0:00

Douglas is one of many who found a

0:02

new life through Seattle's Union Gospel Mission. I

0:05

was living on the streets when I heard

0:07

this guy talk about how he got clean

0:09

and sober at the mission. So

0:11

I decided to give it a try. I

0:13

could feel something working inside of me, and

0:16

I knew I was getting better. Today, my

0:18

number one goal is to stay clean and

0:20

sober. To

0:26

hear more, volunteer or donate,

0:29

visit ugm.org. Hello,

0:31

baby mamas. We

0:36

just were talking

0:38

before we even

0:40

started recording because

0:42

I had to

0:45

give Alessandra and

0:54

Bea the run down of all the things that

0:56

are occurring. All the life stuff. And I feel

0:59

like we have not recorded in a little while

1:01

because during the summertime we kind of, we

1:04

record a lot like in between. Like we'll do

1:06

two episodes and then we won't see each other

1:08

for a little while. So I'm like, where the

1:10

hell you been, girl? Girl,

1:16

where the hell you been, girl? But

1:19

on Monday, our kids start farm

1:21

camp. I know, I'm so excited.

1:24

Lincoln is not excited at all. He's

1:26

very upset about my- Isaac and Bebe are excited. And

1:29

I told Isaac to like get some TikToks

1:31

if he can of like all the kids,

1:33

like funny videos of them. I was like,

1:35

we have to do like a compilation of

1:37

them at farm camp. Did

1:41

you get her like boots for the farm? Okay,

1:45

so I'm gonna- Yeah, I thought I showed you

1:47

those cute little boots that I got her on

1:49

Amazon. I ended up buying her something on Amazon.

1:51

Yeah, they're so cute. I'll

1:54

drop off Isaac's on like Sunday night. I'll drop Isaac's

1:56

boots off because, or I guess I could just bring

1:58

that one. I got to bring Lincoln. Lincoln and Lux

2:00

and Creed, they're all going. So- Doesn't

2:02

he go back to you the next- Monday. Yeah.

2:06

Oh, okay. So we are- You'll probably-

2:09

I have to take him anyway. Yeah. So you'll

2:11

drop him off. I'll pick him up. Yeah. Me

2:14

or Elijah, because of some stuff they're going to do. They'll

2:17

have a good time. I just actually got Rio

2:19

farm boots because he loves to go down to

2:21

the farm and he- First

2:25

of all, why are the ducks running everywhere? Can

2:28

you imagine just looking out your window and

2:30

you just see ducks flying or like just

2:33

wailing out? Yeah. This is the

2:35

tail life right now. What's going on? I got him these

2:37

little tiny little farm boots. I'll take a

2:39

picture of them, but they're just so cute because they're

2:41

still little. Yeah. It's like baby

2:43

crocs. I have a thing about baby crocs. Like

2:45

every time I see baby crocs, I immediately want

2:47

to have a baby. Like I'm like, I just

2:49

want to have a fucking infant to put these

2:51

crocs on them. Like it is so cute. So

2:53

have you seen the little animal ones? If

2:56

you go on Shein when me and Bibi

2:58

really wanted a hamster and

3:01

I swear I went down to a

3:03

fucking like a rabbit hole of Shein.

3:05

They have a whole bunch of stuff

3:07

for hamsters, like play sets for them,

3:10

like cages. They have little crocs, like

3:12

little stuff you can dress them up in. They

3:14

have little crocs for them. No,

3:16

they're crocs. Hamsters. I swear to God. Okay.

3:19

Oh, he's like, you have to go down the hamster hole

3:21

on Shein. This is what made me want to get a

3:23

hamster because I was like, all these things I can buy

3:25

them like, oh my God, even

3:27

like little exercise equipment and stuff. Like it

3:29

is so cute. They have

3:32

little couches for them, everything. What

3:34

in the world? Are they like,

3:36

I hope this doesn't come off rude, but

3:38

like are hamsters like smart? Like do they

3:41

do stuff? Not really. No,

3:43

all they do is like, I remember when I

3:45

had a hamster, all he did was just kind

3:47

of like run on that little wheel all the

3:49

time. But it was really smart. Like they're just

3:51

kind of there. They're not really. I

3:54

mean, I don't know. I could be wrong, but I had mine for

3:56

a pretty long time and I was young, but they're

3:58

just very active. Like they're so. active they

4:00

have to be doing shit all the time and I

4:02

told BDL like hamster they're not just like little pets

4:05

you can cuddle with and like that's it I'm like

4:07

this hamster even if you hold it in your hand

4:09

he's gonna be like trying to hop off of your

4:11

hand like they're very active they're not animals that just

4:13

sit still I think um I've

4:16

heard good things about guinea pigs like if you're

4:18

looking for like a yeah onion like guinea pig

4:20

like I know people who were like raise them

4:22

you know what I mean yeah I don't know

4:24

anything about like rodent pets you know

4:27

what I mean like I don't have yeah experience

4:29

I might have to look into like a guinea

4:31

pig for her if she's looking for someone a

4:33

little more calm but like hamsters and what are

4:35

those ferrets are like insane like I remember my

4:38

sister's ex-boyfriend like her high school sweetheart basically like

4:41

we would go to his house and I remember I

4:43

would go chill downstairs in the basement and his mom

4:45

had like 15 ferrets like just running feral in the

4:47

basement like that was like their house like that's where

4:49

they lived so I would just

4:52

go downstairs and chill with the ferrets but

4:54

they were wild like they were insane to

4:56

keep up with it. Wait but did they

4:58

stink? Yeah they stink they smell so

5:00

bad. She had them running around but can you litter train

5:02

them? Yeah like they had litters

5:04

and stuff but they just smell so bad and there's

5:07

so many of them so it's like of course you're

5:09

gonna smell it you know but

5:11

it was just weird. I

5:13

wonder what causes people to

5:15

be obsessed with like certain

5:18

creatures like I just feel like

5:20

a ferret obsession feels very weird

5:22

to me. Well

5:24

I think it's kind of like the thing with you with the

5:26

ducks like I think if you start with one maybe

5:29

people like end up just getting more and more

5:31

because they do have personalities too like they're kind

5:33

of funny like they were really cute and funny

5:36

but they're just like they're just like wild like

5:38

they're and they're so fast like it's just so

5:40

I think maybe that like their personalities and maybe

5:42

just having them in groups makes it funnier

5:45

or like just easier for them to get along. I

5:47

don't know that's what I think but they were

5:49

they were hilarious but the hamsters are just very

5:51

like you can't really do much with them you

5:53

know. Yeah like I feel like a

5:56

ferret at least has like a person not

5:58

yeah I don't want to offend any hamster.

6:00

love her. But I feel like

6:02

I've heard that they have personalities.

6:05

I just feel like I've read

6:07

the co-worker by Frieda McFadden and

6:09

the woman Dawn Schiff. She's obsessed

6:11

with turtles. She

6:14

knows every weird fact about turtles

6:16

and they're cool, right? We

6:18

love them, but like, and

6:21

obsessed turtles. No, I can't. Like what

6:23

do they do? I don't

6:25

know. I need to have some type of animal

6:27

that I can actually like

6:30

interact with and it's kind of fun for me. You

6:32

know, like I need to have some type of person.

6:34

That's why I love dogs. Like I'm not much of

6:37

a cat person, but they do have personality too. Like

6:39

I find it funny. Like cats are hilarious to me.

6:41

I get it. But like a

6:43

hamster was not really, I don't know. I don't, I

6:45

don't remember much. I remember I had a hamster named

6:47

Zippity when I was little and that was like my

6:49

baby. You couldn't tell me nothing about him. That was

6:52

my baby. And my dad would carry him in his

6:54

pocket. Like he used to always wear like his button

6:56

up shirts and he, wherever we would

6:58

go, like he would bring Zippity with us. Like

7:00

Zippity was like a member of the family. But

7:04

I remember him always just jumping out

7:06

and like always wanting to be like

7:08

on the go. Like he was just

7:10

very insane. And y'all didn't lose him?

7:14

No, he actually died of old age. We

7:16

had him for a very long time. Oh,

7:18

well that's good. Like he wasn't really sick or

7:20

anything. Like I think he really was just old.

7:24

Yeah, I think that lifespans aren't very long. You

7:26

know what I mean? No, exactly.

7:28

Well. But

7:30

I, I texted Kayle yesterday and I was like, no, I texted

7:32

you like two days ago and you like didn't even text me

7:35

back. And I was like, fuck. I was having a mental breakdown.

7:37

It's fine. I was saying. A

7:40

mentee bee. When people don't text me back,

7:43

I'm immediately like, fuck, like they hate me.

7:45

Like I, Oh no. I was just, my

7:48

mind was in another universe trying

7:50

to prepare for yesterday. And so I was

7:52

just like not in the right state of

7:54

mind, but so I don't know. Like I

7:56

want to see the, the

7:58

goats. So. So, when

8:00

we went and picked them up, he

8:03

just casually... Did I tell you that

8:05

he just casually mentioned in the conversation

8:07

that the balls will fall off? Did

8:10

I tell you that? No, you did not tell me that. So,

8:13

like, texted me about it today when you actually texted me

8:15

back from when I... So I texted you, asked me if

8:17

I could see the goats, and Kayle just texted me back

8:19

this morning, was like, I did not see this, but we're

8:21

waiting for their balls to fall off. And I didn't... I

8:24

was like halfway in and out of sleep, so I

8:26

didn't want to question anything. I'm like, I'm not even

8:29

gonna fucking ask what the fuck she's talking about. Also,

8:32

okay, like, my guy's name is Jacob,

8:34

and he, like, helps take care of

8:37

his parents' farm, and they're, they're, like,

8:39

nationally recognized for their goats or whatever.

8:42

So he didn't tell me this when I first

8:44

went to go pick out the goats. So, like,

8:46

this was never a topic of conversation. So when

8:49

we went to go pick them up, he

8:52

just, like, sprinkled it in there, like, a little razzle

8:54

dazzle. And I said, wait, what did you say? And

8:56

it was so cool, Common Collected, and he was like,

8:58

so their balls are banded, and they'll probably fall off.

9:01

And then they might be a little uncomfortable until they

9:03

fall off. And then, and then this is the grain

9:05

that they eat, as if it was

9:07

a regular, like, I was supposed to know this,

9:09

right? So I'm like, I don't know, like, listen,

9:11

I'm a first time goat owner, like, I don't

9:14

know what the, what the fuck you mean? Like,

9:16

excuse me, I said, you, you need to run

9:18

that back for me. I said, what is going

9:20

on? And he was like, they're weathered males. So

9:22

we banned their balls, and they'll fall off. And

9:24

they said, are the chickens gonna eat them? And

9:27

he said, they probably will. What? I

9:31

have so many, like, I have so many

9:33

questions for how do their balls just fall

9:35

off? Like, what is, what does that even

9:37

look like? What? Have

9:40

you? I'm so confused.

9:42

I had no, I literally had no idea this was

9:44

a thing either. Like, I don't, I've never heard of

9:46

it. How would anyone know this?

9:48

So I guess they tie them when they're born,

9:50

that if you want, like, a weathered male, which

9:53

is like a castrated male, or like a fixed

9:55

male, I don't want to read them. I have

9:57

no interest in reading. So

10:00

they banned them so that it's like it's kind

10:02

of like a skin tag. Like if you have

10:04

a skin tag or like something on your skin

10:06

that you like twist and you like make it

10:08

die and then it falls off. I've

10:11

never done it because I'm afraid of the pain, but

10:13

that's essentially the same concept. So they ban the balls

10:15

at the like on top

10:17

of the sack and then they're uncomfortable.

10:19

He's like, they're gonna be uncomfortable for a little

10:21

while, but then they'll fall off and everything will

10:23

be fine. So I was like, oh wow.

10:25

So he's like, you might see them in the yard, just like

10:28

watch your step. Like

10:30

you're like an actual ball. You're just

10:32

gonna see balls just sitting on the

10:34

ground. Like what

10:36

do I do with this? You have to record that.

10:38

Like if you find it just to please take a

10:40

picture and send it to me. I just have to

10:42

visually see what this looks like because I don't like

10:45

how big are their balls? They're big. No,

10:48

they're big. They're bigger than human balls. Like

10:50

they're big. So I'm like, they're bigger than

10:53

human balls. And I was like,

10:56

what is going on? Like what is going on?

10:58

Yeah, I swear. I, everything

11:01

I just learned about goats is like against my own

11:03

will. Like I did not want to be privy to

11:05

any of this information. Like I should know. Well,

11:08

I didn't know any of this. Like thank God you're

11:10

telling me this. Now I really don't. I

11:13

mean, I guess I wouldn't get like a male goat because

11:15

I wouldn't want to see that happen. So wait, what do

11:17

they do with the... Wait, do women... Do women... Do

11:20

women goats... Do girl goats get their

11:22

periods? I

11:25

don't know. I have all males. Dogs get their

11:27

periods, right? Like girl dogs and stuff like that.

11:29

And do cats do too, right? Cats

11:31

go into heat, but I don't know if

11:33

they... Well, it's a heat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's

11:35

kind of like their period. So do

11:37

they bleed though? Because I

11:39

would imagine that all creatures have to have

11:42

a like blood thickening in

11:44

their uterus in order to cure babies.

11:47

Yeah, especially with a female. So

11:49

I want, as like a chicken period is the egg. Yeah.

11:52

You know what I mean? So I wonder... When you go

11:54

for that because that's a really... Like are the goats going

11:56

to be running around bleeding or like do they need diapers?

11:58

Well, I have females. So I don't

12:00

have to worry about that. No, you don't have girl, any

12:02

girl. No. Well, we got to

12:04

figure out what happens to girl goats. Like,

12:07

someone has to write into us. Or yeah, you

12:09

Google it. You're always googling shit. Like... I

12:11

know. I feel like people hate when

12:14

I do that, but it's just... It's organic. That's what

12:16

happens. Okay. We should dedicate an

12:18

episode of just what stuff like go down will kill

12:20

Googles like every day and just make it tough. What's

12:22

a girl's Google history? I'm scared. Do

12:25

female goats have periods? Oh,

12:27

wow. Other people have Googled it. Most

12:30

female goats have a short ovarian cycle

12:32

of five to seven days after a

12:34

buck is introduced to them, followed by

12:36

a second ovulation, which is associated with...

12:39

Hold on, I got to click on it. Which

12:43

is associated with... And

12:45

it's loading. With

12:48

estrose. Estrose. What?

12:54

E-S-T-R-O-U-S. So

12:56

basically... They

13:00

basically do have that cycle

13:02

like we do them. Yeah,

13:04

I don't know if they bleed. Yeah. I

13:07

would imagine. Wow, so interesting.

13:09

It's probably like a cat situation. Maybe they get

13:12

in heat at some point. Maybe they

13:14

get really irritable or I don't know. I

13:17

will say that the goat farm that my goats came

13:19

from, it was from a farm of about 90 goats.

13:23

And so they weren't super, super socialized. So

13:25

they are really nice once you pick

13:27

them up. I was able to pick them up and

13:29

bring them home and stuff. But

13:32

I do go sit down there for a few minutes

13:34

a day to warm up. Every day I'm sitting down

13:36

there a little bit longer because I want them... Some

13:38

of them are like dogs. Some of them will come

13:40

up to you and act like dogs, climb on stuff.

13:43

They want treats. And so I'm trying to

13:45

socialize them more. And then another farmer texted

13:48

me yesterday and she was like, hey, you

13:50

should get this harness for the goats so

13:52

that you can socialize them more, get them

13:54

really used to interacting so that they're coming

13:56

up to us and stuff. Because I really

13:58

want to... to be able to feed them

14:00

treats and whatever, but they have actually brought

14:02

some of my chickens out of there because

14:05

my chickens don't come like a bunch of,

14:07

like the ones that you see on TikTok

14:09

and stuff. I don't

14:11

know if it's because I got the flocks at

14:13

two different times and so they have their own

14:15

little things, but my chickens have warmed up because

14:17

of the goat. I don't know if it's because

14:19

I'm down there or if it's because of the

14:21

goat. I don't know, but I'm loving this. I'm

14:23

a lot of a mix of both. They're

14:27

going to start eventually feeling like a

14:29

little family, like a little community of

14:31

them with them themselves. They

14:34

have their own lean to. It's

14:36

called like a little shelter, but every night

14:39

when I go to put the chickens up, the goats are

14:41

in the chicken coop. They're

14:43

hanging out with the chicken. I'm like, why? Why

14:45

are they in there? That's

14:48

cute. It's like maybe they keep

14:50

each other company or something. I

14:52

don't know. They all have their own little

14:54

personalities. They're going to start seeing so much

14:56

of the goats' personalities too because they get...

14:59

that's so cute. Live

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16:30

Douglas is one of many who found a

16:32

new life through Seattle's Union Gospel Mission. I

16:34

was living on the streets when I heard

16:37

this guy talk about how he got clean

16:39

and sober at the mission. So I decided

16:41

to give it a try. I could feel

16:43

something working inside of me and I knew

16:46

I was getting better. Today, my number one

16:48

goal is to stay clean and sober. And

16:51

grace will lead me

16:54

home. To hear more,

16:56

volunteer or donate, visit

16:58

ugm.org. Okay,

17:01

well let me get into a co-parenting. Yeah.

17:12

Okay. Hi

17:15

ladies, I just wanted to say I have followed

17:17

you both since Teen Mom. To this day, I

17:19

get so emotional over your story. I love the

17:21

growth and maturity you both have reached together. I

17:23

listen to B-M-N-D every week and it has given

17:25

me a different perspective on my co-parenting journey and

17:27

life in general. My bio-parents were

17:29

married throughout my childhood but both are

17:32

also step-parents. My current co-parent situation is

17:34

so hard because my own parents understood.

17:36

It takes the village and really made

17:39

it like one big family growing up.

17:41

Being quote unquote steps really wasn't a thing

17:43

for us. My ex and I have

17:46

been divorced for almost nine years and we have an

17:48

11 year old daughter. We have

17:50

both remarried but it hasn't always been smooth sailing

17:52

co-parenting with him. Dealing with a toxic

17:54

ex and an overbearing step mom is not for the weak.

17:57

For context, my daughter has been in therapy for

18:00

a while. which has helped her navigate most of

18:02

these situations that have happened over the years. From

18:04

the start, boundaries have been crossed multiple times by

18:06

stepmom. Calling slash emailing the

18:08

school, pretending to be me on

18:11

calls and my ex in emails to

18:13

get information that had already been related to my ex. This

18:15

stopped once the school became aware. Signing

18:18

her in late or signing out early and inserting

18:21

herself in medical situations, commenting on her

18:23

body or food she eats, makes fun

18:25

of her for missing points on an assignment or

18:27

her grades, which are great by

18:29

the way, like honorable, great. Things you

18:31

just don't do or say to a kid. Then

18:34

we'll proceed to brag on social media about how great of a

18:36

kid she is and how much she loves her. She

18:38

is a quote unquote don't tell your mom type adult.

18:40

Oh, I hate that. Which

18:43

is a big old red flag all on its own. I

18:45

am thankful my daughter does tell me when things happen.

18:48

When I speak to her dad about all of these

18:50

things, he says he didn't know any of that was

18:52

going on. We never really reach a

18:54

resolution on anything. How does he not know what

18:56

is happening in his own home with his own

18:58

kid? I'm not buying what he's selling, to be

19:00

honest. Then he will continue on about

19:02

his life like I never tried to address it or

19:04

my absolute favorite, turn it

19:07

around and say some random thing about something

19:09

stepdad or I said slash did six months

19:11

ago. That's not even relevant. We

19:13

have even been to court and it really didn't

19:15

get us any further ahead. Their

19:18

relationship has been very back and forth for

19:20

years, including a supposed DV situation that neither

19:22

party would admit to once the cops showed

19:24

up. About a month ago,

19:26

my ex told me he filed for a divorce and they

19:28

would be staying with his mom for the time being, which

19:31

I didn't understand because his wife has no kids of

19:33

her own. So why should my daughter have to leave

19:35

her home? But I had tried to

19:37

be supportive and pick up the slack when it came to

19:39

our daughter, picking up, dropping off, taking her items from my

19:41

house so they wouldn't have to go back for his, etc.

19:44

He reached out to me on several occasions to tell

19:46

me the things his soon to be ex-wife was doing.

19:50

Ask for advice and use me as a venting alley for various problems. She

19:53

took my daughter's items from her room, put them in her car and

19:55

refused to give them back. After

19:57

being offered a TV from another room in my house,

19:59

she took the TV from her room. from my daughter's

20:01

bedroom because quote unquote she paid for it, which I

20:03

know was a birthday gift last year. She referred to

20:05

my daughter as said child and complained

20:08

about money she has spent on her for gifts,

20:10

food and clothes over the years, which in my

20:12

opinion is sick. When you decide to

20:14

be a person who has children, you are not obligated to

20:16

buy or do anything. But if you do,

20:18

it shouldn't be held against that child when you are

20:20

mad at the bio parent for any reason. Just

20:23

leads me to believe her quote unquote love is

20:25

purely conditional. Fast forward to Sunday

20:27

pickup when my daughter got in the car, she

20:29

proceeded to tell me that they decided to work

20:31

it out and have already started going to therapy.

20:33

I call bullshit when I asked how my daughter

20:36

felt about it. She dryly said she was okay

20:38

with it and didn't really elaborate further. But

20:40

I could tell she was saying what they expected

20:42

her to say after all the conversations and venting

20:44

he has done now, quote unquote, it's

20:46

none of my business what he does, which okay, true.

20:49

But why ask me for advice or include me in

20:51

it to begin with? Then I wouldn't

20:53

have an opinion on his trash decisions. I know I

20:55

can't tell her father who to be with or what

20:57

to do with his life. I just feel like this

20:59

is affecting my daughter in a bad way. I'm just

21:01

looking for an outside opinion on how to keep mine

21:03

and my daughter's mental health in check. Sorry if this

21:05

is long and I appreciate any advice you could give.

21:09

Woof. I feel so

21:11

bad for her and

21:13

the child because I also am familiar

21:15

with something similar to this. And

21:19

once you know the inside

21:21

information about the

21:23

stepparent child dynamic,

21:26

and you understand someone bends to you, you're like

21:29

you look at it completely different and you don't

21:31

have respect for the situation. And I don't. Yeah,

21:34

there is no way to move forward. I mean, the only

21:36

thing you can do is therapy because he's gonna do what

21:38

he's gonna do. And what else

21:40

is there? Yeah, that's

21:42

what I'm thinking too. This is one of those

21:44

things where it's like you can't control the other

21:46

person's actions. You can only control how you react

21:49

to this. And I

21:51

understand it's even harder when it's like your daughter

21:53

or your child just telling you

21:57

that you can feel that they're uncomfortable with

21:59

the situation. tell this daughter does they really

22:01

want them to be together, but she's just kind of like,

22:03

well, I'm going to support dad. You

22:05

know, like, she seems like she wants to be

22:08

supportive of her father, you know, which I get

22:10

that but it's like you can tell she does

22:12

not like this. And also that would be something

22:14

that's like, if I'm privy to all this information

22:16

now, like I, of course, I'm going to feel

22:18

some type of way now even more, like I can't look

22:20

at her the same as like a loving

22:23

step parent when I know like, all

22:25

of this information about her, like even taking her

22:27

stuff from her room and all that, like, that's

22:29

just so petty to me. Like, that's just something

22:32

that has nothing to do, like, whatever problems you're

22:34

having in your relationship have nothing to do with

22:36

the child. And so

22:38

that's just hard to get around. Like, I would be, I would

22:42

be very concerned about like the daughter and how

22:44

she feels like moving forward with them

22:46

staying together and like working things out. Because surely

22:48

she knows like she you can't say you can't

22:50

sit here and say that the daughter doesn't know

22:52

about all of that. And once you hold like,

22:55

you can't get older too. Like,

22:58

kids are so smart, they catch on to so much. So even

23:00

if they're trying to hide it like in the house, I mean,

23:02

I don't know what their dynamic is

23:04

in the house. But like, she's gonna catch

23:07

on to the vibe, regardless, and she's gonna

23:09

figure out who stepmom

23:11

is, you know, like for her. Yeah, yeah.

23:14

And then that's gonna cause like, if they

23:16

do stay together, once she's like of age and

23:18

wants to leave, she's probably not going to come back.

23:20

Like, so then there's a relationship with dad, because she's

23:22

not gonna want to come home and like spend time

23:25

with you if she's there. Like, that was kind of

23:27

how I was as I got older. And I just

23:29

like, didn't really have much of relationship with my stepmother.

23:31

Like, I didn't want to go to my dad's house

23:33

on certain like I didn't want to be around her.

23:36

Like I had nothing to do with like, I

23:38

mean, over time, yeah, I realized it did have a lot to do

23:40

with my dad. But in that moment, I was like, I want to

23:42

spend time with my dad, I don't want to spend time with this

23:44

person. So then I would pull back and be like, no, I don't

23:47

want to go to dad's because if she's there, that's

23:49

taking away from my time or I just

23:51

felt like she didn't want me there. Like

23:53

I felt so unwanted there. So I didn't

23:55

want to put myself in that position. Right

23:57

as a child, I recognized that. It

24:00

alters the relationship and then dynamic

24:03

with the bio parent, right? So

24:05

like if your stepmom was there,

24:07

you couldn't have that same sort

24:09

of dynamic with your dad. And

24:12

I actually put it on our topic list a while

24:14

ago. I don't know if we ever got to it,

24:16

but it kind of leads me to the question I

24:18

put on there about like half siblings.

24:20

So if you have a bio parent that

24:22

gets remarried, so you have a step parent,

24:24

whether it be a stepdad or stepmom and

24:27

they have kids together, does anyone

24:32

that's listening to this podcast, have

24:36

they experienced their child being almost

24:38

resentful of the half sibling because

24:40

they don't like the step parent?

24:43

Because I do wonder about that. I obviously never

24:45

had experience with that, but I

24:48

have four situations and I don't

24:50

know what

24:53

the dynamics are, right? Like down to, I

24:56

try not to, outside of you,

24:58

like I try not to involve myself in hobby

25:00

more and I try not to involve myself in

25:02

Chris and Sierra. Even with how

25:04

close we are, you don't involve yourself

25:06

in like relationships or nothing. And none

25:08

of us know what's going on in

25:10

each other's homes. I do know that

25:12

like Isaac loves and respects you. Like

25:14

I do know that. So like I

25:16

don't really know how looks and creed feel.

25:18

Like I know that they like Sierra.

25:21

I don't know the inner workings of

25:23

the dynamic there. Like I don't know. And

25:25

same for like Lincoln and Lauren, like I

25:28

don't know. I only know the things

25:30

that are said to me, but nobody

25:32

says anything to me about the half siblings.

25:35

And I do wonder if anyone has had

25:37

that because if you don't like your stepmom

25:39

or your stepdad, how

25:42

do you feel about the siblings then? You think it trickles

25:44

down to the kids? I'm

25:47

going to tell you my experience

25:49

because I've had, I've had, I've experienced

25:51

this like as a child growing up

25:53

with step siblings. Whenever

25:57

I did have my issues with my stepmom,

25:59

it didn't. I was

26:01

very close with their daughters,

26:03

well my sisters, you know, like the kids that

26:05

they had together. I looked at

26:07

that little girl, like I had to protect her

26:09

if anything. Like I loved

26:12

her so much. Like I was so close with her.

26:15

I will say there were times that I

26:18

remember like if she really, if I was

26:20

really upset with her or anything, I would

26:22

kind of like pull back from my siblings.

26:25

I don't know if that was just a me thing because I'm

26:27

still kind of like that. Like I pull back in general because

26:29

I need space, but I did feel like

26:31

as a child, I didn't know how to work through

26:33

those feelings. So I would kind of not

26:36

like, I wouldn't do

26:38

anything bad to them, but I would just be

26:40

like a little more distant from them. Like it

26:42

did affect me in some ways. Like the way

26:44

I felt towards her affected the way I felt

26:46

towards my siblings sometimes. But

26:49

obviously as I grew up and got

26:51

older, I realized like that's not, that's

26:53

not their problem. So like I don't

26:55

have a close relationship with my sisters, but I never

26:58

looked at them and like now

27:00

I will never look at them or resent them or hate them

27:02

or like still some type of way. Like

27:04

if anything, I feel bad that we don't really have

27:06

a relationship now. But

27:09

I will say in that time as a child,

27:11

not knowing how to go through my emotions, I

27:13

did feel some type of way towards my siblings, like

27:16

a lot of the times. Or I would also get

27:18

jealous. I would get really jealous. Like because I was

27:20

already having that time fooled from me from, from like

27:23

the time I had when my dad was already pulled

27:25

from me. If I saw him

27:27

with them more, it would make me

27:29

jealous because I'm like, damn, why don't, why can't

27:31

I get that? You know,

27:33

but that was just

27:35

normal feelings I was going through because I already had

27:38

a tumultuous relationship with my dad. And then on

27:40

top of that, I had in a step parent who

27:42

I wasn't really, like I didn't hate the lady, but

27:44

you know, there's little things that happen that sometimes I'd

27:46

be like, oh, I can't stand her or, you know,

27:48

like things that I would hear her, my dad talk

27:50

about. And I'd be like, well, she doesn't like me.

27:52

So I don't like her. Like I don't fuck with

27:54

her or whatever. But it was

27:57

just, it's, it's really hard.

27:59

It was a hard. thing to deal with. And I

28:01

remember just being young. And I think I even told my mom

28:03

at some point, like I was just like, it's

28:05

hard for me to be at dad's when she's there.

28:08

Because I just don't feel like I can be

28:10

myself. And I feel like dad can't be himself

28:12

with me. And everything's kind of

28:14

like really guarded or like, I don't know, it

28:16

was just a different feeling that I didn't like.

28:19

It feels like a lot of

28:21

pressure, right? Like, I don't, I

28:24

don't really know. I never, I never knew

28:26

my mom without a man. So I just

28:28

knew every man was like, But

28:31

did your mom have relationships with men with kids? They

28:34

were always grown. Like my mom's one husband that

28:36

she was with for seven or eight years. He

28:39

had two sons, but they were in their

28:41

20s when I was in middle school. So

28:43

I never really had a relationship with them.

28:45

And then I think one of her fiance's,

28:48

his name was Van. He had

28:50

a son that lived in another state. So

28:52

it was like, I never, I wonder if that has

28:54

anything to do with me not dating men with children

28:56

also. I was literally about to say that that's so

28:58

funny. Cause like you say you don't date men with,

29:00

I mean, they had children, but they were like kids

29:02

that she had to raise. Like, I don't think she

29:05

wanted to do that. Yeah. Like

29:07

the one, like Van's son, he, I remember

29:09

one summer he came to like visit and

29:11

that was it. And it was not even

29:13

the full summer. I think it was like

29:15

a week, but it's really interesting. I don't,

29:18

I wish I knew what to say to

29:20

this mom. I think the mom that wrote

29:22

in, I think her name is Kay. I wonder

29:26

if this would be a situation of

29:28

like, she

29:32

said, then my ex and I have been divorced for nine

29:34

years. We have an 11 year old. 11 is

29:37

almost to the age where you can kind

29:40

of start to ask

29:44

the child where

29:46

they want to be. And not that I'm in favor

29:48

of that. Cause I'm, I'm really not. I think that

29:50

you can give more flexibility towards like what, as they

29:53

get older, like 11, 12, 13, I think there can

29:56

be more flexibility. Like Isaac texted

29:58

me yesterday and was like, Hey, like Bella's coming

30:00

over whenever like, can I go to dad's when Bella comes over?

30:02

And I'm like, yeah. Oh, yeah. So we're

30:04

going to jungle gyms. And I told him I was

30:06

like, I'll ask your mom like, if you're if you

30:08

guys aren't doing anything, anything that weekend, and it's funny,

30:10

because I literally told him I said I hate taking

30:13

your time away from your mom. And that's why I

30:15

don't ever ask like, if we're doing anything, but I

30:17

was like, if you're not doing anything on those

30:19

weekends, like I will let you know, like, because I don't want

30:21

him to feel left out either. Like he loves you. Yeah. My

30:24

sister comes over with the kids and Bella, whatever. I

30:26

was like, if you guys aren't doing anything, you add

30:28

like, ask your mom and then you know, I'll pick

30:30

you up and I'll bring you back home that night

30:32

or whatever. And he was like, okay, like I'm gonna

30:34

ask her but I was like, I hate taking time

30:36

away from you because I already know your guys this

30:38

time is limited. Like it's hard. So I try and

30:40

think about that. But it's also it's

30:43

so like, he wants to cover a

30:45

day, whatever. Yeah, yeah. No, but I

30:47

would I try

30:49

to listen to him. Like, I was like, well, if you

30:51

want to do that, that's fine. We're supposed to go camping.

30:55

But if you'd rather do that, like that's right. You

30:57

can even look at the text messages. Like I'm like,

30:59

if you'd rather do that, fine, just let me know

31:01

so I can, you know, plan accordingly or whatever. And

31:04

so I wonder if it's a situation where

31:06

like, because that's it feels like a lot of pressure

31:08

for this 11 year old to like go over there

31:10

and like know that so I feel like that's a

31:13

situation where until things similar similar down a little bit

31:15

and things start to balance out, like,

31:17

could she be with you a little bit more

31:19

to relieve that pressure while they work things out?

31:21

And I'm not saying that needs to be like

31:24

an indefinite change, but just something to create some

31:26

sort of like stability. And this

31:28

just this it kind of kind of triggers me because

31:30

it brings me back to when I was young, I

31:33

felt those same things that he felt like I literally

31:35

felt that same fucking way. And I would just the

31:37

only differences I wouldn't tell my mom

31:40

really because I, I felt

31:42

almost bad about it. Like I was just like,

31:44

Oh my god, like, I felt like I needed

31:46

to like this person just to like keep the

31:48

peace. Like I didn't want my mom beefing with

31:50

this woman like my mom would fuck her up

31:52

like I was trying to spare

31:54

her life if anything I'm like it might not

31:56

find out that like I have beef with you

31:58

like a grown like you're doing some

32:00

shit to me, like, she would

32:02

be fucking upset. This

32:12

episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If

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33:55

We'll keep saying it. Hulu

33:58

has movies. The

34:10

woman that wrote in, that's kind of like where

34:12

my head went too, is like, she said that

34:14

she's like, okay, but didn't really elaborate. She

34:17

probably doesn't want to say how she feels

34:20

because she doesn't want to get in trouble.

34:22

And that's always so tricky with all blended

34:24

families, right? Like all split households. I

34:28

was going through old text messages yesterday and I

34:30

saw a message that I had sent to

34:32

one of the dads and I was like, I don't

34:34

go to you with every single thing that the kids say,

34:36

right? Because it's a safe space.

34:38

It's supposed to be a safe space. So

34:41

if my kids tell me something in

34:43

confidence, I have to just

34:45

make a decision on whether I'm going to

34:47

say something, whether I'm going to keep it in my

34:50

back pocket, whether I'm going to make it a scene,

34:52

but I also don't want it to fall back on

34:54

the kids because I don't want them to get in

34:56

trouble. And so that's when I feel like

34:58

they can't open up to you like, damn, I

35:01

can't tell mom shit because then it's going to blow

35:03

up in my face or it's going to be like

35:05

this war between that's the hardest part too. And that

35:07

was something obviously that I struggled with. Like I wouldn't

35:09

want to tell my mom because of those reasons. Like

35:12

I would think about, and I think

35:14

that's where my fucking anxiety comes from too, as an

35:16

adult, because I would always overthink these situations that never

35:18

even really happened, but I would put myself in that

35:20

position like, okay, if I did this, if I tell

35:22

my mom this, or

35:24

like I don't want to, I didn't want to, what

35:28

is it called? Like rock the boat or like trick.

35:30

Yeah, I didn't want to do any of that. I

35:32

was already like, especially if they were like in a

35:34

good place, like my mom and dad never really had

35:36

a toxic relationship when it

35:38

came to co-parenting. I don't remember any, unless they

35:40

really kept that shit from me, but I never,

35:43

whenever my dad would drop me off, she would come

35:45

downstairs. I lived in like an apartment building. She would

35:47

come right downstairs. They would talk. Sometimes I

35:49

just go upstairs and I would leave them alone to talk because I'm

35:52

not staying down there for 10 fucking minutes while y'all

35:54

talk, y'all shit. But like they were cordial. They were

35:56

cool. Like, you know, like I never saw them arguing

35:58

with each other or anything. Unless

36:00

in those moments if I left then she would address him,

36:02

but it was never like in front of me. So I

36:04

never To me they

36:06

got along great. So I'm like, I don't want to

36:09

be the one to like talk some shit and then

36:12

This whole relationship is fucked, you know So

36:15

that you like a lot of pressure as the child

36:17

and I feel like a lot of kids go through

36:19

that and they don't know How to express themselves about

36:21

it unless you have a therapist which helps but not

36:23

all of us do I didn't have a fucking therapist

36:26

I have a lot of questions surrounding kids

36:28

in therapy because I do think that everyone

36:30

can benefit from therapy But you have to

36:33

be willing to work at it It's

36:35

something that we've you know, we've talked about it

36:37

before right? Like yeah, you have to be in

36:39

a place where you understand that you're not just

36:41

going talking and then you leave It's like you

36:44

have to actually do the work How does a

36:46

child do the work if they're not really

36:48

under like, you know what I mean? Like it took me

36:50

until my late 20s to actually

36:52

commit to therapy and do the work

36:54

that is therapy So how

36:57

does a child do that? How do they go

36:59

home and like work on stuff and process

37:01

things and know that there's I? Think

37:04

as children. Yeah, I think as children It's probably

37:06

a little different because I feel like I just

37:08

needed another I just needed an outlet I just

37:11

needed something to vent and like express and kind

37:13

of move on whereas adults we have to find

37:15

a Solution and you know and I think as

37:17

kids it's just us looking for an outlet to

37:19

just talk about it and just get it off

37:21

Our chest, you know, like I think as

37:23

a kid kid that kind of like helped me and still as

37:26

an adult It helps me but as adults now we have to

37:28

like we're the ones making these decisions

37:30

now. We're the adults So it's like as kids

37:32

It's really just about finding someone to talk to

37:34

that you feel comfortable with and you can let

37:36

it out and that in and of itself Would

37:39

have made me feel so much better, you know, and that I think that's

37:41

why I wrote a lot and like we've talked about

37:43

like Having journals and things like that, but I

37:45

think as kids we they just want to be heard You

37:47

know like they just want to be heard They just want

37:49

to be able to have an outlet to talk to someone

37:52

who's not gonna point the finger and be like well You

37:54

did this wrong. You'd like it's such a mutual like person

37:56

like they can't pick sides, you know They can only be

37:58

there to help you. So I

38:00

think that's all they really need is just to like

38:03

a person another a safe person to vent to where

38:05

they don't feel Guilty about it because

38:07

I think that's like I would feel guilty about

38:09

talking to my mom about certain stuff or like

38:11

my dad about certain stuff like if

38:13

I had a mutual like a Salt

38:16

like a Something or middle. Yeah

38:19

neutral person. Yeah, like I that

38:21

I thought that would have helped me and like I

38:23

had my sister and stuff but she's not She's

38:26

not equipped to like help me with like that either and

38:28

she's going through the same shit She was going through like

38:30

the same stuff with her dad, too So it's like we're

38:32

both like it's like the blind leading the

38:34

blind I hear I'm like we're both going through this

38:36

shit Like you can't help me any more than I

38:39

can help you. So yeah, I was like, I wish

38:41

I had that person You know I think that really

38:43

would have changed a lot of things for me and

38:45

Like I would have been able to process a lot of things better when

38:48

I was young It sucks because I

38:50

haven't been able to find a lot of resources

38:52

for like Their

38:54

piece for kids. I know that they have like there's

38:56

PT and there's like OTA and

38:58

stuff like that But I have not like

39:01

child therapy where it's like play therapy and

39:03

things like that There are there are not

39:05

it's out there and we don't have yet.

39:08

I've seen one place in Middletown What

39:11

when I call just because my kids all they

39:13

we do have a very unique dynamic, right? Like

39:15

I have four baby daddies. That's not typical. It's

39:17

not ideal And you know the kids are with

39:19

each other 50% of the time So

39:22

I do think there are things that I

39:24

would want my kids to work through and you know If

39:27

in case that I'm missing anything Yeah,

39:30

but when I won when I reached out to

39:32

that one play therapy place, there was

39:34

no answer I want to say the line was cut

39:36

off. So I don't know if they like moved offices

39:38

and like didn't update their website I don't know but

39:41

the resources for child therapy and

39:45

Play therapy are very limited around here. They're very

39:47

few and far between which sucks, too So I

39:49

don't know where this woman lives But that could

39:51

be a good option for just like working through

39:53

any issues that maybe she doesn't want to come

39:55

to you with But it sucks when

39:57

there's not a lot of resources available Yeah,

40:00

I wonder if a lot of those places rely on funding

40:02

too, because that could

40:04

be another thing. Like,

40:07

they probably just don't even have the funding for

40:09

it or something. Speaking

40:11

of therapy,

40:14

Nick Cannon's kids will probably need therapy. Did

40:19

you see that he did? He hasn't had another

40:21

baby like in the meantime, right?

40:23

Like he's still got the same amount of

40:25

kids. It's like 11 or 12 or something.

40:27

There's no new babies. No, I

40:29

think it's 12. And

40:32

he did like a meet and greet for Father's Day. That's

40:34

what he wanted to give them

40:36

an opportunity to connect. Wait,

40:39

he did a meet and greet with all

40:42

of them or with other, like, in

40:44

general? So quote, it's

40:46

supposed to be a day where I get

40:48

to rest, but I want to give all

40:51

my kids the opportunity to connect and give

40:53

me gifts and all that type of stuff.

40:55

End quote. Give

40:57

me gifts. So

41:00

he got all of them together, like all the

41:02

kids? In attendance will

41:04

be the twins, Morocco and Monroe, whom

41:06

he shares with ex Mariah Carey, his

41:08

two sons, Golden and Rise, and his

41:10

daughter, Powerful, whom he shares with Brittany

41:12

Bell. In addition, oh, an

41:15

additional set of twins, Zion and

41:17

Zilean and a daughter, Beautiful, are

41:19

the kids that he shares with

41:21

Abby. His son, Legacy, that

41:23

he shares with Bree Tessie, his daughter,

41:26

Halo, and finally his

41:28

daughter, Onyx, that he shares with Lanesha.

41:32

So I guess that will be all the kids

41:35

that are in attendance, that

41:37

were in attendance for this Father's Day get together.

41:40

So they were able to, he

41:43

was able to give them an opportunity to

41:45

connect. Could you imagine? To be with him, to

41:47

give him gifts. An opportunity to

41:49

connect. An opportunity.

41:52

That's mind boggling to me. But did he

41:54

also get his like, balls insured or something?

41:56

Did you read about that? Yeah,

41:58

Nick, yeah. I did see that. Unfortunately,

42:03

this is all against our will. This

42:07

is the shit we get tagged in. So I'm

42:09

pretty sure he, I did get that on the

42:11

block. Hold on. Nick

42:14

Cannon ensures. I

42:16

almost feel guilty too, Kale, because I really like

42:18

his baby mama. Like remember I told you that

42:20

we like follow each other on Instagram. I love

42:22

her. Like I really like her. I

42:25

love Abby. Right? Like I love her

42:27

so much. We should get her on here. I should DM her.

42:29

She like DM me the other day and I'm just like, I

42:32

love her. Like I just feel like it's just

42:34

wild that she's in this situation. I

42:37

don't want her to like think of my, I

42:40

don't want my comments about Nick to be offensive to

42:42

her because I think either. But I

42:44

feel like we say just like everything everyone else

42:46

is thinking. Like it's just, it's weird to us.

42:49

Like it's just, it's just a different, it's super

42:51

different dynamic. Like we just want to know about

42:54

how it works. You know, like I'm just really interested

42:56

in like the relationships between the moms

42:58

and like the kids. Like do they all get together?

43:01

Like that's the stuff that I mean, we're just

43:03

more worried about the kids. Like we want to make

43:05

sure the kids have relationships and we've always been like

43:07

that. We're always like, are the kids getting together?

43:09

That's always been our main concern. So

43:12

that's something that I would love to like, I don't

43:14

know, maybe should I like DM her? And

43:16

I wonder, do you think she would come on? I

43:19

think so. She messaged me a

43:22

recommendation for a surgeon. Yeah.

43:25

She's like so nice. I love her. She's

43:27

like so sweet. I talked about

43:31

vaginal rejuvenation. So

43:33

she messaged me a recommendation for that.

43:36

So I was like, wow, I actually

43:38

really appreciate this. Like, thank you. She's like

43:40

so sweet. Yeah. But

43:42

I think maybe if she was willing,

43:45

it would give us more insight and

43:47

perspective because I think what could be

43:49

happening, right? Is that

43:51

things in the media and in

43:54

the headlines are being worded to

43:56

get the most reactions. Yeah.

44:00

And so, yeah,

44:02

because from what

44:04

I understand, I think Nick Cannon is, I don't

44:06

think he's dumb, right? Like, I don't think he

44:09

is, I think he's smart. I think that he's

44:11

a businessman and I think that there are, he

44:13

knows how to generate responses to get the most, you

44:16

know, I don't know. Yeah. Yeah.

44:19

So, he's an entertainer. Like, he really is, he's in the

44:21

entertainment industry. He knows what he's doing. Like, you know. Yeah.

44:25

So, because he, these women that

44:27

are attached to him in

44:29

that way, right? Like, they have the mothers of his children

44:31

are beautiful. They're business women.

44:33

They're driven. Like, they're very, and I

44:35

think all of them are pretty successful,

44:38

right? So, like, there has

44:40

to be something that we're missing in

44:43

all of this because what in the

44:45

fuck is going, you know what I mean? Like,

44:47

I think he's really, I think he's really charming.

44:49

Like, I just feel like maybe he's with that

44:51

guy that you meet in person and he, people

44:53

just fall for him. Who knows? Like,

44:55

that could be what it is. He's his charm. Well,

44:58

so, the Los Angeles Times

45:00

and TMZ and other. Outlets.

45:03

Free outlets. Thank you. They

45:06

wrote articles about Nick Cannon, father

45:08

of 12, ensures testicles for 10

45:10

million, ensuring new punch lines. I

45:12

don't know what that means, but

45:14

it says Nick Cannon, television host

45:16

and polarizing pro creator. Wow.

45:19

What a title to give somebody. I

45:22

wonder if they said that about me. Ensuring

45:25

new punch lines. When

45:27

them saying ensuring new punch lines is

45:29

funny because I think they're smart in the

45:31

way that he knows his situation is different, so people

45:33

are always going to talk about it. So he's like,

45:36

why not just like almost make

45:38

it, not make it a mockery, but like if people

45:40

are going to make fun of me, I'm going to

45:42

get to it first. Like, I'm going to like kind

45:44

of just go with it and make money. Yeah. Like,

45:46

I think that's just what it is for him at this point. Like, he just doesn't care.

45:49

So this says that he secured a

45:51

$10 million insurance policy for his testicles,

45:54

the father of 12, who notably welcomed

45:57

five children with five different women in 2022. said

46:00

the valuation means he can self proclaim

46:02

the title of most valuable balls.

46:06

Quote, haters say it's time for me to stop

46:08

having kids and put this super sperm to rest.

46:10

But I'm doubling down on these valuable balls and

46:12

my future kids. These

46:15

valuable balls. I

46:17

can't believe he said that. Listen, if you

46:19

if you are at a point in your

46:22

life where you can ensure your balls, I'm

46:24

sorry, but you made it like Wait,

46:28

like this was fuck. He

46:31

also said he doesn't care what anyone

46:33

thinks and that the 100 million he

46:35

makes per year is

46:39

the real measure of his success. Quote,

46:42

right now the narrative is he has a

46:44

bunch of quit quids. He has a

46:46

bunch of kids, he said in 2023. But

46:48

I'm really at a place now where I don't

46:50

care what people know, I'd rather just agree. It's

46:52

more about being a really good person instead of telling

46:55

people you're a good person. I

46:57

think we're missing. I definitely think that he's I think

46:59

he trolls us. Like I think I

47:01

think so too. I think it's starting to become

47:04

like a trolling type of situation. Yeah, because he

47:06

can't control the narrative that other that these outlets

47:08

are putting out there. So he's just

47:10

like, I'm gonna fucking troll it for what it's worth. And

47:13

whoever talks about it talks about it, but it

47:15

literally is making him money. Like it's making him

47:17

a lot of money. But

47:19

I wonder how that works

47:21

with the

47:24

mothers, right? Because I can't in

47:26

any way, shape or form like control what

47:28

my what Elijah and Chris and Joe and

47:31

hobbies say like, like in no way, shape

47:33

or form could I keep it organized and

47:35

under control, right? Like, yeah, anyone could pop

47:37

off at any time. So how does

47:39

that work? How

47:42

does that work with all the mom benefits? Is

47:44

there ever a time where because has

47:46

there ever been like a fallout? I feel

47:48

like none of his baby mothers have spoken

47:50

out against him. So

47:53

we are missing something. We have we are

47:55

definitely missing. They're definitely all on

47:57

the same fucking page. Like very, I give

47:59

him that. like they're all on the same

48:01

page when it comes to him. And I feel

48:03

like they're also very protective and like, like

48:07

they genuinely love him. Like I can you like

48:09

the way they even talk about him in interviews

48:11

and things like that, like they 100% respect

48:13

him and they like love him. They have so

48:15

much love for him. I'm

48:18

so interested. It is it's very

48:20

interesting. It's so interesting to me. But I

48:22

mean, love that for them. Like if they all

48:25

get along and they can respect each other and

48:27

they obviously clearly they all know the situation for

48:29

what it is. So. Sure. Can

48:33

we get our vaginas insured? Oh,

48:36

I'm sure. I mean, if he can get his

48:38

balls, I'm sure we can get our vaginas. We

48:40

can get our vaginas insured. Like they

48:43

don't really have a gold

48:45

empathy. But

48:50

yeah, what's the point? Like what is that going to

48:52

do for me though? Like having an insured vagina? What

48:54

the fuck is that gonna do for me? So does

48:56

that mean something happens to it that you get the

48:58

insurance money? I

49:02

will purposefully do something that like. You

49:04

can sell off a horse. For

49:07

real. Like what? I need, I

49:10

have a sore or like a

49:12

train. We're gonna, we're gonna have

49:14

to train those goats to like

49:16

headbutt us in the fucking vagina.

49:18

Like that's what we gotta do. Children.

49:21

Trina McGee from Boy

49:24

Meets World. She played

49:26

Shawn's girlfriend and

49:28

roommate. She's 54 years old today, which is

49:30

crazy because I thought she wasn't that much

49:32

older than us. She

49:35

is pregnant. Oh,

49:38

that's interesting. I really thought she wasn't that much

49:41

older than us either. Because I watched that when

49:43

I was like in elementary school. But

49:45

I guess so that. Yeah, but they were

49:47

like, they were at least like in high

49:49

school, right? I'm assuming they were older than

49:51

that. Maybe in their 20s. So I think

49:53

they were like in their 20s, not actually

49:56

high school middle, high school, high schoolers. Yeah,

49:58

I think they were like older. playing high schoolers

50:00

and college. Oh my God, that's

50:03

freaky to even think about. She

50:05

said she didn't think it was a big deal, but she

50:07

quickly learned that she's inspiring other women who have struggled to

50:09

become pregnant. And I thought that was really interesting. I didn't

50:11

know if it was like a, not

50:14

that it matters. It's not my business if it was like planned

50:16

or accident, but I've never

50:18

heard of another 50

50:20

plus women getting pregnant. So

50:23

good for her. So

50:31

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52:31

you know the model, Naomi Campbell?

52:35

Like, of course you know Naomi Campbell. She's a legend.

52:39

She, yeah, she's iconic. I love her, but

52:41

she actually entered motherhood in her 50s as

52:43

well. And she went through

52:45

surrogacy, like she had a surrogate. And

52:48

yeah, I came across this article, and

52:50

I was a little, I got

52:53

to get your thoughts on like what she says, because

52:55

I was a little like thrown off by like

52:57

what she said, but I don't know if it's the article, maybe

53:00

they twisted her words or something, but I don't know. But

53:04

she had an interview recently with The Sunday Times, and she opened up

53:06

about like enjoying her life as a mother. She welcomed her daughter at

53:08

51 in 2021, and then she also had a son last year at

53:10

53. And

53:16

she was a surrogate for both of them. And she

53:19

said, she said, my babies are everything to

53:21

me, it's made me fear for the future. But then

53:24

she said, I have heard a lot of young

53:26

girls saying that it is too expensive to have

53:28

children, and they may not want them. And I

53:30

have said, you will change your mind, you will

53:32

want to be a mom. I

53:34

understand economically, it is tough. But

53:37

my mom had nothing, and she made it work. It's

53:39

worth it. It is so amazing. No, I don't like

53:42

that. I don't like that either. I got

53:44

like a bad taste in my mouth, because I understand

53:46

like women who feel so strongly about being mothers, and

53:48

it changes your life. And it's for

53:50

like, I get it, I get it. It's a

53:52

beautiful thing. Being a mother is a beautiful thing.

53:54

But in this economy,

53:57

like you can't be telling people that either. Like

53:59

I just don't know. don't think like things are

54:01

like how we always say things are not black

54:03

and white. Like you can't just like, to

54:05

me that's like guilting someone into saying like,

54:07

Oh, like, just

54:09

because you don't have the money for it, like, just

54:12

do it just be a mom, it's all gonna work

54:14

out. That doesn't mean that yeah, it may work out.

54:16

But that's not the best scenario for that person then

54:18

obviously, like, and this is

54:20

why we have options, you know, like, I don't

54:23

think like no one should be forced into having

54:25

a baby if they're literally not ready. And I

54:28

just feel like that statement is kind of like,

54:31

it's just giving people a push to

54:33

do something if they're not ready, or

54:36

they have to get pregnant to like feel something to be

54:38

a mom like you have to have a be a mom

54:40

to like, you know, feel these things. It's

54:43

giving Harrison Booker, it's giving

54:45

a little bit to be a mom,

54:47

like you're a woman so you should

54:49

want kids. There are women out here

54:51

that are comfortable financially

54:55

that even don't want kids. And I like

54:57

I wake up this morning, I woke up

54:59

earlier than everybody. And I just sat there

55:01

and I did my makeup, I didn't listen

55:03

to anything. And I didn't put the TV

55:05

on for background noise, I didn't listen to

55:07

a podcast or music or anything. I just

55:09

sat there and got ready. And I was like, when

55:13

is the next time I'll ever feel like

55:15

at least with no noise, nobody needs me for

55:18

the next 20 minutes. Like, I

55:20

understand wholeheartedly why there are women out there,

55:22

they just don't want kids of their own.

55:25

And I feel like we should normalize that

55:27

whether it's financial or personal, or they just

55:29

don't feel maternal, like, let's

55:31

accept that and be like, it

55:34

is what it is. Like, I don't understand what this is

55:36

like, oh, you'll change your mind. Okay,

55:38

well, I would much rather if I was a

55:40

childless person, I would

55:42

feel I would

55:44

rather regret not having kids

55:47

than regret having them. Because

55:50

there are people and I talked about

55:52

this on Barely Famous, there are people

55:54

out there that regret motherhood. And I

55:58

never want to pressure someone in to having children because

56:00

it's so much fucking work. It changes your life

56:02

for better or for worse and it just, I

56:04

get it. I do. Yeah.

56:07

And that's funny you said that because someone literally, that

56:10

same exact statement you said about regretting the kids,

56:12

someone wrote that in the comments. The

56:15

same exact way you said it, they said the

56:17

same thing. She's like, I would rather regret myself

56:20

not doing it than having these kids and being

56:22

regretful or looking at them and being resentful towards

56:24

them. I will never put myself in... To me,

56:27

that's... You're selfish if you're having kids and you

56:29

know you don't want to have kids. What are

56:31

you setting those kids up

56:33

for? Well, it's really interesting

56:36

too because I feel like if that's

56:38

the type of mentality that she has,

56:41

can it not be said to her,

56:43

like, oh, you should have carried

56:45

these babies yourself because you'll love pregnancy. You

56:47

should experience pregnancy because you're a woman. You

56:50

know what I mean? So it's the same sort of mentality

56:52

of like, well, you're a woman, you'll love

56:55

pregnancy. Snap, snap, snap, snap.

56:57

Yup, it's basically like the same. I

56:59

feel the same way. I knew it.

57:02

I was like, I feel some type of way about

57:04

this statement. I was like, I have to see what

57:06

Kale thinks, but maybe I'm just tripping. But I just

57:08

erupt me the wrong way. And I don't know if

57:10

it's because we also have these conversations so often and

57:12

we've had it directed towards us. Like, even

57:14

with me being one and done, like people still throw it in my

57:16

face. Like, well, you have the money, why don't you have another baby?

57:18

And it's like, I don't give a fuck, I could have a

57:20

million dollars. What does it matter? Like, I

57:23

could have 10 kids if I wanted to. Of course,

57:25

I could have 10 kids. I could fucking do it.

57:27

I can handle it. I know what I can handle.

57:29

But I don't want to. Like, I just don't want

57:31

to. Like, and if I

57:34

did, it's nobody's like, I'll let you know

57:36

it's nobody's fucking business what I do in

57:38

my vagina. Like, I was thinking about yesterday,

57:40

it was like, I someone, did

57:43

I read something or somebody said something to me about

57:45

a baby or whatever. And I was just thinking, I

57:47

didn't even say it out loud. But I thought to

57:49

myself, like, I could

57:51

have another baby if I wanted to, like if I

57:54

didn't get my, my tubes cut. Yeah,

57:56

but I want there's other things that I want for

57:58

my life and to continuously have children, right? So like,

58:00

I've gone back and forth about it. And like, I

58:02

don't know, I would love for Valley to have a

58:05

sister, but at the same time, it's like, I want

58:07

my kids to also be able to travel and like,

58:09

we're now about to get to get to the age

58:11

again. And for the last time

58:13

where like, we'll be able to pack our stuff up

58:15

and go because the twins are going to be on

58:17

this year. And it's just like, we'll be able to

58:19

throw things in a suitcase and go, you know, like,

58:21

yes, we're that infant stage, like right now, I would

58:23

not be able to pack up three babies and get

58:25

out. So yeah, I don't know. It's

58:29

a lot. It's fucking hard. It's

58:32

a lot of pressure. Exactly. Definitely a lot of

58:34

pressure on us. Down in

58:36

the DMS. What? Damn,

58:40

it's going down in the

58:42

DMS. Forever

58:46

hopeful that I can accurately capture all the

58:48

chaos within this message. I'll try not to

58:50

jump around too much, but apologies if I

58:52

do. I've been dating my man

58:55

for about seven and a half years now. I

58:57

came to him as a package deal with my

58:59

four almost five year old son from a previous

59:01

very short lived marriage at the time. We

59:04

have since added two more boys to the equation

59:06

and bought a house together. Essentially, we are common

59:08

law married at this point today. When

59:10

we first started dating, I had no idea what

59:13

mess I was signing up for with this man's

59:15

family, particularly his father. Oh, back

59:18

in the beginning, we started going through the motions

59:20

of meeting each other's family as we were getting

59:22

pretty serious. When it came time to meet his

59:24

father, we made a plan to go out to

59:26

a bar and just have a casual night. Well,

59:28

his dad called him prior to meeting up and

59:30

asked if it was okay if the quote office

59:32

girl came along. His father is

59:34

a business owner. My man said, yeah, that's

59:36

okay. Not thinking anything of it. Well, the

59:38

two of them show up and it was

59:41

awkward as hell. I knew that my man's

59:43

parents were still together and living in the

59:45

same house from our previous conversations we

59:47

had prior to deciding to meet each other's

59:49

family. Now that we're

59:51

sitting here at the bar meeting both his dad

59:53

and the office girl for the first time and

59:55

those two giving each other what I like to

59:58

call fuck me eyes. For

1:00:00

he under the table and putting hands on each

1:00:02

other's lap under the table, I told my man

1:00:04

I was getting tired and ready to go home.

1:00:06

I kid you not, I didn't even let the

1:00:08

bar door shut all the way before I was

1:00:10

interrogating him on what that was all about. What

1:00:12

was going on? He replied he

1:00:14

didn't know and he just stays out of things,

1:00:17

which honestly is his personality. He avoids drama, doesn't

1:00:19

care for it and let people do what they're

1:00:21

going to do. It was really weird showing up

1:00:23

to his parents house where his dad was still

1:00:25

living there after that. I feel like

1:00:27

this is an important time to bring up father's

1:00:29

age of late 50s, early 60s and

1:00:32

office girl is two years older than me,

1:00:35

one year older than his son, my man.

1:00:38

Well fast forward and things happen as you

1:00:40

probably predicted. His mom and dad divorce and

1:00:42

the office girl also went through a divorce

1:00:44

at the same time. The dad

1:00:46

and office girl get married. We

1:00:49

had our... Oh my God. People

1:00:51

are scandalous. This is, yo for

1:00:53

real, this is the movie shit. This is the

1:00:55

shit I've only seen in movies like this shit.

1:00:57

People are really out here living, leaving their families

1:00:59

and their wives for fucking office girls.

1:01:01

Oh, I can't. After

1:01:04

we had our two boys, I was very strict

1:01:06

in the fact that I didn't want his dad

1:01:08

and office girl now wife playing house with our

1:01:10

children. I was disgusted with the affair. I was

1:01:12

disgusted of how his dad acted the entire time

1:01:14

while going through the divorce. And I definitely didn't

1:01:17

understand why a girl essentially the same age as

1:01:19

me wanted to be with a guy that old

1:01:21

or why his dad wanted to be a girl

1:01:23

that is almost the same age as his oldest

1:01:25

child. But somehow I was able to come to

1:01:28

some logical understanding of it. His dad was so

1:01:30

busy building up his business that he spent so

1:01:32

much time with the office girl. And

1:01:34

when you spend that much time and neglect your

1:01:36

own home life with someone, some sort of feelings

1:01:39

are going to happen. Not saying I agree with

1:01:41

how it happened though, but this was the only

1:01:43

way I could come to terms with them being

1:01:45

together and trying to move forward. We'll

1:01:47

fast forward to today. Office girl is

1:01:50

now pregnant. Oh,

1:01:52

I know she was dying for that. She

1:01:54

was dying to get pregnant. Yo, my

1:01:56

gosh. You know, she's all in it

1:01:58

for the money. Oh, I see 1000% 1000% like,

1:02:00

come on. She was dying to have her own kid, which I

1:02:02

get because of

1:02:08

her age, but I always let it be known

1:02:10

that I didn't really agree with it given

1:02:12

the circumstances of how old he was. And he

1:02:14

has four adult children already. Now

1:02:16

that she's pregnant, I have quite the opposite feelings

1:02:18

towards their relationship to my kids. I feel sad

1:02:20

because I feel like my boys are getting cheated

1:02:22

out of a grandpa, even though I was very

1:02:24

strict in the beginning about them not playing house

1:02:27

with my children. I did my

1:02:29

best to try and foster a relationship between

1:02:31

the kids and grandpa, but it was always

1:02:33

under my supervision, rarely without supervision. I

1:02:35

feel sad for this little girl who didn't

1:02:37

ask me born into this messed up situation.

1:02:40

I keep reminding myself that she little girl

1:02:42

on the way didn't ask for this. So

1:02:44

I can check myself and make sure my

1:02:46

actions, thoughts and words aren't directed in a

1:02:48

negative way towards her. So my intrusive thoughts

1:02:50

also want to add to the chaos by

1:02:52

teaching this little girl to call me on

1:02:55

instead of looking at me like the sister-in-law,

1:02:57

which is technically how the family branch would

1:02:59

extend. If there was

1:03:01

one word to describe my man's father,

1:03:03

it would be delusional. You literally, literally.

1:03:06

And D'Lulu is not the solulu

1:03:08

in most cases. Like, anyways,

1:03:11

I don't know what I'm really looking for here. I'm

1:03:14

still trying to process my feelings and come up with

1:03:16

some way for this to make sense to me, but

1:03:18

it's just not the math ain't math in here for

1:03:20

me. How do I explain to my kids that grandpa

1:03:22

is too busy with his new family and that's why

1:03:24

he's not around? Both his sons work

1:03:26

for him in the family business and he has

1:03:28

pretty much cut off relationships with his children is

1:03:30

not what I would call a father to them.

1:03:33

Do I cut that connection altogether or do I

1:03:35

still try to foster something there? Any thoughts or

1:03:37

advice is welcome. He asks, there's a lot more

1:03:39

I could add into this entire situation, but this

1:03:41

is the short and down version. Love the show,

1:03:44

ladies. Thanks for always putting relatable content out there

1:03:46

and definitely enjoy all the crazy ass stories. First

1:03:48

of all, one

1:03:50

of my kids has this situation and he brought it

1:03:52

up to me last weekend and it made me very

1:03:55

sad because I was like, I don't really know what

1:03:57

to say. It hurts my heart

1:03:59

in general. like when kids don't have the

1:04:01

grandparents that we, like you said that you

1:04:03

spent so much time after school with your

1:04:05

grandparents. My grandparents helped raise me. Like I

1:04:08

hate that my kids will never have a

1:04:10

set of grandparents on my side. They'll never

1:04:12

have that. And it, I

1:04:16

don't know. Like it just, it feels like

1:04:18

robbery and that's what she said. She feels

1:04:20

like her kids are being robbed of a

1:04:22

grandfather and I would agree. I feel like

1:04:24

that sucks. It

1:04:27

really does suck. Especially if you know them a

1:04:29

certain way at first. Like if you had this

1:04:31

relationship with them and then it kind of just

1:04:33

grows apart because of this person, that's even more

1:04:35

hurtful. Like that shit sucks. I

1:04:38

just don't even know what I would say. This

1:04:41

girl, she must

1:04:43

have her pussy insured because the way

1:04:45

that this man like left his family

1:04:47

and like just started a whole other

1:04:49

thing, like got married to this woman,

1:04:51

like I just, I

1:04:54

just don't get it. And the whole, like I

1:04:56

know she's trying to make it, she's

1:04:59

trying to understand how this happened so that she

1:05:01

can take it in right and like move forward.

1:05:05

And it doesn't, it almost sounds

1:05:07

like she's making an excuse for it, but it's

1:05:09

like this is what it is. Like he literally

1:05:12

left his family for this woman. You know, you can't

1:05:14

make any excuses for that. If you feel some type

1:05:16

of way about that, you feel some type of way.

1:05:18

You know, like you can be okay with feeling that

1:05:20

and like you don't have to be buddy buddy with

1:05:22

this person. You

1:05:24

don't need to have like a solid relationship

1:05:26

with her because of how you feel about

1:05:29

her, you know? And it's like, and

1:05:31

she's trying, I think she's trying to like genuine,

1:05:33

genuinely like understand the situation

1:05:36

and like why he did that, but it's like

1:05:38

you can't like, I

1:05:41

think it's harder for her because she know

1:05:43

probably knows what it's like to have a

1:05:45

grandfather and that's why she feels like the

1:05:48

child will be, her kids will be robbed of a

1:05:50

grandmother. That being said, I

1:05:53

think it hurts me more that my

1:05:55

kids won't, like none of my kids

1:05:57

will have a grandfather really. Well, nice.

1:05:59

that back. Lincoln has really involved grandparents.

1:06:04

It hurts us more than it hurts them because they

1:06:06

don't know any different. So

1:06:09

her kids won't know what it's really

1:06:12

like to have a grandfather

1:06:14

for them. And as far as like

1:06:16

the child, the baby itself, if

1:06:19

he's not making the effort, he's

1:06:22

the adult, right? Like he's the father, he's the grandfather.

1:06:24

If he's not going to make an effort, then I

1:06:26

wouldn't make the effort either because at the end of

1:06:28

the day, yeah, we're all adults now. But

1:06:30

he's still the parent, he's still the grandparents. So

1:06:32

if he's not showing up in that way, as

1:06:35

those roles, it is not your responsibility

1:06:37

or your job to facilitate that

1:06:40

and be the one that's trying to work towards that.

1:06:43

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