0:00

Hello, heroes! James Damato here to wish you

0:02

happy holidays. We're looking forward to the new

0:04

year here at One Shot Network, and we

0:06

want 2024 to be a big year for

0:08

us. A

0:11

year with new shows, new events, new

0:13

projects. And we figured the holiday season

0:15

was the perfect time to give you

0:17

a sample of what we have in

0:20

store for you. So, across many One

0:22

Shot spaces, you're getting a lot of

0:24

free stuff. Last night, I made the

0:26

first season of Starwall, episodes 1 through

0:28

14, available to all Patreon

0:30

subscribers, whether they are paid subscribers or

0:32

not. We're super proud of that project

0:34

over here at OSN, and we want

0:36

to share it with more people. So,

0:38

if you're not a Patreon subscriber, head

0:40

over to Patreon and check out the first

0:43

season of Starwall for free. And if you are

0:45

a Patreon subscriber who is less than $5 a

0:47

month, this is your first

0:49

opportunity to listen to the first season of

0:51

that show. To our $5 and

0:53

up patrons, we have a new episode of

0:56

Starwall, episode 21, and

0:58

we're releasing part 3 of our session 0 audio

1:01

for Skyjax. Then, on your favorite podcasting

1:03

app, you will find a new feed

1:05

for Skyjoust. We're putting up the first

1:08

episode of Skyjoust there, which is a

1:10

slightly re-edited version of the first

1:12

episode of the Burning Tales Solo series.

1:14

That is going to be coming out

1:16

weekly until we hit audio that you

1:18

haven't heard yet, at which point we'll

1:20

move over to biweekly for the remainder

1:22

of Skyjoust. But yes, the Skyjoust feed

1:24

is finally going up. Which brings me

1:26

to what you're listening to here. You

1:29

see, I want to bring you new shows in 2024,

1:32

and producing Skyjoust gave me a

1:34

taste for producing competitive actual plays.

1:36

I've done this a couple times

1:38

in the past with the Dungeon

1:40

Dome, Dungeons & Dollars, and of

1:42

course Skyjoust, but I feel the

1:44

tension of real competition could be

1:46

underscored even more with cash prizes.

1:48

Which is why my new show,

1:51

Adventure Capitalists, combines all of that

1:53

with the worst murder-hoboey tendencies of

1:55

anyone who sits down to play

1:57

an RPG. Adventure Capitalists

1:59

pits two teams. of four players against

2:01

each other head to head with one

2:04

goal to have their team make as

2:06

much in-game money as possible at

2:08

the end of four sessions and whichever

2:10

group manages to do that wins a

2:13

real-world cash prize. I put together

2:15

teams of some of your favorite one-shot

2:17

performers and new faces who all have

2:19

backgrounds in comedy and I let them

2:22

draft style create their own worlds

2:24

to play out this game in. The

2:26

setting they came up with is marvelously

2:28

chaotic and extremely dangerous which

2:30

made Morkeborg the perfect game system

2:32

to run this in which are

2:34

about to hear the first episode

2:37

of the first session for Team

2:39

LA. That team is composed of

2:41

Rashawn Nadine Scott, Tyler Samples, Alan

2:43

Linnek and new voice Avery Lee

2:45

and I think you'll see this is an

2:48

extremely appropriate gift on this holiday season. So

2:51

with all that out of the way please

2:53

enjoy. We

3:02

open on snow. Snow

3:08

falling gently over hills

3:11

and mounds of endless

3:14

fields of rolling white.

3:17

We can see that these hills

3:20

have almost a regular shape to them

3:22

that if you look at them from

3:24

above they're square rectangular

3:27

and then as we get

3:29

closer we can see emanating from

3:31

one of these hills as the

3:34

light out is very gentle right

3:36

now that there is a faint

3:39

light emanating from one

3:41

of the divots on these hills and

3:44

as our camera moves closer

3:46

and closer we can

3:48

see that there's just a

3:50

tiny sliver of window that

3:53

sunlight is moving in through

3:55

and we can see a child's bedroom

4:01

that is covered

4:04

in crude drawings

4:07

with walls that have

4:09

plaster that is dry, bulging

4:12

and cracking. Because this

4:14

child is not a

4:16

fortunate child. This child does not

4:18

happen to live on a part

4:20

of the world blessed with wealth

4:24

and plenty. They live on

4:26

a poor part of this planet. Still,

4:30

their eyes pop open and

4:32

sparkle with joy. Because

4:34

today is

4:36

Christmas day. They

4:39

spring out of bed, they run

4:42

through the house, and they enter

4:44

their living room and

4:46

see something that causes

4:48

their eyes to well

4:50

up with happy tears. Because

4:53

they see an endless

4:55

field of presence, almost so

4:58

many presents that it's basically

5:01

impossible to move through the room.

5:03

As they step forward, they realize

5:05

that one of these guests is

5:08

already open. Why, it's

5:10

the toy train, the wooden toy train

5:13

from the window of the toy store

5:15

that they've wanted for so, so long.

5:19

And they look across the room

5:21

and there's another and another and

5:23

another, the same toy

5:26

train, hundreds upon hundreds in

5:28

this room. It

5:30

is a joyful thing, but

5:33

there is a spark of horror buried

5:35

in that thing. A

5:38

cold bead of sweat rolls down

5:40

this child's temple as

5:42

their body realizes there is

5:45

something that must be wrong

5:47

with this situation. But

5:49

that's quickly overwhelmed by

5:51

their mind and the glee

5:54

that they feel at finally

5:56

having this gift. They

5:58

immediately plop down to the ground. on

6:00

discarded wrapping paper and crinkled

6:03

boxes, grabbing two trains and

6:06

making dramatic sound effects as they act

6:08

out the voices of the passengers of

6:10

both of those trains. Oh

6:12

no, we're getting classed, we're getting

6:14

classed, we're headed, we're towards each other, pow.

6:19

And with that, the camera will

6:21

zoom out over the snowscape

6:25

and we see adventure

6:27

capitalists, Team LA,

6:30

and we're going to go to the last

6:32

map. Now,

6:38

I would love to know who our characters

6:41

are for this and

6:45

the way that we're going to meet

6:47

these characters, yes, Alan

6:50

Linick in Rashad are doing the

6:52

scissor gesture which is

6:54

great, it's a very, very

6:56

queer positive sort of way to

6:58

start this off. I

7:01

want to know where your character is and

7:03

an important thing about this is your character

7:05

is going to return to this place at

7:07

the start of every day, as

7:09

soon as the first child

7:12

wakes up and it is

7:14

Christmas once again, that is

7:16

where your character is going to be. So

7:19

tell us where on however many

7:21

years or months, we

7:24

don't know at this point ago,

7:26

the Christmas loop started where

7:28

your character had fallen asleep and where

7:31

they are going to wake up. Okay,

7:33

I have a question about this, wait,

7:35

so you're saying physically we groundhog day reset

7:38

to the same point at the start

7:40

of every day? However, things

7:42

that you have done to the

7:44

world remain in continuity and things

7:46

that happen to your body remain

7:48

in continuity. So if you

7:51

lose your finger, you're going to wake up without

7:53

a finger. If you get a tattoo, you're going

7:55

to wake up with that tattoo. Right. Alan,

7:59

yeah. Take it away, Rishon. Cool. My

8:02

character, the POV

8:04

we're seeing is they are a

8:08

lumberjack of sorts. This

8:11

shack that holds all of their tools,

8:13

we see a pegboard of every kind of axe

8:15

that you could think of. And

8:18

as this person reaches out to

8:20

grab an axe, you would think

8:22

you would see flesh of an

8:24

arm extending and grabbing, but they

8:26

see pine needles

8:28

and cones that extend out.

8:30

This arm is basically mutated

8:32

and formed into a tree.

8:35

They have a reaction,

8:37

like, shutter, like, oh my god, this

8:39

is my hand branch?

8:42

Hand arm? Not sure. Grabs

8:44

the axe, shuts

8:47

the shed door, turns around, and is

8:49

faced with a mirror. And you see

8:52

this giant Douglas

8:54

fir of a person. This

8:57

woman was a lumberjack who was

8:59

cursed by chopping

9:01

down the wrong tree in the

9:03

forest and merged with

9:06

it and is now this

9:08

unholy, disgusting, what's

9:11

the word, tenon bomb of a

9:14

woman creature. Yeah. Now,

9:17

Rajant, I do have a question.

9:19

That happened on what would

9:21

be in this setting December 24th, right? Yeah.

9:24

You chopped down this tree on December 24th and woke

9:27

up on Christmas merged with the tree. Exactly.

9:31

Okay, okay. Cool. That

9:33

is great. And then they step

9:35

out and kind of start their day looking out

9:37

at the vast expanse of, I don't

9:40

know if there are lots of trees or not, I don't

9:42

know what's sadder. Maybe

9:44

there used to be a lot of trees. I'm going to

9:46

tell you, Rajant, it's

9:48

hard to know because

9:50

it is snowing and

9:53

what you got was what

9:55

some people would have called

9:57

a Christmas miracle. Just

10:00

enough dusting of snow for there

10:02

to be a white Christmas. Not

10:06

enough for it to cause any

10:08

problems with traffic

10:10

or infrastructure. However, the

10:12

problem is you got

10:14

that amount of snow

10:17

for the past goodness knows

10:19

how many days. And

10:21

it's added up. You've plowed

10:23

the roads and whatnot. What

10:26

you see if you are in a

10:28

heavily populated area is canyons

10:30

dug out of the snow that

10:32

is like piled up layer after

10:35

layer because it has snowed so

10:37

many days in a row, a

10:39

very specific, what is supposed to

10:41

be non-intrusive amount. So

10:44

are there trees? It's nearly

10:46

impossible to say. You'd have to burrow through

10:49

a lot of snow to see any. A

10:52

meteorologist is doing a spit take

10:54

out of their window every morning.

10:57

And the old man is just like, wow, it

10:59

sure dumped last night, huh? I

11:02

think that Douglas will attach

11:04

some snow shoes

11:06

of sorts, climb to the top of the

11:08

shack and walk across the top of

11:11

this snowbank to hack off the top

11:13

of a tree, essentially

11:16

trying to build a fire as disgusting as that

11:18

sounds to a tree person to get a little

11:20

bit of warmth. Yeah, I

11:22

think, Rishon, you were absolutely

11:24

able to do that. And

11:26

you do see the

11:29

peaks of some very tall trees sticking

11:31

out above the snow line. You

11:34

expertly, as a lumberjack,

11:37

grab what you need. You

11:39

move down, set these

11:41

pieces of wood in your fire. And

11:44

then the smell hits you. And

11:47

of course it smells like pine, but

11:50

there is something in you

11:52

that makes it feel

11:54

like it also smells like

11:57

pork. the

12:00

disquieting sensation that anyone who has

12:03

been around a human body that

12:05

is burning a field, where

12:08

somehow these burning trees

12:10

smell delicious. And

12:14

I think it is in this moment,

12:16

looking into your fireplace, that there are

12:18

these glass shutters on it. You

12:21

can see your face for the

12:23

first time in the morning. You

12:26

can see what has become of you,

12:28

but I think also a message that you have

12:30

left to yourself. The first

12:32

message that you know that you would see every day.

12:36

In the message I would see, it is, hear

12:38

those sleigh bells reeling. And

12:42

I think that reminds me of the

12:45

bells that would sound when intruders come

12:48

into our area. Oh,

12:50

sick, sick. To be hyper aware of when you

12:52

hear these bells, it is time to get up

12:54

in that action. And then

12:56

I look over to my shed full of axes

12:59

and I say, one day,

13:01

one day. I love it.

13:04

I hit my coffee. You

13:06

get a shed full of axes, like preppers

13:09

have a wall full of guns

13:11

down there. Just

13:13

grinding, I will just grind some axes and

13:15

get things as sharp as possible, prepping for

13:17

my day. That is perfect. I

13:20

want to cut over to our next

13:23

player who wants to introduce their character. I'll

13:26

go. So

13:29

Spuggles the Elf wakes

13:32

up in an abandoned

13:34

central area of an

13:37

indoor mall that has been made

13:39

to look like Santa's Wonderland.

13:42

He wakes up just with

13:46

like a coming up from in

13:48

between two comically

13:51

oversized wooden boxes

13:53

made to look like presents. He

13:56

has a bottle in one hand

13:58

that is mostly empty. The anyway said

14:00

he looks around like in a panic to

14:03

guy he has no idea where he is,

14:05

he had no idea what's going on. Steve

14:07

feals Oliver and cells and he can feel

14:09

the jingle jangle of his little cap with

14:12

the bell on his will pointy shoes and

14:14

he's like confuse and terrified and is like

14:16

ripping any looks fitness and he sees his

14:18

arms and it says on his left arm

14:21

as as looks and as right arm in

14:23

arm and says inside. And. Cincy.

14:25

I'd like to spend a little bit of

14:27

time. I try to figure that out and

14:29

then like sees his little so bag. And

14:32

he opens it. And then he works

14:34

and then. What? At Tyler

14:36

for the benefit The audience who's

14:38

not insane i forget to describe

14:40

what is so thin and a

14:43

soul bag are yeah okay ah

14:45

yes well as sold the the

14:47

As so every every person including

14:49

smuggles the else has a little

14:51

soul day which is like every

14:54

would you call it like a

14:56

classroom E Bay in some ways

14:58

yes I think exactly fast hands

15:00

and so I so he has

15:02

his little bag that holds his

15:04

soul tend. To his body because I'll

15:07

And right. And

15:09

as we all know, babies when

15:11

they're born their souls come out

15:13

first and then nobody's come out

15:15

and their their souls have to

15:17

be paired. Guy you hatch the

15:19

soul and player that in the

15:21

doctors have to test the song

15:23

and know physically attacked it to

15:25

the body using a souls in

15:27

which allows people to control their

15:29

bodies And souls don't become birds

15:31

which is hugely important. However, It

15:34

does have the side effect that

15:36

when a body and solar attached

15:38

together using a soul pence ah

15:41

if you should sin it will

15:43

manifest as a foul smelling liquid

15:45

and it needs to be drained.

15:47

So now every salt in is

15:49

a fixed with a dream that

15:52

attaches to a bag which collects

15:54

yourself. And

15:56

and I work in my soul

15:58

bag and it looks differ. He

16:01

then I remember but I don't even know

16:03

what that means to as I can't think

16:05

of what I remember or not. like error

16:07

all I feel as Hayes and Smuggles. Bliss.

16:10

And till he suddenly gets like sucked

16:12

in. To the bag and

16:15

inside then is this. Mad Mans

16:17

Workshop. There's toys in different areas

16:19

like different stages of repair in

16:22

disrepair and construct. Some of them

16:24

look very nice and some of

16:26

them like very naughty. And.

16:29

There is a on all of

16:32

the walls is scraps of paper

16:34

like newspaper articles were safely written.

16:36

scrawls all of it with strings

16:39

behind in everything and on one

16:41

will cause it just says is

16:43

etched into the wall he just

16:45

says find the little man. Sense

16:50

and I smuggled doesn't know

16:53

That means that he knows

16:55

and and underneath it said

16:57

says ah. I

16:59

cannot live and smugglers is

17:02

like. that's weird and a

17:04

result. Ah, I'm having

17:06

a North A tries to say it,

17:08

and and instead of that it just

17:10

comes out on like this is a

17:13

terrible day and he's like. And

17:15

he realizes. Ah, and and so he spends

17:17

about a half an hour later reading through

17:19

it all, a greeting through everything. and then

17:22

he goes out to gather the people he

17:24

knows he is supposed to be working with

17:26

because he is told himself where to find

17:28

the other members of the party. And so

17:31

he is. he sets out from the mall

17:33

to go. Across the snow

17:35

define Douglas in the rest of

17:37

perfect. Ah, let's turn to Allen

17:40

And because they think a breeze

17:42

characters the most insane and. Ah

17:48

so are we See sparkles

17:50

start to lock down towards

17:52

the end of the mall

17:54

and ah as he goes

17:56

he passes by Tell Steve

17:58

Toy Shop. And in

18:01

the window of the sharply kind of

18:03

like linger on that window and as

18:05

we linger on the window we kind

18:07

of push in on it we can

18:09

see there's this big sort of mound

18:12

of like stuffed animals there's a and

18:14

like different dolls and stuff that had

18:16

been arranged in a certain like a

18:18

pyramid shaped there's like else and up

18:21

here with third eye on it's head

18:23

snares this i stream snakes next looking

18:25

bird creature stairs are like a santa

18:27

look like a big like a skinny

18:29

looking. Santa figure in the

18:31

middle there's a like hub

18:34

princess looking doll with extra

18:36

arms coming out of s

18:38

and then we actually we

18:40

pull we pull back like

18:42

double take almost to the

18:44

sea and Santa and that

18:46

been sands as eyes pop

18:48

open from the midst of

18:51

all these different toys and

18:53

ah old been see kind

18:55

of like with surrounds I

18:57

groggily and a little costs.

19:00

And starts to like regal free

19:02

of this mound of stuffed animals

19:04

and and a potter's to his

19:06

feet. News. Seizing

19:09

on well, Rather

19:11

unsteady. Is it possible

19:13

that is is morning already? For

19:19

those of you who don't know

19:21

which I think is all of

19:23

you. Eliciting old

19:26

been see has been the

19:28

last by the other team

19:30

where food is a blessing

19:32

that he can only speak

19:34

and rhyme blood. What they

19:36

don't know is that this

19:38

isn't actually a curse, it's

19:40

just a hangover. Ah, affects

19:42

have. Been see situation which is

19:44

that old Been see has been

19:46

jumping bodies for so long. Ah,

19:49

and has been alive for so long

19:51

that he speaks in archaic like this

19:53

is how people talk to when he

19:55

grabbed right around and so he's so

19:57

old that he still talks like that.

20:00

Even though language has evolved and

20:02

changed since he was born. Sort

20:04

of like how in Elizabeth in

20:07

England in the real world everybody

20:09

spoken I have a contaminator. I'm

20:11

sure this is how people use

20:13

to talk right? or like how

20:15

Yoda speeds backwards. Yeah, but because

20:17

he's just been around so long

20:19

so you're positing that is the

20:22

Yoda is that. Previously and Star

20:24

Wars everybody talked to a Yoda

20:26

dalliances as canon. And

20:28

I don't like that. And on and nine A good

20:30

I knew. So oh yeah, yeah, I've been on a

20:33

girl. George Lucas said as

20:35

an interview that they that he talks like

20:37

that because that's how people used to talk

20:39

and he's just nine hundred years old now.

20:41

and I'm not as Yoda. I think everybody

20:43

who's made the Old Republic video games is

20:45

a fucking coward now. As

20:48

opposed to visit it's been injured as

20:50

M C I arms is broken and

20:52

Yoda is and scotus by all been

20:54

see pulls himself up to his feet

20:56

and he can remember that the plan

20:59

was oh who's got all the cash

21:01

on Christmas morning. Toy. Stores.

21:04

So. The plan was. Stay.

21:06

Overnight in a Christina toy store? Wake

21:09

up. Knock. Off the Toy Store. And

21:12

be on your merry way. But.

21:14

Aside from the window placements like

21:16

that you know, sort of ah

21:18

advertise of bulls does that would

21:20

draw people into the toy store.

21:22

He looks around and realize is

21:24

very quickly that this toy store

21:26

is cleaned. Out. And.

21:29

It looks like they are way

21:31

behind on like restocking like everything

21:33

just feels like gone and he

21:35

can a totters to his feet

21:37

and as he goes to put

21:39

his hand to his forehead he

21:41

sees on his left hand where

21:43

his three lesser lesser fingers middle

21:45

ring in pinky finger should be

21:47

instead are got are gone as

21:49

that's normal he knows that. but

21:52

what's unusual is that on the

21:54

sort of knuckle stumps where his

21:56

fingers used to be is a

21:58

tattoo. And. He

22:00

pulls up and kind of squint said it.

22:03

And. The tattoo says coffee

22:05

shop on it. And

22:08

he goes. On

22:10

her and kind of looks at it and

22:12

it sees another tattoo. Kind. Of poking

22:14

out of the cuff of his red.

22:17

Jumpsuit that he's wearing and goes to kind

22:19

of roll down and read more of the

22:22

tattoo, but the next one down on his

22:24

wrist says not yet. So

22:27

lead roles, a backup. Does

22:31

a little costs, looks

22:33

down at his soul

22:35

bags and it is

22:38

bulging for his photos

22:40

are overflowing. And

22:42

it he spots on the far corner

22:45

of the wall under a big while

22:47

that says wouldn't you choose. A

22:50

at the little splash like a stain.

22:53

On the ground and thinks

22:55

to himself miles of looks

22:57

like. I. Won't be the first

22:59

one to do this. So whatever I and was

23:01

over in empties out his bags on the same

23:03

which are like Era has landed. And

23:06

who heads out the door? Bring knitting? Mean.

23:09

Perfect. But Avery. Let's

23:12

let's cut over to you. Oh

23:15

so than ah. The camera

23:17

pulls out in the air

23:19

and we see the whole

23:22

you know everyone's. Happily

23:25

you know, celebrating Christmas morning?

23:27

very you know, twinkling why

23:29

so of ass and then

23:31

we'd fall back for we

23:33

go farther into the ass

23:35

the outskirts of the towns

23:37

and god there's like com

23:39

you know there's like a

23:41

save. With their and it's worth

23:43

but it's kind of like guy

23:46

looks like a house or like

23:48

also someone lives here maybe? ah

23:50

but then with that said that

23:52

there's like a stables outside. that's

23:54

that's kind of like run down

23:56

there and then you. We go

23:58

in the stable. Then there's like

24:01

some hey and staff on

24:03

the ground and damn. We.

24:05

See, there's like gas is

24:08

is kind of like a

24:10

minute tar. Ah with

24:12

say I applaud I'm

24:14

Ah and arms of

24:17

a reindeer. Ah but

24:19

then the rest the rest

24:21

is like job ah I'm

24:23

not not not that's not

24:25

the grinch for Virgilio be

24:27

asked to so fum I

24:30

am I'm thinking it's called

24:32

a greens. ah so that's

24:34

that's within he and and

24:36

he was in food loud

24:38

over it and was later

24:40

I had around. These are

24:42

distinct. Oh yeah go here

24:45

are hard me I misspoke

24:47

so armed the. Rest of

24:49

it is that as a

24:51

as a bronze in which

24:53

which is you know it's

24:56

like a greens kind of.

24:58

Furry creatures are bad so

25:00

we acquiesce marine animal decide

25:02

for it sealed. There's

25:06

nothing you can and seal.

25:08

We'll see. I prefer. sorry

25:11

I don't Ah, I'm a

25:13

white guys Ceo. And

25:16

the here as braided right It's not

25:18

like, yeah, I saw

25:20

this one. it's not hair, it's

25:23

down says there's ah. The idea

25:25

is that a greens easy part

25:27

demon is is is a demon

25:30

creature and on campus start as

25:32

Bergen. So yes yeah right course

25:34

of course. Of course the American

25:36

Embassy outweigh our best hours you

25:39

sitting it against girls Agreed Suri

25:41

everything is going to pick out.

25:43

I have pronounced As Leisure as

25:46

thoroughly as as I dream with

25:48

serves. as an

25:50

easier to green and

25:52

difference on yeah. yeah

25:54

grants i think if he meant to

25:57

remind me of something that romanians drink

25:59

on holidays yeah

26:01

perfect a green a green yeah yeah

26:03

and so half one of those yeah

26:18

and you said the arms of a reindeer

26:20

yeah yeah yeah arms of the reindeer so

26:22

who's yeah got that

26:24

the head of a reindeer too right or

26:27

is that ahead of a green so six

26:30

appendages because I need a

26:32

random reindeer yeah yeah okay got

26:35

the horned antlers yeah yeah yeah

26:38

yeah that is more horror I

26:40

already knew the description of Avery's

26:42

character and I had not pleased

26:44

together how horrible it was well

26:46

I mean I can't wait to

26:48

tell you that the velvet is

26:51

molting on it so internally

26:53

there's like the velvet

26:55

fluffing off with like

26:57

coats and sheets of

27:00

blood yeah yeah

27:02

it's it's

27:04

gross but

27:07

but yeah it's you know cuz the

27:10

its name is

27:12

a grunge and

27:15

his dad was

27:18

the the grunge and

27:21

she had sex

27:24

with Rudolph's mom and

27:27

so that's why she looks the

27:31

way he does and and visually the audience

27:33

is getting this information because I think carved

27:35

onto the wall of your cave is

27:37

a crude family tree oh okay

27:40

that's sort of a

27:42

crude drawing of them yeah that's all right I

27:44

thought we were going in the act no no

27:47

I don't I mean maybe I celebrate

27:49

my origins but you're all too cowardly

27:52

to publicly

27:54

show your conception yeah I

27:57

mean and we can see that like your brother your half

28:00

brother is Rudolf,

28:02

the Rudolf for sure. Yeah,

28:04

so yeah, on the wall

28:07

there's some like polaroids of

28:11

the Grunch having sex

28:13

with Rudolf's mom and they're like

28:16

the only photos that Grunch has

28:18

of his mom. So he's like,

28:20

oh, they don't, they

28:24

don't, he

28:27

doesn't know what happened. I can't remember

28:29

it, I forgot. Yeah, he has a

28:32

memory. So, but yeah, and then he

28:34

looks, Grunch looks down at

28:36

him. He does, he has some tattoos

28:38

as well. I think it says John

28:41

G murdered my wife. So

28:44

what one of them says, and

28:49

find him and kill him. There's a bunch

28:51

of info. There's a bunch of info on

28:53

him. Sure,

28:55

sure, sure, sure, sure. But that's part of

28:57

it, which I love. Yeah, yeah. And

29:00

then, oh, he's also

29:03

got a soul

29:05

bag on him. One of those

29:07

things, it's, you know, attached to

29:09

his intestine and his

29:12

side. And I think it looks kind

29:14

of whimsically Succian, you know,

29:17

it's got kind of those windy pipes

29:19

and like a little bit of a

29:21

knobbly design to it. Yeah, yeah. More

29:23

whimsical than everybody else's. Yeah.

29:26

And one, and there's like a

29:28

side pouch too on

29:30

it that has like some oats

29:32

and stuff. So then he goes

29:34

in and starts eating some from

29:37

the outside. Sure. And

29:39

he also has

29:42

a laptop and

29:46

he cracks open

29:48

the laptop. His

29:50

memory is not good, but

29:52

he does remember his crypto

29:54

key. And he

29:56

goes just to check to see

29:59

his account. you.

32:01

So there's a certain subset of people that won't

32:03

stop talking about it and how it has great

32:06

potential for the future. And really

32:08

what it is is collecting more demons

32:10

in populated areas, waiting to be

32:13

unleashed by the blockchains which barely

32:15

hold them back. And

32:18

sometimes the value goes up a lot. Well,

32:21

it's speculative value. It's like, what could I

32:23

do if I could command this demon? And

32:27

once they work that out, oh my gosh, the

32:29

economy is going to be incredible. Once they work

32:31

out controlling the demons, then

32:34

all the problems are solved. You're going to wish that you

32:36

had gotten in on this now. You're going to wish that

32:38

you had a closet full of demons. I

32:42

should have got in when it was low. I

32:44

just have them in storage, just kind of sitting on

32:46

them waiting. There's

32:49

always new demon coins that are launching.

32:51

So we can always hop on the

32:54

next one. Yeah, that's

32:57

true. Avery, I have the question. What

32:59

is the message that makes Grunch sort

33:02

of head out to the

33:04

location that everybody is going to meet up at?

33:07

Oh, yeah.

33:10

So then Grunch

33:12

also has a little

33:15

dog and the

33:18

dog starts licking his

33:20

face. And then

33:22

he's like, oh, okay. And then

33:26

he follows the dog and then the dog goes

33:28

over to this sled. And

33:31

the dog goes, come on. And then

33:36

Grunch gets on the sled and the dog starts

33:38

pulling him. And then away he goes.

33:41

Excellent. He just trusts the

33:43

dog. The dog knows where to go. Now,

33:47

actually, this brings up an important question maybe for James.

33:50

Does the curse only affect

33:53

human sapient? Oh,

33:57

I am going to say yes. because

34:00

we're going to see. So the

34:02

dog knows. The dog

34:04

does remember everything. The dog's no. That's

34:07

fun. Yeah. Dogs absolutely know

34:09

what's going on. Interesting.

34:11

So we follow,

34:14

the camera follows through this

34:16

huge channel of banks of

34:18

snow on either side down

34:20

towards the city, which I

34:23

think the capital city that you

34:25

all live in on this,

34:28

the poor side of

34:30

the planet, how big do you think this

34:32

is? Like, is this a big

34:34

metropolis? That's kind of what I had been picturing.

34:37

But I forget also what era of

34:40

technology have we, where are

34:42

we in? I mean, like a

34:44

theme for the place. Like I

34:46

think we're somewhere in the range

34:48

of medieval to 1950s aesthetics, but

34:50

we also do

34:53

have laptops, but that's

34:56

only for the carving

34:58

and management of cryptocurrencies. So

35:00

hard to say. All right. Great.

35:03

Great. Yeah. So

35:06

I was kind of picturing almost like

35:08

Victoria in the London sized city. Like

35:10

this is a decent city, pretty tall

35:13

buildings and whatnot. And

35:15

right now just covered in

35:17

a blanket of snow. Like there are

35:19

these thick high walled channels of snow

35:21

that is piled up and piled up

35:23

and piled up because like

35:25

in the plows are out there being plowed

35:28

to the side every day. But

35:30

the banks of snow are getting higher and

35:32

higher. It's this

35:34

huge logistical nightmare. You can

35:37

see layer after layer carved

35:39

into these gigantic walls of

35:41

snow and ice that some

35:44

of the less well maintained buildings are

35:46

already starting to buckle under the weight

35:48

of all of this snow. But

35:52

people are for the most part

35:54

going about their day and preparing

35:56

for this like joyous celebration of

36:00

Christmas, it is here. The

36:03

city is alive, but it is

36:05

not alike with workers. This is

36:07

a day off for people. They

36:11

are joyfully dancing through the

36:13

streets, moving through these channeled

36:15

snow banks, and we find

36:18

here, at this specific time,

36:20

a coffee shop. That

36:23

over the last however long

36:25

has been a coincidental

36:28

meeting place for your

36:30

group of four. That

36:33

slowly moved into an

36:35

intentional rendezvous, imagined

36:38

by the version of yourself who

36:40

was awake and active the previous

36:42

day. You have

36:45

like we can see in the past like

36:47

flashbacks of your group. What we'll see like

36:50

it's mostly in black and white, but you're

36:52

lit up in red and green, like walking

36:54

past each other. And like

36:56

we can see shades and shadows of

36:58

previous meetings between you that are

37:00

like slowly drawing your group closer and

37:02

closer together until you were sitting at

37:04

the same table almost every day. And

37:07

we cut to now

37:10

the present. I am going

37:12

to declare this at 11

37:14

a.m. specifically. It's

37:18

enough time that old Buncee didn't

37:21

go here immediately. We know that.

37:24

Buncee did something before, but everybody else

37:26

like kind of arrived. I think Buncee

37:28

is the last to arrive. You all

37:30

sit. You were all facing each other.

37:33

These are strangers to you. I

37:35

think the only one

37:37

who I imagine might have a

37:40

chance at recognizing anybody else is

37:42

Grunch because there's a chance that

37:44

Grunch had planned to rob this

37:46

person at some point to prevent

37:48

them from enjoying Christmas. Can

37:50

I propose, though, Spuggles would

37:53

have written in his journal descriptions of everybody.

37:56

Yeah, I think I think you know these people. I'm going to

37:58

let you decide. right

38:00

now, Tyler is Spuggles gifted artist

38:02

or not? No, no, these are

38:04

notes. So and unfortunately,

38:07

also, he's not the most

38:10

because it is a written journal, but he

38:12

is not great at visual details either. So

38:14

he, I mean, so two of the so

38:20

basically, it's just like Santa guy, tree

38:22

tree person, and then nightmare.

38:25

I'm gonna do I'm gonna offer you

38:28

this Tyler, you don't need to accept

38:30

this, but I want to do you

38:32

one worse. I want Spuggles descriptions of

38:34

these people to be personality descriptions and

38:36

have nothing to do with the cool.

38:38

Yeah, that's exactly what it is. Yeah,

38:41

it's just sort of like, well, I

38:43

don't know them yet. So as a

38:45

player, so I don't know. But yes,

38:47

there are personality descriptions. Yeah. And Rashawn,

38:49

if you're cool with it, I'd like

38:51

to posit that when

38:54

old Bunce sees you old

38:56

Bunce sees that that

38:59

he has written something in his own

39:01

handwriting on Douglas fir. Oh, so

39:06

yeah, I've Douglas fir has a lot of

39:09

ornaments scattered around that just

39:11

have like, terrible

39:13

wishes from children. Like

39:16

all the bad kids get like their own

39:18

ornaments all across the country. So what do

39:21

you recognize on my on my person? I

39:24

think they're in in old

39:26

Bunce's own handwriting written on an ornament

39:28

or like carved

39:30

into your bark or something. Sure.

39:33

In a little heart, maybe it just

39:36

says introduce. Introduce?

39:39

Yeah, introduce. Great.

39:42

Is it also on like Douglas fir like

39:44

the small yeah, that like somewhere back like

39:47

Douglas fir can't even see it. You

39:50

put it on like the tag of my

39:52

t shirt. So

39:54

you know what means. Yeah, I mean,

39:56

I believe that Douglas fir is sketching

39:58

on these snow plows. and kind of

40:01

hopped off one in front of this

40:03

coffee shop and is kind of shambling,

40:05

trying to open the door, but

40:07

can't quite grasp it for their arm as

40:10

bark. But if you

40:12

see, if you recognize me,

40:14

I would presume you would help.

40:16

Yeah. So

40:19

you feel a tap on your limbs.

40:23

Who goes there? And you turn

40:25

around and there is a sort of

40:27

a malnourished looking Santa Claus standing

40:29

there, and he's looking at

40:31

you kind of like intrigued

40:34

and quizzical. And

40:36

he says, I might

40:39

be a face to you

40:42

that's new, but perhaps I

40:44

can be of help to you. And

40:47

he opens the door to the coffee

40:49

shop and kind of like gestures

40:51

for you to go in. Douglas

40:55

for kind of like shutters and

40:57

some pine needles kind of scatter

40:59

because they're very dehydrated. So

41:01

they feel that they follow in behind

41:04

and are just looking for anywhere to

41:06

like set their stem in some water.

41:17

As you are like all now in

41:19

this coffee shop and like, again,

41:21

drawn to the same table to like all

41:23

be looking at each other for the first

41:25

time, though, some part of you knows that

41:27

this is not the first time. There's

41:31

just a gravity between you that draws

41:33

you to this place. There

41:35

is a massive flash

41:38

of light. What? A

41:44

course of kazoos and vuvuzelas

41:46

that like blast through the

41:49

air and radiate through your

41:51

whole beings. And

41:54

you see suddenly dazzlingly in

41:56

front of you. There

41:59

is the. Withered body of

42:01

an old man, an ancient

42:03

man, completely nude but taste

42:06

fully covered by a long

42:08

slowing ribbon of silk. Us

42:10

extending from his back look

42:13

like us. Hundreds upon hundreds

42:15

of wings of what looked

42:17

like very sick pigeon wings.

42:20

So likes. They're not completely

42:22

full, they're a little bit

42:24

tattered or and then hovering

42:27

around him his are these

42:29

wheels. That are covered in

42:31

eyes that of look like

42:33

they are bulging almost to

42:35

the point of bursting before

42:38

they like shrivel up and

42:40

then regular regrow. These are

42:42

all lights frog eyes that

42:44

like just become overripe grapes

42:46

and then like shriveled down

42:48

to raisins and like this

42:50

constant undulating patterns and have

42:52

a voice calls out to

42:54

you from this collection he

42:56

nods aroused I am a

42:58

man You are. All been

43:01

seen. Leans into Ah Douglas

43:03

and says a naked person

43:05

or/relate were both seeing all

43:07

of this Re. Oh

43:10

yeah, I don't believe it. Is

43:14

the school said Douglas

43:16

leaves his blood see

43:18

says i. Am

43:20

home wizards Kazuko of

43:22

the Mountain see who

43:24

has walked ten thousand

43:26

worlds and I have

43:29

come to offer you

43:31

a challenge. You are

43:33

for souls cards in

43:35

a terrible curse but

43:37

have through cleverness and

43:39

certain is made that

43:41

this does. It I wish

43:43

to pits you against your

43:45

suppose it batters on the

43:48

other side of this world.

43:50

Right now there are four

43:52

gathered who will have the

43:54

same goal as you. To.

43:57

And an unspecified beer of

44:00

time The richer. Each of

44:02

you has your own skills,

44:05

each of you your own

44:07

tools, and which ever groups

44:10

a mass is the most.

44:12

Well, after this unspecified period

44:15

of time, we'll be blessed

44:17

with a wish. That's right.

44:19

Oh wish. Whatever your heart's

44:22

desire, know monkey paw shit.

44:24

This is no real feals.

44:28

All you have to do is whatever. It

44:30

takes to become as well the

44:32

as possible and as your to

44:35

time as you can imagine. Now

44:37

I grant to you this. See

44:40

it like a wrinkled mummified hand

44:43

that like raises up and floats

44:45

in front of you and like

44:48

the some pops off and either

44:50

point the finger and a d

44:52

d and. Briefing

44:55

her like pop off and like each

44:57

of them smoke in front of you.

45:00

And like. A

45:02

day clarify into like a crystal

45:04

crystal amulet that that you can

45:07

put around your next. This is

45:09

the invisible hand of the market.

45:11

When you unites of pieces of

45:14

this hand it will summon on

45:16

to you or cosmic evolved any

45:18

well placed into this vault so

45:21

be counted towards your final score.

45:23

Any well since you have not

45:25

in the vault will not be

45:28

counted for competition purposes you may

45:30

summoned as well that. Any time

45:32

each of you has been given

45:34

part of the t however it

45:36

will only open is all of

45:38

your pieces are amassed in the

45:40

same location. Now. Then

45:42

you may eads asked me

45:45

one question and I will

45:47

answer it truthfully afterwards. Your

45:50

competition will be on our

45:52

own. Is

45:55

this perpetual snow? everywhere? Are

45:57

just in our Christmas land.

46:00

I just did your fucked up a

46:02

little business world maybe? This

46:05

is good lately. Incidental to the competition.

46:07

I was coming to you no matter

46:09

what, The right. Liquor

46:11

and can. Say. You know is

46:14

so. Do. You do this every

46:16

day then if you if you remember

46:18

all and is happening to you to

46:20

show up here every morning to tell

46:22

the difference. This i saw the first

46:24

time you guys doing your own said

46:26

and now I'm here to layer this

46:28

on top so that little dad to

46:30

thing you do it. You gotta think

46:32

it's a minute for that. You know

46:34

this is happening as well. I

46:37

didn't drag grab a napkin and I

46:39

started to scramble a river ten out

46:41

of the new wave passing waitress. his

46:43

hand and I start scribbling. Down a note

46:46

to myself Now yeah, that's right little buddy. I

46:49

start to craft another ornament. With.

46:51

Your friends like trying to

46:53

put your face or eyeballs

46:55

or whatever you represent onto

46:57

an ornament. From. Route Recall.

47:00

On. To y'all have

47:02

any questions are. Pretty.

47:05

Straightforward crunches just spilled,

47:07

disgusted at your appearance,

47:11

By the almost vomiting for

47:13

my the eyes and such

47:15

church. And

47:18

and she's like, yeah,

47:21

Water of. Were

47:24

saw. The

47:27

Bank. Where's that? Where's all

47:29

the gold act? Which direction

47:31

is the go? Go well

47:33

with her. Know him as

47:35

my those who have wealth

47:37

and power on the other

47:39

side of your world. His

47:42

hands right here said your

47:44

very own Cch. And

47:46

I impenetrable vault filled with

47:48

the mountains and co exactly

47:51

exactly where that is on

47:53

the streets. and a is

47:55

an animal. I. Write that

47:58

down on the napkin. Also, I

48:00

have a question. A question for

48:03

you. How would one learn to

48:05

teleport as you do. Why

48:08

one would merely need to

48:10

turn your gaze into the

48:12

infinite cosmos and that would

48:14

burn your eyes from their

48:16

sockets. But so to be

48:19

able to endure this that

48:21

power would be your was

48:23

no need for eyes. If

48:25

we go where the money

48:27

lies then all questions have

48:29

been answered all times have

48:31

been set. Your competition begins

48:33

now and good luck to

48:35

you. And the

48:38

philosopher disappears. Ah,

48:40

Along with the old man, the

48:42

the wheels, the eyes, the wings

48:44

and you are left in this

48:47

coffee shop looking at one another

48:49

now each holding a part of

48:51

the invisible hand of the market

48:53

and information was allowed to get.

48:55

Niven had my coffee yet. Said.

48:57

We'd So we try out their hand and

48:59

see if it works. Oh and I don't

49:02

Yeah, do do any of us have any.

49:05

Any monetary value that when I met

49:07

with a grain of exceed two silver

49:09

on me a ride or die I'd

49:12

suggest we try I I guess I

49:14

have the the index finger when our

49:16

fingers com die the Us as you

49:18

are geico hold the singers up like

49:21

the remaining a part of the hand

49:23

which is just like this middle finger

49:25

with all the other two taken off

49:27

like appears in front of you and

49:29

you can eat places your finger and

49:32

it's location on the hand so yeah

49:34

and for sure. We have the Power

49:36

Rangers shout are singer this as we

49:38

do and right. Yeah,

49:42

are you just gotta naturally instinctual? We

49:44

do that. Nobody told you the that's

49:47

what you had to do a d

49:49

or. ah

49:51

values clean and ah the

49:53

hand like animates to lies

49:56

a moves forward and then

49:58

like start dialing a

50:02

radio lock which like slowly forms

50:04

the face of this vault in

50:06

the middle of the coffee shop

50:08

I think like horribly crushing

50:10

a table that like somebody only barely scrambles that

50:12

getting out of the way of this like my

50:15

wall but

50:18

the vault is before you is the hand like

50:20

opens the door it like creaks open

50:24

and you can see like

50:26

a nigh infinite expanse in

50:28

front of you that just

50:31

has like a little sign

50:33

that says deposit Lucre here

50:36

interesting I'm gonna take the

50:38

silver that I have in

50:40

in my pocket and I

50:43

throw 52 of my 62 silvers into

50:49

is there like a bucket or something or is

50:51

it just a big expanse of four just a

50:53

huge expanse of four I just throw I just

50:55

throw the coins on the floor changing

50:58

ding ding ding ding new

51:00

friends I'd like to make a quick

51:02

investigation to see what happens if we

51:04

summon the vault in a new orientation

51:06

by all means yeah take my

51:08

what is that my index finger back or

51:11

my pinky finger back I rush

51:14

out my axe so you can grab it so we can

51:16

get you back you do already

51:22

said of us you got a rhyme it and then I instead could we kind of

51:24

put the

51:33

hand like you

51:35

know as a normal hand reaching

51:37

out to us I'm gonna

51:39

try summoning the hand pointing

51:41

downward see if the vault

51:43

then also points downward turning

51:48

somebody upside down and say

51:50

yeah okay yeah so

51:53

what happens like you summon the vault that

51:55

goes through the entire summoning sequence you do

51:57

have to shut the nose and the fingers

52:01

But the vault summons

52:03

and the door opens,

52:05

but it does open upside down. So

52:07

the expanse, the like kind

52:09

of infinite expanse, the floor is now on

52:12

the ceiling and gravity

52:14

will change as you cross

52:16

that threshold. Okay. Now that's

52:18

interesting. That is interesting. I

52:20

don't know how we're going to make use of

52:22

it just yet, but it feels like something. We,

52:25

we've got something there. You can't

52:27

say we don't have something there. I

52:29

could, but I'd be lying. Yeah. I,

52:32

Douglas would like to ask about

52:34

the security of these fingers. Is

52:37

this something we feel we should

52:39

have on our person at all

52:41

times or hidden somewhere in our

52:44

Christmas wasteland? No,

52:47

I think we should definitely keep them on

52:50

our persons at all times. One second and I'm going

52:52

to go into my soul bag. And

52:57

also the other thing of it is, is

52:59

so my hands are sicky is the thing

53:01

I have. And I realized it's because of

53:03

me constantly opening and pulling

53:05

myself into my soul bag. So

53:08

they're covered in just a thin

53:10

film of sin. So

53:13

I go in and I'm going to come

53:15

back out with some wire and help

53:17

everybody fix them to make

53:19

little necklaces of our fingers. Yeah.

53:22

I just, I put it around that, like my

53:24

center bark, like very

53:27

deep, like you'd have to reach so far into the

53:29

tree. Um, and I'm sure there's

53:31

birds and stuff in there. We're a little,

53:33

I hope not. Birds are birds are the

53:35

souls of dead, of dead people. Nevermind. Nevermind.

53:37

That's not what I said. That's not what

53:40

I said. Um, there's squirrels. Ah,

53:42

yes. Yes. Yeah. Adorable. Squirrels

53:44

are great. We love squirrels.

53:47

We love animals souls. No,

53:49

no, no, no, no, no. It's too complicated.

54:00

you