0:00

This is the authentic sex

0:02

podcast and real life conversations about

0:04

sex, pleasure, and relationships. I'm

0:07

your host Juliet Palace. Welcome

0:13

to episode number one

0:16

hundred and fifty of Authentic

0:18

sex. My name is Juliet,

0:20

Allen. I'm a sexologist and

0:22

sex and relationship coach. And

0:25

today on the podcast, I

0:27

have that for the second time this

0:29

season because I just love her so much.

0:31

Winter Jade Icely. Winter

0:34

is an international teacher, writer

0:37

and facilitator in the realms of

0:39

the mystical arts, sexuality, and

0:41

dark embodiment. Holding

0:43

a deep connection with magic, winter

0:46

offers a powerful transmission of the inner

0:48

worlds and invites you to step outside

0:50

formed notions of reality into

0:52

a life of enchantment.

0:55

Ugh, I just love reading

0:57

that intro. what an amazing

0:59

woman? Winter is a friend of mine, a mentor,

1:01

just AAA downright beautiful woman.

1:05

who shares a lot of wisdom, experience,

1:08

advice, and and

1:11

concepts, different concepts with the world

1:13

that I that I adore. In

1:17

this episode of Authentic X,

1:19

we talk about how to consciously

1:21

open a relationship. This

1:23

is something that so many people come to

1:25

me and ask about and

1:28

want to explore or perhaps have

1:30

explored in their lives and haven't had

1:32

the best experience and so

1:35

I thought that winter would be a really

1:37

great person to speak into this topic

1:39

more because she has a lot of experience

1:41

and has flawarded herself and continues

1:44

to explore different ways

1:46

of opening her relationship with her

1:48

beloved Bruce. And,

1:52

yeah, I really loved this conversation. It's

1:54

not it's not what you

1:56

think it's not all about sex, which

1:58

is really great. Consciously,

1:59

there is sex stuff in there, but it's

2:02

just so much there's so much more than that and

2:04

there's so many great

2:05

tips in here for couples who

2:06

perhaps would like to open

2:08

or even for people who aren't in a relationship

2:11

who would like to join a relationship. So

2:15

I really hope you enjoyed this episode introducing

2:17

you to episode number one hundred

2:20

and fifty of Authentic sex. I

2:22

can't believe, by the way, before I

2:24

before I jump into the episode,

2:26

one hundred and fifty episodes absolutely

2:29

amazing. We I just wanted

2:31

to celebrate with you if you're listening and especially

2:34

if you're a longtime listener.

2:36

We've now had over

2:38

four million

2:40

listens of the Authentic Sex Podcast,

2:42

which is just blows my mind, four million,

2:45

over four million now. So

2:47

thank you. Thank

2:49

you for listening. Thank you for supporting

2:51

me. Thank you for leaving

2:53

reviews for sharing with friends.

2:56

You know, for me, it's not just about getting

2:58

heaps of lessons. This podcast is about

3:00

getting this work out there into the world so

3:02

that we can We can make

3:04

a difference and we can impact as

3:06

many people as possible with these

3:09

teachings and with this knowledge

3:11

and this education. So

3:15

if you love this episode or

3:17

any previous episodes of the podcast,

3:19

please share. Please please share.

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Please tag me if you share on social media.

3:24

And please go and review.

3:27

We we're now able to review

3:29

class on Spotify, which is amazing.

3:31

So thank you to those who jumped on and done

3:33

that for me. If you haven't

3:35

already, I would absolutely love it. If you

3:37

could review the podcast. Alrighty.

3:41

Over to episode one fifty

3:43

with Winter.

3:44

This episode of Authentic Sex

3:46

is sponsored by the Juliet Pleasure

3:48

One. The Juliet is a premium

3:50

crystal pleasure one designed to heighten

3:52

your sexual energy, increase

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and your orgasmic experiences and

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your true sexual essence.

4:02

You can read more and purchase your own

4:04

crystal wand by visiting my

4:06

website, WWW

4:08

dot Juliet dot

4:11

com. thank you so

4:13

much coming back on for the second time

4:16

this season. Great to be here.

4:18

Oh, no. It's great. I'm looking forward to

4:20

this convey too. I mean, I look forward to every

4:23

conversation, but some people

4:25

more than others, and I really genuinely do

4:28

feel so relaxed chatting to you. It's

4:30

like catching up with a friend, which is always

4:32

a bonus. So Here

4:34

we go again. Today, we

4:37

are speaking about opening

4:39

Relationship, and I know you have a

4:41

lot of experience in this area.

4:45

But I also know that you have a lot more to

4:47

share than what people think and a lot

4:49

a lot for us to think about, you know, for

4:51

people to think about who are perhaps

4:53

curious about opening their relationship

4:56

or their in and

4:58

navigating an open relationship or

5:01

perhaps have been in one in the past and have

5:03

not had the best experience or, you know,

5:05

all the things. Mhmm. Yeah.

5:08

So tell people a bit about you before

5:10

we start that conversation. Mhmm. They've

5:13

Yeah. Well, I'm I'm

5:15

a teacher. I facilitates the

5:18

sexual arts I also hold

5:20

the body of work with Magdalena, which is

5:22

a a body worker on the feminine mysteries.

5:23

So I do trainings

5:25

around the world. and also a teacher

5:27

of the International School of Temple Arts

5:29

and currently live and teach at Allen Temple,

5:32

which is a a Mystery School

5:34

in New Zealand. which we

5:36

deliver programs around sole initiation

5:38

and we have a community

5:40

here.

5:41

And you're a mother.

5:44

We are we I'm a mother. I

5:46

am. Yeah. I have a sixteen and a

5:48

half year old who's living here with

5:50

me at Hyden as well.

5:52

What an experience? She is gonna just

5:54

have so many stories when she's older of, like,

5:56

oh my god. You

5:58

know, I lived at this you

5:59

know, mister Steele was always listening to

6:02

because Yeah. It's so

6:03

interesting. We talked about this the other day. We were

6:06

talking about Icely, your daughter, that the same

6:08

age that, you know, for me, I would have

6:10

loved this life. where she just rolls

6:12

a rise at all. She's just so not

6:14

interested and, you know, when we've

6:16

got groups of people here and they're doing their

6:18

emotional release and they might be screaming on the

6:20

grass, you know, purging your emotions. She just got she

6:22

got off of God's sake. Like, she's just

6:24

she's so practical, and she does. She

6:26

just disregards all of it. So Yeah.

6:28

No. The Internet needs. She'll come back and pick it

6:30

up. But, yeah, she's not that keen

6:32

or interested in any of it really.

6:34

I

6:35

mean, you know, it's gonna take a very

6:37

unique sixteen

6:40

year old, I guess, to be like, wow. I

6:42

wanna get really involved. I remember when

6:44

was young guy, she was like, in a baby

6:47

shoes about thirteen, and she said, I can't

6:49

wait to do my first Easter. And

6:51

now she goes, I

6:54

did not wanna go anywhere near that tantric

6:56

stuff that you do, mom. It's so fucking weird.

6:57

But she goes, I just wish,

7:00

and I

7:00

told you this one before she goes, the best

7:02

the best one ever was. I just wish that

7:04

you worked in a surf store.

7:08

And I was like, are you serious?

7:10

shows. Yeah. I just

7:12

wish that you worked in a surf store and you

7:14

were just a normal mom and I

7:16

didn't have to deal with all this. And I'm like,

7:18

fave. I am so cool. And one day,

7:20

you I'm

7:23

the same. I'm like, I'm cool. I'm

7:25

actually crap. like, really

7:27

cool. Like, the coolest of all

7:29

cool people. I'm doing.

7:32

Yeah. Ajala wants she went into,

7:34

like, and she took all my dildos

7:36

and bought plates every sexual

7:39

paraphernalia and took it to her

7:41

her tiny house. She's got a little tiny home. and she

7:43

threw it in the bin there. She she won't do this.

7:44

right Yeah.

7:46

I found it in her bin. All my six

7:49

daughters. So she right

7:50

in my house.

7:51

Yeah. Amazing. Yeah.

7:53

She was, like, dum with the fridge. She

7:56

was, like, oh, man. So fucked

7:58

off right now. Yeah. She went into

7:59

my cup and to get that book, and then she's like, right,

8:02

we clear this out. What

8:03

did you do? I

8:06

just Yeah. After that, I just, like,

8:07

wanna keep doing that. I was just

8:10

I just found a hilarious. But she

8:12

and also, I think, courageous, like, she

8:14

went in there and Yeah. That's

8:16

what I called. out. Yeah. She

8:18

got like heart out. Yeah. Totally.

8:23

It's kinda like the opposite. Like, the

8:25

mother the daughter's being the mother, like,

8:27

the con

8:28

the mother to the daughter,

8:30

in

8:30

one of those kind

8:31

of situations where the mother files the dildo

8:34

and the daughter's bedroom, I'm like the Don't

8:36

He's the big, you little son. totally

8:39

I feel like sometimes I have the gates of a nun,

8:42

like, you know, some authority authority

8:44

from the church that's touched touching me, you know,

8:46

the touched touching me and And, you know,

8:48

it's interesting though because I think that's the that's

8:50

the cosmic joke of having children that

8:53

they -- Mhmm. -- they have to push

8:55

against everything you are in order to find themselves.

8:57

So I think it's just it's, you

8:59

know, I I have, like, the use that

9:01

she's gonna work she's gonna work in a surf

9:03

shop. Like, I'm scared about it.

9:06

Really? she might very well might. It's

9:08

like that's a beauty. She's not she

9:10

may not go down this path and --

9:12

Yeah. -- you know, such acceptance.

9:15

Yeah.

9:16

That's

9:17

Keihei acceptances.

9:20

In anything in life, but as

9:22

parents, I think -- Mhmm. -- it

9:24

helps a lot. especially in the

9:26

teenage times. Yeah.

9:28

Yeah.

9:29

They're challenging for sure. And for

9:31

them, like, it's like, I remember the

9:33

angst and trying to find out who

9:35

I was and try to push against everything that

9:37

I'd known to uncover

9:39

something else. It's it's tumultuous

9:42

than that. No

9:43

doubt. Yeah.

9:46

Okay.

9:46

Let's go into

9:48

opening Relationship. So

9:50

lots of people contact me and they

9:52

want more info about how to consciously

9:54

open that Relationship a

9:56

lot of the time actually it's people saying

9:58

like I've been in this

9:59

relationship for say ten years and I was really

10:02

young when we've met.

10:04

And now I'm thinking, like,

10:05

maybe I want to open or I wanna

10:08

I I deeply love my partner, but

10:10

I'm curious about sex with

10:13

others or, you know, there's this someone at

10:15

work and I just feel like there's this

10:17

connection there that's more than just a friendship

10:19

and I don't know what to do. And, you know, lots

10:21

of questions.

10:21

Mhmm. Mhmm. So

10:24

I

10:25

want those people to to

10:28

have an episode of this podcast where they can listen

10:30

and feel inspired. And

10:33

there's no better person to talk about it

10:35

than you. So

10:37

over to you that

10:39

to me that what you were sharing

10:42

before we started recording. Oh.

10:44

So Yeah. Well, I think the first thing I'd

10:46

like to share is that it's so

10:48

important in any partnership or relationship

10:50

to know you want to

10:52

open and what the extent of the opening

10:54

is. And when we say

10:56

open relationship, often people jump to

10:58

sex, that means we're going to have sex at

11:00

other people but I I don't

11:02

feel like that has to be as extreme as

11:04

that. There can be, there's lots of different

11:06

layers of opening a

11:09

relationship that doesn't have to involve

11:11

sexuality or

11:12

sleeping with other people or it

11:14

can. So firstly, I want to just mark

11:17

that, that opening can be

11:19

the hearts, that the your

11:21

hearts to another person more deeply

11:24

or it could be just body sharing

11:27

body encounters.

11:28

Whether that's touch What do you mean by Right.

11:31

The intimacy with touch you know, that's

11:34

non not necessarily non sexual touch

11:36

or sensual touch or there's

11:38

just there's this different layers of

11:40

opening and

11:41

And so just for it doesn't

11:43

have to be as extreme as having

11:45

sex. So I think

11:47

that for any couple and I work with a lot of

11:49

couples around this, the first thing I would

11:51

say to them is, you know, what

11:53

what is the reason for opening? Is it because

11:55

you feel like you've been, you know, you kind of

11:57

contracted around domestic life.

11:59

you want more life to move

12:02

through the relationship.

12:03

Certainly, turning it out to love

12:05

is a beautiful way to into

12:08

more deep deep love together.

12:10

It allows more life to move.

12:12

But there's many different ways

12:14

to do that. So Yeah.

12:17

So so one of the first steps could be that

12:19

conversation around, okay,

12:21

what what do we how do we want

12:23

to open? And what are the boundaries around our

12:25

opening would be the

12:26

first conversation?

12:28

ah

12:31

What was the question before that that

12:33

you said you asked couples? How

12:35

why didn't you want to open it? Was it?

12:38

Yes.

12:38

I'd like yeah. I I always wanna know

12:40

why what's the basis of it

12:42

logging to open.

12:44

Mhmm.

12:44

Yeah. That's a good one. I just wanna know

12:47

exactly where that is. because that's a good

12:49

one to be to

12:51

explore as a couple and as an

12:53

individual the wire behind

12:55

it. And I actually think just

12:57

had a memory that Nick and I

12:59

had a session with you years ago when we were

13:01

thinking of opening or maybe

13:03

I've mentioned it. And I think we these

13:05

conversations with you. So

13:08

okay.

13:10

Why why would you why do you wanna open the

13:12

relationship? And then, you know, what did you

13:14

say? Sorry. Was the

13:17

conversation that they can have together? Oh, what does

13:19

it look like? Like, what is what is

13:21

this?

13:22

Yeah. What are the boundaries of that opening?

13:24

So if there's an understanding of, like, hey, why do we

13:27

wanna not open Relationship? So

13:29

then is there some agreements around

13:31

the boundaries or the container of

13:33

that opening? and they

13:33

can tell you what it could be. Well, one

13:35

of those boundaries could be, I don't want that

13:38

we know penetrated Jade, but

13:40

they could

13:40

be exploration,

13:41

erotic exploration. or

13:44

it could be

13:44

that we just open our hearts. That's to

13:46

start with opening our hearts with other people more

13:48

deeply, bringing them into some of

13:50

the places that we only share together.

13:52

Maybe we can open that way. Maybe it's

13:55

an opening through the bodies,

13:57

so touch, and intimacy of the body that

13:59

doesn't necessarily involve sexuality.

14:01

Allen there's just

14:03

so many ways. And I think that we've it's

14:05

almost like I feel in sort

14:07

of mainstream sex and better commerce.

14:09

There's also this sort

14:10

of linear trajectory of

14:13

turn on pleasure orgasm.

14:15

And I feel the

14:16

same with open Relationship. It's like open

14:18

full steam ahead sex lots

14:21

of people, but there's so many There's a

14:23

whole spectrum of beautiful

14:25

intimacy that's available that

14:27

could actually create a like

14:29

a harmony and won't

14:31

push the the system too far

14:34

or, yeah, there's there's steps before

14:36

that that are available.

14:38

Yeah.

14:38

It's it's an important one to say

14:40

that it doesn't need to be I think people can

14:42

get really nervous when they hear or think

14:44

about or understand the idea of opening.

14:46

because instantly they can

14:48

go into, like, their nervous system can go into,

14:51

like because they have these visuals

14:53

of their partner just, like, fucking

14:55

another woman. Or they have

14:57

these visuals of of them, you

14:59

know I

15:02

don't know. being with other

15:04

people and perhaps feeling really nervous

15:06

about that in a really deeply

15:08

sexual way when it actually doesn't have

15:10

to be that. And that Like you

15:12

say, if you have these boundaries between

15:16

within the relationship, about

15:19

opening the lighting, then it can feel a

15:21

lot more,

15:22

like,

15:24

easier on the nervous system, I would

15:26

say. Yes.

15:28

Absolutely.

15:30

So so

15:32

can you give some examples

15:34

of ways that people can engage

15:37

intimately with others that aren't

15:40

necessarily

15:40

deeply sexual.

15:43

because it's just like some people

15:45

won't be able to get their head around. I know

15:47

when I was younger, I'd be like, what do you

15:49

mean?

15:49

Like, it looks like

15:51

penetration, you know, it starts with

15:54

kissing, and

15:55

then the modes come off. And

15:57

then if it's between a

15:59

man and woman, the penis sits inside

16:01

pretty quick, he

16:03

comes. Mhmm. Maybe she comes.

16:05

And

16:05

then

16:06

You know,

16:07

you get on with your day. Hold

16:09

on. So, like, let's

16:12

let's just, like, take that

16:14

out and go, okay. What are ways that

16:16

people can explore

16:18

intimacy with others when opening

16:20

a relationship or not? Either way,

16:22

you're gonna learn something here. Mhmm.

16:24

because I

16:24

have a picture of that.

16:27

I

16:28

think in a way, a lot of

16:31

the polyamorous scene and the sex scene would

16:33

say, you know, you know, people to play

16:35

with. So there's play ways to play

16:37

together

16:38

is one turn, but I think that

16:40

you

16:40

know, certainly the physical intimacy is a beautiful

16:43

way to explore where it's just whether

16:45

it's massage or, you

16:47

know, different forms of heart, short exploring

16:49

the body that doesn't have to be necessarily

16:52

genital focused or sexual, you know,

16:54

erotically focused. It

16:56

could even be you know, or

16:59

touch and loving touch,

17:01

soft touch, nourishing touch.

17:03

So touch is the way that

17:05

you can explore opening with others

17:07

and certainly the spaces around

17:09

the world now where there's

17:11

gatherings and temples or events where

17:14

that would be open available. They

17:15

could

17:16

be I mean, even belly to

17:18

belly cuddling and breathing

17:21

together and the simplicity of

17:23

just opening up the relaxation

17:25

with another. Mhmm.

17:27

I

17:27

also feel for me a big one is

17:30

loving another person. So I think that often the the

17:32

experience of the heart through

17:34

love is in monogamous partnerships

17:36

quite contained. So for I know for

17:38

my partner and I Our

17:40

opening came from that. We wanted to love others. We

17:42

didn't want the love that was between. It's

17:44

just to be locked between us. We wanted

17:47

our hearts to meet others.

17:49

So it it is

17:50

it's even just turning the heart out,

17:52

you know, and loving another

17:54

person together or separately

17:57

again, that doesn't have to be about sexuality or any

17:59

ongoing, you know,

18:01

erotic connection,

18:02

but it's around

18:05

expanding the love that you share with your partner to

18:07

someone And you

18:09

can you can also do that through

18:11

heart shareings, letting

18:12

someone in to the, you know, what what

18:14

moves in the heart. Do

18:16

you so with

18:19

that Is that something that you and

18:21

Groso have experienced? Yes.

18:24

lots of time. Yeah. Yeah. And what

18:26

does that feel like for you? And how does

18:28

that How do

18:29

you like, can you just talk a

18:31

bit more about that as in loving

18:34

others? You mean? Yeah.

18:36

Like, is it something that you

18:38

together you communicate that you're ready

18:40

to open the relationship to the

18:43

possibility of loving others. And then

18:45

do you have boundaries around that? Or, like, how does

18:47

that have a couple? How do you

18:49

navigate that?

18:49

Yeah. I suppose that that as a

18:52

couple because we're also in a a field, a

18:54

sole field, I would call it, like we we live in transformational

18:57

space. Mhmm. It it's

18:59

it's not necessarily around having a

19:01

personal connection that's ongoing with another.

19:03

That's not the love we're looking It's not like

19:05

having a a boyfriend or a girlfriend

19:07

or another partner, but it's

19:09

around, actually, yeah,

19:11

she's genuinely loving. you know,

19:13

without the conditions of that.

19:15

So, yeah, that

19:15

was definitely a big part of

19:17

our coming together. There was a part

19:19

of our I'll talk ourselves.

19:22

that found each other that on the planet for that. So

19:24

we would come together quite naturally

19:26

wanting to love basically

19:28

and and sometimes that loves

19:30

gone down into sexuality together

19:33

and apart and other times it's just

19:35

stayed just in a heart and

19:39

but yeah, I

19:41

think, yeah, the the I suppose

19:43

the the step before that would be a

19:45

willingness as a couple

19:47

to open that which you keep

19:49

just together. Is there a willingness for that?

19:51

Because if you're going to open and

19:54

starts with the heart for

19:56

me. It's not

19:56

about I mean, and some people might wanna open and

19:58

just have sex. But for me, I want

20:00

to love, so It's, yeah, around

20:02

the willingness of actually that which is that

20:04

the sacred space between

20:07

the two of you. Yeah. I've been able

20:09

to open that And to be honest, it's so beautiful,

20:11

loving together, you know, like

20:13

actually just loving

20:16

someone together. is

20:17

a beautiful experience. And then when it goes into

20:19

the body where we can be lying next to someone

20:22

and that love can be moving through the bodies --

20:24

Mhmm. -- is beautiful.

20:26

Really beautiful. I

20:28

have to interrupt this episode to let

20:31

you know that today is sponsored

20:33

by Pleasure School. Pleasure School is

20:35

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20:37

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20:39

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21:15

dot Juliet alan

21:18

dot com. That's JULIET

21:22

hyphen a double LEN

21:25

dot com. What about

21:26

the phone? Yeah.

21:28

No. Like, I

21:29

think you did. What were the

21:31

challenges

21:31

Allen you faced And what does it

21:34

bring up in you sometimes?

21:35

Often or not. Lots

21:38

of things. Yeah.

21:42

particularly when it goes for me anyway

21:44

and for him when it's gone into the

21:46

realms of sexuality. So

21:48

I can I'm really comfortable with

21:50

loving. You know, I love he

21:52

loving others. Mhmm. They were

21:54

the tricky parts of both of us when it

21:56

and and and when it goes into the sexuality

21:59

because there you

21:59

meet your I would say

22:02

animal, your animal self, the the part of

22:04

your primal experience that is

22:06

jealous and territorial

22:07

and you know,

22:10

also has a lot

22:10

of desire and fear.

22:13

So certainly going into the sexuality

22:17

arena was quite challenging at

22:19

times. And also when it was right, when

22:21

all of those when the heart lined

22:23

up, when our, you

22:25

know, the personality of person

22:27

with us are being lined up and

22:29

then the bodies lined up.

22:30

There was a relaxation. The

22:32

sexuality is quite beautiful. So

22:34

there were times also when it was beautiful, but also it

22:37

brought up the lower, you know, the

22:39

lower expirators not saying lower as

22:41

in less, but the lower centers of

22:43

our shock resistant where we're going into

22:45

emotional body and our

22:47

physical body, our animal body, yeah,

22:50

lots of activations. And

22:52

And so

22:53

for me, the most important

22:55

piece around that is

22:57

slowly vibrating open. So

23:00

unless two people are really ready and it's like

23:02

clear and yes, that's open. But

23:05

for me, if there's still tenderness around

23:07

that journey, but the journey wants to

23:09

be taken then just

23:11

slowly step by step. And the

23:13

first step for me would be inviting

23:15

someone into the love that you both

23:17

trust. you know, like

23:18

inviting one person in and then just

23:20

having

23:20

an experience and then and then

23:22

starting slowly to if it

23:25

feels true to have separate experiences,

23:27

but not, you know, not to just rush

23:29

into that to actually preserve

23:31

her safety between you and a love. and

23:34

vibrate, if that makes sense, like

23:36

vibrating to where you

23:38

want to go. And

23:40

going as slow as your smallest

23:42

parts initially is really important. Yeah.

23:44

So they come along through the journey, the

23:46

parts that are scared, or Yeah.

23:49

I see and I

23:51

guess that that's, like, consciously

23:53

choosing what's important there is

23:55

consciously choosing

23:58

to invite people in who have a

23:59

really deep respect

24:01

for

24:02

the sacredness of your relationship

24:04

as a couple first and

24:06

rather than coming in like

24:08

unconsciously.

24:09

But, you know, I think there needs to be

24:11

like this beautiful deep reverence and respect,

24:13

for example, for

24:14

you and Bruce. if you

24:16

were to invite me

24:18

in, for example, like, for

24:20

you and and that that

24:22

beautiful relationship that you two hold and the love

24:24

that you have for each other. I think that's important.

24:26

Do you?

24:27

Yep. Oh, absolutely.

24:29

Totally. And

24:32

also, the the parts of our

24:34

psyche that get

24:35

jealous or, you know,

24:37

territorial will look

24:38

for me anyway. I

24:40

call them the dwellers. They look

24:43

for any sign that's not acknowledged. So

24:45

that's also been a place I've had to watch

24:47

that part of me that can be, you know,

24:49

can undermine where we're

24:51

going. I can be super aware

24:53

of that. So I think it's so

24:55

important to have Yeah.

24:57

Being that knows your love and is

24:59

there within the love. Mhmm.

25:01

And also that on a sexual level,

25:05

one

25:05

that's open to both. Like, I really

25:08

find it

25:08

so much more if

25:11

a hole and

25:12

full when we're connecting with

25:14

someone that actually it's

25:16

not about the gender then. Mhmm.

25:18

It's about the love and

25:20

it's not about someone coming into a relationship

25:22

just to connect with him or

25:24

someone to come in just because they wanna connect with me, they

25:26

actually there's a flow of

25:30

fluidity and that really

25:32

relaxes me because then I I that part of

25:34

my dweller that's looking for anything

25:36

that's out of alignment or

25:38

you know, she just wants you. Yeah.

25:41

You Allen me that it

25:43

relaxes, that park can relax. So it's a

25:45

tricky one to find that I do

25:47

find the fluidity is really

25:50

beautiful. It opens my heart a

25:52

lot. Yeah. Yeah. I

25:54

can imagine because

25:57

I think Yeah. If Nick and I were to

25:59

open, which, you know, I

25:59

would never say never, then

26:02

if we were to invite some a

26:04

woman in, for example, who just wants

26:07

to, like, just jump on me and just fuck

26:09

him

26:09

and Jade. I'd

26:12

be lied. fine.

26:14

She's a fucking fool. And, you know,

26:16

like, why? Like like,

26:21

So I think it would be really important for

26:24

that fluidity to to

26:26

happen and that openness to

26:28

be present within that

26:30

person to forward voice of us.

26:32

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I

26:34

like that. And it's really a

26:36

beautiful experience. Like, I've had

26:38

the most exquisite experience you

26:40

know, seeing someone make love to him while looking to his eyes

26:42

and looking to her eyes or his eyes

26:45

or and I Icely

26:46

just feeling love. I've had I

26:48

mean, I've had tasted so many beautiful moments of

26:51

that and lots of moments where I

26:52

frees or

26:54

you know, I I I freak out and, you know, and

26:56

then we and then I have to voice that and

26:58

then we pause and but I think that

27:00

if there's trust and love within

27:03

the dynamic, then all of those pieces

27:05

have a chance to be spoken and and

27:07

held. Mhmm. But there is there's

27:09

there's when you actually have

27:11

a a sense of safety and love,

27:13

it's squeezer, actually. And it's only

27:14

growing my love of Bruce. I I feel

27:17

when he's in that when I'm watching him

27:19

make love to someone else, and

27:21

we're also connected. I feel the

27:24

significance of him. So, yeah,

27:26

it's it's such an exquisite

27:28

yeah, experience when it does

27:31

land. And at some time, it is worth the

27:33

journey. I do feel it's worth the

27:35

journey but I feel the journey has

27:37

to be slow and conscious if you

27:39

want all parts to come along and you

27:41

don't want to get you have too

27:44

much trauma. you know, or places it's just too

27:46

impossible. Lots of consciousness.

27:48

So running with desire doesn't always

27:50

not always a good thing.

27:52

think that's a piece. What do you mean by

27:54

that? I know what you mean by that, but

27:56

what is Yeah. Like, I've worked

27:58

with clients

27:59

who are in a polyamorous relationship

28:03

And the desire is what's leading it.

28:05

So desire is what's opening

28:08

the encounter to other people. And

28:10

in that place, it's not often love, you know, for

28:12

me, love and desire is a spectrum. And it's

28:14

not to make it wrong, but actually, that's not

28:17

always love, fear is not love desires,

28:19

not love. So in

28:21

a way when that's running, it's

28:24

there's places that won't feel

28:26

loved or held. So

28:28

sometimes it's sort of parking desire

28:30

for love is more important. You

28:32

know, and going at the pace and

28:34

of love, you know, the speed of love

28:36

Yeah. So it's bringing and

28:38

also in relationships, you can tip designs

28:40

in. That's what we do. So instead of letting

28:42

them run, and when I say run

28:44

is follow them, you know,

28:46

and take yourself away from the relationship container.

28:48

We just bring them to to each other.

28:51

I really like

28:51

to fancy this person or I had a like,

28:53

I really I got turned on

28:56

when I saw this person or and then it goes

28:58

through our relationship first before

29:00

anything is opened. That's

29:02

a

29:02

cool one. I like that.

29:05

Yeah.

29:07

So tempering desire is important if you

29:10

wanna hold love, I believe.

29:12

Yeah. Yeah. I agree. What would

29:14

you say to somebody who set

29:16

who really wants to open their relationship and they're

29:19

really curious and they're ready, but their

29:21

partner is like a big

29:23

no. Okay. How how do we

29:25

navigate this? Mhmm. because

29:27

it comes up

29:27

a lot

29:29

Yeah. I had a

29:29

client. Yeah. Yesterday around this

29:32

one. It's very

29:32

difficult and, you know,

29:36

Like, to me, that that it

29:38

does feel untenable because it is

29:40

such a Allen. It can be such

29:43

a challenging experience to

29:45

you're going to when you open, most

29:47

of us are going to experience our core

29:49

wounding -- Mhmm. --

29:50

our core fear of abandonments. or

29:52

isolation or rejection, like, they will come up. Mhmm.

29:54

I don't know. Anyone has not experienced

29:56

that. Mhmm. So that

29:59

will that's

29:59

going to come up. And if you don't feel on the

30:02

same page or you're not in the same,

30:04

you know, points

30:07

of you're not together in the

30:09

decision, then it's I think it'll

30:11

be trauma inducing actually. So and

30:13

one person will be dragged along in

30:15

a way that may not be true

30:17

to them or that which they don't give

30:19

their full consent to. So

30:21

it's difficult. I think in those situations that

30:23

I will work with, okay, what are

30:25

the boundaries where? the opening could you

30:27

know, where's the compromise of opening that could

30:30

work for both? Mhmm. So

30:32

if the opening is I wanna make love with others

30:34

and the partners like I I'm gonna

30:36

know, what would be a compromise that could support,

30:39

you know, the the shared decision

30:43

And

30:43

would there be

30:43

a compromise of that? And,

30:46

yeah, and

30:46

once again, is it about sexuality? Is

30:48

it about intimacy? What is the purpose

30:51

of opening? and wanna go back to,

30:53

okay, why? Yeah.

30:55

yeah Because I think sometimes when we

30:57

explore the why, we can realize, oh, actually,

30:59

I don't wanna open it. It was just

31:02

me. I didn't

31:02

feel like I was getting something within

31:05

the relationship that I was

31:07

desiring. You know, it could

31:08

just be simple as simple as, like,

31:11

I

31:11

don't feel

31:12

feel adored

31:14

by my partner right now. I feel like their

31:17

energy is, you know, with their work

31:19

or with the children or whatever. And I'm

31:21

feeling like I wanna feel

31:23

like

31:24

like

31:26

because

31:26

I'm actually speaking from this from experience

31:28

here, what's happened to me is, like, I wanna

31:31

feel more

31:31

desire. I wanna feel and

31:34

instead of working on that within the

31:36

Relationship, I've gone, oh, well,

31:38

I wanna open the relationship because

31:40

then I can find it somewhere else.

31:42

And that was my why. But when I realized that was

31:44

my why, I was like, oh, well,

31:46

that's being present. It's just being gotten

31:48

a little lost with life right now.

31:51

So how we bring that back in? And then

31:53

we brought it back in, and then I'm like, oh, I

31:55

don't really want to sleep with anyone else or

31:57

or even love open

31:59

my love to anyone else. I

32:02

just needed to work on that.

32:04

That's

32:05

that's not That's

32:07

a beautiful example, absolutely, of

32:10

of

32:10

those things that can be worked

32:12

on within the container.

32:14

without

32:14

having to just be okay, let's just go somewhere else. And

32:16

I think that's the the longer journey of relating

32:18

really. Let's say, how can we keep

32:21

working on what's here and And

32:23

so easy to kick and be like, okay, that's it. I'm just gonna

32:25

take it elsewhere, but rather than

32:28

actually, you know, name the needs and go

32:30

into your desires and

32:32

actually work consciously together

32:34

on having those parts met.

32:36

So that's yeah. It is

32:38

an important conversation and

32:41

And then from there, you can see

32:43

what's left if there might be some energy

32:45

stool and and that'll be Authentic,

32:47

then yeah. yeah,

32:49

rather than just doing it to fill the

32:52

void in, you

32:53

know, a relationship that perhaps needs a

32:56

little bit of work.

32:57

Yeah. Totally.

32:59

Yeah.

33:00

And I think in opening to some

33:02

of the the maybe the two questions

33:05

would be Is it for sex? Is it for sexual

33:07

experience? Or is it actually for

33:09

intimacy? Because they can often be

33:10

quite different. you

33:12

know, there's lots of swingers' clubs and there's places

33:15

to go for having sexual experiences

33:17

with strangers or, you know, or is

33:19

it actually you're wanting more

33:21

intimacy with others, which requires

33:23

it maybe more of a journey.

33:25

Mhmm. So there's two other sort of forks

33:27

in the road for open relating as well.

33:29

And I know lots of couples who

33:31

actually a really great just going to sex clubs

33:33

or sex parties and, you know, having

33:35

sex with other people and then

33:38

coming back at the end of the night and

33:40

But for me, it was more a journey of love

33:42

and intimacy that I was learning for. So

33:45

I think, again, like, understanding

33:47

why been clear and the

33:49

why is really important.

33:53

So where one

33:55

last question before we finish up.

33:58

You i'm you

34:00

you currently live in

34:01

a in an environment

34:03

where I think people

34:06

would be

34:07

more open to

34:09

this and quite

34:12

conscious and

34:14

But

34:15

but what am I trying to

34:17

say? I'm just

34:17

getting lost in all your words and just

34:20

the writing

34:21

it's amazing. Hang on. I think I

34:23

know we're going. Where? Hello?

34:25

Okay.

34:26

For somebody who isn't live

34:28

living

34:28

in, like,

34:30

the modern bloody sex school, whatever you call it, the

34:32

modern mystery school. Look. Here

34:34

we

34:34

go. Mystery school. Very

34:37

different to

34:38

sex school. Okay.

34:41

Where

34:41

can people find? Like, where

34:43

can couples? Or where can even, you know,

34:45

single people who are perhaps open

34:48

to meeting with a beautiful

34:50

couple. Where can they find each

34:52

other? Like, what are the

34:54

first steps? This

34:54

you know, I

34:55

don't necessarily think we will find it

34:57

on Tinder. Like, no

34:59

way. Yeah. No.

35:02

I really think the through of tendric,

35:04

you know, tendric workshops,

35:08

you know,

35:10

parties, temples,

35:12

you could say, there are there's

35:14

a lot out there. There's a lot of there's a

35:17

Consciously, sexual community around the world. So

35:19

I'd say in every city there would

35:21

be, you know, workshops or

35:23

spaces where there's this you

35:25

could open to this It's

35:28

certainly not mainstream, and it wouldn't be on an app. There actually,

35:31

there is an app that's coming out Oh,

35:33

it's hard to

35:35

test. It could lure Yeah.

35:37

It could lure her. Yeah. And

35:39

that's conscious Relationship. So

35:41

that's one that might be helpful,

35:43

you know, to I think that We think

35:45

that go off if that got an proplicity.

35:48

That's totally so that's really around

35:50

going beyond just the physical

35:52

meeting. Certainly,

35:54

I wanna So it's the community's

35:56

one that actually has an incredible, yeah,

35:58

thousands of people now in that community

36:00

around the

36:02

world that where

36:04

everyone's practicing different things, but there's a there's a

36:06

kind of a collectiveness around awareness of

36:10

this. And

36:12

But

36:12

here, you'd have to look for for you'd have to look. It's

36:14

not easy to find, but I again,

36:16

I think that knowing that's available and

36:19

there's other ways to Allen.

36:22

And there's and there's a there's a level of consciousness

36:24

you can connect to, knowing that's out

36:26

there, I think, would be important. Because

36:28

navigating it on your own is a

36:30

couple like, just off the

36:32

cuff is would be so challenging. Oh,

36:34

really challenging. Definitely.

36:37

And I think it's really

36:39

necessary to have someone like your self to

36:41

support couples through this -- Yeah. -- because

36:43

if it's it's a tricky

36:45

one to navigate. and

36:47

not just couples, but say, you know,

36:50

somebody who's involved with a couple

36:52

or who yeah. It's

36:54

like, get yourself support, find

36:56

somebody who like

36:57

yourself who has experienced it

37:00

themselves and who

37:02

I think they can

37:03

be, like, I actually did a

37:05

this recently, a of, let's call them, like, text

37:07

coaches or something who are giving advice

37:10

on this. and

37:12

yet haven't explored it themselves and, you know,

37:14

perhaps you read a book about polyamory

37:17

and then doing their

37:19

best to support couples to

37:21

move through, like, opening their relationship.

37:24

But I think the best people to

37:26

support that are people who experience it

37:28

themselves. No. That's not

37:30

me. So Yeah.

37:30

Support's important. And and I just have this idea. Imagine

37:34

having, like, a coach, like, an open relating

37:36

coach where you

37:38

get, like, portion of

37:40

what's based on the needs and the the

37:42

intentions on on how to open or, like, it

37:44

would be so amazing to have that

37:46

guided support

37:48

sometimes to work within the nervous system too because

37:50

it can be overwhelming, you know.

37:52

And suddenly, you're you're met with all your core

37:54

wounds and there's no one there to help

37:57

you with it. It's I mean, I've gone through

37:59

some terrible

37:59

experiences of

38:00

that where everything's

38:02

up. Everything comes up in that, you

38:04

know, that you have to face. So Yeah.

38:07

I think support's important. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

38:09

thank you so much for today. Do

38:11

you have anything else you'd like to share

38:13

with people around this topic? No.

38:16

I

38:16

I think that yeah. The only thing that is coming

38:18

in again is just to go with the pace

38:20

of love. Mhmm. So, you know,

38:22

to to better hold love if if

38:25

that's you're opening to that it doesn't

38:27

have to be any goal of having to

38:29

have sex with anyone. Mhmm. But actually,

38:31

just that there's a

38:33

a willingness to to to, you know,

38:35

to journey it. So going that pace, I I would say, which that

38:38

doesn't override anything

38:40

or anyone. And

38:41

and Yeah.

38:43

Yeah.

38:44

Where can people find you if they want

38:46

to learn more from the website

38:49

and Instagram? So my website is

38:51

winter jade dot net. And my

38:53

in Instagram is winter

38:56

jade winter underscore Jade.

38:58

And I've got another website, which is my magdalena work, which

39:00

is magdalena dot com

39:02

dot a u. Okay.

39:04

Did you change your Instagram

39:05

name recently?

39:08

I

39:09

was a six which is a while ago. It's been it's been in DJ

39:11

for a while, but yeah, I've grown up. I've

39:13

grown up. So Yeah. Okay. I'm

39:15

into my adult names

39:18

now.

39:18

I beg your names. Okay. Great.

39:20

Well, we'll put your details into

39:22

show notes too so people can

39:24

find

39:26

you.

39:26

Thanks so much for today. Beautiful. It's pleasure talking

39:28

with you. It's a pleasure. I

39:30

love you and I love everything that

39:33

you have to

39:33

share and

39:36

Good

39:37

luck with the six week training coming up.

39:38

Thank you, my love.

39:40

Before

39:40

we finish this beautiful

39:42

episode of Authentic Sex,

39:46

I just wanted to tell you about and I already have before,

39:48

and Nick has mentioned it when he was

39:50

a guest in the podcast, but I can't

39:53

talk about it enough. My partner,

39:56

Nick Nick Perry, has

39:58

he's created

39:59

this beautiful online community

40:02

for men. And I truly

40:04

believe that men

40:06

need more support

40:08

and that there is a lack in

40:10

the world of support for men. And

40:12

so Nick has created this great online community.

40:15

It's called Amplify, and it's for

40:17

men, and it's a it

40:20

offers support structure, accountability and ongoing

40:22

education. So joining

40:24

Amplify, it gives you

40:26

access to monthly group calls that

40:28

are led by Nick. It gives you

40:31

access to Q and As, connection with

40:33

an exclusive and global online community

40:35

of beautiful Consciously

40:38

men, and access to exclusive master classes led

40:40

by a wide range of guest speakers.

40:42

So this is a really beautiful

40:46

offering. It's something that I would love to if I

40:48

identified as a man. If

40:50

you feel like you have somebody in

40:52

your who

40:54

could be interested in this or you are a guy and you're just like,

40:56

wow, this sounds interesting. I would

40:58

I'm curious to learn more. You can find

41:00

out more and you can also register on

41:03

next website, which is rhythmhealth dot

41:06

com dot au, spelled RHYTHM

41:10

health. or you can

41:12

jump on over to Nick's Instagram,

41:14

which is at rhythm health.

41:16

Thank you

41:17

for listening to this episode

41:19

of Authentic Sex podcast. If you love

41:21

the show, please head on over to iTunes

41:23

and leave me a review. I

41:26

would also love it

41:28

if you share the podcast

41:30

with your friends, family,

41:32

and your Instagram followers.

41:34

Doing this together as a community, we can

41:36

make an impact and support the world to feel more sexually empowered

41:38

and free. And if you'd

41:40

like to join me for daily updates and

41:43

sex inspiration, find me

41:46

on Instagram at juliet, JULIET

41:50

underscore allen, a double Allen

41:54

You can also head on over to my website to join

41:56

Pleasure School or purchase your very

41:58

own Juliet crystal

41:59

pleasure 1WWW

42:03

dot Juliet, Allen

42:08

com.