0:00

Oregonian was designated a white

0:02

state -- Really? -- it was it

0:04

was literally a state for white people.

0:06

Like, Ashland, Oregonian, like, a

0:08

refugee Well, it was kind of, like, like,

0:10

let's save this area. Wow. You

0:13

know, that basically fell through, but

0:15

it's as a result. It's one reason why

0:17

it has. Who was the Jackie Robinson

0:19

of the residence of of of Oregon?

0:22

Is there a case? whoever lived in Portland,

0:24

people that lived in the major cities you know,

0:26

and like it was Like, when when they shot when they shot

0:28

animal house -- Yeah. -- when land to shot animal

0:30

house, they had to

0:32

bus in, like, that scene in the black blues bar.

0:34

Uh-huh. They had to bus people in from Portland

0:36

to Eugene -- -- because there was none. There was -- Wow. --

0:38

there weren't or at least that wanted to do any extra

0:41

work or anything like that. But there's just, like, Nobody.

1:08

Hello,

1:09

everybody. Welcome to Ari Shufir's Skeptitude

1:11

Podcast. My name is Ari Shufir. I'm standing

1:13

on the campus, alright, 496

1:17

on that one. Sitting in the campus of

1:19

Southern Methodist University to

1:22

do my intro because I'm trying to go off grid

1:24

and I gotta do my intros for December. Now,

1:27

today's episode, though, I am

1:29

here 496. And so it's not Braunger. No, I'll

1:31

be on a plane. No.

1:32

I'll already be where I'm gone.

1:34

So not Not browner is a fire 496 comic,

1:36

and I was an open miker together with

1:39

him. I believe, maybe just after open mics.

1:41

He's got a new special out on YouTube right now

1:43

called Doug. Every

1:45

I go check it out. 496 rung has always

1:48

done very well on stage.

1:51

He's still crushed at the improv. I remember him

1:54

just crushing at the improv a

1:56

long time ago. That's

1:59

why I picture him crushing at the improv. But anyway,

2:01

like me, he's gonna comment for twenty years and you

2:03

can't go Braunger, him out. and

2:06

that specials on Youtube. You know what they are? I also have

2:08

a special on Youtube. If you've already seen that,

2:10

then fucking, by all means, move on to

2:12

to Doug. If you haven't seen my specials yet, what the fuck

2:15

you doing. You can still go see Braunger

2:17

special 496. But we sat in a hotel

2:19

room in Los Angeles. We

2:21

did a where I was depressed, and we did

2:24

just talked about we're gonna talk about real

2:26

estate and shit, but we just talked about Oregon and

2:28

Portland, and it was pretty fun.

2:30

the So

2:32

make sure to watch a Braunger

2:35

special and let's start the

2:37

episode. I'll be in Seattle

2:40

496 is on sale next week

2:42

at the More Theatre for September third

2:44

I mean, 496 February twenty third, the

2:47

Beacon in New York at March twenty fourth

2:49

will go on sale. I don't know when. and we're pretty much

2:52

finalizing April in

2:54

London in Glasgow and maybe Manchester and

2:56

then May all through Europe, maybe

2:58

some Middle East. We've also

3:00

got in January. Pittsburgh. Salt

3:04

Lake City. Tampa.

3:08

St. Key West, Seattle,

3:14

Vancouver, Denver, San

3:17

Jose, anyway. Let's start the episode. Ladies

3:19

and gentlemen, Oursford's Capitec episode

3:21

four ninety I don't know. About six. About

3:23

four ninety six.

3:26

The Oregonian with Matt starts

3:28

now.

4:02

That broader has a new special

4:03

out right now. called? What is

4:05

it called, man? Doug. It's called Doug. Doug. What

4:07

is that? It's named after a terrible guy I

4:09

met on vacation with my wife. He's got a bit

4:11

in there. Yeah. It's the closing 496. And

4:13

it's kinda like feel like it's doing

4:15

a story. Yeah. It's a story to

4:17

close it all out. I talk about everything from

4:19

having a baby during the pandemic and

4:21

driving from LA to Boston in an

4:23

electric car with California plates and during

4:25

election year, you know, in

4:27

twenty twenty. And and kinda

4:29

looking back on my garbage days in Chicago

4:31

and now that I'm what, you know,

4:34

medicine calls an older dad, you know.

4:36

I'm a two year old. I'm in my late forties,

4:38

which I love. It's perfect

4:40

timing for me. But It closes with I

4:42

feel like you don't have to get hung up on

4:44

good or bad examples. But I think

4:46

us, we need good examples. you need someone

4:48

to grow up and go, oh, that's a solid dude.

4:51

We I I think Doug argues

4:53

we need bad ones just as bad. We need

4:55

to you need to meet a person in your life and you

4:57

just go, I can never be you, dude. I don't wanna

4:59

do that. I can't. I can't be

5:01

you. Yeah. And Doug was just a dude on

5:03

vacation. who judged

5:06

everyone for what they did for a living and

5:08

and hard and him and his wife. Every time I

5:10

saw Doug, he was drunk and wet, every

5:12

time no matter more or less.

5:14

And he was in his 496, and he

5:16

Like, the guy lives next to Bill 496 family,

5:18

you know, F as your family. It's just

5:21

like fucking, like, why are the burbs? Yeah.

5:23

Yeah. Yeah. But he he him and

5:25

his wife hated the fact that they had kids. and

5:27

they were kind of like, you know what I mean, I feel like

5:29

we all use alcohol and and

5:31

substances as it it's pure escapism, you

5:33

know, which is what's great about it, but it

5:35

is. But but, you know,

5:37

I don't get fucked up and go, oh, what

5:39

I have a kid? I get fucked up and go,

5:41

oh, man, she's the best. you

5:43

know, whereas Doug and

5:45

his wife were just, like, I think the

5:47

kid holding on

5:49

to this is, you know, the

5:52

the the childlike idea of, like,

5:54

why would you ever have a kid just part of your whole life?

5:56

And it's, like, it is 496 like, when

5:58

you get, like okay. So I'm sing, you know, I don't

5:59

have kids. Yeah. And and I just somebody just

6:02

said, like, when we were growing up, you grew up in

6:04

Portland? Yeah.

6:05

there was no version of a forty eight year

6:07

old

6:08

not married father.

6:10

There were, but they were they were just gated.

6:12

Weird. Okay. They were just Right. Right. Right. You

6:14

know, that was it. No. There was no, you know,

6:16

like, let's say, us. Yeah. But, like, there's no 496 but

6:18

here, it feels like, what? Yeah.

6:20

Oh, hundred percent. But, like, ten days gets

6:22

granddad. Yeah. III

6:25

shot the special in in Nashville, and I was

6:27

like, I said on stage on, like, in Tennessee, I'm a grandpa,

6:29

and it got a huge 496. And I never thought that

6:31

would do well. Yeah. But it's true, you

6:33

know. Yeah. But I like the fact that it's

6:35

I that it doesn't matter if you want

6:37

kids or not. It's fine. Yeah. Especially is

6:40

just as viable an option. There's no

6:42

should. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

6:44

But I it's always it's usually a version of,

6:46

like, no. It's the best you gotta have them, and I see

6:48

I see them, like, blurry eyed and tired. And

6:50

I'm like, come on. Give me more of the story. be the

6:52

rest of the story. A hundred percent, it's the best

6:54

and the worst. I mean, it's it's there

6:56

are times where I'm just, like, there

6:58

are times where I'm just, like, this is so fucking

7:00

hard. but I'm never like, why

7:03

did I do this? If I do that, it's 496

7:05

I think that, it makes me laugh. That's

7:07

it. What do you mean? Like like,

7:09

what am I doing with my life? You know,

7:11

it's kind of like when you're when

7:13

you're when you're starting to play the road

7:15

and you're in in a motel six off

7:17

a turnpike, and the booker is

7:19

awful and picks you

7:21

up drunk to drive you to the venue. And you're

7:23

like, what am I risking my life,

7:25

man? What am I doing? this is what I do.

7:28

I mean, you gotta check for eleven

7:30

hundred bucks and, like, this is pretty sweet. Yeah.

7:32

Exact Continental 496. Like,

7:34

this is 496. Yeah. I I've

7:36

said this before, but III auditioned

7:38

for Tom Papa had a pilot

7:40

about being it didn't go,

7:42

but it was he was

7:44

he was himself and he cut down on

7:46

the road to be with his family more. And his family was

7:48

like, the fuck you doing? We like this. You know what

7:50

I mean? We like you've gone a lot. You

7:52

know? Like, It's perfect. We have freedom.

7:55

Yeah. And long story

7:57

long, there was a character 496 for

7:59

was his, like, best his guy guy, his friend, he grew

8:01

up with who was a locksmith. Who's

8:03

like he's like, you're you're going off the road.

8:05

Like, man, anytime, shit gets rough for me.

8:07

I go in my truck with all my locks and my

8:09

keys. And think about you drinking all that

8:11

all that free Marriott coffee. That

8:14

line's free Marriott coffee.

8:17

I was like, when you first

8:19

started doing the road, I remember being

8:21

in a hotel and being like, I can have as much

8:23

as I want. Yeah. The book that you just keep

8:25

going back for more eggs in that jar. it

8:27

bin of eggs and it's, like, hardened on the

8:29

sides. And you're like, if I chop them up, they get fluffy.

8:31

Yeah. Yeah. And you go to your show and

8:33

your hands are like this. because

8:36

you had twelve because it's a crazy.

8:38

No one understands starvation mentality more

8:40

than a comment because you you haven't done it for,

8:42

like, a year out of college. you know, the people

8:44

will go to, like, I'll get some ketchup packets,

8:46

like, when you're a junior in college.

8:48

Yeah. This it lasts over ten years.

8:50

Yes. Or you just get it's your new norm.

8:52

Yeah. You know, we got some 496. It's

8:55

so true. Call of Bull asked me once. We did

8:57

a gig in San Diego -- Yeah. -- in

8:59

a PB and and 496 they there's, like,

9:01

free food, you know. So it was a car. A

9:03

massive burrito. And I

9:05

was, like, sick. And he

9:06

I'm eating it. But before the show started, he goes, that

9:09

doesn't, like, like, make you fat

9:11

on stage. I don't speak to that. I've had a

9:13

fucking full meal in a month. Yeah. I'll be

9:15

fine. I'll I'll metabolize this. Well, and he was

9:17

probably about 496. at that point? Yeah. Exactly.

9:19

Exactly. Your body has slowed down. Your body has

9:21

slowed down. You're and you're and

9:23

III remember Carl when he was

9:25

right before he got, like,

9:27

silver, where it was kind of like, oh, yeah.

9:29

You know, I remember I I opened

9:31

for him and I I

9:34

get off stage and he's about to go and

9:36

sitting there, like, still kinda sweating from the

9:38

night before and getting a drink and he's like he's

9:40

like, good set. And then he wasn't

9:42

telling me was like gleaming. I

9:44

guess I met him right after he got over because because

9:46

he looked at me then. He was like, Damn, one beer.

9:48

And I was like,

9:48

yeah. I can't have a beer. I'm like, no. No. No.

9:50

One beer. That's the thing. I can't understand.

9:53

Yeah. And I was like, oh. Yeah. Used

9:55

to go hard. Yeah. I mean,

9:57

IIII still have

9:59

my nights but it's still my

10:01

heart now is not comparable

10:03

to the way it used to be. Oh, yeah. 496 sure.

10:05

Yeah. I was definitely didn't

10:07

see the point in just having one beer. Yeah. You're

10:09

actually a guy I I saw once when I was

10:11

like, oh, Portland's like like

10:13

Northwest. There's no, like,

10:16

I mean, you were a little more in the alt comedy

10:18

world? A little bit. Yeah. But, like, but,

10:20

like, not that stereotype. Like,

10:22

it's Oregon. Yeah. I needed a

10:25

beer open. And I was I remember looking I think maybe

10:27

a Montréal and I was like, hey, you can do

10:29

this. Right? And you're like, yeah. You just took a lighter

10:31

crack. And I'm like, yeah. If I get a

10:33

van for fucking Oregon. That's right.

10:35

Well, but it's also the beer culture there is

10:37

so is so it's

10:39

just it's heavily it's it's beer and

10:41

496. Just fucking everywhere.

10:43

Like, it's it's crazy. And

10:45

also because, you

10:47

know, the people always talk about strip

10:49

clubs in Portland. Oh, yeah. That's just because the

10:51

liquor licenses are so relaxed. You can

10:53

have you can be naked in a bar, like,

10:55

legally, you know. That sounds fun. It's

10:57

it's that's where it come from, where it's kind

10:59

of like, It's not that hard to get a liquor

11:01

license, and all the liquor, not just beer and

11:03

wine, the hardest liquor you

11:05

want, and then just have a naked person

11:07

dancing. to that Bridgetown Festival that we went

11:09

to and and we all went to a bar. It was like

11:11

thirty comics showed up at a at a at

11:13

a strip club. Probably Magic Garden,

11:15

middle of the day? Yeah. Okay. And

11:18

people just had a religion. Yes.

11:20

Just like were were you there

11:22

when we put there was, like,

11:24

the the dancer looked like dirty Taylor

11:26

Swift. and we we put Cameron Espacito

11:28

at the bar, and she threw her legs on her

11:30

shoulders. Put her, like, put her

11:32

business right in her face. I remember that. Just box

11:34

right in on her face.

11:36

And camera camera is, like, frozen.

11:38

Like, she's never. She's, like, what is and everyone's,

11:40

like, yeah. Just throw in

11:42

cash. And she's, like, I've never

11:44

been in Clavan, never it was just this -- Really? --

11:46

she was as tall as us, this stripper. And she

11:48

had these long legs and just,

11:50

yeah, wrapped her up, like, an octopus. Yeah.

11:52

I forgot about that. I remember Rutherford

11:54

eating, like, chicken soup at

11:56

the at the at the

11:58

fucking strip bought, you know, like Yeah. But this

12:00

seems so weird. So weird.

12:02

Yeah. Strip club food is yeah.

12:05

Yeah. And I remembered that she dances

12:07

one Mason Jennings song that I thought was so cool.

12:09

Oh, funny. Yeah. And I was like Yeah.

12:13

The only time I've been in it And in part of it

12:15

was two checks going back and forth. Yeah.

12:17

It's state that it's it's pretty it's

12:19

pretty incredible. You you get out in the sticks. It

12:21

gets pretty bad. But for

12:23

the most part, it's like 496 fun.

12:25

a culture because there's just as many women as men

12:27

in the bar. So that always makes me feel

12:29

496, alright. It's a party. It's it's

12:32

not just a bunch of guys lingering yeah,

12:35

hearing and and getting in the what was

12:37

the Ray Romano bit about? You're

12:39

in the Rolex. I'm gonna go beat off 496. You

12:41

know? but

12:44

I actually hate strip clubs because that

12:46

was Sure. It's just like a bunch of dudes. Oh,

12:48

it's bad. It's bad. It's bad. It's

12:50

not a fun hack. But when thirty comics

12:52

about whatever showed up to a I'm like,

12:54

this is exactly what I I

12:56

would always walk on the strip club. Yeah. I

12:58

dang out, joking. Yeah. We did it

13:00

once at the at the Atlanta

13:02

festival with that with that old person strip club? The

13:04

Clairemont. Clairemont Atlanta was the

13:06

greatest. 496. The bars helped held

13:08

together tape. There's a woman smashing

13:10

beers with a huge huge

13:12

boobs. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah.

13:14

because and and it's not it's

13:16

not. Here's your seat, sir. drinks

13:18

are thirty five dollars. Would you like one for

13:20

the table? And you're like, wait a minute. This is

13:22

all scam. Yeah. Well, Portland, it's like, go get

13:24

a beer. no one's getting you one. Go get

13:26

your own beer. Right. Tip this woman. I

13:28

mean, they'll scream at you if they don't if you don't tip --

13:30

Right. -- which is like -- Which is nice or so. It's

13:32

good. -- like five dollar beer. Yeah. great. It's

13:34

great. It's it's it's a lot of it's a

13:36

lot of freedom, but you have to hit it at the right

13:38

time. You comment when there's nobody in there, you're

13:40

kinda like, everything smells. I see too many things.

13:42

It's just gonna learn to do a joke because, you know,

13:44

it's struggles too much when the person hears. Good

13:46

morning, gentlemen. Well, while the ladies

13:48

are getting ready, we know. And I see the music

13:50

starting. Yeah.

13:53

The controller starts.

13:55

Guys, it's on YouTube.

13:57

Doug, go to YouTube right now. Go to map

13:59

Braunger, Doug. Do whatever search. Go to

14:01

youtube dot com slash Braunger. Yes.

14:05

Nice. Mhmm. Hate a Braunger bronzer

14:07

comedy. hate a fucking Yeah. I think I'm pretty sure mine

14:09

is Matt Ronger. I I have to double check. But if you

14:11

just go to matt browner dot com, there's the list.

14:13

It'll it'll come home. Yeah.

14:17

Yeah. When did you start doing

14:19

stories on stage? I probably

14:23

right around we we all started

14:25

out doing this comedy open

14:27

mic in Chicago called The Lyons Den

14:29

where everybody got five minutes 496

14:32

if you didn't sign up by the time this bell

14:34

rang your ass out, but up

14:36

until that bell rang for like a half an hour. So

14:38

there'd be like thirty forty comics. and

14:40

it would go on really late. And we had this

14:42

thing, you know, where

14:44

we were always trying to do

14:47

new stuff. 496, the only person who really

14:49

worked on their bits was John Roy. And as a

14:51

result, he was the only guy that got money. He's the only

14:53

guy to play clubs. Right. So we're always

14:55

kind of and I But remember that, it's like it's been a week I can't

14:57

do this a bit anymore. Jacqueline and I we've already

14:59

seen it. Right. Yeah. So

15:01

dumb. And I just started kind

15:03

of digging out these

15:05

stories because I I really I like

15:07

the act outs. I like being

15:09

these different characters. Thanks.

15:11

And it's just more fun to me

15:13

then, like, I remember the first time I saw these

15:15

six people in a story. But but you you do

15:17

I you've the one I saw

15:19

you do that I was like, fuck 496 so fun and

15:21

that's so new was when you had that

15:23

bit of I saw it online of

15:25

the of the it's I'm horrible. I'm

15:27

laughing at 496. Like that. It's that apartment

15:29

building that collapsed in Florida and killed all those people.

15:31

And the guy who got he finally got

15:33

laid. So because

15:35

it goes on and on. on. And it's so

15:38

it's because it it's and that

15:40

you're you're riding the audiences waves

15:43

of 496. And then, like, I'm like, that that's

15:45

my favorite thing to do. Where you keep, oh,

15:47

now there's this, though. But now there's this,

15:49

go. Now there's this, though. And and

15:51

all it is is the story of a guy who took

15:53

a girl home finally and Right. Yeah.

15:55

Could you be, like, fuck I had sex and he

15:57

he died? And you're, like, let's talk. But big

15:59

j was the best that he saw fight outside the

16:02

seller. yeah. And it was, like,

16:04

three I'm not gonna use the w

16:06

word. But three, ghetto

16:08

acting white women, which Sure. Yeah.

16:10

Sure. Yeah. And and he just it was

16:12

a probably a forty second story

16:14

496, and then a cop showed up --

16:16

Yeah. -- the rest of them. And he he milked it over,

16:18

like, 496, eighteen minutes. Awesome. And

16:20

he's like, let's name this one. We'll name her, and

16:22

it's just like based on her actions --

16:25

Yeah. -- describing her her outfit.

16:27

Yeah. That's what I love. love the the

16:29

because everybody at any given

16:31

moment is not only a different person but

16:33

has a different perspective as a

16:35

result. So you're right

16:37

now chilled out Ari, you're gonna see what

16:39

your day is, nice little coffee 496, but you're

16:41

gonna be a different person in three hours when you're

16:43

fed up with something going on. You know what I mean? And

16:45

so will lie. So in

16:47

that situation where emotions run

16:49

so high, III

16:51

got this one long bit that

16:54

was just AAA trip I took

16:56

from the top floor of an elevator

16:58

in in Dallas to the bottom floor

17:00

that went on so long because it was a it was

17:02

a University of Texas, Austin

17:04

versus versus you

17:06

know, it was a two it was two the

17:08

two rivals. Yeah. So, you know, all these

17:10

awesome kids, college kids were in

17:13

where, you know, in enemy territory and they'd taken over

17:15

this hotel, and they were on every floor. And they

17:17

kept hitting the buttons. And I saw a different

17:20

level of fucked up kid for, like, twenty floors.

17:22

I absolutely love that. You're just trying to get back here. I'm

17:24

just like, man, guys. You know, and one guy

17:26

got on and fell against all the buttons

17:29

and just So now we're hitting every 496. And,

17:31

like, I got out and I was late

17:33

for my show and I was late getting on

17:35

stage because it was club was really

17:37

close. And so I got on there. And I'm like, I have to tell you why I'm late. And

17:39

I just that was my first at

17:41

least ten minutes. Just tell me what I'm

17:43

saying. so fresh. So then

17:45

you gotta, like, punch it up, but the freshness will, like, get

17:47

you through the lack of, like, full

17:50

punch line. Yeah. because everything to me

17:52

in comedy is you going

17:54

you gotta fucking hear this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stop talking

17:56

to your friends. You have to hear my and

17:58

so it's it's got you have to believe

18:00

in it hugely. I love it. Yeah. I love

18:02

when somebody comes into a room, it was like, dude.

18:05

Dude. Yeah. Like, what? It's just like the

18:07

insane. Whatever you're saying. It doesn't matter.

18:09

Lila. 496. I saw some guy get it by a motor you

18:11

know, it's like, what? Yeah. Yeah.

18:13

Yeah. Yeah. The the the

18:15

immediacy of it I have the most important

18:17

thing. Yes. Yeah. You know, like,

18:19

we we always say, like, you know, it's not to be

18:21

like authenticity. It's like not that that story has to be true.

18:23

I feel like I always exaggerate,

18:25

but I'll never forget 496 Chicago,

18:27

I was next to a

18:30

dude. Forget who it was, like, an older

18:32

comic that I really respected. And there's a guy

18:34

in stage who is, like, Gatorade has a

18:36

flavor called Fierce slime. The hell is

18:38

so 496. about a lime.

18:40

And the guy next to me is in my ear goes,

18:42

yeah, that's what pisses you off, man.

18:44

Yeah. Like, that's the thing that makes you mad.

18:46

And it and I was like, yeah. so true. You

18:48

don't give a fuck about Gatorade flavors. I love that when people get too

18:50

mad about it. It's it's it's manufactured.

18:52

Yeah. It's completely manufactured.

18:54

You know? Yeah. It's like, IIII

18:56

feel like you have to kind of go that here's the

18:59

thing that really makes me mad if it is.

19:01

496. You know, or or here's what I really

19:03

love or -- Yeah. -- whatever. Yeah.

19:06

because people can tell. People can

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worse than wheat. I would say just it's kinda

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different. It's like, this

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like sixty percent of the of the

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head high and, like,

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twice the body high of a regular

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edible. So it's like,

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I

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know it's

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weird. but it's great. And it gets you there for a while.

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it? You'll

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create them will. Let's get

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back to the episode. Get yourself a

22:19

sixty dollar kilo. Alright. Let's go. Yeah. Regan will

22:21

do well. Like, he'd be like, oh, really? He's gonna lie.

22:24

The the most fair thing. He's 496 out. But

22:26

he's not like, isn't Yeah. Isn't really He'll

22:29

he'll make it'll stick in his head, but he's

22:31

not furious about it. Yeah. Yeah.

22:33

Yeah. It's like yeah. I also love this when

22:35

496, like, hope

22:36

a response comes, but it doesn't come.

22:38

so they react to it anyway. They'll be

22:41

like, I don't know, like, whatever they say, like,

22:43

women, you know, aren't as good athletes as

22:45

men. Alright. Alright. Like, nobody No.

22:47

We have to do Yeah.

22:49

Like, what are you doing? Yeah.

22:51

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It it yeah.

22:53

The the the

22:55

the the you can these are the

22:58

beats. Yeah. Right. Right. I do.

23:00

Yeah. I mean, I I

23:02

feel like you do that 496 it's just like,

23:04

I don't know how this is gonna

23:06

go I I do it too bad sometimes though where I'm like,

23:08

fuck. I 496 that. Oh, no. No. But ever

23:10

I don't I'm not seeing you manufacture. I was gonna say

23:12

the opposite. Okay. What's happened on the sunset

23:15

strip? It's and ambulance. Oh,

23:17

okay. Private ambulance. That looks like

23:20

Oh, wow. Did you did you see that a couple

23:22

years ago where they

23:24

they they they busted this this

23:26

ring of ambulance taxis

23:28

in Russia where because because

23:30

traffic in Moscow 496 evidently insane.

23:32

Hicking people up. Yeah.

23:34

So you'd basically have and you would just get through

23:36

any traffic. That's so smart. You know? Well, I mean,

23:38

it's like, it's capitalism run amok. So

23:40

it's like, if you got the money, you

23:42

can pretty much anything you want

23:44

to. We were we got a yeah.

23:47

My buddy got a fucking

23:49

private. This police escort to

23:51

get from his daughter's volleyball game to

23:53

a concert. Whoa. Yeah. Like, and

23:55

we're, like, me and Duncan are, like, did they

23:57

just assume this is, like, oh, shit. Somebody's dying.

24:01

Holy shit. like that just well.

24:03

That's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

24:05

Wait. It's like that's basically illegal.

24:07

Yeah. I don't know. They're just

24:09

like, hey, we're gonna help you out. Oh, sure. And listen, I'm

24:11

not gonna ask is. That's

24:15

wild, man. It's kinda like a I

24:17

know Billy Joel, you know, he just I

24:19

think we're just like, well, just sell

24:21

out out as a in a row or ten. Yeah. And

24:23

he just takes a helicopter from Long Island. 496 in.

24:25

He's right in. You

24:27

know? So that's a new way of touring a

24:29

lot of people are doing. Billy Joel, the LCD

24:31

sound system does it in a in a at

24:33

the Brooklyn Steel They're just

24:35

like, yeah, I'll just do thirty shows here in two

24:37

months. Oh, geez. I'm just like, we'll sleep at home every

24:39

night. Come. Like, why are we going

24:42

the road? We just sell out this place.

24:44

It's insane. Yeah. I mean, it because

24:46

it's it's one of those things where if

24:48

you're that big, you don't really burn

24:50

New Yorker LA. You know what? You know what? You know, it's so big. And

24:52

then people come into town 496. Yes.

24:54

So I got potential tickets for for next

24:56

October as well. Yeah.

24:58

I feel like you guys the the

25:00

that that Skank 496 in Vegas was like that.

25:02

Where people 496 because people come to Vegas

25:05

anywhere. Yeah. Right. Right. Right. So that's a

25:07

genius. That's genius. Yeah. yeah,

25:09

Louis was gonna we're trying to give it to Louis to

25:11

do the skank. That's when 496 still in Brooklyn. Okay. And

25:13

he was like, I don't know. It was just, like, shortly

25:15

after all the should happen. He was like, dude, a

25:17

Brooklyn crowd. It's like, you know, it's alternative

25:19

comedy. Sure. Because they're gonna hate me. We're like,

25:21

oh, no, dude. It's the Skagfest crowd.

25:23

496. No. These are ICP They're gonna

25:25

be These are not They don't think broken.

25:27

There's a hundred percent of the abrupt Yeah. You're thinking and

25:29

it's and it's interesting how people look through AAA

25:32

certain lens about certain locations where

25:34

people are just, like, Oh, Portland, it's

25:36

it's like 496 example, let's just say

25:38

politically. It's so liberal. You go

25:40

out half a mile outside the city

25:42

496. It's fuck. Yeah. people that

25:44

have that shit. You're gonna have yeah. You're gonna you're

25:46

gonna have lids, but you're gonna have people that are just

25:48

like, I have a gun sewn

25:50

to my leg. You

25:53

know, Oregon's it's a very interesting

25:55

state. Yeah. because you do have that that

25:57

Austin version of it. It's Portland. A

25:59

hundred percent. Well, because it's a lot of it is

26:02

kinda kicked back from the, like,

26:04

reactionary to the past where I mean, Oregon was

26:06

designated a white state. A

26:08

region. It was a it was a state for white people.

26:11

Like, Ashland, Oregon was -- Like, a

26:13

refugee. -- well, it was kind of like Like,

26:15

let's save this area. No.

26:17

You know, that basically fell

26:19

through, but it's as a result, it's

26:21

one reason why it has not

26:24

as much you

26:26

know, a lot of coffee. Like,

26:28

it's like No. Not as many people

26:30

of color. I mean, I would like, when Who was the

26:32

Jackie Robinson of the residents of of

26:34

of Oregon. Is there a country? whoever

26:36

lived in Portland, people that lived in the major

26:38

cities, you know, and like there's Like, when when they

26:40

shot when they shot animal house -- Yeah. -- when

26:42

land to shot animal house, they

26:45

had to bus in, like, that scene in the

26:47

black blues bar. Uh-huh. They had to bus people

26:49

in from Portland to Eugene because there

26:51

was none. There wasn't -- Wow. -- there weren't or at least that wanted to do

26:53

any extra work or anything like that. But there's just,

26:55

like, nobody. They they had

26:57

to, like, because they just it the

26:59

population kinda just didn't exist.

27:01

So could you imagine being the fur even

27:03

496 Portland? Sure. It's like,

27:05

I'm gonna move there. I'm a black guy. It's a big city. Like, just so

27:07

you know, there's literally zero black

27:09

people. Right. Like, what? And even if you're, like, the third

27:11

496, like, what? There's, like, one of the family. But if you're not

27:14

living close to them, Yeah. We're going to feel

27:16

quite different. And the people who are there are

27:18

not these cosmopolitan whites that

27:20

enjoy, you know They they got each

27:22

other for 496 nowhere to fucking

27:24

crazy loggers and shit and, you know, like I

27:27

mean, you know, Old Town Portland

27:29

has a warrant of

27:32

of what what do you call Shanghai tunnels?

27:34

Where, you know what means to Shanghai someone?

27:36

You're not allowed. Yeah. Then they wake up up. I'm

27:38

going to the south. No. Get them. No. No.

27:40

No. No. Out. It's a navy. the,

27:43

you know, sea

27:45

vessels basically work in a

27:47

boat, a, you know, like indentured slavery. It

27:49

wouldn't really happen. There were

27:51

no majorly people of color, some

27:53

Asians, but not really. But, like, they

27:55

were just these bars that were -- They weren't even

27:57

Shanghai. -- because that's a furthest street 496 up.

28:00

would

28:00

be shangue. Wow. That's where the expression came from. So

28:02

can you imagine if you're like, what the fuck you

28:04

on a 496? Like, I gotta get out of here. It's like, well, I mean,

28:06

the swim if you want. There's no 496 stuff. I had a sip. I

28:08

had one drink I took a puff of

28:10

that guy's cigar. Gotcha. It's a it was a

28:13

cigar. It was a cigar. We gotcha. The

28:15

cigar. Yeah. So

28:17

where are we? Louse? I'll just

28:21

ask these people, like, that I can understand. Yeah.

28:23

No. No. as

28:25

though Google translate nineteen thirty.

28:28

Yeah. Oregon I always remember Oregon as being,

28:30

like, I

28:30

don't know why, but it was always

28:33

represent the home of the lesbians. Oh,

28:35

sure. That's my III

28:37

grew up with I grew up

28:40

with kind of like gay

28:42

like, uncles like gay uncles. Yeah. And I don't know

28:44

what the expression for gay aunts would

28:47

be. Gunt is taken, lance.

28:49

But a lot of a lot like, it was just,

28:51

like, kinda, their kinda all over to the point where it wasn't

28:53

even I had friends who grew up 496 like, well,

28:55

we stopped my uncle was gay. It was like, I knew

28:58

who was gay when I was a kid. I knew

29:00

the adults. that were, you know Yeah. Yeah.

29:02

And it's like, oh, right. I wasn't a

29:04

progressive kid. I was definitely saying

29:06

the f word just like every

29:08

other kid. using it wrong as like

29:10

it's kinda like a what is that John Roy had that been

29:12

about? It's like we'd be like your bike is gay

29:14

-- Yeah. -- where it's like, how could a bike be gay?

29:16

That makes me I'll figure it out. We didn't

29:18

even know what my own. We didn't know what it meant. It

29:20

was just a negative. But yeah. They were

29:22

I don't remember anybody using the

29:24

496 word as a pejorative to

29:27

homosexual. It was always. No. It was it was just a put

29:29

down. The same has worked harder. Put down. It was just the

29:31

same as, like, exactly. It was it 496,

29:33

like, something dumb like you're scared.

29:35

or something where it's just like 496

29:37

feel like in a sense to be, oh, be openly

29:40

gay is a pretty goddamn brave thing. Yeah.

29:42

Exactly. It doesn't make sense. not you're

29:44

not gonna sky dive. Don't be a faggot. It's like No.

29:46

No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. No. And it's and it's and

29:48

it's you can't use that as I do. It's

29:50

a scared pejorative because Yeah.

29:52

Being open is to be a sadly, it's hard

29:54

to be, like it'd be, like, I don't wanna come out. I was, like, because

29:56

you're because you're a fucking faggot. Yeah.

29:59

Yeah. All these brave gays

30:01

came out. Come on. Where are you?

30:05

Chase said that about the end one once because I've actually

30:07

never heard it used the way it should be used

30:09

to make even bad. Oh,

30:11

yeah. That's funny. It's always this

30:13

fence around it. Mhmm. But no one's ever been, like,

30:15

get this get this inward out of my bar.

30:17

Yeah. No. No. No. It was a

30:19

New York. you know, bur burr had that bit about the

30:21

movie about, like, the the swim team that

30:23

they wouldn't like where it's just like It's like

30:25

get that walkie out of the pool or whatever.

30:27

It's like that's how racism

30:29

racism looks around. Yeah.

30:31

Exactly. It's like, hey, can we

30:33

is this Yeah. There's never that

30:35

red faced white guy screaming it. Like,

30:37

it's so brazen in movies. Oh, never like

30:40

that. I mean, I I don't know. Not where I've

30:42

seen it. Yeah. No. I

30:44

mean, how have you had

30:46

now that you're you're you're a special literary called

30:48

Jew -- Yeah. -- what's going on with the

30:50

with the who's coming out of the woodwork? I

30:52

expected some some some

30:54

some Jewish like,

30:57

whatever publications to be like, this is

30:59

too far. Right. So they're pretty

31:01

much every publication is hate speech now. They're like,

31:03

what do we hate? Of course. You know, So I

31:05

expected that. It hasn't happened to No. What what gets

31:07

clicks? Right. Exactly. I I but I've been

31:09

talking to my publishers, Mike, this will be good. This will be it'll

31:11

start an argument and more people will watch it.

31:14

Yeah. it hasn't happened yet.

31:16

Okay. I mean, I I think it's I I

31:18

love I love that you have candles. A lot of

31:20

that stage. Yeah. I thought that was

31:22

brilliance like of it in there. It's

31:24

very it's very gentle, you know. That

31:26

was great. And it's kind of I

31:28

like that it's kind of like, you

31:30

know, it's it's like a it's like a it's a

31:32

in hip hop prolience, like, what?

31:35

You know? Like, it's a big what? Oh, yeah. What?

31:37

Like, what are you gonna do? Like, what?

31:39

It's called you. Yeah. Exactly. Lead

31:41

in lead in. I was thinking of having, like, the Israeli

31:43

flag behind me, but I'm like, that's too far. It that's

31:45

too that's too far because it's just the

31:48

denoted abate. Right. Where it's kind of like I feel like the

31:50

big struggle right

31:53

now with especially with,

31:55

like, Jewish Americans is kind of just like

31:57

there's always that thing I'm like, if you don't support Israel

31:59

and no matter what they do, no

32:02

matter what are not a good Jew. It's like So

32:04

women's entities. Uh-huh. They have that same shit for, like,

32:06

Democrats in our public course. And we're like, can't you

32:08

say that the one did one thing wrong. Like,

32:10

shut up. Hey. We can't

32:12

afford to lose this. And it's like,

32:14

yeah, but I'm not in the business of that. I'm in the

32:17

business of of of saying

32:19

something that I know is true and

32:21

making it funny. That's my job. You know

32:23

what I mean? Or or Yeah. Trust opinion. They

32:25

don't understand with comedians. They're like, I'm gonna

32:27

go piss somebody 496. Like, okay.

32:29

Hey. Who's in there? And you're, like, which right.

32:31

Why are you in the left wing? Like, I'll come blazing, but

32:33

you gotta tell me who who's in there. I piss off.

32:35

I don't care. I the way. No. No. Well, I I always thought

32:37

it was insane that, like, how how

32:39

dogs stand up would, you know, go

32:41

to these red red areas and be,

32:43

like, get on the radio.

32:45

in the morning and be like, I don't know if you don't support

32:48

president Bush, you know, you can shove it up

32:50

your ass, and I love this country. Just

32:52

total -- Uh-huh. -- buy the numbers. And he

32:54

would pack the house and get on stage and like, you

32:56

fucking morons. I was

32:58

like, you're gonna get killed. Like, I don't

33:00

I don't I don't that's

33:02

so great. the

33:04

balls on that guy. He likes anger at him too. He's

33:06

a potter, a mutual potter. You

33:09

I mean, I always those comments

33:11

who don't care if they walk a whole room like

33:13

Patrice would be oh, you're not making it bad for me.

33:15

It's gonna be bad for you. You know?

33:17

I I can't do that. I feel

33:19

like I'm too I'm too I'm too

33:21

sensitive. Yeah. Exactly. No.

33:23

I mean, It's like yeah. I think most of us, we wanted more to

33:25

like us, but we will do in lieu

33:27

of of liking. Oh, okay. At at a

33:29

certain point, Yeah. Have

33:31

you have you ever have you ever, like, a bit of fan 496, like,

33:33

I'm not leaving till I walk the whole room. It's like, no,

33:35

entertain the few people that do like you. Why are

33:37

you pissing them off too? No. I I've I've

33:39

talked about that stage. I always would open

33:41

for these older guys who were just

33:43

bitter and would be look at

33:45

the the the small crowd and get mad

33:47

at them. People there. And I'm like, but they

33:49

showed up. Yeah. Yeah. you might as well hotel

33:51

or or an apartment building. People that

33:53

didn't recall any minutes on the seat that

33:55

are unfilled. Yeah. Yeah. IIII

33:59

can't do have you ever snapped on stage? You

34:01

ever been like, fuck

34:03

you guys. Yeah. that?

34:05

Yeah. I think not very often.

34:07

Okay. I don't have

34:10

you.

34:10

III was in what's that that

34:12

club in Peoria? Jukebox? Okay.

34:15

There was a bachelor party, and they were all in their twenties. They're all really young, and

34:17

it was a long table. They were it

34:19

was full taken up. They 496 wouldn't

34:22

shut up. kept talking to each

34:24

other. They shouldn't have gone. Right. You know, they just

34:26

kept going. Dude, do you

34:28

remember that to each

34:30

other? Yeah. And then I put it out. Put it out. Put it

34:32

out. And then I finally just

34:34

snapped and and just went, shut the

34:36

fuck up

34:38

and act like men. I screamed back like men.

34:40

And they were like, oh, and then, you

34:42

know, the rest of crowd, like, applauded. But then

34:44

I was like, alright. I'm gonna get the shit

34:46

kicked out. and it was one of those

34:48

nights where I'm like, I was like, you know, I'm not

34:50

gonna drink tonight. I don't feel like it, you know.

34:52

And I just got off stage. I

34:54

was backstage and I was I was mad at myself

34:56

496 I was like, you lost you lost control. And

34:58

I went to the barn, I just got myself a

35:00

beer. And this these two big dudes

35:02

go stand over me. And I'm like, well, here

35:04

we fucking go. you've you've been at club. Right? There's nothing

35:07

around there. There's nothing there but train tracks around

35:09

you. There's no help. Sure. Unlike a strip

35:11

club, there's no one gonna the cops wouldn't come

35:13

in time. I was like, I'm gonna get this shit kicked out of me. And the guy's

35:15

like, we just wanna apologize for our friends. And he

35:17

put out his hand, and

35:19

I was like, Alright, man. Can we can we buy that? I'm like, no,

35:21

I'd drink free, man. It's cool. You know? Do you guys and

35:24

we had a nice conversation. Wow.

35:27

They're like, we saw it happening. We tried to

35:29

help. The rest of those guys are so they're so

35:31

fucked up. 496 it's like a crazy drive my

35:34

bed. Yeah. It was it was,

35:36

like, boom. my 496, I'm like, like, punching. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No. And I didn't

35:38

feel any animosity. I I understood

35:40

I'd been them. I would have done the same shit.

35:42

We had at the belly room.

35:44

It was Matthew McConnell, I believe. It was scary eighteen

35:46

years ago. Matthew McConnell and Bond Jovi

35:48

were there. Was it for, like, Rose Battle?

35:52

Nope. just a show in the belly

35:54

room. Somebody's bringing her show or something, you know. And

35:56

and and it was pre,

35:58

like, redefined his career, 496. Okay.

36:01

You know? Oh, before for when he went

36:04

from shirtless shirtless --

36:06

Hardthra. -- hotthra on the beach

36:08

to Syria, to Dallas buyers club. Yeah.

36:11

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then then the cop show, whatever that

36:13

was, the detective show. Oh,

36:16

yeah. True. True detective.

36:18

Yeah. Yeah. anyway, he was just, like, heckling

36:20

everyone yell, like, you know, sometimes celebrities are like, it's about me. And they just won't

36:22

let any

36:23

comic. They're just, like, that,

36:26

but but 496 would bring him back to the worse.

36:28

And do you wanna be like, dude, I don't even

36:30

listen to that genre of music. And

36:32

what? You don't get enough attention? Yeah. Exactly.

36:35

You said you're quietly. You are the Ford

36:37

Motor Company of Country Music. Like, you're

36:39

so fucking famous. Yeah. McCartney was

36:41

at the improv last night. Really? Yeah. I

36:43

got 496, like, Palmer Carter's. I'm like, I wish I had

36:45

done all my retard materials. I

36:48

wish I fucking did this a night in the

36:50

room. It is a warm. I did ten minutes on

36:52

fuck Ringo. What was wrong with me? But but he just

36:54

kept, like, doing that being the center retention bay. And

36:56

then Bob Jovi would get up, go to the green and

36:58

go, I'm sorry for my friend. He's just

37:00

496. My apologies.

37:02

go back, sits out, nice comment, like, hey, I'm really sorry for mcconaughes, if

37:04

I could 496 my 496. Whoa.

37:07

Yeah. Thanks, Arena rocker. Dude,

37:10

you just reminded me of something because I feel like he he maybe he was

37:13

a habitual of that. because

37:15

you remember that the

37:17

the with, like, t naked trucker show. Get rid

37:20

of that show with David

37:22

Kettner. And I forget the guy, like, a

37:24

gray bearded guy, really funny,

37:26

older dude. was the other guy. And

37:28

and so Kackner would be on stage shirtless drinking and, like, the

37:30

the show was just like a country, like,

37:34

redneck craziness kind of thing absurdist

37:36

alt show. Mhmm. And they'd

37:37

have stand ups. And so I

37:39

think it was I forget where it was.

37:41

496 was somewhere in LA. and

37:43

because Dwyer was there and he told me the

37:45

story that Maconaughey was in the

37:48

audience and he he

37:50

brings a tray of shots to those guys on

37:52

stage and he but he doesn't

37:54

go, here fellas, he brings it and

37:56

gets into the spotlight and looks at everyone

37:58

like like this look on his face like can

38:00

you believe it? It's me. That's what I'm

38:02

doing. It's really me. write off

38:04

them. 496 real. And all these people, like, I just wish I could be

38:06

normal. Like, no, you don't. No. You have so

38:08

many opportunity. You're like, no,

38:10

recognize me. 496 I was like, who would that be now?

38:12

Like, if, like, Chris Evans was hammered or

38:14

something like that? Like, who like, Captain

38:16

America 496, you know,

38:18

was, like, getting on

38:20

stage with us and was like, looking at the audience

38:22

like, I don't usually but I'm gonna bring

38:24

a tray. I'm real. I'm real

38:26

like you. I

38:28

enjoy. Oh, yeah. But they're going ever see south

38:30

park making fun of day. No. What's south park? It was

38:32

family got made fun of day and cook.

38:34

Oh, yeah.

38:34

and it's like there's an

38:36

award. He gets up, nobody laughs, and someone else gets a laughing, he jumps in, and he's like,

38:38

yeah. 496 that's fine. Yeah.

38:44

Yeah. Dude, I I went and tried to do a it's nice to bring

38:47

shots people, but you don't have to do

38:48

it right this way. No. No. No. No. Here. No. Go

38:50

or just send up some shots. Sure.

38:54

Yeah. But be careful who you like, I'm

38:56

I'm convinced that's why Adele

38:58

got sober is because he was he

39:01

after he had an insomniac, people

39:04

were sending shots every show. And he was like and I was forgetting my

39:06

jokes. And I was like fuck this. That's how

39:08

it was like that. Yeah. Yeah. He was he

39:11

was weird to kinda downturn -- Yeah. --

39:13

and it was, like, I get it sober. He's, like, well, he's in his

39:15

forties or whatever. Right. Yeah. And then he's got so

39:17

he went way hungry. Yeah.

39:20

And it's eight o. And he's, like, unchanged, you know, in terms of how

39:22

funny he And I'll also be like, hey, what are you guys doing?

39:24

Are there shots for everybody? Like, he doesn't want the party to

39:26

end? Oh, he's great. actually, like, you

39:28

guys drink,

39:30

drink. Yeah. I my neighbor across the street is a a Scottish

39:32

dude, and he doesn't I guess he used

39:34

to pound red wine. And he's like but he's like he's

39:36

like, I love it when people drink wine around me

39:39

though. I love it. He's like, I

39:41

don't want him. He's like he's like, I used to drink a lot. I don't miss it, but I

39:43

like -- He doesn't miss it. -- like when people party

39:45

around me. Court Macau would always he's sober and

39:47

he always be like, when

39:49

we roll Georgia, can I roll that? Like,

39:52

alright. Just, like, little. Like, I'm allowed to do

39:54

this. It's and it's I love I

39:56

kinda I love when when when

39:58

we, like, us comics, like, certain ones get

40:00

sober. Like, I was on Burt show,

40:02

and we were talking about Theo. I'm gonna do

40:04

a a spoiler not

40:06

end with Bert getting sober. No. Go ahead. I'll

40:08

tell you right now. You could you could we could say that

40:10

in fifty years. Hi,

40:12

everybody. I

40:14

have merch. That's right. 496 for merchandise, and you're gonna love

40:16

it. Ari Shafir,

40:17

Jew merchandise. I've got

40:20

a a Shaffir's

40:22

Shirts. guys, with all this hatred going on right now, all

40:24

everyone's on each other's throats,

40:25

Kanye, is bringing up a

40:28

Calvary event.

40:30

Imagine being AAA well

40:32

known anti semite or being accused

40:34

of it and no one really caring because

40:36

there's a higher level accusation

40:39

of anti semitism. Sorry,

40:41

Carrie Urban.

40:42

You're number two in celebrity antisemitism.

40:44

I don't think either one of these guys are.

40:46

I think they're both a little bit nuts.

40:48

I think

40:49

Carrie Urban is just you

40:51

know,

40:51

he just likes documentaries. And I think

40:54

Carrier I mean, the Kanye West is

40:56

kind of a little losing it. And this is what

40:57

happens when you don't just like allow people

40:59

forgiveness. You just push them harder. The point

41:02

is, everybody

41:03

doesn't want to be anti

41:05

semitic. Right? You're

41:06

forward thinking 496 you're worried about it

41:08

now. 496

41:09

a while you're worried about being racist, then you're worried about killing Asians,

41:11

and now you're worried about being antisemitic. So what's the least you can

41:13

do to help support the

41:16

Jews? Well, I'll tell you what the least you can

41:18

do is, you might know this if you see my special. If a Jew,

41:20

an

41:20

orthodox or above Jew, Can't

41:24

turn a light on on Chavez, he can ask

41:26

you a boy to turn it on for

41:28

him. And that's the least you can do.

41:31

flip on a fucking light switch. Are you gonna tell

41:33

me you're not even willing to do that? Well, now you

41:35

can wear it with pride that you're willing to

41:37

do the least possible physical activity in

41:39

order to support Judaism. That's

41:42

right. You'll right be

41:44

a shabist boy.

41:46

be a service going all you gotta do. should be

41:49

a Shoppers Goi. So we have

41:51

Shoppers

41:51

Goi shirts. We have Shoppers Goi Shaffir's.

41:53

different styles. One by Liam Gwen who made

41:55

who made the shoe and dress shirts.

41:57

Another guy shit. You're

41:59

coming over here.

42:02

No. Good. He's

42:02

gone. Another why don't they always

42:05

look? They always fucking look. I'm

42:07

hiding myself behind a tree.

42:10

Lee and Gwen

42:10

made them. He made the Schoombre shirts. He designed

42:13

those and and zone

42:16

the one with it. Anyway, you'll see them. They're really cool shirts, and you can

42:18

sell the world that you don't hate Jews.

42:20

Also, you can get a Yamaka for

42:22

my special. One side says, I

42:26

was at Ari Barmintza with a picture of me from my Barmintza. The other

42:28

side, the poster of the

42:30

tour Ari Shafir Jube with

42:32

a Hebrew date of the taping,

42:36

the statement. Oh, and then I got

42:38

posters, lucky rizrographs. A levery limited

42:40

edition, rizrograph

42:42

prints. all available on

42:44

my website right now. Support me and help

42:46

me pay back my special a little bit

42:48

by getting some argy very much.

42:50

And if you get the I

42:52

believe 496 you get the if you order them right now, you can get in

42:54

time for Christmas. Also, they

42:56

got psychedelic playing cards. These are fucking

42:58

496.

43:00

the the suits psychedelic

43:02

drugs. So the suits are mushroom

43:05

I'm sorry. Weeds, mushrooms,

43:07

acid,

43:07

DMG Guess

43:09

who

43:09

the king of mushrooms is? This

43:12

guy, Irish of fear.

43:14

They're cool. They're fun to

43:16

play with. just gotta name what your suits

43:18

are. So if you use to play in spades, you gotta say, hey, it'll be

43:20

shrooms.

43:21

drums

43:23

That's it. That's my merch. Get

43:26

some, support me, and

43:28

support the juice. Now back

43:30

to the episode.

43:34

Oh, I was gonna say, if

43:34

you if you get them right now, you can get them

43:36

in time for Christmas. Hopefully, if this is

43:39

Braunger brawner episode, can get in time for Christmas. I believe

43:41

you can. Order them right

43:43

now. Go to the website and you

43:45

can get them shipped to someone in

43:47

time for Christmas. That's you you'll wanna

43:49

do that. It's a fun gift. It's a fun gift. Alright. Now let's go back to

43:51

the episode. We we were talking about

43:53

Theo and and in,

43:56

like When bird's dead, you, like, poor little off of bird, and you can hear

43:58

the soil going poor more. Right.

44:00

But the soil just dries. Hey.

44:04

And and he was just saying he was like, oh, yeah. Theo's sober. Right? Which didn't know,

44:06

you know, that the Avon was sober. And I

44:08

was like, oh, wait. His skin is

44:11

beautiful. His skin looks so

44:13

good right now. Yeah. Yeah. Anytime you see a

44:15

check, like, what did you do? Like, quit

44:17

drinking? Like, oh, oh, okay. Okay. That's

44:19

why that's why you have that

44:21

that that that spring in your step. Yeah. Yeah. So

44:23

what is with that one fucking giant long

44:26

hair you have? Where?

44:28

Right there. Oh, I got in my

44:30

neck. The other side right here. It's it's a

44:32

warm touching the light? It's just like,

44:34

yeah, it's out. It goes

44:36

straight out. sorry. No. I mean, it's it's something.

44:38

I had a roommate in Was there way down here?

44:40

No. I didn't I didn't know. I didn't. That's the thing

44:42

with getting older, like, your

44:44

hair just branches out. I have these

44:46

eyebrow and one or two just like, I'm out of my own. I'm going rogue. I have to

44:48

get my barber to

44:50

trim mine because I I

44:53

forgot to ask him to the time before last, and it was like

44:56

I was like, fucking the 496 fu master

44:58

you visit on an island that teaches

45:00

you the old secret. Like like

45:03

My rumored Edinburgh here was I was like, do you have a

45:05

thing? I know I like it. It's a good luck. And then he just

45:07

would keep letting it go. It was like that

45:09

long. Mhmm. I'm like, get

45:10

rid of it because of that way, man. No.

45:13

IIII

45:13

think back to every, like, male teacher I

45:15

had in school that had, like, nostril hair just Personal

45:17

hair on his

45:20

ear. you know, just from here? No. I don't really

45:22

have any. I just I have a little bit

45:24

of chest hair, but no no back.

45:28

Morgan

45:28

Murphy got, like, like, laser surgery on

45:30

something. Okay. Like, a stray hair

45:32

or, like, you know, sometimes checks will get, like,

45:35

something here there. I don't know what what it was, but you were like,

45:37

you should do it. But maybe

45:39

get the places where you don't

45:41

want it. Oh, yeah. And just like, yeah. Get rid

45:43

of it forever. Oh, that's true. I

45:45

wonder if you could just target one

45:47

follicle on their eyebrows. Yeah. Like,

45:49

single ones, like, four 496 percent of that because you could

45:51

kind of, like, stunt

45:54

the growth. somehow. Yeah. I don't know if that's I don't think that's a thing. I

45:56

think you either kind of, you

45:58

know, raise

46:00

the earth. Let's

46:02

get back to like? Eugene's hippy

46:05

town. hippy. Very much,

46:08

like, Boulder? Would you

46:10

call it Boulder? Or Yeah. Okay. Oh, yeah. Very

46:12

similar. Very similar. Oh, Dorothy. A lot

46:14

of, like like, the dead, reggae,

46:18

jam bands. Do Reg A sucks.

46:20

He felt any Reg A will like it. The

46:22

whole vibe is just fucking

46:24

shitty. Yeah.

46:26

It's too it's weird because you

46:28

do you're you're a big weed guy. Right? Like

46:30

weed guy. Big weed guy. You know, like, weed

46:32

fashion. Yes. Wet Gabe likes weed. Do

46:34

I? I mean, do I. Yeah. I

46:36

I always I I tripped out over, you know, we've mentioned animal

46:38

house before. My buddy's 496 house was

46:40

the the the dickhead's

46:42

frat 496. Oh, really?

46:44

Greg Marmalar. This is Mandy Pepperidge,

46:46

that guy. They turned

46:48

him off and he's just talking about who he has. Yeah.

46:50

Exactly. He's keep going. Yeah. You know? It's it's not

46:52

hard. Yeah. But it's it

46:54

looks nothing like that. It's it's in in

46:56

shambles and their typical

46:58

kinda like mellow fucking

47:00

weed head frac guys. And I remember seeing a

47:02

guy at a party there, white

47:04

guy in a tank top, and he

47:06

had, like, the Ross Defareum symbol

47:08

on his shoulder with the fucking colors of 496. And I was

47:10

just like, what are you doing? I'm fucking loser.

47:13

What are you doing? Yeah. are

47:15

you really and sure he believes himself to be a 496 stefari

47:18

and which is basically Judaism

47:20

-- Yeah. -- really is. It really

47:23

is. But I was just like, no, dude.

47:25

Just because you like a thing does not

47:27

make you a thing. Yeah. Like, come on, mate.

47:29

It's the going all in.

47:31

with a with a vibe. So just like, I'm really into the it's

47:33

like, yeah. Okay. But then, yeah, everything about

47:36

you is gonna be about -- Oh, yes. -- and it's like --

47:38

Yeah. -- it's gonna define you. Oh,

47:40

dude. I can III will tell

47:42

you, I do like a lot of reggae,

47:44

but I the the level

47:46

that I am still tired of

47:48

Bob Marley legend,

47:50

the album, It's people's only version of what Reg is. And I'm like,

47:52

you're choosing a forty six year

47:54

old example. Take the

47:56

Bruce McCullum a monologue from the from

47:58

the kids in the hall about like, you know, you you

48:00

like the doors. You're a real doors fan

48:02

where you walks you through what it is to be a

48:04

doors 496. was like, first of

48:06

all, you don't you don't buy greatest hits albums, greatest hits albums for housewives and little

48:08

girls. Like, guys, the day

48:10

is always talking now on stage we're

48:14

about what it would be like to hang out with Jim Morrison and how fucking lame it was

48:16

for the rest of the business. so lame. Like, we're, you know,

48:18

we're making music stuff. He's like, the moonlight giants. And

48:20

they were just shut the fuck up Jim.

48:23

496 gotta eat. We're in Tucson

48:25

on our way to fucking Phoenix. Just let's stop at a Dr.

48:27

Donuts. You know my bit, Doors Whopper, but

48:29

it's big. Jim Morrison is just your driving to Burger

48:31

King with a friend who's drunker

48:33

than you. That's how he is. I was like,

48:35

get a burger king

48:38

wop. because, like, he just he's screaming about the

48:40

shitty ones. Yeah. Like, he

48:42

wanted some spiritual you know, because when you're so

48:44

fucked up, you're like, everything feels good. And so

48:46

he thinks he's spiritual. The

48:48

scar brother's played that bit for

48:50

val kilmer. when they were riding with him on something. Oh, really? He was, like,

48:52

I fucking love that. Who is that guy? That's

48:54

great. Val Val love because he's, like, that's who

48:56

he was. You know, because he

48:58

was a real man's dick was like, he was the

49:00

sweetest dude and creative

49:02

and a great writer, but then he would drink. And

49:04

he was a loser. Then he

49:06

was annoying so fucking 496, you see those sessions where they're hanging

49:08

out and gym like, middle of

49:10

the day just has a giant beer for no

49:12

reason. 496 one else

49:14

is drinking. and he's just hugging

49:16

and he's like, well, I think and it's like,

49:18

oh, great. I'll see that at the store sometimes.

49:21

It's just like, You can't keep drinking with those low levels.

49:23

No. So it's like you see them when you're like, what's wrong with

49:26

you? And then you see that you have two beers there. And you're

49:28

like, yeah.

49:30

Jesus. too. Well, it's symptomatic with this business because we have so much free

49:32

time. You get free beer 496 free beers and,

49:34

you know, it's worth it's

49:38

like, why not? You guys are drinking. Someone's always drinking. Always. And I love

49:40

having a drink at the store. Yeah. But

49:42

I've really had to stop going because I

49:44

used to be like, alright. I got a

49:46

babysitter. I'll go out to eat by

49:48

myself, I'll have a drink, and then I'll go here and have a drink.

49:50

And it's like, I'll go do my set and my sets

49:52

were markedly worse because I'm

49:54

just you're just not fast. Yeah. You're not. Like, I'm not

49:56

drunk, but I'm just like, man, this isn't

49:59

helping what I'm actually trying to help some

50:01

parties to be able to talk to someone and I

50:03

feel like super anxiety. But but

50:05

it's an it's an indulgence. So it's like, when I get

50:07

off stage, great. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You

50:09

know, like, that that's when I'll that's when I'll have one, and

50:11

I do love hanging out. cut in that front

50:14

area, but you do see those guys who never

50:16

leave that front area, where you're kinda

50:18

like, you maybe should

50:20

work on something. Yeah. But feel bad to be around

50:22

496 because I'm like, you're actively failing. You're

50:24

doing it right now. There there's a guy that

50:26

I never really see anymore who used to he

50:29

always had, like, a cup of brown liquor always. No

50:31

matter what time I went there. Yeah. He must have gone.

50:34

It's like he's like he's check-in. Fill

50:36

her up. Yeah. You know, one on the

50:38

bubble is what

50:40

you say. say that means right away. Like, when you

50:42

get to the club, you know, it's like

50:44

it's like what's his name and

50:46

what's his lilted heart

50:48

about the country guy

50:50

with Jeff Bridges -- Uh-huh. -- where he's

50:52

kind of, like, you know, just, like, old

50:54

country guys still getting super fucked up

50:56

and you're like, you're gonna have a stroke. Yeah.

50:58

Yeah. Yeah. Like, come on. So it's like, this is

51:00

just Abbott. You're not It's not

51:02

Is it even fucking? Yes. Exactly.

51:05

So that stops I didn't I stopped smoking weed for

51:07

this for to go sober for the month of

51:09

October. Of course. Yeah. Sure. And then

51:11

and then

51:12

afterwards, I was like, I'm not I I I

51:14

drank a couple drinks that night. You know, I

51:16

was like, let me get one at a time.

51:18

So I don't just, like, do everything at once and --

51:20

Yeah. -- 496 I can throw up. And

51:22

then I was drinking again the next night, and I was like, no. No weed. So I just and

51:24

I was like, I think I just spoke when I wanna

51:27

get high. Instead of, like, just talking,

51:29

somebody lights up and pass like,

51:31

alright. Cool. You just, like, do it casually. I'm, like, this

51:33

isn't getting me where it was anymore. Yeah.

51:36

It's just, like, that's just

51:38

flavoring everything. It stasis. Yeah. And now I'm Let's

51:40

get high tonight. And then you get high, like, and

51:42

it was, like, this is -- Yeah. -- this is great.

51:44

It's escapism. Yeah. Brian Hussein had

51:47

that bit anytime he would get fucked up high with

51:49

his friends and they'd be laughing about something, he'd write it

51:51

down the next day. He's like, I don't know what the fuck

51:53

this is. 496 was like, he called his friends. He's

51:56

like, hey man, I just have a

51:58

napkin and says monkey chicken. The fuck

52:00

is this. 496 his friends are like, I don't know,

52:02

man, we're crying. But like no one

52:04

remembers and it doesn't No one has that

52:06

brain in it. No one has it. Yeah. It's also just not as

52:08

funny. There was an episode of FactSet Life where one

52:10

of them gets hired. You had to write a paper. I think

52:12

they're rich one. And and she

52:14

had to write a paper, and then she was like, I did it. Be

52:16

like, oh, sweet. And then she saw that I'd say it was one

52:18

word per page 496, like, eight pages.

52:20

And she said, no. And I remember going,

52:22

like, well, Maryland is gonna be old. Yeah. And they get older, you're

52:24

like, TV's version of marijuana is not

52:26

really marijuana. Yeah. No. No. I it's

52:29

like Brian Wilson you know, the

52:32

songwriter was like, you can

52:34

write on any drug except

52:36

coffee, which I was like I feel like

52:38

you can't read or write it. I couldn't write a song

52:40

-- Yeah. -- you know, not that I can't write a song, but,

52:42

like, I I feel like 496 do

52:44

get that though because I drink coffee every

52:47

day and I'll noodle in my fucking, you know, dick joke

52:49

book. And Joe, I'll come up with something else so they

52:51

are. And then joke book. Pretty much, like, get over yourself.

52:54

And then and then later

52:56

that day, I'll

52:58

be like, this isn't who cares? You because you don't have

53:00

that fuck. Yeah. I can make

53:02

this work. Yeah. You know, that you have when

53:04

you when you have

53:06

that initial endorphan rush of caffeine. And I think

53:08

that's probably true for for weed.

53:10

Definitely true for alcohol. 496. Like,

53:12

I saw I saw like

53:15

twelve, thirteen, fourteen year old girl

53:17

at

53:17

at one of the

53:19

festivals in New York,

53:22

Panorama, or governor's ball. Well, that doesn't

53:24

matter. Okay. And then it was like,

53:26

you know, we're all leaving. And she's just like, she's just

53:28

like sloppy. But it was somebody like,

53:30

guys, someone who wasn't drunk. Guys, we

53:33

have to help great job. I see where she's like, I

53:35

have a great time. Jesus. Yeah. Wait.

53:38

She

53:38

was she was that young though. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:40

And

53:40

it was like her first drunk. She's 496,

53:43

two beers. Yeah. And I'm like, that's a good fucking drug.

53:46

That is I've been drunk like that. And

53:48

forever. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you're

53:50

just, like, utterly And

53:53

just, like, just like, what is his feeling? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

53:55

Yeah. Like, I love it. I love it when my

53:57

wife gets, like, gets, like, a

53:59

solid drunk on because it's It's rare.

54:02

Yeah. She she loves having fun, and she's

54:04

from Boston where people just go

54:06

fucking wild. Yeah. alcoholism

54:08

doesn't really exist. you in terms of our definition.

54:11

Yeah. Yeah. 496 just normal or a

54:13

Tuesday. Right. Right. Right. But it's like

54:15

it's it's like the it's fun because, like,

54:17

the older her comes out and she's

54:19

just like, less that. You know, it's really

54:21

funny. Yeah. Or it's just like, oh,

54:23

you're you're literally letting off steam. This is what

54:25

it's for. This is what supposed to be.

54:27

Yeah. Let's get drunk. We found some meade. Yeah. 496. Let's go for

54:29

it. Exactly. Exactly. Like when you have

54:31

that that night off and you're like, I don't

54:33

have any shows. and

54:35

I'm with people that III really enjoy their

54:38

company. So I have a couple pops. That's the

54:40

problem you show up. It's like late night at the at

54:42

the the seller or the whatever you

54:44

see, like, probably not good drinks tonight. And then you see,

54:46

like, a couple people that you like, and they're all

54:48

holding beers, like, oh,

54:50

alright. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then the problem is, though, that'll happen tomorrow night

54:52

and the night after, the night after. It's New York.

54:54

New York for sure. New York is the hardest

54:56

city I can imagine

54:58

being sobering. Me and I think

55:00

Donnelly, we're going home one day from a from a

55:02

club. 496 walking to the subway, and it was a

55:04

Monday. And we saw so it's

55:06

not a party night. And we saw a group of, like,

55:08

twelve people revel you know, going And

55:10

we're just like, should we be going out? And

55:12

there's always someone party always. It's

55:14

such a town for that. So they'd be like,

55:17

you have to go, no. No.

55:19

Not tonight. You gotta catch up on that phone. Yeah.

55:21

You have to have control. And I

55:23

I remember being

55:26

struck by Even when I moved from Chicago to LA and I

55:28

was a fucking maniac and discovered

55:30

cocaine in Los Angeles like you do, that's It

55:32

was always a cokedown. Always. It was

55:35

Yeah. Yeah. I had I had a a kid

55:37

I grew up with who he I

55:39

was living in a house in Venice at the time

55:41

and he pulled up to

55:44

the house in nothing but swim trunks, no shoes, barefoot

55:46

in a convertible with an open

55:48

beer and the thing. And I was like, what is

55:50

this? Where

55:52

am I? and we went

55:54

and went to some Chick's house and did

55:56

blow. And I'm like, oh, this is

55:58

fucking crazy. But even

55:59

back then where I was

56:01

kind of like, oh, what is

56:03

the point of drinking getting remember talking to other comics

56:05

who were living in New York, who were like, oh yeah,

56:07

I barf on the train every night. Wow. And

56:09

I was like, What

56:11

it wait. Wait. And they just got

56:14

used to it. Yeah. Wow. It's

56:16

just like when fuck is

56:18

the train. You

56:19

know? Damn.

56:20

You imagined -- Damn. -- because I couldn't

56:22

even imagine back then. And, like

56:24

Be be caught be caught caught caught up. So

56:27

Because it's because it's access. It's you're never behind

56:29

the wheel in New York. Right. Right. Right. You don't have to drive. That's why this was never as big

56:31

a drinking town. Right. Except the Chicago guys were

56:33

way way out there where

56:36

you walked to a bar -- Sure. -- can't

56:38

you can't do it. No. You're gonna get

56:40

arrested. Yeah. Yeah. And so, right, coke

56:42

parties -- Yeah. -- or house parties

56:45

-- House parties. which are 496. For sure. Escalade, it would have stuff. It

56:47

was just, like, you could go drink, like, hella, then, like, I

56:50

don't know, maybe call a cab on the way home --

56:52

Exactly. -- or one designated driver. Or

56:54

you or

56:56

or tickets More often than not, you ride with someone who was

56:58

driving drunk. Yeah. Right. Right. That was it.

57:00

You guys just roll them bones. I'm not

57:03

doing a fucking I'm gonna go jail. I could die. I might

57:05

die of that. But I mean The

57:07

bigger threat was was going to jail. Hundred

57:09

percent. Hundred percent. Yeah. And but,

57:12

like, it's It's, like, fucking

57:14

without a condom. People, like, go back to age. It's, like,

57:16

nobody's worried about age. We're about pregnancy. I don't

57:18

wanna worry about it. Yeah. I mean, wish it away.

57:20

Yeah. People will I

57:22

would always be like, what? When I was like, New York's a bigger drinker

57:24

town than any other American city. And people were

57:26

like, come on, Chicago. And I'm

57:28

like, nope. Like, I'm

57:30

telling you, and it's it's two things. It's

57:32

it's no one drives and bars don't close.

57:34

Bars don't close. Yeah. Yeah. What what's

57:36

the Portland drinking? because I feel like that's

57:38

just, like, hey, it's Dinji outside. Let's just drink beers

57:40

indoors. Yeah. Like, hang on. Port Portland's

57:42

a lot less conscious of how much it drinks.

57:44

We're a personal go

57:46

and drink like, nine craft beers, which is,

57:48

like, that's basically six

57:50

Jacking hooks. Like, that's not

57:52

these are these are high APVs here.

57:56

or, you know, I'm a cider fan or I just 496 know, I drink

57:58

wine every single night of my life. Yeah.

58:00

You know, it's it's a lot more of that,

58:02

but there it is. There's so much license.

58:05

every every time you can't have an event

58:08

in in in Portland where there isn't

58:10

like, oh, here's a here's a beer stand

58:12

or here's here's a wine tasting

58:14

thing. It's just it's it's just as

58:16

ubiquitous -- Yeah. -- but it's a little

58:18

fancier. Whereas I feel like

58:20

New York is You pass a

58:22

bar every three doors. Yeah.

58:24

You pass a weird walk down bar, you

58:26

know, they're everywhere. It

58:28

is where you do pass some weird

58:30

bars. Mhmm. What what part of the

58:32

city do you live in? These village? Okay. It's the

58:34

best. It's You're coming a little broduty

58:36

now. Yeah. I'd imagine. And

58:37

then the negatives of that

58:39

is The danger has gone

58:40

down. I liked a little bit of danger. I liked

58:42

a co a cochlear, like, no. But, like,

58:44

stay stay here. Stay here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

58:46

But now it's, like, the the bro dudes

58:49

and and the the female version

58:51

of the Brodudes. The female version, like, I love

58:53

the boutique, you know, shops for, like, but you don't

58:55

shop at them. Yeah. You shop at

58:57

fucking chain stores. You just like the idea of being around them, and the

58:59

bro dudes are now bringing Taco

59:02

Bells. Because businesses will pop up

59:04

to cater to whoever's there. Yeah. Like the

59:06

Bodegas and, like, whatever. The the

59:08

even here in, like, the Mexican part of town

59:10

is, like, they'll start having ciabatta bread if white's

59:12

move if there's a market for it. Right. 496 know,

59:14

they're like, we'll just sell whatever sells. Hundred

59:17

percent. And so now this is bringing a tasteless

59:19

fucking vibe to it. It's still cool,

59:21

but it's like Taco Bell is the sign

59:23

of like trash to me. It is.

59:26

Yeah. And it's and it's it's

59:28

it's accepted comfort trash. Yeah.

59:30

It's accepted comfort chain trash. Yeah. And

59:32

they like cool bars and restaurants, but then they

59:35

will also get drunk at you. talk, and it's

59:37

like, stop it. Yeah. You wanna be like, why are you eating a Don't push your passes.

59:39

Go to a real, and that's interplay. And

59:41

they will they will ruin

59:44

every good bar by, like, they

59:47

like, screaming. When I went screaming, but

59:49

also the adapt the adaptation

59:51

you're talking about in terms

59:53

of the bread. Like New Orleans, for example, there was a bar there called the

59:55

r bar that it loved. It's over here. and the

59:57

Maryland's wedding. Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Right on. Yeah.

59:59

Where

59:59

did you

1:00:02

get married? you married at the at the right

1:00:04

off the the whatever

1:00:06

district.

1:00:06

that ever district

1:00:09

It was Carlene. Garden district? No. No. The downtown. The

1:00:11

the Oh, that's the right corner. Yeah. But it was, like,

1:00:13

just outside of it. It was the it

1:00:15

was, like, a old museum

1:00:16

and, like, was it the Roosevelt?

1:00:19

No. Okay. It wasn't a hotel.

1:00:22

Okay. Okay. Well, anyway,

1:00:24

there's, you know, you go over in the garden district,

1:00:26

excuse me, the the marinae on the side of

1:00:28

the quarter. There's a

1:00:30

lot of guys out there. Yeah. It's great. Yeah. You know,

1:00:32

Frenchman Street -- Yeah. -- super

1:00:34

cool. I love I love seeing parents with kids

1:00:36

and they're drinking, like playing with the kids. free while in

1:00:38

the streets and shit. But there's

1:00:40

this bar that I always love that has a

1:00:42

barber chair there and you can get a

1:00:45

shot in a haircut for, like, fifteen dollars. correct.

1:00:47

And but, like, it it it just

1:00:49

was an old rustic bar

1:00:52

where they just not they just open

1:00:54

up all the doors, and it's like your outdoor and indoor feels the

1:00:56

same. And now the walls, there's TVs

1:00:58

everywhere. And I'm just like TV TVs

1:01:02

fuck bars up so bad. And those are That row culture

1:01:04

creates that where it's just like,

1:01:06

ugh. What can I

1:01:08

see some game? Is there a

1:01:10

game? Is there a game that I have to do? Yeah. You wanna

1:01:12

be like, yeah. Yeah. Just go to there's a bar like two doors.

1:01:14

Look on your phone. Go to that. Just look on your phone and put your earbuds

1:01:16

in. Yeah. know? And why it. Yeah. It's like,

1:01:18

go home and watch it. Yeah. t TV

1:01:20

less bars. Yeah. They'll change the

1:01:22

playlist to cater to those people. Yep.

1:01:24

There's a couple bars in New York

1:01:26

pushing back. And they

1:01:27

if people get too loud, they're like, hey, guys, you gotta leave. And I'm sorry because it's okay. You

1:01:29

just gotta leave. And they can even say, like, it's like,

1:01:31

this actually is not the vibe

1:01:34

you want. this is

1:01:35

Why why? You I I know some bars

1:01:37

are looking for it. This one, this one is all 496. This

1:01:40

is not this is quiet music with quiet,

1:01:42

like, you know. So,

1:01:44

like,

1:01:44

just it's not for you here.

1:01:45

Yeah. That I remember

1:01:48

doing my my,

1:01:50

like, Comedy Central 496 I

1:01:52

think. Or no, it was live at Gotham. And we

1:01:55

a bunch of people I went to college

1:01:57

with, so I went to college out and purchase

1:01:59

New York right by White Plains, you know, about a half an hour

1:02:01

north of the Bronx. And there was

1:02:03

one bar in the area that

1:02:05

we'd go to and was

1:02:07

like a wrestling Greco

1:02:09

Roman themed gay wrestling

1:02:12

bar. And so it was a

1:02:14

gay bar. It was amazing. And so I was this

1:02:16

fucking rocks, it was a huge fat guy in

1:02:18

a onesie. It was a serving of drinks. Nice. I thought

1:02:20

we were funny and shit. It was just me. I think, like,

1:02:23

it was like Hannibal. Who else?

1:02:25

It was a good thing for us. The

1:02:27

the best and and a bunch of

1:02:29

friends. And my You know what 496

1:02:31

I went to college with were

1:02:34

like, Man,

1:02:34

there isn't like

1:02:35

another bar we could go to. Alright.

1:02:37

They were so like, someone's gonna take

1:02:39

a picture of them. it's like a stone wall

1:02:41

era. Would there be that guy like this? You know, in the in the paper that's

1:02:43

like, I'm not gay. Like, how you know?

1:02:45

Oh, right. They were so afraid of

1:02:47

being a 496 Just

1:02:50

like I explained this, dude. Let go and also, you know, you

1:02:52

talk about gay dar. They have straight

1:02:54

dar too. They know. love

1:02:57

to that you're not in a market. When I, you know,

1:02:59

started college wherever that age was, it was gay

1:03:01

was kinda new, you know, to a lot of people. And it was like,

1:03:03

look, I don't want some guy looking at me and you're

1:03:05

like, girls don't look at you. I would

1:03:07

I would avoid left of you. Yeah.

1:03:09

You're suddenly irresistible. No. Dude, just take

1:03:12

anyone. Do you just take anyone? See the

1:03:14

level of body that gays have -- Yes, please. -- on another level of,

1:03:16

like, way past what -- Yeah. -- what header roads

1:03:18

are into, generally speaking But

1:03:20

Tayo's a fucking three in the gay community.

1:03:22

A body

1:03:24

a body builder or a divers physique or a

1:03:26

perfectly round man. Yeah. Right. You're

1:03:28

in between. You're the you're bullshit. You're shaped

1:03:30

like a pair and you have no strength in

1:03:33

your arms. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I gotta

1:03:36

go to the airport.

1:03:38

Okay. Guys, everybody go watch Doug.

1:03:40

At the end of this, we're watching on

1:03:43

YouTube. Subscribe to my YouTube account. There'll be a

1:03:45

box that pops

1:03:47

up with Brugger

1:03:50

special, Doug's click on it, watch it. Even if you don't have time to watch it

1:03:52

now, just click on it and just start

1:03:53

it. And then YouTube will tell you later, like, hey, do you

1:03:55

wanna keep watching this? You

1:03:57

know, I mean, don't

1:03:57

like to think, okay, get back to it. Just fucking hit it once and

1:03:59

then like and then do watch it. He's always been a

1:04:02

fucking funny 496 if you will enjoy it. And

1:04:04

then watch juke And then

1:04:06

watched you again. Sure. As is

1:04:08

fun. Well, I was Dude, I was I was fucking

1:04:10

awesome. Just to keep talking to you for

1:04:13

496 for forever. I didn't have to be here for I could have

1:04:15

done this for another hour. But yeah, this is great. Thank

1:04:17

you. Oh, absolutely. Thanks, brother.

1:04:19

Yeah. That's great.

1:04:37

all the contents that you

1:04:40

show. Do a home sink

1:04:42

refrigerator a

1:04:44

long long front Tennessee.

1:04:50

That's the episode. You guys are doing.

1:04:51

I'm losing the sun. gotta get to

1:04:53

another intro. Maybe I'll take off this shirt for this. For

1:04:55

the next one.

1:04:58

Check out broader

1:05:00

special Doug on YouTube right now, leave a

1:05:02

comment. Let him know you came from

1:05:04

this to make him feel like he

1:05:06

fucking did something good by meeting me in

1:05:08

this hotel room. Oh,

1:05:10

I should say something

1:05:13

about Kanye. Right? I mean,

1:05:15

what to say, guys? if you say he's

1:05:17

crazy, then he's crazy, then you can't judge him too

1:05:19

hard for it. He he caught the kind of

1:05:21

Tourette's that makes

1:05:22

you blurt out the n word instead

1:05:25

of balls. So whatever,

1:05:28

but also I'm

1:05:29

not fully seeing everything. He

1:05:31

is an artist

1:05:32

being crazy, so I

1:05:35

I don't know. Also, can I just say this? Is this a

1:05:37

possible take? I don't really care.

1:05:41

never really

1:05:42

listened to that much of Kanye's music. You know, I probably know, like,

1:05:45

seven songs in his twenty

1:05:48

year career. So, like, I know

1:05:50

he's gray, but I don't it just

1:05:52

doesn't really affect my life at

1:05:54

all. I still don't think he's

1:05:56

even, like, put hands on

1:05:58

a Jew. So, like, what are we

1:05:59

talking about? All these people having them on

1:06:01

their fucking shows, they're just

1:06:03

trying to cash on

1:06:06

either if they think it's crazy, then why are you having them

1:06:08

in? Could you just go get them

1:06:10

help? Why are you trying to cash in

1:06:12

on it? for for

1:06:14

views, for ratings. God.

1:06:16

because he's not gonna admit he's

1:06:18

crazy. So what are you doing? You know,

1:06:21

just talk to him. Just go, hey, I wanna

1:06:23

talk to him. No. Not reporter. Just talk to him.

1:06:25

Come see a doctor. I've done it. Check someone who

1:06:27

will talk to the inside. That's

1:06:30

it. Let's start the episode. No. No.

1:06:32

We're done with it. I'll see you guys next week.

1:06:36

Bye.

1:07:13

Well,

1:07:18

organize long distance that I love

1:07:20

and tell me what is a

1:07:42

me back. She

1:07:44

was taking this

1:07:47

long. Well, let's

1:07:50

get in. stop looking at me. I knew right then we

1:07:52

were 496.

1:08:25

496 solve

1:08:34

for that. It was much too the vulnerable.