0:00

You can save every day by shopping

0:02

at Whole Foods Market. Seriously, don't just

0:04

go for the big sales. Walk the

0:07

store and see the savings for yourself.

0:09

In the seafood department, look for the

0:11

yellow low price sign on Whole Foods

0:13

Market responsibly farmed salmon. This fish is

0:16

perfect for the grill. Buttery, fatty, yet

0:18

lean, nice thick fillets. I'm getting hungry

0:20

just thinking about it, and I know

0:22

I can get it at a great

0:25

price. There's so many ways to save

0:27

at Whole Foods Market. Now you know.

0:31

You know, as a guy who took

0:34

Spanish for three years, I

0:36

didn't retain much of any of it. And

0:39

three years is a long time, especially when

0:41

you're a child. And that's

0:43

when you learn the most things really well.

0:45

But I didn't retain a lot. It's

0:48

hard just learning it in school

0:50

or through textbooks. Well, Rosetta Stone

0:52

is the most trusted language learning

0:54

program. It's available on desktop or

0:56

it can be used as an

0:58

app on your phone or tablet.

1:01

They are a trusted expert for

1:03

30 years with millions of users

1:05

and 25 languages offered. Rosetta

1:08

Stone immerses you in many

1:11

ways with its intuitive process. You

1:13

can pick up any

1:15

language naturally, first with words,

1:17

then phrases, then sentences. I

1:20

started Rosetta Stone and

1:22

my Spanish skills have

1:25

definitely improved. I can now say

1:27

muchas gracias. It's really

1:29

a better way of learning a language.

1:32

Don't put off learning that language. There's

1:34

no better time than right now to

1:37

get started. For a very limited time,

1:39

Comedy Bang Bang listeners can get Rosetta

1:41

Stone's lifetime membership for 50% off. Visit

1:46

rosettastone.com/comedy. Hey

1:55

everyone, Scott Aukerman here, host of

1:57

Comedy Bang Bang, and this is

1:59

the second bonus bang that

2:01

we are releasing. These are previous

2:03

episodes that we are taking

2:05

out from behind the paywall and letting

2:07

you hear them. And

2:10

this is the second episode of

2:12

the series we are calling the

2:14

Essential Andrew Lloyd Webber.

2:17

This is an episode called Don't

2:19

Cry, Rolling Skate Train. And

2:22

this is episode 77. 77. This is part

2:24

two of the episode, part one of which

2:26

we released last week. This

2:35

has Zach Galifianakis, Paul F. Tompkins

2:37

as Andrew Lloyd Webber, and singer-songwriter

2:40

Dylan Campbell performing some songs.

2:44

This is a great episode. I'm sure a lot

2:46

of you have heard it, but if you haven't

2:48

heard it, this is a great chance to catch

2:50

up. And if you are

2:53

interested in hearing the entire CBB

2:55

archive, you can become a subscriber

2:57

at cbbworld.com, where you can find

2:59

every single episode we've recorded, as

3:01

well as every single live episode.

3:04

And we will be back next week with

3:06

a new episode of Comedy Bang Bang. Until

3:08

then, enjoy this bonus bang! Okay,

3:32

so it's time to play one of our favorite

3:34

features on this program. We haven't

3:36

played this in a little while, I don't

3:38

believe, but it's time to play a little

3:40

game we call What Am I Thinking? I

3:49

am the Falcon!

4:00

Jeremy Piven.

4:04

My name

4:07

is Jeremy

4:10

Piven. Okay,

4:16

it's time to play What Am I Thinking?

4:19

Of course we all know how we play this game. Of course

4:21

we all do. Basically what

4:23

will happen is I will... Okay,

4:28

so here's how I explain it. We

4:31

all know how we play this, so why bother? Yes,

4:33

we all do. That's what I would say. Maybe a

4:35

refresher. Oh, that's a great tip. For the listener. Yes.

4:38

Only for the new listener. Okay,

4:40

so what this is is two

4:42

people will play at a time. Dame

4:44

Sir and I, for example, will take a look

4:46

at each other and we will both say three,

4:49

two, one together in synchronicity. Yes.

4:53

And then we will each think of a separate

4:55

word to ourselves and

4:57

we will say that word out loud at the same time. And

5:00

then we will both have said two

5:02

totally separate words. And

5:04

then we will each say three,

5:06

two, one again and try

5:09

to come up with the word that is

5:11

the compromise word. The word that

5:13

is either directly in between those

5:15

words or a word

5:17

that has both of those things in

5:19

common. And then we will

5:21

try to eventually say the same word.

5:23

The mystery word betwixt the two. Neither

5:26

fish nor flesh. Nor foul. Nor

5:29

foul. You were talking Terence Trent Darby there

5:33

for a second. I often do. Zach,

5:35

that makes sense to you, right? I'm going to watch the...

5:38

I don't think I played this before. No, I

5:40

don't. But as a big fan of

5:42

the show, you know exactly how it's played. Yes. Loyal

5:45

listener. Yes. So,

5:47

Dame Sir, why don't we play you and I together?

5:50

We'll stare directly into each other's eyes

5:52

and we'll play that. All right, you ready

5:54

to go? You have a word in mind? I have a question.

5:57

Person plays her thing? No, just a word. It

5:59

doesn't matter. Anything person place

6:01

thing proper noun anything proper now

6:03

good. Were you differentiating words from

6:05

persons places and things? Yes Alright,

6:08

I meant proper nouns is what I meant

6:10

sure proper nouns are Eiffel Tower This

6:13

is not scrabble also two words Eiffel Tower

6:15

for once You could

6:17

do two listening to this podcast for a year and

6:19

no one has brought up Eiffel Tower You

6:23

can't do you can't do more than one word those

6:25

two you can't do more than one

6:27

word I do want to say that so if it's like

6:29

Frank Lloyd, right? You can say Frank Lloyd, right, you know

6:31

I'm saying you don't it doesn't have to be one word

6:34

Wait, you know any relation to you is he? Oh,

6:36

I wish I would have gotten a house for free Was

6:39

he just giving away houses to all of his real?

6:41

Yes. Oh, yes, really? That's why he

6:44

eventually went broke after he died All

6:47

right. So why don't we play you have a

6:49

word in mind? Yes Please

6:53

try to hide your distaste for this game as well.

6:55

I'm not an actor there boy If

6:58

only I could put on a false face as you seem

7:00

to do All right. Here we go.

7:02

Ready? We're gonna say three two one and then the word.

7:04

All right, here we go. Ready? Three

7:07

two one phone Okay,

7:09

the two words are iPhone and

7:12

phantom iPhone and

7:15

phantom He's

7:18

gonna tell you I think it's No,

7:20

no offense Lloyd, but you have to broaden

7:23

your mind a little bit. I don't

7:25

you understand Zachariah These

7:29

these songs and characters they're with me.

7:31

Okay. All right whispering in my brains.

7:33

Yeah, okay maybe on the next one

7:35

you'll The

7:40

words of phantom and iPhone we're gonna try to come

7:43

up with the perfect Combination word of

7:45

the word that is that they have both in common.

7:47

All right, here we go ready and three

7:50

two one virus Computer

7:54

virus and Star Wars. Yes interesting.

7:57

Well, I mean I'm a

8:01

Compared to other things that exist in

8:03

the world. Mmm, dirt. Staring at the

8:05

wall. How dare you. Don't

8:09

knock it till you've tried it, love. So

8:12

Star Wars and Computer Virus are

8:15

the two words. Let me think about

8:17

this for just one second. I'm

8:20

ready. All right, here we go. Ready? Three,

8:23

two, one. JARJAR! Oh,

8:25

JARJAR and Stormtrooper. What

8:28

is the combination between them? All

8:32

right, here we go. Ready? Three, two, one. JUBAKA!

8:36

JUBAKA and the Rebel Alliance.

8:38

All right, ready? What do they have

8:40

in common? Three, two, one. HANTSOLO! WE'VE

8:42

GOT IT! That's

8:44

a good game. That is how it's done. Where'd you come up

8:46

with that concept? That is a

8:49

game that James Adomian, friend of the show,

8:51

and I, and Paul F. Tompkins, friend of

8:53

the show, and I, played in the car

8:55

on a long trip to Solvang once. One

8:57

of them wasn't very good at it at

8:59

all. But one of our guests

9:01

here today was great at it because we just won in five moves

9:03

or less, I believe. Thank you, thank

9:05

you. Yeah, congratulations. What's the record?

9:09

The record is one, meaning we

9:11

said the same word at the exact same time from the first word.

9:14

I believe that was you and your wife? That was me and my

9:16

wife, and it happened to be something we were both looking at. But

9:20

still, it counts. Technically.

9:25

All right, Zach, do you want to play? Sure. All

9:27

right, you and I, then? Sure. Okay, all

9:29

right. So, you have a word in mind? Sure.

9:33

Don't say airplane just because we both hear it outside.

9:37

Ready? All right, here we

9:39

go. Three, two, one. Airplane. Wow!

9:42

Another record! Tide! Tide goes

9:44

faster. Tide for first. No,

9:47

let's play for real. Okay, ready? Here we go, ready?

9:50

Three... Yeah. Three, two,

9:52

one. Tulip. Light switch.

9:55

Light switch and tulip. What

9:58

is the word that has those in it? comment.

10:00

All right, you ready? May I remind Zachary he's also

10:02

supposed to count down with us. You are supposed to

10:04

count down. Thank you. You are using Arabic rules. Why

10:06

do I know why that's really necessary? And may I

10:08

remind you, you are under oath. Why do

10:10

I need to count down? So

10:13

we're there in perfect concert. Got it.

10:15

Why should the mathematical burden fall to Scottrick? Well,

10:19

I think he's the inventor of the game.

10:21

I did not invent it. I merely perfected

10:23

it. Okay. All right. There are points all

10:25

round. All right, here

10:27

we go. Ready? We have a light switch and tulip

10:29

ready? All right. Three, two,

10:32

one. Wallpaper. Interesting. Plastic

10:35

and wallpaper. What is the word? All

10:37

right. Do you have some of you in mind? I

10:39

have a word, but I'll tell you after. Okay, here we go.

10:41

Ready? Three, two,

10:43

one. Vinyl. Vinyl and

10:45

room. All right. Vinyl and room.

10:47

All right. Here we go.

10:50

Ready? Three, two, one. Insane

10:52

asylum. Insane asylum and record

10:55

player. All

10:57

right. Here we go. Wait, wait. I'm not ready. Okay. You ready?

11:02

One of the words? Record player and insane asylum. And insane asylum.

11:04

Yeah. Yep. Okay,

11:06

here we go. Three, two, one. Spike

11:09

Jones. Okay. Spike Jones and escape. You said no

11:11

to... I thought you said no to words. No,

11:13

I said you can do two words. Oh. Here

11:16

we go. Spike

11:18

Jones and... Escape and Spike Jones. Okay. Okay.

11:22

Escape and Spike Jones. Here we go. Ready? Three,

11:24

two, one. Jackass. Where the wild

11:26

things are. Interesting. Where the wild things are and

11:28

jackass. What is in between those? I know. Here

11:31

we go. Can you go back and revisit another word? Yeah,

11:33

you can. All right. Three, two, one.

11:36

Spike Jones. We did it. And

11:38

that is how you play. We did it. We did it.

11:41

We did it. We did it. We

11:43

did it. We did it. We did it.

11:46

We did it. We did it.

11:48

We did it. We did it. We did

11:50

it. And that is how you play. That's

11:52

a really cool game. I like that. What

11:54

am I thinking? Exciting. The

12:01

world loves you. Stop

12:08

crying, you'll rust.

12:14

Roll a skate train. Train.

12:24

Train. Roll

12:32

a skate train.

12:36

Roll a skate train. Roll

12:41

a skate train. Roll

12:46

a skate train. All

12:52

right, that is how we play, which is how we

12:54

play. This

12:59

song is haunted. Do

13:02

we want to play? Yeah,

13:05

why don't we do that? Why don't we

13:07

do Jukebox Jury? We

13:09

have a musician here. We have

13:11

a Damesur ALW here. I'll

13:14

ask Dylan to recuse himself. We

13:16

don't want him to get in trouble with

13:18

critiquing songs. He's an artist himself. But

13:21

as we are merely fans of

13:24

the form of singer-songwriters, you

13:27

are going to judge these songs. And

13:32

we have engineer Doug, what is our first

13:34

song for Jukebox Jury? Swing

13:36

that microphone right around to you

13:38

and announce yourself. This is

13:41

Chicken Milk by Little Mungo.

13:43

Can we vote now? Wait,

13:46

wait, wait. I don't know what the... What are we doing? Just...

13:49

no, keep going. People

13:52

send me songs to play on the

13:54

show and we judge them. Okay. This

13:57

is Chicken Milk. Turn it up

13:59

a little easier. Science has

14:01

given the chicken a

14:03

nipple. Science

14:08

has given the

14:10

chicken a nipple.

14:17

Science has given the

14:19

chicken a nipple. I'm

14:24

ready to vote. Give me a

14:26

few more minutes. Science! Science! Fair

14:29

enough! The world's good! The

14:31

world's big! The

14:34

world's foolery is going to turn me crazy!

14:36

Here's where it gets adopted, James! Come

14:39

on a little bit. Come on, a little bit. Let's

14:43

go! This is the name that we don't

14:46

need. What's the name? Who?

14:48

What? The little mongo? Little

14:50

mongo. Alright, turn up.

14:54

Oh, it's an offshoot of mongo. Little-er

14:57

than a regular mongo. Alright, so

14:59

any thoughts before we vote? Well,

15:01

the cardinal sin,

15:06

the lyrics not starting right

15:08

away with your funny

15:10

sort of comedy song. Yeah, if you want to do a comedy

15:12

song, you want to hook the listener into something funny right away.

15:15

You don't want to get too much into

15:17

a groove because presumably if you're doing comedy

15:19

songs, you're not very good at regular songs.

15:21

So why have some instrumentation up at the

15:23

top? Just dive right in. Also, if you're

15:25

going to repeat a line, I would do

15:28

it either just twice or

15:30

I would do it four

15:32

times as quickly as possible.

15:34

Okay. Zetrai. Lloyd

15:37

makes good points there. I agree with him.

15:39

Thank you. Are you

15:41

asking me for my... Just some feedback,

15:43

some constructive criticism. I think I'm

15:45

on board with that criticism. How

15:47

can Little Mungo basically parlay this

15:50

song into a career like yours

15:52

where you're starring in major motion

15:54

pictures and television series? Oh, that's

15:56

easy. Oh, yeah? Well, they're

15:58

halfway there. Halfway there. That's

16:01

what I did. Do

16:03

you know anything about Little Mongo? I know nothing about Little Mongo.

16:05

Is it Lil or Little? Lil, L-I-L.

16:08

And is it Mongo or

16:10

Mongo? Mongo, M-U-N-G-O. Oh,

16:12

Mongo. All right, so like

16:15

Saint Mongo. Ah, yes. So it

16:17

sounds like we are ready to vote then. So we

16:19

will go to, no, we'll go

16:21

to Zach first. Mustard or Pants? Mustard.

16:28

And Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd Webber? I

16:35

wish to be polite here, so I'll say trousers. All

16:37

right, very good. So we have one for... You know

16:39

what I mean. Yes, of course. We mean something different

16:42

where I come from. We have one for Mustard, one

16:44

for trousers. And why don't we go to the next

16:46

one? Engineer Doug, what do we have? This is a

16:48

tribe called GURP with Rocktober now. Oh,

16:50

great. What's the month? It's

16:57

the middle of Rocktober. What you got to

16:59

say? Yo, say it ain't sober. I'm in

17:01

that killer coma, contagious in the corner of

17:03

the 6 feet deep. Knockout

17:06

squad, knocking out odd, timing old

17:08

men lining up to say, way

17:10

to go, sunny like listing. I'm

17:13

a bad boy like the late

17:15

80s Detroit, pissing with the late

17:17

60s Detroit, attitude white

17:20

panther. Fucking in the avenue, got

17:22

the dope in the guns, keep the fuzz

17:24

bubbling. Drive through donuts, they get drive

17:26

through coffee while I'm in the drive

17:28

through with my posse on Broadway. Game,

17:31

cake, or root tacos before we wait.

17:33

All right, yeah, forget it. All right. Any

17:36

criticisms? What was

17:38

the name of the song again? Rocktober

17:41

now. Rocktober now. What

17:44

was the name of the group? A

17:46

tribe called GURP. A tribe called GURP.

17:50

Are these supposed to be funny? I

17:52

think so. That's a good question. I mean, are they... I

17:55

thought they were. It's basically people trying to send

17:57

me because I normally play comedy songs. No offense,

17:59

Dylan. but I

18:02

normally play comedy songs and so people send me them

18:04

trying to get their song played on the air. I

18:09

think the rap thing has been done a

18:11

lot with comedy.

18:13

If this is a comedic song it's

18:16

not that fresh. Especially on this show. It's

18:19

almost exclusively what people send in. It

18:22

seemed a little bereft of laughs. Yes,

18:25

I couldn't figure out if that was the

18:27

goal or if they just

18:29

thought it was a somewhat amusing tune they'd send in

18:31

and see what they could get. Who are the people

18:33

sending them? That's a tribe called GURP. No, I know,

18:36

but who are they? They're fans of the show. Okay.

18:38

Yeah, so we have to be nice to them as

18:40

nice as we can be but they know when they

18:42

send it in that they're going to be... They're

18:45

not around town performing. Oh no!

18:48

No, no, no. I'd like to see that

18:50

live is what I would like to see that version. I would

18:52

love to go with you. Where are they playing? Yeah,

18:55

can we get dates from them for the plugs? Engineer

18:58

Doug, you're a hip-hop musician. What do you think

19:00

about that? I thought it was

19:02

terrible. Okay. Minsing

19:04

no words. So let's go to Damesur

19:07

ALW. How do you like to vote?

19:09

Mustard or pants? I'm going

19:11

to vote Mustard on that one. Mustard and

19:13

what do we get from Zach? Can you

19:15

just vote? Just vote for pants. Pants, okay.

19:18

We have one for Mustard, one for pants.

19:20

And what do we have next, Doug? The

19:23

group is the Personnel or the

19:25

Personal. The song's Twister.

19:27

How is it spelled? Personal, I

19:29

misspoke. And Twister in

19:31

the Nude. Correct. Pull

19:54

down the shades, lock up the

19:56

doors, Suffer Twister in the Nude.

19:59

Twister! Twister, twister,

20:01

twister in the nude

20:05

You may think we're perverts, baby

20:08

You may think it's lewd But

20:10

be honest with yourself now Alright,

20:13

turn it up. What the fuck are we doing with

20:15

this show? I almost wanted to

20:17

hear more to see if he had exhausted

20:19

the rhymes for nude. I bet

20:21

he didn't. He'd worked his way through quite a few of

20:23

them. Let's hear some more. For

20:26

our rousing game of Twister, Twister

20:29

in the nude Alright,

20:34

turn it off. You know, people write to me and they say,

20:36

Hey, can you stop doing that Jukebox jury segment? Who dares? And

20:39

I say to them, you can't tell me what to do, you're

20:42

not my dad. Even my dad can't

20:44

tell me what to do, because I'm a grown ass man.

20:46

That's right. You know? But

20:48

there are days like this where I just want

20:50

to acquiesce and give in and go, You know what? You're

20:52

right. Sculptric. Not all my

20:54

ideas are good ones. Sculptric, you must

20:57

never cease the Juking Box jury. Why?

21:02

Why do you believe in it so

21:04

much? It's the foundation of your American

21:06

Republic democracy. Don't you understand? Everyone

21:09

gets a vote. What would happen if you

21:12

ran across something that was really amazing? We've

21:15

played... Maybe not. I

21:17

can't remember. No, it's never happened. You know what I mean?

21:19

Like, oh, this is really funny. We would put it in

21:21

regular rotation. That's what we would do. We've played songs all

21:23

the way through before. Listen, people are going

21:25

to make these songs, just like people

21:28

are going to murder other people. But

21:31

when people murder other people... Owls are

21:33

going to murder other owls. When

21:36

people murder other people, other people

21:38

must be there to judge these murderers. So when these

21:41

people make their terrible songs, someone

21:44

must stand up to be the judge. Is anyone...

21:47

Well, speaking of

21:49

owls and song parodies... You

21:53

can call me Al? I

21:56

think the entire cast of Gahu should

21:59

sing that. as a promo video for their movie. It's

22:01

very easy to be over the end credits. It's

22:04

not? Are you serious? That's not...

22:07

I walked out. Fool disclosure. You

22:09

know who sings that song? Weird Al Yankovic.

22:12

Weird Al. You got it. You

22:15

got it? And then, if you want

22:18

to go an extra step. I do. So

22:20

I would imagine that there's a little bit of blood in

22:22

that movie? Yeah. Al

22:24

Gore. That's double. That's double

22:27

pun. Weird

22:29

Al Yanko Al. Mm-hmm. That's

22:32

not bad. I'll keep working. Keep working. Keep

22:34

working at the workshop. All right. That's

22:36

how you play Jukebox Story. Let's go to some real music. What

22:39

do you say? Let's go to another song from Dylan Campbell. How's

22:41

that sound? I suppose I was in the mood to hear more

22:43

terrible music. No, no. Let's

22:45

quickly abandon this and go to Dylan. I

23:47

promise we had made to

23:49

find love before we find

23:51

the grave. You

24:01

stare sometimes,

24:03

set a

24:06

fire in

24:08

my eyes

24:12

You left

24:16

me blind, by

24:20

your absence lies You

24:28

left me blind,

24:32

by your absence lies

24:36

You left me blind, by your absence lies You

24:51

left me blind, by

24:53

your absence lies You

24:58

left me blind, by your absence lies You

25:04

know how I will pay, this

25:08

is the great escape Political

25:13

rape, my

25:16

mouth ain't been taped, we

25:18

can no longer wait So

25:28

it's a promise we had made,

25:31

to find love, sweet

25:35

love for We

25:39

find the

25:42

grave, you

25:44

stare sometimes,

25:48

set a fire in

25:50

my eyes You

25:56

left me blind

28:00

The group shot from the family reunion,

28:02

the 20-pound bass he caught last summer,

28:04

or his favorite photo of mom or

28:06

of you. An

28:08

Aura digital frame is the

28:10

best way to display dad's

28:13

favorite memories. Aura frames are

28:15

beautiful, WiFi-connected digital frames that

28:17

allow you to share and

28:19

display unlimited photos. As many

28:21

as you want. And if

28:23

you're giving an Aura as

28:26

a gift, you can even

28:28

personalize the frame with pre-loaded

28:30

photos and memories. That's exactly what

28:32

we did with our parents. We've

28:36

talked about it on several of our shows. We

28:38

have a million of them. We give them away

28:40

all the time to people that we care about.

28:42

We will just sit there and watch. Not

28:45

a day goes by where I don't pass

28:47

the Aura frame and go, ha ha, and I

28:49

say to someone, look at this, look at this

28:51

photo. It really is one of my favorite gifts

28:53

of all time. And I have one myself. And

28:56

right now Aura has a great deal

28:58

for Father's Day. Listeners can save on

29:00

the perfect gift by… Why

29:02

do I have so much trouble saying gift? Maybe

29:05

it's Jif? I don't know. By

29:07

visiting auroframes.com to get $30

29:11

off on their best-selling frame.

29:13

That's a lot. That

29:15

is A-U-A-R frames.com. This

29:17

deal ends June 18, so don't wait.

29:19

Use code bang bang at checkout to

29:22

save. Limes and conditions you

29:24

know they apply. This

29:26

podcast, comedy bang bang, is brought

29:28

to you by Squarespace, our

29:30

old friends, and Spring. Man,

29:33

it truly has sprung. No one

29:35

can argue that. And

29:38

what do we know about Spring? Spring is

29:40

a time of fresh starts. That's

29:42

right. You

29:45

thought January was good for starting fresh?

29:48

Uh, Spring's gotcha beat. Things

29:51

about rebirth that could mean starting

29:53

a new venture or switching things

29:55

up on your website. Well,

29:57

Squarespace is the all-in-one website platform.

30:00

platform for entrepreneurs to

30:02

stand out and succeed

30:04

online. With the

30:06

new guided design system, Squarespace Blueprint,

30:09

you can select from curated layout

30:11

and styling options to create a

30:13

personalized website optimized for every device

30:15

integrated, optimized, optimized it. SEO tools,

30:17

allow your site to show up

30:19

more often and

30:24

grow the way you want. Plus make checkout

30:26

easy for customers with easy to use payment

30:28

tools, except credit cards,

30:31

PayPal, Apple Pay, and

30:33

in certain countries give customers

30:35

the chance to buy now and

30:37

pay later with Afterpay and Clearpay.

30:39

Selling content on your website? Well,

30:42

add a paywall to sell memberships

30:44

or courses or sell downloadable files.

30:46

Head to squarespace.com for a free

30:48

trial and when you're ready to

30:50

launch. And I know you're gonna

30:52

be, go to squarespace.com/bang bang to

30:54

save 10% off your first purchase of

30:56

a website or domain. Top

30:59

Thrill 2 is like no other course. Two

31:01

420 foot vertical speedways, three launches. All

31:04

right, let's talk strategy. Copy that driver,

31:06

go for maximum acceleration off the start.

31:08

Roger that. You've got a short straightaway to

31:10

push from zero to 74 on the first

31:12

vertical speedway. And what about the rollback? Rollback will

31:14

set you up for an explosive reverse climb, 420

31:17

feet in the sky, so you reach zero G's in

31:19

total weightlessness. 420 feet

31:21

of straight up speed, let's get it.

31:23

Top Thrill 2, the world's tallest and

31:26

fastest triple launch strata coaster. Get your

31:28

tickets at cedarpoint.com. All

31:32

right, well we have one last and final, well

31:34

not our final segment, but, you're

31:38

looking at me like this is going on forever. I'm

31:40

sorry. No, no, no, it's okay. No, I didn't, I

31:42

wasn't, this is the, you said it

31:44

was the last segment. It's the last segment,

31:46

but not our final feature. Yes. Does

31:49

that make sense? Sure. We

31:52

have several popular features on the show and we

31:54

have two in this segment. I

31:56

keep forgetting that there's always the most popular one

31:58

is at the very end. Yeah. But

32:00

hurry up because Zachary is squirming like a

32:02

toddler in church. I'm very hungry I'm

32:05

hungry. Yeah, but you're always hungry.

32:08

Yeah one would imagine he's pulling at

32:10

his bow tie What's

32:14

the guys coloring books oh Did

32:17

I tell you what this is? Yes, okay,

32:19

so it's time to play a little game that we

32:21

call would you rather? We're

32:25

playing them all to three games And

32:29

get our money's worth On

32:38

a train played by on skates

32:40

played by Oh

33:02

Jeremy Jeremy, you know what I would love

33:04

okay. That's how you play would you rather no? We

33:09

play the game next segment Heavy

33:12

when you hear a song like that Dame sir alw do

33:14

you ever think about like writing me some theme music? In

33:17

the Scott I thought about it many times

33:19

in a dream of course in

33:21

a dream. That's when I do all my workings One

33:24

of these days I shall have themes. I hope you next

33:26

time you walk through that door. I would like to see

33:28

a demonstration CD consider

33:31

it done at the ready consider

33:33

it done I Do

33:35

consider it done. I will see you next year. I'll see you

33:37

in court Next

33:40

year with that song Alright,

33:43

so this is we all know how we play this this is

33:45

would you rather Zach actually you were here the very first time

33:47

We ever played this game The

33:54

boot light that's what of

33:56

mine But

33:59

uh for the uninitiated, basically people write to

34:01

me on my Twitter account at Scott Ockerman,

34:04

but only when I ask for it, because

34:06

otherwise it will not get read. And

34:08

they send me would you rather scenarios, and

34:11

we have some great ones here. Here

34:16

we go, Kyle Crane.

34:18

Kyle Crane, it sounds like you're snoring,

34:20

Zach. It was. Right

34:22

into the microphone. Okay, I just wanted to make sure. Kyle

34:25

Crane at Kyle Crane asks, would

34:27

you rather have the ability to

34:30

read fish's minds, or

34:33

always have ability to have your mind

34:35

to be read by all fish? That's

34:39

not worded right, but I think what he's trying to

34:41

say is would you rather have the ability to read

34:43

fish's minds, or have

34:45

your mind constantly read by all fish?

34:49

Okay, so the floor

34:51

is open for questions. I have a question.

34:53

Oh yes, Damester ALW. These

34:55

fish. Yes. I'm

34:58

about to tell you. Okay, I just want

35:00

to stop you before you ask the question,

35:02

because we need to establish which scenario. Yes.

35:07

I'm just about to establish the scenario. Okay, but

35:09

before you go on, I just want to make

35:11

sure that you determine which scenario it is you're

35:13

asking about. I feel we're saying the same thing.

35:16

I don't think so, because what I'm trying to get from

35:19

you is which scenario. Yes, what I'm trying to tell you

35:21

is the scenario. God damn it, why don't you ever listen

35:23

to me? I want to know which scenario you. So glad

35:25

we've made the game longer. In

35:27

the scenario, wherein the fish

35:30

can read my mind. Do

35:32

these fish understand human thought?

35:35

Great question. Thank you. Actually,

35:38

that goes to the, basically,

35:42

humans don't think in words.

35:44

They think in images. Indeed. So fish

35:46

can understand images, yes, but what they

35:49

don't understand nor comprehend is

35:51

the world above the

35:53

sea. The human world, in other words,

35:55

they don't understand these cities that rise

35:57

up into the air as an affront.

36:00

to God. So if I'm thinking

36:02

of something private, say

36:04

a sexy sort of thought. Sure. These fish

36:06

will have no idea what I'm thinking. Well

36:08

they have seen humans because every once in

36:11

a while a human dips their toe into

36:13

the well of the undersea kingdom and so

36:15

they know what a human is and if

36:17

you're having sexy thoughts they know basically how

36:20

the parts fit into one or another. Scotters,

36:22

you've walked right into my trap. Uh-oh. What

36:25

if I am in this scenario

36:27

an objectom sexual? Wait,

36:30

oh haven't you heard of them? I

36:33

guess not. These are people who are

36:35

attracted to inanimate objects, not other

36:38

people. Okay. There's a famous story

36:40

of a woman who married a bridge and

36:43

a man who was in love with the airwolf

36:46

helicopter. This is all

36:48

true. Okay. Now if I'm having a

36:50

private thought about being

36:52

intimate with an automobile, what

36:55

will these fish make of it? Are you

36:57

trying to say that this is,

36:59

are you trying to tell me? No, I'm not trying to

37:02

say anything. Are you trying to? I barely

37:04

conjecturing about such a fellow. And this

37:06

fellow would definitely be into automobiles? Yes.

37:10

Any sort of time period with

37:12

these automobiles, like old timey ones

37:14

with the jumper seat?

37:17

Absolutely the 1970s. The

37:19

70s really. They made big cars back

37:21

then. They

37:23

really knew how to make them. Station

37:25

wagons or muscle cars? Oh boy, oh

37:27

boy. Don't

37:29

make me choose. Wait,

37:32

make you choose or make this? Make him

37:34

the fellow. Okay. He's made a

37:36

fellow we're talking about that I admitted. I believe

37:39

the fish would just be confused by that to

37:42

answer your question. All right, that's a relief. All

37:44

right. All right. I'm open to

37:46

a question. So do we have another question? I

37:49

don't see how it could not be that

37:52

you want to. Don't vote. That is a

37:54

classic. Would you rather blunder? No, it's hypothetical.

37:56

I'm, I'm, I'm. You have to ask a

37:58

question. You can't say it. I don't

38:00

see that's a statement motherfucker. I

38:03

don't see okay So

38:06

the language works Seems

38:09

simple to me the answer that's another statement

38:11

ask a goddamn question or get I'm done

38:13

find the egress I'm ready. Have you forgotten

38:16

the question words? Why why

38:18

where where how who how can one? What

38:24

idiot Think

38:29

Do we have another question when this one Lw

38:33

their answer yes in

38:35

the scenario where in I can read the

38:37

minds of fish. Yes Do

38:40

I understand their fishy thoughts? Very

38:43

interesting it is just to think

38:45

about it. Yes, you do as a

38:47

matter of fact they think in English

38:49

So it's even easier. They don't understand

38:51

English English. They don't understand English and yet they

38:53

think in it. It is the Kings English. Yes

38:57

They're going back a ways or Forward

38:59

into the future when Charles the sense of

39:01

the throne and then there's the good old

39:04

Babe Ruth bot as well He's

39:06

around about him slugging away

39:08

there the future trying to get those

39:10

dinosaurs getting their top getting space syphilis

39:16

So yes, you understand their thoughts perfectly and

39:18

their thoughts are frightening to you Oh frightening

39:22

in the way that Is

39:24

enjoyable as in going to see a scary

39:26

film? Oh, no if if if you could

39:28

read their minds you would never step foot

39:30

in the water ever again May I ask

39:32

you this yes in that scenario Oh, please

39:34

am I able to turn this

39:37

mind reading on and off or

39:39

am I constantly? Bombarded by the

39:41

frightening faults of fish there is

39:43

an on-off switch on your mind

39:45

reading however that switch gets broken within the

39:47

first hour So

39:51

what time of day does this happen? The

39:54

first hour it happens at 5 in the morning

39:56

you're awakened Oh sound of fish. That's how my

39:58

days off. Yeah awakened by the sound

40:00

of fish being caught in fishermen's nets. Oh, so

40:03

it's not the band. Oh, dear. It's

40:05

not the band. No, no. Yeah, OK.

40:07

This whole time. I didn't catch that. Just the whole time. So

40:09

you want to rethink that knowing how you're going to vote. Right.

40:12

Because I was confused this whole conversation. You thought

40:14

you were reading the notes of Tre Anastasio. Exactly.

40:18

Is his name again? Tre Anastasio. Every

40:23

name, no matter how silly, just sounds great

40:25

coming out of your mouth. Tre Anastasio. Any

40:30

other questions before we vote? In

40:34

the scenario wherein the fish

40:37

can read my mind. Yes. Do

40:40

the fish know who I am? Do

40:43

they have a sense of me as an individual?

40:45

Or are they just bombarded by these thoughts, all

40:47

of these fish? May I answer

40:49

that question with a question? Please, I wish

40:51

you would. Who among us

40:54

in this great wide world has

40:56

not heard tell of the very

40:58

famous Dame Sir Andrew Lloyd W.

41:01

Well, I wasn't fishing, but I like what I quote.

41:05

Let me ask you a question. But

41:07

this begs a whole different question built on that

41:09

question. Does it beg this question?

41:11

Or does it raise a question? Whatever

41:14

the expression is. Yes, Zach,

41:16

from the floor. How one

41:19

must think how well

41:21

if Lloyd's and Lloyd's world.

41:24

I think you have some of those words mixed up. I'm

41:28

very dyslexic, very. In Lloyd's

41:30

world, you

41:32

have to consider the fish

41:35

getting along with the cats.

41:39

Hmm. That is true. I

41:43

will consider that. You

41:46

mean you need a long time to think about it. What

41:48

else have I got to do? I'm staring at a wall.

41:51

Let me ask this. All

41:53

of these fish, are they hearing my thoughts at

41:55

the same time? And do they communicate with each

41:57

other about my thoughts? That is a great question.

41:59

fish can not only read your mind, you're the

42:01

only human by the way, whose mind they can

42:03

read. On planet Earth? Yes, but

42:05

they... I'm the last man on Earth? No.

42:08

No, just the only one that they can actually read the

42:10

minds of. You say no as if

42:12

you know so much. I know the context

42:14

of what she's talking. Well, I do bear your

42:16

pardon. They can read each

42:19

other's minds and they know exactly when they

42:21

want to attack. I've said too much. I've

42:24

said too much. I feel this has

42:26

gone beyond a game of would you

42:28

rather and you have some vital information

42:30

holding back? I can only speak when

42:32

asked questions of to me. All

42:35

right, and I'm shutting the floor down for questions. Oh,

42:37

yeah. We'll never know exactly what

42:40

to what I was referring. And

42:42

it's time to vote. So, Zach, you were very eager to

42:44

vote. So how do you like to vote here? I

42:47

would say that I would like to be able to

42:49

read the fish's minds. Really? And

42:52

why is that? Because I feel like it's more of

42:54

a defensive thing if I wanted to go swimming

42:57

or sharking. I

43:00

could be able to figure out what the shark is

43:03

thinking where the shark is going. Oftentimes,

43:06

I like to get on the back of porpoise

43:10

and swim. Not technically a fish. Well,

43:13

mammal. You didn't

43:15

let me finish. I do apologize. Well, we

43:18

never got to it, but you can read

43:20

the mind of anything that you think is a fish, if

43:23

it's a fish or not. Right. So

43:25

in that case, yeah, porpoise is all

43:27

good. And beavers. Beaver fish. Bloody

43:29

no. No, no. Beavers

43:32

smell like fish. I don't get that joke. I

43:34

don't get it. I don't get it. I'll Google

43:36

it later, but I don't get that joke. Let's Google

43:38

it together. Let's turn

43:40

into a red fox party album. How

43:43

do you do? I love

43:46

it. So offended. All

43:50

right. So we have one vote for reading. I'm a knight

43:52

of the realm. We're reading fish's

43:55

minds. And damesirailw, how do

43:57

you like to vote? Well, I do like

43:59

to vote. the idea of these fish

44:01

being assaulted by my sexy thoughts.

44:04

That's almost like someone watching

44:07

you while you make love

44:09

to a carburetor. Indeed. As

44:11

I make passionate love to a 1974 Dodge Dart. So

44:19

yes, I vote... Autoerotic. I vote...

44:22

I dare say. Now

44:24

you're speaking my language. English. The

44:26

Dodge Dart, a 1974 Dodge Dart, like a 2003 Angelina Jolie to you.

44:32

Of course it is. You've pinpointed

44:35

it exactly. Okay. A couple

44:37

with tattoos. Tattoos.

44:39

Car tattoos. So

44:42

yes, I want these fish to be thinking

44:44

of my thoughts. Fantastic. And

44:47

just, you like the idea of... Did you

44:49

say fantastic? No, no, no, no. No,

44:51

the bowl with the little spike. Is

44:53

it here? Everyone hide! All

44:57

right, so we have one for reading

44:59

the fish's minds and one for the

45:02

fish reading their minds. Can we turn up

45:04

the heat? No problem. We'll... Let

45:06

me tally the votes. Oh, Dame Sir, looks like

45:08

you won that round. My first time out? Yes.

45:10

Well, you know that I played this game before.

45:13

We have one last question. That was worth one

45:15

point and our last question is worth 100 points.

45:17

So it's anyone's game. All

45:21

right, so... Who's the judge... We

45:24

tallied up the points. There's no

45:26

judge, it's a point system, so it

45:28

makes it fair. Fair's fair. It's

45:31

like boxing, you know? I mean, it's like if one

45:33

of the judges were just to decide this guy boxed better,

45:35

it wouldn't be fair, but instead there's a point system. That's

45:38

right. And also one fellow

45:40

gets knocked to the ground. Stressed

45:43

about pests? When you have pest problems,

45:45

don't call just anyone. Call the

45:47

Orkin Pro. For more than 120 years,

45:49

Orkin offers unparalleled service, helping

45:51

protect homes and businesses from

45:53

termites, rodents, mosquitoes, and other

45:55

insects. With Orkin by your side,

45:57

you don't have to wonder about the outcome of your

46:00

pest problem. We'll solve it guaranteed.

46:02

And if bugs creep up between services,

46:04

we'll be on your doorstep free of

46:06

charge. Orkin. The best

46:09

in pests. Learn more at

46:11

orkin.com. Meet

46:13

the next generation of podcast stars

46:15

with SiriusXM's Listen Next program, presented

46:17

by State Farm. As part of

46:19

their mission to help voices be

46:21

heard, State Farm teamed up with

46:23

SiriusXM to uplift diverse and emerging

46:25

creators. Tune in to Stars and

46:27

Stars with Isa as host Isa

46:29

Nakazawa dives into birth charts of

46:31

her celeb guests. This is

46:34

just the start of a new wave of

46:36

podcasting. Visit statefarm.com to find out how we

46:38

can help prepare for your future. Like

46:41

a good neighbor, State Farm is there. All

46:46

right, so here we go.

46:49

This comes to us from

46:51

Auretek. Auretek, I believe. Would

46:53

you rather own a magical penny

46:56

or have a nose that

46:58

was able to lift off like a

47:00

jetpack after every sneeze? Would

47:03

you rather own a magical penny or have a

47:05

nose that was able to lift off like a

47:07

jetpack after every sneeze? I'm opening the floor for

47:09

questions. I have a question. All right, Dame Sir

47:11

ALW. When I sneeze

47:13

and this nose lifts off like

47:16

a jetpack, it should be as

47:18

a jetpack does. Does

47:23

my nose detach itself from my

47:25

face and fly up into the

47:27

stratosphere? Basically, your nose detaches from

47:29

your face and you then straddle

47:31

your nose, much

47:33

like in Doctor Strangelove,

47:35

how that cowboy straddled

47:37

the bomb. And

47:39

you sort of wave your cowboy hat around.

47:41

A la Slim Pickens. Slim Pickens. That is

47:44

exactly who I was thinking of. Of

47:46

whom I was thinking. It seems that

47:48

it would be, and let me ask

47:50

you if it is, is it rather

47:52

difficult to straddle my own nose? No,

47:54

actually, your nose is perfectly contoured towards

47:57

your knees. So the

47:59

little indentation. on the side, it's

48:01

almost like riding a motorcycle and just,

48:03

yeah. But now when I sneeze, does

48:05

my nose go into position and then

48:07

I'm able to straddle it and take

48:09

off? Yes, basically you go, achoo, and

48:12

then you hear, ahhhh, and your nose

48:14

like slides forward, and

48:16

then you hear, lift off imminent

48:18

in five, four, three, nose,

48:21

one, and then you know by

48:24

that. This

48:28

is every time I sneeze, every single time

48:30

you sneeze. Is it possible to sneeze in

48:32

this scenario twice in a row? Oh,

48:35

you don't want to do that. You don't want to do that.

48:37

I don't want to, but I have no control over it. No,

48:39

no, no, no, no. James or ALW, please don't ask any questions

48:41

about that. It's not up to me. This

48:43

is unprecedented. No, please, you don't want to do

48:45

that. I'm presented in the world of would

48:47

you rather. No, no, James or ALW, please

48:50

don't ask me any questions about sneezing twice

48:52

in a row because that is far too

48:54

dangerous. Just know you sneeze once,

48:56

once is all that is safe to do.

48:59

Your nose detaches from your face. You hear that countdown

49:01

that we all know so well. Lift

49:04

off imminent in five, four, three,

49:06

nose, one, and then

49:10

you straddled it by then hopefully and you

49:12

take off into the wild blue yawn. Follow

49:14

up question. Yes. ALW,

49:17

I recognize you for the follow up. Ladies

49:20

and gentlemen of the would you

49:22

rather panel. May

49:25

I ask, am

49:27

I in control of when

49:30

and how often I sneeze? Well

49:33

you can. The quantity of sneezes, I guess

49:35

I'm asking. You can pluck out your nostril

49:38

hairs to try to sneeze. So if you

49:40

ever see like a cat stuck in a

49:42

tree, you sit there plucking out your nostril

49:44

hairs and eventually it works and your nose

49:46

detaches from your face, then you hear that

49:49

countdown that we all know. What is it

49:51

again? How down

49:53

imminent? Lift off imminent. Five,

49:55

four, three, nose, one, and

49:58

then you grab onto the nose. and

50:00

you pluck that cat out into the nose.

50:02

Yeah, you straddle it. And you

50:04

grab that cat out of

50:06

the tree on your way up. And then once

50:08

you get down, you hand the cat over to

50:11

its owners, presuming you know who they are. Or

50:14

you keep it, whatever is your choice that day.

50:17

One more follow up and then a sidebar. Yes,

50:19

sure. We have time for

50:21

one more follow up and one more sidebar.

50:23

Do I, my follow up, do I enjoy

50:25

riding my own nose? Is it pleasurable? Is

50:27

it fun? Is it exciting?

50:31

It hurts at first to detach from your face, but then it

50:33

is the most fun thing you will ever do in your life.

50:35

All right, my sidebar. Zachary doesn't

50:37

seem to be asking many questions. Well,

50:40

it's hard to get in here. I must say you're an expert

50:42

at playing the game. So

50:44

Zach, do you have a question though? I will recognize you.

50:49

We haven't heard a lot about the other scenario, by the

50:51

way, the magic pen. Magic penning. Not a word. Not

50:53

a word. My question is, so

50:56

if one has allergies and

50:58

sneezes a lot, it could be a terrible

51:01

thing. Depending on how

51:03

often you like to go riding around in the

51:05

sky. Well, oftentimes

51:07

the sneezes are inconvenient. And

51:10

if a sneeze is inconvenient, I

51:12

would imagine a trip to

51:15

space as you've done with Richard Branson. Indeed.

51:17

So you've already done that. Yes. So

51:20

you should consider that in your answer as well. May

51:23

I ask this? Oh, wow, okay. We never got

51:26

to a question from Zach. Zach

51:28

raises an interesting hint. Just

51:30

more of a rumination from him. I have a one

51:32

question. Is he gonna keep asking questions? When

51:36

the nose is detached and I'm

51:38

riding it, is it

51:40

still able to sneeze? Please,

51:43

please. James

51:45

or ALW, I beg of you. I must

51:47

know. Do not ask me any questions about

51:50

further sneezing. It's really grotesque. We

51:52

don't wanna frighten young children who have

51:54

been listening to this. How shall I ever sleep

51:56

again? Not for the ladies to listen to. It's

51:58

not polite conversation. I would imagine ladies aren't listening

52:01

to this to begin with would you be able to with the

52:03

magic penny? Hmm make requests Thank you

52:05

for using the British reflection. Sorry. I'm

52:07

wearing all my I appreciate it Here's

52:09

how the magic penny works Okay one

52:11

wish as long as it's a wish

52:13

for making your nose detach and riding

52:15

around with my question Yeah, so

52:18

any other wish will not be recognized by the

52:20

magic penny No other wish

52:22

would be recognized. No, that is the only

52:24

wish that we have my answer if that's

52:26

the case Okay, great any last one final

52:28

question for wishing incorrectly Is

52:32

there any penalty or punishment from the magical penny?

52:36

Yes, the magical penny as a punishment will make

52:38

your nose detached from your face Anytime

52:40

you sneeze so when you and then make you ride around

52:42

on it. I think I know what I'm going to do

52:44

Okay, so let's vote here Zach. How do you like to

52:46

vote? I'm gonna have to go with the nose Scenario

52:49

and why is that because of what you said last?

52:52

Mmm, that the only wish

52:54

that I would be granted from the

52:56

magical penny would be that my nose

52:58

become detached. Mm-hmm But

53:01

you never have to wish that if you don't want to I

53:03

thought you said that was the only sure That's the

53:05

only wish that you can get but I don't

53:08

have to wish no you can just Question.

53:10

All right spend that really track if you retract.

53:12

No, I'm sorry, but you already voted. No, no,

53:15

I'm sorry Missled you

53:17

miss I misled no one sir. It

53:19

sounds like those uh, you're out of

53:21

order Santa Monica Town

53:23

meetings they have on KCRW the

53:25

Bell town things. All right,

53:27

Dame sir alw How do you like

53:29

to vote bear in mind that Zach

53:32

perhaps incorrectly voted for the the

53:34

nose? Well knowing myself as

53:36

I do hmm if

53:38

I had that magical penny Mmm,

53:40

I'd probably inadvertently blurt out something

53:42

like I Wish my

53:44

nose would detach from my face every time I sneeze

53:47

that I could write it like a jetpack into the

53:49

stratosphere After a countdown after a

53:51

cow tell that we're all familiar with last

53:54

off Five

53:57

four three nose one. Yes

54:01

So I'm going to choose that scenario. Okay, so

54:03

you vote for the penny and that of course

54:06

is the correct answer. Because then I've got a

54:08

penny! Yes, and that is the correct answer which

54:10

Zack did not hit upon. Unfortunately he voted incorrectly.

54:13

So Damesur ALW... I did vote for a penny. No,

54:15

you voted for the no! Unfortunately,

54:17

which means you have lost the round,

54:19

which means Damesur ALW is our big

54:21

winner. A perfect game for... Does that

54:23

mean the contestant must leave? Must

54:26

find the egress. No,

54:28

but that is a perfect example of how

54:31

you play Would You Rather. Perfect. Jeremy

54:37

Bivin. Jeremy Bivin.

54:41

Jeremy. Jeremy. Jeremy.

54:43

Jeremy. Jeremy Bivin. Yeah!

54:50

I wonder if people sang that to him when he was... That sounded

54:52

like Pearl Jim. That

54:54

is of course how you play Would You Rather.

54:56

A stirring round, gentlemen. Thank you so much. That

54:58

was fantastic. Well, we only

55:00

have time for our greatest and most

55:03

final of all features on the show.

55:05

Finally, I've been thinking about it all

55:07

programing! The one that everyone... Zack, don't

55:09

look so defeated. It's the quickest, doesn't matter. Oh, it is.

55:11

Okay, very good. It's the feature... You don't have to do

55:13

anything. The feature that everyone loves the

55:15

most. They can't wait to get

55:18

to it. Much like you, gentlemen. It is of course

55:20

time for plugs. That

55:31

is of course a

55:34

plug theme sent to

55:36

us by the Ornithologian.

55:55

That was pretty good. I enjoyed that. It's

55:58

a clever name. Yes. a

56:01

person who worships birds. Yes,

56:03

I suppose so. Believes the divinity of birds.

56:06

Yeah, I wonder how the

56:09

legend of Gahul. Gahul! Yes,

56:11

I'm sorry, I mispronounced it. How they would feel about

56:13

that. Well, we'll never know. Well, they're

56:15

going to Owl Hell because the murderers. And the

56:17

suicide. Do you think if you get owl murdered,

56:19

you go to hell, really? You go straight to

56:21

heaven. If an owl murders you. Then

56:24

you go to Owl Heaven. You go, yes. Unfortunately,

56:26

it's Owl Heaven. But if you commit owl suicide,

56:28

you go to Owl Hell? I

56:30

think you go to purgatory. Oh, OK. You

56:33

ever see me documenting the staircase? Yes.

56:36

Well, that's the new defense, is an owl attack.

56:40

Really? An owl pushed two of my wives down

56:42

the stairs to their deaths. I

56:44

don't know of the one in Germany, but the one in

56:47

Durham, North Carolina, yes. All

56:49

right. Don't know what you're talking about. You

56:51

don't? You've never seen it? Nope, never seen it. Well, Floyd,

56:53

you've seen. Lloyd. Andrew

56:57

Floyd. Weber. Weber.

57:00

Finally, someone pronounces it correctly. You've

57:03

seen that documentary, right? Yes, I have. It's

57:05

true, though. Owl attack is the new defense,

57:07

or they're trying to make that the defense.

57:09

Do you feel that fellow would have been

57:11

acquitted if he listened to his lawyers and

57:13

trimmed his eyebrows? They

57:16

begged him to do it, and he wouldn't do it.

57:20

No idea what you're talking about. I

57:22

think most of the listeners will know.

57:25

Yeah, probably everyone. So

57:27

this is, of course, time for plugs, so we

57:29

want to get these out of the way. Zach,

57:31

what do you have to plug? Obviously, you have

57:33

due date coming out. Any day note? November 4?

57:35

November 5. Yep. That's

57:38

what I have. And how about the, it's kind

57:40

of a funny story. That comes out, or that's

57:42

already out. That's already out, and did people enjoy

57:44

that? I think so. I think it was number,

57:47

it's still number one in the box office. Great.

57:49

I had no idea. Top old Iron Man

57:51

2? You

57:53

mean number one for the entire year, right? Yeah.

57:55

As we speak now, it's still number one. Fantastic.

57:58

And you're filming a movie. That'll

58:00

come out you got one in

58:02

the can maybe and then another one coming out

58:06

Well, yeah filming it as we speak in Thailand.

58:08

That's right. And the news broke so we can

58:10

talk about just flew in for this yes, thank

58:12

you so much for coming in and And

58:16

bored to death is still on is it I Understand

58:20

that shows hammocking Oh,

58:25

yeah, I was yes, right I Read

58:29

the news every day. You're that I read

58:31

the trades every day and then

58:33

between two firms just came out with Bruce

58:36

will his right and well

58:38

received probably we don't

58:40

know we'll see we'll see and look at the

58:42

results Yeah, I got a check. Did they report

58:44

that the trades? Yes, they talk a lot about

58:46

web shorts Love shorts.

58:49

How about web longs? ALW

58:54

Yeah, you know Scott ALW root beer

58:56

I'd like to I

59:01

would if I may like to seed my

59:03

plug time Mmm to a

59:05

comedian of which I'm a great fat

59:07

and admirer Your

59:10

taste in comedy you mentioned him earlier Comedian

59:13

Paul F. Tompkins one of the best

59:15

he's got two shows coming up in

59:18

the month of November. Yes November

59:21

13th In

59:23

Vancouver British Columbia.

59:26

Thank goodness not regular Columbia in the

59:28

country of Canada He

59:30

can be seen at the Rio theater

59:33

Oh the tickets have just gone on

59:35

sale. So please do buy

59:37

a ticket if you're a van coverian Go

59:39

see even perhaps if you live in Seattle, you

59:41

can make the drive up there. That's true It's

59:44

a wonderful drive and take a trip to another

59:46

country another land Yeah, you'll be

59:48

back in time for supper if you eat a

59:50

late supper. Yes if you eat roughly at

59:52

midnight Yes, are you some

59:54

sort of monster? Comedy

59:58

festival. No, it is not comedy festival

1:00:00

is long over. Right. It's in September,

1:00:02

right? Yeah. Yes. Already occurred. Yes. It

1:00:04

occurred quite some time ago. The Rio

1:00:06

theater. What's that?

1:00:09

The Rio theater. I'm just making sure

1:00:11

that... Oh, yes. Is that the movie

1:00:13

theater up there? Thank you, Zachariari. Is

1:00:15

that the movie theater? It is a

1:00:17

movie theater. That watermelon runs? She

1:00:19

did. But she doesn't anymore? This

1:00:23

one's run by a person. And

1:00:26

what is your second date? My, well,

1:00:28

Paul F. Tompkins' second date. Yes, that's

1:00:30

right. The Paul F. Tompkins show at

1:00:32

Largo at the Coronet in West Hollywood.

1:00:35

Special musical guest Ben Lee. Oh,

1:00:38

lovely. He's from Australia. So he is the descendant

1:00:40

of thieves and rapists. I saw

1:00:43

him at the old Largo. He was fantastic. Yes,

1:00:45

indeed. He's a fine fellow. Fine fellow. Would love

1:00:47

to get him on this program. Who else will

1:00:49

be on that show if you... It is not

1:00:52

confirmed yet to my knowledge. There's something in the

1:00:54

works, but it has not yet been confirmed. And

1:00:57

he also has the Paul F. Tompkast,

1:00:59

which is sweeping the nation. Yes. Well,

1:01:01

you're kind to mentoring it on his

1:01:03

behalf. The Paul F.

1:01:05

Tompkast, it's downloadable for free, don't you

1:01:08

know? Which is a... It's

1:01:10

nice at twice the price, which

1:01:12

would still be free. If it was double free. Well,

1:01:16

that is great. And what do I want to plug? I have...

1:01:18

What am I plugging? I know I

1:01:21

have something. For Christ's sake, what am

1:01:23

I doing? Oh yeah. No,

1:01:25

we have some stuff coming up. I don't want to talk

1:01:27

about it yet, but some very exciting... Oh, I'm sorry. Some

1:01:30

very exciting... I'll be talking about it in

1:01:32

the next couple of weeks in

1:01:35

November. It's some

1:01:37

big exciting stuff coming out. So we'll

1:01:39

talk about that. Bit of a cliffhanging.

1:01:41

Yes, of course. Well, I want to

1:01:43

thank my guests

1:01:46

here. You say that in quotes. My

1:01:49

guests. Zach

1:01:52

Galifianakis, thank you so much for dropping by and

1:01:55

spending the time with us. Yes. I really appreciate

1:01:57

it. You're a busy guy. Yes. And... And,

1:02:01

you know, it means a lot that you're here.

1:02:03

Thank you so much. No, I appreciate you having

1:02:06

me. Thank you. And, Damesur ALW, one

1:02:08

cannot express the graciousness that I feel

1:02:10

in my heart towards another human being

1:02:12

such as yourself. One shouldn't try. One

1:02:16

feels like he must. One

1:02:18

must let his heart do the talking. Can

1:02:21

you hear my heart? Of course I can. It's

1:02:24

like those belly fish. Then

1:02:28

nothing more needs to be said. Nothing

1:02:30

more must escape your lips. Alright,

1:02:33

well, I want to thank you guys

1:02:35

and... The most well-known. He's not really

1:02:37

ready to go, I don't think. Well,

1:02:40

I want to talk to... Just being polite. I want

1:02:42

to talk to Dylan. Oh, you're going to talk to

1:02:44

Dylan. Yeah, we've got to talk to Dylan. Say goodbye

1:02:46

to him. Whether it may, I recuse myself. I want

1:02:49

to hear one more song out of him, out of

1:02:51

this guy. Alright, Dylan? Yes,

1:02:53

ask him if he will play

1:02:55

another song. I will ask him. And

1:02:58

you'll sit there and like it. Of course

1:03:00

I will. What else

1:03:02

would I do? I'd take back what my

1:03:04

heart said. Who do, please? Don't go back

1:03:06

on your heart's promise to my ears. Alright,

1:03:09

when you put it that way, it's just so

1:03:11

beautiful and florid. I do wish

1:03:13

you would talk to Dylan and ask him to play

1:03:16

another song. I will. So we can all get out

1:03:18

of here. Alright, here we go. Ready? Here

1:03:20

we go. Are you sure? I'm ready.

1:03:23

I've never been more ready for anything. Can you

1:03:25

give me a countdown? Yes! The

1:03:27

countdown we're all familiar with. Countdown

1:03:29

imminent. Five, four,

1:03:32

three, nose one.

1:03:56

To ever be your man and

1:03:59

I don't know. Don't know where we're going,

1:04:02

don't know where we stand I

1:04:05

am falling from my perch and

1:04:08

I need your outstretched hand I'm

1:04:15

sliding downward, downward

1:04:20

I'm sliding downward,

1:04:24

downward I

1:04:32

know that it's hard to grasp, it's hard

1:04:35

to comprehend Cause

1:04:37

I don't have the length of time

1:04:40

to be like other men Cause

1:04:43

they don't know where they're going,

1:04:46

don't know where they stand They

1:04:49

are falling from their perches and

1:04:52

they need some outstretched hands They

1:04:58

are sliding downward,

1:05:02

downward They are

1:05:05

sliding downward, downward

1:05:10

You always think

1:05:12

you're right You

1:05:29

think you

1:05:32

know it's

1:05:34

right I

1:05:45

know that it's

1:05:47

hard to grasp,

1:05:49

it's hard to

1:05:52

wrap around your

1:05:54

mind The

1:05:56

second that you turn your back,

1:05:58

you've run out at a time,

1:06:00

cause you don't know where you

1:06:03

are going, don't

1:06:05

know where you stand, you are

1:06:08

falling from your perch and

1:06:10

you need my outstretched hands.

1:06:17

You're sliding

1:06:19

downward, downward

1:06:22

You're sliding

1:06:24

downward, downward

1:06:35

You always

1:06:37

think you're

1:06:41

right Think

1:06:44

you know it's

1:06:46

right Why

1:06:58

don't we

1:07:01

sleep on

1:07:03

it tonight?

1:07:10

I know I won't get any, I

1:07:13

know I won't get any Sleep

1:07:20

tonight, I won't

1:07:22

get any sleep tonight, I won't

1:07:24

get any Sleep

1:07:29

tonight, I

1:07:32

won't get any

1:07:34

sleep tonight, I

1:07:37

won't get any

1:07:39

sleep tonight The

1:07:51

living room is where you make life's most beautiful

1:07:53

memories. But your sofa

1:07:55

shouldn't be the one remembering them. The

1:07:58

new life resistant, high performance furniture. collection

1:08:00

from Ashley is designed to withstand all

1:08:02

the spills, slip-ups, and muddy paws that

1:08:04

come with the best parts of life.

1:08:07

Ashley high-performance sofas and recliners

1:08:09

are soft, on-trend, and easy

1:08:11

to clean. Shop the high-performance

1:08:14

furniture in-store or online at

1:08:16

ashley.com. Ashley, for the love

1:08:18

of home. Remember

1:08:21

the sense of freedom or adventure

1:08:24

that riding a bike used to give you

1:08:26

as a kid? Just riding around your streets,

1:08:28

passing by your friend's houses, finding

1:08:31

money on the ground. Once

1:08:33

I found $20 on the ground when I

1:08:36

was riding my bike. Oh my gosh! This

1:08:38

is $20, you know, when I was a kid in

1:08:40

2002 money. Anyway,

1:08:43

where would you go on your bike,

1:08:45

huh? What would you discover during those

1:08:47

adventures? Who would you ride with?

1:08:49

Well, this spring, get out there, enjoy

1:08:52

the weather, and recapture the magic

1:08:54

of riding a bike with

1:08:56

Electric E-Bike with an amazing variety

1:08:58

of models built for riders of

1:09:00

all abilities. It has never been

1:09:02

easier to fall in love with

1:09:04

riding again. Plus, every Electric E-Bike

1:09:06

ships free and only requires quick

1:09:08

tool-less assembly. Go to electricebikes.com to

1:09:11

discover e-bikes that start at just

1:09:13

$799 with the XP Lite. Anyone

1:09:15

can ride with a variety

1:09:19

of models designed to be a

1:09:21

better mode of transportation. I tell

1:09:24

you, the Electric E-Bikes, Paul F.

1:09:26

Tompkins has one, he swears by

1:09:28

it. He says they're so fun.

1:09:30

Go full throttle into spring with

1:09:32

Electric E-Bikes, the number one selling

1:09:34

e-bike in the nation. Get your

1:09:36

adventure started at electricebikes.com. And please

1:09:38

mention, please, please, please, that

1:09:41

Comedy Bang Bang sent you

1:09:43

in the post-checkout survey. That

1:09:45

is l-e-c-t-r-i-c-ebikes.com. Meet

1:09:50

the next generation of podcast stars with

1:09:52

Sirius XM's Listen Next program presented by

1:09:55

State Farm. As part of their mission

1:09:57

to help voices be heard, State Farm

1:09:59

teamed up with with SiriusXM to uplift

1:10:02

diverse and emerging creators. Tune

1:10:04

in to Stars and Stars with Issa

1:10:06

as host Issa Nakazawa dives into birth

1:10:08

charts of her celeb guests. This

1:10:10

is just the start of a new wave

1:10:12

of podcasting. Visit statefarm.com to find out how

1:10:15

we can help prepare for your future. Like

1:10:17

a good neighbor, State Farm is there.