0:00

Do it . Welcome

0:02

to Ask When everyone Today

0:05

I have Reza with me and Reza

0:08

just was switching it up on

0:10

you people Reza just offered

0:13

to interview me and

0:15

this is in the time span

0:17

of two minutes . We were going to

0:19

talk about his story and

0:21

mental health , but because

0:24

you guys don't know

0:26

about my story my

0:29

story is very complex and

0:32

those of you who have listened

0:35

to my work and I know I've got

0:37

a lot of new subscribers

0:39

here and so I

0:41

will let my guest who's

0:43

taken the mic and interview

0:46

me and then we'll get into

0:48

his story . We're going

0:50

to do part two

0:53

part well , one of his

0:55

story . part two of his story

0:57

. part three , because he's

1:00

a mental health advocate

1:02

and someone can let Reza

1:05

take my spot and I'm

1:07

going to be the interviewee

1:09

because you guys don't know

1:12

about my story and I thought

1:14

it would be fun . Reza just

1:17

presented me with this idea

1:19

and I'll take a challenge on .

1:22

Amazing . Well , hi , wynn , i love your

1:24

shirts , i

1:26

love your outfit today , looking nice

1:28

, looking awesome . Both of us . We're killing it today

1:30

, aren't we ? Yeah , thanks

1:32

for the intro . My name is Reza . Everybody and

1:34

I know Wynn from Clubhouse , and

1:38

so that's kind of how we met . We were in a podcasting

1:41

room So , yeah

1:43

, i guess , wynn , we

1:46

didn't really talk much , just aside from

1:49

talking to her assistant to get this podcast

1:51

started . I'd love to know

1:53

what it is about your

1:56

mental health lived experience

1:58

, because I don't know much about it .

2:00

So Well , my

2:02

mental health , lived experience

2:05

. I hit

2:07

rock bottom in

2:09

2019 . That

2:13

was my rock bottom point

2:16

in 2019 . I

2:18

hit rock bottom in 2019

2:22

after losing my

2:24

father , almost losing

2:27

my house to

2:30

the state of Colorado , and

2:33

I managed

2:35

to save my own life

2:37

by moving to

2:39

Phoenix , arizona . But during

2:42

that time I hit rock

2:44

bottom and I

2:46

will never forget when

2:49

I hit rock bottom and

2:52

realized that

2:54

this

2:56

is not good for me , this is not

2:59

a healthy environment

3:01

for me to be in . I

3:04

am also a lads back . So

3:07

being around the cat 24

3:09

seven didn't help . And

3:11

being around going

3:14

to grief and then going

3:16

through and

3:19

I admit that

3:21

my the

3:24

friend that was living with me

3:26

and I'll call them the

3:29

friend that was living with me and I

3:31

don't care if my family

3:33

listened to this , they know this and

3:35

I don't care if my friends listened

3:38

to this they also

3:40

started to notice The friend

3:42

that was living with me did

3:44

not take care of me , did

3:46

not help me , did not

3:48

do much of anything

3:50

. She was

3:53

working . She would leave

3:55

me with AIDS eight hours

3:57

a day and expect the

4:00

AIDS to take care

4:02

of me And , on

4:04

top of it , she expects the AIDS not

4:08

only to

4:11

take care of me , but

4:13

but

4:15

also help her

4:17

manage my house , which

4:21

I

4:23

took care of . My own

4:25

father for nine

4:28

days when he

4:30

was diagnosed

4:32

well , we would

4:34

try and figure out what was

4:37

wrong with him . It

4:39

was undiagnosed stage

4:41

four lung cancer and

4:44

all of the hospital at the time couldn't

4:47

figure out what was wrong with him . So

4:50

they sent him home for nine days , whereupon

4:53

my friend , who

4:56

calls herself my stepmom she's

4:58

not really my stepmom , she

5:00

that's the homeless story and stuff

5:02

, and why she calls herself my

5:05

stepmom , i don't know And

5:07

she's trying

5:09

to be friendly , friendly with me and I've

5:12

given up on the

5:14

stepmom mentality because

5:16

she's really not my stepmom And

5:19

so she

5:22

went to work for nine days . My

5:26

father was struggling

5:28

emotionally and physically

5:30

. I landed up taking care

5:32

of my father for

5:35

nine days , nine days in total

5:37

. We finally

5:40

decided as

5:42

a family to

5:44

kick him back into

5:47

the hospital . He

5:49

got transplanted by

5:52

an ambulance to a bigger hospital

5:54

. Yes , i have learned

5:56

that I did not

5:58

know this , that most

6:01

patients typically

6:03

you don't fight , you

6:08

don't fight being airlifted out

6:10

. But he said I refuse

6:13

to be airlifted out . And

6:15

of course my

6:18

stepmom was so oblivious

6:21

that

6:25

she didn't . She

6:27

put in all the efforts

6:29

that she could , but

6:31

at the end she's like , okay

6:33

, dude , you get whatever you want . And

6:36

I thought he

6:39

was in diastrates with

6:41

stage four lung cancer

6:43

And he died six

6:45

days after diagnosis in

6:48

every

6:51

rehab center with

6:56

because he was so drunk they

6:59

didn't want to do anything And

7:01

because he was so

7:04

God , i love him . He

7:06

was so controlling of

7:09

me and he made

7:12

me housebound . He

7:14

made me housebound because

7:17

, even though

7:19

my aides wanted

7:21

to take me out , he said no , i'll

7:23

take a win out , i'll take a win out , i'll take

7:25

a win out . He wanted

7:27

me to be around

7:30

And I have been working on my mental health

7:32

since then

7:34

, so I

7:37

know that he was controlling

7:39

me . Since then

7:41

I have . I

7:44

am as fun to now since

7:47

he died , and

7:49

I'm happy to be living

7:52

in Phoenix Hills on the island

7:54

of selling his house and

7:57

I ended up making

7:59

the decision to move to

8:02

Phoenix Hills . I'm . At the time

8:04

I was getting ready to move

8:06

to the East Coast , where

8:08

my family is , where my

8:10

network is , where my

8:12

everything is . The

8:15

East Coast was gonna be my home base

8:17

, but I got

8:20

this amazing housing opportunity

8:22

in Phoenix Hills

8:24

I don't know Whereupon . I

8:26

decided to move

8:29

to Phoenix , arizona . It

8:31

has been the best decision

8:34

I have ever made

8:36

in my life . I

8:39

had to get out of keeping up

8:41

with the Joneses mentality

8:43

of asking call on on . I

8:45

had to get out of the state of

8:48

call on all . Call

8:51

on all is generally expensive

8:54

Nowadays . So

8:56

I , to save

8:58

my mental health and to save

9:01

my physical

9:03

health , i had to get out of call

9:05

on all .

9:48

Yeah , no , when that's Arizona

9:51

, great things about Arizona I've always heard

9:54

. So you know , good

9:57

decision , That's a lot . And

10:00

then obviously the

10:02

mental health stuff . And

10:05

then , aside from the mental health stuff , what is the

10:07

are you okay to talk about ? like the

10:09

physical stuff ? Yeah , Because

10:11

I don't know about that either .

10:13

Physical stuff . The physical

10:15

stuff I have asthma

10:18

, i have osteoporosis

10:20

. I have

10:22

asthma , osteoporosis

10:26

and CP

10:28

, all under the auspices

10:30

of cerebral palsy . Cerebral

10:32

palsy is a lack

10:34

of oxygen entry

10:37

at birth , so I acquired

10:39

cerebral palsy at birth

10:41

I also , hence

10:43

the cerebral palsy . I

10:45

also have a bad back , which

10:47

bad back is

10:50

being worked on

10:52

as we speak , you guys , and

10:54

so bad back will

10:57

either stay the bad back or

11:00

be worked on . And

11:03

it's interesting because

11:05

11 years

11:07

ago I

11:09

had scoliosis

11:12

surgery . I thought the scoliosis

11:14

surgery was going

11:16

to be successful , but

11:18

it turned out not . So

11:21

now I'm 11 years later

11:24

, i am looking

11:26

at , looking

11:28

at a potential

11:32

back surgery And I

11:34

have what they call filled

11:37

back surgery . And now I'm

11:39

dealing with bad

11:42

back and due to

11:44

the cerebral palsy , and

11:54

so that's my physical disability

11:57

in the nutshell .

12:00

Wow , okay . So I

12:03

actually knew a guy

12:06

in Utah when I was

12:08

going to school . I think he had cerebral

12:11

palsy as well . His

12:13

actually was more extreme than yours , i

12:15

think , just because maybe

12:17

it was a different thing , but correct

12:20

me if I'm wrong but he had how

12:24

do I explain it ? Like he couldn't

12:26

even , like you're

12:28

still , you know what I mean . Like he had

12:30

how do I explain it ? But like

12:32

he was like bent over

12:34

kind of thing , but the smartest

12:37

guy . It's crazy . So he taught

12:39

he would help me with chemistry , believe it or not

12:41

. And so I would

12:43

.

12:43

I would have to buy that .

12:45

Yeah , very smart people . I think something

12:48

about it .

12:50

Cerebral palsy is on well-at-tom

12:52

. It can go from mild

12:55

to moderate . I

12:57

am moderate . I

12:59

just have worked

13:02

on it over the years

13:04

And , as a matter of

13:06

fact , i have a project

13:10

going on Right

13:12

now . I'm in the middle of a project

13:14

that I'm

13:17

in the middle of , a project that

13:19

will improve my cerebral

13:21

palsy , my cerebral

13:23

palsy slash , my motivational

13:26

speaking , and I will let you

13:28

guys know when that happens

13:30

And

13:34

I am super excited about

13:36

. I have support

13:38

on that . It's not

13:40

like I'm doing this going

13:42

alone . It's not like I'm often

13:45

. Often , by any means

13:47

, people think , oh the poor

13:49

often . Oh , the poor , often it's

13:51

functioning . Oh , the poor often

13:54

gets out every single day

13:56

. See , i travel with wheelchair

13:59

. I am a motivational speaker

14:01

. So when I hit

14:03

bottom in 2019

14:06

, i decided to uproot

14:09

my life , move to Phoenix And

14:11

I was going to get a better quality of life

14:13

and deal with the

14:15

disability to the rest of

14:17

my abilities And

14:19

, thank God , i have excellent medical

14:22

care five minutes away from my house

14:24

, and so that

14:27

is what

14:29

is going on . But

14:31

I am working on

14:34

a project right now to

14:36

not only support cerebral

14:38

palsy but support

14:41

my motivational speaking

14:43

career as well . I'm also

14:45

working on a nice project

14:47

simply to support my

14:50

motivational speaking career

14:52

nothing to do with

14:54

cerebral palsy And that project

14:57

will get rocking in early in

14:59

August . And actually that project

15:01

that I can tell you guys , i'm actually

15:04

looking at a book about

15:06

podcasting , because

15:08

you guys keep asking me How

15:12

do I do it ? How do I do it . So

15:14

I finally hooked up with

15:17

a publisher and I'm

15:19

working on a book I'm

15:21

having and I'm making

15:24

this book truly

15:27

my dream book to speak about

15:29

podcasting , and

15:31

so that's going to help my motivational

15:34

speaking career . The other

15:37

project is something

15:39

I've been wanting to do

15:41

for years but haven't had

15:44

time to do it , and

15:46

I need to get back

15:48

to

15:51

do it and I will keep you

15:53

guys updated on that . I

15:56

will let the cat out of the bag as soon

15:58

as I figure

16:01

out how

16:03

to do it . There's

16:05

a lot of moving pieces to

16:08

this project and I just need

16:10

to bury

16:12

myself into it and figure out

16:14

how to do it .

16:16

Yeah , no , i'm sure . Yeah , once you get the , you

16:18

know , once you just hit the start button

16:20

it'll click . I'm

16:22

sure you're doing a lot .

16:25

It will click .

16:27

Yes , I'm sure .

16:29

And once I hit the

16:31

start button , this other

16:34

project will fall into place

16:36

.

16:36

Yes .

16:37

And I am super excited because

16:40

I'm going back to something

16:43

I need to work on for

16:45

my mental speaking of mental

16:47

health for my mental health and

16:50

for my physical health , so

16:52

that I can be a better motivational

16:55

speaker .

16:57

Amazing . No , you've got a brilliant story

16:59

of resilience , and the fact

17:01

that you're able to do all this , you know

17:04

, with all the challenges

17:06

that you face every day , is a

17:08

superpower to me , and that's why

17:10

you know , i

17:12

define , i use

17:14

the term . I think it's very important

17:16

, not only in terms

17:18

of fighting the stigma associated

17:20

with any kind of disability , but

17:23

it's important for our well-being

17:25

to reframe

17:28

in a positive way and

17:31

to embrace this disability and

17:33

call it a superpower . I mean , i learned this initially

17:35

from Kanye West how he defined

17:38

bipolar disorder as his

17:40

superpower , and so I'd

17:42

love to kind of get into that , if you

17:44

, if we may , yeah , yeah

17:46

. So I

17:49

think , embracing it . So I

17:51

think the way it's a superpower for you , the way

17:53

I see it is again just how

17:56

you've been able to just be

17:58

such a strong person and to

18:01

do the things that you do every day despite all

18:03

the challenges . That , to me , is a superpower

18:05

, and anyone who's listening to this

18:08

right now , we

18:10

me both me and you are so

18:12

much stronger , right , as

18:16

a result of that , those challenges

18:18

. Imagine we didn't have

18:20

some of these challenges . Perhaps

18:24

I don't know if we would be as strong . So

18:26

that's one reframe that

18:28

I make every day in my mind . But

18:31

yeah , anyways , I'll

18:33

give the ball to . This is your podcast

18:35

, so I'll kind of you know

18:38

, let it be in your hands . What you

18:40

want , ask me and stuff .

18:41

Well , one of the things I

18:43

want to ask you

18:46

and we'll go , we'll go into

18:48

this . Yes , i have Liz's

18:51

permission to talk

18:54

about this . You were hospitalized

18:57

for mental health

19:00

And let's like this stigma about

19:02

that , because I

19:04

think And

19:08

I'm actually speaking

19:10

about podcasting

19:12

on July 7th And

19:14

one of the things I

19:16

say is people

19:18

may listen in

19:20

my speech And this is after

19:23

I got the text message from

19:25

Bethesda saying he was hospitalized

19:28

for mental health , and

19:31

so I took that to heart

19:33

and I am really

19:36

impressed that you're

19:38

doing what you're doing on

19:41

this podcast today And

19:43

I'm really impressed

19:45

that you're doing

19:48

so well after being hospitalized

19:51

, because after being hospitalized

19:53

for mental health , god knows

19:56

what you come out

19:58

looking like . But , that

20:00

being said , talk

20:02

to us about that . Talk to

20:04

us about you rock bottom moment

20:07

, because one of the

20:09

things I said in my speech is

20:12

that people may consume podcast

20:15

on a daily

20:17

basis And then they may go back

20:20

to listen to it when

20:22

they have the rock

20:24

bottom moments and they

20:27

have , they

20:29

need to pick me up . So talk

20:32

to me about you , walk by

20:34

the moment and talk

20:36

to me about being hospitalized

20:38

for mental health .

20:40

Yeah , so I'll go in a little chronological order

20:42

here . I think it's important to just give context

20:44

to my story a little bit . Initially

20:47

I had a job at a tech

20:49

company I'll just leave out the name

20:51

of the company for I don't know

20:53

, you know , privacy reasons . It

20:56

was a major , major tech company . A

20:58

major jump in my salary . Let's

21:00

just say my salary went

21:03

double when I got that job . So imagine

21:05

you're making 40k , my salary

21:07

went to 80k per year . So

21:10

naturally I think anybody would get a little bit excited

21:12

about that . So I would go

21:14

to work with little sleep and

21:18

wake up at like 4am , you

21:20

know , buying all these expensive suits

21:22

looking like a million dollars

21:24

every day . And I

21:26

was also very grateful , right , and

21:28

when I get grateful I would go to church

21:31

. I would , you know when they bring in the basket donation

21:33

, give $20 bills right

21:35

, right and left . And when I go to

21:37

clubs and bars I would . What's the

21:39

name of the people that work in the bathroom ? I forgot

21:41

the name , but do you know there's

21:44

these like bathroom attendance , let's just call them . I

21:46

would give like crazy tips

21:48

to them , like it's just like I would pick up trash

21:50

from the floor , i would stop my car And

21:53

whenever I saw garbage on the ground

21:55

, i would pick it up . So

21:58

it turns out all these things that I was doing

22:00

is considered hypomania . So

22:05

I was hospitalized initially in

22:07

2018

22:09

, 2019 , that timeframe It

22:12

was actually the first day of the Persian New Year

22:14

, which is very ironic to me , right ? The

22:16

New Year Persian No Ruz

22:18

is what it's called And

22:20

to be hospitalized in

22:22

that day was just such a disaster . Because

22:25

here's the thing , everybody that's listening to this when

22:28

you have bipolar disorder or

22:30

other sort of mental health illnesses

22:32

where you're involuntarily hospitalized

22:35

, it does feel like

22:37

you're going to jail Legitimately . It's

22:39

like you're going to prison , okay

22:41

, because you can't get out . You

22:45

know they remove your , your technology

22:47

, they remove your phones from you . Oh

22:50

my gosh , oh my gosh . I don't even . Anyways

22:54

, all that stuff . you can't smoke cigarettes . This

22:56

is why I'm just embracing

22:58

my freedom right now , smoking

23:00

cigarettes . Well , on this podcast

23:02

, i'm not trying to promote smoking or anything , but

23:04

you've got to realize the hell that I've been through

23:07

. That was the first time And

23:09

then came out

23:11

of that . I was given really bad medications

23:14

bad as in . It

23:16

would make me depressed . I've never been

23:18

a depressed person in my life . I've always been . This

23:20

is the way I am now Very happy , enjoy

23:23

life , you know , to the fullest

23:25

kind of guy . I remember going to Mexico

23:27

with my family And you

23:29

know , come on , who gets depressed when they're

23:31

in Mexico at a resort , all

23:34

inclusive , go eat what you

23:36

want , go drink what you want , and I wouldn't get out of bed . That

23:38

to me . I'm like this . This medication

23:40

is just killing me , destroying me And

23:43

finally just weeded myself off of it

23:45

. You know my doctor approved that

23:47

. Come off the meds . And

23:49

then I got this other exciting tech company job

23:52

at , you know , one of these like fancy

23:54

shamancy tech companies where , you

23:56

know , they give you a lot of free shit . I don't know

23:58

if I can swear on the podcast , maybe

24:01

not , i can , i

24:03

can , okay , so you know

24:05

, like those . And

24:07

, by the way , i'm an Apple guy . So for me

24:09

, every little thing gets me excited . So

24:12

the fact that I was going into this company with like a MacBook

24:15

and like , yes , apple products

24:17

here . So

24:19

you know , i got a little over excited again . And

24:21

this time the mania , so to speak

24:23

, was more , i guess

24:25

, more psychosis based . So

24:28

again , some people might be listening

24:30

to this bipolar disorder

24:32

. It's different for everybody . I have the type

24:34

one . The type one as

24:36

is not so much the stereotypical

24:39

up and down that people think it is . It's not

24:41

like up down , up down , it's not like that at all . That's

24:43

type two . With

24:45

type one , you , i really don't get

24:47

depressed , i really don't . It's

24:50

weird , off meds , on meds

24:52

, i don't get depressed . I just

24:54

get a little bit too high in

24:56

my state . So this time

24:58

I was experiencing

25:00

a little bit of psychosis , like in the sense that just very

25:02

, very connected to internally

25:06

, to like spirituality , almost

25:08

sort of thinking that , thinking

25:12

that I

25:14

don't even know what the stuff I want to talk about , but like

25:16

very close to Jesus , you know

25:18

, acting like in my mind

25:20

Jesus , and

25:23

then I find myself climbing up a sort

25:25

of a tree just , and

25:27

then long story short , and

25:29

end up in the hospital again . And

25:33

this time , like I actually went to the cops myself

25:35

, asked them for a ride home , go

25:37

home , my parents actually go to

25:39

my parents' house , then we go to the hospital

25:41

And then this time this

25:43

was my second house hospitalization . Now this

25:46

time I was there for two months because

25:48

I refused to

25:51

get medicated , because the first

25:53

round of meds were so bad that

25:55

I was so afraid to

25:58

go depressed again that I was

26:00

refusing . So that's why I was there for such a long

26:02

time Turns out , one of my inmates

26:04

for lack of a better word this

26:07

other guy , he was in a rock band . He's a very

26:09

well-known guy in a rock band And

26:12

you know , he told me one thing And

26:14

, by the way , he's the person that I inspired

26:18

me , or enlightened me rather , towards

26:20

Anglican Christian , because

26:22

that's what I am now . I'm

26:25

coming from a Muslim background . I'm

26:27

now Anglican Christian , working on

26:29

baptism for us with the priest . But

26:31

he's like Reza , this is the

26:34

happy drug And we're talking about

26:36

something called a billify . He's

26:38

like Reza , don't worry , this

26:41

is the happy one man . When he

26:43

said that , i was like

26:45

ooh , okay , thank God , i trust

26:47

you , man . So I went on that and

26:50

turns out he was right , believe it or not . At

26:52

least for me this wasn't so bad this

26:54

time right . Of course , there's always tight

26:57

effects . Like you know , my left arm

26:59

was feeling a little numb at times , but over

27:01

the years I was on it for quite a while And

27:04

I got used to it . Now

27:06

, after a

27:08

few years , i thought

27:10

I'm gaining a lot of weight . I'm like , okay

27:13

, and I go to my doctor

27:15

, i'm like , hey , listen , doc , i

27:17

can't , i can't do this anymore . Like

27:20

, no matter how little I eat , i'm

27:22

gaining weight . So

27:24

, with his permission , we decide

27:27

. He said okay , you know what , reza , we'll give it another

27:29

try . And at this point I still

27:31

was kind of in denial

27:33

about bipolar being something

27:36

that I have right , bipolar disorder . I

27:38

was still in denial about it , Turns

27:40

out , and I told him . I said , hey , listen , i'll stop drinking

27:42

alcohol , stop cannabis , i'll stop drugs

27:44

, everything . I'll be sober . Can

27:47

we go off the meds now ? He's like , sure , try

27:49

it , try it for a year , dude . But

27:51

he's like , listen , i'll bet you anything , reza

27:53

, that it's going to . You're going to have a

27:55

relapse again , you're going to have an episode . I said , no , i'm not

27:57

. Turns out , after

27:59

a year of being completely sober from

28:01

everything this

28:04

was just a few months ago I started

28:06

having And anybody

28:09

who might have followed my Instagram

28:11

you might have

28:13

seen some of this stuff But

28:16

yeah , so I experienced some stuff

28:18

again . Now , this time

28:20

, i also start doing

28:23

cocaine and I start doing

28:25

that . So

28:29

, long story short , i was hospitalized four

28:31

times within the span of two months

28:33

or so . Right , i go into

28:35

the hospital , come back out , go in again

28:37

And

28:39

, long story short , i overdosed on

28:42

cocaine . I'm very

28:44

open about this . On my Instagram

28:46

. I have a video and I'm open

28:48

about it because I

28:51

feel that it's important for people

28:53

to hear these kind of stories

28:55

in order

28:57

to save themselves from

28:59

it right And

29:02

from a harm reduction stand

29:04

. If you are unable

29:06

to stop , if you're doing this stuff , don't do it

29:08

by yourself . I always say , but this is

29:10

not about drugs . We can have another episode about

29:12

that if you want . But back to the mental

29:14

health stuff . So , in terms of the hospitalization

29:17

this time , this

29:20

time I was very much more grateful about

29:22

everything . Thank you to the doctors , thank

29:24

you to And

29:27

trust me , it takes a lot

29:29

of growth to reach this point . It

29:32

takes a lot of growth to , first of all

29:35

, be open about the diagnosis

29:37

, like I am . I

29:39

know not to toot my own horn , but

29:41

this is something where it took me . I

29:44

was always so concerned when

29:47

, back when I lived in Utah , i would

29:49

go into the bushes and I would

29:51

smoke a cigarette because I was so afraid of

29:53

judgment . Now I've reached a point where

29:55

I'm smoking cigarettes on this podcast , so

29:59

I've come a long way , and

30:02

so the fact that I'm now open about the diagnosis

30:04

. I just figured , you know what , when

30:06

you only live once , we're going to die

30:08

in the end , who knows when

30:11

. Why would I keep this a secret

30:13

? Why was I so so

30:15

afraid of dating women

30:17

and then them finding out

30:19

about it ? I was so scared of that

30:22

And now I've reached a point where , if you don't

30:24

mind , is it okay if I

30:26

play you part of my song that

30:28

I made , or no

30:30

. Maybe not .

30:32

We're going to have to do that another

30:34

time . The next episode

30:36

.

30:36

Okay , okay , cool , yeah . So

30:39

anyone who wants to listen to the song , it is on my Instagram . It's going

30:41

to be available on Spotify and all of that

30:43

stuff all those platforms very

30:45

soon , because I actually purchased the music

30:48

rights in order to release the

30:50

beats of it And , of course , my vocals

30:52

. I made this song

30:54

and it's really a song about

30:56

embracing your disability

30:59

and quotations and , you

31:02

know , reframing it as a superpower , and for

31:04

me , this

31:06

means a lot of things that happen . I received

31:08

miracles and , trust me , i'm not crazy

31:10

. It weren't just in my head , i

31:14

was . I received miracles from God , and

31:17

this wasn't necessarily during my manic

31:19

phase , because right now I've been on

31:21

meds , i'm fine and I

31:24

still remember things

31:26

were very real , and so I'm

31:29

very much a strong

31:31

Christian , believe in God a lot

31:33

, very much . So go

31:36

to church every Sunday when I can And

31:41

I'm embracing it to

31:43

the fullest And I think I will .