0:00

Did didn't you fucking shamed

0:02

any ground into giving your shoes? No. That was a

0:04

TV or TV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So

0:06

when I first moved here,

0:08

Something had happened with my shit

0:10

being shipped, and had no TV. And

0:12

I asked Danny Brown, can I come stay at his house?

0:14

Because it's hard for me to fall asleep with no TV.

0:17

And he's

0:17

like, man, I'll buy you a TV. I didn't

0:19

like, that's nothing. And I and I'm like,

0:21

I well, let's go right 497 this show. Let's

0:23

go get a new column on it. Yeah. Yeah.

0:26

Yeah. I was like, don't just say you. Right.

0:28

Let's go do it. And so

0:30

he never bought the TV. It did the next time

0:32

I saw him. He's like, they got got plenty of TVs.

0:34

I'll just get you one. I'm like, I don't want you to keep talking

0:36

about it. Where's my TV? Where's

0:38

my TV here?

0:40

So I always fuck with him about I got

0:42

a TV now. So we good, but

0:44

I I always fuck with him about that.

0:56

Me on me. We're

0:58

never gonna let you go even

1:01

Lances. You can't go chill

1:03

on me on me. But

1:06

took me in the bed. And I

1:10

know you gotta be free.

1:19

497 name

1:21

is Ari Shafir. On today's episode yeah.

1:23

That's right. Finishing off this fucking area

1:26

that I'm doing in Frozen. On today's episode,

1:29

Hans Kim and David Lucas

1:31

join me in Hans Kim's room

1:34

where I don't fuck up the recording.

1:38

Everything worked out quite well. Went

1:40

to their house, they live better than I do.

1:42

That's what you get when you live in Austin. I did two

1:44

weeks of podcasts in Austin. This one

1:47

and then another one with Brian Simpson coming up.

1:52

497 episode. We just talked about getting free shit,

1:54

called Freebies. Something

1:56

that's not 497, however, is my tour.

1:58

You can see me. Pittsburgh.

2:00

This is such a genuine. Pittsburgh.

2:02

Where am

2:02

I going? Hold on. Let me do this. Right? Pittsburgh,

2:05

Salt Lake City.

2:07

Tampa,

2:09

Key West.

2:10

ah

2:13

Seattle, November, Seattle,

2:16

Vancouver, San

2:18

Jose, back

2:20

home.

2:21

The beacon, skin in the Alps,

2:24

UK,

2:26

Europe. We'll

2:27

see what's on sale. But

2:30

anyway, check out these

2:32

guys podcast and and that's it, you guys. I don't know.

2:34

I got merch that's up for sale.

2:36

There it is. I'll do drops later, but here's

2:38

the merch. I got Shaffir's going

2:41

two different Shoppers going t shirts.

2:44

Check out the link at the bottom of the screen to get those.

2:46

Two different shop is going to do. If you wanna if you

2:48

wanna show that you're an ally to the Jewish community,

2:50

there's only one way to do it. It's saying,

2:53

especially with all this Kanye 497, you guys.

2:55

Everyone's like, oh, who hates the Jews? The

2:57

least you could do to help

2:59

the Jews is when one of them can't

3:01

turn their light on, on Chavez, on

3:04

the Sabbath, You can be their shoppers

3:06

going. If you see my special, you know what I'm talking about.

3:08

That's a very small amount of

3:10

stuff you can do to show that you're an ally

3:12

to the Jewish community. That you would,

3:14

if asked, can you please turn my light

3:16

on or 497, my air conditioning on or

3:18

497? It'd be a Shopescoy, the highest

3:21

level of joy. Right now, you

3:23

could show that you're an ally and not Semitic

3:25

by getting a Shaffir's Goi t shirt.

3:28

That's right. Go to my site right now. Get

3:30

your own Shabiz Goi t shirt. There's also

3:32

Yamakos from the special. I was at

3:35

497 Fears Bar Mitzvah on one side, Irish Fear

3:37

Jew on the other side. It's got the date special

3:40

in Hebrew. It's the original special that

3:42

got canceled by the LA Lakers. That's

3:45

it. But that's there. And then limited

3:47

limited edition Rizograft 497, very

3:50

limited edition, library were produced,

3:52

the

3:54

and psychedelic playing cards.

3:57

That's

3:57

right. The suits are mushrooms.

4:01

Acid,

4:02

weed, and DMT Guess

4:05

who the king of mushrooms is? This

4:07

guy, orange chaffir. That's

4:09

available. That's my merch right now. Plus the

4:11

the cat shirts and much else.

4:13

But if you order right now, you can

4:15

get 497, I think you can still

4:18

get them in time for Hanukkah.

4:20

That's right. In time for Hanukkah, get your

4:22

own Shopify t shirt that'll be sent in a time

4:24

for hire or Christmas. All these things

4:26

will be sent in Christmas. Those those psychedelic playing

4:28

cards are fun to play with. You should you

4:30

should get some. Get

4:33

everything. Help support me and wear

4:35

yourself proud of your own a

4:37

orange of your shirt. All

4:39

these 497 go to me. That's

4:43

it. Let's start the episode you guys. Freebies.

4:47

With David Lucas and Hans Kip,

4:49

first half.

5:03

you

5:13

Distance.

5:15

Competition always. It's a bad

5:17

red line. Which

5:19

screw had me on the

5:31

Because

5:31

why people look more like monkeys? I mean, like,

5:33

you kinda have a monkeys in the fall. That's

5:35

ridiculous. Like, the word thing is like get it.

5:37

Like, the one from Jumanji. You know, the one from

5:40

Jumanji? Mhmm. That little boy

5:42

turned into that monkey. You kinda looked like him.

5:44

Okay. That was a white guy

5:46

that turned into a monkey. There we go. You

5:48

there's no movies when niggas turned into

5:50

monkeys.

5:51

There's no movies. Yep.

5:54

Because because you're already there.

5:58

But they they come out. You turn

5:59

the dogs like turn to dogs. Yeah. That's

6:02

what y'all smell like when y'all get sweaty. Listen,

6:05

I've tried that so many times. A wet

6:07

dog -- Yeah. -- and I'll smell a wet dog when Bandit

6:09

gets wet. Oh, let me smell you. But

6:11

No. That's that's racist stuff like people say, white

6:13

people don't smell like white dog. I have never really quite

6:15

been able to get there. I mean, it's almost It's

6:17

just racist, man. You know what I'm saying? It's

6:19

whiskey. It's like dampness. Yeah.

6:21

A little. But it's like you're saying wet

6:23

dogs, not like wet humans, or or

6:25

wet dogs, not like regular humans. Only

6:27

the only way I could see a white

6:30

only way I can see a white person smelling different

6:32

from a black person is because of their diet

6:34

because of their diet. Yeah. Like, that would

6:36

be the only reason you would Like, if we ate the same

6:38

diet, I feel like we'd smell the same. Dude, I well,

6:40

he had a an Indian friend in in college,

6:42

and he's wreaked a curry because he came out of

6:44

him. Hold on. But he might take a look.

6:47

For them. So I forgot

6:48

how to do this.

6:51

Okay. What does that

6:53

do? So that you here's all, like, a

6:55

loud spike. You

6:56

can match it up visually. Yeah. And then

6:58

when it's like on the camera -- Yeah. -- on that

7:00

audio, you just put it right right there.

7:04

Look at all. Am I am I in that camera?

7:07

That one. Oh, can

7:09

you look for me? You

7:10

have a woman edit at your podcast? Yeah.

7:12

You were on I'm all on my this

7:14

is the one. Yeah. It's all about when you went home.

7:17

So what probably I do with DIY? Ten

7:19

times. I'm, like, my favorite one 497.

7:21

Yeah. Yep. It

7:22

sucks when you're doing it

7:25

all and it didn't record. Yeah. Dude, I've

7:27

done that so many times. Plus, don't tell Brian

7:29

yet, but, like, his mic fucking went I

7:31

don't know when it went out. But

7:34

by the end, it was not recording. But

7:36

turn it off. It was already off. I tried I

7:38

do I can't I tried I should just buy new

7:40

batteries 497 thing. But

7:41

I'm like, no. Let's go a bunch.

7:45

Luckily, he's loud enough where it picks

7:47

up. He is loud enough. That's why I don't really

7:49

do podcasts with more than just me.

7:51

Why? Because it gets expensive. Yeah.

7:53

Multiple cameras. I pay

7:55

you guys too. Oh,

7:56

how much? Two fifty. Line?

7:59

What?

7:59

Today? Yeah. Wow.

8:01

You believe Venmo? What do

8:03

you think? What do you mean today? I for this? Well,

8:06

I mean, like, you'll get it today. We get it today.

8:08

Yeah. You got it today. Oh. Why you

8:10

got it, Bill? You got a better time hour, though. You know

8:12

497 I'm saying? You know what? Ari always be 497

8:14

with me, though. Well, you know. First

8:17

of all, I would never lie about money. Jacob,

8:20

you

8:20

you ain't never lie. You should work.

8:23

What does it shoot out? Salt. Yeah.

8:25

Salt. Nothing comes out of the brownie. Yes. It

8:27

do. This man is oh,

8:29

this

8:29

man is crazy. You don't pose them

8:31

right. This is This

8:34

is

8:34

crazy. Dude, did that hurt? A little bit.

8:36

People hurt? Yeah. Not too bad. Not too

8:38

bad. Did

8:40

it hurt? No.

8:42

It's It might be out of sight. It's for 497,

8:44

though. Our flies. Don't get as

8:46

many real you don't own a real gun. I can do it. Dude, if

8:48

I had a real gun, I would You

8:50

have to be responsible going on. Yeah. What I

8:52

can tell, bro, look, the way

8:54

I act with toy guns is the the way I

8:56

act with my real done. You know what I'm saying? Like, I

8:59

like 497 real, though, because I never wanna practice

9:01

bad habits. Who's that

9:03

chick who got shot through the wood window?

9:05

In

9:06

the hood, like, on the trailer.

9:09

Yeah. I'll be honest with you. She's gonna get shot to the

9:11

window. To the wall. Yeah. Oh, to the wall. Yeah.

9:13

To the wall. The guy was outside. Right? Just

9:15

fucking fine. Well, if you go watch the

9:17

video, it's pretty much like this. There

9:19

was a video of that one? Yeah.

9:21

I watch your whole doctor. Fuck. I

9:23

mean, but here's the thing, bro.

9:27

Breonna Taylor wasn't as innocent

9:30

as she was complaining. No. It's not a

9:32

house next door. Guilty by association.

9:34

Right? What is the the housing project?

9:36

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Her car

9:38

was part of the investigation. Her

9:40

car was in she ripped

9:42

Yeah. Her ex. She rented a car that

9:44

they found, I think, drugs

9:47

in, that she rented in her name that her

9:49

ex boy her ex drug boyfriend

9:51

497. Her apartment was on the

9:53

warrant because it had been used to

9:55

receive drug paraffinalia. 497 that

9:58

was not unless she was in the house. In my

9:59

head, I had it as I went to

10:02

973 Tucker

10:04

Lane. And it was, like, what? This isn't it? And

10:06

and then I just shot it at 971

10:08

Tucker Lane. No. No. No. So I thought they knocked

10:10

on the door. Forgive me

10:12

Internet. I know y'all are gonna scrutinize me if

10:14

I 497 it up. But I think they knocked on the

10:16

door, her boyfriend, who she was

10:18

dating at that time, bust

10:20

out of the the bedroom with a

10:22

gun, I believe, and they started

10:24

shooting at him, and then she got hit in

10:26

the crosswalk. Hell, That's why they

10:28

sent a note not warrants or so. I mean, because,

10:30

Doug, I mean They busted

10:32

into his house. Yeah. They didn't

10:34

ever say there was a leak. Busted in.

10:36

I'm gonna shoot. I mean, Ashley

10:39

Harper, I might not hear you knocking it. If you just

10:41

buzzed it, I might pick up my gut, it

10:43

starts just -- Yeah. -- the fuck are you? Yeah.

10:45

Yeah. In my home. But it's

10:46

more fun that way. If you're more fun. Best of

10:48

luck. Warrants more fun. I would like the best of

10:50

way. I want to serve a warrant is is

10:52

repel through like

10:54

I said, put

10:55

in that sense. Or just yeah. Just

10:57

come down. Or III

11:01

think it was I get eliminated. I I get

11:03

a police like the element of surprise,

11:05

and I mean -- Right. -- telling us. If

11:07

you if

11:08

you think about people who hanging

11:10

the hood and and and criminals,

11:12

like, they they do do drugs. You

11:14

know what I'm saying? So between the

11:16

hours of three and I'd say

11:18

six AM. They're probably coming down

11:21

off of whatever they were on. Three to six

11:23

AM is the right time. Right. Because there's

11:25

a chance at six

11:26

AM, they could be doing a day job to please

11:29

perform. Like, getting up to 497. Three three and

11:31

six is a rough. I think it's in four and six. Four

11:33

and six? Because they're coming down up or whatever

11:35

they want. I'm down. Yeah. They coming down.

11:37

Five

11:37

497 is the perfect time. 497 so little

11:39

one. Or just wait till they come out the door? Yeah.

11:41

Can I tell you some horrible brand retailer?

11:44

What's that? Not horrible, but I don't read the news. I

11:46

stopped reading the news years ago. I I,

11:48

like, stay away from it 497 I see it on the

11:50

other day. I

11:50

look away. So I

11:52

just miss a lot of news stories. It's

11:54

great. Most of them, I don't need to know to see it.

11:57

So when

11:57

I heard about Brandon Taylor, I didn't

11:59

hear

11:59

about it. I just saw Reggie Cauquess post a

12:02

picture of this woman and

12:03

said, today's her birthday. Say her name.

12:06

And I was

12:06

like, I wanna be like, I'll tell you check. Have a

12:08

birthday, man. I'm

12:10

so glad it. And hilarious. Yeah.

12:13

Oh, yeah. It seems like some

12:15

of the reggie could get. I you want me to tell you

12:17

what my first interaction action with

12:19

a Ari was? No. Why

12:21

not? It's not gonna be great. It's

12:23

not the worst. Okay. It

12:24

was it was I was new on

12:27

Kilatoni, and he walks out but as

12:29

naked on the stage. At the

12:31

at the in the main room at the comedy

12:33

497. I'm like, who the fuck is this guy? Yeah.

12:35

Yeah. Someone get this guy a

12:38

gun. Everybody was

12:40

laughing. It's all like, okay. Everybody knows for your

12:42

casual male nudity. Yeah. I'm

12:44

like, I'm out of the loop because

12:46

Tony's laughing his ass off. And a lot

12:48

of people hate casual male

12:50

nudity. That's your

12:52

gay. I mean, no,

12:54

because dog I'm I'm gay

12:56

enough to say, I'm straight

12:58

though, but I'm getting enough to say that every time

13:00

I see a man, if I'm sitting down, I

13:02

look at a big area. I

13:06

recently, like, old boomers. You're like I do

13:08

look in their pants. I do look at I

13:10

look at I look at the big area, bro. You

13:12

have to look forward. I don't know why. I

13:14

just do. It's interesting There's a lot

13:16

of information there. Yeah.

13:18

I

13:18

like to compare myself to other men, I think. That's

13:20

where they put their gun. You ever see, like, a

13:22

really misshape and dick? Yeah.

13:25

When they're old and they'd stuff 497. Yeah.

13:27

Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. Yeah.

13:29

Yeah. When

13:30

it's 497,

13:31

what? When they what

13:32

are these stuffed? When old man, like,

13:35

stuffed it in them tiny ass waves? Oh,

13:37

stuffed it in 497 south. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that.

13:39

I'm tiny. Actually Nick at Nick at Rose

13:41

Battle. And nine out of ten of those

13:43

guys just have

13:44

beyond nothing presentable. They're robots.

13:47

Like, little tiny And

13:49

who's 497, though? Mhmm. 497,

13:51

many of their growers. No, dude.

13:53

But you can't grow that much if you got this,

13:56

though. Like, how much would really grow? Dude, I was in the bath

13:58

once? I'll take a bath once in a while.

14:00

And it was I was on my back in the

14:02

water and it was all head.

14:05

No show. It's all wrinkled. Yeah. It's

14:07

all just fucking slinky to move. Because I was

14:09

like, what the fuck? Yeah. It looks

14:11

like a a Super Mario Brother.

14:13

Yeah. Four went away. Hey. Yeah. The

14:15

mushroom. Yeah. Look at the cupas. Yeah.

14:17

It's amazing and a small dicks can get. Everyone

14:19

talks about how big can get, but also

14:21

amazing. No. Good impact. Yeah. But I've

14:23

been real cold, and I'm like, what the

14:25

497 so much. Will

14:27

it ever go again? Have you ever seen have you

14:29

ever heard of a guy who's I can't get laid when my dicks

14:31

too small. No. You

14:34

know what? You ever heard of this? No. But but being

14:36

but you know what's crazy, the

14:38

the distance. Block it. Now

14:40

the statistics shows that the

14:43

shot. Oh, yeah. It's in the shop but

14:45

it's behind us. The statistics showed

14:47

that women who are

14:49

in a relationship with men's with, like,

14:51

above average penises, cheat

14:53

on them with men with smaller penises.

14:56

Interesting. Yeah. First of all, we

14:58

say statistics show. You just heard that. Right? You

15:00

ever It was it was some article I

15:02

will write. Right. Read it. Yeah. Okay. Yes. I

15:04

wanted to make this, you know, the people who

15:06

just quotes it's that they have not seen.

15:12

Statistics show that That

15:14

sounds fair. Sounds smart. This is how the world

15:16

is. David Taylor had this theory that

15:18

guys will cheat on women,

15:20

like famous guys will cheat on with

15:22

they'll get hot shirts. They're famous. Little cheat

15:24

with women that

15:26

they thought they could get when their sexuality

15:29

became a thing. Mhmm. So

15:30

before they became famous. Yeah. He

15:32

was just like Rob Williams to keep he

15:34

he would fuck models, but he would cheat with, like,

15:36

sixes. Mhmm. Because he was just this guy named

15:38

Rob Williams. You know?

15:39

Yeah.

15:40

That was attainable. That's who you think you

15:42

can get. That's what I see. For the herd and

15:44

you still like churches check. Yeah.

15:47

And you could and you couldn't afford 497 charge of

15:49

chicken. But now that you know, you got you got your

15:51

money. Yeah. But also, this shit

15:53

gotta go down. Yeah. You've been out there. You've

15:55

been LA quite a and you were in a You

15:57

lived there. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I lived there. And

15:59

and

16:00

so there there's this thing about LA

16:03

where everybody wants to get a hotbed. Know what I'm saying. And

16:05

then you get that habits, and you find out she

16:07

has zero substance. Zero.

16:09

It's the fucking lie of LA.

16:11

Yeah. It's the lie of LA.

16:13

And like Dick, could be one that's hot that

16:15

has a lot of substance. So, like, that's it

16:17

that's the dragon everyone's chasing. Right. And

16:19

then you go, what about some actress? She's

16:21

she's cool. And then you realize, She's

16:24

actually not she got all the problems in the

16:26

world. She's putting on 497 for

16:28

everybody. She's actually

16:29

if if she's showing you this, she's cool. She's the

16:31

worst piece of shit. Anyone's like,

16:33

no. Tell an actor's joke. I know an actor's

16:35

okay. I'm like, they're dumb piece

16:37

of shit. No matter

16:39

who says, I have famous friends. And no, I was like, no,

16:41

no, I meant this one guy's cool. He's cool to you

16:43

because you're famous. Right. That guy sucks

16:46

a dick and I've never met him. Every

16:48

actor sucks, every actor

16:50

sucks. And in LA, you gotta

16:52

compete with the Lakers, the Dodgers,

16:54

the Clippers -- Yep. -- the Rams --

16:56

Yep. -- the best musicians -- Yeah. -- the

16:58

best musicians random

17:00

Armenian dudes with a lot of money. Armos.

17:04

Iron hammer. Bro. You you gotta

17:06

compete with so much in LA. Is

17:08

it produce sears. Yes. You think you think hardware

17:10

logic was only raping? He

17:12

was getting some all the all the books. Oh, yes.

17:15

You you guys like, when a girl moves to

17:17

LA, if she's hot, you got

17:19

about two weeks to get her before she

17:21

gets treated. You gotta get her

17:23

off You gotta get a streak like that. Opposite. A bunch

17:25

of stuff at that family rape drama. You

17:27

know? She hasn't like that. Set

17:29

up. And

17:30

now with social media, they're already moving to LA

17:32

with sugar daddy's. That's right. You know what I'm saying? Well,

17:34

you haven't helped up. It's like go move into a town like a

17:36

regular person not having a job lined up.

17:38

Why would you do that? Yeah. Get

17:40

a dick. Rent a dick together. Yeah. How

17:42

was you trying to score an I

17:45

don't know. Pompeii we 497 from? Where did

17:47

it from? For 497. I spent three

17:49

years in New York before the pandemic and

17:52

then five years

17:52

in Seattle before 497. And Where you

17:55

from? Where'd you get raised? Seattle,

17:56

Mexico. Yeah. That wasn't really easy

17:58

to get laid there. Women there They're some

18:00

black guys. They're like No, really?

18:03

Yeah. Arnold might choose. Their

18:06

liberals and their they don't feel

18:08

anything through their pussies. They

18:10

just say they're they're in

18:12

their heads. That's fine. I

18:14

don't wanna be able

18:16

to tell, like, women here do

18:18

whatever, and and you wanna be like, no. No. You

18:20

just can't get Right. Right. Correct.

18:23

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. it Every

18:26

every body had a bit about how dating is

18:28

hard in LA. It's not really You're

18:30

twenty four. You have no

18:32

one. You got your expectations. Oh,

18:34

so what I can say about LA Bro,

18:36

when I moved to LA Bro, I never met

18:38

so many women. They might not have been the best

18:40

looking and they were but a lot of women

18:42

like, I was taken care of, like, until

18:44

that before I got successful. Sugar?

18:47

Sugar almost bro. Yes. Even my age of a

18:49

mama, they took care of you? Yes. Credit

18:51

cards, cars. Yeah. Why?

18:53

They figured you'd steal it anyway. I don't it's

18:55

just I don't know.

18:58

I don't know. It's just a love language in LA.

19:00

It is. I love you. Wait. How'd

19:02

you find him? Just randomly, bro.

19:04

Like, I remember, hey, for 497? No.

19:06

He don't know. She looked like you No. She

19:10

was over to try to she

19:12

was over to calculate the day. She was

19:14

like, you baked enough to

19:16

wear in eight months, we can get a house.

19:18

Oh, boy. Wait. I make enough to wear it

19:20

eight months. We can get a house and train

19:22

a pants from Singular to Pearl. Yeah. In the

19:24

middle of that set, You just change your sales

19:27

referral. 497. Like, we can get out of sales.

19:29

Because I say, yeah. I'm gonna save up next year.

19:31

So when you get out, she said, no. You can do it

19:33

in less than that. I'm not

19:35

buying a house until

19:38

Ari Shafir buys a house 497- Yeah. -- with the Bahim's place.

19:40

I was like, you got a house. Put him on

19:43

what? You This place, you guys live way better

19:45

than me. Are you aware of that? I live

19:47

in New York though. I rent it too. Yeah.

19:49

New York. But, yeah,

19:51

this is the I think this is the

19:53

first girl I've dated who didn't cake on

19:55

me. That's the term.

19:57

Cake like, yeah, cake is like,

19:59

Take.

20:00

No. Caking. Cake.

20:03

Like, that's

20:03

that's cheesiest. Wait. No. Caking in

20:05

me, like, spending, giving credit

20:08

card. Oh, she doesn't have her own

20:10

card. No. I'm saying, this is the first girl who

20:12

didn't cake on me. She's like, man. Oh,

20:14

the other girl's cake on me. Like, that

20:16

a thing. I'd like never hang on, so you have this. We

20:18

have we're, like, learn a new black

20:20

term. We feel, like, an odd

20:22

You never heard that. I can't wait to use

20:24

it. You never heard Kate's gonna make my life friends. I

20:26

don't know. No. Yeah.

20:29

But mostly mostly every

20:31

other mostly every other girl

20:33

like, take them away. How'd you get that? How'd you look

20:35

that up? Bro I had bro I

20:38

had before I was

20:40

dating her, I was dating 497 African

20:42

girl whose parents owned

20:45

a hotel chain in Kenya. And, Rose,

20:47

she gave me, like, probably, like,

20:49

sixty bands. What?

20:51

Sixty grams? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. She offered

20:53

it by me a fucking good car at a house

20:55

and all that. 497. I I House

20:57

should have been like because I bought me a house and a 497 No.

21:00

I know I didn't like it like that. And I knew that

21:02

house will co I I know that house

21:04

will come with some bullshit. Come with the cast. Yeah. I live help buy me

21:06

that house. I might get killed, bro. You know what I'm

21:08

saying? But usually money goes from America

21:10

to Africa, but you're taking money

21:12

out of that I was doing I was doing the service for all the

21:14

people that got scammed by those Nigerian --

21:17

Yeah. -- who won the

21:19

Nigerian lottery. Yeah. You

21:22

got a Nigerian address? Malarious.

21:25

Averyarious. Did you get them just to start paying

21:27

for you? What is that? So,

21:29

bro, basically, what it

21:31

is, dog, is you seven dream.

21:33

You so the the You broke

21:35

her up. Right. The the key to

21:37

having a sugar mama or a cake mama

21:40

is finding a girl who likes you way

21:42

more than you like

21:44

her. Way, way more to where

21:46

she's obsessed. Wanna come to your house all

21:49

the time. Wanna do this, and you start with shit small. Like,

21:51

should be like, let's go do this. And I'd be like, oh, I

21:53

will, but I ain't got no guess. Start

21:55

small. Start small. Yeah.

21:58

I'll get you some gas. Well, you should

22:01

need a two gallons. Yeah. Yeah. Fifty

22:03

dollars, you know. And then, like, so the

22:05

African chick, I would be like, oh, I had money at this time.

22:07

I was starting to make money, but she'd be like,

22:09

oh, what's your like, I asked for something smaller.

22:11

She said, like, a thousand dollars. I'm

22:13

like, 00I got me one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I

22:15

asked me something that maybe caused one figure she's in

22:17

a thousand. I'm like, oh, yeah.

22:19

Got a one. Got me one. Hell, yeah.

22:22

Yeah. Let's tell you, make a love, and

22:24

capitalists. Yeah. So so

22:26

so so she sent, like, a

22:28

thousand. And then it's, like, they gave me a

22:30

credit card, and I'm, like, what

22:32

though? She gave you a credit card? Yeah. Was there, like, a

22:34

limit on it? What is it? I don't know the limit. Well, I

22:36

was just swiping it unlimited, but just

22:39

what I had put it on the prints. At one point

22:41

yeah. At one point, I had put it on there

22:43

was this there's so everybody

22:45

knows DoorDash and Uber

22:48

Eats and And is your rich people one?

22:50

Yes. It's called Caviar. Caviar.

22:52

I've heard of that. So it only delivers,

22:54

like, high end restaurants. And

22:56

I won't fly it in. Right? Know that they drive it in, but you're getting a

22:58

nice car and all. You know, like, they deliver, like,

23:00

root chris, boa, STK

23:03

Right. They only do that. Yeah. They only

23:05

do shit like that. So, bro, I was ordered

23:08

tight shit like that every day.

23:09

BOHA! Takeout. I can't

23:12

afford to let it's like, no. It's an experience.

23:14

It's a personal experience.

23:16

And you're like, I don't give

23:17

a shit. I was just going

23:19

here. Damn. You

23:20

know, you raise the price for everybody. You're taking

23:22

expense accounts. I don't even care. Yeah.

23:25

Yeah. But it's a delta lounge 497 so

23:27

much. I'm a I'm a write a book

23:30

one day, But but for real for real dog, like,

23:32

there's

23:32

enough not that

23:34

great looking women with good jobs in

23:36

that lane to where you ain't got to work if 497

23:39

want to. I mean

23:42

I mean, would they would he get that though?

23:44

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can show real. I can show

23:47

him Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I feel like you attract that

23:49

because your aura. Yeah.

23:51

I assume you're not gonna take care

23:53

of yourself. This

23:56

guy can't get out the couch. Yeah.

23:58

It's like we see a a

23:59

man is like this, you know. And and you've got let

24:02

me cut up your meat for you. Right. Right. Right. But

24:04

if see you or you or me, that no one's gonna

24:06

be gonna be covered for me for you. You exude

24:09

an

24:09

air. I exude can't cut your I

24:11

exude, but make energy. That was honestly

24:14

Yeah. Yeah. See the air of a prince, you know, like I mean,

24:16

do you do you break out the backside though? I mean, do

24:18

you, like, tear it up? Like, nine

24:20

not really, bro. See it. So what is it? You

24:22

can lie, bro. They they're

24:24

they're by the time by

24:26

the time they've got fed up, which you've

24:28

already gained, what you need to gain. So

24:30

it's like, alright. But also, I guess,

24:32

they really care. Yeah. Just like I mean, they got they got

24:34

the it's kinda like men who take on women

24:37

that they barely sleep with. You know what I'm saying? I love

24:39

that term. Yeah. It's the

24:41

same thing, man. You got because,

24:43

like, the realization

24:45

of life is

24:47

that most people

24:49

wanna be spenders regardless of what you spend

24:51

your money on. So I remember early

24:54

on, bro. Like, I grew up with some

24:56

family members that, you know, play those

24:58

games, whatever. And one

25:00

of my others told me he said if a girl has

25:02

spent two thousand on a bag,

25:04

she'd give you five hundred for

25:06

some day.

25:06

True. Yeah. Uh-huh. What's what are you gonna

25:09

remember more? What

25:09

are you gonna remember longer? Yeah.

25:12

Exactly. Exactly. Well, many

25:14

questions about Remember that? You

25:16

remember that? No. So, I mean, if you get if

25:18

you get them 497 together with you. Slots are bad.

25:21

That's funny. If you that

25:23

mentality though, you know what I'm saying

25:25

then and learn

25:26

to exploit it. Mhmm.

25:28

Let's talk about

25:29

free shit you guys have got. Tattoos,

25:33

shoes, free, 497 a check. I'm

25:35

from 497, or from anybody. From

25:38

anybody,

25:38

or from

25:39

anybody, or from artists that

25:41

are big fans. Oh, really? Yeah. Big

25:43

fans. Dude, I always say those.

25:45

The the the casual fans

25:47

who hook up young comics with small

25:50

level free shit. Are they the most

25:52

important people in the world? Yes. Absolutely.

25:55

Cable passwords. Netflix password. Just

25:57

wait. Yeah. You can use my shit like that. Where it's

25:59

like? Recently a

25:59

guy so he sent me a he sent a

26:02

message to my website, and

26:04

I my producer just read it to me like a

26:06

a couple of days ago, but I didn't see it.

26:08

And so he sent me a cameo. He

26:10

didn't want a video

26:12

he just wanted me to sleep with his ex

26:14

girlfriend for her birthday. Would

26:17

she involve this at all?

26:19

I don't know. He's with her over. What what does that mean? That he's saying,

26:21

like, if you do it, she'll be so

26:23

happy and told her pussy. So

26:26

it was something weird. Yes. Alright.

26:28

Is that? White people. That's how much that's how

26:30

much she loves me, he's saying. That's

26:32

some cussing shit. She loves you.

26:34

Charlie heat. She does. She

26:36

does. Have you ever She's into boy

26:39

friend is like, I never would.

26:41

No. I've done it twice. The

26:43

boyfriend was there, but once it was

26:44

just chicken San Diego who gave

26:47

me general it's pretty

26:49

positive.

26:50

Worth it

26:52

or no? Was it supposed to

26:53

good? It was it was great. Actually, maybe a

26:56

hitter or you kept going, like, harder.

26:58

Hard one of those. I had a few girls like that. He's like, fucking do

27:00

what if you're gonna fucking do it. Like in the face?

27:02

Yeah. And at first, it was like this. I was

27:04

like, whatever. And she was like, are

27:06

you even doing? I don't know.

27:08

I can't I don't wanna hit shit. Fuck you hit me

27:10

and I went like that. I'm just like better. I'm

27:13

just like, And then she actually

27:14

was like, real seconds. Yeah. And then she called

27:16

a cops when you get a anyway,

27:19

we've it's one of those good fucks. You know when you have

27:21

a good fuck? Yeah. Put it in a fucking show.

27:24

Yeah.

27:24

And it was, like, an hour, so I'm rickin' and was waiting out

27:26

in the fucking in the lobby. That

27:28

was the boyfriend 497 No. He

27:31

was waiting in the lobby of the Jolla

27:33

Cabo ever been there? Of course. Yeah. And

27:35

so he was just watching TV as it was fucking

27:37

497 chicken in the in the main bedroom.

27:40

And then we got done. I was like, oh, is your

27:42

boy picking you up? Because it was at the bar after it

27:44

was like the around the corner of the aisle 497 the

27:46

store. How about about a seven eleven?

27:48

Or whatever -- No. -- store to hide the store.

27:50

Oh, by the time it was,

27:53

like, right, one block away. And so she was,

27:55

like, like, appendices.

27:57

Yeah. There's car appendices. Yeah. It used

27:59

to be the

27:59

place, then there was a shooting, and then it became

28:02

not the place. It was

28:03

the best who would pour out of there. Everybody go and

28:05

she'd be like she was like, yeah. I wanna hook up with

28:07

you. She was the most annoying audience member too.

28:10

Her disrupting the show, but I was

28:12

forgiven, you know. And then

28:13

and then she's like, yeah. I'd

28:15

like to fuck it. My boyfriend doesn't care. And I was like,

28:17

look to him, and he was like, yeah, it's fine. She's

28:20

right.

28:21

She plays what?

28:24

And then this other check remember

28:26

this other check was like, don't do it already. Like,

28:28

what who are you? You don't do it. Why don't you give me

28:31

advice? Couldn't dumb another one.

28:32

How much how much do you not have to give a

28:34

fuck about your girlfriend to laugh about somebody

28:37

else? I think they're just

28:39

open, sexually, where she was like, I it's that's

28:41

an unique name. Or California,

28:43

you're stuck in a lease, and neither

28:45

one of you can afford to move out.

28:47

And Well, that's if you're broken up.

28:49

Yeah. But you're staying at Oh, that there's still a

28:51

good. Yeah. And so then we were done. I was like,

28:54

I was like, you get your home. You get a I think it

28:56

was maybe pretty Uber. And then she was like,

28:58

yeah, my boyfriend got married, Mike.

29:00

See how far away he lives. But now he was at he

29:02

was at Denny's. Oh my

29:03

god. She made him wait. 497 be

29:06

in a weighted What's the conversation? For an hour and a half. Oh,

29:08

so how's the world? Condo.

29:10

Well, I'm just fucking

29:13

drawing it. Yeah. What's the conversation

29:15

going home? That's a good question, Hans. Like,

29:17

how would you have fun? Yeah.

29:19

Your face is

29:20

red. Did

29:22

he

29:22

hit you harder than me? I think it's fucking

29:25

audience member's name. Is that something I've never

29:27

crossed over into the really? No.

29:29

I'm waitresses. I don't like to hook up with

29:31

waitresses. But Why is audience never

29:33

dangerous. I don't

29:34

know, Brett. It's just something about

29:36

a girl that comes to see you

29:38

and for a female to really be into

29:40

comedy. I know she got some I just be scared

29:42

of that me too shit. Oh, always

29:44

that for sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just

29:46

be scared of that. No. Yeah. I

29:49

mean,

29:49

with any girl, though.

29:51

Not

29:51

really a girl dating. And, I mean, you know, if

29:53

a girl, you know, know

29:57

was me too. Chasing you.

29:59

Yeah.

29:59

Because, I mean, that could've been a that could.

30:02

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. She went

30:03

to get 497 and he said he said

30:05

he

30:05

hit

30:06

me. Right. Right. No. It I mean, how much that'll cost you in

30:09

court just to prove your innocence. Right.

30:11

If you care about it. That's it. Possible.

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is possible. What about

33:18

you? You've heard

33:19

that happen. Yeah.

33:22

Like a a girl that, like, fucked

33:24

me and, like, the boyfriend was

33:26

nearby. Yeah. This girl came up to

33:28

me and then Patrick

33:30

It's like this, like like,

33:32

he just says whatever and Sleep the

33:34

night. Wow. Why? How does it how does

33:36

it use a real day? This girl wants to

33:39

fuck your know, like, he made it a big

33:41

deal and then he got shy and then ran

33:43

away. Wait.

33:43

Wait. Wait. Wait. He

33:46

said

33:46

some girl wants to fuck you.

33:48

Well, she was, like, talking to me and her boyfriend was there in

33:50

the social group, and

33:52

then he was, like, hey, look.

33:55

Who's he? Pat his I don't really just watch it.

33:57

Yeah. Unbelated guy. Not the boyfriend or

33:59

the 497? Boyfriend girl. And the

34:01

comedian was like The comedian's name

34:03

was Patrick. Yeah. Okay. Gotcha. Oh, so

34:05

he's okay. So put him in a glimmer. Read in

34:07

the situation. Yeah. And then later when she broke up

34:09

with him, then I had sex with

34:12

her. But not during, but she was hitting on me while she had a

34:14

boyfriend, scandalous.

34:16

Yeah. Somehow There was that one check you you brought

34:18

to Skank Fast. She was 497 on everybody

34:20

too. I know.

34:22

Yeah. Christie. 497 forgot about

34:24

her. Yeah. She was I

34:26

I gave her, like, a a band,

34:28

like, a a ticket and I drove her

34:31

there and she was just, like, not

34:31

gonna give me anything. Oh, yeah. She was

34:34

just hitting

34:34

on every four months. And back

34:36

to school was that? Year plus.

34:39

A year ago at 497 fest. But

34:41

if she ride back with you Yeah. She wanted

34:43

to out of twenty eight bit too out of your

34:45

mother. She was my problem. Yeah.

34:47

She's she's mentally on well. Where'd

34:49

she live at? I

34:50

love it. She's something great.

34:52

She's around. She's traveling. Where'd she right

34:54

now? Bring her over here. Another

34:58

time a guy goes, get my chico, I'll

35:00

blow you. And I was like, no, really. And she was

35:04

so hot.

35:05

Some

35:06

Midwestern city. I was like, really, because, you know, totally, like, okay.

35:09

Sure. Let's do

35:11

that. And then

35:12

we get there and and shoot

35:15

I was like, let's have sex issues. Okay. And

35:17

then he got mad at her. I said I

35:19

said blowjob. I didn't say sex. But

35:21

he was waiting a car. Like, I'd rather my girl fucks about it

35:23

than suck day dick. Why's that? Because sucking

35:26

dick is intimate, bro. Zuckerberg is admitted. But do you

35:28

think she's gonna fuck

35:30

somebody and also suck a dick. I

35:32

mean, you've never not

35:33

you've never fucked the girl and

35:35

didn't have pussy? It doesn't have the girl's

35:37

hand in her pussy,

35:40

but I don't know. Maybe I've fucking not not and not

35:42

have my dick sucked a little bit. Yeah.

35:45

But it's just

35:46

did Sometimes

35:47

you don't got time for it.

35:49

Yeah. Sometimes you don't have time for it.

35:51

That's true.

35:52

Time is a time. What

35:56

else three have you

35:57

got? Tats,

35:59

shoes. Tell it. Hell it was shoes.

36:02

Didn't didn't you fucking shamed

36:04

any brown in getting your shoes. No. That

36:06

was just niggas. No. I saw you last

36:08

time. I left Danny's thing, and I saw you

36:10

there go, yo, shoot, Danny. You said he

36:12

would give me some shoes. I probably was joking

36:14

with him. No. He goes, okay. He goes, gee, you said last time? No. was

36:16

a TV. Oh, TV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

36:18

So when I first moved here, something

36:21

had happened with my

36:24

shit being shipped and I had no TV. And I asked Danny Brown, can

36:26

I come stay at his house? Because it's hard for me to

36:28

fall asleep with no TV. 497 he's like,

36:30

man, I buy

36:31

you a TV. I didn't

36:33

like Let's nothing. And I and I well, let's go right now to the

36:35

show. Let's go get a 497 column on

36:37

it. Yeah. Yeah. I

36:40

was like, just sales. You're right. Let's go do it. And

36:42

so he never bought the TV. And then the

36:44

next time I I saw him, he's like, man, I got plenty

36:46

of TVs. I'll just get you what? I'm like, I don't think

36:48

you keep talking

36:50

about it. Where's my TV? Where's my TV?

36:52

Yeah. So I always fuck with him about

36:53

I got a TV now. So we

36:56

good. But I I always fuck with him

36:58

about that. That's

37:00

funny. That's funny. He's not a

37:02

random audience member that. He's not a random

37:04

audience member. No. But anything free shift from

37:06

anybody. Hey, wait. Before

37:07

let's 497 back into 497 you

37:09

go to fart, let's say some dates. Were you guys gonna

37:11

be starting late December? Late December. Nothing

37:13

late December. January. I

37:15

don't have anything just

37:17

on my website. Mad caps comedy.

37:20

I'm No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. Just go to the

37:22

website. No one's gonna do that. Just say where you are. And

37:24

then if 497 in Kansas

37:26

City, whatever than the Google

37:28

website. Spoken. Spoken. Spoken. Spoken.

37:30

In a row? Yeah. Portland, Spoken,

37:32

Tacoma. It's a wrong order.

37:36

Let's Driving across and back again. Yeah.

37:38

But you really can't fly at us. Both can. Love

37:40

that club. Love both of those clubs.

37:43

Spoke

37:43

hand, Tacoma? Yes. Spoke hand

37:46

Tacoma. Yeah. If you really want a place to get if

37:48

you're 497 you're into camping at all -- Yeah. -- you

37:50

are? Yeah. I 497 a

37:52

fire lookout. Near, spoke

37:52

hand. Cool. Build up, nice,

37:54

hundred and eighty degree deck.

37:56

It

37:56

takes an hour to hike up there

37:58

to get to it till

37:59

till it till

38:01

till eight to all your shit and your

38:03

beer, whatever else you want. I let him half my mushrooms last time, so

38:05

he's fucking chill this guy. He'll

38:08

I just just ATV me up there. I

38:10

don't need Yeah. I don't I don't wanna

38:12

hike it up. No.

38:14

And no one's around. It's on nine hundred acres.

38:16

It's in buttsdale, you can see

38:18

you 497 see forever. You're up. You can see into Idaho,

38:20

and you can see into Washington. Nice.

38:23

And

38:23

me and Matt Edgar

38:25

and right. Where

38:27

is Matt Edgar? The same in a wild fucking prison right now waiting

38:29

this fucking on these pedophile charges. He didn't do

38:32

it, but he's got all these charges. Shut

38:34

up. Yeah. Matt. So he's

38:36

sitting there waiting for 497 to fucking clear it

38:38

up. Are you

38:38

being for a Matt Edeker? Matt Edeker

38:40

from the 497 show in the story. Yeah. Yeah. The one

38:42

who's from the Long Beach. Yeah. He has a

38:44

jilted x lover, like some

38:47

Matt Eggers, Dan McDonough, those were

38:49

the guys, Tony Hinscliff, Willie Hunter.

38:51

Those were the guys when I

38:53

was an open mic or trying to be seen at the comedy store -- Yeah. --

38:55

those were the it guys

38:57

at employees. Right. The

38:59

eight employees at the comedy store, like, two thousand and

39:02

nine, two thousand and ten when I first moved to LA.

39:04

You know what I'm saying? Those were

39:06

eleven, twelve. A cough for

39:08

pedophilia? Or how did he get

39:10

accused? His kid, he was, like I think he

39:12

was fucking a boy. Like, a seven year old. But Oh,

39:14

he's gay. Yeah. And the kid was like, I I was

39:17

I didn't sign up for that or something. Kids are

39:19

like that. Kids are the kids are like

39:21

that. There's a little sluts. Yeah. He'll get

39:23

out though. We can't trust the kid. What else what

39:25

else he got? Still can't take

39:27

on. That's a

39:30

good one. I'll tell you why this guy's -- Yeah. -- solid city. So, like, city

39:32

and -- I'll be there again. -- January. No. In

39:34

Vegas, you're gonna be the one. Yeah.

39:35

Tell me why this guy's in

39:38

March one. Wise Guys in Vegas and March. February

39:40

second San Jose at 497 end of the trial. Let's

39:42

go over how to do dates. How we do it?

39:44

First, you say the city. Okay.

39:45

Because you go to

39:47

February here's what happens to human mind. You go February

39:50

second, where is

39:50

it? San

39:51

Jose, San

39:54

Jose,

39:54

at the club.

39:56

They hear February second. You

39:58

didn't 497 hear it. Your mind doesn't even go to it.

39:59

Too much anything to go. San Jose, like, oh, I'm

40:02

interested now. Right. And then where's it gonna

40:04

be at the club? Oh, when is it? You you

40:06

already heard it, but it didn't go in. Right. She

40:08

says city first, then

40:10

the

40:10

date, then the club. Or with the emotional get

40:12

to me. Hi. I'm in Gaga, we're in

40:14

Kansas City. I love cities. You're in Pittsburgh. I'm in

40:17

San Jose. Yeah. Where? San

40:20

Jose. Got Yeah. See. And that's

40:22

that's why I love fucking your girlfriend. Even

40:24

though, you know, people guys should say about ROE

40:26

chilling. I mean, ain't guys what you

40:28

say? Oh, listen. Oh, no. Brody.

40:30

Alright. I'll be here. Sure, man. On

40:32

black Twitter. Nice. Black Twitter is a lot, like,

40:34

visibly nice. He doesn't look

40:37

But he'd like he's nice and what he does. Me

40:40

and Ari have had some great

40:42

conversations with no cameras or in front of

40:44

497, so I know his hardest peer.

40:46

MRSA, cut that eye up here. You

40:52

can't you can't get the

40:54

k. Go

40:56

with the ring. Do you think how to do it?

40:58

You think how to buy the cooking?

41:01

If she's

41:03

right with you? What's

41:04

your is she webbing?

41:06

What's your webbing 497? She wants to what? Go on

41:08

Brian Simpson's room.

41:11

Oh.

41:11

She's trying to get a But that's why she's supposed to go

41:13

the door. Nah. Damn it. Sorry, buddy.

41:15

That's why you wanted

41:16

to go to the bathroom. You're good. Yeah. That's

41:18

usually that she doesn't bark. She just

41:20

fucking like a annoying Jewish child.

41:24

I hear so do you

41:26

consider what you just dropped on YouTube a special?

41:29

Do

41:29

I consider what I did on YouTube? Yeah. What?

41:31

Was that a special? Remember we're talking about it earlier?

41:33

It was the most special. Okay. It was

41:35

it was good. It was good.

41:37

Yet. It was good. Joe said that you were, like, gonna

41:39

record it and then, like, you've been

41:42

working on it for, like, years. Five years.

41:44

Yeah. Five and

41:45

a half. Yeah. Why so

41:46

low? Why wouldn't

41:48

you think it'd be special? Not I'm not that's

41:50

I said it a long time. Like, why why would you

41:52

think it wouldn't be Because of that conversation we have before

41:54

the cameras were rolling about, you know, some people

41:57

are like, this is my

41:58

hour, this is my thirty minutes --

41:59

Yeah. -- not name in a special

42:02

oh, yeah. Oh, well, yeah. That one's for sure. It's

42:04

497 Okay. Gotcha. Yeah. That was a five year project.

42:06

Gotcha. Gotcha. It was a twenty year comment. I

42:08

didn't know to I didn't know the the background

42:10

behind. Yeah. No. This clips, I wouldn't put it. Even if

42:12

I did, like, a an hour rific set, I'm like,

42:15

that's not a special. Right. Right.

42:17

Right. That's a -- Yeah. -- it's a long nice clip or, you know, to clip

42:19

it up and yeah. It gets way

42:21

more

42:21

views than any special and comedy

42:24

central ever

42:26

got probably. YouTube is the way, bro, until until

42:28

Netflix is offering until you're in a

42:30

position to where Netflix is offering you

42:32

ten million -- Right. -- 497 people actually give a fuck.

42:34

YouTube is

42:36

the way. Yeah. Netflix had a short, like, peak where everyone

42:38

was on net a net 497,

42:40

like, ten, eleven, twelve until

42:42

twenty nineteen, let's say. And then

42:44

the pandemic them to help,

42:46

but even the pandemic,

42:47

they went so check boxy, not just for,

42:49

like, woke up, but for, like, celebrities, multi

42:51

use a celebrity problem. And they

42:53

tell me to celebrity, like, hey, this isn't good enough.

42:55

You gotta keep working on this. The quality was your

42:58

name. Yeah. Just your name is big. You

43:00

didn't work at this at all. So many celebrities put out

43:02

such garbage unprepared specials.

43:04

Well, like, I toured for a month

43:07

And you're

43:07

like, what's that dude they gave a special? Well, he was

43:10

just like doing music in his house during the

43:12

pandemic? That was right.

43:14

You like that? It was the best thing. The

43:16

dude said. Inside by Boe parents. Inside Boe parents. I was I was gonna

43:18

stand ups. I was so sad. It

43:20

was kinda depressing. Yeah. I I couldn't

43:22

watch the whole

43:24

thing. No. But it's There were some moments with things

43:26

in there. It made you sad. Why?

43:28

The music just The

43:30

dude was

43:32

clearly losing is what I can

43:34

say. It might have

43:35

been great, but when it's just like that,

43:37

it put me into a a dark place. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm

43:39

like, I gotta turn this shit off. I get like that with

43:41

some movies. Revolutionary Road, I wanna suppression for, like,

43:43

two years after that. Oh, yeah. They're,

43:45

like, suburban doldrums. It's just, like, some of these are, like,

43:47

fuck. I had some people, like,

43:50

they get mad at a

43:52

joke on it. I didn't want to make

43:54

me feel like so. Life is trauma. And

43:57

movies are messy.

44:00

That 497 made me feel, but movie.

44:02

Yeah. Don't want.

44:03

Big facts. So

44:06

you

44:07

do your dates? Do I

44:09

do what? All your dates? 999 So

44:11

let me let me practice the hourly

44:13

practice. Okay. Alright. So say in

44:15

Jose -- Yeah.

44:16

-- I'm there. It's February the second at

44:18

in prime. Irvine, California, April fifth at

44:21

the in prime of Mexicans. Ontario,

44:24

California, April

44:26

the sixth to Mexicans. At the Ontario Empire. Oxnard,

44:30

California. Hey. When did you come and shoot it on y'all? I'll

44:32

never see

44:34

it. I'm there April tonight at the improv. Naples,

44:36

Florida. I'm there April the

44:38

April the twelfth and the thirteenth at off

44:40

the Hook comedy club, and we just

44:43

It's not on my website. Is that the one on the

44:46

island? No. That's the one where the

44:48

owner makes you call them captain Brian. Captain

44:50

Brian. Captain Brian. Yeah. I never watched that.

44:52

Casino Rosalski was, like, it's

44:54

it's a vacation. It's

44:54

paid vacation. This is a vacation. And then she

44:56

goes, it's not worth it.

44:57

And that's when we were,

44:58

like, really hoping to make twelve hundred a week,

45:00

and she goes, it's not

45:01

worth a vacation. You only

45:03

It's Brian and Nila. She's in a really bad

45:06

room. Yeah. It's like in the middle of a

45:08

bar. It feels like a TGI Friday.

45:10

497 feels like you're in a bingo hall a little bit.

45:12

But I I had sold it out loud for

45:14

a little while, sir. There's good crowds there. I sold it out loud, sir.

45:16

Maybe it changed. Bunch of

45:19

Floridians. Which have

45:21

a good time. I mean, I'm also a rich man. I'm also I'm also

45:23

a black republican, so they feel everywhere

45:25

that I'm saying. You know what I'm saying? She just doesn't

45:27

know what to set up. It

45:29

was just such shitty show. It was just, like, not full. And then it

45:31

was, like, the best was that they put you up in this great place,

45:33

but then a hurricane destroyed that place and they put you up in a

45:36

shittier place.

45:38

And

45:38

she's like, there's no point. The people that oh, and also

45:41

Me Hans and William,

45:43

we

45:43

have an unfair

45:46

Disadvantage. Disadvantage? Yeah. I'd say it's a disadvantage in

45:48

most comedians. What? Why me excuse

45:51

me. Unfair advantage. Living 497- Yeah.

45:54

-- advantage. Unfair advantage

45:56

being on Kilotony because so many people watch

45:58

Kilotony when we go to these cities

45:59

and, you know, him opening up for

46:02

Rogen and me being you know, 497 of

46:04

Rogen and people hear us on the podcast and saw him on the podcast. Yeah.

46:06

Everybody opens their doors

46:08

we like,

46:10

bro. I took my girl me last year when I

46:12

was a neighbor's dog -- Yeah. -- restaurant owner

46:14

bought us a bottle, 497

46:17

us. Damn. Damn. I talked about. Free shit. Yeah. Gave her shit.

46:19

That wasn't even on the menu. And she's like, that's the best one I've ever

46:21

had in my life. Yeah. Just clicking for me.

46:24

And Regan had that one to Joe Beef

46:26

and my you all. And they're like,

46:28

we're just bringing food 497 we're like,

46:30

okay. And they just bring you food. Yeah. And

46:32

that's even when you're not even with road. That's the road.

46:34

That's a different thing. But when you were

46:36

rolling through a regular guy, hookups. Yeah.

46:38

Yeah. That's the most necessary. Like, everyone

46:40

gets free stuff to rich people because they love them

46:42

so much they're the ones that needed those. They did the least every time at the comedy store, we're like,

46:44

oh, you know what that is? We gotta let him be free. And,

46:46

like, let him pay. Yeah.

46:48

They're jitter 497 fucking

46:50

pay you. Right. He has the money. I

46:52

heard Derek Geter walked around New York. Hey, you have

46:54

his wall with him. He probably don't like him. Don't

46:57

don't eat it. Don't need money. Don't

46:59

need ID. Just walk anywhere. Look, I got a table.

47:01

Can I just get

47:02

stuff? Don't just

47:03

bring it to them. No. I I really I really

47:06

I sometimes sit around in Panda Lake. When I was

47:08

broke, it didn't have nothing. I didn't

47:10

receive anything. But now that I'm in a place

47:12

to actually buy some of the things I want,

47:14

I got my But I get it as

47:16

promotion. I did. I got people gave me

47:18

whoever Zenman is. Zenman

47:21

thirteen at some website. I

47:23

still have his password for fucking

47:26

Comcast. Whatever goes you gotta

47:28

redo it. I'm like, oh, maybe it's still somehow

47:30

in my

47:32

computer. Yeah.

47:32

And that's, like, got a cap shit kept me going. I couldn't afford cable.

47:34

Yeah. I got I got so many logins on my

47:36

TV and my girls, like, who are these people? I'm like,

47:38

why are you worried about? We're watching this happen.

47:41

Yeah. We got HB0 Yeah. Why are you worried about

47:44

that? We got I mean, that's We we got HB0

47:46

match. We got P.

47:48

C. Netflix. I started the campaign, give it a nuggets a

47:50

dorga. And it was just like, you know,

47:51

did you ever come to the counter someone else

47:53

or done that?

47:56

I

47:56

had a short tenure there. I was there from

47:58

October two thousand

47:59

nineteen into

48:02

the pandemic. October

48:04

twenty nineteen. Yeah.

48:07

Possibly, but I was on the road a

48:09

lot right now. I don't think I saw you there.

48:11

Yeah. I was getting ready for a

48:13

special. It didn't happen. Yes.

48:14

I'm Did you never can't do the commissary

48:16

during that period either? I did.

48:19

Did we ever have runners with each time? Yeah. I saw you at the door.

48:22

Alright. Do a lot of names. It was too young. No,

48:24

bro. Lisa. You're not

48:26

a comedian. A lot of them. People don't

48:28

understand the stress at that door bro. Like,

48:30

working the door, like, the front

48:32

497 bro. Yeah. Like, my mom

48:34

can walk through and I'll be the highway ID.

48:36

You know, it's just like, you become a robot because

48:38

you're seeing twelve hundred people like that.

48:40

I I wouldn't even look I wouldn't

48:42

even match up to your face. I 497 look at

48:44

the year good. Here yet, though. To make excuse

48:47

me, of racism. Sorry. We're gonna say No. I was

48:49

about the same, man. It became a point at

48:51

the count. So, like, and I'll get

48:53

to the second part later. We came from one of the comedy store. Like,

48:56

I I guess I was hasling doing people

48:57

to where

49:00

to Curtis was like, hey. If they look like, you know, they're thirty or

49:02

something, like, you know, it's just you kinda let her

49:04

know. Yeah. And so Cool. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

49:06

So I remember it'd be people that'd be the

49:08

Iowa I guess, they look dirty. I'm

49:10

like, I don't have an idea. Like, hey. Just flash

49:12

a credit card in front of my face. Let's see what

49:14

it says. I don't get in trouble. So I don't get in trouble so

49:16

the camera sees it. It looks like you showed

49:19

me ID, though. And then you could show me someone like

49:21

you could show me an old Asian woman's,

49:23

and I'm like, what's that year? Nineteen

49:25

twenty seven checks out. No.

49:28

At at the had run-in Andrew Centino

49:31

and Anthony Jocelynek,

49:34

both pedophiles. 497 don't

49:36

know. Wait. Is that it? You're really a pedophile?

49:38

No. I don't know. But, also,

49:40

with with with October of guilty

49:42

is not with Andrew since then, I remember I he

49:45

was coming through the main room, the the patio, and

49:47

I was MCID bro. He's

49:49

like

49:49

no. No. I was like, dollars. Like,

49:51

I didn't know Angel Santana was that Yeah. Like, you

49:53

know, I was like, I gotta check everything. I came from

49:55

urban comedy, though. You know what I'm saying? I don't -- Yeah. --

49:57

fucking ass. -- came in really black people can't

49:59

even, visual cortex can't even see

50:02

redheads. So I brought these your ID.

50:04

Oh my god. These are ID. He's like, come

50:06

on, man. I'm like,

50:08

what?

50:08

Like, he he never would say I'm a comedian.

50:10

You know what I'm saying? It was just like, why are

50:12

you canceling me? Why? It's like, no. Give me a fuck

50:15

or just say I'm a fucking a comment. I'm a

50:17

comic here. Like, no, like, don't, like, don't give me a hard guess to get

50:19

in with the least amount of

50:21

extra shit possible. And then Anthony

50:24

Justin Nick, I pressured him when I was working the back

50:26

door because I know Anthony Justin Nick, but I

50:28

didn't know this new Anthony Justin Nick who was

50:30

trying to be a sex symbol with the beard

50:32

and the SWAT You know, like, the old Anthony Justin Nick was bare faced. know what I

50:34

mean? The new Anthony Justin Nick was

50:36

wearing sexy clothes with a full

50:38

beard and hair done and

50:40

I'm like, bro. I said, where the fuck are you?

50:42

497 he just casually stroll behind me?

50:44

And, you know, that back door

50:46

going into the hallway is a

50:48

stressful 497. Yeah. Because that's where I talk to rooms. Yeah. Everybody of it, you

50:51

gotta go out. And someone's like, normal comic care. I'm

50:53

like, well, comic care, you're learning show.

50:56

Right. Gotta go out. You're gonna get yelled out. Yeah. I do.

50:58

And and people are are asking stupid

51:00

questions if I go out and smoke a 497, can I

51:02

come back in? No. I bet you can't

51:04

give me twenty dollars. Like, you know so so he casually strobe past

51:06

me and it's one of those busy nights.

51:09

I'm like I'm like, where are you going? Or I I

51:11

was like, do you know where you're going? You're

51:13

right. Are you gonna tell me? Do you know where? Right. Don't go to the wrong room.

51:16

Right. I said, do you know where you're going? That's all I said.

51:18

Like, you thought it was a customer. I thought it was a

51:20

customer. He said, I

51:22

497 know where I'm going. I said, bro, what the fuck are

51:24

you going? Like like, tell me

51:26

some don't like, I'm trying to do

51:28

a job. Always. I'll be,

51:30

like, one of his jokes.

51:32

But we but we got good after that. Me and Santino. I don't know. I guess

51:34

we're good. I don't know. No. I talked to him. He doesn't

51:37

he thinks you're a pedophile. I don't think Santino

51:39

knows me and and

51:42

That's that's what I mean. On this card? Because if you let people

51:44

in too easily, then So this is horrible

51:46

thing. Yeah. This is what I had. So I was working the back door,

51:48

and that's where we had a main room, a belly room, and

51:51

an and an OR roof. Kicking, well, but not as well

51:53

as, like, when I was there. Yeah. Yeah.

51:55

Now two thousand people a night. Yeah.

51:57

But it was just, like, you can get in

51:59

easily, go to the wrong room. They

52:01

had a a backdoor guy there. They had

52:04

a they

52:04

had a main room backdoor guy who

52:06

would just say, like, where are you going? You shouldn't

52:08

be in here. You can't go

52:09

in this way because also they had their

52:11

own bathrooms. Well, this was before the cameras. Right? Oh, yeah.

52:13

Before the cameras. Certainly.

52:14

I was working the back and

52:17

Right? When the phones are out there, where the bathrooms are.

52:19

Mhmm. And somebody's,

52:20

like, walks past me and he go, I'm,

52:22

like, do you know which one we're gonna do?

52:24

And he goes, yeah, I'm going to the main room. I was like, okay. He goes,

52:26

I just walked right past you.

52:28

And I was like, okay. It

52:30

goes

52:30

I said, I'm going out to

52:32

smoke. And I was like, yeah.

52:34

You're fine. Go ahead. I was like, no, no,

52:36

man. I walked past you.

52:37

I said, I'm going

52:39

out to smoke. And

52:42

same thing not realizing, like, I don't look you're

52:44

right. The face I'm on to history, you

52:46

know. But he's like he's like, I even I said

52:48

something to you when I walked back. I was like,

52:50

Are you saying I'm racist? Are you saying I can't people apart? Right.

52:52

They were like, no. Like, they go in

52:55

the fucking me room. I'm just

52:57

so fucking stupid. We did. No.

52:59

They so sensitive. Like, if you don't, I'm letting

53:02

you in. I'm not stopping you. It's like, because

53:04

I'm seeing what you want. I see fifteen hundred

53:06

people tonight because I you're not special

53:08

Exactly. Yeah. Specialty you. I don't

53:10

remember you going to smoke a cigarette, and and

53:12

now you're mad at me because I

53:15

this is is my thirtieth person who went

53:17

to Texas cigarette. And not just

53:19

tonight. Yeah. They want special

53:21

treatment. They're like, honor

53:23

my humanity. I have empathy. It's

53:26

like, you're a customer.

53:28

Can you agree that the Monday night back door

53:30

was the worst because you're on close to three AM

53:33

you gotta do the fucking sign.

53:35

Wait.

53:35

Monday night, is that black night?

53:37

No. No. It's black night. Monday night is Don

53:39

Barry is not finishing to three fifteen AM for

53:41

Dinkdong Show? Yeah. And then remember

53:42

it came downstairs to the original room. What are

53:45

they doing that then? So they do it up they

53:47

do it up in

53:47

the belly room. And

53:49

then he bring automotive. The sign was the bad. It was on

53:52

Friday's side, and I 497, his drunks would come by and

53:54

do jokes. Like, who would you? It's like it's

53:56

not funny. You know, the first one to

53:58

do that. Jump into your jump shows. It's already Ricky.

53:59

Right. That was nobody

54:02

has ever fell off their fucking ladder. I'm 497, though.

54:05

I've been so close. I

54:07

just paid people like thirty bucks to I'm like, bro, I'm not getting

54:09

on that shit. Go do that shit. No. That's what

54:11

my relative wealth was because Dice was like and

54:13

I think he told me he was like, you'll

54:16

be rich. You'll be twenty five dollars rich when you could say, I don't wanna do

54:18

this one hundred dollars. You

54:20

know? Like, no matter what,

54:21

I'm not doing it.

54:22

Bigos, but you're not twenty five dollars

54:25

much. So you have to go do it. You

54:27

can't afford to give up by twenty five bucks. Who

54:29

who are doing guys would do then? What? Who would

54:31

have done somebody to do our guys?

54:33

Me. Run as easy. Oh, wow.

54:35

Jordan Fox. I know Jordan Fox.

54:37

Yeah. He was just getting gone. Who else

54:39

is Jordan as

54:42

a caparulo? Aaron

54:42

Cader, a little

54:44

bit. Who else was there? I'm miss

54:47

oh, David

54:48

Taylor 497 Youssef.

54:50

Danish and O'Neil later, but probably overlapped. When I

54:52

overlapped, but When when I was there, that was

54:54

kind of the last of the hiring by

54:56

what I called the dream team

54:59

at the comedy store was a dream dream. The dream

55:01

team was Adam Egot Curtis

55:04

Nelson. Damn. Fucking

55:06

Ritchie Ritchie still there, but I'm saying this is still there. The

55:08

dream team, like Curtis and Adam together,

55:10

there's a reason they're in Austin now. You

55:12

know what I'm saying? And and, essentially, because

55:15

because Ritchie of the three of them were the only ones was

55:17

the only one who didn't fuck

55:19

children. Yeah. Two I'm I'm gonna just

55:22

fucking kick today. As far

55:24

as my god's too. That's funny because because

55:26

remember Kevin Crissey getting passed and he was, like, one of the

55:28

last ones to get passed by Mizzie and he was, like,

55:30

no, that's big. I wanna get passed by this lady

55:32

and not the fuck

55:34

it. What? Dream team. But after some witnesses

55:35

was 497. Right? No. Duncan

55:38

was before. Oh, Duncan worked

55:40

for. 497, a lot of people 497 Tom, it

55:42

was racist. So

55:44

I took, like, a two and a half year hiatus away from comedy when I had

55:46

my first kid. But prior to me having it

55:48

I got two. But prior to

55:50

me having what? He's black.

55:53

I'm black, but I can't help it. But

55:55

prior to me having my kid, like,

55:57

Tommy was giving me spots. You know

55:59

who's saying his racist? People who weren't

56:01

getting spots. Right. Owen Smith never said that.

56:04

You never said that?

56:06

It was

56:06

the guys who weren't getting spots. You heard about

56:08

what happened in the comments you saw with Joshua Martin?

56:11

What

56:13

happened? Let him and Leslie

56:15

Jones what? What happened? That's

56:17

how that Josh Martin 497 with Leslie

56:19

Jones. I think Leslie Jones kinda just punched him. Leslie Jones punched

56:21

him an

56:22

employee of the comedy store in the in the

56:25

497. Because Allegedly was that would just say so

56:27

you all get sued. Yeah. Leslie

56:30

had been bumping people.

56:33

And Justin Nagel is my Never liked

56:35

the bomb. Yeah. So Justin Nagel said what? Justin Nagel is my

56:37

I ain't going for that. Like, Justin's bigger

56:40

than her. Yeah. He does bigger rooms than

56:42

her. Exactly. Please. So I love the idea that, like, I'm allowed to bump. So I will.

56:44

That bumping shit started in a day at the Comedy

56:46

Store when they were two celebrities. Right.

56:48

This is dice at

56:50

any Griffin. And that was it. And you

56:52

know, whatever. And it was like, okay.

56:54

But, like, that was

56:55

it. And and

56:58

then that's you would do it. And then more and more people do it, but I you're now you're

57:00

if you bump now, you're bumping people who who

57:02

would have been able to bump back then. Right.

57:04

Right. The lineup is just full of

57:07

Here goes Ron White, Rogen, who never bumped even

57:10

when he could. He was 497 fear factor. He was

57:12

497, no. I'll call in. And to be like, I wanna

57:14

bump, like, no. I bump if

57:16

I could and I'm calling in. So, no, you can't bump a

57:19

guy who could rob. So, Justin

57:21

Nick wasn't having

57:22

it and I guess a few other people

57:24

were you know I was waiting for

57:26

that to happen. Were people like, what? Are we so far

57:28

behind? Yeah. A few other people were I don't

57:30

think anyone should ever complain and

57:33

allegedly what I heard, but, you know,

57:35

the game of telephone, a lot of

57:37

stuff. Is is is Josh Martin told

57:39

her, you don't belong care. You know, he

57:41

got the nobody likes it. That's the bad part about it. Nobody likes what? Josh Martin.

57:43

Yeah. And he got the liberty that you have

57:45

been known care. And

57:49

and I guess she I guess she fired off onto

57:51

the she punched him. That's what I heard. That's what

57:53

you heard. And then and then what

57:55

happened after that? He got fired. Someone

57:57

punched an employee

57:58

and then they fired the

57:59

employee 497 he quit.

58:02

He quit. I don't

58:04

know how he

58:04

would. Okay. That's this. Not a man. I

58:07

hear you. You know Josh Moore? Yeah. Is that

58:09

Amazon Steel toe? It's such an asshole where I don't

58:11

know why he's like the thing is nobody will

58:13

defendant asshole. We're not we're doing a really nice

58:15

person because accused of jokes dealing or something like that.

58:17

Everyone's like, oh, come on.

58:19

This

58:19

is another Only person only person who

58:21

fucks with Josh Martin Heavy is Paul

58:24

Azure. He I like

58:26

Josh. No. You

58:26

don't take him on the road with you?

58:28

one arose I'm

58:31

like Josh. The

58:34

offstage If you say you like I like

58:36

your girl I'll take her on the road. I'll be saying, have you tell me you like

58:38

me? Invite me on the road, mother? Are you all saying? I

58:40

have no idea. The point of being like That's

58:42

the that that's that's

58:44

the intent. That proves a

58:46

point. Like, if if I say I like you and I have

58:48

the means to me. No. No. That's a

58:50

different thing. You like the person as a person

58:52

versus like I've never even seen him

58:53

on stage. Yeah. But, alright. You

58:55

never saw me on

58:56

stage open for you. I've seen him on stage

58:58

sixty seconds at a time. That doesn't

59:02

No. That doesn't work anymore than that. Oh, maybe. Yeah.

59:04

Not maybe. But I'm saying, in order for me to

59:06

bring you could be a horrible comic. And if I like you

59:08

as a you on the road. I will.

59:11

I have a the fuck it. I care about my shows. I mean, I care about my shows. You

59:13

need to be a certain level of comment. A certain level

59:15

of comment. Let me not say

59:17

horrible comment. Which would at least be decent. No. If but if

59:19

you if you say, hey, you're playing

59:21

my hometown of, you know,

59:23

whatever. The penitentiary and a and a

59:26

saw space. Yeah. And

59:28

I noticed it's gonna be there. That's where I'm from.

59:30

Would you mind if I open for you? 497, oh,

59:32

yeah. Sure.

59:34

If I'm playing a

59:34

hometown, like, you're gonna do a good show of one of your parents. Yeah.

59:37

Sure. If you're a decent comic, you might not be the

59:39

personality brick. What I like to bring is headliners

59:41

who fell through the cracks. 497 those

59:44

are hard hard to find. So Yeah. But 497 how

59:46

it does. Yeah. With podcasts and shit. Headliners can make

59:48

I got a Joe list a couple of

59:51

times back. You wanna go to the Adrian appallucci at Budge, which, you know,

59:53

they're all like they're all

59:55

moved on. Yeah. Yeah.

59:57

All all all it all it takes is one

59:59

good podcast

59:59

to to to

1:00:01

turn you over. You know what I'm saying? That's all it

1:00:03

takes. Let's talk one more free shit. By the

1:00:06

way, don't forget. Pittsburgh saw it

1:00:08

like Denver. Do you

1:00:09

get that out of two sickness? No. But I get windy coming

1:00:11

up steps, which I assume is what it's like. So

1:00:13

that's not that's that's not the

1:00:15

worst part about it

1:00:18

for me. You got sickness. I get her. Denver

1:00:20

didn't do me as bad as Salt Lake City. I had, like, five

1:00:22

nosebleeds 497 Salt

1:00:24

Lake. Because the air is so

1:00:26

I don't do cocaine. It's dry. But it felt

1:00:28

like I did cocaine. My nasal passages

1:00:31

were on fire.

1:00:36

Sounds like they're on fire

1:00:38

now. In

1:00:39

Vancouver Seattle. Wait. More

1:00:42

free shit. What else do you get free? One time. I

1:00:44

got one. With

1:00:45

this stage at the comedy store. Fucking with Don Beres. Fucking around.

1:00:47

We Fucking around all the

1:00:50

time. And

1:00:51

adam I pull my

1:00:52

dick out all the time. My balls, especially balls out of out

1:00:55

of the fucking zipper. Yeah. The jubles, we

1:00:57

call them. We put them, like, on the mics

1:00:59

stand. We race them up my

1:01:02

two snails racing

1:01:04

up. Yeah.

1:01:06

Anyway, some

1:01:08

guy who's there all the time, some magazine mogul.

1:01:10

He own, like, eight, ten magazines, something like that.

1:01:12

He's rich. You know how? Sometimes a rich guy just

1:01:14

hang out there for a month. Yeah. They

1:01:17

just love the conversation. They just come all the time. Yep. This

1:01:19

was that guy. Something porn serves to do the same

1:01:21

thing or or hookers. TIs would do it? TIs would do it.

1:01:24

TIs? Yeah.

1:01:25

the And

1:01:28

he just he was just, like,

1:01:30

Tom was, like, taking a ball

1:01:31

down. I was, like, no. Don knew I'd take

1:01:33

him out. This guy knew. And

1:01:35

somebody's, like, jobs, like, will

1:01:37

I already pay him? And then some guys are getting

1:01:39

thirty cents. I'm, like, alright, thirty cents. That's

1:01:41

not enough. This this magazine guy, who knows I'm gonna

1:01:43

take it out anyway? Because I'll give you a thousand dollars if you

1:01:45

take it out. And we're all

1:01:48

fucking 497. We're

1:01:50

like, Okay. How did it took my dick out? Yeah. Not just

1:01:52

the balls. You would have got the whole show, buddy. But

1:01:54

then -- Mhmm. -- did it. It was free shit.

1:01:57

497, like, I was, like, do you need do you want some of this for a

1:01:59

set number? No. No.

1:01:59

No. No. I got a job and fucking take it.

1:02:02

And he got that Jimmy

1:02:04

Kimo money. So

1:02:05

that was big. That I paid my rent. The

1:02:07

whole month paid my rent for that. How much

1:02:09

is your rent? 497 fifty. In LA?

1:02:11

Back then. Yeah. Right now it's I'm sure that

1:02:13

big hole in the ground. That was

1:02:15

my place. Where? I made the

1:02:17

pink dot.

1:02:17

Oh, okay. What oh, that

1:02:20

building. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What year

1:02:22

was that? Okay. Two

1:02:23

thousand four. Oh, yeah. Oh my god. What about you?

1:02:25

Appreciate

1:02:25

it. During the pandemic, some woman

1:02:27

in Germany gave me five hundred

1:02:29

dollars of Amazon 497. For

1:02:32

what? Just like just No. Before that. It's just

1:02:35

like I think she saw me online or

1:02:37

saw me in Seattle or something. So

1:02:39

here's five hundred bucks? Yeah. That's

1:02:41

great. I know I still haven't paid her back. I just Oh, she

1:02:44

was alone? She's in Germany.

1:02:46

She just, like, sent it to me. Wait. Wait.

1:02:48

Wait. Where do you pay her back? How are you

1:02:50

gonna pay back. That won't hurt some money. Wait. It's a it

1:02:52

was a loan or a gift? As a gift. No.

1:02:54

You don't pay her back. Oh, I

1:02:56

gotta say thing. I haven't even been able to

1:02:58

say banks. Yeah. But,

1:03:00

yeah, she was, like, here's the

1:03:02

man. I had to check my email. It's, like,

1:03:04

went to my spam and she, like, messaged me. I

1:03:06

was, like, I almost didn't see it. I was, like, oh,

1:03:08

this is spam. But I was like,

1:03:10

oh shit, shit. Some woman actually sent me

1:03:12

money. It never happened before.

1:03:14

Yeah. That's nice. By the

1:03:15

way, I'm still well over a

1:03:17

hundred thousand dollars a debt from my

1:03:19

special. If you wanna kick in some fucking Really? Oh,

1:03:22

yeah. For YouTube, do you get

1:03:24

some money YouTube views,

1:03:26

but it's But the views won't the views aren't 497. That's

1:03:28

a hundred thousand. That's four billion, five billion by

1:03:30

now. You had to get a billion to make a

1:03:32

hundred thousand. So you had to put, like, a

1:03:34

when Segura and all those guys put out, like a video with

1:03:36

a million hits every single week, that

1:03:38

shit adds up. Yeah. Yeah. I'm

1:03:40

at five million. It's probably, like, thirty

1:03:44

grand,

1:03:44

forty grand.

1:03:46

Did you use Really nice

1:03:47

cameras? Or Yeah.

1:03:50

Okay.

1:03:50

Yeah.

1:03:51

I don't pay a church service to get lost on

1:03:53

the Sunday. I don't

1:03:56

fucking have to get lost on Sunday.

1:03:58

Yeah. Anyway, the point is, please What you make you'll make

1:03:59

it back in the road. Make it back in the road. I wanna make

1:04:02

it back now on the road. I'm like, the road in the

1:04:04

road. I gotta pay these guys two fifty. Kick

1:04:06

in. Give me a dollar of

1:04:08

people, like, two broke I didn't catch my comments. Like, I

1:04:10

would love to chip in, but I'm too broke right now. I'm like and

1:04:12

I just write back. Give me a

1:04:14

dollar. I'm supposed to

1:04:16

give you an

1:04:18

hour now. Like, give me one dollar right on YouTube. Just hit

1:04:20

the face. Yeah. Says that it's one

1:04:22

dollar. Like, you guys million hits and

1:04:24

I can't I shot five

1:04:26

million dollars. That's what I'm

1:04:28

bro. Like, okay, if I release 497 special,

1:04:30

release it on YouTube

1:04:32

for ninety nine cent. There's

1:04:34

something about a paywall

1:04:35

that some people do know that because I'll say, alright, watch

1:04:37

it first. Don't take a chance. And then what do you think

1:04:40

it's worth?

1:04:42

You

1:04:42

have to give me a

1:04:44

special year. Where do you live?

1:04:45

A dollar? You can't even

1:04:47

give me a her

1:04:50

No. That would be

1:04:51

the shells. The the the pressure might kill you. Your pressure might

1:04:53

kill you. Yeah. Pressure give you that

1:04:55

two fifty. Anyway, let's talk a little more

1:04:57

free shit. What are we

1:04:59

up to here? I love free shit. Yeah. What else 497

1:05:01

you got? Fifty minutes now? I got a flow

1:05:04

grappling subscription during the

1:05:06

ADDCC. What does that mean?

1:05:10

The jujitsu competition. No.

1:05:12

What would you get? I gotta I

1:05:14

could watch the events live, which is, like,

1:05:16

great because it's a small thing. It's not

1:05:18

online anywhere. So it's like

1:05:20

yeah. The like, plus the kill Tony

1:05:22

fans and Joe Rogan fans. We have similar interests.

1:05:24

So, yeah, that was a that was a big one. Eddie

1:05:26

bravo, let me train free for, like, three years.

1:05:28

Wow. Nice, which is

1:05:29

over twenty classes.

1:05:32

Wow. That was one of the best in the

1:05:34

world. Yeah. You said I was not

1:05:36

that committed. That was

1:05:38

good. Staff. Staff 497 shit.

1:05:42

It ringworm. Now I was I had a spider bite at bat.

1:05:44

I was limping playing pull with rogue and he said, what are

1:05:46

you limping? I was like, I feel bad about a spider. It's

1:05:48

like spider pies don't make you limp.

1:05:52

What was I was like He was like, show it to me. He was on, like,

1:05:54

my thigh. I think he'd probably just wanna see my

1:05:56

dick, to

1:05:56

be honest. Yeah. He's it like that. Yeah.

1:05:58

Because he went and went down

1:05:59

to my he paused. You can tell

1:06:02

he paused. And then

1:06:04

he grabbed it. Yeah. And he

1:06:06

was like, that's not a spider bite, you

1:06:08

fucking idiot, that's 497 staff infection. It's bad. It's

1:06:10

bad. How about a month? He

1:06:12

goes, man. A month spider bite, dude, you

1:06:14

gotta go to the

1:06:16

hospital like tonight. Yeah. That shit's okay. With

1:06:18

that.

1:06:18

But I will go daytime when it's

1:06:20

unbelievable. You're a comedian and

1:06:24

you hate yourself. Yeah. How long did it take to get rid of once

1:06:26

you got antibiotics? I antibiotics. What do

1:06:28

I pretty

1:06:29

fast within a week? Freebies

1:06:31

antibiotics. To get a high quality shirt. So they

1:06:33

were the free clinic. That's 497 at night, though, if they would

1:06:35

make

1:06:35

you pay. They say, like, if you don't have healthcare,

1:06:38

you're fucked. I never found that to

1:06:40

be true. And it's

1:06:41

about actually, like, ten bucks.

1:06:44

Yeah. There's always ways around, like, the

1:06:46

hospitals have, like, amnesty programs.

1:06:48

It's yeah. You can just

1:06:50

sign up and it's more expensive that way because, like, we it's

1:06:52

officially, like, the hospital 497 to put

1:06:54

the bill or whatever. They they

1:06:56

lose a lot

1:06:57

of people. They're not perfect. What

1:06:59

else do you got before you? Let's keep talking out on a fucking Oh,

1:07:02

nice thing. Close shoes. Close

1:07:04

is nice. Dices are bringing all those clothes

1:07:06

and go go nuts. That was nice.

1:07:08

nice

1:07:09

Shoes. What's that shoe you

1:07:12

were? Twil? That's hard. I have a look. Yeah.

1:07:14

That's a hard that's a hard size. I'm ten and a

1:07:16

half. 497 there's a couple

1:07:18

Danny Brown shoes. Danny brown shoes.

1:07:20

Danny brown shoes. You know Danny brown

1:07:22

shoes are cool shoes. They're amazing

1:07:24

shoes. Ten and a half. Yeah. Are

1:07:26

you trying to squeeze in one eleven? They're

1:07:28

they're tens or something. Ball games.

1:07:31

They get ball

1:07:32

games sometimes. That's a free that's a freebie.

1:07:34

497 Freebies tickets. We had a fan take

1:07:36

me in the 497 tour, San

1:07:39

Francisco Giants

1:07:39

game in San Francisco. This draft

1:07:42

king is guy. Just gave me tickets to a Yankee

1:07:44

play off game. He's like, I'm a fan if you want. And I was like,

1:07:46

he was like, any New York sports. And

1:07:48

I was like,

1:07:50

playoffs,

1:07:51

damn. And he

1:07:52

goes, yeah, it doesn't matter. I'm like, yeah. Yeah. I got a I got a

1:07:54

few NBA people that followed me. Israel

1:07:56

had 497 sign you and follows me. Israel had to

1:07:58

sign 497. let me get you free

1:08:01

nothing. Don't ask for nothing, but what's the

1:08:04

defense classes? What can

1:08:04

he give you? Whatever he comes to the states. I'm

1:08:06

gonna, hey, hit me. Let's get lunch. Let's

1:08:09

get lunch on you. Gotta be. Gotta be

1:08:11

on. Gotta be, though. Yeah. It's all that stuff.

1:08:13

He can watch you eat and live by

1:08:15

kerosene through your carbs. He

1:08:18

can't have carbs, that guy? No. No. You can't. Me, we

1:08:21

all ate with the fighter once. I forget who it was,

1:08:23

and he was, like, in camp. And he was, like,

1:08:25

I have

1:08:25

one French from 497. I'm, like, okay.

1:08:27

And he fucking and milked it.

1:08:29

Right. Yeah. And this

1:08:30

is what you Well, he's like he's

1:08:33

like, he's like,

1:08:35

you know, me. Meat and

1:08:36

vegetables. You just had to, like, oh

1:08:37

my god. It was, like, so sad.

1:08:38

Like, that doesn't seem like a fun life. What

1:08:41

497 Isradas

1:08:42

time you give you? Couldn't

1:08:44

give you a free trip to New Zealand. 497

1:08:46

you if you were someone who worked the airlines, it could, but you can't. He could beat

1:08:50

someone 497 for you for free. Beat someone up for you for free. That could be good. You

1:08:52

might go to jail, though, for what? Beat

1:08:54

someone up. I'm

1:08:54

sure his hands

1:08:55

are considered

1:08:58

weapons. Okay. Did you have that much of an event? Do they have, like,

1:09:00

a law for that? I think that's a movie

1:09:03

term. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The

1:09:06

nineties. Because it's, like, they're registered weapons. Right.

1:09:08

Oh, yeah. What else

1:09:11

free have

1:09:12

free regard we gotten?

1:09:14

497. Dinner. Dinner. What? Dinner.

1:09:16

Who gives you dinner? Just being in association. You

1:09:18

know, like I just told you

1:09:20

about the dinner I got in

1:09:23

Naples. And just we like We like

1:09:23

yeah. We like doing this. Yeah. It's food you

1:09:25

would never by yourself too. It's like if

1:09:28

you're a broke comic,

1:09:30

it's like high quality food. Not

1:09:32

only does it fill you up, so you don't have

1:09:34

to spend, like, ten bucks, it's, like, enriches you too. Yeah. It's it's, like, well, if and they put enough

1:09:38

care or some like, hey. So even now, I can afford food now. Mhmm.

1:09:41

But I was eating with Adrian in

1:09:43

I don't know where. St.

1:09:46

Louis,

1:09:46

maybe somewhere like that.

1:09:48

And

1:09:49

some guy and we're eating, and some guy's like, oh

1:09:51

my god. Hey. The chap, the

1:09:51

staff we saw you. And I was like, okay. That's nice. I took a picture

1:09:53

and then I left. And I I just

1:09:55

turned around 497, free

1:09:58

food though. Okay. And they came out with some wingers on them. Oh. I was like good enough. I want

1:09:59

that freebie. Right.

1:10:02

Right. I love

1:10:04

that freebie.

1:10:06

It tastes so good. It tastes so good.

1:10:08

Your comedy gave it to you. You didn't have

1:10:10

to work? Directly. You didn't have to work.

1:10:13

Yeah. It's just free bonus energy. Yeah. True.

1:10:15

Boeing's 497. That would give me big house. HP. Free flights.

1:10:17

Where do you get free flights? The

1:10:20

clubs. That book is the go

1:10:22

to clubs. Yeah. That is nice.

1:10:24

Yeah. 497, that's a job that I

1:10:26

was like, here's a little known thing. You guys are getting this soon. When you go to Europe or Iceland or

1:10:28

or Asia

1:10:28

or anything like that

1:10:30

or any sort of like Festival

1:10:34

gig, you know, or even a a comedy gig, whatever. Don't take the return flight

1:10:36

the next day. You're already there.

1:10:38

Tom, fly

1:10:38

me home a week later

1:10:40

Yeah.

1:10:42

Stay there a little bit. Stay there. It doesn't cost them they

1:10:45

don't care at all. They're like, if you don't

1:10:47

give us a hotel. No. They won't give

1:10:49

you a hotel. Oh, we're gonna give them a majority out

1:10:51

there. You're not gonna be out there for a long time. Right. Just be like, now 497 me have a

1:10:53

week for myself or three days or whatever. Right. In fact,

1:10:55

you'd be like, finally 497 for this

1:10:58

497. Like, he'd finally home from

1:11:00

Munich. And

1:11:01

then you, like, take a train to meet and get there and then get

1:11:03

home. Don't be, like, damn it, or whatever. I don't care. How was it about that kind of

1:11:04

I suppose to be going

1:11:06

I suppose to be going to

1:11:09

London in, I think, June. I'm going April.

1:11:11

Nice. How are you doing? Like, in some place in some

1:11:14

place, some city west. I'm

1:11:19

sorry, bro. I fake edit that out. No. That's what's their

1:11:21

name? Awesome. That's that's a that's a edit.

1:11:23

That's a edit.

1:11:25

That's a edit. Well, accentuate that. That. Could I accentuate

1:11:28

that? Put that over all the

1:11:30

pricing. That's the Some city

1:11:32

west of London. I

1:11:34

can't remember. Manchester, I think. Leads,

1:11:37

Glasgow, Wales, though. Some city west

1:11:39

of London. New York. It's in

1:11:41

Ireland. It's in what?

1:11:43

It's in England. Let's

1:11:46

the see.

1:11:47

Excellent. Whether it's flying for a

1:11:49

gig or so a festival. It's a

1:11:52

West country. Leads. Because I

1:11:54

know

1:11:54

I got leads back. I know I stole I stole. Yeah. I think that's it. I know I 497 fly

1:11:59

into London. And after

1:12:01

I bet it's Bristol's forty seven minutes away. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

1:12:03

Take your train. They Transport's there are so far away

1:12:05

from the 497. So

1:12:08

far away. But the trains work. Yeah.

1:12:10

But it's great. Yes. You're right. Bristol it's it's called a Bristol comedy den.

1:12:12

Sir Steven Merchant

1:12:15

is from. Really? Maybe it'll be there. We

1:12:17

know that's different. Bristol comedy dance. I don't. Yeah. That's what I'm on. Damn. Just there for that

1:12:20

one gig? Yeah. Go

1:12:21

to London. Do some sponsored online.

1:12:23

Oh, one night here. Yeah.

1:12:26

Yeah. I'm I'm having it paid enough if you did it ahead of time in London with spots because they pay better. don't

1:12:28

pay rogue money, but they

1:12:30

pay better than, like, New York

1:12:34

early in money -- Right. -- that you could pay

1:12:36

for your, like, Airbnb or hotels for, like, another

1:12:38

week. And they just do work out spots in

1:12:40

London. It is cool. You'll see what doesn't work there.

1:12:42

And it's like such an opportunity to be there. How's the human? How's the human? Because I was just saying I just got back from

1:12:48

Canada. Canada. Great. It is, but I I

1:12:50

like, I found myself about to make excuses 497 I felt. Go ahead. No.

1:12:52

No. No. I I I'm

1:12:54

a Republican. I feel that no shows

1:12:57

Okay. But there was, like, maybe two jokes I did I a joke

1:12:59

a Imetel reference, the crowd at me. Yeah. don't have they don't 497

1:13:02

don't they don't have to find

1:13:04

out 497

1:13:07

look. Right. Right. Yeah. But Amazon is a

1:13:09

national reference in America a little

1:13:11

bit.

1:13:11

Get there. Oh, maybe

1:13:14

you don't know. What?

1:13:16

Kiddlers

1:13:16

of different countries. I don't know. I

1:13:18

don't know. I don't know. International reference. Yeah. They

1:13:20

just think But I figured canceling would 497 what

1:13:23

I should be 497, but also

1:13:26

not everybody knows about them until. Yeah. It'll

1:13:28

be alright. That's our racism. We're like everyone

1:13:30

knows about how races we are. Yeah.

1:13:32

When I was in Winnipeg, it was dope

1:13:34

Winnipeg. Is Winnipeg is the first place that I smelled crack.

1:13:36

You smelled it.

1:13:37

Oh, the rivers. You know my

1:13:40

burning pleasure in hails. What's

1:13:42

my burning plastic? Yeah. I'm like, is

1:13:44

that? And why are these natives just

1:13:46

hanging out? Yeah. Bro, so because they treat their natives or indigenous people like how

1:13:50

Americans treat mexican. Dude, I'm not doing that yet, because it was

1:13:53

like, you know mexican stuff. Like, oh,

1:13:55

I'm like, fuck you guys

1:13:57

with your fucking small pox and your like

1:14:00

this. Yeah. They were discovering little

1:14:02

little bodies of children at the churches

1:14:04

and They

1:14:06

were They're they're very nice, bro. Whatever.

1:14:08

How boring it hard. Yeah. How

1:14:10

could we How boring it is?

1:14:12

It they make up for how nice

1:14:14

they are. What did they say? So not a

1:14:16

great party to him. Winnipeg is the coldest town in

1:14:18

Canada. It's like Really? Yeah. They call it Winterpac. Yeah.

1:14:23

Love it. That's how you know. It's true. It's like this

1:14:25

it's better than statistics. It's like

1:14:27

a rhyme wordplay. What

1:14:29

else have we got? Free.

1:14:32

Hotels from 497. That's

1:14:34

not what you're asking. I

1:14:36

mean, like, a total free Like

1:14:39

a business trip. Yeah. Right? Like,

1:14:41

like, UFC fights. UFC fights. UFC fights. You guys My boss from

1:14:43

from from from Rohger. Yes. 497

1:14:46

I mean, sure. It's still a freebie. It's not exactly

1:14:48

what I'm talking about, but it is a freebie. It doesn't

1:14:50

have to be for a fan. We're talking

1:14:52

about it

1:14:54

also from -- Oh, okay. No. No. From anybody. You you did it from just

1:14:56

random chips.

1:14:57

497. A lot of art.

1:14:58

Yeah. Lots of art. Lots

1:15:01

of art. Hey. Let me just say a

1:15:03

public service announcement to all the there who make art

1:15:05

about a comedian

1:15:06

that they like. You'd

1:15:09

have to

1:15:10

be a complete toolbox

1:15:13

to hang up a painting of

1:15:15

yourself in your own home. Oh, shit. So Hello? Yes. Toolbox.

1:15:17

around us Toolbox.

1:15:20

Oh, yeah. Tony Henry's stuff.

1:15:22

I'm sure I was a whole wall. Mhmm.

1:15:24

Whole Henry's stuff. So you need to give a painting

1:15:26

of Han to some other person who might like Han.

1:15:30

I'm a narcissist though. But then what do I get

1:15:32

out of yourself? You suck. No. I'm

1:15:34

saying, instead, they should paint something

1:15:37

related

1:15:37

to you. Maybe your hometown in

1:15:39

Shanghai. I mean

1:15:44

Shanghai. Yeah. Something that you would like in

1:15:46

some way. If it was me, it'd be

1:15:48

like, like,

1:15:50

the McDonald's Cowboys, you know, like, championships. I don't know. Something like a yamaka.

1:15:55

Yeah. Something interesting. Thing.

1:15:57

But not me of me. I can't

1:15:59

hang that up. Yeah. It's like My

1:15:59

my my portrait

1:16:01

that I just

1:16:03

got is actually least next

1:16:05

to my podcast studios is like leaning against the wall. I just don't know why I'm a

1:16:07

hanger yet. Yeah. Hanger trash. That's funny

1:16:11

if it's like a bit if

1:16:13

it's, like, firefighter place and you're, like, welcome. And you act like the most interesting man in the

1:16:15

world. So Leslie punched an employee of the common

1:16:17

store, and they what did they say?

1:16:20

Leslie, I I'm

1:16:22

sure she got something, but allegedly they got

1:16:24

into a fight. I get I'm

1:16:27

I'm guessing both people regret Did

1:16:29

something and I bet they both regret

1:16:31

acting full. And I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, what is Josh Martin

1:16:33

gonna do? What's he gonna do? Yeah. He's

1:16:35

he's been there forever. Let's

1:16:37

just wait bigger than him too. Left is bigger than me and --

1:16:39

Yeah. -- as it's not something. Tall girl.

1:16:42

Well, she had the Olympics. She

1:16:44

did something for the Olympics. No. 497 shoes

1:16:46

and Gold buses and all S and L.

1:16:48

Okay. Yeah. I don't know her.

1:16:50

But You don't know left to

1:16:51

jump? Not really. It's

1:16:55

interesting. It's interesting when doesn't get

1:16:57

a reference, like

1:16:59

them

1:16:59

until. Shit. You're like,

1:17:01

you're not wrong for not

1:17:04

knowing somebody. You

1:17:05

think, like, some of

1:17:06

we all think it's and that but have Right. it's,

1:17:12

like 497

1:17:14

else have we got free? Drugs? Oh, yeah. Plain

1:17:16

drugs is

1:17:17

nice. I get enough drugs where I could be

1:17:19

a legit drug dealer. Dude, but I went to

1:17:21

yeah. I went to the French, the Edinburgh franchise,

1:17:24

and so the first year I went, you paid

1:17:26

497, you just charged for tickets. Then I went with a free friend, was just finish your show,

1:17:30

just like my special, hey, you saw that? I'll be outside with a bucket.

1:17:32

We thought it was worth something if I can put some

1:17:34

cash in the bucket. You ended up making a lot

1:17:36

more money that way. Really? Yeah. Well,

1:17:38

you don't have to pay off everybody. Money.

1:17:40

It's just, like, you you pay four hundred pounds

1:17:42

at the beginning, and then, like and then the rest it's all just yours. Yeah. But people

1:17:45

some people, like, who's a

1:17:47

pound? Who's twenty and

1:17:50

whatever they get. And some people

1:17:52

like, here's some wheat. Just put some fucking acid,

1:17:54

random pills. It's like if

1:17:55

you're adventurous, fucking enjoy. Yeah.

1:17:58

Drugs

1:17:58

is great. Was that a

1:17:59

strawberry one? Yep. Yep. Oh

1:18:02

my

1:18:02

goodness. Yeah. Yeah.

1:18:03

I was gonna do the

1:18:06

French festival, but What? I'm not gonna do it now. What?

1:18:08

For what? What do you mean?

1:18:09

What's the point

1:18:10

now? What's the point before? 497

1:18:13

getting

1:18:16

no gigs? Do you think I need to figure out gigs

1:18:18

out of it? No. It is something that's a job fair for people, but only for, like, a UK job fair.

1:18:20

Yeah. It's like

1:18:23

an artistic retreat. Yeah. You'll

1:18:25

grow, like Yes. I remember a lot of I remember a lot of LA comics

1:18:27

used to go. I was about to go there again this year, but I'm considering if I should go

1:18:29

this year. Well, you you mean But you get

1:18:31

charged for tickets now. Right? I

1:18:34

won't. I still do free French. And then have the bucket out

1:18:37

there? I feel like a lot of people that

1:18:39

go there have the same energy of people who

1:18:41

are like, I have a girlfriend. She just goes

1:18:43

to another high school. It's like, I'm artistic

1:18:45

somewhere else. Yeah. Exactly. There's a lot of that. There's a lot

1:18:47

of that there. How was the

1:18:50

merchant else? Will you do?

1:18:52

Not No.

1:18:54

No. But it's not easy. The the good

1:18:57

thing about reading all the day, it's fourteen

1:18:59

hundred comedians are there, and everybody

1:19:01

is showing like one

1:19:03

hour, no openers. You introduce

1:19:04

yourself. Hi, Roy. Please welcome David Lucas. So how

1:19:06

many shows are going on at the same time? At

1:19:08

the same exact time? Yeah. Hundreds.

1:19:10

Hundreds. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Hundreds. And

1:19:14

put people go up from 497. Let's say

1:19:16

they stay for five days. They say six shows a

1:19:18

night. Six shows a day started one go

1:19:22

till some

1:19:22

weirdo fucking, you know, theme y shows in the middle of the night. It's great. It's such a fun place. It's

1:19:24

just a place like you're talking to your buddy and someone's like, hey,

1:19:26

you wanna come see a show? It's free. It's my

1:19:31

497 go. Yeah. Alright. just get a beer there, sit there,

1:19:33

and then you talk about that show. Could be terrible.

1:19:35

Could be like a

1:19:38

hidden gem. It's

1:19:39

so fun. And everybody's boozing. I

1:19:41

had one night. I had I

1:19:43

used to nerd roommates, Ahershaw, and

1:19:45

Alex Keelley, and Alex

1:19:48

Smith,

1:19:48

and And and and then one year

1:19:49

we had Dirosa lived with us. And all the nerds

1:19:51

fucking

1:19:51

picked on Dirosa

1:19:54

instantly. They just notified

1:19:56

him

1:19:56

497 every one year,

1:19:58

I was like, I'm I I drink

1:19:59

too much. I drink twelve days in a row. I can't

1:20:02

drink again tonight. Right. I mean, it's everyone 497 finish it

1:20:04

big and you show up to these pop up comedy bars

1:20:06

and it's like five of it's just there's no reason not

1:20:07

to drink. It shows it's six PM the next time.

1:20:09

Right. And I'm like, I can't I can't do it

1:20:11

again. I'm like, I'm going home,

1:20:14

went back through the park, you know,

1:20:16

to the house I was saying, and I

1:20:18

here was there with his

1:20:19

immigrant parents, his Indian immigrant parents. And I he

1:20:21

was like, Ahri, how

1:20:22

are you? My parents are here.

1:20:25

A kitchen. I was like, oh, say hi. I was

1:20:27

like, come have some wine with us. I mean, we stayed up to fucking three AM, drinking wine with his parents. you can't not drink

1:20:29

there. It's so fun. Wow.

1:20:31

It's the 497. Test.

1:20:34

My age of

1:20:35

eight it though. Wow.

1:20:38

I

1:20:38

love to go. Yeah.

1:20:40

You should. Every comment

1:20:43

should go. I can't believe there's nothing like that here. Everything here is sort of,

1:20:45

like, paid or laid back in. You gotta

1:20:47

get your way out there. You

1:20:49

gotta live with some other

1:20:51

guys for a while. Yeah.

1:20:52

You could get your own place. 497 did that, but he didn't

1:20:54

like it as much. Shaded out, he didn't like it as much. Gotta

1:20:56

gotta get involved. It's

1:20:58

like a subway, segue camp

1:21:00

fucking comments. And how long is it a month? Would you

1:21:02

like to say the whole you don't have to say the whole month? Yeah. You

1:21:04

why why don't you have to say oh my gado

1:21:08

Oh. You

1:21:08

wanna experience it, you do. That's a lot to

1:21:10

commit. Your stuff your your hour gets so much better. For a weekend,

1:21:13

you get a little tired it, then ten days in, you get,

1:21:15

like, start to get loose. I buy, like, like,

1:21:17

like, fifteen sixty, and you just it's so

1:21:20

sharp. You're done telling all letters,

1:21:22

miss, a month, a kiloton? That's when he should do a month of kill

1:21:24

stories there. Well, I thought he would crush there. But I said, you

1:21:26

think he gonna let us miss it. And we'd be like,

1:21:29

yeah. We're going to the 497 of convince Tony to go there.

1:21:31

Well, what but are you doing the show? The a kill

1:21:33

Tony show there would crush. The

1:21:35

two PM show to pm

1:21:37

show Yeah. You have all the other

1:21:39

comments from there because there's so many low four five year comments

1:21:42

there. Mhmm. And it'd be a chance to get on some

1:21:44

of you, like, this is

1:21:46

broadcast

1:21:46

to have the bucket afterwards. Say, this goes

1:21:48

something to the to the performers, mostly to us for our Roomba board.

1:21:50

No. We should do and then you do your

1:21:54

own shows at night. That'll actually work. We could we could because

1:21:56

a lot of guys go to two or three shows. We

1:21:58

could do it kill Tony a day. You could do kill

1:22:00

Tony a day,

1:22:02

and that would show it crazy. What? At one kill Tony every thirty days

1:22:04

for thirty days. They do roast 497 they

1:22:06

did every day. A new minute thirty

1:22:09

minutes of new material. That's gonna start ahead

1:22:11

of time. But, yeah, a new minute every day. Boy.

1:22:13

Boy. And then you do your own show. You

1:22:15

do your own hour. You

1:22:17

could do a split hour if want it thirty and thirty.

1:22:19

People do that so that you're not, like, not able

1:22:21

to win awards

1:22:22

in next year. It's like red shirting.

1:22:25

the her Can

1:22:27

mister Tony go up there for a month? It's

1:22:29

so fun. You could all live together if you wanted

1:22:31

or 497? Yeah. It's a

1:22:33

whole body experience. I

1:22:35

think Tony loves the the riches

1:22:37

and the money that he has. He'll make money there. You just don't

1:22:40

charge for

1:22:40

tickets, guys. Do the free friends.

1:22:42

And afterwards, you're like, hey, put this money

1:22:46

in the fucking bucket. Yeah. And

1:22:47

everyone does. Everyone knows the deal.

1:22:49

I I saw, like, their version of

1:22:52

Kristalia is what turned me. You know,

1:22:54

like, they can have their version of our

1:22:56

stuff. To their, like, hot guy with a

1:22:58

lot of female fans and male fans, but just like a a hype 497 good

1:23:02

looking and on TV. And

1:23:04

he

1:23:04

was doing it. And no one was like, look, what

1:23:06

are you doing? It was just like, it's fine. Do the bucket. I'll be out there if I can hit me up, and

1:23:08

then everyone just throws

1:23:11

in, they know it. It's an art art

1:23:13

artist thing. The the rich people like that was I was

1:23:15

worth twenty for sure. The poor people 497 like,

1:23:17

here's two

1:23:18

pounds, but you keep it

1:23:20

all. Yeah.

1:23:20

It's good. How

1:23:21

many people can fit in these places? Depends. They shut it depends. You could be in

1:23:23

a forty seat room. It could be a

1:23:26

hundred and sixty seat room. you seat room. It's every night.

1:23:29

So, you know, Tuesday, Wednesday aren't as full. And you

1:23:31

can do multiple shows a night. 497. Yeah. And

1:23:33

then you go do other people's shows and

1:23:35

you make forty, fifty, 497 fifty

1:23:37

pounds. Just do, like, guest sets on other people's shows. And that should add to us with

1:23:39

Jimmy Carter's only. Do every other show you can do. And then you meet

1:23:42

people that way. You see

1:23:43

a new style

1:23:46

of comedy. That's how I got that fucking

1:23:48

joo hour,

1:23:48

seeing those people do that badly. And I'm like, oh, I can

1:23:50

do that better. But, like, exposed to that kind of shit.

1:23:54

Right. Right. Sorry. I'm preaching. No.

1:23:56

You're good. I like it. I like listening to you talk

1:23:58

around. Yeah. If you give it to

1:23:59

Tonya ago. Yeah. Tom

1:24:01

I mean,

1:24:02

Tom always say he's not a real

1:24:04

time. It it would have to be you. It would have

1:24:06

to be you because if one of us said he'd be like, no. No. Or

1:24:09

do that. Like, people saying we

1:24:11

should go to Edinburgh. Fuckin. Idiots.

1:24:14

Right. We got the other one. What were Versace's fucking European pansies?

1:24:16

They don't know real time. 497 like guys were

1:24:18

like sub guys dicks who were in the closet

1:24:23

Well, really? I don't know. I

1:24:25

would hate. I go there. I

1:24:28

suppose that.

1:24:32

Hilarious. But, yeah, I mean, I

1:24:34

love it because I think it's good to, like, do the flashy shows, like, in America, you know, like, the big

1:24:36

sold out. But it's,

1:24:38

like, said all that. Yeah.

1:24:41

But it's also good to wear,

1:24:43

like, setting up your own chairs and

1:24:45

work. Get work. What is the true essence

1:24:47

of what we're doing? Yeah.

1:24:48

yeah Would help

1:24:49

the other people bark for shows, people gossip 497, like, oh, come see your shirt tonight. Like, yeah. I don't know if people up here. I'm like, give me a of

1:24:52

your fliers. He was like,

1:24:54

come on. Come on. Come see.

1:24:56

John Skim. He's

1:24:58

really funny for him. He's a young Skim. He's got thirty out there for so funny.

1:25:01

Yeah. That'll be

1:25:02

fine. 497 about it.

1:25:05

one Let's wrap

1:25:07

it

1:25:07

up. Yeah. You guys got a

1:25:08

podcast together? No. No. No. You said

1:25:11

you

1:25:11

got a podcast. Yeah.

1:25:13

What's it called? Hans Kempod cast. Hans Kim Parker. Yeah.

1:25:16

Mine's called fake news with David Lucas.

1:25:18

Fake news. What's that about? What is

1:25:20

he? Fake

1:25:22

news. What is he? David focus with a z. No. Fake news.

1:25:24

I know. Just watching. I

1:25:26

just talk shit. Talk shit

1:25:30

about

1:25:31

the guy the news. Everything. Whatever's

1:25:32

going on. I'd

1:25:34

grown on and comprehensively in a monotone voice.

1:25:39

Way to promote. I mean, I got a I

1:25:41

got another podcast, so I got a fishing podcast

1:25:44

that will

1:25:46

be huge. When I'm fishing. Yeah. Yeah. We go fishing

1:25:48

and we podcast while you fish. Mhmm.

1:25:50

Hines is on it. You're gonna

1:25:52

have six different pods

1:25:54

I say you stole that idea from them? From

1:25:56

communities of cars of

1:25:58

comedy, Burke Crushers,

1:25:59

whatever thing that he stole from

1:26:02

Denmark TV, the cabin. Something's burning. Something's

1:26:04

burning. What else? Oh,

1:26:06

the hiking podcast with whatever.

1:26:08

I'm trying to think who else will

1:26:11

say

1:26:11

you stole from them. Point

1:26:13

is you didn't. I'll say computer. I'll just say computer

1:26:15

in my face. Yeah. I'll set our competition with you. Yeah. But I won't be on camera. What?

1:26:20

No. Just audio only. Can't really be seen by

1:26:22

people. Gotcha. Yeah. Audio only. I'll be right up here.

1:26:23

What do you do? Have another

1:26:26

boat off camera? No. We we bank

1:26:28

fish 497

1:26:30

might can't come filter fish. Yeah. It's like a man made drink. It's wrong on so many

1:26:32

levels. It's not a filter fish.

1:26:34

What is it also that is

1:26:37

497, like,

1:26:39

catch up type of fish. What is it? Go fill

1:26:41

the fish. Go fill 497 one. And it's just,

1:26:43

like, fish loaf. 497, like, meatloaf and

1:26:45

fish. Oh, we catch a go fill of

1:26:48

sales. Catch a fish stick too. We catch a

1:26:50

fish stick. We catch a Kanye West in fish

1:26:52

stick. But Mitch Hedberg joke,

1:26:54

you gotta have really good posture

1:26:56

if wanna be a fish stick?

1:26:58

I'm now not a fan. The way you said that, I'm no longer a fan of

1:26:59

Michelle. Oh my god. Alright. Guys,

1:27:02

thank you very much.

1:27:04

Let's do Venmo. I'll pay your fucking

1:27:07

money. Thank you. Can we get that on camera? Yeah. Doreana,

1:27:09

I'll send it

1:27:12

on camera. You're not

1:27:12

taking a 497? What do you afraid

1:27:14

people are gonna send you money? I'll save my Venmo. They're gonna -- request. --

1:27:19

fear one. Send me money. Send not request.

1:27:21

Or PayPal. Ari Shafir

1:27:24

wants.

1:27:27

Everybody fucking know. Okay.

1:27:28

Where is it? Anyway, I just lose

1:27:30

where are you staying at? The

1:27:32

next one tells us that

1:27:35

Oh, it's over. This

1:27:36

dick ain't free. You look at me like it

1:27:38

in a receipt like I never made ends

1:27:41

meet eating your leftovers

1:27:43

497 raw meat. Now disk, dick, ate free.

1:27:45

Give it a captivity raise. My camp salary, celebrate, telling me green is all I

1:27:47

need. If you really all

1:27:50

I see, will spare me This dick ain't free.

1:27:52

I mean, baby, you really think we

1:27:54

can make a baby name Mercedes,

1:27:58

without Mercedes Benz at fortunate men's slapstick during the air conditioning

1:28:00

vents. Hell fuck no.

1:28:02

This dick. It's free. I

1:28:04

think forty eight is in a mule, another

1:28:06

forty eight ounce in a pit. Bull. Bullshit.

1:28:09

How to know how to do a

1:28:11

knocking little bit. Who's that genitals, best friend,

1:28:13

this 497, ant free. Pitting 497 fool to

1:28:16

make 497 a new class book.

1:28:18

Did you use a pussy? Just give me a hatches. Give me a watch and one knows about it, you know, what you wanna

1:28:20

do, what people gonna fortune it

1:28:22

like myself. Every 497 gets a day.

1:28:26

Now doggy style, shower,

1:28:28

this dick, ain't

1:28:28

afraid. Matter of fact, you need it.

1:28:30

Just a matter of fact, it's nine inches.

1:28:32

Matter of fact, it's your friendship based on business,

1:28:35

bitch, and more, bitch, and you a bitchy mother since it's

1:28:37

bearing belief, it's fucking giving, fuck you, it's fucking sources, all the stores. And

1:28:39

if we fuck this more wash and more divorce cost and

1:28:41

push in my check with less and

1:28:43

trust me, let me do gotta

1:28:45

do. Discuss the horseback. Fuck 497 fingers and wash your pork and thighs pressure. Trust

1:28:47

the choice, stay up and stay up and decapitated the horseback. Oh, America.

1:28:50

You bet the champion

1:28:52

can and make you rich

1:28:54

now, my dick get free. I'm gonna get my fucking Sam number. You want to gain no that's

1:28:56