"I didn't like Rachel Stakkum. She was ignorant. And the book in my pocket might not have been Aristotle, sure I only stole it from the library six months ago, but nevermind, I had me medicine and so, fuck her."

"And so it came to pass. I made me a bet with Ponkin and Cottle. No sex for a month! Now I may have been delirious from the new Pan'adol tablets I got from Broadleaf at the sweaty girl reception but anyone who knows me knows I never refuse a bet. But then, something in the newspaper would change my life..."

"That was Lionel Penton from Fiddan & Gowle. And he was right. I would be seeing a lot more of him, but not a good way... I knew I didn't want to work, I was only being nice for the lift in his car up to Tina Looby's Betting shop. I looked down at the book buried deep into me jacket pocket and burst her on, but then I heard footsteps..."

"Shlioler was tempting out the tool but a bet was a bet! And speaking of bets, my next stop was big Tina Looby at the bookies. Tina now, she'd be more man than I could ever be! I was shocked."

"Nearly molested by Tina's bulbous love button. I didn't know what got into her, but it certainly wasn't going to be me. I ran next door to Shamey Gansella's off licence to pick up my first free 24 pack of Tuborg donated by Hubert Stelfark and the lads up at the Mount Eidel Developement Association."

"That's when I met Shamey's 15 year old daughter Lisa..."

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