0:00

My dad works in B2B marketing, but

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I never really knew what that meant.

0:04

Then one day my dad came by

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my school for career day and told

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everyone in my class he was a

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big MQL man. Then he just kept

0:13

saying things like, The more MQLs the

0:15

better, over and over. My friends still

0:18

laugh at me to this day. I

0:20

think it means marketing qualified lead? One

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thing's for sure. I'll be known as

0:25

the MQL man's kid for the rest

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of my days. Why can't you just

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be a fireman or a lawyer?

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Why? You ruined my life,

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dad. Not everyone gets B2B,

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0:58

The place to be, to be. Welcome

1:04

to Before Breakfast, a production of

1:06

iHeartRadio. Good

1:09

morning. This

1:11

is Laura. Welcome

1:13

to the Before Breakfast podcast. Today's

1:17

tip is to look

1:19

for context friends. When

1:22

people say they want more friends, what

1:24

they often mean is that

1:27

they want someone to do X, Y,

1:29

or Z with. So

1:31

figure out what X, Y,

1:34

or Z is for you, and

1:36

you will have a far more productive

1:38

search. Today's

1:41

tip comes courtesy of Anna Goldfarb,

1:44

who is the author of the new book,

1:46

Modern Friendship. I

1:49

recently interviewed her for my Best of

1:51

Both Worlds podcast. I

1:53

asked her for advice for people

1:55

who are feeling lonely and

1:57

felt that they needed more friends. Goldfarb

2:01

told me that this was the wrong way to

2:03

frame the question. When

2:05

people are feeling lonely, what they

2:07

often mean is that they want

2:09

someone who can do X. That

2:12

is, fill some specific need.

2:16

Maybe you want someone you can go see movies

2:18

with. Or you want someone

2:20

to run or walk with. Maybe

2:23

you want someone who likes to go to brunch on

2:25

Saturdays. Or if you've

2:27

got little kids and you want someone who's always

2:29

down for an afternoon playground trip or who will

2:31

text silly memes with you at night while

2:34

you're sitting with your toddler trying to get the kid to

2:36

go to bed, well, you need to look for that.

2:40

All of these suggest different approaches for

2:42

looking. For instance,

2:44

if you are looking for a friend

2:46

who likes leisurely Saturday brunches. Even

2:50

if you personally have kids but

2:52

your spouse and relatives love taking

2:54

them all day Saturday, it might

2:56

be hard to find other folks with

2:58

little kids in that situation. So

3:02

you might be best off getting close with

3:04

a colleague who doesn't have

3:06

such responsibilities but seems

3:08

to like trying new restaurants. Or

3:11

maybe it's a person you meet at the dog

3:14

park who mentions her love of Bloody Mary's. See

3:17

if she would like to join you some weekend to have

3:19

one. If you

3:21

want a friend who will run with you,

3:23

then you are best off joining some group

3:25

runs. Maybe some sponsored

3:28

by your local running store or a

3:30

nearby gym and seeing who

3:32

you might be compatible with. If

3:35

you are looking for other parents who

3:37

would be up for afternoon playground trips,

3:40

then you can see who seems cool at

3:42

the library 10 a.m. story hour because

3:45

that person probably is

3:47

also available during the day. I

3:51

think this is a wise approach because

3:53

it turns the problem of finding friends

3:55

into a more practical

3:57

exercise. People

3:59

who do X or Y tend to show

4:02

themselves or congregate in

4:04

certain places. So

4:06

when you figure out what X or Y is for

4:08

you, you can go look in

4:10

those places. Now

4:13

obviously what a lot of us truly

4:15

want is someone who will love us

4:17

unconditionally and will help us

4:19

feel seen on a soul-affirming level. But

4:22

most of us only get a handful of those

4:25

people in our lifetimes. The

4:27

good news is that if you find a few running

4:29

buddies you really hit it off with, over

4:32

the course of a few years of weekly

4:34

runs, someone can

4:37

become that soul-affirming friend.

4:40

But if you start off hunting for the

4:42

soul-affirming friend, the search process

4:45

might feel a little more fraught and

4:48

probably not all that fruitful. Best

4:51

to look for context-specific friends

4:54

and then let things proceed from

4:56

there. In

4:58

the meantime, this is Laura. Thanks

5:01

for listening. And here's to

5:04

making the most of our

5:06

time. Thanks

5:13

for listening to Before Breakfast. If

5:15

you've got questions, ideas, or feedback,

5:17

you can reach me at

5:20

lauravandercam.com. Before

5:28

Breakfast is a production of iHeartMedia. For

5:31

more podcasts from iHeartMedia, please

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visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple

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Podcasts, or wherever you listen

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