Hello everyone, it’s Val. I had a wonderful conversation with a divorce coach who has a very compelling life story. Leslie Holthoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old, she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology and is currently, in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She helps people through the divorce process and their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.  

In our profound discussion, Leslie drew a distinction between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach. She pointed out that while the therapist reflects on past decisions and events, a divorce coach helps navigate the present, and more significantly, who you want to become post-divorce.

Leslie said being a divorce coach means being present when things get tough. In times when the client is emotionally overwhelmed, a divorce coach is there. A divorce coach will help keep emotions in check. They will also help the clients make logical decisions based on who they want to be. 

"Who do I want to be when the divorce is over?" is a critical question Leslie encourages everyone to ask.We all know that divorce can get so ugly. The person's choices and actions through the divorce will impact who they are in the end. Leslie admits to losing herself amidst her own divorce, struggling to lessen the pain, only to spend a long time rediscovering her identity. This personal experience guides her conversations with clients, emphasizing that they have the power to shape their post-divorce selves.

It was quite a challenging and difficult journey for her. Part of her healing waswriting a book and publicly discussing her experience. She made the best out of a bad situation and helped others in return. Because of what she went through, she deals with her clients with compassion. She has advised them to carry themselves in a way that they will be proud of in the end. 

Aside from this interesting insight, Leslie also talks about winning a divorce outside the arena of the courtroom. For her, if a couple shows up in front of a judge to fight over custody of their kids, they have already failed. A courtroom battle is only a last resort and must be avoided at all costs. 

I could not agree more with Leslie on this. Sometimes, lawyers drag their clients’ families to court. As always, these lawyers lackdispute resolution training and mediation skills. Court should be the last refuge and avoided whenever possible.

Leslie also shared invaluable advice for step-parents on nurturing the bonds between the children and their biological parents.As a step-parent or parental figure, a person's role goes beyond being present in the children's lives. This duty requires fostering the children’s relationship with their parents as well.

Toward the end of our conversation, she advises her clients that mudslinging does not help a person become better in the end. It is really important to try to build a positive relationship and just start with something small. These small and kind gestures toward the “ex” go a long way. It will also create an environment in which the children can become better individuals. 

Here is the breakdown of this episode: 

(02:40) The difference between a divorce therapist and a divorce coach

(04:11) Embracing the journey of self-discovery after divorce

(08:17) Winning divorce outside the arena of the courtroom

(12:04) The vital role of step-parents in nurturing bonds weakened by divorce

(41:36) Small gestures in building positive relationships through the divorce

In essence, Individuals may find themselves caught up in a whirlwind of negative emotions and attempts to minimize the damage. Leslie’s experience highlights the fact that she lost herself in the process. A common pitfall that many people face during divorce.

Reclaiming oneself and finding personal fulfillment after a divorce can be a long and challenging process. However, based on her own journey, it is possible to rebuild and reshape one's identity beyond the dissolution of a marriage.

A huge thanks to Leslie for sharing her powerful journey and for her dedication to guiding others towards decisions they will be proud of. For those interested in learning more about her experiences, I recommend picking up a copy of her book “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”. 

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About Val 

Val Hemminger is based in Westshore, British Columbia, and has been a family divorce lawyer for over 25 years. She runs two different podcasts, "Be The Best Divorce Lawyer" and "The Better Divorce Project." 

She helps families navigate through the rough terrain of divorce with ease and grace. Her secret to success? A unique and powerful approach that prioritizes an emotionally rewarding resolution for families while keeping court as a last resort. Val is a skilled advocate who will fight for your best interests every step of the way.

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About Tracy Leslie Holthoff Martin

Leslie Holhoff Martin is a professional writer, divorce coach, and co-parenting specialist. Leslie survived teen pregnancy at the age of 16. When she was 26 years old she got divorced. As a single parent, she studied to earn her degree in Psychology. Presently, she is in the process of obtaining her Ph.D. She has used her past experiences to guide others through the divorce process and improve their co-parenting relationships. She has recently published a book entitled “Not Mary Not Roe: The Survival Story of a Reluctant Teen Mom”.