0:02

This is a HeadGum Podcast. What's

0:07

up everybody? It's Ian Carmel. I just added another

0:09

live tour day to the schedule. I wanted to

0:11

let you know about it. Seattle!

0:14

I'm going to be at the Comedy

0:17

Slash Bar on February 23rd. I'm

0:20

bringing my good friend, perhaps you heard of him,

0:22

Sean Jordan. I'm going to be practicing my new

0:24

hour before I take my special a month later

0:26

in Portland. So come see

0:29

it. Again, that's February 23rd

0:31

at Comedy Slash Bar in

0:33

Seattle. And come see us everywhere

0:35

on the road. February 1st, 2nd, and 3rd, we're

0:38

at the Desert Ridge Improv in Phoenix, Arizona. March

0:41

8th and 9th, Sean Jordan and I

0:43

will be in New Orleans, New Orleans

0:46

at Junk Drawer Coffee. Come

0:48

see your buds there. San Francisco, March

0:50

13th through 16th, I will be at the

0:52

Punch Line. And then March

0:54

23rd, we just added a second show. The

0:57

first one sold out. So now

0:59

there's going to be a late show to come see me

1:02

record my special, or at least

1:04

it's special to me. We'll see how special it turns

1:06

out. At Revolution Hall, that's in

1:08

Portland, Oregon. Grab tickets to that. I

1:10

would greatly appreciate it. Thank you to everyone who

1:12

bought tickets to the first show. I greatly appreciate

1:14

you for that. And we're

1:17

working on putting together a little

1:19

AFE tour for some time this

1:21

summer. Stay tuned to that. All

1:23

right. Talk to you later. See you on the

1:26

road. This

1:30

is all fantasy, everything. The podcast where

1:32

we fantasy draft anything and everything from

1:34

the world of pop culture on today's

1:37

episode. We're drafting what

1:39

we would do in a Brewster's million

1:41

situation, which if you're too young to

1:43

understand that reference, stay tuned. A

1:46

bunch of old people will describe it to you shortly. Our

1:50

guest today is the is

1:52

the writer, the author, the podcaster,

1:55

Jesse David Fox, host of

1:57

the good ones podcast and author of the

1:59

one a beautiful book, comedy book,

2:01

how comedy conquered culture. I'm

2:04

your host, Ian Carmel, and with

2:07

me today, additionally, we have another

2:09

guest. Boy, I am really doing

2:11

a great job in this intro. All

2:14

fantasy, everything, favorite, stand-up

2:16

comedian, public

2:18

radio, empressario, I

2:21

don't even

2:24

know if I'm using that word

2:26

right, author himself, television writer, just

2:28

an absolute lad, just the absolute

2:31

lad himself, Josh Kahneman. And

2:34

Sean Jordan, let's get into it. It's

2:54

time for all fantasy, everything. The podcast

2:56

that, uh, Kate, was the Preakness short

2:58

of the Triple Crown this year. Preakness

3:02

is too close to a Freaknik. I've always

3:04

thought that. It sounds too close to a

3:07

Freaknik. You guys remember a

3:09

Freaknik? A Freaknik suit. Yeah, a Freaknik suit. Yeah,

3:11

as they said, it was not to dredge that

3:13

up, but every time I hear Preakness, I'm like,

3:16

Preakness? Preaknik is back? And

3:18

as a regular attendee, a Freaknik, that's upsetting for

3:20

you. There was a pretty big

3:22

window where I had aspirations of going. Obviously, I

3:24

never did, but when I was like 15, I

3:27

was like, man, that's me. Freaknik.

3:30

I think we got to combine them and we have the

3:33

Freakness, which is just kind of a wild horse party without

3:35

the actual name. A horse is doing drugs. Uh-huh.

3:39

Right. Keep everybody safe, of course.

3:41

But yeah, let those horses get messed up,

3:43

man. For the

3:45

HHCUs, the historically hoarse college

3:49

universities, yeah. This

3:51

is not how we should start this podcast.

3:53

No, no, John. Yeah,

3:56

sorry. Place the blame on you. What

3:58

we should talk about in the stand is... how justify an

4:01

American Pharaoh both won the triple

4:03

crayon in the last seven years.

4:05

Isn't that amazing? Yeah,

4:07

those are the horses names. Yeah, that's right. Didn't

4:11

we do an app where we made up horse names? Yeah,

4:14

we did. I think we did. Harder than I thought

4:16

it was going to be. Yeah, we drafted imaginary

4:18

horse racing names for our horses.

4:21

Jesse Josh, you got one off top. What do you think?

4:24

Oh, man. This is a good... Because

4:26

like American Pharaoh is so regal. I

4:29

mean, I feel like

4:31

every great horse

4:33

name is like one step short of

4:36

an improv group name. Absolutely.

4:38

They're all puns. Well, not all, but

4:40

like a lot of puns and stuff,

4:42

right? Yeah. It's like, you know, like on

4:44

the quote from famous Nazi sympathizer Coco Chanel, who said, when you're

4:46

about to leave the house, you take one thing off. And that's

4:49

how you name a horse. You start with an improv group name,

4:51

but you take one thing off. Did

4:54

she do anything after she was done

4:57

Nazi sympathizing? Did she get

4:59

up to anything else after that? She

5:01

had that quote. She

5:03

had at least five perfumes. Okay.

5:08

One perfume for each mambo. Holy

5:11

cow. A

5:13

perfume for each mambo. Jesse,

5:16

you feel free to talk right now.

5:18

I know. I'm laughing. In

5:20

fact, I'm... I'm laughing. I

5:22

was planning on it, but Josh was

5:25

on a roll with that Coco Chanel

5:27

stuff. I

5:30

was just telling because I didn't have a good horse name. Do you have

5:32

a good horse name, Jesse? I was

5:34

too busy laughing at that Coco Chanel stuff. They

5:37

can be long too, right? Like Papa's brand

5:39

new backpack or something. I can be like

5:41

real long names. Brand

5:44

new backpack. I got a dope backpack. I say we take

5:46

American Fair when we go the other way. And it's a

5:48

horse named Anwar Sadat. I

5:50

thought you were

5:52

going to say like Egyptian Congressman.

5:58

Where is your door? That's got a ring. Yeah.

6:01

The Egyptian congressman? That's got to ring to it.

6:03

The Egyptian Congressman. Yeah. It

6:07

also sounds like a professional wrestler from like the

6:09

70s. I

6:12

would love, you know, I feel like no one's

6:14

gone fully this way. Ian, you were like right.

6:16

I'm thinking I'm going to say mine's with you.

6:18

Where she'd be like, Tom Francis

6:20

comma loving father of three.

6:24

There we go. The

6:27

number one rated periodontist in

6:30

the tri-state area. Yeah, exactly.

6:32

Chris Henderson, BDS. Self-made.

6:35

Didn't graduate. Didn't graduate in high school. Self-made.

6:39

Self-made dentist. Oh, so

6:41

you can, you can found Microsoft without

6:43

graduating college. We could be a dentist.

6:47

What's wrong with this country? The elites.

6:49

What about the vague idea of a

6:51

person? This is my horse, a tall,

6:55

beautiful Protestant attending

6:57

an Eastern boarding

7:00

school, learning about the

7:02

limitations of his father's love.

7:05

It's beautiful. Yeah.

7:08

It's yeah. The horseovers. It's

7:10

the horseovers. The horseovers. What

7:14

about, what about, I mean, this is like

7:16

the bittiest one, but like actually a dog.

7:19

It's actually a dog

7:21

by an open. You get a really big

7:23

dog. You

7:27

just do it. That's

7:29

not what we're here for. Buy a horse. Buy

7:31

a horse. Buy a fucking horse. It's a good

7:34

way to get rid of. I mean, you might,

7:36

the horse might be the mind. Yeah,

7:38

yeah, yeah. It is a material.

7:41

Buy a loose, a weak-ankled horse.

7:45

I mean, you can buy a horse. You

7:47

just can't have it at the end of

7:49

the month. You

7:51

can't have horse burgers though. That is part of it.

7:54

We have a very like

7:57

cursed horse racing track out here in LA.

8:00

We're like 20 horses die a year? Is

8:04

it where they shot that show Luck? Yeah, it's where

8:06

they shot the show Luck, but it's just

8:08

kept in some continues to happen. During Luck,

8:10

right? Oh yeah. Multiple horses. That was a

8:12

big... That's why there isn't a Luck season...

8:15

whatever. And that's why you don't see Dustin

8:17

Hoffman in movies anymore either. Big horses, keep

8:19

it about. You

8:22

got cancelled by Big Horn. We

8:27

got some big horses here today. How about that? The

8:29

man in the middle. How about

8:31

that? Jesse David Fox

8:33

is here. Big horse. Big

8:36

horse himself. Add Jesse

8:38

David Fox on Twitter. Add

8:41

Jesse David Fox on Instagram as well. Yes.

8:44

So who knows how much longer on Twitter, but yes

8:46

on Instagram. Host

8:48

and creator of the Good One podcast. Where

8:51

our very own enemy Shane Torres has appeared, I

8:53

believe, right? Yes. He

8:55

talked about the guy Fieri. Of

8:58

course. One of the great jokes. One of the great jokes.

9:01

One of the great jokes. One of

9:03

the great jokes. And

9:05

you have a book out right now called

9:09

Comedy Book. Comedy Book,

9:11

how comedy conquered culture and the magic that

9:13

makes it work. Would you

9:15

like to... I

9:17

think that is right up the alley for our

9:20

listeners here. Oh good. Yeah. The

9:22

book about the last 40 or so years of

9:24

comedy. It's a scent as

9:26

a cultural force and how

9:28

it functions as an art form, why it is an

9:30

art form. It talks about

9:32

a lot of different

9:35

themes in terms of how

9:37

comedy interacts with society. So like there's a chapter

9:40

on timing, but it's not like comedic timing. As

9:42

you think it's more about comedies

9:44

timing when there's a national tragedy or

9:46

something like that. Or

9:48

other examples that aren't so

9:50

sad seeming. It's really good.

9:54

The book is great. Yeah, it's good.

9:57

You know, and we talk about comedians you

9:59

like. how they're funny or some

10:01

convenience you don't like and why they exist

10:03

and are popular. How much

10:05

of the book is dedicated to the sketch musical

10:07

shares that we did on the Late Late Show

10:09

when I was on there where a bunch of

10:11

people dressed up like Cher played musical chairs? Is

10:14

it like a chapter, two chapters? Yeah, about two

10:16

chapters. About two chapters. One and a half chapters.

10:18

It's got, I start at the end of one

10:20

and then carry it on to the last chapter.

10:22

Right. That's the

10:25

national tragedy that the other comedies responding

10:27

to. Kate

10:31

McKinnon dressed up as Cher and

10:33

saying hallelujah afterwards. Which

10:36

is in the book. It is the book. I

10:38

read the book. Thank you, Josh. Thank

10:40

you, Josh. It's on the pile next to

10:43

my bed. I told Jesse this myself.

10:45

I set an impossible 25-book goal for myself

10:47

for the year. So I got

10:50

to December with like five books left to

10:52

read. Whoa. So I have been

10:54

banging out novellas. I

10:58

read the Old Man and the Sea because I was like, this

11:01

will take a night. It was great.

11:03

These are all first time books. These are

11:05

all first time books. Yeah.

11:07

And I'm hoping to get there and then

11:09

my first book in January will be a

11:12

comic book. I'm very excited. I heard it's a

11:14

quick read from people who have read it. It

11:16

was a long write. Long write.

11:20

If it took the same amount of time to

11:22

read as it did to write it would probably

11:24

not be a very good book. No. Yeah.

11:28

A bit horrifying how long it takes

11:30

to write a book. Absolutely horrifying. Too

11:33

long. Too long. We got to cut

11:35

that down. We got to cut that down. It's rough.

11:37

We got to figure it out. Make shorter books. Then

11:39

it's two birds once in one. Shorter to write. Easier

11:42

for people like Ian Carmel who are trying to knock out 25

11:44

books in a year. That's right. That's

11:46

right. It benefits everyone. Yeah.

11:49

Well. It keeps people buying books faster.

11:51

Yeah. So the publishers are going to love it as well. No

11:53

one feels a turn in. So

11:57

and then good one you just that you talked to comedians.

12:00

about their bits. You talk to sometimes

12:02

other writers about comedians bits,

12:04

another fantastic podcast. It's the

12:06

only other podcast. So,

12:10

I haven't been on it. It was great. We had

12:12

a great talk, I think. And I'm a

12:14

regular listener as well. But I'm, you know,

12:17

not, not just the president,

12:19

also a client. And then people can

12:21

also just read your writing over at

12:23

Vulture in Houston. In

12:30

general. Yes, please do. Yeah. You

12:33

know, I wrote all those words for somebody to read.

12:35

Might as well be you, dear listener. Get out

12:37

there. Get some reading done. Don't be like me. Go

12:39

read. Better yourself. When

12:42

you die, I'm scared

12:44

straight. Don't be like

12:46

me. Stop not reading

12:48

like me. Be better. Sean's

12:51

not much of a booksman. I want to be, man.

12:53

When we were in Canada, we went to that bookstore.

12:55

All I want to do is buy some books. So

12:57

I'm like, man, I ain't gonna read them. Have

12:59

you tried audiobooks? Yeah, I

13:02

was forced to do an audiobook situation because

13:04

my wife wanted me to read a chapter

13:07

of a book. A chapter of a book.

13:10

And I was gone for three weeks. I

13:12

was on my layover on the way home.

13:15

I was in the airport and I finally bought

13:17

the book on tape and listened to the one chapter.

13:19

What book? How to

13:21

talk to, I forgot to talk to

13:23

toddler ish. It's not what the books, but something

13:26

like that. He

13:29

has a kid. It wasn't just like, yeah, I want

13:31

to just do it. She's like, this

13:33

is what's like talking to you. Your wife is

13:35

like, you're blowing it at parties.

13:41

Learn the name of like six train read

13:44

books. Uh, specifically,

13:47

uh, Jesse David Fox's book. Yeah.

13:50

Josh Kahneman is here as well. Hello.

13:52

Thank you for having me. Always a pleasure to

13:54

return. We are so happy to have you. Uh,

13:57

Josh Kahneman on Twitter, Josh Kahneman on

13:59

Instagram. as well. Oh yeah. Josh

14:02

Kahneman across, are you on TikTok?

14:04

I'm on TikTok. Josh Kahneman's on

14:06

TikTok. I don't look at it,

14:08

but I do occasionally post things

14:10

to it. I do the same

14:12

thing and apparently we're supposed to look at

14:14

it for the algorithm. Looking at it. I

14:16

hate it. And I like Twitter and

14:21

it's heyday, I'm still compulsively on it. I

14:23

like Instagram, all the things that people talk

14:25

track, not all the things, but the things

14:27

that like eight years ago, people like, she's

14:29

just posting things you ate and pictures your

14:32

dogs and kids are like, yeah, the things

14:34

we've taken pictures of forever. Forever. I love,

14:36

I, it's people like would complain. Like I

14:38

don't want to see a picture of your

14:40

breakfast. I do. Absolutely. I do. Instagram fun.

14:42

It's still the fun one. It's like a

14:44

real low stakes. All

14:46

I want to see out of low stakes for breakfast. I want to

14:49

see a picture. Oh, you went to

14:52

guards, bricks, brunch spot. Oh man. If I

14:54

was playing during breakfast, there you go. Do

15:02

you eat breakfast in your, in

15:05

your car? I'm

15:07

not reading any Garth books. I'll tell you that

15:09

complimenting your Garth cook. Oh,

15:14

he is on, he is on Spotify now.

15:16

All right. Well, this podcast is over. So

15:19

we're going to go to the gotta buy it spotifies where everybody's at,

15:21

man. No free ads. Yeah,

15:27

no, you're right. Josh, where can, uh, what,

15:29

what would you like to borrow? Other

15:32

than the, uh, go fund me for the stroke. I'm

15:34

currently having this

15:38

will come out. Uh, Zeke, when is this one

15:40

coming out? Uh, that's

15:42

a good question. Uh, I think

15:44

January 25th, 25th. Yeah. That

15:47

seems about right. That seems

15:49

about right. Where can people see,

15:52

uh, you doing standup comedy or what else would

15:54

you like to promote? I have a newsletter called

15:56

that's marvelous that I write every Monday. It's free.

15:58

It's full of pep talks. It also has

16:00

like all the updates and stuff I'm doing. So

16:02

I think that's even better than my website because

16:04

I nudges you every Monday and I'm like, hey,

16:07

I'm coming here. So you don't have to remember

16:09

to look. But if you want to look for

16:11

my tour dates, joshgondelman.com/schedule, the newsletter, JoshGondelman.substack.com.

16:13

And then I'm going to

16:16

Batavia, Illinois, the

16:18

18th through the 20th of

16:20

January. Batavia. Yeah. Beverly, Massachusetts.

16:23

Off-cabbit, the following week,

16:25

January 26, 27th. Last

16:29

camp in baseball, March 1st

16:31

and 2nd. And

16:35

I think those are the dates that are

16:37

currently villain. And in New York, I'll say

16:39

this now, I'm going to be recording a

16:41

new hour of stand up in

16:43

June, I think. And so there

16:45

will be- Oh, phenomenal. Fantastic. Thank

16:48

you. Do the whole thing for us right now. Yeah. What's

16:52

it going to be about? Yeah. What's

16:54

the thesis? What's

16:57

the thesis? Okay.

17:00

You're trying to turn me into a bug. I

17:03

read. Give me a

17:05

little synopsis about what your hour's going to

17:07

be and the whole stand back word. Ian, I think you

17:09

and I are like really eye to

17:11

eye on what we've been feeling lately about

17:13

the, just like kind of, I

17:16

feel like settling into being one of the

17:18

younger old guys. Yeah. Like after

17:20

the pandemic, like after the deepest part of

17:22

the pandemic, cause I felt like before it,

17:24

I was like, I'm kind of one of

17:26

the young guys still. I'm hanging on by

17:28

a thread and I'm like, oh, definitively not

17:30

one of the young guys, but

17:33

not like successful and established enough to be

17:35

one of the true old guys. No, it

17:38

was like one of those like grade school paper

17:40

cutters coming down. You know what I mean? It's

17:42

just like the generations like, like

17:44

that, like you're old, but not, yeah, but

17:47

not a successful. Totally. I

17:50

feel like that. I feel that's so hard. Do they

17:52

still have those paper cutters? I

17:54

was just gonna add those things were, those would

17:56

take a finger off, like a

17:58

hot knife through butter, my friend. Those, I

18:00

mean, they were

18:02

crazy. Also, they would always break them off in movies, and

18:04

that would be the machete they'd kill whatever

18:06

villain with, you know, in like a horror movie. But

18:09

it still had the guard. Even if you broke it

18:11

off, it still had the guard on it, didn't it?

18:14

I don't remember there being a guard ever.

18:16

There was just a blade. I'm serious. It

18:18

was just a blade that was in the

18:20

air all the time. Yeah, they

18:22

kept it up. Like a

18:25

meta-game. Like ready to go.

18:27

Just in case you're running and your hand swipes, it

18:29

will be up so you can cut yourself. That was

18:32

the best we did for cutting paper until like the

18:34

90s. Yeah. You

18:36

remember what it sounded like too? Just like, what's that sound?

18:39

I don't know how to get that sound again. That

18:42

should have been behind a door.

18:46

You should have to keep it in a safe like a gun.

18:49

They would smoke behind doors in their teacher's lounge, but they

18:51

kept that thing out in the open in front of all

18:53

the kids. Like, put

18:55

it in the lounge. We shouldn't

18:57

have been using it. It's probably a

19:00

desert. Or like

19:02

pre, maybe like it's pre-cut length of,

19:04

well, probably now they just don't have

19:06

it because they can't afford it. That's

19:08

what's going on. Yeah, that's true. They

19:10

probably don't print out anything. They

19:12

probably just all schools on the computer. Oh,

19:15

yeah, I think you're right. That doesn't even

19:17

sound like school. They

19:19

email their teachers and the teacher's

19:22

like, here's your grade. No paper necessary. That's what

19:24

I wondered. No way to like, I used to

19:26

doctor my report card. I used to not give

19:28

my report card. I used to be like, yeah,

19:30

my homework's done. And my mom would be like,

19:32

okay, but now they can just teach your emails,

19:34

your parents. There's an app I used to do.

19:37

Become a hacker to do that now. You

19:39

got to learn more. Sure. That's

19:42

how they get you. Street smarts. My grades are

19:44

on the dark web this week, mom. Silk

19:46

Road says I got all A's. Ammo.

19:51

Ass. Amphetamine.

19:55

Arsenic. Yeah. Yeah.

19:59

Yeah. Other by Johnny. deep state funding

20:02

all the A's. I'm here, Sean's

20:04

here. Wait,

20:07

Sean we haven't done you yet. Sean has stored on

20:09

Twitter Sean Cougar Mel Jordan on Instagram. Sean

20:12

DeRoad here pretty soon. You

20:14

can see him performing live. Hey, there he goes. Sean

20:16

the microphone. Phoenix, we will be

20:18

there February 1st through the 4th. It's

20:20

gonna be awesome. I'm very excited. Doing

20:22

a live AFP that Friday night. Hopefully

20:24

David will be back from Bolivia by then. I imagine. By

20:26

the time this comes out you'll know that we're gonna be

20:29

in Boise doing a live AFP. We're gonna be doing a

20:31

live AFP March 21st at

20:33

the Egyptian theater. And also I

20:35

have a special coming out sometime early

20:37

next year. Go to my YouTube page,

20:39

subscribe. Sean Jordan Comedy at YouTube. Stu

20:42

it. Takes you 10 seconds. Means

20:44

the world to me. It'll help. And

20:47

if you don't do it you're still great and you deserve to be

20:49

loved. I appreciate it. Don't do it. Don't

20:51

enable this man. Watch it either way. You don't

20:53

have to. Don't just watch it. It's good. I

20:56

put a lot of effort into it. I'm almost afraid to speak this and do existence.

20:58

You're saying Sean the Road. It made me think,

21:00

have you ever done, and I hesitate

21:02

again because I think it will be too

21:04

powerful a thought if you haven't done already,

21:06

a hip hop side project called Sean Derai.

21:09

Yeah. You know I'm a

21:12

big Grey's Anatomy fan. So much so

21:14

that I watched the sister show Station

21:16

19 about firefighters which is pretty bad.

21:19

So I could see myself doing that. Josh, are you aware

21:21

of Sean Jordan's rap song that he recorded? I do have

21:23

a rap song that I put out. You probably aren't but

21:26

Sean has a... Hey, Ian, why would you say that? Jesse,

21:28

I'm sure you were aware of it. I'm sorry. That's

21:31

what I meant to say. I don't know how much Jesse likes

21:33

rap. It doesn't matter. It's

21:35

everywhere. That's the difference. It's how much

21:37

I like rap. How plugged in to

21:40

the Portland independent hip hop scene you are? Well

21:43

it's called Gear Crisis and if I saw a

21:45

5,000 listen uptick after this came out, I wouldn't

21:47

be upset about it. It's about

21:49

how you can't wear Nike and Adidas at the same

21:51

time. So far I think a gentleman's 8,000 people

21:54

have heard the song. Okay. It's

21:56

on Spotify. It numbers up. Yeah,

22:01

well, I think we can break a

22:03

thousand I get I can't see a

22:05

reason why not I had a series the

22:07

other night that with with

22:09

like the right team assembled within

22:11

a year You

22:14

could create the third greatest Hanukkah song of all

22:16

time. I could specifically you're

22:18

talking about me I mean you definitely could for

22:20

sure. Oh, yeah The team yeah, yeah, yeah Do

22:24

in here notion's 11 Yeah,

22:27

okay. So what are your so I mean

22:29

the Hanukkah the Adam Sandler one. Yep, and

22:32

then Hanukkah Hanukkah Or I have a

22:34

little okay, so I think you could

22:36

knock off Hanukkah Hanukkah Cuz I go

22:38

Hanukkah song and the dreidel one dreidel

22:41

dreidel one too Yes, and then I

22:43

think Hanukkah Hanukkah, that's like a distant

22:45

third Light them

22:47

a Nora Most

22:50

people don't know the lyrics after that Yeah,

22:53

yeah, so I was thinking I was

22:55

like we have 11 months. I think we can make this happen Are

22:58

there any Jews in showbiz who can help grease the wheels

23:00

on this stuff? It

23:06

would be I think I think you're a hundred

23:08

percent right and I'm astounded that nobody has tried

23:10

to put this together

23:12

yet it is a Depressing

23:15

selection when you go to try to find

23:17

Hanukkah music It's bad and people are always

23:19

like the artists are always gunning for new

23:21

Christmas songs Right like every artist will put

23:23

out a Christmas album Well, they're do their

23:26

original because they're trying to do they're trying

23:28

to have their all I want for Christmas

23:30

is you yeah Yeah, we just talked about

23:32

this. We did a like a draft auction

23:34

draft about Christmas Christmas songs We what

23:36

are the categories with songs in the last 10 years? Is that

23:38

right? Yes, that's right

23:40

harder than you think there's not a lot

23:43

of maybe two bangers in the

23:45

last 10 years They're trying

23:47

they're really they're trying a yacht every year

23:49

every other and weird people trying up shots

23:51

to you It'll just be like a Broadway

23:53

say who hasn't even had a lead will

23:55

be like putting up shots on the Christmas

23:57

song market It'll be like all the other

24:00

The Right Arm Group, Move Daddy and

24:02

as good as our was a get

24:04

on a spot. If I play lists

24:06

you already have any control. you'll be

24:09

a huge star. That's right. Yeah, You're

24:11

not a print appeal, the people you're

24:13

trying to appeal to algorithms and a

24:15

Christmas algorithm is very, very strong. That's

24:18

they actually run a lot of Hollywood. The crit

24:20

he had algorithm it it because the algorithm. yeah.

24:23

Diagram: A Hanukkah consortium. Biblical have a

24:25

hard bought two new horses and those

24:28

are their names. Sprint without limits on

24:30

a consortium. Have

24:33

you had seen Breadline Box? bit

24:35

about Christmas music and Hanukkah music.

24:38

Something South and pretzel. Funny It

24:40

is funny. One. Of

24:42

the funniest things. That's. Ironic. eight

24:44

to did to try to describe a will

24:47

ruin it. But. You should seek about.

24:49

I don't know if he's posted it anywhere, but. It's

24:51

so funny. Other. And. We

24:53

didn't on the piano as much as

24:56

Hanukkah part of the other day. A

24:58

shit sucks at this. Looks like it

25:00

was a holiday party in the fifties

25:02

but did his best. It was amazing.

25:05

Ah my name is the In Carmel at

25:07

the In Carmel on Twitter, Instagram Tic Tac

25:10

you do all those places across platforms. First.

25:12

And foremost, preorder. My.

25:15

Book. While. You're on that book

25:17

website buying Jesse Baby Boxes book which I

25:19

insist you do. I insisted

25:21

you're going preorders. T. Shirt: Swim

25:23

club. A book of

25:25

comedic essays about being fat. Where.

25:28

My little sister. And. A

25:30

psychologist Response: They resent the. Fact

25:33

that A pre orders as we all know. Or.

25:36

Like massively important as they don't the

25:38

publisher. To how much advertising way

25:40

to do either. Somewhat. Got this is

25:42

what my wife is told me. Ah, come

25:44

soon, they'll They'll be her word

25:46

for. It that's what

25:49

she's at. Are very popular I'd so i

25:51

was like. Seems. like she prayed knows

25:53

she also says you have to have a tick tock

25:55

presence was is one of the most chilling things i've

25:57

ever had always i realize like that Successful

26:00

people. Successful

26:02

people. Do you have a

26:04

TikTok, Jesse? I

26:06

have, I do, there's only one video

26:09

of it, which is Anthony Jeselnik

26:11

saying everything I write in my book

26:13

is correct. And that'll, that'll

26:15

all, I lead up to the

26:17

book. I thought, you know what I'll do is I

26:19

will go to stand up clips

26:21

on TikTok and then like duet

26:23

it and critique it or something. Oh,

26:25

yeah. I said, best case

26:27

scenario, that works. And now my entire

26:29

life is being that person. And

26:32

I, I rather be a failure than a successful

26:35

TikTok comedy critic. You don't want to

26:37

be chef reacts for so

26:40

many people build themselves those kind of like content

26:42

prisons. And they truly, I like hate to say

26:45

content, but I truly mean it in this case

26:47

where it's like, I don't know. I just do

26:49

some fucking thing. And then people are, it's like

26:51

the Bart Simpson, like say the thing. Yeah.

26:55

Like, one of the dudes with the

26:57

most followers on like Instagram, I only

27:00

know this because the NBA posted him

27:02

courtside at Lakers game is

27:05

the dude where a clip will play. And

27:07

he got, he just goes like that to

27:09

it. And he was

27:11

sitting courtside at Lakers game, but I'm like, they

27:15

would have the camera on him and he was sitting there for

27:17

like 15 seconds. Then he was finally like, If

27:23

he didn't do it, they were going to whisk

27:25

him up to the bad seeds. So fast. Immediately.

27:27

They had Billy Crystal waiting for his feet.

27:29

They were just going to shuffle him in.

27:32

That touching the wall at the top. Yeah.

27:35

Get out of here. No, uh, no chicken fingers

27:37

for you. My friend. Uh,

27:39

I'm doing live standup comedy. Thank

27:42

you to everyone who came out to New York, Philadelphia and

27:44

Boston, by the way, uh, where they

27:46

saw Josh and I in New York. And

27:49

boy, we really, we, we really took on

27:51

January 6th. We had

27:53

the definitive take. We were right down the

27:56

street. I'll wait for you guys. He

27:58

was going to the Capitol again. 4th

28:00

we felt January 6th coming up and we

28:02

said not again not again not on

28:05

our watch not on our watch there wasn't a

28:07

There was not a shred of comedy in it.

28:09

So we appreciate your patience sitting through all that

28:12

I will be in Phoenix, Arizona with Sean and

28:14

David February 1st through the 3rd

28:16

I will be the zamis comedy club in Chicago

28:19

February 18th And

28:22

then I will be where else Oh

28:24

and me in New Orleans, New Orleans. I'll be

28:26

in New Orleans at

28:28

sports strength March 8th and

28:30

9th Which should be really fun.

28:32

They're trying to do comedy Josh. You should go do this play.

28:34

I mean it I've been trying to do it. I haven't worked

28:37

out the dates yet, but spring sounds like a great time to

28:39

go to New Orleans Absolutely.

28:41

Yeah March

28:43

13th through the 16th. I will be

28:45

at the punch line in San Francisco

28:47

and then we'll be in Boise on the 22nd And

28:50

then the 23rd of March I will

28:52

be in Portland, Oregon recording

28:55

my Hour and

28:57

like my to what extent is it

28:59

special? It's special to me Get

29:02

on your nerves saying special it got on my nerves

29:04

really quick And I'm trying to find a way to

29:07

not say it anymore. So I keep saying like my

29:09

recording will come out I cannot stand

29:11

saying special It's just such a

29:14

weird thing because what it used to mean was

29:16

that like hey all of us like HBO has

29:18

like tapped you On the shoulder or you know,

29:20

like I guess to the latter

29:22

extent Netflix or whatever and now it's just like

29:24

I'm recording this hour Maybe

29:26

somebody go buy it and if not I'm going to

29:29

put it on YouTube and then chop it up into

29:31

a bunch of people that they feel special It feels

29:33

like a bat like I've had a lot of friends

29:35

say like oh who's where's it gonna be? I'm like

29:37

what's something in YouTube? But I put a lot of

29:39

effort into it and I haven't shot that around yet

29:41

who knows fingers crossed But it's like

29:43

it's still a really it's the same

29:45

thing It's just you can

29:47

watch it free on YouTube to

29:50

me I feel like if it's like he inside it's

29:52

special to you if it's special to you Then it's

29:54

a special if it's just like I don't know got

29:57

to put these jokes somewhere. Yeah, it's not as big

29:59

then it's just It's like I don't know fucking click

30:01

on it. They feel like you do something and it's

30:03

there forever No one could take it like that's how

30:05

I look at it You do it you put all

30:08

this effort into you produce it and nobody can take

30:10

it's there It's like so much work

30:12

by the way to come up with an hour Sorry,

30:14

I cut you off, but I just it's been on

30:16

my mind keep going. Sorry. What is what is this

30:18

traffic? your bad driver I'm

30:22

not a bad you're a bad driver. I'm not a

30:24

bad fucking driver Sean thinks he is

30:26

the Sartory has this over. What

30:28

is it top top one percent

30:30

of unpaid drivers on the planet and I am

30:34

I am I Am

30:40

Right as top one percent of unpaid drivers on the

30:42

planet hot if it wasn't so long in a heartbeat

30:44

I would do why not come on if

30:46

there was a way where you gonna name a horse that

30:48

time. Yeah I don't

30:50

even talk about driving. Yeah, if there was a

30:52

way for Regular

30:54

people to give Sean five stars for

30:56

being in a car. They

30:58

would No, they wouldn't because I'm

31:01

also an aggressive, but I am so

31:03

I like an aggressive driver What do you have to

31:05

be go? Me beat is everybody

31:07

else hustle place. Yes, absolutely gotta be much as

31:09

smart out there Get you know what the run

31:11

for you know It's more dangerous than going through

31:13

a yellow light Slamming on your brakes at the

31:15

yellow light when the person behind you assumes you're

31:17

gonna go through it Just like everybody else on

31:19

the planet speak on what I'm

31:21

leaving. I'm done. Let's get out of here pull

31:24

the plug Gran Torino, I'll be filming

31:26

my special to me on March 23rd Let's

31:29

start calling them. I'm gonna that it's

31:32

my specialty on March 23rd at Revolution

31:34

Hall in Portland, Oregon I'm

31:36

hoping that a second show there are tickets

31:39

still a few tickets available for the first one though So

31:41

snack them. I'll be there if it sweetens the pot I'm

31:43

gonna host the shit out of that thing Sean Jordan's gonna

31:45

be there if you hate my comedy But you'd like to

31:47

see ten minutes of Sean's make sure you come But

31:50

if you're willing to sit through an hour of mine to get there

31:53

Come to Revolution Hall on my ship I

32:00

had it with you, Carmel! And then it stormed out.

32:02

The knife can't get better than this. And

32:07

then I'll be at the Oregon coast, not doing stand up, but

32:09

just on the 24th, 25th, you can

32:11

find me on the Oregon coast. You can call Water Taffy. Chillin'.

32:15

Congratulations, my mother, on her retirement. Have

32:17

you read any

32:20

of Patrick Dewitt's books? No.

32:22

Ooh, okay. You would crush these. He's,

32:24

I believe, based in Portland, but he

32:27

wrote The Sisters Brothers, which there's a

32:29

movie based on now, but the book

32:31

grew. And he wrote his

32:33

new book, which I believe is

32:35

called The Librarianist, has, there's like a

32:37

long passage that takes place in the

32:39

Oregon coast. I will be

32:41

bringing The Librarianist to the Oregon coast and reading it.

32:43

Oh yeah, you gotta do it. For sure.

32:46

The Sisters Brothers is like end to

32:48

end burner. I'm sorry,

32:50

I missed it, Sean. You

32:53

just said you gotta do it. Oh Ian, shake your head all

32:55

you want. You gotta do it. Shake your head all you want.

32:58

He said you gotta do it. Do it. You

33:00

gotta do it. I didn't say it like a five year

33:03

old. Yeah, you'd be, I would've said it. Well,

33:05

there's no way to say, you gotta say do it.

33:07

You gotta do it. That's

33:10

right. Do it. You're gonna hit

33:12

me? Do it. And

33:14

this is obviously our recommendation from my wife

33:17

first. She, she's a smart book going in,

33:19

in our house. Your wife, I

33:21

bought a book because she did the forward. Do

33:24

it. Oh yeah, glaciers? Glaciers, and it

33:26

was phenomenal. Speaking of books that take place in

33:28

the Pacific Northwest, I bought it because I saw

33:30

Maris's name on it and was not let down.

33:33

I was let up. I was pulled

33:36

up into a world of literary excellence.

33:38

And by the way, shift the shade

33:40

under 120 pages. Knock

33:42

that out quick, baby. But

33:45

we are not here to discuss how

33:47

long or short the books recommended by

33:49

Josh's wife Maris are. Uh-huh. Yeah, we

33:51

are. We are here to fantasy draft. Things

33:54

we would do in a Brewster's Million situation. For

33:57

those of you who... This one's by the

33:59

way... Oftentimes we will send out a

34:01

huge list of topics to people. Jesse

34:04

sent us a huge list of topics, many of

34:06

which we will be stealing in

34:08

the future with your permission. There were so

34:10

many good ideas on that. I was so

34:12

gracious to be odd. I was like, these

34:14

are good. Also, I'd like to listen to

34:17

someone talk about this. So go for it.

34:19

They were fired, dude. Thank you so much.

34:21

I don't want to spoil them. Ian, you pick a choose what

34:23

you're going to say. Bruce, I'm not going to

34:25

name any of them. But Brewster's Melions was a movie from

34:27

the 1980s, from 1985, I think, starring Richard Pryor,

34:32

John Candy. I'm

34:35

now on the Wikipedia. That's why

34:37

I also say Hugh McCronan, as

34:40

though I were going to say that in the first place. The

34:43

concept of the movie is

34:45

a man is given

34:47

the choice where he can either inherit

34:49

$1 million upfront or

34:51

inherit an entire estate,

34:53

like a $300 million fortune, by spending $30

34:56

million in 30 days. Yeah.

35:00

And the condition- Wait, hold on. It's $30 million?

35:02

I thought it was $1 million in 30 days.

35:04

It's $30 million? No. $30 million?

35:07

No. I just did for inflation.

35:09

It's about, I didn't ask. Did you guys, I don't want

35:11

me to jump ahead. I saw on some Reddit pages. But

35:13

$81 million in 30 days. Yeah. Yeah.

35:16

Perfect. The conditions, he cannot

35:18

own any assets when it's over. He

35:21

can't destroy the money. So he can't just

35:23

set it on fire. He can't gift it

35:25

or give it to charity or

35:28

tell anyone about the deal. Right.

35:30

That's what I think that's- Pretty red. Which

35:32

is pretty great. I saw these, so I

35:34

was poking around in Reddit last night, which

35:37

I never actually, I don't do. You're

35:39

usually on 8chan, right? Sometimes that's a departure for you. I'm

35:42

usually on deep, I just type in deep

35:44

state, deep state gnarly Raider fight and then

35:46

see what comes up. Deep state gnarly football

35:48

game fight. But I was on this Reddit

35:51

page and they're like, why didn't you just get a $30 million foot

35:53

rub? Because that's not a fucking movie.

35:55

That's crazy when people, it's like you thought you're splitting the

35:58

atom by saying that. That's

36:00

kind of charity right there. If you're

36:02

paying somebody $30 million for a footrun.

36:04

I think it was implied you had

36:06

to pay people what their job was

36:08

worth. Yeah. Yeah, they didn't just throw

36:11

the script at a wall. They

36:13

do cover a lot of the bases in this. It

36:15

was one of the movies, my dad, two movies,

36:18

he made me watch one weekend, A

36:20

Million to One and Brewster's Millions.

36:22

He made me sit down and watch those

36:25

both in a day. You love Million's movies.

36:27

They're both pretty good though. I

36:29

was like, man, these are going to suck. Then

36:31

they were both actually pretty legit movies. I don't

36:33

know that I've heard of A Million to One

36:35

before. Cheech inherits a million

36:37

bucks. I think he's like

36:39

a janitor for a baseball team if I'm remembering

36:42

any of it. Paul Rodriguez. Paul

36:44

Rodriguez, Jesus, sorry. God,

36:46

what an asshole. Yes. Richard

36:48

Pryor plays a baseball player. He's a

36:50

minor league baseball player, yeah. Look

36:53

at this. My dad, he did know what he

36:55

was doing. Sorry, dad. He really

36:57

put together this double feature with some thought and

36:59

care. He did. He didn't throw it together. He

37:01

didn't throw it together because he found out he

37:04

had me that afternoon a minute before I

37:06

got there. He curated a lineup. He's

37:10

a matically consistent movie. That's right.

37:13

That's right. With a tasteful

37:16

after party with Canapes. This was

37:18

harder than I thought. Yeah,

37:20

it is. I mean, that's I guess the

37:22

whole conceit of the movie in the first

37:24

place, right? It's actually it sounds easy and

37:26

amazing and then it becomes very difficult. Us

37:31

four Richard Priors will be drafting

37:33

today. And the way we

37:35

determine the order of that draft is through a rollicking

37:38

game of rock, paper, scissors, play between the three of

37:40

you at our customary 40 minutes

37:42

into the recording. And we

37:44

throw on shoot. Here we go. Rock,

37:46

paper, scissors, shoot. Wait, what's Jesse throwing at you? What is

37:50

Jesse throwing at you? Ah! Yeah!

37:53

A scissors

37:56

against two papers, a natural victory, which

37:58

means Jesse, it is incumbent. upon

38:00

you to determine the order of today's draft. But

38:02

before you do that, I need to tell

38:04

you it is a serpentine draft. And

38:08

what is that? That's a great question. John? It's

38:11

like a Roomba in a

38:13

very, very, very skinny hallway.

38:15

So if the Roomba starts

38:18

on one side of this extremely, almost

38:20

Roomba sized hallway, and it goes down

38:22

to the end, and it

38:24

just kind of bops around the end

38:26

of this very, very skinny, pert

38:29

near Roomba sized hallway. And then it ends

38:31

up turning around and coming back. And

38:33

then it kind of bops around on this side for a little while, turns

38:36

around and goes right back to the other

38:38

side until the whole thing's clean. Probably a

38:40

pretty quick job, but you get it. You've

38:44

been on fire lately. Yeah, that's a great

38:46

one. That's great. I

38:48

stress about them. I get diarrhea.

38:50

Oh, thinking about these. So I'm

38:52

glad that one worked. Serpentine diarrhea?

38:55

No. Oh, no. It's

38:57

all rushing back into my butt like

39:02

hell raises three. Basically what it means is you pick fourth

39:04

in the first round, you pick first in the second round.

39:06

Now, Jesse, with that in mind, what will the order of

39:09

today's draft be? Sure. Josh

39:11

will go first. Yes. Okay. I

39:14

will go second. Absolutely. Sean will

39:16

go third. Yeah. In

39:18

cleaning up. Hot corner. In

39:21

the cleanup spot. All

39:23

that poop, dude. All right. That's

39:26

enough. All right. Me now. That's enough. That's

39:29

enough. Diarrhea. Unless you have a

39:31

pick involving diarrhea. That's enough diarrhea for the

39:33

day. Oh, I'm witty. I'll think of one.

39:35

All right. We're going to get to those picks right

39:37

after this short break. This

39:40

episode of all fantasy, everything is brought to you by

39:42

babble. Now let me tell you this. I'm going to

39:44

tell you this for free. One in five

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Americans have learned a new language on

39:48

their bucket list. A lot

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of people also have tried stand up on there. Scratch

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that off. Learning a new language is,

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trust me, it's going to benefit you more.

39:57

And if that's you, make this the year that you finally.

40:00

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41:53

I don't know if I'm a millennial. I think

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41:58

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42:00

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42:05

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43:05

Wednesday and Saturday Welcome

43:08

back to all fantasy everything already in progress. This is

43:10

it as far as podcast go Funny

43:13

here in the mellow version and it's a desolate

43:15

bleak. I'm trying to get away from

43:17

yelling quite so much No, I know I'm easy on the

43:19

voice man. I'm with him voice. The

43:21

only other podcast of course is good one with

43:24

Jesse David Fox Josh

43:27

doesn't currently have a podcast right now. I'm

43:29

between podcast right now Anyone's

43:31

ever spoken in English or anyone group you want

43:34

to a breakup you'll get back out there between

43:37

podcasts People

43:39

would the people would love

43:41

a Josh Godman podcast. Yeah, yeah, I

43:44

miss having one I'm like I'm I'm I'm

43:46

kind of I've got some podcasts germinate

43:49

and perfectly People have said

43:51

and I am inclined to agree that you are

43:53

one of the absolute great podcast guests Thank you.

43:55

That is it truly every once in a while

43:57

someone will say it and I appreciate it so

43:59

much much and it feels I said

44:02

this recently to a friend of the pod

44:04

I think Dan Devine and I

44:08

said I said it got into comedy thinking

44:10

I was going to be the they might

44:12

be giants of standup comedy but I am

44:15

maybe transitioning and it would be an honor

44:18

to become the millennial Paula of Tom Tents

44:20

of podcast. You

44:24

are and I think you

44:26

are the comedy book how comedy conquered

44:28

culture and the magic that makes it

44:30

work of podcasts. I

44:33

am or Jeffy. Yeah you are. Thank you.

44:36

It's a great book. You're a great guest. Thank you.

44:39

See that effortless. You're really good at

44:41

integration. I think this is fun. I

44:44

love being on a podcast. I think it's great. I

44:46

get sick of people being like well everybody's got a

44:49

podcast. Fuck you. Go

44:51

start one then. Don't stop and you'll have a

44:53

podcast. No one's stopping you. Get on it. If

44:55

you want to have a blast with your friends I recommend it. Although

44:58

on our Patreon it is pretty it is pretty

45:00

actively harmful. A lot of

45:03

the views we espouse. Yeah.

45:06

It's like name three podcasts

45:08

that actively make your life

45:10

worse by their existence. Well

45:13

there's maybe three total. Well.

45:17

Yeah. I know. I know the two.

45:19

I'm going to start a fight video

45:21

podcast called Graphic Content Encouraged. It's just

45:24

voices of faces of death. Instead

45:26

of instead of a disclaimer afterwards

45:29

I'd say was it that graphic? Yeah.

45:32

It's just actually letting people know. Wow. If

45:34

you had seen this you would be dry eating.

45:36

This guy's nose flew off of his face. He

45:38

got hit so hard in the stands it flew

45:40

off of his face. I had

45:42

a weekend of stand up in Austin recently

45:44

that would perhaps argue

45:47

with your podcast aren't actively hurting people.

45:49

But. Oh that's fair. Josh

45:52

it's time to put aside childish things

45:54

like podcasts and instead hear what you

45:57

addressed. Put down the toys. Put down

45:59

the toys. million drift. Okay.

46:02

So I want to

46:04

start off doing something that's good for society. And

46:06

I think it's tough because in Brewster's millions, you

46:08

can really only donate 5%, right? 5%

46:11

to get 5% for gambling, those are the rules. And

46:13

so I want to do something big

46:15

picture with my $30 million in today's money. And

46:20

so I'm going to put a big

46:22

chunk of that cash to befriending a

46:24

Supreme Court justice and many of the

46:26

things that matter. Amy

46:29

Coney Barrett, you want me to close down Disney

46:31

World for the day and we'll just go on

46:33

the rides, you and me? Hell yeah, we're doing

46:35

that, Ames. Now pardon

46:37

my ignorance, are you going to befriend

46:40

a Supreme Court judge

46:42

that like sucks and then you're going to

46:44

try to sway? Oh yeah. Great, great, great.

46:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because the good ones, I think

46:49

are pretty, you know, pretty good. They're on your

46:51

side. They're mostly on the right side of history.

46:53

As I say it out loud, I was like,

46:55

Oh, what are you asking? That's how conservative billionaires

46:58

go wrong. They groom the conservative judges, be more

47:00

conservative. I'm calling Neil Gorsuch.

47:02

I'm like, what do you want? You want to see

47:04

some fucking blues rock band? Sure. I'll

47:06

bring him to your birthday party,

47:08

idiot. Exactly what he wants. Yeah.

47:11

I've been spending so much money. They're

47:13

going to, we're taking private jets. We're going to

47:15

take a private jet down the street. We're going

47:17

to run one and have it like just roll

47:19

down the street. You

47:22

want to golf with Aerosmith, Neil Gorsuch? You

47:25

can golf with Aerosmith. I feel

47:27

happy for you. It's a

47:29

pity because Elena Kagan does look like

47:31

she'd love an all expenses paid trip

47:33

to Disneyland. And she deserves it. She

47:35

does deserve it. But she can

47:37

afford it. She can afford it. But yeah, that's what

47:40

I'm doing. I'm going full Harlan Crow day one.

47:42

That's my, I'm calling all the justices. I'm

47:44

like, clear the decks. We're taking

47:47

a cruise. We're going to

47:49

space, whatever you want to do, baby. Wow.

47:52

Yeah. And then abortion

47:54

is back. Who feels the most gettable? Abortions back.

47:56

Back on the table. That's

48:00

disrespectful. That's what you

48:03

think of more of it. Oh Cavanaugh

48:11

could be bought that's

48:13

and then the oh yeah goes right into our cabin

48:17

entourage It's

48:20

also funny the idea Sweaty because

48:22

you can't tell anyone just out

48:24

of nowhere We would just see pictures of

48:26

Josh hanging out with Brett Kevin. Oh, yeah,

48:28

and they're gonna be pictures It's gonna be

48:30

all over the gram. Yeah, we're gonna be

48:32

confused. They're gonna be fucking Me

48:38

is kind of the juice also how mad

48:40

people will be until you start seeing the

48:43

way they vote Right, like Wow,

48:45

God, though. That's really been rubbing

48:47

off on that I would have you'd be like the

48:49

dark night rises like they're gonna hate you before they

48:51

love you again Like, you know, they're definitely you're gonna

48:53

have to go through a dark period But you've got

48:55

a there Cavanaugh went through his own dark period, you know, we

48:57

all have to go through it. Yeah And

49:01

George a bank outbred Kevin. Yeah Yeah,

49:04

they could be bought of course they could be I bet

49:06

you they could be bought so easily. Yeah easily any one

49:09

of those I'll do

49:11

eight. Oh, here's what I'm gonna do you seriously

49:14

I'm paying for stuff for everyone but Clarence

49:16

Thomas and that was he gets jealous and

49:18

starts in a court my attention Yeah, then

49:21

he just starts voting your way. Yep

49:23

to be like what wrong like so

49:25

I notice what's going for me? Mm-hmm

49:27

Yep, that's right. It's like a fucking

49:29

subway club card Yeah

49:34

Everything going the right direction Everything

49:36

is Dunkin Donuts in this whole country after you get

49:39

your hands on the whole Supreme Court. That's right We're

49:42

getting rid of the electoral college Dunkin

49:45

everywhere And shrine

49:47

in we're bringing back Roe v. Way. This

49:49

is gonna be this is number one because

49:51

you don't people don't do this So they're

49:53

like a billionaire, but you can just be

49:55

like an 80 millionaire That's

49:58

bad with money and you can get the same back benefits for

50:00

a while. I feel like

50:02

if you gave Alito some rhino meat, that might

50:04

be enough to get up. Oh yeah, we're cooking

50:06

up anything. Yeah, we're killing a rhino meat. Rhino

50:09

meat. Want to come to my rhino

50:11

barbecue? Jesse,

50:15

this topic was your idea, and it's time for your

50:17

first pick. So you need

50:19

a place to stay that will, I think, take the lion's

50:21

share of the money. In the movie,

50:23

I think he buys out the plaza. So

50:26

I want to rent the

50:29

last super yacht that Leonardo

50:31

DiCaprio rented. What? Oh,

50:34

this is real, huh? Yeah,

50:36

so Leonardo DiCaprio all

50:39

summer is on a super yacht. He does not own

50:41

one. He will only... I assume

50:43

he gets them for free because he's so

50:45

often shot by paparazzi that I assume they're

50:47

like, oh, stay on on a weekend. Good

50:50

publicity for my super yacht. They usually

50:52

are about $300,000 a week plus you're going to do carbon offset. And

50:58

my thinking... Oh, that was low on my

51:00

list was just making it rain carbon offset.

51:03

And the idea is I want

51:05

specifically one of his because the crew needs

51:08

a month of not having

51:10

to hang out with Leonardo DiCaprio and

51:12

his 20 year old girlfriend. I was

51:15

like, just a chill, nice 30 days

51:17

of me just hanging out in the

51:19

movie theater, not really going

51:21

outside. And

51:24

then you get two helicopter pads on

51:26

my super yacht. I'm

51:28

going to sit in the movie theater and I'm like, yeah, probably not go outside

51:31

too much. And

51:34

like the movie, I have a couple construction

51:37

things. I'm going to alter the

51:39

yacht for those. That's a foreshadow

51:41

for future pics, but like, okay. Okay.

51:44

Yachts need certain things for certain things

51:46

that I need to be doing to

51:48

spend this money. But

51:50

you know, they have like 40 rooms

51:53

for people to stay, but I don't know that many people. And

51:55

I'm not partying on the yacht. Fine. We'll

51:58

be there. Yeah. I

52:01

get really nervous in so if I'm home

52:03

alone in a big house I

52:06

get I get scared still especially what kind of

52:08

a wet bandits. Yeah Yeah,

52:11

because when they hold him up at the end and say

52:13

they're gonna cut his nuts off It's which the whole nother

52:15

thing but I get so

52:17

like on a yacht. I don't think I'd get scared I

52:19

think it because it's in the middle of the water I'd

52:22

be like no one's on here So I think it'd be

52:24

really fun to be in a big house and not be

52:26

a scared at night and go to sleep Please I would

52:28

have a great time. Also. They have like 60 crew

52:31

members. Yeah, they have more crew

52:33

members and people can stay there Well, they have to

52:35

sleep on the life raft when I'm when it's my

52:37

they're sleeping on the rafts in the water

52:40

But they have to send like crew members to shore

52:42

during like at night, right? There's like people who leave

52:44

the boat Yeah, oh

52:46

really speaking of Leonardo DiCaprio. I'm

52:49

sorry. I I'm just I'm taking this direction.

52:51

I apologize I was just

52:53

gonna say I think you were prudent Jesse

52:55

not to go straight submersible seeking out the

52:57

Titanic Well, most

52:59

yachts have submarines. Okay.

53:02

I didn't know that the

53:05

yacht that Bill Gates likes to use has

53:07

a Nemo

53:09

room that is 20,000

53:11

leaves under the sea seemed as a glass bottom

53:14

and then next to it is a submarine That

53:16

I guess you can use to

53:18

look at the Titanic or whatever you so true So like

53:21

a Nemo room you mean like you go down to the

53:23

bottom of the ship and there's like a you're you're under

53:25

the Water and there's like a room that's like all see-through.

53:28

Yeah, damn. That's dope Yeah

53:30

did you guys know that in that room

53:32

20,000 leagues referred to in the 20,000 leagues

53:34

under the sea is a distance traveled and

53:37

not I learned it on on this show I

53:40

learned it because we I don't know why we talked about

53:42

it, but I always thought it was down It's not a

53:44

letdown. No, it's just they're under the water and they're traveling

53:46

20,000 leagues in some direction, right?

53:48

That's like finding out the song like I

53:50

would walk 500 miles. She's just going in

53:52

a circle I

53:58

still don't know what Haver means. It says I

54:00

don't know what that means. I

54:02

don't know. I know I'm gonna be the one

54:04

who's Haveran to you to talk foolishly or babble

54:07

Did you know that did you just look it up? I just looked it up still

54:10

pretty quick. They had very dictionary. Yeah Is

54:14

it one of those British words it's

54:16

Scottish, okay According to

54:18

on the Oxford English. I'll let it run.

54:20

They would know yeah, yeah over there There's

54:24

there's also a company called Haver analytics,

54:26

which You don't wanna you

54:28

don't want to pick up that rock The

54:32

a Lot of

54:35

these billionaires. I know a little bit about

54:37

yachts from working just alongside so

54:39

many celebrities and late night They

54:42

will just invite they collect famous

54:44

people. It's the one thing they can't buy Yeah,

54:46

a lot of these famous people you see on yachts Jesse

54:49

like you were saying is just them saying

54:51

hey Come use my yacht for a

54:53

week and then I'll be there for two days of it And then

54:55

I get to hang out with you for like two of those days

54:57

Yeah, and it's great advertisement for

55:00

their yacht because they almost most rich

55:02

people don't stay on their own yacht,

55:04

right? They're like renting and

55:06

I went so for cordon this summer

55:08

I like he was

55:11

hired to the way you can hire like

55:13

it's like billionaire cameo We

55:15

even hire famous people to come to your like wedding

55:17

or event He got hired to do a

55:19

wedding and it was in Oh

55:23

my god, what is it? The south

55:25

somewhere in the south of France. I forget the

55:27

exact name of the city It's one of those

55:29

like ports of Collins out the France. They should

55:31

just say South France It's

55:35

never the south the south of Florida Because

55:38

the south of France makes you think it's

55:40

south of France like it's in a different

55:42

country, but it's not ocean We

55:48

were in South France Like

55:52

and like having lunch like before With

55:55

this this wedding popped off and

55:57

it was one of those places where everybody like parks.

55:59

They're super yacht for the day. And

56:01

while we were there, we learned that restoration

56:03

hardware has a super yacht. I

56:07

bet the interior of that yacht is so

56:09

tasteful. It looks

56:11

like a restoration hardware. It's a lot

56:13

of brass. It's like a dark, it's

56:15

a dark yacht. They, they

56:17

reclaimed wood from different shipwrecks

56:20

and re-yottified it. It's

56:22

been re-yottified and you can rent the

56:24

restoration hardware super yacht. Wow.

56:27

Let me see if this is online. For the gentleman's...

56:31

Uh, well it doesn't say... anyway, it doesn't say it

56:33

anywhere online. So maybe you just have to be like

56:35

in the rob report. But it

56:37

was... to

56:40

order it. Yeah, most yachts market price.

56:43

Most yachts are market price. I kind

56:45

of look up, I spent like an hour trying to

56:47

find out how much any of these yachts cost to rent.

56:50

Oh. And they're like, well you

56:52

can ask. I was like, well, if you gotta ask, you

56:55

ain't ready to rent myself. Apparently Steve Harvey spends his

56:57

entire summer on one of these super yachts as well and

56:59

rents. I bet. I

57:01

bet he doesn't button a button

57:03

all summer. And... Absolutely

57:05

not. I mean... Shirt

57:07

open undergarments left in Los Angeles. Just

57:09

out there, skinning linen.

57:11

Yeah, that's something Steve Harvey's never said. Oh,

57:14

I forgot to pack underwear. Yeah, like I

57:16

was gonna pack underwear. And forget what you

57:18

don't want. And they winked at

57:20

the camera. That's not bad. Staying

57:23

on Leonardo Superyacht. Excellent. Sean

57:25

Jordan, time for your first pick. I'd buy

57:27

up all the ad space for the

57:30

Super Bowl. Damn it! Oh, that's

57:32

so good. And

57:34

make it like old... So

57:37

I had two things. I was either

57:39

gonna make every single commercial the Crossfire

57:42

commercial. Remember that game Crossfire? Crossfire! Crossfire!

57:44

Crossfire! Crossfire! Or it would

57:46

all be movie trailers for movies that already came out

57:48

that I like, like the Departed and the Town and

57:50

stuff. I

57:54

think we should pick my next pick. Was

57:56

it really? It's so good. I

57:58

didn't think about it till late. I didn't

58:00

think about it till late last night, but then I

58:02

was like, oh, that's probably, that's

58:05

probably more than that. I mean, yeah, you probably

58:07

can do it with 81 million bucks.

58:10

If we're talking 81 million, a 30

58:12

second spot in the 2023 Superbowl, uh,

58:15

the high app was $7

58:17

million for the average. Yeah,

58:20

I mean, there's so much, you can buy

58:22

enough. I'd buy as much as I could buy an order.

58:26

If I couldn't buy all of it, then I would, I would

58:28

buy as much as I could. And it would, yeah, it would

58:30

just be probably the departed, the trailer

58:32

for the departed then. Every

58:37

land before time. I

58:40

would also, it would also be really funny if you

58:42

threw in a couple that were like not famous

58:44

movies, like movies that kind of came and went

58:46

real quick and people were like, I

58:49

have a vague memory that this came out in 2007. Yeah.

58:52

Sidekick starring Jonathan Brandis and Chuck. Friends

58:56

with benefits. Yeah. The secret

58:58

of Arietty. Oh, I remember that. The

59:01

holiday. There's a lot of them, man.

59:05

It's also beautiful that you decided not to use

59:07

it to promote anything that you were doing. Nope.

59:10

Just as a, just as a bit as a nice,

59:12

I thought about do so one,

59:15

one idea would be like this to

59:17

have, uh, was it Bud Light that got

59:19

in all the trouble to have Bud Light commercials where

59:21

it's just guys like very aggressively making out very,

59:24

very, very like attacking making

59:27

out like I've, man, this

59:29

is finally happening. Thank God you're leading

59:31

into that. I think so. Yeah. Yeah.

59:35

And I don't really care what Bud Light has to say about it. Well,

59:37

the thing is the super, if Sean's getting

59:39

all the Super Bowl commercials to promote, uh,

59:42

Sean Jordan enterprises, then he's going to be

59:44

making so much money. He's going to have

59:46

to keep bailing out the boat. That's right.

59:49

So then I do see, I thought, I

59:52

thought of that too. Promote something down the

59:54

line. Oh, okay. Then the money

59:56

you make isn't in the month. Yeah. You

59:59

got to make sure that it's like my special. Coming out in two months.

1:00:01

Don't pre-order it. You're really gonna fuck me on it.

1:00:05

It's just a backdrop like it's a different

1:00:07

color each time But it just says like

1:00:09

Sean Jordan comedian at YouTube and that's

1:00:12

it and be but it doesn't say anything It's we were

1:00:14

like why I'm gonna have to go see what's up with

1:00:16

this and people are like this is gonna tell me about

1:00:18

Jesus for sure yeah, I Remember

1:00:21

there was a radio station back in the day

1:00:23

in Sioux Falls that they just they they started

1:00:25

this countdown and it was like Four

1:00:27

days long and so it's all the it was

1:00:29

just like three days 24 hours

1:00:31

eight eight minutes nine seconds We're and we'll just keep

1:00:33

counting down and we're like what the fuck So there

1:00:35

was a while where we're just listening to that for

1:00:37

days And then all it was

1:00:39

was the launch of a new country station because

1:00:42

we just it hooked like the whole city We're like, what is

1:00:44

this? So that's that's what yeah, that could

1:00:46

be a good thing to do Did you listen to

1:00:48

the country station when it first came on the air?

1:00:50

What was the first song they played? Do you remember

1:00:52

I remember it was ninety seven point three cat country

1:00:54

I don't remember the first song but I remember the

1:00:56

name of it. So it's probably

1:00:58

Garth Brooks. I bet what Chad

1:01:00

What if it was Chattahoochee? It

1:01:02

should have been man. That's a whole nother thing I

1:01:05

feel like country music is remember

1:01:07

when like everybody's to show the country so

1:01:09

bad Country was

1:01:11

y'all remember back y'all People

1:01:14

just used to be like well, I like anything but

1:01:16

country and you're like it's so much worse music than

1:01:18

there's so many good country Songs Chattahoochee, that's

1:01:20

better than most music out right now Isaac

1:01:23

stop recording Super

1:01:28

Bowl I buy it all as much as face that could on

1:01:30

the Super Bowl or all that space whatever you'll let me have

1:01:33

I well, you can't have all of it like

1:01:35

you just can't afford it, but you can you

1:01:37

can spend 70 Yeah, seventy seven a chunk bro

1:01:39

a fat chunk of the Super Bowl ads You

1:01:42

got to save some of the money for the rest

1:01:44

of your pics. Yeah, you try to buy out the

1:01:46

whole thing Steve Coinbase or

1:01:48

whoever Made

1:01:52

of numbers You

1:01:54

can't cut my head off because I bought an armor neck, dude

1:02:00

I bought a... I bought an armor neck, nuh

1:02:02

uh. But I have an armor cutting axe. Uh

1:02:05

uh, well I bought... I bought you... Your

1:02:07

arms falling off, dude. Your arms are made of water, bro. So what are

1:02:09

you gonna cut it with? But I have

1:02:11

ghost arms that are powered by the spirit of the

1:02:13

arms of... of... uh... of

1:02:16

Achilles. That live within

1:02:18

me. Alright, well I bought disappearing, bro.

1:02:20

So like I'll just end up behind you. Like

1:02:22

Nightcrawler. I have the gifted of a

1:02:24

turtle sight. Well, I'm gonna do my pick. I... UN. I

1:02:29

don't know that I have enough money for this. I

1:02:31

mean, yeah you do. I didn't price this out. I

1:02:33

didn't price this out. Yeah. But

1:02:36

I want to... lease the

1:02:39

Pasadena Rose Bowl... Mmm. And

1:02:41

fill it up with water and stage your naval battle in

1:02:44

it the way they used to in ancient Rome in the

1:02:46

Colosseum. You have enough money because of course we want that

1:02:48

to be on the board. I don't know

1:02:50

if that... I feel like that would cost more than 81

1:02:52

million dollars. But I think it would be

1:02:54

really fun. You could take out a loan. Okay,

1:02:58

take out a loan. Take out

1:03:00

a loan with the... yeah, you got collateral. You got 81 million bucks.

1:03:02

I'll charge tickets to it and whatever

1:03:04

money I make, which I think I will, I

1:03:06

will use to fund the rest of my picks.

1:03:08

Now, since David's in Bolivia, can he have his

1:03:11

tiny little boats in there too? And

1:03:13

he'll just be remote controlling him? Yeah, he is remote controlling him. Is

1:03:15

remote control boats? I... this is,

1:03:17

by all accounts, something that they did in

1:03:19

ancient Rome a few times. I don't know

1:03:22

why we've given up the habit of filling

1:03:24

up arenas with water and having naval battles.

1:03:27

That stopped sounding like a good idea? I

1:03:31

don't know how they filled it up with... wasn't that... how

1:03:34

did they stop the water from leaking out of that? They

1:03:37

were diverting rivers all the time back then. Oh, I don't

1:03:39

know. Okay, all right. I don't know. I

1:03:41

like that you were ready to answer, though. Bro,

1:03:43

they were diverting rivers all the time back

1:03:45

then. All the time back then. If a

1:03:48

river just runs through the Colosseum, then

1:03:50

wouldn't it be hard to simulate a

1:03:53

naval battle because the water would be

1:03:55

moving? Because of the current? Yeah.

1:03:57

No, they would stop it at some point, right? Yeah, yeah.

1:04:00

You just fill it up. And

1:04:02

I leave these questions to my

1:04:04

aquatic engineers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. War

1:04:06

stops everything. That's the

1:04:08

other part. Currents, relationships, family ties.

1:04:12

Political allegiance. And I

1:04:14

want them to be like frigates. You

1:04:18

know what I mean? I want none of us,

1:04:20

we're not putting big metal boats in there, this

1:04:23

is to iron ships, wooden ships, iron men.

1:04:25

That's one of that era. I

1:04:28

like the word frigate a lot. I

1:04:30

see we grow up, we get full on fuck-its. Yeah.

1:04:34

Fuck-its. Clipper.

1:04:38

Patrick fuck-its in there. Fuck-its. All

1:04:41

those boats. And I just wanna see that play

1:04:43

out. And I think a nation

1:04:45

of dads would thank me. Yeah. So

1:04:48

they're going to see the master and commander bowl?

1:04:51

Of course they would. Exactly, the master and commander

1:04:53

bowl. Yeah,

1:04:55

that'd be a blast. So

1:04:57

that's my first pick. I think that would be really fun to do.

1:05:00

And then my second one,

1:05:03

this is malignant, for

1:05:05

sure. But you know that billionaire

1:05:07

who is like hacking his body to stay

1:05:10

crazy young? Yeah. Well,

1:05:12

I would pay off, have you not seen this? I don't

1:05:14

think so. You don't have to. I can look. So

1:05:17

there's this, there's this billionaire, there's this

1:05:19

billionaire who is like doing

1:05:22

like blood, like blood spinning and has

1:05:24

a crazy diet and a crazy vitamin

1:05:26

routine. And he's in his fifties, but

1:05:29

he's like, he says his body is like 45. It's

1:05:32

45, yeah. Yeah, he's 45, but

1:05:35

he says his body is like 35. Or

1:05:37

like he's taken. He says 18. He's

1:05:41

a penis of an 18 year old. Right,

1:05:43

he's a dewy young penis.

1:05:46

Isaac, our producer says Brian Johnson is the

1:05:48

man's name. It's

1:05:51

Brian Johnson. Actually just the name of his

1:05:53

penis. He couldn't afford to get like a

1:05:55

better name. His name's gonna be Brian Johnson.

1:05:57

No offense, Brian Johnson's out there, but. Before

1:06:00

you work on your bad news. Typically there are people listening to

1:06:02

this named Brian Johnson. I know, I know about you. And we

1:06:04

love you. You know, that's just like not a billionaire name. But

1:06:06

I bet they hate that guy. They might

1:06:08

hate that guy. He's ruining

1:06:10

their SEO. And I think

1:06:13

they will be on board when I pay off

1:06:15

whoever his vitamin boy is. His

1:06:17

vitamin boy? To start introducing

1:06:20

just like harmful, like high

1:06:22

sodium. I just want to

1:06:24

reverse the aging, reverse the

1:06:26

reverse aging in his body through

1:06:29

just a slow dosing of things

1:06:31

into his diet, into his IVs,

1:06:33

into his skin routine. I want him to

1:06:35

have the penis of a 32 year old

1:06:38

by the time the month is over. One

1:06:41

good thing about this, right? I think if

1:06:43

you keep him really healthy, but just do

1:06:45

stuff that makes him look old, that's hell

1:06:48

for him, right? Where he's got the internal

1:06:50

organs of like a newborn baby and the

1:06:52

skin of a 97 year old tree.

1:06:56

He looks like Clint Eastwood. And

1:06:59

he's going to live another 60 years. No.

1:07:02

I just think it would be funny

1:07:05

to do. I feel like fucking with other rich

1:07:07

people is one of the best rich people hobbies

1:07:09

that you can have. Because they're not used to it.

1:07:11

They wouldn't know what to do. And

1:07:14

this is mine. I'm taking on Brian Johnson. I'm going

1:07:16

to make him look old as hell. Or

1:07:19

at least his age. Which by the way, if

1:07:21

you look at pictures of when he looked his

1:07:24

age, he looked fine. Looked totally fine. He is

1:07:26

the most fine looking person. The

1:07:28

most fine looking person. You would imagine

1:07:30

when you imagine someone doing this, it's

1:07:32

like all my entire life. No, it's just like

1:07:34

a fine looking person is like I want to

1:07:36

continue just being an average man,

1:07:39

but now much younger. But

1:07:43

there's so much cosmetic work, right? Like

1:07:45

he's 45. You don't look

1:07:47

at him and go, that guy's 27. You

1:07:50

go that guy looks 45 and weird. That's

1:07:52

the problem. It's like so much of

1:07:55

the cosmetic work just makes you look weird

1:07:57

in a rich way, right? Where like, yeah,

1:07:59

so many. All those fillers, they don't

1:08:01

look, you don't, oh, that's, you're not like,

1:08:03

is that a baby that's starring in this

1:08:05

movie? You're like, no, that's like an adult

1:08:08

weird-looking person. It becomes a third thing. It

1:08:10

becomes a third thing. Neither young nor old,

1:08:12

just different. It just looks

1:08:14

like a television 45-year-old. Yeah.

1:08:17

Like, what 45-year-old on television look like, which

1:08:20

is like kind of 30 but

1:08:22

in an old way. Yeah. Looks

1:08:25

like shit for like, looks like shit for 30. Yeah,

1:08:28

shit for 30 and weird for 45. Yeah.

1:08:32

It's kind of a thing that's like

1:08:34

most leading men in Hollywood now have

1:08:37

the same-ish face.

1:08:39

It's the male Hollywood eating

1:08:41

disorder face where you know they're doing all

1:08:43

the weird, like the macros and all that stuff,

1:08:45

and they all have the same three

1:08:48

or four little procedures and they're all

1:08:50

turning into the same person. And thank

1:08:52

God for Paul Giamatti. God. You

1:08:54

know, every day I thank God for him. Every

1:08:56

day, thank God for Paul Giamatti, who just looks

1:08:59

his age in a beautiful way. There's always a

1:09:01

new reason to be happy that he's around. He's

1:09:03

just such a rad dude. Billions, the

1:09:06

holdovers, his face. Billions.

1:09:10

He got a... We

1:09:13

just sit in the living room watching Billions and he just be

1:09:15

like, low, Giamatti. He's

1:09:18

low. Low, down on the floor, Giamatti.

1:09:20

Low. It's the Giamatti scale

1:09:22

where he gets... He's always low. He's always intense, but

1:09:24

he starts out really low. And then every

1:09:26

now and then, he percolates up to the top and

1:09:28

he comes back down to a simmer and he got

1:09:30

simmering Giamatti. When he tells you what he's going to

1:09:33

do to you, that's when it comes down to back

1:09:35

down when he's like, you're never going to work again.

1:09:40

Billions is where you coined the term, the threat of four,

1:09:42

right, Sean? The threat of four. I can't remember... It's been

1:09:44

so long, but it'd be like... It

1:09:46

was Billions being like, I'm going to jump on you like

1:09:48

David Lee Rounthees to jump on the stage. No

1:09:51

one's going to pay $5,000 a ticket, see

1:09:53

that? You're never going

1:09:55

to have a chance again. You know, we're a

1:09:57

threat metaphor. Gibson

1:10:00

used to play at the Les Pauls 1965 and it's always like very

1:10:02

dadcore like it's always

1:10:06

like blues metaphors and stuff like that. Pretty good

1:10:08

billionaire shit too. Like he honestly

1:10:10

he'd like he'd always wear these whack billionaires

1:10:13

like an old vintage Van Halen shirt not knocking it but

1:10:15

he's a billionaire thinking like this is how I'm gonna stay.

1:10:18

This is how I'm gonna keep my finger on the pole. And

1:10:20

it was I'm gonna jump on you like how D.D. Ramon jumped

1:10:22

on a pile of cocaine that PBG based in 1986 or like

1:10:24

I'll just all too long of a metaphor for anyone to have

1:10:26

at the front of their heads. Sean! Time

1:10:29

for your second pick. I'm torn man.

1:10:32

Nothing's right. I have a few. I

1:10:34

am torn. I have a few

1:10:36

that I don't it's pretty specific towards the

1:10:38

end. So we'll

1:10:40

do this one. Do you remember those but now that's

1:10:42

what I call music. Oh yeah. Yeah.

1:10:45

I want to put on a concert called

1:10:48

now that's what I call a concert. I'm

1:10:50

gonna hire 15 bands to come play

1:10:52

one song each and then pack

1:10:54

up all their shit and get off the stage

1:10:57

and another. So like yeah they had to pack

1:10:59

up. I mean yeah.

1:11:01

I think they need to pack up

1:11:03

their own shit. None of that. No.

1:11:07

No. Yeah. None

1:11:09

of that like talking in between songs you come out

1:11:11

snow comes out and plays in former and then he

1:11:13

leaves. Semi-sonic comes out and plays closing time and then

1:11:15

they leave. But they play early. They play closing time

1:11:17

second. Oh yeah. First. Yeah.

1:11:20

Here's gonna take the bulk of the money is Marky Mark is gonna

1:11:22

play good vibrations. That's gonna cost a lot. How

1:11:25

much do you think? Like what's his price?

1:11:27

I think he's old enough now to where

1:11:30

I think he's calmed down

1:11:32

a lot. He's realized I'm not sticking up for

1:11:34

Marky Mark. I think that I

1:11:36

think it could happen now. I think he's aware that if

1:11:39

you apply that the good vibrations are coming from the love

1:11:41

of a Catholic God he might do it for free. He's

1:11:45

gonna play that at five in the morning just before he starts working

1:11:47

out. After breakfast. Yeah.

1:11:51

I'm getting Mariah playing all I want for Christmas. Mark

1:11:54

Brooks is playing the Thunder Rolls. What?

1:11:57

Yeah Snoop and Dre are playing Dre day.

1:11:59

So. I stopped kind of

1:12:01

there because you know the rest I might

1:12:03

they might be a little lower It might

1:12:05

be like fastball playing that my sonic is

1:12:07

blushing at being on the Who

1:12:12

you talking to but I've always

1:12:14

wanted that where nothing So

1:12:17

this is where I don't want to if you're in a band and you

1:12:19

make it on the radio I'm not saying you

1:12:21

just have one good song Yeah, I'm sure you have a

1:12:23

bunch but the one song that sticks

1:12:25

out to me like the term one-hit wonder

1:12:27

is kind of You know, it's not fair

1:12:29

to them. But that I've always

1:12:31

wanted to be like I want I went to this show to

1:12:33

see the One song. Thank you for playing it.

1:12:35

I'm gonna go ahead and get off and now start packing

1:12:38

up your I

1:12:41

paid you ten million dollars to play that one song

1:12:43

and pack up your own shit. I get out of

1:12:45

your microphone, dr billionaire Go

1:12:53

back to the set of those Corona

1:12:55

commercials or Sketchers Or

1:12:57

whatever it is you do with Martha Stewart that

1:12:59

generates revenue My

1:13:02

key used to have an event called the run hit wonder

1:13:04

up in Portland, which was like a 10k

1:13:07

and like every few K.

1:13:09

There would be another one-hit wonder band like

1:13:11

playing there By playing a

1:13:14

concert so you would like run you would hear

1:13:16

it and that Be so

1:13:18

and again note like no shade

1:13:20

on on a bay if you made it you

1:13:22

did it did it But I'm just like,

1:13:25

you know the one song that like sticks out But

1:13:27

there's a lot of people that would say like I remember Specifically

1:13:30

vh1 doing that show and they were

1:13:32

interviewing this is not kind of how I was thinking

1:13:34

about this They were interviewing the lead singer for semisonic

1:13:36

and they were like they were like radio heads a

1:13:38

one-hit wonder with creep and he on his Interview he's

1:13:40

like radio has not a one-hit wonder

1:13:42

at all That's crazy of you

1:13:44

to say they're like one of the best bands in the

1:13:47

world But you know the one song that people might know

1:13:49

at the time was creep And so he was offended at

1:13:51

that big guy from semi-sonic was offended

1:13:53

on behalf of radio head. Yeah Be

1:13:56

reversed Like

1:13:59

Singing in my sleep. Never you mind some

1:14:01

Islamic. why does all of it sells songs?

1:14:04

Eat like legitimately. The lead singer of Semi

1:14:06

Sonic is like Adele made songwriter he wrote

1:14:08

he was scorned by many lovers. The Not

1:14:10

a Dell is what I'm weather balloon. Then

1:14:13

we'll send. An interesting as you

1:14:15

know that it had been a closing

1:14:17

time specific. Appear

1:14:19

Wilson Doesn't Eat Your fucking Charity shown.

1:14:22

On not give it a do a month say

1:14:24

an at will then maybe he'll play for free

1:14:26

and then everybody over Grammy nominations in Twenty Twenty

1:14:28

three on November tenth of this year he rules

1:14:30

the summer. Of last year. When

1:14:34

the boat as the by yeah oh man

1:14:36

I'm on your of last year of of

1:14:38

of as a assessment business yeah I know

1:14:40

how that for out we must be to

1:14:42

visit a precipitous is none other than i

1:14:44

call a cancer volume one. Or

1:14:46

I. Tell. Ya novel. Ah,

1:14:49

just every second pic. So.

1:14:52

You. Know went through this being I can

1:14:54

be categories so it's like were mill

1:14:56

live in and like personal chef right?

1:14:58

So I live. ah I'm ninety eight

1:15:01

year old Zero. oh no. Every

1:15:05

day were buying a bluefin

1:15:07

tuna from Tokyo. System is

1:15:09

for five hundred thousand dollars.

1:15:11

And that's on good every single day. Ninety.

1:15:14

Eight year olds Duro. Oh no.

1:15:17

Journal will be dreaming of Susie on your super

1:15:20

yeah yeah yeah. I love

1:15:22

is going to ask about his life assume it's

1:15:24

very interesting. Zebra they need a

1:15:26

movie. About a hundred. Years

1:15:29

these yell at. Us. By

1:15:32

added you mean Alive? Yes. And as you work

1:15:34

at? Yeah, yeah. So kind of. The

1:15:36

sushi. That. Of the great that. Yeah.

1:15:39

Dude, I did a I did a

1:15:41

yeah there's a like a Michelin starred

1:15:43

sushi restaurant down the street from my

1:15:45

house. weirdly and without Water Village. And.

1:15:49

Boy. It. It

1:15:52

does last. It is something that like

1:15:54

it's. It We went there once. It's

1:15:56

like one of those like you go there every three

1:15:58

years because it's so expensive lawyer. had

1:16:00

like a tuna float where

1:16:02

there were like six different like

1:16:04

cuts of the tuna and you're like alright

1:16:06

then I'm not gonna notice the difference and

1:16:08

you notice the difference it's amazing imagine that

1:16:10

every day every meal because yeah I'm buying

1:16:12

a tuna every day also

1:16:15

you can't even get reservations they he's not

1:16:17

Michelin rated because you can't get reservations to

1:16:19

the restaurant anymore it's now basically only for

1:16:21

regulars that's the only people who get

1:16:23

to go there yeah there's no public

1:16:26

reservations anymore that's

1:16:28

why I got a pinch years now

1:16:30

there now there we go yeah I

1:16:33

wonder see I gotta wonder if I would like this sushi

1:16:36

no there's a still sushi it's

1:16:39

the mischievous it's a joke up

1:16:45

about that yeah Shawn hates sushi but

1:16:47

like this too I think the sushi you would like would be

1:16:49

like a roll with like avocado

1:16:51

maybe I've a car I do like tuna

1:16:54

tuna fish but if this is not the kind of tuna that's

1:16:56

not it all right it's not

1:16:58

mayonnaise you tuna do you put mayonnaise in your tuna?

1:17:01

you put mayonnaise in your tuna no no you

1:17:04

just eat the can but nothing else no I could just

1:17:06

can I used to put it on a sandwich I mean

1:17:08

I don't really do it a lot anymore when I was

1:17:10

on a diet I did but I didn't mind it at

1:17:12

all I could eat it straight out of the can not

1:17:14

a big deal not it I get the juice

1:17:16

out of there that's disgusting yeah yeah you got it

1:17:18

squeeze all the I should squeeze all the tuna juice

1:17:20

out of there and then I can do it on

1:17:22

my yacht Giro will squeeze the tuna for you LDO

1:17:24

for me what a nice man you're bringing in a

1:17:26

goat to eat the can yeah zero

1:17:31

waste LeBron James I'm

1:17:37

on an all hand diet because I want

1:17:39

to be the goat that bad and like

1:17:41

LeBron this is your worst joke different it's

1:17:43

funny when you say it but like if you

1:17:45

said it you'd be like boo he Saw

1:17:49

Shane Gillis Four years ago though, he was the first

1:17:51

dude to see Shane Gillis Two stand-up comedy. The

1:18:00

goes I heard me, goes by in

1:18:02

Nigeria or whatever if. She's. Concerned

1:18:04

Gallons in Baltimore and in two

1:18:06

thousand and fourteen. We're. All

1:18:09

six. Ah, Just.

1:18:12

Humphrey a second or third, pic. Okay,

1:18:14

So. I'll write it

1:18:17

says it's it's it's a snake on it's

1:18:19

like a ring of enema married and remember

1:18:21

know how he has his as the on

1:18:23

of that I am. I

1:18:25

can't just be hanging out with supreme

1:18:27

court justices or a month said no

1:18:30

fine So I'm bringing man. I

1:18:32

just in as deeply it's center as

1:18:34

entourage that somewhere else. They're common everywhere

1:18:37

with me. I'm paying for other travel

1:18:39

sites on my payrolls. I'm get in

1:18:41

on a hitman right to to build

1:18:43

me up a humble man. To

1:18:46

bridges as as ah you live on

1:18:48

opposite now moving entourage yeah it's crew

1:18:50

of dictators on the payroll that know

1:18:53

medium gotta have someone say and know

1:18:55

that such a good idea as I

1:18:57

had pets hit over there. too many

1:18:59

same zeebo have yes man I'm getting

1:19:02

a gnome and and no sir. I've

1:19:06

I've guide. ah. I'd.

1:19:08

Suggest years I humid personal jabs I'm

1:19:11

gonna my entourage impersonal. She has said

1:19:13

you could for whoever is or assistance.

1:19:16

A party vibe through their to did for

1:19:18

them. Like told you I have a beam

1:19:20

of algebra like ours now. my best without

1:19:22

a voice with it. Yeah I was making

1:19:24

pad thai. When you soda up your nose

1:19:27

or said I could cook, it's on cook

1:19:29

and as soon as a blacksmith. On

1:19:31

of course. And. Then I'd.

1:19:34

Turtle. Ah,

1:19:38

This. Very forever. Juri Herrera

1:19:40

a a character he has the same

1:19:42

tired you had my gears that's what

1:19:44

the money so yeah mood Amazon modify

1:19:46

the theory that be so funny to

1:19:49

pay someone to stay. To

1:19:51

see suit? Yeah, So.

1:19:53

That's that's and I've got like an entourage. I

1:19:55

mean that those are like really matters in drag,

1:19:58

but this is where I started with this. crew.

1:20:00

I'm gonna roll deep. The

1:20:02

blacksmith is for what if your horse throws a

1:20:04

shoe? My horse throws a

1:20:07

shoe, my belt comes unbuckled, my

1:20:10

wife loses the bat to her earring, we're

1:20:12

smithing him up fresh. Don't

1:20:16

bother looking for it, we'll smelt you once. He smelts,

1:20:18

he delts,

1:20:23

you're great.

1:20:25

Do you have anyone in mind for a hype man and humbleman?

1:20:27

You might think of a hype man.

1:20:30

In character, we're talking an in character hype

1:20:32

man, right? I mean, it could

1:20:34

be anyone just hyped man, like they don't have to be

1:20:36

in a TV. I'm trying to think who would be a

1:20:38

great hype man. It's ironic because you would be a great

1:20:40

hype man. Thank you. You really would. Yeah. You'd

1:20:43

be like a low key, like an in your

1:20:45

ear hype man, like dude you're doing great, you're

1:20:47

killing it. Yeah, this is like a happy, happy

1:20:49

Paliachi. I am the best type man. You

1:20:52

should go see Paliachi. That's a great idea. Oh my god. Oh

1:21:01

fuck. Wait a minute. I'm Paliachi. You

1:21:03

should come see Paliachi. You gotta

1:21:06

see the show. The

1:21:09

show's incredible. Yeah. We

1:21:12

got pyrotechnics. Doctor, this

1:21:15

really cheered me up just knowing

1:21:17

that you're a fan cheered me

1:21:19

up. Happy Paliachi. You

1:21:24

don't hear about the happy clowns. You're about the sad

1:21:26

ones, but some are probably doing great. There's

1:21:28

some happy clowns. Yeah. It's like a stand up

1:21:30

comedian who has like a stable home life. You

1:21:32

know what I mean? Where they're like, oh no,

1:21:34

they're out there. Yeah, they're fine. We're not good,

1:21:36

but we're out there. I might go classic hype

1:21:39

man. I might bring flavor flavor

1:21:41

along. Why not? Yeah. By

1:21:43

the way, available, I think. He

1:21:46

just did the national anthem at

1:21:48

Atlanta Hawks game, I think. Yeah. Better

1:21:50

than I expected. He broke his butt off in it. He

1:21:53

kind of did. Yeah, he's angry. He

1:21:55

wasn't just there while someone else was singing,

1:21:57

being like, well, he's saying it. I'm

1:22:00

just amazing. Chuck, you do the National Anthem,

1:22:02

it would be very different. You're

1:22:05

taking some liberties with the workers. Yeah,

1:22:07

it's either way longer or way shorter. Humbleman,

1:22:13

you should get like a New York Times, one of those

1:22:16

people who does like the takedowns of restaurants and stuff like

1:22:18

that. Oh, yes, Isaac Chachner from the New Yorker. Yeah. That's

1:22:21

what I'm bringing in. And he's just like, oh, you think that's

1:22:23

a nutritious lunch? Long-form cake. Why don't you

1:22:25

tell me what you think that's doing for your body? Oh,

1:22:30

so I noticed you said you were going to get some work done

1:22:32

and you're still just scrolling on your phone. What's

1:22:35

the real methodology behind that? I'm just

1:22:37

destroyed. Josh Kahneman sat down in

1:22:39

front of a busy freezé salad as he prepared to

1:22:41

do work for the day. Just

1:22:45

commented crying face emoji on all his friends'

1:22:48

stand-up clips without watching them. I

1:22:52

love the dose, sir. A perfect hype man. Thank you.

1:22:55

You and Turtle could talk about sneakers, too. It'd be kind

1:22:57

of perfect. Yeah, it'd be pretty fun. And

1:22:59

your third pick? My third

1:23:01

pick? Okay. This

1:23:07

one isn't going to cost that much, but

1:23:10

I think it would be fun. Just

1:23:13

like as something I wouldn't

1:23:15

splurge on, Will Smith style

1:23:18

Coast to Coast cab ride. Fresh

1:23:22

Prince of Bel Air opening credits Coast to

1:23:24

Coast cab ride. That'd be pretty pricey, I

1:23:27

think. I think Adam Newman had

1:23:29

a bit where he calculated it at one point, but I

1:23:31

just feel like that would be a fun expenditure. Shout

1:23:33

out to Adam Newman, but also I just

1:23:36

was like, oh man, you get to see the

1:23:38

sights. You'd be like, keep the meter running. We're

1:23:40

going to look at the Grand Canyon. We're going

1:23:42

to see some majesty, dude. Well, hopefully you would

1:23:44

become friends with this cabbie. I think

1:23:46

so. Which would be beautiful. Yeah,

1:23:48

absolutely. You're bound to. I mean, that's a

1:23:50

long, you're not driving constantly.

1:23:52

So that's what you guys are together for

1:23:54

a minute. Yeah, yeah. Oh yeah, yeah. We're

1:23:57

not in a rush. We got time. It's just me, the

1:23:59

cab driver. driver. Clarence Thomas

1:24:01

in the back. What

1:24:04

if you just had to make small time, like

1:24:06

small talk cab driver shit the whole like

1:24:08

we were getting to it. Well, because

1:24:11

there's no, there's no people. It's

1:24:13

cab drivers, barbers, and

1:24:16

guys who work at Duncan who skipped

1:24:19

the small talk. Yeah. My

1:24:21

barber straight. My barber's an old rushing guy or

1:24:23

not even old. He's like a young rushing. He's

1:24:25

like my age. So not young, but not old.

1:24:27

He goes, he goes, Israel,

1:24:29

huh? And I was like, just

1:24:31

like, just like out of nowhere,

1:24:33

like Israel. And then I was

1:24:35

like, Oh boy. And he goes, I

1:24:37

think I've been saying for years, they put

1:24:39

it in just put in Australia where there's

1:24:41

more space because that's complex. And

1:24:44

I was like, that is only the 11th

1:24:46

worst idea that I've heard about. There

1:24:49

are political figures with, with

1:24:52

worst ideas. Absolutely. Yeah. Oh,

1:24:55

that'd be funny. I mean, Australia is probably all

1:24:57

right. It's horrifying when someone drops

1:24:59

that without giving you any sort of a

1:25:01

hint as to which way they're leaning. Like,

1:25:04

where's this conversation about to go? You've got blades to

1:25:06

the back of my neck. Yeah.

1:25:08

You should be going through here. My

1:25:10

thoughts. Yeah. The

1:25:13

answer matters. Being from Russia weirdly doesn't give you any clues

1:25:15

on it either. And that could, the wind could blow either

1:25:17

way on that. Yeah. It

1:25:19

could be anything. That

1:25:22

jarred me so much that I forgot what we

1:25:24

were talking about right before. The conversation she'll have

1:25:26

with a cab guy. Yeah, that's right. All the

1:25:28

time. No, I just, I just, but

1:25:30

like, that's it. It gets deep right away. The guy,

1:25:32

my Duncan, I might've said this on a podcast before.

1:25:35

He doesn't work there anymore. I hope he's okay. But

1:25:37

I would be like, how's it going, man? And he

1:25:39

would go, dude, I want to fucking die. He

1:25:42

didn't say that at work. Like he

1:25:44

said it twice to me. Two

1:25:46

different occasions. You haven't said that before. I've

1:25:49

never heard you say that. So

1:25:53

I've never like respected someone's

1:25:55

honesty more. Was this in

1:25:57

New York or in Boston? New York. This is in

1:25:59

New York. It felt very Boston, but it was

1:26:01

in New York. It can just be active

1:26:03

working on a Duncan. He sort of takes

1:26:05

on Boston, Boston, and Guam. He's the Boston

1:26:07

Embassy in New York. Those East Coast, like

1:26:09

a lot of the, my

1:26:12

limited experience, the Dunkers I've been to, a lot

1:26:14

of tattoos, a lot of like, I

1:26:16

don't care how loud I'm saying what I'm saying,

1:26:18

like employee, and I don't mind. I'm like,

1:26:20

sure, I don't care. You're not upsetting me. Like if someone said

1:26:22

that to me, I'd be like, oh, that's a bummer, man. Sorry,

1:26:24

you're having a rough day. I don't care how they say it.

1:26:27

I wouldn't care that they swear or swore or whatever. So I

1:26:29

said, I was like, oh man, I'm sorry you're in a rough

1:26:31

place. I hope things get better soon. I wasn't

1:26:33

like, I had to kind of restrain myself because normally when someone-

1:26:35

Hype it up with a Dunk of Donuts employee. Yeah,

1:26:38

it was typing them up. Yeah, it was typing them up. But

1:26:41

normally when someone says that to you, it's like an intimate

1:26:43

relationship, right? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like a fucking guy. And

1:26:45

you go, oh, what can I do? Is there anything in

1:26:47

the world I can do for you? But I was

1:26:50

like, I can't say that to this guy. We don't have it

1:26:52

like that. I can't get

1:26:54

that deep in his life. I'll

1:26:57

tell you what, I've never dipped more. Yeah.

1:27:01

You were in a mess. Dunkin'

1:27:03

is like, you also, they can

1:27:05

be like that because where else are you gonna

1:27:07

go? Because Dunkin' to Donuts and Coffee's the way

1:27:09

Taco Bell is the Mexican food, where it's like,

1:27:12

it is, but it isn't. It's like adjacent

1:27:14

and you can't get it anywhere else. Yep.

1:27:17

Yeah, you came here for what we've got.

1:27:19

Mm-hmm. Coast

1:27:21

to Coast cab ride. I'm amazed that

1:27:23

a YouTuber has not done this yet.

1:27:25

I know. God, Mr. Beast, you're

1:27:27

a sleeping thing to kill. I will say, what

1:27:29

the hell? It doesn't feel like this is all,

1:27:31

like if they were to remake this movie, it

1:27:33

would just be starring Mr. Beast as like a

1:27:35

benevolent god to a bunch of people, being like,

1:27:37

do this and I won't see what you do.

1:27:39

I think he is a benevolent god to a

1:27:41

bunch. That's already what that's gonna be. We'll

1:27:44

send him this podcast. He could do all of this stuff.

1:27:46

Yeah. Jesse, time for

1:27:48

your third pick. What will Mr. Beast

1:27:50

be doing? Jesse

1:27:52

Aper Fox, by the way, one more time. Author

1:27:55

of Comedy Book, which

1:27:57

is available now. Everybody go grab it. Cop

1:27:59

it. So on the yacht, I'm building

1:28:01

a basketball court and then on this basketball

1:28:03

court, I'm, uh, organizing a pickup game. So

1:28:06

on my team, it's going to be Kevin

1:28:08

Durant, Chet Holmgren, Victor

1:28:10

Wamben-Yamba, three tall skinnies, Adam

1:28:13

Sandler, me. This

1:28:17

team I play against in summer league that

1:28:19

I hate. And we're

1:28:21

going to fix their ass so bad. Also,

1:28:26

I'm going to be wearing a Gameborn

1:28:28

Jordan 13's and ruining their

1:28:30

value by playing pretty bad. You

1:28:34

could play good and it still would ruin their value.

1:28:38

It's going to be too big for me, so I'm going to be flopping

1:28:40

all over the place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to wear a bunch of

1:28:42

socks, dude. On

1:28:45

a yacht in the Amalfi Coast. I

1:28:49

know Sandler plays a lot. Jesse, I

1:28:51

bet you have insight. Ian, you might know about

1:28:54

this. How is his game? Is

1:28:56

he good and what's his style on the

1:28:58

court? He's a work the ball around guy.

1:29:01

Okay. Oh, that's beautiful. It's not

1:29:03

unlike what his career's turned into. That's, that's

1:29:05

a, he feels like that. You'd rather see

1:29:07

the other people score, even though these are

1:29:09

strangers instead of Rob Schneider or whatever, but

1:29:11

like, also biggest

1:29:13

shorts, biggest shirt. Oh

1:29:15

yeah. And he's pretty good. Does

1:29:18

Victor Wamben Yama know who Adam

1:29:21

Sandler is? I

1:29:23

think yes. I think so. I want to

1:29:25

think so. He's been, he's enduring. I bet he

1:29:27

got one of his movies on Netflix. Yeah. Yeah.

1:29:30

What about Chet? Yeah,

1:29:32

because Adam has been

1:29:35

Adam, my friend. He's

1:29:38

been a famous lowbrow

1:29:40

comedy maker for all

1:29:42

lifetimes. So it's not like he's,

1:29:45

you know, he's on Netflix. So it's

1:29:48

like, I assume Chet Holmgren was 13

1:29:50

when, um, Jack, I think

1:29:52

I know Jack and Joe's too early. He

1:29:54

was probably like in high school

1:29:56

when, uh, Sandy

1:29:59

Wexler came out. Yeah, he probably

1:30:01

loves Adam Sandler, but his favorite movie is probably

1:30:03

like Hubie Halloween like it was that us totally

1:30:05

Yeah, but like that's how he's like. Oh the

1:30:07

guy from Hubie Halloween. I'd love to play with

1:30:09

him He's there a call on Halloween. He's gonna

1:30:11

call him to be on the court. Yeah Where's

1:30:14

the jacket Hubie? I was like throwing outlet passes

1:30:17

to him This

1:30:19

is an amazing idea who is on the summer

1:30:21

league team who you hate can you I don't

1:30:23

want them to know cuz they're they're very mean

1:30:25

and And I hate it and

1:30:28

they were mean to it's a it's a All

1:30:32

genders basketball league and they're yeah, particularly

1:30:34

I think too mean to non male

1:30:36

gendered Players in

1:30:38

a way that I thought it was fucked up and you're

1:30:40

serious No, no, I actually

1:30:43

like honestly a lot of the pitches I

1:30:45

had I was planning of different topics I

1:30:47

was gonna bring up this basketball team Hahaha

1:30:52

They really are mean and bad

1:30:55

sports And I can't wait to

1:30:57

see them be dunked on by a bunch of

1:30:59

tall skinnies You should get like Sabrina I an

1:31:01

escrow coming off the bench to just to come

1:31:03

in and like really really much You want to

1:31:05

stick it to some mean dudes? Yep, that would

1:31:08

be the team needs a little more shooting Like

1:31:15

off-topic kind of on topic I just went to

1:31:17

a my nephews Basketball game is a bunch

1:31:19

of eight-year-olds playing ball. I haven't seen that in a while

1:31:22

Zero ball movement. It's so funny cuz you're like

1:31:24

whoever get whoever gets the point like whoever gets

1:31:26

the ball from the inbound They will

1:31:28

be shooting. I said no there is

1:31:30

no way to stop that shot from

1:31:32

going When you're

1:31:34

easy eight the idea of dribbling around other

1:31:37

people is the scariest thing you should imagine.

1:31:39

Oh my god, it's so You

1:31:42

just see the coach like also every kid

1:31:44

was just whoever had the ball They would

1:31:46

just be screaming their name like they were

1:31:48

on fire or something on their own name

1:31:51

Like their code would they be screaming the kid's name

1:31:53

like? Jeremy oh, yeah me

1:31:55

like they all wanted the pumpkins so bad.

1:31:57

You know other players. Yeah, they were just

1:31:59

like They acted like there was no way in

1:32:01

hell, there was no way in hell

1:32:03

that they're going to shoot the ball. Pass it to

1:32:05

me. I need the ball. 10 little Jordan pools out

1:32:08

there. Yeah, dude. It didn't matter if the

1:32:10

whole team could have been covering one kid and he'd still be

1:32:12

like, give me the rock, bro. I love it. I'm feeling it.

1:32:15

I'm on fire. Uh,

1:32:19

Draymond was playing with those kids, right? He's been

1:32:21

hanging up and picking up some rugs. Yeah. He

1:32:25

was, he was getting, he was getting aggressive.

1:32:27

They trying to stay a little bit later

1:32:29

in his suspension. Jesse, are

1:32:31

the 13s your favorite Jordan? Is that why you went with

1:32:33

the 13s? Uh, one, they

1:32:35

are two. They

1:32:37

are the record most like the record

1:32:40

for most expensive shoe over on a

1:32:42

auction was game more Jordan 13s. How

1:32:45

much interesting. But I never wore

1:32:47

Jordans as a kid because I don't know what it was.

1:32:49

I think I thought I wasn't allowed. I

1:32:52

was like, yeah, those are from Michael Jordan. They

1:32:54

have a name on every, and it's still the wet

1:32:56

on every single one. And

1:32:59

those have a little hologram, which is like, oh, these are

1:33:01

for future Michael Jordans.

1:33:03

Yeah. It's like not present

1:33:05

day me. They look like close

1:33:07

up ostrich leather. Yeah. The

1:33:10

13s are, they look especially like you're not supposed to

1:33:12

wear them. Yeah. The ones you're like, well, he's done

1:33:14

with these. I can wear the one. Yeah,

1:33:16

exactly. Yeah. But you wouldn't. You're

1:33:19

like, these aren't for basketball. Right. Yeah.

1:33:22

Those would hurt. I have to play in these. So

1:33:24

they have to be like decent. The ones are for

1:33:26

the steeple chase. Sean,

1:33:31

tell me your third pick. I

1:33:33

would. You're so and so. I

1:33:35

would pay Mountain Dew and Taco Bell

1:33:39

to make me a one of

1:33:41

one never to be repeated dinner. One

1:33:44

of one. So

1:33:46

only for you. Only forever. So

1:33:48

Mountain Dew comes up with a brand new. You're done with it. Did

1:33:54

that come? Did that come to you right away? That was

1:33:56

good timing. I just knew I was trying to find another

1:33:59

diarrhea spot on the show. You

1:34:01

find diarrhea spots everywhere. Much like Cassie Thrawn

1:34:03

and Ali Oop up to Victor Wamanyama, we

1:34:05

made a happen. I

1:34:08

would, yeah, just never, so

1:34:10

Taco Bell, and this is

1:34:13

the least expensive thing, Mountain Dew is going

1:34:15

to be more expensive than Taco Bell. But

1:34:17

just, they make something catered to me, they

1:34:20

do a background check, they go in, they

1:34:22

see what I actually like, that kind of hot

1:34:24

sauce that I like. Do you have ideations of

1:34:26

self-harm before that's my first package? No,

1:34:28

then we can't give you that. I

1:34:31

don't know this for sure, but I imagine Taco Bell

1:34:33

keeps tabs on every single person in the world, so

1:34:35

they know everything I've ever ordered, every

1:34:37

single time I've been there, they combine those, Mountain Dew knows what

1:34:40

time it is for sure. They just make

1:34:42

me like a special, curated,

1:34:45

drink-goes-with-the-meal, sit-down dinner,

1:34:48

never ever ever to be repeated,

1:34:50

one-of-one. Do you have any wish

1:34:52

casting for it? Do you have any, like, stuff you'd like

1:34:54

to see them do? I'd like Taco

1:34:56

Bell to play with the lava sauce, of

1:34:59

course. I'd like them

1:35:01

to play with their chili. They don't really

1:35:03

use their chili a lot, so I'd

1:35:05

like that to happen. Mountain Dew,

1:35:08

you gotta let a shooter shoot. I don't

1:35:10

really, after seeing, after being at the Dank

1:35:13

Mart in Vancouver, I know what

1:35:15

Mountain Dew is capable of when left to their own devices. I don't need

1:35:17

to get in the way of that. Are you

1:35:19

expecting, like, aged Mountain Dew? I don't know, man. I'm

1:35:21

gonna pass the paintbrush to Picasso on this one and

1:35:23

just let him play dead. An

1:35:26

oak barrel code red from 1998. But,

1:35:29

oh, I left this out. Sorry, it's a

1:35:31

two-liter. So, it's not just like... It

1:35:34

could be oak. Yeah, it's a two-liter, so there's

1:35:36

a lot of it. Important question. Are you pouring

1:35:38

it into a glass to drink it in from

1:35:40

the two-liter video game style? From the two-liter. Yeah.

1:35:43

It loses its flavor. As soon as it leaves the

1:35:45

two-liter, loses a little bit of the essence,

1:35:48

as it were. It

1:35:50

is a Mountain Dew from 1999,

1:35:52

which is a special good vintage because that's the

1:35:54

year significant other by Limp Bizkit came out. Yeah.

1:36:00

some Halo came out that year too. Like yeah,

1:36:02

something, absolutely. Which

1:36:04

one is significant other? Is that a whole album?

1:36:06

This is from Durst's Reserve. Durst's Reserve? This

1:36:09

is from Fred himself. From his

1:36:12

dude's salary. Durst's

1:36:15

Reserve! Oh, god,

1:36:17

that's funny. That's a horse name

1:36:19

right there. Fred

1:36:22

sends his best. He could not be here and I'd be like,

1:36:25

he wasn't invited. My 101. He

1:36:28

couldn't be here because you told him not to go.

1:36:31

I'll be like, here's 10 grand. Go tell Fred

1:36:33

he wasn't invited. Ever. He's specifically. Oh,

1:36:35

you would want to break stuff when he heard that.

1:36:37

He would storm off set. This

1:36:40

is one of those days. Oh

1:36:44

yeah, you open the Mountain Dew and instead of Fizz you hear a

1:36:46

little bit of that. Come on.

1:36:50

Ooh, a corn. I'd

1:36:56

like to see Taco Bell take on a Mexican lasagna. I think

1:36:58

they could do a good job of that. I think you'd enjoy

1:37:00

it. I've never even heard of

1:37:02

that. Yeah, we used to have that grown up. It's just

1:37:04

like an engine. It's like an engine. Like an engine bottle

1:37:07

or not. Yeah, it's all in the name. It tells what

1:37:09

it says on the tin. Yeah. Tin

1:37:11

for my third pick. With

1:37:13

my third pick, this is just a cute one. Sorry

1:37:15

Ian, can you break here? I'm going to

1:37:18

break after my third pick. Oh, okay, my bad. Yeah, it's

1:37:20

all right. Leave it

1:37:22

all in. That's a

1:37:25

fucking do that again. Isaac, take that sound bite

1:37:27

out. You

1:37:31

understand me. If you ever interrupt one

1:37:33

of my one of my my avalanches

1:37:35

of creativity, as

1:37:37

you know, I'm

1:37:40

going to know chairs on set for all. I'm

1:37:42

going to scream at you so like your atoms are going

1:37:45

to disassemble. Avalanche creativity. That was funny. Good

1:37:47

job. Thank you for the reminder. But I was going to

1:37:49

take right after this pick. This

1:37:52

is a cute one. I

1:37:54

just want to the Orient Express

1:37:57

train line is crazy.

1:38:01

We like looked into it, we were like, oh, maybe that would

1:38:03

be fun to do. And it's like $10,000 a night. So

1:38:07

I just, it's, it's, uh, oh, it goes

1:38:09

to like Turkey. Okay. Uh,

1:38:13

but I just want to do a murder mystery on the Ori

1:38:15

of Express. You can

1:38:17

afford a real death if you want. You want to pay to

1:38:19

have someone murdered. I want to pay to have someone murdered. I

1:38:21

want to do a real murder. It's a real murder. I'm

1:38:24

having someone killed. Uh, but no, I

1:38:26

want- I

1:38:29

want my wife and I to be on the Ori

1:38:32

of Express and have like

1:38:34

a bunch of like professional actors,

1:38:36

like really good actors. Like

1:38:38

we're getting like Helen Mirrens out there and

1:38:40

we're doing a murder on the Ori of

1:38:43

Express like experience, but it's a

1:38:45

whole new mystery. I think Dana would

1:38:47

solve the hell out of a murder on a train

1:38:49

too. I think she would, I think she would thrive

1:38:51

in a murder on a train environment. I

1:38:54

didn't know that Ori of Express was a real, I

1:38:56

thought it was all completely fictional. I had no idea

1:38:58

it was a real railroad. It's

1:39:00

real. I think it goes

1:39:03

Paris to Constantinople, maybe? Constantinople,

1:39:05

I didn't know it was real until about 10

1:39:08

years ago. Well, it's not real anymore. Darn.

1:39:10

10-bo. Yeah. Which

1:39:13

I know, they might be giants of college. I read

1:39:15

all that in a book one time, so I knew all

1:39:17

that. I read it all in a book. I read

1:39:19

it all. You

1:39:21

heard that, they might be giants. No, I read it

1:39:23

in a big book, dude. I read a lot of

1:39:26

stuff in that book. Fuck. Fuck.

1:39:28

Yeah, this dog. So that's just a cute

1:39:30

one. That's just a cute one that I

1:39:32

think will be really fun to do. What,

1:39:35

like three, four, five night? How long is

1:39:37

the mystery? I think

1:39:39

it's like a three night trip. Okay. And

1:39:42

you do it during the winter, it's snowing outside.

1:39:45

You're extremely dressed up. So is

1:39:47

everyone in character the whole time? Yeah, everyone's

1:39:49

in character. So it's like 72 hours all

1:39:52

trying to solve the murder. Dinner theater. But

1:39:55

you in the interview, you don't have

1:39:57

to be like Sir Walter Flappington. Well,

1:40:01

now I'm Sir Walter Fluff. I'm

1:40:04

playing, I'm going to play an exaggerated version of

1:40:06

myself. If you don't think I'm wearing a bowler

1:40:09

hat during this, you're lying to yourself

1:40:11

and I hate to see it. I'm

1:40:13

definitely wearing a bowler hat. I'm definitely wearing

1:40:15

a three-piece suit. Paris,

1:40:19

train car, emoji, Constantinople would be

1:40:21

like a very funny Instagram bio

1:40:23

in like Just

1:40:25

a little update, a little close

1:40:28

friend. So

1:40:33

I'm doing that and my fourth

1:40:35

pick we're going to get to right after and

1:40:38

this was my original idea, a very short break.

1:40:41

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Now listen, we

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1:41:00

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1:41:13

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a first visit. Once you do it, it just

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1:41:31

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1:42:45

Hey, we're back. Welcome back to All Fantasy,

1:42:47

everything already in progress. We're here with Josh

1:42:49

Kahneman, comedian, Jesse David Fox, writer, author of

1:42:51

the comedy book, which is available now. Make

1:42:54

sure you go ahead and grab that. Time for my fourth

1:42:56

pick. Here's my fourth pick. I'm

1:42:58

going to be posting a bunch of my stand

1:43:00

up clips, but I'm going to be doing

1:43:02

them on the Las Vegas sphere. There

1:43:05

you go. I've

1:43:07

been thinking a lot about who the first comedian to

1:43:09

play the sphere is going to be. I would put,

1:43:12

if I had to like gun to my head, like $10,000 on one

1:43:14

name, Kevin Hart. Yeah,

1:43:17

for sure, Kevin Hart, right? He's

1:43:20

the biggest comedian in the world. And

1:43:22

also he likes stuff like that. That's why. But

1:43:25

what would be great if it was fluffy? It would

1:43:27

be amazing if it was fluffy. It's got

1:43:29

to be a Vegas type person, like a

1:43:31

Kevin Hart or a fluffy, you know, certain

1:43:33

people would be odd. He would make a bunch of jokes about

1:43:35

how he's the same shape as the sphere. So he had to

1:43:38

play it first, like all that kind of stuff. We can already

1:43:40

start writing his bed for him. That would be really fun. I've

1:43:43

never, you ever seen the sphere? I haven't seen it yet.

1:43:45

I've seen the sphere. It looks crazy, right?