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Restrictions apply. See site for details. Everybody

1:08

dies, don't they? It's

1:11

sunny combat, isn't

1:13

it sunny combat? You tried to get

1:15

into the lock drawer today, didn't you? How

1:19

do they come back? The Taru Ushti by

1:22

Nigel Neil. In

1:25

the far off days before the preachers

1:28

and the schoolmasters came, the

1:30

island held a great many

1:32

creatures besides people and beasts.

1:35

The place swarmed with monsters. A

1:38

man would think twice before answering his cottage door

1:41

on a windy night in dread

1:43

of a visit from his own ghost. The

1:46

high mountain roads rang in the

1:48

darkness with the thunderous tiffs of

1:50

the boggins, which had unspeakable shapes

1:53

and heads bigger than houses, while

1:56

a walk along the seashore after the sun had

1:58

set was to invo... Invite

2:00

the misty appearance of a Taru-ushti

2:03

in the likeness of a monstrous bull, ready

2:06

to rush the beholder into the sea and devour

2:08

him. At harvest

2:10

time the hairy troll-man, the Finoderee,

2:12

might come springing out of his

2:14

elder-tree to assist in the reaping

2:17

to the farmer's dismay, for

2:19

the best intentions of the beings were

2:21

no more helpful than interfering neighbours, and

2:24

likely to finish the day pulling the thatch of

2:26

the house or trying to teach the hens to

2:28

swim. What with

2:30

the little people and the fairies themselves! So

2:33

numerous that they were under everybody's

2:36

feet turning milk sour, and jamming

2:38

locks, and putting the fire out,

2:41

and with witches waiting at every other

2:43

bend in the road with their evil

2:45

eye ready to paralyse the horses. Ordinary

2:48

people led a difficult life. It

2:51

was necessary to carry charm-herbs or

2:53

beads, and to remember warding off

2:55

rhymes that had been taught in

2:57

early childhood. As

2:59

the generations went by and people took

3:02

to speaking English on polite occasions, the

3:05

old creatures grew scarcer. By

3:08

the time the travellers from the packet-boats had

3:10

spread the story about a girl named Victoria

3:12

being the new Queen of the English, their

3:15

influence was slipping. That

3:17

night people put out milk for the

3:20

fairies, more from habit than fear, half

3:22

guessing it would be drunk by the

3:24

cat. If they heard

3:26

a midnight clamour from the hen-house, they

3:29

reached for a musket, not a bunch

3:31

of hawthorn, but back-hair

3:33

could still rise on a dark

3:35

mountain road. From

3:38

the gradual loss of the old

3:40

knowledge came dependence on the wise

3:42

men and women. Lizzie

3:45

Quilliam was one of these. He

3:47

was the fattest man on the island, said

3:49

those who had travelled all over it and

3:52

could speak with authority. He

3:54

carried his enormous body with special care,

3:56

like a man with a brim-full jug,

3:58

but he still stuck with it. in doors

4:00

and caused chairs to collapse, and people meeting

4:02

him on a narrow path had to climb

4:04

the hedge to let him pass. The

4:07

right of way was always Charles's.

4:11

His fatness, coupled with a huge black

4:13

beard, left little shape to his face,

4:15

but his eyes were quick. Above

4:18

them, like a heathery ledge, ran

4:20

a single unbroken line of eyebrow,

4:22

which denoted second sight. Whatever

4:25

question was asked, he would be able

4:27

to answer it, even if

4:30

he said nothing. The expression in his eyes

4:32

showed that he knew, but considered

4:34

the question it would be better in ignorance.

4:37

It was Charlesy who had had a

4:39

vision of the potato blight crossing to

4:41

Ireland in a black cloud, but

4:44

he kept the frightening secret to himself

4:46

until long afterwards, when the subsequent famine

4:48

was common talk and nobody could be

4:50

alarmed by what he had seen. Old

4:53

secret customs, birth charms

4:55

and death charms and rites for

4:58

other dark days, Charlesy's big

5:00

head held them all. Folk

5:02

in trouble might set out for the minister's house,

5:05

think better of it, and go

5:07

to find Charlesy where he sat on a

5:09

hump of earth outside his cottage, his

5:11

thick fingers busy with scraps of

5:14

coloured wool and feathers. Ever

5:17

since he became too fat for other

5:19

work, his secret knowledge had supported him,

5:22

and gifts of food from grateful clients

5:24

kept his weight creeping up. Many

5:27

a winter night he would be

5:29

at the centre of a fireside

5:31

gathering. Charlesy's guttural hoarse voice could

5:33

hold a packed cottage in frightened

5:35

suspense for hours as it

5:37

laid horror upon horror. Personal

5:41

experience of dealing with witches was

5:43

his chief subject. Most

5:45

of his stories had little point which made

5:47

them all the more uncanny and

5:50

likely. People went home in

5:52

groups after an evening with

5:54

Charlesy. Apart

5:56

from the witches, he only

5:58

had one old This

6:02

was a Scottish peddler named

6:04

McRae. The man had

6:06

lost a leg in the Crimea and called

6:08

himself a Calvinist. He

6:10

sneered at the old beliefs and tried

6:13

to tell his own war experiences instead,

6:16

but people were cherry of listening in

6:18

case Charles got to know. They

6:21

bought Duncan McRae's buttons and

6:24

shut the door quickly. The

6:26

little Scott hated it. Had

6:28

hardly a single house in the fat man's

6:30

territory could he get himself invited inside for

6:32

a free meal. Even the

6:35

news he brought from the towns was

6:37

received with suspicion when at all, as if

6:39

he'd made it up on the road. He

6:42

would have cut the district out altogether except

6:45

that he sold more elastic there than anywhere

6:47

else. One hot

6:49

afternoon in the late summer, the

6:51

peddler sweated up the hill toward the village. A

6:54

dense sea fog had smothered the sun,

6:57

the air was close and

6:59

his pack wearied him. Time

7:01

after time he had to rest his wooden leg.

7:05

Duncan McRae had news. A tit-bit he'd

7:07

picked up before he left town particularly

7:09

pleased him and had gone down well

7:12

in two villages already, for

7:14

it was an item that people would be able

7:16

to put to the proof themselves later

7:18

on. A new machine

7:21

was to be tested on the English side

7:23

of the channel, less than 30 miles away.

7:26

It was said to be able to warn

7:28

ships in fog. McRae

7:30

hastened. He'd heard that when

7:32

the new fog horn, as the cold it

7:34

was tested, people on the island might be

7:37

able to hear it blowing faintly. Today's

7:39

weather seemed very suitable for such an

7:42

experiment, but even if nothing happened, surely

7:44

this story at least had enough interest

7:46

to call for hospitality. At

7:49

the top of the hill he leaned on a hedge

7:51

to ease his leg. The

7:53

air was heavy and the quietness of

7:55

relief after the clumping of his iron-tipped

7:58

stump in the grit. He

8:00

held his breath, listening. Far

8:04

away there was a moan. He

8:07

pulled himself up the hedge and faced

8:10

towards the fog-blanketed sea. The

8:12

sound came again faint and eerie,

8:14

a growl so low-pitched that it

8:16

could hardly be heard at all.

8:19

It could only be one thing. Excitedly,

8:22

McRae slid down the hedge and

8:24

straightened this pack. In

8:26

ten minutes bursting with news he'd reached

8:28

the first outlying cottage door. He rattled

8:30

the latch and pushed it open. Hello

8:33

there, he said. Do you hear the new

8:35

invention, yonder? There was silence. No

8:38

one at home. He hurried

8:40

out and on to the next fuchsia-hedged cabin.

8:43

Hello, Mrs. Do you hear the wonders that's

8:45

going on across the water? No

8:47

one to be seen. McRae

8:49

frowned. He

8:51

was at the top end of the village now,

8:53

looking down the winding street as it sloped towards the

8:56

sea. There was nobody moving

8:58

in it and no sound. Even

9:00

the blacksmith's forge was silent. The

9:03

peddler shouted, Where is everybody? Is there no

9:05

single body up the day? His

9:07

voice went quietly away into the

9:10

mist. Charles

9:12

Equilliam had been in his cottage when they came for

9:14

him. He was threading a

9:17

dried call on a neckband as

9:19

a cure against shipwreck, working indoors

9:21

because the damp grieved his chest.

9:24

People came clustering round his door muttering, Come

9:27

in or go out, called Charlesy. He pricked thee

9:29

some. Devil take it. This call is like the

9:32

hide of a crocodile. They

9:34

saw that he did not hear what they heard. He

9:37

suffered at times from deafness. At

9:39

last old Dewan Cawjeg persuaded

9:41

him to come outside. Charlesy

9:44

was surprised to see nearly all the village assembled at

9:46

his door. Just listen, Charlesy,

9:49

said old Dewan. The

9:51

frightened faces seemed to be expecting something from

9:53

him. Well, what is

9:55

it at all? He said after a moment. Oh,

9:58

listen, Dewan. Charlesy

10:00

heard it, a sound that

10:02

might have been made by a coughing cow

10:04

far away on a calm night. Some

10:07

beast the one's looking to he decided, is that

10:09

all? What have it got into everybody? Old

10:13

Dewan's face was too horrified to express

10:15

anything he pointed. Them sounds

10:17

is from out at sea, he said. There

10:20

was a shocked murmur from the villages at the

10:22

speaking of the words. Charlesy

10:25

made no move, his

10:27

little eyes sharpened. Tell

10:29

us what it is, Charlesy, what have we got to do? Oh,

10:32

and it's far worse down by the water. The

10:34

twist of the land smothers it here. Without

10:37

a word, Charlesy Quilliam turned back

10:39

into his cottage. The crowd

10:41

were alarmed by his stillness. When

10:44

he reappeared, he had his big black thorn

10:46

walking stick in one hand. In

10:48

the other was a bunch of dried leaves. I'm

10:51

going down there for a sight, he said. Anybody

10:53

that wants to can come. He

10:56

sat ponderously off. For

10:58

a little space they hesitated, whispering

11:00

among themselves. Old Dewan licked his

11:02

lips and went after Charlesy. When

11:05

he looked round, a few dozen paces down

11:07

the shore path, he saw the rest following

11:09

behind him and a body on the sandy

11:11

track. Charlesy stopped for breath.

11:14

Old Dewan caught him up. You're

11:16

right. It's clearer down here. Old

11:19

Dewan spoke slowly. Charlesy, I'm hoping it won't

11:21

put bad luck on me, but I was

11:23

the first that heard it. He

11:26

swallowed, remembering. Down in

11:28

the tide, digging for lugworms. Ah,

11:31

said Charlesy, he grunted. Let's

11:34

get nearer. As

11:36

they came over the low brow

11:38

of the foreshore, where the yellow

11:40

sandy grass ended and the pebbles

11:42

began, the sound hit them.

11:45

It traveled straight in along the

11:47

surface of the water, still very

11:49

far away, but plainer to the ear.

11:53

So unnatural that

11:55

it shocked everybody afresh. It

11:57

ended with a throaty gulp. Charlesy

12:00

made his way slowly across the stones,

12:02

picking his way with the stick among

12:04

the puddles. They all

12:06

followed in silence towards the water's

12:08

edge. There he

12:10

stood, leaning and

12:13

listening. Again and again

12:15

and again the distant cry came

12:17

from the fog, and they

12:19

shivered. Old Dewan made

12:21

to speak, but Charlesy silenced him.

12:24

Yes, said Charlesy, turning

12:26

back casually. It's a

12:29

Taru Usti. A woman screamed

12:31

and had a hand clapped across her

12:33

mouth. People drew back hastily from the

12:35

creamy water's edge. What'll happen?

12:37

whispered Old Dewan. Charlesy's

12:40

single brow bent in a

12:42

frown. Queer thing for

12:44

it to come in the daylight, he said. It

12:46

goes to prove such creatures is no fancy. He

12:49

turned to the crowd and addressed them. Now

12:52

listen all. It's a Taru Usti out

12:54

yonder. Hush, now hush. It's

12:56

in trouble over something. Maybe

12:58

lost and calling out to another one.

13:01

Aye, it's mate likely, said Dewan.

13:05

Charlesy ignored them. For all

13:07

that are not of this world, they can get lost

13:09

in thick fog like any other creature. It's

13:11

a terrible long way off at present, so

13:14

the best thing to do is to be quiet

13:16

and go home and do nothing to draw it

13:18

this way. And I'll tell

13:20

you what he's like. They look

13:22

like a tremendous big black bull,

13:25

but the feet is webbed. And in

13:27

the old days, they've had many a

13:29

person eaten, so nobody must come down

13:31

here tonight for fear of the fog

13:33

clearing, and it's seeing him. There's

13:35

no telling what it might do if it got up

13:38

to the village. He showed

13:40

the bunch of herbs in his left hand. Now

13:42

everybody go home quiet, and I'll

13:44

see about laying a charm on the

13:46

water. Keep all the children indoors. He

13:49

sat on a low rock near the tide as

13:51

they went. Peering back

13:53

at him, they saw him wave the leaves

13:55

back and forth in his hand. He seemed

13:58

to be chanting something. In the

14:00

sight of old Dewan the last to

14:02

cross the sandy bluff, he finished by

14:04

tossing the bunch into the sea and

14:06

turning abruptly away. Charlesy

14:09

laboured up the track without a look behind.

14:12

The lowing sound still continued. He

14:15

felt satisfied with what he'd done, but

14:17

was checking the rights over in his

14:19

mind to make sure ahead the last

14:22

stragglers reached the safety of the

14:24

village. But when he came

14:26

to the houses, Charlesy found people

14:28

still talking in small groups. Look

14:31

here, I told you to get the children out

14:33

of sight, he said, and it'd be just as

14:35

well if everybody kept themselves. A

14:38

commotion was going on further up the street.

14:41

What the devil is it now? Charlesy shouted.

14:43

He felt privileged to make a noise. Old

14:46

Dewan hobbled towards him. It's

14:48

that Scotch peddler, he said. He's got

14:50

some nonsense tale. Oh, you'd better

14:52

give him a word, Charlesy. He'll be putting

14:55

foolishness in their heads. Charlesy

14:57

scowled. He came ponderously

14:59

to where Duncan McRae sat on a

15:02

wooden bench outside a cottage. People

15:04

parted before him, but he felt that

15:07

there was a questioning quality in their

15:09

respect. What's going on here?

15:11

He said. Little Scott

15:13

grinned up, hands tucked comfortably

15:15

behind. He said, Oh, I've

15:17

been sitting here wondering if you'd all fled a

15:20

wine to a far country. I was thinking you

15:22

had a nice day for it, he said. What

15:25

you blathering about? Have you

15:27

got a straight jacket on your own sea monster?

15:30

The peddler chuckled. Look him in

15:32

the eye, man. That's what he say. Look

15:34

him in the eye and put salt on his tail.

15:37

Have a new brand of table salt in my

15:39

park. Would you care to try some?

15:42

They began to laugh loudly. Charlesy's

15:45

face was purple. Is the fella crazy or

15:47

what? Shut up, will you? He

15:49

seized the little man by the hair and

15:51

shook him violently. Stop laughing.

15:53

Haven't I ordered quiet? The

15:56

peddler squealed as he tried to escape. His

15:59

wooden legs. skidded, and he thrashed

16:01

about. The staring villagers

16:03

broke into explanation. He's

16:06

got a tale that the noise is

16:08

from a machine, Charlesy. A one

16:10

and a fog for the ships? That's

16:13

what he said. There was

16:15

dead silence, apart

16:18

from the splittering breath of the dazed

16:20

peddler. Charlesy slowly released

16:23

him. They were all

16:25

tense, watching Charlesy's face.

16:27

It showed no expression. He

16:30

might have been thinking or working

16:32

something out, or studying his victim,

16:34

or listening. J'wan,

16:37

he said at last, pointedly.

16:39

Yes, Charlesy. Can you

16:41

still hear it? They all

16:43

waited, listening. The noise at

16:46

sea had stopped. No,

16:48

Charlesy, no. It's gone. It

16:51

was Charlesy's moment. He

16:53

glowered down the wretched peddler and took

16:55

a chance. It's gone because

16:57

I stopped it, he said. I put

17:00

a charm on the water to send it away. Now,

17:02

tell me something, my little

17:05

Scotchman. Could I have done that

17:07

if it was only some kind of steam

17:09

engine across the water? He

17:11

felt the awe all around him. You

17:14

poor ignorant cuss. You're not

17:16

worth minding. I pity you,

17:18

said Charlesy kindly. Oh,

17:20

look here. You go down to the

17:23

town and they'll tell you there. Charlesy

17:25

gave a laugh. It

17:27

began deep inside him where there was

17:29

plenty of room and rose into a

17:31

throaty bellow. In the town.

17:34

Oh, oh, my, Charlesy was overcome.

17:36

You better stick to selling buttons,

17:38

master. He heard it in the

17:40

town and he believed it. In

17:43

the town, where they washing themselves

17:45

from morning to night, and where they have to

17:47

give each other little bits of cardboard to know

17:49

who they are and get special knives out for

17:51

to eat a fish. There was

17:53

a fella in the town, thought he was Napoleon

17:56

of the French. Oh, yes, the

17:58

town. That's where they know

18:00

everything, I'm sure." There was a

18:02

howl of laughter. It was a

18:04

complete victory. The peddler protested and raged

18:07

against their laughter, but he could

18:09

do nothing to stop it. Only Charlesy

18:11

could do that by a finger to

18:13

his lips and

18:15

a warning nod at the sea.

18:19

Charlesy watched McRae go stumping away

18:22

in a fury without selling anything.

18:24

His face was dark and thoughtful. "'Tewon,'

18:27

he said loudly, enough for others to

18:30

hear and with great conviction. This has

18:32

given me an idea. You

18:34

know, the sound of a Taruishti's voice would

18:36

be a good thing to imitate as a

18:38

warning to the ships. It needs

18:41

a frightening sort of noise. I've a

18:43

mind to suggest that to the English

18:45

government. In fact, I will. I'll

18:48

send the letter now and describe

18:50

how it can be done.' Charlesy

18:52

went indoors where he felt weak now that

18:54

the crisis was over, praying for the silence

18:56

to continue, but ready to make another journey

18:59

to the beach with a bunch of herbs.

19:02

His luck held. The

19:04

foghorn did not sound again that day,

19:07

or again for more than a week. When

19:09

at last it did, Charlesy reassured

19:11

the village and bade them observe

19:14

the sound. "'They would find,' he

19:16

said, that it was copied from

19:18

the cry of the Taruishti, according to a

19:20

simple invention of his own. They

19:23

listened. And it

19:25

was so. It was often to

19:27

be seen after that sitting outside his

19:29

home on foggy days, listening to the

19:32

far-off hooting with a critical expression. When

19:35

he went indoors, they said it was

19:37

to write to the English government again,

19:39

advising them. Charlesy's fame

19:41

as an inventor spread. He

19:43

was rumoured to be working on

19:45

a device for closing gates automatically,

19:47

and another to condense water from

19:49

clouds and rivers. Even strangers

19:52

came to the village to have their

19:54

ailments or troubles charmed away or to

19:56

undergo his new massage treatment." But

19:59

Duncan MacRae way, did

20:01

not sell another inch of

20:04

elastic in the whole

20:06

district. So

20:28

that was the Taru Usti by Nigel Neil,

20:30

published in 1949. I've

20:33

done a couple of Nigel Neil stories before.

20:36

I've done the Honne,

20:39

I think, which is a small one, short

20:41

one like this. And I

20:43

did Minook, which is quite scary,

20:45

poltergeisty type story. This

20:48

wasn't that scary, was it? It's from

20:50

a book called, I'll read you about him first, of course.

20:53

Nigel Neil, born 1922, died 2006. He

20:55

was born in Baru in Furnas, then in

20:57

Lancashire, but spent much of

21:00

his early life on the Isle of Man, where his

21:02

father was the editor of a daily newspaper. I do

21:04

believe his family were monks. After

21:06

initially training, he's become a lawyer on

21:08

the island. Neil, known as Tom to

21:11

his family and friends, enrolled at Rada.

21:13

So Rada's an acting, very famous and

21:15

prestigious academy for actors with

21:17

ambitions to become an actor. At

21:20

the same time, he was writing short stories,

21:22

and these would form the basis of his

21:24

first book, Tomato Caine, 1949, which

21:27

is very famous, which would go on to win the Somerset

21:29

Morma Award in 1950. Following

21:32

this, Neil gave up acting to write full time, and

21:34

in 1951, he became one of the first

21:36

staff writers at the BBC. It

21:39

was here that he would form a

21:41

partnership with the producer, Rudolf Cartier, which

21:43

resulted in groundbreaking television drama milestones, such

21:46

as The Quatermass Experiment, 1953. Come

21:49

on, you must know that. 1984,

21:52

The Quatermass and the Pitt

21:54

1950s. These are fantastic. They still

21:56

are fantastic. If you can see

21:58

them, they're on YouTube. He broke... into

22:00

cinema production with an adaptation of the John Osborne

22:02

play's look back in anger 1958 in the entertainer.

22:04

He continued to work for the BBC up until

22:07

the early 1970s when

22:09

he left the corporation to work with ITV

22:11

and the TV company on such projects as

22:13

the horror anthology series beasts and a final

22:15

quite a mass series in 1979. He was

22:17

married to

22:19

Judith Kerr, author of the tiger who came to

22:21

tea and a couple of two children. So

22:24

this is from a book. It's one

22:26

of the British library. You may know that British library

22:28

is doing a fantastic and sterling work

22:31

at the moment. They're going through

22:33

all their records because when you

22:35

and it always has been the way when you

22:37

write a publisher book in the UK, always used to

22:39

be the case that you have to send a copy

22:41

to the British library and suddenly had copies of all

22:44

these books, had copies of like millions

22:46

of stories and they've gone

22:48

through it and I've got a subscription

22:50

now every month and they produce a

22:52

new volume of uncanny tales from their

22:54

archive. Now this wasn't that uncanny, but

22:56

it belongs to a volume called Celtic

22:58

Weird Tales of Wicked Folklore and Dark

23:00

Mythology edited by Johnny Maines and they

23:02

usually write a very useful

23:07

introduction to it. So this has a

23:09

number of stories from Scotland, The

23:13

Fetch by Rupert Aikman. It wasn't Scottish, but

23:16

the Milquite Dew, The Dew's Dove,

23:18

The Cure, Ireland, The Death of

23:20

the Secret Stole, Secret Stoles. Anyway,

23:23

let's not go into that. The Green Grave and the Black

23:25

Grave. I wanted to do that one actually. Brittany,

23:28

the Breton legend. Not done by many

23:30

Bretons though. Care for by Edith Wharton.

23:32

That's a good story. Celui La. So

23:35

my Outwitting the Devil,

23:37

this is so, yeah, so we have basically

23:39

the Isle of Man, Brittany,

23:41

Ireland, Scotland, Wales,

23:43

Cornwall and some Scottish

23:45

Allecans I think. Why

23:49

has it got Gaelic then? Not Scotland.

23:51

No, it's got Scotland and Gaelic. So

23:53

MacPhee's Black Dog, The Butterfly's Wedding by

23:55

Echen Macfadyen, The Loch at the Back

23:57

of the World by Reverend Lachlan Macleod.

24:00

what so I wanted

24:02

to do because I like Celtic things you may not

24:04

know my first degree was in

24:07

you could have been Celtic so I actually chose

24:09

to call it Welsh and Irish I did study

24:11

Scots Gaelic as well so

24:16

so Tarot Ushte in

24:18

Prophomax Tarot Ushke is

24:21

a bowl Tarot is a bowl

24:23

and Ushke is water

24:26

so Tarot Ushke

24:28

is certainly in Irish as well Taraf

24:30

this a Taraf in the in Hebridean

24:33

Gaelic although in Galloway Gaelic which is long since

24:35

gone which is very not very far from the

24:38

Isle of Man probably went

24:40

with them Northern Irish and

24:42

Manxmore and Isla Gaelic was very similar

24:44

they're all clustered together as

24:46

dialects of the same language really from

24:48

the great Gaelic culture province that was

24:50

destroyed really in the well

24:53

from the 17th to 18th centuries great loss

24:55

of culture there so I was very

24:57

keen on all those things I

25:00

didn't formally ever study Manx I did and

25:03

I've only been to the Isle of Man once and

25:05

so I'm on where

25:07

I was brought up on the Cumbrian coast it's

25:09

at its closest point it's closest point is 26 miles

25:11

to the Isle of Man so you see it in

25:14

on the horizon on a clear day sometimes

25:17

it disappears behind mist and

25:19

it just looks like there's nothing there and of course

25:22

the Isle of Man is supposed

25:24

to be the the home of

25:26

the Celtic seagulled Mannan and Maclear

25:29

in Irish or

25:31

Manowudan in Welsh

25:33

so and it's manna in

25:35

Welsh but Ellen Vanin or

25:38

you know the island of man and

25:40

so and the

25:42

language there Manx Gaelic was very similar to

25:45

you know it's

25:47

like there weren't different languages that's the whole point

25:49

it's like saying well I've just been to Derby

25:51

you know so when you listen to people in

25:53

Derby they sound a bit like the East Midlands

25:55

you know the

25:57

bit knotting of me the sound of the

25:59

sea You can hear the Midlands in it,

26:01

but there's the Northern tinge to it as

26:03

well. And then you go a bit further

26:06

north, you go to South Yorkshire, it's developed

26:08

a bit differently, and then

26:10

you go to North Yorkshire and that leads

26:12

you into Westmoreland and Cumberland and Northumberland and

26:14

then over the border into, you know,

26:17

Roxburyshire and places like that. And

26:20

so it'd be silly to say that these are all separate

26:22

languages because they're not the dialects and that was the case.

26:24

So we say the Manx language, which

26:27

it is now because they're being so separated, but you

26:29

know, Manx Gaelic

26:33

and Irish Gaelic in Scots,

26:35

Gaelic or Gallic, Gaelic, Greenland

26:38

they call it in Munster, Gaelic

26:42

I think in Donegal,

26:45

Gaelic, Gaelic in Hebrides

26:48

anyway, you

26:53

can be sick of me saying that, you sound like I'm

26:55

making noises like a chicken. But

26:57

anyway, so I like to do that. So I've only been there

27:00

once, it was a beautiful, beautiful day

27:02

and we sailed across on

27:06

the Waverly from Whitehaven. Now there

27:08

used to be regular, back in

27:10

the day, there'd be regular boats

27:12

going from Whitehaven to Dublin and

27:15

Drogheda and Belfast and Douglas

27:17

on the Isle of Man and no

27:20

longer those days have gone pity, I think. It

27:22

took ages to get there, it's only 26 miles,

27:25

you think you could have driven that in

27:27

not very long at all. But it takes a while,

27:30

but it was good, I liked it and it's a

27:32

funny place. And so you can see what I've tried

27:34

to do with the accents there. So

27:38

the Isle of Man is in the middle of the north

27:40

of the Irish Sea, I think

27:42

it's slightly closer to the Cumbrian

27:44

English coast but the main ferry

27:46

goes from Liverpool and I think

27:49

it was settled,

27:52

I think they learned their English from

27:54

people from Liverpool because Manx

27:57

English has a distinctive scouse. It's

28:00

not as scousy as Liverpool

28:02

English, but it definitely sounds a bit like that.

28:04

So that's what I was trying to do. I

28:06

was trying to kind of be a little bit

28:08

scous, but not too scous. And

28:11

then we have Macrae, who's one of

28:13

my general purpose Scots accents,

28:15

who could come from anywhere from

28:18

Bife or nowhere,

28:21

anywhere and nowhere. That's the truth. But we always

28:23

talk about these accents and we

28:25

don't please everybody, anybody.

28:27

Most people don't mind, I don't think.

28:29

Anyway, I haven't recorded. I had to

28:31

record tonight because I've run

28:33

out of stuff. Usually I set things

28:35

up in advance, but I've had a

28:37

terrible, terrible cold. It went into an

28:39

ear infection with tinnitus. It's still pretty

28:42

loud, but it was unbearable. I couldn't,

28:45

I just actually wanted to jump in the river for

28:47

about four nights. And, but

28:50

I didn't. It's

28:52

slightly better today. We'll see how

28:55

it is after having these headphones on, but

28:57

there we are. So, and I

28:59

went because I was due to go down to

29:01

the UK Ghost Story Festival, which I did do,

29:03

organized by a guy called Alex Davis. So thank

29:06

you, Alex, for organizing that. And there

29:08

was a whole bunch of people there. And

29:10

it was mainly, it was more a writing

29:12

festival. If you think of

29:17

the folk horror revival stuff, struggles

29:19

to go ahead now, but that was, there

29:22

were people performing at folk horror

29:24

revival, doing plays or stories or

29:26

music where it wasn't particularly like that. It was

29:28

very much a writerly event. And most of the

29:30

people in the audience were aspiring writers or people

29:32

who write. So that was nice being along to

29:34

people who write because you could talk about what

29:37

you do, what you don't do. And then there were

29:39

a panel of, there were different panels, author interviews, a

29:42

whole bunch of successfully successful

29:44

writers. Now, they

29:47

weren't all strictly ghost stories, but

29:50

there was some kind of supernatural element to the

29:52

story. I think there was a lot of witch

29:54

lit panelists of things, which is very big at

29:56

the moment. You

30:00

know, it's really interesting listening to people. The

30:03

kind of two, um,

30:05

that I gelled with most

30:07

that I used to say that I thought, Oh my, I love

30:09

these. I mean, I don't get me wrong. I enjoyed it all.

30:11

And, and, and I don't want to, um, but

30:14

there are certain people you just think, Oh yeah, yeah,

30:16

I really get where you're coming from. So

30:18

one of them was, um, a guy called Nick

30:20

Freeman who chaired a panel. Now I just

30:22

bought a book

30:24

called Little Blue Frame Flames, not frames,

30:26

Little Blue Flames and other

30:28

uncandy tales by AM Burridge. Now you may

30:30

remember that we've done a few AM Burridge

30:33

stories done. The classics really the waxwork, the

30:36

sweeper and Smee. Um,

30:38

I think I've done, I may have done one or two

30:40

more, but I

30:42

bought this. I thought I saw it and I thought, yes, I've got

30:44

to have that edited by Nick Freeman.

30:46

I was reading the night before. I think

30:49

I got it on there. Friday.

30:52

I can't remember what day I got it

30:54

anyway. And I was reading the

30:56

introduction written by Nick Freeman. I was thinking

30:58

that this guy knows what he's talking about.

31:01

I thought, yeah, yeah, I really enjoyed. And there

31:03

I went down and there was a panel chaired

31:05

by him. I thought, whoa. So

31:08

I enjoyed, I thought he had a lot of

31:10

really sensible things to say, not sensible,

31:12

but really informative. And

31:14

then as a writer, hadn't

31:17

come across before Kerry Hadley Price from the

31:19

black country. And this was really important because

31:21

the black country is a part of the west Midlands. If

31:24

you know it, you'll know it. And, uh, uh,

31:27

but it, it is, uh, it

31:29

has its own real cultural identity.

31:32

And she talked about the importance of place and

31:34

a place, of course, it's very important to me

31:36

when I'm writing my stories of Cumbria, uh,

31:39

and, um, and

31:41

not necessarily the pretty bits either. Um,

31:43

and so that was really important. And she

31:46

did a workshop called psychogeography. Haven't got time

31:48

to go into what psychogeography is if you

31:50

don't know, but if you do know, I'm

31:52

really big into psychogeography anyway. So I love

31:55

that workshop. And I thought, you know,

31:57

you admit anything. I

31:59

get exactly. where you're coming from. So I bought

32:01

her a book, one

32:03

of her books. I hadn't read any before God's Country,

32:05

but I like it. I opened it. It has a

32:07

very particular narrative voice which I'm

32:09

enjoying. And then

32:12

of course, it's kind of the, and

32:14

I don't want to skip over anybody else and

32:16

say, oh, but I'm just saying my own, what,

32:20

what, what, what, what, tuned to

32:22

me was Andrew Michael Hurley. So

32:24

Andrew Michael Hurley is the author

32:26

of The Loney. It won

32:28

loads and loads of awards, came out I think 2015, 2014. And

32:31

then Starvaker, which I've just, well,

32:37

I've read that a couple of years ago. And

32:40

he's got another one, I think called Dark Country. And

32:42

I haven't read that, but I will. And the

32:45

interesting thing is he again plays. So

32:47

The Loney is set in a particular part

32:49

of the Northland coastline,

32:52

sort of south of Morcombe on the coast

32:54

there. And my

32:57

Sheila's dad is from

32:59

Preston. And she spent

33:01

some, she's born in Kala luckily for

33:04

her, like me. And but

33:07

she was brought up in

33:10

Lancaster. So she loves everything in Lancaster. And

33:14

so I kind of, I've

33:16

absorbed a bit of that from her.

33:19

And I really like, particularly I know

33:21

Northland better closer to us, of course.

33:24

And so he had a place and

33:26

then he said how the

33:30

Dark Country, and I hope I'm not misquoting the

33:32

title because it's very rude of us doing that,

33:34

is set up in the trough of Boland. And

33:36

I've been there a few times. I actually really

33:38

like it around there. And

33:41

there's fantastic times like Clithero and that. But

33:43

I remember the first time I went there

33:45

was when I was working in the 90s

33:47

for the Royal Society for the Protection of

33:50

Birds. And we went up looking

33:52

at ways of protecting. They were doing a

33:54

lot of work protecting the nest of hen

33:56

harriers, which are very rare upon the

33:58

heathermores. And they were persecuted by

34:00

gamekeepers really. And

34:03

this is a controversial subject and some people may, people

34:05

have different views about it, you know. But it

34:08

was about how to protect those. And

34:10

we'd been pioneering cameras on nests in Wales

34:12

at the time and so it was about

34:14

picking. And I kind of like, I was

34:17

invited to Greece as well and up to

34:19

Scotland, up to Avi more. And

34:22

I became a kind of a little bit

34:24

of a flash in the pan expert for

34:26

in that subject for about a

34:28

year. And then that faded to

34:30

my true obscurity. But so

34:33

Tlofeboland, that was my first time I went there. But

34:35

Sheila and I have wandered across it since

34:37

then. And so it was, so that

34:40

place, that kind of place. And I

34:42

loved his talk and I cheekily asked

34:44

him if I could narrate

34:46

one of his stories in the podcast. I went, I've got

34:48

a copy of The Lonely, but I bought another because I

34:50

wanted a signed copy. And I said, well, when

34:52

he was doing it, he was

34:54

also talking about ambiguity and ghost stories, which, you

34:56

know, sometimes that is something I talk about. It's

34:59

been really important, all supernatural stories,

35:02

but we haven't got time to go into that

35:04

here. And so I

35:06

said, oh, it's been cheeky, you know, would you

35:08

mind? I think he'd heard of the podcast. He

35:10

saw you do like, MR James,

35:12

I saw him do do MR James. We've been talking

35:14

about Robert Aikman. He'd been talking about Robert Aikman and

35:16

Shirley Jackson. I said, yeah, do those as well. So

35:19

you never know, maybe it

35:21

will. Now, so that leads me on to this whole

35:23

issue of the stories that I can

35:26

narrate. People

35:28

will say to me, I wish you'd do the

35:30

omen, or can you do the

35:32

exorcist? Now there is issues

35:34

about word count as well. So, you

35:36

know, a novel, to do a novel,

35:39

I've done novels, of course, I've done

35:41

Frank and Sandra and Dracula, I've done

35:43

Rebecca, any of the novels, novel and

35:45

stuff, but they're a big piece of

35:47

work and they take months

35:50

really to narrate. And

35:52

there are problems with that because people, what

35:56

happens is people like the full novel, but

35:58

they don't want to... much

36:01

like being drip-fed it really serialized, I mean some

36:03

people do but most people will wait for the

36:06

full audiobook you know so that means I'm doing

36:08

all this work and there's no response

36:11

you know I'm not I'm not

36:13

and there's issues with that anyway

36:15

so length is one thing the

36:17

other big thing is copyright so

36:19

with the omen the exorcist these

36:21

are very much in copyright so I

36:23

or you know let's

36:25

do Salem's lot or the Shining

36:27

you know I would love to do them but

36:31

they are tied up they these make a

36:33

lot of money for people so

36:35

they're not gonna have a little pipsqueak like me

36:37

do it and they say right you can do

36:39

it mr. Walker they may be polite enough to

36:42

call me mr. Walker but that will be $500,000

36:45

for the privilege I

36:47

go well I probably will only make about

36:49

47 pound off

36:51

it you know because I do anyway

36:55

you know so so it's

36:58

a problem so if

37:01

you know if you've got this great I loved why doesn't

37:03

Tony do you know some the

37:05

ritual you know or some ultra modern

37:08

but really good why doesn't Tony do

37:10

that there are legalities about it so

37:12

it might be that that

37:14

Andrew Michael Hurley won't be able to get his

37:16

agent to agree and I'm yeah

37:19

I'm not dissing that because it could be

37:21

that they've already sold the audiobook rights and

37:23

the audiobook producers Michael we're not gonna what

37:26

we're gonna produce this we're gonna sell it and

37:28

you're gonna allow this bloke to do

37:30

it for free on YouTube I

37:33

don't think so so it

37:35

might be let's let's have our fingers

37:37

crossed but be aware

37:39

that there are lots of legalities in these

37:42

things so that's why I can't always respond

37:44

to do the stories that you want for

37:47

all sorts of reasons but um those are

37:49

some of them so I'm sure I'm sorry this is

37:51

really short one but you probably hear my throat isn't

37:54

it's gonna give up in a minute some

37:56

people would say that's a good thing people who live

37:58

with me might say Do you

38:00

know what? It would be good if you

38:03

just shut up for a day. I'm

38:05

a living on kind. So

38:07

I hope you're all well. I am better than I

38:09

was over the weekend. I honestly wanted to jump in

38:11

the river. But

38:14

I do feel a bit better now. So

38:16

I hope you're all well. I'm sorry it's so short. I

38:18

had to do something and this is it. Take

38:21

care everybody. Oh yes,

38:23

something else. Other

38:26

people say, I don't like ads. I

38:28

love having these stories. I want to fall asleep to them. But

38:31

I don't like ads. Hmm,

38:34

problem. Well, so

38:37

if you listen to the podcast, I

38:39

don't choose the ads. I don't profile

38:42

you and think you're the sort of person who wants

38:44

cat food or you're going to vote for so and

38:46

so. I don't do

38:48

that. It's the companies that do that,

38:51

either YouTube or Spotify or whoever. I

38:53

don't do that. Both YouTube

38:55

and Spotify very kindly. Actually, Spotify haven't paid me yet, but

38:58

they promise me they will. But

39:01

YouTube certainly do. They pay me for those ads.

39:03

If you go premium on, say, on those and

39:05

you don't hear ads, they give me a little

39:07

cut of that as well. So that works for

39:09

me. If you want to have

39:12

ad free, you can go premium. That's

39:14

fine. If you

39:17

want another way to go is

39:19

if you become a patron, become a

39:21

patron of mine for five dollars a month,

39:24

you can get access to all these stories.

39:26

I'll keep them up on the

39:29

cloud and you can download them all and

39:32

you can have them ad free. And so that might be

39:34

worth doing if you don't want the ads and you would

39:36

just want to queue them up to fall asleep to. And

39:39

of course, the other thing I should say is, yeah,

39:41

and if you don't want them with the commentary, look

39:44

at the look at the compilations I do. I

39:46

do do compilations as well of stories,

39:49

usually three, four, five, six hours. So there is

39:51

no. So if you don't if you're one of

39:53

the people that doesn't like the commentaries, you can

39:55

get you can get

39:57

them commentary free. I realize now if you don't

39:59

like. the commentaries you won't have actually heard me

40:02

say that. But anyway, and

40:04

if you don't like the ads, consider becoming a

40:06

patron. Then you have all the stories you want

40:09

to download, to copy, to put onto your Walkman,

40:11

if there are such things. So that was what

40:13

I was going to say. And my

40:15

voice has lasted. Anyway, thank

40:18

you everybody. Thank you, thank you. All right, thank

40:33

you. Thank

41:05

you. Thank

41:30

you. Everybody

42:00

dies, then. That's

42:07

Soty-Kam, Patrick. Isn't

42:17

that Soty-Kam, Patrick? Isn't

42:20

that Soty-Kam, Patrick? Isn't

42:25

that Soty-Kam, Patrick? Isn't

42:28

that Soty-Kam, Patrick? Isn't

42:30

that Soty-Kam?