really. Um, one is a man

1:28:54

who jumps from a building and then the other

1:28:57

is my own guilt. It as swashes

1:28:59

any sort of guilt that I might've had.

1:29:01

Yeah. I like that.

1:29:03

Yeah. Also, you're kind of like

1:29:05

the Bradley Cooper murder here because now you've also

1:29:07

learned how the skill to do puppeteering, like how

1:29:09

he learned how to cook. You

1:29:12

could just go do for whatever movie that

1:29:14

was or Maestro for Maestro. Yeah. I might've

1:29:16

found a new career. Yeah. That's

1:29:19

true. That's true. You might be

1:29:21

a gifted Marianettis. You hit a body,

1:29:23

but you found yourself. I think it's going

1:29:25

to be a period of time before I can tell

1:29:27

people that I do it because you know, people

1:29:30

can pull one. Obviously. Yeah. You

1:29:32

don't want to put it together. I had so

1:29:34

much grief after I failed to talk that guy

1:29:37

down that I just needed to pour myself into

1:29:39

a hobby and I actually found puppeteering. You know

1:29:41

what? I felt like if I was pulling the

1:29:43

strings, it would have been different. Yeah.

1:29:46

That's brilliant. That makes sense. So there you

1:29:48

go. That's, that's, I love it. I love it.

1:29:51

I love it. Hell yeah. I love it. And

1:29:56

your final pick. Oh, my

1:29:58

final pick. I'm

1:30:02

scrambling. Yeah,

1:30:04

me too.

1:30:08

I am scrambling. I

1:30:11

think a wood chipper. I think I would just

1:30:13

do it as like a subtle nod to Fargo.

1:30:15

Yeah. Yeah.

1:30:17

Yeah. Although it's

1:30:19

not very subtle. It's a bloody endeavor. If

1:30:21

you're not standing there like that dude was,

1:30:23

you know, just put something over

1:30:25

your face. That dude didn't, he didn't think it

1:30:27

through. I'll tell you. Yeah. I mean, it was almost

1:30:29

like he wanted it all over him. Almost

1:30:32

like he's crazy. I don't like

1:30:34

a lot of mess, but I do

1:30:36

feel like, you know, wood

1:30:38

chipper, it's, you know, it gets

1:30:41

rid of the body. It does.

1:30:44

There ain't no body. The leather box community would

1:30:46

have your back afterwards. Even if you did get

1:30:48

caught, they'd be like, no, this was a beautiful

1:30:50

homage to film, you know, right? Yeah.

1:30:52

And then also, um, I'm feeding the

1:30:54

animals. Yeah. And I like

1:30:57

that. Absolutely. Wood

1:30:59

chipper. I love it. David, your

1:31:01

final pick. I'd go up

1:31:03

to the Colorado Wyoming border to one of those

1:31:05

fireworks stands and set the whole thing ablaze. Everybody's

1:31:11

going down. I'll go down for arson, not murder.

1:31:13

Yeah. I'll take the heat.

1:31:19

Why'd you blow up that fireworks store? Why wouldn't I?

1:31:21

It's really cool. You get mad.

1:31:23

You get caught on manslaughter though. How

1:31:26

did they have the body in there? If you,

1:31:30

if you cop to doing the. Firework

1:31:32

thing and they find the body in there, then you're going to

1:31:35

be like, Oh shit. You still

1:31:37

get hit on the end. Then you're like, Oh no, I

1:31:39

didn't do it. I was kidding. And then you're good. It

1:31:41

wasn't me. Those things don't have fucking security

1:31:46

cameras. Have you ever been to one of

1:31:48

those? It's basically just a trailer. Yeah.

1:31:50

We have to drive out to a tent.

1:31:52

We wouldn't, we wouldn't even like up in

1:31:54

the Northwest. Yeah. And Washington state, they're just

1:31:57

tents. Oh man. Also shout out to all

1:31:59

the native American. reservations that let me

1:32:01

buy fireworks as a child. Yes, basically

1:32:03

dynamite. All 10, baby. I'm

1:32:08

a survivor. Yeah, just

1:32:10

blow them up in a firework explosion. I

1:32:13

love it. And granted, I didn't have one.

1:32:15

Yeah, I'm not gonna explain it. Helicopter

1:32:22

ride as far up I can get Mount Everest and

1:32:24

then just dump it out the North Face or whatever,

1:32:27

wherever people don't go. You can't

1:32:29

ride a helicopter that doesn't work that high. As

1:32:31

far as I can get. How can I get? Oh,

1:32:34

I don't know. But I think Mount Everest. I think they don't work

1:32:36

in the area. Yeah, not Everest. What

1:32:38

about Mount Fiji or something? In

1:32:41

Japan? What if you just climbed? It's a very

1:32:43

populated... People go up there a lot. I'm trying

1:32:45

to think of the place they don't go. Somewhere

1:32:47

in Neverthaws. So I didn't know

1:32:49

they didn't work up there. Forever, I'm like, why

1:32:52

don't people just take helicopter rides? I

1:32:55

had no idea they didn't work up there. Damn,

1:32:57

I'm gonna get caught. You could just hike up

1:32:59

Everest and say your friend was drunk the whole time.

1:33:02

Yeah. People die up there all the

1:33:04

time. Yeah. I

1:33:07

gotta get the guy up. See, I like how I'm trying

1:33:09

to be realistic with this scenario. I'm like, how am I

1:33:11

gonna get this body up there? I

1:33:13

get a team together. I get

1:33:15

a team of in-shape folks. Very oxygen-oriented

1:33:17

folks at the top. Oxygen. A

1:33:23

lot of folks that breathe there. Get them

1:33:25

up there. Then we take the body off the beaten

1:33:27

path and just leave it. Like it's an air tank

1:33:29

or something. I think I'm good. We

1:33:32

put it in a giant air tank as

1:33:34

far up as I can hike on Mount Everest. We

1:33:37

hide in a giant air tank that's empty. There we

1:33:39

go. Great. Why

1:33:41

do you have to put it in a tank? Because aren't

1:33:43

there a bunch of cash-out air tanks up there? Because people litter like

1:33:46

crazy now? Isn't that the problem at the top of Everest? I think

1:33:48

so. Yeah. Yeah, that's a big

1:33:50

garbage issue. You say it's an air tank though? Oh,

1:33:52

I'm just kidding. The kind of air I'm gonna need

1:33:54

to get up there. They sure could. I'm gonna need a whole bunch, but

1:33:58

maybe some helium mixed in there. On

1:34:00

this one, on my final pick, I

1:34:03

don't know that I'm not getting caught on this one. We're

1:34:06

all in jail together telling these stories. Yeah, yeah,

1:34:08

yeah. These are just us sitting there playing cards

1:34:10

in jail. We're not good at killing. None of

1:34:12

us are good at killing. Or

1:34:14

hiding bodies. The New York

1:34:16

Philharmonic Symphony, right? Sure.

1:34:19

They're playing an- In Whiteville.

1:34:22

In Whiteville. They're doing a show with a piano

1:34:24

at the center of it. So they're all gathered there. You

1:34:27

know, they're doing the choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo-choo warming

1:34:29

up. Playing Heart and Soul.

1:34:32

The pianist walks out. A little bit of Heart and

1:34:34

Soul. That was a different song. You know, damn. Bounds

1:34:36

to the audience. Just stand with the piano. Cracks his

1:34:39

knuckles. Starts to play. But it's like,

1:34:41

ding dong dong ding dong. It doesn't sound right. What's

1:34:43

going on here? Why's the piano sound like it? What's it sound

1:34:45

like again? What's it sound like? Ding dong dong ding dong

1:34:47

dong. It doesn't even sound like a piano. It doesn't even sound like

1:34:49

a piano. Sounds like a dude. Sounds like a

1:34:51

dude. Sounds like a- It sounds like a- Sounds

1:34:54

like a- Sounds like Wylie Coyote got a hold of it. Yeah.

1:34:57

Sounds like Joe Thracke. Sorry, I just started watching

1:34:59

Game of Thrones. I've been trying to put it

1:35:01

in. There you go. You

1:35:05

want the culture to come back to you. Yeah, that

1:35:07

was my plan. You

1:35:11

lift up the lid of this beautiful grand

1:35:13

piano. The lid? The

1:35:15

body in there. You have a lid? They call it the

1:35:17

lid? I don't know. I don't know.

1:35:20

I don't know what the lid is. I'm just excited. The

1:35:22

audience calls it the lid. Yeah, yeah. They want

1:35:25

to have an Italian word for it, but like

1:35:27

you lifted up body in there. I

1:35:29

hit it inside the piano. Damn. I

1:35:31

like that. So you pin it on the pianist? Yeah.

1:35:35

Who doesn't? Yeah. Pin it

1:35:37

on pianist. Or, you know, it's

1:35:39

just like, it's also just such a audacious

1:35:42

place to hide a body where you know they're going

1:35:44

to find that body. But I think all

1:35:46

the story around it, you know what I mean?

1:35:48

Like I have nothing to do with the fill

1:35:50

in this situation. You can put a tuxedo on

1:35:53

it. Yeah. And you got the

1:35:55

story is not going to be who put the body

1:35:57

there really. They're going to be like, look at how

1:35:59

horrible. horribly embarrassed this pianist was. It

1:36:01

was his big shot. One

1:36:04

chance. Maybe

1:36:07

it's Carnegie Hall. I don't know exactly where this

1:36:09

is happening. Gotta be Carnegie. Probably Carnegie

1:36:11

Hall. Yeah. And

1:36:13

he's like outraged and embarrassed and he

1:36:15

flies back to, you know, the Netherlands

1:36:17

where he's from and maybe we

1:36:19

start a rumor on Twitter that he was also on

1:36:22

the Epstein list and all of a sudden this guy's,

1:36:24

everything was pointing in his direction. All

1:36:26

sorts of reasons. You've drawn the heat away from yourself. Yeah.

1:36:30

You go air-nauseant. Yeah, you find a way to get him on that flight

1:36:32

log and you're set. I'm good.

1:36:34

Yeah. I might be good anyway. Hands clean.

1:36:37

I was gonna say someone needs to laugh so

1:36:39

everybody knows we're kidding. I know. We're getting so

1:36:41

serious. It's

1:36:45

really starting to feel like when we're

1:36:48

talking about eating a person. This whole

1:36:50

thing has made me far more comfortable

1:36:52

than I like. Yeah.

1:36:55

I don't care. I was

1:36:57

never upset or like... I'm real cold. I

1:36:59

got a nice resting heart rate right now.

1:37:01

I'm good. I never

1:37:03

felt bad. The most upset I got during this entire thing

1:37:05

is when we were talking about pimple popping videos. I

1:37:08

gotta tell you guys, when we were like texting

1:37:10

ideas back and forth and I was just

1:37:13

throughout places to hide a body, I was

1:37:15

like, that's gonna bum them all out. And all

1:37:17

of you were like, that's great. Let's see that.

1:37:20

David goes to be fun. It's exciting. Oh

1:37:23

yeah. I was on the

1:37:25

plane when you guys were texting and I'm

1:37:27

not buying the Wi-Fi anymore. It's my ass.

1:37:29

I'm not doing it anymore. I'm sick of

1:37:31

that shit. It's trash. I bought it one

1:37:33

time. Not worth it. It goes

1:37:35

out sometimes. Well, here's what, and

1:37:37

this is not interesting. I found

1:37:39

out United will status match. So

1:37:41

I think I'm gonna jump shit. What?

1:37:45

You for real? Yeah. We can talk about

1:37:47

this, bitch. Dude, I gotta get out of there. Delta

1:37:49

is... I feel

1:37:52

betrayed. It sucks. It sucks.

1:37:55

By the new, the way they

1:37:57

changed the medallion system. Yeah, everything.

1:38:00

It's trash now. And the last three flights

1:38:02

I've been on, I haven't

1:38:04

had Wi-Fi. Oh, were

1:38:06

there like three? Yeah. Yeah.

1:38:09

They're like, sorry. Like, if you're a plane or whatever.

1:38:11

Yeah. I'm like, shut up.

1:38:13

I'm just get the Wi-Fi. Yeah.

1:38:16

Fix it. 2023. We're in the sky. They

1:38:20

all got liquors. I'm cool. I'm good. Yeah.

1:38:23

That's your Wi-Fi. I'll

1:38:25

get you anywhere. A

1:38:27

lot of emails to no one. Isaac, where

1:38:29

would you hide a body? This is

1:38:31

tough. This is really tough because I've never

1:38:34

considered murder and or crime. But

1:38:36

I would. Sure I would. Yeah. But right. I

1:38:40

would hide in plain sight. So I would do

1:38:42

this on Halloween, on October 31st.

1:38:45

Oh, I know when I'll do it. Dress up the

1:38:47

body as a vampire, lower it

1:38:49

into a coffin, and then lower that into

1:38:51

the ground. And no one would bat an eye because

1:38:53

it's Halloween. It's like, oh, it must be part of

1:38:55

the decoration. In a graveyard or in someone's yard? In

1:38:57

someone's yard. I mean, why not? Christmas rolled around. They'd

1:38:59

be like, this guy needs to get his decorations in

1:39:01

order. You do

1:39:04

it in Florida. They're just going to assume

1:39:06

he's somebody's dad, drunk. Exactly. Exactly. And it's

1:39:08

part of the whole gimmick. It's part of

1:39:10

the prank. Yeah. Oh, thank you.

1:39:12

Yeah, that's awesome. I could

1:39:14

see it being a very well-dressed vampire, too. You'd put some

1:39:16

time in, huh? Oh, of course. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Make sure.

1:39:20

Isaac's using Halloween to hide a body. But to

1:39:22

recap, Rosebud, you went first and you took under

1:39:24

your mother's home on bike

1:39:27

handlebars. And then you get into a wreck with a

1:39:29

car in a pot of chili, puppeting

1:39:32

them off of a very tall building and

1:39:34

then into the wood chipper there from

1:39:36

Fargo. David, you went

1:39:38

second. You put someone, you were putting

1:39:40

the body in someone else's grave on

1:39:43

top of their coffin. I peeked early. Under

1:39:46

the ground in a children's community garden, you're

1:39:49

making people sausage, hucking them

1:39:51

into your blind neighbor's backyard or burying them.

1:39:53

Either way, we'll see. And then putting them

1:39:55

in a fireworks stand and then setting that

1:39:57

on fire. Yes. Sean, you

1:39:59

went third. you took deep in the ocean in

1:40:03

a cement foundation, skydiving with

1:40:05

their ashes, tossed

1:40:07

into the magma of a volcano, and

1:40:10

thrown out of a or brought

1:40:13

up on a mountain, and then left

1:40:15

there. I

1:40:17

went last. I took the bodies exhibit,

1:40:20

putting the body in the bodies exhibit, dressed up like

1:40:22

a pirate in an aquarium, sucked into

1:40:24

a jet engine, cast in bronze, and

1:40:27

in a grand piano. Love

1:40:29

it. Love it. Fantastic places to hide

1:40:31

bodies off. We want to

1:40:33

hear your ideas. Hit us up at All

1:40:35

Fantasy Podcast on Twitter, allfantasypodcast.com. I don't

1:40:39

know if we need all these ideas.

1:40:42

What? No sentiment? No, I'm kidding. Good

1:40:44

to see you. Shout

1:40:47

out to everyone on the AFE Patreon,

1:40:49

the AFE Schislakety, the AFE subreddit. Thank

1:40:52

you so much to Rosebud Baker for being

1:40:54

here. Yeah, seriously, thank you. This is nice.

1:40:57

You guys can have any. Her

1:40:59

special on Comedy Central's YouTube, Whiskeyfists,

1:41:02

on verified standup on Netflix, on

1:41:06

the road soonish. Not soon,

1:41:08

but soonish. You keep an eye

1:41:10

on Instagram. I go on tour

1:41:12

in May, but I just

1:41:14

got the routing and I'm figuring out when

1:41:17

I'm going to announce it. Watch Saturday Night

1:41:19

Live, watch Life After Beth. Anything

1:41:22

else we can hear people towards? Netflix

1:41:25

verified. We already said that. Yeah, we've

1:41:27

done that. That's it. Can't hear it say it

1:41:29

again. Go watch it. Go watch it. Go see

1:41:32

it. Shout out to Super Producer Isaac on the

1:41:34

ones and twos. Yeah, buddy. Putting

1:41:36

bodies in coffins on Halloween. Shout out to Stu

1:41:38

Carmel, shout out to Frankie Ocean, shout out to

1:41:40

Sibidoo, shout out to Haji Beats, and more important

1:41:42

than all of that, tune in again next week

1:41:44

to another brand new episode of All Fantasy Everything.

1:41:47

S'clackity! That

1:42:07

was a Head Down Podcast.