0:00

If you want to overcome destructive emotions like

0:02

anger, jealousy, or fear, to live a better

0:04

life or have a more positive impact on

0:07

others, you need to develop your own self-control.

0:09

And there's a podcast I want to share

0:11

with you called The Daily Stoic. In each

0:13

episode, host Ryan Holiday shares lessons on how

0:16

to live a better life through the teachings

0:18

of stoicism. Every

0:20

weekday on the show, Ryan brings you a

0:22

meditation inspired by the ancient Stoics, something that

0:25

will help you live up to the four

0:27

Stoic virtues of courage, justice, temperance, and wisdom.

0:29

And then on the weekends, he takes a

0:31

deeper dive into those same topics by sharing

0:34

his insightful conversations with thought leaders that

0:36

practice stoicism today. Ryan and his guests explore

0:38

how these ideas can be applied to our

0:40

actual lives and the challenges and issues of

0:43

our time. You're about to hear a

0:45

clip from The Daily Stoic to give you a

0:47

taste of the show. While you're listening, follow The

0:49

Daily Stoic on the Wundery app today or wherever

0:51

you get your podcasts. Hey,

0:57

it's Ryan. Welcome to another

1:00

episode of The Daily Stoic

1:02

podcast. The founding

1:04

of stoicism is this, the

1:06

choice of Hercules. This is the story that

1:08

Zeno hears when he washes up

1:10

in Athens. The choice of Hercules is the choice between

1:12

the easy road and the hard road, virtue

1:15

and vice, the difficult way with

1:17

the delayed gratification, and then

1:20

the short term immediate gratification. And

1:22

it's funny, this, this today's guest, his

1:25

book starts with something very similar. Paul

1:27

Rabel is asked by Bill Belichick to

1:30

put this lacrosse thing aside, which is

1:32

in some ways, Bill Belichick's first

1:34

love. He just loves the game lacrosse,

1:36

but Bill Belichick offers

1:39

Paul a chance to put

1:41

lacrosse aside and

1:43

try out for the New England Patriots like

1:45

in the middle of the dynasty. And later

1:47

a player would do this and make tens of

1:49

millions of dollars and win multiple Super Bowls. So

1:52

it wasn't like this far fetched thing. He's asking

1:54

Paul if he wants to, to

1:56

play in the NFL and Paul really thinks

1:58

about it. And then Bill, I wouldn't say it's sort of a,

2:00

takes it the offer away, but he goes, but look, you

2:02

know, it is special. You have a chance to

2:04

be the greatest of all time at what you

2:06

do. And that's not something to

2:08

take lightly. And it's true. Like, I think

2:11

about this. I know authors have

2:13

decided to start companies that don't really matter

2:15

or they, they sort of

2:17

go down, they like, I don't, why, why write another

2:19

book? It was hard. Well, of course it's hard, but

2:22

when you're good at something, there's obligations that come

2:24

with it. I'm talking about how like

2:26

you, the parable of the talents, right? You know,

2:28

the parable of the talents, the idea that you've

2:31

been given these gifts, are you going to make it grow? Are you

2:33

going to turn it into something or are you going to bury

2:36

underground? And that's

2:38

sort of the moral of today's

2:40

guest keeping this intro short. Cause

2:42

I already introduced the illustrious Paul

2:44

Raybal, one of the greatest

2:47

lacrosse players, most dominant athletes in the

2:49

history of his sport. Here's

2:51

a conversation. I was very much looking forward to, and I

2:53

think you're very much going to enjoy. What's

3:01

the point of being great and successful in doing

3:03

this thing that you used to love, if you

3:05

suck all the fun out of it and you

3:07

make it this artificial life and death. And so

3:09

that the ability to be like, I demand high

3:12

performance for myself. And also, isn't this so cool

3:14

that I get to do this and I feel

3:16

so lucky and I appreciate it, to be able

3:18

to have expectations and appreciation at the same time.

3:21

That's where the magic is. And it's maturity and

3:23

it is a delicate skill that comes with

3:25

a lot of work, just like any skill.

3:28

You know, you and, you and I can sit here and

3:31

talk about it, but for it to actually work with put

3:33

it in practice because the first

3:35

five years of therapy, I

3:37

vehemently contested my sports

3:40

stock. His name's John Elliott. The

3:42

fact that I could

3:44

have both. I personally

3:48

was pursuing self

3:51

actualization with him because it made

3:53

me feel better. I

3:55

felt like a better human being, more well-rounded.

3:58

And I also feel like I felt. like I was losing

4:00

my edge, challenge him, challenge him, challenge him. He

4:02

was like, nope, we're gonna get to a place where

4:05

it's gonna be a switch for you. Yeah. Because

4:07

you need all that edge when you play if you

4:09

wanna be the best. But

4:12

you don't need all that edge all

4:14

the time. Well, is that sustainable to have that edge all

4:17

the time? Cause it makes you a monster

4:19

or it makes you miserable. And

4:22

it burns you out. Yeah. And

4:24

so one of the things that I was challenged with as an athlete

4:26

is when

4:29

I lose games, I would

4:31

stay up all night and play every former

4:33

play back in my head. When

4:36

we'd win games, I would stay

4:38

up all night playing back the

4:41

plays in my head that I could have done

4:43

better in. Yeah. And that's just

4:45

not sustainable. Yeah. So,

4:48

I've learned this in business

4:50

too. How do we approach it? We

4:52

build processes. Well, that

4:54

goes to what we're saying, right? Cause also you're

4:56

gonna lose. So if you can't figure out how

4:58

to manage losing, if

5:01

you have a long career, eventually that losing

5:03

will kill you. Totally. The

5:06

very statistically certain losses

5:09

will eventually be killed enough

5:11

that it breaks you.

5:13

Totally. Yeah. And

5:15

so there's processes, there's tactics and there's boundaries.

5:17

Yeah. On the tactics side, for example,

5:20

one thing I worked with, it might seem small, but

5:22

like I would get so edgy on game day when

5:24

we play at night that I would, I

5:26

wouldn't know what to do with myself. So I'd take a nap,

5:28

take a two and a half hour nap. Just turn yourself off.

5:30

Turn myself off, which wasn't great from an

5:32

athletic performance standpoint, but it's just what I wanted

5:34

to do. And it

5:36

worked for a long time, but we

5:39

changed, we build a new tactic. So

5:41

you're gonna go to Whole Foods after

5:43

your morning walkthrough. You're gonna get

5:45

the nutrition in that we know is gonna work.

5:49

And then you're gonna take a walk with a friend, or you're gonna

5:51

read a book, or you're gonna go to a movie. Yeah. You're

5:54

gonna book a matinee. Yeah. I want you to

5:56

stay as active and as. is

6:00

intellectually engaged as you do during the week.

6:03

Versus like all of a sudden change your

6:05

game day routine, where your

6:07

sports scientists, your strength and conditioning coach

6:09

and your nutritionists will be like, wait, why are we taking a

6:12

two hour nap today? We haven't done that all week. Yeah, sure,

6:14

sure. So treat the game as

6:16

special, because it's not. Yeah, so you have to

6:18

be willing to challenge what

6:20

you were doing, even if it was working, in

6:24

an attempt to solve for this really difficult

6:26

balance of having two things at the same

6:29

time and both things being true, high expectations

6:31

and appreciation. There

6:33

are things that a lot of

6:35

the greatest athletes in the world have worked on

6:37

to create better appreciation.

6:40

Mindfulness is one. And

6:43

then boundaries that must

6:45

be set, written down, practiced

6:48

and practiced and practiced so that it

6:50

becomes sturdy. Yeah. And

6:53

a boundary that I would set

6:56

for myself, for example, is after a game,

6:58

no matter what winning or losing, I wouldn't

7:00

watch the game tape. I wouldn't review

7:03

the stat sheet. And I

7:05

would focus on how important, reframe

7:07

how important that night was from

7:10

a recovery standpoint. Sure. Sleep

7:13

capacity, nutrition, into

7:17

allowing me to become an even better player the

7:19

next week. You

7:21

can listen to the daily stoic early and

7:23

ad free by joining Wondery Plus in the

7:25

Wondery app or on Apple podcasts.