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the original label. It's

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Women's History Month, so I

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would like to shout out

0:37

another amazing woman I admire,

0:40

Julia Louis-Dreyfus, who hosts the show

0:42

Wiser Than Me, also here on

0:44

the Lemonada Network. I am

0:46

honored to be a part of a

0:48

community of strong women, and I want

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to pass it on. I got

0:52

a fun personalized label bottle from Makers

0:54

Mark. Cheers to you, Margie,

0:56

and cheers to you, Julia. This

0:59

month, order a free label and let

1:01

a spirited woman in your life know

1:04

just how special she is to you.

1:06

Head to makersmark.com/personalize. Makers

1:08

Mark makes their bourbon carefully, so please enjoy it

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Lamina. Happy.

1:28

Women's History Month. Dear listeners, Here's

1:30

the thing. I don't think we

1:32

need a month because we should

1:34

be highlighting our goodness every goddamn

1:36

day. But okay, until that happens,

1:38

it. Okay. I guess I'll take

1:40

a month of extra compliments. Why

1:42

not? This.

1:56

is choice words i'm samantha bee

1:58

i happen to spend a per

2:00

ticket especially this month for a

2:02

live recording at South by Southwest

2:04

with three incredible women. Pamela

2:06

Adlon, who you know from Better

2:09

Things, Ilana Glazer from Broad City,

2:11

and Michelle Buteau from Survival of

2:13

the Fickest. It was

2:16

nourishing to be on stage with

2:18

ladies as funny, as compassionate

2:20

as the three of them. They

2:22

have joined forces to bring

2:24

us a new film that comes out in

2:27

May called Saves. It's all about

2:29

female friendship and the truly insane surprises

2:31

of pregnancy and childbirth. I cannot think

2:33

of a better movie to talk about

2:36

during a month than is all about

2:38

women. The film is directed by the

2:40

incredible Pamela Adlon and written by Ilana

2:42

Glazer. She also co-stars in it with

2:44

Michelle Buteau. So take a listen and

2:47

make good choices. Beautiful

3:05

crowd. Thank you so much

3:08

for joining us today. I'm

3:10

so goddamn excited to have

3:12

this conversation. Of

3:14

course, you know everybody who's on

3:16

the panel here, Pamela Adlon, Ilana

3:19

Glazer, Michelle Buteau. And

3:21

thank you for joining us. This is

3:23

a live taping of my podcast, Choice

3:25

Words, and we're going to talk about

3:27

a lot of choices here today. And

3:29

we're going to talk about the movie

3:31

that you all made together called Babes,

3:33

which I saw and I

3:36

fucking loved it. So

3:39

oh my god, we got a

3:42

lot to get to. Thank you

3:44

so much for joining. Thank you

3:46

for having us in this cavernous

3:48

space. In this dry, convention arena.

3:52

We have a competing podcast

3:54

occurring right next door with

3:56

featuring Conan O'Brien. Goddamn him

3:58

to hell. Don't you dare. Don't

4:02

you dare. How many people are in there?

4:05

The doors are barred. You're fucking

4:07

here with us and it's gonna

4:09

be way better. Okay. So

4:12

this is a little bit unusual. I don't

4:14

usually do live episodes, but

4:16

we do have these three incredible guests and

4:19

we have so much to talk to them

4:21

about. I generally start, like

4:23

when I start the podcast, I always like to launch

4:25

into it kind of that the

4:27

entry point is that we talk about choices that

4:30

we've made in our lives, like super

4:32

big choices, little choices, things that

4:34

impacted life in an expected

4:36

or unexpected way. So

4:38

you've all worked together on this beautiful

4:40

film, babes. Of course you've

4:42

done incredible work individually as well. Tamala,

4:45

I'm gonna start with

4:47

you because you directed

4:49

this movie that

4:51

brings us all here today and really

4:54

directing is all about it is exclusively

4:56

about making big decisions. Huge

4:58

decisions, little decisions. All the decisions are

5:00

yours to make and it is

5:03

an insane process. Do you like that? Do you

5:05

love that feeling of being in charge? Do you

5:07

relish it? Okay. So

5:12

as you know, and we are all

5:14

moms here on the stage and it

5:18

was really funny for me because

5:20

I had three kids when

5:23

they were little, when I started being

5:26

a director professionally and

5:29

nobody would listen to me in my

5:32

house. So

5:34

I was like, oh, these people really

5:37

want my opinion and they want to listen

5:39

to me. And one of the

5:41

things that I learned from one of

5:44

the first ADs I worked with, Maria Mantia

5:47

on season one of my show, Better

5:49

Things, she said, she said,

5:51

it's your ability to make

5:57

Decisions that's making everybody feel safe.

6:00

Omaha and of that it was.

6:02

it was. You know it's something

6:05

is that. You. May not

6:07

always make the right decision, but you've

6:09

gotta make that choice right at us.

6:11

Make a decision and go in. A. Certain

6:13

Direction. Otherwise you know it's all gonna

6:16

go off the rails. N n

6:18

One of the people that

6:20

I learned from who is

6:22

like my mentor and siro

6:24

is Tracey Ullman? Yes! And.

6:27

I did first show. When

6:30

I was like a new mom, when when

6:32

my oldest was like a top a baby.

6:35

And I watched her. You

6:37

know star direct right? grown? So

6:39

and trouble, shoot rain? How

6:42

to get. Through.

6:44

The day the quickest, most

6:46

efficiently and not compromise the

6:49

quality right? And I just.

6:51

Watched her and took a page

6:54

from that and it's just really

6:56

served me. In my career.

6:58

Great insight eyes. I agree. I feel

7:00

like that is the key. It's like

7:03

even though you might be making he

7:05

he might I make it raises perfect

7:07

in the moments people do feel safer

7:09

if you're just sort of decisive. The.

7:12

Like okay yeah someone's in charge show

7:14

as they're blocking us and the or

7:16

that her son. I appreciate that. Thank

7:18

you for that as they let me

7:20

ask Elena Michelle a deal or Ula

7:22

or he loves decision making do with

7:24

love at are you like I love

7:27

to be in charge? I love to

7:29

direct the ship. People feel safe in

7:31

my presence because I'm so aware of

7:33

my decision making at all times. I

7:39

mean I actually do love to make

7:41

decisions. I don't think it's all and

7:43

things and then when I mess up

7:46

on like oh see it. is

7:48

my best as we know how i

7:50

lived what i love to do to

7:52

his find someone that i know with

7:54

know something more than i do yes

7:56

film and late to find people that

7:59

i can trust say you make that

8:01

decision. My decision that I'm making now is

8:03

that you make that decision. Right. And

8:06

I think that's really helpful because you know

8:09

so many of my friends especially

8:11

powerful women think they have to

8:13

do it by

8:15

themselves all the time. You

8:17

don't. So you're good at

8:20

delegating when you know it's hard to

8:22

do. It's hard to do. It

8:24

is. It is hard to do because

8:27

if somebody messes up you

8:29

have a conversation. But you know I

8:31

think everybody wants

8:34

to at least try to be their

8:36

best. Right. So it's also sort of

8:38

giving someone an opportunity to

8:40

see something in themselves that they didn't see

8:42

before. Right. Right. Yeah. How

8:45

about you Alana. How do you. How does

8:47

this question sit in your bones. I

8:50

like it. You like it. I

8:52

like making decisions. Yeah

8:54

I do. I am. I think

8:57

you know it's like I I trust my

8:59

sense of care. And I

9:02

like really what you're saying is resonating with me so hard where

9:04

it's like you know I think also

9:07

moving through the world as a woman you think

9:09

you have to do more than your job.

9:12

Right. Because we usually do and we usually have

9:15

to do it better

9:17

and more times to be seen for

9:20

the first time you know. And

9:24

I'm really enjoying as I get older

9:26

knowing my limits. Right. And and

9:29

that's right. You know knowing when to

9:32

hand something off. I I love an

9:34

expert. I'm thrilled to not be one.

9:36

In fact I think like as a

9:38

leader I'm like I'm communicating what I'm

9:40

assuming none of us know. We're all

9:43

you know you know like I feel

9:45

like proud to not

9:47

know actually and to. Every

9:51

person on this panel has had

9:53

their own shows. That's incredible. That's

9:55

actually. I love that. Yeah.

9:58

Nice. This

10:00

is a very bossy bunch and I

10:02

am 100% here for it. We

10:10

have so much to discuss. Alright, your

10:12

movie. Okay, so let's talk about the

10:14

movie. Let's kind of pivot to that.

10:16

So the three of you have collaborated,

10:18

as I told you about this movie

10:20

called Babes, which is about getting pregnant.

10:23

It's about childbirth. I can't

10:25

think of a better time to

10:27

talk about this than the beginning of

10:29

Women's History Month yesterday, International Women's

10:31

Day. Everything's going great for us.

10:35

10 out of 10, no notes. Next

10:40

question. And

10:42

it's crazy because when we were in prep,

10:45

Ro was repealed. Oh my God,

10:47

really? And I was like, oh

10:49

fuck. This is like, you

10:52

know, because you want

10:54

to be careful with

10:56

every story because everybody reads into

10:58

the slightest thing now. And

11:01

so it was just like, wow,

11:03

we're really making this movie about

11:06

making a choice. Right. About

11:08

making a choice. Yes. In

11:10

this moment. And it really, it

11:12

also really deeply highlights the

11:15

parts of pregnancy, the parts

11:17

of birth, the parts of having babies

11:19

that no one tells you about before

11:21

you do any of these things. Like

11:24

I know that you, none

11:26

of you were expecting that the whole conversation

11:29

was going to go down the route of

11:32

placentas, but it is. We

11:36

don't just sweep that under

11:38

the, no, we highlight it and

11:40

we need it because we are

11:43

all, we're all mothers

11:45

at different stages, at different phases

11:47

of motherhood. Michelle, you have twins.

11:49

You have five year old twins.

11:52

Ilana, you have little, you have little,

11:54

little tiny. She's not yet three. She's

11:56

not yet three. You have

11:58

kids in their twin. They're older than me. Three

12:01

girls in there. I

12:03

love that you're reverse aging. I'm at the place

12:05

where I lie about my kids' age. I'm

12:08

leaving at the, yeah. I

12:12

tell everybody I'm 66, so they tell me

12:14

I look great. So good. Yeah,

12:17

they're like, holy shit, you look amazing. I'm

12:19

like, I do, thank you. Right,

12:22

yeah. I

12:25

think it's our responsibility to demystify

12:28

the whole process. We're all,

12:31

there's no, we love our kids.

12:33

I have three kids also, all varying ages, like

12:35

18, 15, 13. Jesus.

12:40

Wow. I know, there's

12:42

a lot of, it's so scary to

12:44

hear. What, 13? That's

12:46

a lot. There's a lot of mother's milk.

12:48

There's a lot of mother's milk flowing on

12:51

this stage. Secrets

12:53

about our bodies, secrets about

12:56

motherhood do not help us.

12:58

Does it not feel like

13:00

we are kept in the dark on

13:03

purpose about what happens to

13:05

our bodies? Like some dude,

13:08

like high up, decided that we all

13:10

knew that our hair was all gonna

13:13

fall out after, or that you

13:15

would never go swimming again and not

13:17

pee in the pool. Do

13:20

they think that we would never have kids? It's

13:25

really interesting because you go from,

13:30

snorting rails off each other's tits

13:33

and your teens to

13:36

snorting Boniva and saying, it's

13:41

a weird thing because nobody ever told

13:43

us about menopause because my

13:46

mother's generation, you just don't speak of

13:49

such things. And when I got

13:51

my period, my mother was like, you

13:53

can use these, and she takes out a

13:56

mini cot or mattress. And.

14:00

I got confused because

14:02

I saw a Tampax

14:04

commercial and the lady's like,

14:06

you can play tennis and go swimming

14:08

and go to the beach. I

14:11

did it with one of those things and I was like, how

14:13

are those women really doing this? Then

14:16

finally, I got my period when I was 12. At

14:19

16, my friend Sherry Olavsky goes,

14:22

we're going swimming. Come here. She

14:25

introduced me to a tampon. It's

14:29

literally about women showing

14:31

you and guiding you because you

14:34

don't get that. That's right.

14:37

Because for us to know

14:39

our bodies and know what we need,

14:41

want, and what will happen, gives

14:44

us power. I

14:47

don't think it's a campaign for us not to have

14:49

babies. It's a campaign to keep us like cows having

14:51

babies. Yes. Separated

14:53

from each other in the state of

14:55

not knowing. Because if you can keep

14:57

us all confused, we'll just do

15:00

what you say. For

15:03

me, this was a very interesting, special,

15:06

a dollop of

15:08

traumatic experience because my

15:10

body was never able to carry

15:13

my children. I had a surrogate.

15:15

Here I am reading the script.

15:17

Yeah. The top. I'm

15:19

giving birth. My water is

15:21

broken in public. I'm

15:23

trying to breastfeed a baby. I'm looking

15:25

to these women who have been through

15:27

this. Is this how it goes?

15:30

I don't know because I always

15:32

dreamed of it, but it didn't happen.

15:34

But now I'm in the throes of

15:36

motherhood, which is this own

15:38

special mind fuckery. What's

15:45

so beautiful about working with these two

15:47

is that I can say, is this

15:49

how it goes? They have three stories

15:52

in their back pockets to make it

15:54

look good, funny, relatable, and real. I

15:56

just have as a mom, a

15:59

new disorder. a crazy

16:01

appreciation for what women's bodies

16:03

can do. Right.

16:06

You know, and it's so insane and

16:09

special. I'm

16:12

like, no wonder the government wants

16:14

to control it. Right, that's

16:16

right. We will break these, we will break

16:19

your dicks off. Do you know what I mean?

16:21

What do you mean? Yes.

16:23

With no hands. With no hands. I

16:28

loved, like the friendship that you

16:30

demonstrate. I mean,

16:32

it's that it is, you know, friendship

16:34

that is family is such

16:37

a, well, I mean, it's

16:39

the theme of the whole movie. It's just

16:41

the undercurrent that runs through the entire film.

16:43

The romance. I mean, it is, it's beautiful.

16:45

Yeah, friendship is, you

16:48

know, I recently, you

16:50

know, and my core group

16:53

of girlfriends actually came here

16:55

to support me and see

16:57

the movie. Tonight they're here. And

17:00

we have maintained this group.

17:07

And it's not just like, hi,

17:10

hello, casual. Like

17:12

I remember I was feeling something

17:14

that was, I knew

17:16

was a scary thing that was coming up. And

17:19

I didn't want to just write to everybody

17:21

and say, this thing is happening

17:23

and have everybody go, oh my God,

17:25

you got this. We love you, babe.

17:29

I hate that shit. Yeah. Yeah.

17:31

But it was more like received

17:34

copy. We are taking

17:37

this in. And the next time we see

17:39

each other, we're going to talk. So it's

17:41

like what you were saying, Mishy, that

17:43

it's like, you want

17:46

somebody else to make a

17:48

decision for you sometimes. You got

17:50

a war of room with each other. And

17:53

women doing that together is

17:55

the most powerful place you can be.

17:57

It really is. Like I definitely.

18:00

did not have any of my

18:02

friends check me give

18:07

birth but with an iPhone but that you were able

18:09

to be twice was so beautiful

18:17

to me we'll

18:19

be right back with Ilana Glaser Pamela

18:21

Adlon and Michelle Butteau live from South

18:24

by Southwest after this you

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bank member FDIC this

19:07

episode of choice words is brought to

19:09

you by Makers Mark you may not

19:11

know that Makers Mark co-founder Margie Samuels

19:13

was the designer and genius behind the

19:15

original label and now in honor of

19:17

Women's History Month Makers Mark has partnered

19:20

with a talented artist Gail Kibaker to

19:22

hand paint a beautiful label which you

19:24

can personalize with the name of a

19:26

spirited woman you know someone

19:28

who makes an impact on you or in their

19:30

community in honor of this

19:33

Women's History Month I want to shout out

19:35

an amazing woman I admire Julia

19:37

Louis-Dreyfus who hosts the show Wiser

19:39

Than Me also here on the Lemonada Network

19:42

I am honored to be a part of

19:44

a community of strong women and want to

19:46

pass it on and as part of this

19:49

Women's Month I got a fun personalized label

19:51

bottle from Makers Mark cheers to you Margie

19:53

and cheers to you Julia and you

19:56

can join in on the fun this month order

19:58

a free label and let a spirited woman your

20:00

life know just how special she is

20:02

to you. Head to makersmark.com/personalize, fill in

20:04

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20:06

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20:08

difference. Makersmark makes their

20:10

bourbon carefully, so please enjoy it that way.

20:13

Makersmark Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey, 45%

20:16

alcohol by volume, copyright 2024, Makersmark

20:19

Distillery Incorporated, Loretto, Kentucky.

20:31

Alana, you co-wrote this. You co-wrote

20:34

this script. What was the genesis

20:36

for writing the script? So

20:39

I wrote this movie with Joshua Binowitz, who's

20:41

also a producer on the movie, and one

20:44

of our other producers, Susie Fox, we just

20:46

kind of set out. Susie kind of has like a vision

20:49

in the shower of this movie,

20:51

just a flash of this movie, and she

20:54

brought it to us. Like it's me,

20:56

and I get knocked up, and

20:58

I have a best friend, and

21:00

she has kids already. And

21:03

we brainstormed and threw all

21:05

our ideas out there, and

21:07

we started organizing it

21:09

through. I mean, there's so much funny

21:11

shit where you're saying at birth you

21:13

not only deliver a baby, you deliver

21:15

placenta. What? What the

21:17

fuck? The horniness

21:20

of pregnancy that's like... The

21:24

diaper. I mean, listen,

21:26

we can talk all about the diaper

21:28

that they give you in the hospital

21:30

after you've given birth, and that you

21:32

have to make yourself. It's Beth. They

21:34

just give you the ingredients. I gave

21:36

birth the first time, and it was

21:38

like... Yeah. It was like, have

21:41

you guys ever seen a little big man with Dustin

21:43

Hoffman? That's what it was like. It was like the

21:45

blood... It was insane. If

21:47

I got attacked in

21:49

an alley with knives, I

21:52

would have looked the same way. They would

21:54

have kept me in the hospital for a good

21:57

week or two. Yeah, longer than given

21:59

birth. Oh, you're fine.

22:01

Right. Right. One of the things that

22:03

got cut though was when there was

22:06

a placenta that came out and Oh,

22:09

we had a live didn't Diego like by

22:11

a liver from once you get

22:14

a liver. Yeah. Yeah I

22:19

believe it got cut a Show

22:22

that I did with my husband called the detour

22:24

which you can no longer it No, because of

22:26

the rules of television now it no longer exists

22:29

anywhere on this earth. You cannot go good It's

22:31

so good delivered a placenta on that TV show

22:34

They let they fucking let us do it in

22:36

a kiddie pool in a living room So

22:38

Wow placenta came out and we're like, I

22:40

don't know that we'll ever see that again But

22:43

I want to see your cutscenes. I

22:46

want to see it I was like method to I

22:48

want to put the cutscenes out and be like, oh,

22:50

there's no money and to be like This isn't even

22:52

the movie. He comes in the

22:54

movie Yeah well, the

22:56

the cutscenes and in in babes a

22:58

lot of the cuts were just

23:00

these two these two

23:03

like masters right doing

23:05

what they do and bouncing off each

23:07

other and just the runs

23:09

like we just had this beautiful

23:11

just like there was a Embarrassment

23:14

of riches with the stuff that

23:16

they were doing It

23:18

was it's incredible to to watch

23:21

them do what they do

23:23

innately And we had to like

23:25

pare it down pare it down pare it down. Yeah kill

23:27

your darling So maybe glenn

23:30

basner he would give us those Put

23:33

out a little extras or something michelle

23:35

you've been so like Refreshingly

23:38

open I feel about having your

23:40

twins through ivf and then

23:43

ultimately with a surrogate Obviously, uh

23:45

ivf has been in the new I mean, yeah,

23:47

what is you must have some pretty? Uh

23:50

choice words for the people in

23:53

alabama who wanted to outlaw ivf.

23:55

I mean Isn't that the

23:57

saddest thing you've ever I Couldn't believe

23:59

it! What's happening now? Yeah,

24:01

it's criminal. It's criminal. It's

24:03

It's criminal. I'm. The.

24:07

Biggest. The biggest thing

24:09

is. At. Every turn

24:11

you feel like.

24:14

You've. Done something wrong way and

24:16

you know I surrogacy was illegal

24:19

in New York decision circuit surrogacy.

24:21

So I stopped with Andy Cohen

24:23

and a bunch of other beautiful

24:25

people who have built their family.

24:27

Sit through surrogacy and. I

24:31

keep coming across the steam.

24:35

Queer. Families saying wow. I'd even know

24:38

that I would be able to get

24:40

married and be able to have children

24:42

like Hess. We know, like again, foreigner

24:44

crime right and Brand. You know I'm.

24:47

Cancer. Patients. Who have survived

24:50

who are able to collect eggs before this. You

24:52

know they did chemo so they

24:54

can and. Everybody

24:56

feels. Like they've

24:58

done something wrong and thus

25:00

is criminal race and so.

25:05

Any one going through.

25:09

Because it's such it's as the soup is

25:11

the some mind fuck Les Les. Deux

25:13

Eva wanna be a parent? can I?

25:15

and then if you can't do it

25:18

naturally and then you have options because

25:20

of what technologies for hello and then

25:22

all the sudden people come and say

25:24

that the something wrong with you and

25:26

you shouldn't doing that. That's what I

25:28

really love about this movie too because

25:30

he guys the way you and just

25:32

wrote it's like you're saying the same

25:34

without saying it. you know? Yeah, it's

25:36

like should I be a single mom.

25:40

Said. I am take control of

25:42

my body well I still can

25:45

race. You know name is. To

25:48

me the only word that comes

25:50

to mind is criminal Like how

25:52

dare you Rain Rain And mean

25:54

the film does It revolves around

25:56

this central choice. To keep

25:58

a surprise. I

26:01

think that a lot of people on the

26:03

right forget that, you know, a part of

26:05

being pro choice like having a baby can

26:07

be a choice that you make. The option

26:10

goes both ways. You

26:12

know, when I started the podcast Choice

26:14

Words, the name of the podcast felt

26:16

like a nod to being, you

26:18

know, pro choice. But we

26:20

never really talked, we don't talk about that often.

26:22

Would any of you have made different

26:25

choices about like pregnancy or motherhood?

26:27

If you'd had more information or

26:31

would it just have been a

26:33

better experience overall because you were

26:35

more informed? I

26:38

mean, I was like 34 when

26:41

I had

26:43

my kid and I guess 33 and I decided

26:45

to get pregnant and thought about it for years.

26:48

And I find that the knowledge

26:52

and the

26:54

choicefulness is what's made it so joyful.

26:56

Right. So I mean, I

26:58

mean, I can't even get it. I can

27:00

barely get into it. It is so psychotic

27:02

and sadistic to it's just it's just nuts.

27:04

And there's not even really like a narrative

27:06

on the right anymore. I'm like, what are

27:08

you guys fighting for? It's

27:11

just absolute bonkers. Eggs,

27:17

you know, like it's you want people's eggs.

27:19

I mean, it's just so whacked out

27:21

and it's been normalized because every day they're like, well, this

27:23

is horror and now this

27:25

is terror. And it's none of it makes

27:27

sense. Yeah. We're pretending like there's a guy.

27:29

Hard enough to be in

27:32

a relationship, endure a relationship.

27:35

If you get I never imagined like I

27:37

never thought when oh, I want to get

27:39

I want to get married and have kids

27:42

like I never like it's impossible to me that I

27:44

have kids. It

27:49

was never something you know, I had

27:51

the happy accident, the

27:54

on purpose sibling, the band aid

27:56

didn't work. I love

27:58

them all. They're

28:01

great. But it's like, you

28:04

know, every fucking

28:07

schmuck who wants to nut

28:09

into anybody and they've got

28:12

kids walking around and

28:14

the women are told that

28:17

he has rights over their kids.

28:20

Like it just doesn't, it's just kind

28:22

of chaos too. Like none of it

28:24

is even lining up anymore with the

28:26

story. Like just what I love

28:29

about Babe is that I don't think we

28:31

even intended we were just telling this one

28:33

story of these two best friends. But is

28:35

the celebration of different

28:37

kinds of families? Yes, yes, yes. And

28:39

you feel that too. I mean, and

28:42

also just like, I

28:44

love that you plan your, the

28:46

birth around on the theme

28:49

of having a prom. Like

28:51

you are like, let's celebrate this like the prom

28:53

I never had or the prom that went horribly

28:55

awry. Celebration of life. Yeah,

28:58

that's right. The celebration of love. It's

29:00

meaningful. It's beautiful. It's really beautiful. Is

29:03

there anything like, what do you wish

29:05

that you had known about a parenthood

29:09

before you embarked upon it? I'll

29:12

tell you what I wish. I wish someone would have told me

29:14

it was that I was going to have a lot of fun.

29:17

Yeah, you know what I mean? Like, I mean,

29:19

totally agree with that. We do

29:22

talk an awful lot about

29:24

all the how tiring

29:26

it and that valid and you definitely have

29:28

to talk about that. But I wish someone

29:31

had just said, like, you don't be so

29:33

fearful. You're gonna have, you're gonna

29:35

fucking love these people. I've been touring

29:37

my latest hour of stand up and

29:39

that's the entire framework I opened by

29:42

saying I am shocked by the joy.

29:44

I'm shocked. And that's another thing. So they

29:47

won't tell us that, you know, we're horny

29:49

or hair falls out, but

29:51

they will tell us that sucks and

29:54

you suck now and you're gonna suck harder

29:56

later. It's a crazy, the whole

29:58

thing is upside down about It's

30:00

so fucking fun. I feel I feel so powerful

30:03

and hot. Why is that a

30:05

day me because you are bitch? I Love

30:08

it. Yeah It's why

30:10

what I don't get the purpose of the storyline

30:13

the other part of it is, you know, so

30:15

like You're

30:17

so exhausted. Yeah, and

30:20

you're so howling smell it like

30:22

out of your mind but like

30:26

I remember like standing in a

30:28

target with my

30:30

friend Susie like a few months

30:32

ago and I'm seeing these

30:34

parents and it's like deja vu and

30:36

they've got their kids and then You

30:39

know, you see them going through the cycle. I'm like,

30:42

oh they're just start. Oh, it's back to school

30:44

The fucking shopping lists like all of this

30:47

stuff and I'm like, I wish I could

30:49

have just Separated

30:51

myself and like time

30:53

traveled into the future. Yeah, and me

30:55

now saying Enjoy it

30:58

Enjoy. I know you're tired,

31:01

but it's so good right

31:03

now and don't let them get phones No

31:09

phones I'm taking notes I think

31:11

no When

31:13

I say that like being a parent has made

31:15

me a better person It's not because I'm taking

31:17

care of them like she's still an asshole. But

31:19

what I'm But What

31:22

it has done is made me look

31:24

at everybody else in a different way. Oh, like

31:27

oh shit that is someone's child Mm-hmm.

31:29

And now when I do stand-up

31:31

comedy and I do crowd work It's almost

31:33

like I could see someone's inner child, you

31:36

know, like once I see like this circle

31:38

happening I'm like, that's who the fuck you

31:40

are. Yeah, my bad I just don't look

31:42

at someone like a problem or an enemy

31:44

or like this and I'm like, okay What

31:48

was your family life like totally? Totally,

31:50

you know what I mean? Cuz that won't inform you and

31:53

about them and then it won't be personal

31:55

anymore So it actually is like I

31:58

don't know. It's made me a better person. I'm way more understanding

32:01

about other people. I like

32:03

that. That's almost like

32:05

a theater school exercise that

32:07

I did once, was looking

32:09

into someone's eyes. You

32:11

have to look into someone's eyes and see them

32:13

as a three-year-old. And then you're

32:16

in theater school, so everybody's crying. We're all

32:18

like, but it's great. I

32:26

love that you're describing that.

32:28

It is an interesting way

32:30

to just feel automatic compassion

32:32

for a dude in wrap-around

32:34

shades. He's driving a pickup truck and being

32:36

an asshole. I don't want to

32:38

look into his eyes. Wrap-arounds, that's

32:40

always a giveaway. They're

32:43

in Conan's... Yeah,

32:46

they're not in here. There's a

32:48

lot right now. We're

32:52

all working. We all travel as part of

32:54

our career. That part is really hard. It

32:56

is hard. I

32:59

don't feel like I was able to personally

33:02

maintain my own personality at all. We

33:04

were talking about it backstage. Our

33:08

kids are definitely texting us during the

33:10

show. I have 5,000 texts

33:12

from people like, South By, fuck

33:14

yeah! Cindy, you love on my

33:16

phone and my daughter's like, when

33:19

are you coming home? Can

33:21

I have 17 people over? No,

33:25

I'm landing at four and I

33:28

need you nobody there. It's

33:30

so funny how you want kids and then you

33:32

want them gone. You

33:35

want them a lot, just not in your house.

33:38

But Sam, what do you mean your personality, that

33:40

they're just filling your head? So you're like, where am

33:42

I? Well, it's like we're now coming to the stage

33:45

of, you know, the kids are older and we're like,

33:47

who are we? What are we like?

33:49

We don't remember that part. So that part is,

33:51

you know, you have to think

33:53

about that. How

33:56

do you, how are

33:59

you making decisions? Are

34:01

you that ensures or does the

34:04

best possible job of Hopefully

34:06

ensuring that you're making good human

34:09

beings like how do you make

34:11

those choice? How are you seeing?

34:16

Those Choices unfold as you've

34:18

got little kids. So

34:20

it's very real It

34:22

doesn't feel like anything works yet You

34:25

know, they're five I'm trying they talk to

34:27

me at the same time. I'm like, what?

34:30

Everyone take a turn. I'm also the only child. So

34:32

I'm like stop arguing. Why would you argue with someone

34:35

you love? It's

34:37

a fuck out of here. Why is this

34:39

big titty bitch have so many feelings? What

34:41

where's my applesauce bitch? That's what she said

34:43

one day. Where's my applesauce bitch at four?

34:46

I'm not gonna lie It was pretty

34:48

spot-on. So I was like coming right up, but say

34:50

please what the fuck so like Well,

34:53

I don't know for me like I just wish

34:55

I Can only like

34:57

go like from like how I grew up and I

34:59

wish my mom was just more confident, you know But

35:01

if her generation I cannot believe that she still has

35:03

hair on her butt like on her head, you know,

35:06

I mean like so So

35:08

I wish my mom was more confident. I wish she

35:10

spoke up for herself more So now I'm doing that

35:13

and I wish she just taught

35:15

me more about history about all

35:17

of it You know whether it's

35:19

being Caribbean Caribbean American being black

35:21

colonialism being light-skinned understanding what

35:23

like a pay gap is, you know, like what

35:26

orgasm gap is White

35:31

men are making the most work as

35:33

a better everybody bullshit what

35:36

yeah Teach

35:39

a kid about that especially when they're five just kidding

35:43

So, yeah It's just all the history

35:45

that they're not gonna get in class like

35:47

my husband and I we are the walking

35:49

history lesson So I try I don't know

35:51

if anything sticks, right? Right. They can't even

35:53

wipe their butts properly. I Feel

35:57

Like my kids grew up and they didn't know how to.

36:00

Make a phone call. Is not here

36:02

they would have like that whereas like l

36:04

your grandmother and they were like. How

36:06

we don't know what do you mean

36:09

as were like can do not ever

36:11

you know Yeah I never taught you

36:13

I never showed you with I tried

36:15

I tried to. Be

36:17

aware that you know like I

36:19

am. I learned this term. From

36:21

one of my daughters who who

36:23

had some great Tudors. Odds

36:26

that. You. Know I'm a

36:28

kinesthetic learner like. They are.

36:31

And. What? Is that was I

36:33

guess who's this me with this?

36:35

this one lady who taught me

36:37

this term for her. she needs

36:39

to hodgson see and read some

36:41

and not be talked back. ah

36:44

and explained so I I would

36:46

just like tried it heat. it's

36:48

that whole teach a man to

36:50

fish thing race and then. Is

36:53

they're just going to go. You could

36:55

be as wonderful in or. Trains

36:57

and the Dip as the

36:59

perfect mom. Frame. But you're still

37:01

going to fucking. Alla right?

37:04

Right and is a sort of have to

37:06

accept yes, that you're doing the best you

37:08

could in that exact moment as right? I

37:10

don't what. As long as you're doing the

37:13

best in every moment even though it's sometimes

37:15

that's not good, it's I'm doing a bad

37:17

job. But it is the best. Bad.

37:19

Job that I can possibly do. Yeah right

37:22

says. bet they'll love you when you're dead.

37:24

Whole thing I hope so. I always say

37:26

I have no idea what I'm doing, I

37:28

just know that no one else could do

37:30

it. I'm. At a

37:33

the Me Braids? Yeah, same

37:35

with Mary's. Success?

37:40

Crazy. And who is

37:42

he? Lies

37:45

you still hear us

37:47

voice. I'm going to

37:49

write more jokes about

37:51

your penis and yet

37:53

he still hear. How

37:55

do you decide what

37:57

to use Live as

37:59

such. Your Mother, The South. Of

38:01

thing as I'm writing and then I run

38:03

it by him. oh you didn't allow yeah

38:05

and if he doesn't like it's and I

38:07

definitely use. It. As.

38:14

Like this is gold. Sister: sorry.

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40:04

Hey listeners, if you like this show,

40:06

then definitely check out Dinners on Me

40:08

with Jesse Tyler Ferguson. If you haven't

40:10

heard of this show yet, and

40:12

that would be surprising because that's

40:14

a big hit, it features Jesse

40:16

Tyler Ferguson, aka Match for Modern

40:18

Family, as he sits down with

40:21

famous guests for a delicious meal

40:23

and candid conversations. Together they

40:25

get vulnerable about everything from

40:27

relationships and family history to

40:29

mental health and imposter syndrome.

40:31

With guests like Ed O'Neill,

40:33

Sophia Vergara, and Simu Liu,

40:36

Dinners on Me is a place for

40:38

intimate sharing, laughter, honest

40:40

discussion. It's so hard

40:43

actually to pick

40:45

a favorite episode, but the Elizabeth Banks

40:47

one, it's definitely up there. She tells

40:49

this awesome story all about how

40:51

Bruce Willis was key to her

40:54

getting an Oliver Stone film. I

40:56

love that. She also shares which

40:58

movie of hers she does not

41:00

want her children to see, which

41:02

is honestly relatable.

41:04

There's also an amazing episode with

41:07

Jonathan Van Ness about reclaiming queer

41:09

narratives, what it's like to live

41:11

in Texas as a queer person,

41:14

their journey to discovering their non-binary

41:16

identity, and why a guinea pig

41:18

named Peanut is causing a stir

41:20

in some libraries. Definitely start with one of

41:22

those two. I know when I'm

41:25

sharing a great meal with friends, all the best

41:27

stories come out. That's why I love the show.

41:29

You can find Dinners on Me wherever you like

41:31

to listen. I

41:41

do think that, well

41:44

how do you think that

41:46

we are gaslit? I

41:48

do think that we are gaslit into

41:50

in this country, into thinking that the

41:53

way that we handle childbirth

41:56

and pregnancy here in the

41:58

U.S. is normal. Like,

42:03

you know what I mean? Like, I think we're, they

42:05

try to make us believe that this is just

42:07

the way it is in other places. And it's

42:09

absolutely not this way

42:11

in other places. We

42:13

can see this. I'm from Canada.

42:15

Our approach to paid leave, our

42:18

approach to the maternal mortality rate,

42:20

our approach to the child care

42:22

crisis here is not normal. In

42:24

many ways, it is very unique

42:28

to the way that we live here.

42:31

None of this was a question. This

42:33

was just a comment. This was just a statement.

42:36

Things to hear about. So

42:40

for me, I really did not

42:42

know what I was going into. And

42:44

I remember when I had my

42:46

first daughter, I remember

42:48

being in the delivery room and the

42:51

nurse was like, okay,

42:53

so what do you want to do? Give

42:56

me your birth plan, whatever. And

42:58

I was like, I don't fucking know

43:00

what I'm, I was hoping you would

43:02

guide me through. And she said, oh,

43:05

that makes it so much easier because

43:08

she was used to women coming

43:10

into the delivery room with like

43:12

a laminated birth plan. Okay. Like

43:14

this is how I want this to

43:17

go down. And I, you

43:19

know, I guess I

43:21

put my trust in them. I went

43:23

to Lamaze class, one class. I bought

43:26

like a coupon book of like four.

43:28

I don't know. I did one because

43:32

I was in that class. And I

43:34

remember this one mom was like, it

43:37

was a Q and a session or whatever. And she goes,

43:39

what if they give

43:42

me an epidural and I get

43:44

paralyzed and then another mom

43:46

said another thing. And it was like

43:48

all of this negative shit going into

43:50

my head. Right. And I'm like, I'm

43:53

good because I know this fucking thing's coming

43:55

out of me one way or another. Right.

43:57

And I didn't want to be. in

44:00

that, like, I don't want your crazy,

44:02

I got my own crazy, so I'm

44:04

just gonna take care of

44:06

it, but I wish there was, you

44:09

know, it's why I talk about

44:11

menopause in my show,

44:13

like, I didn't know anything. All

44:15

I knew is that I went

44:17

to the OBGYN and there was

44:19

this long ugly green buck slip,

44:22

and it said the menopause

44:25

years, and it was

44:27

just like the worst thing, like, it

44:29

was like next to the toilet in

44:31

the corner, right? Like, embarrassingly,

44:33

like, put it in my backpack.

44:36

Yeah. And people, you know, just

44:38

women don't get any

44:40

information, good or bad. Yes, we are

44:42

not taught about the spectrum of our

44:44

lives, and a large part of the

44:46

spectrum of our life is spent in

44:49

perimenopause, and menopause and post-menopause, and it

44:51

has been, like, steeped in shame. Yeah.

44:53

I remember, like, hot flashes I thought

44:55

was like a couple years, it's like

44:57

20 years, the process of hot flashes.

44:59

20 years long, I just learned this,

45:02

and I think women

45:04

as an entity just learned this as

45:07

well. I thought it was like, ooh,

45:09

it's hot. No, it's 20 years

45:11

of being like, is it hot in

45:13

here? Am I crazy? Yeah, that's what

45:15

menopause is. It's like the process of

45:18

untethering yourself from shame is so, it's

45:20

hard to do, and it

45:22

is the most valuable thing you can

45:24

do in your life, and to make

45:28

it possible for other people to untether

45:30

themselves from that shame. And I actually, I

45:33

feel that in the movie too, because it's

45:35

such a, like, sprightly

45:38

vision of a slice of

45:40

the lives of a couple of

45:42

people, and it's so completely

45:45

judgment free. It's actually very

45:47

refreshing to witness. I

45:49

think that's how people naturally are. Yes.

45:52

But then there's this, like, one guy

45:54

who has one algorithm who's dictating how

45:56

we think we all talk to each

45:58

other. I mean, it's so... Crazy

46:00

there's like a narrative we're all

46:02

living in and I it's based

46:05

around sickness. I guess that's like

46:07

the business model for America Sickness,

46:09

right and I I find

46:11

especially like we're so lucky in Comedy

46:13

in the New York comedy scene you just

46:16

go and the the other Comedians

46:18

are different kinds of people and you talk to them in

46:20

a human way and then you talk to strangers in a

46:22

human way It's just like practice that

46:24

I'll just never get over how Magical

46:26

it is and I I just feel

46:28

like people are usually chill with each

46:31

other and are down to be like

46:33

How is your day and

46:35

genuinely want to know? You know women

46:37

want to tell each other what's

46:39

going on and share information. There's this

46:42

you know bizarre Bizarre

46:45

script that I don't find true to life

46:48

Did you okay look we talk about the process

46:50

of making this movie a little bit? So how did

46:53

you get this team if I can

46:55

this kind of this dream team? How did

46:57

you come together? How did you Kola? They

46:59

didn't draw to make this you? Yeah like

47:04

Checked this box. You're in so

47:06

Josh and I wrote this movie and

47:08

he and Susie and I were

47:10

looking for directors and Jupiter

47:13

seagull the artist formerly known as pemmle. I've been I

47:15

had a better thing right and it was just a

47:17

perfect match yeah,

47:20

and then we were looking to pass the

47:22

role of Don and When

47:26

we thought of Michelle we couldn't get

47:29

off of it. I Bet

47:32

you a couple times. Yeah, and

47:35

I was like there because Michelle and I've known each other for 20 years.

47:37

Okay. Yeah I

47:40

was just like there's no way that

47:42

we're gonna get something as funny and

47:44

as emotional with anybody else not just

47:46

for the chemistry But for Michelle's gifts,

47:48

right? I'm so glad

47:50

I did it. I'm so glad you talked me into it.

47:52

I wasn't Going to at

47:54

first. I was like I'm writing the

47:56

show Survival of the Thickest. It's my first time writing

47:58

a show. I should. really does.

48:01

Role like you. Everything. Like

48:03

be available for all the zoo meeting long

48:05

as it is it is A and what's

48:07

so great about working with both women in.

48:10

The. Long as like. You. Did you both. You

48:13

will be exhausted. It'll be fun. It'll

48:15

be fucking fire. Am I glad she's

48:17

like do both have a shown a

48:20

movie that's Amazing Lithgow reflect what. I

48:23

was like I have reading see like a meeting.

48:28

Know you don't you gotta go of

48:30

me using see which you can do

48:32

and committee that movie and those lakes

48:35

I guess I'm gonna go to this

48:37

move will suffer as I'm yeah with

48:39

a it was really fucking magical. I

48:41

will say that it was magical and

48:43

it's also like working with other people's

48:46

kids sometimes feels like a little while

48:48

but there was like also great. Oh

48:51

with yes you know working with

48:53

children is working with sounds interesting

48:55

skill like so we're co workers.

48:58

As as Isis, we both together.

49:02

As strange as it like, the mom is right there

49:04

and you're just like I want to try breast feed

49:06

your baby Beer be? Yeah! It's

49:10

a really different experience. What is

49:12

what is the primary difference? Because and

49:14

at we haven't talked enough about better

49:16

things in this panel. which you get

49:19

the a whole other panel. on

49:21

better thing is is just i

49:23

think. A perfect is.

49:25

This is a perfect experience and it

49:27

when the show ended. As.

49:31

Very sad that it

49:33

ended perfectly. What is

49:35

the difference between. So.

49:38

Mean a series. Like.

49:40

Better things and selling a feature.

49:42

What is different about the process?

49:45

Yes, For me, it was. A

49:48

it's it's. a very

49:51

humanistic experience. I I. See.

49:54

Think everything is visual. And

49:57

I'm ah. It's. a

49:59

ceiling So I'm going for

50:01

a feeling. I'm going for what's

50:03

going on in her head, what's going on in her

50:05

head, what's going on in Haasen's

50:08

head. That was very

50:10

interesting to me. So it's all relational.

50:13

And I like

50:17

the in-between. I

50:20

like the in-between and I love transitions

50:22

and I love letting

50:25

things sit and letting us experience

50:28

that. So

50:31

in this film, what was

50:33

really interesting and powerful to me

50:36

is their relationship and

50:38

how they came up together

50:40

and how important that was. And

50:43

how one person's going

50:45

in a different direction because they have a

50:48

very healthy, different kind of

50:50

relationship and a partner. And

50:53

then to have the person who

50:56

was your partner when you were

50:58

kids saying, hey man, we're still

51:00

partners and how important that is.

51:03

And then showing this

51:06

beautiful, healthy relationship between

51:09

Haasen and Michelle. And

51:12

that that can

51:14

coexist with this relationship and

51:17

the beauty of

51:20

a friendship. And then just

51:22

a family which becomes its

51:24

own thing and

51:26

then embracing everybody. And that's how

51:28

you make a village. And

51:32

it's just that feeling

51:34

and that experience and it's literally

51:36

you could watch this movie and

51:39

say it's her story. It's

51:41

Eden's story. It's her story. It's

51:43

Dawn's story. It's Haasen's story.

51:46

It's the story of the city.

51:48

And it is a movie about

51:50

choice words with Samantha Bee. Is

51:53

it over? I'm

51:56

just kidding. It's never,

51:58

no. No. I

52:01

think that the relationship with Hassan was

52:03

beautifully rendered too. That's kind of rare

52:05

too. Yeah It's

52:07

so I think it's so important

52:09

to see black

52:12

and brown men be Happy

52:15

and stable supportive fathers. Yeah You

52:19

know, I'm really just so tired of

52:21

this narrative You

52:24

know the buffoonery of

52:26

like sorry, I'm gonna call out

52:28

love and hip-hop right now Just all the stuff Like

52:31

under that umbrella, you know what I mean?

52:33

It's so nice to see just just

52:36

normalize some good

52:38

old-fashioned Diversitatie You

52:41

know this is doing you know because

52:44

if you like we're actually all friends like

52:46

Alana Hassan and I were all friends, but

52:48

like when I watched the movie for the

52:50

first time We

52:52

look good. Yeah I

52:55

was like this is Queen. Yeah,

52:57

that's Queen's baby. Yeah, so you're

53:00

you're the village that supports you They are

53:02

literally sitting in the front row, which is

53:04

awesome awesome

53:07

Who do you go to in your who's

53:09

in your who's in your circle? Who who

53:11

are the people that you reach out to

53:14

for help or advice or counsel or just

53:16

to blow off? Steam.

53:18

Oh, I mean She's

53:21

in my circle she's One

53:24

of the top five because no

53:26

one's gonna get it like between being

53:28

you know Doing a

53:31

bunch of like the show you

53:33

know the acting is the the

53:36

stand-up the the

53:38

boundaries with friends the kids the

53:41

Being married trying to be in a loving

53:43

relationship while you're like also the most important

53:46

relationship is with yourself like type shit like

53:49

so We're getting a real

53:51

adult stride you and I and our Knuckleheads

53:55

you know getting nuts Drink

53:59

ticket Yeah. Pickle

54:01

back this shit. Yeah.

54:04

No. Tums? I

54:07

need toms. With everything. Yeah. Yeah.

54:10

We've been hitting a real adult track. And it's

54:12

so true. And to find, like, women who can

54:15

understand the different roles that you have to

54:17

play, whether they're the same, ours happened to

54:19

really overlap. But to talk about switching contexts

54:22

is really, really helpful, I find,

54:24

with my best women friends. Well,

54:27

I loved the movie. I recommend that

54:29

you all go to the premiere tonight

54:31

at the Paramount. Everyone who's listening to

54:34

this podcast needs to see this film,

54:36

which I believe comes out in May.

54:38

We will all be waiting for it. And may

54:41

I just put in my bid for

54:43

you to make another movie in 20 years? And

54:46

that is Babes 2, Menopause Edition. Yeah.

54:49

We need it. It's

54:51

needed. I

54:53

want to thank you so much. I want to thank

54:55

everyone for coming to this live event. Thank

54:58

you. Thank you. Thank you so much, everybody.

55:00

You guys enjoyed this film. Thanks, everybody. This is not

55:02

going to come. Look at that afro in the back. Thank you

55:04

so much, everyone. Thank you for coming with that afro. Whoo! Look

55:07

at your afro. Thank you. Thank you

55:10

so much. Good night, everybody. Good night, everyone. Stay

55:12

safe out there. That was Ponella Adlon, Alana Glaser, Michelle

55:14

Buteau, who joined me live and stayed

55:19

with us.

55:24

And as always, there's more choice for you to film and not a

55:26

premium. Subscribers

55:31

get exclusive access to bonus content like a special outtake

55:33

from this very episode.

55:37

Subscribe now and have a good guest. Thank you for

55:39

listening to Choice Words, which

55:41

was created

55:57

by an official webinar. posted

56:00

by me for a production of Lemonada

56:02

Media. Katherine Burns, Leah Baron Weinstein, and

56:04

Chrissy Tease produce our show. And next

56:07

to say is James Farber, Steve

56:09

Nelson is today's president of

56:11

Weekly Content, Jessica Cordova-Kramer, Stephanie

56:13

Riddles-Wax and I, our executive producers, are

56:15

seen with composed by Phyllis Shaman with

56:17

help from Johnny Vince Evans. You

56:19

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