0:00

Go ahead say it fun fact the

0:03

font inside the font of dog

0:05

belly you will notice is

0:08

pictures

0:10

of dog bellies and Those

0:12

dogs. Yep are

0:14

Dawkins and bandit that's

0:16

fun fact fun. Thank you. Our two dogs bellies

0:19

fun fact of the day Also, shove

0:21

that in your pipe and smoke it motherfucker. Smoke

0:23

it. I said smoke it. Smoke it motherfucker.

0:25

You ain't nothing

0:26

but a hand of dog, girl. You're cryin' all the time. You make me lookin'

0:28

but a hand of dog, girl. Cryin' all the time. Well,

0:31

they said you was high-flashed. I

0:33

don't know. Maybe like, 10, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, 20, Hi

0:35

everybody and welcome to

0:37

Ari Spears' Skeptic Tank, episode 5, I don't

0:40

know, maybe like 12 or

0:50

whatever. Big J from LGA.

0:52

Everybody knows Big J Ochssohn, right? Did you know he has

0:54

a new special out on YouTube right now?

0:57

That's right. As of right now, Big J Ochssohn

0:59

has his first special in over seven

1:02

years, probably right around seven years. This

1:04

is a mistake to do this and this pool hose is going to make it

1:06

even more difficult. I've got to get to where I can

1:08

stand up.

1:09

I'm in the pool in Austin, Texas.

1:13

Guys, go click right now on the

1:16

link at the bottom of the screen or where you're listening to this

1:18

on Spotify or Apple Podcasts

1:20

or any of those other ones. For

1:25

Big J's newest masterpiece, Dogbelly,

1:28

produced by none other than

1:31

the most evil man in comedy, Ari Shafir.

1:34

Oh, you think he just wanted to do this? You

1:37

think Jay just wanted to do it? I played him, dude.

1:39

I played him. He wasn't going to do it at special at

1:41

all. He was going to do it special on AM. That's

1:44

how backwards he is. But

1:47

I said, Jay, no. I said,

1:50

you have got to get with the modern times. And you got to do

1:52

yourself a special. So what I did was, it was hard to track

1:54

him down. He's a busy man. I had to pick him up from the Guardia.

1:57

LGA. You get it now. Okay, fuck. Ooh,

2:00

I'm out of breath. Oh! LGA.

2:07

So, Big J from LGA. Me and

2:09

J are in a fucking sweet pad in Austin. We

2:11

did Rogan's New Club yesterday, the comedy mothership. Wow,

2:14

it was fucking great.

2:16

We did Kill Tony, and then I did a spot in the

2:18

open mic afterwards. It's

2:21

fucking great, dude. I

2:23

mean, I couldn't tell, because everyone was talking about how great

2:25

it was. But... Most

2:29

of you at home don't understand Like

2:34

the power celebrity has over you to

2:36

give you a false idea of a sign Maybe if you ever hear

2:38

about a movie that's coming out and you're like, I heard it's the best one ever

2:40

And then you watch it like that wasn't that good Yeah,

2:43

sometimes people can be influenced by what they want

2:45

to believe so I wasn't sure I had to see it for

2:47

myself I was pretty hopeful,

2:49

but I had to see it for myself and it exceeded my expectations

2:52

Not only was it a great room kill Tony if I

2:54

won't complain who's that guy David Lucas is

2:56

mean for no reason I wasn't picking a fight with him

2:58

and he just

2:59

is insulting. You call

3:02

that comedy? I don't think so. When

3:04

I grew up respectful, respectful

3:06

comedy, David. Just

3:11

the hangout. I mean, everything was just, it

3:13

looks so slick, but also what

3:15

I really liked, what I really really liked

3:18

is how many fucking door guys they had. That's

3:20

who I am. You guys know that if you listen to this podcast

3:23

anytime over the last 12 years or so,

3:25

I identify

3:26

as a Comedy Store door guy, still.

3:29

I'm always going to be that guy. And I saw the

3:31

new class. There's all these young wannabes,

3:34

that's what Mitzi called them, but they are currents,

3:36

they just want to be pros. And they're

3:38

working, they're soaking in everything. It's great. And

3:41

anything you need, anytime you need anything, it's like, oh, can I get, there's fucking

3:43

seven people around to help you. It's

3:45

not one of those clubs where you're like, no, I can just go

3:47

to the bar. I get my, I get my own drink.

3:50

Not a Rogan's. No, he's got $7.2 billion. Ugh.

3:56

So he's like, someone will get that for you. I mean

3:58

if they were slaves legal I Don't doubt he

4:00

would have them for the comics only at

4:02

the mothership. I doubt he would have them for

4:05

audience, but ah,

4:07

fuck. But he might. It

4:10

was just great, dude. So all those fucking faces watching

4:12

the open mic going up at the open mic, he

4:14

lets him off to go on stage. He's like,

4:16

go clock out, go do a spot, come back. Oh, I would've killed

4:18

for that. The only spots I could do back then was the

4:20

fucking

4:21

belly room. That's it. Just

4:23

the belly room. Because it was

4:25

upstairs. They looked you on the end of the show and I

4:27

wanted it so bad. Rokin's

4:30

letting his employees off. You'd

4:32

be a fool. Literally, you'd be an absolute

4:34

fool not to go over there. Not to work there if you

4:36

were the fucking young comic. And also, by the

4:38

way, I don't know

4:40

if anybody else is pointing this out.

4:43

There's not a lot of chicks in that scene at the certain

4:45

level. If you're an 8 to 10

4:48

or 11 year old, not

4:50

year old, years in, female

4:53

stand-up comic, I mean I'm

4:55

telling you there is a giant

4:58

void in your category in the Austin comedy

5:00

scene. If you're struggling

5:03

in New York, if everything's kind of going as is,

5:05

maybe LA too, or maybe Chicago or anywhere you're

5:07

starting,

5:08

Boston, Atlanta, who knows, San Francisco, and you

5:11

got to go somewhere. You'd be nuts

5:13

not to, anybody be nuts not to consider Austin

5:15

at this point. Anybody be nuts.

5:18

But if you're a chick,

5:20

like a 10-year comedy, things are going better, You're

5:22

getting better every day dude fucking

5:24

go take over that scene Tony

5:26

took over his category of a fucking cunt You

5:29

know David Lucas took over his category is soon

5:31

to be dead from fucking fat

5:33

diseases that killed Patrice Diabetes

5:38

So why not be in that category funny

5:40

female comic in Austin you could legitimately

5:42

be the funniest one There's a chance and

5:44

what if five girls move and your fifth? That's

5:46

still pretty high up

5:48

Anyway, do what you want, but that's advice from your

5:50

uncle Sorry, try to say that not so creepy. Anyway,

5:54

very excited to say thank you. Congratulations to Joe

5:56

Rogan on his new club. It's a passion project that most

5:58

people don't understand. to really. care

6:00

about some the phones or away the everyone's focus

6:02

on the comedy and they're fucking degenerates

6:05

dude the audience as fuck of filth picks

6:07

is exactly what you want ah it's great

6:10

to my storytelling show tonight tell

6:13

you i've and then we'll see if it ends up being show me

6:15

segura duncan big j

6:18

tony hinchcliffe ah

6:20

night so anyway let's

6:22

start the episode is me pick it up big j we

6:24

talk a little while didn't rides on the airports and

6:26

some other shit i'm but go

6:28

click right now during the listeners episode go hug right

6:30

now got a big j august and on you

6:32

tube and watch his new special dog

6:34

belly i produce our games my director

6:37

directed it dan carter my eller

6:39

added much schuler my

6:42

producer produced it or oh i'm executive

6:44

producer but it's because i'm more of a gentleman

6:46

still want to different

6:49

title a fuckin organized by or some

6:51

shit like that some we're come are just accept

6:53

the fucking title anyway got your

6:55

in our lives are there was a as your is going to episode five

6:57

twelve bridge a for lj

7:00

with the jokes and starts

7:03

around i finally feel like i'm one

7:05

of the tortilla like they

7:07

did a bad gotta find

7:10

a way to my time i think where i

7:13

live another day trip or not and

7:15

that was in qatar around a

7:17

fallen off but i think i'm big picture

7:20

can't draw can try

7:22

brown

7:22

already our we are here civic

7:27

civic get sick at the lg i think

7:29

jay lg yeah i thought about going

7:31

for haga title big g the day

7:33

okay you just go to only that water you to

7:35

pick up comics notice it has such

7:37

as picking up galaxy and a half hour while

7:39

mcguinness newark can have your i'm barack obama

7:42

get in newark can agree on the field you get

7:44

a flight the other goes lj algiers

7:47

the greatest bad a great as it

7:49

was one of the first guys

7:52

before we even get going to jail because

7:54

the specials out today to dot

7:56

early

7:57

april fifth a buffet to i gotta

8:00

a fun fact for everybody.

8:02

Yes. Save

8:04

it. Remind me. OK. It's about the title of

8:07

Dogbelly. OK. The titling.

8:10

The actual visual titling? Uh-huh. Oh,

8:12

yeah. We had the graphics on the screen. That is a fun

8:15

fact. Yeah, fun fact. I know it. I

8:17

know that fun fact. Dude, we hung out at

8:20

Valley Vibes, this festival, and Bonnaroo got canceled.

8:23

And we met. They were like, hey, we'll take you in. If

8:25

Bonnaroo people wanted to, it was Western Georgia.

8:27

We just drove out there and met some other. It was this

8:30

meth festival. I call it meth country.

8:33

They're like, no, but some guy can hand me a giant bottle

8:35

of rum. I'm like, sure. The

8:37

wrestling, metal

8:40

and country.

8:41

It was a great festival. It was one of the best

8:43

times in my life. Very

8:45

relaxed. That's a killer festival. It was great,

8:47

dude. All Knoxville bands. You

8:49

know what's funny? Everyone,

8:51

we know a strange amount of

8:53

adults into professional wrestling. Oh, no

8:55

way. We really do. We know a strange amount.

8:58

And

8:59

which I find very,

9:01

very bizarre. But that said,

9:04

when you go, oh, hey,

9:07

when you go to wrestling, yeah, what's

9:11

happening? Everything all right? It's

9:13

not working. It's just not quite.

9:16

Damn it. When

9:19

you go to wrestling, we're going to be on traffic. Good news. OK, good

9:21

news. When

9:23

you go to wrestling, or I saw Rob

9:25

May, You are from Rameu took me to a Rameu

9:29

took me to a

9:31

like a local dude

9:33

like place that has no I think you took you also

9:36

to the same thing. Oh my God it was great. It's so

9:38

fun. It's watching these guys

9:40

do their moves.

9:43

While they're like like

9:46

low ceilings and stuff. Was

9:48

the coolest thing ever. And it was like

9:50

they still pull it off. They deal with the ceiling

9:53

height. It was like a real thing they had to fucking

9:55

overcome. Yeah,

9:56

it was like working around it. Yeah. Ooh.

10:00

Not bad, right? Not bad at all.

10:03

I'm just gonna assume that's good. Maybe

10:06

tilt it down a little bit towards you. Like

10:08

towards you, the top of it pointing towards you more. Yeah,

10:12

yeah. Yeah. Let's

10:15

hope for the best. Hey, let's hope for the best. It's

10:18

an audio medium. But dude, it's so fun. We

10:21

had a guy that was there, the one he took us to. First of all, it was

10:23

like 50 comics out of 250 people. Really?

10:26

So we took over.

10:27

And they led us. They

10:29

led us. in Ontario. Because

10:32

they realized we were good sports and not trying to like shit

10:34

on them, you know? Like when you get a heckler, but

10:36

he's like, Oh, they're giving me what I need.

10:39

You cheer for the slams and the- Then

10:41

they started throwing people at us. You

10:43

know, and we were like in for it. We had

10:45

slide whistles. Two people had those trained slide whistles.

10:48

And so these guys got it. They had a racist

10:50

character.

10:51

Nice. And he fought a black and he made him,

10:53

he poured a grape soda on

10:55

him and made him eat fried chicken. He was like, No, no.

10:58

He's like, you ate this. You ate it. That

11:00

was the beauty of Philadelphia.

11:03

Having ECW and it's like grassroots. EC

11:05

Dub, EC Dub. Man. Yeah. Yeah.

11:08

It was at a place just called Viking Hall.

11:10

Yeah.

11:12

And I mean, it looked on TV like it was

11:14

a thing. It's a it was a shithole, but

11:17

it was just those people got so attached

11:19

to those goofy characters and

11:21

they were like all sport and it was just so

11:23

violent. You lose. Oh, right. Yeah.

11:26

It was crazy. the guys that were like, it's

11:28

so funny too, like watching it like. I

11:32

have a hard time keeping it in the scope of

11:34

like that. It's a competition in any

11:36

kind of way. And that's why I think I lost

11:38

my like thing for it. Oh, I love it because

11:40

it is a competition because I'm like, I don't, I know they have

11:42

decided who's going to win, but also so

11:44

is the NBA. You

11:46

know, on some level, they

11:48

push it. No, even if even like

11:50

referee stuff, even when they say

11:53

give stars the calls. You're

11:55

telling me that a role player

11:57

can't blow by Jordan. They just won't

11:59

let them.

12:00

Yeah. So this isn't a fair thing.

12:02

No, that's for sure true. It's a made up

12:04

ending. But

12:05

it's ECW, just

12:07

like, what's the funniest thing, like the most

12:09

violent moves they have to do? Yeah. Like

12:12

everything. That's

12:14

a crazy move in professional wrestling.

12:17

Yeah. Like when you watch them to

12:19

get it's like it's a two man job, like to

12:21

get there, not only are they not in a contest with each

12:23

other, really, they're working together as

12:25

a OK, when I say three, You

12:28

gotta jump because it's impossible to lift

12:30

a man up like this. Yeah, you gotta help

12:32

me. Dude, when

12:34

I kick you in the face, not only

12:36

are you gonna fall, I need you to jump in the air

12:38

and spin around. Yeah, exactly.

12:41

I saw Colt Cabana in Edinburgh,

12:43

he would do it every year. And

12:45

he does comedy wrestling, which is, that's

12:48

what I'm saying, the racist guy, it's like this is funny

12:50

on purpose.

12:52

He was wrestling a tag team with a fat guy, and

12:55

And

12:55

they had people behind him trying to get him up and they just kept failing.

12:58

And eventually the fact that it's like, I don't know what

13:00

to do. He's like, you guys can't. And by

13:02

the way, he was like Steve Simone fat. He wasn't

13:04

even like massive. He was just fatter than

13:06

Triple H. Is

13:09

that a wrestler Triple H? Yeah. He's

13:12

like, well, now he's not a wrestler anymore. Now he owns

13:14

it all. And what's 4-H? That's a club for

13:16

fucking milk cows. And

13:19

then there's the local 4-H. Not

13:22

to be confused with the local 4-H. That's

13:24

not your recording.

13:25

When I was young, man, I loved, I

13:27

can't even tell you what they- I love WWE. I can't even tell you what the exact

13:30

cut off was, but there was just some point, because

13:32

I mean, I loved it well. There were new guys

13:34

that came in that I'm like, I don't know all these guys. When

13:37

it was Macho Man-to-Man or so, which was later,

13:39

we're about the same age, you're probably 10 years

13:42

younger than me. But, George

13:45

the animal's steel, the iron chic,

13:48

the he was the Arab and

13:50

they had a so much water they

13:52

had one of everybody who you might do they didn't have

13:54

a child in Mr. Fuji

13:56

he was more mystical Chinese and not Chinese Empire

13:58

chief J strong bow.

14:00

Yeah, the junkyard dogs and

14:02

then they started getting new people right around for

14:04

undertaker one I was like, oh, I don't really

14:06

know these guys backstory I'm out

14:08

and I might have gone to college at that time See I had

14:10

I was with it through undertaker showing

14:12

up and all that stuff and then lost it for years

14:15

came back big

14:17

In like the NWO WCW

14:20

like the Monday Night Wars thing they do. Yeah,

14:22

I'll tell you

14:23

as a documentary guy how much I love documentaries,

14:26

I'll say I

14:27

I love wrestling documentaries.

14:30

Yeah are the best because it's gauge

14:32

when you told me about that was fucking great Let me just make

14:34

sure yeah

14:36

Diy yeah, the Nicky Nick

14:38

gauge. Yeah, that's crazy Yeah,

14:41

that's the guy that almost killed David Arquette.

14:43

He like eats glass Yeah, but he almost

14:45

killed David Arquette, which is a crazy video

14:48

because he talked too much shit

14:49

Yeah, so when he did the thing like he cut him with the

14:51

thing, but he didn't realize that he cut him like in

14:53

his throat And his throat

14:56

started squirting blood. It was like such a real thing.

14:58

That guy's like, oh, Debra, Kat's bringing it. He's dying.

15:00

He's dying. He's going for it. Yeah.

15:03

This guy really goes for it. They,

15:05

especially those guys like the ECW guys

15:07

who never made it out of there and stuff like that. They're

15:09

so protective over what their thing

15:12

was. We used to interview New Jack all

15:14

the time and like,

15:16

that's like when you ECW see where it gets like real

15:18

things happening. The Montreal screw job is a great

15:20

story when it's like a real thing that happened. Montreal screw

15:22

job. You never saw that one? No. That's

15:25

Brett Hart

15:26

was leaving WWE to go to

15:28

WCW. They

15:31

just gave him a bigger contract and he was the

15:33

champ.

15:34

So they go, you're not taking the belt with you. And

15:37

he goes, I don't

15:39

know what he wanted to do ultimately with it. Yeah.

15:42

I can't really work because it doesn't only make much sense, but I think he was

15:44

almost like, yeah, like, let me basically vacate

15:46

it.

15:47

Because then they go into the new organization as

15:49

the reigning champ of this other thing. It's a bigger, bigger

15:51

instead of like, well, you're just coming off a lot. But his last

15:54

his last show was in Montreal.

15:56

Yeah, from Canada. He's a Canadian hero

15:59

that whole

16:00

family. Well, I've been researching dinosaurs.

16:03

They're this crazy, they told

16:06

them, they go, okay, fine, you can keep the belt

16:08

and

16:09

they plan behind

16:11

his back.

16:12

Shawn Michaels puts him in like his

16:16

own finishing move and

16:19

the idea was that he was supposed to break out of that

16:21

and spin him around and he'll win. And

16:24

when he puts him in the move, Shawn Michaels, you see

16:26

Vince McMahon runs over and yells

16:28

the bell guy is like ring the bell like

16:31

we're going to say he tapped basically like he submitted and

16:34

they ring the bell and then everyone's just confused

16:36

and Brett Michael stands up and goes to the edge of the ring

16:39

and hangs a big fat lube

16:41

on

16:42

Vince McMahon. Really? Then

16:44

they go in the back and he

16:46

goes. Wait, Brett Michael was the guy who got tapped?

16:48

Yeah, but he didn't tap. Right, right, right. They just said

16:50

they were like, they're taking his belt away. Yeah.

16:53

And he spit on this man. Then he goes in the back and

16:55

he goes into Vince's office And there's a wrestling

16:58

with shadows is a documentary about this situation

17:00

that Bret Hart actually. Yeah, but

17:02

it gets up to hit man heart. Yeah, but it gets to this

17:04

situation and he goes in Vince

17:06

McMahon's office and you hear them arguing.

17:09

He punches him right in the face. Punch a shoe. That's a

17:11

man's man knocks him unconscious. Whoa.

17:13

And then walks out of the office and you see Vince McMahon walk

17:15

out of the office and he's like stumbling around like he can't

17:17

get his bearings at all. Wow. It

17:20

was awesome.

17:22

So I thought that behind the scenes shit like like like.

17:26

Who's

17:26

Colt's friend? Colt

17:28

Kamata? Yeah. I don't know. His best friend in

17:31

WWE.

17:33

And then that guy got real mad because

17:35

you fucked over Colt. You gave him two fights, made

17:37

him play this Jewish character. Is that what he

17:39

had to do? Yeah. He was like David,

17:42

like Simon Wits or something. He was like, this is lame.

17:44

And you never give my buddy a shot. I'm your champ. CM

17:47

Punk. Oh. And so CM Punk walks

17:49

out of the out there and sits down and does like an anti-

17:51

Yeah. An anti-thing. And people are like, oh.

17:54

It was weird. It wasn't that big. Yeah,

17:56

just CM Punk has got in

17:58

trouble with multiple. He's like, he's like,

18:00

everywhere he goes to work, he gets

18:02

shit with him. Even the UFC. I

18:04

remember Mickey Gull called that fight for like five

18:07

years out. Give him to me. I won't win too much until

18:09

he's in. I'll be the

18:11

tomato camp. Trust me. Yeah.

18:14

It was like when that guy

18:16

beat, um, who was that street fighter that

18:18

went into pride or, um, Kimbo

18:21

slice. And then somebody couldn't fight. They

18:23

got injured and so, uh, whatever.

18:26

Seth Petruzzelli. Oh, yeah. I'm

18:28

on no notice, I'm smaller than him. Like,

18:30

are you sure? Yeah, he's actually can't, he's

18:32

not a real fighter. Yeah, he has no idea how to

18:34

like, have a great fight. Yeah. Yeah,

18:38

that guy had his name big for a minute and then

18:40

it just turned out

18:41

Kimbo's place wasn't a great fighter. Yeah,

18:44

I love those guys who make their name and realize, oh, your name was a fake.

18:47

You didn't upset this guy, that guy wasn't real.

18:50

So, how excited are you about the special? How

18:52

many years has it been since the last one?

18:54

I think five, since Netflix.

18:56

Oh, since Netflix.

18:59

I was picturing your Webster Hall one, and that's

19:01

seven. Webster Hall's like seven years ago, yeah.

19:03

Netflix was a half or a 15? Half.

19:05

That counts. These days, that's a full special.

19:08

No shit. Yeah. This

19:10

was not. This was right over one hour. I just saw the

19:12

last edit, and it was like one hour, 12 seconds. I know,

19:14

I'm so happy. It is that time, too. Thank God Dave Kimowitz got stabbed

19:16

to death in his sleep, or it would

19:18

be right under an hour. I

19:20

wouldn't have that little... Yeah, that little... Rest in

19:23

peace, Dave. ...memorium to stay with him dancing, and

19:25

it would be 59 minutes and 59 seconds. Thanks, Dave. Looking

19:28

down on it. Still

19:29

helping. Still helping the career. I'm excited.

19:33

You know this from doing

19:35

Jew, that it's an

19:38

undertaking to do it yourself. What

19:40

an under- Financial risk. Yeah,

19:42

a financial risk. Everybody, go. By the

19:44

way, this is the way specials are done now

19:47

for the outsiders.

19:49

So if you want this to happen, I always

19:51

talk with the Edinburgh model. You never went to Edinburgh, but you

19:53

leave the show, even the bigger, you go out there like that

19:55

was a free show

19:56

slash free special. You're not paying anything. Yep.

20:00

I'm out there with a bucket saying, if you like that, I get it.

20:02

Some people are poorer, some people are richer. Just hit

20:04

me up with what you got. Sometimes I get drugs.

20:06

You can't tip drugs online. But

20:08

you can slide J a fucking Fiverr

20:11

on PayPal or Venmo. We gotta set that up,

20:13

by the way. Or just right there

20:15

on YouTube. Special thanks. Whatever you thought it was

20:17

worth.

20:18

You've been waiting for it for a long time. You're a fan, I

20:20

expect $50. Maybe you think it's not

20:22

worth jack shit. Yeah, sure. And

20:24

people are like, well, I don't have much money. You have $1. And

20:27

then you can make your money back you can do this again next

20:29

time. You know what's funny when you do

20:32

one that's like fun, you know, as Netflix

20:34

or HBO or Comedy

20:36

Central, when they would fund it, you know, I've only done Comedy

20:38

Central and Netflix. When they fund

20:41

it,

20:42

the emotional attachment to it is

20:44

so much less, even on the pro

20:47

and con side. That's what I

20:49

thought was kind of interesting about it. It's not like

20:52

a... Well,

20:54

they take care of like the editing for you. Well,

20:56

that shit where it's like, oh. For sure that they

20:58

take care of that, which is great. I mean, they ask you for your notes,

21:00

but they kind of like do it together the way they want to do

21:02

it. But also I just

21:05

noticed like, so, you know, I've showed a couple of people

21:07

right

21:09

before it came out.

21:10

Be it like this one. Yeah. Yeah.

21:14

Sales. Be a Christine.

21:16

No, not even. I showed, I showed Sodor. Yeah. Oh,

21:19

nice. Like Dan Sodor. Was there his

21:21

back by himself? Yeah. So he was a fucking loser

21:23

by himself. He's a brutal people. He has no

21:25

friends around him. What is this guy? I have nobody in his life?

21:28

Sounds like the kind of guy who would leave you in the lurch of a fucking

21:30

LCD sound system concert for the Encore by herself.

21:32

I gotta hear them saying, where are your friends tonight? You know,

21:34

they're taking dumps at home. Where are your friends tonight?

21:36

I don't know. Good question, LCD sound system. I'll

21:38

talk to Soder about it. But

21:43

there's something about it like the compliment

21:47

of like the people say before it comes

21:49

out, you'll get those big kudos when

21:51

it comes out. Because the fans will

21:53

be like, oh, this is great. Or I never saw these. He's

21:55

gonna love it. It's great. But you

21:57

know, Sodor gave exactly what I would have

21:59

written. I wrote to him if I

22:01

watched it and loved it. He wrote,

22:04

loved it, it looks fantastic. But

22:06

when you spent the money, you're like, well,

22:08

that's just not enough, my friend. You're

22:11

gonna have to tell me, like, you think this is gonna be life-changing. It's

22:15

your dollars. It's not just a couple.

22:17

It's fucking five, six digits. Yeah.

22:21

And then when someone goes and goes, dude, loved it, you go,

22:23

I don't feel any emotion in that.

22:24

Yeah, no. I'm gonna need you to be-

22:27

You can say about anything. I'm gonna need you to be a little

22:29

more excited than loved it. I love the

22:31

burger in and out That's

22:34

not commiserate. I don't

22:36

think about that the next day But

22:40

it is yeah, you're it is you get your hands it's like making

22:43

a fucking sandwich for yourself versus buying

22:45

one Yeah, you know, that's not a bad

22:47

analogy actually. No

22:49

It's just like you've taken a part of you've made

22:51

it from start to finish So you're like, you're finished. With help, but like,

22:54

you're there. Yeah, and you also critique

22:56

it harder. Yeah. It's like, these

22:58

are my choices. Yeah, even the setup of the room, you can't... One

23:00

reason Renazese's, I opened for him in Boston,

23:03

and he got there.

23:05

The setup was these gothic, these economy-central

23:08

gothic pillars, and he was like, oh.

23:10

And I also was like, oh, I don't know about this. And

23:12

he goes, we can take it down, but then we

23:15

have no time to put it back up. So he was just using the blank background

23:17

of the Wilbur. Right. And he's

23:19

like, oh, okay, that doesn't sound like much of an option. Seems

23:21

like this should have been okay. We went and scouted

23:24

it ahead of time. Then we scouted it again.

23:27

And then we set it up. It was like, you

23:29

really take it. You're really putting, getting your hands

23:31

dirty. No, it's a real, it's an endeavor. It

23:33

is fun. It is cool being a part of all of it, but like,

23:36

you

23:36

know, just like you said, like there's no one else to blame.

23:38

You know, again, there's not that where it's like,

23:42

you

23:42

know, Netflix cut out,

23:44

made me cut a bit that I really wanted

23:46

to have in there. I was doing a podcast with

23:48

Andy Haines today and be out

23:51

in a couple weeks. And

23:53

he was telling about these Hasidic Jews and whatever,

23:56

block, cutting them off in their minivan. and I just told

23:58

a joke about... and he was like, he realized

24:01

halfway through that I'm not serious.

24:04

And I was like, that was kind of my special.

24:07

He was like, who got it out? I'm like, me for time. He's

24:09

like, oh, I thought somebody banned it. I'm like, no,

24:11

no, I had to get it down to fucking 90 minutes. No,

24:14

right. And when you're making those decisions on your own, like

24:16

you have to make the hard decision, but you're living with them right away.

24:18

Yep. And you

24:20

know, everything for, you know, with Netflix,

24:22

if people were like, if anyone gave a critique

24:24

of like, ah, I felt a little something, I'd go,

24:27

I'd go, well, you know, they, I

24:30

can't edit. I go, they took out one

24:32

of my favorite things. Like they said it was too much

24:34

and they blah, blah, blah. But you do have

24:36

at least to do. And again, you still walk away. It's

24:38

like, no, the special is good. I would have loved to have that

24:40

thing in there, but whatever. Yeah. Yeah. You know

24:42

what it is. But then when you do it,

24:44

if someone's like, he goes, I thought I

24:46

was missing something. It's like, in the

24:48

edit, you're like, well, they brought every

24:51

single edit to me. Yeah. So I just

24:53

wasn't there. Yeah. There was one moment where

24:55

Eric was like, we should raise the laughs in this moment.

24:57

This joke got deserved more than it got. I

24:59

had to be like Eric. I know I think so too,

25:01

but we can't raise a lap I just

25:04

I failed

25:05

so you got to let it sit Sweetening

25:08

of the way. Yeah, so just think and then it's like if

25:10

Netflix economy central or HBO.

25:12

They're great platforms They're not bad. They're

25:15

great for comics. But like

25:16

the idea like well, we don't really like this like

25:18

That's fine. You don't have to every

25:21

night. I go to the village underground the seller. There's two people

25:23

in there I don't care for these jokes. You're one of

25:25

them. And that's okay. Yeah, you're not my target

25:27

market. It's all right. You just have a job

25:29

job. Yeah, that's the thing is someone who's like,

25:32

you know, when you hear where someone's favorite comic is,

25:35

it's like if someone goes like, but

25:37

if someone just like, but even just like for like stylistically,

25:40

if somebody was like, well, you know, you

25:44

know, it's like, oh, I've done this before. I

25:46

edited Mike Burbiglia's special.

25:48

It's like, I absolutely love him. I'm

25:50

his biggest fan. I got to edit his special. like, oh,

25:52

you can't edit my special then. Like, it's

25:55

hard though, but it's like what you want to see is

25:58

not how good the comic was. You

26:00

want to see is like what were the shots like? Yes,

26:02

it's hard to look at it differently like that like

26:04

Bo Burnham I think he's one of the best Like

26:07

producers around sure know Abrams to

26:11

Do

26:11

you I like you put together

26:13

is Jordan is great Jordan

26:16

famous great Eric phenomena

26:18

you've you've really never put anybody in

26:21

our paths that like The

26:23

light wasn't good at their fucking job. Yeah,

26:26

but some of those occasionally you'll see

26:28

somebody like oh Oh, I don't like this comic,

26:30

but it looks good. Oh, yeah. So

26:32

it's like, well, you just took a job, and you made it the best you

26:34

could.

26:35

Yeah, it tends to be, for

26:38

the most part, not great looking, self-produced-wise,

26:41

not great looking, but with great

26:43

comics. Yeah. Or

26:45

heavily overproduced. Yeah, yeah, yeah, heavily.

26:48

I love when they say self-produced, because it implies

26:50

that you're getting in there and hiring the lighting guys. I'm

26:53

like, no, no, I'm hiring a producer. Self-funded

26:56

producing. That is what's funny on

26:58

a full disclosure of that. If you recall when we first started

27:00

this thing, you had to tell

27:02

me that exact same thing. Because I was like, all right,

27:04

I don't even know the beginning of this. I go, so I got to find a

27:07

sound guy, camera

27:10

people with cameras. And he's like, no, no, no,

27:12

no. That's what the producer does when you hire

27:14

the producer. He goes, you got to hire the

27:17

main person who does that, all that stuff. I

27:19

go, oh, thank god. Shula knows these people. I don't know any

27:21

of these people. Because that's the idea.

27:23

It's like, yeah, exactly. It's so daunting. It's like

27:25

we need a lighting guy to go, where do you even advertise?

27:28

We're like, hey, Craig's list. I'm

27:31

looking for some dick and a lighting

27:33

guy. Yeah.

27:36

Anyway, everybody, go in there right now and fucking... This

27:39

actually... I can't decide if we should talk more about the special and

27:41

be inside baseball because you're not going to do it much on other pods.

27:44

Yeah. Since we kind of did it together, we should. Or

27:46

let's do a little theme first. For Skeptic

27:48

Tank.

27:49

Okay. Airport rides. General

27:52

speaking? General speaking. What do you like? to

27:54

leave you hanging because it took me so long to get your

27:56

apartment to pick up this fucking car. There's

27:59

a fucking parade. good

28:00

what parade's happening. Whatever it is,

28:02

it's a hate crime coming. Let's go drive through

28:04

it. Yeah, there's a hate crime coming. Sorry,

28:06

Puerto Rico. Oh, man, wouldn't it be great though if it was

28:08

like, what heroes are we if we drive through

28:10

like a proud boy's

28:12

parade? Yeah. Just drive through

28:14

it and he goes, we don't believe in what you say. Yeah.

28:17

That would really help promote the special. If you could,

28:20

that would help me out a lot. Go on. I

28:22

could just tear through you guys real quick. It's really

28:24

gonna change people's opinion. Yeah, I'll tell you what, he's coming.

28:27

I'll go out and scout. You need to dive out of the

28:29

way, but make it like cinematic. Hi everybody,

28:31

how you doing?

28:32

Ari Shafir here and I'm telling you, I'm coming on tour. Another

28:35

show added in London on April 28th,

28:38

I think, 29th. Manchester,

28:40

Glasgow, Amsterdam,

28:43

oops,

28:44

Romania, Slovenia, Berlin,

28:47

Athens, Greece. Oh, it's gonna be great. But also,

28:50

I'm announcing my wrong side of history tour.

28:52

Tickets are not available yet, but

28:54

they will be available

28:56

coming very soon. I got Chicago,

28:59

November 4th at The Vic, and right around that

29:01

I got Minneapolis at the Pantages, I

29:03

got St. Louis,

29:05

Kansas City, Iowa,

29:07

a bunch of Midwestern cities,

29:10

Boston's coming. It's all gonna come out in about a month,

29:12

but save the date, November 4th

29:14

for Chicago at The

29:16

Vic. I'm excited, see you on the road.

29:19

Hey everybody, it's me and Big J Ochreso, and I'm filming

29:21

a promo. I said we were doing an instrument, it's a promo. I

29:23

picked him up from LaGuardia, We did a podcast

29:26

called Big J from LGA. It's a new podcast

29:28

series I'm trying to get in to do. And

29:30

I'm there every weekend, so it works out.

29:32

Yeah. Tune in to

29:34

YouTube and Spotify and everywhere you listen to podcasts.

29:38

Me and Big J Okereston here of the new special

29:40

Dogbelly. Available now. Available

29:42

now. Or on the road. Jay, where are you going to be

29:44

coming up? I am going to be, well- Top

29:47

level comedians, you guys. It's not just a fucking book appearance.

29:49

Yeah, the summer is going to be while

29:51

we have two shows, Those Meet Tim Dillon, Nick

29:54

Mullen, and Shane Gillis are

29:56

doing Charleston, South Carolina,

29:58

as well as Hershey, Pennsylvania. I'm going to get the plan.

30:00

Oh my god, welcome. Tickets for that. Burke

30:02

Chrysler's fully loaded tour this whole summer. I'm on every

30:05

date of that. I'm on Fat Burger. So make

30:07

sure you checked it out. And then I'm just all over there. BigJComedy.com

30:09

for all my dates. Where do you got for your dates? Where am

30:11

I going?

30:12

Just in April. You gotta know. Yeah,

30:14

I know. In the meantime, while he's looking up. Yeah,

30:16

you know. You know yours. I'm going to, at

30:19

the end of April, Glastonbury, nope, sorry,

30:21

Glasgow, London, and Manchester, and then all

30:24

in May, I got Amsterdam, Vienna,

30:26

Stockholm, Berlin,

30:28

Ljubljina. I don't know. I say this is Slovenia.

30:31

Bucharest and occlusion Abadroka

30:33

Romania and Athens Greece. And then

30:36

I probably have a tour, the wrong

30:38

side of history tour. Nice.

30:39

Coming in the winter, but announcements

30:42

later. And I have a special collage of fear on you on

30:44

YouTube. But Jay, you know where you're going to be?

30:46

Yes, I do. Let's hear it. If you're listening to this

30:48

as soon as it comes out. I'm in West Nyack, New

30:50

York at a levity live this weekend. Great.

30:53

Detroit House of Comedy for the first time. Detroit.

30:55

Nice. We're there. Me, you and Robert

30:58

Kelly. We're

30:59

there. We're there. Robert Kelly,

31:01

new co-host of The Bonfire. The Bonfire. The

31:03

Bonfire. At the Andre. Yeah. Very,

31:07

very fun. But at the Troy House of Comedy, I'll be at Moon

31:09

Tower Comedy Festival, Skyline Comedy Club

31:11

in Appleton.

31:12

Cinco de Milo is going to be home, everyone.

31:15

Big news.

31:16

Two more. Comedy Zone in Charlotte.

31:18

And then, of course, that Coliseum show. Going to be

31:20

all over the place. Bigjcomedy.com.

31:23

Now, check me out. To

31:25

the episode. Don't forget DogBelly. Watch

31:27

it right now. podcast and watch it right now. Okay, back to the

31:29

episode. Hi everybody. Today's

31:31

episode of Ari Shabir's Skeptic Tank Podcast is brought

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to you by YoKratum.com. Guys,

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of the dark web? Yes. It's not even that. What?

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It's the fucking light web. Just available

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Yo, Kratum.com. Thank you for sponsoring

32:30

this episode. I'm so sick. I've

32:33

had parades fuck rise from an airport

32:35

plenty of times when they try to say, it's

32:37

like, well, there's a bicycle thing

32:40

happening. So you got to go to a bridge

32:42

that's really far away. Yeah, I almost missed a flight before

32:44

where I had to drop my car off at May

32:46

Hughes house and then back. So I had to cross

32:48

it twice. And the cops are like, oh no, it's two blocks

32:51

down. I was like, that's what I told two blocks ago. Like, yeah, two

32:53

blocks down. You get two blocks. Like, nah, it's two blocks down. like,

32:55

hey, can anyone move along, sir? I'm like,

32:57

hey, since we're paying, I really get it now.

33:00

I pay your taxes. I really

33:02

get it now. It means, hey, just shoot

33:04

me with respect. Can you get on the walkie talkie and

33:06

find out where I gotta go?

33:08

I treat, by

33:10

the way, only in retaliation. Retaliation,

33:13

you have to. But in retaliation,

33:16

I treat those yellow jacket people,

33:19

vest outside of the airport like

33:22

they're pieces of shit. Yeah, the guy's like, move along.

33:24

I'm like, I'm thinking, what authority do you have?

33:26

None. None. That's

33:29

the thing. I've been conditioned for so long to

33:31

be terrified of authority. Yeah. Those

33:34

aren't the ones. And, uh, but even with police officers, like they,

33:38

they're wrong often. They,

33:41

again, that's the, I think, didn't,

33:43

didn't, didn't, have like a bit about this on one of

33:45

his earlier specials, even about like when

33:48

you lose your belief in like adulthood,

33:51

like adults. Do you know what I mean?

33:54

just because you believe like, all right, the people

33:56

in authority will act with authority because they have

33:58

authority. Yeah. guy going out there and

34:00

be like,

34:01

for his first choice to be like, well, I'm putting

34:03

my bag in my trunk to be like,

34:05

let's go wrap it up. You

34:07

know, you're like, no, fuck all. What are you talking

34:10

about? Yeah, they do that. Why are you putting a stress

34:12

on me? And so they're like,

34:15

Hey, you can't put your shoes on here. You gotta move on. I just kind of look

34:17

at them and just keep putting my shoes on. No, I'm not walking

34:19

with my socks across with my bat. Yeah. Go

34:21

do your stuff over there. It goes, I'm sliding my shoes on. No,

34:23

I'm not. He's like, you're not stopping

34:26

the time. I don't even say I'm an elevator. Yeah, exactly.

34:28

I'm not blocking.

34:29

Yeah, it's just like you're in a mood and you're like, it's just, you're

34:32

a Starbucks guy. You're a Starbucks guy saying you

34:34

can't loiter here. Like dude, don't take authority,

34:36

it's not your job. Anyway. Except

34:38

Lewis was asked to move from an actual cop at an

34:40

airport and then almost arrested. Really? Yeah,

34:42

he doesn't know the line. He's like, no, that's a real one. I saw

34:44

somebody honking him at a traffic cop today.

34:46

It was like, ooh, but then he's like, no traffic cop. Oh,

34:49

you wanna join? You gonna smoke weed? Oh yeah,

34:51

let's smoke a joint. I got this from, I believe, Denver.

34:54

Ooh. Let's see where

34:56

it is. I might forgot

34:57

it completely. I gotta tell you, Ari. I

35:00

like that jacket. Thanks, buddy. Here you

35:02

go. Good jacket. You can light this up.

35:04

Oh! Can we get this on both cameras? Oh, snap. Yeah,

35:07

thanks, I like this jacket. Is that a sativa or indigo? Yeah.

35:09

It's spicy either way. Either

35:12

way, it's hitting hard.

35:14

I

35:17

have the

35:20

ride. What

35:22

do you, rides for some of the rides from airports.

35:24

You have one of the best ride airport stories

35:26

I've ever heard in my life. Which? I'll

35:29

leave you in a second, but like, I felt bad about

35:31

leaving you there because when you're waiting for someone and

35:33

you know that I'm five minutes out, you know that means they're 14

35:35

minutes out. They're

35:36

just lying, I'm like, I'm a five minutes out,

35:38

it makes me feel better. And I almost wanna be like, hey,

35:40

I gotta take a dump. If you actually give me the real time, I could go

35:42

do that. Yeah, it's a comedian's

35:45

lie. Uh-huh, the comedian's lie is the standard.

35:47

Norman hit me with like, I missed my flight. There was

35:50

stopped traffic on the, and Norman is just a

35:52

known liar. to steal a Renan CC line

35:54

from his, one of his stories. Um,

35:58

what a great fucking line that was. When

36:00

he says he runs into

36:02

Kid Rock behind Santa's

36:04

bar. And he goes, I go back there to smoke and Kid

36:06

Rock's here. And he goes, guys, I know I'm a known

36:09

liar. But this happened. But

36:13

Norma was like, stop traffic. I'm like, I know I can just look

36:15

on Google Maps to find out your line. But it doesn't matter.

36:18

The point is you missed your flight. So fine.

36:20

I always called it the comic slide. Cut to camera one,

36:23

please. I always call it

36:25

the comic slide. Also

36:27

because- I call it the comics

36:29

live.

36:30

And

36:33

I realized it takes years sometimes

36:36

to realize the damage you're causing with the lie

36:39

is much easier solved

36:41

if you're just honest. If you're just honest, yeah, exactly.

36:43

Because the thing was like, you know, they're

36:45

like, you're next. You know

36:48

what I mean? Where are you? You're next. And

36:50

you go, I'm five minutes away when you're 10 minutes away

36:53

and not parked yet. Right. And

36:55

they're like, we can just put something on. So it's like, yeah, if you just go this, it's like, and

36:57

I'll tell you. you learning that the shoulder

36:59

drop of that

37:01

just be I said there's no worse

37:03

feeling than like

37:06

being in traffic being in traffic like this

37:08

and you're on in 15 minutes and you know this is

37:11

your 15 minutes without traffic yeah when

37:13

you just call and be like like

37:15

trying to make that hey so I fucked

37:17

up when you go 20 minutes out yeah imagine

37:19

you go hey look it's just not going to happen like I'm

37:21

not going to make you got to put somebody else on or

37:24

stretch if you want me to get there and do it and

37:26

we're just gonna lay that out there even if they're like, oh man,

37:29

that's you know, you gotta take it at some point. You just

37:31

go, you're just delaying the inevitable. I know but you just go, it's

37:33

like, you know what though dude, that's it. Now the

37:35

traffic is the traffic. We get there when we

37:37

get there. Right, exactly. Exactly.

37:39

You've relieved yourself. You've

37:41

relieved yourself. I did it with that stresses. Not to

37:43

keep showing the same guy but like, oh, let's call it a different

37:45

guy. But

37:49

Dark Corman. Oh

37:52

yeah, Dark Corman. Yeah, we're leaving in the stand. It's

37:54

a one-liner comic, right? Yeah, two-liners. He's a two-liner

37:56

comic. It's just slightly different.

38:00

What's the opposite of pun? It

38:03

was real long form stuff. Yeah. And

38:08

he called the stand up in New York.

38:10

And he goes, I'm five minutes out. I'm like, dude, this is 25 minutes.

38:12

Just tell them. Like, that's a full

38:14

spot. Just let them know. That's crazy. Yeah. And

38:17

I think he was starting to get it.

38:18

He just started

38:20

the terrible act. I asked Mitzi once. She saw somebody lying. She

38:23

was like, drive. I was driving her home. And

38:26

she was like, he was lying to me. I'm like, oh, you

38:28

must have dealt with that a lot, huh? Over

38:31

the years, everybody needs you for something? Yeah. She

38:33

was getting it from like Sam Kinison. Right, exactly,

38:35

but like for 25 years, you've had

38:37

people lying to get ahead and stuff. And

38:39

she goes, oh yeah, I'm like, do you hate them for it? She

38:41

goes, no, that's just who they are.

38:43

You just know now that that person's a liar.

38:46

I've never seen Estee, the comedy seller.

38:49

That lady governs with such an iron fist. You

38:52

have to. The staff is afraid for

38:54

you to be late. Oh, right. they

38:56

have to change something

38:58

if they try to change it and don't tell her. Yeah.

39:01

And she finds out. Marissa, you know, you

39:03

gotta cut back and forth on that right. Hell will pay. Yeah,

39:07

exactly. I've

39:09

got I've got a well, whatever. Hell to pay.

39:12

Um

39:13

I hate it when someone's late to pick you up. I

39:15

hate it when you're late to pick someone else up. Also

39:18

feels bad because you know how it feels. Yeah.

39:22

Oh yeah, especially an airport's a tough one.

39:24

Yeah. For the most part. Well, Let's talk about this that

39:26

you'll get sometimes with like a Rogan or something,

39:29

the sign. And

39:31

you come down and you see the sign. Ochre.

39:34

I'm bad though

39:36

with

39:37

the full service of that.

39:39

I don't want the pick up my bag. I got it myself. Don't

39:42

touch my bag. What do you think Gia Marco Suresi

39:44

is? That's a comic. I know that name. Yeah. Where

39:46

do you see that? Can you see it on that window?

39:49

It's a full. Gia

39:51

Marco Suresi. Yeah. I saw him in Montreal. Weird.

39:54

Jim Marco Suresi. Do you think he just lives there?

39:57

He might just live there.

39:58

That's really funny. Things in New York. comic now.

40:00

He is. That's a pretty

40:03

brilliant hilarious idea. And

40:05

you just put your Twitter I guess an Instagram account.

40:08

If you live right at the base of a

40:10

bridge in Manhattan. You can have enough

40:12

time to get on your phone. Someone's gonna go, well who the fuck

40:14

is that? And he's good.

40:16

He's a good comic. Yeah, I've never seen one. Some in Montreal, yeah

40:18

he did really well. Great. Love a new good comic.

40:20

You ever already saw the fucking good? Ah

40:23

fuck, forget his name. New Asian guy

40:25

but he's like American I'm a Asian. Okay. Um

40:28

and reach out. Maybe anything.

40:31

If it gets wrong at all, it's racist. So, I just won't

40:33

forget it. Don't worry about it. Anyway, it's like

40:35

zing, ding, ping. Yeah, that's

40:38

nothing. I'm done with this. You know, I

40:40

had my uh

40:41

my old landlord in Queens. Yeah.

40:45

Um

40:46

we were said to make out a check every month to

40:48

uh

40:49

Xing. Yeah. Ming,

40:51

Ling. Zing,

40:54

Ming, Ling. No way. Yeah. I

40:57

mean, they must know that's what target too. Yeah,

41:01

like are sounds different out there?

41:04

Let me show you guys a proper joint management.

41:06

OK, if you're ever in a party and someone passes you a joint, you're

41:09

done. What you do is you take it.

41:11

Hold it for the amount of time you're not smoking. It's

41:13

OK. Then it feels like. And

41:15

then you know, then they get to break their lungs.

41:19

Just hand it on back. Oh, thanks. Or

41:21

if it's a circle. hold

41:23

it, hold it, pass it on. It's

41:25

just etiquette. I know you're done,

41:27

I know you're sober, I know you don't smoke. It doesn't mean you can't

41:29

hand this to the guy over there.

41:31

Okay, can you imagine doing that Thanksgiving? You know, there's

41:33

a lot of people. It hands you the, I'm done with the potatoes

41:36

here, I'm like, oh, I don't want any potatoes. Are you kidding

41:38

me? It is an etiquette a lot of people do. I've

41:40

done that in a circle particularly. Pass

41:42

it on. But you pass it to them and they

41:44

do like the no, or they even like step

41:46

backwards,

41:48

which is a weird thing. It's like, listen,

41:50

clearly I forgot. that you're sober.

41:52

Three times in a row. I

41:54

am high. You know what the excuse is going be.

41:57

Just drive a fucking thing.

42:00

I'm not going to do it. I'm not just

42:02

holding it. Okay.

42:03

But I'm done with this too. Okay. Let me

42:05

tell you another show. You're a

42:07

real ****

42:07

stoner move with this ****

42:10

cigarette. This is a **** deep ****

42:12

juice stoner cheapo

42:19

move. Oh, I think I know Put this in there. Foil it.

42:23

Some more. The smoke puts it out.

42:25

Yup. It's not the juice

42:28

cheapo move. Now, it's out. Oh, Why

42:30

waste it? You get one more blast. You get one more blast. Why

42:33

waste the smoke?

42:35

Although I've tried that move,

42:37

not the dew part, but just putting

42:40

in the lit one because the air will kill it

42:42

out in a plastic one. And

42:44

you put it in my pocket and I start to feel like, oh, it's getting

42:46

hot. That's not out. Yeah. Sometimes

42:49

it lasts sometimes. Oh yeah, they're making

42:51

out, dude. Oh, they're

42:53

kissing hard.

42:54

Let's pull up and really, let's really look at it. Yeah,

42:57

nice, dude. No, it's not nice. They're actually

42:59

extremely both unattractive unattractive.

43:01

Yeah. Yeah good for them

43:03

for sure Oh, I bet some

43:05

by the way, they're making out in the front seat of a car with

43:08

a TLC Nothing's more Indian

43:10

than that. Yeah, he's a he's a he's a

43:12

what's it called livery dry. Yeah Do

43:15

you

43:15

think that's a fair?

43:16

No, I

43:18

think those two of the white he looks

43:21

Arabic they've been together. No, she was Arabic too.

43:23

She was for sure. Yeah

43:25

They both had the same lined up beard. My parents went

43:27

to Mecca and all they were like, herbal

43:30

body odor. Really?

43:34

No, that's from the Amazing Racist. I

43:36

was selling those t-shirts.

43:38

I don't really have so much horrible body odor.

43:40

Oh, please kill a fucking black eye on camera.

43:45

Oh, dude, this podcast

43:47

is going to get skyrocketed to the top. It won't be

43:49

on camera, but it's just going to be us doing this for a while. doing this

43:51

for a while like oh

43:53

oh god dude I saw I went to see just

43:55

randomly I was looking for videos and I just went to I saw

43:58

you know what to suggest stuff like close enough.

44:00

bike

44:00

fails. Okay, watching those. And

44:02

everyone was, whoever hit

44:05

somebody from the driver's point of view, if they hit a biker,

44:07

you see them coming,

44:08

then they get very safe and slowly,

44:11

slowly, slowly pull over, slowly,

44:13

slowly, slowly, slowly stop,

44:15

park, put it in, take the seatbelt off, and

44:18

then they go, they're so scared, they don't know what to do.

44:20

It's great. It's greasing real reactions.

44:22

I had, um,

44:24

I don't think I've told you this before. Me and Kareem

44:27

Green,

44:28

when we both lived in a story of Queens. When

44:33

we both lived in Queens,

44:36

we would drive home and the back, you

44:39

could avoid lights

44:42

on one part of a story by taking the back

44:44

roads down. It's just all stop signs and

44:47

a few lights. one of the lights in this

44:50

back road,

44:53

there was a whole

44:55

Indian family crossing

44:58

against the light,

44:59

mind you. So I slowed down,

45:01

thank God,

45:03

I slowed down a little bit for them to

45:05

go. And

45:09

then when they're gone, I speed up. Oh

45:12

really? Like

45:13

I, I, I... Oh really? Yeah.

45:17

And you want to take it. Yeah. So they

45:20

get past and then I start speeding back up, but from a thing.

45:22

And there was, well, it's interesting. Just

45:24

like this, there's a van. Yeah.

45:27

On the corner, which blocks if there's people standing there.

45:29

Oh boy. There was one... So

45:31

you can't, you can't... I can't see the family already crossed and

45:33

then I'm going by the screen light. There was a straggling

45:36

little girl. No. On my life,

45:38

I swear to God this happened. Kareem will

45:41

remember this. I should

45:42

remind him of this and tell the story together. I

45:45

hit

45:46

the brakes when

45:48

she darts out. I mean, darts out. I

45:51

hit the brakes, but not before she, This

45:54

little Indian girl

45:56

rolls up my

45:58

hood. And I mean

46:00

like a horror movie like her hands are

46:02

like planted right there and She

46:06

oh geez

46:07

and she it's just looking at us

46:09

both with her hands in the car and then Because

46:11

of the way I stopped she like slides back

46:14

off of it. Oh, I Mean

46:16

hand prints like right down the car. Whoa

46:19

Terrifying so I've jumped out of the

46:21

car Do I mean I'm like,

46:23

oh my god. Oh my god free in the India.

46:25

Oh Oh man,

46:27

that's gonna look a gift horse in the mouth, you

46:30

know what I mean? You kill it, you gotta eat it.

46:33

Oh my God. Get in here.

46:37

She stood right back up,

46:39

which was amazing.

46:41

And then just like literally she stood up not crying

46:43

and then just started crying.

46:45

Like cause she freaked out. Yeah, she was freaked

46:47

out by the whole thing.

46:48

The family, I'm like over there going, I'm telling

46:51

people on the street, I'm like, I'm like, people called 911?

46:54

Like call, you know, we have to like get

46:56

her a hospital or something. you're just gonna hit by a car.

46:59

And not even sort of thinking about

47:01

like,

47:03

my repercussions of saying I'm just like, you

47:06

know, I'm a human being, I'm like, Jesus Christ,

47:08

you just got hit by, you know.

47:11

Not worried if I did anything wrong or not, I didn't, but I was

47:13

like, that wasn't my thought, I'm calling, do these Indian

47:16

people,

47:17

that family came back over? I mean, they

47:19

would have

47:20

fucking held her up like a puppet if

47:22

every bone was broken to walk her away from

47:24

that thing. And I'm going like, no, no, no, I'm going, no, no,

47:26

no, no, no, no, please. I'm like, don't,

47:29

don't like, let's wait for an ambulance

47:32

to come at least. Like, let's please make sure she's okay.

47:34

And they're going, she's okay, she's okay, she's okay. And it's

47:36

like, come on. And you know, you're dragging

47:39

her basically, like off. And

47:41

I'm like, no, please. And then it's funny, it's

47:43

right by Queensbridge Projects, we were.

47:46

So there was a lot of a get-to people out

47:48

there. And it's the best thing was like, someone

47:51

just sitting on like a stoop just goes, they

47:53

got their own doctors.

47:55

They're afraid they don't go to the

47:58

hospital because they got no pay.

48:00

And I was like,

48:02

oh. Cuz

48:04

I'm like, why would this father, if he cares

48:06

about his child. I'm getting my daughter to my hospital

48:08

quick. They're like, I'm getting her to where they're not gonna

48:10

let you know, whoever our doctor is. I'm like,

48:13

wow. Now you could do worse than to have your illegal

48:15

doctor be probably Indian. Do you remember the Crown

48:17

Heights riots?

48:19

No, you're just a touch

48:21

on it. I remember this is like fourth or fifth grade. Hasidics?

48:24

But what? Hasidics? It

48:27

was in Crown Heights when it was like Norman lived there

48:29

when it was black and Jew. It was like a

48:31

split neighborhood, I guess. I'm going from memory, so

48:33

who cares if it's right or wrong. But

48:35

somebody hits a couple kids on

48:38

a playground. Oh. Some

48:40

driver. I do remember this. And it was

48:42

a black kid, I think a black boy

48:44

and a Jewish little girl, same age. Let's

48:46

say they're seven years old. And

48:49

so they call 911, but according

48:51

to at least one song. I know. You

48:53

know a lot about 911, Jay. I know this exact story. It's a

48:55

joke. It's a joke. It's

48:58

a jizz-o. In the meantime, you do what Dave

49:00

Smiths would say is the right thing, privately owned

49:02

business, right? Isn't that what he believes

49:04

in? Yeah, oh, very much. So the Jews are like, we got our ambulance system.

49:06

We know 911's a joke, so we just pay for our own.

49:09

And they come, which that's so far so good.

49:11

So far so good? No, I know this story. I

49:14

have heard this before. It's fucking crazy. And

49:16

then they come and they get the little girl and

49:18

they're like, black kid, black kid too, black kid too. They're

49:21

like, that's not really on the payroll for

49:23

the black kid.

49:25

They're like, no, no, you're going to the, you're taking them to the hospital.

49:27

Take the black kid. They're both hurt. They're like, no meat with

49:29

this cheese, sir. Yeah.

49:32

The kid though, I guess the black kid died and

49:35

then they would just ride to the streets. Yeah.

49:37

For a while.

49:38

Oh man. Well, you know, I

49:40

think is that related to Jesse Jackson

49:42

calling it Hymetown? Maybe, but

49:44

that'd be great.

49:46

Hymetown. Yeah. What are they should

49:48

make movies about New York? Why

49:52

do they never touch on these subjects here? the

49:57

Although I have been to it is funny to be

49:59

a car a part of Like

50:03

a part of it as a Jewish

50:05

person, but I mean like no, but you

50:07

know, it's fun, New York

50:09

The New York Jews you grew up like Orthodox

50:12

So it's not as

50:15

like

50:15

wild for you But even as a Jewish

50:18

boy, I grew up in a in a place where like

50:20

there was a synagogue But I don't know many people

50:22

who ever went to it

50:23

Really? Where I grew up. Yeah, even though

50:25

it was the neighbor. It was Jewish and black. You just didn't say anything

50:28

No, it wasn't even a thing. Maybe once

50:31

or twice I went into it. Now, I did go to

50:33

school in that synagogue because it

50:35

was used for ninth grade of my K through 12

50:37

school.

50:39

So we were in there. But like

50:41

as far as like the actual like, you know, service room

50:43

and stuff. No,

50:46

maybe once or twice ever when I was really young and my

50:48

grandfather was alive. But like,

50:49

no, not very religious at all. But

50:52

everyone was Jewish in like the most.

50:55

Like I didn't get at all

50:58

what the racism was. Against Jews?

51:01

I just didn't understand it because I was like, my

51:03

Jewish friends are almost identical to

51:05

my not Jewish friends and like, no one

51:08

even thinks about it. Different kind of Jew, sorry I was

51:10

off mic. Different kind of Jew.

51:11

Yeah, yeah. And then what it was,

51:13

it really took me of all things, man. Going

51:16

to New York

51:19

and then going like,

51:21

you go like, oh, you know what? I

51:25

get it now. I get it now. If

51:27

it makes sense, not that I get that you should hate people

51:30

for whatever, I'm just saying like I didn't know what their comp, you

51:32

know,

51:33

the cheap stick to themselves. Also

51:36

my ex-wife, my ex-wife

51:38

who lived in that area,

51:41

Crown Heights or something like that, whatever

51:43

it was,

51:45

were like they're actually also

51:49

like, maybe

51:51

racist is the right word or wrong word. Is

51:53

it racism? Is it racism? It's

51:56

more like it's separatism. They really

51:58

want you. That's what got us in trouble always. want

52:00

you the fuck out of that neighborhood. They just

52:02

want to do their own thing. That's what got them in trouble in Europe.

52:04

People are like, who are these people? Are they better than us? They're

52:06

not, they just want to do their own thing.

52:09

But imagine if you weren't allowed to buy in Chinatown.

52:12

You start going like, what the fuck? Yeah. Yeah,

52:15

yeah, yeah. I mean, the fish smells enough, but let's say

52:17

I still want to go. You know, Bill Maher said it last

52:19

night on Real Time with Bill Maher. He's like, this

52:22

is a real thing. Yeah. Okay.

52:25

You said liberal people have a hard time

52:28

spending any time acknowledging progress.

52:31

They

52:33

don't talk about the progress at all and he's right about

52:36

that. He goes, there is a thing, it's like, you wouldn't even

52:38

think, it would be crazy if you were told

52:40

you couldn't rent an apartment in Chinatown.

52:42

It'd be crazy. It'd be crazy at this point

52:44

if you were like, a Chinese person can't

52:47

move into this neighborhood. It's like, those things really

52:49

don't happen. I'm not saying there's not pieces of shit

52:51

who will try to get you out of there. Yeah,

52:53

but no ways, that's like still happening. But there

52:55

was rules about these things.

52:59

Howard Stern, I think Howard Stern, they talk about his

53:01

dad would talk about when he would look through the classified

53:03

ads for jobs. They would say

53:05

in classified

53:07

ads, no Jews. Whoa.

53:09

And didn't even waste their time saying no black

53:11

people. See what I mean? It was like, if it's

53:13

no Jews, it's probably no black people. Unless

53:16

it was black people saying no Jews. Wow.

53:20

Yeah, it's pretty like. That's just like that, we live in

53:22

New York, So it's like we just don't see anything close

53:24

to that. No, correct. Not

53:26

even a remnant of it. Yeah, there's not a remnant. There's remnants in other

53:28

places. You ever heard Joe List tell a story about Boston or hanging out

53:30

with his friend? It might have been Tom Dustin. Might

53:32

have been both of them.

53:33

And they walked in with like a black, or they were at a

53:35

bar or they walked in with one of their black friends. Maybe

53:38

they're just at a bar. None of this matters. I'm a bad storyteller.

53:41

This is

53:42

two Boston alcohols. But the bartender goes, no, no, no, we're

53:44

good. We're good.

53:46

Yeah, and they were like, what? Like, yeah, yeah, yeah, we're good. We're good.

53:49

And just like,

53:50

okay. Yeah,

53:52

yeah, that level is like we don't get that

53:54

here now It would be

53:56

so confusing if it was here. Again,

53:59

this is where I.

54:00

you also get like,

54:02

you know, in New York it's interesting because

54:04

you get the everything of everything. You

54:06

get these fashionable gay Arabs over

54:08

here. Yeah. Like you don't see

54:11

that. That's not happening in Milwaukee.

54:14

Or not even Milwaukee is a bad example. Like, you

54:16

know, Duluth

54:17

doesn't have that happening. We

54:19

get- Yeah, they've never even seen a Hasidic person. This

54:22

place, there's a zillion Irish

54:24

people with Irish accents bartending

54:27

and bar-flying and bars all over the city.

54:29

You know what I mean? Everyone's doing the thing.

54:32

You know what I mean? You

54:35

see the Jews with the black, you know, the Hossids

54:38

with the black on black and it's summertime

54:41

and they're wearing wool coats and shit.

54:44

You know what I mean? You see that. Then

54:46

you also just see like,

54:47

you know, the smarmy rich kid who just has the

54:49

Yarmulke on.

54:50

Yeah, exactly.

54:52

And he's just like privileged. He's

54:54

just like a rich kid. does

54:57

the least probably New York

55:00

thing represent

55:02

representation is loud

55:05

and proud just Catholics like

55:08

Christian people you

55:09

do get that I think you don't I think it's what you get the least

55:11

in New York yeah I think the people who

55:13

come from like Catholic and whatever like that

55:16

one day with a guy fucking sprays water at

55:18

you yeah yeah yeah yeah you the ash ash

55:20

whatever but like no one really I don't

55:23

know any, someone made a joke to me last night

55:25

that it was like, oh, it's pretty late because

55:28

I got church in the morning and I was like,

55:30

oh yeah.

55:31

And they were like, no, I'm fucking

55:33

kidding. And I was like, oh wow. I was

55:35

like, when I was younger, people did go to church. I

55:38

didn't, I mean, I wasn't a, I'm not Catholic

55:40

or anything. I didn't go to synagogue,

55:42

so I certainly wasn't going. I've been to church more than synagogue,

55:45

funny enough. Really? Oh yeah, that's wild.

55:47

That's wild. Well, my dad would always- That's wild. My dad

55:50

was always Mario Lady who was

55:52

into church to

55:54

some degree. Roy was telling me in Macaulay

55:56

yesterday. Fake church people though, not live their

55:58

life by it. was just that they're

56:00

job was to go every Sunday, you

56:02

do have to go to church. That was it. I

56:05

never got it. They're fun,

56:07

especially when you're not connected to it at all. Well

56:10

no, I thought they were crazy boring. I really

56:12

would love to go to like a Greg Lock.

56:17

What is that? Super church. Yes. I

56:20

want to go to a black one. I want to go to Creflo Dollar.

56:23

Black ones are fun and that's where you're going

56:25

to see. I think a black one you will

56:27

be drawn into

56:29

the energy though and be like smiling

56:31

a lot. I think if

56:33

you get to one of those, the white ones,

56:37

I think quickly you'll feel like bored

56:39

of shit. Not bored. No,

56:41

I don't think it's bored. I think it's going to be funnier

56:44

than the black one, but you're going to be like... I think

56:47

you'll be looking to your left ear. At a black

56:49

church, I think they believe it. black

56:53

church where everyone's dancing and jumping

56:55

up and whatever. There's a lot of people there that

56:57

believe it. I think those things,

57:01

I mean, it's just like they're

57:04

being used. They're

57:06

dumb. They're there for bad reasons.

57:08

The people who do it, I see that guy Greg

57:10

Locke's name because he was on these documentaries.

57:13

I've been watching, he's like a Tennessee super-trick. He

57:15

was at the insurrection. Really?

57:17

He's super right wing. Oh, he's just praying people in? He

57:20

was just doing some kind of service out there, but I

57:22

mean, he was like into it. You know what I

57:24

mean? Dude, you're right. It's so much more interesting because

57:26

like, right, you believe this. But that guy said,

57:29

and I don't think this is always, I think, I'm sure this happens in black

57:31

church too, like a shyster gets involved and it's a

57:33

money thing. But I think a lot of those things

57:35

like... Well, you see the churches, like the Latino

57:38

churches and the black churches in like the neighborhoods.

57:40

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's just like downstairs of an apartment.

57:42

Yeah. Or like ground floor and then the rest is a real

57:44

apartment. Yeah. It's like, it's like those

57:47

people are there for the love.

57:48

They're there for the love. When

57:50

you're going to the show, you're going to the show, or you're looking for

57:52

something like crazy. I mean, if you put your belief

57:54

in a guy, but that Greg Locke guy... These

57:56

are future islands.

57:58

Oh, the show, right? Yeah.

58:00

performing.

58:02

I know this. It's a weird play. Yeah. Farcel stadium.

58:04

You've been there?

58:05

No, but I'm performing on it this week. This summer.

58:07

Oh, yeah. Yeah. With Bert. That'll be great. Pretty

58:09

boy world tour. 2023. Uh fully

58:11

loaded. Fully loaded. Birdie

58:14

boy belly. Pretty

58:15

very belly belly. Belly battle. Yeah.

58:17

Belly Buddhist. I think there's a Buddhist guy coming up. It was pretty

58:20

fun. Bert does this great thing. It is uh

58:23

when I did one of his last day, I did the thing with them

58:25

at uh Phoenix. Yeah.

58:27

And I guess it'll probably be a thing that maybe that

58:30

was called the show you know it's called tops off tour

58:33

and he has a tops off camera that goes

58:35

around the audience and makes you take your top off

58:37

as a dude you don't have to at all it's just

58:39

but see here's the thing it's just got you think

58:42

I promise yeah if

58:44

I did three shows where I had that in a comedy

58:46

club forget a theater yeah

58:48

pretty quickly

58:51

there's gonna be at least a pair or two

58:53

of titty women's titties

58:55

trying to keep up just flat just because

58:57

they're like, yeah, we're having wild, it's fun. Yeah.

59:00

It's only on this thing, you know, whatever. Who

59:02

cares? It is a 100% fat men.

59:07

Dad's doing it. Not again,

59:09

I only watched it for like, you know, the 20 minutes they

59:11

had it on the one show. So maybe it'll be different

59:14

this summer. But I mean, it was not one

59:16

time with it. There's women there. There's beautiful

59:18

women there. It's not to do with that. It's just, I would have done pretty

59:20

right away. I'm honestly within 10 minutes, within

59:22

three minutes, there'd be a girl going, yeah, I mean me.

59:25

My turn. Yeah. But it's

59:27

being like, but Burt also doesn't

59:29

have, I think, a large contingent of women with

59:32

neck and tit tattoos like I do.

59:34

I have that in my

59:36

audience in spades, you know? So

59:39

a girl who's like, I'll pull my titties out. Burt

59:41

has more, in his audience, more surgery scars.

59:43

Yeah. But

59:45

it is pretty funny, just every time it's a guy, I was

59:48

looking around, I was like, because they were telling me about the thing, I was

59:50

like, oh, that's going to be awesome. I bet there's going to be a couple of girls

59:52

pulling their

59:53

tits out, but it's just... It's

59:56

interesting, isn't it interesting? I wish it would've seemed fun when you guys were

59:58

taking baddie practices and stuff.

1:00:00

It is interesting. Oh, it's great. Isn't

1:00:02

it interesting, though, like your audience

1:00:04

does reflect like your

1:00:06

temperament in some way? Do you know what I mean? Like,

1:00:09

Burt's audience, you throw a camera on them, odds

1:00:11

are a woman's not gonna pour titties out, a

1:00:14

girl's husband's gonna pour titties out, and

1:00:16

she's the kind of lady who loves that, though. She's

1:00:18

like, Oh, that's... He does... He loves Burt. He

1:00:20

takes his shirt off. You know what I mean? Yeah. Supportive

1:00:23

and everything like that. Like,

1:00:25

mine's more of a chance of a girl pouring her titties out, but then also

1:00:28

a chance of the guy next to her going, fuck you doing, Denise?

1:00:30

Yeah. Or the titties not being really

1:00:33

presentable. That was, man, when

1:00:35

I was in a

1:00:36

Cobs Comedy Club last time. The

1:00:39

way you handled Rock on the Range, I

1:00:41

was shaking in my boots.

1:00:44

We'd go up to introduce a band or a radio

1:00:46

DJ in front of probably 15,000 to 20,000. Oh,

1:00:49

no, that was more. That was like 80,000 people. I'm

1:00:51

writing this in the main state. It's a 100,000 seat arena.

1:00:55

It's the outdoors one. Yeah, it was a soccer

1:00:57

stadium. Yeah. In Ohio.

1:01:00

I mean, it's just as far as you can see with people.

1:01:03

And I'm like, what am I going to say here? And then

1:01:05

immediately, some guy was like, you

1:01:07

suck. I went out of the gate, like, what? He

1:01:09

just took the mic and was like, you hit him

1:01:11

so hard. So many times in a row, the crowd just

1:01:14

started hating him. It was great. It

1:01:16

was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:01:18

It was like, whoa.

1:01:20

Yeah, it was insane. That's what

1:01:22

I did when I was on tour with the bands. You were like, annihilate them right

1:01:24

away. That's your only chance. Well, annihilate them right away. And also,

1:01:26

but I said it's also the plea with the

1:01:28

audience that you're laying

1:01:31

out with them. You're going like, hey, I'm doing this.

1:01:34

I'm entertaining you in between things.

1:01:36

It's nothing or this. So

1:01:39

why are you being a cocksucker? You know what

1:01:41

I mean? While I'm trying to like,

1:01:43

you know, so you get the crowd and the crowd kind of goes like,

1:01:45

oh yeah, he is just trying to help us. Yeah.

1:01:48

You want to be silent? You can just do silence if you want. This

1:01:50

thing I was in when I was in Cobbs, this is such a funny time.

1:01:52

I was in Cobbs last time

1:01:54

in San Fran. Yeah.

1:01:57

For the listeners, that's short for San Francisco. San Francisco.

1:02:00

No. Home of the, what are they doing? Reparations

1:02:02

now. Are they really? Five

1:02:05

million dollars or something. What?

1:02:09

Like, per, we have to look that up. Can I get

1:02:11

some? As in Israeli? It's Africa,

1:02:13

sort of, next to one now. Sure? Yeah,

1:02:15

I'm pretty sure. You sure though? No.

1:02:18

It's worth a look up. Wait,

1:02:21

what can I... Okay. In cobs...

1:02:23

With a look up, yep. In cobs, these two ladies...

1:02:27

What should I do? A lady and a girl. Yeah.

1:02:30

The one was probably 24 maybe.

1:02:33

The other one,

1:02:34

late 40s, early 50s and wearing

1:02:37

it.

1:02:37

Oh, you know what I mean? She looks every bit her age.

1:02:41

And they

1:02:42

were sitting there. They were

1:02:45

disruptive, but the kind of disruptive that I'm fine

1:02:48

with. Yeah. Like a rowdy on the good

1:02:50

side of rowdy. Yeah. It's like

1:02:52

whatever. You're also laughing. You're not

1:02:54

being like, fuck yeah. The problem was the one, the younger one,

1:02:56

who was pretty cute,

1:03:00

kept pulling her titties out

1:03:02

over and over again. They

1:03:04

were great. She

1:03:06

knew why she was pulling them out. Yeah, but come on, once

1:03:08

or twice. Don't over milk it. For

1:03:10

sure. Hey, nice. Dude, nice.

1:03:13

Let's get this on camera. King. Oh,

1:03:15

noice. Yes, the girl kept doing it, right?

1:03:19

She

1:03:20

would just do this. girl kept doing

1:03:22

it, right? And she would just do this. It was actually pretty

1:03:25

hot because what she would do is

1:03:27

if she saw me kind of look her direction or whatever, she would

1:03:29

like, she was wearing no bra. She

1:03:32

would like lift it up so just like her

1:03:34

nipples and like bottom of her tip were just hanging out and

1:03:36

not really, no, not make a scene out of it. She's

1:03:38

like, yeah, yeah. She would just have them hanging out. And then

1:03:40

I would acknowledge because I'd be like, it's not easy

1:03:43

to focus on what I'm saying when your titties are back

1:03:45

up. And you know, she'd laugh, whatever. She was a big

1:03:47

fan. Right. She'd probably listen Yeah,

1:03:50

probably listening

1:03:50

to this right now. Hey,

1:03:53

if you're out there, give

1:03:55

those titties a rub. Yeah, give them titties a rub for us. Here's

1:03:57

a rub right now. This goes out to you.

1:04:00

Her friend, I think they're

1:04:02

both fans. The older lady

1:04:05

was sitting there, they're hammered. And she keeps laughing

1:04:07

about it. And towards

1:04:09

the end of the show, I mean there's five minutes left

1:04:11

of show.

1:04:13

And the girls pulling her titties out again. And I go,

1:04:16

I kept saying something about them talking and

1:04:18

even kind of with tongue, I go, guys there's

1:04:20

not much to the show, they're gonna get them kicking you out though.

1:04:22

If you don't, you know what I mean? Like you see these girls next to

1:04:25

you hate you. I was explaining that thing, I go,

1:04:27

look, I'll sit here and look at your titties all day I'll make I'll

1:04:29

talk about it all day because you know what tomorrow.

1:04:32

There's another show. It's not me. I'm not the problem I'm

1:04:34

like, there's no other show tomorrow

1:04:36

if this one becomes all this Yeah,

1:04:39

I'll forget about it by next week And

1:04:44

But I'm like they're gonna the boot and yeah, you know,

1:04:46

I mean so the audience doesn't like you

1:04:48

anymore

1:04:49

I'm kind of going through that so that's such a good way to say it

1:04:51

too They're gonna end up booing you which means

1:04:53

like yeah, you always get that ready. Yeah

1:04:56

Yeah, but once they get it right, now you're thinking it. It's

1:04:58

like I'm trying to save you from being booted, but they're gonna

1:05:00

kick you out of here. Oh yeah. And

1:05:02

then the timing of this was so hilariously

1:05:05

perfect.

1:05:06

The girl keeps pulling her

1:05:08

titties out, yeah,

1:05:09

booted, I'm sorry.

1:05:11

I

1:05:14

see, they're

1:05:15

not even thinking about it, someone from

1:05:17

the staff is walking over to her. But

1:05:19

it's a very big club, you know, it's that kind of vacuous

1:05:21

club, and so it's full. So

1:05:25

like the guys walking slowly over, not

1:05:27

even really sure he's going over to them. But

1:05:29

the timing came at a time when I was like,

1:05:32

the girl kept pulling her titties out, I go, is

1:05:34

this the move like you send

1:05:36

this young girl out here with her titties to like get

1:05:38

all the stuff and then you guys get to going

1:05:40

together? Like you know, it's like she pulls her titties out to get into the club

1:05:42

and then you get to go with her. She pulls her titties

1:05:44

out to get free food and you get free food too. And

1:05:47

she goes, she goes, I got my own

1:05:49

titties and she pulled her titties out. The

1:05:51

guard?

1:05:53

No, no, no, the lady that was sitting there. Oh,

1:05:55

OK. That was what the girl did. Oh, I get it. I get it. I

1:05:57

get it. She guards are coming over. and you said it's about

1:05:59

that later.

1:06:00

But it's not just the time they

1:06:02

were coming over for sure yeah

1:06:05

to ask them to leave But she's like let me get one in

1:06:07

no they had no idea I didn't know

1:06:09

idea this they're walking from the back the other this

1:06:12

guy just be walking through to like Give a check

1:06:14

out or collect a check you know I mean yeah But

1:06:17

the timing worked out that I said that thing and then

1:06:19

the girl pulled her titties out, and they

1:06:21

were

1:06:23

Not good titties. I I

1:06:25

don't remember them, but I remember like the audience was not

1:06:27

that psyched and everyone there. And

1:06:30

then it just, the timing reads that as soon as

1:06:32

she put her titties away, the guy was like, I'm

1:06:34

going to need you guys to leave. And I go, oh,

1:06:36

and over explaining to the audience,

1:06:38

I go, that really reads wrong.

1:06:41

I go, you put your titties away, so now you have to go. Oh,

1:06:43

that was, I go, that other girl pulled her titties

1:06:46

out 70 times and everyone

1:06:48

just cheered and clapped. And then even when they

1:06:50

weren't clapping anymore, they were still like, they are great

1:06:52

titties. And then it looks like from

1:06:55

timing when that lady pulled her awful titties, they

1:06:57

go, oh, no time to go. Get

1:07:00

those sour ass titties out of here. It

1:07:03

was

1:07:03

so goddamn

1:07:06

funny. Get

1:07:08

those sour ass titties out of here. By

1:07:10

the way, Big J. Oak is his new

1:07:12

special dog belly. Live

1:07:15

from Skankfest. Live from Skankfest, Colins

1:07:18

or Semicomm or the one with the comma. Live from Skankfest.

1:07:21

It's available right now on YouTube.com

1:07:23

slash any number of things actually

1:07:26

it might be. It might be YouTube.com

1:07:28

slash at BigJOchreson

1:07:30

and it might be YouTube.com

1:07:31

slash

1:07:33

at BigJOchreson Comedy making

1:07:35

sure to put an at sign in. Yeah it

1:07:37

could be YouTube.com

1:07:40

slash

1:07:41

BigJOchreson054126785450. We'll

1:07:47

have a link to it.

1:07:50

We will have a link to it. The fun fact, but then I

1:07:52

want to hear, no, let's hear that story first. What?

1:07:55

I mean, stop me if you've said it a billion

1:07:57

times, but you said it to me. Yeah. You're

1:08:01

going to pick up someone from the airport. Okay.

1:08:05

You got it yet? And

1:08:08

they look different than they did the

1:08:10

last time you either hooked up with them or how they

1:08:12

looked online when you agreed to pick them up and they

1:08:14

could stay with you. Not an airport. Grand

1:08:18

Central Station. Wow. Okay.

1:08:22

But

1:08:22

it's still, it's a good one. Yeah. It's

1:08:25

a pretty... Yeah. I'll

1:08:27

count it. I'll include it. It'll count.

1:08:29

So I hooked up with a girl.

1:08:32

So far so good. Yeah. It's

1:08:34

just like the Jews at this point. Everything's fine. Everything's

1:08:36

going great in Connecticut. Wait, did we drop by the stand? Mohegan. We're

1:08:39

in the cellar? No, we're back up midtown. I

1:08:42

was just

1:08:44

looping the city and I figured, by the time we get back down to your

1:08:47

place, it'll be perfect. Are you indicated?

1:08:49

They, so I picked the scroll up. Yeah.

1:08:57

Oh no. So Mohegan's son. I was

1:08:59

hooked up with a man named Fox Woods or something, one of those. I

1:09:03

was opening for somebody or something so long ago.

1:09:07

And she... I remember

1:09:09

meeting this girl

1:09:11

and we hooked up. We fucked that night. And

1:09:15

in the morning when I woke up, it

1:09:17

was a rare drunk

1:09:19

for me where I was just zonked. I

1:09:23

don't even know if we fucked good or fucked a lot, but

1:09:25

we definitely fucked around.

1:09:27

I fell asleep

1:09:30

right away, which is another rare thing.

1:09:32

You know, where you just fall asleep with a stranger.

1:09:36

And it's a rare, almost never

1:09:38

actually. And then like,

1:09:41

and so when I wake up,

1:09:43

there's just a note.

1:09:44

I had an amazing time.

1:09:46

Would love to see you again. Here's my number, blah, blah,

1:09:49

blah. So I take the number and

1:09:51

I'm going away. You know,

1:09:55

I'm leaving, I'm doing a weekend where I could drive

1:09:57

to. It's a black club.

1:09:59

stories from this black club and

1:10:02

uh it was

1:10:03

one of the only headline gigs I would get it was the guy

1:10:05

who owned the laugh house where I started in Philly yeah

1:10:08

move down to Laurel Maryland not

1:10:12

a great neighbor not near College Park Oh

1:10:14

Laurel is not a good neighbor no

1:10:17

not a good neighbor yeah that's where the club was

1:10:19

and the hotel

1:10:20

and but I was like

1:10:22

that club it's a black club PG and And

1:10:25

it was a black club where I never did holy

1:10:28

shit well. What

1:10:30

do you mean, numbers wise or on stage wise? On

1:10:32

stage wise. CFO?

1:10:34

No, it was on. Oh no, that's Baltimore.

1:10:37

It was called Jokes on Us. Okay. It

1:10:39

doesn't exist anymore.

1:10:40

Okay. But it was a small club. It was great.

1:10:43

It was actually a good club. One time I did it, like me

1:10:46

and Toure were like doing it together. I was opening for

1:10:48

Toure and the whole show got bumped because

1:10:50

Robert Townsend and Chris Tucker came in. It

1:10:53

was pretty awesome. There, yeah. an important

1:10:55

comedy lesson that day that I'll always love

1:10:57

to share was to Ray

1:11:00

bring a book

1:11:00

bring a book no um

1:11:03

Robert Townsend went on introduced Chris Tucker

1:11:05

Chris Tucker did about 45 minutes damn

1:11:08

when he was on they came over us and they were like so

1:11:10

you know it's up to you guys if you want to

1:11:12

go on still like you absolutely can

1:11:15

you know you're here yeah but we're paying

1:11:17

either way don't worry about it and like whatever you want

1:11:19

to do and almost the same time like I was was

1:11:21

like, phew, all right, yeah,

1:11:24

we're good, you know, we'll

1:11:26

just end the show. And Toure was like,

1:11:28

no, no, no, no, no. Do I spot? He's like, no, he's

1:11:30

like, you, I mean, he's gonna do

1:11:32

much less. He's like, I'm gonna do like 25, you do

1:11:34

like 15 or something, 10, 15. And

1:11:37

I go,

1:11:38

Toure, that's insane. They

1:11:40

just watched Chris Tucker. Robert

1:11:43

Townsend. And this is like, probably, you know, this is like. Prime,

1:11:46

just past Prime. Yeah, it's like, I mean.

1:11:49

In between Rush hours is. In between Russia,

1:11:51

we're probably two and three. Wow, okay. So

1:11:54

he wasn't not a star still, you know what I mean? Right,

1:11:56

right. He's a, I mean, you're supposed to wipe the wax

1:11:59

off. also wipe

1:12:00

a little fuck is that crazy

1:12:02

looking that's crazy looking it's

1:12:05

the circles they waxed

1:12:08

on and ever waxed off that

1:12:12

means the person who did it can only block left left

1:12:15

punches I mean just rinse it throw

1:12:17

a hose I only learned how to wax I

1:12:24

was like, you know, whacks on. It was a soft day. Took

1:12:29

an injury on wax off.

1:12:30

So, most people go with you with their

1:12:32

left. So, you

1:12:34

just really just got a wax on. Just working

1:12:36

your wax ons. Yeah. The hydra just didn't learn how to land.

1:12:40

So,

1:12:42

um So, he says, so he says, but

1:12:44

he says, what did he

1:12:46

say? You said, oh, he's easy. He's easy. Let's go on and do it.

1:12:48

Oh, he's like, no, you go on and the point he made that it was

1:12:51

great. I go, he just watched Chris Tucker. He goes,

1:12:53

paid 15 bucks

1:12:55

to come see me and

1:12:57

you, you know? Yeah.

1:12:59

And he was like, and then he just got to see Chris Tucker

1:13:02

for 45 minutes and he goes, all week,

1:13:04

it's just your game, if you think you were gonna do

1:13:06

good before, you're

1:13:09

gonna do it at least good. Now they're in such

1:13:11

a good mood, they're like holy shit. I go,

1:13:13

oh yeah. Because you expect

1:13:15

them to go, who the fuck are you? We're done,

1:13:17

Chris Tucker was here, fuck you. And

1:13:19

they're just like, oh there's some more show, like great, and by

1:13:21

the way, some people will leave, Some people will

1:13:23

be like, oh shit, I'm still drinking. Yeah.

1:13:27

And

1:13:27

I thought that was cool. It was good advice.

1:13:31

And I always adhere to that. So this club, but

1:13:33

one thing would happen, whether I did good or bad. Back

1:13:35

to the story. Good job. If I would do good

1:13:38

or bad. Yeah.

1:13:40

Never was there

1:13:42

pussy coming afterwards. Female

1:13:45

iteration. Black club, but very,

1:13:48

even like in a lot of the other black rooms

1:13:50

I did in black clubs, at very least, the

1:13:52

morbidly obese black women would come like winging

1:13:55

it, you know? Yeah. And not here.

1:13:58

Not here. Wow.

1:14:00

It was not that place. So.

1:14:03

What I would do some such funny thing, like I should have

1:14:05

done this anyway, I should have just gone back to my room and

1:14:07

been a good.

1:14:09

Just got a good boyfriend. A

1:14:11

good boyfriend to my ex. Yeah.

1:14:14

But I was like, you know, again, young enough

1:14:16

at that time, too, where I was like, isn't part of the

1:14:18

I'm not making any financial rewards from this. Like,

1:14:20

isn't the reward that you get late sometimes?

1:14:23

Yeah. Yeah. That's supposed to be the reward. So.

1:14:25

Somebody

1:14:26

wants to give you a fucking no dough. Yeah,

1:14:29

so I was like on that gig particularly

1:14:31

This is why I have several stories from there because

1:14:33

it's a mistake move Bringing someone

1:14:35

who is not your girlfriend or that you're really

1:14:38

seeing in any way

1:14:39

bring her to a gig to a weekend It's

1:14:42

a bad idea. So where'd you bring her? Laurel,

1:14:45

Maryland.

1:14:46

Oh you brought you met her Foxwoods and brought her

1:14:48

so matter of Foxwoods Okay, and

1:14:50

she gave me her number and I was like, oh, well we fucked I

1:14:53

must have been attracted to her I

1:14:55

said one of the drunks have ever been. I

1:14:57

wasn't blackout, I remember I fucked a girl. You know

1:14:59

what I mean? It wasn't like, I don't remember what happened.

1:15:01

I'm just like, what is she? She must have been cute. I convinced

1:15:04

myself she was cute. Which is what I would have done sober

1:15:06

and then just later been like,

1:15:08

yeah she was. My judgment was down.

1:15:10

And

1:15:12

a couple weeks later I was going to Maryland and I go,

1:15:14

hey would you wanna

1:15:16

come to this weekend with me? Just,

1:15:19

it's one nut thinking. I

1:15:21

hate the term nut for coming, but it's what it is. It is.

1:15:24

It's one nothing. As

1:15:26

soon as you come the once, you're like, I've walked my- 56 hours

1:15:28

I did? Yeah.

1:15:30

You're like, come on, man. Yeah.

1:15:33

That's like a crazy idea. It should be like, hey, I'm in the hotel

1:15:35

room down the hall. Can I come over here? And you're like,

1:15:38

I don't know. You

1:15:39

live 20 minutes away, tops. Yeah.

1:15:42

Swing by. Yeah. Magnapee

1:15:44

eyes on. I don't know. So

1:15:47

she's like, yeah,

1:15:49

I'd love to. So, oh my God, she would

1:15:51

meet me. down the grand

1:15:53

central.

1:15:55

You meet me there. I pick up my car and we'll drive down.

1:15:57

Okay, great. This This sounds great.

1:16:00

It's so funny, even that, I'm like, it doesn't suck.

1:16:02

It's like, it's just a thing. Yeah, wait, wait. You're

1:16:05

gonna drive down to Laurel. With her. Wow.

1:16:07

Again, it's like, all we did was

1:16:09

drunkenly bullshit one night and fuck. That's

1:16:11

nuts. And you're gonna have a road trip. Were you looking to fall

1:16:13

in love?

1:16:15

That's retarded, Joe. Whatever it was.

1:16:17

No, what I thought was, I was like, oh, I'll be able to fuck all weekend.

1:16:20

Yeah. And there's not a road trip. And

1:16:22

there's not a baby. There's not a baby in that. If the train goes all

1:16:24

the way to fucking Maryland, I'll just pick you up there. You know what I'm saying?

1:16:27

There's not a baby in the house.

1:16:30

So,

1:16:31

so I was like, you know, it just seemed like

1:16:33

a good idea at the time.

1:16:35

It's so far from my thinking now that it's interesting.

1:16:38

Yeah, what a fucking loser. So

1:16:41

I

1:16:43

pick her up.

1:16:44

Yeah. And when I see it's funny.

1:16:46

And then so again, like I said, that's why I wasn't like blackout drunk.

1:16:49

When I see her, it's just like someone

1:16:51

goes,

1:16:52

someone, you know, next to me should have been like, I told

1:16:54

you dummy. Was this before Facebook and

1:16:56

Myspace and stuff? Did

1:16:58

you know her pictures probably my space?

1:17:00

No, I didn't I didn't know her pictures at all. Just

1:17:03

had memory Yep, okay, and

1:17:05

a number

1:17:06

and a number whoa what a note written

1:17:08

No, we're so fucking easy. I know a note

1:17:11

written in very girly handwriting to

1:17:13

wow good sign

1:17:15

That's lost from society the fucking cuteness

1:17:17

of a number on a piece of paper It's such a cute

1:17:19

handwriting all the way they write it circle

1:17:21

on dots and stuff. Yeah, you

1:17:24

see a little personality in it. Yeah but

1:17:26

um

1:17:27

I pick her up and when

1:17:30

I see her, I said it all comes

1:17:32

back. I'm like, oh, I'm like,

1:17:34

oh, right. I go, I don't remember.

1:17:37

So it wasn't that I don't remember. I thought

1:17:39

I remember her prettier. It was just

1:17:41

like I trusted that it was like, yeah. And

1:17:44

by the way, I even knew she was like a bigger girl. Yeah.

1:17:46

But that was like, especially- But not bigger than you. No,

1:17:49

and especially, well, maybe. But especially

1:17:51

at that time, especially at that

1:17:53

time, though, I was like, that didn't matter. Yeah,

1:17:56

that's my best poll is probably

1:17:58

gonna be big

1:17:59

checks.

1:18:00

Again for like I'm not talking about like

1:18:02

make somebody like me. I mean like

1:18:04

for a hey we just met would you

1:18:06

fuck I?

1:18:08

Assume that my best bet is gonna be an attractive

1:18:10

like big girl, right?

1:18:12

That'd be my that would be my home run and

1:18:15

I was like so she's at least a big girl I go she must be really

1:18:17

pretty and then when she's got there It's not even to take a shot

1:18:19

at her like an unnecessary shot at her. It just wasn't

1:18:21

my thing You know, I mean I was like, I'm

1:18:23

actually not

1:18:25

Attracted to this girl at all at

1:18:28

all We Drive

1:18:31

down and by the way, she was it the

1:18:34

drive was actually fine I don't remember that that was without

1:18:36

incident. I don't even look at it as like it's a couple

1:18:38

hours drive But I don't even remember that

1:18:41

being like anything difficult

1:18:43

At all. I was like, so what

1:18:45

you know, it's like she'll come

1:18:48

You know, it's like she's friendly enough. I'm like, no we

1:18:50

checked it I go, but I guess like, you know, we could fuck like,

1:18:53

you know, we'll fuck maybe once or so You're

1:18:55

just like, it's happening. Yeah, it's like I brought

1:18:57

her down, she wants to fuck.

1:19:00

And so we get to the hotel right

1:19:02

away afternoon,

1:19:04

first thing in there she wants to fuck.

1:19:07

We get it in somehow. I

1:19:12

assume I finished like whatever, but whatever it was,

1:19:14

I wasn't into it at all. But

1:19:17

I did it and then I was like,

1:19:19

all right, I took a shower, I was like, I gotta start thinking.

1:19:22

I gotta start thinking here.

1:19:24

This is the thoughts of a young 20-something person,

1:19:28

because I was like,

1:19:31

okay, here's the move. We go, we

1:19:34

go to the shows

1:19:35

that night,

1:19:37

and I'm like, the move is, I

1:19:39

go, I can now make things to do.

1:19:42

Now that I know she wants to day fuck also, it's

1:19:44

not even just gonna be at night,

1:19:46

I'm like, I have to.

1:19:49

Let's do something. I'm like, we gotta do something during

1:19:51

the day. Okay.

1:19:52

One of them I know we went to a like

1:19:55

a like a witch store like

1:19:57

a wiccan you know they have like swords and I guarantee

1:19:59

she loves

1:20:00

nightmare before Christmas. Oh for sure. She had

1:20:02

like a place where you can go by dragon

1:20:05

rings and stuff like that. That

1:20:07

was one of the things we did and in one of the days we saw two

1:20:10

back-to-back movies in a movie theater. One of them was

1:20:12

Open Water, the shark attack movie. That's the last

1:20:14

thing I remember of it. Good movie. I don't remember.

1:20:17

You know what's funny?

1:20:18

It's a cast of

1:20:21

two people basically. Yeah. In

1:20:23

the movie. Basically. It was okay. Yeah.

1:20:26

And for no reason. For no reason.

1:20:28

Flashbacks yeah for no reason whatsoever

1:20:31

in the beginning of the movie

1:20:33

I know what you're gonna say they showed ladies by Bush and

1:20:36

tits Yeah, what the fuck was it

1:20:38

give you that they give you out of the gates early on

1:20:40

she just walk into the bathroom She could have easily had a robot.

1:20:42

That's normal

1:20:43

It had panties

1:20:45

on I did a tit shot or just show

1:20:47

the man as the woman was it was so weird It

1:20:50

was full frontal unnecessary

1:20:52

nudity of the best kind of a very the

1:20:54

girls pretty but she was pretty in like a very

1:20:57

like regular way. Yeah.

1:20:59

And yeah, that did hold

1:21:01

over the movie. Like I was able to hang in there with that.

1:21:03

I'm like, you know what? You gave me something nice out of the gates.

1:21:05

I'm not gonna give you my viewership. I'm gonna stay

1:21:07

no matter what, how dumb this gets. Also

1:21:10

they didn't know I was gonna stay because I'm trying to stay at a hotel

1:21:12

room.

1:21:13

But so I remember those two, it's the day time activities, but the

1:21:16

first day we go, we fuck. I go to

1:21:18

the shows when we leave the shows. Yeah.

1:21:21

I

1:21:22

go, oh, let's get some food at a diner.

1:21:25

It's so funny.

1:21:26

To this, you know, I've been with Christine

1:21:28

forever now, but if I was dating now, and

1:21:31

I thought like, or

1:21:33

if I was like single and going out with a girl, I'm like, oh, it's like,

1:21:36

I'm like wooing her, not just a fuck, but

1:21:38

like, you know, I want to hang out

1:21:40

with her and see if she goes, my thing would

1:21:42

never be to go get food. Because

1:21:44

I'm like, if we fuck, I'm not going to want to just have

1:21:47

eaten.

1:21:48

That just might be fat guy shit, but it's just my personality.

1:21:52

girl I go let's

1:21:54

go to a diner get some food you

1:21:57

know she was down

1:22:00

I was able to get her I was able

1:22:02

to get her on food No, not

1:22:04

our convinced at all. She uh,

1:22:06

so we go to this diner and I

1:22:08

get uh, I order

1:22:10

food in a milkshake

1:22:12

Now I order this milkshake because I

1:22:14

know Weird

1:22:17

thing I don't have a problem with milk.

1:22:19

I don't have a problem with ice cream I don't eat. I don't

1:22:22

eat ice cream very much. I don't drink glasses of milk much

1:22:24

But like I don't have a problem with those things

1:22:26

cheese not an issue you

1:22:28

for some reason the combination of whatever they do

1:22:30

in a milkshake it

1:22:33

wrecks my stomach people say

1:22:35

lactose maybe who knows whatever whatever

1:22:37

it is why not milk then whatever it is exactly yeah

1:22:39

why not milk but and also maybe that when you drink a milkshake

1:22:42

though you're also drinking a much denser bigger thing so

1:22:44

maybe if I pounded like a 64 ounce

1:22:48

fucking milk or something maybe it would do that yeah

1:22:51

but this is also you know a ton of milk and

1:22:53

also like ice cream yeah All

1:22:56

right. Sounds great. Wow, what a... So

1:22:59

nice of you. Thank you. It's a great

1:23:01

living in the city. Everyone's really kind to each other. No car spray, but

1:23:03

this is not pleasant.

1:23:07

So I order a milkshake and

1:23:09

then I pound it and

1:23:12

go back to the hotel room and inevitably, not

1:23:14

even having to fake it,

1:23:16

go right into the bathroom for a

1:23:18

loud, vicious shit. And

1:23:22

it is. I make myself... I don't feel

1:23:24

good. You

1:23:25

know what I mean? And then I come

1:23:27

out and she's probably like, and find a

1:23:29

guest and remembering like panties or something.

1:23:31

And she kind of went, and I was like, shit. And

1:23:34

I was just like, oh, my stomach, man.

1:23:37

I go, I don't know what I go. I really do

1:23:39

love milkshakes, but I've always got to remember like

1:23:41

they fucking,

1:23:42

they fuck me up. Because I'm

1:23:44

not even having foresight at this point.

1:23:47

I'm just like, well, that's what's me out tonight. Yeah.

1:23:50

Right.

1:23:52

The next day, whatever, either the Wiccan store

1:23:54

or movies,

1:23:55

More of the same. We go to the shows at

1:23:57

night. Starting to form bonds. Yeah, hehehe.

1:24:00

We go to the shows at night. I

1:24:02

do the shows.

1:24:04

Afterwards, you wanna get some food?

1:24:06

We go back and when the lady's ordering, and I go,

1:24:09

let me get a turkey club or whatever, and god

1:24:12

damn it, I know I'm gonna regret it later,

1:24:14

but it was so good, let me get one of those

1:24:16

milkshakes.

1:24:17

And I order it, I drink it,

1:24:20

I go back to the room, stomach's all fucked

1:24:22

up again. Yeah. I'm apologizing

1:24:24

to her, she's doing like, it's okay, no,

1:24:26

it's all right, don't worry about it. And

1:24:29

then, this

1:24:29

is

1:24:32

such a, it was such bad thinking on

1:24:34

my part. Done some dumb things, this is a

1:24:36

good one.

1:24:37

And then the next day we do the movies,

1:24:39

Wiggin's door, whatever. We

1:24:42

come back. After

1:24:45

the show I go, you

1:24:47

know, I almost make it seem like now it's just a

1:24:49

thing I do is go to a diner. Afterwards, you know,

1:24:51

gotta get some food or whatever. The Fairness of the Club

1:24:53

had no food or anything, so. And

1:24:56

I'm like, so

1:24:59

we sit down and order. And I go, yeah, let me order this,

1:25:01

this. And damn it. You

1:25:05

know, it's like, it's so good. I don't get to have

1:25:08

these very often. So, you know, let me get another one of

1:25:10

those milkshakes. And the girl

1:25:12

goes, Jay,

1:25:13

you don't have to do this. Like, we don't have to have

1:25:16

sex. And it's just like the calling out on that.

1:25:18

I couldn't have made it more obvious. And

1:25:20

my back, I was like, no,

1:25:24

no, I love milkshakes. I

1:25:26

love milkshakes. I just love milkshakes.

1:25:30

No, no, it's not you. I love

1:25:32

milkshakes. Ha ha ha ha. And

1:25:35

then- This is like, so I think you should leave. And I do, yeah,

1:25:38

and I really- Whoa. That's

1:25:41

so harsh. And also, she's like, I'm not making a guess. I

1:25:43

obviously nailed

1:25:43

it. Oh, no, I nailed it. I looked,

1:25:46

I looked guilty as hell when she said it. And she got

1:25:48

it. You're like, wait, I guess right. And then I

1:25:50

do remember an awkward drive

1:25:53

home.

1:25:56

Back to dropper off at fucking Grand Central Station.

1:25:59

But I will say.

1:26:00

that feeling though man when I dropped her Grand Central Station

1:26:02

like

1:26:03

the shoulder drop of relief it

1:26:06

was so you know I mean you're like it's just done like

1:26:08

and again like not like not like her

1:26:10

horrible toxic relationship and not like fuck her

1:26:12

she was a sweetheart you just didn't want she

1:26:14

meant well it was just like there was no way to be and

1:26:16

and by the way an adult would

1:26:19

have been like hey look I'm actually just not feeling this way

1:26:21

but like you know what hey we're here

1:26:23

let's go find some fun cool places to eat

1:26:25

let's go do a thing you know

1:26:27

I interest.

1:26:28

Well, I probably

1:26:31

could that I was just everything was so like

1:26:33

one is so like behind backs and dirt

1:26:35

you know I mean it was so like a right it was such

1:26:37

a difficult like there was so much else attached to

1:26:39

it you know I mean. Vin Taylor has a joke

1:26:41

that says the men are the only ones that rape ourselves. He

1:26:44

goes if you ever been with a guy like women and

1:26:47

the next day he's like gets all weird and stuff it's like you raped

1:26:49

him. He didn't want to but we don't honestly

1:26:51

know. did. Yeah.

1:26:53

That's a good point.

1:26:55

That club, the Alarm Arrow and Jokes on Us, I

1:26:57

had, that's the story that I

1:26:59

told on Bad Boys of Comedy about me and

1:27:02

Kareem getting the guys pulling

1:27:04

a gun on us. That

1:27:06

happened at that club? Bad Boys of Comedy.

1:27:09

Another big one there was, oh I

1:27:13

think I... By the way, Jay Special's

1:27:15

on YouTube right now, Dogbelly, well

1:27:18

I need a better title an executive producer.

1:27:21

Helped with. Overseer. Overseer.

1:27:24

Lord. Overlord. Overlord. Overlord.

1:27:26

Overlord. Overlord. Yeah. No, that

1:27:29

sounds like I'm forcing you to do what I want.

1:27:31

Yeah, you're right about that. You're a

1:27:33

benevolent dictator. Yeah, exactly. Exactly.

1:27:38

Exactly. Do as I say, please.

1:27:42

How do you feel about not wearing the dill shirt?

1:27:44

Looking back, that it was in the roast the

1:27:46

roast of Bert Kreischer. Oh yeah

1:27:48

I did wear on the Bert Kreischer roast. Um

1:27:51

yeah it looks a bit smoother look

1:27:53

with like the shirt just being nondescript. Yeah

1:27:56

for sure. If I could have went back the only thing

1:27:58

I I would have made it a hoodie and not a crew. Okay,

1:28:00

yeah, that's you. Yeah. Where

1:28:02

that right now? Yeah,

1:28:04

I thought Crudek was gonna be a

1:28:06

look and it's like, I didn't love that part.

1:28:09

It looks fine. No, no, it looks like from the front. It's fine.

1:28:12

It's a detail that no one else would give

1:28:14

a shit about except me. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah,

1:28:17

that one was like, I'm gonna wear the Delph shirt and I was like, can

1:28:19

we talk about

1:28:21

it? Yeah. It's

1:28:23

up to you. Hang on a second. Just some seconds.

1:28:26

But no, I'm happy. I'm happy I wore it. Nothing

1:28:28

at all. So

1:28:29

that was at Laurel Maron Club. I was, I was, uh-

1:28:31

There's another part of that story that I remember.

1:28:35

What is it?

1:28:36

At the very beginning.

1:28:38

In the middle, excuse me.

1:28:40

And what was it? You picked her up from Grand

1:28:43

Central. And as you pulled up,

1:28:45

you saw her on the corner. Oh,

1:28:48

and making the decision? Yeah,

1:28:50

I really did. I had a real like- You went around.

1:28:53

It was a moment. No, I just like, I stopped

1:28:56

five car lengths before her where she definitely

1:28:58

didn't see me yet. Right. But yeah, that

1:29:00

coming the realization, I was like, Oh, now I remember

1:29:03

her. Like,

1:29:04

it all came clear again. And I'm like, ah, and

1:29:06

I was thinking all day. And then you're like, well, I can't go. She's gonna

1:29:09

shop. She's here. I

1:29:10

was like, I'm thinking all day. And I was like, I could

1:29:12

just

1:29:13

never answer the phone. Yeah. Ghost early.

1:29:15

And fucking drive away. And I was like, it's

1:29:18

so much. I was like, you know what? I was like, I made this

1:29:20

mistake.

1:29:21

Lie in your bed. I got to lie in your bed and I

1:29:23

could have done better eating the shit

1:29:25

like I still ended up making her feel probably terrible. Oh,

1:29:27

yeah. Which is what you're saying about getting rid

1:29:29

of it right away. But that club has brought back my

1:29:32

you know, I've had a gun pulled on me there. That's the thing

1:29:34

there. So that was retribution.

1:29:36

There was a time when I brought

1:29:40

the girl who was a

1:29:41

playboy who I'd hooked up with a couple of times. Who's

1:29:43

in playboy hooked up with?

1:29:45

My friend, Stacy.

1:29:47

Stacey from Canada? No.

1:29:50

Yeah, from

1:29:52

Jewish summer camp in Canada. Now,

1:29:56

we didn't hook up there at

1:29:58

all. kept telling.

1:30:00

I we could and she wanted

1:30:02

to and then every

1:30:04

night

1:30:05

she would tell like the saddest Most

1:30:08

fucked up story. I used

1:30:10

it in a joke on

1:30:13

things before it's like on

1:30:16

for sure on record. Yeah, and

1:30:18

I'm still like friendly with

1:30:20

her and

1:30:23

She has no idea that it's like this is like so obviously

1:30:25

our story. Yeah, but it was This

1:30:28

is the story where you said every every night

1:30:30

this girl she was

1:30:33

So gorgeous You know,

1:30:35

this is fucking years ago now.

1:30:37

I mean literally 20 19 years ago Stacy. Yeah

1:30:41

But she was gorgeous

1:30:44

At the time probably like 23 or something.

1:30:46

I was a friendly with her was so I mean I've

1:30:49

gone I've seen you're for a girl. I've gone the

1:30:51

cause huh? You don't senior and junior for

1:30:53

a girl

1:30:54

No, never get their mom's name Well,

1:30:58

if

1:30:58

you want to have a good white trash laugh for sure,

1:31:00

my dad's South Philly

1:31:02

family, where they're from,

1:31:05

I have an uncle, Vinnie and Aunt Susan, and their

1:31:07

kids, Vinnie and Susan.

1:31:08

Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1:31:10

So it's possible that Stacy's mom is Stacy's

1:31:13

mom from the movie? It's possible Stacy's

1:31:15

mom has got it going on. Yeah, but

1:31:17

it would have to be her mom, which is

1:31:19

also possible. Which is also possible. She

1:31:23

came down there with me and if we were

1:31:25

in that hotel room, this

1:31:28

girl was naked. Really?

1:31:31

If we were in the room, she was undressed. And

1:31:35

I didn't do anything because it just never,

1:31:37

I never wanted to make a, you know what I mean? It's

1:31:39

like, I don't know. If she denies it, I don't know because

1:31:41

this is a girl's like,

1:31:43

she wasn't like kind of naked. She

1:31:46

was stripping FDR. We're going to the FDR. Oh, I get

1:31:48

it. And around. Oh, interesting.

1:31:51

Okay.

1:31:51

She just knew, I mean, she had a way with

1:31:53

like, do you know what I mean? Like, well, if we were, I've been

1:31:55

to concerts with her before and like they will

1:31:57

walk. She doesn't know anybody at the time. They

1:32:00

just walk her backstage. Really? She's that hot.

1:32:02

Yeah. Oh, nice. She was crazy. Love it.

1:32:06

And she just, I played it cool

1:32:09

with her by accident, Ari.

1:32:11

Pure accident, which I've never, everybody

1:32:14

in my friends the night we met her was

1:32:16

up her ass. I mean, you know

1:32:19

what I mean? Like talking to her and trying to be charming.

1:32:21

I paid her no mind, but not out of

1:32:24

like,

1:32:24

I'm too cool for that. It was

1:32:27

legitimately

1:32:29

me going like, I'm like,

1:32:31

this

1:32:32

girl's not going to, you know what I mean? I'm not

1:32:34

the best looking or in shape of anyone

1:32:37

who's my friends here who were talking to her. Yeah.

1:32:41

She's not gonna, and also what I sort

1:32:44

of saw and already had a bit of like a

1:32:46

yik about,

1:32:49

is that I'm like, and she loves

1:32:51

it. Like

1:32:52

she loves it, everyone's getting, she's not,

1:32:55

She's not gonna fuck all these guys, so she

1:32:57

loves it all of them want to and getting it.

1:32:59

She's loving it. I was like, and I had

1:33:01

more of a bitterness to go like, you're

1:33:03

not gonna have me here like skirt tailing after you

1:33:05

and picking up everything you

1:33:07

drop because- By the way, I'm not gonna get it. I'm ninth in

1:33:10

line. You're not fucking me anyway. I'm not getting the upgrade.

1:33:12

And it made her kind of just interested, I think, in

1:33:14

me a little bit. Wow, interesting. But

1:33:17

we go on this gig and I'm like, this is gonna be a magical

1:33:19

weekend. I'm going to this

1:33:21

black comedy club.

1:33:23

I'll do fine. She's seen me do well

1:33:25

already. You know what I mean? Enough that

1:33:27

she's still intrigued. So I'm

1:33:30

like, this is going to be great. And we go on this weekend

1:33:32

and every

1:33:35

single

1:33:37

night

1:33:38

while naked, after the show, back in the room,

1:33:40

she would proceed to tell me a

1:33:44

story of sexual assault

1:33:46

that happened to her in

1:33:48

nightclubs. And

1:33:50

then the next day would

1:33:53

wake up and go like, I

1:33:56

can't believe you didn't like

1:33:58

do something. Do it.

1:34:00

with last night at all and I was like,

1:34:01

I don't, I'm like, Stacy, I mean, I guess I, I think I

1:34:05

was like, you were crying almost,

1:34:08

like telling me some story and telling me how nice

1:34:10

I was or whatever, you know what I mean? And

1:34:13

then the end of that weekend we

1:34:17

were driving back and she like, I

1:34:20

think that's when she said to me, she's like, yeah, she goes, I

1:34:22

don't know if I can hang out much anymore either

1:34:24

because I'm...

1:34:27

And again, it's such a funny thing seeing like when a hot girl

1:34:29

gets like treated,

1:34:32

like it's turned on her in some way.

1:34:34

She thought at the time, she's like,

1:34:36

I'm seeing the

1:34:39

guitar player from System of a Down

1:34:41

and she was fucking him for sure.

1:34:46

100%. But he certainly did not

1:34:48

think they were boyfriend girl. Do you know what I mean? It was that

1:34:50

thing and I saw through time,

1:34:52

cause I stayed friends with her, you know what I mean through time I was like,

1:34:54

oh, he just eventually ended up

1:34:57

hurting her. Yeah. And now she's a nurse

1:34:59

and a mom.

1:35:00

Now she is. Yeah. I just saw almost famous

1:35:02

again for the first time in a while. Oh yeah. Yeah.

1:35:05

And it's like, so, you know, more perspective now, but

1:35:07

it's like,

1:35:09

she shows up to New York and

1:35:12

then she's like hurt to see him with the boy, the girlfriend

1:35:15

that she knew he said he was going to meet. Yeah.

1:35:18

And then she shows up like,

1:35:20

I'm just kind of stares at him. I mean, she oversteps.

1:35:22

Yeah. There is. And then

1:35:24

she's like, she's sort of crying that he's like, I can't,

1:35:27

what are you talking, you know, what the fuck are you doing?

1:35:29

Also you know you're a band-aid, even if you're getting hooked.

1:35:32

Even if you're getting hooked, you know that's not the way to handle it. I

1:35:35

was, that kind of thing is

1:35:37

like, do you remember those? Those are really, it's

1:35:40

funny, I saw a person on a face, I

1:35:43

like how the story's like degenerate down to something kind

1:35:45

of bad, but on these

1:35:48

two sisters,

1:35:50

we follow each other.

1:35:51

And probably for I guess

1:35:55

shit let me think 13 14 years. Yeah

1:36:00

I met him when I was on Mayhem Fest.

1:36:02

Which two sisters?

1:36:04

It's just, I mean,

1:36:06

the girl's name was Amber Dooley. It

1:36:09

probably isn't bad to say this out because there's like a real thing

1:36:11

going on

1:36:12

that maybe people can help, but they're

1:36:15

Amber Dooley and

1:36:18

Danielle Dooley are the sisters, right? So

1:36:20

he checks out? The

1:36:24

Amber girl, she was there with her family for

1:36:26

like, you know, that was the corn Mayhem

1:36:29

I did okay the big festival yeah

1:36:31

the outside one so like damn there

1:36:34

uh and then like you know I hooked

1:36:36

up a handful of times on those tours right

1:36:39

yeah, but

1:36:41

This one I met this girl. She

1:36:44

looked like Like

1:36:46

a camp girlfriend. Oh, you know I mean she

1:36:48

had like just like jean shorts on but not like slutty

1:36:51

cutoffs But

1:36:52

she's had a great body very pretty like

1:36:55

a lip piercing Yeah, but like

1:36:57

just looked like a nice girl. You know, I mean he's really very

1:37:00

pretty the craft and very yeah Very

1:37:02

pretty very nice. No, not like that. No Camp

1:37:06

counselor. Okay

1:37:08

You know, I mean nothing like crazy about her look at all,

1:37:10

you know, just very like short kind of a bob blonde

1:37:13

haircut that of the of

1:37:15

That music error, you know that genre

1:37:18

We hung out it

1:37:20

was like a holding hands day it was

1:37:23

and at the end of the night making

1:37:26

out until she had the gun, I could tell her

1:37:28

fair family's like, Amber, let's go. And

1:37:31

she'd be like, okay, I'm coming right there. And it was just like, well,

1:37:34

goodbye, I guess forever. You know what I mean?

1:37:36

Like this was a great, and I

1:37:38

remember that more than anyone I fucked on that tour or anything.

1:37:41

It was just, it was such a

1:37:44

sweet like camp like

1:37:45

relationship. The flip

1:37:48

funny on that, no, this isn't funny

1:37:50

at all. I don't know why I said that. I edited the funny

1:37:52

part out. Wednesday it's funny.

1:37:55

Her sister, I just saw a Facebook

1:37:57

post the other day that I was like.

1:38:00

there's a please help us find calcium

1:38:02

it's like she's gone so narrow

1:38:04

that

1:38:04

guy guests kelsey is the daughter

1:38:07

of the

1:38:08

says it will be that girl the girl i made out with and

1:38:10

are nice yeah there's she's been

1:38:12

she's missing

1:38:14

and so there's a bunch of face was the goes if

1:38:16

it is a oh that's so funny as like this girl's like

1:38:18

probably nineteen

1:38:20

or twenty you have your i mean

1:38:22

you know that happened i she's twenty years old

1:38:24

or some shit like that so it's like her and she's

1:38:26

like so as not even saying like i mean god

1:38:28

forbid i'll top nothing terrible saboteurs

1:38:31