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savings will vary. Not available in all

1:00

states. I'm in my fashion era schlap.

1:02

Those windbreaker pants that make really loud

1:04

noises when you walk with them? Way

1:06

too baggy for me. They're baggy

1:08

jean pants, actually. Baggy jean pants? What

1:10

do you think of that? Not doing

1:12

anything for me. Listen, I

1:15

respect you as a person, but

1:17

we need to get to the bottom of this,

1:19

okay? You saw this shirt? Never

1:22

even been to Maine. I guarantee it. I have! I've

1:24

been to Baja Harbor? I've climbed to

1:26

the top of Cadillac Mountain and,

1:28

or drove to the top of Cadillac Mountain and

1:30

watched the sunrise. I don't know what it's really

1:32

like in Maine. Been to Bar Harbor. Fuck you,

1:35

dude. I'm in Maine right now. Look at me. Have

1:38

you been to Acadia? Hell yeah, I've been to

1:40

Acadia. Okay. Well, listen. I'm

1:42

feeling fun and fresh. I'm feeling confident

1:45

and cool. And look at

1:47

you over there. You're in hell.

1:49

Your jacket's making more noise in your

1:51

voices. No, it's not. Yes, it is.

1:53

Yes, it is. Yes, and that ring

1:55

is screaming, that ring is screaming, poser

1:57

as well. This guy? Right into that

1:59

microphone. Yeah, oh yeah that one

2:01

metal ring. What are you talking about

2:04

fucking poser? That's why oh

2:06

my god. Sorry. I didn't like grow out

2:08

my facial hair, and then that's all I've

2:10

been killed in $5,000

2:14

shirt this was like a fucking Six

2:16

dollar shirt as well. I got this in Maine. No

2:18

you didn't I bought this at a building That

2:21

is a blue is called wild blueberry

2:23

land Wild blueberry land

2:25

you're making that up look it up.

2:27

It doesn't look it up wild blueberry

2:30

land It's a building that that is the

2:32

that is a giant blueberry and they sell

2:34

blueberry ice cream And they sell a main

2:36

shirt like the one I'm wearing right now.

2:39

He's delusional welcome to chuckle sandwich You

3:02

Welcome everyone to another episode of

3:04

chocolate sandwich. We got Tucker

3:07

in the chat we got Schlatt Smacking

3:10

his dirty little lips. I did not

3:12

smack him once I've been smacking right

3:15

now sitting at the right hand of

3:17

the father. That's right I

3:19

made it and you didn't you know I'm

3:21

your host Fashion Ted because

3:23

you spend too much time on fashion

3:26

forums Man

3:29

been browsing our slash mail.

3:31

I said no I'm not on right

3:33

now as an r slash mail fashion advice

3:35

You got a burner account on your day

3:37

that you've had for five years subscribe to

3:40

that sub wrong. Yeah, dead wrong I'm

3:42

not a fashion monitor. I'm

3:44

a fashion talker tall as

3:46

in tick talker. I'm

3:49

looking at tick talks Okay,

3:52

yeah, yeah, it's arguably worse.

3:55

No, it's not who's gonna know cuz it's

3:57

it's it's got its it's got its ear

4:00

to how the world is

4:02

moving as opposed to Reddit which

4:04

is stuck in 2005 and so are you. Hey,

4:09

2005 was a great time. Mm-hmm,

4:12

really? Yeah, backyard baseball,

4:15

playing fucking Trackmania Sunrise from the

4:17

Scholastic Book Fair. The fucking thing

4:19

you are reading that 2006 they

4:21

were a year ahead, the Guinness

4:23

Book of World Records for 2006.

4:27

Here's what I'll say, I'm rocking 1995 right now with this fit. Rocking

4:34

1995. The jackets louder than

4:36

you are. Pre-9-11. It's just

4:38

not. Pre-9-11. Okay.

4:41

Pre-9-11. Okay. Why

4:43

did that have anything to do with it? When the

4:45

Twin Towers were in the

4:47

New York City skyline before

4:50

you came along I

4:52

might add. Are you suggesting, what

4:54

are you suggesting? Well everybody knows

4:56

you were born the day before the tragedy. Can

4:59

we say a thing or two about, I don't

5:01

know, the Antichrist? Can we

5:03

talk about the Mark of the Beast where you drink Monster

5:05

all the time, Schleid? I remember that you're a little bit

5:08

of a guy for White Monster. You

5:12

turn flip that shit over. You think

5:14

I'm a guy for White Monster? I'm

5:16

a guy for White Flowing Luscious Titty

5:18

Milk is what I'm a guy for.

5:20

Well I think that you're the devil

5:23

and I'm looking good and I'm

5:25

happy that my jacket is loud, okay?

5:27

Maybe I'll take the jacket off. I'll

5:29

just stick with the... Oh no, don't

5:31

take the jacket off. Don't take the

5:33

jacket off. Okay now I'm getting mixed

5:35

signals here. That would be admitting defeat. You'd be, I mean,

5:37

this would just be sad. Is

5:39

would that be sad? Now it was

5:41

more of like a response to the

5:43

audio, the audio gripes that were being

5:46

thrown out but fine.

5:48

I'll keep the jacket on. Welcome everyone

5:51

to Charcoal Sandwich. We have a great day. It's really loud, isn't

5:53

it Tucker? It is loud. You sound like a Speakpipe

5:55

recorder. Half our fans are jumbling their

5:57

mic while they record. Okay.

6:00

our phones okay they don't have this

6:02

high quality nice nice microphone right here

6:04

I don't know

6:07

how was it how was your week schlatt I didn't know

6:09

give me a break man well as

6:14

you can see from whatever is behind me

6:16

right now I am not doing great I'm

6:20

going somewhere right now I'm going somewhere on

6:23

this green screen yeah behind me

6:26

you're in you're in you could be in

6:28

hell you could be in heaven you

6:31

could be anywhere the opportunities are endless and

6:33

also if it's just the editor

6:35

just keeps it to straight green screen you could

6:37

just be wherever our viewers

6:39

want you to be yeah let me give some let

6:41

me give some green screen lines right now editor keep

6:43

it green screen mode and then watch

6:46

this watch this ready ready I

6:53

fully support this do

6:58

another one where you're like where you're like this is

7:00

disgusting get this out of here I don't want to

7:02

see this this

7:06

is wrong with my camera I

7:08

don't know what's going on in here yeah yeah

7:12

you need to turn up the lights a little

7:14

bit yeah I agree I do I do but

7:16

listen I'm going green screen mode I'm feeling a

7:18

little crazy today you know really

7:20

what are we doing today on the pod well

7:23

I mean we

7:25

I'm you know there's a lot

7:28

of hot takes out there in the universe there's

7:30

a lot of hot takes some of them be

7:32

like oh Ted Ted doesn't know what he's doing

7:34

when he's dressing Ted doesn't know how to be

7:37

cool said Ted

7:39

look Ted's jacket so that these

7:42

are all hot takes to me and a

7:44

while ago we

7:46

asked our little audience or little

7:48

our little community our our

7:51

Chuck Chuckler army what

7:54

their hottest takes were and

7:57

so Tucker as

7:59

I said journeyed

8:01

into the speake pipe he went through the

8:03

blood and bones he went through the he

8:06

waddled through the blood and bones now and

8:08

now now he's got

8:10

something special for us there we go

8:12

this is from squiggly line yeah their

8:15

name is hey Ted and

8:17

Tucker of course fuck

8:19

you been subbed to the YouTube channel

8:21

since the whole thing started rest in

8:23

peace Charlie my question simple

8:25

and nice bowling or mini

8:27

golf all right bye bowling

8:30

oh oh that's

8:33

a hot take but it was recent I

8:35

thought it was pretty good bowling

8:38

is pretty fun there's some pretty fun

8:40

bowling spots in LA too though I

8:42

don't know we call them bowling alleys

8:47

I'm sorry I called it a bowling spot you're right

8:49

I should call it bites full name bowling alley bowling

8:52

alley are you once I

8:55

don't know if you knew this shlant but being

8:57

from Massachusetts we actually have our own type

8:59

of bowling that you might not even know about what

9:02

do you have I'll show you

9:04

right now I've got a prop oh

9:06

yeah he does he's got a prop did

9:10

he's showing his ass and I don't like

9:12

that I don't like what he does dumbass

9:14

shoes you he's

9:17

never looked worse he's

9:19

never looked away right here what's this

9:21

what's what I have what's

9:24

the bowling pin no that's not yeah

9:26

no that's not this is a bowling pin no

9:29

no no

9:31

oh contraire I doubling

9:34

down I assure you

9:36

sir this is a bowling pin it's

9:38

been on it's been up on that

9:40

honestly it's been up on that shelf for a while

9:44

this is a candle pin bowling pin

9:46

from Tucker and I's hometown bowling

9:48

alley that doesn't right I don't like

9:51

that yeah it's candle pin

9:53

it's basically like really they're

9:55

like small balls like it's like the size of

9:57

there's like the size of a bocce ball and

9:59

then these are These are what the

10:01

the bowling pins are they're taller than

10:03

like a 10-pin bowling pin allegedly And

10:06

you can just whip them you can whip them down

10:08

the lane They're awesome

10:11

That seems wrong. I don't know. That's

10:14

like a perversion of bowling Similar

10:16

to how mini golf is a perversion

10:19

of regular golf, and I

10:21

just I don't think that's right I

10:23

had a ball back in the day you have

10:25

you know ball where you bold with you know you

10:27

take it down Your own oh

10:30

yeah Say I had a

10:32

ball like you got a player in

10:34

the context of a discussion about bowling

10:37

yes Yeah, I had a plan it

10:39

previously gets pedantic about calling it specifically

10:41

bowling alley or not bowling spots But

10:43

then just cause a bowling ball ball

10:46

is crazy I Had

10:49

a ball, and I had a little bag full of

10:51

powder Then how do you get a

10:53

grip on the ball? No, no, that's

10:55

a towel. That's different. You'd

10:57

have a little bag Yeah, you kind of

10:59

pop it and it make a Puffs

11:02

of smoke and I melt like vanilla

11:06

That's surprising yeah, they made them scented they made

11:08

them sweet So were you part of like a

11:11

bowling team or something when you were a kid

11:13

of course of course I know not of course

11:16

Not of course. This is Laura. I've never heard

11:18

before I knew that you played baseball I didn't

11:20

know that you were on a bowling team bowling

11:22

team really had a lefty ball

11:25

It was blue and blue and red

11:27

and kind of purple where that's where

11:29

the two colors met I hate that

11:31

I feel like there's a 40% chance that you're lying to me

11:33

right now Well,

11:35

you know too much information. I don't know okay.

11:37

Well. That's a bold thing to say but You'd

11:41

fucking throw it you the best game. I

11:43

ever bold was a 208 you can

11:46

fact-check this across years of me saying this

11:50

huh and When

11:52

did you all reply to some say

11:54

between 205 and 210 it's somewhere in

11:57

there. When did you play bowling? Like

12:00

what years of your life? Oh, all of my now? Your

12:03

twenty-three. Half my life ago. No,

12:05

your twenty-four. I was half as

12:08

old as I was now. Yeah,

12:12

I was a bowler. Wow.

12:14

That's the coolest thing Schlatt's ever brought

12:16

up. Yeah, no, that's sick.

12:18

Yeah, man. You know, my bowling alley

12:21

had a little, you know where the

12:23

bowling ball pops up, goes under

12:25

the ground, pops up in that little thing? It

12:27

had a little air vent on that. It was

12:29

a really cool one. You'd hold your hand by

12:32

it and it'd like cool your hand off

12:34

before you went and bowled again. Because

12:37

you were on such a roll that your hands were getting

12:39

hot with the friction? Yeah, well that's where the bag comes

12:41

into play. You'd kind of toss it

12:43

around. We gotta, we gotta go to that

12:45

place in LA. We gotta do a

12:47

chuckle sandwich special where we bring you to a bowling alley,

12:49

man. Just smack the fuck out of you, it wouldn't even

12:51

be close. I, it would

12:53

be funny though. I want to break, should we do that?

12:55

Should we do a chuckle sandwich special where we bring you

12:58

to a bowling alley? I'm

13:00

probably not half the man I was back in the day.

13:03

I mean, you're twice as old, so

13:05

perhaps. Maybe it'll cancel out then. Damn,

13:08

dude. Yeah, I mean,

13:10

I'm pretty comfortable in terms of the question to

13:12

choose bowling as well. I will say, I'm gonna

13:16

start, I'm gonna start gesticulating with this. I

13:18

will say, when my sister and

13:20

I were kids, we would,

13:23

we loved both doing mini golf, but

13:25

then one time, she

13:28

and I argued so hard during one

13:30

of our mini golf excursions that my

13:32

parents banned us from playing mini golf.

13:34

Like we would, like they wouldn't even

13:36

entertain the notion of playing mini golf

13:39

for years. And so

13:41

there was like maybe like a 10 year

13:43

gap in my employment history when it came

13:45

to mini golf where I just never played

13:48

it. But then

13:50

coming back to it, it was, it was pretty glorious when

13:52

I got the, I got my chance to get back on

13:54

the green. Side note, side

13:57

note, you know me as the baseball

13:59

player. The one thing

14:01

I knew about golf and all of its

14:03

perversions is that it'll fuck up your baseball

14:05

swing if you play too much of that. Oh

14:08

really? It's a similar

14:10

motion but it's just

14:13

off enough to fuck up your actual swing.

14:16

Golf is a weird swing

14:18

too. My dad's played golf

14:20

forever and he'd take me to the driving

14:22

range but I would never actually play golf.

14:25

I never got to the point where I was

14:27

good enough that he felt like I

14:29

deserved to actually try to play golf with

14:31

him. Because it

14:33

feels kind of complicated. How

14:36

are you getting that

14:38

small ball moving exactly how you want it?

14:40

I think it's bullshit. That's true.

14:43

I think it's on a wire. No.

14:46

Yeah. No. I

14:49

think that's what they do and

14:51

it's the highest bidder. No.

14:54

I don't think that... What do you mean the highest bidder? Tucker, back

14:56

me up here. Tucker knows what I'm talking about. No, dude. No.

15:00

I'm okay at golf so... No,

15:02

no, no, no. The way

15:04

it works is everybody... There's

15:08

a guy that sets up the wires

15:11

and then whoever... Everyone

15:14

puts in a blind

15:16

auction or whatever and

15:18

then whoever paid the most, they hit the

15:20

best. And

15:22

maybe sometimes they don't even set up a wire which is why some people

15:24

suck. I don't think I ever got a

15:26

wire. Your parents

15:29

just told you this because you were so bad.

15:31

Did you think I learned this from my parents?

15:33

No. They needed something to not have you prying

15:35

the whole way. No, I figured this out on

15:37

my own. That's true. All the JV ballers on

15:39

my team would say, oh, it's just the wire.

15:42

That's how he gets so good. They

15:45

said someone sets up the bowling ball

15:47

wires before. Answer

15:49

me this. Answer me this. If you don't think that

15:51

there's a wire, I'm going to tell

15:53

you someone's going to blow your mind and you're going to be like, Ted,

15:55

you're so smart. Oh, my God. I'll

15:58

give you my half of the podcast revenue. Um,

16:00

basically, how

16:03

does the guy who's filming

16:05

the golf on the TV

16:08

know how to track that fucking golf

16:10

ball? It's this big. Dude's

16:13

like fucking 100 meters away. I'll tell you, I'll tell you, he goes

16:15

like this. That shit's on a

16:17

wire. No, he's not going like that. That

16:20

doesn't help. He's fucking looking. Yeah, he goes, he

16:22

goes. He

16:25

starts shivering? He starts... He starts...

16:28

He starts fucking looking for the fucking ball, bitch.

16:30

He starts taking one of those pills from Limitless

16:32

and he starts locking in. Let me tell you

16:34

what wasn't on the wire. Fucking

16:37

Tiger Woods's Cadillac as it crashed into that

16:39

tree. He was driving that fucking thing the

16:41

whole way. I'll tell you that much. There's

16:43

no wires in his life. Exactly,

16:46

but on the field, there's a wire.

16:48

Also no wires. Think about

16:50

it though. No wires. No. The

16:54

guy who sets up the wires is

16:56

in cahoots with the camera guy.

16:58

He goes up and he's like, here's the wire

17:00

movement for today. And then the

17:02

guy knows exactly where to film. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

17:06

Uh-uh. Okay, whatever. We can move on to

17:08

the next question. I don't agree with that. I just think that there's

17:10

a... I mean, maybe the commenters can say. I just think that there's

17:12

a wire. No, they need high... Listen.

17:17

If they needed... If there was

17:19

a wire, they wouldn't need those

17:21

insane fucking camcorders that they record

17:24

the golf shows with that specifically

17:26

have those lenses that stay in

17:28

focus however your

17:30

fucking focal length is. However

17:33

zoomed in you are. This

17:36

is stupid, man. This is stupid. I'm not

17:38

even talking about this anymore. I'm

17:40

not even talking about this shit. It's not a wire.

17:44

It's not! Here comes Michael

17:46

Brody Riley. My

18:00

name is Michael Brody Riley and here's my hot take. I

18:04

don't like drinking my milk after my

18:07

cereal. I think it's gross.

18:10

I don't care if it's wasteful, it has a

18:13

weird texture, it tastes

18:15

weird. It's just not good and

18:17

you're a bad person for doing it. I

18:22

can't necessarily support

18:25

the moral aspect of that, of being

18:27

a bad person for drinking milk after.

18:33

I agree with Michael Brody Riley. I

18:35

agree with him. I have mixed

18:38

feelings on Michael Brody Riley. I

18:40

like him. I think I'm in

18:42

love with Michael Brody. No, no, no. Let's

18:44

find out. I walked that back. Let's talk about

18:47

it. I walked that back. No, let's talk. No,

18:49

I don't want to talk about that. No, let's

18:51

walk forward. Let's follow that feeling. Be truthful. I

18:55

think that you don't have to drink

18:57

the milk afterwards. I don't

18:59

care about being wasteful. I have

19:01

to drink the fucking pint of

19:03

milk after I put my Lucky Charms in an

19:05

infinitesimal. Do you have a whole pint of milk

19:07

left over after you- No, I don't want to.

19:10

Even if I had a whole quart of milk

19:12

after it, it still doesn't change the fact that

19:14

Taylor Swift and her fucking

19:16

chief boyfriend is fucking flying each other

19:18

out on private jets every night after

19:21

the big game and the big concert.

19:23

Yeah, true that. True that. She

19:26

is going up to a lot of

19:28

games. Ariana Grande, that fucking home wrecker

19:30

with that husband who left his

19:32

wife and kids to be with

19:34

her are probably putting out more

19:36

carbon dioxide in a day than

19:39

I'll ever do in my life.

19:41

What? Yeah. Yeah.

19:44

So fuck you all dumping a entire gallon of

19:46

milk down the drain right now. See if I

19:49

care. And if you think

19:51

about it, like sometimes when the dairy industry

19:53

ain't rocking and rolling and baking biscuits, they'll

19:55

be like, they'll dump milk out. Like, you

19:57

know how like the US government's got like

19:59

fucking- in like $3 billion of

20:01

cheese in caves? No.

20:05

So like the US government has like

20:07

$3 billion worth of

20:09

cheese in caves. Not true.

20:11

That's not true. What?

20:15

So the Department of Agriculture owns only a portion

20:17

of the estimated 1.4 billion pounds of cheese. Pounds

20:21

of cheese. Cold storage across the

20:23

country. That's what I keep my Bitcoin

20:26

in. Yeah, so.

20:29

Wow. This is a recent thing. Yeah,

20:31

yeah, I know that they've got. All

20:34

of a sudden they're like, we got to start putting this shit

20:36

underground. And not only that, we

20:38

got to start putting this shit in the caves. We

20:40

got to, somebody was like, somebody came in and

20:42

we were like, we got a lot of cheese. We got to put it somewhere.

20:44

And I was like, well, I've got the cave for you. Like

20:47

somebody's been waiting to put some cheese in those

20:49

caves. Yeah, I know that I

20:51

think it, I think, and I don't, 1.4

20:55

billion pounds of cheese. That's

20:58

a lot of cheese. If you

21:00

think about it, if you gave

21:02

everyone a pound of cheese in

21:04

America, everyone would get

21:07

one pound of cheese for like four

21:09

years. No.

21:13

Yes. It's talking

21:16

about an annual gift of cheese.

21:18

It's talking about a yearly dividend

21:20

of cheese. Yeah. Yeah.

21:25

As we couldn't pass the tax break.

21:27

From cereal milk. It

21:30

crossed my mind. I was like, I was like, so

21:32

I was talking about Taylor Swift flying around and I

21:34

was like, well, he doesn't know in fact that the

21:37

government's got a shit ton of cheese in caves and

21:39

I got to talk about it. Yeah,

21:41

they're keeping cheese in caves, man. I don't actually know

21:43

what type of cheese could be Munster. Could

21:46

be Brie. I feel like it's pretty unlikely

21:48

it's Brie. What I think it is, is probably a

21:51

lot of cheddar. In Humberd

21:54

cheese, fucking in

21:57

Tomo, Wisconsin, Humberd cheese.

22:00

Uh fucking red wax. No,

22:02

this is what I want.

22:05

I'll have the monster and i'll have the pepper

22:07

jack What are

22:09

you ordering from it now? You're ordering

22:12

from the you're ordering from the cheese

22:16

Yeah, i'll have the monster and what

22:18

do you mr. Trump?

22:20

Um, i'll have the I'll

22:23

have the the wheel of pepper

22:25

jack, please. Yeah, what are

22:27

the caverns bringing us today? What's in the

22:29

lower caverns? Oh, yeah. No, we've got some

22:32

oh, well, we've got a parmesan in the

22:34

lower caverns Wow, okay

22:36

the american cheese. I think

22:38

they just mean I don't I think they just mean

22:40

it's like american Made cheese. I don't

22:42

think it's american american cheese. It isn't even cheese

22:44

Yeah, no, if there was if there was 1.4

22:47

billion pounds of craft american

22:51

cheese in caves just fucking crap

22:54

Just leave it there That's

22:56

a really hard photo of fucking ronald reagan

22:58

holding up a block of cheese fuck. Yeah,

23:00

dude. I like that Wait, so what information

23:02

have you learned from this article so far?

23:04

Tucker? What pressing information about

23:06

the cheese caves? Uh,

23:08

I've learned that ronald reagan at

23:11

one point held a five pound block of

23:13

cheese That is very

23:15

apparent. You're right. It is there. It is

23:17

there Photos almost as

23:19

hard as fucking michael brody ryan's

23:21

name riley name Yeah, whatever

23:23

his name is forgot. I wonder if michael

23:25

brody ryan knew that the cheese

23:28

caves exist michael riley Has

23:30

been itching to tell somebody

23:33

about the cheese caves Like

23:36

that has been living in your head No,

23:39

there's been several times. It's crossed my mind on the podcast and

23:41

i'm like no It's not the time.

23:43

It's not the time to talk about the cheese caves. I'll

23:45

find my You're

23:47

just talking about her wait and it's also

23:50

A milk add milk add with

23:52

taylor swift. Wow Wow,

23:55

what the wait, that's weird though. No, you

23:57

gotta think about how you're not nearly as

23:59

surprised as you are You have to be that's

24:01

your impetus. That's never in dippetous. I will

24:03

say though. I'm not surprised. I'm not surprised

24:06

Why are you saying it like Donald Trump? I'm

24:10

not surprised. I'm not surprised She

24:13

roots for the Chiefs Yeah,

24:16

I'm rooting for the Chiefs. They did the

24:18

bills dirty the other night Wait, can

24:20

I read that can I read that like are you

24:22

left it? Can I I want to read that last

24:24

thing? It seems that we should not be asking

24:26

people if they got milk and instead think about

24:28

how to use up the existing cheese Supply without adding

24:31

to it. Is that a problem? Are we adding

24:33

to the cheese supply against our own will

24:35

as a country? The funds used

24:38

to subsidize the overproduction of dairy and maintain

24:40

cheese caves may be better spent elsewhere. Oh

24:43

So this is like

24:45

a production thing so

24:48

they're That's not just

24:50

like to have like they have

24:52

so much cheese that they're Keeping

24:55

it all in caves and just not giving it

24:58

away and I don't are starving I'll

25:01

I'll throw out a hot take Ted. I

25:03

don't think my taxes should be going to

25:05

fund a fucking cheese cave I'll say it

25:07

I'll say I mean, I think

25:10

it's I dare. I say better

25:12

off going to the military. Yeah

25:15

Yeah, you know what would be interesting is

25:17

if and I think that they should do this in

25:20

general But if you paid your taxes I

25:23

feel like it'd be really cool and probably

25:25

pretty easy for the government if they gave

25:27

you a little receipt and it kind of

25:29

showed You what that amount went to? So

25:32

you could kind of understand what where your tax money

25:34

was going to and an audit I

25:36

think that the cheese caves would go away real

25:38

quick if somebody was like looking at their taxes

25:40

and they just so happened to like 5%

25:43

of their taxes going to like maintaining

25:46

the cheese caves Like fuck is it

25:48

cheese cave? Like

25:50

it's like it's not even it's not equally

25:52

weighted and some person just gets their receipt

25:54

back and they're like I paid

25:56

fucking $30,000

25:59

for a cheese Some people get

26:01

100% towards the cheese cave, some get like

26:03

0.1. Yeah,

26:09

no, I think that would be great for our country

26:11

to have that. Consider

26:14

it Biden? Think

26:18

about it. Yeah, that'd be

26:21

really good. Gouda. Yeah,

26:23

Gouding. Can

26:27

we go to the next one, please? I

26:29

think I'm having an aneurysm. Okay,

26:32

here comes Jay. Hello Tucker

26:34

and Ted and Schlatt,

26:37

I guess. You were gonna say my

26:39

name before you even said Ted's name,

26:42

but you changed your mind. Fuck you.

26:44

I can't hear what you're saying. That sauces

26:47

are terrible. They're not good. Like

26:50

sauce on a hot dog, ketchup on a

26:53

burger. Oh, fucking white person detected. Oh.

26:56

It's not enjoyable. We woo, we woo. The

26:58

white line is going off. The white line

27:00

is going off. We woo, we woo. The

27:02

joys go off. Cracker on line one. The

27:04

sauce is so overpowering and annoying. Are

27:11

we at the Ritz factory? Because I'm hearing

27:13

a lot of cracker in here. I hope

27:15

you chuckle. I don't know. Sure.

27:18

Not chuckling after I heard that one. So

27:21

what is, Tucker, did you hear what you said otherwise?

27:24

No, you guys were causing an absolute

27:26

scene. You said sauces are bad. Yeah,

27:29

I mean. You want to hear more? You wanted me to

27:31

go back? No, I don't want to hear that again. Yeah,

27:33

honestly, I mean, that's all. Like, you know, do we even

27:35

need to hear her ex- She was like, can't he ketchup

27:37

mustard mayo? Fuck. Oh, she's, I mean. Okay.

27:41

I have some things to admit. Uh-oh.

27:44

You better not come out with a statement against mayo

27:46

right now. No. Yeah, that's what

27:48

I was afraid he was going to do. No, no. Oh

27:51

my God. Actually, no. I will,

27:53

whenever I order a McDonald's quarter pounder, I will actually add

27:55

mayo to it. Good choice.

27:58

Which enhances and- improves the

28:00

gets you a step closer to max sauce it

28:03

does but you know sometimes the big max just I feel

28:05

like they're so messy there's all that I get so much

28:07

lead like the lettuce just I feel like when I bite

28:09

into a big magnet it's loads with lettuce

28:11

and I'm just like what am I doing here listen

28:14

the perfect burger

28:16

from McDonald's is a McDouble you

28:19

know why cuz it's two patties one slice

28:21

of cheese and two boots and

28:23

while you're in the drive love that love that

28:26

shit you

28:28

say I'd like no

28:30

ketchup on it just use max sauce

28:32

instead and then you get the best

28:34

of every single world of McDonald's hamburgers

28:37

in one sandwich I gotta try that

28:39

damn good yeah well the thing

28:41

I was going to say is that

28:44

I think that sauces are

28:46

really really really important and

28:48

I'm always a sucker even

28:50

a slut for an orange

28:52

sauce all right and

28:54

you know what I'm talking about the orange

28:56

sauce like could

28:59

be could be could be a

29:01

Southwest Mayo could be a Chipotle

29:04

a ole could be just like

29:06

a just like a could

29:09

be could be quite literally from

29:11

rainforest or yeah from

29:13

rainforest cafe it could be called boom

29:15

boom sauce but no matter

29:17

what it is it always slaps what I

29:20

will say though that's a potentially hot take

29:22

and maybe you know I might get screwed

29:24

for this I might ready

29:28

yeah talk are you ready

29:30

yes I think that

29:32

marinara sauce reduces the quality and experience

29:34

of a mozzarella stick yes

29:37

but it enhances the quality of a

29:39

chicken boom fair

29:44

I don't like Italians so

29:48

I'm gonna hold off on this discussion

29:51

I don't even have an opinion I don't

29:53

think Italians even eat that I

29:55

don't even think they made it I think it was it was I

29:58

mean Americans were mutations of the previous,

30:00

you know, a lot of white Americans,

30:02

mutations of the previous European

30:04

folks. You know,

30:06

you got an Italian person who's like walking

30:09

around being Italian and then you bring them

30:11

to New York City and then they start

30:13

walking around and they're like, hey, you're doing,

30:15

you know? You know what I mean? How

30:17

you doing? How you doing? And

30:21

it's like, no, no, you

30:24

know, you start calling things instead of

30:26

this like mozzarella, it's like, it's mozz,

30:28

mozz, mozz, mozz, mozz, mozz, you know?

30:33

Americans were mutations. And

30:35

I think that the mozzarella stick is a

30:38

mutation of maybe something from before. But

30:40

I will say, I think

30:42

that like the marinara sauce,

30:45

it's, unless it's like a fucking excellent, delicious

30:48

marinara sauce, I think a chipotle ole would

30:50

be better than a mozzarella stick than

30:53

marinara sauce. I think that

30:55

a marinara, like if a good mozzarella stick on its own,

30:58

you don't need anything else. We

31:01

just talked about this. Yeah, because it's a

31:03

very strong marinara. Like a good mozzarella stick doesn't need any

31:05

sauce because it should have a little grease when

31:07

you bite in. That's why you got to eat it

31:09

hot. The flavor needs to come through. The veins of

31:11

the veins. Small temperature window in which you got to

31:14

get those things down. Yeah. And

31:16

it needs, yeah. When a mozzarella stick cools,

31:20

now that is a very

31:22

tragic thing. You can

31:24

eat cold pizza. You cannot eat a cold

31:26

mozzarella stick. It's like biting into a fucking

31:28

stick. Yeah. Have

31:32

you had a mozzarella stick before, Schlatt? I'm

31:34

confused. I don't care about this Italian discourse.

31:36

I don't care. Yeah. And

31:38

you can be whatever you want. I don't care

31:40

if you're a mutation, a permutation, a perversion,

31:43

whatever the fuck you want. If you're

31:45

spending $800 billion on your military every

31:47

year, you can be whatever the fuck you want.

31:51

Rock on, brother. We run the

31:53

fucking world, dude. You kidding me? Yeah,

31:56

we do. Fuck yeah, we can have a cheesecake. Yeah, we

31:58

do. We got fuck. We've got 11

32:00

as far as I know 11

32:04

aircraft carriers How many

32:06

are you have no country?

32:08

No country even comes close?

32:11

To that amount of aircraft carriers. I

32:14

don't even think any country has half of the aircraft

32:16

carriers that we have It's not even

32:18

it's not even close Mm-hmm. It

32:21

is not even fucking close.

32:24

I think we should be spending more money a

32:26

year on our military Dude,

32:28

I want to put Fucking I

32:31

want to put boots on the moon. That's really what

32:33

I'm looking for Like I'm thinking

32:35

that we if we get if we get

32:37

boots on the moon we get like we

32:39

put like a straight-up base there Nothing

32:43

they're gonna do we start building

32:45

a fucking artillery situation up there

32:47

drop fucking rocks from up there

32:50

And they're gonna get real quick on the

32:52

way down. Yeah, they will As

32:56

long as they don't burn up in the atmosphere,

32:58

but we'll put some shielding on a big enough

33:00

Yeah, you start pointing towards start

33:02

pointing them towards China think

33:04

about it How

33:07

you know we make more of those like

33:09

funny little landscapes with the with the tall

33:11

rocks, you know What

33:16

no nothing nothing you talking

33:18

about like Cairns no You

33:20

know the land from Avatar that they

33:22

flow through flew through. Oh shit. Yeah,

33:24

can helicopter with the two cops. Yeah

33:27

Yeah, yeah rock on.

33:30

Yeah Policy

33:33

idea right now policy

33:36

idea for the government like a

33:38

government policy. Yes. We submit this Okay

33:40

change org on change. They

33:43

have The way to create change

33:45

in our society Yes Has

33:47

a petitioning system where if

33:49

a petition gets a hundred

33:51

thousand votes they have to

33:54

make a statement on it. Uh-huh Here's

33:57

my that is true. It isn't it White House doctor. That's the

33:59

White House doctor Yeah. Raise

34:02

taxes on the wealthy. All

34:06

the money goes to the military. Hey

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for details. Interesting.

34:42

All of it. All the extra

34:44

money. That

34:46

would be... Fucking

34:50

awesome. That would be crazy. That's what you were gonna

34:52

say. I mean, that would be crazy. Yeah.

34:54

That would be good. I think we tax

34:56

it wealthy. We put it towards the military. We

34:58

start getting hover tanks. We

35:01

probably already have them. Think about that

35:04

Tucker. You're the military guy. Think about a

35:06

hover tank applications. Think about that.

35:08

No more barbed wire. No more barbed wire.

35:10

Barbed wire. No problem anymore. You float over

35:12

it. Well, usually we just blow it up because we're in

35:14

a tank. Yeah, I know. But then, but

35:16

imagine how fast you can go in a tank that's

35:18

floating. That's terrifying.

35:22

That's a discussion for Elon. That's

35:27

totally something he would find. We're gonna

35:29

beat him to it. Yeah, there you go.

35:31

We're gonna beat Elon too. We're gonna start

35:33

putting boots on the moon, hover in the

35:35

tanks and we're gonna... I

35:38

don't know. We're gonna put a fucking nuke

35:40

on the Boston Dynamics robots. I

35:44

feel like this entire podcast episode

35:46

sounds like we are absolutely wasted,

35:50

but we're not. We're not. I'm

35:52

actually fully sober. I'm having a good time.

35:54

I'm having a good time right now. I'm enjoying talking about

35:56

this. How you doing? All right. What's

36:00

the next one? I think we answered this person's question.

36:02

I don't actually remember what it was. I don't remember

36:05

either but I don't get enough. Oh yeah, sauce. Sauce

36:07

is good. It's weird that they don't like sauce out.

36:09

I will say with McDonald's fries I don't actually really

36:11

dip them and catch it that often. Yeah. Yeah.

36:14

It's a similar thing with the grease thing. Like I feel

36:17

like the McDonald's fries are good enough on their own that

36:19

you don't really need a fry. You don't really need a

36:21

sauce to supplement it. And you can't let them

36:23

get cold. You can't. You can't. You

36:25

gotta and you gotta hold them like this.

36:27

You gotta grab them like a fucking velociraptor

36:29

and shove them in like that

36:32

one meme of the guy with all the

36:34

cigarettes in his mouth. You know what I'm talking about? Ah,

36:38

whatever. Next thing. Here comes Grace. Hi

36:41

BLT. That's Bed, Lat,

36:43

and Tucker. Just to

36:46

be clear. My hot

36:48

take is that it

36:50

should be normalized to pick your nose

36:53

and what should be taboo is what

36:55

you do after you're done picking your

36:57

nose. Like it should be okay

36:59

to pick your nose but if you're gonna touch something

37:01

and not wash your hands after then you're the freak.

37:04

Kisses. I

37:07

mean if you use a tissue

37:09

you can pick your nose, you know? Yeah.

37:14

The weird thing is when you actually stick a

37:16

finger in there that's why I have a

37:19

box of tissues with me at all

37:21

times. I even carry those

37:23

little, you know those little like mini

37:25

wrapped tissues? Always can't travel.

37:27

Yeah, the ones that sometimes are hard to

37:29

get out of, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Because they're

37:31

folded in on themselves like four times but

37:33

you know. I mean this is pretty

37:36

cut and dry. I mean I just don't think

37:38

it's socially, it's gonna be socially acceptable to pick

37:40

your nose and also like... What's

37:43

gonna happen? Somebody's like, someone's picking their nose

37:45

and then somebody's like, oh don't do that

37:47

and someone's like, no wait. They

37:50

haven't done anything. You gotta see what

37:52

happens next. Like

37:54

we gotta, we gotta hold your tongues, hold

37:56

your tongue. Let's see

37:58

where this goes. Nobody's gonna do

38:00

that. It's like it's gonna be on seeing

38:03

the thingy up there. That's where the reaction

38:05

comes from, you know I don't like that.

38:07

I don't like that. Yeah, sorry

38:09

grace. Sorry, dude And

38:13

also she should be embarrassed if I'm this

38:15

agent It's

38:21

me you don't know Once

38:26

I'm really thankful get a better note.

38:28

No you next one Keep

38:38

playing and I just want to say

38:40

thank you especially to you schlatt. I

38:42

love you. I Love

38:45

you. Who I love you Wow,

38:48

you were about to shut that fucker up dude

38:50

You were about to shut that fucker up and

38:52

now he's professing his love to you and you

38:54

were about to say get him out of here

38:59

Then a number on a fucking screen of Psycho

39:02

of the milling a psycho. I'm being

39:04

your hearing his voice. You're hearing his

39:07

voice vocal cords vibrate I

39:09

barely heard it because that

39:11

shit fucking microphone is using fuck

39:13

you Aiden Damn,

39:15

sorry, Aiden Aiden with a why? Sure,

39:18

and if you're listening if you're an audio listener try to

39:20

figure that one out even worse Could

39:23

be in the E zone could be in the eye zone All

39:27

right, okay Evan Evan Hi,

39:30

Ted and schlatt Evan here calling

39:33

But don't worry not hobo LA or shit Francisco

39:36

fries. No, I'm calling in to ask what

39:38

ice cube shape is the superior shape Hmm

39:41

circle less surface area better

39:43

for alcohol little nugs good for

39:45

munching on Crescent basic-ass

39:47

ice fridge water and coolers

39:49

are all as good for Cuba because

39:52

cube Obubulously, there are more

39:55

discuss also Ted get

39:57

that new couch. I do gotta get

39:59

a new couch That's so true. I do need

40:01

to replace the fucking cash and that's probably

40:04

half the reason Tucker chose this for the

40:06

for the Speak pipe We're

40:09

not coming out till you get it so

40:12

I did hear mention of the chewable ice and

40:15

You know at the end of the day ever

40:17

since I went to style switch in Austin, Texas

40:19

And I got a soda there that really kind

40:21

of changed my whole perspective And I don't think

40:23

I've ever really had chewable ice as good as

40:25

that since but I've tried to find

40:28

it I think what did

40:30

he specifically call it was it like this

40:32

this Evan guy? What did he suppose he said

40:34

it was basically chewable ice is the one

40:36

I'm going for the kind of you get out of

40:38

the dispenser play ice Yeah,

40:41

I think we're nice by far worse

40:44

ice by far you always wind up

40:46

with a really shit I from chick-fil-a

40:48

especially I got to specify I want

40:51

low light ice Do not

40:53

fill that fucking thing up because it'll be full of water by the

40:55

end of it Terrible, but don't

40:57

are you not an ice chewer? No

40:59

you know that hurts your teeth,

41:01

man Well, it doesn't call

41:04

me chips Skylark, bitch Dude,

41:06

dude hurt chewing ice hurts about your teeth

41:08

as much as chewing chips, man. It hurts

41:10

you know, it doesn't it hurts your teeth

41:12

What do you got weak bones fucker? Oh

41:14

bitch? Oh, I drink a pint of milk

41:17

a day asshole Let me tell you

41:19

what the best form of ice is this one right here Oh

41:23

That's where you win cube bitch

41:25

you seen this that's a minute

41:27

fucking I'm seeing

41:30

that toss that in a fucking whiskey glass with

41:32

a With a

41:34

little sippy a buffalo trace in there my

41:36

god Yeah,

41:38

I mean Yeah,

41:40

I guess yeah, let

41:42

me get the buffalo trace Let me get the buffalo

41:44

trace There's

41:47

easy can't resist having a little drink there I

41:49

don't know I like I like chewable ice if

41:51

I had to choose I mean there is some

41:53

charm in having a big and Having

41:55

a big block of

41:58

ice in a whiskey glass You

42:00

know, what do you think, Tucker? The

42:04

chewable ice the problem is like

42:06

it's so small if you get it at a restaurant

42:08

They fill it all the way up and

42:10

you get no yeah Yeah, you're

42:12

done. You know you get up wait.

42:15

No you have a glass of decking

42:17

a fucking pizza Pizza Hut cup right

42:19

now What'd

42:21

you get that where'd you get that Pizza Hut cup from

42:23

what what's a dining hall cup

42:25

right there? That's a fucking no, that's a

42:27

fucking Pizza Hut cup right there I

42:30

got it from web dining dining hall cups will

42:32

be much smaller Tucker because they don't want you

42:35

to they want you to do More than one

42:37

trip. I got it from Webster on store calm

42:41

Webster on store calm This

42:49

is a little long Red

43:00

cup How'd

43:06

you find that so quick is

43:08

it this one maybe Why'd

43:12

you buy it all these Pizza Hut cups? Cuz

43:14

I got a good deal on them on Webster Why

43:22

it is a silly name isn't it Webster

43:25

on store Red

43:30

Webster on store this is where you get

43:32

all your days got me feeling fucking fucking

43:36

like a g6 right now Wait,

43:39

they got boots and benches, too. They

43:41

got everything on Webster on wait.

43:44

This is awesome They got everything in

43:46

bulk. They have a new couch No,

43:49

they've got They don't but

43:51

they've got booth seats They've

43:54

got like practically the the seating that we sat

43:56

out in the first truffle sandwich thing Where

44:00

all the restaurant owners shop on

44:02

the web and webster on

44:05

store Webster

44:08

on store I

44:11

didn't know about this, but I'll tell you one thing. I'll tell

44:13

you I'll tell you what how you doing. I would

44:17

I Would

44:19

if I had like I'm thinking

44:21

more in terms of like if I was a little kid

44:23

and I was making little kid choices Which are semi the

44:25

little choices I'd make now I get

44:27

like wanna like a big booth thing where

44:30

it's like everyone's gonna slide in and I'd

44:32

make that my like dinner table Set up

44:34

that'd be fucking awesome man That'd

44:36

be and you know what I'd get like an old

44:38

jukebox that you flip through you know You

44:41

know the table size jukebox you put a

44:43

corner And you got to flip it with

44:45

that big disc that you spin and it

44:47

switches like four pages at a time fuck.

44:49

Yeah Yeah, wonder

44:51

if they sell like that's Iran

44:53

store.com I like that I

44:55

think they got you think they got that on

44:58

Webster on camera. Are you sponsored by these fuel

45:00

or something? Yeah, you know the name over and

45:02

over again very specifically Webster on

45:04

store does not sponsor me I Don't

45:07

have a business account with Webster on store either Dot-com

45:11

oh my god, man. They got

45:13

they got storage racks. They got commercial shopping They

45:17

got insulated food and beverage carriers. They've got

45:19

janitorial supplies. Hey, you know what their motto

45:21

is you want it They got it. That's

45:24

what they say imagine if I if

45:26

I got myself or if I buy a

45:28

home I get myself a commercial dishwasher I'm

45:30

talking about the kind that like you pull

45:32

it down and it and it goes That

45:36

would be great. Okay, you should get a

45:38

commercial Toaster like a vertical

45:40

toaster you could get like 600 slices

45:43

of bread a minute. Yes I don't

45:45

even know what I need that for but it would

45:47

work. It'd be awesome. You got a

45:49

heated up for a sturial shelving packing

45:52

tables Industrial workbenches.

45:55

Yeah, this is great. Hey

45:57

Tucker. Let's do another one. Let's do another. Okay, let's

45:59

do No, no, no, I'm not done. I'm

46:01

still looking. No, no, no. Get off Webster Run's

46:04

store. We'll keep it for later. I can't. I

46:06

can't. I am fucked up

46:08

off this buffet. Guillermo, Guillermo. Hi

46:11

Ted. Hi Slat. My hot take is

46:13

that Jackie Kennedy started cars for kids on

46:15

her deathbed so she could spread the consumption

46:17

of scrap metal among the youth of America.

46:21

Do you think they give them

46:23

the fucking cars? Are you stupid?

46:26

You think 1-800 cars for kids

46:28

is giving... It's just like, they're

46:30

eating the car and they give

46:32

it to someone? No! Oh

46:35

yeah! Well, actually... The fuck is your problem?

46:37

They fucking flip it to Corona! No,

46:40

I changed my mind. People

46:42

could think... People could

46:44

think it'd be like, oh, it's like a soup kitchen. For

46:48

kids. I fucking hated

46:51

that commercial growing up. For eating

46:53

metal, dude. And

46:55

yet you can recite it. You can recite

46:57

it, can't you? All

47:01

my most unfavourite commercials I can recite. Well,

47:04

I'll tell you one that's smooth and good. Okay.

47:07

8-0-5-8-8-2-3-0-2-M-5-2-A I

47:14

was just thinking that. Is art

47:16

right there. Let me tell

47:19

you one that I really remember. Hi,

47:22

I'm Uncle Magic, the hip-hop

47:24

magician. And I'm Shaqine the

47:26

Clown. I'm the

47:28

one that celebrities call for their

47:30

kids' birthday parties. No, I'm the

47:33

one that celebrities call for their

47:35

kids' birthday parties. Slap. I

47:38

have no idea what you're talking about. We

47:41

have magic shows. We have

47:43

magic shows. I

47:45

have. We have

47:47

magic shows. Gains, kids, pop-glasses,

47:49

pan-candy machines, and Berenson Castle.

47:52

Call for your kids' birthday

47:54

parties. Oh, I would not

47:56

call for this man. 2-1-2-6-1-3.

48:00

Magic! Who's your

48:02

favorite uncle? Uncle

48:04

Magic! Dude,

48:07

that's... I need to watch this. Uncle

48:11

Magic? I've

48:16

never, ever seen

48:19

this individual in my life. Damn,

48:26

you were pretty good. You

48:28

were? You were actually... Wait,

48:34

you know the whole script. Who's

48:38

your favorite uncle? Wow.

48:45

I even got the brofist at the

48:47

end. Oh my god, that

48:49

was a roller coaster. Dude, I was just...

48:53

Dude, I haven't

48:55

had that happen in a long time. Where

48:58

somebody just full confidence recites something that's completely

49:00

nostalgic to them. And just like

49:02

Tucker and I are sitting here. And

49:04

we've got no clue what you're talking

49:07

about. Oh man.

49:09

Good times, man. Good vibes, Uncle Magic. So,

49:11

that's wild. He came to my birthday party

49:13

once. He did? Yeah.

49:16

He came to your... you met him. Yeah. And

49:19

shocking the clown. This guy seems like a

49:21

celebrity. Dude, that video has... Well, no. ...200,000

49:23

views. Those celebrities call him

49:25

for their kids' birthday parties. I

49:29

like... we have no evidence if

49:31

that's true too. Like, he could just be saying that.

49:35

I have no idea where Uncle Magic got the

49:37

budget to run as many commercials as he did.

49:39

But I heard him every

49:41

fucking hour. Man,

49:43

he must have been doing like four birthdays

49:45

a day to be able

49:48

to afford the marketing budget. How

49:50

many? Dude,

49:52

must have been beating along

49:54

the streets of... How fucking

49:56

localized was this ad to

49:58

my area that... Dude that

50:00

dude is advertising that much is only

50:03

one uncle magic. It

50:05

doesn't make any fucking sense That

50:09

is crazy that is awesome. I mean

50:11

I'll tell you one thing Bob's

50:17

discount furniture Bob's

50:20

did the guy Bob Bob's did the account

50:22

for furniture? Yeah I know everyone knows Bob

50:25

dude Yeah Bob's did the account for furniture

50:28

He always showed up in the corner and was like I fucking hate

50:30

you I fucking hate you

50:33

But then there would be Jordans furniture Where

50:36

the guy with the ponytail will come on He was like

50:38

a sponsor of the Boston Red Sox That's more of a

50:40

local thing Oh that was great There would be like this

50:42

old guy with a ponytail that would come on And he

50:44

would just be chatting and I remember thinking as a kid

50:47

This guy is the coolest motherfucker I've

50:49

ever seen Cause you never see adults

50:51

just rocking a ponytail Especially not in

50:53

the 2000's Just

50:55

like it's unheard of You know Yeah

50:58

This guy rolls in He's rocking a

51:00

fucking He's rolling

51:02

in He's going how you doing And he's

51:05

got his fucking ponytail How you doing

51:08

Look at this guy If anyone

51:10

listening to the Chuckle Sandwich podcast Ever

51:13

had uncle magic come to your

51:16

birthday party as well Can

51:18

you confirm that the magic show is

51:20

just him pouring a can

51:22

of coke into a glass Or

51:25

did he only do that for me Let

51:30

us know please Please let us know about

51:32

this Also Not

51:35

a fun name Not a super fun name

51:37

for a guy Children's entertainer

51:39

Uncle magic Uncle magic? The hip

51:42

hop magician? Just

51:44

put like Uncle magic And

51:47

shock him the clown And

51:50

shock him the clown? Did we

51:52

see shock him the clown? Is that the same guy? You

51:55

sure did Did he just change into the commercial?

51:58

No no no Go back to the commercial I

52:00

know bring up the commercial did he change into

52:02

there's that a different individual see listen

52:05

all I never saw him in the

52:07

same room Yeah,

52:16

he just poured coke into a cup for

52:19

the magic The

52:31

glass is floating though. No, he was holding

52:33

the fucking thing So

52:37

so what so what's the trick then?

52:39

Popcorn machine cotton candy machine and

52:42

a bouncy castle didn't even

52:44

bring the fucking bouncy castle I guess my

52:46

parents didn't pay for the bouncy castle popcorn

52:49

as a product is pretty pretty

52:51

pretty magical, you know It's like it starts

52:53

as a kernel and then it's like not

52:55

nothing and you can eat it That's

52:58

true. That's true. It's also magical out

53:01

without fail every time I go to the movies get

53:03

popcorn. I will always get Some

53:05

of that kernel stuck in my teeth and

53:08

it will be oh, yeah, it

53:10

will it will haunt me. Oh Man

53:13

that was a roller coaster man. What's the next to

53:15

be played? becomes

53:17

cake Hi

53:19

Ted hi schlatt Hope

53:22

you're having a lovely day. My hot cake

53:24

is that Ted's glasses are definitely fake and

53:26

they don't even do anything Well,

53:28

that's a bold thing to say They

53:31

are very real. I would be in

53:33

danger if I drove without my glasses

53:35

on I mean I can I don't

53:38

I don't need to be fucking Legally

53:40

blind in order to have glasses

53:42

that are real I'm

53:46

offended actually Now

53:48

Tucker knows Tucker back me up with

53:50

real glasses Didn't

53:52

you go through a period where you weren't wearing them? Yeah,

53:55

I was wearing but what was that? I was wearing daily

53:57

contacts No Yes,

53:59

call it a day himself Theo too. Yes, I was

54:01

wearing assholes. That was

54:03

during his Theo phase. No,

54:05

it wasn't actually because I

54:08

have just, I need to get in, I've honestly

54:10

been thinking about wearing contacts again because I, but

54:13

I just can't, I've

54:15

been going through my longest period of wearing

54:17

my glasses because I just haven't really gotten

54:19

around to going to the glasses

54:23

person to be like hey can

54:25

I have a prescription for contacts

54:27

please. Did

54:29

you know in Illinois,

54:32

also known as Illinois,

54:35

in order to get contacts,

54:38

I learned this from Eddie Burback, you have

54:40

to prove that you can put them in

54:43

within an allotted time period or they won't

54:45

let you have them. Wow.

54:50

I just thought that that was a little silly. Yeah,

54:53

that is a little silly. Yeah,

54:56

yeah no but my glasses are real, I need them

54:58

to see, I need them to see. It's on my

55:00

license, I've got corrective lenses. I

55:04

got my pair of glasses in. What do they look

55:06

like? They're

55:08

aviators. Prescription aviators? Yeah.

55:11

Uh-huh. Joe Biden. Huh,

55:14

cool. Shout out Gabriel. Shout out.

55:17

He gave me the pair, he

55:20

was working the front desk at the place. He gave

55:22

you his? No, no, he

55:24

got my prescription. Oh. And

55:27

then he handed me the glasses

55:30

and he said, hey man, are

55:33

you the famous YouTuber? And

55:35

then I went, yeah, I am.

55:39

Give me my glasses. Are you slipping for

55:41

a kiss too? No, no, man, I put

55:43

them on and then I asked him, hey,

55:45

Gabriel, do these make me look like a

55:47

serial killer? And

55:50

he said, yeah, kind of. Yeah.

55:54

And then you went. Shout out Gabriel. You smiled

55:56

at him and laughed without saying another word

55:58

I imagine. Let

56:01

me go find them. Let me go find them. Alright.

56:04

I found them. They

56:06

weren't too far away. Sweet.

56:09

Put those shit on. Oh, you gotta... Oh,

56:12

we got the J. Schlatt with the low taper fade. Huh?

56:17

Nothing. Don't worry about it. What's going

56:19

on? What's going on? Mmm, I got

56:21

Schlatt with the low taper fade. Ted,

56:24

are you upset that Schlatt has nicer hair

56:26

than you? Um, Tucker. Adeline.

56:28

Adeline. Alright, dude.

56:31

Hot take episode. If I could spank you, I

56:33

would. If I could spank you, I would. I'd

56:35

love that. Nah, yeah, I'm sure

56:37

you would. Hey, me and Tucker becoming great

56:39

friends recently on this podcast. Everything

56:41

I say just lights up his

56:44

face like a Christmas tree. It does.

56:46

Honestly, you could... Dude, it's funny when you see...

56:48

When something you say, like, when it really tickles

56:50

Tucker, because you can see him trying to keep

56:52

himself, like, silent and not involve

56:54

himself. Oh! What do

56:56

we think? They're not aviators. These are...

56:59

They are. Oh, are they technically considered aviators even

57:01

without the sunglasses, Borscht? What

57:03

are you talking about? They

57:06

are aviators. Wow.

57:08

Yeah, no. I mean, I didn't understand what you

57:10

were talking about earlier when it came to the

57:13

serial killer look, but I mean... I

57:16

mean, like... I mean,

57:18

like... Yeah, that's molder.

57:22

Yeah, like... I mean, like, dude, that's... If

57:27

you're wondering, though, if you really don't... If the

57:29

jury's still out on whether or not you are,

57:32

you know, a serial killer look, I say

57:34

get yourself, like, the greasiest sweater you got,

57:37

gray. Put some, like,

57:39

fucking... Put some jeans on.

57:42

And, like, just go to, like, a corner and put your hands,

57:44

like, all the way in your pocket. It's not, like, the cool

57:46

kind where your thumb's thickened out. No, no, no. I'll stand like

57:48

this. Yeah,

57:52

no, that's good. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

57:55

And look around. Yeah, and look around

57:57

a lot, and if somebody walks by...

58:00

Maybe like Stare

58:02

at yes stare at him or follow them

58:05

for like maybe 30 paces and then like

58:07

turn around if they notice Yeah,

58:10

I got a silver pair too. Oh,

58:13

that's good. It's good to have options when constructing

58:16

the outfit. We were just describing Nice

58:19

dude, I'm proud of you. Why

58:21

I Don't know. I My

58:26

vision is degrading dude, dude, that's why I have these

58:28

I didn't know I didn't know how to respond that

58:30

at all No one's ever asked me why when I

58:32

say I'm proud of them. That was crazy Why

58:36

I mean I feel bad now first thing

58:38

I was around you these glasses are a

58:40

result of my vision degrading So

58:42

like why did you do you congratulate me

58:44

for what did I I don't know true?

58:48

Listen, man. Sorry, man. I'm

58:50

sorry worsening dude. Graz. I'm

58:52

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry You're I'm

58:54

sorry. Your fucking eyeballs are weirdly shaped

58:56

that you then you Do

58:59

you I don't know man? I'm

59:01

sorry. I'm more sorry that like He

59:05

said that you looked like a serial killer you

59:07

walked out of that store with them on still

59:09

no No, I wanted I wanted that's why I

59:12

got the aviators. Yeah, I wanted to look like

59:14

a fucking serial killer it's just the facial hair

59:16

part two thing like this

59:18

is this is all because of your face reveal I But

59:22

look I Just

59:24

I don't think regular glasses would fit

59:26

me, you know I

59:30

feel like the only way this works is if I'm

59:37

Yeah, no that does work that does work audio

59:39

listeners Love you to death flat is standing kind

59:41

of like with his hands in a bit of

59:43

a velociraptor form where he's got his His left

59:46

hand kind of cupping and holding his

59:48

wrist so his so his right hand

59:51

kind of like hangs down And

59:54

it's pretty scary. It's pretty scary. Ah

59:58

And speaking of ski, all right No,

1:00:00

this is good. I think I think this will work

1:00:02

side. There's been a there's been a killer

1:00:05

There's been a killer running around Austin. I

1:00:08

think that people might actually not recognize you as

1:00:11

much No,

1:00:13

I think I think that it does actually change your

1:00:15

face a lot though. I think it makes you less

1:00:17

recognizable really I Think

1:00:21

it does actually make you less

1:00:23

recognizable Tucker. What do you think? It's

1:00:26

gonna be hard to beat the chops, dude. Oh No,

1:00:29

the chops are like I know

1:00:32

I can't see past the most of the time I'm looking

1:00:34

at him and One

1:00:37

fucking person in my life with

1:00:39

mutton chops one other person

1:00:41

at fucking Barnes and

1:00:43

Noble and He

1:00:46

walks right by me. I'm like my face

1:00:48

is lit up. I'm like Dude,

1:00:51

and he just he doesn't even look at me the

1:00:54

fuck I mean, he's

1:00:56

probably how old was he? How old does he

1:00:58

look? He was like my age. Oh,

1:01:01

I was like bro Nice, and he just

1:01:03

did not even fucking acknowledge me I was

1:01:05

gonna like in a portion period from but

1:01:07

11 what if he was imitating you and

1:01:09

he saw you but he knows you He's

1:01:11

like we was fucking Latin person I

1:01:17

got this damn Pat. I'm not even gonna

1:01:19

I'm not even a knowledge this guy dude

1:01:21

Sometimes I do think about like what percentage

1:01:24

of people with mutton chops currently are doing

1:01:26

it because of me I

1:01:28

feel like it's a non-zero like it could

1:01:30

be could very well be 1% of

1:01:33

all the people with me I think you can be 50

1:01:35

percent. I Think

1:01:38

anyone under your age flat. Oh Gotta

1:01:42

be in gotta be in the upper percent

1:01:44

tiles like it's got to be more than

1:01:46

50 percent like yeah, probably Yeah,

1:01:49

yeah, and then I'm gonna get

1:01:51

there's gonna be a rise in aviators to Rise

1:01:55

and aviators and shop combo. I

1:01:57

mean, I think that that's a bit of a 70s look

1:02:00

though and a rise in

1:02:02

semi-real killers look that I feel like

1:02:04

maybe didn't go away as much whereas

1:02:06

the mutton chops are more of like

1:02:08

an 1810s look that kind of went

1:02:11

away a while ago. That's true. That's

1:02:13

fair. But but hey keep you

1:02:15

warm in the winter. I

1:02:18

think we've got time for one more. What do you

1:02:20

say? What do you say?

1:02:22

I'll do one more. I'll do, I got plenty

1:02:25

of time now. That buffalo trace has gotten me

1:02:27

loose. One more hot take. Give us your

1:02:29

best hot take, Tucker. I want the best one. I

1:02:32

don't know. This is Grace. We might have had to Grace already.

1:02:34

Hi there.

1:02:36

Hi Dad. I hate Bitch's name Grace.

1:02:38

My hot take is that there are

1:02:40

simply not enough convenience stores and gas

1:02:42

stations in any of the national parks

1:02:45

and it's really not feasible for the

1:02:47

amount of travel they expect visitors to

1:02:49

do. Thank you. Sounds like

1:02:51

somebody ran out of gas. I take this

1:02:53

one because I hated it. Yeah.

1:02:57

Sounds like somebody ran out of gas and didn't

1:03:00

think ahead. Wait, you want us, what do you

1:03:02

want us putting fucking, putting a

1:03:04

fucking 7-Eleven on the going to the Sun Trail

1:03:06

in Glacier National Park? Talking like it's an amusement

1:03:08

park. She's like, it's more than they expect us

1:03:10

to do. And like

1:03:12

you don't have to go. Like it's not an amusement

1:03:15

ride. Yeah. She's talking about national,

1:03:17

not even national monuments, like national parks.

1:03:19

Yeah. Like I feel like the parks

1:03:21

are already like too modern. They've

1:03:24

got gift stores. Yeah. Like it's

1:03:26

already too much. Yeah. Shit.

1:03:29

All the roads are paved. I'll tell

1:03:31

you one thing though, Tucker. You would

1:03:33

be surprised with the amount of like

1:03:35

back country land there is in most

1:03:38

national parks though. Oh yeah. There's an

1:03:40

insane amount of back country area and

1:03:42

like Yosemite and stuff where it's like

1:03:44

they just, there's not anything marked and

1:03:46

stuff and it's like you go in

1:03:48

there and you just survive. The

1:03:50

main drag of Yosemite though is

1:03:52

pretty brutal in terms of

1:03:54

like people and traffic and capitalism.

1:03:59

Good time to go is April. I found April

1:04:02

hmm I Love

1:04:04

gas stations. I love convenience

1:04:06

stores. My favorite area pan what

1:04:09

no no no no here we go here we

1:04:11

go Yeah, just tell us why we gotta put

1:04:13

why we gotta put up a bunch of put

1:04:15

a fucking loves in In

1:04:18

fucking Grand Canyon like tell me why we

1:04:20

gotta put a fucking shit shit I'm

1:04:23

not saying shit about putting sheets in the

1:04:25

fucking Grand Canyon. I'm saying there should be

1:04:27

more Around where we

1:04:29

live I'm saying fix

1:04:31

the fucking zoning fucking problems

1:04:34

With this country and get some goddamn

1:04:36

family marts right outside my door So

1:04:38

I can go there at 3

1:04:40

in the morning and get a fucking tall boy

1:04:42

for 70 cents You

1:04:45

know There

1:04:49

is a walk into a strip mall There

1:04:51

is some charm of being able to walk to

1:04:54

stores like for the stuff that's in my area

1:04:56

that I can walk to That's pretty nice like

1:04:58

there's like a place that has breakfast that I can walk

1:05:01

to from where I live That's

1:05:03

awesome Dude in Japan

1:05:05

you are a two-minute walk away

1:05:07

from the convenience store and like any

1:05:09

moke you know Know any

1:05:11

bro anywhere. I'm telling you what about like where

1:05:14

little of nowhere places like what about the place

1:05:16

that they moved to? My neighbor total row they

1:05:19

got a family mark right next Hey, don't they got a

1:05:21

family market open 24 7. Yeah, it's open 24 7 you

1:05:23

walk in at 3 a.m. They say Ohio No

1:05:29

way in the town that my

1:05:31

favorite total row with they had a family

1:05:34

Yes, they do they had a family mark

1:05:36

they said he's been on there that wasn't

1:05:39

part of high el miyazaki's vision And

1:05:43

let me tell you something you get you walk

1:05:45

out of the family mark and across the

1:05:47

street There's a this another one. I

1:05:49

want to go to Japan You should

1:05:51

I want to go you should I'm going again this

1:05:54

year probably twice maybe three times I'll

1:05:57

come with I'm trying to

1:05:59

travel more just for the shits and gig. Just

1:06:02

for the shits and gig because I can't, I need to get

1:06:04

my new passport though. I need to

1:06:06

get my new passport. You

1:06:08

do need to do that. Yeah. You should do that.

1:06:12

But yeah, I mean, I don't

1:06:14

know. I don't know. We've

1:06:18

had some rough endings to podcasts lately. We don't know

1:06:20

how to fucking put a cap on some of this

1:06:22

shit. I'll pop a cap in grace

1:06:25

in that little kill zone of Yellowstone

1:06:27

in Idaho, you know, that little square

1:06:29

where there's no laws. Chuckler's

1:06:32

sending fuck Mary kills. Chuckler's

1:06:34

sending fuck Mary kills. Fuck

1:06:37

Mary kills is the next

1:06:39

episode of Chuckler's for the

1:06:41

next go to speakbite.com/charles sandwich

1:06:44

citizen. Your, your most egregious

1:06:46

could be most controversial. Whatever fuck Mary

1:06:49

kills. If you don't know how a

1:06:51

great kill works, it's basically three

1:06:54

options and we will choose which we

1:06:56

want to fuck, which one we want

1:06:58

to marry and which one we want

1:07:00

to kill. So please send

1:07:02

those in. That would be like, you

1:07:04

know, ascertainable from

1:07:06

the title fuck Mary kill.

1:07:09

Yeah. Yeah. No, I will. I

1:07:11

am wasted. I'm going to go. I'm going to

1:07:13

go. I'm going to go. All right, man. I'll,

1:07:15

I'll talk to you next week then. Are you?

1:07:17

Good to see you. I got some people to kill.

1:07:19

Yeah. Honestly, I'll try it. I'll say

1:07:21

without the, headphones on

1:07:23

actually, this is a, this is kind of a look.

1:07:27

It looked more intense with the headphones on, but the

1:07:29

glasses do look good with, without the headphones on. It's

1:07:32

like a vibe. I'm vibing with it. You

1:07:36

think? Yeah. No, you're looking good right now. I

1:07:40

like this. I genuinely like this. This is a good, you

1:07:42

got a crisp cut. You

1:07:44

think so? Yeah. I look hot. Yeah. I'm

1:07:46

proud of you. Would you fuck me or would you marry

1:07:49

me or would you kill you? Okay.

1:07:54

Well, I was going to fuck you. and

1:08:00

Mary Tucker. And

1:08:03

King Shawty. Which

1:08:08

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