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1:01

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1:05

coffee out of this, you're dumb. You're dumb,

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dude. Drink coffee out of this. Go to

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badfriendsmerch.com. You two are bad friends. Who are

1:11

these two idiots? You

1:17

two are disgusting. You

1:19

two are something. We're bad friends.

1:22

You know, last night it was Margaret, Arsenio, and I

1:24

just was sitting in that room going, I mean,

1:26

when I was younger, before I even did comedy, like they were

1:28

in the scene and I was like, I mean, you never thought

1:31

that you would ever do shows with them. I

1:33

mean, Arsenio, for sure, because I didn't know if he would

1:35

come back and do stand-up as much as he's doing. I

1:37

thought he would, because also, by the way, I got on stage

1:39

and I made, I was like joking around about him. Yeah. Because I

1:41

was like legend, like give it up for that guy. Yeah. And then

1:44

I made like a dumb joke. You know, when you'd like do a

1:46

joke, you're like, that's not true. Why did I do that? Just for

1:48

the laugh. Like I was like, well, because

1:50

I was like, I love that he knows who I

1:52

am. And I was like, he calls me Andre

1:56

Santigli, but I still like it. That

1:58

was a funny joke. And they got a laugh. It's like, that's not true.

2:01

I just said that just for the bit, but the crowd loves

2:03

it and I was like, he knows who I am, he's very

2:05

nice to me. Why did I do so? When you said that,

2:07

he looked at you. No, he didn't. And then he walked out

2:09

the door in a sad way. A,

2:11

you're lying because you were in the room and B, I watched

2:13

him in the corner, he laughed. You were in

2:15

the back with Margaret playing with her dog. Yeah, I like

2:17

to mouth kiss her dog, but my point is, is this-

2:19

Time out. Let's

2:22

talk about it. Last

2:24

night, this guy.

2:26

I'm sick. Remember when he got all- I don't

2:28

feel good. He got emotional about the Netflix dinner

2:30

he didn't get invited to. And

2:32

last night, he comes in with Margaret, he's like, how good

2:34

was that dinner? They went to like an Asian inclusion

2:37

dinner or whatever, and it was all the famous Asians,

2:39

and he got invited to that, didn't you? And you

2:41

bragged about it. All the famous Asians that were there.

2:44

Name the famous Asians that were there. Go ahead. Oh,

2:46

the famous Asians? Name them all. Okay, the guy from- Aliwa.

2:48

No, no, no, no, she wasn't there. I'm gonna tell you

2:50

right now. She wasn't? Yeah, I'm gonna tell you right now.

2:52

This must have been a bad idea. I'm gonna tell you

2:55

right now, right? Who was there? The dude from

2:57

Revenge of the Nerds, that Asian. Did

2:59

he ride the bikes? Oh, I love that guy. You

3:01

don't even know his name, dude. Oh, who cares? Yeah,

3:03

yeah, yeah. The guy that invented like the shape of

3:05

the dumpling. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, yeah,

3:08

actually, the ingredients, no, but the shape? He based it

3:10

off of you. Yeah, so there wasn't a big- Who

3:12

was there? It wasn't a dinner, dude. You're lying. There

3:14

was a famous Asian dinner, and he went, and they

3:16

talked about it all night last week. There's Asian dinners

3:18

all the time that are famous, but no one gives

3:20

a fuck about those things. I've always been invited to

3:22

those things. All right? I'm

3:25

the King Ching Chong, dude. Who? Right?

3:27

I'm the way for all the other-

3:29

King Ching Chong. Ching Chong. They always

3:31

invite me. Who threw the party? Is

3:34

that someone's house? No, it was a gigantic

3:37

thing, dinner thing, outside downtown.

3:40

Who throws it? I have to look

3:42

it up. It was an organization. I forgot what it

3:44

was. What is it called? AAPI? No, no, no, there

3:46

was a- Is it Asian American

3:48

Pacific Island? No, it's not that. Hold

3:50

on. Is that what it's called? Excellence. No,

3:53

it's not Asian's excellence. That's May 1st to May 31st.

3:55

Oh, we're almost out of it, then. No, no, no, hold on. Asian,

3:59

so AAPI. That's that's Asian

4:01

American and Pacific Islander heritage.

4:03

What was the whole month of

4:05

May dinner dinner call They give black

4:07

people February and it's 28 days and

4:09

these guys get 31. That's insane These

4:13

Asians did that's out of control Although

4:17

there there are significantly more of them. That's true

4:20

Yeah, so I always go to that. So

4:22

who was there? Who was there John Cho

4:24

Steven? Yeah, Michelle. Yeah Huge

4:26

huge all the Olympics guys the gold

4:28

that the Chinese guy that's great in

4:30

the Olympics This which team the basketball

4:33

team the Olympic skates men's basketball none

4:35

none of them. I don't Guys

4:40

you know, it's so funny what you guys doing archery

4:42

look at the look at us ice skate glorious

4:47

The movement it's mostly Russians ice skating. No that we

4:49

have a Chinese guy. What's his name Nathan Chang? We

4:51

talked about him. We got we got one so good

4:54

Anyway, anyway, yeah soon That's

4:57

on him. Zuyu anyway, so they were there and

4:59

then like we bought us. Oh, you know us

5:01

if Ali was there Asaf Ali, right?

5:03

This is the thing that bothered me last night. I asked

5:06

if Ali old friend of mine He also

5:08

goes. Oh, yeah, and W Kamau Bell. I go

5:10

he's black By the way,

5:12

none of those guys are Asaf Ali that we're talking about. Yeah,

5:14

why do you pull that that guy out? W

5:18

Kamau Bell that's an actress one in anyone W

5:22

Kamau Bell is there and I said, why was he there

5:24

and Bobby said we invite blacks, too. That's what

5:27

he said We do

5:29

you let in we invite blacks and we invite

5:32

Some Hispanics who have kind of Chinese eyes

5:35

and then we also invite we do you

5:37

have to either get high if you're Mexican You got to be

5:39

high. Yeah, there he is. There's us

5:41

if we love him. He's so talented So

5:44

anyway, um, but he's Indian which is Asian so

5:46

that is Asian so accounts W. That's how Bell

5:48

he's a black guy, right? Yeah, but he fucks with

5:51

Asians Everybody fucks with a little

5:53

fuck with Asians you ridicule and you oppress

5:56

He builds us he built us up. I've

5:58

spent my life Fucking

6:00

with an Asian. This is ruin my life. So

6:02

you got so are it would you wake up

6:04

sick? You missed our call with Hulu. Yeah,

6:07

I woke up ship and then I have to go and

6:09

do the logics movie tomorrow I'm dreading it but also all

6:11

and then I had a rust do a lunch And

6:16

there was um, I did a lunch

6:18

with this guy he's like at this guy, you know, I mean

6:20

he's a historian guy He's pitching me

6:22

something. He goes um, he goes,

6:24

you know about Genghis Khan I

6:27

wonder right Chinese

6:29

guy or whatever. He's like no No, this is

6:31

what so he had a shaman Genghis Khan. Okay,

6:34

and and and and Genghis kind of gout Makes

6:38

that lines up. Yeah. Yeah, and then the shaman goes

6:40

the way you get rid of a gal I sort

6:42

of got he goes you got to kill for 40

6:44

children and then you got to stomp on their organs

6:47

You never read that never that yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and

6:49

so he did it right and then it didn't work

6:52

So he tried it again. He tried it twice 80

6:54

kids And

6:56

then I was thinking God I wish I was Genghis

6:59

Khan shaman. Yeah, yeah clean my house. That's

7:02

how you get rid of guys twice Yeah,

7:04

I mean you have them do anything you want So

7:07

who was this guy pitching you to play his shaman

7:09

and a movie or something? You want to be you

7:11

want to play the guts? Yeah,

7:15

oh you're good Yes,

7:17

how many people did he conquer what was his deal?

7:20

He had sex with like a thousand people a day

7:22

something absurd. No, he didn't know that's what they said

7:25

It was something insane like that Genghis

7:27

Khan How

7:30

many get how many 4,000 different women holy

7:34

moly it's fuck consensual It

7:37

has to be consent. Yeah, sure Consensual.

7:40

Uh-huh. Yes, by the

7:42

way, he was alive and what was the time period again? He died

7:44

and like Go up go back

7:46

a page. Yeah 1227. Yeah Real

7:50

good side you all yeah. Nah,

7:52

it's caveman era, bro There

7:54

were some woke people back then in in

7:56

1100. Yeah, I doubt it. Yeah. Yeah Anyway,

8:00

yeah, we've seen some of the photos of the Mongolians,

8:02

they had blue hair. Yeah, that's

8:04

true. Yeah, and they cosplayed.

8:07

They were all trans. So let me ask you something too. Got

8:12

it out. I don't even know what's going on. But let me

8:14

see something too. Tell me about this historian.

8:16

Did you have a good time with him? The

8:18

historian? Yeah, he took a photo. Was it worth missing the

8:20

Hulu call this morning about a video show? It wasn't that.

8:23

It wasn't that. No. You were already

8:25

a... Well, what happens is, I'm sorry, pal,

8:28

my bud. Don't say sorry to me. If they sorry to Hulu.

8:31

They didn't care. They did. They

8:33

didn't. First thing on the call, is Bobby gonna join?

8:35

Yeah, what does that mean? And then when

8:37

they said, oh, he's not gonna join, what are they, oh,

8:39

we gotta, we gotta cut this guy loose.

8:41

He's hard to deal with. I

8:45

can't wait till it does happen. Yeah, what? I

8:47

can't wait till they're like, we just can't deal

8:49

with Bobby. I just a little too inconsiderate of

8:51

all of our time. Dude, first of all, could

8:53

I say something? I forgot about it. I know

8:55

you didn't. And that's a good thing. Reminded you

8:57

last night. I'm not sure, I said,

8:59

I'll see you in the call tomorrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

9:01

yeah, yeah. This is you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

9:03

yeah. I thought you meant this. I'll see you on

9:05

the call. You think this is a call? We're calling each other right

9:07

now, but it's, am I not calling you? Hello.

9:11

Hello. Hi. There we

9:13

go. Okay. I don't hear you like this. I hear

9:15

you through here. It's a call. How

9:18

long is too long to wait for your coffee at a coffee

9:20

shop? 10

9:23

minutes, they refund. Okay,

9:25

I walked out. No. Walked

9:27

out. Which one? I

9:30

can't. It depends on which one it is. I'm not gonna say

9:32

it. I can't put it, it's a mom and pop thing. I'm

9:34

not gonna put them on blast. It was Starbucks. It's that new

9:36

one that's really good that I go to all the time. 20

9:39

minutes, I'm not kidding. But

9:42

isn't that the place they use the mushroom? Chaga?

9:46

Yeah. I walked back in and I was like, excuse me. Did

9:49

you guys, am I in line? And

9:52

the guy's like, we have a lot of the go orders, man. I was like, you got

9:54

it, I left. I paid for the coffee and

9:56

I left. I

9:59

just was like, what the? fuck is I don't want to what am

10:01

I gonna fight for the money but I'm over it it's over I gotta

10:03

go yeah yeah yeah there's like 20 minutes I'm not

10:05

kidding okay if I'm not exaggerating 16 minutes

10:09

what's too long isn't that too

10:11

long listen the other

10:14

day I went to long straw salt

10:16

and straw ice cream my favorite right I waited

10:19

probably 45 minutes ago in there well that's gonna be

10:21

the line every day but I'll tell you what the

10:23

problem is and people need their fingers

10:25

removed some for sure for

10:27

this sampling

10:31

oh yeah I try your fingers need to be

10:34

removed you know the Spaniard you know he tries

10:36

all of them doesn't he yeah pig but salt

10:38

and straw has six flavors that are just right

10:40

and they have seasonal ones but

10:42

it's like take the

10:45

gamble you know when a guy goes can I get a

10:47

sample of cookies and cream I'm like get fucked you

10:49

don't know what that tastes like fucking get fucked

10:51

you don't know what cookies and cream tastes like

10:54

get the fuck out yeah if this is your

10:56

unless you are even if you just had cookies and

10:58

cream separately you know you know

11:00

what it tastes like the guy

11:02

that samples traditional flavors should be

11:05

fucking shot in the head if

11:07

you want a cinnamon waffle

11:09

raspberry twist yeah I'd love to know what

11:12

that tastes like but the guy that goes

11:14

can I try can I try the rocky

11:17

road the rocky road is that okay yeah no

11:20

no you don't get to try it should have a sign

11:22

that says samples you're not allowed to try standard

11:25

you can't are so you're saying some samples

11:27

you can try of course no yes

11:29

no yes I refuse because

11:31

I'll tell you this when I didn't

11:34

sample and I failed yeah so I went

11:36

to salt straw and I was with a friend

11:38

and I go I'm gonna get

11:40

the balsamic nope strawberry oh

11:44

that sounds good you have to sample you

11:46

don't know

11:48

the sample you don't know sample you

11:51

don't know you have to sample you don't know

11:53

sample sample this is by the way a curb

11:55

episode I doing sample

11:57

my Nixon you

12:00

Anyway, so I

12:03

took a bite of the, and it's balsamic, like

12:05

vinegar. Yeah, we know. Okay. Yeah. And I hit

12:08

the vinegar first, and a little bit of strawberry

12:10

aftertaste, and I almost vomited in my mouth, and

12:12

I looked at my date and I go, yeah,

12:14

I failed, but that's what ice cream

12:16

stores should be like. No, no. Yeah, you take

12:19

a risk, it's like a gamble. No. Yeah. Or

12:22

everyone waits an hour, fuck that shit. You

12:26

should open up an ice cream store called You Break You By, and

12:29

that's it. They just give you one thing, you walk, it's like

12:31

soup Nazi. You know, it's like you don't get the chews, they

12:33

give you the kind, and if it's bad, too bad. Five

12:36

dollar, you break you by, and then you get the ice cream. You

12:39

walk outside. Yeah. And

12:41

that's it. I do understand your business perspective. I don't

12:44

think it's gonna work. Oh no, how about this? You

12:46

charge for the samples. You

12:49

know what? Ten cents. How about this? How about this?

12:51

No, no, no, how about this? You get one sample for free. After

12:54

that, it's a dollar a sample. Fair. That's

12:57

fair. You better pick, you better pick. I gotta give it something

12:59

better. Give it. I got

13:01

something better. Give it. Pre-samples. Pre-samples.

13:05

They've chosen what you should say. No, no,

13:08

no, no. You have all the flavors in

13:10

another area. Their

13:12

sticks are sticking out, and they have the flavor.

13:14

Oh, how about like colognes? They

13:17

spray. Oh yeah. You smell ice cream. Oh,

13:19

that's smart. Yeah, yeah, that'd be cool. That's

13:21

smart. Right, like a little stick, right? Right,

13:24

and they go, oh, balsamic strawberry. I don't want this in my

13:26

mouth. No, thank you. If you can smell it, you can taste

13:28

it. That's what my grandfather used to say. You smell it, and

13:30

then you go, I don't like this, and they go, let it

13:33

dry for a second. Wave it around

13:35

your skin. Right. You have to wipe it on your skin,

13:37

and then lick it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. By the way,

13:39

how come we haven't done that at ice cream stores? What?

13:42

A lickable thing. Like the

13:44

wallpaper from Charlie and

13:46

Chocolate Factory? No. Lickable wallpaper? You

13:49

never thought about this? This is like the coolest thing in

13:51

that fucking movie. How have we never done this? Okay, lickable

13:53

wallpaper. Is this because of COVID? Yeah, at an ice cream

13:55

store every day, they should have a lickable piece of wallpaper.

13:57

Well, let's start with this then. Let's even start even from.

14:00

Look at that right there. Whatever happened to Scratch and

14:02

Sniff? Whatever happened?

14:04

Dude, back in the day it was all Scratch and Sniff. And

14:06

it went away. And it went away. I wanna bring it back.

14:08

Bring it right back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And

14:11

those smelly good markers. You know the smelly good markers? What

14:13

were those guys? Yeah, yeah. Though we're good, dude. You could

14:15

get fucking stoned on one of those things. You could huff.

14:17

Whatever happened to the one that I got molested it was

14:19

offered to me. Well, that will.

14:21

The stick, the stick and the powder. Stick

14:23

in your penis. Fun dip. Oh, fun

14:25

dip. Fun dip. Anyway.

14:30

What were those markers called, Carlos? You just found it.

14:32

I thought y'all had moved on. No,

14:34

those are so good. What were those? Fruit scented

14:36

markers. You can eat them or smell them. You

14:38

could basically eat them. I mean, who cares? Mr.

14:40

Sketch smelling markers. Yeah, Mr. Sketch. Whoa. Fun dip

14:42

went away. Fun dip went

14:45

away because it was just

14:47

Kool-Aid powder. People were like, this is just Kool-Aid

14:49

powder. But, God, guy, you're

14:51

not thinking about the second fucking component.

14:53

The stick? The stick. Nobody liked

14:55

to eat the stick. Those sticks though are delicious. You

14:58

like them because they're phallic. Most people don't like them because

15:00

they're not edible. They're not good to eat. You like them

15:02

because they're shaped like a little penis. Looks like Xanax too.

15:05

Oh, that's good if they put lines on it. Dude, dude,

15:07

dude. I saw a documentary on

15:10

Netflix. You know, a couple weeks ago

15:12

I was just bored. You know, you're super bored. And

15:15

I watch anything, right? So I

15:17

watched this documentary about Pez dispensers. How

15:20

about the history of Pez? No, some

15:22

dude that cornered the black market of

15:24

Pez dispensers. So this dude, right? With

15:26

black people? Did I

15:28

say black people? You said the black people market.

15:30

Is that what you said? No, I

15:32

didn't say black people. Right, they take the

15:34

tape back. Take it back? Yeah,

15:37

yeah. I don't know, I thought you said it.

15:39

Okay, so you know how Pez dispensers are

15:42

collectible? They are kind of. So back

15:44

in, no, they are. Like

15:46

the Batman, like there's ones that are like $2,000, $3,000 in one. Anyway,

15:51

can I just get to my point? Go. So

15:53

this dude, right? He

15:56

had no money. He was kind of a farmer.

15:59

He had no money. I gotta figure this out. What's

16:01

the funny? You're either

16:03

a farmer or you're not. You're not kind of a farmer. He is.

16:06

Did he have a garden at the front of his house? No, he had

16:08

land. So he's a farmer. I didn't farm

16:11

that much though. Anyway, I don't know. That's why

16:13

he was poor. If he farmed a little bit

16:15

more, he'd have a couple more bucks in his pocket. I'm not really here

16:17

right now. So anyway, I'm trying to talk. Imagine he's

16:19

got 20 acres of land. He's like, I haven't farmed in years. I don't

16:21

know what's not going on. I don't know why I can't get any money.

16:23

So you know what he did, this guy? So

16:26

there was pest dispensers manufacturers

16:29

in Europe, like in Ukraine or something,

16:31

these kind of East European, right? So

16:33

he would go there. I watched this. No,

16:35

you didn't. Yes, I swear to God. You swear

16:37

to God. And he would get the ones

16:39

that we didn't... Because they didn't come

16:41

to America, these pest dispensers. So he got those. He

16:44

would just walk into the warehouse and do side

16:46

dealings with these people. He managed to convince them

16:48

that it was okay to sell it to him.

16:50

Yeah. Even though he had no

16:53

credentials. You saw it? I was just saying. Wait, wait,

16:55

how did you see it? Name a documentary on there.

16:57

Even if I don't remember the name, I've seen it.

16:59

I've sat on enough planes across this country going to

17:01

shows where I just watched. How did you see the

17:03

whole thing? I finished the whole thing. I liked it.

17:06

He finally got caught. He did get caught. Which

17:08

is insane. Yeah, yeah. Because for

17:10

a long time, even the company was like, it's not that

17:12

big of a deal. Like he wasn't really doing anything that bad. But

17:15

the American pest dispenser guy? Yeah, the pest... Buried

17:17

him. Yeah, they killed him. He tried to

17:19

bury him, which is that he's a fool. That's him right there.

17:21

That's my man, dude. That's my farmer. That looks

17:23

like a farmer. It looks like a hippie. Okay,

17:26

you're right. Yeah. You're

17:28

right. By the way, the organization of his fucking clamps

17:30

in the background, that is... That's great.

17:32

That's beautiful. Yeah, I don't know how any of it

17:34

works. Now you don't know what

17:36

any of those things are? Even when you get picture

17:38

frames and do these things, they bring you... I

17:41

can't do any of this. They give you like a little

17:43

plastic cup kind of a thing. And

17:45

then you got to put that in the wall. And

17:47

then you got to figure out where the board is

17:50

behind the wall. I just

17:52

take a nail and go pop, pop. To

17:54

the drywall. Yeah. Yeah, that's smart. Or

17:56

to call George. Or pop, pop. Honestly,

18:00

man, you got to enunciate a little bit

18:02

more. That's getting bad. Yeah, it was great.

18:04

You're going backwards. He had oral surgery this

18:06

morning. Oh, that's right. That's right.

18:09

Oh, that's what it is. You had oral sex with some guy this morning? Yeah.

18:12

Does it hurt? A lot of kind of lingus. Yeah. Wait,

18:15

what got cut? Your molars? I

18:17

had a crown lengthening procedure.

18:19

You made a crown bigger? Yeah,

18:23

they have to shave

18:26

the bone. They had to shave the bone. Yeah.

18:29

Wow, this guy showed up after surgery. Gold

18:33

gala. Gold gala from Gold House. Okay.

18:36

What is that? I got it. What

18:38

the fuck are you talking about? The

18:40

Asian event. Oh, Gold House. Jesus Christ.

18:42

I just got it. Gold

18:45

House, Gold Gala. Yeah, Gold Gala. That's what it

18:47

was. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Beautiful,

18:50

A. Beautiful. Look at that. I didn't

18:52

do the right carpet. You know me. I

18:54

sneak in from the back. No, I think they requested you to ask.

18:56

No, and ask Margaret. Margaret goes, who's the first

18:58

one to leave? Every time. You

19:01

got to. Yeah, yeah. Look at. That's

19:04

beautiful. That's beautiful. That's

19:06

the guy. That's not the table we

19:08

got. No. We got way back.

19:10

But we got a pretty good table. Jimmy

19:12

O. Yang? Look at that. See,

19:15

now, Gold Gala, right? You're

19:18

saying I went. Am I in the

19:20

photo? Because you left. You leave

19:22

early. Oh, fuck. The guy from Queer Eye.

19:25

And by the way, even Ali Wong, not Ali Wong,

19:27

even Margaret last night said that you got you guys, they

19:29

got gift bags and you left too early. You didn't get

19:31

a fucking gift bag. Oh, I've missed the photo. And

19:34

the gift bag. I'd rather leave. Who

19:36

else is in there? I saw John Cho. Is John in

19:39

the photo? Who else is in there? John

19:41

Cho's not in the photo. It looks photo. Is

19:43

that Kevin Spacey? Who's in there? That

19:46

guy? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah.

19:50

No, that was from a year before. That's Daniel Dae Kim.

19:52

You don't know who that is? You mean that guy? You don't

19:54

know who that is? He's just an Asian

19:57

guy. Jesus Christ. No, honestly, who is Daniel Dae

19:59

Kim? Daniel De Kim. He was in Lost,

20:01

right? By the way, this

20:03

photo's photoshopped. You realize these people aren't in the same

20:05

room. You can tell. Those two older Asian

20:07

women right there, they were not in that photo. They're

20:09

dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got yours a couple of

20:11

years ago. The posthumous photo. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anywhere,

20:13

I went to that, but it's not the same. Who's

20:16

that, Ben Baller up top? Also,

20:18

I didn't dress good. I

20:20

didn't dress well. Well, either. No, I

20:23

know. Good or well. Yeah, neither. No, I came.

20:25

What were you supposed to do? What would you

20:27

wear to that? You don't have a suit? I

20:29

wore like this. I wore

20:31

a jacket. Pat

20:33

Milakshimi, she's famous and

20:35

beautiful. Yeah. You

20:37

wore a suit coat? Yeah, but

20:40

something cool happened. Dev

20:42

Patel. There's some high-end Asians over there, bud.

20:45

Bobby, I searched your name, but. What?

20:48

Yeah, they're not gonna put my name in there, dude. No. Because

20:52

they think of this kind of

20:54

entertainment as the bottom of the

20:56

barrel bought. So do we. I

20:58

know we do, but we're still the top. That's the best.

21:00

We're the top of the bottom. No, no, we're still at

21:02

the top. They view it bottom. No,

21:04

we're in the shit barrel, but we're at the top of

21:06

the shit barrel. We're the cream on top, baby. Yeah, but

21:09

the barrel, it gets released. Not

21:11

often. Yeah, I know. But the foam on

21:13

top of the shit barrel, it gets released.

21:15

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sponsoring the podcast. Scout

24:54

Bassett, that's a cool name. Look at her. Paralympian

24:57

author and advocate. Yeah,

24:59

they're all involved. What did you just say? I said Scout Bassett and what

25:01

did you say? You said it was a great name

25:04

and I said, yeah, if you're a dog. I'm

25:07

sorry, I was mean to scout. Let's not talk about dogs and

25:09

we're talking about the Asian heritage thing, okay? You're right. It's a

25:11

little fucked up. Dude, are you claiming that she

25:13

ate Scout Bassett? I

25:15

mean... You are what you eat. Has

25:18

she claimed the name? Dude, I

25:20

don't know what that's saying, dude. If you eat a dog,

25:22

you have to be its name is very funny. Very funny.

25:25

I'm chippy now. I'm

25:31

fluffy. You become... I'm

25:34

jangles. You become

25:36

the dog you eat. Yeah, that's so funny. That's

25:38

a Disney movie. That's really funny. Did

25:42

you see the Disney movie? The If? If?

25:45

Is it If? It's Pixar. It's

25:49

what's his name? Bradley Cooper. No, John

25:51

Krasinski. We gotta go see

25:53

it. Isn't Bradley Cooper in the movie? Isn't

25:55

he the voice? One of the voices? I saw him at the...

25:57

Dude. John

26:00

is the next Spielberg. You

26:03

said that last night and it pissed me off yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

26:06

What is that even fucking mean? Because when

26:08

you watch the, because, okay, Quiet Place, right?

26:11

Killed it. Yeah. Great movie.

26:13

It's not Spielberg. Steven

26:16

fucking Spielberg? Steven

26:19

Spielberg. You think John Krasinski, and this

26:21

is not to disrespect him, is gonna

26:23

be Steven Spielberg. I think that he

26:25

has his sensibilities, yeah. Okay, call me

26:27

in 20 years, you will go box office toe

26:29

to toe. It's a different landscape

26:31

now. That's impossible to fucking compare. It's already a flop.

26:33

This one is already a flop. Why? The if? Yeah,

26:36

I bought it. How do you know? Because he didn't

26:38

do well in the box office. That's what that's a

26:40

flop? Oh. Garfield

26:42

made 100 million. But what

26:45

I'm saying though is the trajectory, for

26:47

instance. You shouldn't feed your cat lasagna, by

26:49

the way, if I'm gonna go back to the Garfield thing real

26:52

fast. They don't like it, I tried. You cannot. I have three

26:54

of them, they don't like it. They do not want it. That's

26:56

such a bad lie. Look at that, it made

26:58

33 million in the States. It farmed. But.

27:02

God, that's so bad for a movie like that. I

27:04

know. That thing probably cost, I don't know, $500 million.

27:07

Well, how much does it cost? It's like Clooney. That's like his

27:09

thing. He just hangs with George Clooney. What do you mean? Did

27:11

you don't think so? Maybe it cost 300 million. Maybe

27:14

it cost like $100. Let me see what happens. 100 plus 100. Sebastian's

27:17

in it. He's in the DNA. Yeah, I'm

27:19

saying, yeah. I think Maniscalco's in his voice or something.

27:22

Anyway. You can make a Schindler's list. Well.

27:27

And they already did that. The budget. Something like

27:29

that. That's 110 million on production. Doesn't mean they,

27:31

A, didn't go over, and B, that's not on

27:33

marketing and promotion. Of course. Double that. Okay, so.

27:37

250 then. Well, let me say something. There's a

27:39

lot of atrocities throughout history, but what is left

27:41

to make a movie out of it? We've

27:44

done a lot of the. If Krasinski makes a

27:46

9-11 movie, we'll talk. Make

27:49

him make a 9-11 movie, we'll talk. They

27:51

already did that one. What was it called? Nicholas

27:53

Cage. Sully? No, not Sully. 9-11?

27:57

When they're in the elevator the whole time? They're not in the

27:59

elevator, they're just under. of the building. No,

28:01

no, I'm talking about, That was a great movie, Michael. I

28:03

want the perspective. Michael Pena and my

28:05

friend Danny Nucci's in it. I want the perspective of

28:07

the pilots in 9-11. Oh,

28:11

that's a good one. What was going on? What were they,

28:13

what was, you know there was a couple of dudes that

28:15

were like, we shouldn't do this. I,

28:17

you know what I'd be? Hey guys, are

28:20

you sure? I

28:22

would say, are you sure? Probably 50 times. Right

28:24

before the plane hits? Yeah, yeah. I

28:26

don't. Yeah, yeah. I

28:29

mean, we could get pussy here. Isn't

28:33

that like in your afterlife, if you're a Muslim that

28:35

you get? How many, how many was 93 virgins? A

28:38

bunch of them. Why 93? That's

28:40

a pretty good number though. It's a great year. It's a great

28:42

year in Chicago for Jordan. But

28:44

if I got 94, I wouldn't complain either though. Oh,

28:46

it's 72, we're way off. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But if

28:48

I got 73, I would be like, I would count

28:50

in heaven. 73, okay. Imagine

28:54

you get to heaven and you go, 71,

28:58

72, 71.

29:01

Okay, 71, where's my other? Hello.

29:04

Where's my other two? Where's my other, something's missing. Yeah,

29:06

yeah. What is going on here? Why

29:08

does it say that? Men will receive 72 virgins

29:10

in Hadith Corpus. There is some debate on the

29:13

meaning of the 72 40 year old virgins. That's

29:17

so fun, that's a great movie. Hey

29:19

Bob, you ready for your payoff? You

29:24

spit on the mic? I don't feel great.

29:27

Oh well, good, I'm glad you showed up. We'll

29:29

be fine, you're gonna be fine. We'll be fine. You

29:32

got an emergency back there? That's

29:35

all I've been drinking all day. Emergency?

29:37

Yeah. What is this? The

29:39

South Korean president, what's he gotta say? You know the South

29:41

Korean president made an announcement? What'd he say?

29:44

Let's hear it. A long, long time

29:46

ago. Oh! I

29:50

can still remember how that

29:53

music used to make me smile. Billy

29:57

Joel. I

30:00

knew you fed my chains Is

30:02

it the Asian color? Yeah,

30:05

was this at the gold? Yeah, it was They'd

30:07

be happy for a while A

30:13

february made me sugar. Oh, we got

30:15

through that Oh

30:18

Bad news on the doorstep.

30:21

I couldn't talk one more step

30:25

All right, please pause for a second. This is

30:27

really good If you make fun, by the way,

30:29

the fact that he got through deliver is fucking

30:31

bananas. Okay, you go to a Korean Government.

30:34

No, thanks and sing a korean song in front of

30:36

other koreans would love to give it to me and

30:38

I will do it All right, i'll give you a

30:40

song right now. Give me a give me Santoki

30:44

no, no, give me bye-bye miss american

30:46

pie in korean No,

30:49

you know you gotta sing a korean song

30:52

No, yes. No because that's an

30:54

american song sing an american song because we make

30:56

the best shit No, santoki is a good song

30:59

santoki Give me the lyrics

31:01

to santoki. Okay, santoki tokia Santoki

31:04

tokia you gotta do the song. Yeah that

31:06

popular song. Give me the lip up bunnies

31:10

Zip up bunnies. What the fuck did you say? Here

31:13

we go. There is santoki. There he is.

31:15

Here he is. Here we go. Go down. There it

31:17

is. All right What's the rhythm

31:19

of it? No, you gotta Give me the music there. No

31:23

Give me the rhythm. Oh, yeah zoom into the lyrics. I'll

31:25

give you the first slide right it goes to that

31:27

No, no just do the rhythm go bum bum. Okay,

31:29

i'll give you this. Okay So

31:32

now just sing it. Okay

31:35

santoki tokia Oh

31:37

dinenganenya gan chungan

31:40

chung dimyunso Oh

31:42

dinenganenya santoki

31:45

tokia ru gangnyan gang

31:48

chung kangchung

31:50

d d

31:52

ru gangnyan Off?

31:56

By the way you're taking all you're doing is stealing. But

31:58

that's a remix? Yeah, it's a remix. No So that's the

32:00

song came first. DJ Khaled.

32:02

Sun, to, sun, sun, to, sun, sun,

32:05

sun, sun, sun, sun, sun, sun, sun, sun, sun,

32:07

sun, sun, okey, okey,

32:09

yeah, oh, dee-roo, gah, nyah,

32:11

nyah. Dude, I'd make a banger out

32:14

there in Korea and it would be, losing

32:16

it. You think so? 100% they'd love me.

32:18

But you know what this song's about? That's a good restaurant,

32:20

Sun, Tokyo. I've been down there. What about Summer Bunnies?

32:23

Summer Bunnies. Yeah. What is

32:25

that? Spring Bunnies, Spring Bunnies.

32:27

Spring Bunnies. Did you

32:29

do this? Sun, it's a mountain rabbit. You know

32:31

how rabbit, you go, sun, to, okey, to, like

32:33

this. Oh, I like that. Yeah, yeah.

32:36

And then they eat it. Ravenous. Is

32:38

this talking about lunch? Is this a song

32:40

about lunch? Who's here? What's

32:43

going on? We're going to visit her. Oh, come on in.

32:45

My grandma Judy, you guys remember her from... Oh, wow, Grandma Judy's here.

32:47

Hi, Grandma Judy. Hi, Grandma Judy. What's

32:49

up? Fuckers. Oh my,

32:51

hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandma. Hi,

32:54

Grandma Judy. Please sit down. Good to see

32:56

you. Sit down, Grandma. What a surprise. Give

32:59

her the cans. This

33:01

is McCone's grandmother. Beautiful.

33:03

Yeah. You want to wear the

33:05

cans? You want to wear the cans, Gram? Huh?

33:10

You want to wear the headphones? Don't

33:12

matter. Doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.

33:15

Yeah. Okay. Nope.

33:19

You don't want to hear it. Judy, that's your Judy, right? Yeah. Judy,

33:21

I love your nails. Thank you. Judy, how

33:24

do you feel about Koreans? Do you like Koreans? They're

33:26

okay, I guess. Yeah, some of

33:29

them. You're

33:31

Bobby? Yeah. You're a

33:33

motherfucker. Yeah. You're a

33:35

man. Dude, the only way, Judy, hold on.

33:37

No. Fuck you, Judy. Wait a

33:39

minute. You know what? Come here and call me

33:42

motherfucker, dude. Pay me. I'm

33:44

sorry, McCone. Pay me. Pay

33:46

me. I'm your pie man. I'm pissed

33:48

at you the way you treat my

33:50

fucking grandson. Yeah, you do treat him like shit.

33:53

Hey, fuck you, Judy. You know what? And fuck

33:55

off. You don't come to my house

33:57

and fucking say that shit to me. You be nice to

33:59

the guy. The fuck I don't

34:01

motherfucker I just did didn't I? She did You

34:03

want me to come up here and whoop your

34:05

motherfucker No I don't want you to do that

34:07

I'm sorry I'll take you Alright I'm sorry so

34:09

anyway Fuck you Motherfucker

34:13

You don't talk to me like that You don't talk to

34:15

her like that I'm like that I'm gonna write I just

34:17

you know you started with that tone and I thought You

34:19

better be nice Be nice Fuck you man Be nice

34:22

AHH AYYY Don't take it out

34:24

on he or me sir Right, that's right He

34:26

ain't said a fucking word Oh yeah you

34:28

know what Judy? You know what? Oh

34:31

you want to hear? Judy you want to hear some

34:33

shit right now dude? Alright The Vietnam

34:35

War you guys lost that do you know why? Alright We're

34:38

sneakier You know what? What? I'm

34:41

gonna come up here and I'm gonna whoop your

34:43

motherfucking eyes You keep running that fucking mouth I

34:47

will beat the hell out I know you will

34:50

Judy but fuck it Judy I'll

34:52

win how are you? Hey I'll win

34:54

that war Yeah she'll win that

34:56

war Oh yeah? I'll fuck it I ain't well

34:58

paid off I'll stop it I'll stop it

35:01

Why don't you be nice I'll stop She

35:03

came in with the energy I was gonna be so

35:05

loving No you were negative Hey I'll stop a damn

35:07

mud hole in your eyes and then stop it You

35:09

motherfuckers Alright

35:12

Judy let's start over Be nice Judy

35:14

I apologize I don't

35:16

give a fuck what you do See what

35:18

I'm saying? She won't fucking stop I don't

35:21

like the way you treat my grandson I

35:23

don't like when you spawned Wait a minute

35:26

We love him You had a daughter or

35:28

something whatever that had that piece of shit

35:31

Fuck you Why don't you ask her some

35:35

Oh hey it takes one to know one don't it Oh

35:39

it does He's the shit

35:44

Alright Judy let's back up for a second Back up get

35:46

to know her Judy getting

35:48

to know you Getting

35:50

to know one Stay off

35:52

Okay okay You're right you're right Alright

35:55

Judy Thank you Judy He's a fucking

35:57

nice guy Thank you Judy Okay, Judy

35:59

be nice now go ahead and ask

36:01

all right so Judy. Let's start over

36:05

I'll treat your grandson nicer good

36:08

My fuck you better What

36:10

you gonna do about it? Okay? Why are you sorry? Yeah

36:17

Come on with that I'll find out where you live

36:19

I'll take the big I'll

36:24

take the biggest shit. I can right in the

36:26

middle. Oh, yeah Oh,

36:28

you'll take a shit my bad. I'll do diarrhea

36:30

in your fucking eyes Oh, no,

36:32

and you'll fucking be able to go behind you

36:35

look just like me the next morning Yeah,

36:38

let's go back. Let's go back you won't start

36:40

over. Let's start over be nice to our guy motherfucking

36:43

chike What's a

36:45

chike? Anyway,

36:49

let's back up for a second Judy you live

36:51

in Minnesota. Yeah What

36:54

you got what's the problem? I love it. I

36:56

grew up in a diner a little bit. She knows she hates

36:58

a diner I don't give a shit where

37:00

you grew up at. Sounds right. I don't give a

37:02

fuck How do you ask

37:04

her something? She's not just I'm

37:08

just did come in here. Yeah

37:11

to tell you to your motherfucking

37:13

face You better treat

37:15

my grandson better what you fucking do

37:17

I agree all right. I agree you

37:19

also flashed her daughter Yeah, you flash

37:21

your daughter. You got an attitude with

37:24

him. You tell me yeah, you got

37:26

something to say you say I call you I can get your

37:28

number Judy But no, I

37:30

give you my fucking phone. How can I

37:32

tell you? I'll give Andrew my phone. Thank

37:34

you Yeah, so I'll call him he calls

37:36

you I'll call I'll relay it Why

37:39

don't you be not ask ask some set of questions and

37:41

let's do a nice interview Please

37:43

she's pissed Be

37:46

nice. She's pissed be nice. What's up? Don't

37:48

put don't show her your ass do

37:50

not I'm telling

37:52

you don't I Big

37:54

but but I'll put it right straight up

37:56

your motherfucking. I you better not show her

37:58

your ass I'm not gonna show you

38:00

my you better now all I know you better now. She's allergic

38:02

to see if we you like calamari Repeat

38:07

that say it again Do

38:13

you like calamari I don't

38:15

even know what the fuck that is Okay

38:22

Calm down let's calm down. Let's take the temperature down.

38:24

I've come if you were gonna go out and call

38:26

Yeah, we're gonna go out to dinner with Judy. Where

38:28

would you guys go? What would you have

38:30

with her? I don't know um It's

38:33

their cracker barrel nearby you like cracker

38:35

barrel Jude, but no I

38:37

don't like Taco Bell Yeah,

38:42

you have to go out on a date with him well Hands

38:45

you gotta hold hands we want to make amends he's gonna

38:48

take you out for dinner. He wants to make amends I

38:50

don't think you're gonna be able to make it up to

38:52

her. Oh, I think I can

38:54

you how do you think you're gonna? Get this back. Do

38:56

you like origami? ha Do

39:00

you like origami? There

39:03

you go with that fucking shit again Doesn't

39:08

know well if it rhymes yeah, yeah origami doesn't

39:10

man all right. Yeah, okay, so um

39:13

don't say salami. She'll fucking You

39:16

better not dude yeah, how can

39:18

you make it up there? All right? I'm gonna

39:21

go right um take your time I will take

39:23

my time um what I want

39:25

to say to you. I want you apologize. I think you

39:27

should apologize Just the way you

39:29

treated her this whole time. It's been insane. Yes, but

39:31

you've been treated her poorly it should be nice We

39:34

lost all day. No she didn't all right.

39:36

You got to treat her not Apologize I'm

39:38

gonna try again you came to this

39:40

country and now you take job.

39:42

I was born here actually You

39:44

seriously yeah, oh shit. She born here.

39:47

Yeah, so so apologize though to your

39:49

you're taking the job Yeah,

39:52

first of all of all the people they foreigner you're the

39:54

first to get deported. Yeah, yeah, all right, so Make

39:58

it better, please The Cone can

40:00

have a nice trip with his family. Listen, Judy, I want

40:03

to say, honestly, heartfelt. It's

40:07

good to see you. When

40:10

I first saw you, I was pleasantly surprised. I was

40:12

very excited to see you. And I

40:14

think you're a great woman. I really do. And you

40:16

did such a great job raising your

40:19

children and your grandchildren. They're very good offspring,

40:21

you know? And just let me finish,

40:24

okay? And you know, it's just

40:26

meeting you. I

40:29

thought I would never meet somebody from the

40:32

movie Deliverance. What

40:35

are you, the fuck? So it's like, and when you're watching

40:37

Deliverance as a kid, you're like, I don't know these people.

40:39

And then you would beat them, right? And you'd go, they

40:41

fuck pigs, right? What

40:44

are you gonna do, McCone? What you gonna do, dude? I'm

40:47

right here, don't fuck with me, dude! Anyway,

40:50

I'm kidding. It was a joke, McCone. So

40:53

thanks for being here. What

40:57

are you trying to do, motherfucker? What are

40:59

you trying to do? I don't blame a

41:01

fucking word you say! You don't believe what

41:03

I'm saying? Yeah. Okay,

41:06

all right. How can we repair this?

41:09

I think you should, the way to do this, beyond

41:12

the apology was good. Very good. But

41:14

I think before you say goodbye to her,

41:17

because you wanna mend this, I want you to say something

41:19

along the lines of, I hope

41:21

you have a great day. Oh, I can't

41:23

say that. You gotta do something.

41:25

I don't mean that, though. Okay.

41:28

How about this, I'll compromise. Compromise, please. Judy, I

41:30

hope you have an average day. Bullshit.

41:35

Bullshit. You know, you're

41:37

full of bullshit, you know that? You

41:39

have a head full of bullshit? It's

41:41

like, we're- Thank you very fucking much!

41:43

Yeah. You're welcome. That's

41:46

a compliment to me, motherfucker!

41:48

That seems good. That's

41:52

not, you're right, you're right. Hey. I

41:55

love you. Come

41:57

on. Mend the

41:59

wound. Please I don't think that's jumping. I

42:02

love you. I don't stitch it up. Okay

42:04

stitch it up. Let me try please I

42:06

gotta turn to say it. Yeah Come

42:17

on You

42:22

got something to say, okay Say

42:27

it I

42:30

love you Bullshit

42:33

I didn't buy it. I

42:35

did the best say it with more vigor. I love you.

42:38

What are you deeper? Bullshit

42:41

today. I love you. You shit

42:43

your shit. I'm shit Okay

42:47

No, no what I want to do is I'm

42:49

not gonna you can't I'm learning not to you can't

42:51

I'm learning not to all right You know what? I

42:53

am full of shit. I'm a fuckface

42:55

smart. Yeah, I yeah, I'm gonna go back to

42:57

me. I'm a terrible one And

43:00

I should learn my ways. That's right.

43:02

I didn't learn anything and I have to

43:04

learn to respect McCone and respect people around

43:06

me at try

43:08

right and Telling

43:10

you that mother fucker. Yeah. Yeah, she told you

43:12

that and we're all people Correct.

43:15

No, that's pretty true. Yeah, you have people in LA

43:17

you have the hills have eyes. Oh, yeah You're the

43:19

people from there, right? You have the people from the

43:21

mountain people got it the canyons I mean they don't

43:23

have the same things we have you mean

43:26

you look inside a cave their eyes come out You're

43:28

me and you go hello. Mm-hmm. Hello there.

43:31

I love you Right,

43:33

you love Jesus too. I do too

43:35

Jesus. So I love everybody good Yeah,

43:37

and I have to say another thing man. Yeah.

43:40

Yeah, you're great If

43:43

I love the fucking bullshit around come

43:45

over and out hug your fucking neck

43:49

She might give you a hug that seems violent. I heard

43:51

that's it doesn't seem like a hot sound like a hug

43:54

With a hug I think give her a

43:56

big hug. Would you like to hug me? Give her?

43:58

Oh, well, I don't want to go or to be honest

44:00

with you? Do you know why though? How about

44:02

a high five? But you know why? How about a high five? I'm

44:04

afraid I'm gonna get hard. Give

44:08

her a high five. Can I give you a high five? It

44:11

was amazing. Help her up and give him a high five.

44:13

Can we high five? And I think that's the move. Ah,

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price. Go to

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your happy price, Priceline. What's

46:32

going on, man? I don't know. You know, things just feel

46:34

different than they did at the beginning. This

46:38

is the nightmare. This

46:43

is my nightmare coming

46:45

true, dude. I

46:48

know. Okay,

46:51

so in

46:53

the beginning, right, when I first met you, we

46:56

didn't work together, okay? Yeah. I

46:58

was like, I'm being friendly. I'm a nice guy, right?

47:00

You came in, right? He became

47:03

obsessed with you. That's not true. Yeah,

47:05

you did. Yeah, you did. I like him

47:07

just fine. No, you became obsessed with him. The kid's

47:09

fine. Yeah, you drive him around, he comes to your

47:11

house. Well, he's, you know, young, burgeoning. And so in

47:14

my mind, I'm like, I have to play bad cop

47:16

now. All right, I was a good cop. You're a

47:18

good cop, right? You can't have it all. So

47:20

I was just being bad cop, right?

47:23

Right. But now I feel like the

47:26

act that I was doing on the road, because,

47:28

you know, when you lost your earphones, I bought

47:30

your earphones. I do things for you. You gave

47:32

those away. You gave those away, yeah. And

47:35

then, you know, when you gave me that DVD,

47:37

I watched it immediately, I'm really grateful for it.

47:40

My point being is this, if you're funneling resentment

47:43

to your grandma, right? And

47:46

then she comes down to here, calling me a

47:48

bullshit motherfucker. Wow, you are a bullshit motherfucker. Yeah,

47:50

what is going on around here? It's

47:52

gotten too far. I think she was just having fun. I think it's

47:55

gotten too far. What do you think? She

47:57

was just having fun. Just a little bit. What do you think?

48:00

Because of it. I'm not gonna fire him. I'm

48:02

just saying if let's get it out now because

48:04

it's like I don't need another grandma or the

48:06

great-grandma or the fucking grandfather or any of these

48:08

people Gramping over here. The grandpa's is

48:10

here next week. So we can meet him. Yeah,

48:12

he was on the books. He was

48:15

on the books Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well

48:17

tell your grandpa right that we're just

48:19

kidding around right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah Well,

48:22

I mean like that that was that was pretty cathartic. So

48:24

I feel like I feel like

48:26

I'm ready to oh, yeah But so

48:28

you he's ready to let it go

48:30

and I'm ready to let it go Yeah, yeah, if you are it

48:32

sounds like you're holding some resemblance. I'm ready to let it go. I'm

48:35

holding a lot of things I know Let

48:37

it go, baby. I can't let it go right now. Come on. I

48:40

almost want to this is what I want to do I almost

48:42

wanna it's just hear me out. It's insane. Yeah, I almost want

48:44

to finish the war Go

48:48

ahead. Yeah, I almost want to go. Okay, you want

48:50

to play games? If you

48:52

want to play family games, I could get

48:54

some of my family involved as well. Most are dead Oh,

48:57

no, I get some cousins are loopy. All right. What

48:59

about you Carlos? How

49:01

do you feel I mean, I think

49:04

McCone's young and he's not used to this Hollywood

49:06

shit. I'm not Hollywood Well, don't even see bring

49:08

that in. Why do you bring it that in

49:10

stop bringing that in dude? Yeah. Yeah Yeah,

49:13

I just think he he needs to get used to

49:15

it. And I think he's finally settling into no, I

49:18

think yeah I feel very settled. I

49:20

feel settled too. Good. All right, but wow

49:22

that what a what a whirlwind That

49:25

was heavy pretty heavy to me. It made me

49:27

sad really because parents love me.

49:29

Oh grandparents. Yeah, that's true Why my

49:31

parents love you my parents love you

49:34

too. I does not yeah. Yeah, my

49:36

parents. She doesn't like me at all

49:39

Some of it could be you know,

49:41

the the war. Yeah, it's gotta be

49:43

history history Right. They remember back when

49:45

you guys weren't allowed to tell you

49:48

that's right, you know, right different times calling her bullshit

49:50

Oh, that's what I love it though. I'll tell you

49:52

why because now I can say stuff Yeah, I can

49:54

fight against it back in the day. I couldn't so

49:56

let me ask you this. All right Do

50:00

you have cousins that, I

50:02

mean, does she have grandchildren or female? Yeah.

50:06

So if I said to Judy, I'm gaining your

50:08

grandchildren, you would lose her mind? Oh wow. Yeah,

50:10

she would probably pull a gun out or something.

50:14

Murder. Well, no, he means just

50:16

to scare you. That's not gonna

50:18

scare me, but murder? Murder.

50:23

To them, that's not murder. Oh, what is that? Like

50:26

cleansing? Like putting a dog down or something. Oh

50:28

wow. Wow, wow, wow, wow. Keep

50:30

that in. Keep

50:36

that in. I like that. He will.

50:38

I like that, yeah, yeah, yeah, I like that. Okay,

50:40

so I feel like this is something

50:42

that's not gonna go away easily. I

50:44

don't think I wanna squash it right

50:46

now. Why, okay. Yeah, I wanna keep

50:48

the balls going. Yeah,

50:50

I'm juggling. I want to keep the balls. Keep the balls

50:52

in the air. Yeah, the show's still on. I'm

50:55

still performing. So what I'm saying is I'd

50:57

like to keep this war going. I now

50:59

know Judy, your grandma Judy.

51:02

I know my enemies. It's not

51:04

your enemy. Just listen. I know my enemies.

51:07

And I know my allies.

51:10

Okay, that's true. And I know how the war is played. And

51:13

I will win. In the long

51:15

run, yeah. Short run. It's

51:18

gonna be a short war. Pretty short. Okay.

51:21

Yeah, but God bless you, man. Back to your position. God

51:23

bless you and take care of this. God bless you. Good

51:26

job, bud. Also, cool shirt.

51:29

Thank you. Yeah. Cool

51:31

shirt. Cool shirt, great shirt. But

51:33

you didn't defend me at all. What

51:36

was there to defend? Hold

51:38

up, Judy. I think I- That could

51:41

have been nice. Whoa, Judy, out

51:43

of pocket. You didn't- You came

51:45

in with guns a-blazing. Play the tape. I

51:48

said, okay, let's get this back. I was trying

51:50

to be a mediator. Dude,

51:52

but you're acting as if we

51:54

were on the same fraternity. That's the greatest- We've

51:56

been together for 20 years. So wow, what a

51:58

world. I wasn't feeling well. You're

52:00

feeling good now. I'm not feeling good. You go

52:02

do spots tonight. You feel like- No, I canceled

52:04

those. Good. What a weird day, man. What

52:08

a whirlwind. Now show us something funny

52:10

then, Carlos. Make him feel better, will ya? Make me feel better.

52:12

What is this? JoJo Siwa Drunken

52:14

Disneyland. Love. Big JoJo Siwa

52:16

fan. Siwa spent her

52:18

21st birthday embarrassing herself yesterday at Disney

52:21

World's Epcot. The clearly wasted pop star

52:23

tried to start a sing along to

52:25

her newly released song, Karma, but no

52:27

one knew the words. I should've

52:29

known better. I had

52:31

a wish. Embarrassing.

52:37

I would've never left her around.

52:39

Yeah, we know it. Couple of things

52:41

here. Yeah, go ahead, tell me. Yes. What

52:44

are you doing at Disney? That's

52:46

not a thing. What are

52:48

you doing your 21st birthday at Disney? One

52:50

of the most happiest places I've ever been.

52:53

Oh. 21st birthday

52:55

at Disney? I went there last year. Loved

52:57

it. Without kids. No

52:59

kids. Gross. No. Gross.

53:02

Star Wars. Jail. Star

53:05

Wars? Right to jail. Because I

53:07

like Star Wars. Because you go to Disney World without kids. I

53:10

was with a kid. Jail, who? Oh.

53:15

Yeah. A friend's kid was with you. Yeah.

53:18

So then yes, you get a pass. Thank you. Yeah,

53:20

that's fine. All is well. Do I go to prison? VIP

53:23

pass. Jesus Christ. You go to jail, not prison. We'll

53:25

let you out. But we're gonna wag a fender. Do

53:27

VIP, remember that? Yeah. Let

53:29

me ask you something. With a kid is fine. Have

53:31

you done the VIP experience? I

53:34

don't have a kid. It doesn't matter. What

53:36

I would like to do. Will you take me? I'll

53:38

take you too. What? VIP?

53:41

Yeah, I'll do the VIP. How much is VIP at Disney? It's

53:44

800 an hour. What?

53:48

In an hour you can do the whole park. No you can't.

53:50

That doesn't, that math is not right. What,

53:54

are you $500? 12 hours? 800 an

53:56

hour? You're there for 10 hours? Yeah.

53:59

You went to the park for 10. Oh yeah, even longer. I

54:01

can't even get you to fucking do this show

54:03

for an hour. There's a lot to do. Same.

54:06

Okay. Anyway, so that's how

54:08

much it costs and what you get, I'll tell you what you get

54:10

with it. You get

54:13

the VIP experience. You go to the front of the line.

54:17

Let me finish, man. Right

54:19

now, dude, I'm not in the mood for you

54:21

doing this right now. Cut me off, okay? Don't

54:24

get so angry. Let me explain myself. I'm turning

54:26

into Judy. Please

54:29

don't turn into Judy. That's a shit.

54:31

I know. All right, so. I love

54:33

her. So what you get is early in

54:35

the morning, you go to that hotel with

54:37

the lock, it'll lock cabin feel. There's

54:40

a big bonfire. You're talking. There's a lady.

54:42

Speaking Spanish to me. There's a lady that comes out, they look like

54:44

they were in the gold rush. Hey,

54:46

y'all. You know what I mean? That whole thing. I

54:49

love it. I clap. Are you ready for the adventure? Saying,

54:51

what do you want to do first? And so you get

54:53

to go around with this lady. She's wearing the outfit. She

54:55

has all the passes. And you go in the front of

54:58

the line in every ride. Right?

55:01

And then you get to even

55:03

the little experiences like making a

55:05

lightsaber, right? She can make those

55:07

appointments. Cute. Yeah. And

55:10

she's pretty much with you the

55:12

whole time. Like if you want to go eat anywhere.

55:14

You tip her? Oh yeah. You

55:16

tip her cash? Oh yeah. What'd you

55:18

tip her? Like I did last night at the parking

55:21

lot guy. That made me laugh so fucking hard. So

55:23

anyway. You tip it at the parking lot. You

55:25

give them a couple bucks. Sometimes 20. You know what I

55:28

mean? It's the parking lot guys. I

55:30

said, how much did you just give him? He was $100. Mm-hmm.

55:35

Insane. A generous guy. $100 to park your

55:37

car. I

55:39

only brought that up because you accused me of not tipping

55:41

the fucking gold rush lady. That's how much you tipped the

55:43

gold lady. I don't know how much those people. I don't

55:45

do that stuff. I don't know what you tipped that lady.

55:47

I would give her probably like three or four hundred bucks

55:49

maybe for the day. You know what a

55:51

woman did to me today? I ordered and

55:54

then I booped my food. I booped

55:56

on the thing. On the Apple Pay.

56:00

She manually got

56:02

rid of the tip thing. Because

56:05

she wants cash. But that was interesting

56:07

because I went to go press the button, she goes, oh, good

56:09

to go. So she moved to the

56:11

next screen without me. Oh, that's nice. But

56:14

then I thought, are they

56:16

told to do that by the management to

56:18

skip the tip? Because I went to

56:21

tip. But

56:23

then she goes, you're good to go. She did so

56:25

fast, then it goes, no thanks, or receipt, no thanks.

56:27

And I thought, did they tell them to do that, you think? Or

56:29

did she think I don't tip? Did

56:33

she look at me and she goes, this guy doesn't tip. Can

56:35

I be honest with you? And don't

56:38

get angry. You don't look

56:40

like you can tip. I don't look like I can

56:42

afford to tip. No, you can afford it. You just don't look

56:44

like you do tip. Why? You're a

56:46

brow. I

56:48

always tip. I know you tip well. I tip well. I

56:51

know you do. I never not. But I

56:53

look like a furrowed brow doesn't tip guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

56:56

Bob, you do need to watch this. I do want you to see this for a second.

56:59

Okay. Russians

57:02

are the fucking best. Oh,

57:05

ice boxing. So

57:08

it's straight boxing on ice. That's

57:10

so good. Why not put it on ice? I

57:12

know, it's genius. They put Disney on ice, why

57:14

not boxing? Right. Here's

57:17

what's so great about this, to me. Russians

57:20

gotta be the people that came up with power slapping and

57:22

the slapping. They're arm wrestling. That's

57:25

all them trying to take

57:27

things to another level. This boxing shit,

57:29

what else do you want to see on a

57:31

different- I'll tell you right now. Sky fighting.

57:35

Sky dive fighting, that's

57:37

brilliant. Right. And

57:39

that is brilliant. Yeah, you punch each other, right?

57:41

If you knock them out, they die obviously, because

57:43

they can't open the seat. So what? Right? So

57:46

what, don't lose. That's great. Sky fighting. Sky

57:48

fighting. You jump out of same plane or different planes?

57:51

It's gotta be the same plane. How do you meet

57:53

them? What do you mean? Have you never seen that? They

57:55

jump out, you can change your direction. No, this is what

57:57

you do. Same plane. Same plane.

57:59

but you have a distance, but you're still

58:02

tied to them. Oh, you're tandem. Yeah,

58:04

there's a rope that's connected to our belly, right? So

58:06

you have to fight. So if one guy dies, the

58:08

other guy, he gets to pull, he

58:10

gets to pull, here, check it out. You knock the guy

58:12

out, and then you 69 him, and

58:15

you get to come down. Wait, wait, wait, why did

58:17

I have to 69 him? No, because he's 69, his

58:19

head's fighting the balls. Love it. That's

58:22

what you want? Just 69 somebody.

58:24

Fine. From a plane.

58:26

Sky fighting. Yeah, yeah. What's another one?

58:29

Well, how about fighting under water? I would love to

58:31

see a little tango down below. Oh, it's like sloth

58:33

fighting. Yeah. Yeah,

58:35

I could do that one. I like fighting on

58:37

fire. Oh. Like

58:39

a fire pit would be dope. Yeah. And

58:42

not a whole thing isn't on fire, but around it is

58:44

on. Yeah. You have

58:46

a floating ring. Check it out.

58:49

Oh, yeah. No, you don't even know. What's in the water?

58:51

What? What's in the water? What's in the water?

58:54

What's in the water? That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about

58:56

a floating fighting ring on water? What's in the water? What's

58:59

in the water? What's happening in

59:01

the water? What's happening? Tsunami. Oh,

59:03

expensive. That's timing. Timing.

59:06

Timing is everything on this one, right? Yeah, that's

59:08

tough. You gotta work with the weather. You have

59:10

a flotation, right? And then all

59:12

the debris. Oh, yeah. There's

59:14

debris happening, right? Somebody's house, right?

59:17

Yeah. It's wavy. Or what

59:19

do you call it? Turbulence. Sure.

59:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. What about?

59:23

The cameraman, I don't know. That would be tough.

59:26

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Union.

59:29

Union, okay, Union. Those guys are tough. Okay. A

59:31

tornado fight would be amazing. Fighting in the middle of a

59:33

tornado. Who gets swept away? By the way. Dude,

59:36

that'd be cool. I watched the trailer for Twister.

59:38

Yes. It's the same movie. Twister.

59:40

It's the same movie. It

59:43

was Helen Hunt and Bill Pullman. Yeah. Now

59:46

it's fucking. No, it was Bill Paxton. Bill

59:48

Paxton? Yeah. And now it's

59:50

Glenn Powell. Powell. And who is

59:52

the girl? I don't know. Look,

59:54

it's the same fucking movie. But look. Can

59:57

I say something? They have two this time.

59:59

Yeah, there's. plural. Is that the same

1:00:01

movie? There was many Twisters in Twister. It

1:00:03

wasn't just one. They have twins in this

1:00:05

one. Yeah, yeah. They have twin babies? Twin

1:00:07

Twisters. But dude, imagine. Wow. But

1:00:10

do you know who else was in Twister? Same fucking movie. You know who else

1:00:12

was in Twister? Don't say anything. No one says it. You

1:00:14

know who else is in Twister? Great

1:00:16

actor. The thing about Twister

1:00:19

you don't realize is they had great actors.

1:00:21

Well, I love their original. Who

1:00:23

was in it? Philip Seymour Hoffman. Oh,

1:00:25

oh my God, he was in Twister. Yeah. Oh

1:00:29

my God, he was in that movie. I mean,

1:00:31

imagine having that caliber in a fucking disaster movie.

1:00:33

It's insane. He was so good. Yeah, he was

1:00:35

her helper, right? He was like her on her

1:00:37

team. Yeah, but I liked his character. And

1:00:40

then what's his name from Secession? I

1:00:42

know. Yeah, yeah. Tim,

1:00:44

no. No. Let me get us.

1:00:48

I know. Alan Rock. Alan Rock. Fuck,

1:00:50

why did you do that? Alan Rock. Alan Rock,

1:00:52

Philip Seymour Hoffman. I mean, look at that

1:00:54

fucking cast. Wow. Yeah. And

1:00:57

now they got Glenn Powell and fucking who's the new girl. Do you

1:00:59

even know who the new girl is? Is she a new girl they're

1:01:02

selling us? Yeah. This is a new girl they're selling us, Hollywood's at

1:01:04

it. This is when Hollywood's at it when

1:01:06

they push a girl that I've never heard of before, I've

1:01:08

never seen her before and she's in a thing. Don't sell

1:01:10

us. Come on, zoom in. Oh, it's Daisy Edgar Jones, nevermind.

1:01:12

I know she is. We already sold. She'd been around for

1:01:14

a while. Yeah, yeah. But it didn't look

1:01:16

like her. It didn't look like her in the preview. What

1:01:19

was her biggest movie, Daisy? Star Wars, right? No,

1:01:21

no, no, no. I'm not a Daisy, right? Dude.

1:01:25

What was she in? I'm sorry I don't know, Bob.

1:01:28

War of the Worlds. That was a good movie. That's

1:01:30

a TV show she was on. Oh, okay. Go

1:01:32

down. Oh, she was in Normal People,

1:01:34

yeah. Can I talk about War of the Worlds?

1:01:36

I loved Normal People, remember that? That other baby.

1:01:38

Normal People. Can I talk about War of the

1:01:40

Worlds? Normal People. War of the

1:01:42

Worlds. Can I talk about it? Please. Okay.

1:01:47

Yeah, man. John Krasinski's. That's

1:01:50

so funny. Thank

1:01:52

you, I wish it had just ended there. That's good. Yeah.

1:01:55

Bring her back, man. Yeah!

1:02:03

Woo! Yeah!

1:02:06

Woo! Yeah!

1:02:10

Woo! Yeah!

1:02:14

Yeah! Yeah!