0:00

The. Future is the have the responsibility

0:02

and not want to be taken lightly.

0:04

Friends taking things like me you've never

0:06

been would have used without. That's why

0:08

we've created a happy new program. Was

0:10

hard to recycle. pacifism, valuable resources for

0:13

Clinton building material. Recently

0:15

flew off and owns after him that. Often

0:18

drop it in with your regular.

0:21

recycling isn't that easy. It's time

0:23

to rethink recently with renewed particularly

0:26

resources in his. Hands.

0:31

And. Something which is known as a better way

0:33

to do things like bundling your home and

0:36

auto insurance would all state or has gone

0:38

to the grocery store for milk instead of

0:40

buying your own cow. Beautiful

0:43

is an easier and better way to save

0:45

of the twenty five recent when you've been

0:48

the home and auto with lost a. Bundle

0:51

savings vary by state and are not available in every

0:53

state, saving up to twenty five percent of the country

0:55

wide effort to the maximum available savings at the home

0:57

policy also vehicle and property insurance company in a village

0:59

north of Illinois. This. Episode

1:01

of Cognitive Dissonance is brought to you

1:03

by our patrons. You fucking rock. Be

1:10

advised that this show is not for

1:12

children, the faint of heart or the

1:14

easily offended. The explicit tag is there

1:16

for a reason. Recording

1:39

live from their own studios

1:41

in Chicago. And. Beyond

1:43

this in God who

1:45

dissonance? Of reabsorb you Blast anyone

1:47

who gets in our way. We. Were

1:49

in critical thinking, Skepticism a

1:52

and irreverence. To. What a topic

1:54

that makes the news makes a big

1:56

or makes us mad. Is. Skeptical.

1:59

Yeah. Political. And. There

2:01

is. No. Welcome Mat Today

2:03

the day you are listening to this.

2:06

Is. Thursday May: The

2:08

ninth, Eighth, eighth. And.

2:12

Ninth would be seven days messrs month

2:14

or it. And they were

2:16

recording. This is Thursday May the second

2:18

so whatever happens between now and then

2:20

is no good laugh at. it won't

2:22

matter. enough photos. It's a funny show

2:24

so as a goof show. So where

2:26

to start with this awesome story from

2:28

inside? This and after losing all of

2:30

her money from an online scam, seventy

2:32

four year old Ohio woman robs bag

2:34

at gun point. Where.

2:37

I love about this story is a seventy

2:39

four lay robs this bank. Was.

2:41

Succeeded in a lot of planning. Is

2:44

like I'm kind of like I kind of feel

2:46

like given are a little and she got caught

2:48

Fiat's that are. I only have five hundred bucks

2:50

so again. Round. Of I guess like

2:53

it was decided to rob a credit union. I

2:55

don't know. I have no different bank. I don't

2:57

know I I don't know how much banks seep

2:59

in those. Thing. Anymore, but it feels

3:01

like a regular bag might have a little.

3:03

I'm not already cops and robbers, robbery or

3:05

right, but I think the banks have cottoned

3:07

on that. They're full of money and they've

3:10

got a forty. Have sisters A make sure

3:12

you don't get lots of it. I met

3:14

with the criterion resist. like as you're doing

3:16

what now Yeah, no. So here's a real

3:18

will give you a low interest rate is

3:20

hop ah I'm sorry Ma'am Are you a

3:22

member? Is you're not a members. Were only

3:24

allowed to be robbed by member or friend.

3:26

were at I been one it seems to

3:28

a credit union for so long. Like.

3:31

to actually just leave a bank and gaza

3:33

competences a flock and hassle leave your bank

3:35

is everything is connected to it i and

3:37

there's so many times that shoots you d

3:39

a little mad at your bank and is

3:41

uncommon for can leave and then he like

3:43

no i'm not ah it's a bad relationship

3:45

really as a bit of grammarly you like

3:47

thought area property here you a lot of

3:49

money to go whole thing step to pay

3:52

the bag out alpha that that that not

3:54

going s this lady though she rubs the

3:56

bag that she takes off her clothes and

3:58

shoves them out the car She

4:00

changes out her fucking license plate. She takes

4:02

off her own bumper sticker. But they said

4:04

in here, they said, the

4:06

police say that... It

4:09

says that she removed the license plate

4:11

from her car and the bumper sticker that would

4:13

have made her vehicle easier to identify before committing

4:16

the robbery, saying that it showed premeditation.

4:18

I'm thinking, who trips and robs a

4:20

bank? Yeah. Like, don't you all... Like,

4:23

isn't a bank robbery like 100% premeditated?

4:27

At what level would I

4:29

even care if it was a heat of

4:32

the moment bank robbery? Thank you. Thank you.

4:34

Is there going to be like involuntary bank

4:36

robbery? Am I

4:38

going to get bank robbery too, instead of bank

4:40

robbery robbery? Like, am I ever in the teller

4:42

line? And I'm like, yeah, okay, so I need

4:45

to cash this check. I'd like

4:47

small bills, please. That would actually be great. You know, I'm

4:49

going to rob it. I'm just... I'm robbing you now. Holy

4:51

shit. Look at me. I'm robbing you now. You get angry

4:53

in the line and then you're just like, fuck

4:55

it. I'm going to rob it. And then you just go up

4:57

and you just like just deposit your check. And like, that's all

5:00

I really wanted to do. I just wanted to get to the

5:02

front of the line. I'm done. I'm going. I'm going. This is

5:04

a robbery. I just want to see what you guys would do.

5:06

Actually, I just was curious what you guys would do. Actually, I

5:08

just really just need change for this 20. There's

5:11

a meter outside. Yeah, I want to... Do you guys take

5:13

these coins? Can you... I got a lot of coins. I

5:15

got a jar of coins. I didn't want to do the

5:17

coin study. Take too much money. It's like 10%. I'm

5:20

not paying 10% money for money. Do you have a

5:22

coin thing at home? Because I used to have those...

5:24

One of those for my whole life, I had

5:27

a coin jar. Then every year

5:29

I would do it. I don't carry cash anymore.

5:31

See, so I have an embarrassing number of squirreled

5:33

away coin jars all over the place. I don't

5:36

even know where they're all at. But

5:39

do you carry cash and get coins though?

5:41

I have cash sometimes. Yeah, I'll get cash

5:43

sometimes. I so rarely use

5:46

cash. I genuinely... So in

5:48

my wallet, I have this little... I don't have my

5:50

wallet on me, but I have one of these really

5:52

thin wallets. Essentially just an ID holder.

5:54

That's all it's for. ID and there's a couple credit cards

5:56

in it. But on the

5:58

inside... There's like a little flap

6:00

and I keep like a $20 bill in

6:03

there for emergencies. And I might've had the same $20 bill in

6:05

there for year

6:07

and a half, maybe. I

6:09

use cash, I don't know why, but I

6:11

just use cash sometimes. Like I'll need cash

6:14

for something. Never use it. Like my kids

6:16

sometimes need cash for stuff. That's different though,

6:19

I'll go to the bank and then I'll have to like. Because

6:21

then you can't be like, you can't be like, we'll take my

6:23

credit card to like your 10 year old. Yeah, right. You know

6:25

what I mean? You gotta give up on- The other day my

6:27

daughter was like, hey there's a book fair, I need 20 bucks.

6:29

So like I kind of have to have a little bit of

6:32

cash. I worry, that makes more sense than me. I don't ever

6:34

want to need it. My cats don't ever come to me like,

6:36

there's a book fair. Or like the cleaning service I

6:38

have, I pay them in cash because they

6:40

prefer it. So like I sometimes just have

6:42

some cash. But Cecil, what I end

6:44

up having is coins, fucking everywhere.

6:47

If you were to go in my car and open the

6:49

little console, I think the bottom two

6:51

inches is coins. Oh shit. It's just, because like I

6:53

get money, like I'm at a Starbucks drive-thru or whatever.

6:55

You just throw it in the- You just throw it

6:57

in the console. I've been doing it since 20- I've

6:59

had that car since 2019. I've

7:02

never taken a coin out of it. It's probably

7:04

got 300, it's probably got 300 pounds of

7:06

coins driving around that thing. Since

7:08

there's some USA Today, I tried telling

7:10

them to stop. Video shows people

7:13

yank bear cubs from trees. It really does

7:15

too. For selfies. Like it really does. Like

7:17

watch these people like lift this fucking bear

7:19

up. We're gonna watch it. Holy shit. They're

7:25

yelling. Oh,

7:27

this is just music. Shit,

7:30

I'm not gonna play it. So there's a bear

7:32

in the tree and this lady literally just walks

7:35

up and rips it right out of the tree

7:37

and now she's holding it. And now she's asking

7:39

someone to take a photo with her and she's

7:41

got this fucking bear. She's holding it like a

7:44

fucking puppy. And somebody else is taking

7:46

the bear, another bear. Another bear. And then this

7:48

poor bear can't get over the fucking, the

7:51

fence. It has no idea where, how to get back

7:53

up in the tree because it doesn't know where to

7:55

go. And it's just running. And now this

7:57

is just a rewind of the same video. And

8:00

I do like that one of the bears bit the

8:02

lady. Yeah. Yeah, so I'm glad to see that. Yeah

8:05

But oh who is who? Everybody's

8:08

just going where's the mom? Where's

8:10

mom? Where's the mom? These are bear cubs

8:13

Are you not that fucking stupid that you

8:15

would go over there and fuck with a

8:17

bear cub? Yeah I when my dad and

8:19

I were up in Canada We

8:21

had to go down on a fishing trip up into Ontario Canada

8:23

many years ago and we're driving from

8:26

it's and it's fucking dense wilderness shit out

8:28

there like we're in the middle of nowhere

8:31

and we have to drive From like the

8:33

like the cabins were staying at to the dock where

8:35

we're gonna like put in for the day You know

8:37

the the guides can take us out on the boat

8:40

And so we're driving and it's just like these two lanes

8:42

of rut and there's just trees and at one point these

8:44

two little baby bear Cubs right right in front of the

8:46

car and we're driving three miles an hour, right? Like we're

8:49

so just not a big deal these two bear cubs to

8:51

do to do cute as fucking buttons these

8:53

little bear cubs And my first thought was like

8:55

God, I'm glad I'm in this car Because

8:58

like I don't know where the fucking

9:00

mama bears at But she's close

9:02

by man close by and she's gonna be

9:05

so mad right the moment you touch that

9:07

bear Or come near that bear

9:09

a little baby bear kidding me like that

9:11

There's a reason that's a fucking thing

9:13

human beings know about right there's

9:15

a reason we all Collectively

9:18

know that you don't fuck with a

9:20

mama bear That's why it's even

9:22

just in our vernacular now when you

9:24

talk about a mom getting angry about

9:26

her child, right? Yeah, I'll get all mama bear

9:28

like and you're just fucking with a baby. I

9:31

This story it would have

9:33

ended better if the fucking grown-up bear just

9:36

at the woman up just at it right

9:38

up Just nam yada. I'd be okay if

9:40

like they if the mother bear

9:42

just fought her like they were on Jerry Springer

9:45

I got him an okay with that too. I'd have been like

9:47

no I just it just kicking the shit out of her grabs

9:49

her by the hair Here's the thing

9:52

with a bouquet Another

9:56

Bear is not The father is like doing like

9:58

a little dance and shit like. Fast

10:01

as a so only time I ever been

10:04

really genuinely discuss it was when I was

10:06

in Jerry Springer his audience like I was

10:08

somehow i guy from thought I got out

10:10

of on an entry past year and they

10:12

senate and then I went. And.

10:15

When I went I genuinely like I was.

10:17

you know at the whole time the Jerry

10:19

Springer was on. You. Weren't sure if

10:21

it was fake or not. right as it as

10:23

a viewer at home. It

10:26

feels like pro wrestling. Yeah, you're

10:28

not sure. you're like. I don't know. we seek

10:30

is a real do. They just hire actors. the come

10:32

in there and pretend to hit each other. You can.

10:34

At least you know he I couldn't tell I'd

10:36

like my whole life. I was excellent. Not sure.

10:39

And. So. When. The

10:41

opportunity came up for Sarah ago.

10:44

Were. Like Jerry Springer fans, we live

10:47

in order it, we just like.

10:49

Dot. Bikini came up with reasons for this. Sounds

10:51

interesting to go, let's go. And so we went.

10:54

And. As soon as we got in, I

10:56

recognized. Oh no, these are like real human

10:58

beings. And. You. Could

11:00

tell because like. Someone.

11:03

Was like bleeding. From there I at

11:05

a certain point in the snake. That someone

11:07

else got kicked in the face with a Doc

11:09

Marten and there was I going to hi guys

11:12

like I Sue print on their face and the

11:14

whole time thinking. Oh

11:16

no, it's not seek. Yeah, Oh

11:18

and I want to leave is real and

11:20

these people are and the whole time to

11:22

I don't want to cheer but the people

11:25

around you are upset because they want to

11:27

be on T V right? and so they're

11:29

rabidly chancing when people are. where is eating?

11:31

Know him for like. Why? Do

11:33

they have you audience? They have some person on the

11:35

side who's who who does a motion and the motion

11:38

then tells you what you need to do. So if

11:40

you wanted to check if they wanted to check Juri

11:42

They go like this: Is. A huge

11:44

hit Zero itself and I was on

11:46

participating. I'm just like I'm part of

11:48

the group roms like what is happening

11:50

what bit right on Zuma stuff ios

11:53

the eight per se got. I feel

11:55

like everything that's her around like that

11:57

that Fuckin or Plough movie where the

11:59

stars shrieking. And

12:01

I'm as my wife is the same We

12:03

both was or four five like what is

12:06

happening here. It was a really weird experience.

12:08

It was very very strange during Springer is

12:10

something that it was like. A

12:12

product of it's time food and really

12:14

I think showed. Me: A

12:16

lot about how. A. How

12:19

rabid people were to be on Talibs?

12:21

Yeah, I mean and like. Also

12:24

like that show. Really wanted

12:26

to be like less. Oh. Go

12:28

the worst moments of someone's

12:30

life. Let's create. Yeah, let's

12:32

intentionally create a heightened drama

12:34

around a really emotionally charged

12:36

moment. And. Internet in the entertainment

12:38

A with other weird man and I watch to

12:41

do yeah I watch new be like because I

12:43

were was a very young man like when the

12:45

show would as you can it's peak yeah I

12:47

was like a young it on how to the

12:49

three hours of them so I was just like

12:51

our whatever I'll watch that show like fuckin people

12:54

yell at each other as high drama I was

12:56

not immune to it and all I will say

12:58

I was like a big fan. I yeah I'm

13:00

in this What I was all it wasn't an

13:02

annuity either You're right always felt the same with

13:04

them. So. I guy I've but like I

13:07

recognize now like the benefit of some but charges

13:09

like. Grown. Ups should not

13:11

have made that shot. Of

13:13

fucked up. So of fucked up. So of

13:15

out though. Only. One

13:17

last observation about the bear story. I

13:20

think it's real fucking weird how hard people

13:22

work to take a picture they'll never fucking

13:24

look at later. You're.

13:26

A man I hate when people do the suit. It. I

13:29

have I again difficult for your camera rolling

13:31

your phone, And. Almost none of that

13:33

you care about. But almost.

13:36

None of the pictures and my camera roll. do

13:38

I give any sense about it? Or I'll go

13:40

places and I see myself. do And I'm like

13:42

I might add a zoo or something. I'm taking

13:44

pictures and I'm like I'll never look at this

13:47

picture. What? am i doing here because

13:49

apart my brothers screaming at me and i'm

13:51

not even a big picture take other lot

13:53

lot of other people take tons and tons

13:55

and tons of pictures and i'm like i

13:57

know you're never going to look at best

14:00

You will never look at it. This lady's like

14:03

pulling a bear out of a tree and

14:05

traumatizing this bear, separating from its

14:07

food source and its mother. Just

14:10

to get a picture, they won't even look at

14:12

it, man. People who take their iPads to concerts.

14:14

Oh my God. You're just like, why are you

14:16

doing that for? You're never going to watch. You'll

14:18

never in your life watch that video again. Never.

14:20

You don't care about Peter Frampton

14:22

here. There's no reason. You're only doing

14:24

it. I don't know why. I

14:27

don't know why either. Why? I just don't

14:29

know why you're doing it. I seriously, I

14:31

understand. And could I do this? I

14:33

will say I understand the impulse to take a picture

14:35

or a short video to

14:38

post it somewhere. And then what I like about that

14:40

is that it comes up in my memories. And

14:42

then I can be like, oh, that was fun. Remember

14:44

we were at that concert and it's a 30 second

14:46

little video. It's the people who spend the whole event

14:49

or the whole circumstance of the thing that

14:51

they're doing through

14:53

a screen. But the other problem too

14:56

is I will, I might

14:58

like take a video, but I'm going to do

15:00

it right here. Yeah, man. You're holding something over

15:02

your head in my fucking field. I will

15:04

hold it over my fucking head like this so

15:06

that half, like half the crowd behind me can't

15:09

see. Like why would I, that's stupid. Like it's

15:11

rude. Also, people who take videos with a

15:13

giant fucking iPad are the weirdest people. The camera's

15:15

not as good as your phone. You carried that

15:17

with you. It's a

15:20

worse camera than the smaller

15:22

fucking device. I love it. It's

15:24

good to watch things on. Not to capture

15:26

things on. I don't think people understand that

15:28

at all though. I think it's the most

15:30

insane thing. It's like holding a TV over

15:33

your head. They

15:35

bring like a big flat screen. They're just holding

15:37

it. Like a giant old tiny like they're holding

15:39

a flat screen with a picture of a lighter

15:41

on it. The

15:44

fucking iPod or what are they calling it? iPad.

15:48

Fucking iPad people are so bizarre to me.

15:50

People. Yeah. Fucking put that

15:53

shit down. Why is that here? If

15:56

I brought that, I would be like, this is annoying to hold. I'd set

15:58

it down and forget it. have an

16:00

iPad anymore. The only way

16:02

for me to bring that home with me to put

16:04

my keys in on it and put it in a

16:06

shoe. In a shoe. Tom shoes and his keys get

16:08

stolen. This

16:12

story comes from Gizmodo, Tesla driver charged

16:14

with killing motorcyclists after turning on autopilot

16:17

and browsing his phone. So there's

16:20

a difference between full

16:23

self-driving mode and

16:26

autopilot. Autopilot

16:28

is essentially lane keeping assist. It's what you

16:31

have in your car. What you have in

16:33

your car. I

16:35

would not trust that. I

16:38

don't trust it at all. Like the lane keeper works

16:41

sometimes. The

16:44

good thing is that no one

16:46

has marketed lane assist and

16:49

adaptive cruise control as automatic. No

16:51

one has marketed as such. What

16:53

they've done is they said these

16:56

are things that are helpers. And

16:58

then your brain is like cool. I've always got to

17:00

be paying attention to the road. I've always got to

17:02

have my fingers on it. Now maybe I don't have

17:05

to do a lot. Maybe I

17:07

can just have two fingers on the wheel at

17:09

a certain point or whatever. But my hands always

17:11

on the wheel. My eyes are on the road.

17:13

Always on the road. A

17:16

hundred percent of the time because if you've

17:18

used these helper devices, you know that they

17:20

are imperfect. You know that sometimes they will

17:22

misjudge a distance or they'll, you know, the

17:24

lane markings won't be as good. Good enough

17:27

for the camera to read it a hundred

17:29

percent of the time. So, you know, like,

17:31

okay, it's good, not great. I

17:33

can use it, but not trust it. But

17:36

I don't know, man, when you call

17:38

something motherfucking autopilot or autopilot self-driving, well,

17:40

full self-driving mode is supposed to be.

17:42

It's not actual full self-driving. But it's

17:45

not though. But that is a separate

17:47

thing that you have to buy separately

17:49

from autopilot autopilot comes on

17:51

every Tesla full self-driving is like 10

17:53

or 12 grand extra. And like that

17:56

is supposed to take over driving autopilot

18:00

I didn't even supposed to do that.

18:02

So why the fuck call it autopilot,

18:04

man? Autopilot, and this person is like,

18:06

yeah, I'm just gonna get on my

18:08

phone real quick while my car is

18:10

driving down the road. Dude, I've seen

18:12

videos where people are in a Tesla

18:14

and they've got something engaged, whether it's

18:17

autopilot or full self-driving mode, whichever, and

18:19

they're in the backseat for

18:21

a minute. Sleeping, sleeping. And

18:23

you're like, this technology is there yet.

18:25

Reading a tablet, taking a video of

18:28

a concert with a tablet while they're

18:30

driving. Oh,

18:33

I think this is fascinating. I love this. This

18:35

story's from The Guardian. Belgian man, I love that

18:37

this is Belgian, by the way. Belgian

18:40

man whose body makes its own alcohol

18:43

cleared of drunk driving. So

18:45

there is a syndrome that is very

18:47

rare. It's called auto brewery syndrome. Oh,

18:49

it should be ABV syndrome. Oh, it

18:51

should be. It should be ABV syndrome.

18:53

Come on, take a knee to something.

18:55

Cause it's already AB. Oh. Yeah.

19:00

It is floats in certain places. He's like

19:02

partially, you set him in like a big

19:04

data liquor and he's like kind of bobbing

19:06

up and down. He's just bobbing up and

19:08

down. It's a brewer joke. Only like five

19:10

brewers are gonna get it, but they're gonna

19:13

love it. They're gonna love it. I

19:16

do like that he had to go to court and proof this. So.

19:22

But auto brewery syndrome is where like bacteria

19:25

yeast in your gut

19:27

starts chewing up sugar and it starts spitting

19:29

out alcohol cause that's what yeast does. And

19:32

so sometimes people will get a like

19:34

a colonization of these yeasts internally. It can be very

19:37

hard to get rid of. Like you're really, really hard

19:39

to get rid of. And if

19:41

that happens, like you just have a

19:43

blood alcohol level. Yeah. It just

19:45

makes its own little blood alcohol. You're just, you've got a

19:47

little booze in the belly all the

19:49

time. This guy's pouring corn mash. And

19:54

I love that he's, he's swallowing little pieces of oak. Age

19:57

at all. He's just chewing up hops. raw

20:00

hops. I just, you know, I want to, I

20:02

feel like it's an IPA day. I said IPA

20:04

day. I'm just going to chew up these fucking

20:06

nasty ass hops. The

20:09

guy gets pulled over like he

20:11

pops hot on the, on the

20:13

BAV and like, he's like, yeah, but like,

20:16

I'm always like that. There's nothing I can do.

20:18

And I guess if you have this, you don't

20:20

get all the effects of the alcohol. And

20:23

I don't know how that works. Yeah. You're just like, it just like you

20:25

just get the alcohol, but none of the

20:28

effects. I don't, yeah. And I, it sucks.

20:30

Yeah. And I'm, I'm super curious. I

20:32

just says it in the article, but

20:34

I have read other articles about this where people

20:37

have been drunk or tipsy

20:39

from their own internalized really

20:41

walking around. Can you imagine being fucking constantly

20:43

drunk? And there's nothing you can do about

20:45

it. You're, you're

20:47

eating bread and it's turning into more. You're

20:53

drinking coffee and eating bread and it's

20:55

like more liquor. You're like, I don't

20:57

want this. I want to stop. I'm

20:59

doing this stuff. I don't know what

21:01

else I can do. You constantly walk

21:03

around all day taking cold shots. It

21:07

would be fucking horrible. It would suck just to be

21:09

fucking ripped all the time. If you're constantly like a

21:11

little drunk, yeah, that would not be. No, thank you.

21:14

That would not be fun. I'm going to be constantly

21:16

drunk. I want to be constantly really drunk. No, I

21:18

think it's terrible. I think it way worse. This

21:21

is the most, this, this, I read this Cecil

21:23

and I thought this is the most, if Noah

21:26

was going to file a lawsuit, pedant

21:28

lawsuit. This is such a pedant

21:30

lawsuit. Texas movie theater

21:32

is sued. 24 ounce cup

21:34

allegedly holds 22 ounces. I

21:39

love that somebody is sitting in there. They're

21:41

drinking this to like, they're

21:43

looking at their own cup. They've

21:46

ordered a cup and they're kind of doing that side

21:48

like tilt head. Like this

21:50

feels like 20. Can

21:54

you imagine trying to tell your wife what you're

21:57

up to and you're like, you know, I'm going

21:59

to, I'm really. going to make something out of this.

22:01

And she's like, oh my God, don't you have something better

22:03

to do? You know what? I'm filing

22:05

a suit. Honey, this is $22. I

22:08

don't care. I don't tell me

22:10

anymore about this. I don't want to hear

22:12

any more stories about this. Already you're putting

22:14

like nine ounces of ice in there anyway.

22:16

Yeah, so it's not like you're getting 22

22:19

ounces of drink in the first place. So

22:21

instead you're just getting like you're changing your

22:23

trading down for a little less. It's

22:26

the same amount of ice that's going to go in the cup.

22:28

It's not a big deal. You don't need 24 ounces

22:30

of soda. Although it's so fun. It's so fun.

22:32

You'll be fine with 22. Go to

22:34

the go to the fucking the

22:37

ballpark though, and the difference in

22:39

the beers. And how sometimes they'll

22:42

have a beer that they say is, you

22:44

know, this is a $12 beer and this is the $9 beer. And

22:47

then you pour the two and it's only literally this

22:51

much difference in the two of them. But one's

22:53

in a tall thin cup and one's in a

22:55

wider cup. And like a little fatter cup. And

22:57

the fatter cup costs nine. But the other costs

23:00

like 15 and people buy the one with the

23:02

one extra ounce of beer. Oh my fucking God.

23:05

I love too like when you go to the theater and

23:07

like you just want like because the sizes, I

23:10

know it's just like an old thing, but like the

23:12

sizes of everything at the theater have

23:14

gotten increasingly gargantuan to where

23:17

you cannot get a sane amount of anything. It

23:20

needs a bucket of soda. I can't.

23:22

I can't. I have a

23:24

hard time. And I'm like, no, I'll be pissing

23:26

the entire movie. I have a hard time sitting through

23:29

a whole three hour movie without going to the bathroom

23:31

anyway. From working from home has ruined me. I

23:33

can't go three hours without going to the bathroom.

23:35

Like I gotta go and I'm not gonna drink

23:37

something the whole time. I'm gonna be peeing every

23:39

10 minutes. Are you kidding me? I put a

23:41

fucking Foley catheter in before I go to the

23:43

goddamn booth. I'll tell you, what you do is

23:45

you get the big cup and then you just

23:47

put it right in and that's it. That's a

23:49

hider. That's

23:52

maybe how he found out he needed 24 hours. Yeah,

23:55

he spilled the first one up. I

23:57

need a bigger piss cup. Yeah

24:02

to big piss cubs on the side of and heard

24:04

about that? One

24:06

for p n one for Saudi to write a

24:08

minnow. Miss them out, don't make them I'm and

24:10

hey, not only do input output in up with.

24:14

Of. The what the fuck to destroy

24:16

some Daily Beast Rebel Wilson says the

24:18

British royal invited her to an orgy

24:20

party us. Due. To

24:23

tude how little. This.

24:25

Sounds so desperately unappealing. Off she gets

24:27

invited to a party. She goes the

24:29

party like oh good, we need more

24:31

girls at the party. Ah and she's

24:33

like are I'd as kind of a

24:35

weird thing to say out loud where

24:37

I go to the party easier. Like

24:40

a weirdo she says. I got thrown a

24:42

last minute invites with tech billionaire party The

24:44

guy you invite him he's like fifteenth or

24:47

twentieth inline the British Throne and he said

24:49

we need more girls. And. So she

24:51

goes as party and it's a great big

24:53

red spots party ride select. it's all the

24:55

stuff you can imagine and some rich fuckers

24:58

party like it's a she's like a gas

25:00

be party says all that crazy stuff. Then.

25:02

It starts to get like like it says get like two

25:04

o'clock in the morning. And he

25:07

says there's a huge private viruses display than

25:09

all of a sudden a sewer. Yeah but

25:11

a guy comes out with a large tray.

25:13

pauses. looks like a tonic. Candy My oh

25:15

is candy don't see success is. Certainly

25:18

somebody who'd some sort of the bushes

25:20

and like attacks that. Back

25:23

at the same time. Never.

25:26

Take something from a tray of candy

25:28

at a rich person. South best Never

25:30

tandy. Best. Clay lose or fuck

25:32

it ecstasy or light. Everybody who for a

25:34

combo the family very quickly away from that

25:36

friend is somebody says we need more girls

25:38

at the party You don't want to be

25:40

one of the girls at that point that

25:43

party as much as possible. That thought it

25:45

best not a party where you want to

25:47

be one of the girls. Are.

25:49

percent know man and then and

25:51

then the like state they said

25:53

she says oh it's kitty like

25:55

oh it's not candy it's for

25:57

the orgy orgies normally start These

26:00

things right about this time and then she's

26:02

like great and then she's slowly back to

26:08

It's like that gift of like Homer Simpson disappearing into

26:10

the bushes I don't know how much it is of

26:12

a person who's just like fucking with her too I

26:14

don't know cuz it's just a person who said it

26:16

So, you know who knows what if it's real and

26:18

also selling a book full of stories, you know This

26:21

is the story who's like you're like you're like, I

26:23

don't how gross would it be to be at the

26:25

British royalty? Orgy orgy.

26:27

Oh, that's a lot of bangers and mash The

26:30

whitest little sausages you ever

26:32

seen This

26:38

is not a people renowned for their taste. Not

26:40

a lot of color on that plate Yeah,

26:45

genuinely no, no, thank you. I know

26:47

I know what fucking English breakfast looks

26:49

like. I don't want to imagine dessert

26:51

No, thank you. This is the whitest thing you've

26:54

ever seen The

26:56

whitest smallest shriveless thing you've ever seen

26:58

so here's an etiquette question on an

27:00

orgy Like you're an orgy. Don't

27:03

ask me these questions. You're gonna have to ask the audience

27:05

and you finish But

27:07

the orgy is still going on Is

27:09

it okay to sit off to the side and check

27:11

your phone? Cuz what are you supposed to I think

27:13

so I think so like ours There's just like a

27:16

bunch of people because not everybody's gonna finish at the

27:18

same time So like is it just

27:20

like a like a growing squad of people is

27:22

there a trach in the guy who finishes left?

27:24

I don't know. That's very good. It's gotta be

27:26

a prize. I'm sure none of the girls are

27:29

finished So

27:33

it's really only about the dude right that thing anyway,

27:35

yeah Yeah, so I imagine

27:37

I imagine all the rest of them get

27:40

hearty high fives. There's one guy It's

27:42

like a champagne cup full of very white liquid

27:45

I Because

27:47

I imagine it's like like it you probably don't

27:49

know that but like when you have a kid

27:52

and you go to like an Award

27:54

ceremony. Mm-hmm. If your kid gets called

27:57

tense and there's a hundred and leave.

27:59

It's really good to leave after

28:01

you get your award. You're supposed to sit and wait

28:03

for everybody else to get their award. Sure, yeah.

28:05

I wonder if the same etiquette rules apply to the orgy.

28:08

You know, you've got it off and you're like, ah. You've

28:10

got to wait for that guy who's just

28:12

pumping away and pouring sweat. And you're like,

28:14

come on, man. Dude, do you like. There's

28:17

like a chocolate fountain, man. I

28:19

have things to do. Ha ha ha

28:22

ha ha. The

28:25

story is typically Australian,

28:28

abc.net hospital staff plead

28:30

with bite victims to stop bringing

28:33

snakes to emergency departments. This

28:35

is the one. This is the one.

28:37

This is the one. Could

28:39

you imagine you just back the fuck away and be

28:42

like, what are you doing?

28:44

I don't need, like, I

28:46

guess like for treatment purposes, people

28:48

think you need to be able to show up and

28:50

be like, it was exactly this snake. This is the

28:53

one. And you don't have to do that. They don't

28:55

need to milk it. I don't know how. Like,

28:58

I don't know, like if like anti-venom is just like good

29:00

enough that it works. You

29:02

know, part of me wonders if anti-venom all kind of

29:04

does a lot of the same thing. So like one

29:06

section of reptiles does pretty much the

29:08

same thing when it bites you. So if it does this,

29:10

it like shuts down some organs. Right. Or

29:13

if they like look at the snake bite and they're like, okay, it

29:15

was probably this class of. Yeah. Yeah. Like

29:18

we need to use an anti-coagulant, whatever. What's happening

29:20

to you probably is also another thing that they

29:22

get. Yeah. Oh, there's

29:24

a symptom of anti-coagulant. Anti-coagulant.

29:27

So we got to do this thing. But

29:29

like you got bit

29:31

by a wild thing that's made out

29:33

of fucking venom. The

29:35

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29:38

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book Illinois. And then you're

30:37

chasing it around to catch it or

30:40

your buddy is and you're

30:42

either gonna catch it. There's one of three options.

30:44

You're gonna catch it successfully or

30:47

you're gonna get bit again and get more venom or

30:50

your buddy's now gonna be bitten and

30:52

now who's gonna chase the fucking snake down. Or

30:54

you're gonna bring it to the thing and you're

30:56

gonna open it up and it's gonna latch onto

30:58

the doctor. Oh I know. It's like a fucking

31:00

horror movie. This is a grenade

31:03

that blew up my arm. Is

31:05

this the guy walking around? I

31:10

brought it here. Do you have an anti grenade?

31:12

So it was just like this one. Did

31:16

he pull the pin? So I was holding the

31:18

M80 like this I wanted to see. Gosh it's

31:20

so crazy I guess I don't know. Like

31:23

I feel like I've nipped the top

31:25

of my finger off had to bring the knife with

31:27

me. This is

31:29

the knife that did it. I don't know if you need to

31:31

see it. What the

31:33

fuck is that? That's not what is wrong

31:35

with Australians. Like you would

31:38

think that they would know they live in

31:40

a toxic venomous wasteland. If

31:42

there is a fucking enough of this to write a

31:44

story about. Yes. Maybe we should

31:47

stop doing it as a culture. That's true.

31:49

How often is this happening? Jesus. What

31:51

the fuck? I

31:53

would be. There are poisonous snakes around us. Sure.

31:57

There's the water. Sen

32:00

would you? The water snake said that lives around

32:02

here. I don't know what our

32:04

I when I was a kid. When I was a

32:07

young young kid, Friend. Of

32:09

mine I and I were like walk

32:11

into the like by those streets. But.

32:13

It was like assorted deserted section of a

32:15

of the on ramp that was no longer

32:17

really and news and we're walking. I think

32:19

we're looking for worms to go fish and

32:21

we're flipping over some rocks and one of

32:24

us hurt a rattle. Oh and like

32:26

both of us is bolted we just started running

32:28

but we heard the rattle bad. That's very distinct

32:30

rattle and I didn't think there was rattlesnakes up

32:32

here but I think so. either that or are

32:34

here and we ran the fuck outta relax. fuck

32:36

that like with a but I've seen Watermark since

32:39

before and that's I think the only thing that

32:41

we think up here is that pretty dangerous is

32:43

that that snake. that's the when you want to

32:45

stay away from your When I was living in

32:47

Florida I remember I saw what might have been

32:49

a coral snake which are put our venom anonymous

32:51

or might have been a king snake because they

32:53

are the mimic of the day. I. Yeah and

32:56

you can tell the difference if you're not running

32:58

really best so I wouldn't sell to them because

33:00

I was a kid and I was running service

33:02

sir because we're always sought like. He'll.

33:04

Stay away from these different than a message much. For.

33:07

This is full of lots of venomous chef

33:10

guess I like there's there's sit that flies

33:12

whammy that could might not be bees to.

33:15

I think it's a be. I'm like suck

33:17

it up at pocket but may have real

33:19

hi I'm kind to that sounds like a

33:21

be but it might not be. Don't care

33:23

them that mimics shit that's good sorry that

33:25

smart it's good for you but it might

33:27

also de silva her up as a as.

33:29

Some. Sports guy who else is independent

33:32

of which somehow was part of

33:34

young Oil of the so much

33:36

my who are going to be

33:38

as Nike's Us Olympic outfits the

33:40

to cause a pure vigilant three

33:42

frustrated athletes. State.

33:44

But the one thing I will set. Is.

33:47

They genuinely put these women.

33:49

Yeah, In the same he has

33:51

little outfits you've ever seen and this is.

33:53

Like their standard outfit. And

33:56

I can't deviates and he says it's and

33:58

they're getting see deer and sheet. and

34:00

cheekier and there's women are next to there's I

34:02

mean they're genuinely like like riding high

34:04

sort of outfits that they're required to

34:07

wear to these play they can't come

34:09

in like uh like Like

34:11

where I would wear like under armor pants or whatever

34:13

right they can't even cover something like that And they

34:16

don't do the same shit to do so not putting

34:18

dudes in fucking hoochie daddy shorts Same

34:21

bolt like a fucking in a banana hammock

34:23

is real like he should have to run

34:26

around a fucking speed Fluffing

34:28

its dog is sort of partially

34:31

behind Song

34:34

is sort of hanging in the back there.

34:36

It's like he's pole vault That's

34:41

the three-legged job Somebody's

34:44

running. It's like and he's got a fucking erection

34:46

so he like wins like the photo finish with

34:48

his fucking dick out Somebody

34:53

mistakes the baton in a real Hey

35:02

Yeah, Jeff softer hands at five What

35:05

kind of lotion to use real what's up

35:07

really grabbed the hold of that thing didn't

35:09

they look at some point? Just

35:11

do it naked. We're just like turn the

35:14

Olympics is a long ray like that's what they did

35:16

before you know back in the day They're like no

35:18

we're not gonna walk when these set the rock lunch

35:20

right like they're just gonna grease each other up risk

35:22

grab I got the degrees but

35:24

I genuinely Somebody

35:26

is is gonna run and they

35:29

are gonna opt in for the drag

35:31

that is that Outfit you

35:33

could let somebody use less to

35:36

actually up to your outfit thing

35:39

But they're doing it specifically for ratings

35:41

like doing this doing it for

35:43

male. Yeah, it's for male gaze

35:45

And it's free. It's it's free

35:47

It's basically because they're all young

35:49

athletic women that they wanted put

35:51

in these outfits Yeah, this is

35:53

this is to titillate an audience

35:56

with you know as close to nudity

35:58

of these like attractive

36:02

female bodies as they can possibly get away with it.

36:04

It's like, why do we

36:06

have to sexualize and objectify women

36:08

in every single thing we do?

36:10

We're supposed to be watching them

36:12

be these amazing athletes, performing these

36:14

unbelievable feats of strength and skill

36:16

and finesse and like, you know,

36:19

show off their like years and years and

36:21

years of dedication. And instead we're like, I

36:24

want to see your tits. Show

36:26

us your tits. It's like

36:28

really fucking gross. It is really gross. And

36:30

the thing is, is like in certain sports,

36:33

women have been getting, because

36:36

for years and years and years and

36:38

years and years of American sports, especially

36:40

televised sports, women's sports

36:43

have gotten short shrift. There hasn't been a

36:45

women's sports that a lot of people really

36:47

paid a lot of attention to. You know,

36:49

I'd be missing something obvious, but nothing pops

36:51

into my mind where there was like the

36:53

woman's sport was the biggest sport. It just

36:55

wasn't right. Um, the way

36:57

that they would, you know, yeah, maybe figure

36:59

skating or something like that. But again, a

37:02

lot of those still used very tight out fit.

37:04

You know what I mean? When I think about

37:06

female golfing, same thing, they're in skirts. They're out

37:08

there, you know, in like short short skirts. Yeah.

37:11

And you know, that sort of tennis is the

37:13

same thing, short dresses. So if they were to

37:15

do it, it was to do, you know,

37:18

they, they were to have some sort of notoriety. It

37:20

would have to have something that would then allow

37:22

guys to watch it because there's a

37:24

cute girl in a short outfit, right?

37:27

But that is starting to change. You look at

37:29

UFC MMA fighting. Those women

37:31

are out there in like what basically the

37:34

dudes are wearing, right? They're in a sports

37:36

bra and like longer sort of pants. Nobody's

37:38

wearing like a cheeky outfit. They're all in

37:40

like regular clothes. They're not wearing any makeup.

37:43

They're getting punched in the face. And they

37:45

got that like there, but they're out there

37:47

doing the same thing. And that's getting a

37:50

big following in the MMA world. Like there's

37:52

a lot of people who watch and enjoy

37:54

the women's fights just as much as they

37:56

enjoy the guys fights. I think about the

37:59

WNBA and how. That is starting to

38:01

grow more and more and more we're

38:03

seeing college basketball with women and those

38:05

are not revealing outfits Yeah, that is

38:07

just women being athletic. That's it. That's

38:09

all it is They're just be those

38:11

outfits are this pretty much the same

38:13

outfits that the dudes in the NBA

38:15

wear longer shorts You know a

38:17

shirt instead of a tee Because

38:20

guys will wear the tank top in NBA But they

38:22

don't they I don't think they do it as near

38:24

as I can tell they have like sleeves more of

38:26

a t-shirt But it's more of a t-shirt, but they're

38:28

in big baggy clothes, right? And you get an opportunity

38:30

to see that it doesn't have to be the lingerie

38:32

bowl for people to be like no Actually,

38:35

that's a really good sport. Yeah, it's really

38:37

crass and like it really demeans women and

38:39

also like short changes Like

38:42

the reality that we will watch

38:44

women perform sports without

38:46

sexual sexualizing Well, I totally see your point

38:48

and like from this article There's two things

38:50

I wanted to read real quick because one

38:52

thing is this is said that really

38:55

struck me This woman

38:57

being interviewed says I'm queer and I'm

38:59

attracted to female bodies But I don't

39:01

expect or enjoy seeing female athletes or

39:03

male athletes put in a position to

39:05

battle Self-consciousness at their place

39:07

of work. That is not part of

39:09

the job description. That's real important. These

39:11

people are at work Yeah, like

39:13

you can't know you're right. It really grows to

39:15

be like hey, the dress code is gonna be

39:17

I want to see most Your ass hang out.

39:20

This is suddenly Hooters. Yeah, right get

39:22

the fuck out of here. I Love

39:25

Cecil when you do the notes and you

39:27

find for the funny show a headline

39:30

ripped out of Mad Libs It really

39:32

is right. This is fucking

39:35

Mad Libs Retired chiropractor

39:38

killed Elvis impersonator by chloro

39:40

forming him more than once

39:42

during sex 100%

39:45

hundred percent is Mad Libs. That is

39:47

just That is I could

39:49

never have come up with that. That is give

39:52

me an occupation Give

39:54

me another occupation Give me

39:56

a give me a verb. Give me a You

40:00

know, a drug drug. Give

40:04

me an activity. Give me an. OK,

40:08

I got it. Retired chiropractor. Kill that was first aid

40:10

by chloroformin, more than one thirty sex. You

40:12

would win that mad. I want to point out,

40:14

too, that it was like it seems like it

40:17

was consensual sex and that this was something that

40:19

they were doing where they were like chloroforming. This

40:21

isn't like somebody who kidnapped someone. Cecil. Yeah, it's

40:23

twenty twenty four. And I know I am not

40:25

allowed to kink shame. However,

40:28

I am kink shaming.

40:30

Chloroform is not safe. You

40:34

can't chloroform. I want to correct

40:36

you. Anything that's a crime is

40:38

not a kink. Yeah. OK, so I don't

40:40

I want to correct you and be like,

40:42

that's not a kink. So if somebody were like,

40:44

I'm going to kink shame, it's pedophilia. No, that's

40:46

a crime. Right. So it's not a kink.

40:49

When you when you use the word

40:52

kink, that is a playful, sexual activity,

40:54

right? Not a thing that can kill somebody.

40:56

Do that's a difference. So you're not kink

40:58

shaming anything. You're you're just crying. I am.

41:01

But I'm also going to say, let's. I

41:04

think it's fucking weird that you're like, this would

41:06

be hotter if you were unconscious. I

41:09

just think that's like maybe you should interrogate that

41:11

part of yourself. I don't know that it's 100

41:13

percent unconscious that they're going for, though. With chloroform.

41:16

I think that there may be going for an

41:18

altered state. Oh, OK. I think

41:20

possibly. I guess we may be able to understand

41:22

that it's like, I would like you

41:24

to violate my limp body. And the other person's

41:26

like, I would like to violate a limp body.

41:28

I don't think that's the case. That's what I

41:30

think. I part of me thinks that it's for

41:33

it's for like an altered. Let's get kind of

41:35

high on chloro. Let me get kind of high

41:37

on chloroform and then we do it. And it

41:39

feels better. But the person went overboard. That's my

41:42

idea of what happened. I was assumed. I don't

41:44

think somebody's like, no, definitely put me under. So

41:46

I don't remember any of it because I was

41:48

just going to be like, maybe on both ends

41:51

of that sexual transaction, you should interrogate that part

41:53

of yourself. No, no, no. Like, this is what

41:55

I like. I get so paid to like other

41:57

things. You can just be like, yeah. That's

42:00

weird, I'm not gonna do everything I like, you know?

42:03

Absolutely. Like there's a place you can take things where

42:05

it's like, okay, maybe

42:07

that's too far. I think we can say that

42:09

at some point. When somebody ends up dead, I

42:12

think you should be like, all right, you know what? That

42:14

was not a healthy one. That was not

42:17

a healthy one. And I agree, and I

42:19

think people use the word kink in a

42:21

way that I think is incorrect sometimes. Where

42:23

they say, I'm gonna kink shame you. You're

42:25

like, no, you're not kink shaming a pedophile.

42:27

That's not a kink. No, no, no, no,

42:29

no. That's a crime, that is literally a

42:31

crime. So I think people misunderstand, and they

42:33

think, because people will say something

42:36

like, you can't kink shame, someone

42:38

will then think, well, that means

42:40

that I can't ever have an

42:42

opinion about how somebody has a

42:45

sexual thing. Experience, yeah. Experience. And

42:47

you're like, that may be

42:49

true for most of what they do, as

42:51

long as they keep it amongst themselves. But

42:53

the moment they start harming someone else, or

42:55

including something that can't give consent, that's not

42:57

a kink anymore. That's not a kink. And

43:00

if you blur that line and you call it

43:02

a kink, then you're

43:05

basically saying that I'm including

43:07

that into an area that it shouldn't

43:09

be in. From AP News, again, Mad

43:11

Libs, Canadian family receives

43:13

wrong body after father died on Cuban

43:15

vacation. This is worse than getting the

43:18

wrong club hub order. Have

43:21

you gotten the wrong order before? No, I've had

43:23

people like fuck them up, but I've never gotten

43:25

the wrong order. I have gotten the wrong order.

43:27

You know where you cannot get grub

43:29

hub from in my neck of

43:32

the woods successfully is goddamn cold

43:34

stone creamery. I

43:36

get the wrong shit every time.

43:38

You eat it though, don't you? Yes, I eat it.

43:40

Yes, you don't. Oh my god. Of

43:45

course I fucking eat it. Somebody brought me

43:47

ice cream. Is it bad? Well,

43:50

the thing is like, I've

43:52

never gotten lucky and been like, that was

43:54

better than what I wanted. It's always worse.

43:56

I'm always like, I don't want the sweet

43:58

cake batter ice cream. I hate that sweet.

44:00

Can I just say, it's not a

44:02

fan of cake batter ice cream. No,

44:05

I'm not a fan of that. Cake

44:07

batter is amazing at the

44:09

very end, right before you're done and you do one of

44:11

these. Cake batter is awesome. Cake

44:13

batter is not good if you don't bake it

44:16

and sit down with a bowl of cake batter.

44:19

It's not good. It's not gonna be good. I don't

44:21

care how much you pour into your cereal bowl, not

44:23

gonna be as good as the cake that you make.

44:25

It's only good licking the spoon or

44:28

the spatula or maybe that one little

44:30

taste at the end. That's the

44:32

only time in my opinion, look,

44:34

this is my own taste, but genuinely,

44:36

I don't see how getting a whole

44:38

bowl of that is good. No, and

44:40

like the cold stone creamer

44:43

near me sends me either

44:45

someone else's order, it's happened more than once, and

44:48

always the order is less too. It's not like

44:50

they're sending me like, oh fuck. I'm

44:52

always getting like a small and I'm like, I've never ordered

44:55

a small ice cream in my life. I

44:57

want something that is as big as my two fists. When

45:00

I'm ordering ice cream and I'm paying the premium to have

45:02

it delivered to my house, I'm getting

45:04

the most possible ice cream. Whatever

45:06

the biggest yeses box I can

45:08

check on your order form, and

45:11

so yeah, plus they like,

45:13

it's always wrong combinations or they're like, send

45:15

me one thing and leave another thing out

45:17

or it's always wrong. It's never right for

45:19

motherfucker. For me, Portilla's is almost always wrong

45:21

too. It used to be anyway, it's not

45:23

as bad as it was, but for a

45:25

long time, I'd be like, dude, I ordered

45:28

a combo and there's no sausage. And you're

45:30

like, but it's a combo. Like it needs

45:32

like, it's not, it's not, it's just an

45:34

O. It's like, there's no calm at all.

45:36

It's like, there's no sausage on this Italian

45:38

beef. By the way, if you're

45:40

not from Chicago and you wouldn't know this, a combo

45:43

is Italian beef with an Italian sausage

45:45

inside of it. So you take Italian

45:47

beef and you put it in there,

45:49

and then you put an Italian sausage

45:51

on it, and then if you're a

45:53

Chicagoan, you cover that with giardiniera or

45:55

mozzarella cheese and then giardiniera, and then

45:57

you eat it. And it is... Heaven

46:00

it is literally how it is the

46:02

greatest sandwich. I don't know that

46:04

there's a better sandwich than a combo I

46:06

don't know that there is I think that

46:09

that might be the pinnacle of all sandwiches.

46:11

There's no better legal sandwich Maybe

46:17

you could get one at like a like a

46:19

royal person's orgy But you can't get a better

46:21

sandwich like a sandwich of like Molly and mess

46:23

like I don't know maybe that's better I

46:26

don't know. I'm all riding so standing not invited to

46:28

the orgy But I'll tell you what though sometimes you

46:30

order from fertility be like but they have forgot half

46:33

the combo I know dude. I know don't

46:35

be wrong It's still either Italian sausage, or it's

46:37

it's an Italian beef and both of those are

46:39

amazing don't eat it But it's not as good

46:41

as the combo no it's not and it's not

46:43

the no it's not and like you know When

46:45

you think you're gonna get your dead dad returned

46:47

from your Cuban vacation Somebody

46:52

sends you a Russian guy And

46:56

then being like I don't think this is what I ordered

47:00

What do you do with the dead Russian guy

47:02

they shipped him a dead Russian gun? You gotta

47:04

ship it back in the kitchen staff all mad at

47:06

you cuz you said it back Well,

47:09

it's like so hard to fix the label on

47:11

woman Like then you gotta like drive to the

47:13

fucking UPS store box them up and everything It's

47:15

a whole thing really is a something and then

47:17

you get you can't get his arm back in

47:19

there. It keeps popping Man,

47:22

I just try to tape the box off. We're

47:24

doing like no. I can't ship like that. There's

47:26

an arm hanging Like I'm gonna

47:28

catch on the fucking belt Jeff some scissors They

47:36

did it like in this story they send

47:39

his family some tattooed Russian, dude

47:42

Instead of fucking dad, but you imagine they

47:44

still don't know where dad's at. That's so

47:46

crazy Like

47:50

that's like you don't

47:52

think this was a simple one-for-one swap they're

47:54

calling on the FedEx depots You

47:58

got a like a Cuban? We're

48:03

we got the wrong one. There's some there's

48:05

somebody like, you know, they think they've got

48:07

like a thing of cigars Hey, you want a Cuban they

48:09

open it up, but it's just like some dude some dead

48:12

some dead dad rolled up in a cigar wrapper It's like

48:14

when I was a kid nice to take the cigar wrap

48:16

and pour it as a ring Like

48:21

if you're this Russian family You

48:24

don't have your Russian family member and you can't

48:26

even swap these because you don't know who that

48:28

is Yeah, are they holding them hostage? Is

48:31

it like you got to negotiate the center here? if

48:34

the past notes to like a Neutral

48:36

third party and a neutral third party and

48:38

Canada's not one of them Did they check

48:40

there's a most neutral third party check to

48:42

see if this this Russian guy was running

48:44

for office If

48:48

there was a fucking dead Russian guy would not

48:50

touch it I'm sure no hundred percent cover poison

48:52

in an hour There's like a Putin

48:54

stooge at your door That's

48:57

like when you find like a fucking suitcase full

48:59

of heroin Hey, and they're like, no, I don't

49:01

know. I know no idea. No, I've

49:03

never been here. We're walking down this

49:05

way Nope, wherever I've been know

49:07

I haven't I've never been here Absolutely,

49:10

it's like a British Royal coming back. Sorry. That was my

49:14

You know any girls All

49:25

right, let's get a wrap it up for this week

49:27

funny show back on Monday with a whole show for

49:30

you We're gonna leave you like we

49:32

always do with the skeptics crew Crudulity

49:35

is not a virtue It's

49:38

fortune cookie cutter mommy issue.

49:41

Hypno Babylon bullshit couched

49:43

in Scientifician double bubble

49:46

toil and trouble pseudo

49:48

quasi alternative acupunctuating pressurized

49:50

Stereogram pyramidal free energy healing

49:53

water downward spiral brain dead

49:55

pan sales pitch late night

49:57

info document O.

50:00

Pisces, cancer cures, detox,

50:02

reflex, foot massage, death

50:04

in towers, tarot cards,

50:06

psychic healing, crystal balls,

50:08

Bigfoot, yeti, aliens, churches,

50:10

mosques, and synagogues, temples,

50:13

dragons, giant worms, atlanta,

50:15

dolphins, truthers, berthers, witches,

50:17

wizards, nuts,

50:20

shame and healers, evangelists,

50:22

conspiracy, double speak, stigmata,

50:24

nonsense. Use

50:27

your signs. Thrust your

50:30

hands. Bloody, evidential,

50:33

conclusive. Doubt

50:35

even this. The

50:49

opinions and information provided on this

50:51

podcast are intended for entertainment purposes

50:53

only. All opinions are solely that

50:55

of Glory Hole Studios LLC. Cognitive

50:58

dissonance makes no representations as

51:00

to accuracy, completeness, currentness, suitability,

51:03

or validity of any information

51:05

and will not be liable

51:07

for any errors, damages, or

51:09

butt hurt arising from consumption.

51:12

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51:14

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