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2:03

arboretum. Welcome

2:25

to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank you

2:27

to Park Kranger. Park

2:29

Kranger for that catchphrase submission. And welcome

2:31

to Comedy Bang Bang. June is busting

2:34

out all over, all over the meadows

2:36

and the hills. And of course, this

2:38

episode is no exception. Welcome

2:41

to Dads and Grads Month. And

2:44

it is Comedy Bang. We have some important

2:46

announcements before we get to our guests. I

2:48

do have to say, coming

2:51

up this hour, we're going to

2:53

have a one-on-one conversation with an

2:55

accountant. Anyway, I

2:58

do have some announcements.

3:02

Starting this week, this is exciting, starting

3:04

this week on Thursdays, starting

3:07

this very week we are going

3:09

to be releasing what we call

3:11

bonus bangs. Bonus

3:13

bangs on Thursday. That's essentially what the...what are

3:15

these? It sounds intriguing, doesn't it? Please

3:18

stop talking about your penis, please.

3:21

Marissa, come on, man. Boner bangs? Bonus!

3:25

I'm not interested! Bonus, I'm turning you down right now.

3:27

I knew this was going to happen when you get

3:29

me in your pool house. You're going to start talking

3:31

about your boner within 30 seconds. Marissa,

3:34

you haven't been here for years

3:36

on the show. You can't start interrupting on

3:38

mic immediately. Oh, I can do whatever, though.

3:41

Fuck that up, bitch! I don't like to hear that

3:43

kind of language from a girl of indeterminate age. All

3:46

right, you were saying? Snooze. Okay,

3:49

bonus bangs. What are these bonus bangs? They

3:51

sound very intriguing. They're old episodes.

3:54

And what were they? Just like your dog, baby. It's

3:57

an old episode. Ha ha ha! Alright

4:00

Marissa please just try to... you

4:03

said it! Are you referring to

4:05

yourself in the third person? Yes.

4:07

Okay. You are a third person

4:09

in my mind. Bonus

4:12

bangs are... they're gonna be archived

4:14

episodes that we're going to be

4:16

re-releasing in themes. The

4:18

first theme that we're gonna be starting with on

4:20

this Thursday is the essential Andrew

4:22

Lloyd Webber. We're gonna be releasing

4:25

several of his earlier episodes.

4:28

And we're gonna do these in themes. We're gonna

4:30

do character themes. We're gonna do guest themes. It's

4:34

very exciting. How about the

4:36

theme, Hot Titties! And then you

4:38

release all of mine. I

4:41

mean, if you mean... How

4:43

about Harry Nipple theme? Mine.

4:46

Your titties look like over

4:49

easy eggs with hairs bursting out

4:51

of them. And

4:53

the only reason I've seen them is because you

4:55

keep flashing me every time you come in here.

4:58

That's the Drew Barrymore move from David Letterman. Deep

5:01

cut! How about deep

5:03

cuts with Marissa Woeppler? How about that as

5:05

a bonus bang? You

5:08

sound like you have a cold and it sounds like bonus bangs. Which,

5:12

you know, I mean with all these bemoes

5:14

popping up, it feels like there's bonus bangs.

5:17

Bonus bangs, baby! Okay,

5:19

stop. Marissa, stop. In any case, we're gonna be

5:21

releasing these every Thursday. For those of you who

5:23

don't have access to CBB World where

5:25

all the episodes are, this is a fun little treat

5:28

for you and you can listen to them. These

5:30

are bonus bangs. This is exciting. We

5:32

also have the CBB tour is coming

5:35

up starting next week. We're gonna

5:37

be starting on June 12th in Boston. Going

5:40

to the first leg of our

5:42

tour, Boston, New York, Philly, DC,

5:47

other places. What

5:49

a great promo. So

5:52

join us out there. Plus we have exciting new

5:55

dates for the tour. I'm gonna be announcing next

5:57

week. So those are all the announcements that we

5:59

have. Those are not plugs. These

6:01

are announcements. These are top of show announcements.

6:03

Sure. You'd buy yourself whatever you need to

6:05

Fred Whatever gets me through the night So

6:09

we have a one-on-one with an accountant

6:11

this episode which You

6:16

know stars are back technically, but we couldn't get

6:18

any this week But you know,

6:20

like here's how it usually goes it goes movie

6:23

stars. We love to get them We

6:26

have mr. Bongos from Oppenheimer on the

6:28

show once That was incredible.

6:32

So movie stars are great Then

6:34

we have TV stars love to have

6:36

them right? Yeah, right. Hannah Einbinder from

6:38

hacks. Come on in we love it

6:41

Standing invite underneath their comedians

6:44

with specials. Sure. Oh,

6:46

yes I thought you the special

6:48

comedians no not special to me just comedians

6:50

who have a special coming out. That's fine We'll take

6:53

her we'll take them then under that

6:55

you have we had plenty of

6:57

these during the strike authors Nothing

7:00

worse than a writer nothing worse Hopefully

7:03

they're a comedian who has a book out

7:05

or something but leave your new balance at

7:07

the door We're not interested

7:09

in your baggy pants And

7:13

then underneath that podcast hosts

7:16

Even worse terrible. There's

7:19

a reason it's on podcasts that

7:21

we're not seeing you live and Then

7:24

I guess under that when you can't get

7:26

any of those account Sure,

7:28

so we have an accountant coming up on this show

7:31

Wait one-on-one episode, but I feel like

7:33

I do need to introduce

7:35

this person who's interrupting all the time She's

7:38

been my intern on the show for 15

7:41

years. I am I'm

7:43

still on the books You I'm

7:45

still getting paid you you know

7:47

that right you're getting paid in

7:49

credit course credit. Yes. Okay. Yes

7:52

University I don't go to but when

7:54

I do when I decide to go

7:56

to Oxford to jolly old

7:58

England I can you what I'm gonna

8:01

be using these credits yeah you've been

8:03

an intern ever since our first year and

8:05

you've shown up maybe once a year handful

8:07

of times handful of times I I don't

8:10

remember signing any of the forms have

8:12

you been slipping me like forms with

8:14

invisible ink or something you've been slipping

8:17

me anything that's the

8:19

you were a teenage girl when you started how

8:21

well I know and how inappropriate was that you're

8:23

lucky you didn't get canceled for some of the

8:26

things that you said if you go back into

8:28

the archives no wonder you don't play we will

8:30

not we will not be doing the essential

8:32

Marissa Wampler that's the question certainly won't because

8:35

that is that will

8:37

be bring the police to your door my friend you

8:40

were a teenage girl when you started as an intern

8:42

on this show now hold are you who

8:44

knows what is age really is time what is time

8:48

you know how old is Helen Mirren we don't

8:50

know she looks banging in a bikini does

8:53

she we are you seeing her in a

8:55

bikini Google Helen Mirren bikini right now right

8:57

now if you're if your mechanical pencil doesn't

9:00

come to okay the first thing that comes

9:02

up on the prompt is movies next

9:05

is movies and TV shows I

9:07

am shocked next is age oh next

9:10

is Barbie then Helen

9:12

Mirren bikini then we have Excalibur

9:15

then hairstyles then Golda then

9:17

Oscar then young mechanics

9:21

I've been B and see

9:23

what comes up be bio

9:26

Barbie born blood in blood

9:28

out what

9:31

Bob blue hair Barbie quotes birthday okay

9:33

now I'm gonna go bi I

9:35

would imagine it'll be filed in birthday

9:37

I'm dead already by a birthday biography

9:39

birthday birthday birth name birth chart big

9:41

mouth you are gonna want this bill

9:43

Cosby oh no

9:47

talk about cancel okay now I'm gonna go

9:49

bi K and this will probably come up no

9:52

nothing bi can I be only

9:54

person who obsessively Google I do

9:56

two things before I go to sleep at

9:58

night I Google Travis

10:01

and Taylor because I'm obsessed. Who

10:03

are each of those people?

10:07

What? Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey, the greatest

10:09

love affair that I was ever told.

10:11

Are you Googling them separately or? Sometimes

10:13

just to see if I can get extra hits.

10:17

But yeah, I like to study them from different

10:19

angles. Sometimes I go on to TikTok, then I

10:21

go on to, you know,

10:24

Instagram, see people, you know what I'm trying to

10:26

track them. What are you looking for? Yeah. I'm

10:28

looking for. Are they the people that are assassination coordinates?

10:31

No, they are the ultimate love

10:33

story. And you know, what makes them such

10:35

a good love story? Like she was with some dude

10:37

for eight years. Why not get married? How

10:39

about me and gutter balls having such

10:41

a tragic relationship and then she finds

10:43

the love of her life. Okay. I

10:46

think I'm looking for. Why do you think this is the love of her life?

10:48

You've been with this guy for two months. This is it. This

10:51

is it for her. You think this is it? Why? Yes,

10:53

because he takes care of her. He

10:56

takes care of her. What I want is

10:58

a big old lug of a man that

11:00

can throw me around. Why do you think

11:02

he takes care of her? Because he's got giant arms.

11:04

Yes. Yes. I'm

11:06

done with the mechanical pencils. This is why I came on this

11:08

show. Okay. I

11:10

have, I have auditioned to be on

11:12

The Bachelorette over and over

11:15

and over again. Okay. And

11:17

they keep saying we're not making another

11:19

season, but then there they go. Making

11:21

another season. I think they're lying to you. I

11:23

even tried to get on the Golden Bachelor. I

11:26

don't think you're old enough if you don't know how old you

11:28

are. That's right. That's why I thought

11:30

maybe I'd qualify. I'd love for an

11:32

older gentleman to squire me around the

11:34

square. That's the thing about the Golden Bachelor is like I think

11:37

it would be funny if the Golden Bachelor was like 75 or

11:40

whatever he is and he dated 20 year olds. Yes. Let's

11:43

see that. Then they would stick together. Exactly. Let's

11:46

see that. That's who wants to date a 75 year

11:48

old man. Yeah, exactly. And then he dies

11:50

in five years and it's a happy ending. That's the only person

11:52

stupid enough to date some of that old. You

11:54

know? So yeah,

11:57

I want to put it down so that I'm looking

11:59

for... love in all the wrong

12:01

places obviously not in this studio

12:03

you seem like one of the people who'd

12:05

be good on like bachelor in paradise who shows up

12:08

and has never been on the bachelor franchise and everyone

12:10

goes like who the hell is this exactly and then

12:12

you just have that personality and everyone's like this is

12:14

too much yeah or like what are those what

12:16

i want to get on is one of those shows

12:18

where like they have a night cam so if you

12:21

hook up with someone everybody sees it you

12:24

just want the footage of you having sex

12:26

in a night cam that's right you

12:29

don't know what's going on under those covers that's

12:31

what i want so any

12:33

reality producer you just film that yourself ew

12:37

why don't you stop the cameras in here there

12:39

are no we don't have night cameras in here

12:41

is that why it's so dark in here you

12:43

lived here for a while you know this yeah

12:46

the whole anatomy of my house you know you're

12:48

living in the attic still smells like cats in

12:50

here by the way yeah sorry about that yeah

12:52

i don't know we had a thousand cats in

12:55

here suddenly it's started smelling like cats in here

12:57

i'm like we don't own cats what is happening

12:59

they're gonna come back they you're there bad ronalding

13:01

in the wall we really were and there's and

13:04

they know where home is so if you're gonna see a

13:06

bunch of stray cats come in here if any of them

13:08

have a bright setser shows up i'll know

13:10

what's happening look

13:13

i've looked up hell and mirin in a

13:15

bikini and and several things come up and

13:17

only one i want to click on which

13:20

is her young okay you're age

13:22

is bullshit this is the patriarchy i'm here

13:24

to smash it she looks fine sometimes but

13:26

then she looks like honestly she looks like

13:29

the queen from behind you know

13:31

what what you look like she looks

13:33

like the queen now you literally the

13:35

dead queen from behind that's what you

13:38

look like okay you have what i

13:40

look like you have the your skin

13:42

has the pallor of a dead royal that's

13:44

what you have i i put on

13:46

sunscreen thank you very much i appreciate that i

13:49

don't i'd like to get a

13:51

burn that's like i like you

13:53

are continually red always you're never

13:55

tan you're always red and peeling

13:57

bp always be peeling That's

14:01

why you don't know how old I am, because

14:03

if that's actually people pay for these peels.

14:05

They go to these dermatologists. Those are like chemical

14:08

peels. Exactly. All you gotta do is burn

14:10

the shit out of your face and peel it off. I worry

14:12

that you're going to have skin cancer at whatever age

14:14

you are, which I think has to

14:16

be in your 30s at this point. YOLO, baby!

14:19

YOLO. What does that stand for you?

14:22

That's a type of yogurt that I love.

14:25

I don't just eat it though. Is that the kind

14:27

that Jamie Lee Curtis was talking about to make the

14:29

shit all the time? That's exactly right. Weird to think

14:31

about Jamie Lee Curtis shitting. It is, but obviously- She's

14:33

an Oscar winner! You know what? Search

14:35

your Google search. I bet you'd find

14:37

that. Jamie Lee Curtis shitting. One girl,

14:40

no cups. Oh, God. Oh,

14:44

God. I'm already hot and bothered. Marissa, what's

14:46

going on with you? I haven't seen you

14:48

in years, is it not? I know. You

14:51

used to have your own podcast, Womp It Up. Yeah.

14:54

I got that. And by the way, thanks for stealing

14:56

the rights to it. I'm actually here too on a

14:58

legal mission. I bought you out. You bought

15:00

me out. Somehow, I start getting- my DMs

15:03

start blowing up, right? And I'm thinking, oh,

15:05

good. Gutter balls is back. He's, you know,

15:07

he wants me back. Where

15:10

is he, by the way? I've never listened to any of your episodes. I

15:12

don't know. Last time I saw he was working

15:14

at a Baja Fresh. Oh, okay. Are those all

15:16

around? I used to go to one all the

15:18

time. So did I. I was. For

15:21

a time. For a time? I was living

15:23

only on their shrimp tacos. I think

15:25

I misread their caloric menu once, and

15:27

I thought the pizza was good for

15:29

you. First of all, you're going to

15:31

arrest- Not bad. This

15:33

is like a thin, crispy thing. I guess it

15:35

must not have a lot of carbs. And then

15:37

one day I read the actual menu again when-

15:39

Yeah, you look like Fat Albert. Yeah,

15:42

that's how you knew. Helen Mirrenville Cosby. Fat

15:44

Albert. Oh, God. Here

15:46

we are again. But yeah, so basically,

15:48

I've been- you stole my shit, and

15:51

I was like- Here's the problem. You

15:53

made it public. You made Wompit up an

15:55

IPO somehow. I don't know why. I

15:57

rang the bell, too. I

16:00

got to the securities in exchange. I'm

16:02

on Wall Street ringing that bell. You

16:04

took the place of the little girl stopping the

16:07

bull at one point. Yeah, I did. I

16:09

was on cocaine for like 10 days in

16:11

New York City with Lissler, who,

16:14

by the way, has gone underground. I know everybody's

16:16

going to be wondering why is she here

16:18

with me. She had to go underground. She

16:21

said for a special mission and involves the

16:23

government. I think it's because election

16:25

is coming up. Honestly, I don't know. Where

16:28

was she on January 6? You don't want to

16:30

know. You don't want to know. I don't want to

16:32

know. Stop asking that question. No, you

16:34

don't. Okay. Okay. She

16:37

will tell you when she... Did she get into

16:39

the secret tunnels? You know, they have the subway underneath

16:41

there. Of course she's under there. The subway sandwich shop?

16:44

Yes. Because all the sanditors

16:46

have a secret subway sandwich shop that

16:49

gives you extra tuna. That's right. No

16:52

joke. A friend

16:55

of mine used to get a bikini wax underneath the

16:57

time in life building and she got

16:59

her labia seared. That

17:01

is for real. A friend of

17:04

mine. Quote, unquote. Okay.

17:06

You're quoting yourself when you say a friend

17:09

of mine? Don't ever get a bikini wax

17:11

underground. That's a PSA. This is an above

17:13

ground activity. This isn't a... absolutely. As high

17:15

as altitude possible. Exactly. Go out there to

17:17

the Rockies if need be. If need be.

17:19

So anyway, so Lissler's gone underground. That

17:22

gives me some time on my hands.

17:24

So I've been very active on social

17:26

media. So my DMs are blowing up.

17:29

I haven't seen you. You haven't seen me? No, where are

17:31

you? I've been so active. Which

17:34

platforms I guess. I'm on MySpace. Oh,

17:36

this is not good. Yeah,

17:38

I'm on MySpace. Yes. Tom's still around

17:40

there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's down there. I

17:43

wondered why you were looking over your shoulder

17:45

the entire time at me. Yeah, yeah. You're

17:47

just in the MySpace pose right now. Yeah,

17:50

that's it. Turn around. Yeah, hashtag turn around.

17:52

Turn around, of course, which is what Lissler?

17:54

Seth is doing absolutely wonderfully.

17:57

I barely remember these people. Seth is my step...

18:00

Yeah, right. He's doing

18:02

wonderfully. It's been so long. I don't know

18:04

who you're talking about Yeah, I had my mother.

18:06

Okay, we are take your word for it.

18:08

I am currently writing a memoir

18:11

about it called Life

18:14

with this fucking bitch. That's

18:16

a working title. What if it

18:18

was it was something like life and Beth,

18:20

you know Where it was like life and death. Yeah

18:23

life where it's no longer a play on life and

18:25

death It's now a play on life and Beth. That's

18:27

really great. That's a deep cut and

18:31

Why does life what is Beth always looks

18:33

so sad in all of those promos? She's

18:35

always sitting on a couch looking sleepy It's

18:38

like hey, you're gonna sleep when you're dead like yeah I

18:40

got a little pepper your step if I'm gonna see

18:42

you on TV I want to see some

18:44

life in you but um, so yes, so

18:46

I don't know what show we're talking about You've

18:51

seen a one picture of it I

18:54

had all I do is watch Bridgerton

18:56

over and over and over and

18:58

over again But mostly just the sex scenes.

19:00

Oh, you have a Bridgerton sex scene

19:04

I've made a cap cut Cap

19:09

is an app that you could cut cut up your

19:11

so I like you have. Oh God,

19:14

I forgot all your wordplay. It's all coming back

19:16

to me now I'm

19:18

told you like this When

19:22

I thought you like that Oh my

19:24

god Marissa

19:27

what happened with your show wamp it up cuz

19:29

I own it now You own it. I don't

19:32

know you thought 51% of it you

19:34

tell me no where listen,

19:37

we're gonna come back We're gonna come

19:39

back as soon as Lissa resurfaces if

19:41

she's still alive, even if she's turned

19:43

animatronic We're still gonna come

19:45

back. We're gonna come back better than ever I'll

19:48

of course be announcing it on myspace But

19:51

why I'm here today too is on another

19:54

legal mission, which is I heard these

19:56

two bitches Jessica

19:58

St. Clair in case Wilson stole my

20:01

idea for an audio book called

20:03

The Art of Small Talk. Wait,

20:05

you just had an idea to

20:07

make books audio? Yes. That,

20:10

people have been doing that forever. Well,

20:12

I was gonna do it. It's there's, so the

20:14

whole thing was you don't get the real book,

20:16

you just get me talking about a

20:18

book. Oh, meaning not as a recording? No,

20:20

and it would be- You go to people's houses?

20:23

Yeah, exactly. Me screaming

20:25

into your face, right? Just reading

20:27

other books, like Pride and Prejudice.

20:30

Yeah, this is not relaxing. People usually

20:32

read books to go to sleep before

20:34

bed. Those are their primary purposes. Exactly,

20:36

but this was gonna be a new thing that I did,

20:38

and I heard these bitches did it. And

20:40

so, I don't know, I heard one of

20:42

them lives nearby here, so I thought maybe

20:44

I'll start- Yeah, we don't like to

20:46

give our own assassination coordinates. Yeah, so

20:48

I thought maybe I would, and

20:50

also just put a blast out,

20:52

because I know these girls consider themselves

20:55

quote-unquote comedians, okay? Although I've never heard

20:57

either of them say anything funny.

20:59

You're putting them on notice? I'm putting them on

21:01

blast. I'm saying, I know you stole

21:04

my idea, okay? I know it's available

21:06

on Audible and anywhere else you

21:08

could find your audio books, and I know

21:10

that you teach people the seven simple rules

21:12

to how to fall talk, and you tell

21:15

them about all the mental and physical benefits,

21:17

okay? I know you've got celebrities on it

21:19

like Amy Poehler and Tony Hale and Colin

21:21

Quinn, okay? Your

21:24

phone didn't blow up because I

21:26

don't- this isn't anything, this is

21:28

the anti-art of small talk. Everything

21:30

he does puns interrupting,

21:33

talking about his dong too soon,

21:35

and too often- I think the biggest

21:38

problem is I'm not a celebrity. Yeah, that's

21:40

a very big problem. I think they

21:42

would have called me if that would

21:44

have bumped up even one sale. No,

21:46

no, they would not have. I could

21:48

tell you that much. In fact, I had on

21:52

good information that people

21:54

kept putting your name on the list, so they

21:56

kept deleting it. Really? My publicist was,

21:59

I mean, very- thorough about this. Yes.

22:01

And then these two just kept on leaving

22:03

my name. Killing it, killing it, killing it. And I know

22:05

they're friends of your wife too, so I thought that was

22:07

very rude. But at any

22:09

rate, so yes, so that's why I'm here. But

22:11

everyone on blast. I'm

22:14

in your book. Yeah. The comedy bang

22:16

bang book, aren't you? The fuck? Yeah. I'm

22:18

in your book. I haven't seen a fucking

22:20

check. Yes, you have. No, I have not.

22:23

I think I sent it to someone else. I may have sent

22:25

it to Jessica St. Clair. All I got was a

22:27

bunch of DiGiorno gift certificates,

22:29

like I need that. That's how I paid

22:31

everyone. I'm fucking swimming in that shit. Okay.

22:34

I'm swimming in it. I don't need

22:36

more DiGiorno's. Okay. What's the recent trend

22:38

where you go do someone show and they pay

22:40

you in gift certificates to like Olive Garden? I

22:42

know. I don't need, by the way, but

22:45

those endless bread baskets might be worth it.

22:47

I hope there's something like that. I'm lousy with

22:50

these things. I know. I know. Just

22:52

pay me good old cash and

22:54

cash. That's right. At least some

22:56

euros. I'll go down to the

22:59

airport. Yes, exchange. So

23:01

this is a book that's out that you are

23:03

upset about. It's

23:05

called The Art of Small Talk. And

23:08

guess what? I don't need your tips

23:10

and your tricks, bitch. I need that

23:12

royalty money. You need it more than

23:14

anyone. You're terrible at this. Are you

23:16

kidding me? You're big talk. I'm like,

23:18

your podcast got put on the map

23:20

when I started squawking around here. Okay.

23:23

I remember recording in that gross ass

23:25

studio with a bunch of fur on

23:27

the wall. Okay. Wasn't fur. It was

23:29

soundproof. Okay. Whatever it was was disgusting.

23:32

And suddenly now you're in this beautiful

23:34

pool house. Thank you. You're welcome. I think

23:36

the words you're looking for are you're welcome. Okay.

23:38

Yeah. Look, I enjoy having you on the show,

23:41

but you're too unreliable. You know,

23:43

you don't show up for years and years.

23:45

You can't pin me down, baby. Tie me up.

23:47

Tie me down. Pedro,

23:49

I'll move it hard to reference.

23:55

How old are you? Are you almost 50?

23:58

You know what? You're obsessed. with

24:00

how old women are is quite

24:02

frankly another symptom of the patriarchy

24:05

okay this is good small talk isn't

24:07

it like you want to see me

24:09

in a bikini? there! oh please put

24:11

those away! put them away! this is

24:13

how we do it! not a bikini!

24:15

flop flop flop flop flop flop this

24:17

is how we do it! that was

24:20

my boobs hitting the hitting the table

24:22

there yeah you heard that thank you oh

24:25

my god all right Marissa well it's wonderful

24:27

to have you I look I'm

24:29

gonna have a one on one discussion

24:31

with an accountant can he maybe file

24:34

a lawsuit against those girls? guess what?

24:36

she! see you

24:38

that's what happens when I spend time with

24:40

you it feels like the 1950s again you're

24:43

getting this through osmosis no this is all you

24:45

baby yeah you don't think an accountant can be

24:47

a woman honestly I

24:49

think women aren't very good at math

24:51

honestly they get numbers mixed up don't they you

24:53

get numbers mixed up because they're so pretty yeah that's

24:56

why I wasn't good at math you know the

24:58

only number that's important to a woman is 10 and maybe

25:01

69 and 420 all right let's

25:07

get this accountant on maybe she may buy

25:09

well we need to take a break Kim

25:11

file all right yeah why you're tired cuz

25:13

you're so old you need to take a nap it's

25:16

time for Chalk Chalk to go

25:18

night night! look I need

25:20

to take a break because we have advertisements you

25:22

want me to give you a bottle for your

25:24

night night? no I don't need a bottle for

25:27

my night night we need to take a break

25:29

because we have some important messages coming to the

25:31

people but when we come back very special show

25:33

one-on-one with an accountant this

25:35

is a very special episode of comedy bang-bang we'll

25:37

be right back with hopefully no more of Marissa

25:40

Wampler but a one-on-one with an accountant we'll be

25:42

right back with more comedy bang-bang after this! swap

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30:19

Comedy bang bang we're back here very special episode.

30:21

We have did I mention my name Scott Ackerman?

30:23

I don't think I did at the top in

30:26

case you're very confused My

30:28

name is Scott Ackerman. I'm the host of this show.

30:30

It's been we're in our 16th year at this point

30:32

and So

30:34

how old does that make me? Well this

30:36

podcast was just 16 If

30:40

you know what I mean again, this

30:42

is where you're gonna get canceled over and

30:44

over and over again Is it weird to talk

30:46

about a podcast being 16 years old? Yes Especially

30:49

if you get so like gross about it. All

30:51

right Well, we have this is a very special

30:53

episode because we are gonna be talking to an

30:55

accountant and That's

30:58

the only guest Of

31:13

a show I have a one-on-one with an

31:15

accountant I may be dressed

31:17

as your gardener, but that is not

31:19

my true identity. You're holding a leaf

31:22

blower They set that leaf blower. It's

31:24

I Ron snapper Remember the

31:27

host of podcast rescue. How are

31:29

you Scott? How are you Marissa?

31:31

Hello? Refresh

31:35

my memory rod snapper host a podcast

31:37

rescue It's a television show in which

31:39

I take fledgling or failing in your

31:41

case podcasts and I turn them around

31:44

I give them my signature tough love

31:46

shouldn't just be a podcast not a

31:48

television show That's where

31:50

you're wrong Fred they need to see

31:53

my bow in a China shop energy

31:55

on the screen Okay, it's not enough

31:57

to have it contained to audio. What's

31:59

weird? is that you're just

32:01

filming yourself with the selfie stick. That's right,

32:03

I've got a selfie stick. I have an old

32:05

flip cam, remember those? I have that attached, clumsily

32:08

attached to a selfie stick. I'll be filming the

32:10

majority of it. Wait, I'm a tattoo in a

32:12

real way rather than clumsily. Because I can't afford

32:14

a new selfie stick! I can't imagine both of

32:16

you on the same show, and yet here it

32:19

is happening. And yet here we are, and the

32:21

people are loving it! The Discord is lighting up

32:23

already, Scott. They love it. Ron Zapper, let me

32:25

ask you a question. Please! Okay, why

32:27

are you coming today when I'm on

32:29

the show? If anything, I'm the podcast

32:32

rescue. No, look, of course. Look,

32:34

this is not one

32:36

of my signature ambushes. Okay. It

32:38

does feel like an ambush. But this

32:41

is a follow-up ambush. Oh, okay. Oh, to

32:43

check the pulse. That's right. Because you were

32:45

on the show before? Yes.

32:48

Nobody remembers. I was on the show

32:50

in January 2022. Wow.

32:54

So this is post-COVID, I

32:57

guess? Post-COVID-ish? Well,

32:59

from my point of view, everything

33:02

is pre-COVID because COVID never happened.

33:04

Oh, no. I don't want to get

33:06

into my politics, but that's... I don't want to get into your politics.

33:10

That's just a little dink. I went your beast. Some

33:12

of the things I believe. In your politics. You can

33:14

check out my sub-stack for more. But,

33:16

yes, I came on back then and I

33:18

rescued your podcast. And since then,

33:20

the podcast has completely turned around. Oh, it

33:23

did? Huge success. And I just wanted to

33:25

come in and do a follow-up to

33:27

see how my changes have been implemented

33:29

and how they've affected. So I went

33:31

back. I actually went back to

33:34

check my previous appearance to see how far we'd

33:36

come. And do you know what I learned? Okay.

33:38

Have you learned? My previous appearance is not available

33:40

on the archives. Well, you got

33:42

to get a subscription to the TV world. I'm a

33:44

maximum subscriber. Well, it's in there. Well,

33:46

I couldn't find it. You couldn't find it? No,

33:49

no. You scroll down. Sir,

33:51

is there anything sadder? Than

33:53

a man scrolling through the

33:56

RSS feed searching his own name?

33:58

It's almost as sad as... You

34:00

googling Helen Mirren Bikini,

34:02

Helen Mirren Bikini. What is it?

34:04

Helen Mirren Bikini Young and see what's up

34:06

with it? No, it's not Young! You

34:09

want to be googling Helen Mirren

34:11

Caligula Topless. Thank you, Rob. Thank

34:13

you. Well, it's just a simple

34:15

goog- it's my homepage. It's

34:18

the live refresh of those

34:20

search results. Hello! Some

34:24

other things popped up that I don't think

34:27

are Helen Mirren. Well, what they're doing with

34:29

AAI these days, who knows what's going on?

34:32

Ron Snapper, you were on the show before? I was

34:35

on the show before several years ago and since then

34:37

things have completely turned around. Back then you were losing

34:39

$72,000 a minute hosting this podcast. Oh,

34:43

God, that's a lot. That's a heavy bleed. That's

34:46

what she said. Some

34:49

of the length of some of those episodes, that's what she said.

34:52

That was a lot of money. A lot

34:54

of money, but you know what? We've turned

34:56

it all around. We have. You've reduced your

34:59

overhead greatly because you've finally gotten out of

35:01

one of those nice studios that

35:03

people can comfortably park at. Now

35:06

we're just in a fucking small, smelly

35:08

cat infested pool house.

35:11

The cats are still here. You've left the cats are

35:13

still here. There is a wall. If you can't hear

35:15

them scratching in there. My house seems

35:17

to be saying meow. Yeah, it is. But luckily

35:20

the mics aren't picking it up. And so if

35:22

mics work in a space like this, they work.

35:25

That's all you need. We have a special filter

35:27

that's beautiful. See, look at

35:29

the sky. You're taking the initiative. You're

35:31

buying special filters. Straight out the cats

35:34

in your walls. Look

35:37

at the amount of the type of guests that you've had

35:39

on the show. Well, thank you. Well,

35:42

sure. Returning legacy guests

35:45

like Marissa Woffler. Very powerful. Very

35:47

powerful. Speaking of which, you're... This

35:49

is like when Trista and Ryan

35:51

come on the Basel Road. They're

35:53

having problems. Why

35:55

have you watched every episode of

35:57

that show? I don't even know

35:59

what... Krista is! Yeah. Who

36:02

was the first success story? Oh my God! The

36:04

first bachelorette! She married Ryan! This makes-

36:07

And now they're separated now. This makes all the sense in the

36:09

world. They hung on

36:11

longer than the golden bachelorette. Three months

36:13

they made it. I'd like to rescue

36:15

their marriage. You should now. Give

36:17

me your next show. One of them might be dead by now.

36:20

I don't know. Till death do we part? Why do you got

36:22

such ages? Honestly. Because no one

36:24

wants to see anyone over 45! Hey,

36:27

did you know they did a

36:29

study and apparently men over

36:32

35 dancing makes

36:35

younger women feel sick. Literally makes

36:37

them feel sick. I buy that.

36:39

This isn't a bit. They did a scientific study.

36:41

I can confirm this in my years of rescuing.

36:44

I rescued a few dance podcasts, which is not

36:46

a successful format to be in. It

36:52

leaves a lot to be met. And

36:55

let me tell you, when the hosts were,

36:57

I mean even Savion Glover, remember him? Yeah,

36:59

we loved him. Bring it to fuck!

37:01

We loved him until age 35. Yeah,

37:03

as soon as he- Now he's a bore. Disgusting.

37:06

Little girls vomiting seeing him tap dance

37:08

near Big Bird. Yes. It's

37:11

horrible. By the way, just near.

37:13

Just nearby. Just nearby. Nearby. He

37:15

could get through involved. Ajacing. Big

37:17

Bird adjacent. That's right. So we

37:20

took your suggestions you're saying? We took my

37:22

suggestion. You took a lot of shrewd business

37:24

decisions here. Because what's weird is we're having

37:26

a one-on-one with an accountant this episode. It

37:29

seems like we're doing poorly. I

37:32

beg to differ. You haven't heard what

37:34

this accountant has to offer. We've got

37:36

Marissa Wampler here. You own 51%

37:38

of her podcast. Which is a

37:40

real undercutting. You're wrong in it. I mean that

37:42

is- You're wrong. If anything,

37:44

you're losing it because you have to keep paying for

37:46

the subscription fee to keep us on it.

37:49

You've had guests like Mr. Bongos

37:52

himself. Yeah. Jack Wade

37:54

from a best picture winning film Oppenheimer. I

37:56

mean it doesn't get it. All he does

37:58

is play the Bongos in the background. for

38:00

some of the scenes. Yes. But he was

38:03

on. Yes. Right. And it's that attention to

38:05

detail that makes Christopher Nolan truly one of

38:07

the people I see walking around in this.

38:09

I don't think it was Nolan's... Yeah, you

38:11

do see him walking around with his dogs.

38:14

Yeah. You... I don't think

38:16

it's his attention to detail. I think Jack saw

38:18

one picture of him holding bongos and decided

38:20

he would hold them in every scene. And that's

38:22

a strong choice and we applaud that. And you

38:24

make strong choices and that's why this show

38:26

has become so successful. So I want to say

38:29

you're welcome. You're welcome for me. I didn't

38:31

thank you but I do... I

38:33

mean we are doing okay. We're in our 16th year.

38:35

We just had a big 15th anniversary. That's where you're

38:37

wrong! Not about the 16th year but about you doing

38:40

okay. Listen, there's always room to get

38:42

better and as much as this is one

38:44

of my follow-up success stories so far, it's

38:46

also a huge failure. Oh. Because you have

38:48

failed to pivot to the next stage of

38:51

the podcast game. Oh, what? I... What is

38:53

that? Yeah, I don't even know. What's that?

38:55

I mean, we're one of the original podcasts.

38:57

It's something you've probably never even experimented with.

38:59

What? Video. Oh. Video.

39:02

I don't know if anybody wants

39:04

to see who's on the

39:06

podcast. The problem with videos is a lot of

39:08

the guests don't want to come wearing makeup. Yeah.

39:11

And don't even want to take a picture.

39:14

They won't take a picture actually. They will

39:16

not have a photo taken. And I may

39:18

have them way far away in the background

39:20

of a picture. You could have a caricature

39:23

of them... Wearing sunglasses. ...bliced

39:25

into this picture but you will not be your

39:27

fave. Okay, if I draw a caricature right

39:29

now... Yes. Yes.

39:32

Then you can put that in. And it can be

39:34

realistic. I'm underage.

39:36

I don't want my photo. You're not

39:38

underage anymore. I'm underage. You're 50. If

39:41

she's over 50, does that make any

39:44

key demographics sick? Obviously,

39:47

you guys said you hate old women. I'm

39:50

going to draw you David Waynstyle. Fine. Go

39:52

for it. I think this caricature

39:54

is the perfect kind of thing we could be

39:56

capturing on video for our social skylight. Well, you

39:58

should have Dabney back on. The caricature is that

40:00

we met at Six Flags. Who?

40:04

I thought you were suggesting deceased actor Dabney

40:06

Coleman. Oh, but I love... Oh, Dabney Culverston,

40:09

you mean. Yes! He's still with us. Yeah,

40:11

Dabney's... We should have him in. A lot

40:13

of people were very worried about him when recent news

40:15

of Dabney Coleman. Yeah, they thought that it was his

40:17

fault. Rest impossible? No. No, Dabney Culverston

40:19

is still with us. Okay, good. Thank God.

40:22

Yeah, he's very old, though. Thank God. He's

40:24

older than Dabney Coleman. Yeah. He's from every

40:26

state. Okay, that's making me sick. Here

40:29

you go. About that is making me sick. This

40:31

is a very realistic picture, by the way. Great. I can't

40:33

wait to see it. It's so wonderful to draw pictures. And

40:35

the listeners can't wait to see it either. It's so wonderful

40:38

to talk about pictures. Are these forehead wrinkles accurate?

40:40

Oh, hi. See what

40:42

I mean? From the top row. You see what I

40:44

mean, right? Listeners, he hates women. Women?

40:47

You hate women. I hate wrinkles on women. You...

40:49

Oh, my God. Let me tell you something. If

40:52

Scott were more actively hating women on this podcast...

40:54

He'd be doing a lot better. I know. The

40:56

numbers would be a lot better. Maybe

40:59

you should make a Joe Rogan pivot.

41:01

Yeah. Well, he's on video, right? He's

41:03

on video. He's got all seven hours

41:05

of his podcast are available on video

41:07

every... See, this is a key element

41:10

of podcasting. People need to see the

41:12

faces of the fun people they're

41:14

having a parasocial relationship with. I don't know about

41:16

that. They want to hang out with them. They

41:18

want to feel like I'm in the room with

41:20

the bar stool chuds. I'm

41:23

watching them talk about the porn that

41:25

they subscribe to. Bar stool chuds?

41:27

Is that a real... No, that's just

41:29

me referring to the men who work at bar

41:31

stool. To me, they fit

41:33

under the umbrella of chuds. We could use

41:35

one or two of them on this podcast.

41:37

Is a chud something you call a

41:40

boner that's half- No, it's a cannibalistic humanoid

41:42

underground dweller. Sure. That's one interpretation of a

41:45

chud. What you're thinking of is a chode.

41:47

A chode. You're thinking of a chode. A

41:49

chode is wider than it is long. Like

41:53

a mini coke can. Yeah. That's... And

41:55

by the way, if you have a choice, it's

41:57

another PSA. If you have a choice between- a

42:00

dong that looks like a mechanical pencil or

42:02

a mini coke can, you're gonna pick the

42:04

mini coke can every time. This explains

42:06

why my subscriber numbers are down on

42:08

my solo vids. I do that. You

42:11

have solo vids? You have a solo vids? You have

42:13

an only fan? I make some solo vids to

42:16

put together some cash between seasons of

42:18

my show. I do quietly do some

42:20

solo vids on the side. Quietly. Quietly.

42:23

Quietly. There's silent solo vids

42:26

with a little touch of ASMR. But

42:29

it's basically- There's some murmuring in the background. Yeah, right.

42:32

Hey, knock that off. Yeah, you can hear the

42:34

person in the Holiday and Extended Suites next

42:36

to me. You can hear your mom at

42:38

the other room like, yeah, out of the

42:40

bathroom! You can just hear people blasting MSNBC

42:42

next door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's just

42:44

sort of me quietly trying to focus and

42:46

maintain interaction. While crying. Well, yeah,

42:49

sure. But that's a natural lubricant, the

42:51

tears. I don't know that

42:53

we're pivoting to video. Why not? What was

42:55

your name again? Brunt Snapper. And

42:58

that's- How many times have you been on the show?

43:00

I've been on the show once. Really?

43:02

Yeah. Where did the

43:04

Snappers hail from? What's your GDL? You ever done

43:07

23andMe, Ron? Sure, I've

43:09

done 23andMe that came back inconclusive.

43:12

Oh. Really? Those are the

43:14

results that said, we're not sure. Possible

43:16

animal DNA contamination. Oh, no.

43:19

Okay. Does that also mean none of

43:21

your relatives are in the database? No

43:23

one's in the database. The Snappers do

43:25

not trust internet cataloging of their DNA.

43:27

Okay. And frankly, none of you should.

43:29

And with the way Biden's taking this country- Okay. No,

43:32

no, no. We want to get in there. Sorry. Your

43:35

politics. Yeah, yeah. That's

43:38

right. That's the last thing I want to

43:40

do. Although- I unfortunately

43:42

did 23andMe and I found

43:44

out I am 42% Neanderthal.

43:48

That's right. That's too

43:50

namely hot. Which I

43:52

always knew was a possibility because

43:55

of the meaty size of my

43:57

calf and my extremely heavy bones.

44:00

Is the other 58% just

44:02

a bread crust and cream cheese? Basically.

44:05

They said there was too much high carb

44:07

count for them to actually get any kind

44:10

of accurate DNA, but they did say it

44:12

was 42% Neanderthal. Neanderthal. So

44:14

you're on the left-hand side on that evolutionary

44:16

scale. That's right. You're like crouching down. That's

44:18

right. Crouched over. Yeah, 45% Neanderthal. Thicker brow.

44:21

That makes sense why it's a thick brow.

44:23

Let me draw that in. Yeah. So

44:26

you have a wide brow,

44:28

shorter stature, thicker legs. Yeah.

44:31

Short, short, thick legs. Yeah. You

44:34

have like codes for legs. Yeah, exactly.

44:37

A wide belly

44:40

area, which is why most tankinis don't fit.

44:42

No, you look like you're wearing one of those

44:44

pool floaties. That's right. But then you

44:46

get too close, you're like, oh, that's just part of it. And that's

44:48

pubic skin. Yeah. Yeah, you're surprised. And

44:51

all the hair, the body hair explains the body hair. I've

44:53

often wondered if I was part Neanderthal

44:55

because of my aggressive nature and my

44:57

mistrust of fire. Wow. You

44:59

seem so docile, Ron. What are you talking about? You're not

45:02

given any aggression. Well, I

45:04

already gave my tough love

45:06

two years ago and it paid off. And so I'm

45:08

going to have to give some more of it again.

45:10

You need to get some cameras in here. Honestly, Ron,

45:12

for the most part, I'm forgetting that you're next to

45:15

me. That's how not

45:17

aggressive you are. I forget you're there. Perhaps

45:19

that says more about your own awareness. Perhaps

45:22

you're making me look inward, Ron Snapper. I see

45:25

if there were cameras in here, no one would

45:27

forget who was next to who. We'd be able

45:29

to chop it up into digestible little clips for

45:31

our socials. The teens

45:33

would be able to share it on TikTok.

45:35

They'd be able to say, look at this

45:37

funny shaped woman. I

45:40

take offense to that. I am the

45:42

shape of an upside down pyramid. And

45:45

that is that's not a funny shape

45:48

to many cultures. That is a prize

45:50

to shape. From one culture where

45:52

the surprise. Rhode Island. OK,

45:55

the facts check out on that. That is

45:57

that is accurate in the. for

46:00

their clams and their upside down

46:02

pyramid shaped women. And

46:05

their mayors who tied their rivals to chairs

46:08

and beat them with a baseball bat. That's

46:10

right, but great marinara sauce. Great

46:13

marinara sauce. So Ron, you

46:15

were on the show before. See,

46:18

and this kind of recurring bit could be

46:20

a great bit for social. I

46:22

don't know that we're doing video on the show. I know

46:24

some people- Too late, I've already been filming video of this

46:26

whole thing. Okay, look, here's a

46:29

few things you could do to

46:31

incorporate into clips for socials. We

46:33

could be talking about the Sigma Grind

46:35

Set. Are you familiar with the Grind Set mentality?

46:37

Sort of, yes, I know about Sigma. You got

46:39

a grind, Scott. You could be calmly talking about

46:41

how you wake up at 3 a.m. You

46:44

immediately open Mark Wahlberg's prayer app.

46:46

What? Bet

46:49

you listen to- On that app, does he recite

46:51

prayers or does he just give you prayers that

46:54

you're supposed to do? I'll

46:56

pull it up right here. Okay, it's

46:58

just his face pops up and it's a picture

47:00

of him from Ash Wednesday when he's got the

47:02

ashes on the forehead. I remember the picture. And

47:04

it's just him, it's a bit of a jib jab. It

47:06

looks like just him going, stay prayed up. And

47:10

then it's glitching from here. I don't really know

47:12

what you're trying. Oh, they gotta work out those

47:14

kinks. Do you have that next to the Jeremy

47:16

Renner app? That's my favorite app. I always check

47:19

that for updates on his music. Are you familiar

47:21

with his music? No! Do

47:23

a deep dive on YouTube of him drinking

47:25

tequila and uncovering House of the Rising Sun.

47:29

It's a map. The app just seemed to

47:32

stop one day. The app just stopped. It

47:34

stopped cold. And there's a picture of a snowplow. I don't know what

47:36

exactly. See, and it's

47:38

just kind of hot. He's a person

47:40

knives out three. Oh, knives out three,

47:42

beautiful movie. Not enough people in it.

47:45

And every day a new person pops up. That's right,

47:47

thank God. I think all of us are gonna be

47:50

in it at some point. I like a whodunit where

47:52

it could be anyone or no one. I don't even

47:54

care. Yeah, anyone on earth. That's

47:56

what I want to suspect. Anyone could wander in. See,

47:59

and it's us complaining about. popular movies that could really

48:01

go to the top of the spectrum. Nothing America wants

48:03

than white men complaining about popular

48:05

movies. That's right. Think of, if

48:07

you just did your Star Wars rankings that

48:09

you like to do. Ooh! How

48:12

do you know about my Star Wars rankings? Ooh! Because

48:14

I have a file on you! Those are exclusively on

48:16

our, you have to stop talking about PMMP on TV.

48:18

I told you I'm a back to my subscriber! He's

48:20

got a dossier on you. And

48:22

look, that's the kind of clip that could be

48:24

driving angry engagement from white men between the ages

48:26

of 18 and 35. Why

48:29

is that what you want? I feel like I'm

48:31

getting enough of it already. He captured that audience.

48:33

Yeah, I've started writing Spider-Man. One issue is out

48:35

and I've already got enough angry white men. Oh,

48:38

Scott! Scott, you've walked

48:40

directly into a wood chipper. God, I

48:42

hope you didn't have a character of

48:44

color who knew Spider-Man. I don't know.

48:47

That'd be a shame. We'll see. But,

48:49

yeah. Anyway,

48:51

see, it's that kind of disgusting comment like what I just

48:53

made that could drive a lot of negative engagement if it

48:55

was on a video folder. We're not going to do it.

48:57

I'm sorry. Wow. Okay.

49:01

I'm just not into it. I'm sorry. Okay,

49:03

well then I'm going to film a short little video for your social media. Okay. Just

49:06

to be clear, your flip phone

49:08

doesn't have camera access.

49:11

It doesn't seem to be taking... There's

49:13

no lens. There's... I

49:15

was told there was a lens. You were

49:17

told there was a lens. I went

49:19

to eBay and bought an old Sprint phone

49:21

I saw in season 21 of Survivor that

49:24

they used to watch videos from their

49:26

loved ones. I don't know. And it's got

49:28

video capability. This seems to only have

49:30

the videos from the Survivor cast. You can't

49:32

actually film out. Oh, it's Rupert crying about

49:35

his hot wife. Okay, sorry. Let

49:37

me scroll past this. Okay, great. Okay,

49:39

now I'm filming a video for social. Okay. Okay,

49:42

great. Scott, what I do every

49:45

morning, I wake up at 2 in the morning

49:47

and I read Meditations by Marcus

49:49

Aurelius. Okay, stoicism is one of

49:52

the greatest... What stoicism all about?

49:54

It's about like hitting your dog with

49:56

a hair... Like

50:00

a hairbrush just waking up and saying life

50:03

is is awful Marcus

50:05

Aurelius began every day by hitting his

50:07

dog with a hairbrush. Are we saying

50:10

dog or dog? It's

50:13

hard. What are we he does both? He

50:15

did both Stowess one for

50:17

you one for me. Just for say that's right.

50:19

Stowess is about Giving

50:22

yourself horrible little homework assignments every

50:24

day that you have to complete

50:27

at the expense of fostering any

50:29

real interpersonal relation. Oh, it's about

50:31

creating a Restrictive

50:34

framework that keeps you from enjoying

50:36

any of life's little pleasures Well,

50:41

you should have stayed focused because that's the

50:43

Sigma grindset guys and that's why I'm selling

50:45

these pills I'm selling Pills

50:50

the pill so that the people can see that they work Give

50:52

me that pill Even

50:55

though what the pill is it easy. I just

50:57

want things Okay, this what

50:59

are these pills? Aftertaste is

51:01

the aftertaste. I'm glad you asked. That's wrong.

51:03

That's Pete Moss. That's a fine Pete Moss

51:07

But he's gonna get you dryer levels

51:09

back mine and peanut butter like is it shoved

51:11

it down my throat? You would a dog well They

51:13

have to be a sister dog style you can put them

51:15

in a pill pocket if you put it in one of

51:17

those little treats Why'd you put this

51:19

cone around my neck well, it's a cone of

51:21

shame Scott you won't pivot to video you should

51:23

be ashamed of yourself Okay

51:30

It's gonna play great on I don't

51:32

know look Your name is

51:34

Ron snapper my race that my name is Rod snapper. I've been on

51:36

the show before you've been on the show before We

51:38

need to take a break. I need

51:40

to get to this accountant. Okay? Like

51:43

maybe a one-on-one show hey if you don't like the

51:45

way the show is going there's the door and that's

51:47

my classic Oh, that's right. Okay. That's the one thing

51:50

I had to give you the end. There's the door.

51:52

There's the door Okay, we're gonna take a break when

51:54

we come back. I don't know that Ron or Beck

51:56

or I'm sorry No Ron or Marissa will still be

51:59

here Becky's the accountant

52:01

coming up. Fuck Becky. Fuck Becky. Becky with

52:03

the good hair. I dare you to say

52:05

that to her face I'm gonna fight this

52:07

do it. It'll be a great clip. I'll

52:09

stay I'll be making solo vids at the

52:11

court Why are you crying again? Natural

52:15

response my body has to when it sees my own

52:17

camera. All right, we need to take a break We'll

52:19

be right back with more comedy back back after this

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R I C. E

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bikes.com. Some

54:26

comedy Bang bang. We're back. Murcia Wampler is still

54:28

here is what but it up baby. So often

54:31

it up what's going on with all the of

54:33

though all of the how many episodes a while

54:35

but of did you do. Have guy.

54:37

It's hard to tell. Seven,

54:39

Fourteen. Before sensitive you did over

54:41

a hundred at least a lot. Yes, we

54:43

city see our visit you. You've done a

54:46

lot of episodes. they're all over at C

54:48

B B World right now. yeah we just

54:50

put him up. I don't get a lawyer

54:52

said don't don't see Santa sent by Tsai

54:55

you know some dessert know coupons company. I

54:57

can't wait till we get more though. Outside

54:59

they're all they're under. Also there's this book

55:01

the you're very upset about. Would Yeah what's

55:04

it called with the Art of small talk

55:06

our to small them. Girls I would

55:08

even call them girl talk about old

55:10

women. Yeah these are gonna be

55:12

sick that the by his attacks

55:14

we got. Easy, well suited. Just the

55:17

St Clair wrote this audio book called the

55:19

Artist Small talk with you though to hide

55:21

teach people had a small talk and lot

55:23

of people. Hate of just you know that

55:25

just attempted your nose and. A

55:28

pig and can try to save set

55:30

of give you out of last the

55:32

on this disease or as. Of

55:34

anyway so yeah, pretty pissed because it was

55:36

my idea. I'm obviously the queen. A small.

55:38

Town and slightly to. Your left. Again,

55:42

this is where we use that. Another, you

55:44

get us Okay, yeah, Course, correct. into the

55:46

know. You know what? I actually. I. Actually

55:49

the hell you got. I need get

55:51

surgery on my nose to make it

55:53

more bowl this. yeah people seen it

55:55

but I actually stick in this because

55:57

that our. Next semester Jersey of Jindal.

56:00

As well. Get me right, yeah, I'm

56:02

just to give myself more of that

56:04

neanderthal flavor. My head the sensor

56:06

procedure done but on my throat I

56:09

wrote a letter Adam and my gf

56:11

love they had assembled the whole throat

56:13

looks like a bullfrog. Guess what I

56:16

breathe it is Yeah you're also you're

56:18

eating flies for our legal yeah Bb

56:20

flies got you Got a probably? My

56:22

sister really is would begin every day

56:25

by eating six or seven five a

56:27

major. I was really sad. That

56:31

I've guy is a reflection of

56:33

how badly for your top of

56:35

benjamin. Franklin's have. You

56:38

ever run by posing as a whole

56:40

they are tight with a clue who

56:42

feeling of us who have weighed him

56:44

if Michael Douglas dressed as bed very

56:46

good work to dance a jig. email

56:48

Parisian for a brothel would be said.

56:50

I don't be having visions. would let

56:52

him into anywhere near down there. Know

56:54

him cancer oh. My

56:58

Soon as it's hundred million years

57:00

ago soon like we're against or

57:02

next guest or alright us to

57:04

actually because. You two were not planned I

57:06

was an ambush but of the good times. And

57:09

I don't think there is a good

57:11

kind of an ambush. I think as

57:13

a word, ambush tastes excitement. Stop talking

57:15

about. Of

57:18

Readers. Aren't. We

57:21

need to get your first guest. Ah,

57:23

season accountants are going to have an

57:25

indepth conversation I would imagine about numbers

57:27

and taxes. I know there's one going

57:29

on, but loan out corporations used as

57:31

North's in the entertainment industry. We need

57:33

to get some clarity on that. Please

57:35

welcome Betty Gerard. Justin

57:39

Timberlake, Or

57:41

ask Obama. Julie.

57:44

M The law. School the

57:46

as your. Ellen

57:49

Degenerate. These

57:51

images as you of my clients.

57:54

Ah honey I I know three of them.

57:56

I don't know that who's this is no

57:58

and door with a hard time. place.

58:01

You know these people? These are my

58:03

enemies. What? Clients or

58:06

your enemies? They are both. These

58:09

are my clients who I

58:11

help every year with their

58:13

numbers, with their businesses, with

58:15

their families, with their livelihoods,

58:17

with their salaries. You're an

58:20

entertainment accountant? Yeah. A business

58:22

manager? Yeah, I haven't quite graduated

58:24

to business manager. But you're an accountant?

58:26

I'm an accountant. Okay. Okay. To the

58:28

stars. To the stars. I'm here to

58:30

help you. If you become a star,

58:32

Scott, I will help you. No, hold

58:34

your breath. I'd move on. Like

58:37

I had a window, didn't happen. That's it.

58:40

Well, you call me when Hollywood

58:42

comes knocking. They won't. And

58:45

that sucks for you. They're doing reverse knocks. It's sort of the sound of

58:47

like, a wave from the door. Yeah,

58:49

they're running away. Absolutely brutal to have Hollywood

58:51

run away from you. Yeah. But I kind of

58:54

wish it would happen to me. Why? I

58:56

don't understand why your clients are your enemies, you

58:58

were saying? They keep

59:00

ranking me. Like Ashton

59:02

Kutcher style? I wish.

59:05

I wish there was some benefit. They're not even

59:07

filming it. Oh, well, that's

59:09

what we're talking about. What do you

59:12

mean they're pranking you? What does that mean? I'm the

59:14

biggest dork they know. I'm a numbers girl.

59:16

You know? You are. I mean, you are.

59:19

I mean, I've seen, I've had some dorks

59:21

on this show. Certainly.

59:23

I've rescued some dorks podcasts. And this

59:25

is a great a lot of D&D

59:27

podcasts out there. They're trying to make

59:30

it seem like they're cool enough. Yeah.

59:32

Oh my God. We got a diverse

59:34

cast of people playing an inclusive game.

59:36

I'm bored. Talk about Ron. Ron. Careful.

59:39

Listen, I understand where I stand in

59:41

terms of dorks. I come from a

59:43

dorky culture. You're like queen of the

59:46

dorks. What was your 23 and me?

59:48

90% dork? Oh,

59:52

my father. My father. 90% dork. Oh,

59:54

did he intermingle with someone who wasn't

59:56

a dork? He was 10%. 10% Neanderthal.

1:00:00

90% dork and in the end absolutely I'm 45% dork the rest of

1:00:02

the percent is just slob

1:00:09

oh really you're messy you're messy

1:00:11

I'm sweaty is it something you're

1:00:15

looking for when you're looking at an account

1:00:17

absolutely I don't want to hear wearing

1:00:19

jorts the jorts are part

1:00:22

of the design of how I work okay

1:00:24

really I get sweaty legs you know I'm

1:00:26

talking about I do I feel

1:00:28

you absolutely I'm sticking everything you

1:00:30

know I'm a woman I know I know I

1:00:32

know but

1:00:36

you want to whisk off is that I want it

1:00:38

I want it to whisk you know yeah

1:00:40

some of that REI technology yeah I'm wearing

1:00:42

that on my daily wonder no not wonder

1:00:44

waking huh moisture wicking constant and I

1:00:46

need whatever I wick are you just

1:00:48

making a solo vid right yeah

1:00:51

sorry all night let me moisture

1:00:54

wicking fabric it easier to clean

1:00:56

up after yourself use promo code

1:00:58

snapper I will be using

1:01:00

that code because I need wick plus I need

1:01:02

constant wicking on that code is that part

1:01:05

of your advice as an accountant is to

1:01:07

just use promo codes all the time promo

1:01:09

code saved my life when I'm on the

1:01:11

computer when you've got promo codes in there

1:01:13

and you give me the promo codes I get

1:01:16

the help myself it's like getting a 1%

1:01:18

salary bump when you use great exactly that's

1:01:20

right exactly it's

1:01:22

incredible to use promo code to give me your

1:01:24

promo code that's the biggest gift any of my

1:01:26

clients ever give me is their promo code but

1:01:28

how how are they prank yeah my you're the

1:01:30

one getting us back on track I'll give you

1:01:35

an example please Justin Timberlake

1:01:37

he has an S corp

1:01:39

okay Timberlong always Timberlong

1:01:41

Timberlong who ways Timberlong away

1:01:43

it's his production company he's trying to pivot

1:01:46

the movie and so I was at

1:01:48

his house Justin Timberlake in movies good luck

1:01:50

with that man listen I don't I don't know

1:01:52

that one where it like your your time was

1:01:54

written on your arm or something like oh yeah

1:01:58

anyway Vincent Cartaich was

1:02:00

it it? I don't

1:02:02

think that's the other guy out of

1:02:04

window. It's true. I gotta catch

1:02:07

these people in their windows. So I'm in Justin Timberlake's

1:02:09

window. I'm actually in his house. I'm helping him through

1:02:11

his receipts. So you have Justin Timberlake on the

1:02:13

wane. I got him. When he's considering

1:02:15

98 degree or what was he in? Anything.

1:02:18

Considering the reunion. He's considering the

1:02:20

reunion. I'm in the room. He's not

1:02:22

asking me for the advice, but I'm

1:02:25

in the room, sweatily going through his

1:02:27

papers. Then this guy, when

1:02:29

people are stressed, they think, how

1:02:31

can I hold power over somebody? And

1:02:34

they go, oh, dork alert. So

1:02:36

he says to me, oh, your car's getting towed

1:02:38

outside. I go, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah,

1:02:40

blah, blah, blah. That's my mom's car. Right.

1:02:43

I rush outside. The car's getting

1:02:45

towed. I go, please, I beg

1:02:47

you, I'll give you anything. This is my mom's

1:02:49

car. She's going to fucking annihilate me if I

1:02:52

don't give this car back to her tonight. Okay.

1:02:54

The tow truck. Is this every night you have to give

1:02:56

it back to her? Does she work nights? I

1:02:59

gotta give it back to her. She doesn't

1:03:01

work nights. Wait, is that your hearse parked

1:03:03

outside? Yes. My mom

1:03:05

is in the death business. When

1:03:07

you say in the death business, what side of it?

1:03:10

Causing it or? I would say,

1:03:12

um, healing

1:03:14

it. Healing. You know, when somebody dies.

1:03:16

Oh, no. She transports the body? Bringing

1:03:20

the dead back to life. It's

1:03:23

happened once. It has. It happened

1:03:25

once. Jesus Christ. Very

1:03:27

famously. And John Lennon. John

1:03:30

Lennon. Well, John Lennon, that one

1:03:32

scooped her business because she brought the one guy

1:03:34

back to life, but he wasn't a celebrity. That's

1:03:37

why I got the idea. I gotta work with celebrities. That's

1:03:39

how you got the idea to work with

1:03:41

celebrities. Smart. Interesting. Smart. So

1:03:43

just to tip, like he, my car is getting

1:03:46

towed. I'm screaming for help. I say, beg of

1:03:48

you, a begging. There's a body in the back.

1:03:50

Please don't. I got it. You're driving around with

1:03:52

that body. Yeah. My mom had a night shift.

1:03:54

In this heat. In this heat. In the California

1:03:57

heat. Really different than when I lived in Connecticut.

1:03:59

Different. Really different. That's probably not the interesting

1:04:01

part of the story, but go ahead. I think you're

1:04:03

sitting in the humidity right there. I lived outside in

1:04:05

New Haven. Not quite,

1:04:08

you know, we're not the dryness. No,

1:04:10

the dryness. Please, I beg of you to get back on

1:04:12

track. Now it's me. So, my

1:04:15

car is getting to it. I'm begging for my

1:04:17

life. I'm skinning my knees because I'm in the

1:04:19

door, and I'm on the driveway begging and pleading.

1:04:21

You're like down on your hands and knees begging. I'm banging,

1:04:23

I'm banging, I'm banging. And that sounds, you don't

1:04:25

make a big impact on a driveway. No, you

1:04:28

don't. That's not always too powerful. Then

1:04:30

Justin goes, ha ha. And

1:04:33

I turn around, he's laughing at me. The

1:04:36

person in the tow truck takes off their mask, it's

1:04:38

his mom. Come on. That's

1:04:40

any good. Why not just, why the mask?

1:04:43

Did you know that that's the bomb? Did

1:04:46

you know that it's kind

1:04:48

of easy to see if somebody's wearing a mask?

1:04:51

Were you concerned? Tell

1:04:53

that to me, 25 minutes ago walking in as

1:04:55

the gardener, okay? It's for dramatic

1:04:57

effect. The point is, Ron, nobody cares

1:05:00

who you are or remembers your face. I

1:05:02

guess every time you talk, I get shocked

1:05:05

that you're here. I think you

1:05:07

don't have object permanence. That

1:05:09

may be true. That may be part of your

1:05:11

problem. It is one of my problems. You turned to the

1:05:13

left and I'm gone. That's what got me into

1:05:15

the SARS Academy. I have the object permanence

1:05:18

of a two-year-old. That's

1:05:20

honestly an incredible skill to harness because I

1:05:22

wish I could forget all these pranks happening

1:05:24

to me. I understand. You sound horrible. Did

1:05:26

Justin Timberlake's mom then take your car away

1:05:28

or was this all just the prank? It

1:05:30

was all the prank. Didn't

1:05:32

this happen to him? Yes. You

1:05:34

think her people hurt people, Scott. Wow.

1:05:38

So this is originally, this is like his famous punk, right,

1:05:40

where his car is getting towed and he cries, right? Absolutely.

1:05:43

And he cries. He made me cry. Was his mom

1:05:45

involved? His mom, she was probably in the bushes

1:05:47

or some shit. I don't know. Yeah, probably. Because

1:05:50

she seemed like the original prankster. She took off her mask and you

1:05:52

asked me did I notice she had a mask on. I

1:05:55

don't like to judge women. I am a woman. I

1:05:57

thought it. I Do.

1:05:59

Run! Sir you are.

1:06:02

Any, and that's your thing to talk about

1:06:04

with the devil, you know, right? That's what.

1:06:06

You gotta talk about have her or

1:06:08

her ah edu sort of make was

1:06:11

just to embarrass uses and humiliate me.

1:06:13

Humiliate you because you're such a dork

1:06:15

as. Him. Such as Dulles, his article on

1:06:17

terror and this is happening with all my

1:06:19

clients they now now just and gave him

1:06:21

the tip on t you complain said he

1:06:24

says are all doing it. You become

1:06:26

a mark I'm a mark of and

1:06:28

I'm not a good kind of mark

1:06:30

like the one with app. Yes now

1:06:33

Berg see Breda Oh I thought Summer

1:06:35

of Love really enjoyed user the as

1:06:37

it as it is a Home Depot

1:06:40

kisses in the morning if you see

1:06:42

single arrives you about politics A and

1:06:44

that is an assistant professor was very

1:06:47

specific Profit they I exactly so so

1:06:49

who else is trying to do was

1:06:51

Obama Barack Obama Obama. He. Is

1:06:53

my client he i his as

1:06:56

corp ago was a blatantly Barack

1:06:58

Obama our former President Or Barack

1:07:00

Obama is what I heard last.

1:07:02

Er. Barack Obama grub for a lot

1:07:05

of. On but we're off of of so

1:07:07

bravo bottle. Was surprised this lot of. I.

1:07:09

Have not my birth of. His

1:07:12

say that. Days and forty. there's a lot. It.

1:07:15

Of my slippery fingers a little typos it

1:07:17

doesn't matter when I submitted to dire as

1:07:19

he has I would agree I said it

1:07:21

it also to detail with. Precision

1:07:24

his number. Is

1:07:26

it all up of war? I send that out

1:07:28

to the day office but us? You know sometimes

1:07:30

it's typos want them to interact the other did

1:07:32

the he's Obama, my and my books a now.

1:07:35

But. He got the worsens: a thesis

1:07:37

overpaying. second. Okay, so did. I.

1:07:40

Was at a red light. As in my mom's

1:07:42

car, her had a body in the back

1:07:44

of cooking. Is he added

1:07:46

deserves? As right he's The air

1:07:49

conditioning is the windows. Smells

1:07:51

tough. Okay. best motors okay for you Often

1:07:53

when I love with no one's own car.

1:07:55

Yeah, when I'm picturing yes, I out a

1:07:57

little hamster wheel that way to get that winner.

1:08:00

The surrounding and you have all. And

1:08:02

ah, I met a red light and

1:08:04

I see oh my god doesn't. Have.

1:08:07

A man screaming on the side of

1:08:09

the road. Help my baby. Trapped Oh

1:08:11

underneath this car. Underneath the car. Oh, and

1:08:13

I said only that. I mean I'm at a

1:08:15

red light, but I'll have uploaded a park. Or

1:08:18

you know I got help them bear with

1:08:20

the beach. We don't need every step of

1:08:22

this. Yeah, yeah, I would advise. Yeah. and

1:08:24

that car it's p that puts it implies

1:08:26

like he has five digits establish that all

1:08:28

isn't there. Might be wondering. Exactly.

1:08:32

I put it apart. Eight years I put

1:08:34

a party for my money. I see the

1:08:36

hamster again of right close it. locked the

1:08:38

door. Lock. The wow now little

1:08:40

bit but you have a lot of

1:08:42

I got a lot of the will

1:08:44

recognize one hundred Eleven or even that

1:08:46

There are some. Idols to the man

1:08:49

is it hello, what's going guys, it's

1:08:51

elbow bother with my babies to happen

1:08:53

in his car. Oh my god. It's.

1:08:55

Only mother's that get the strength. To.

1:08:57

Write a Car or Bill Bixby or Bill

1:08:59

Bixby for they get this until it's definitely

1:09:01

a dapper. Had kids. I don't have

1:09:04

kids. I haven't had the fortune of.

1:09:06

Have you ever had sex? Well

1:09:08

I a white silk answer that know

1:09:11

that if we have club west Ocean

1:09:13

last breath. As it

1:09:15

is the hell you. That. The prank

1:09:17

kind of relates. To it's all

1:09:19

Ogre exactly. So I actually I summon

1:09:21

the strength. You know I some of it.

1:09:24

It's I summon the strength of my mother.

1:09:26

I pretend I'm the babies or what would

1:09:28

my mother do? I don't have kids my

1:09:30

own. I can't put myself into position of

1:09:32

a Missouri. Was then you imagine your relationship

1:09:34

or that? the relationships when your mother and

1:09:37

disaster in that gives me some sank. I

1:09:39

got to do it. And I

1:09:41

iowa's apply list because I guess

1:09:43

the baby. Okay, it. It

1:09:46

looks like a doll to me, but I'm not

1:09:48

trying to shut. She'll right is it was a

1:09:50

girl. I don't want to judge her right And

1:09:52

then she feels like are you. Judge the

1:09:54

a little girls appear. Example: look like a

1:09:56

pretty little don't you. Have that apartments. All

1:09:58

of the have a little brother. Interesting.

1:10:02

Hey, it's a good thing to

1:10:04

be. I, you know, Ron knows. The

1:10:06

social media metrics would beg to differ.

1:10:09

Okay. Okay. Well, I take the doll

1:10:11

looking baby out and I go, here's your baby.

1:10:13

You know, because thank you so

1:10:15

much. Oh, God, I'm so single

1:10:17

these days. I don't know how to keep track

1:10:19

of my baby. I'm so single. That's

1:10:21

very single. That's very single. Very

1:10:23

single. Yeah. So I thought, well, I'm single,

1:10:25

too. Oh, my God, this is a come on. And

1:10:28

I look handsome. Right. So I thought

1:10:30

nothing more attractive than a man who

1:10:32

cares about his daughter. Let his baby

1:10:34

get trapped under a car. But he

1:10:37

seeks help. But he's so wonderful. He's

1:10:39

not like one of those guys that's

1:10:41

asking for direction. Nothing more attractive than

1:10:43

a helpless man. Is this trapped under a wheel

1:10:45

or just there's a baby underneath the actual car? He

1:10:47

was strapped to the under-carriage. So someone

1:10:49

had strapped to the car. Speed style.

1:10:51

Can't I read style? Yeah. Yeah. The baby would explode if

1:10:53

the car got its own part. Baby,

1:10:57

Furiosa. Baby, Furiosa, possibly. We

1:10:59

don't know who she could grow up to be. Sure. That's why

1:11:01

I didn't want to judge her. All babies have

1:11:03

such great possibilities. It's incredible. Men who grow

1:11:05

up to be. We don't know. Yeah.

1:11:08

Maybe a jerk. Maybe a celebrity prankster. Maybe

1:11:10

a guy making solo visit a holiday in

1:11:12

his face. Oh, God, I love a holiday.

1:11:14

And I wish. I

1:11:17

wish I could stay there. What's the nicest hotel you've ever been to?

1:11:19

The nicest hotel I've stayed at. I was allowed

1:11:21

to crash in the back of a Motel 6

1:11:24

because the owner is my mom's

1:11:27

cousin. Why you keep winking at

1:11:29

me? Why you keep winking at

1:11:31

me? She's letting you in on a major effort to do this. Is

1:11:33

the owner the cousin or not? The

1:11:36

owner is my mom's cousin. Oh, okay.

1:11:39

They became cousins through a crime, where

1:11:42

you become kind of like your family.

1:11:44

Did you have sex with your cousins? The

1:11:46

crime. That wasn't the crime. That is a

1:11:48

crime, isn't it? It is a crime, but

1:11:50

if you're both kind of... into

1:11:54

it? Yeah. Your Honor, we were into

1:11:56

it. They looked the other way.

1:11:59

They looked the other way. You ap chemistry

1:12:01

if you fancy embassy. Charlie did, I

1:12:03

did you just under three I

1:12:05

may. Travis. And Taylor we're cousins.

1:12:07

I would be cool with that

1:12:09

matter how much they are. Love inspires

1:12:12

me and Inspires America are those are

1:12:14

priced their pranksters to work or know

1:12:16

ringing America that breaking I'm Alyssa I

1:12:19

got a lot. It's. I. Ended up

1:12:21

sleeping with this man on the side of. The. Road but

1:12:23

Mark was You see to. Earlier

1:12:26

you any kids that come on have been

1:12:28

there any. Pad whenever someone comes I'll

1:12:30

do the three of us. Actually he was

1:12:32

the jersey like opted Lancelot role young. God

1:12:34

for big land up at decided the motel six

1:12:36

in the the fire is alive and you gotta

1:12:39

keep. Hundred or it. That's and I are. Gonna

1:12:41

keep the juice a lot of surprise us

1:12:43

or as a limited in what happens because

1:12:46

this is all like sounding like a fun

1:12:48

happy ending to be so. That's a

1:12:50

Cia land. Well I wish there was happy

1:12:52

and the I wet. The. Baby didn't

1:12:54

cry and. We were kind of hooting and hollering. And

1:12:57

I will as as a be. That way

1:12:59

that that was at all. Was. At all

1:13:01

and I flicked and stuff. I flip the.

1:13:03

Baby. As it is a little shirts it

1:13:05

doesn't cry. Cause. Mass.

1:13:08

Comes off it's Barack Obama. Com the

1:13:10

baby's. The. Man The man.

1:13:12

To make us sexual drug Obama. Is

1:13:15

took a mask off of his. Busyness

1:13:18

as well in it. It. Was

1:13:20

in his been at his penis had been

1:13:22

hit in. oh he was a dildo. It

1:13:24

was a dildo. Oh I bet. He

1:13:27

was horrible. Are you said? Thank you.

1:13:30

For. A while you were it's

1:13:32

inappropriate is not simply because it

1:13:34

shows buses. And and then I said can

1:13:36

I report this is sexual crime. And he said

1:13:38

ice is the the President and then uses

1:13:40

dropped it via and I just dropped that

1:13:42

and then I put a mask off the

1:13:44

baby. How much your house Godesses ruling? That

1:13:46

is It into a movie. Michelle

1:13:49

is this is last. One of the

1:13:51

smithsonian baby says last and of

1:13:53

Michelle was on be business dial.

1:13:56

It is a bad bad story.

1:13:58

It's a bad stories. A

1:14:00

bad story to be a dork. Next,

1:14:02

the celebrities thing. I really think that

1:14:04

have you ever thought about? maybe switch

1:14:06

careers? More. And more cool

1:14:08

driving around or maybe dropping

1:14:11

your clients be impractical jokers

1:14:13

getting I love sour this

1:14:15

youth jobs guy was a

1:14:17

success. I love them as

1:14:19

you can get rid of

1:14:22

them. I kiss my eyes your.

1:14:24

Way what am I to say? Where am

1:14:26

I supposed to get less is not for my

1:14:28

i met thy days. I

1:14:31

get lunch with them every they buy me. Line is

1:14:33

that? How nice? How often does it turn out

1:14:36

to not be Looks my god, More often they

1:14:38

need to. I guess I would think every. The.

1:14:40

Amount of Ambrose is a bit and then

1:14:42

of my name. Last. His roots walk

1:14:45

into a pizza place and it's

1:14:47

like clearly drywall was just put

1:14:49

us hours before and after. Your

1:14:52

three are able to add your

1:14:54

every dear readers Marissa I. Lock.

1:14:56

Into what I think is assembly sale as when

1:14:58

my guys and last fall down it's a Best

1:15:00

Buy and I buy. In as easy

1:15:03

as with every religion, is. Unbelievable.

1:15:07

Unbelievable. I remember that show Betty

1:15:09

White's off their rocker. Yeah I

1:15:11

know friends. I had a friend

1:15:13

who added tv show. Is. Their

1:15:16

first Tv show and the lead

1:15:18

it was Betty White's off the

1:15:20

Rockers of Not have their herds

1:15:22

Tv show was so unsuccessful. said

1:15:25

they would rather run reruns of

1:15:27

Betty White's Off their Rockers then

1:15:29

original episodes of Herself Did You

1:15:32

But. you can't even retain and

1:15:34

ninety four year old are you that's exactly right

1:15:36

you lotta as the network is that some sort

1:15:38

of prank because it might have been a preferably

1:15:40

dollars for i wish it was that was reality

1:15:43

oh wow well this is i mean becky this

1:15:45

is a terrible terrible story saying i don't i

1:15:47

can't solve it i me i feel like you

1:15:49

know how would a man with the two women

1:15:52

story or always has to solve it and said

1:15:54

just being a diabetic or he gets as i

1:15:56

said now he gets his head Gotta

1:16:00

go throw up the rough. I'm just

1:16:02

gonna be empathetic and say I'm so sorry that

1:16:04

this is happening today Thank you. I don't have

1:16:06

any kind of solution for it, but I will

1:16:08

say we are running out of time I expected

1:16:10

to have a full hour with you. Yeah, but

1:16:14

lots of oxygen It's

1:16:16

my fault again. My

1:16:18

heart can't take these shocks every time you

1:16:20

talk This is it's it's terrible

1:16:22

what's happening to you, but we are

1:16:24

running out of time We only have time for one final

1:16:27

feature on the show That is of course a little something

1:16:29

called plug Hey

1:16:40

That was new file teeny tiny

1:16:42

pluggy-wookie Thank

1:16:44

you so much to the Kev bot if

1:16:46

you will have a plugs theme either opening or

1:16:49

closing head over to CBB world comm slash plugs

1:16:51

and upload your theme and you can be famous

1:16:53

for a week and Kev bot you're famous and

1:16:57

What do we plug in let's see I guess I'll go

1:16:59

to our one real guest. Do you have anything to plug?

1:17:02

Becky hmm. I would say that

1:17:04

lately I've been

1:17:06

a fan another client of mine

1:17:08

Rika shunker. She's a Not

1:17:12

a celebrity whatsoever. Yeah. Yeah put her

1:17:14

in a movie at one point Okay,

1:17:18

but you know that must have been a good

1:17:20

yeah, I mean I would I don't know what we paid her but Financials

1:17:26

up here right? Oh, no The

1:17:29

pay rate it was not a guy. I

1:17:32

don't think the Giorno coupons count Yeah

1:17:34

as pay I tried to use some

1:17:36

of those and expired they were expired

1:17:39

So here you paid her in the Giorno

1:17:41

coupons and Zach alphanakis beard trimmings. Oh,

1:17:43

yeah It's that it's about a bag

1:17:45

of trimming. She was kind of destitute

1:17:47

that year, unfortunately But she does have

1:17:49

you know some shows coming up You

1:17:52

could check out her website rika shunker

1:17:54

calm follow her on socials dropout TV.

1:17:56

Yada. Yada. Yada and just you

1:17:58

know I

1:18:00

don't know. Actually, you're going to have to consider for yeah,

1:18:02

we don't. Know I guess you know. Just like

1:18:04

you know, follow her and said so that

1:18:07

one day one of her instagram her Instagram

1:18:09

as are eager is a underscore. s. Great

1:18:11

and a know I hope to god that's not a

1:18:13

freak and prank. Because she be given

1:18:15

me this information I haven't tested as

1:18:18

yeah, maybe the virus and as a

1:18:20

comedian she might be breaking scattered careful.

1:18:23

Sucks. Yes, it really does. I

1:18:25

said i, ah you know it'll

1:18:27

take plugs from you guys. Even though

1:18:29

you weren't meant to be on

1:18:31

the run, it sounds snappers. Oh

1:18:33

my gosh, course you need to watch

1:18:35

part. Guess rescue It's bearable on

1:18:37

Paramount Plus Plus or that's be

1:18:39

web only for men of it's only

1:18:42

available on web browsers within the

1:18:44

curtain. Them soul can only a

1:18:46

mobile right? Like liar either? Toilets yeah,

1:18:48

it was built in Civil rights

1:18:50

and Go nine the app for

1:18:52

members. Are you know how we

1:18:54

would all be turning our phones?

1:18:56

Ninety degrees going may be so

1:18:58

it's billion center for of the

1:19:00

a period of time. Not second

1:19:02

he I went to bat I

1:19:04

said going nine the best assess

1:19:06

assess the server ads as a

1:19:08

slant eyed exactly what I say

1:19:10

every fab I start a soul

1:19:12

of it. Okay folks were going

1:19:14

nice Tidy. successive. I wish I

1:19:16

was. So anyway, lose another catchphrase.

1:19:20

Us shares the door and I was. So.

1:19:23

Look, listen, you can watch my show

1:19:26

but more importantly should be checking in

1:19:28

on so it's got a few. An

1:19:30

inspiration for someone who's playing the social

1:19:32

media game perfectly. Comedian Devon Field You

1:19:34

can follow him at that. Devon Field

1:19:37

on all platforms Have heard about It's

1:19:39

Gonna Veto has chosen not to buy

1:19:41

but I haven't heard about. He posts

1:19:43

very occasionally rarely to grid the military

1:19:45

half assed promotions of his own, a

1:19:47

bravura, very arrogant and his men as

1:19:50

brings me so I just as damaging

1:19:52

as break to the I. Am I

1:19:54

good? Pretend that I want to

1:19:56

be the pricewaterhouse Coopers lottery. the

1:20:00

big check for you and it was cake and it

1:20:02

was terrible. It was cake and it was delicious. A

1:20:04

lot of these pranks actually you get a good end

1:20:06

of it. You have sex with dildo. I have dildo

1:20:09

attached to Barack Obama. And it wasn't a crime. We'll

1:20:11

take it. It was incredible. So

1:20:13

that's fine to me. He can't take away

1:20:15

the mental experience you had. Then you get

1:20:17

to eat cake. And you'll never take away

1:20:20

that shortcake. Great.

1:20:24

And Marissa, you want to plug anything? Yeah.

1:20:26

I'm on MySpace. Very

1:20:29

active there. Please

1:20:32

check the news because I think this

1:20:34

lawsuit between me and Jessica St. Clair

1:20:36

and Casey Wilson about their audio book

1:20:38

they stole from me, The Art of

1:20:40

Small Talk, which can be downloaded,

1:20:43

audible anywhere you get your audio

1:20:45

books. I'm

1:20:47

drawing your mouth right now. Why

1:20:49

is it so big and open? Oh, I wonder. That

1:20:51

looks like a goatee to me. But

1:20:54

Dawn, with those spurts going into it,

1:20:56

I'm going to be so pissed. Listen.

1:21:00

Oh, God, you did it.

1:21:03

The spurts are coming from the testicles.

1:21:06

It's at the ball. It's at the prank.

1:21:08

I have no idea. I have no wide

1:21:11

head. No, that's a stupid. I'll be honest.

1:21:13

This caricature looks like what I think

1:21:15

I look like. Ron Stamper. Ron, you

1:21:17

got to get a better self-esteem. Yeah.

1:21:20

But listen, and check out Wop

1:21:22

It Up. Where can they find

1:21:24

it? cppworld.com, all episodes available

1:21:27

to either Maximus or Legacy

1:21:29

subscribers. Great. And

1:21:31

yeah, and any

1:21:33

time you see a Taylor and Travis vid,

1:21:35

if you look, you're going to like the

1:21:38

Zbruder films, you're going to see Marissa

1:21:41

or Lissler in the background.

1:21:44

I hope it doesn't turn out like the Zbruder film. She

1:21:46

had a very bad ending. I don't know anything

1:21:48

about that. I love that movie, Zelda. Or good,

1:21:50

depending on your politics. But I don't want to go.

1:21:54

Oh, Ron. Well, I want to plug, Look,

1:21:56

obviously we talked about bonus bangs. Those are coming

1:21:58

out starting this Thursday, the. Hello Andrew Lloyd

1:22:00

Webber! Ah I'm Rcb be tour starts next

1:22:03

week in Boston were hidden so many cities

1:22:05

and I hope our people are going to

1:22:07

come out and see us. We have to

1:22:09

shows in Boston and then we go New

1:22:11

York Silly D C. Sorrow added lad others

1:22:14

offer memories I can remember about a bunch

1:22:16

of cities in the south. Then we're going

1:22:18

to the west coast and then we have

1:22:20

that the Midwest and in the west coast

1:22:23

again and an exciting to her announcement next

1:22:25

week's I also I haven't talked about on

1:22:27

this show. I mentioned that earlier. I am.

1:22:30

Writing some Spiderman Comics now

1:22:32

Spiderman Unlimited number thirty nine

1:22:34

through. Forty. Two,

1:22:37

I'm writing about sir setting up some stuff

1:22:39

I'm going to be doing down the line.

1:22:41

The way to get that is getting on

1:22:44

the Marvel Unlimited apps. And. Looking

1:22:46

up Spiderman Unlimited. Those be coming out every

1:22:48

week and it's been fun. I think you

1:22:50

if you like old the web head you

1:22:52

might like what I'm up to. Over there

1:22:54

I landed I: you're not animating it from

1:22:56

this picture you to to me or wrote.

1:22:59

I think you're going to be a character

1:23:01

and. I am.

1:23:03

He is not bad character design honestly

1:23:05

like our of supervillain with a terrible

1:23:08

bowels. A

1:23:10

success, but I check those out over at

1:23:13

Marvel Unlimited and that Check out C B

1:23:15

B World for so many of our great

1:23:17

shows. Neighborhood Listen: Wamp it off. Obviously, C

1:23:19

B B presents all the archive of C

1:23:21

B B. If you're only listening to this

1:23:24

on Mondays, you're only getting half the story.

1:23:26

All right, let's close of the op. look

1:23:28

back. And Dad

1:23:30

paper. yeah

1:23:56

that was the funky plug or by

1:23:58

alex stale think using the famous funky

1:24:00

drummer drum break that's been sampled in

1:24:02

so many songs. Marissa,

1:24:05

you're dozing off. Oh,

1:24:07

sorry. I just, it's like

1:24:09

every time I hear an old man speak,

1:24:11

it just loves me. It's like my ASMR.

1:24:13

Yeah. The Funky Pluggler is

1:24:15

one of my other Only Fans channels. Oh,

1:24:18

okay. Yeah. And that's the name

1:24:20

of a classic IJ prank. Check it out. Oh,

1:24:22

God. All right. Well, guys, I want to thank you

1:24:24

so much. Becky, sorry that we didn't have as much

1:24:26

time to talk as I wanted, but I'd love for

1:24:28

you to come back. If anyone ever

1:24:30

pranks you again, please come back. Absolutely. It'll be

1:24:32

happening tonight, I'm sure. Oh, God. My

1:24:35

life is hell. Yeah. Oh, God.

1:24:38

I think I see Zach Breth out the window. Oh, shit. Marissa,

1:24:40

great to have you on the show. Come

1:24:42

back with Lissler at some point. We will. When

1:24:45

she resurfaces, it's been so great to connect

1:24:47

with all my fans. Please. Oh,

1:24:49

God. Get to me on MySpace. Yeah. And

1:24:52

if you feel like it's inappropriate to send a

1:24:54

topless pic, don't. Okay?

1:24:57

Not don't send it. I mean, don't feel like

1:24:59

it's inappropriate. Don't feel like it's inappropriate. Yeah.

1:25:02

Feel free to send these pics. Feel free. Feel

1:25:04

free. And Ron Snapper, what can one say? Everything. And

1:25:07

yet, nothing at all. And yet, nothing at

1:25:09

all. But wonderful to have you. I'm reading

1:25:12

back on the show. Yes, I've returned. And

1:25:14

I will again. And I will see the

1:25:16

comedy big, big fans at every live tour

1:25:18

stop. Oh, well, I don't know about that.

1:25:22

That would truly be an ambush to me and

1:25:24

the audience. It would. No one would

1:25:26

like it. All right. Thanks. Bye.

1:25:30

Wipe it up. Here. Treat

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dad to the good stuff at Nordstrom

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This. Show is sponsored by Better Help. Our

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most precious asset is our time. So many

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1:26:43

Oh man, this year has gone by

1:26:45

so quickly, hasn't it? Oh my

1:26:47

word, what's something that you're proud

1:26:49

of in 2024 so far? Are

1:26:53

you proud that you

1:26:55

bought the perfect

1:26:57

gift for your wife's birthday?

1:27:00

I mean, I did all right. What's

1:27:02

something you still want to accomplish this

1:27:04

year? You know, when life goes this

1:27:06

fast, it's important to take a moment

1:27:09

to celebrate your wins and

1:27:11

to make adjustments for the rest of the year. Therapy

1:27:14

can help you take stock of

1:27:16

your progress and set achievable goals

1:27:18

for the next six months. So

1:27:21

if you're thinking of starting therapy, give