0:01

Batman: The Audio Adventures.

0:11

wake

0:17

up to me. Starlight

0:20

syndrome drops. How

0:22

do I think forty?

0:24

Hey.

0:28

Hey. Hey. Hey. Hey. Look up.

0:31

It's good.

0:33

Waky, waky eggs and baky skids.

0:35

Can you smell the bacon?

0:37

I smell bacon. What? Where

0:41

it was?

0:42

Come on, Skids. Up and Adam, you're

0:44

late. I'm

0:46

what? Or don't you remember?

0:48

You were supposed to wrap me out. tell

0:51

your boss, commissioner Gordon, you

0:53

know, who the scarecrow is.

0:56

But whoopsy Daisy? Here

0:58

we are instead. No.

1:01

No. Yeah. Yeah.

1:03

It's bad. It's

1:05

bad. The last guy who

1:07

tried to rat me out I

1:10

ratted him out.

1:11

Skids. But

1:12

I I used real rats.

1:15

My my head hurts.

1:18

I Can't I think straight?

1:20

Yeah. That's because right when you released

1:22

expecting it, I I hit you as hard as

1:24

I could in the back of the skull with an old rotary

1:27

phone.

1:28

repeatedly.

1:30

More than sufficient to render you unconscious.

1:34

It was an emotional response.

1:37

skits and I'm not proud

1:39

of it. And now I

1:41

got a broken telephone, a

1:43

lot of shame. But

1:45

dad garment, I was angry and

1:48

I was hurt because

1:50

you are not who you said you were a skids.

1:54

You're not Tony Skids, Rosetti

1:57

at all. Alright.

1:58

are you

1:59

That's a costume.

2:01

in a second skin, what happens

2:05

when we peel the skin? Skits?

2:08

What

2:08

do we find underneath?

2:11

GCPD Skids. Boom.

2:14

Boom. Boom.

2:15

Boom. Boom. He got a

2:17

spooked.

2:18

What's what's around my

2:21

neck? I call it a kill collar. Is

2:22

it too tight? I hope not.

2:25

not supposed to kill you by circulation. See,

2:27

the kill collar is wired to your heart

2:29

rate,

2:30

and the kill collar only goes

2:32

k pop. If you panic, you stay

2:34

calm, you stay happily capitated,

2:38

but you blow your cool and you get

2:40

into fear. your

2:43

meatball rolls off the spaghetti.

2:46

So what? You gonna

2:48

drag me up with your poison? Oh,

2:50

come on now. There wouldn't be sporting. You

2:53

have genuine courage. I'm not gonna

2:55

rob you of that. Real steel

2:58

spine infiltrating my gang like this,

3:00

I respect courage, but

3:03

I still think I

3:05

can scare you because

3:06

Fear was

3:08

here first.

3:09

Fear comes

3:11

gushing

3:11

out of the womb with us.

3:14

We

3:14

don't have to learn fear. Like

3:17

that delicious panic that

3:19

comes from the barrel of a loaded gun

3:21

pointed red at your face nobody taught you

3:23

that. That's wisdom. Or

3:25

a big knife in

3:27

the hand of the maniac. Would

3:29

you like to see my knife? See

3:32

which played, which played.

3:33

Anything?

3:36

No. That scared.

3:39

Still cool as a cucumber? Okay.

3:42

Sure. It's not all that scary if I wave

3:44

it around way over here, but

3:46

isn't this funny? The closer I wave

3:48

it your soft parts.

3:51

If I put the point anywhere

3:54

near your eyeball

3:57

And then if I, you

3:59

know You're

3:59

a little

4:02

careful, kids, a cute collar go

4:04

pop. You see? Even

4:06

a brave cop like you has all

4:08

kinds of fears he can't do

4:10

anything about. It's

4:12

not courage that sets limits

4:14

on fear. fear sets

4:16

limits on courage. I'm not

4:18

afraid to die. You've freaked

4:21

me. What

4:23

a childish lot? that has never

4:25

been true. Whoever said it never

4:27

wants in the history of human civilization.

4:29

Here, I propose a wager. If

4:31

you win, Well,

4:34

let's just say you wanna try to

4:36

win. Here. Put your palm

4:38

down flat on the table here. Like

4:40

that, yeah, slap with there you lily

4:42

liver pharma. Come on. Come on. Just put your

4:44

hand on there. There you go. Now,

4:46

spread your fingers out real wide.

4:50

Hi. Oh, come on. That's a million miles

4:52

away from your fingers, but it scared you pretty

4:54

good. And you tried to stay

4:56

calm, but you had nothing to say about

4:58

it. See, you wanna spread

5:00

those fingers out. That's

5:03

a lot closer. I'll be honest,

5:05

I can't see too well in this mask, but

5:07

you trust me. dudgeon.

5:10

Let me try again. I used to be real

5:12

good at this long time ago. I haven't

5:14

had a lot of practice with sleep, but

5:16

you know this game. Tough

5:18

guys everywhere play it. Some people call it

5:20

five finger filet. I

5:22

always call it

5:23

Scott. Gotcha. Between

5:26

the

5:26

fingers. Right? Rules are simple. Fast

5:28

as you can between all the fingers without

5:30

an ax. See,

5:33

now you're getting a little nervous. Why is that?

5:35

Let's apply a little logic.stabbed

5:37

finger isn't gonna kill you. Is

5:39

it

5:39

skids? but if you don't stay calm,

5:41

you lose your meatball. Remember?

5:43

It should be easy to meet with the

5:45

girl. You hit the girl and

5:47

toss you seven through because if you can reason

5:50

with instinct. Now,

5:52

going between each finger and order

5:54

is easy, but how about a different

5:56

Batman? 123450

5:59

That's

6:03

that's much harder. for screw ups.

6:05

Just keep your eyes open, skids.

6:08

Watch what I can do.

6:08

263646366

6:11

out. Oops. so

6:13

calm. Start calm,

6:16

though. You're good. Kids,

6:17

now you're getting scared and I

6:19

can taste it.

6:20

I can taste it.

6:23

fear. It's like a

6:24

big spaghetti dinner, just like

6:26

great granny easter egg. Oh,

6:31

the bravery SKiz.

6:33

It makes it all

6:34

the more savory. On

6:38

top of Rosetti, he

6:41

fooled me before.

6:46

That's packed with sea.

6:49

Gotham,

6:51

the final notes of an

6:53

unfinished symphony. Join

6:56

us now for another tale of

6:58

life and death in Gotham City.

7:00

March second, few and

7:02

upheaval, citywide. Penguin

7:05

and Two Face make the final moves to

7:07

consolidate absolute power.

7:10

And as the city confulses with

7:12

crime, the scarecrow reaps the

7:14

harvest of panic, peddling

7:16

psychedelic nightmares under every

7:18

broken streetlight. It's a tooneless

7:20

concerto of pandemonia and

7:22

we're still Catwoman is more

7:24

than happy to pounce on whoever is

7:26

caught without a chair when the music stumps.

7:29

Batman and Robin can't waste a moment's

7:31

time if they hope to stabilize the

7:33

situation roiling Gotham's brutal

7:36

gang lands. Hurry,

7:38

hurry, hurry. Step right up,

7:40

ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls,

7:42

to the big top of Haley's Harbor

7:44

Circus inside show. Once

7:46

a respected name and wholesome entertainment,

7:49

now a thoroughly mobbed up front operation

7:52

for innumerable low rent criminal

7:54

enterprises. You won't find much

7:56

of an audience during the day for

7:58

their ill mannered clowns and inebriated

7:59

acrobats, but the darkest

8:02

hours of the night are a different story.

8:05

stepped to the auction block tonight.

8:07

Ladies and gentlemen, please direct

8:09

your attention to my lovely assistant as

8:11

if I have to ask, oh,

8:13

fifty. Oh, la

8:15

la. We are that next k

8:17

dot out here with you, madamsela, so

8:20

we can take a look at this magnificent eight

8:22

hundred pound cells. Back

8:26

Tonight, the house is packed with a

8:28

different kind of paying customer. A

8:31

menagerie of colorful criminals that

8:33

rivals the actual menagerie on

8:35

offer for a legal purchase. Ladies

8:37

and gentlemen of the underworld, this

8:39

six Throd and every brute

8:41

stands a hole seven feet

8:43

tall. He has been trained in the

8:45

use of American sign language and

8:47

a small firearms. he can

8:49

roll his own cigars and he

8:51

answers to the name knuckles. Now

8:55

everyone knows the right exotic

8:57

pet can be the lynchpin to a

8:59

memorable criminal identity.

9:01

And whether you're flushing out a

9:03

safari themed gang or just

9:05

looking to add a little surreal flare to your

9:07

illicit escapanes, knuckles, the

9:09

pistol slinging gorilla is the

9:11

last word in making your gimmick

9:14

pop. So shall I start the bidding at

9:16

one one hundred thousand? As

9:18

the frenzied bidding commences,

9:20

all eyes are on the auctioneers. all

9:22

save one young pair, watching Kimmy

9:25

from the shadows of the trapeze rigging

9:27

high above. Robin

9:28

O'Bekay, I'm in position with eyes

9:30

on what has to be every sea list racketeering

9:32

dope

9:32

Lord in town. Even a lovely assistant

9:34

looks like she's scheming to loop the join.

9:37

There are outstanding warrants under that

9:39

tent to fill a new wing of Blackgate

9:41

Robin, but we're only interested in one of them

9:43

tonight. Andrew Klee's STORE.

9:45

Reporter: ANDREKLEY'S THORRY, SCANDING THE

9:47

CROWD. TARGET

9:49

REQUIRED. Reporter: HIS FATHER RUPER THORN IS THE

9:51

LAST OF THE OLD SCHOOL GATHERINE

9:53

CRIME KAPOS. and he's cashing out

9:55

retiring. So hotshot, Andrew Cleese,

9:57

wants to finally take over the family business.

9:59

He has big

9:59

ideas, but he's rash, tearless,

10:03

inexperienced. If we take

10:05

Thorns operation out of the mix, we may

10:07

have a chance to stabilize the underworld.

10:09

And Nacogdocher umbrella is

10:11

so tool. Maximilian, monkey

10:14

shines. Congratulations, Max.

10:16

Please pass the financial particulars in

10:18

an envelope to our lovely

10:20

assistant for collection. Okay. You look like

10:22

a lightweight. What's the play? Pickpocketing

10:24

101 Many more exciting

10:26

items up for auction tonight. We've got

10:28

a dancing sea lion, some Komodo

10:30

Dragons! and one of those elephants that

10:32

likes to paint pictures. But

10:36

first, ladies and gentlemen, behold,

10:38

the king

10:38

of beasts a

10:41

magnificent fully grown

10:43

male African lion.

10:44

That lion is what young Thorne

10:47

is after when he wins the auction.

10:49

You enter up the envelope with his bank account number

10:51

inside. If we put the squeeze on his

10:53

financials, the rest is

10:55

easy. Sure. I'll swipe it from the assistant

10:57

backstage without breaking swear. But why are you

10:59

so sure he's interested in the Batman?

11:02

They're running everything from hyenas to

11:04

ostriches.

11:04

Angelique, Storm Robin. he

11:06

tried to launch a flamboyant crime career, all he's

11:09

missing is the lion.

11:10

According

11:13

to

11:13

myth, it was Andrew Cleese who pulled a

11:15

foreign out of the lion's Alright.

11:18

Sure. In ESAB's

11:20

fables? Eventually attributed

11:23

to ESAB but originally from

11:25

Appian, in his lost work, a

11:27

Jiptia quorum. Someone is

11:29

not keeping up with their assigned reading.

11:31

Uh-oh. Bad computer. Adjust

11:33

the daily schedule to increase Robin's

11:35

library time to three hours in

11:37

the evening. What

11:40

is Gotham gonna have such educated

11:42

crooks? Expect Andrew Cleese to get

11:44

into a bidding war with the rat king

11:46

Cole. Cole intends to buy the lion

11:48

for his daughter, Georgina's eighth

11:50

birthday. He is certain to outbidder,

11:52

so you'll need to distract him at the crucial

11:54

moment. Not a problem. Tell Alf, I'll be home

11:56

for dinner. Excellent. I'll let him serve you

11:58

in the library, Batman

11:59

out. But the boy wonder

12:02

has little time to rue his

12:04

misfortune as the auction is heating

12:06

up. Very good. Do I hit two hundred? Two

12:08

hundred? A bit of two hundred from mister

12:10

ENDRA Please Thorn, do I Three

12:12

hundred. Well, three hundred is the

12:14

bid from his Majesty Rat King

12:16

Cole. Okay. better get to work.

12:18

Brad King Cole is not an

12:20

easy man to reach. The only

12:22

phone he answers is the burner in his

12:24

vest pocket. I bet four

12:26

hundred. The number changes daily and

12:28

is known to exactly three of his most

12:30

trusted associates, all of whom

12:32

are sitting in the big tub bleachers

12:34

beside him. So

12:36

who could that possibly be? What

12:39

the hell? Hello? Yeah.

12:42

Hi. Is this wrecking home? What the hell

12:44

is this? And cool. You're jolly, old

12:46

soul.

12:46

How are you? This is Level the

12:48

birthday clown. You might have seen me on

12:50

TV. What? Listen. I hear

12:52

little Georgina's turning eight. Is

12:54

that right? Boy, they shoot up like we

12:57

something. How'd

12:57

you get this number? Look. Can

12:59

I level with you? Business is bad.

13:01

Straight up bad. And I'm always trying

13:03

to scare a little action where I

13:05

can. So do you mind if I ask

13:07

you? How are you fixed for Burton Entertainment at

13:09

the present time? And

13:10

the lion is So To

13:13

Andrew, please, Thor. What's the way?

13:15

Congratulations, mister Thorn.

13:17

Please pass your personal banking envelope to

13:19

our lovely assistant. Hey. What's a big

13:21

idea? You have

13:21

busy. I better go. Hanging over though.

13:23

My name is Pliable. What

13:25

the hell this happened? And better

13:27

luck next time to wrap king co.

13:29

That's why we ask you to silence all

13:31

cellphones. Next on the auction

13:33

block. Oh, oh, folks. It's

13:35

olive.

13:36

The oil painting air

13:38

ovens. I find that

13:39

birthday card. he's gonna wish he was never

13:42

born. As the Firmenus vice

13:44

lord vibrates with rage, the

13:46

boy wonder trains his eyes on his

13:48

next target. The

13:51

assistant collects the payment envelope from a

13:53

jubilant Andrew Cleese Thorne

13:55

and heads off to deposit it backstage.

13:58

after some pickpocketing 101

14:00

Yeah. Nimbley negotiating the

14:02

aerial rigging, the former circus boy

14:04

is easily able to follow the assistant

14:06

unseen. as she couriers the precious

14:08

envelope to a secure area.

14:12

Craping up

14:13

behind her with an almost numerous silence.

14:16

Robin reaches out and swiftly

14:18

takes Yeah. What the

14:20

A sharp elbow to the chin. A

14:22

boy wonder. You don't

14:25

get to collect the kitty if you

14:27

didn't antie up.

14:30

Ow, what?

14:30

Oh,

14:31

no. Cal woman. Indeed,

14:35

Robin's first impressions were on the mark.

14:37

The lovely assistant was planning

14:39

to rob the joints. and

14:41

discarding her extravagant wig as

14:43

she stuffs a thick stack of bank

14:45

envelopes into her getaway bag.

14:47

It seems as if she already

14:49

has.

14:49

stay down kid. Seriously? Free

14:52

Free the French girl? Yeah. I'm

14:54

not subtle. Now, focus up. I didn't

14:56

hit you that hard. I'm turning all the

14:58

animals loose, then the lion and the loot are coming

15:00

home with me. Do the smart thing,

15:02

and fly on home yourself little

15:03

bird. No reason to

15:05

risk losing any of those baby teeth

15:07

over this. Are you kidding? This

15:09

isn't just another one of your heist catwoman.

15:11

The financial information you're caring could ruin

15:13

half the goth of underworld. Sounds like

15:15

I get paid and the good guys

15:17

win. No. It sounds like a

15:19

bunch of small timers who are already

15:21

feeling the squeeze go bust, right

15:23

as two face and penguin are turning up the

15:25

heat. So what? So the small

15:27

timers eat each other alive. and

15:29

how many innocent citizens are collateral

15:32

damage?

15:32

Sorry, kid. I didn't buy

15:35

this pitch from the so I'm definitely

15:37

not interested sit in the travel size version. I'm not

15:39

letting you get away. Mm-mm. Then you're going to

15:41

watch the circus burn down. Uh-uh.

15:42

You're not starting any fires tonight.

15:45

Okay. Make a move and Oh,

15:48

baby bird.

15:49

The move's been made.

15:51

Holy stamping. Yeah.

15:54

Phoebe gave knuckles the gorilla,

15:56

a flame thrower. Oh

15:58

sweet mother Mavis the gorilla has

15:59

a bread thrower. Tell

16:03

that man

16:03

I'm fighting this war on my terms

16:05

from now. I don't run it by

16:07

him first and I don't ask

16:09

for mission. If he wants to avoid

16:11

collateral damage, he'll

16:12

keep his face clear of

16:14

my boots. As she disappears into

16:17

the smoke and chaos. Robin

16:19

a decade, bad many

16:20

here. Did you get the envelope? Good

16:22

news and bad news on

16:23

that front. The circus is on fire, and

16:25

catwoman is getting away with the fortune and

16:27

mob money.

16:27

catwoman. What's the good

16:30

news? No time

16:30

for extra labor tonight. Gotta go.

16:32

Robin out. The catwoman refuses

16:34

to be tame. For the city is

16:36

a jungle, and the jungle needs a

16:39

queen, a truth that undergoes

16:41

life and death in

16:43

Gotham's city.

16:44

Are

16:46

you looking for fun? Are

16:48

you looking for the life of the

16:50

party? Are you looking for a

16:52

bravo, the birthday clown? Qualys

16:55

easy to find. See his lusting in the gap

16:57

and yellow pages for his exact business

16:59

address, which is also his place

17:01

of residence. He's waiting by the

17:03

phone. So if you're looking for a bravo,

17:05

there's no way you won't find

17:07

him. Blabble,

17:08

the birthday clown. He

17:11

is sitting home right

17:14

now. If you're in the neighborhood,

17:16

you can stop on

17:17

by. He doesn't. block his

17:20

door.

17:21

Blabbo, the burn. We interrupt

17:23

this broadcast for a breaking news bulletin from

17:25

Gautam City one. Good

17:32

evening. This is Jack

17:32

Rider. I've just arrived on the scene of a

17:34

report that there's an me to

17:36

escape circus animals rampaging through downtown. Their

17:39

leader is said to me,

17:39

what does this say, making? A gorilla

17:42

with a flamethrower that can't

17:44

be right. Okay. Nope. That is what I'm

17:46

looking at. Apologies, Nikki. Alright. You know what

17:48

though? Let's stand back a minute here, Nikki.

17:50

You got the shot. really

17:52

wanna die on this hill for what?

17:54

A local news award. This city

17:56

is advising owners of downtown

17:58

businesses to board up their windows if at all possible.

17:59

boy wonders on the scene and is doing

18:02

a miraculous job of hurting the beast to

18:04

safety, but many animals have broken

18:06

into storefronts and are causing considerable

18:08

property damage. I'm told there's

18:10

literally a bull in a China shop on

18:12

Front Street. That's obviously gonna be the headline,

18:14

but we've also spotted an ostrich

18:16

in a ceiling fan in a giant Pacific

18:18

octopus, in an adult novelty shop. So

18:20

maybe put the little ones to bed. If you're gonna stay

18:22

with our coverage, neither of

18:25

those situations is gonna get more

18:27

family friendly. We're with the stories

18:29

it develops on

18:38

Gafu, portrait of an obscurity

18:40

and Onyx inject. join us now for

18:43

another tale of life and death in

18:45

Gotham City.

18:47

A quiet night outside the

18:49

towering Greek columns of the Gotham

18:51

Museum of fine arts. The

18:53

harlequin is here, proclaims a

18:55

black and red banner strung across

18:57

the stately marble facade.

18:59

It refers to a priceless work of art on display

19:02

inside, but might just

19:03

as accurately refer to the arrival

19:05

of a windowless affair. just

19:07

pulling up to the museum's front steps.

19:10

Okay. You mugs. This is it.

19:12

Queen of Diamond's painting and

19:14

wallpaper services. is what

19:16

the van says on the outside. But

19:18

the crew inside has a different job

19:20

in mind for tonight. Scare

19:21

up the night watchmen and

19:23

I'll handle the rest. You got

19:26

a boss. Holling a load of stolen

19:28

paint supplies to the service entrance, did

19:30

two thirds make a bid for immediate

19:33

attention.

19:35

I've held it for crying out loud all

19:38

year. The heck

19:40

is always. The pink cans

19:43

and paintbrush Polly. What do you want us to put them?

19:45

What? Yeah. We had a painting coat,

19:47

Matt. Nobody ordered a painting

19:49

crew. Oh, really? That's too

19:51

bad, Jackson. because I made a

19:53

painted town red. Suddenly

19:55

from the shadows. An intimate

19:57

fever dream arrayed in crimson

19:59

felt

19:59

in bells. Penwheel eyes

20:02

spin behind a black mask set up

20:04

on a leering mug of alibaster.

20:07

Harley Quinn has begun their

20:09

criminal career. a

20:11

lot at the entrance. A

20:13

brother and new one.

20:14

Yeah. That's right on the new act in

20:16

town. Now don't get cute or

20:18

Russell here with show you how he puts the pain

20:21

in painting. Who are you supposed to

20:23

be like, mine?

20:25

Mine.

20:26

i'm Well,

20:27

I look like a mime to you.

20:28

Yeah. I'm getting a mime vibe. Set

20:31

time

20:31

screaming at you. You're dang

20:34

dang. Oh, boy,

20:36

you're ignorant.

20:36

Look, I don't keep up with your kids in your crime

20:38

game mix. Crime mind makes as much sense to

20:40

me as calendar,

20:41

man. Okay. Wise, guy, dad,

20:43

to date

20:44

promoting a healthy life style. You better take your

20:46

vitamins. Uh-huh. Hold him down and pinch

20:48

his nose,

20:49

boys. With frightening strength,

20:52

Harley Quinn introduces the night watchmen to a

20:54

fistful of mixed pharmaceuticals.

20:56

Oh, go

20:57

on. You baby swallow

20:59

them. They're just psych

21:00

meds. What

21:02

kind of psych meds? What kind that'll make

21:04

you feel better psych? Go.

21:08

That'll knock them out for a

21:10

while.

21:10

Yeah. But they'll come looking for him if

21:12

he doesn't call in. We gotta put

21:14

some mustard on it. Abandoning the

21:16

paint supplies and coverals at the door.

21:18

The newly minted crime game creeps

21:21

its way swiftly to the grand

21:23

gallery. Okay. You coke enough.

21:24

The paint is in here. Now

21:27

remember. But

21:27

the remainder of that sentences forgotten as

21:30

Harley Quinn first lays eyes

21:32

upon the

21:33

Harley

21:34

Quinn. My

21:37

sheepest. Her heart stops.

21:40

That's a miracle. She was right

21:42

to come here. She's never been more certain

21:44

of anything in her entire

21:46

life. It's meant to be Because

21:48

the face staring down at her from within

21:50

the picture frame, It's

21:52

the face harley sees every morning

21:54

staring back at her in the mirror.

21:56

It's me. It's the spitting

21:58

image of old miss

21:59

Harley Quinn's out. mind reels with a

22:02

cosmic coincidence. Jiro,

22:03

can you believe this? Don't that

22:05

look just like me?

22:07

You mean

22:08

the painting? Is

22:09

that not bizah.

22:12

I'm not sure what you're referring

22:14

to boss. Are

22:15

you not seeing this? This

22:17

is the most notable bed and freak out

22:19

I've ever experienced. What are

22:21

the odds of an exact

22:24

likeness?

22:24

You know, Bosch, no but But girl

22:26

in the

22:26

painting. She looks just

22:30

like me.

22:31

A girl in

22:33

the painting. Okay. That's definitely a painting

22:35

of Batman boss. In fact, it

22:38

is. More specifically, it's a

22:40

painting of a man in his late

22:42

fifties with a handlebar mustache

22:44

and eyebrows that meet in the

22:46

middle. But Harley Quinn has

22:48

found her calling and there's no

22:50

turning back. Oh, yes,

22:52

sorry. Bob Dale, poof

22:54

like this.

22:56

Oh, k.

22:57

So how are we gonna get it out of here?

22:59

It's beg that I move it quick. Back up

23:01

security will be here any minute. Oh,

23:04

well, lax, use screwballs.

23:04

We're not here to steal the

23:07

patent. What?

23:08

Steel a

23:08

billion dollar patent. What would

23:11

be funny about that?

23:12

Oh, boy. We're

23:15

trying to be funny hit, boss. Doy,

23:18

ish. Yeah. Hello. I'm trying

23:20

to win the heart of a Comedy

23:22

legend remember?

23:23

No. No. No. No, robbery.

23:26

We're

23:26

just here to receive the next

23:28

sign. What's sign boss. Another sign

23:31

from

23:31

mister Jake. He's

23:33

led me this bar. He's gotta

23:35

have

23:35

something else in mind for me.

23:37

Oh, boy. I got the gimmick.

23:39

I got the outfit, but

23:41

something is still missing.

23:43

At Bozzo out front didn't even

23:45

get my get up. us.

23:47

Security is

23:48

coming. Maybe the clue

23:50

is hidden in the painting. Like those

23:52

kitty magazines that

23:53

attempt to stop us. a boss.

23:55

Oh, like a push

23:57

button audio

23:58

tour. We can do this in the

23:59

daytime, boss.

24:00

Welcome to the

24:02

Golden Museum of Fine Arts Exhibition

24:04

the Harley

24:04

Quinn. Hi, A Tux. Who is the

24:07

Harley Quinn? Oh, that quest. A

24:09

rowdy mixture

24:09

of wheat, ignorance, and gray

24:12

cinec Checkat costume. You

24:14

got that right sister. What else? Come on. Boss.

24:16

They're coming up the stairs. The hunger

24:18

queen.

24:18

Theatres must be loved, still

24:21

crossed love and magical

24:22

food. Magic

24:24

go full. Wow. I love that. You're

24:26

really telling my life story, miss

24:28

Chris.

24:28

The Heartland Queen plays the most crucial

24:31

role in

24:31

the traditional pentomine show. Yeah. Yeah.

24:33

Yeah. Yeah. Give me the crucial part. For

24:36

harlequin

24:36

alone, has the tone to magically

24:38

transformed dreamy metal

24:40

drama into bad cap comedy.

24:42

I do. How do I do that? BOSS,

24:44

the secret to the harlequin's power is

24:46

a magic bat or club called

24:49

a

24:50

slapstick. magic. That's

24:52

it. I need a killer

24:54

slapstick routine. Slips stick

24:56

comedy mandles, intentional violence

24:59

and violence by miss Haft. Those

25:01

are mister j's favorite kind.

25:03

Boss hurry up, please. Has the epic

25:05

comedy of the holiquidade

25:07

unfold amazing transformations

25:09

have been on stage at the touch of

25:11

Hollywood's magic bet. A third policeman

25:13

might become a living skeleton

25:15

or a dog may turn into a pile

25:17

of sausages. Yaron,

25:20

guys. Inspiration

25:22

has arrived. Unfortunately,

25:24

so I think you. Alright.

25:26

nobody moves. We have weapons drawn.

25:29

Okay.

25:29

I know this looks bad, but I think

25:31

I can clear everything up. I

25:33

just

25:33

need a bat that makes a dog turn into

25:36

sausages. or going

25:37

back to blackgate mirror. That

25:39

looks like it, Basel. No sudden moves.

25:41

We got you surrounded. I used

25:43

to worry too much. We're gonna be

25:46

fine. This whole scene

25:46

is a classic setup. The punchline is

25:49

gonna be killer. Yeah.

25:50

What's the punchline boss? I don't

25:53

know yet. Alright, everybody. Hands where I could

25:54

see him. Police are on their way. As

25:57

the security team closes in, it

25:59

would seem that barring uniquely helpful

26:01

comedic inspiration, criminal

26:03

career of Harley Quinn has ended before

26:05

it even started. But just

26:07

then, Harley sees salvation is

26:09

rushing to meet

26:10

her. Wait. Wait, I got it. I got

26:12

the punchline. What's made of Ivory

26:14

and camel hair weighs thirteen

26:16

thousand pounds. What

26:18

What's made of

26:21

Ivory and camel hair and

26:23

weighs thirteen thousand

26:25

pounds. Talking about Everyone

26:27

look at it.

26:34

Indeed, it would seem that only

26:36

have the escaped circus animals reach the

26:38

museum.

26:38

But all of the oil painting elephant

26:41

has helped herself to the abandoned

26:43

painting supplies.

26:43

Wow. Look at go. Rock

26:46

down system. We broke the

26:48

nose. Forget the cops. Family

26:50

our word. How about we get out

26:51

what they're getting is good? Yeah. What

26:54

are you waiting

26:54

for your ducks? Let's feed

26:56

it. Mister j needs me to find

26:58

that magic bag, make some

27:00

As Harley Quinn Ambles headlonged

27:03

down the trail towards her prefab

27:05

fate, a price seems

27:07

within reach. Yet destiny may

27:09

still scatter her bread rooms.

27:11

No matter how current your map,

27:13

it's advised to ask for directions

27:15

when navigating life and death

27:17

in Gotham City. Ladies

27:20

and

27:21

gentlemen, the ice skating skating skating skating

27:23

skating skating skating

27:26

skating rink.

27:36

for dying. I wished a

27:38

thousand times

27:39

so that's gonna be mine.

27:42

Chances

27:44

nine.

28:03

Gather,

28:06

a company of Marionettes twisting

28:08

in the wind. Join us

28:11

for another tale of life

28:13

and death in Gotham City.

28:16

The iceberg lounge headquarters of

28:18

the newly unified penguin two

28:20

faced crimes supersindicate. Though the

28:23

partnership is already paying handsome

28:25

dividends to Oswald Cabotá, in

28:27

the form of expert legal machinations, two

28:30

face meanwhile is feeling no

28:32

incompetent benefit. I don't

28:34

wanna do this. Too bad.

28:36

We flipped for it. You lost.

28:38

Still suffering from a crippling

28:40

disharmony between his two halves.

28:42

He spent the last several days

28:45

barricaded inside a luxury hotel

28:47

suite, piled to the rafters with

28:49

obscure legal texts. unable

28:51

to bear any company but his own.

28:53

And he is running out of ways to

28:55

cope with a world full of choices

28:57

that refused to be as simple

28:59

as heads or tails. Welcome

29:01

dance enthusiasts to the learn

29:03

to dance at home series. So

29:05

you've decided to learn to the

29:08

two step, obviously. Yeah. Get on with it.

29:10

Let's bookie movie. With these easy

29:12

to follow along instructions, you'll

29:14

be two stepping in no time.

29:16

It's as easy as counting 2212

29:21

That's what we wanted to hear.

29:23

Is your partner ready? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're ready.

29:25

Just get Showing broke. Don't talk back to

29:27

the record, please. Shut up. I

29:29

can't help it if I got manners,

29:31

gents. Place your right hand on

29:33

her left whilst your left

29:35

arm is held out to the side slightly

29:38

bent. On the first weight,

29:40

step forward as your

29:42

partner steps back back.

29:44

Oh, you move back. I said

29:46

I'm gonna read. Are you even

29:48

listening to the music? You realize

29:50

it relates to our

29:52

activity. Yes. On the second beat,

29:54

glide each foot past

29:56

to the other. Quick quick. Slow

29:58

slow. Your foot

29:59

goes there. What can you do? What you?

30:02

1212121212

30:03

That's

30:10

it. That's it. Now you're getting

30:12

it. 121212

30:16

You're not even trying to die.

30:18

What? What? You're a mid A

30:21

pestilential attack. Bussing in

30:23

my ear. You know that? You are nothing

30:25

one. The quintessence of English

30:27

significance. I don't know what that

30:29

means. What the heck? Well, you

30:31

don't. Of course.

30:32

go. Suddenly, 1212

30:35

what's up? One, two. Harvey, mister

30:38

Oswaldo, Joe. Are you alright?

30:40

What's go

30:43

away Oswald and tell her to knock off

30:45

that ugly racket downstairs. We're

30:47

not doing any more pro bono legal

30:49

work for you. That's not

30:52

what this is about. You sold us

30:54

a bum steer cobble bottle. What

30:56

are we getting out of this

30:58

little partnership anyway? Walled. As new as we

31:00

can tell, you have gotten about a half

31:03

dozen certifiable legal

31:05

miracles. You're practically police

31:08

commissioner Thanks to us, and we're over here

31:10

scraping buckets. I

31:12

told you. I'm going to help you get

31:14

well,

31:14

R. V. the best medical

31:17

attention money can buy. Isn't that

31:19

what I said? That this is

31:21

well

31:21

beyond the pale Harvey. You can

31:23

no longer function in society.

31:26

Go away. But

31:27

that soon to be remedied old

31:30

egg, I have someone here who

31:32

can help you. We should hit

31:34

the arches. We're not

31:36

opening the door. He's a world renowned

31:38

psychiatrist,

31:38

Avi, I spared

31:40

no expense. He was

31:41

a protege of the great

31:44

professor Hugo Strange.

31:47

He Hugo Strange,

31:49

formerly chair of psychiatry at

31:51

Gathsome University. Yes. avi, the

31:53

very same. This is his prize,

31:56

beautiful. You might say, he's the

31:58

second

31:58

greatest scientist

31:59

in town Oh, second greatest.

32:02

The number two man. That's

32:04

it. He's quite a

32:06

remarkable position, and he's right

32:08

here. Who don't

32:09

you speak with him? No.

32:11

Are you searching

32:13

Harvey? Why don't you ask

32:15

the coin? Go

32:18

ahead, Holly. Last quarter.

32:20

One last quarter if I want to.

32:24

Oh, come on. There

32:28

isn't that, but yikes.

32:30

I see we're not a moment to zoo.

32:32

This is him. He's so skinny. He's

32:35

only got one side. You're

32:37

taking cheap shots at his looks. That's

32:39

Rich. I'll give you some beauty tips,

32:41

pretty boy. Yes. clearly, we don't have a moment

32:43

to waste. Harvey Dent, I'd like you to meet

32:45

your new personal mental health

32:47

professional. His name is doctor

32:49

Jonathan Crane. By

32:51

hello, mister Denton. Very

32:54

pleased to make your acquaintance. Oh,

32:55

the good doctor is really going to get

32:57

it your noggin and give it a fresh go

33:00

to paint. You won't believe the

33:02

difference, isn't that right, doctor Gray? Oh,

33:04

most certainly. I think we're gonna

33:06

make

33:06

excellent progress if put

33:08

your trust in me. I promise

33:10

you that you don't have

33:13

a thing to fear from doctor

33:14

Jonathan Kramer. What's

33:17

this? Unbeknownst

33:18

to all present, the

33:20

scarecrow stands unmasked

33:22

in their midst. a doctor of

33:24

the mind, a surgeon of

33:26

the psyche. What diabolical

33:29

malpractice does he have in

33:31

store for Gautam's most famous

33:33

fractured fiend. The

33:35

answers in the next excursion

33:37

out beyond life and death

33:39

in Gotham City to

33:42

be continued. bad

33:48

Batman, the audio Adventures.

33:51

written and directed by Denis McNicholas

33:53

-- Batman, created by Bob Cain

33:55

with Bill Finger -- -- based on

33:58

characters from DC. with

33:59

performances by Jeffrey

34:02

Wright, Aristotle Atari,

34:04

Ike Berinholz, Rosario

34:07

Dawson, Steve Higgins, Toby Huss,

34:09

Gillian Jacobs, John Leguizama,

34:11

Dennis McNicholas, Tim

34:14

Meadows, Seth Myers,

34:16

Bobby Moynihan, Chris Parnell,

34:19

Katie Rich, Ben Rogers,

34:22

Paul Shear,

34:24

Pete Schultz, Brook Shields, Brent Spiner,

34:26

Kenan Thompson, Alan Tutick,

34:28

Bradley Whitford, Melissa Villasignor,

34:32

Eli Bruggett,

34:34

Doug Bossy, Rongini Brown, Chris Gipney,

34:37

Julie Larson, Erica

34:39

Phillips, Rosie Phillips,

34:42

Tony Phillips, Zoe Phillips,

34:44

Deirdre Quinn, Robbie Weikoff,

34:47

executive producers, John

34:49

Berg, Angela Petrella.

34:52

produced by Dennis McNicholas. Executives

34:54

in charge of production, Shalini

34:56

Desai, Peter Girardi, producer,

35:00

Tyler Dorson, production services by Cast

35:02

Media. Producer, Colin Thompson,

35:05

coordinating producer, D. J.

35:08

Lebel. Music by Doug Bossing. Sound recording,

35:10

design, and mixing by big

35:12

yellow duck. Sound design,

35:16

mixing, dialogue editing and rerecording mixing by Chris

35:18

Gitmeid. Dialog editing and additional

35:20

postproduction by

35:22

Julie Larson. songs

35:24

by Doug Busy and Tony Phillips.

35:26

The characters and events depicted

35:28

in this podcast are fictional.

35:30

Any similarity to any actual

35:33

person living or dead. Or to any actual events, firms,

35:35

places, and institutions or

35:37

other entities is

35:39

coincidental and unintentional.

35:41

This podcast is protected

35:43

under the laws of the United States and other countries,

35:45

and its unauthorized duplication,

35:48

distribution, or exhibition

35:50

may result in civil

35:52

liability and criminal prosecution.

35:54

Country of first publication, United

35:56

States of America, Batman, the

35:58

audio Adventures. Copywrite twenty twenty two Warner Bros. Entertainment

36:00

Batman and all

36:02

related characters and elements are

36:04

trademarked

36:04

and copyright DC. All

36:07

rights reserved.