0:00

Hey, I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked

0:02

Mint Mobile's legal team if big wireless

0:04

companies are allowed to raise prices due

0:06

to inflation. They said yes. And then

0:09

when I asked if raising prices technically

0:11

violates those onerous two-year contracts, they said,

0:13

what the f*** are you talking about,

0:15

you insane Hollywood a*****e? So to

0:17

recap, we're cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a

0:19

month to just $15 a month. Give

0:22

it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. $45

0:25

up front for three months plus taxes and fees. Promote for new

0:27

customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes per month. Mint

0:29

Unlimited slows. Hello there,

0:34

Bob. How are you doing? Hello

0:49

there, Andy. Was it quite sexy what you were

0:51

doing? And

0:54

what was the intent at the bay? Did

0:56

you find it sexy? Well, that's no. I

0:58

implied that that was your your intent. You

1:01

like me. You're a bit grey and unshaven. Yeah,

1:04

neither of us have had much of a shave

1:06

recently. Why would we? Why would you? Quite

1:10

unpleasant. Why should we? Yeah.

1:12

What have we got again? What have we got? Who

1:14

cares less whether we shave or not? No

1:17

one cares about us. Of

1:19

course not. I'm surprised

1:21

that you're youthful, that you expand

1:24

your face here on the screen. But

1:26

have you got grey beard? Yeah.

1:29

I just thought you would have got that for

1:31

a few years. I see. I see. I have.

1:34

My head shaved. When

1:37

it grows out, it grows out as kind of white

1:39

sides. Right. I'm

1:42

51. It's tall downhill pretty

1:45

much. Makes

1:47

me think, Andy, that you're not 51. I

1:49

recently did a DNA test for my

1:51

actual DNA age. Right. And

1:54

I measure the length of a part of your DNA

1:56

that basically goes to nothing when you die. So

1:59

the length of it. of it is that you know like

2:01

you can and I was 59 and I'm actually

2:03

63 all right so

2:07

you're supposed to die when you're 59 and

2:10

no my age now is

2:12

59 your DNA is no my

2:17

DNA is 59 years old

2:19

right so and that's

2:21

what's important that's what will determine that's it because

2:23

it's you know I could get knocked over by

2:26

a bus I shot by you with you have

2:28

you still got one of those rabbit gun random

2:30

blunderbusses someone like that yeah no

2:32

that could happen I wouldn't

2:34

show you Bob yes a few people I'd

2:37

like to show but you're not you're not anywhere near the top

2:39

of the list yeah look at me

2:41

how old do you think I what's my DNA

2:43

age I think

2:47

it will be looking at

2:49

you Andy I'd have thought you were probably a

2:51

sort of true age like 54 right

2:55

I will do it

2:57

51 I'm sorry

3:01

I just said that Andy I know that you're

3:03

51 you look 51 you went

3:05

on all it just to Espana yeah I

3:08

wouldn't know the date spin yeah there's

3:10

not much to report because I spent a lot

3:12

of time sitting around doing out was it you

3:14

were you in the 40 degrees area when you

3:16

were there when it was really hot it never

3:18

got more than about 35 36 so it was

3:21

was tolerable

3:25

and you know once you get in the shade or

3:27

you get inside where there's aircon it's

3:29

alright do you see a lot of

3:31

doctors I don't know whether you do

3:33

well no didn't say didn't say much

3:36

compared to the UK are probably about the same

3:38

level yeah maybe it's because it's

3:40

a tourist time maybe if you

3:43

went to build Bao or Valencia you

3:45

might see a bit more rustic around

3:47

and final question on your

3:50

all I do what were you all in

3:52

close of yeah I'm self-care and

3:55

shit man I was gonna I wanted to know what was

3:57

our light of the of the buffet but you self self

4:01

catering. So what was the supermarket

4:03

you used? The Super

4:05

Macado. There was a Super

4:08

Macado about five minutes walk away so that

4:10

was nice. And what would you say is

4:12

the equivalent of? Little. Little.

4:14

Although there was actually a little bit further away

4:17

which we did visit on one occasion. Which was

4:19

better, come on met your man. It

4:22

was about the same. Oh about the same?

4:24

I think the Super Macado was better so I would

4:26

say the Super Macado was maybe like a...

4:30

Morrison's. What you

4:32

said Morrison is below as there? Morrison's

4:34

the best I think. Well

4:36

see you're saying that this

4:38

Super Macado or whatever it

4:41

was is above M&S,

4:43

above Waitrose, above Sainsbury. I don't

4:45

frequent M&S and Waitrose. We don't

4:47

have a Waitrose in Sunderland. Quite

4:50

right too. I've heard there's one in

4:52

Newcastle but I think it's

4:55

just rumour, conjecture. I've

4:58

done a...

5:01

Sorry I've discovered, I'll say it this way, I've

5:03

discovered a new rapper lad

5:06

from the borough from Middlesbrough.

5:08

He sent us this song. If

5:11

you don't mind I won't mind playing it. I think he's got

5:13

a chance. If someone listened to it then yeah. Alright here we

5:16

go. Yeah

5:28

nice one. He's joking aren't ya? This

5:31

dog in my backyard like means

5:34

me bushing lines unapproachable

5:37

you know. So I

5:40

tell you that stuff

5:42

is lethal. Tod you

5:44

know and it can penetrate

5:46

me croc so It'd

5:49

be much simpler if me dog shat rocks. Safety

5:53

first take it off. Me

5:57

washing laundry man's vibrant. despite

6:00

this onslaught of Todd

6:06

hey boy get off that fucking bridge

6:08

you dial the

6:10

supports are about to give you

6:12

know some lads messing about with it throwing

6:15

stuff at the supports like

6:17

an underman in them so

6:19

yeah get off the bridge

6:22

safety first a

6:24

replacement van service will

6:28

probably be provided by the council or

6:30

you could use the footbridge

6:33

at Palace to Park anyway safety

6:35

first so

6:37

there goes Ken in

6:40

this purple track off off

6:42

to the co-op to buy his backie he's

6:45

shit his pants by the

6:48

state of his walk walk

6:50

slowly Ken plenty of chinks

6:53

your wife isn't washing now for good

6:55

couple of weeks say first

6:57

kid oh

7:01

look there's a plaster on the move there he's

7:03

on his way some

7:05

Turkish laughter from the

7:07

kebab shop runs

7:10

been turned away from the mental hospital again

7:12

I thought

7:15

lift deliveries fucks up so

7:18

what's the driver we each the door

7:21

set a door nut safety

7:24

first you're honest

7:26

don't snap on

7:28

the job safety

7:30

first there you go

7:33

I'll send that to your Bob all right wow do

7:39

you think he's got a chance has

7:42

he got a name I'm

7:45

driving that system see

7:47

burr and

7:51

see Palace to Park will

7:54

call it but and the easy I don't

7:56

know he sounds a bit scared of me

7:58

so cuz I go up the burr

8:00

I wanted to play it after he sent it

8:02

you know I mean yeah no

8:04

I like him he's got a chance I think

8:06

yeah his message was nice I suppose can

8:10

I run a couple of names by you

8:12

please please do you

8:14

can of course be honky

8:17

tonk or you can be Stan

8:20

Francisco Stan Francisco's

8:22

nice solid Stan Francisco

8:24

former American now

8:26

lives in Bristol on the outskirts drives the

8:28

same kind of car that G F K

8:31

got assassinated in right your

8:34

you could be the the human

8:37

turnstile no it

8:40

lets you walk up to him and you

8:42

push past his right shoulder and he spins

8:44

around 90 degrees allowing you free

8:46

access to proceed past him and

8:49

you might come across him

8:52

wherever you tread yeah anywhere

8:54

just when you walk down the street

8:56

no and you don't get access to anything important

8:59

like a football match or anything like that it's

9:01

just the area behind you allows you to proceed

9:03

proceed forward I'd like to be in place you'd

9:07

like to be him yes I would like to be

9:09

the human turnstile I would like to be honest thank

9:11

you that's okay thank you for joining us on the

9:13

shorter day the human turnstile is alright no worries that

9:16

dogs could

9:20

I ask you I swore a little bit

9:22

in that song at the top you know

9:24

yeah the em when

9:26

you meet people even if you know whether they'll

9:28

be like 30 year old 50 year

9:30

old 65 year old for

9:33

your first couple of meetings are you are you

9:35

confident enough to swear like you normally would I

9:37

know you're a swearr would you say in front

9:39

of so I was trying to create a good

9:41

impression and I don't think swearing does no it

9:44

doesn't does it you need you need to try

9:46

and read the room and sometimes you can swear

9:48

too early in a in a

9:50

friendship and it can do really entire thing you wouldn't

9:52

swear like if you went the bank would you

9:54

say I have a fucking overdrive to anything you

9:56

know but that's obviously but

9:59

it's funny enough That bank manager probably, you know, like

10:01

he's at home swearing like a trooper as well. It's

10:03

not, it's about to be. Say

10:05

you're outside an interview and there's

10:08

another person having an interview. All right mate,

10:10

fucking I'm shitting myself. Would you say that?

10:12

I'm having a job interview. Yeah. Jesus.

10:16

I can't imagine having a job interview. But

10:18

would you? Nice to hear you're looking like this. Can

10:21

I get one of your butchers? You're 54, whatever it is. You're

10:24

looking at them. What job is it? The job

10:26

you're going for. I, it's. You do some job

10:28

interview role play if you want. Well,

10:31

I'm the fellow outside with you. You're the fellow,

10:33

no, you're the fellow trying to give us a

10:35

job. All right. Well, the first question

10:37

I'd ask is, did you swear at that blog outside?

10:40

No. Well, I know, but Matt,

10:42

you got no fucking balls. I didn't, I

10:44

didn't see any Nate though. He

10:47

seemed like a nice fella. He seemed a little bit religious.

10:49

No, you're a bit judgmental. He was wearing a

10:51

crucifix and I thought, I swear at him. Anyway,

10:53

it's a Godfaring man. Why do you want this

10:55

job? What have you, what have your

10:57

skills? Do you think? What's the,

11:00

what's the job again? You should know. You should

11:02

know your little. Okay. Well,

11:05

it's, I've always had an

11:08

interest in working outdoors. All

11:10

right. Well, I'll ask you

11:12

to leave then because this

11:15

is a job man in the ventilator. The job.

11:18

Hold on a minute. Maybe

11:21

you've got something. Listen, Mcleod, Stephen McLaren's

11:23

got a new podcast. Did you know

11:25

that? I didn't know that.

11:27

I wasn't aware. Have you heard it? No.

11:30

You're on iTunes, Apple or whatever and all that

11:32

business. All of them. Yeah.

11:34

I'll play it for you. It's a,

11:37

starts off with his little, he's got a little tune

11:39

at the top of it. Here we go. I'll play

11:41

it for you. Record it early. Number

11:43

one is the keeper. Number

11:47

two is when you sit down. And

11:52

number three is me free for

11:54

everything. Welcome to

11:56

me new podcast where I ask some

11:58

of my best. stab of friends

12:01

to tell me what their favourite

12:03

three things are and today's guest

12:05

is one of the most wonderful,

12:08

humpity-dumpity donuts of delight in the

12:10

whole world yes it just has

12:12

to be my boss Mr. Eric

12:15

Vanter Hike. So

12:19

Eric welcome. Whatever.

12:22

So what have you chosen

12:24

as your first favourite thing but hold on

12:27

I'm allowed one guest before you answer

12:29

so is it a Christmas

12:31

tree covered in flumps and tinsel with

12:34

a big fat cuddly Labrador line beneath

12:36

it no I have no

12:38

interest in that I have chosen the study

12:40

of mathematics that's

12:42

not much fun is it boss

12:44

when you're out study pillow fighting

12:46

or jelly making or chocolate bars

12:49

and sunshine that

12:51

is my choice now may I move on to

12:53

my second choice yes of course you

12:55

can you ball cunt so what

12:57

was that nothing

13:00

just ball hunted so new game

13:02

format I'm working on I

13:04

see so my second choice hold on

13:07

remember I get to do me my

13:09

guess first let me think you dinky

13:11

donuts is your second

13:14

favorite thing a

13:16

butterfly landed on candy floss

13:18

in a diversely staffed and

13:20

well-maintained fun fair no

13:22

no interest to me at all my

13:25

second choice is a compact hybrid SUV

13:28

such as the score the car rock the

13:30

car has been described as a bit

13:32

sensible shoes but you know

13:34

what sometimes you

13:38

know you you

13:41

know what sometimes sensible

13:43

shoes are what you need

13:45

you would buy compact SUV

13:47

when you could buy a

13:49

paddling pool to fill the smarties

13:52

and fudge lumps you must be off

13:54

your rocker to carry after you

13:56

get car cloud a clown cow like me

13:58

in Casper never a dull when

14:00

you're off-road on the square wheels. A clown

14:03

car does not suit my

14:05

personality like a scooter does. May I

14:07

make my final choice? Yes

14:10

of course but not before I've had a

14:12

guess what it might be. It's your final

14:14

choice a day out

14:16

with your bestest friend forever having

14:18

a puppy cuddling session at the

14:21

dog town then on to TGI

14:23

Fridays for some Tex-Mex and bubblegum

14:25

slush puppy. I would

14:28

never do that and besides I have

14:30

no interest in a bestest forever

14:32

friend they only end up hurting

14:34

you. No my final

14:36

choice is to have an extra

14:38

day of fitness conditioning for the

14:40

squad every week. But

14:42

that would mean we would lose our day

14:45

off every week. I wouldn't be able to

14:47

take Casper to the barrier shop for a

14:49

try on a laughter session or take him

14:51

to Liverpool for a lunchtime

14:53

piss up. Pardon my Portuguese a

14:56

band tag. Actually the

14:58

more I think about it the more appealing

15:00

the idea becomes. Let's do

15:02

it. Let's have an extra day

15:04

training I'll leave it to you to inform

15:06

the staff and players. I will Jamie Bach

15:09

hunt. Yes Bo Hunt.

15:11

Yes it's a good idea. It's

15:13

a good idea we could play

15:15

a game at the end of

15:17

this session. Now I must go

15:19

and buy myself some arm oil

15:21

before the lubricant shop shuts. Goodbye.

15:23

Thank you Eric Pan tag. Join

15:25

me next week when my special

15:27

guest will be choosing their three

15:29

best things. Number one is

15:32

the keeper. Number

15:34

two is when you sit

15:36

down. And number three is

15:39

me three favorite things. What

15:42

do you think of it Andy? That's excellent.

15:44

I really enjoyed that. Very good.

15:46

That reminded me one of the highlights of the

15:48

holiday was when we went to a

15:51

cat shelter for people to go

15:53

and adopt cats or you could just go and visit

15:55

them and have a look and get in

15:57

the big caged area with them and just hang out with

16:00

the cats. Oh wow. There were some strokes and that

16:02

and tickles and things like that. That

16:04

was lovely. There was a kitten area. There was a kitten,

16:06

I'm gonna use the word cage but it was you know

16:08

big enough for them that exist comfortably. They

16:10

weren't, they weren't, they were trapped or anything

16:13

like that. There's the kitten cage, that

16:15

was lovely, and there was the adult cat cage

16:17

and one or two of them were incredibly violent.

16:20

So I got, I got scratched by one of them

16:22

but it was nice. That

16:24

sounds wonderful. They're

16:27

just pretty bit cross because of the heat I think. I

16:29

don't want it to pop on in my pocket you know.

16:32

Yeah that would have just led to

16:34

all kinds of trouble. We did have, because we're

16:36

in a villa and we did have the local

16:38

cat who lived in the street

16:40

that would just come in and visit us

16:43

and I think it just did that in all the villas in the

16:45

street. She was the queen

16:47

of the street. She'd just kind of go around

16:49

from door to door just going in having a

16:51

look. Yeah. Come in the villa, go upstairs, just

16:54

to help myself. That was good. She started

16:56

out a good life, hadn't she? Yeah definitely.

16:58

Hey do you fancy a quick game of

17:01

Binetorn TV Master Tennis? Binetorn

17:04

TV Master Tennis, is that where you got to

17:07

block the ball? Yeah.

17:09

Oh yeah go on. There's the two blocks and the

17:11

two sticks and the ball. You got your controller there

17:13

I sent you. Is that on my screen now? Yeah.

17:16

All right gotcha. I'll put you here. Here

17:18

we go. Oh

17:30

you fucker. Did I beat you? I'm not

17:33

playing that again. No. No. I

17:37

thought that was the other side. So you lost didn't

17:40

you? Yeah. I can't

17:42

believe that. We should play that. We should

17:44

play that again hadn't we? We're

17:46

in for the next time. Oh do you have another

17:49

game now? The quick one. All right. Yeah.

17:51

So I'm on the right here. Easy.

18:03

Easy. What? Did

18:07

you say I'm on the right at the beginning? Yeah.

18:11

You're on the left? Was that? Are

18:13

you still fucking beaters? Hey,

18:16

you shouldn't be swearing in this environment. I

18:20

know I do but you should know better Andy.

18:22

You really should. I'm

18:30

Delon Grant. And I'm Francesca Ramsey and

18:32

together we host the podcast Let Me Fix

18:34

It. Each week we explore something from the

18:36

past and then we pitch out a fix it for

18:38

today. But forget about the past. Let's talk

18:40

about the new show of the moment. Delon, did

18:42

you get a chance to watch the new Queenie

18:44

trailer I sent you? How dare you send

18:47

me this amazing show that took me back

18:49

to every messy breakup I've ever had. Thank

18:51

God I had you through my 20s. Now

18:54

you could not pay me to go back and

18:56

relive those days but thankfully we will be living

18:58

as Queenie navigates her messy 20s. The new

19:00

series Queenie is now streaming on Hulu. Hey,

19:04

I'm Ryan Reynolds. Recently, I asked Mint

19:07

Mobile's legal team if big wireless companies

19:09

are allowed to raise prices due to

19:11

inflation. They said yes. And then when

19:13

I asked if raising prices technically violates

19:15

those onerous two-year contracts, they said, what

19:17

the f*** are you talking about, you

19:19

insane Hollywood a*****e? So to recap, we're

19:21

cutting the price of Mint Unlimited from $30 a month to

19:23

just $15 a month. Give

19:26

it a try at mintmobile.com/switch. I've got a new script

19:28

Andy. $45 up front for three months plus taxes and fees.

19:31

Promote for new customers for limited time. Unlimited more than 40 gigabytes

19:33

per month. Mint Unlimited slows. From

19:46

the upcoming JorDy Heat series on

19:48

Netflix. I'll

19:51

read the script if you can give me a hand as

19:53

best as I can. Let's do it. JorDy

19:57

Heat crime

20:01

on the time hot

20:04

Jordy nights Jordy

20:07

streets full

20:09

of crime Jordy

20:12

heats interior

20:19

Jordy squad hitch cue

20:22

they've got a new one narrator this week PC

20:24

Denise Welch is sat alone by the phone eating

20:27

a chicken Bulti

20:38

chief inspector Eddie Howe enters with a

20:40

young lad by his side the young

20:42

lad is watching something intently on his

20:44

phone Denise hello

20:47

boss who's this little scallywag

20:49

you've got there he looks

20:52

a right little bastard yeah

20:55

his name is Anthony Gordon and

20:57

yes he looks incredibly fucking unpleasant

20:59

doesn't he but he's volunteered to

21:02

be a community faking constable so

21:04

I'm not gonna look like gift-orsing

21:06

the fact in face blimey

21:09

though a horse would be much easier

21:11

on the eye only joke in Sunyas

21:13

look lovely Anthony

21:15

answers his phone it's a

21:18

FaceTime call from Trent Alexander

21:20

Arnold you

21:47

see your naked boy all he's trying to

21:50

laughter me partly brother you see your naked

21:52

mom you're as bad as your mom she

21:54

was a push yeah Oh,

22:00

oh, oh, son. End

22:02

of fucking call. This is

22:04

an emergency service. No fucking

22:07

football, Terrace. Well,

22:09

I've got to go to it. See you later.

22:11

Yeah, see you, Gajo. At

22:13

that moment, Chief Constable Amanda Stable

22:15

enters the room. She's wearing a

22:18

figure-hugging sequined evening dress. Oh,

22:20

my word. Who's this

22:22

little ruffian? He looks incredibly

22:25

unpleasant. I bet he's been

22:27

arrested. Am I right? No,

22:31

Amanda Piree. This is our latest

22:33

volunteer recruit, Anthony Golden. It's his

22:35

first fucking day on the fucking

22:38

job. Aye, girl. Call

22:41

me Amanda, baby. And I don't mean

22:43

maybe. Bet you've never had

22:45

a boss like me. Am I right?

22:49

The phone rings. The phone

22:51

rings. Denise answers. Hello, Jody Heat,

22:53

emergency hotline. Who am I speaking

22:56

to, please? How's Mr.

22:58

Sting from the massive outfit, the massive

23:00

gates and the massive drive and the

23:03

massive head of giant rabbits? Oh,

23:06

hello, Mr. Sting. So, what's the nature

23:08

of your emergency, sweetheart? Guess. No,

23:11

I can't do that, Mr. Sting. It's not

23:13

a chat line. If you don't guess, then

23:15

I won't tell you. Okay.

23:19

Is somebody hurting themselves? No, don't be jot

23:21

your miles off. Is something on fire?

23:24

No, duh duh.

23:26

No, wrong answer. No, not

23:29

at all. That was worse

23:31

than your first guess. And your first guess

23:33

was worse than war. What

23:37

the fuck are you going on, Denise? It's Mr. Sting. He

23:39

wants me to guess what his emergency is. Pass

23:46

the phone here or I'll tell him to go

23:48

and fuck himself with a bank. Pass

23:54

the phone here or I'll tell him to

23:56

go and fuck himself with a banking train.

24:02

No, hold on. No, this

24:04

is fun. I'd like a guess. Is

24:07

there an intruder in the house? Ask him.

24:09

Am I right? Denise,

24:13

is there an intruder in your house, Petlam?

24:17

Duh, duh. No chance.

24:19

That's a chic guess.

24:21

Whoever suggested this must have

24:23

a very misshapen mind or very

24:26

tight shoes. Next guess

24:28

please. Signoreina. Anthony.

24:33

Oh, that's me. Ozzy,

24:35

drop this superwatch into a big

24:37

pan of spag ball. Sir,

24:40

Mr Sting, have you dropped your

24:42

superwatch into a pan of spag

24:44

ball, Henny? He's the correct answer.

24:47

Wow. You took your time though. Not

24:49

very good detectives. And if

24:51

you ask me, and I am the main

24:54

man, please send round squad cars forensics and

24:56

the special suits and the yellow tape. Oh,

24:58

this is a chicken belly and a life

25:00

putting on the way. Good

25:03

distinction, kitchen. Eddie, Anthony and

25:05

Sue upstairs there. And they're

25:07

by the cuckoo with Sting.

25:11

Everybody in the world says I

25:14

make the most superb of

25:16

all times spag ball. I

25:19

once served it to the Sultan of

25:22

Arabia and he didn't stop crying for

25:24

all week. So, who's

25:26

this unpleasant looking lad? Is he

25:28

a plumber or a welder come

25:30

to dig out the plasma and

25:32

space energy superwatch? He's had

25:34

the infacting recruit. It was him

25:36

who guessed what the fact of the emergency was. I

25:39

like that. I'll fetch you what's for you,

25:41

I don't worry, skipper. Smart

25:44

as is it? Well, he won't

25:46

seem so clever when his hand

25:48

evaporates in the super hot spag

25:50

ball. He hasn't even read any

25:52

plasma clubs. What a common length

25:54

of cloth. Anthony

25:56

takes the spag ball off the hob, tops

25:59

up the pan. He pans with cold water

26:01

and pours it down the sink. He picks out

26:03

the super watch and cleans it with some kitchen

26:05

towel. There you go, lah, it's

26:07

good as new. So nice watch, you should

26:09

be more careful with it. I don't need

26:11

advice from you, you're just f***ing hoes.

26:14

How come you knew what happened

26:16

anyway? I was watching your wife's

26:19

live pilates stream up me food and I

26:21

heard you shout through to her, I'll

26:23

drop my f***ing space watch in the

26:25

back, bro. So yeah, it's

26:27

off with all the science. Oh,

26:30

what do you mean by live

26:32

pilates stream? Well

26:34

my mother's watching, she's really a

26:37

lot of business. Yes she is,

26:39

though she definitely looks older than

26:41

me. Everyone in the world says that.

26:43

Well, f*** you all, I would

26:45

be lost without my super watch, cos it

26:47

can tell the time in over a thousand

26:50

galaxies. Right, well if

26:52

that's all, we wish you all

26:54

the very f***ing best in

26:56

your future endeavours and have a

26:58

very f***ing pleasant evening. Oh

27:01

hold on, just one more thing. This

27:03

Holingson has given me an idea

27:05

past song. I insist

27:08

you all give it a listen. By

27:10

a way squire who don't f***ing

27:12

mind us and our f***ing priorities.

27:15

I am, here goes. Mr

27:17

Sting, that is the thing, he cooked

27:20

his bag of boll and Mr Sting,

27:22

cos he's the king, it was wanted

27:24

by one and all. Close

27:26

up, Anthony's fingernail scratching deep into

27:28

his thigh. But distracted

27:30

by a useless fly, he flapped his

27:32

hand and lo! His

27:34

watch fell off into the boiling

27:37

broth. Eight, seven, uncle Lincoln

27:39

and snow! Jody

27:44

Heat. That's

27:50

the end of the script, nice song Sting.

27:53

High quality, another high quality episode. I

27:55

have to read this sponsor thing

27:57

out at this point. Lucky duck. I

28:00

thought I go parsnips is delighted to announce

28:02

that we're teaming up with Infinity Rocket Plastics

28:05

and our listeners can now exclusively get an

28:07

instant same day valuation. With

28:09

absolutely no catchers, no small print and

28:11

no questions asked, just visit the website

28:13

now or better still download and use

28:15

the app and you'll get your instant

28:17

valuation in seconds or maybe even earlier.

28:20

Valuations are not guaranteed and can fluctuate. Instant

28:22

valuation could take 48 hours to arrive and

28:24

may not be valid at any time. Your

28:26

personal data will be harvested by Infinity Rocket

28:28

Plastics and many other anonymous organisations. Teas and

28:30

C's apply. Who is

28:32

the company? I'm genuinely, I didn't hear the beginning

28:35

of it. We're just teaming up with Infinity Rocket

28:37

Plastics, it's through them. Are you

28:40

sure that's a good idea? You know

28:42

Moose is man's really

28:44

bent. He said it

28:47

was legit. I asked him, he said it was

28:49

legit. So yeah, there it is. We'll

28:51

see how that works out. We'll see how it works out

28:53

for them. Let's see if we ever get paid. I was,

28:56

I've been up Edinburgh a couple of times this month. I'd

28:58

like to see the funny people. During the

29:00

funny, the funny people at the fringe. And

29:03

there's some of the venues, this

29:05

is really good. They keep back a

29:07

small amount of tickets, even from

29:09

the sold out shows. Yeah. So even if it's sold out,

29:11

you can go along and wait in a separate queue. Right.

29:14

I'd turn up on the day and it's like pay what

29:16

you want. So even if you're a bit skint, you can

29:18

go and just pay whatever you think

29:20

it's worth. Yeah, it's inclusive, isn't it? So

29:22

I was in the pay what you want

29:25

queue for, um, you know, Liam Casserole. He

29:27

does all the topical stuff. I like the

29:29

topical stuff. Really good. So anyway,

29:32

I'm in the queue and I could feel someone standing

29:34

right up close behind me and

29:37

whoever it was, I brushed against me. You know,

29:39

someone's imposing your physical space a little bit and they're

29:41

too close. Yeah, drunk probably. It's like that. But I

29:43

do want to turn around and make a scene. I

29:45

thought they'll realise what they're doing. They'll move back. But

29:48

no, they didn't. And I just heard this

29:50

voice. Soon you, it's fucking Corbin, Jeremy

29:54

Corbyn, the Edinburgh festival. It's

29:56

a senior, they're queuing for

29:58

free comedy. a cheapskate

30:00

laughs a lot I

30:04

says not it's not free you appear what

30:06

you want hmm it's just a different

30:08

cue says whatever and then he just walked in front

30:10

of me right and took me the place in front

30:12

of me in the queue I

30:15

says hey you've pushed in you've pushed in there says

30:17

no I didn't he had he

30:21

says what's your best laugh best

30:25

laugh I don't know what he meant I thought he'd

30:27

say what's your best push in but best laugh yeah

30:30

I thought he meant longest most laughs

30:32

yeah one show I don't know so

30:34

I says what you mean it's decibels

30:36

you tit all right I

30:39

said I don't know 89 is that is that

30:41

high I think that's an amount in it it's

30:45

an amount says 89 just wanna

30:47

shut up he says ha ask

30:49

me mind go on ask me so

30:52

what's your best laugh Jeremy label

30:55

leadership election 2015 when I batten all

30:58

those fucking bedwitters and

31:00

then he stretched his

31:03

legs like really wide apart with

31:05

his feet as far apart as it you get

31:07

them you know like a downward facing V almost

31:10

just in front of me says what are you doing he

31:13

says this is the internationally recognized symbol for keeping a

31:15

place in a queue for your best mate oh god

31:17

he's not with him is he I thought

31:20

is it fuck and then his mate turns

31:22

up stands next to him fucking

31:24

King Charles in it God he says

31:27

who's this prick then Jez and

31:33

then he says what are you doing

31:35

here your majesty your majesty

31:37

like that yeah yeah he's

31:39

not just having a look round thinking to

31:42

start my own comedy festival all around the

31:44

city what I call it the Edinburgh squiff

31:47

what's a squiff it's

31:49

the haircut Elvis Presley used to have means

31:52

a quiff oh right I've got

31:55

you know what he's got

31:57

fringe and quiff I've

32:01

got you. I says look you've just described

32:03

the Edinburgh Fringe. It's an established

32:05

festival. You can't go around nicking Festival

32:07

formats. This is how you do

32:10

the fuck. I like sunshine. I'm the fucking king now

32:12

One phone call from me half an hour from

32:15

now. You'll have a Chinese burn on each of

32:17

your wrists fucking try me I

32:19

hope you didn't I didn't I just I just

32:21

saw a shrunk I visibly shrunk Yeah, like a

32:23

little mouse man and then

32:26

the venue staff member started letting

32:28

people in and Anyway,

32:30

they were the last two to get in in front

32:32

of me. You miss Liam Casserole. So I didn't didn't

32:34

even get into C. Liam Casserole Oh dear.

32:37

Well, I'm sorry to hear that. That's such a sad tale. Well

32:41

That's what can happen. It's not often you

32:43

meet a monarch in a queue. No,

32:46

well, I suppose it's a story, you know,

32:48

it's an anecdote Well,

32:53

that's another couple of questions from

32:56

the From

32:58

the the parsnip. There's a couple here. I

33:00

saw one which was are you aware of

33:02

the thermo mix? Pisses the

33:04

air fryer into a cocked hat apparently.

33:06

I know some Polish lads who swear

33:08

by them but costs 1500

33:11

quid on the Amazon No,

33:14

I mean Not aware

33:17

Research I've looked I have looked it up. It

33:20

does look it's a real thing. It chops

33:23

fries great Steams

33:25

grills But doesn't look a

33:27

very big unit. I mean you are I don't think you're

33:30

gonna get a chicken in there Yeah, like a Swiss army

33:32

knife of Of cooking.

33:34

Yeah, it's and there's no

33:36

thermal mix. Yeah, and you can only buy

33:38

it off a Representative

33:41

like there might be one in your account

33:43

in your county true Like

33:46

a licensed retailer You

33:48

know just someone from the home and if you buy off them, it's

33:51

1200 quid Is that

33:53

dangerous? No, I think it's because it's the

33:55

until people buy them obviously and then put

33:57

them on to Amazon straight away for like

33:59

15-16 1600 quid

34:01

right. I tell you knows it really well

34:03

is that waiter, you know from slaughters, right?

34:05

Yeah, I think he's on the website Yeah,

34:08

there is a click this button and he says what

34:10

that water does. I don't know click it skills job

34:14

door fucking turbo pretty

34:17

clean blend fucking

34:20

egg boiler cat bastard

34:23

warm-up thickening rice

34:25

copper foot and

34:28

fermentation slow

34:30

cook so speed

34:33

peeler creating fucking

34:35

slice Yeah

34:38

There you go It's

34:41

a lovely frandy bison You

34:44

know for any Interested vendor,

34:46

you know, it's got to bring them in.

34:48

I like it. I look at this small

34:50

though, isn't it? It's a bit too small,

34:52

you know, like it sounds like a vicious

34:54

excellent But it's too small if he says

34:57

it says it can peel spuds perfectly,

34:59

right? But how many spuds are you

35:01

gonna get in there to know I'm

35:03

suspicious of that I'd have to see

35:05

one in the flesh. But yeah, I'm

35:07

gonna question from Brad back in

35:09

any yeah Can Mark Lawrence and

35:11

do his top ten cheeses? Can

35:14

he so I said I said it off. He

35:16

sent me back. No, that's nice of him. We'll

35:18

play that see what he says And

35:22

like Lauren said days of my top

35:24

ten cheese some

35:27

ten brie number

35:29

nine any German cheese number

35:32

eight gorgonzola number

35:35

seven American square slice

35:37

cheese six

35:40

goats cheese Preferably not

35:42

from a goat number five.

35:44

Hello me before

35:46

laughing cow full fat

35:48

doctor slimmers version number

35:52

three cheddar stronger the better

35:55

the button Premier learn any

35:58

change you can pipe out of it. Shave straight

36:00

into your mouth as it hits

36:02

with yours truly. Our

36:04

number one favourite cheese baby

36:06

bell. Oh

36:09

Mark. There we go. I mean I

36:11

was thinking

36:13

about baby bell talking to my wife

36:15

about the other night watching the

36:17

telly. Does it taste of anything? No

36:21

it tastes of nothing. It's just a

36:23

texture. It's like starter cheese for your

36:25

kids. Is that the idea? I think

36:28

so that's what I did with my kids yeah they got in a

36:30

baby bell. It's got an element of a

36:32

puzzle as well because they've got to obviously get the

36:34

wax off at first. Yeah. You

36:36

teach them to get the wax off because it

36:38

then teaches them boundaries I think. Me and the

36:40

wife were getting a bit annoyed with it for

36:42

being so shit but actually I hear what you

36:45

say for starter cheese. Yeah. Not a bad idea.

36:47

It's not for people with DNA age like us.

36:49

Yeah. It's for the

36:51

youngsters. Right well I

36:53

think that's probably about it for this

36:55

one. Thank you parsnippers and sorry we've

36:57

been away for so long. I hope

36:59

you've enjoyed it. See you next time.

37:01

Yeah thank you very much and goodbye.

37:04

Some people

37:06

just know

37:09

the best rate for

37:12

you is a rate

37:14

based on you with

37:24

all state.

37:30

Not a rate based on Terry who keeps and

37:33

makes the car behind them. Oh

37:36

no they're about to save

37:40

with drive-wise in the all-state app and only

37:42

pay a rate based on you. Not available

37:44

in every state subject to terms and conditions

37:46

rating factors and savings vary and in some

37:48

states your rate could increase with high-risk driving.

37:50

Allstate Fire and Casualty Insurance Company in affiliates

37:52

Northbrook Illinois