Episode Transcript
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0:00
You two are bad friends. Who are
0:02
these two idiots? Woo! White
0:04
dude and Asian dude. Woo! You
0:07
two are disgusting. Woo! Well,
0:09
you two are something. We're bad friends.
0:12
So what I want to say to you, that is, that's
0:14
my final straw. OK? And
0:17
before when I came here, dude. No. No, no, no.
0:19
Just hear me out. I just said. Hear me out!
0:21
Hear me out, dude. Hear me out, right? We're not
0:23
even going to air this part. We are airing this.
0:25
I'm putting my foot down, dude. Put it down. I'm
0:28
tired of being true. Don't walk on. Tread on me.
0:30
Don't tread on me. All right. I have a statement. All
0:32
right. So here's my statement. I have
0:34
a statement as well. OK? Since
0:37
the last podcast, you two, McCone, I've been thinking
0:39
about the ways you guys treat me. You treat
0:41
me like, not you. OK, thank God.
0:43
I wasn't even. I didn't say your name. You
0:45
looked over here, so I thought it was me. No,
0:48
I was looking for backage. Affirmation? Backage. Oh,
0:50
backage? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blockage or backage? My back. I've
0:52
got your backage. That's right. Yeah, you got my backage.
0:54
Now let me tell you something, you scumbags. Yeah.
0:58
All of you. Want me to? No,
1:00
you're good. Yeah, just those two.
1:02
Go ahead. No, you go. Oh, yeah, yeah,
1:04
yeah. Listen up, man. Backing up. And
1:07
I'm being, fuck. I'm
1:10
just being. Korean. No, that's
1:12
not right. OK, OK.
1:14
I'm trying to back you. Obviously, I am. Yeah,
1:16
always, yeah. Right. So sometimes I feel black. I
1:20
do, dude. OK. You know what I mean?
1:22
Al Green. What are you tonight? Are you
1:24
black or Korean tonight? Armenian. Armenian tonight. Get
1:26
them, baby. Yeah, I feel I have extra
1:28
hair on my legs. Ooh. I played chess
1:30
at the park today. Yeah. No,
1:33
you move your car. Yeah. All
1:35
right. So, you know, I'm being completely
1:38
honest. OK, and I'm being very mindful. All
1:40
right. So, you know, the
1:42
last time we worked together, you ripped on me
1:44
a couple of times without out of nowhere. You
1:46
two McCone saying that I'm a bad actor, which
1:49
is really interesting because I had directors come over to
1:51
my house today and to pitch me on a movie. So
1:53
many different opportunities. But, you
1:56
know, to each his own. But What I want
1:58
to say to you is that and I came in here. The walking
2:00
around like oil. I'm going to do your movie.
2:02
But. Because you slap my deck if you're not
2:05
be will regret thing I did as an hour
2:07
and spread it around very funny by the way
2:09
it was sad to say to you but when
2:11
i going to city was. I.
2:13
Will not work for you.
2:16
As an actor or with is is this is
2:18
the only me. Not. For me. None.
2:21
Other do anything with it with or
2:23
four or behind any fraud nelson. Only.
2:25
This pod because look at your
2:27
service contracts. I will. He works
2:29
for us exactly so on. Find.
2:32
Somebody else I'd not doing it can
2:34
replace them and no, no, no, I
2:37
don't care what it is, I
2:39
will not do it. I'm too busy. It was
2:41
a favor in the first place but I would
2:43
you save us from evil but have my package
2:45
package that could I get people back his voice
2:48
and there's no back to their little we let
2:50
let's hear your. let me hear your years of
2:52
payment. Okay
2:54
first of all, ah, I want to say that
2:56
No One has forced me to read this. And
3:01
that our data on my free will ago. I
3:04
recognize that Lily my actions on this show
3:06
have not have been led than ideal. I
3:09
realized that making fun of obvious out of pocket. I.
3:13
Was thought that in comedy you have to punch
3:15
up a baby. I am a little too high.
3:18
So. From now on. I'll. Be switching
3:20
teams am a little lower and I'll direct
3:22
my it's really funny d of thoughts on
3:24
the know: think it of the who attacked
3:26
for do you think that's a pretty good
3:28
same as I got a sudden what you
3:30
com a minute repeater chevron right and also
3:32
I know I'm nearly even when I don't
3:35
trust it of us. Are you the humid
3:37
early? I don't You think his. Wife wrote
3:39
that. Someone. Else wrote that doesn't sound
3:41
like you have it. Also, I want a statement
3:43
that you haven't run written. Because
3:45
that's that's years you're thinking about his thinking about.
3:47
Right off when I'm saying is I want a
3:49
statement from the heart. Not. Premeditated. Premeditated.
3:51
I want you to been in the moment
3:53
and really feel your feelings and express yourself.
3:56
right? Now. The you're capable of
3:58
doing that Now you're to yourself. The man.
4:00
Yeah. You're. Right? You're you're a Baja
4:02
Shelf. Get that is enough or Aca. You know
4:04
that Baja Fresh ones it. Yeah a bar high
4:07
shelf is a thing in a swimming pool that's
4:09
like a little shallow erase a little babies to
4:11
sit on. Osha learn something new everyday. Get out
4:13
the that's a Baja Shelf you are a Baja
4:15
Shelf to your apostle for sure your of ah
4:17
ha shelves allow of they get know you don't
4:20
take it eight but I don't think that. Know
4:22
Bobby I love your your the funniest person I
4:24
know. Is
4:27
I wonder what? what can we celebrate? Today was
4:30
going on. O J died. Since
4:32
some will you talk about Ding
4:34
Dong the witch is dead. Oh
4:37
you are? You think he didn't do it?
4:40
Too. Was ah okay. know that know whoa
4:42
whoa whoa Love the them fit Yeah
4:44
well you must acquit a sick work
4:46
know our. Do
4:49
was. Murdered. His
4:52
wife. For
4:55
her at all I am a guy Ozone
4:57
idea for Yahoo One numbers And did I
4:59
mean what? Better. Way The Devil
5:01
God. I'm finally. They. Try to put him away
5:03
in jail didn't work out. That. He
5:05
died of cancer Retail He was seventy. What
5:08
He was seventy. Four. Seventy six. Pretty young.
5:10
That's relatively young. Seventy.
5:12
Six. Yeah, I mean Richard Lewis died at
5:14
seventy six and he didn't murder anybody. So
5:17
it's like I think I think Richard died
5:19
from cancer and he died. Ah, a happy
5:21
life. He lived a happy, wonderful, beautiful life.
5:23
He was a happy man. This guy was
5:25
tortured his entire as rightfully so you sorted
5:28
to the end of his life right? He.
5:30
Could get away from we didn't do it though. Who
5:34
do you think did. He.
5:36
Could as she could it could have been like a
5:38
double suicide. Know Kato Kaelin, we would have been. That's
5:40
that. Like what? ten thousand times she did it once
5:42
than that. no no he does. He says I saida
5:44
that you that it a lag I would have done
5:46
it a it's that was the word. That's the worst
5:49
part about I'm not. I don't know anything. I'm not
5:51
a lawyer on a dumb guy. Why
5:53
don't you have to prove. Who did do with them? Rottweiler.
5:57
Hello! Whoa Whoa. You're blow my.
6:00
right? Why Huckabee never have to prove who did it
6:02
If you find out he didn't do it, How come
6:04
that know that it's goes away. What?
6:06
He did it though, but they prove that he
6:09
didn't feel. So good if I if he did
6:11
is why would you go like he did I
6:13
want to go all it's find somebody else A
6:15
didn't know what I'm saying they. They.
6:17
Proved quote unquote that he didn't do it.
6:20
In. In In in. In. A
6:22
court of law. He lost civil
6:24
but he won. The. Legal
6:26
right so. Legally. They
6:28
said he didn't kill her. He.
6:31
Didn't. Legally. His he
6:33
did. I know he does. So who then if
6:35
they say know who did it. This
6:37
is like who's on first is like the newest. The
6:40
idea. He. The other guy? get what you're saying.
6:42
Okay, Legally. When it comes
6:44
to. Miles the murder
6:46
in the first degree when it comes to
6:48
it yet said he didn't do it exactly
6:51
So whom did see this. Ah,
6:57
Yes, it's like, you know, And
6:59
as the ultimate test is, there's a heaven
7:01
Or hell is brilliant, right? Yeah, right. That's
7:03
where we'll find out. Or Iraq right now.
7:06
If I die and I go to heaven.
7:08
And. Owes his chill and. right?
7:11
How Shocked. Because. I would
7:13
be. There's so many people up there
7:15
dobbies I saw Hitler. he I'd be
7:17
shocked. Bobby. Right
7:20
to say you, Hitler! Yeah I
7:22
love you doing up here. Yacht
7:24
warm like chilling on a cloud.
7:27
right? And I look over inside
7:29
your and dollars chewing on something of
7:31
human foot. Yeah yeah. Yeah.
7:33
But it's like have with oh we have
7:35
machines I do a happy that you got
7:38
in here. yeah but away Hitler how funny.
7:40
Pillows I you know kind of leaders. There's
7:42
a back door. Or
7:45
he got it through. There was no wow, there's a back
7:47
door to have it, you know, So funny as a even
7:49
if you're a bad person in the afterlife like Hitler and
7:51
one of these guys. The. I bet you they
7:53
know enough people to get in. Still just it's just like
7:55
Hollywood and the real world. Will
7:58
have this. if hitler alive
8:00
today I got one
8:02
for you too if you were throwing a house party right
8:04
and here you go
8:11
oh I'm coming I'm coming
8:13
there's so much music there's
8:15
so much beer
8:18
man hello hello hello hey it's
8:21
me titla oh
8:24
oh how do we I said I
8:26
heard this was a party I could go to to have a
8:28
good time yeah but who is a who
8:30
what do you mean who how did I what's
8:32
weird is that this is not like a normal
8:34
party it's my best friend was Jewish it's a
8:36
permit fuck I love you I
8:39
know but I just think I know but
8:41
I just think that your presence here it's
8:43
just gonna rule he's 12 for you gonna
8:45
believe all the rumors about me and not
8:47
really get to know me as a real
8:49
man well I know I've just read too
8:51
much I think so you've read too much
8:53
about tonight yeah but what you believe all
8:55
everything yes you read I'll
8:58
tell you what you read I'll tell you what
9:00
I'm name one thing I did how about this
9:02
yeah name six million things I did wrong
9:05
yeah so anyway what would you
9:07
do if he came I'd
9:10
let him in sit him
9:12
down sit him down you reprimand him for his crimes
9:14
he's almost want to know what was going on
9:17
in his head right he's almost too big to
9:19
not let him in that's what I'm saying is
9:22
that weird to say it's like you know what I
9:24
mean he's a legend right he's in like he's a
9:26
legend no if this is something
9:30
interesting he's so infamous you would want to
9:32
talk to him first I don't know Jesus
9:35
Christ I'm in terms of like I just
9:37
said Hitler look in
9:40
terms of like you know me
9:42
historical little legendary yeah characters right
9:45
Hitler's one Cleopatra has got to
9:47
be one like you wouldn't say
9:49
no Cleopatra yeah no this I'm
9:51
saying hot doing black what about black people in my
9:53
like pull it hot what you want the I want
9:56
to understand they don't know pop hot Genghis Khan but
9:58
definitely get I want to know You
10:01
want to go, how are you so fucking insane?
10:04
What's going on? How did this happen? Exactly. I
10:06
mean, it's just like Job. Job?
10:10
Dude, Job's a sad character. I'm letting Job in.
10:12
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And just all his woes.
10:15
You know what I mean? How many people died? This
10:18
is the thing. He took my wife and, you know
10:20
what I mean, and my children and, you know, famine. But
10:23
then he gave me a hotter wife or whatever happened, you
10:25
know what I mean? I'd want to know. Yeah. I gotta
10:27
know. I'm going to throw you some names and
10:29
see if you let them in. Okay.
10:33
Stalin. Yeah,
10:35
I got his books. Oh,
10:38
you got his biography? Yeah. I got
10:40
a good one, dude. Vlad
10:42
the Impaler. Love. Would love to know.
10:44
Why? Why? One of
10:46
the most fascinating people on Earth. Yeah, but what if
10:49
he brings like, you know, a head with him? Yeah.
10:51
No. I brought my guillotine.
10:55
Vlad, do you bring your guillotine to the party? I brought my
10:57
guillotine. I'm sorry. You're saying
10:59
you're Valentine? Happy Valentine's Day. I
11:04
brought my guillotine for Valentine's Day. Wow.
11:06
So that's interesting. Did you
11:09
hear about this Vietnamese woman? I
11:12
love them. She's getting the death penalty? Why?
11:15
Vietnam sentences, real estate tycoon. You
11:19
say it because I bet you, I guess you know. Oh, I
11:21
don't know how to do that. What is that? Vietnam, Sinti,
11:24
real estate tycoon. Trung
11:27
Mai Lan. Death's largest ever fuck
11:30
place. We're
11:33
getting him to learn how to do it. I'll do it again. Give
11:35
me another shot here. Go back. Vietnamese
11:37
sentences, real estate tycoon, Trung Mai Lan
11:40
to death is fuck. I'm
11:44
going to do it as a newscaster. You know what? I want
11:46
to, will you reach out to KCal, the news, local LA news,
11:49
to see if we could become newscasters for a
11:51
day, to see if he could do the... I want to see, I want to give
11:53
me the shot. Can you imagine him
11:55
trying to do the skull? Dude,
11:57
I'm so good at Caledron for that.
11:59
Really? So man, so man, that's not
12:01
even moving. It's my eyesight though Right
12:04
teleprompters move this isn't even moving and you
12:06
can't read it Trung my lung is
12:08
a far hard thing to say in my land. All right,
12:10
here we go Vietnamese sentences
12:13
real ago already wrong. Oh, yeah Vietnam
12:16
sentences real estate tycoon Trung my lawn to death
12:19
in its largest ever fraud case That's good, but
12:21
it's so hard to hear you do it. Why
12:24
because I can hear you going do
12:26
it Like robotic that I'm a newscaster.
12:28
Oh, oh, I'm doing as a new skill show you
12:30
how newscasters do I do it? You
12:33
always try to show me up man Vietnam sentences
12:35
real estate tycoon Trung my lawn to death and
12:37
its largest ever fraud case Do
12:39
you hear like the inflection? I'll talk to her better.
12:42
What did you just say? He's was way better
12:44
He's not doing the movie. I'm not
12:46
doing the mood that those things that won't work with me
12:49
Okay, so this woman Trung my lawn sent it to Thursday
12:51
did by death in Ho Chi Minh City for
12:53
stealing 12.5
12:56
billion dollars 3% of the country's GDP
13:00
Dude 12 billion How
13:03
do they catch her at some point? It took
13:05
you that long 12 billion dollars, but that's not a
13:08
death I mean stealing my I would say that sentence.
13:10
Why do they know they're gonna kill her? It's
13:12
not I mean, you should only get the death sentence. Why?
13:16
The death sentence. Yeah, if you murder bingo
13:18
you murder you get murdered, but who murder
13:20
see this is that this is a good
13:22
one Yeah, Rope Rope. Let me
13:24
ask you though. What I don't know anything
13:26
about my long. I'm asking you about my
13:28
long tongue song Okay, son song long time.
13:30
Yeah, try long my long my
13:33
gun go ahead Open
13:35
your gun try my okay Try
13:39
my long good mood today, huh? Try my long song
13:41
man. He's on fire today. You know, I mean I
13:43
love it You know why? Played
13:45
with the dog in the backyard before he came here But
13:48
anyway, so what what is it? I play with the dog
13:50
in the now you're chilling it I'm not
13:52
am I not allowed to find happiness and playing with you know,
13:54
it's so funny last night I was at the store and a
13:56
girl comes to me, you know, I didn't know you find a
13:58
huge friend of Andrew But, you know, since watching
14:01
Bad Friends, you know, I got acquainted with you.
14:03
She's a friend of mine? No, she's a fan.
14:05
Oh, fan. I'm tired of hearing it.
14:07
It's like, yeah, I get it. He's talented. You know, it's
14:09
fuck, you know, and sometimes, you know, sometimes you think... Funny,
14:12
it never goes the other way. People
14:14
always come up to me, go, fucking huge fan of Bobby,
14:16
just found out about you through it. Awesome.
14:19
And I go, thanks, man. That's rad. I
14:21
don't think... Oh, Bobby. That's what
14:23
I said last night to her. You didn't even let me
14:25
finish! You just said, I'm sick of hearing it! I'm
14:28
sick of, you know, being so grateful. Fuck
14:30
you, dude. Let me finish, dude. I'm
14:33
so full of shit. I'm so sick of, like, being,
14:35
like, so proud. You're so filled with joy and pride.
14:37
A joy is what I'm saying. And I looked at
14:39
her and I go, you know what? I'm
14:41
so blessed to be a part of, you know, me
14:43
and the Bad Friends. What a great guy that I'm...
14:45
I was blessed to be in partnership with. That's right.
14:48
Jeez, you let me finish, man. No, I'm sorry. I
14:50
apologize. No, I'm sorry. I
14:52
don't want to turn into fancy. My bad. That's
14:54
my fault. I was at the store
14:56
the other day, and it was a travesty
14:58
on my part. What happened? And
15:01
I can't name names because I don't want to edit things
15:03
out. Got it. There was somebody that
15:06
over the years, I've been kind of jabbing
15:09
on, making fun of. Little bit!
15:12
Hit me on podcasting and whatnot.
15:14
Okay. You know, a little mean.
15:17
So then, last week,
15:19
somebody goes, that guy's here.
15:22
He never comes to the store. The guy you make fun of.
15:24
No. So I ran out there. Right?
15:27
No, stop. I know. I'm
15:29
just showing Andrew. And
15:32
I see him and his wife. I knew who it was. Him
15:34
and his wife. Yeah. Are
15:36
you tapping your feet? Yeah. What's
15:38
going on? I'm nervous. That's
15:41
why. Put some fucking nicotine in your mouth. Okay.
15:43
No, stop. You've never noticed. I always tap my feet. No,
15:45
but it sounds... You know what it sounds like? When a
15:47
kid's legs are swinging off a toilet and they're just hitting
15:49
the ground a little bit? That's what
15:51
I'm doing. Yeah. We can lower
15:53
your chair, bud. I'll stop doing it. It's okay. Distracting?
15:57
Yeah, very. You know what? I'm going
15:59
to take my shoes off. You're a Hulu. But
16:01
oh my god. Today I'm gonna call
16:04
you Hulu. But uh, and
16:06
I see him and I go,
16:08
what's up man? I give him a
16:10
hug. He gets up from the table, gives
16:12
me a hug. He's sitting in the
16:14
audience? No, he's outside in the patio. Got it. And
16:17
his wife is, I've never met his wife before. So
16:20
I go, hey, I put my hand
16:22
out and she looks at my
16:24
hand and she goes, no
16:26
way. Yeah. She denied a handshake
16:29
handshake. And as I
16:31
pulled away rage, not
16:33
rage, no shame. Really?
16:36
Yeah, because it's like I felt guilt. Well,
16:38
you didn't do anything wrong. Yes, I did.
16:40
No, you didn't. You make fun of.
16:42
Yeah, but but but but let's say this, the person
16:44
you're making fun of is a comedian. Don't
16:47
say that. But okay, we make fun of each
16:49
other. Exactly. Well, that's what comic you make, you
16:51
make fun of me all the time. But
16:54
you know what, you may, I felt at times it felt like I
16:56
was punching down maybe. So as
16:59
I pulled away, it just it was
17:01
like a rain of shame
17:03
and I walked away and I literally almost
17:06
burst into tears. Really? Because
17:09
of the guilt. It got ya. Yeah, because
17:11
it I've
17:13
talked shit for so long. But
17:15
why did you talk shit? Because you really like this? No,
17:17
because you know, we were very competitive when we were younger,
17:20
right? So as I walked
17:22
away, I just I became a changed man. And I
17:24
got you know what, dude, no more of
17:26
that. You're gonna correct your ways.
17:29
You're gonna contact this person. You're
17:32
gonna make amends. And you're gonna make it right.
17:34
Did you? I didn't
17:36
have his number. And I
17:38
know the next part is
17:40
and I'm not gonna find
17:42
it. You're not looking for
17:44
it. I have an Instagram.
17:47
Okay, so I DM them. Oh, right. So
17:50
basically, I said, you know, I mean, I could read
17:52
it to you. Read it. Really? Yeah, I'd like to
17:54
hear it. Okay. Because
17:56
you're known to hyperbolize from time to time.
17:59
All the time. But you know I'm gonna be real here.
18:01
I want to prove you I will prove to you
18:03
that this is real dude I believe you I'm not
18:06
I want to hear the verbiage okay here. We go
18:08
so here it is Why
18:10
is it not loading? You
18:12
probably oh there it is. Okay. Do you so
18:15
here you want to read it yeah? Hi,
18:18
so-and-so It was good
18:20
to briefly see you last night at the store. I Noticed
18:23
your wife didn't shake my hand which
18:25
is totally understandable I've
18:28
said things about you in the past on
18:30
podcasts. I regret right I hope
18:32
we can meet for coffee so I can make amends to you
18:34
one day If
18:36
you don't want to I totally get it I I
18:40
just want to say sorry wow okay,
18:42
and so he goes basically like
18:45
understood. Thank you. That's it understood Thank
18:47
you exactly which is fine. No verbatim understood.
18:49
Thank you show you the fucking I would like
18:51
to see that because that's awfully short Wow
18:55
Yeah, that's basically saying fuck you Yeah,
18:58
and I deserve it so check it
19:00
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planning to maybe to do other things. What
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do you mean? To make amends. Oh. Figuring
22:04
it out. Go further. To go further with
22:06
it. The program says go further. I go
22:08
further, right? But then four days
22:10
later his wife contacted me. On DM?
22:13
Yeah. What does that one
22:15
say? Basically she said, I'm
22:17
confused. Like I didn't see your hand.
22:23
Oh my god. I'm
22:29
being amends for no reason. Mistake amends? I
22:35
mean mistake amends. Mistake amends.
22:37
Now I feel like wow, you dummy.
22:39
Yeah. You could have just
22:42
moved on. Do you think she saw and
22:44
she's playing? She's playing. Now that would be
22:46
crafty. I would say the other side would
22:48
be this person said something
22:50
to his wife and said, why didn't
22:52
you shake Bobby's hand? I thought we're okay. We're beyond all
22:54
that. And she was probably like, well,
22:57
I didn't see it. I don't think I
22:59
saw it. And he's like, you saw it. I was sitting right next
23:01
to you. No, I don't think I saw
23:03
it. Yeah. But the way he got up from the table
23:05
to hug me, it was really excited hug. Well,
23:08
yeah, you're an excitable person. Thank
23:10
you. Well, so that's not, that's, that's not
23:12
validating. No, no, I'm going to show you
23:14
what it was like. Okay. Yeah. If
23:18
there was a comic, let's say Joe Rogan,
23:20
Joe Rogan. All right. You
23:23
know, you know, he comes
23:25
in like, what are you doing? I'm
23:28
not going to act out. Can you move on? Oh my God. What fucking
23:31
guy? Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Yeah. To
23:33
be fair. He is doing his job. Yeah.
23:36
We act out. What are you talking about? I
23:38
always act out. What do you
23:40
call me? I'll give you a special shot for man.
23:42
It's like Christian Bale was right on the movie. Was
23:45
it Christian Bale right on the movie site when he went on
23:47
that rant? I don't move for you. You
23:50
know what I mean? You know, get the fuck out
23:52
of my sky. I don't know if it's working with
23:54
you again then. Right? Because
23:56
I'm the fucking performing and You
23:58
guys are fixing the lights. Yeah to.
24:02
Go to these environments I want to. Professional
24:04
bugging show Dude dude he can work under.
24:06
These environments are parts of stop Moving those
24:08
are the is doing So it's like let's
24:10
not for Joe players as a comic that
24:12
was above me that had said some said
24:14
to me and I had a little bit
24:16
resentment impel and I've seen him in a
24:18
long time. Dave Chappelle right he walks out
24:21
to me right I think my my hug
24:23
would have been I would go through a
24:25
or process like shit I hug I'm. Like.
24:27
Every moment of like what do I do here I would never
24:30
have them. right? But at the end
24:32
up I yeah would. I would never have.
24:34
If someone I know is like talking shit about mean
24:36
and we don't know each other that well, it's like
24:38
this is Debbie. Go so obese. basically. This
24:41
person did you me? I suppose. li
24:43
slide. To. Has no idea that even
24:45
I did that. I'm sure he has a pretty good
24:48
idea used as. And hundred
24:50
got back to him somehow. A
24:52
bad when I was six we were just
24:54
what I mean. If you're mocking somebody and
24:56
you don't know the memo mocking it's like
24:58
you're on telling stories about things that. I.
25:02
Perceived. But you know perception is that the
25:04
eye of the beholder. really? You
25:06
mean so I perceive things obviously.
25:08
The other day, dice goes. Your
25:11
chin. You're telling that story wrong.
25:14
right? About the gambling story I go,
25:16
but that's how I remember it right. He
25:18
remembers it is a complete different way. He
25:20
thinks your name is Chin right? Vanessa Big.
25:22
So I get in the like in terms
25:25
of like, You know what? I'm glad I
25:27
made a man's. It. Just got a little
25:29
weird. And. That's it. But making the
25:31
immense is him. That's That's the important part.
25:33
I'm really not a matter I'm ready to do. I
25:35
have a couple of wars out there that want to
25:37
squash what's another where you want to put on Yoshi.
25:40
From Super Mario Brothers. You know that guy. Why
25:43
go to a different time I go to do
25:45
I can get into the car to I've seen
25:47
you get into the sewers outside of the studio.
25:49
Yeah, yeah and will you? Do you go but
25:51
at a prenup? that? yeah yeah bought. I've seen
25:54
the Rat from parking of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
25:56
Yeah, why don't call them down. But.
25:58
it was that white guy that to the voice a splinter Why
26:00
does it should be if it wasn't because it's funny.
26:02
I'm gonna cancel him. Yeah This
26:05
is like Jackie Chan. No way.
26:07
Have you heard of them? Was no
26:09
in the new one who was the original voices
26:11
splinter Kevin Kevin clash guarantee you that guy's fucking
26:13
white. Yes. He is Wait, wait,
26:15
you don't know Kevin clash. I don't know who that is You
26:18
don't know Kevin clash say it again and maybe
26:21
I'll remember It's
26:23
just like I'm sorry, it's like say
26:25
let's stop but don't you take him off take him with him.
26:27
He's black. No, no Look
26:30
at me right now. That guy was black stop. Okay.
26:32
Okay. Yeah You
26:36
know and I don't want to start argument with you
26:38
no, you're doing it I hear you brewing it right
26:40
now I'm not brewing nothing dude. The coffee maker is
26:42
warm right now and I feel the drip about to
26:44
happen. All right what I'm saying is it's
26:47
surprising because You're
26:49
somebody that when I talk to people about
26:51
you. Uh-huh. I go. Yeah, she knows Tits
26:54
bits of information, but I don't know
26:56
I've been talking man. Who was Kevin
26:59
clash just get to it How
27:02
about stop this? Be quiet Do
27:05
any of you fuck had to do Kevin clashes? Everybody
27:07
knows Kevin. You really do know Kevin. Oh,
27:09
he doesn't okay. Thank you Have
27:12
you heard of Elmo? Did
27:15
have you heard of Elmo
27:24
I It's
27:27
the red puppet that's full of love
27:31
You know, why haven't listen, you know why I don't
27:33
know that let me finish cuz I'm a big boy
27:35
Oh, you're dumb boy, and
27:37
I'm a big boy and I don't
27:39
pay attention to the Sesame Street voiceover
27:41
actors What the fuck are you not
27:43
a Sesame Street voice after I what
27:45
is Elmo? I'm gonna tell you what
27:48
is it? I'm not done talking finish.
27:50
All right so Kevin
27:55
clash with a guy he grew
27:57
up in Baltimore. Okay, what are you
27:59
Wikipedia? No, I'm telling you because he's
28:01
a legend Okay, it's like
28:04
I know things about Lou Reed. I know things
28:06
about Kurosawa. I know both of them I know
28:08
things about Kevin Clash! Lou Reed and Kurosawa are
28:10
not Kevin Clash! The voice
28:12
of Elmo is like Lou Reed. The voice of
28:14
Elmo? Do you fucking so dumb? Get fucked. The
28:17
voice of Elmo is Lou
28:19
Reed. That's a comparable thing.
28:21
Yes. Oh my fucking god.
28:24
Oh my god, you're gonna make my throat sore dude.
28:26
You're so dumb dude. Do you know him personally? I'm
28:29
a huge fan if I met him it would be like why
28:31
are you a huge fan of the Elmo guy? It's
28:34
not just an Elmo guy. Do
28:37
he just revolutionize puppeteering? When
28:42
the fuck have you been a puppet fan?
28:45
How deep is your puppet game? Well, I mean, I
28:47
know the materials they use. Oh my god. Who is
28:50
the voice of Bert? Bert
28:52
was Frank Oz Who's
28:54
the voice of Ernie? It
28:56
was um I
28:59
don't know. You shouldn't know this. Yes, I
29:01
do. Why? Could
29:03
I finish what I'm gonna say? Is the voice of Bert Frank Oz?
29:07
I'm gonna be sick. Frank Oz is one of a Bert or
29:09
Ernie. What? Eric
29:13
Jacobson and Peter Lin. Okay fine. So
29:16
you're not deep in the Muppet game. I'm not I'm
29:18
not saying that I am a sesame street fan I'm
29:23
not gonna finish what I'm gonna
29:25
say before you get angry. I'm
29:27
already angry. You yelled at me
29:29
about fucking Kevin Clash and no one knew who
29:32
he was. Legend. I saw the documentary about him
29:35
Him playing Elmo. No, no, no
29:37
you didn't. No,
29:40
I saw the documentary. Look up documentary about
29:42
about Kevin Clash. All right, but
29:44
coming Elmo. Okay. I watched it Well, then
29:46
you would have known who he is. Yeah, I'm
29:48
just doing this to brew you up. All right,
29:50
like okay Take take take take off right? I'm
29:52
gonna ask you questions about Kevin Clash, please Really?
29:55
Yeah. All right, so um How
30:00
old was he when he first
30:03
met Kermit?
30:05
Not Kermit the Frog, but there's a guy named
30:07
Kermit who created Kermit the Frog, that guy in
30:09
New York. 42 years old. No,
30:11
he was in high school. You didn't see it. That's what I
30:13
said in high school. That's what I said. You
30:16
don't know what you're talking about. He just said, stop
30:18
giving him information. Let me give you the fucking low
30:20
down on Kevin Clash, okay? Real quick, okay? Yeah, our
30:22
fans want to know. Oh, so let's just move on
30:24
then. No, I want to hear it. I actually do.
30:26
Okay. Might be a lot of Kevin Clash fans in the house. He's
30:28
a legend. Understandably. Okay.
30:31
So what happened was, his parents
30:34
were both African American. Whoa,
30:36
slow down. All right, sorry. They
30:38
grew up in an impoverished area of Baltimore.
30:41
Baltimore. Yeah, I knew that. And
30:43
back then, people would make fun of kids
30:45
that... What he would do is
30:47
he would take his dad's pimp jacket and
30:49
cut out... What's so funny? And cut
30:51
it all up, right? Why is it a
30:53
pimp? You mean it's just a jacket? Like a furry jacket.
30:55
Was his dad a pimp? No. Like
30:59
make it Rachel. No, I'm just
31:01
saying, right? And then you would like, you know what I mean? And
31:03
oh boy. Yeah, I'm motherfucking Elmo. That
31:05
was the first version. Yeah, yeah. So,
31:08
um... What's up, Big Bird? Yeah,
31:10
and his mom would like call Sesame Street and go,
31:12
my son is really into puppeteering. Here's
31:16
this kid in impoverished, a black kid, right? And
31:19
then he hooked up with Captain
31:22
Kangaroo. Hmm. You
31:25
know Captain Kangaroo? Yeah, we know that. Yeah, very famous.
31:27
Gave him a job, gave him a job, right? Right.
31:30
Then he fucking meets Frank
31:32
Oz and he meets Jim Henson. Jim Henson. The
31:34
legends. The name the people know. Jim Henson, the
31:36
legends of the game. Yep. And
31:39
Jim goes, well, why don't you come and work... Well,
31:41
he first offered him in Dark Crystal
31:44
and then he couldn't do it for some reason.
31:46
It almost destroyed the relationship. But what happened was... You
31:48
had to show back together all those pimp jackets.
31:52
What? Well, if you
31:54
ruin a pimp jacket, you got to put it back together. That is true. Of
31:57
course. Because when daddy finds
31:59
out, he ain't gonna be... to happy. So
32:02
um so he's that sesame street
32:04
young you know I mean I think the
32:06
first black puppeteer which is a cue that
32:08
I know is true. Right yeah and there
32:10
was so Elmo wasn't always Elmo a bunch
32:13
of puppeteers try to make this puppet work I bet
32:15
you there's a bunch of puppets laying around and people
32:17
pick it up and go what about this you know
32:19
I mean and they're like they're like
32:21
no whatever
32:25
yeah right exactly yeah it didn't
32:27
work so he so some guy
32:30
threw Elmo at him you
32:32
make it work I get it to work you make
32:34
it work and so Kevin Clash took
32:36
it and he thought
32:38
about it and he thought about
32:40
what do kids love what does the voice of love
32:42
sound like love what is love and
32:45
he goes I did see the documentary by the way
32:47
pure love pure love and so that's
32:49
why he came up always hugging this it
32:52
became a hit yeah yeah exactly and then
32:54
what ended up having was he became the
32:56
executive producer of Sesame Street eventually traveled
32:59
the world you know I mean as Elmo
33:01
helping you know I mean disabled kids and
33:03
stuff like that I don't I did the
33:05
body that's okay yeah I'm so sorry it's
33:07
instinct for you well yeah I mean
33:09
I have no no you're I have spinal lift it
33:11
up anyway um to me he's a legend come
33:14
on finish it you did you were at the point when you were saying
33:16
he became executive versus Sesame
33:18
Street traveled the world traveled the world
33:20
entertaining kids and you know in impoverished
33:22
impoverished lands can I ask you something
33:24
yeah this is me I'm not making
33:26
a joke yeah cuz I saw the
33:28
documentary it's great he's wonderful do
33:31
you think that you secretly wanted to become a
33:33
puppeteer is
33:36
that why it touched no no I'll
33:38
be honest with you I I'm always
33:41
interested in people who are a minority
33:43
you know in an area where they
33:46
don't traditionally have minorities and being somebody that
33:48
would becomes a pioneer I really
33:50
like that story like other ones like that that's the only one peanut
33:52
butter guy but he didn't do the peanut butter so I don't
33:54
even know Washington
33:57
cover Washington George Carver Washington yeah
34:00
Yeah, yeah, apparently he didn't invent it.
34:02
No. Yeah. Yeah, you know, I'm interested
34:04
in people that are like like for
34:06
instance like the like the first We
34:08
should do a documentary about the first Asian male American
34:13
porn star Has there been
34:15
one that's why I don't know. Yeah, I doubt it
34:17
But if there was if there's one that rises you
34:19
would I would probably go oh, that's my guy I
34:21
just got to be honest with you. I highly doubt
34:23
an Asian male porn star has really made it through
34:25
the system Why well, there's checks
34:27
and balances aren't there? What
34:30
what stop stop stop? Do
34:34
you really get it you're gonna piss me out here is yeah
34:36
Kenny style sales born to a single mother who was a
34:38
sex worker in Thailand So his mom was already in the
34:40
business inheriting the business if you will. Yeah, yeah Kenny's
34:43
doing they moved to the United Kingdom where she
34:45
married a British national and then this guy is
34:47
now a porn star Here in he's
34:50
from lump whom Thailand By
34:52
the way, you know, I don't know if you guys know this about Kenny
34:54
styles 2006 he won
34:56
he won best male newcomer Wow regarded
34:58
as the first heterosexual Asian male porn
35:01
star an American pornography the first I
35:04
Know and what's his name Kenny
35:06
style Kenny styles? Well, I would like to know him.
35:08
Well, let's see his penis Kenny
35:10
South penis. I'd like to see what he's packing. Okay.
35:14
Oh, it's a cute little penis That's
35:16
pretty good. He's working as hard as he can to get it. I Mean
35:20
that thing is working over sucking in he's
35:22
that's working cuz look at that way That's
35:24
the more realistic version right? Yeah, zoom in
35:26
on that. Yeah, not impressive. Do you're being
35:29
mean dude being truthful? Well, but why
35:31
is big I like my porn stars black Okay
35:36
Refuse that I really can't
35:38
yeah, you can't leave this surprise. Oh my god. I can't
35:40
believe You're
35:44
gonna put it in your mouth. Oh my god Anyway,
35:46
um, yeah, well, you know what? Let's learn how about
35:49
this? I'm reaching out right
35:51
now. Okay, I'm reaching out really
35:53
to Kenny Styles If you want to come on
35:55
if you want to come on bad friend USA
35:57
number one, we would love to have you on
35:59
bad friend Yeah, yeah first Heterosexual
36:01
Asian porn star in America. We'd love to have
36:03
Kenny Styles on the show. Yeah, so um, you
36:05
know, is there like me?
36:08
What about the first Asian NASCAR driver? Never
36:11
gonna happen Why there
36:13
was one actually? fire
36:15
reaction Yeah,
36:18
he went in reverse Put
36:21
his blinker on Oh Fukuyama, that's
36:23
right. He must've been great Japanese race car driving. He
36:25
attempted to complete now You know, he attempted to get
36:27
in an ass car. Yeah, it worked out. Okay Well,
36:30
it's interesting. What is another thing like, um Like
36:34
what would a black person guy not be
36:36
good at careful careful? I know I'm trying
36:38
to be very careful But
36:40
what I'm saying is is that in your mind you're
36:42
thinking you think not not be good No, no, it's
36:44
an orthodontics what I might meant to say right? Like
36:46
you would never think that a
36:48
black dude would be one of the best puppeteers
36:51
Alright, why not though? It was in my mind. It
36:53
wouldn't it just doesn't make any like she
36:56
drowning I Look
36:59
at her she's drowning she sound yeah, that's
37:01
is that a black swimmer. Yeah, they're like the
37:03
pioneers and black swim It's incredible. She needs something
37:06
to lean on the litter Wait,
37:09
can you look up? Here we go Charleston?
37:13
You know our boy Charleston. What's his name? The
37:15
the guy that we like listen, what's his name?
37:17
A cone, but it's like the Jamaican Bob sled
37:19
team Look at this Bob. Okay,
37:22
here we go. Man hurt to help black people. Oh I
37:30
Kind of shit is that Apartment
37:34
swimming pool The
37:36
motherfucker mostly ain't open during the neighborhood.
37:38
There's no way the apartment ain't
37:40
never open five days after week No,
37:43
no, no, no. Oh Yeah,
37:46
they they damn their help was home
37:48
because it wasn't apartment swim swimming
37:50
pool They
37:52
get in the water during summertime Yeah,
37:58
momma's ain't taking them to hurricane I ain't hoeing
38:00
and playing in the city now. That's swimming
38:02
pool. That's summer swimming pool.
38:05
Take your ass down. Yeah, yeah. In
38:08
the summer swimming pool, a lot of
38:10
times that's where you get your first
38:12
little piece of pussy at, boy, in
38:14
the party complex. Bro, I fucking love
38:16
that guy. What
38:18
does it say when I see him? Charlton White.
38:21
Okay. He's fucking hysterical. All
38:23
right. In swimming pools, he's arguing
38:25
that they're not open five days a week in
38:28
the black apartment complexes. Like, they shut
38:30
down for most of the week. That's
38:32
insane. That's insane. Mando. You
38:35
know what sometimes I'm hanging out with people, dude? Like me? Not
38:38
you, because you always smell good to me. Thank you. But
38:41
sometimes I'm with somebody. Go ahead and name him. Um,
38:44
John Hakeskins. John Hakeskins? Yeah.
38:47
That guy stinks. He puts deodorant in his
38:50
pits, but whenever
38:52
I'm with John, I'm like, why are you doing all of
38:54
your body? You should have it all over your body. But
38:56
you have it. We do? Yeah. You
38:59
should have it, dude. Stop the shower and hope. Save
39:01
hope for important things. Like that time
39:03
that you were hanging out with Bobby at a party
39:05
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that code badfriends. You know, by
40:12
the way, in your pool in
40:14
your backyard, I learned this, you
40:16
know what's illegal to not have
40:18
it fenced in? If
40:20
a kid crawls into your backyard like a kid in
40:22
the neighborhood, he falls in the pool in California, they
40:24
can sue you. Well, mine's fenced
40:26
in. No, you're not. There's a
40:29
fence around your property. There's not a fence around your pool, like
40:31
that. Any property in California must have a property fence
40:33
that is at least five feet tall. Do you have a pool? Yeah. Do
40:35
you have a fence around it? No. Well, we
40:37
both focked in. Yeah. Dude, somebody brought this up
40:39
to me. The real estate agent was like,
40:42
there's no fence, right? I was like, no. My house
40:45
was built in 1940. Oh
40:47
my God. Imagine. What would you do? Well,
40:49
I'd move. No, I
40:51
don't want a dead kid going. Imagine going into
40:53
your backyard and you see, you know what I
40:56
mean? A kid floating. What
40:58
do you mean? It's gnarly. That's awful.
41:00
So what do you do? You're just
41:02
like, you know what I would do? Get back on the
41:04
road and do stand up? No, no, no. I would pick up the
41:06
kid. Oh my God. I'm not going to touch him. No,
41:09
watch what I do. And put
41:11
him in the other swimming pool next neighbor. Oh, smart.
41:13
Yeah. It's somebody else's fault. You go put in the
41:15
neighbor's swimming pool. Right. Transport him. You transport it. Right.
41:18
And that was it. So now you're broken
41:20
multiple laws. What law did
41:22
that break? What? What? The
41:24
swimming pool law. Yeah. But tampering with. You
41:27
can't move a body. I don't think so.
41:29
No. Why is that illegal? I don't know,
41:31
man, but it definitely is. If I didn't
41:33
kill it and if I didn't kill somebody.
41:35
Hold on. In some states, you can transport
41:37
a human body by ground yourself without the
41:39
services of a funeral director. So you
41:42
could be like, I was just transporting. Yeah. What
41:44
states are that? That definitely not here. You know,
41:46
that's got to be your
41:49
neighbor. And the other neighbor. If your
41:51
neighbor saw, would he snitch? Your neighbor looks
41:53
over. He's in the bathroom and he's brushing his teeth. He
41:55
looks down. Barbara? He sees a
41:57
kid in the pool. Oh, yeah, he would. He
41:59
would snitch. Of course. But then you- And the
42:01
other guy though, that my other neighbor is a writer
42:03
on Babylon 5. Is
42:06
that still on the air? No. No. It was like an
42:08
old sci-fi show. Yeah, it was like 30 years ago. Right,
42:10
right. So he's an old writer, right? So I got a
42:13
comedy producer on one side. And a Babyloner. And
42:15
a Babylon writer. Wow. I would put
42:17
in the Babylon writer. Right. They
42:19
both have pools. You have to put in his
42:21
pool. I just know the best way to go
42:23
to his background. Well, the writer might figure out
42:25
a good story to tell at some point. He
42:27
might write- That could be a book. Yeah. A
42:29
body is found in my pool. It's probably his
42:31
also. The kid would probably come from heaven. Jesus
42:34
Christ. This got sad. What? Did
42:36
he have little kids? No, the grandkids. That's
42:38
not that big of a deal. Okay, yeah,
42:40
yeah. That's fine. I mean, that's pretty hard
42:42
for him. No, no. Grandkids are fine. Yeah.
42:44
Well, what else? What else could you do?
42:47
Or could you- Drain the pool, first of all. I mean,
42:49
you know, you gotta drain it. Why? I don't
42:51
go in there. That's true. You don't. Yeah, yeah. It's
42:54
all for show. Like, I- girls, I have a pool.
42:56
You've never been in your pool. Never been in there.
42:59
Isn't that amazing? Yeah. You've never once been in your pool. No,
43:01
never. Do you have a hot tub? No.
43:03
Okay. It's like a salt pool or
43:05
something. Yeah, salt water pool. Yeah. But you've never
43:07
gone in? Yeah. Do, do, is that- Do, do,
43:09
do, do. Do, do, do, do. Yeah, go ahead.
43:12
Do Asian people. I'm a great
43:14
swimmer. No, no, no. I'm saying, but like
43:16
culturally- We swim. So if you went to
43:18
a pool party- I go in the pool. You
43:21
don't go in your own pool. You'll go to- By myself? Just
43:24
waiting by myself in the- I don't know. I'm not
43:26
gonna do that. It's so relaxing. I
43:29
do it. Okay. Maybe I will. Well, wait. I'm
43:31
asking you. An Asian guy, Gene Hong, throws a
43:33
fucking house party. It's mostly Asians. Are
43:36
you getting in the pool? If he's like, it's a pool party. If
43:39
there's a pool party, I've been always known
43:41
to do gags in the pool. You're a gag
43:44
in the pool, guys. And have fun in the
43:46
pool. But my point being is if I'm alone
43:48
in my house, I'm not gonna go in the
43:50
pool by myself. Do you ever take a bath?
43:53
Yes, I'm not in the pool. It's kind
43:55
of the same shit. Instead of- in terms
43:57
of like solo relaxation and water, what's the difference?
44:01
or I'll do it this summer I want you to do I'll
44:03
do the summer anyway what do we even talk all the dead
44:05
kid in the pool dead kid yeah I would just call the
44:07
cops yeah call them yeah and then what do I go to
44:09
prison you might yeah because I don't
44:11
have a fence around my fucking pool no because
44:13
they could tell that you tried to move the
44:15
body no I wouldn't move it they could tell
44:17
there's like so much water on the side of the pool where you
44:19
drag drug them out and then tried to flip
44:22
yeah then they're like did you try to remove the body
44:24
what would you do hit
44:30
the pool cover oh you have a pool cover you
44:32
just press a button Wow I gotta get
44:39
one of those no I don't have yeah
44:41
you would have to call yeah you calling yeah by
44:43
the time it reminds me my dad's one of my
44:45
dad's best friend they have a beautiful big pond in
44:47
their backyard back home in Chicago they go in that
44:50
they go in the pond in the pool no no
44:52
they have a pond but they have koi fish in
44:54
there koi fish you know they
44:56
do suspense they suspend themselves in the winter
44:58
in the frozen water they can
45:01
they they animate what is it called well
45:04
don't look it up don't look it up don't look it up I want to guess what it
45:06
is go explain yourself the
45:08
koi can live in frozen pond water
45:11
they freeze they freeze and then they
45:13
saw out during the summer yeah hundred percent cuz frogs do
45:15
that yeah but these koi do it and I was like
45:18
wait aren't you didn't you have to take out the
45:20
koi he's like we we had to net the koi
45:22
pond because coyotes would come and eat the koi when
45:24
they're frozen in the middle of the night no no no
45:27
just regular but he was like we take it off in
45:29
the winter cuz they're frozen underneath the ice and you can
45:31
see their dig marks still the coyotes never trying to get
45:33
to him oh wow but it's so thick and they
45:36
can't get to it wow the koi fish are
45:38
there frozen under the water nothing what do they
45:40
dream about what do you think they dream about
45:42
for five months six months what
45:44
could you dream about no matter what they're dreaming about
45:46
it's pretty like it's always like it's
45:49
like they could be like dreaming about like
45:51
you know you know I'm at Disneyland right
45:53
but do they get to go to the
45:56
yeah but the whole time they're just cold
45:58
freezing yeah at Disneyland show show me what
46:00
koi fish frozen thing is I don't
46:02
know why I'm doing this look at my hands no
46:04
that's how they free yeah
46:06
no that's not frozen pie frozen give them a frozen
46:09
pot there that one was frozen that's frozen too did
46:12
that's crazy it's crazy to me look it up
46:14
look up the you looked at Walt Disney has
46:16
had a theory here he
46:19
knew what he was doing yeah go back to all the original
46:21
yeah that one's frozen just
46:23
chillin go back to all just so I see the text of it all
46:25
what did it say in the beginning now the
46:28
goldfish nor koi wait nor koi can freeze into a
46:30
block of ice to thaw in the spring that's a
46:32
lot that's not true so what it just they
46:34
stay in the water when it's cold the
46:37
fish are warmer and safer with ice oh
46:40
so well it's frozen but
46:42
underneath the water they just stay still I
46:46
guess so you just lied no
46:49
they're no you just lied I
46:51
didn't lie yeah you did you
46:53
said they they're frozen they look frozen but
46:55
they're not frozen well they're obviously night now
46:57
you know they didn't freeze thank you dude
46:59
I'm informed I'm gonna throw
47:02
up back so you fucking know that wasn't
47:04
a problem is dude liar you're
47:06
a liar the the koi's metabolism slows down to a
47:08
crawl they spend most of their time treading water at
47:10
the bottom of the pond yeah we all do that
47:12
no they look frozen when you see it you've never
47:14
seen me in the tundra do I do that too
47:16
I go right oh that cool it
47:19
I could be in any environment and you know I
47:21
mean and I would my will I can bring my
47:23
body down to barely alive you're doing
47:25
it right now point
47:28
point point
47:32
this I guess they don't freeze Wow but
47:34
they just stay in frozen water there are
47:37
frogs that do it Google
47:39
that are there let me see if I want to
47:41
see if I won this point it's
47:43
not a point it is you got yours wrong I'm
47:45
gonna say about me are there frogs that get completely
47:47
frozen and then they come back alive 65% of the
47:49
body's frozen solid so
47:52
no they don't completely freeze that's pretty
47:54
that's a lot that's more than
47:56
half yeah yeah that's a lot of frozen that
47:58
they're half yeah yeah more than Look at
48:00
him there. That's it. Yeah, look
48:02
at that guy probably bummed Yeah,
48:05
probably bummed. He's just like rib. Is he conscious?
48:07
Rib The
48:10
rib, rib, yeah Well,
48:12
like, you know like a bear's hibernation. They're not sleeping the whole
48:14
fucking time That was something I when you were a kid. Didn't
48:17
you think that they slept the whole fucking time? They told you
48:19
that they did They don't
48:21
sleep the whole time No, they
48:23
play jenga Yeah, oh, you know, yeah,
48:25
they're some of yeah some of them do well.
48:27
Yeah, black bears probably play dice. Yeah That's
48:30
a good one, that's a good one, dude Yeah,
48:33
yeah, yeah That's
48:38
funny. This front protein is usually where bears do not
48:40
do wake up however move around inside the den Yeah,
48:42
yeah, so what they'll do is they go in and
48:44
out of sleep, but then they quickly go
48:46
back to sleep So they're not sleeping the whole fucking time
48:50
I would you are like that What
48:52
you would love if career wise we could hibernate for
48:54
a little while If we
48:56
could sleep for like a month or two straight, but
48:59
do I have to um Gather before
49:02
you've been gathering my guy. No, but like squirrels
49:04
they gather right bears do too. They gather they
49:07
gather Well, what happens is it says go back
49:09
to that oracle it even said you wouldn't make
49:11
carlos gather for you Yeah, 100 percent eight to
49:13
twelve degrees. They're lower their body posture. That's
49:16
there is one. Oh, he's taking a shot No,
49:18
you did. Yeah, that was a lazy shot. I was
49:21
like you're lazy. You let carlos do your
49:23
gathering So that's another no move.
49:25
No, you're a bear. You know, it doesn't You
49:29
broke your contract Yes,
49:31
you did you wrote a fucking did he
49:33
not read a contract right? He just broke
49:35
it you did I don't know
49:41
You even said you were gonna make fun of me and you didn't you made fun
49:43
of him. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah It's
49:45
difficult to do it right? Yeah. Yeah
49:47
because you're mean Okay
49:53
So, you know, I don't know maybe ronnie
49:55
cheng's available. We'll see what happens. I doubt
49:57
it. Anyway, um, so busy look at him
49:59
now Well that's... go
50:02
deeper in. He's too exposed.
50:05
Oh he didn't even know how to... Oh wow. No
50:07
see they don't need to be like... Oh they don't
50:09
even go into a cave. They can go underneath
50:11
a tree. As long as it's protected. Right. Yeah
50:13
there he is. That's his little spot. Whoa. Oh
50:17
wow. That's interesting. Where
50:19
do they go if there's no cave? That's what it says. Oh
50:22
that's how you know the difference? Shoulder hump? This
50:25
is good information. But
50:27
why can't... Let me ask you something. If I
50:29
made... There's business... I
50:32
don't know how I'm gonna get money for it but... If
50:34
I... Can you build
50:36
them a house? Build
50:40
a bear house? Yeah like a bear house? Do you
50:42
think they would get in instinctually? A sanctuary. A
50:45
bear sanctuary? Yeah yeah yeah. Let me get
50:47
more dome-y. But I don't know dude.
50:49
Cause they're cavernous creatures. Like they like caves not
50:51
houses. They like to be cold caves
50:53
underground or close to the earth. Like
50:56
my dog. By the way. I
50:58
bought my fucking dog a cool little doghouse thing. And
51:01
she never goes in it. It's a waste of time. Oh
51:03
dude. I was like why the fuck did I get you
51:05
that? I spent fifteen thousand dollars. I
51:07
know. What's the
51:09
matter? On the cat sanctuary. They've
51:13
never been out there. No it's insane. Sometimes
51:15
I'll go open up the door. C'mon. Nothing.
51:17
No they just go... No. No. They
51:20
even say it. Meow. Yeah. Meow. I
51:22
bought my cat. I already think I already said
51:24
this. An expensive bed. Yeah. And
51:27
I caught her once. Bojo sleeping in
51:29
the middle of a rolled yoga mat.
51:34
He was in there like this right next to
51:36
the expensive bed. I mean
51:38
being in the... Instead of a boa
51:40
constrictor is probably more comfortable than a
51:42
fucking rolled yoga mat. Cats
51:46
they don't... They don't care. And they
51:49
also don't care about healthy. Well.
51:52
What? What
51:54
do you mean? Well what? You mean a slammy
51:56
slammy? I wasn't slamming. Well their owners aren't healthy.
51:58
Why would they be healthy? hahaha
52:00
you well oh my god you know what
52:02
they don't care about healthy what they're healthy
52:05
living no I'll go and go I'll go
52:07
to the fucking pet food store and gum
52:09
hey guy what's the best
52:11
like the premium dry food yeah
52:16
I know yeah it's
52:18
not even origin it's like you know I mean there's
52:21
one that's in French writing and
52:23
the bag feels like not paper
52:25
but like there's a sheen on
52:27
it oh it's like a matte
52:29
finish right and the and the and
52:31
the and the and the font on
52:33
it is like old English but in France
52:36
you know I mean yeah what's it called
52:38
it's a book play for both but no
52:40
whatever yeah poor cats it says right book
52:42
yeah and I buy bags of this you
52:45
don't like it I go to Vaughn's
52:47
I get the cheapest fucking drive they love that well you
52:49
could buy him you know you buy him just can't tune
52:51
and throw in a cup they'll eat that shit they won't
52:53
my mom I can't even do that well you see they've
52:56
you've got them accustomed to like good shit either like it's
52:58
either like if I go to you know
53:00
like we're crock-potting chicken right now at my
53:02
house for my dog Wow we
53:06
crock but we do the big crock pot yeah
53:09
we feed her dog food that
53:11
has the nutrients and vitamins in it but
53:13
she fucking loves chicken so I
53:16
love the chicken so we'll do a big crock pot although
53:18
it could I all the last thing I want to say
53:20
too about my drugs I've been talking
53:22
about my interior designer so when they so when they
53:25
put up the paint
53:28
they painted or they put up wallpaper some
53:30
wallpaper some paint got it I
53:33
literally was like at
53:36
all you didn't pre-approve it I did
53:38
but once you see it live
53:40
you're like yeah it feels weird but
53:42
then once they put in the furniture
53:45
and the drapes it looks beautiful it's
53:47
just incredible I'm like I'll never felt
53:49
I like are you saying you're inviting
53:51
the boys over never I'll never never
53:53
you guys come over to my house you came over
53:55
today mccone yeah you
53:58
let him in or you know he just stays out the driveway
54:00
yeah yeah yeah I guess here's my suit did
54:03
you drop off his suit today it's here back
54:05
today so you're wearing a like
54:07
a a suit and tie I'm
54:09
gonna be picking up tomorrow 10 a.m. me too
54:12
you're wearing a suit and tie no just a
54:14
suit a t-shirt you know I'm
54:17
wearing a wife beater no
54:19
you're not you're not no you're not I am I'm wearing
54:21
a wife beater yeah and and board
54:23
shorts I'm spiking my hair
54:26
like ify arie that's so please do that
54:28
I'm gonna no really why not please do
54:30
it it's tv yeah yeah we gotta have
54:32
fun yeah you want a suit is so
54:34
funny or should I wear like
54:36
a Hawaiian shirt beneath it absolutely not wear it
54:38
where do you wear you're dressed up you're the
54:40
patriarch of the family are you
54:43
nervous not even a little bit I
54:45
am why because
54:47
if I can't be flavor flavor what can
54:49
I do well this episode will have come
54:51
out we're playing flavor Flaves family on family
54:53
feud we if I can't be flavor flavor
54:56
what else do I do in life ah
54:59
you crazy I know he's
55:01
gonna smoke us you think the flavor flavor family's gonna
55:03
smoke I don't know we got some good ones though
55:05
we do but I think flavor is better than we
55:07
think don't listen don't underestimate the flavor dude I know
55:09
I wanna I want to tell you something for real
55:11
to be if Chuck D showed up that'd
55:14
be he's like that'd be great how do you know
55:16
we don't know we don't know that would be fucking
55:18
amazing I just got fucking
55:20
if Chuck D just popped in oh
55:23
my god yeah boy how great would
55:25
that fucking be wow you know how bad McCone wants to
55:27
go but do you have you have to try you
55:30
don't try for the laughs I'm going I know I've been thinking
55:32
about it we're going for the laughs but you're
55:34
gonna try to be the right answer no and
55:36
then if you do if you had two
55:39
choices the right answer or the funny answer
55:41
which you're gonna do funny always oh man
55:43
we gotta no but I will say this
55:45
to you of course I'm gonna try my best okay why
55:48
are you picking up a gun I was just putting it down
55:50
well why did you have it up I
55:52
was holding it over here and then I just you've been
55:54
holding a gun the whole show yeah just
55:57
in case what the fuck's going on over here all right
56:00
I need to ask you this. Yeah, I want
56:02
to play fast money. Yes It has
56:04
to be me and you and it is if we
56:06
win. Yes, you pre-selected that. Yeah, it's you and me.
56:08
Okay Well, who
56:10
would it be? Anybody else on
56:12
no, no, you and me fast money. Yeah I'm
56:15
so nervous. I know I had to lie Are
56:21
you nervous you very I'm so nervous. I
56:23
know yeah because it's like fast money. I
56:26
could get all zeros me, too Okay,
56:28
but if we do get all zero together So
56:31
far I mean amazing should
56:33
we do should we go? During
56:35
fast money should we do it purposely?
56:37
Yes to get no points. Yeah That's
56:41
even a bigger challenge. No, but we're playing for charity.
56:43
So we want to win the money for the charity. I Didn't
56:46
be automatically doing that. I know they do. Yeah,
56:49
they gotta so if we get the challenge is
56:51
now to get all zeros That's
56:54
a good chance if that's money. Yeah, you
56:56
mean so it's like that could be actually
56:58
funnier than us actually trying Yeah, you
57:00
know if he's like name me a color on the Rubik's
57:02
Cube scubich That's
57:06
so good. Scubich. Yeah. Yeah. He's
57:08
like scubich. Yeah show me scubich.
57:11
Yeah, I think orange chicken
57:14
I would be orange chicken, but you'll get points for
57:16
the orange. Oh, yeah What
57:18
if our answers are all Asian stuff? Oh Fuck
57:22
that's good. If he's like when your spouse
57:24
comes home late at night. What's the first
57:26
thing you think of rickshaw? That's
57:32
a good one name and age when a man's
57:35
body starts to fall apart I saw Yeah
57:38
Really you think so? I thought yeah, you don't think
57:40
that'll be good I think it's so funny to
57:43
tank it is almost funnier than doing well.
57:45
Let me ask you something. All right When
57:48
you're driving around how long would you take
57:50
before you ask for help kimchi? But
57:54
they had confident Not
57:56
even skip a beat yeah, yeah, right you're
58:02
Maybe a color on the rainbow. Walk.
58:08
Okay. I think we should do it. No.
58:11
Come on. Well, we're going to commit to it on the day. How about this? Depending
58:14
the mood of the show. We'll make a shotgun
58:16
to sit. You know Steve's going to hate it. Here's
58:18
another thing. He's going to be so mad about it. My fear
58:20
is this. No. Not only
58:23
are we bad, but we're not funny as well.
58:25
That's impossible. No. Thank
58:27
you, Carlos. It could be complete because the thing
58:29
is when people are funny on that show, it's
58:31
not that they're funny people. Yeah, but it's just
58:34
they make a mistake that's like, you know, that
58:36
Steve can do like an awkward
58:38
stare or whatever or make
58:40
it weird. You know, if
58:43
we try to be funny, it could come
58:45
across as hammy. I know
58:47
what you're saying. So we can't try to be funny. I don't
58:49
know what to do though. I
58:52
think that if I go, I'll be really
58:54
excited. So, hey, Steve. You know what I
58:57
mean? See, but then it's going to come off as
58:59
hammy. No. Okay. Be
59:01
real. You, Steve. Oh man, we got a good
59:04
one for you today. Introducing the Leaf
59:06
family. First
59:08
up is Bobby. Bobby, introduce everybody here on
59:10
the lineup. What? Introduce
59:13
everybody here in your family. How
59:16
you doing, man? You good? I'm good,
59:18
man. I'm just so nervous. You still
59:20
do stand up? So we got here, Andrew Santino. I
59:23
love him. Yeah. His stand
59:25
up. You're going to go all down. His stand up
59:27
is so good. I love this guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
59:29
But he'll ask Kalila. What else we got? Who's
59:32
that? My ex-girlfriend, Kalila. You brought your ex to
59:34
the show. And then Esther. I don't know her
59:36
that well. Who that little nugget?
59:38
Esther. That's an adult.
59:40
Yeah, yeah. And then Gene. So,
59:45
I think we're going to do great. Here's
59:49
the thing. The reason why I want you there
59:51
too is if the ship
59:53
goes down. We're going down together. We have
59:55
to go down together. If
59:57
it sinks, we sink as one. I
59:59
won't let you down. baby although if
1:00:02
the ship sinks and we're both on a door
1:00:06
what do you mean you know like the ship
1:00:08
sinks and I got a door to hold on to and then you're
1:00:10
swimming in the water and you're like I'm cold can
1:00:12
I can I get on the door
1:00:14
yeah oh like in I get it yeah
1:00:18
yeah why didn't she let him on the door there
1:00:23
was plenty of fucking room all
1:00:26
right why didn't she let him on the door look at
1:00:28
how much room is on the door if
1:00:31
I would but here's what I but he fucked up
1:00:33
how calm I know that looks and she's got a fucking
1:00:35
life preserver on but this is where he fucked up I
1:00:38
thought about it falling in love with her no what
1:00:40
he's in the water got it what
1:00:43
I would have done is looked her right in the eyes
1:00:45
and said hey Rose it's
1:00:48
much warmer in the water oh
1:00:50
she pops in I jump
1:00:52
on right and I
1:00:54
goes waiting away
1:00:57
right what do you think
1:00:59
that's good I start waiting right right smart good
1:01:01
shark you know and I start waiting away bye
1:01:03
Rose bye Rose what would you do there's
1:01:06
no way you would get your human you
1:01:08
just met the bitch your instinct on
1:01:11
the boat you know a Titanic passenger
1:01:13
list reveals that there
1:01:15
were eight travelers of Chinese descent aboard the Titanic
1:01:17
but only six of them survived Li Bing Chang
1:01:20
chip Chang chip
1:01:23
was on there Chang chip I'm such
1:01:25
a big fan of her work Chung
1:01:27
Fu Ling he I've had that at
1:01:29
the restaurant Fang Lang and I'll lamb
1:01:32
dude it's you know have you ever had
1:01:34
all lamb it's delicious I know
1:01:36
you know what makes me even angry after you read that
1:01:38
not a one
1:01:40
person of that in in that you saw them
1:01:42
in the movie well they all
1:01:45
six of them survived at
1:01:48
least in the background walking by with a plate
1:01:51
first of all they didn't even fucking do that no those
1:01:53
were passengers they were good actors what
1:01:55
the guy on the left definitely was almost died
1:01:57
look at his face Jesus he got shot I
1:01:59
don't know what have those ways. Dude
1:02:01
they looked. Now this
1:02:03
is a movie I
1:02:05
would love to see. The six Chinese
1:02:08
survivors from the Titanic. Yeah. Oh
1:02:11
well they probably did sneaky shit
1:02:13
though. Sneaky shit. What do they
1:02:15
do? They must
1:02:17
have done. What were they up to
1:02:19
on the boat you think these Chinese travelers? The
1:02:24
tragic tale of Masabi
1:02:27
Honsou, the Japanese Titanic survivor who was
1:02:29
ostracized for not going down with the
1:02:31
ship. Oh
1:02:33
from Japan? The culture. Wait
1:02:35
the culture goes you should have died with the
1:02:38
everybody else. Your honor survived and they were
1:02:40
mad about it? Like in Godzilla minus
1:02:43
one the theme right in the theme was like you
1:02:46
know he didn't go down with the bonsai so
1:02:48
when he came back to the you know I mean you know
1:02:50
the military you know
1:02:52
he was disgraced. How are you alive?
1:02:54
He's the only this dude was the
1:02:56
only Japanese traveler to board the ship
1:02:59
and he survived. That's incredible. This guy has
1:03:01
flowers why would he want him dead? He
1:03:04
was prepared to die when an officer said there was a space on
1:03:06
the lifeboat. I will take
1:03:08
my life. He's
1:03:10
the space on the boat. Right. I love him like his
1:03:12
eyes don't. That's really funny. I
1:03:21
think there's room for one more.
1:03:23
Yeah yeah. According to Metropolis Japan
1:03:26
he was shamed for an out of hearing to
1:03:28
the women and children first principal avoiding
1:03:30
honorable death. Honsou's object to
1:03:32
what the Japanese refer to
1:03:35
as Muruhachibu or social ostracism. So
1:03:37
they fucking ridiculed this guy for living for
1:03:39
the worst tragedy he could have lived through.
1:03:41
Oh my god. That's fuck man. He
1:03:44
lost his job despite being hired part time. The stigma followed
1:03:46
him for the rest of his life. Honsou lived in quiet
1:03:48
shame as a recluse and left the water. Why did I
1:03:50
lose my job? Well because you are alive.
1:03:56
Right. Even upon his passing mention the Titanic had been
1:03:58
forbidden in his home. That
1:04:00
is a part of Japanese culture that you're like, It's
1:04:02
bullshit, get rid of that. That's insane. It's bullshit. It's
1:04:04
bullshit. That poor bastard. It's a poor bastard. Women
1:04:08
and children were on, there was a spot. Also, could
1:04:10
I just say this? Back then,
1:04:12
racism was prevalent. It was at a
1:04:14
tall time high. Right, so imagine him
1:04:16
on the boat, and people are
1:04:19
scooting away. Right. They would do that. They don't want
1:04:21
to touch him. They don't want to touch that. No,
1:04:23
racism at its all time high. Yeah,
1:04:26
what a lonely boat ride. I
1:04:28
mean, how quiet. Nobody wants to
1:04:30
say anything. Yeah. Because he's there, they're afraid
1:04:32
he's like, you know. But what
1:04:35
if he said something, made everyone laugh? It's
1:04:37
dead quiet. Dead silent. And then he looks at
1:04:39
everyone and he goes, HADO.
1:04:45
And they all just start laughing. I
1:04:48
think I would have been really funny on that boat.
1:04:51
Don't you think? Oh, they made a move.
1:04:54
There's a North Korean on the Titanic? It's
1:04:56
the North Korean version. It's so
1:04:58
popular. Oh my God, that's so funny. It's
1:05:00
quiet. They took it a hundred times in
1:05:02
a row to perfect their story. Wow. They
1:05:05
what? Kim Jong Un made a herb.
1:05:07
Someone made them watch Titanic ten or
1:05:09
a hundred times so that they could
1:05:11
know the story so well. Wow. And
1:05:14
so we made it in North Korea. Is the graphics
1:05:16
as good? I don't think so. It looks the exact
1:05:18
same. It's Souls protest. Oh, we
1:05:20
got to get that movie. Can we buy that? There's
1:05:22
no way to find that movie. Hey, how about quiet
1:05:25
on the boat, the water splishing by.
1:05:29
Everyone's staring. He's
1:05:31
sitting there, Japanese guy. And then he goes,
1:05:35
More like a not so nice bug. Dude,
1:05:44
imagine him trying to do a bit. He's trying to do a
1:05:46
bit. He's trying to do a witty bit there.
1:05:51
That's so funny. And it dies. It dies. Yeah, it
1:05:53
dies. That would have died. It bombed so bad. Yeah,
1:05:55
yeah, yeah. But one kid in the back is
1:05:57
like, Yeah. The
1:06:00
whole movie's on YouTube for free. You better believe
1:06:02
it is. Yeah, well they want propaganda. Oh,
1:06:05
this looks exactly like the original. What
1:06:08
if the Japanese guy goes... What if the
1:06:10
Japanese guy goes off? Turn it off. He
1:06:12
goes... Just that quiet. It
1:06:14
doesn't matter, we're better here. Water-swishing vibes. Water-swishing
1:06:17
vibes. I
1:06:19
know it's really cold, but nobody
1:06:21
say, It's so nippy. You
1:06:28
go... That's good. Capitan said,
1:06:31
Iceberg not that big. I guess... He
1:06:34
was a Wong. Who
1:06:40
was driving that ship? A Chinese guy? Dude,
1:06:46
him doing bits on the boat. That's so funny.
1:06:48
I would fucking lose my shit. So funny. You're
1:06:50
such a fucking insane guy. It's insane. And the
1:06:52
poor guy... Ridiculed.
1:06:56
He probably killed himself. No, he didn't. He said
1:06:58
he died his natural death by himself in his
1:07:00
house alone. Jobless and alone. I
1:07:04
mean, come on. By the way, did you see this clip
1:07:06
of Trump going to Chick-fil-A? Have you seen this? No. It's
1:07:09
fucking hilarious. This
1:07:11
guy, he's a non-stop media fucking
1:07:14
frenzy, this guy. Donald Trump went
1:07:16
to Chick-fil-A yesterday, and
1:07:18
was talking with the workers, and
1:07:21
it was such an organic moment because you
1:07:24
had all these people... Yeah, super organic. I
1:07:26
mean, super organic. Were Trump
1:07:28
supporters as well? Minorities. What are the
1:07:30
chances? What's
1:07:33
good-looking? What's good-looking, people? That was
1:07:35
worth it. And I loved
1:07:37
that. I'm like, you're that. You're that.
1:07:40
I'm like, that's beautiful. Wow.
1:07:43
Dude, he's hilarious. It's all right, right? I'm
1:07:45
like, you know what I'm talking about? Why?
1:07:50
And also some chicken. I'm gonna take
1:07:52
care of the customers. This
1:07:55
is good. Making a
1:07:57
lot of money. Everyone's getting rich,
1:07:59
right? Yeah,
1:08:01
everyone's getting rich that works at fucking
1:08:03
Chick-fil-A, Donald Trump. He's so fucking detached.
1:08:05
That's hysterical. He does not know. We'll
1:08:08
take 30 milkshakes. I'm sure you're all billionaires.
1:08:12
When you get out of here, do you fly or drive? What
1:08:15
a fucking tune. He's an asshole.
1:08:18
Are you all Republicans? By
1:08:21
the way, this is a note to our fans. When you walk
1:08:23
into a Chick-fil-A, ask if they're Republicans. Don't order
1:08:25
yet. Hi, welcome
1:08:27
to McDonald's. I'm going to
1:08:29
take your order. Hi, are you a Republican?
1:08:32
So what I want to do
1:08:34
is I want to end this
1:08:36
podcast by asking Andreas, when are
1:08:38
you shooting your movie? When is
1:08:40
it available? So have you gone through
1:08:43
the casting process? I'm on it right now. Cool.
1:08:47
Good luck. Thank you. Let's
1:08:49
see this final clip to end the show. What is it? After
1:08:52
we finished filming, O.J. said to me that he
1:08:54
had a surprise for me, and I genuinely was
1:08:57
surprised. Just did you do it? No,
1:08:59
I didn't. I think it was his idea of
1:09:01
a joke. Nope. And
1:09:04
this is it. I did, did, did, did, did. Did
1:09:09
not do it. No, I didn't. She
1:09:12
shit her pants, huh? Dude,
1:09:15
I would be so sorry. Rest in peace,
1:09:17
O.J. You fucking asshole. What a fucking asshole.
1:09:20
Oh my God. Oh my God, dude. That's
1:09:22
insane. Thank you for being a bad friend.
1:09:26
Thank you.
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