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you know. comedy

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bang bang comedy bang

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bang comedy bang bang

2:11

comedy bang bang comedy

2:13

bang bang comedy bang

2:15

bang four score and 16

2:18

stone with Gavin Rosdale and Joey Fatone. Welcome

2:20

to Comedy Bang Bang. Thank

2:23

you to 7 layer dip mayor, 7

2:25

layer dip mayor for that wonderful catchphrase

2:27

admission and welcome to another edition of

2:29

comedy bang bang. My name is Scott

2:31

Aucherman and we're doing something

2:34

a little different for

2:36

this episode of comedy bang bang. Not

2:39

different if you heard the first edition. We're

2:41

doing something exactly the same but we're doing

2:43

something a little different in terms of format.

2:46

That's right. It's a return to the comedy

2:49

bang bang round table. The

2:52

comedy bang bang round table is back. This

2:54

is where we gather some local citizens. They

2:56

don't have to be local either. They can

2:58

come from anywhere they like, I guess. We

3:01

don't have any sort of parameters

3:03

regarding that. But citizens

3:05

certainly of whatever country they hail from

3:08

and we gather them all in

3:11

a piece of furniture which is circular

3:14

in nature which

3:16

leads to us sort of all being able to

3:18

look at each other at the same time. And

3:21

there we discuss the issues of the

3:23

day and we break them

3:25

down and we see how we feel

3:27

about them, how you might

3:29

feel about them. And

3:32

hopefully in talking about them we come to

3:34

a little bit of an understanding about how

3:37

we feel, how you feel, how the world

3:39

at large feels and how maybe we should

3:41

feel about these issues. That's

3:43

the comedy bang bang round table. It's right there in

3:45

a nutshell. The first one went so well with

3:49

pasta pasta and the

3:53

guy who owns Kissy's grocery

3:55

store and the

3:57

other guy. They went so well. Well,

4:00

that people have been clamoring for the

4:02

return of the CBB roundtable. Let's

4:05

get to it because we have some amazing topics

4:07

that we want to discuss here with

4:10

some incredible guests. Let's

4:12

talk to them. Let's introduce them one by

4:14

one so that we can talk to them

4:16

individually before we collectively talk

4:18

to each other on the CBB roundtable.

4:22

Our first guest is a

4:24

musician of note. He's

4:28

been compared and probably

4:30

called a modern day

4:32

Beethoven in a lot of

4:34

ways in terms of writing catchy popular

4:37

then, popular now songs. That's

4:40

not bad company. Beethoven?

4:43

I've never heard that one. Unless you don't want to be deaf.

4:46

I don't want to be deaf, dead. I'm

4:48

living in that type of area. That's all

4:51

living in the DEA words. You don't want

4:53

to be- Dealing cards. You

4:56

don't want the DEA to be wrapping on your door either. They'll

4:58

like you. That's right. You were

5:00

arrested once for drugs, I believe. Oh

5:02

yeah. We had a lot of

5:04

them back then. I know Paul was, famously. Paul

5:06

McCartney. Paul McCartney. One

5:08

of my guys in my band. Yes, that's right.

5:11

It was so long ago. We had- Hold

5:13

on. I'm going to shut my mouth until you introduce

5:15

me. That's right. I do want to introduce you

5:17

because the clue that Paul McCartney was in your band

5:20

is a pretty big one so people may have been

5:22

able to figure it out at this point. He's got

5:24

the Lyndon McCartney showing up. Already the

5:26

bass player from Wings. I guess that was Paul

5:28

McCartney. But we do need

5:31

to introduce you. He was a member of the rock

5:34

and roll band The Beatles. Hit band. It

5:36

was a big hit band. A band

5:38

can't be a hit. I mean a band can't chart,

5:40

can it? That's a good question.

5:42

I guess your songs chart. Most popular band.

5:45

Right. I guess they should do

5:47

that every week with the songs. Whoever

5:49

has the most popular song that week is the

5:51

most popular. I mean we could figure that we

5:54

just have to put it into a computer algorithm.

5:56

Oh okay. I think. Do you know computer

5:58

algorithms? No, not as much as I would like to. How

6:00

much would you like to? I'd like to know,

6:02

you know, who's the guy, Bill Gates? Sure, Bill

6:04

Gates. I want to know who's the one. Famous

6:06

divorcee. Is that so? Yeah, that's right. Bill

6:10

and Melinda Gates Foundation, what happened to that? Ah,

6:12

a split asunder, I can only imagine. Well, who's got

6:15

the cash? I think Bill kept

6:17

it all. Well, the most lucky guy. Lucky

6:19

guy. With a great lawyer. And I

6:21

hope you have one as well. I've got a

6:23

great lawyer. If Yoko ever finds out that you're

6:25

alive. I feel very

6:27

unsettled. You just got to say my name. I got to say

6:29

your name, but I have more information to say about

6:31

you. He was dead for approximately

6:33

five years or four years. Four years. Four years from 1980, end

6:36

of 1980 to the end of 1984 or beginning of 1985? Beginning

6:41

of 1984. Beginning of 1984. Very

6:43

like three years, kind of. Three years in one month?

6:46

Three and one. Three and one, half dozen

6:48

of the other. Please welcome John

6:50

Lennon. Hello. Thanks, Scott, for having me. And I'm

6:52

coming in from, you know, I'm coming in from

6:55

Boston. Oh, from Boston? Not my hometown, but I

6:57

was in Boston. Why were you in Boston? I

6:59

was taking the Paul Revere tour. Oh,

7:01

okay. The guy, you know, the guy dressed up,

7:03

he's so dressed up as Paul Revere. Does he

7:05

talk about Paul Revere stuff or does he just

7:07

talk about, like, he tours houses? He tours random

7:09

houses. Well, we go to random houses and he

7:12

tells us what he thinks happened back in those

7:14

old days. What he thinks? I don't agree with

7:16

much. I didn't know who this guy was wearing

7:18

sneakers. Oh, okay. Well, I mean, you're from England.

7:20

You're famously from England. Bloody old. Liverpool, to

7:22

be more specific. So you must not know

7:25

a lot about our history. Well,

7:27

you know, I'm an astute historian. I'm interested in

7:29

history. You're interested. I've got history books. How much

7:31

do you know? Not much. But I'm

7:33

so interested in the idea of it. Having

7:35

all those books and reading about the wars. I

7:37

think everything that's ever happened is in history. It's

7:40

got to be. And that's what I'm

7:42

so interested about. I love everybody. Yeah. Do you think

7:44

that we have more history in front

7:46

of us than we do behind us? That's a good

7:48

question. You think this old crazy idea is going to

7:50

burn out after a while? I don't know. This old

7:53

crazy idea of, like, hey, let's put humans on the

7:55

earth. I don't know if it's working for us. I

7:57

don't know. I think we're tearing it apart. Live for

7:59

a live. a

20:00

doctor. Medical

20:02

professional. I think a degree makes

20:05

a doctor. I don't agree. In

20:07

what? Penmanship. I

20:10

don't think that particular degree would help you in

20:12

terms of being a doctor. But why not? Simply

20:16

because of the rules of doctors. You know,

20:18

you need a doctorate, I would imagine. Well,

20:21

I do have a doctorate. You do in what city

20:23

planning? What's

20:25

specializing in alleys? Wait,

20:28

you created all the alleys that you killed

20:30

people in? Yes. This fucking

20:32

guy. We didn't know that. We

20:34

didn't know that. We feel bad. this

20:36

all started? How did it start? I was trying

20:38

to petition the city for how unsafe our alleyways

20:41

were. And I said, we need we need

20:43

more safety measures in place. And they said, we

20:46

think the alleys are fine. And I said, oh,

20:48

really, you think the alleys are fine. And

20:50

so I started killing a couple people in the alleys and I

20:52

got a taste for blood. OK,

20:55

so this just purely was trying

20:57

to get some safety measures in there. But after two, you

21:01

got the taste for it. And then how

21:03

long did that taste? Because how

21:05

many victims? What day is it today? It's

21:08

a Monday. Sunday.

21:11

Sunday. It subsided. Oh, OK, good. OK, so you're not

21:13

going to. I mean, this episode is not going to

21:16

end with you killing us. Couldn't.

21:18

Probably couldn't. I'm too quick. How

21:21

fast can you run, John? Miles per

21:23

hour, kilometers. Let me give me

21:25

give me miles. OK. Twenty

21:27

five. Twenty five miles an hour. That's right. On my

21:29

best day. On your best day. Pretty

21:32

fast. Pretty not too bad. How long can

21:34

you keep that up? Oh, a few

21:36

probably five seconds. Five seconds. And then

21:39

that's your top speed. Then what do you go down?

21:41

Zero. I stop right away. Well,

21:44

guys, the roundtable has

21:47

started officially, but we do we do need

21:49

to take a break before we get into

21:51

our topics of the day, if that's all

21:53

right. So a bit of a smoke break.

21:55

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. You're going to bring

21:57

stuff down from your car. Scott

22:00

okay, you don't do it. You know for the last time it don't

22:02

do that Here

22:07

you go Jack. Oh How

22:09

did you kill people Jack? That's what I want to

22:11

know how did I kill people right? What's the rip-off

22:13

off love? People

22:18

so I just I loved it with a knife.

22:20

I loved knife with oh Knives

22:23

on you right now me. Yeah. No, let me just put

22:25

this gun in this knife on the table And we're gonna leave it there so

22:27

that way you can see any Comfortable

22:31

I'll put how about this I'll put

22:34

all of my weapons on the table.

22:36

Okay weapons do you well? I have

22:38

the gun okay naturally a knife for

22:40

safety sure brass knuckles Carrying

22:42

to pay us one for each hand not gonna have

22:44

just one hand of brass knuckles You

22:47

lead with you right? Yeah, he looks

22:49

harmless. Okay, does the glove not look harmless? It

22:51

looks harmless, but put it on Kidding

22:55

I don't do that anymore. It's made of poison I'll

22:58

made of boys correct like the fibers Okay

23:03

Have you read Harry Potter? Look,

23:05

I'm embarrassed to say yes. There's a necklace

23:08

that kills people in that and I was very

23:10

inspired and so I beat the last week I

23:15

think I got to the fifth Harry Potter book I

23:18

stopped when I read about the necklace and I said now this

23:20

is fun Okay, you just stop

23:22

when you heard about that notorious turf who

23:24

wrote him who never mind Uh,

23:26

all right. We do need to take a break

23:28

when we come back. We'll have our first topic

23:30

This is the second edition of the cbb roundtable.

23:32

This is very exciting. You guys pumped for this.

23:35

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23:38

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today. Ruff ruff. Comedy

25:14

Bang Bang, we are back. It's

25:16

the CBB Roundtable second edition. We

25:18

have, of course, John Lennon here.

25:20

Hello. Oh, drums. Drums.

25:23

I forget to say that sometimes. Yes, your

25:25

catchphrase. The world's first dingless podcast. I think

25:27

I heard about this. Yeah. Yeah.

25:30

So what's that mean? Perfected this technology usually because,

25:32

you know, everything's going through the computer. A lot

25:34

of times I would get a text and we'd

25:37

hear dings. And that was

25:39

honestly that was 2023 was just filled

25:41

with dings. And then we perfected

25:43

the technology to be the world's first dingless podcast.

25:45

Who looked on that with you? I

25:48

believe who's

25:50

that guy who does all the pretzels in Germany? August

25:53

Lin. Schneider. Schneiderberg

25:55

Pretzel Company. That's right. Yeah. August

25:58

Lin helped me out. Oh, good. Wetzel. No,

26:01

not Wetzel. Auntie Annie.

26:05

These are all great pretzels. Nothing against

26:07

them. Baldy. I mean, Wise makes a good

26:09

chip too. They make a good pretzel. Of course. The

26:12

Dodgers. Oh, I've never had a pretzel at the Dodger Stadium.

26:15

Do they make them the actual Dodgers? I'm talking about the

26:17

people that were jumping out of the

26:19

way of streetcars in Brooklyn. Like the

26:21

Arkville Dodger, back in your time. Yes. Did

26:24

you ever kill one of the people in Oliver? Can't say. Yes.

26:28

Bill Sykes. Who

26:30

is that? Nevermind. Bill

26:33

Sykes? Bill Sykes. What does that mean?

26:35

He sort of organized the urchins. Yeah,

26:37

he, the, what were they called? The

26:39

character? Oliver's pals. Oliver's

26:42

pals. Oliver in company, of course. Right,

26:44

right, yes. Jack the Ripper is

26:46

here. Oh, hello, Scout, how

26:48

are you? Do you have a catchphrase

26:50

yet? Me? Yeah, because his is

26:52

drums. Okay, can I workshop a few? Yeah,

26:54

what do you got? Oops, they're

26:56

dead. That's one. I

26:59

mean, the whole oops thing worked for Britney. Okay,

27:02

let's think of this. Hello,

27:05

I am Jack the Ripper. That's

27:07

less of a catchphrase than it is an

27:09

introduction. I love death, but I

27:11

love being on podcasts more. Not

27:13

bad. That's pretty good. Honestly. Okay, I'll

27:16

sprinkle that in, we'll see how that works.

27:18

Yeah, we'll see how it works. Also, Dr.

27:20

Green is here. Pinacalata. Is

27:22

that your catchphrase? You know, me, I bet

27:24

for today. Oh, that's just lovely. Can I take

27:26

that too? Of course. Pinacalata.

27:29

You gotta get that tilde above the end. Pinacalata.

27:34

I know you're not used to it being from England.

27:36

Sure. It was such an obvious English

27:38

accent, but. Can I tell you a secret? Yes,

27:41

please. I'm not from England. Where are you

27:43

from? Scotland. Oh, okay,

27:45

now you would love it then. That's why I'm

27:48

so crazy. I bet

27:50

that's why they couldn't catch you. Because you would just

27:52

go back to Scotland every time you. But they have

27:54

the whole Scotland Yard after you. Sure. And

27:56

I kept sending very obvious letters. Like I said, I

27:58

got bored. Yeah. So I

28:01

said, think, can't find me in

28:03

England, think about Scotland. I love death, but

28:05

I love podcasts more. Not bad. Not

28:07

bad at all. Well guys, it is the

28:10

CBB Roundtable where we talk about the issues

28:12

of the day and something has come up

28:14

recently. There's been a lot of chatter with

28:16

this and I wanted this to be the

28:18

first topic here on the CBB Roundtable. Oh,

28:20

bully. And that is of course, and this

28:23

may surprise you, Jack the Ripper, because you've

28:25

only been around about a week it sounds

28:27

like, but there has been

28:29

talk and sightings and video

28:32

and congressional hearings about this

28:34

topic, but extraterrestrial

28:38

life on other planets. What

28:42

do these guys look like? I just want, first

28:44

of all, I thought you were gonna say Sasquatches.

28:47

No, I'm not gonna talk about these. No, we

28:49

cannot. I can't. You can't really, have you ever

28:51

seen one? No, and I hope I

28:53

never do. Yeah. And I thought you were gonna

28:55

say Jesus Christ. Not

28:58

ready to meet him yet. Obviously,

29:00

so when you were dead, you never went up

29:02

there? No, no, no, no, no, I get,

29:04

I flashed. Oh, I see. I said, I don't

29:06

wanna die and then I flashed here. Oh,

29:08

okay, you flash forward. That's happened. It

29:10

was like teleportation? Sure. Hmm. But

29:15

what do these guys look like? Obviously it exists.

29:18

E.T.s, we sometimes shorten it too, you

29:21

know? Right. What do

29:23

these guys look like? They got big

29:25

noses, what are they? To me, Scott,

29:27

in extraterrestrial is like, they

29:30

look like a white women on vacation. Do

29:32

you know what I mean? Meaning they have

29:35

braids? Exactly, they all got the predator

29:37

braids, you know? I call

29:39

those the boderics, you call them the predator? Both

29:41

are good, yeah, yeah. But listen, where I'm from,

29:43

we get a lot of white women visiting and

29:46

we call them, oh, look, there goes another extraterrestrial,

29:48

not a, not a, not

29:50

a alien. Right, okay,

29:53

so they're pale, but maybe, their

29:55

skin is red now because they got too much

29:58

sun the first day. Exactly, they got bikinis. You

30:00

know, so do you see in

30:02

your mind these ETs are wearing

30:04

bikinis on their own planet? That's

30:07

what I'm seeing in my mind, you

30:09

know. ET, bikini. Yeah. That

30:11

sounds like a punk rock band. A surf rock band. Yeah. I

30:14

would go see them. I would see them too. ET, tiny

30:16

bikini. Now, Jack the

30:19

Ripper, were people talking about

30:21

aliens back in your day? This is the first

30:23

time hearing about it. First you're here. Okay.

30:26

So what we're talking about is, you know, all the human beings here on Earth.

30:29

We're talking about life forms and more, I

30:31

would imagine they're humanoid or at least sentient

30:33

life forms. You can't call plants. The Welsh.

30:36

I wouldn't

30:39

say that, but if you

30:41

ever find a flower on Mars or whatever,

30:43

that's not thinking. So it's like- He

30:46

smoked for Mars. All right. I thought you didn't do

30:48

that. Don't do that. Okay.

30:51

I remember you, Dr. Greed. I've been down on the- We

30:54

did hang out one time before. We hung out once.

30:56

Yeah, I've been to your clinic. It's a beautiful

30:58

place and the alien thing is so appropriate. You

31:00

had that big poster that says, take me to

31:02

your dealer. It's an alien. He's

31:06

got cash in his hand. He also had a joint in

31:08

his hand. So I don't know- It's funny because the D

31:10

and the L are transposed. Right. Yeah.

31:12

I love that. Listen, whatever you

31:14

got to do to get people in the

31:16

door, okay, we have a serious problem with

31:18

medics in this country, okay? People don't have

31:21

health insurance, you know, the cost of surgery,

31:23

they're high. So

31:25

we do what we got to do to get people in the door. Why did

31:27

you wink when you said hi? We didn't do

31:29

that. What are you talking about? So you get,

31:31

this is a bait and switch at your clinic. It's a

31:33

bit of a bait. Sometimes you got to give people a

31:36

little bit of a, you know, sugar with the medicine. Sure.

31:38

So you get them in there thinking they're

31:41

getting marijuana and then you put a pig

31:43

splatter inside them? Bring a surgery

31:45

on them because they need it. Are you suggesting

31:47

these surgeries or they want the surgery? I

31:49

can tell what surgery anybody needs just by looking

31:51

at them. Okay, do me. I'll

31:54

do you. You need the colon of

31:56

a rat. Wow,

31:58

I'll take it. You, John

32:01

Lennon, you need a cow's nipple.

32:03

That's true. Just one. That's

32:05

true. Just a single. I went down on

32:07

the skateboard. Yeah, I want to know. You

32:10

need the eyes of a goat. Okay. Now

32:14

you're not talking about LeBron James. Or

32:16

LL Cool J who coined that phrase. Oh.

32:19

That term rather. I didn't know that. LL.

32:22

Greatest of all time. Well, he also coined LL,

32:24

but it didn't really take off. Ladies love anything

32:26

else. I heard the LL Bean company. Yeah, ladies

32:28

love Bean. They were talking about

32:30

Mr. Bean. Ladies love Bean. Where

32:34

do you get the animals? Well mostly we

32:36

impart them from Jamaica. Scott,

32:39

I'm really seeing it right now. You look

32:41

so good with the horizontal pupil. Yeah. I

32:44

want this. I got to go down

32:46

to Venice. Come on down, brother. I'm going to give you a discount

32:48

code. So are you looking for additional doctors? Interesting.

32:52

If you let me. You want to expand your practice?

32:54

Yeah. I've got a test for you, Dr. Ripper.

32:57

Sure. I'm

32:59

going to tell you what surgery we need. You answer right. My

33:01

higher your spot. Guts on the ground. Back alley

33:03

dead of night. The police come knocking.

33:05

I've given them all the clues to let them

33:07

know where I am. And yet they still cannot

33:09

impart it. Pigs, all of them in their blood

33:11

show fill the streets. They

33:14

like the pig part. Yeah, the pig. I mean,

33:16

yeah, your eyes. That's what's working for me. Yeah,

33:18

you brightened up. But everything after that is. It's

33:20

a little confusing. Okay. Let me think about it.

33:22

Okay. Well, hey, that's all

33:25

I'm asking. That's all we're asking. All right. So

33:27

we're talking about people from the heavens coming down

33:29

here in their flying saucers and stuff. What

33:32

are these guys? I see. Well, I would

33:34

have to imagine that when I was close to death, they

33:36

would look sort of similar to my visions. What were your

33:38

visions when you were close to death? Those

33:41

the spirits of all of those who I

33:44

have wronged. Oh, I see. Does that

33:46

include people you haven't killed? Just people like you

33:48

cut off in traffic with your coach's hair? Well,

33:50

the people I've killed, honestly, I feel like maybe

33:52

I did them a favor. I'm talking about the

33:54

barista who was getting my coffee. This is this

33:56

week. So mean to me. She

33:59

kept going oatmeal. said, what is

34:01

that? And she kept going, it's milk from

34:03

oats. I go, milk from oats. I was

34:05

holding up the line. So you're

34:07

talking about the people you were holding up the line about, not

34:09

the barista? No, no, no. The barista I would

34:11

never see again. It was, yes, the stairs of

34:14

all of the people behind me. Yeah, who

34:16

didn't get their coffee like 30 seconds sooner

34:18

than they would have. Correct. It's a

34:21

very fancy coffee shop. Right. Okay. So

34:23

you see extraterrestrials

34:25

is looking like these people behind you

34:27

in line for coffee? Yes. Angry.

34:30

And maybe green. So

34:33

these people were green behind you? No, but I'm thinking

34:35

maybe it'd be fun if they were green. It would be fun.

34:37

It would be fun if ETs were green, right?

34:39

I mean, it's different than us. We're like, you

34:42

know, various colors all across this globe. Sure. Maybe

34:44

they're not various greens. Yeah. Maybe.

34:48

Yeah. We know. We

34:50

know the best color. Just because your last name is green. That's

34:52

it. No other reason. No other reason. It'd be weird if aliens

34:54

were racist against each other. You know what I mean? It's like,

34:56

when we're looking at them going, you're all just

34:58

different shades of green. Like we think they're

35:00

crazy. But that's how they would view us.

35:03

Right. Isn't that true? They probably see what

35:05

we do and go, what the hell? They

35:07

drive their cars through the restaurant and pick

35:09

up the food at

35:11

the window. What the hell? You

35:13

think ETs are flying their flying saucers to the

35:15

restaurant, getting out and going in? Look, I've been

35:17

on this planet a little bit. Okay. Sure. And

35:19

I've learned things and met people. But one thing

35:21

I can't get straight is the drive through. Yeah.

35:25

I'm walking through there. I will go the opposite

35:27

way. You can't. I brought my bike in the

35:29

store. They didn't want that. They wouldn't let me

35:31

go through the thing either. Car culture

35:33

is the thing here in the United States. It's a habit

35:35

that we definitely should break.

35:37

This is another topic, the environment. I mean,

35:39

Dr. Green, you have to have an

35:42

opinion on this. Well, of course,

35:44

Scott, me only eat organic. Me

35:46

drive electric car. Me believe in the

35:49

environment in me bones. You

35:51

believe in it. So it exists. I believe that

35:53

the environment exists. And I believe

35:55

that we are all a part of this big

35:58

blue marble and bold stand. Now that's interesting.

36:00

I'm one of these guys. This

36:06

is like, I mean, things get a little heated here

36:08

on the round table. This is what happens. People

36:10

take these hot takes. I

36:12

believe we must all eat food

36:15

and drink water to survive. Wow.

36:18

All right, Dr. Green. Now, John, let in you were

36:20

going to say something. I was going to say something

36:22

that I forget now, but he's right about the food.

36:24

You ever been out on the street, the

36:26

sun beating down on you, and you haven't

36:29

had lunch yet? Yeah. You fall right

36:31

over. Yeah. Anyone you see on

36:33

the street who fell over, just give them something to eat. Sure. Yeah,

36:35

that'll help. You got to get their blood sugar up. Anyway,

36:37

I saw an alien once. Oh, what? I

36:39

thought so. Tell me. Have you

36:41

ever been to Jackson Hole, Wyoming? Sure.

36:44

My favorite place to go. You're

36:47

a big wheel. Jackson Hole, Wyoming?

36:49

Yeah. No, no, back in the 1800s.

36:51

Oh, you would come over for England?

36:53

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, that's a big trip to make.

36:55

Yeah, really. I'm from Scotland by way of Jackson,

36:58

Wyoming. Oh, that's where you were born?

37:00

Or? Well, that's where I was from, I would

37:02

say. Oh, okay. And so then you moved to

37:04

Scotland and started killing people. No, I

37:06

moved to Scotland and then I became a city

37:08

planner after getting my degree. Okay. Yes, I deleted

37:11

some of the details. Well,

37:13

don't do that. But I'm still right. Huh?

37:15

In terms of chronologically, I was correct. Sure,

37:18

but your verbiage was incorrect, and I will

37:20

call it out every single time because I

37:22

hate death, but I love podcasts. There it

37:24

is. I love that. Tell us about this. I'm

37:27

sitting in a diner. It's one of these lumberjack

37:29

diners. Sure. I've seen diners drive ins and dives.

37:31

It was a little like that. It was the

37:33

first one of those. The

37:35

first episode? In the list. Oh, okay. Right. Oh,

37:37

got it. So I'm sitting there and I've got

37:39

a stack of pancakes that's got to be, you

37:41

know, from the size from my belly button to

37:43

my chin. Are these thick pancakes? There were only

37:45

a few of them? There was three of them.

37:49

Buttermilk, blueberry, what are we talking about? One of

37:51

each. Okay. Buttermilk,

37:53

blueberry, and sausage. They put sausage right in the

37:55

pancake. In the pancake! I couldn't believe it. This

37:58

sounds good. It was terrible. That one was terrible. I

38:00

put that on a separate plate. Oh also behind me

38:02

was this guy gray guy had

38:04

big huge head Giant eyes

38:06

and I'll get to him in just a minute, but

38:08

these this one pancake I just couldn't it was tough

38:10

to cut into you don't know when you put a

38:13

sausage in a pancake. It very difficult Well, you would

38:15

need a knife Yes,

38:17

I would cut into anything

38:19

really sure and I had one so Jack

38:22

you your eyes Lit

38:24

up when I said you know, I mean the knives

38:26

on the table and I simply won't touch it It's just gonna

38:28

sort of sit there. All right, you're there

38:30

in the middle. Well, you're there kind

38:32

of lightly caressing the gun, huh? I'm

38:35

just petting it. I don't want it to get a

38:37

little so cold. Huh? When did you get into guns?

38:40

It's a revolver Hey revolt

38:42

you your eyes lit up I'm

38:44

out of here. You don't like

38:46

the album revolver. Oh, I thought you meant the thing

38:48

that shot me Oh, okay. No

38:50

revolver. I love that out. Isn't

38:53

that ironic that you name your

38:55

record revolver I know the ultimate

38:57

irony your shop. I should have

38:59

named that record feather sure

39:01

I don't mind the mock David Chapman throwing feathers at me

39:03

on the streets in New York City I'll tickling me too.

39:05

I love that you love to be tickled. I love to

39:08

laugh I love to be tickled. Wow, but I

39:10

won't see John Lennon on the street with his big

39:12

round glasses Right, tickle him tickle me and pickle me.

39:14

Give me a tickle and Be

39:17

on your merry way That's

39:19

the perfect fan interaction that what I have a

39:21

man and then they give you a pickle and

39:23

then goodbye If I

39:26

ever met my hero, I would definitely who's your

39:28

here. Oh, Elbert Brooks. Oh, I bet

39:30

you could meet him Anyway,

39:35

so tell us about this alien what happened? Oh, right

39:37

So this so the this I get

39:39

through the regular pancake buttermilk boom done. She'll

39:41

bury done gone Yeah, I can't get through

39:44

this sausage pancake Yeah, and I'm asking

39:46

people to come over can anyone jump in

39:48

here and help me out sure and

39:51

this guy behind the gray guy behind me big

39:53

eyes He said I could

39:55

help but it was in this language. We couldn't

39:57

understand wearing a bikini. He well, yeah He

40:00

had a pretty, well he had a bikini tan line. He

40:02

was nude, that's the other thing. So we were looking at

40:04

him very much. Yeah, I would try to get a good

40:06

look at him. Cause I'm, you

40:08

know, we're all polite there in the diner. Sure. And

40:12

he ended up, he took out some laser gun or

40:14

some laser sword or something and cut the thing up.

40:17

With a, it was like a lightsaber? Have you

40:19

ever seen those Star Wars movies? I've seen every

40:21

one of them. Oh, okay. So you know the

40:23

lightsaber. I know Vader, I know Luke, Yoda, of

40:25

course. Do you know Anakin? Well,

40:27

yeah, I've seen that one too. Three of

40:30

them. Do you know Qui-Gan-jin? Of course. You

40:33

can't, is that your favorite? Yeah, I'm a

40:35

lot of Qui-Gan-jin. There were some Jamaican sounding

40:37

aliens in Star Wars. All right. Also some

40:39

Asian ones too. They were all the bad

40:41

guys. They were the bad guys. Jar Jar

40:44

Binks is a distant cousin of mine. Really?

40:46

Oh, he is real. He's real, yeah. I

40:49

knew that. Not in actual. That's what I

40:51

said when everyone was poo-pooing Jar

40:53

Jar Binks, I said, well, come on, it's real guy

40:55

there. That's right. You know, you can't make fun of

40:58

somebody's culture. Exactly, yeah.

41:00

Was Darth Maul a good guy or a bad

41:02

guy? It depends on where you stand on how

41:04

he felt about things. Oh, that's interesting. Sound a

41:06

matter of perspective. Order in the universe? Sure.

41:10

You think if they made

41:12

that character now, they might call

41:14

him Doth online shopping. Nobody's

41:16

going to malls anymore. John,

41:19

are you still working on your stand up? A

41:22

lot of it's locked in, you know, but I've

41:24

got this one, I just need one ending joke.

41:27

And I think that might do it. I don't

41:29

know if that's it. You know, although I wish

41:31

you would end your jokes. Okay, picture this. A

41:34

huge auditorium of people. I say that

41:37

joke. And they're laughing. Okay, is it

41:39

in between some of your incredible famous

41:41

songs and you playing those? This

41:43

is sort of a thing, I'll maybe open with a parody

41:45

version of one of my songs. I don't know. You

41:48

gotta get back to what you're really good at.

41:51

You know what I mean? I mean, look. Right, sleeping.

41:54

Some would say, John Lennon, you're such a

41:56

genius, you could excel at anything. A genius.

41:59

A genius. Are you a genius? I wish that would be

42:01

one of my wishes for the genie. Hey, can I be one of you?

42:03

I Just

42:06

don't make me blue That's

42:08

the thing about genies What if they were all

42:10

racist about the different shades of blue they were

42:13

right? We're looking at them going like you guys

42:15

are crazy But they're looking at us going you

42:17

do the same thing right and they see you

42:19

know the Robin Williams genie Yeah, and they go

42:21

that is not that is not how we act

42:23

and then you see the Will Smith by the

42:25

way The slapper around the world like we got

42:27

to talk about that. Did you say that please?

42:32

Topical for the round table. That's right

42:34

I know it's maybe too hot for the

42:36

round table because the thing about the round table.

42:38

We like it cold We like these ice cold

42:42

That's a good even when I say why we're on it. La

42:44

la land was robbed Anyway

42:49

anyway So what happened? Alien

42:52

can already cut your sausage pancake or what he cut

42:54

it up Uses little pet it was

42:56

more like getting back to the laser knife. It was

42:58

just a little knife Oh, okay, but it

43:00

melted the whole car counter.

43:03

Oh And

43:05

he got in his spaceship and flew away, okay, so

43:07

he was driving space. All right. He was driving That's

43:09

what I pulled in. I was like what the fuck

43:11

is this? He parked. He parked it He parked it

43:13

right near. Yeah, he parked it. It was he in

43:15

the handicap spot or he was at the alien spot.

43:17

Oh Okay Offensive

43:24

for it to be a duel handicapped

43:26

and alien spot. Well, they had they

43:28

had regular spots regular handicapped spots alien

43:30

spots Jackson

43:34

Wyoming Kinds

43:38

the guy's work Kanye West records all

43:41

his albums now because it's a very

43:43

well-coming place. Yeah. Yeah, they'll take all

43:45

comers well guys We

43:47

need to take a break here. Can you believe

43:50

it? I mean, we're just flying through the roundtable

43:52

here This is incredible. Look at us so many

43:54

topics. We've covered ETs. What do they look like?

43:56

We covered the environment You had a lot to

43:59

write on that Oscar so

44:01

white. That's right. But

44:03

we need to take a break. When we come

44:05

back, the roundtable continues. The

44:07

circular nature of a roundtable means

44:10

it perhaps is without end. Even

44:12

though this episode probably will end. But will the

44:15

roundtable ever really end in your hearts? I don't

44:17

know. But we're going to find out when we

44:19

come back. We're going to take a break. When

44:21

we come back, we'll have more John Lennon, more

44:23

Jack the Ripper, more Dr. Green, more CBB roundtable

44:25

after this. Yeah. We

44:29

all know KitKat bars taste delicious, but what

44:31

about how they sound? It's not

44:33

just a catchy jingle. It's the satisfying

44:36

crack of breaking off a piece of

44:38

KitKat, followed by a crisp crunch. Oh,

44:41

we forgot one other sound that accompanies KitKat bars

44:43

too. It's... Or

44:46

maybe it's more like... All

44:49

together, KitKat bars are music to our ears and

44:51

yummy flavors to our mouths. Have a break. Have

44:54

a KitKat. Do

44:57

do do do. Do do do do do. Comedy

44:59

bang bang, we're back with the roundtable. Things

45:02

are heating up on the roundtable. This table,

45:04

we froze it before you guys came in

45:06

here. So it would be very

45:08

cool to the touch. Oh, that's what that

45:10

is. I didn't understand why it was cold. Yeah. We

45:13

knew the topics would be so hot. We didn't want

45:15

the table to light on fire or anything like that.

45:18

So we've cooled it down. Putting my

45:20

mattress away. Oh,

45:22

really? Yeah, Jack, you've put a few things up here during the

45:24

break. Well, just a few. What is this? What

45:27

is this? Oh, no, sorry. That's my gravity bung. Oh, yeah,

45:29

I was going to say, you clunk people on the heads

45:31

with it, but this is your... It's my... And

45:34

is this your lunch that says... Oh, Dr. Green, you had to go... Okay,

45:37

there's a lot of brownies in here with

45:39

little green bits in it. Just

45:42

a brownie lunch for you. Just a brownie lunch for me.

45:44

Yeah, we got surgery later, so we're just keeping it like...

45:46

Keeping it like... Keeping it like... There are

45:48

12 brownies there. Well,

45:51

they're individually wrapped with price tags on. Yeah,

45:54

yeah, yeah. So you pay yourself to eat

45:56

brownies? Listen, it's like, you know, if you

45:58

have an S-corp and you... your

46:00

own employees, Scott? That's how I do

46:02

it. Oh, okay. Now you're speaking my

46:05

language. Tax forms. Finances. Yeah,

46:07

wow. Welcome back to the round table.

46:09

Jack the Ripper also here. Hello, Scout.

46:12

What have you put down on the table here during the

46:14

break? A garrot. A garrot. Yeah, I just, it

46:16

was weighing too heavy on my heart. I said, get

46:18

that on the table. I just want it all out

46:20

in the open. Any of the weapons the Ninja

46:22

Turtles use, you got a scythe or? Yes, pizza.

46:25

A panopi? The weapon

46:27

of friendship. Although I would imagine it

46:29

hardened their arteries. Maybe

46:32

they could have made it to the early 20s Teenage

46:35

Turtles, but. Are they all dead? They're all

46:37

dead. Cannon, wow. Yeah, is that

46:39

cannon? They're all dead. That old

46:41

rat flush to me. All these movies they're making, these

46:43

are all like, you know, previous adventures. Well, and then

46:45

we have my mini cannon that's on there. Oh,

46:48

okay, a mini cannon. They're not as small. Yeah,

46:50

that's very small. Very small. Small but fast. I

46:52

like that laser knife that the ET. Don't,

46:55

I don't even bring that up. If you think

46:57

our table's so cold, the ET wouldn't be able

46:59

to slice through with that laser knife. This thing

47:01

melted the whole counter, so I don't know. Okay,

47:03

yeah. They're using technology. Maybe they should have froze

47:05

those tables before they. Yeah, that's what I said.

47:08

Look, that's what I said. And when the thing

47:10

melted, I said, hmm, who's crazy now? Okay,

47:14

well guys, we're back to the round table and it's time

47:17

for another topic. And we

47:19

gotta get to it. I mean, there's a

47:21

lot going on in the world and we need maybe

47:23

to solve some issues. So what

47:27

superpower would you have for

47:29

life if you could have it? So

47:31

you said we were coming on here to

47:33

discuss the news of the day. Sure. And

47:36

the question is what superpower would we have if

47:38

we could have one? That's right. This is a lot

47:40

of people talking about it. I didn't realize we were all

47:42

on a first gate with Scott Ackerman. Hey,

47:45

what food would you eat for the rest of your life

47:47

if you could? Burritos. Really, what

47:49

kind of burrito? I mean, this is maybe too hot

47:52

a take for the round table, but. Me

47:54

love food, me love breathing

47:57

air, and me don't care, who knows

47:59

it. What

48:02

type of air though is there

48:04

you like to breathe coming through a

48:06

heat and a filtered cigarette I'd

48:08

say? Mil of, uh, take

48:10

your time,

48:13

take your time. It's all right. We have

48:15

all the time in the world. This is all getting

48:17

edited out. All two mixed with

48:19

THC and

48:22

breathe out carbon dioxide. Is that clear?

48:25

That's the formula. I like that. And that is

48:27

the hill I will die on. I've

48:30

got to say though, with Marvel movies being as

48:32

big as they are, this is a very topical

48:34

topic. It's very topical. I mean, it's on people's

48:36

minds. They're all talking about it these days. I

48:39

think about Spider-Man every other day. Really?

48:41

What do you think about him? I just think how he does it. And

48:45

if he's real and if I can ever meet him, he'd be a

48:47

guy I'd like to meet. Yeah, he was bitten by a radioactive spider,

48:49

from what I can tell, and that's how he does it. Ah, yes.

48:52

You ever been bitten by anything, radioactive or

48:54

otherwise? I've been bitten

48:56

by them all, baby. Yeah? Right. Like,

48:58

what are we talking? A snake, a

49:00

horse. A snake. I got

49:02

a dog bite. I got cat bites. I got lizard

49:04

bite. I got a lizard bite on my toe that

49:06

still won't go away. Really? Still

49:08

won't go away. The lizard's still stuck

49:10

on that toe. Oh, no. My second

49:12

toe. That's a... I was

49:14

wondering why one of your shoes is size 10

49:16

and one is size 20. That's a big... Yeah,

49:18

that's a big lizard. Yeah, oh my gosh. And

49:20

then here's my fucking thing. I gave

49:23

him shoes too. Oh, no. You

49:26

ever tried to dress a lizard? You got these clothes that

49:28

are so specifically made that tiny. You want to match to

49:30

your own outfit as well. Yeah, exactly. So I got to

49:32

get two of everything now. Oh, my gosh.

49:35

Pisses me off. But my favorite Spider-Man

49:37

quality is he can zip around. He's

49:40

what? That he can zip around this guy. Zip

49:42

around, yeah. Just on the web. Yeah. I also

49:44

have been bitten by a lot of animals. Anytime

49:47

I'm taking the organs out of an animal, they

49:49

usually bite me. They're still alive. Yeah,

49:51

yeah, yeah. You got to get it fresh, Scott. You can

49:53

be putting, you know, dead, cold hearts, big hearts in there.

49:55

Okay, but why not kill the animal right before you take

49:57

the heart out? Because me need the blood still for you.

50:00

It's blown true. Why? For

50:02

science. Oh, scientific purposes. I'd say

50:04

freshness. You don't want it as fresh as possible.

50:06

We have a lot in common. You know, I

50:08

think so, yeah. Scott, this does feel like a

50:10

first date, but maybe two of us. You guys

50:12

want to go on a second, we'll pay for

50:14

it. No, I'm ready, I'm ready. You're ready

50:16

for what? Singer-songwriter. Singer-songwriter.

50:19

That is kind of a superpower in a lot of

50:21

ways. I would be a singer-songwriter. Do you want to hear something

50:23

I've been working on? Yeah, I'd love that. Imagine there's no sevens.

50:27

Sevens. It's easy if

50:29

you try. I have- No

50:32

spades below us. I have two pieces of bad news

50:34

for you. Above us, a king and a jack. A

50:36

king and a jack. Are you, you're

50:38

talking about poker? Huh? You're

50:40

talking about like- I'm calling it the gambler. Do

50:43

you like it? Yeah. This

50:47

is what, the term? The song is called the gambler. Do you like

50:49

it? Okay, here's some

50:51

more bad news. There already is a famous song called

50:53

the gambler. Yes, I just wrote it and you heard

50:55

it. Don't steal it, Scout. And there

50:58

is a song to that tune that

51:00

John over here has written. No, why?

51:02

Called Imagine. I knew that, I recognized that almost

51:04

immediately. Yeah, almost immediately. Well, give it to me.

51:06

Yeah, it's pretty, yeah, do take it. I'm not

51:08

playing that thing anymore. Thank you. Yeah, famously sung

51:11

by Gal Gadot. And

51:13

I never got to- You think they want to

51:15

hit you up for that? They did. Were

51:17

you around? We talked about this, I think. If

51:20

the listeners heard this before, we're terribly sorry. She

51:23

asked me to do it. And I did my part

51:25

and I sent the whole thing in and I got cut out

51:27

of it. You got cut out, crazy stuff. You're the guy who

51:29

wrote the song. I know, but it was COVID and I was,

51:31

I think I had COVID, so I was just coughing my butt.

51:33

It sounded terrible. But still, maybe we could

51:36

figure something out. Yeah, I mean, look at me. But she

51:38

said, no, this has to come out today, today. If you're

51:40

watching that, we are the world documentary. They fit Bob Dylan

51:42

in there, even though he- That was funny. His

51:45

choice of a vegan. We're

51:47

saving our own lives. And

51:49

I have his part done for

51:51

him by Stevie Wonder. Is your

51:53

superpower impressions? It

51:56

might be. Name anyone,

51:58

I can do them. Beautiful. Name anyone. All

52:01

right, all right, that's an easy one. That's

52:04

an easy one anyone could do it someone else. Wally Big

52:06

One Wallace. Who is that? My

52:08

friend. Your friend? Yes.

52:10

Give me a little bit of him. Where

52:12

are they from? He was from London and

52:15

he was very, very big on the city

52:17

planning committee. Oi, mate, look at all these

52:19

city planning. Nailed it. Wow. Nailed

52:22

it. Nailed it. Nailed it. Nailed

52:25

it. What about Wallace Shawn? Wallace Shawn.

52:28

Inconceivable. What about Chris Wallace Biggie Smalls?

52:32

I dare not. I'm not going to get

52:34

canceled on the round table of any episode.

52:36

Okay, how about this? Let me give you

52:38

culture. Give me someone to write. Give me

52:40

someone to write. Okay. Wait,

52:42

I get cultural permission? Cultural permission? Just like when Kanye,

52:44

when he would sing Gold Digger and he would give

52:46

permission to everyone, all the white people in the audience.

52:48

I'm not falling for that shit. Me when I went

52:50

to that concert in high school, that is very real.

52:52

Yeah, how did it feel? It felt awesome. Okay. Me

52:55

loved it. I don't know. The writing was not

52:57

underwalled. I think he

52:59

should have gotten consent from every black person

53:02

in the audience to give everyone permission. Okay.

53:05

Yeah, well. To make it a safe space

53:07

for everyone. Me give you cultural

53:09

permission to do me cousin

53:12

Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jar Binks? Here

53:14

we go. Me so crazy. He says something

53:16

like me so crazy, right? He

53:19

talks about me so horny. He

53:22

says me so horny. Me

53:25

so horny. Jar

53:28

Jar Binks, Steve Carell and Fartier Old Virgin,

53:30

basically the same thing. Yeah, basically

53:32

the same thing. So guys, oh, Dr. Green, what

53:34

about your superpower? What would you like? Oh yeah.

53:37

Listen, me love to fly. Yeah.

53:39

I fly so high. Toodling around,

53:41

just like. Yeah. Yeah.

53:45

Yeah. Are you talking mentally? Huh?

53:49

More spiritually, sort of like vibes

53:51

wise. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You

53:54

ever astral project? Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You do?

53:57

Now what does that mean? I've heard that. That's

53:59

when your soul leaves your body. Oh, that's right. It

54:01

floats above it. I have the power to go to sleep. This

54:03

is the same as those insidious movies. I

54:05

go to sleep, my spirit flies out of

54:08

my body, and we can go anywhere in

54:10

the world, and anytime in

54:12

the time. What do you think of those

54:14

insidious movies? Me love

54:16

them. I think they're insatiable. Me love them. I

54:18

think they're fun. They're fun. Me like

54:20

insidious. What do you think of- Jack, you think they're

54:22

a rump. Oh, they're my favorite comedy.

54:25

You ever see that malignant? That's a superpower, having someone

54:27

on your back like a- Malignant? Yeah,

54:29

like your conjoined twin on your back that controls

54:32

your every move. I've never seen that, but we

54:34

could get rid of that with surgery. Yeah, oh

54:36

really? What would you put on instead? Well, just

54:38

the other day, me split two conjoined twins, and

54:40

then me put two small chickens where

54:43

the twins used to be. Where they used to

54:45

be. So you split the twins both, and then

54:47

you just took two chickens and put them together? Yes.

54:50

Used a chicken in the gaping hole. That's

54:53

an upgrade, I think. Agreed. Because me didn't

54:55

want them to be lonely, you know? To

54:57

spend their whole lives attached to another person, what are they

55:00

gonna do? So just to clarify this, you split

55:02

the twins and then put two chickens together,

55:04

or you added a chicken to each twin?

55:06

So me split the twins- Okay, we have to

55:08

split the twins part. We split the twins. Me

55:11

then took two chickens, fused them together.

55:13

I see. Separately. Separately.

55:16

And then me put two chickens on the twins. I see.

55:19

So four chickens total. Okay. Yes,

55:21

because- Four chickens, two people. In

55:23

utah, bala, at the universe, if you undo

55:25

one conjoined twin, you must create another. I

55:28

see. Wow. And

55:30

did anyone pay you for this, or was this- That

55:32

was during my residency, so it was

55:35

paying to do that surgery. Okay, wow.

55:37

And I'm so sorry to pry. I saw

55:39

that you do have a John Hopkins student

55:41

ID. You went to John Hopkins? Yeah,

55:43

that's right. That's where I did my surgery internships.

55:46

Wow. Did you ever meet him? Do

55:48

you, John Hopkins? Yeah. No. No,

55:51

no, no. Metinkies did. Oh, really?

55:54

Oh, that's too bad. Yeah. Oh, is he doing

55:56

impression of him? Hello, it's John Hopkins. Welcome

56:00

to me school! And so Jon

56:02

didn't just decide to be alive again? Men

56:05

don't know that he knew that was an option.

56:07

Oh yeah, it's always an option. Just I bumped

56:09

into him. Oh, you did? Yeah, man, he

56:11

said, I said, you know, you can come up, he said,

56:13

I know, but I'm still, there's still work to be done

56:15

down here. He had stacks of books. He was reading, he

56:17

was on YouTube looking at a surgery clip. So Jon, I'm

56:19

sorry to ask this, because it sounds like we had quite

56:22

a different experience. Sure, sure. Oh, you flashed. I

56:24

flashed. I was in a grave for four years

56:26

reading. I see, reading.

56:28

You were reading one book or multiple books? What the hell

56:30

book was it? Where the red fern grows? Oh,

56:32

okay. I read some of that at least. Yeah, I can't

56:34

remember that. It sounds like you retained any of it. No,

56:36

I think that book is trash. Yeah,

56:39

so were you so tired of that book, you were

56:41

like, I gotta get out of it. Right, it was

56:43

kind of like, this book sucks kind of. Yeah, I

56:45

gotta get another book. I gotta get another book. So

56:48

did you think you were gonna get a book and then go

56:50

back down? I would do that every once in a while. Oh,

56:52

I see. In the dead of night, I would sort of skitter

56:54

about. Oh, that's fun. On Halloween, I figured Halloween, so I go

56:56

out and get a big arm full of books, come

56:58

back. Have you read much check off? Most.

57:01

Oh, fun. And I can recite most

57:03

of it as well. Have you read much

57:06

JK Rowling? Harry Potter.

57:09

The boy who lived. The boy who lived has come

57:11

here to die. My God, Voldemort.

57:15

You remember that. Where do you stand on Voldemort, buddy? I hate

57:17

him. You remember that book

57:19

I was trying to write. Oh, yeah. Larry

57:21

Potter. Right. And I got an illegal stuff, so

57:23

I couldn't finish it. That's right, yeah. It was pretty much the same. You

57:25

could've finished it. I could've. You

57:28

just couldn't have released it. In my mind, if there's no way I

57:30

could make money on it, I'm done. So you

57:32

wrote all those songs, those wonderful songs for

57:34

money? I was looking,

57:36

I wanted a very comfortable lifestyle. And

57:39

you had one, I mean, you were there at the

57:41

Dakota? I had one. For a brief moment, it was

57:43

very uncomfortable. Yeah. Just

57:46

a flash of a- Does it suck being dead, both of you? Dr.

57:49

Green, you would know. Or maybe, have you ever clinically

57:51

died or anything like that? No, no, not yet. I'm

57:53

an acrometer to it. Any patients on the table die

57:55

and come back? But I think Mr.

57:57

Mu established a beginning. If you are- cause

58:00

of medical marijuana practice, it's not murder.

58:02

That's what I'm saying. I

58:04

mean, maybe not in a court of law, but... Then

58:07

yes. I don't want to get into legal stuff about

58:09

who you murdered and didn't murder. Fair enough. Yeah, I

58:11

think we should get away from it. You're well-documented. Right.

58:14

We'll stay away from it. Yeah. Who

58:17

knows what happened? I'm sorry. Mm. Wow.

58:23

And the conversation comes to a screeching halt. Well,

58:25

I mean, you know, hey, this is what happens

58:27

at the round table, you know? Like sometimes we

58:29

go down these blind alleys. I know you just

58:31

lit up when I said blind alleys. Well, I'm

58:34

just excited. I have a question for you,

58:36

Scott. Yes. What's your

58:38

favorite surgery you ever had? Gosh,

58:41

wow. I've had so few in my

58:43

life. Do you count colonoscopies? Because

58:45

they give you the good stuff for that.

58:47

You get the propofol, you know, the Michael

58:49

Jackson special. Sure. You come out of it

58:51

just kind of going, hee hee. It

58:55

feels so good. Now that's if I

58:57

had the feather in me. That's what I'd be

58:59

saying. Yeah, true. Mark David just tickled me. Wow.

59:02

So did you ever pick a superparac just

59:23

for getting to give it back to you? I think

59:25

it's just embarrassing. Oh, he's embarrassed that he hasn't been

59:27

doing anything with it. Do you think he

59:29

broke it? Maybe I didn't

59:31

until now. Oh, and I would

59:34

love to get my mind jumping into his and

59:36

then snow that. Yeah. OK. All

59:39

right. Well, we got to move on to our final

59:41

topic here on the round table. You know what happens

59:43

here. Please be pizza. Please

59:45

be. We get this is where it gets

59:47

super hot and we're going to get quick takes here. Our

59:51

final topic is what

59:53

do you think your lucky number is and why? Oh,

59:56

right. Right. Right. John,

59:59

what do we got? Yeah, lucky number. 69,

1:00:01

it's worked for me the best.

1:00:04

Any time I'm on a- I saw that Rolling Stone cover of

1:00:06

You and Yoko. Come on. Her head actually

1:00:09

was next to your head, but I can only imagine

1:00:11

what happened in between clicks of the shutter. There

1:00:13

was one moment, there was one picture, we never released

1:00:15

it, but we were in that position. I

1:00:18

said, oh, hold on, let me just get my, I

1:00:20

had my wallet was on the bed. I said, let me get my

1:00:22

wallet out of the way. So I bent down, it was by my

1:00:24

feet. And for that instant, we were in a 69 position. Oh, wow.

1:00:26

And I said this, I gotta remember. And so did

1:00:29

you ever get into one of

1:00:31

those ever since then or? A 69 position.

1:00:33

Well, I'll tell you what I did in my basketball

1:00:35

league, my summer basketball league, I ended 69 jizzy. Okay,

1:00:38

there you go. Hey, passes to 69, you

1:00:40

know something's going to happen. Yeah, all right. For me

1:00:42

Scott, I go next- Dr. Green sure. Yeah,

1:00:45

for me, my lucky numbers are the

1:00:47

day that I graduated from John Hopkins

1:00:49

Medical School. Let me guess, was this

1:00:51

April 20th? Yes, how did you know? I

1:00:54

just had a feeling. Wow, it was a wonderful

1:00:56

day. I got my degree, my diploma, I'm starting

1:00:58

my practice. I feel very proud of that. Is

1:01:00

that why you have the full back tattoos of

1:01:02

420 and then that same alien from the poster?

1:01:08

Exactly right. Take me to your dealer. It's great.

1:01:11

Who did that for you? That must have been-

1:01:13

Banksy. Banksy does tattoos as well? Yeah,

1:01:15

down in the sidewalk. Wow. Come on

1:01:18

down. All right. And Jack the

1:01:20

Ripper, what a lucky number. Easy.

1:01:23

8-6-7-5-3-0-9. Wow.

1:01:27

It's an important part

1:01:29

of my new song that I've written. Oh,

1:01:32

okay. It's an important part of it. It's

1:01:34

a very important part of the song that I've written. You're

1:01:37

talking about the number 8,670- 3-0-9.

1:01:43

3-0-9. Anyway,

1:01:46

I can't parse this out, but you

1:01:49

wrote a song. I'd love to hear some of this song. Okay,

1:01:51

are you ready? I wish that I

1:01:53

had 8-6-7-5-3-0-9's cards. I

1:01:58

wish that I had 8-6-7- 309's

1:02:01

cards. Honey, honey, you

1:02:03

what can I say?

1:02:06

Deal me in. Come on,

1:02:08

baby. This is another poker song? That's

1:02:10

not bad. Are you, are

1:02:12

you, do you play online poker or something? What? I'm

1:02:15

in so much dead scout. Oh

1:02:17

no. I'm in so much trouble. Are you

1:02:19

bad at gambling? No, I'm very bad at gambling. Well,

1:02:21

here's the thing. I thought maybe I could become a

1:02:24

singer-songwriter. I could get some tips or something like that.

1:02:26

It's hard living in this modern age. It used to

1:02:28

be that you could go on the city council, kill

1:02:30

a couple of people, get run out of town, go

1:02:32

live off of your family's money, move back to your

1:02:34

hometown in Wyoming, stay out on the estate for a

1:02:36

few years, come back to London under a new name.

1:02:38

Maybe it's a little bit thinner at this time. I

1:02:40

don't know. Maybe people don't recognize you, so you start

1:02:42

your life over again. The name is thinner. But it's

1:02:44

boring. You've got a taste for blood. What was

1:02:46

that? The name is thinner or you're thinner? A little

1:02:48

bit of both. You're eating less because you can't

1:02:51

get the thrills anymore that you used to get, right? Right.

1:02:53

You were sitting in town just sort of wandering about the

1:02:55

streets one night and you thought, maybe I could just kill

1:02:57

one more person. Maybe that's okay.

1:03:00

And I'm looking around at all of you and I'm thinking, do we need

1:03:02

three people at this table? I mean, there's

1:03:04

four of us. Is

1:03:06

there? You're asking if

1:03:08

we need one life, we want to get the full? Do

1:03:10

we need three extra people at this table right now?

1:03:13

These are the kind of thoughts that start running through your head

1:03:15

after you haven't killed for a while. It's not the CBB triangle

1:03:17

table. And so maybe you just pick up this

1:03:19

sword that's on the table. Oh my

1:03:22

God, where did that sword come from? It's my boot

1:03:24

scout. That's like a ninja. That's like, I

1:03:26

mean, that's like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

1:03:28

sword. Yeah, that's a katana. And the next

1:03:30

way you look at the revolver and you think, oh,

1:03:32

what a beautiful, simple little instrument. What if

1:03:34

I just picked it

1:03:36

up? And what if I pointed it at you? All

1:03:39

of that is fine as long as you don't pull that trigger. And what

1:03:41

if I pointed it at you? And what if I pointed it at

1:03:44

you? Fine by me. Fine by me. As long as, I'm glad

1:03:46

you're not doing any of this stuff here. Just talking about what

1:03:48

would, what would, what if. What

1:03:50

if. Maybe the

1:03:52

game playing wouldn't matter. Imagine.

1:03:55

Yeah. There's a lot of,

1:03:57

a lot of process here. There's a lot of

1:03:59

stuff. us through. Yeah, I'm just thinking

1:04:01

about it. That's it. Yeah. But that's what happens at

1:04:04

the round table is like we, we lay bare everything

1:04:06

that's going on in these guys. I don't think you

1:04:08

can say that's what happens at the round table

1:04:10

if the round table has only happened twice.

1:04:13

I mean, oh look, the common thread

1:04:15

between these two round tables is that's

1:04:17

what happens on these

1:04:19

round tables. Watch what happens next here at the round table.

1:04:21

That's right. We get, we, we get. That's good. Write that

1:04:23

down. Yeah. Already

1:04:26

done. We get into our, our,

1:04:28

our, our innermost thoughts, our secrets,

1:04:30

and we just lay them out there on the round table and

1:04:33

that's what happened guys. I mean, this, this was a success. Did

1:04:35

any of us tell a secret? I

1:04:38

mean, we talked about the superpower thing. We talked

1:04:40

about what extraterrestrials look like.

1:04:43

I've never told anyone about that superpower. Yeah. Yeah. You've never

1:04:45

mentioned that, right? No, that's a secret to me. Have you

1:04:47

ever told that story about the ET slashing the table up?

1:04:49

I wrote a piece. I wrote a piece for the New

1:04:51

Yorker. Oh, congratulations. They were public. No, they didn't like it.

1:04:53

They had too many grammar errors, but I was like, okay,

1:04:55

fine. But the story is that Jack, you sound like me

1:05:01

three months ago. Okay. Look at us. This is

1:05:03

fun. And I have never publicly

1:05:05

shared that I am related to Jar Jar

1:05:07

Binks before. See? Because I

1:05:09

knew he going to come into my door asking

1:05:11

for money. That motherfucker. Is he broke? You

1:05:14

know, he broke. I haven't been in a movie in 25 years. Yeah.

1:05:17

What do you think they got the car? Jesus. That will be 25 years

1:05:19

old. 97.

1:05:22

Yeah. No, it's more than 27 years ago. Although

1:05:25

I guess he was in... He had a small

1:05:27

part in Attack on the Clone. That's right. He became

1:05:29

a senator. Is that

1:05:32

an animated joint? No, no, no. Oh, no. You

1:05:34

got to catch up on the Star Wars movies, Jack. But this

1:05:36

is what I'm saying. He has to have been in the animated things. Was he

1:05:38

not invited back to the voice? He was in Clone

1:05:40

Wars. We don't know. He was, yes. He

1:05:42

had several terrible episodes. No,

1:05:44

Dr. Green, you only watched the canon

1:05:46

movies. That's right. We only want big

1:05:48

franchise pieces. I feel

1:05:51

like I don't want to blow up your spot

1:05:53

or anything because we're wearing a large Steven Universe

1:05:55

sweatshirt on your doctor's phone. Yeah, what is going

1:05:57

on with that? It

1:06:00

was gifted to me. That's a tie into the whole pot

1:06:02

thing. Not really. I

1:06:05

don't know that the Steven Universe's eyes

1:06:07

are bloodshot. Oh, OK. It's

1:06:09

like a bootleg? Steven,

1:06:12

I can see the whole universe. OK,

1:06:14

now I see. All right,

1:06:16

now that you're turning towards me, you've had your back to

1:06:19

us this entire roundtable. I meant to say something about it.

1:06:21

Steven has a couple of blunts in his mouth, too. That's

1:06:23

not what the roundtable's all about. Someone's sitting with their back

1:06:25

to us. And a chicken on his back? Yeah. Listen,

1:06:28

when in boardwalk. Do

1:06:32

as the boardwalks do. In Yacalata, when in birdwalk.

1:06:34

Is boardwalk empire still on? Oh,

1:06:37

man. I haven't checked. I hope it is.

1:06:39

Is empire still on? I

1:06:41

think so. I can get those DVDs,

1:06:43

too. Can you believe anyone was tricked into watching those?

1:06:47

Well, anyway, we don't have time for that topic.

1:06:49

That's too hot for the roundtable. We

1:06:51

are running out of time, guys. Unfortunately,

1:06:54

we only have time for one final feature on the

1:06:56

show. And that is a little something called plugs.

1:07:26

Mice-tros monster says kind of stuff. Oh,

1:07:31

all right. That was Mice-tros Monster says

1:07:34

time for plugs by Mice-tros Monster. Thanks

1:07:36

to Mice-tros Monster for that plugs theme. And what are

1:07:38

we plugging? John, do you have anything to plug here?

1:07:41

You know what I want everyone to go see at

1:07:44

Mike Hanford on all the social media. And

1:07:46

the Sloppy Boys social media. Check us out

1:07:48

there. Yeah, why not? And

1:07:50

Jack the Ripper, you got anything to plug here? Do

1:07:54

I have anything to plug? Plug, plug. It's the

1:07:57

time and you warned me it was coming and now we're

1:07:59

sitting here. Yeah. Here's what I'd like

1:08:01

to plug. Here's my plug. Are you ready?

1:08:03

I'm ready. Here we go. I'm not. I'm not.

1:08:06

Okay. Oh, okay. Now I am. Oh, okay. I'd

1:08:08

love to plug my new album. Oh, okay.

1:08:10

Great. I mean... If that's alright. What's

1:08:13

it called, if you don't mind? Poker

1:08:15

Face. Poker Face. This is another...

1:08:17

This is a poker-themed album, I'm guessing.

1:08:20

Well, there's cards involved, and it sort of does

1:08:22

a lot for metaphor, and it does a lot

1:08:24

for simile. You could also call it The River. Huh?

1:08:28

What does that mean? That's a poker term. Oh, God. No

1:08:30

wonder I'm in the hole. Ah,

1:08:33

you should get Courtney Love to come by. Oh,

1:08:35

wow. Dr.

1:08:39

Green, what do you want to plug?

1:08:41

I would like to plug my business,

1:08:43

Dr. Green's Surgery Emporium, down on the

1:08:45

Venice Boardwalk. Come on down. We've got

1:08:47

a two-for-one special right now. We'll put any

1:08:49

animal inside any human being for half the

1:08:51

price. So, a full animal inside a human

1:08:54

being? Does Richard Gere ever go by? You

1:08:56

know what I mean? Those rumors would never

1:08:58

qualify as facts. I don't

1:09:00

know what I'm trying to say, but those were

1:09:02

rumors. Any animal inside any human being. So,

1:09:04

I could say, I want

1:09:07

a tiny little bird inside of Angelina Jolie, and

1:09:09

you could figure it out? That's right.

1:09:11

We do have a witch doctor and stuff to

1:09:13

make those kind of stranger requests possible. Okay, who's

1:09:15

the witch doctor? Someone related to you, or...? Jar

1:09:17

Jar Binks. Now,

1:09:19

let's say I come in and say, you know, I

1:09:21

want a baby pig in me. You're

1:09:24

not going to just put down a plate of bacon and

1:09:26

add the jokes on me? No, no. Okay, and then you

1:09:28

have to eat it in under five minutes.

1:09:31

Right. Or your surgery, you have to pay for.

1:09:33

Or else I have to perform the surgery. Yeah,

1:09:37

you're not doing any of these kind of... I've heard

1:09:39

about these shady deals on the boardwalk. This is a

1:09:41

serious surgery clinic. We'll just give you like 30, 40

1:09:44

ounces of weed, and then put a baby pig

1:09:46

inside you. You won't feel a ting, but you

1:09:48

will have a nice little tail when you wake

1:09:51

up in the morning. All

1:09:53

right. Well, what do I want

1:09:55

to plug? Look, head over to cbbworld.com. We have so many great

1:09:57

shows over there. We got College Town. great

1:14:00

for someone who doesn't get in the water. Thanks so much.

1:14:02

Yeah. You're welcome. Yeah. And now one for me.

1:14:06

Hey, John, you're one of my favorite songwriters.

1:14:08

I love. Hey, come on. Yeah,

1:14:10

you're a fending jacket. Oh, sorry. This is tough.

1:14:12

The Ripper. Thank you. Sorry, Jack the Ripper.

1:14:14

Jack the Ripper, great to meet you. Hey, so lovely

1:14:16

meeting you, Scull. Yeah. I mean,

1:14:19

maybe you can come back sometime. Why are you reaching towards

1:14:21

the center of the table? I'm just going to. Well, I'm

1:14:23

getting my things away. Oh, OK. I'm going to ignore that

1:14:25

while I say. Why did you

1:14:27

say that? Uh-huh. Oh, I

1:14:29

wish that was a feather. Oh,

1:14:32

you shot John Lemon. Oh, John,

1:14:35

I'm sorry. I should have

1:14:37

changed my superhero. Oh, my gosh.

1:14:39

Dr. Green, I want to thank John. I'll get back

1:14:41

to you, John. But, uh, Dr. Green, I want to

1:14:43

thank you for being here. Of course. Quickly. Do you

1:14:45

want to attend to the number of sermons? Yeah, yeah,

1:14:47

yeah. Oh, thank God. You put

1:14:49

a turkey's neck where the gaping hole in your

1:14:51

shoulder. Oh, my God. Look at that waddle. Oh,

1:14:54

how fun is that? You now, canonically, have

1:14:56

a turkey's head in your chest. It's a

1:14:58

neck, actually. It looks like you have two sets of

1:15:00

balls, because, honestly, your shorts are so short that I

1:15:02

can see your other ones right now. How

1:15:06

are you feeling? I'm feeling not bad, man. Oh,

1:15:09

wait a minute. I feel like I could eat

1:15:11

a whole stack of sausage, baby. Did you put

1:15:13

pot in there, too? Maybe. Oh,

1:15:16

Dr. Green. Sorry. Listen, I want to

1:15:18

leave you with this, Scott. Yes. We

1:15:20

believe that every single human being in

1:15:22

the world has a God-given right to

1:15:24

close their eyes at night and

1:15:27

rest. Yes, if they're not working.

1:15:30

Some people work the graveyard chair. And

1:15:33

honestly, that's a little offensive towards them.

1:15:35

So too hot for the

1:15:37

roundtable. I'm sorry. Yeah. Don't cancel,

1:15:39

Dr. Green. This is what happens. It's a

1:15:42

safe space, supposedly, that you should

1:15:44

remain uncancellable for. But that was a

1:15:46

little too hot for me, honestly. Take

1:15:48

good care. Take that to the square

1:15:51

tables. We're not taking those kind of

1:15:53

things at the roundtable here. Guys, thank

1:15:55

you so much. Success

1:15:57

here? Should we do another roundtable? Let's

1:15:59

do it. Let's do it! Yeah! Alright,

1:16:02

we'll see you next time. Thanks! Bye! Here

1:16:05

it comes! We

1:16:17

all know KitKat bars taste delicious, but what

1:16:19

about how they sound? It's

1:16:21

not just a catchy jingle. It's the

1:16:23

satisfying crack of breaking off a piece

1:16:26

of KitKat, followed by a crisp crunch.

1:16:29

Oh, we forgot one other sound that

1:16:31

accompanies KitKat bars too. It's... Or

1:16:34

maybe it's more like... All

1:16:37

together, KitKat bars are music to our

1:16:39

ears and yummy flavors to our mouths.

1:16:42

Have a break. Have a KitKat.