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works now. I'm knowing I'm going

1:01

to be chairing this meeting, but to do that

1:03

I'm going to need my board of directors. First

1:05

up, two board members that get all the more

1:07

bored every time I speak. Heath and Tom. Okay,

1:09

I really just came for the bagels and what's

1:12

left is plain bottoms somehow. Kelly, enter. If you

1:14

don't like the plain bottom, I am definitely not

1:16

your guy. So... Is

1:19

that a raisin in there? It's happening there. And

1:24

also joining us tonight, the treasurer and his

1:26

treasured Eli and... Because I'm always keeping an

1:29

eye on your bestie. Well, I

1:31

mean, sometimes the tables are turned. One of

1:33

us got the other a Christmas gift this

1:35

year. So... I got you

1:37

a Christmas gift! What? Got

1:40

you a Christmas gift! This is how hard you spread the

1:42

slander that I didn't get you a Christmas gift. We

1:45

made it with the Rock-Lat. It was really good. The gift you

1:47

got me is awesome. Oh, was it good? Cheers.

1:50

Cheers to you. Cheers. Cheers.

1:52

Cheers to you. All that. And

1:55

that advent calendar? Delicious

1:57

stuff. That's all I'm saying. It's delicious. such

2:01

good friends cheers to the cookies cheers

2:03

the cookies cheers there was a cookie

2:05

man cookies I

2:10

will pull this podcast to the

2:12

side of the internet road someone

2:20

doesn't acknowledge my mother fucking cookie basket

2:23

I don't know what you're talking about

2:25

I will wake up in the morning

2:27

with him just like his eye is

2:29

a centimeter somehow I've

2:45

filled your mouth impossibly with the

2:47

keys to drive the tongue with

2:50

a paper towel

2:53

before the cookie goes there you

2:58

gotta clear them like Kobayashi yeah thank you and

3:00

before we make with anything except cookie jokes I

3:02

want to take a quick second to remind everybody

3:04

that if it wasn't for our patrons we'd

3:07

have to take to the high seas to pillage foreign lands too so if

3:09

you'd like to learn how to join the race be sure to stick around

3:11

to the end of the show and with that out of the way tell

3:13

us Cecil what person plays thing

3:15

concept phenomenon or event will we be talking

3:17

about today today we're going to be talking

3:19

about what some consider the

3:21

richest corporation in history the

3:24

Dutch East India Company or as it was

3:26

known in the Netherlands the

3:29

Verengadej Osten Diesch

3:33

Kompenigge or

3:36

as I will refer to it for the rest of the

3:38

episode the VOC I

3:40

can hear the thing like I

3:43

don't pronounce it walk a mole

3:45

either do not correct my pronunciation

3:47

I'm American I have no idea

3:49

how you yeah I know

3:51

those words with all the exit of it continent when

3:54

a word starts with two O's you have

3:56

no change right right what exactly which O

3:59

do I put my emphasis on. Anyway, it's

4:01

the VOC. The VOC was

4:03

the first multinational corporation. At

4:06

its height, it had a fleet of 150 merchant

4:08

ships, 50,000 employees, a private army of 10,000

4:14

soldiers, and 40 warships.

4:17

Holy shit, they're as militarily

4:19

formidable as like a medium-large

4:21

sized American police force. They

4:26

were boats, but yeah, the company was

4:28

in business for almost 200 years and made

4:32

the Dutch government so much money that they

4:34

were able to reclaim about 1,650 square kilometers

4:38

of land from the taxes. Do

4:40

the Dutch do land tax rebates? I'll get

4:43

to it. I'll get to how they reclaimed

4:45

it later. Don't be wrong, on the one

4:47

hand, it's cool, but now it would feel

4:49

impractical these days, right? Like, you don't do

4:51

turbo tax, does it get deposited? And

4:54

that sisal is why the Dutch retain

4:56

to this very day their deep international

4:58

political and military relevance. Way to make

5:00

a fucking enemy of the Dutch. Wow.

5:03

Jesus Christ. Karou is

5:05

coming for you, Tom. If that's

5:07

where they're from. Karou is not.

5:09

Pretty sure they are. Nope.

5:12

Maybe. Not maybe. Not even maybe.

5:15

Where? Where? No, not. Nope.

5:17

Nope. No. No. Think

5:20

about it. So before we start our story

5:22

about the VOC, we have to go back about 113

5:24

years prior. And

5:27

no illusions birthday. Okay.

5:32

In 1487, a small fleet of

5:34

boats left Lisbon, Portugal. They

5:37

were captained by Bartolomu Diaz. He

5:40

was the first European sailor to

5:42

navigate around Africa's southern tip, Caliente,

5:46

believing that the optimal

5:48

route south for vessels

5:50

is through the open sea.

5:53

Caliente. Significantly west of the African shoreline.

5:55

I don't know what I'm doing. A

5:58

dozen years or so later. Vasco

6:00

da Gama, another Portuguese captain,

6:02

used Diaz's route to pioneer

6:04

the oceanic passage that connected

6:06

Europe and Asia, bridging

6:09

the Atlantic and Indian Oceans. It

6:11

was his trip that allowed the Portuguese government,

6:14

over the next several decades, to establish

6:16

trade routes with the countries east of

6:18

Africa to obtain spices from these lands,

6:20

which were worth more than their weight

6:23

in gold. Okay, as a man who's

6:25

bought saffron in the last decade, not

6:27

much has changed. Can I tell you

6:29

or not? Yeah, it is. Well,

6:32

yeah, but the whole worth more than gold thing,

6:34

it sounds super impressive, but spices do, uh, think.

6:38

Right? Like gold is literally just

6:40

any... I know it doesn't, but like, the only reason

6:42

we value it is... Also,

6:44

maybe comparing the values of things,

6:46

while it does give some referential

6:49

context, we should consider that gold

6:51

weighs 80% more than lead by

6:53

volume. So maybe some other metric

6:55

beyond weight is called for. Like everything's

6:57

more to the extent of gold by

6:59

weight. I agree. It's just every single

7:02

thing that I read about this, they

7:04

all use that exact same matter. Yeah,

7:06

that's right. No, like everything you ever

7:08

read about this has to point to

7:10

that. The Portuguese did their

7:13

best to conceal their trade routes, and

7:15

in order to operate in the Indian Ocean,

7:17

you had to have what they call the

7:19

Cartas license. This was basically

7:21

a hall pass distributed by Portugal that

7:23

allowed them to create a monopoly on

7:25

trade with the region. It

7:28

also allowed the Portuguese government to tax

7:30

ships that worked in the area. And

7:32

if you didn't have one, and you

7:34

were caught by Portuguese merchant ships in

7:36

the area, they would attack you, steal

7:38

your shit, and possibly sink your boat.

7:40

Yeah, and if your treasure was a

7:42

1099, you had to get Cartas license

7:44

pro. It was a before name, I'm

7:46

just kidding. Portuguese

7:49

basically controlled that region, and their

7:52

trade routes were mostly undiscovered. But

7:54

people knew they were making fatty banks off

7:57

something. In 1592, a carat, which

8:00

is a smaller shipping vessel at the

8:02

time, was transporting goods for Portugal, and

8:04

it was captured by the English. The

8:07

ship was called the Madre de Duce, and

8:09

here was its cargo. Quote, chess

8:12

filled with jewels and pearls,

8:14

gold and silver coins, amber

8:16

grease, rolls of

8:18

the highest quality cloth, fine

8:21

tapestries, 425 tons of pepper, 45 tons of cloves,

8:27

35 tons of cinnamon, three tons of

8:29

mace, three tons of nutmeg, two and

8:31

a half tons of Benjamin, which is

8:33

a highly aromatic balsamic resin used for

8:36

perfumes and medicines, 25 tons of

8:38

cochneal, and 15 tons of ebony, end quote. And

8:43

this capture was worth about 800,000 pounds. Okay,

8:47

inspectors checking to make sure the mace is pure

8:49

by rubbing some on his gun. Does

8:53

the same thing with the amber grease. What the fuck,

8:55

is this whale vomit? That's awful, why

8:57

do we have this? What?

9:00

Okay, amber grease is disgusting, but

9:02

fun fact, raspberry and strawberry

9:04

flavoring used to be made from the

9:07

gunk inside of a beaver's anal gland,

9:10

and by used to, I mean it is

9:12

still used today in limited amounts because people

9:14

are gross. So come on, seriously? That is

9:16

absolutely true, absolutely true. I guess if you

9:18

pick up a beaver and smell its ass,

9:20

it's delicious. Yeah, it

9:23

smells like a beaver. This

9:25

feels like you're tricking me into doing any lingus

9:27

on a beaver again. I

9:29

feel like I wanna lift a beaver up and put

9:31

its ass to my underarm, just

9:33

to see. Yeah, right, right. In the words of our

9:36

president, fool me don't get fooled again. Side

9:38

note here about this ship, as

9:41

it was brought into port at the

9:43

Azores, everyone started plundering

9:45

all the cargo. Here's the quote,

9:47

quote, the mariners were so

9:50

mad keen to delve into this

9:52

ship's treasures, their candles had

9:54

set the hold on fire in

9:56

five separate incidences. Mad keen? Mad

10:00

king. It's mad king, bro. Oh, mad king.

10:02

Yeah. Continue

10:05

to quote, significantly, the Madre

10:08

de Dios was 1.5 meters

10:10

higher above the waterline when

10:13

it made it to England than it

10:15

had been when it left the East

10:17

Indies. And, of course, it arrived in

10:19

England and endured another plundering before being

10:21

sold off for about 140,000 pounds. This

10:25

was still a tremendous haul, even though

10:27

three quarters of the cargo had been

10:29

taken by the sailors and captains. This

10:31

alerted the rest of Europe to

10:33

what was going on in that region. You

10:36

hear that, guys? We get captured and

10:38

looted twice in the same voyage. It

10:42

was around this time that there were

10:44

commercial spies trying to glean as much

10:46

information about these trade routes as they

10:49

could. Jan Hugin, Jan

10:52

Hugin von Lindstolten. Sure. I

10:55

love it. I love it. Sure. And

10:58

we're great. I think it's like, I think the

11:00

entire time I'm saying his name, I'm guessing. I

11:03

think it's JHBL. I can't

11:08

believe you would say that about Tauru's grandfather. Anyway,

11:12

that guy got a job in Lisbon on

11:14

a merchant ship, and he would spend some

11:17

time in Goa, a state in the southwestern

11:19

coast of India. There

11:21

he would take meticulous notes about

11:24

the region and keep a journal.

11:26

He gained access to maps and

11:28

exclusive details regarding the trade and

11:31

Portuguese maritime routes in Southeast Asia,

11:33

leveraging his expertise in cartography and

11:35

illustration to replicate and create new

11:38

maps. This allowed him

11:40

to compile a significant amount of

11:42

navigational and commercial knowledge. Many

11:44

of the maritime maps he replicated

11:46

were closely guarded secrets of

11:49

the Portuguese for over a hundred years.

11:51

He then returned to the Netherlands

11:54

and he wrote a book called

11:56

Discours of Voyages into Yeast and

11:58

West Indies. which describe

12:01

these roots and their riches. The

12:03

indies were like working for the Trump presidency. Once

12:05

you were in, you were getting a book deal.

12:07

You know, you just had a book deal. Right.

12:11

Right in. So, I

12:13

get how having their maps helps and all, but

12:15

the other way to find out that information was

12:17

to go there and just write down what you

12:20

looked at, right? I mean,

12:22

did Portugal put huge blur filters

12:24

over the coastlines and islands? Yes,

12:26

called cannons and merchant ships. Sure.

12:29

Yeah, calling this all spycraft

12:31

seems somewhat grandiose. I

12:33

get this as technically industrial espionage,

12:35

but it's just so fucking basic.

12:38

It's like the pumpkin spice uggs of spying.

12:40

This is just, I thought,

12:42

with cloves that were worth its weight in

12:45

gold. Thank you very much.

12:48

I want to mention that much of what

12:50

is considered rich here is the spices. And

12:52

while it's easy to walk around your supermarket

12:54

today and see shelves full of spices, back

12:57

in 1600, you had little or no spices

12:59

to speak of in Europe. Still true in

13:01

England. Europeans

13:04

knew about spices and for several hundred

13:06

years, they had a lot of trade

13:08

with the people in the Middle East

13:11

through Constantinople. But once that became

13:13

Istanbul, they lost a lot of

13:15

trade with the East. So, the

13:17

routes to get to India were

13:19

difficult, controlled by the Portuguese ships,

13:21

as we already discussed. So,

13:23

this ensured that spices were in

13:25

low supply. And therefore, expensive. Spices

13:28

also, at this time, were thought

13:30

to have medicinal qualities. And while

13:32

some do, because they're antibacterial and

13:34

such, the people at the time,

13:36

they believed that they cleaned out

13:39

your humors or whatever. So, a

13:41

pound of spices, again, would be

13:43

worth, what do we

13:45

say, class? What would it be

13:47

worth? More than ambergris.

13:49

A pound of ambergris. There you go. That's

13:52

rubber. We thought growing up with rubs, some

13:54

dirt in it was bad, but like Great

13:56

Grandpa was getting fucking cumin in there. He's

14:01

actually my grandpa used to use

14:03

grand paprika. Grand

14:05

paprika. I prefer my mother's help though. She's

14:07

part of mom. Part

14:10

of mom. The

14:12

pain would go away in a minute. Using

14:19

the information that yawns

14:21

whatever the rest of his name

14:23

is. Gathered

14:25

in his book. I didn't even do anything

14:28

with it. That's

14:30

an insult to puns right there.

14:33

Oh, Bravo. Nicely done. Nice.

14:36

It took me a second. So

14:39

insult, run it around. Using

14:42

the information that Jan, rest of his

14:44

name gathered in his book. Explorer

14:47

Cornelius Day Outman sailed

14:50

for the region around the Cape

14:52

of Good Hope to trade with

14:54

the countries in the East. He

14:56

was a leader of three ships and about 250 men.

15:00

Right after they rounded the Cape, the

15:02

crew got scurvy. So they

15:05

stopped off in Madagascar and they quickly

15:07

buried 71 people. Then

15:09

they set sail again and they arrived in

15:12

Java. There they found the

15:14

Javanese had sold all their crops and

15:16

spices to the Portuguese. If

15:19

they wanted, they could just wait around until the next

15:21

crop came in. The Dutch, thinking

15:23

that the people there were inferior,

15:25

were totally rude and then the

15:27

Sultan told them to leave without

15:29

any spices at all. They

15:31

left and when they left, they were attacked

15:34

by pirates. After

15:36

the pirates, they headed to Medora

15:38

and they were mad at the Javanese

15:40

for turning them away. Pirates for attacking them

15:43

and at vitamin C

15:45

for abandoning them to scurvy. So

15:47

they landed and attacked the

15:49

Medurans, killing and raping them. I get

15:51

it. I used to fly with Noah

15:54

when he was a smoker and they

15:56

just say, okay, I'll admit to some

15:58

occasional light murder. I didn't rape.

16:00

It's true. Come on. Come on.

16:04

They left their pillaging and traveled to

16:06

Bali. When they arrived, they traded

16:08

for a few pots of peppercorns in

16:11

spring of 1597. Now a

16:13

few of the crew members decided to stay. Okay,

16:16

all right. Look, not the shit on the Netherlands

16:18

too much, but I officially do not feel any

16:20

sympathy for anyone who decides not to

16:23

stay in Bali. Like I am afraid

16:25

to go there on vacation because I'll just abandon the kids

16:27

and stay there forever. Who the fuck goes back

16:29

to the Netherlands? You would do that if you went to a

16:31

Circle K. Come on, man. Is that okay? These

16:35

are good hot dogs. Pretty true. I don't think there's

16:37

anything for the hot dogs. Keeps

16:40

them warm all around. All every

16:42

side. Evenly. So

16:45

the crew members stay and they only have enough

16:47

people to fill two boats. So they scuttled one

16:50

and they headed back to Holland. On

16:52

the voyage back. It seems like they didn't need to

16:54

scuttle a boat. They could have just left it there.

16:56

Yeah, they'd just be in mean at that point. They

16:58

would fucking think somebody's gonna chase them. Like what was

17:00

the problem with just leaving that boat? I don't understand.

17:03

On the voyage back, they wanted to

17:05

stop for some water and supplies in

17:08

Saint Helena, which is a Portuguese controlled

17:10

island off the southwestern coast of Africa.

17:12

They were turned away. So they

17:14

limp back to the Netherlands with

17:17

87 people out of 250

17:19

that had set out on the voyage. Hall

17:21

of Fame numbers worked not exactly, but like

17:23

up there. They sold

17:26

their meager spices they were able

17:28

to procure. And this

17:30

voyage was deemed a huge success. While

17:32

it was probably break even on cost,

17:34

it was proof of concept and it

17:36

was the blueprint the Dutch needed to

17:38

get started on their own trade routes.

17:40

Okay, that whole thing, it was bleak

17:42

and yeah, definitely racist and we didn't

17:44

make any money. But other people

17:46

are gonna lose money? Let's

17:49

put a Walmart in every town. That's like

17:51

an amazing business model, right? At

17:54

the time you could invest in a single ship if

17:56

you had extra capital. People would go to the dock

17:58

and then give cash as. investments to ships

18:00

that were leaving for the Far East. This

18:03

is a really risky investment though, because you were

18:05

putting all your spices in one basket. You

18:07

could get an amazing return when the ship came

18:09

back or the ship could sink and you could

18:12

get nothing. But if you won, you

18:14

can win big. One of the ships that set

18:16

out in 1598 was

18:18

led by Jacob van Neck and

18:22

they bought spices, they came back to the Netherlands and they

18:24

had a 400% profit. Okay,

18:26

but did they get a picture of a monkey?

18:30

Everybody gets the picture of the monkey.

18:33

In 1602, the Dutch government

18:35

sponsored, quote, a single United

18:37

East India's company that also

18:39

granted a monopoly over the

18:41

Asian trade, end quote. They

18:43

funded the company with 6.5 million

18:45

guilders, which today

18:48

would be worth about $100 million. They

18:51

invited people from each of the

18:53

Dutch provinces or states to sit on

18:55

a board of directors so that one

18:57

state wouldn't have more control than another.

19:00

The board was called the Heron 17 or the

19:02

Gentlemen 17 and

19:04

they called the company, the VOC, and

19:06

it was formed 422 years ago today. I

19:11

mean, next week it was supposed to be

19:13

today, like the 20th, but that's the stuff

19:15

that got moved ahead. So I couldn't actually

19:17

do it. The essay

19:19

we wanted to use this week, it sank off the

19:21

coast of Madagascar so we had to go with this

19:24

one instead. So

19:26

this would go on to be the first multinational

19:29

company by selling stocks in their

19:32

fleet. They lowered the risk

19:34

on the investment. The cost to

19:36

get in the investment was also lower so

19:38

more and more middle class could afford to

19:40

do it. They also allowed

19:42

people from outside the country to buy stocks,

19:44

which made it different from the British East

19:47

India Company, which had formed a

19:49

few years earlier. The charter

19:51

of the business allowed for powers endowed

19:53

in a company never seen before. And

19:56

we will get to all that after

19:58

the break. All right, you heard that? listener we

20:00

got some hot corporate charter action coming out

20:02

the brain we'll try not to leave you

20:05

on the edge of your seat for too

20:07

long and

20:22

you'll see according to these reports each ship saw a 300% profit

20:24

return Oh amazing

20:27

jolly good yeah I say and

20:29

and say you say there are

20:31

more of these spices oh

20:34

yes yes it is much much more

20:36

more than the eye can see in

20:38

fact indeed in some places what glorious

20:40

luck I did to sink all that

20:42

wealth with no people living there oh

20:46

yeah people

20:48

do live there they do

20:50

well my goodness they must

20:53

be a wealthy nation indeed not not

20:58

particularly no oh so they

21:00

don't know the

21:02

spices worth they value something else

21:04

perhaps no no they value the

21:09

spices break yes yes

21:13

is this business based on genocide and stealing

21:16

yes perhaps a little there's

21:18

a touch of genocide and stealing come on

21:20

again why are all your

21:22

businesses based on genocide and stealing it's all time

21:24

me times there aren't a lot of options feel

21:27

like there are there's such a total waiting

21:30

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TurboTax must file by $331,

22:22

credit only applicable to federal filing fees with

22:24

TurboTax full service. Offer can be modified or

22:27

terminated at any time. And

22:31

we're back. We

22:37

last left. Vengeful

22:47

murder rapes were a thriving business

22:49

in Europe. Jesus Christ. I

22:51

have to say, that's where we are. Where do

22:53

we go from there, Cecil? Down.

22:57

Deep, deep down. So

22:59

when the company went public, there were 1150

23:01

investors in the IPO. The

23:05

charter was for 21 years and it needed

23:07

to be renewed each time it expired. The

23:10

charter allowed for the company to protect

23:12

its interests and was allowed to form

23:14

its own military, which it did by

23:17

creating warships for its Navy and hiring

23:19

troops as mercenaries. The company could negotiate

23:21

its own treaties, wage its own wars,

23:23

put people on trial and execute them.

23:26

It could issue its own currency and

23:28

set the price of that currency. They

23:30

were also given jurisdiction over the Indian

23:32

Ocean. It's not what a company does.

23:36

The company's

23:38

board of directors were

23:40

capitalists and they really only cared about

23:43

one thing, profit. And

23:45

the VOC delivered on that nicely. Jeff

23:48

Bezos is so hard right now. I'd

23:53

say Jeff Bezos doesn't listen to our show, but

23:55

I have an Alexa somewhere in the house. For

24:00

example, a year after the company

24:02

was formed, merchant vessels captured a

24:05

Portuguese ship, the Santa Catarina.

24:08

The ship was, again, a carat, and the

24:10

value of the property was about 2.2 million

24:12

guilders, or

24:14

about a third of the original public offering

24:16

for the VOC itself in one ship. And

24:21

that shows you just how much money was at

24:23

stake in this trade region. This

24:25

capture of the ship really ticked off

24:28

the Portuguese, who immediately went to the

24:30

Dutch government to complain, but the

24:32

Dutch government explained that it was a private company and

24:34

they couldn't control them. The Portuguese

24:36

then declared war on the Netherlands, a war

24:38

that would last 60 years and

24:41

allow for a bunch more profit through

24:43

piracy. Okay, I'm picturing

24:46

like a pirate raid by very

24:48

polite pirates with like super progressive

24:50

politics and they speak every language

24:52

fluently. Super cool. Everyone,

24:55

Hanes in the air and preferred

24:57

prununs. The

25:01

company set up a place for the

25:03

chief operating officer in the region, or

25:05

as they called him, the governor general.

25:08

They put him in Ambon, Indonesia, and then

25:11

eventually he would be relocated to the city

25:13

of Jakarta, which would be renamed Batavia by

25:15

the Dutch. That may make you stop

25:17

and think, wow, they sound like

25:19

a bunch of colonizing assholes. Well, you

25:21

don't even know a fraction of it. Okay,

25:24

can I say it's weird if you stopped and

25:26

thought that now? Right, yeah. Now is the thing

25:28

that's weird if you're thinking that now. I

25:31

thought earlier too, I was just thinking

25:33

of it much earlier. But

25:35

yeah, earlier for sure. But also now.

25:37

Also as well. He

25:40

didn't say exclusively now. Apology, extensive. What

25:42

if we're still waiting a little? Well

25:45

then this paragraph should fucking do it actually.

25:51

This next paragraph will definitely

25:53

tilt the scale. Let's

25:56

talk about the band of massacre. That

25:58

sounds bad, right? Band of massacre. Those are

26:00

the ones that eat the bamboo while they

26:02

do the massacre. Oh, I

26:04

thought that was the little thing that sat beside

26:07

Jabba the Hutt and laughed. That's

26:10

not bad.

26:13

So the Dutch sent Peter,

26:15

William, Vera, and Hoff

26:17

to the islands of Banda to negotiate

26:19

trade for nutmeg. At

26:21

this time, this was the

26:23

only source for nutmeg in the entire

26:26

world. The VOC, of course,

26:28

tried to force a trade deal and the

26:30

people of Banda killed Peter and

26:32

a bunch of his crew. One of the

26:34

men who escaped was Jan Peterson

26:37

Cohen. Now pinning that for later.

26:40

They were chased off the island without any

26:42

nutmeg, and then the Dutch decided

26:44

to take several places nearby, lose them, and

26:46

take them again, and eventually they returned to

26:48

Banda. Okay, they're committing genocides and shit, I

26:50

know, but they keep doing it to the

26:52

Benny Hill music, and I don't know if

26:54

that makes it better or worse. So

26:57

this time, though, the Dutch have a new

27:00

commander, Jan Peterson Cohen,

27:02

the guy who survived the original

27:04

negotiations with the Banda. They

27:07

also have a force of Japanese mercenary samurai

27:09

with them. Wait, now you're just making it

27:11

up. I am not making it up. No,

27:14

that's a new empire. And then Ronin show

27:16

up. The crew

27:18

of Ronin show up. Remember when the

27:21

Japanese samurai and the Dutch... No, go

27:23

lay down. This is made up. This

27:25

is your lying Cecil. You ran out

27:27

of ideas for your episode and your

27:29

lying. So these mercenary Ronin, they

27:32

basically round up the leaders of

27:34

the Banda island, and they were,

27:36

quote, forced at

27:38

gunpoint to sign an unfeasibly

27:40

arduous treaty, one that

27:43

was in fact impossible to keep, thus

27:45

providing Cohen an excuse to use the

27:47

superior Dutch force against the Banda knees.

27:50

The Dutch quickly noted a number of

27:52

alleged violations of the new treaty in

27:55

response to which Cohen launched

27:57

a punitive massacre, end quote.

28:00

Okay, but that just seems like they

28:02

added steps to massacre. Wait! Were they

28:04

worried they'd come home with an inappropriate

28:06

amount of massacre paper? What a red

28:09

tape. One guy's just like, hey, Jan,

28:11

you can just yell, stop resisting, we

28:13

don't need a whole tree to be

28:15

in the paper. So

28:18

Cohen used the Ronin samurai

28:20

to round up the leaders of

28:23

Banda and they had them beheaded.

28:26

And then he put their heads on spikes like you do. And

28:29

then he tortured some of the bandonees

28:31

chiefs. Now the VOC claims they waterboarded

28:33

them, but they probably did some other

28:35

horrible torture stuff to him too. So

28:38

then they destroyed the entire country. They

28:40

either murdered, starved, or enslaved anyone

28:43

that was left. Stop laughing, Eli.

28:45

And then, off the top laughing,

28:47

start laughing, make up your mind.

28:51

Of the 15,000 inhabitants of

28:53

the island, it is said that

28:55

only a thousand survived and they

28:57

were enslaved. Okay, well that part

28:59

wasn't the Yaketty sex, but you

29:01

know. It's early work of all. See,

29:06

I guess I'm misunderstanding because

29:08

if you're killing everyone, what

29:10

exactly is the message of the heads

29:13

on the spikes? Right, that's just decorative

29:15

stuff. I guess another way to ask

29:17

it is like, if a head is

29:19

spiked in a forest and there's no one around to see

29:21

it, is it even spiked? They

29:27

took the land that they ethnically cleansed and

29:29

split it up into parcels. These

29:31

parcels were given to Dutch farmers who were

29:33

employed to grow nutmeg using the

29:35

displaced people as slaves. The

29:38

farmers would get one, one hundred

29:40

and twenty second share of the profits

29:42

of the sale for nutmeg. And while

29:44

it doesn't seem like a lot, they actually made

29:46

these families incredibly wealthy. Just

29:50

all of Iowa listening to this being

29:52

like, wow, slavery nutmeg plantations in the

29:54

1600s had it fucking

29:56

made, right? be

30:00

fucking sweet, right? Oh, so good. And

30:02

the little guy? Jan would go on

30:04

to secure a clove monopoly in addition

30:06

to his nutmeg monopoly. He conquered Jakarta

30:08

and then he turned it into the

30:10

city of Batavia where he built canals

30:12

like they had in Amsterdam. So

30:15

it could be cozy like home. And then he was

30:17

the governor general of the VOC twice from 1618 to

30:19

1623 and from 1627 to 1629. Here

30:25

is a quote that is attributed to him that

30:27

I think tells you all you need to know about

30:30

this guy. Quote, despair not, spare

30:32

your enemies not, for God is with

30:34

un, end quote. Not

30:36

for long though, he thankfully died at dysentery

30:38

in the conquered city of Batavia in 1629.

30:42

Okay, not to take away from the

30:44

seriousness of these historical events, but the

30:47

spices make the whole thing way

30:49

more festive, right? Yeah. Like

30:52

it's the peppermint genocide and the rape of

30:54

all spice. It just sounds so much more

30:57

Christmasy, you know? Hey

31:00

Timmy, you finish everybody your dinner. There

31:02

are kids starving in Jakarta right now. We

31:05

made sure of it. In fact, that's why the cake has such

31:07

a lovely aroma. Jesus Christ.

31:10

VOC would go on to commit

31:12

other atrocities. They settled Cape Town

31:14

and then they turned that area into

31:16

farmland so they could resupply ships as

31:18

they resupplied their trade routes back and

31:20

forth. The people of

31:22

Cape Town that were farming were not allowed to

31:25

trade with anyone other than the members of the VOC. The

31:28

VOC also provided and enslaved

31:30

Africans so they could work

31:33

on the plantations there, thus

31:35

not only creating apartheid in

31:37

South Africa, but also birthing

31:39

the African slave trade. All right,

31:41

well now this just sounds like a lazy

31:44

prequel where they're trying to squeeze all the

31:46

shit in in one movie. Yeah. The

31:50

VOC, really bad show. Really bad show

31:52

on the WB or whatever. The

31:56

VOC was able to create an amazing trade

31:58

route system in the East. Indies that

32:00

included a great deal of

32:03

countries. Compliments sandwich, thank you.

32:05

Besides the genocide, there

32:07

was also a very amazing trade

32:09

route. They traded with several job

32:11

creator, potato country. Trade

32:14

with several countries. Japan, I mentioned earlier,

32:16

China, India, and most of the islands

32:18

in Indonesia, as well as countries now

32:21

in the Middle East and Africa. But

32:23

they were not happy with the current trade

32:25

route system and continued looking for new countries

32:27

to trade with. So they sailed south and

32:29

east. William Jansen is

32:32

credited with the first European

32:34

discovery of Australia. He

32:37

landed in what is now Cape

32:39

York in Queensland and he declared

32:41

that land New Zealand,

32:44

which is named after the Dutch province.

32:46

I guess the natives did not like

32:48

being called New Zealanders because, quote, 10

32:50

of his men were killed on various

32:53

shore expeditions, end quote. I probably knew

32:55

that the term would come to be

32:57

associated with right comfort. Right after that. BOC

33:01

also employed Abel Jansen

33:04

Tasman, who was also an

33:07

explorer who would go on to discover

33:09

Tasmania for the Europeans, as well as

33:11

the other New Zealand. Explorers

33:14

encountered the Maori people and here is a short

33:16

account. Quote, in the evening,

33:18

about one hour after sunset, we

33:20

saw many lights on land and

33:22

four vessels near the shore, two

33:25

of which took themselves toward us.

33:28

When our two boats returned, the ships reporting

33:31

that they had found not less than 13

33:33

fathoms of water and

33:35

with the sinking of the sun, which sank

33:37

behind the highland, they had

33:39

been still about a half mile from

33:42

shore. After our people

33:44

had been on board about one

33:46

glass, people in the two

33:48

canoes began to call out to us

33:51

in gruff, hollow voices. We

33:53

could not in the least understand any

33:55

of it. However, when they called

33:57

out again, several times we called back

33:59

to them. them as a token answer, but they

34:01

did not come any nearer than a stone

34:04

shot. They also blew many times

34:06

on an instrument, which produced a sound

34:08

like a Moore's trumpet. We

34:10

had one of our sailors, who could play

34:13

somewhat on a trumpet, play some tunes to

34:15

them in answer. And

34:17

then a group of Maori

34:19

came out in a canoe

34:22

and used paddles called a patu to

34:24

club four soldiers to death. Adam

34:27

called it Murderer's Bay and then

34:29

went on to go explore somewhere else. Okay,

34:31

I mean that sounds unprovoked, but consider that

34:33

this dude's go-to for distance was not quite

34:36

close enough to throw a rock at him.

34:38

You know, so he got

34:40

a one. Okay. It is

34:42

so sad that we can't listen to

34:44

a recording of that undoubtedly

34:47

horrible trumpet moment. Like

34:49

the Maori guy plays this beautiful thing and

34:52

fucking Hans is just fucking it up. It's

34:54

like, and he can't do it right. They're

34:59

going to murder us and we're going to deserve

35:01

it. We're going to get clubbed with like paddles

35:03

or something. I assume they were doing the exact

35:06

same. But that guy's

35:08

getting beaten with the club. He looks over just

35:10

his last breath, like G sharp. Really

35:13

G sharp Hans. This is on you. Their

35:17

band teacher looking down from heaven. I told

35:19

those boys to focus. Now

35:23

I already mentioned that at its height, the

35:25

company had an army and a Navy, but

35:27

they were also worth according to inflation, $7.5

35:29

trillion. That

35:34

is worth more than several of our

35:36

largest companies today combined. Now

35:38

it should be noted that this is according

35:41

to inflation and I'm sure there are other

35:43

factors economists would take into account if they

35:45

were to value something like this. There are

35:48

several articles disputing the inflation valuation and I'll

35:50

let people who understand both history and economics

35:52

sort that out. But just,

35:54

it was just a huge company and it

35:56

took in a ton of money and the

35:58

taxes that it collected. help pump

36:00

the seawater out of the

36:03

Netherlands to claim about 20% of its landmass. Hey,

36:06

fuck, look, I know everything about the

36:08

story is fucking terrible and genocide, but

36:10

at least they paid their fucking taxes.

36:15

Also, I'd love for economists to not focus

36:17

on like the inflation problem

36:19

in this valuation of the Dutch East

36:22

India. Maybe do something for now instead

36:24

of for then. But

36:28

the mid 18th century, the VOC had

36:30

faced a significant decline attributed to five

36:32

factors over a 50 year period from

36:34

1730 to 1780. The volume of its

36:37

trade and money that

36:41

it had made on trade had shrunk. They

36:44

shipped from a hub in Batavia and

36:46

that centralized system wasn't as quick or

36:48

as efficient. They treated their

36:50

employees poorly and gave them poor wages

36:52

at the end and that made them

36:54

find other ways to supplement their income,

36:57

like by ripping off the company. Fourth,

37:00

people who worked for the company died a

37:02

lot and that wasn't great for replenishing the

37:04

ranks. And finally, they gave out too many

37:06

dividends to shareholders. So good thing companies

37:08

learn their lesson about mistreating employees for

37:10

the benefit of shareholders, huh? Yeah,

37:13

I know, right? So,

37:15

so the VOC would

37:17

come up for renewal of charter in

37:19

1799 and they would not renew it.

37:22

And thus the VOC died 200 years after it was

37:25

created. Company that basically started the

37:27

business world as we know it

37:30

would die of late stage capitalism.

37:32

Nice. So if you had to

37:34

summarize what you learned in one sentence, what would it be? You

37:37

can solve all of capitalism's problems

37:39

with just one small bat at a time. Are

37:43

you ready for the quiz? I'm going to

37:45

go down swinging. Fuck yeah. All

37:47

right. Cecil, what's the best name

37:49

for my spice race action pirate?

37:53

Hey, the human centipede.

38:00

Safrom in 60 seconds.

38:03

Not as good. The

38:06

Amazing Mace. Really

38:08

should have closed with human centipede. Yeah, it's the Man of

38:10

the Other two were raised. You

38:14

could have done the thing where you just do one. Definitely

38:16

a human centipede. Correct.

38:20

Alright. So, great stuff on

38:22

human centipede. Jokey stuff is fun. It's fun.

38:25

But which of the following Cecil is

38:27

the best song from the serious musical

38:31

called A Spice Odyssey about the

38:33

Dutch East India Company? A,

38:36

Seasonings of Love. B,

38:40

Modern Majorum General.

38:43

C, Maybe This

38:45

Time, T-H-Y-M. We're

38:51

spending on the Mage. I think it's from Cabaret.

38:54

C, Plunder

38:56

the Sea. That's

39:00

a toss-up between B and D, but I

39:02

think I'm going to go with D, Plunder

39:04

the Sea. Plunder the Sea. Plunder the Sea.

39:07

I just want Cecil to keep singing it. Plunder the

39:09

Sea. I'm going to want

39:12

to take it from me. Nice.

39:15

What's your name now? Alright, Cecil. As

39:17

Noah mentioned previously, Mascars and Mayhem do

39:19

need a good soundtrack. Who were

39:21

some of the biggest bands from that time that could have

39:23

filled this role? So many puns.

39:26

The Allspice Girl. B,

39:30

Berga Motley Crew. C,

39:33

Vanilla Ice. C,

39:37

Salt and Pepper. Love it.

39:40

Old standards. I'm going to

39:42

go with Kissing Your Cheek

39:44

Lightly right now. It's

39:46

B, Staffily B. Berga Motley Crew is

39:48

my favorite, so yes, it was. Now

39:52

I'm kissing your other cheek heavily. Alright,

39:55

well somehow or another, I think Tom has

39:57

won. I don't know. Sure.

40:00

Tom was supposed to win because I was supposed

40:02

to be but I don't know who his

40:04

essayist is. But definitely Tom's reading the next essay.

40:07

I'm doing the next essay. Alright,

40:09

well that's the important thing. If he remembers

40:11

to read the thread. You

40:14

know, you fuck up something and then all of

40:16

a sudden you're to blame for it. That seems

40:18

like not. Fool me don't

40:20

get fooled again, Tom. Alright. This

40:24

is not like capitalism that I'm experiencing. So

40:26

anyway, I'm Noah. Thank you for hanging out

40:28

with us today. We'll see you next week and by then

40:30

Tom will be an expert on something else. Between now and then, be

40:32

sure to check out any random podcast. And

40:35

the chances that one of us is on it is pretty

40:37

fucking solid. Like one in four or so. And

40:40

if you'd like to help keep this show going, you can make

40:42

a per episode donation at patreon.com/citationpod Or

40:44

leave a five star review everywhere you can. And if

40:46

you want to get in touch with us, check out

40:48

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40:50

the show notes. Be sure to check out citationpod.com