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2:28

Adrian Grenier is red, Kevin Dillon

2:30

is blue, enhance my entourage Jeremy

2:32

Piven to you. Welcome to Comedy

2:35

Bang Bang. Thank

2:37

you to CrankyPanky for that catchphrase submission. I

2:40

don't know if it's gonna stick. I

2:42

don't know that I want to say Grenier

2:44

every single week. Am I

2:46

even pronouncing it correctly? Grenier?

2:49

Grenier? Grenier. Grenier.

2:52

Grenier. Yeah, I'm

2:54

sorry, CrankyPanky. That one's out. And

2:56

continues for a new catchphrase, but welcome to Comedy

2:59

Bang Bang, everyone. My name is Scott Aucherman and

3:01

a very Jeremy Piven to all of us, as

3:03

well as many Urqulls to you, many hamburgers. But

3:07

am I speaking code? I'm

3:09

like... Do you understand anything that's happening right now? My

3:13

mind was blown right before this, and

3:15

so I'm still recovering. We have

3:18

a preblown mind situation here. I

3:20

would say a newly formed mind. Newly formed, yes,

3:22

you're a new person right now, which is great.

3:24

I am an infancy of the brain.

3:28

We have a wonderful show today, in

3:30

addition to the person I'm speaking with,

3:32

with whom I'm speaking, which I

3:34

will introduce. Oh, whom? Okay, whom. Yes,

3:37

I dropped one whom. Okay, Scott, whom's?

3:39

I've never whom'd in my life. You've never whom'd? I

3:41

don't know when to use it. From

3:44

what I understand, it's every time. Okay, well...

3:46

Instead of just saying who, always say

3:49

whom. So who is that a real word? Who

3:52

is for owls, my dear? Whom are you? I

3:55

don't know. Yeah, I don't know about that one. You're speaking about

3:57

whom? Oh, that actually sounds perfect. That actually sounds amazing. amazing.

4:00

But in addition to this person, I would

4:03

love to introduce in just one second, we

4:05

have coming up a little later, we have

4:07

a Dinfluencer. I don't know what that means.

4:10

Dinfluencer. We'll ask about that, certainly. We also

4:12

have someone who works in the wedding industry.

4:14

Very exciting. Have you ever been married? coveted.

4:16

I have it, but I do have in

4:19

the safe in my closet of my house,

4:21

a wedding ring that I bought off of

4:23

an ex after I broke up with him.

4:26

Does that count, Scott? I get, were you

4:28

engaged or was it just he was, he

4:30

had this ring? Interesting. Just around. And what

4:32

is the combination of that safe, if you

4:35

don't mind me asking? It

4:38

is 1-9-9, just kidding.

4:40

That's interesting. So it's in your closet, eh? Yes,

4:43

Scott, but you don't know my address, Scott. Behind

4:45

a painting? Just

4:47

kidding. Oh my God, literally no one looked me

4:49

up. Scott, actually don't introduce me.

4:51

I want to do this podcast anonymously. Okay, because

4:53

so no one can wrong you. No one will

4:55

know who I am. And if you figure it

4:58

out by my voice, well, you're wrong. Loser.

5:01

I do have to introduce you because you're just

5:03

too good of a guest to not to not

5:05

introduce. We're just too big of a fan of

5:07

you. We, of course,

5:09

you're joining the prestigious One-timers Club here at the

5:12

company. I literally, I can't wait till I'm a

5:14

two, if not five timer. I would love for

5:16

you to be a five timer. Unfortunately, that means

5:18

your career is doing worse and worse because the

5:21

one-timers are all people like Ben Stiller. Five times

5:23

they have nothing else to do. They're begging. They

5:25

show up at your house. Like Scott, please let

5:27

me on. Come on, come on. Exactly. I think

5:30

three is like, that's gentlemanly. You know what I

5:32

mean? Any more than three is like, what are

5:34

you doing? Three over the course of three decades.

5:36

Yes. One per decade. God, if

5:38

I'm still doing this in two decades. You better be

5:40

Scott because I'm going to be here. I

5:43

would love to see that. She is the

5:45

star of such shows as the

5:48

after party season two. Season

5:51

two. People watch it. They're like, you weren't

5:53

in it. I'm like, you got to keep

5:55

watching to season two. It's an ensemble cast

5:57

that is an anthological. Heard

6:00

of it? Anthology? Yes. Whom?

6:02

Heard of it? She is in

6:04

shows like Hacks on

6:06

Max. Hacks on Max. I'm going to ASMR

6:09

everything. Yes, the streaming service that only does

6:11

shows that rhymes with their own name. Hacks

6:14

on Max. Hacks on Max. Hacks

6:16

on Hacks on Max. On Cats.

6:18

Hacks on Cats. You

6:21

know, did you see that movie Cats? I

6:23

did. Unfortunately, I did. A few of Mad

6:25

Hats. You know, I didn't. I think

6:28

I was so troubled watching it. Because

6:30

it seemed like I just I

6:32

didn't like everyone's covered in fur. You

6:34

clearly have the budget to make everyone

6:36

look like a cat texturally. Why do

6:38

some of them have boobs? Human boobs.

6:40

Boobs in the human position, not in

6:42

the cat position. Like some of them

6:44

have a human butt still. I gotta

6:46

ask, where are the boobs on Cats?

6:49

They're in the back or something? They're like

6:51

18 boobs. Whoa. Yeah, Scott. Both of us

6:54

are learning something today. I learned whom. You

6:56

learned about boobs on Cats. So I have

6:58

info as well. I think that a

7:01

couple of them had hats if I'm not incorrect. But I

7:03

feel like they were trying to stay away from the cat

7:05

in the hat thing. You know what I mean? I didn't.

7:07

Honestly, if they had hats, it was the last thing on

7:09

my mind. I feel like every time someone came in, like

7:11

Idris Elba came in wearing a hat, and then he would

7:13

quickly take it off and go, uh-uh, not that guy that

7:16

you're thinking of. Maybe that was the

7:18

bet. Maybe. But unfortunately, all of the jokes

7:20

and bits I get in that movie went

7:22

over my head because I was too. Just

7:24

too looking at their bodies. Yes. I was

7:26

too busy objectifying. There

7:28

was a Twitter or something where someone was like, it

7:31

felt like they were in the middle

7:33

stage of the Animorphs transformation. Remember the

7:35

black and white video where Michael Jackson

7:37

turned into a panther? It was

7:39

like in the middle. You don't remember the black and white video?

7:41

Unfortunately, I don't. Never watched TV

7:43

in my life. You've

7:46

never watched TV? Something about me is that I work

7:48

in TV and I've never watched a minute of it.

7:50

Really? So I'm really just guessing what's out there. So

7:52

when you act in a show, and I'll introduce you

7:54

in a second, are you just wondering

7:57

like, what is this even for? What is

7:59

this even for? Where does this go once

8:01

I do it? What are we pretending to

8:03

do? What is this charade? And

8:06

then people like me watch them and they go like, oh

8:08

yeah, she's great. And you're like, how has anyone ever heard

8:10

of me? Yes. I'm like Scott, how do you know

8:12

me? She

8:14

has a new movie coming out. That's right,

8:16

a film. Filma. A film coming out this

8:19

week. I believe on... Sigma, if you will.

8:21

I believe on 4th of July. 4th

8:23

of July. Spend your independence day watching it over and over

8:25

again. Stream on. Yeah. Do a watch party with friends.

8:28

Coming out, it's on Amazon, but it's

8:30

an MGM movie called

8:32

Space Cadet. Yes. Coming out

8:34

this Thursday, I

8:36

believe. Maybe you can watch it on

8:38

Wednesday if you're on a certain time zone. Oh yeah. If you're

8:40

in like Brussels. Yes.

8:43

If you're in Brussels. To our Brussels audience.

8:45

Lucky you. Love your

8:47

sprouts. Yeah. Thank you. Oh, you've made

8:49

St. Petersburg. Thanks for those. Lucky

8:52

you. You can watch Space Cadet. It

8:54

was seven hours earlier. I don't know where St. Petersburg is. They only made

8:56

sprouts, right? They didn't do anything else. That's it. That's

8:58

it. Brussels

9:00

sprouts. Yeah, that's it. Did they make beer or

9:02

two? You know, I feel like all

9:04

of the European countries did. They all make beer, right?

9:07

They all loved it. They loved it for a month.

9:09

They're all like, that's so shitty here. We

9:11

make beer to take our minds off of

9:13

it. Yes. They can't stop colonizing

9:15

and they can't stop making beer. They're

9:18

like, after we colonize a new territory, let's

9:20

make another IPA. Papi Leo's here. Hi,

9:23

that's me. Yes. Did I

9:25

pronounce that correctly? I tried. You did. Yeah. Okay.

9:27

Leo. Leo. Leo. It has a bit of

9:29

a more of like a flick at the end. Leo?

9:32

Oh, like a question mark? Like a softer Leo. Leo.

9:36

Like you're kind of like softly opening a

9:38

door into the future self of... Leo.

9:42

Actually better. Actually better now that you did that. It was

9:44

like an air hatch. Scott

9:46

famously speaks Mandarin fluently. Yeah, fluently.

9:49

I don't like to trot it out on this show all that much,

9:51

but you know, the translation...

9:53

Do the rest in Mandarin. Obviously

9:55

we are translated in every language.

9:58

Every. I do the Mandarin one. Yes,

10:00

yes. Myself. Which the

10:02

fans love. They love it. I do every

10:04

single character, I mean real person. You

10:07

do so amazingly in the States based

10:10

on the fact that your primary audience is

10:13

mainland China. That's right. Yeah. I mean, that's

10:15

the thing is like, you know how Marvel

10:17

always puts one scene set in China in

10:20

their movies, you know, it's like... You're like the

10:22

opposite. Your whole movie is in China. You get

10:24

the one scene. Yeah, the whole thing. Everything is

10:26

in China. We've never discussed that. We're actually in

10:28

China right now. We're very China coded. I'll say,

10:31

yeah, something about your voice, everything. It's giving China.

10:33

It's giving dynasty. Thank you.

10:35

Speaking of which... Speaking middle kingdom. The

10:37

little kingdom? Is that what they call it? Middle.

10:40

Oh, middle. Okay. I was going to say it's

10:42

very... The little kingdom. It's very emasculating to call

10:44

it the little kingdom. Little tongue in cheek. Speaking

10:46

of which, you were born in China, were

10:48

you not? I sure was. And then you

10:50

moved to Minnesota where my wife is from.

10:53

No. Yes. What town? I

10:55

love her already. Many,

10:57

many, many different places around the Twin

10:59

Cities. We couldn't stop moving. Obsessed with

11:01

it, yes. My wife's

11:03

from Egan. I know about it. Do

11:05

you? Yes. I know her, Egan. And tell me about

11:07

the Mall of America. How much time did you spend

11:10

there? Every

11:12

time I go back to visit Minnesota, which is once

11:14

every three years now, that's the

11:16

only place I want to go. Really? Mall of

11:18

America. I love it. Mall of America raised me. I

11:21

was born in the Mall of America and I was

11:23

raised in the Mall of America. My

11:25

wife worked at Hulk Hogan's Pasta Mania.

11:28

That is amazing. In the

11:30

Mall of America. That's hot. Yeah. And that's why you

11:32

fell in love with her. That is exactly. You ever

11:34

go on the Flume ride there? You had her pasta.

11:36

Have I? Of course you have. Who

11:39

am I talking to? I was born on the ride.

11:41

Were you really? Oh my God. My mom wanted to

11:43

labor on the ride, even though I was born in

11:45

China. But the thing about Mall of America is that

11:47

it's very transnational. It's international waters

11:49

there on the Flume ride. So you immediately

11:51

flew to China and that's where you got

11:53

your citizenship. Exactly. Something that people don't really

11:55

know is that within the Mall of

11:58

America there's that. own

12:00

national flag. You can commit crimes on

12:02

that ride alone. But once you're off.

12:04

Yeah. You ever go to the bowling

12:06

alley there? No. Should

12:08

I be talking about your work instead of this?

12:10

No, I want it. This is actually the content.

12:12

This is my niche of the world. My

12:15

niche of the world is that I'm very

12:17

Chinese and I'm also really specifically Midwestern. Yeah.

12:19

Like I'm a bit of a hick. The

12:21

cross section of that. Yeah.

12:23

And like a hot way. Hips are hot.

12:25

How long were you in Minnesota? Because then

12:28

you moved back to China, did you not?

12:30

I was there from two to 14, which

12:32

I feel like are really formative years for

12:34

your personality and for maybe how you

12:37

speak. I was there long enough to

12:39

like, we were like smoking salvia in

12:41

the corn fields. I was waiting on

12:43

to be doing that. I didn't know

12:45

it was salvia. I didn't know. You

12:48

know, the statute of limitations is not

12:50

up, so I'm going to have to

12:52

refer you to the authorities. Okay. Right.

12:54

This is a live podcast. I

12:57

get arrested right after I leave. Scott

12:59

loves to arrest me, please. Oh, Scott,

13:02

Scott, the very natural. Biggest

13:05

narc. Biggest narc. Literally. The narc father.

13:09

So you go back to China then. Yes. And

13:13

how is that for you? Is it?

13:15

It is. Because you don't remember it,

13:17

I'm sure. It's shocking. It's shocking. I

13:19

go back to China when I'm 14

13:21

to Shanghai. We had just become US

13:23

citizens the year prior and my dad's

13:26

company sent us back as expats, which

13:28

basically meant like suddenly like we were

13:31

just living kind of a very regular

13:33

Midwestern. My parents were like slowly

13:35

doing well for themselves as immigrants.

13:38

And then boom, this thing happens.

13:40

And then once you're an expat,

13:42

it's like, have you seen the

13:44

show Exo Kitty? I haven't.

13:47

It rocks. Okay. You shine. I write that

13:49

down. Exo Kitty. Exo Kitty. I feel like

13:51

it's right up your alley. It's about this

13:53

like, you know, young kid grabbing an international

13:55

school. And it's very much like that where

13:57

like all of my friends were kids of

13:59

diplomats. their parents

14:01

were like in the triads. So

14:04

your parents, how did they feel about

14:06

it? Because they hadn't been there in

14:08

12 years either. It's

14:11

true. Well, I think it was like, but

14:13

like when we were there, when I was born there

14:16

versus when we went back again, we were in such

14:18

a class, we were like in a

14:20

different class by that time. So

14:23

I bet it was a huge culture shock for

14:25

them. Being like a dick teenager, I don't think

14:27

I asked them how it was for them. I

14:29

was just like, oh God, why

14:31

do we have to do this? Why do

14:33

you have to do this? I'm going to

14:36

miss my skateboarder boyfriend in Minnesota, Tad. Did

14:38

you have Tad as a boyfriend and you had to

14:40

break up? Where's Tad now? I talk about Tad a

14:42

lot on like so many different things. I'm like surprised

14:44

Tad doesn't like reach back out to be like, Poppy,

14:47

what? Could Tad actually reach you

14:49

if he was to reach out? He actually has.

14:51

We saw each other at a friend's wedding a couple of

14:53

years ago and Tad said that he loved me. And I

14:55

said, I love you too, Tad.

14:58

What's Tad up to these days? I don't know.

15:00

I think he maybe like- Still skateboarding? Breaking bad

15:02

a little bit in New Mexico for a while.

15:05

I could have had a different life, Scott. I could

15:07

have been Tad's wifey. Isn't

15:10

that interesting that all these things that happen to you when

15:12

you're young, that you think like, ah, this sucks. Why do

15:14

we have to do this? It all leads you to right

15:16

here. It all leads me to right here.

15:18

Yes, my first heartbreak with Tad led me to

15:20

here. And then I was-

15:23

To this podcast. To this podcast specifically.

15:25

In my life, there's before this podcast

15:27

and there's after this podcast. You're a

15:30

new infant, of course. Yes. So

15:32

you, and then you start doing theater there

15:34

and dance, is that right? I

15:37

actually, ironically, I started doing Chinese

15:39

dance in Minnesota and I,

15:41

from age five to 14. And

15:43

when I moved to actual China, I

15:45

stopped doing Chinese dance. Interesting. Yeah.

15:48

Because it's just called dance? I guess. Well, cause I think

15:50

in China, you can't really do anything- These are old jokes,

15:53

I apologize. It's really good. They're really good, Scott.

15:56

I had to suppress my laughter for that one. But

15:58

I was- I feel like the

16:00

entire- Bubbling up. Suppressed. Something.

16:03

Because there's just called Duns. Scott,

16:06

you are a dad and I think that you

16:08

are, that's a, it's a really good and important

16:10

dad joke category. Thank you very

16:12

much. You're leaning into. Yes, I appreciate that.

16:14

Yeah. So, so you also are

16:17

a poet. Kind of. Kind

16:19

of. Do you still write? You want to do like

16:21

the phase. Yeah. Like go through the phase. Does

16:23

everyone go through this phase when they're in their

16:25

like early to mid 20s,

16:27

they just moved to New York

16:29

City. They're doing like experimental naked

16:31

physical theater downtown, working,

16:33

attending bar and doing

16:35

puppetry for babies and

16:38

also like hosting underground

16:40

queer QT-POC poetry storytelling

16:42

events. I think so. I

16:44

mean, that's familiar to me. That's like a cliche.

16:46

Yeah. Kind of like. Yeah.

16:49

We all do that between like 20 and 25. Yeah.

16:52

And you accidentally kind of joined a call for a little,

16:54

actually, you know that I was scouted by Nixxiom. Really?

16:57

Yes. Tell all, dear

16:59

sister. They brought me, one of my friends

17:01

got into like, I mean, kind of got

17:03

in far, wasn't like basically the Janess part

17:05

of it. Which you may know is like

17:08

the sex trafficking arm of it.

17:11

And that friend who like, okay, bless

17:13

her heart. I think she was like later on one

17:16

of the whistleblowers and like, you know, got herself

17:18

out too. But at that time she

17:20

was like, pop, you want to come with me to like my

17:22

friend's dinner, backyard dinner in Brooklyn. And

17:24

I was like, yeah, sure. I go. Literally,

17:27

Alison Mack. Wow. Yes.

17:30

And you're thinking this is just Chloe from Smallville. I didn't even

17:32

know that because I don't watch TV as you know.

17:34

Oh, that's right. Yes. And

17:38

then like, I was like, oh my God. And I'm like 23 or 24. And

17:41

so like, you know, no one, no one does

17:43

anything nice or fancy. So I was like, oh

17:45

my God, this like spread like, oh, I'm going

17:47

to eat so much. And

17:49

then they made everyone go around and like share

17:51

their trauma. And I was like, what?

17:53

I was like, I didn't sign up for this. I

17:55

thought it was so clever. They got to me and I was

17:58

like, I was like, I'm not going to let you. get

18:00

me and they're like, okay, like, what are you working on

18:02

right now? And I was like, honestly,

18:05

I feel amazing. I was

18:08

like, I just had a really good deal. I rock

18:11

and this rocks. And honestly, no notes. And

18:13

they were looking to know, but like, if

18:15

you dig deeper, what's there? I

18:17

was like, Oh, still good.

18:20

Still rocks. I'm so

18:22

clever. Well, I mean, you ended up

18:24

not being in the cult from what I can

18:26

guess, but kind of, kind of, yes.

18:29

Cause then I was like, I thought I dodged

18:31

that one, but then meanwhile I was a kind

18:33

of in like a cult ish relationship. What does

18:35

that mean? But I didn't see that, you know,

18:38

it's like, it's the guy with the ring. It's

18:40

the formative. No, that's different guy. Surprisingly. Um, no,

18:42

again, in sort of that cliche rite of passage

18:44

thing, it was, you know, we all also accidentally

18:46

date a diet cult leader who like,

18:49

if he was better at being a cult leader, I

18:51

think it would have been worse for me, but he

18:53

wasn't that great at it. So he could never get

18:55

the cult off the ground. So when you say

18:57

a diet cult leader, meaning he, he was not

18:59

great at it. Like diet soda is not great

19:01

at it. Or, or he was a cult surrounded,

19:05

or about diet, the

19:07

former, the former, the former former. Yeah.

19:10

Yeah. Like the, the team who have

19:12

cult leaders. Yes. So,

19:14

I mean, yeah, you know, he just,

19:16

he, he could have been a, um,

19:18

more problematic cult leader, but he just

19:20

couldn't get the cult. Just couldn't do it. Right. Yeah.

19:23

Poor enough to still like kind of mess

19:25

with me in my life for like two

19:28

years, moved to Brazil with him for a

19:30

little bit. As we all do, Scott, your

19:32

life is crazy. As we all do. Okay.

19:34

I gotta see a biopic of you. Well,

19:36

we were all 25. We all moved to

19:38

Brazil and were estranged from our family and

19:40

friends for three months at a ton of

19:43

ayahuasca. We realized that we had to come

19:45

back, got out of the relationship to tour

19:47

our abortion story. And then like, I mean,

19:50

we all, we all had to go through

19:52

that to get onto your podcast. This was

19:54

your play. Is that the abortion story?

19:56

What, what was it? It was actually. the

20:00

first film thing I ever did. Yeah,

20:02

film thing. Everyone's like, oh, like, I want to just

20:04

start doing TV film. And I'm like, huh, when did

20:06

I was doing the puppetry I was doing? Oh yeah,

20:08

my abortion story was the first. It

20:10

was like a crowdfunded short film. I like

20:13

did like a self-produced tour of it,

20:15

mainly to college campuses, talking about reproductive

20:17

rights, et cetera. And then

20:19

anyways, now I do TV. Haha. Well,

20:23

I got to see a biopic of you.

20:26

And of course it would end with you

20:28

being in space cadet triumphant climactic scene in

20:30

space cadet. I saw this film yesterday and

20:32

you you

20:37

are an interesting fact about

20:39

this film. You are pregnant during it. I

20:42

am. And that is written into the character. It's not like

20:44

I love Lucy, where you have like a basket of laundry

20:46

in front of you the entire time. I'm actually

20:48

seven months pregnant. And I

20:51

wasn't supposed to be pregnant. I was cast

20:53

in it by Liz Garcia, our wonderful writer-director,

20:56

like a year prior to even getting

20:58

pregnant. Production kept getting pushed as

21:00

it does by the time they locked the

21:02

dates in. I just kept

21:04

having sex. I just

21:06

kept having unprotected sex. Couldn't stop doing

21:08

that. Two facts coincided. Yes.

21:11

As production, as they were figuring out the

21:13

budget for space cadet, I

21:15

was having so much unprotected sex. Yeah. And so

21:18

finally, those two things coincided where they locked on

21:20

the dates and I was seven months pregnant. I

21:22

was going to be. And then so, you

21:24

know, as it happens, I was like, oh, they

21:26

might have to recast it. It might, you know,

21:30

but Liz was like, no, it's like, I want

21:32

you. You are this character. I love you. I'm

21:34

going to just rewrite that character to be pregnant

21:36

now. Yeah. So just rewrote it to be pregnant.

21:39

And so I'm just pregnant. Yeah. It was that

21:41

easy. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it wasn't like, I

21:43

think there's some rules where you like can't easily

21:45

rewrite the person to be pregnant. Well, there's

21:48

my upcoming movie, The Non-Pregnant Woman. The

21:50

Non-Pregnant Woman. Yes. And that one they had

21:52

to make you not pregnant. Unfortunately, I'm really

21:54

limited in who I can cast for that

21:57

one. But, but

21:59

so. Tell me about this movie, it

22:01

stars Emma Roberts. Obviously you don't have to tell me because

22:03

I've seen it, but it stars Emma Roberts. It's

22:06

akin to like a legally blonde

22:08

set at NASA. Definitely,

22:10

very, very yes. It's

22:13

very, very yes. It's like a

22:15

dumb shit in one way.

22:18

There was an era in our, like, yeah.

22:20

So it's like, it's a person that you

22:22

didn't expect doing a really, really smart thing.

22:25

And it's Emma Roberts character who's going

22:28

to NASA, but the setting for our

22:30

life pre-NASA is that we're just Florida

22:32

girls. We're just two

22:34

Florida gals, tending

22:37

bar. My character has like a

22:39

makeup line. Emma Roberts, the rest

22:41

is alligators. Unprotected sex. Yes. As

22:44

I do. And Emma

22:47

Roberts has dreams to go

22:49

to NASA. My character is

22:51

totally fine. My character

22:53

loves having babies. I just do. Your character

22:55

doesn't really have dreams necessarily as you've achieved

22:57

your dreams. Yes. And

23:00

you know, and this is, I love this

23:02

about her. I love people who just like,

23:04

they want a really

23:06

basic life and they get

23:08

it. And they're so happy with it. I have a lot

23:10

of respect for that. And I think that's this character. She's

23:12

really, she doesn't want to leave Florida. She wants to have

23:15

her babies. She wants to do her nails. She wants to

23:17

have her makeup line. And she's happy with that. She does

23:19

not want to go to NASA. Stop making all of us

23:21

want to go to NASA. Some of us don't. And

23:24

your character assists Emma Roberts character

23:27

in one sense of unbeknownst to Emma Roberts.

23:29

Committed fraud. I commit fraud. Yes, you commit

23:31

fraud. I commit government fraud, yes. You change

23:33

the application in order to make her seem

23:35

a little more, like she's achieved

23:38

more. More equipped to

23:40

be in NASA, which she is not equipped at all.

23:42

But you know what? I think that we all deserve

23:44

a best friend who's willing to commit fraud for us.

23:47

And if we don't have one, then none of your

23:49

friends are real ones. Now I've seen

23:51

this movie and unfortunately it doesn't end with

23:53

everyone in jail, yourself included. Well, you don't

23:55

know. No, I've seen

23:57

the movie. I don't want it. want

24:00

to spoil it necessarily, but I would prefer

24:02

when someone commits fraud like this to see

24:04

the cuffs being put on them and then

24:06

let away the jail. No, and you know

24:08

what? This film is really abolitionist in that

24:10

sense. And that this film, I think

24:12

at its core is saying no to prisons. And

24:15

that's something that's an undertone. I think just in

24:17

like 60 minutes in, just slap the cuffs on

24:19

all the main characters. Just lead them into jail.

24:22

Again, the theme of that shot is a narc.

24:24

Lead them right into the electric chair. Scott has

24:26

a narc-ing kink. A

24:29

kink for cuffs. And the

24:31

legal system. It's a very

24:34

funny comedy. And our unjust legal system and the prison.

24:36

Hey, be cool. It's

24:39

a very funny comedy. It comes out

24:41

on Independence Day. You can celebrate the

24:43

birth of America. We're almost at the

24:45

250th year of America. You

24:49

know, that's oftentimes where in one umpire's fall, you know

24:51

that. Yeah. So. We'll

24:54

see. We'll see what happens. You're

24:57

going to go back to China? Maybe. If

24:59

something happens. Why not? Yeah.

25:01

Yeah. Or the international waters of Mall

25:03

of America. Yes. We'll just hole up in

25:05

the Mall of America. Yeah. That's probably where I would go. I

25:07

feel like. Donna the Dead style. Mall of

25:09

America will be the first to

25:12

liberate itself from. Yes. Yeah.

25:14

Yeah. It's going to say. It'll

25:16

be the first to secede. Yes. From

25:19

the union. Yes. Just within the walls of the Mall of America. Yes.

25:21

Not fucking law. How can you be there? Not the

25:24

IKEA. If you want to get in on this, you

25:26

got to get inside. I get inside them. I got

25:28

to connect yourself. That's right. Although maybe they'll build a

25:30

bridge. Maybe they'll build a bridge. And this is my

25:32

platform. I'm building bridges. Not walls.

25:35

Building bridges. Although we are willing

25:37

to build a wall. Now he's trying to

25:39

read brand. Now he has the podcast. He's trying

25:41

to read brand in real time. I will build

25:43

a wall if enough people want it. You can't

25:45

stop saying you're an R P things like now

25:47

he's like, we're bridge building, turn down the walls.

25:50

Space Cadet is out this Thursday. We

25:52

have to take a break. Poppy, do you want to stick around?

25:54

Because we have something called an influencer coming up. Do you know

25:56

what this is? I need to find out. to

26:00

find out also someone in the wedding industry and this

26:02

will give you some good tips if you ever plan

26:04

on getting married. Maybe, I don't know. You got that

26:06

ring? I got the ring, yeah. I mean, you're halfway

26:08

there. Just sign some legal documents for a party. Yeah,

26:10

exactly. All right, we're going to take a break. When

26:12

we come back, we'll have more. Poppy Lou will have

26:14

more comedy bang bang. We'll be right back after this.

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bang, bang, we're back. Poppy Liu is here. Hey.

28:59

And Space Cadet is the movie. I

29:01

had a friend who was working on, do you

29:03

remember in the 90s, there was

29:06

a movie called Rocket Man, starring Harlan

29:08

Williams. And all about

29:10

a guy who shouldn't be an astronaut.

29:12

He becomes an astronaut. And

29:15

my friend who was working on the movie came

29:18

and said, hey, we have to change the

29:20

title because there's another movie already called Space

29:22

Cadet. And so he had

29:24

like, he said- Wait, in the 90s, there's

29:26

already a movie called Space Cadet. I guess so. Whatever happened

29:28

for a legal reason, they had to change the movie. And

29:30

he was like, if any of you come up with a

29:33

better name for it, I'll give you like 50 bucks. Wait,

29:35

it was called Space Cadet, it was called Rocket Man. It

29:37

ended up being called Rocket Man. Because Space Cadet

29:39

was already taken. Well, clearly they lost their rights.

29:42

And then I watched your movie, I'm like, what

29:44

the fuck is going on here? I know. And

29:46

that proves that Amazon has more money than

29:48

your friend's movie. Yeah, Jeff Bezos. Jeff, Jeff

29:51

single handed. One thing about this movie is that

29:53

Jeff Bezos- Was he there on set every day?

29:55

Every day, you know the thing is he loves

29:57

to have, he's really hands on with all of

29:59

his rent ventures. Yeah, he was like, there's looking

30:01

at every shot. He's like, one more take. Making

30:04

people take breaks peeing in bottles. One more take

30:06

for a shot. Yes. We didn't

30:08

have bathrooms and that was something that was hard. That's

30:10

all right. I can tell because everyone in the

30:12

middle of every scene is kind of like holding

30:14

their belly and bouncing up and down. Yes. My water

30:16

breaks on camera. That's part of the movie. Every

30:18

scene in the middle of it, someone goes like, I

30:20

got to go. And just like takes off in

30:22

the middle. It's a very interesting film. You got to

30:25

see this. Very interesting. We need to get

30:27

to our next guest. And

30:29

they're a Dinfluencer. I got to know what this

30:31

is. Please welcome for the first time on the

30:33

show, Donna. Oh, hi, Scott. Thanks for having me.

30:35

Hey, it's my pleasure. I think we're getting hung

30:38

up on the name. It's just kind of a

30:40

silly name I made up. I

30:42

like to empower people to make dishes for

30:45

dinner that maybe they think are too complicated.

30:47

We are getting right into your thing. My

30:49

God. Oh, sorry. I mean, hey, take a

30:51

bit of a relax here. I was born

30:53

in Mall of America. Oh my God. I'm

30:55

kidding. I'm kidding. Just kidding. Same doctor. This

30:57

is Poppy, by the way. Nice to meet

31:00

you, Donna. Hi, Donna. You sound like a

31:02

tradwife. What's that? You know about tradwives? I

31:04

don't. Like, you know, Nara Smith on TikTok.

31:06

I don't. She's like this model.

31:09

Mary did this other model. And every day, she's like,

31:11

today my husband was craving bubble gum and

31:13

we ran out. So I decided to make some from scratch.

31:16

Is trad short for traditional? Yes. Oh,

31:19

interesting. This sounds like someone I

31:21

would want to be friends with. Nara Smith. Look

31:23

her up. I'm sorry to interrupt your thing. No,

31:25

that's okay. We got all as far as dinner,

31:28

but I just felt like you. In

31:30

the fall of America, I got stimulated also. You were

31:33

like, it was so quick. I was trying to process.

31:35

Let's take it a little bit of- Yeah, I felt

31:37

bad for you because you were, I don't

31:39

know what influencer is. I was white as a sheet. White

31:41

as a sheet. Yes. Yes. No,

31:44

yeah. So I like to post

31:46

videos that can help people make things out

31:48

of what they have laying around or repurpose

31:51

food scraps or things like that. I see

31:53

for dinner. Sure. Yeah. Any

31:55

meal or summertime is upon us.

31:57

So the potluck dish. What's

32:00

the dish of the summer? You know, I think

32:02

it's gonna be a homemade

32:06

Homemade ice cream fruit roll and

32:08

it's real simple Tell

32:10

me more well next let me out. Okay.

32:12

So what is an ice cream fruit roll?

32:14

I don't know that I've ever a fruit

32:17

a fruit roll is a Sort

32:19

of like a like a fruit roll up or

32:21

a fruit by the foot Wait,

32:24

actually Donna's actually so right that is actually

32:26

the milk because I have a 15 year

32:28

old sister who is like Very Gen Z.

32:31

You like 15 year old sisters. Your parents

32:33

were also having unprotected sex at a certain

32:35

point I guess so Wow, I guess the

32:37

family. Yes, and we're 18 years

32:39

apart. So, you know, they were really interesting Yes,

32:42

it runs in the family and that's something about having

32:44

kids is that you got to have unprotected sex to

32:46

have kids And not me I went to the doctor

32:49

for that. I went to a little room I

32:54

went to a little room and then we implanted it in

32:56

a stranger You know, we

32:58

got you got rid all that messy stuff if you

33:00

pay extra they give you a big room Tip

33:05

the doorman. Yep the doorman man. Yeah, I

33:07

tell you he was not doing his job

33:09

because like he just let anyone in there

33:11

Really? Yeah in the middle of it I'm

33:14

just like in the middle of it in

33:16

the middle of my my business I'm like

33:18

dude part of your job is like to

33:20

bar the door while this is happening While

33:22

I make a baby with this magazine that

33:24

I'm me and the magazine are the baby's

33:26

parents Yes,

33:29

and the baby loves the magazine

33:31

great parent, yes So

33:33

I'm sorry. So a fruit roll up with ice

33:35

cream. Yeah, so picture this It's

33:37

so cool and refreshing but also very

33:40

healthy and the next time you have

33:42

a pineapple Don't

33:44

throw away the husk. Okay, what you're

33:46

gonna do is well You're

33:49

gonna you're gonna roll it out on a

33:51

piece of cardboard or several pieces of cardboard

33:53

taped together You're gonna lay it out in

33:55

the Sun to cure for about four days.

33:57

Okay, it's gonna get nice and dry but

34:00

not too dry. You're gonna roll it up. You're

34:03

gonna tie it with some pastry

34:05

strings and put it in your

34:07

oven. Now you're gonna finish the

34:09

drying process in there. And

34:12

in the meantime, you're gonna make some ice cream.

34:14

You're gonna do this. You're gonna make your own ice

34:16

cream. That's right. It's very easy. How

34:19

do you do it? I used to have like

34:21

a churn thing. Nope. No. No,

34:23

wrong Scott. Oh, okay. Sorry. Gone

34:27

are the days. You can do this all with

34:29

things you have laying around the house. Oh, how

34:32

do you make ice cream? You're gonna grab a

34:34

fistful of tapioca raw

34:37

and you're gonna throw it into a mortar

34:39

and pestle or you could use a coffee

34:41

grinder. Famously have tapioca powder for it. You're

34:43

gonna make a fine powder out of that.

34:46

Now you're gonna put that powder into a

34:48

cheesecloth and you're gonna strain the parts. So

34:50

now you have sort of a curds and

34:52

whey situation. You're gonna take the heavier of

34:54

the two parts, mix that

34:56

with some jelly pectin. Now you're

34:59

gonna put that in a layered jar, leave

35:01

it in the sun on the front porch where

35:03

it gets plenty of sunlight. Okay. Then you're gonna

35:06

top it with some honey and that's gonna finish

35:08

the curing process. Where do I get the honey?

35:10

You're gonna- From your bees, Scott. From

35:12

my bees. You're gonna find your local bees. Local

35:14

bees. You're gonna- You're gonna make a bunch of

35:16

bees. Okay. You have to, yeah.

35:18

So I have to find bees of two

35:20

different genders and put them together? Yes, you

35:22

do. That's, that's bonus points. You do. If

35:25

you can do that, hats off to you. I

35:28

find pre-mated ones. Oh, you do. I

35:30

do. I, you know, and you can see

35:32

the ones that are hanging out in a group. You

35:35

can follow them home. So it's like a bee orgy,

35:37

is that what you're saying? Sure. Yeah,

35:39

you can, you can always see, you know, you

35:41

feel the vibe in the air. Bee orgy, this

35:43

sounds like what Arnold Schwarzenegger says to all of

35:45

the women he dates. Bee

35:48

orgy. Yes, it

35:51

does sound like that. Yeah. It's,

35:54

that's the Austrian pickup line, yes. So,

35:58

yes. First. that I'm

36:00

interrupting so much. No, that's okay. What I

36:02

love about this recipe is that it famously

36:04

is all ingredients that people really have laying around

36:06

in excess. That's right. That's right. Now you're

36:09

gonna you're gonna get some coconut

36:12

milk fat. Okay. Where, how do I

36:14

get that? Well, coconut trees. From a

36:16

coconut, you can hammer it out. Not

36:18

too hard now. Use a jeweler's mallet

36:20

and be nice and soft about it.

36:22

Roll it, roll it up in some

36:25

burlap. Okay. And do it that way.

36:27

Now, if you have

36:29

like a salt and sugar

36:31

brine, you can brine it.

36:33

Okay. If you don't, I would evaporate

36:35

some pickle juice over about a course

36:37

of a month. How do I evaporate

36:39

it? I put it in a distiller

36:41

or you can make a distiller. You

36:43

know, if you can encourage a mouse

36:45

to gnaw its way through a pool

36:47

noodle, put a little peanut butter on

36:49

the end and it'll tunnel through. But

36:52

wouldn't it just go to that end? What

36:54

do you mean? Well, like if you put peanut

36:56

butter at the end and, and why does it

36:58

start at the far end? Oh, it thinks because

37:00

it gets the taste of the peanut butter. So

37:02

you got to put it at both ends? It

37:05

starts at the peanut butter end. It starts at

37:07

the peanut butter end. But it doesn't know when

37:09

to stop. Oh, I see. Because it keeps tasting

37:11

the peanut butter. Should I give him a little

37:13

peanut butter at the other end? You know, it

37:15

would be a nice reward. Or like some sprinkled

37:17

throughout, like knife some peanut butter into the middle.

37:19

It would be a nice reward. It would be

37:21

nice of me, right? But it's not necessary? Not

37:23

necessary. Got it. Any frozen fruit scraps you have

37:25

laying around, I have freeze all my fruit scraps.

37:27

Don't compost them. You can use all these parts.

37:29

Right. You can use the banana peels. All of

37:31

them. Got it. Now, for banana ice cream, you're

37:33

going to go ahead and zest that banana peel.

37:35

Got it. Just the insides. The outside you can

37:37

use as a serving scoop. Oh,

37:39

okay. And now

37:41

you're going to put this all together.

37:43

Now it'll, this will take about three

37:46

and a half weeks. Okay. And how

37:48

many does it serve? Two. Two. Two

37:50

small children. Oh, two small or

37:53

one regular size child? Sure. Yeah.

37:55

One large child and

37:57

one and two small children.

37:59

small like half an adult. Oh,

38:02

yeah. Two undernourished children is about

38:04

right. Right, okay. I only have

38:06

one just probably regular size. Okay,

38:08

well they'll have a ball with this. Okay,

38:11

okay. They'll have a ball. Okay. You're

38:13

gonna roll up the ice cream. Remember that pineapple husk

38:15

that you put in your oven a month ago. Okay,

38:17

I forget. Left it on a sort of jerky setting.

38:19

No, it's good. It's okay? We

38:21

don't have to worry. The oven is on

38:24

the home on. That's right. I got it,

38:26

I see, I see. Yeah, and we take

38:28

that out and it's gonna gently roll open.

38:30

Don't rush it. Okay.

38:33

It'll break and you'll have to start over. How

38:35

long am I rolling this? What

38:37

do you mean? Well, meaning like number

38:40

of minutes, number of- Oh, no,

38:42

a slow roll. 90 minutes to unfurl

38:44

this. 90 minutes to unfurl. Okay, do

38:46

I furl it ever? You're gonna furl

38:48

it with your jeweler's twine. Is that another

38:50

90? That's a 90 going

38:52

in and a 90 coming out. So that's

38:54

round trip hour and a half. About, so

38:56

I can just- No, sorry, round trip three hours. I

38:58

can just throw on the godfather. Sure, easy. Not the godfather part

39:01

two, that would be three and a half hours. That would

39:03

be insane. Then you're going too slow and

39:05

then you risk that it's gonna congeal and

39:07

it's gonna not hold the ice cream. You're gonna

39:09

have to start over. Got it, got it. But yeah,

39:11

then you put the ice cream in the middle. You gotta eat

39:13

it right away because it'll

39:15

melt within the minute. Oh, okay. So everyone

39:17

has to be ready. That's right. So it's

39:20

like a three hour process once we get

39:22

to the month and a half jerk process.

39:24

Yep, and you have to eat it within 30 seconds. And you

39:27

have to eat it within 30 seconds. This

39:29

is the dish of the summer, Scott. You'll be the most

39:31

popular guy in your house when you give it to your

39:33

child. This is not what I thought when you first said

39:35

fruit, roll up, ice cream. Yeah. And

39:37

I like this sounds better, more

39:39

convenient and tastier. Thank you, and

39:41

free. And

39:44

free once you, because you've

39:46

already bought all these other

39:48

things. So it's free. Yeah,

39:51

yeah, that's so great. I mean, it

39:53

sounds like, say, this

39:55

is a silly question, but say I

39:57

didn't have any of these materials. How much?

40:00

am I spending on all this just to get there?

40:02

I mean, ballpark 800 or

40:04

so. A lot of these are specialty

40:06

items, but the good news is you

40:09

can substitute with anything. Right. You got

40:11

dental floss, that can be your twine.

40:13

Oh, okay. You used dental floss even

40:15

better because now you've used it twice,

40:17

you've maximized. Right. What about the

40:19

jeweler's hammer? Well, you can fashion

40:21

one of those. You got deer

40:24

hooves you can scavenge. I

40:28

guess, yeah, I could probably come across some

40:30

of those. Those snap off real easy once

40:33

the deer, from the deer,

40:35

once the vultures and the ants have gotten

40:37

to the carrion, you can

40:39

snap it, you can give it a

40:41

nice fist chop. And now, now you're

40:43

really helping out nature because that deer

40:45

is being used in every part. Right.

40:48

Yeah. What do the ants do once you've chopped

40:50

it off? Well, they've already softened some of the

40:52

outside. Because they're interested in the flesh,

40:55

right? That's right. Yeah. Most of them,

40:57

some ants are vegetarian. You can tell. Yeah.

40:59

You can tell. You can tell. Those are

41:01

the ones kind of like setting

41:04

themselves apart from the other ants. Yeah. They

41:07

look at your picnic all judgy and they

41:09

go, oh, you have jerky at your picnic.

41:11

They're famous. They really body shaming. That's right.

41:13

Oh my God. I hate when an ant,

41:15

body shaming. How did you get involved in all

41:17

this? I mean, is this something you've been doing ever

41:19

since you were young? I love to

41:21

eat, Scott. Really? Don't have a

41:23

lot of money. And I

41:26

realize I can just be easily reproducing

41:28

this. Why do I got to go

41:31

spend inflation prices to get a meal

41:34

at your cafe gratitude or something when

41:36

I can make pine needle soda in

41:38

a jar while I'm sitting on the

41:40

toilet, you know, and it's done before

41:42

I know. No. Toilet soda? Well,

41:45

I'm on the toilet. The soda's in my kitchen.

41:47

But I gotta imagine some of that toilet

41:50

stuff gets into the soda. Toilet stuff

41:52

gets everywhere. You own a black light,

41:54

Scott. Of course. Sure.

41:56

Yeah. I spend $800 on that alone.

41:58

Yeah. Tell me about it. Well, why

42:00

don't you, uh, why don't you pull a

42:02

date line and flip that on sometime and

42:05

tell me toilet stuff doesn't get anywhere. Listen,

42:07

I want to empower you. Yeah. I want

42:09

to let you know, uh, a easy recipe.

42:11

What's something that you like to eat in

42:13

the summertime? In the summertime. Um, yeah,

42:15

I, you know, I, I, I love

42:18

a nice hot dog. Oh, sure. That's, you know,

42:20

July 4th is coming up. I'm going to watch

42:22

space. G'day. There you go. Right on your

42:24

way, on your way to your 4th

42:26

of July, uh, movie set up with

42:28

your friends, swing down to your local

42:30

wetlands, bring your pocket knife,

42:32

lop off the top of six or seven

42:35

cat tails. Okay. Okay. Yeah. Just the tops.

42:37

Just the tops. That's going to be your

42:39

hot dog. That's not a, that's

42:41

not the tail of a cat. I believe

42:43

that's what you're talking about. I'm talking about, yeah,

42:46

not the, not the live animal. Not

42:48

the live animal. Yeah. Although, you know,

42:50

somebody probably has that as their number

42:52

one snack. That's not my bag in

42:54

particular. Oh, I see. So when you're talking about cat

42:56

tails, what are you talking about? The, the weeds, the,

42:58

the reed of weeds. Oh, I see. You

43:01

know, when they got the brown top, it

43:03

looks real fuzzy. Got it. Yeah. It is

43:05

fuzzy. Be hard to eat if you left

43:07

it like that. You're going to dip it

43:09

in canupa wax and jojoba oil. Okay. And

43:11

what you're going to do is you're going

43:13

to roll it in, uh,

43:16

in some, uh, olive skins. You're

43:18

going to peel the skin off

43:20

the olive because you know, when you're drinking your martinis,

43:22

you don't need the skins. You don't need the

43:25

skin. Yeah. So when, and that's a

43:27

good point, Scott, start thinking

43:29

forward like this. So during the year

43:31

you can, you don't, you don't have

43:33

to peel 70 olives all

43:35

at once during the year. You just put them in

43:37

a piggy bank or something and say, you're all

43:39

of piggy banks. That's right. Shaped like an olive, maybe

43:41

instead of a pig. I like your thinking

43:44

we could go into business or something. I

43:46

don't think I want to do that. All right. Um,

43:48

but, uh, so is that the last step though? It's

43:50

not there. There's eight

43:52

or nine more steps, but that's, that's

43:54

the basic gist, you

43:56

know, and, and, and you're going to, what about the

43:59

relish? How to, how to, because Because I love a hot dog

44:01

with relish. I can't have a hot dog without relish. Who

44:03

doesn't? So you can make your own

44:05

relish from fish parts. And

44:08

you're gonna have to break those down with a

44:10

little bit of turpentine. But

44:12

you can neutralize that for the human

44:15

system. Did you know honey is a

44:17

great disinfectant? I did not know that.

44:19

It's a great disinfectant. Okay. It's

44:21

also- It's a good lube. Yeah, oh yeah.

44:24

Honey makes- Oh, good lube. Yeah, you do have

44:26

to pay the price after. Like it's really- Seems

44:28

like you pay the price during- You'd see it

44:30

during that. That sounds very sticky. Yeah, both before

44:32

during and after, you do have to pay the

44:34

price actually. Yeah, but it's worth it. But it

44:36

is worth it. What is the opposite of birth

44:38

control? Because that seems like that would just velcro

44:41

the sperm into you, wouldn't it? Yeah, I mean-

44:44

Yeah, just vacuum packed. Sperm can't swim

44:46

through honey. Oh, really? That's one thing.

44:48

So actually the honey is the birth

44:50

control. I see. Interesting. Can't swim through

44:52

honey. Imagine, little swimmer, honey, wall of

44:54

honey. Can't get through it. All right.

44:56

It's suffocated. Good to know. Dead, killed.

45:00

So a man could just rub honey all

45:02

over his genitals. I would say yes. And

45:04

then that's birth control. I would say yes.

45:06

Interesting. You would say yes. I would say yes to

45:08

them. Not to the man.

45:10

That's the guarantee. To

45:13

their experiment. Okay,

45:16

interesting. Well, yeah. I mean,

45:18

you could right there call up Shark Tank.

45:20

Yeah. With Mr. Wonderful himself.

45:22

You ever meet him? I

45:24

wish. I wish. What a

45:26

guy. I've made my own Mr. Wonderful.

45:29

In what way? I've fashioned one. All

45:32

from things I got laying around. Like twigs, like

45:34

a wicker man type of situation?

45:36

Exactly, yeah. Straw, twigs, driveway

45:39

tar. Yeah, and he's just sitting there

45:41

interrupting everyone. Yeah, he's judging me from

45:44

afar, but it makes me strive to

45:46

do better. Anyway,

45:48

so yeah, you got your hot dog. That

45:51

sounds delicious. Yeah. How long does

45:53

this take me to get one hot dog? Well, you have

45:55

to pre-plan a bit. This one's seven weeks

45:57

or so, because that turpentine has to be.

46:00

neutralized, you know. Right, right. And you

46:03

do that with worm castings. You don't

46:05

mind worm castings. I don't exactly know

46:07

what they are. It's worm turds.

46:09

It's the castings. I see.

46:11

The leavings of a worm. That's right. Yeah. Okay.

46:14

Digestive. Where is the hole? Both ends, isn't

46:18

that something? Oh, really? Did you know that?

46:20

Both ends and they go both ways and

46:23

they don't have eyes and all

46:25

of them are hermaphroditic. Interesting.

46:27

Wow. These sound pretty

46:30

trendy. I'm

46:32

telling you, earthworms are going to be the... You

46:34

have the finger on the pulse. Yeah. Next thing

46:36

you know, the government's going to want to turn

46:38

all of our teenagers into worms. Wouldn't

46:41

put it past them, Scott. I

46:44

really wouldn't. Yeah.

46:46

So how often do you eat?

46:48

I mean, you say you love to eat, but it seems like

46:50

this is a lot of your day. I wish

46:52

I could eat every day, but I'd

46:55

be lying if I said it

46:57

was more than a week, but

46:59

I do enjoy every bite. Yeah.

47:02

This morning, I had a nibble

47:04

of a dried geranium root and

47:06

that, if you close your eyes

47:08

and really imagine that tastes almost

47:10

like a caper. Okay. Oh, okay.

47:12

Yeah. So one caper, if

47:15

you imagine it. If you imagine it, if

47:17

you don't imagine you're in for a wild

47:19

ride, Scott, because that's about the bottom of

47:21

an ash tray times

47:24

a butthole. Oh gosh, I

47:26

hate doing math, but I'll imagine that.

47:30

What do you think, Poppy? Does this sound like

47:32

something you might want to try? I mean... Honestly,

47:34

I don't cook, so I would probably

47:36

just door dash that. Yeah. But I

47:38

think I like that you're doing slow

47:41

living. Yes. Which also

47:45

is really trendy, which I

47:47

find you to be incredibly trendy. I'm trendy. I

47:50

would say that you're like the goop, like

47:52

you're like the Gwyneth Paltrow. If you don't know what goop

47:54

is, it's a brand. I ate some last month. Oh no,

47:56

no, no. This is... He'll take an owl pellet and leave

47:58

it out in the sun. for too long.

48:01

I don't for too long. How long is too long?

48:03

Seven years. Oh, no. Goop

48:06

is something different. It's a it's a

48:08

lifestyle brand. Do you know what Gwyneth

48:10

Paltrow is? I don't know what

48:12

that is. I don't know what that is.

48:14

I don't think we have that in- It's hard to explain. Okay.

48:17

It's uh, have you ever

48:21

like you know leaned over to someone

48:23

who's suing you and just

48:27

whisper, have a nice

48:29

life or whatever she says. I

48:31

can imagine that. Have you ever

48:34

sold a $125 candle? Oh,

48:38

I wish I could make that much

48:40

off of my candles. Most people don't

48:42

want to light raccoon skulls on fire

48:44

and I don't understand the hang up

48:46

because they last longer. And what

48:49

that's gonna do is burn your your

48:51

milk curd in a way that won't

48:53

smell as bad because the eye hole

48:55

will slow it down. It won't smell

48:57

as bad as a candle or as a normal raccoon.

48:59

It smells worse than

49:01

a candle unfortunately. It's spoiled

49:04

milk but it doesn't smell as bad if

49:06

you focus it through a skull. Wow. I

49:09

really feel like you have a niche on

49:11

TikTok. I feel like TikTok would eat you

49:13

up. Yeah. Do you own a camera? I've put

49:15

some TikTok stuff. Have you fashioned

49:18

a camera yourself? Yeah. Well,

49:20

I've fashioned my own tripod.

49:22

I've found a severed human

49:25

hand in my backyard.

49:27

Okay. That, hold on one second. You

49:30

found a severed human hand in your backyard? That's

49:32

right. And it holds the camera. No, no, no,

49:34

no, no, no, no, no, no, we got

49:36

to go backwards. Scott, don't be a

49:38

prude. Come on. I, I, did you

49:40

alert the authorities at all? I mean, not

49:42

to be a narc again. There

49:45

aren't that many authorities. How's the

49:47

hospital speed dial? Up by me. Oh,

49:49

where are you? You're up in the- Humboldt.

49:52

Oh, Humboldt. I'm running around Humboldt. Seems

49:54

like there should be more authorities than

49:56

normal. Yeah, I'm just, I'm

49:58

just- With the types of people who live in- Humbled anyway,

50:00

but that's just me. That's

50:02

all right. No, we, we have sort of our own

50:04

law, the land up there. You know, take the

50:06

fingerprints before you fashioned it into a tripod,

50:09

just to try to figure out who the,

50:11

the identity of decompose by then didn't

50:13

occur to me. Scott, no, it was

50:15

fully intact. It even had a wedding

50:17

ring with someone's name on it, but

50:19

I melted that down. Use

50:21

it to make some skewers for

50:23

some appetizers. Oh

50:27

my God. And did you used to be married by

50:29

the, by the way? I've been married so

50:31

many times. What happened to your, uh, all

50:33

of your husband's? They all die. It's

50:37

so tragic. All the

50:39

same way. None of them make it through the

50:41

winter. Are they buried in your backyard by chance?

50:43

I didn't bury them because I wanted to use

50:45

them. So they've been

50:47

repurposed and it's, you know, it's what they

50:49

would have wanted. Okay. So I thought we

50:52

were onto something with finding out that this hand

50:54

was one of your ex-husbands. This is just an

50:56

unrelated hand. Unrelated hand. I didn't kill them.

50:59

But they just didn't make it through the winter because

51:01

you didn't have sustenance. That's right. So sadly.

51:04

Something from cold. They died from cold

51:06

or from, you know, it's a combination.

51:08

When you start getting cold, your body

51:10

needs calories and you know, some of

51:12

them, little bit of picky

51:14

eater, you know, I don't want to eat an

51:16

apple cord wrapped in a raccoon tail. I don't

51:19

know if I'm a picky eater, if I'm starving

51:21

to death. Yeah, exactly. Well, these guys

51:23

were, and that was their downfall. That was

51:25

their downfall. Sarah Kelly's heel. Sounds like it

51:27

was on them. Yeah. So, but,

51:29

but they died doing what they love.

51:32

What's that? Well, begging, begging,

51:36

begging for food. That's right. I don't know

51:38

that anyone loves begging for food. So dark.

51:41

You could have fooled me because they did

51:43

it a lot. Okay. Donna, I think you're

51:46

a serial killer. So I

51:48

love cereal. I would never get rid of

51:50

it. I make my own. How do you,

51:52

what do you kill to make cereal? Well, I

51:55

don't have to kill anything. I forage

51:57

for bird beaks. I shave them

51:59

with a. carrot grater. And then

52:02

I dust them with sweet potato flakes,

52:04

homemade sweet potato flakes. It makes it

52:07

taste like grain, but it has the

52:09

crunch of a cereal. Interesting.

52:11

Wow. Oh yeah.

52:13

Oh, that's right. All of your husbands have died. I

52:15

forgot that while you were saying that recipe. And

52:18

you found a human hand. I haven't

52:20

forgotten that fact. I'd say of everything Donna shared

52:22

with us, that's probably the one thing I remember.

52:24

It's kind of shocking. Is it the worst thing I've ever heard on

52:27

this show? Not by a long shot. I

52:29

appreciate that Scott. But you know, it

52:31

is weird. Well, weird

52:34

is a sliding scale, as I

52:36

say. Honestly, I don't say this to all

52:38

of my guests because charming people like Poppy come on

52:40

the show, but then people like you come on the

52:42

show. I think you're weird. I

52:44

take that as a compliment. And that's where

52:47

you and I sort of, it's a to

52:49

each his own. Sure. But I mean,

52:51

I think the way that I have it, like

52:53

my own is like sane and you're like weird.

52:55

I think it's weird to buy

52:57

guacamole from a store when you

52:59

can pulverize a gallbladder. I

53:03

always agree with like the first half of

53:06

your sentence. And I'm like, Oh

53:08

yeah, you don't, you don't need to buy guacamole

53:10

from a store because you can't, and then, and

53:12

then you lose me. I lose you. It's

53:14

like, it's like the McDLT of sentences.

53:16

You have like the normal half and

53:18

the weird half. What's the D

53:20

in that? What was the

53:23

D in that? Donna,

53:27

we have to take a break. Can you stick

53:29

around though? I would love to. Because even though

53:31

you're like slightly eccentric, I want to

53:33

hear what you have to say when our next guest comes on. Is that

53:35

all right? Are you going to use that fingernail laying

53:37

over there? Hey, have a ball. Enjoy.

53:40

You need some homemade floss? Please.

53:43

All right. We need to take a break. When

53:45

we come back, we'll have more from Donna. We'll

53:47

have more from Poppy and we have someone who

53:49

works in the wedding industry. Very exciting. We'll

53:52

be right back with more comedy bank make after this. So

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required see one hour plus turns into. Comedy

55:00

Bang Bang, we're back. Poppy Lee was

55:02

here. And Space Cadet is the movie

55:05

and... Of the summer. Movie of

55:07

the summer. I said it. You know what it

55:09

means? Movie of the summer. Movie of the year. Movie

55:11

of the... The

55:14

Fortnite? The decade? No, Fortnite is way shorter.

55:16

Yeah, that's two weeks, maybe. But

55:18

how many Oscars do you think this is gonna take

55:20

home? You know, the golden man himself. I'd say all.

55:23

Probably all of them. I think it's

55:25

gonna sweep. Run the table. I think it's gonna set a record. That's

55:27

right. Maybe that... Everything, everywhere,

55:29

all at once. This award season,

55:32

Space Cadets. That's right, yeah. Wow,

55:34

this is incredible. It comes out on Friday and the

55:36

world will never be the same after that. You

55:38

know, I actually will say that. Like, I think

55:41

it actually has been a while since we've had

55:43

like a nostalgic kind of comedy like this. You

55:46

know, there was an era where we were

55:48

getting like a lot of like Devil Wears

55:50

Prada, Legally Blonde, like those films.

55:52

I miss them. No,

55:55

it used to be you could go to the theater and

55:58

just turn, you know, just... watch

56:00

something that was not challenging. First

56:03

of all, every TV show nowadays has to be like a

56:05

movie, a junior movie. Yes, and you have

56:07

to use so many, I have to write down

56:09

on a notepad everyone's name. I have to do

56:11

a family tree to remember how all the, yeah.

56:14

Yeah, I write down every single character. Cop

56:16

number one, cop number

56:18

two. You would have signed down the cops.

56:20

I've seen it, he has a Game of

56:22

Thrones-esque scroll. But only of cops. That's right.

56:25

And it's just for movies like Friends with Benefits. It's

56:27

like every character's name. And then I check to see

56:29

if I got them right at the end when they

56:32

reveal the test answers. That's what those words are that

56:34

come up at the end, right? Yeah, that's the credits.

56:36

The credits at the end is the answer at the end of

56:38

the textbook. And you can win and you can lose at a

56:40

movie. Yeah, I have an A average usually. Oh,

56:43

Scott, okay. Yeah, I usually get them all. We

56:46

do have to get to our next guest. By the way, Donna

56:48

is here, the influencer. Hello. And

56:50

so we do need to get to our next guest. He

56:53

works in the wedding industry. Please welcome, first time

56:55

on the show, everyone's a first timer here. Please

56:57

welcome Ray Good. Scott, my good bitch, how are

57:00

you? I know. Okay,

57:02

I don't know that you can call me that. What,

57:05

we've known each other for so long. I

57:07

helped plan your wedding. It was a very

57:09

exciting, maybe you would say the best day

57:11

of your life, no? I

57:15

mean, it's in contention. I go, look, I didn't wanna tell

57:17

everyone that you planned my wedding here. This

57:20

is what I do. I get in there and I help

57:22

plan. I take everyone. I thought that maybe you'd be on

57:24

the show and we'd pretend like we don't know

57:26

each other. I guess I

57:29

could take it back. What's

57:31

up, you bitch? Okay, that's

57:33

worse. Okay, I'm trying to just

57:35

split the difference. Who's to

57:37

say if you're good? I've never met this guy. No

57:40

need to split the D, LT. Just-

57:43

I love that the difference between you knowing

57:45

and not knowing was from little bitch to just

57:47

bitch. Like for my friends, they're a little bitch.

57:50

I don't know. I believe it was my good bitch, was it not? My good

57:52

bitch, right? Which is a term of the deal, man. I

57:54

shouldn't take such offense. Little is- Little

57:56

bitch is, that's the word. Pejorative. I

57:59

would say that's the word. Bitch actually I think is neutral

58:01

good. Yeah. Maybe

58:03

chaotic. What's up bitch? Yeah, it's chaotic

58:05

good. It's chaotic good. And that's sort of what I

58:07

like to do. My good bitch is full positive. Full

58:09

positive, yes. Oh yeah. Look,

58:11

I think it's important that

58:14

I'm the one that's taking it back. I'm bringing

58:16

it back to the lexicon. Hey,

58:18

so Ray, so tell us about what you do.

58:20

Well, you know, weddings, everyone's really

58:23

stressed out about planning weddings. This

58:26

is your pitch? Because it seemed

58:28

like you got lost after you said weddings. Weddings,

58:30

we all have them. What is a wedding?

58:33

No, not everyone has one. Not everyone's married.

58:35

Because maybe sometimes people, the stress of planning

58:37

a wedding is too much. The details are

58:39

too fine. There's too many moving parts. What

58:42

we do at good weddings. Good

58:44

weddings. Nice, my good bitch. How do you spell your

58:46

last name? Good weddings for good bitches. That's well, can

58:49

I put that on a shirt? Yeah. I'd love to

58:51

put that on a shirt. What, you plan weddings. Why

58:53

are you putting things on shirts? People love shirts. People

58:57

love shirts. I just, you're not

58:59

a shirt guy, are you? I mean, anybody can

59:01

be a shirt guy. Should I

59:03

have influenced or introduced you as a

59:06

shirt guy? I'm not a shirt guy,

59:08

but if I put that on a

59:10

shirt, what are you going to do with it? I'll buy

59:12

it. Good weddings for good bitches.

59:14

One customer. Let's see, how

59:16

many shirts has Scott sold today?

59:18

Zilch, Zip, Nada, none. We do

59:20

have some shirts in the store, by the way. And we have shirts

59:22

on tour. Make sure you

59:25

get them. How do you

59:27

spell good, by the way? Is it with an E at

59:29

the end? There's actually no E. I got the E removed

59:31

in court. In court? Yeah, I

59:33

had to go to court to get it removed.

59:35

It was pretty intense, actually. Did

59:39

you have opposition to removing the E? They

59:42

didn't want me to change my last name. Who?

59:45

The government. The government didn't want me

59:48

to change it. Why? They said it's

59:50

fine the way it is. They'll deny it if

59:52

they like the last name. Really?

59:55

They'll do this. I liked your

59:57

last name so much. G-O-O-D-E. Yeah.

59:59

And I had to really fight to get the

1:00:02

E taken off. It was it was a month's

1:00:04

long month long court battle. Yeah,

1:00:06

it was pretty intense. I had to get in

1:00:08

the best guys for this one. I mean, you

1:00:10

could have just made one cup of yogurt. That's

1:00:14

like basically just one yogurt cycle is what

1:00:16

you want. I described. That's right. I am.

1:00:18

I am often thinking about when I'm doing

1:00:20

things that are taking a long time. How

1:00:22

much yogurt can I be having? Is this

1:00:24

one yogurt or two? Yeah, this is this

1:00:26

is like a three yogurt situation. OK, that's

1:00:28

a little longer. Giuliani got it taken care

1:00:31

of and what? He's

1:00:33

my lawyer. You know this. He

1:00:36

was your witness. Are you? I know this. But

1:00:40

we're pretending like we don't know each

1:00:42

other. Right. So what good weddings does

1:00:44

is we just we set expectations at

1:00:47

like a medium level because

1:00:49

weddings with whom? With the with the guests and

1:00:51

the people that are playing the wedding because everybody

1:00:53

has big lofty dreams of what their wedding is

1:00:55

going to look like. They're going to look so

1:00:58

beautiful and handsome and everybody's going to be so

1:01:00

happy at the wedding and stuff. And what we

1:01:02

do is we just sort of. Pitch

1:01:05

it right down the center. OK, so you're telling

1:01:07

like the groom, like, hey, your tux is

1:01:10

probably not going to fit. It's going to fit. You're

1:01:12

going to look like ass basically. You're going to look

1:01:14

pretty bad. Your bride's going to have too much makeup

1:01:16

on. It's going to be caked up. She

1:01:19

didn't lose quite enough weight for the wedding. That's

1:01:22

not for me to say, but I know that that's like your

1:01:24

number one thing. Oh, no,

1:01:27

no, no. Just to

1:01:29

be clear, cats up body shaming. I

1:01:31

know it's got to always like, yeah, I know it's his

1:01:33

favorite. Those are my two. Cops

1:01:36

and bodies. Yeah, it's his brand. You

1:01:39

are the vegan ant of this podcast.

1:01:43

I like this idea. Be honest with the

1:01:45

folks. Let them know what they're getting into.

1:01:48

It's not great. They're like pleasantly

1:01:50

surprised on the day. Yeah, they're always like, oh, you

1:01:52

know what? This wasn't as bad as it could have

1:01:54

been. This was this was fine.

1:01:56

Everybody walks away going, this is fine. There were

1:01:58

two bathrooms for a 200. people wedding. This is

1:02:00

fine. This is fine. We thought we were gonna

1:02:02

have no bathroom. Yeah. We got two? That's two

1:02:04

more that I thought we'd have. You know what,

1:02:06

maybe I love raspberry vinaigrette. Maybe

1:02:08

I love it. And it's a gun

1:02:10

all salads at every wedding. Right. Yeah.

1:02:12

I mean, people are bored during the

1:02:14

father-daughter dance. That's okay. Yeah. People are

1:02:16

horny during the mother-son dance. It's fine.

1:02:19

We love that part. I don't know about

1:02:21

that. That wasn't in your brochure. I always

1:02:23

put it, there's an extra long section. So

1:02:25

we're planning, we're taking all the planning stages

1:02:27

away from the people that are getting married.

1:02:29

I have your brochure right now. It opens

1:02:31

up like a Playboy centerfold. Yeah. And it's

1:02:33

like your mom here. It's like an empty

1:02:35

silhouette. Because the big thing at these weddings

1:02:38

that I'm really trying to bring back into

1:02:40

the forefront is this, look, your

1:02:42

parents are losing a child. They're

1:02:45

getting married. They don't need you

1:02:47

anymore. So those dances. Oh, it's

1:02:51

like a singles bar. It's like

1:02:53

a debutante ball of the parents. It's

1:02:55

just sort of like maybe just think

1:02:57

about what you're giving up. You're having

1:02:59

a nice long dance with your mom

1:03:02

and your dad. And just think about

1:03:04

it. I'm giving this away.

1:03:06

So you encourage the dances to

1:03:08

be a bit erotic? Not necessarily

1:03:10

erotic, more sensual is the

1:03:12

word. What is the difference

1:03:15

between erotic and sensual? Sensual is,

1:03:17

well, to put it frankly, it's like the difference

1:03:20

between fucking and making love. I

1:03:22

understand now. That's the difference. Because the

1:03:25

picture on the brochure, it looks like

1:03:27

you've just taken the silhouette of two

1:03:29

dancers from the movie Dirty Dancing. Yeah.

1:03:31

Taking their identities out and said, your

1:03:33

mom here. Yeah. I just, I made

1:03:36

it. Because this guy's obviously Patrick Swayze.

1:03:39

I mean, somebody's dad could look

1:03:41

like that. Somebody that looks, somebody's mom could look like

1:03:43

that. God bless him if he can. Oh man, can

1:03:45

you imagine? No, a woman could look like Patrick Swayze.

1:03:47

Anybody could look like Patrick Swayze. It's funny. It's funny.

1:03:50

Anything goes. But that's, we do

1:03:52

that. And then we also make sure that

1:03:54

the stake is either

1:03:56

very, very small or so cooked

1:03:58

that it's hard. Yeah. You

1:04:00

have to yeah, and also make sure it comes

1:04:02

out about an hour late after it's supposed to

1:04:04

oh, yeah And you like deal you like wine

1:04:06

Scott right? You like love it. What about the

1:04:08

fermented grape? itself, huh

1:04:12

What they can do with the car? Freeze

1:04:15

a grape ferment the grape sure right off

1:04:17

the vine. I can name 80 more things.

1:04:19

Would you like me to? I'll

1:04:22

take 79 We

1:04:25

have we have want we provide our own wine We

1:04:27

distill our own wine and wait you

1:04:29

to steal your own wine for these weddings We do it

1:04:31

you should be a wine guy You should

1:04:33

be a wedding you should be a wine guy or a

1:04:35

t-shirt guy you have so many complaints about what I'm doing

1:04:37

You sound like a wine guy. Do you H? Wow

1:04:41

call the government get that H in there

1:04:44

and that's a shirt folks that could also be a

1:04:46

shirt Okay, I respect the hell out of

1:04:48

you. Thank you. So my own wine. Do

1:04:50

you pool noodle distill or what are you?

1:04:52

What's your setup? It's sort of like it's more

1:04:54

of like a Butt

1:04:56

chug distill like we what we

1:04:59

do it like where we you know We

1:05:01

stop on the grape, but then the juice goes

1:05:03

into like a funnel that's in an ass doesn't

1:05:05

have to be mine Then it comes

1:05:07

out how often is it yours? I mean,

1:05:09

it's mine when I'm doing it How

1:05:11

often how often is it someone else's

1:05:13

like rarely? So

1:05:17

it's your thing it's kind of like my other thing

1:05:19

right, but okay. Yeah, so you're a t-shirt guy a

1:05:21

butt chug guy I'm not a butt chug guy. I'm

1:05:23

a wine guy You're

1:05:27

an ass. It sounds like an only

1:05:29

it sounds like a niche only fans Yeah,

1:05:31

just started only fans. Well, we got

1:05:33

banned From

1:05:37

only fans got banned from only how do

1:05:39

you get banned from only fans? I mean

1:05:41

our IP are your subscribers, you

1:05:44

know, it was sort of like a government

1:05:46

sell thing the FBI and the CIA were

1:05:48

watching the intake from our from our Subs

1:05:51

it was going sky-high and productivity across the nation

1:05:53

was going down so they had to shut us

1:05:55

down. No way. Yeah Yeah, they thought I was

1:05:57

trying to start some sort of like new

1:06:00

movement. Right. People are just. People

1:06:03

are. Yeah, just watching your own. Just watching it.

1:06:05

But that's not even that's like my fifth business.

1:06:07

I got a bunch of little irons in the

1:06:09

fire. My main thing is weddings because I've been

1:06:11

to so many weddings. I went to seven weddings

1:06:13

this year. This is a true story. And all

1:06:16

of them. This is true. Wait, so when someone

1:06:18

says that, I kind of feel like everything else

1:06:20

they've said has been false. I think when I

1:06:22

say that, I mean, you better be

1:06:24

listening to what I'm saying. Oh, I see. Okay,

1:06:26

this is for emphasis. Yeah, yeah. It's an emphatic.

1:06:28

This is a true story. Everything I'm saying is

1:06:30

true. Got it. And I'm real. Yeah. I wouldn't

1:06:33

doubt it. You're right here in front of me. Yeah. You

1:06:36

planned my wedding. Yeah. And you would say your wedding was

1:06:38

great. Would you not? No, I wouldn't. I

1:06:40

would say it was good. Exactly. See?

1:06:44

That's it. Yeah. So

1:06:47

wait, okay. So what's a true story? You've been to seven

1:06:49

weddings. I went to seven weddings this year. Is that the

1:06:51

end of the story or does it continue? That's kind of

1:06:53

it. Good

1:06:56

story. I went to seven weddings and you know

1:06:58

what? They are all basically pretty good, but they

1:07:00

also, if I was running them,

1:07:02

they could have been actually good. You know

1:07:04

what I'm saying? Okay. So what is the

1:07:06

difference? It's actually good better than pretty good.

1:07:09

Yeah. Is this the difference between making love

1:07:11

and fucking? Yeah, that's sort of like, it's

1:07:13

exactly that same, on that same scale actually.

1:07:15

I don't know which I prefer to be

1:07:17

honest. Wait, so actually good is making

1:07:19

love or fucking. Yeah,

1:07:21

which is which. Which one's

1:07:23

the casual one and which one's the feelings are involved.

1:07:26

What do you think is better? Making love or fucking?

1:07:28

Fucking of course, my dear. My

1:07:30

dear. My good bitch.

1:07:34

That's what you prefer. I mean. You

1:07:36

don't like the intimate emotional connection. Miss

1:07:38

me with that shit, dawg. We talked

1:07:40

about this on the wedding day. Yeah,

1:07:43

right before I went down the aisle.

1:07:45

Yeah. We had a sidebar. That's what

1:07:47

that framed picture is on Scott's mantle

1:07:49

of you whispering to him. I see

1:07:51

a lovely moment. They like my good,

1:07:53

my good bitch. Yeah, right after the

1:07:56

photo is taken, just a hard smack of the ass

1:07:58

to go get him, tiger. I

1:08:00

mean the momentum pushed me out there because I was

1:08:02

kind of I was like iffy about going down the

1:08:05

aisle But you gave me that smack in it Just

1:08:08

and now look at you it propelled me down

1:08:10

the aisle and here I am married Wow, and

1:08:12

the wedding was it was good and you know

1:08:14

these these things I go to these weddings and

1:08:17

I see what all these mistakes they're making miss

1:08:19

snakes mistakes very

1:08:21

Hemplo And

1:08:24

that's right wait are there snakes involved in your

1:08:26

business If that's what the

1:08:28

the bride and groom want I'll get a snake

1:08:30

in there, but it might be like a sick

1:08:32

snake Okay, like not like sick cool sick like

1:08:34

coughing. Yeah, it might have like a runny nose Snakes

1:08:40

are wonderful to have in

1:08:42

any appetizer situation because they

1:08:44

molt very frequently And

1:08:46

that's a good substitute for a rice paper wrap

1:08:49

Any sort of thing you want to put in

1:08:51

there some jicama and sauce so it may be

1:08:54

an Asian Imperial roll You're like

1:08:56

a with a Vietnamese sort of dipping sauce

1:08:58

sure how do you make the sauce though?

1:09:00

Well you you got a roll out I

1:09:02

use a pair of nylons because those are gonna strain

1:09:05

an old pair of nylons An old pair of nylons.

1:09:07

Yeah, that you're not wearing anymore by the way your

1:09:09

nylons are beautiful Thank

1:09:11

you so much. You're wearing like Hooters shorts. That's

1:09:14

right Hooters

1:09:19

waitress near a dumpster what is

1:09:21

going on in your town? It's

1:09:26

a Wild West there. It's a humble thing

1:09:28

you wouldn't understand Of

1:09:31

course my good bitch Well

1:09:37

this I mean how do people get a hold of you

1:09:39

just I mean I have a website That's

1:09:42

what I'm talking about don't say it like

1:09:45

Defensively, I mean, it's just like it's just so crazy

1:09:47

hired me. You know how to forget a hold of

1:09:49

me These are just legitimate questions so

1:09:51

people can go look you up on the business

1:09:53

I see I mean you have my phone number

1:09:55

you'd call me anytime a website. I have you

1:09:58

on speed dial My

1:10:00

website I mean, it's it's just good weddings

1:10:02

comm slash fuck You

1:10:06

got a slash fuck I got slash fuck in there

1:10:08

because it takes you to like I just want you

1:10:10

to know that this is what the experience is going

1:10:12

to be. It's going to be a rager It's

1:10:14

like but it's also gonna

1:10:16

be like you're gonna walk away from the wedding

1:10:19

going that was fine We played all the time

1:10:21

the consider all the classic wedding songs celebrate. Yes

1:10:24

celebration by Kool and the gang. Yeah Famously

1:10:27

played at my wedding when I requested the DJ not

1:10:29

play it. We're gonna play the first song play We're

1:10:31

gonna run that back at the end of the night

1:10:38

I'm across all areas. Do you do

1:10:41

you help with the vows? I'll

1:10:43

throw in I'll give you throw in What

1:10:45

does that mean? I'll toss in some lines and I'll read

1:10:47

them, you know, I'll punch up What's

1:10:49

an example of a line you'll write for someone's vows? I

1:10:51

can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you

1:10:55

We're gonna really do this this whole wedding

1:10:57

thing and gosh, I'm the luckiest guy That's

1:11:00

fine. It's fine. What about like

1:11:02

inspirational quotes inspirational quotes? You got

1:11:04

it, dude Okay, I'm

1:11:06

reading your brochure like these are just

1:11:09

lines from the Austin Powers franchise. Yeah

1:11:14

Hopefully am I right? Yeah, and then I'll

1:11:16

say get in my belly and that's the

1:11:18

that's I'll put that in the the brides

1:11:20

yeah, and that's like a moment where

1:11:22

then they're speaking to The skies

1:11:24

above okay in the heavens. This is all yeah

1:11:26

You wrote this explanation underneath in italics and it's

1:11:28

just not it's not even really making sense to

1:11:30

me I mean it people do it people it's

1:11:32

the it's the number one selection of my vows

1:11:35

my pre-written vows I mean they read all the

1:11:37

explanation that's in italics as well. Well, I would

1:11:39

help the contact They it sort of fills in

1:11:41

the audience too But then it's also like a

1:11:43

funny moment where they'll play it off like I

1:11:45

guess I wasn't supposed to read that part Like

1:11:47

when you read sides in a script or something,

1:11:49

but that's also in the script I'm noticing I

1:11:51

put that in there too like play the soft

1:11:53

look it like as a mistake Say

1:11:56

I guess I wasn't supposed to read. Yeah. Yeah,

1:11:58

exactly. I've done that before I was like a

1:12:00

great reading, pretty good. Like that's like... I mean,

1:12:02

professional actors here. I'm

1:12:05

going to be shooting a commercial soon. I

1:12:07

might need somebody to be in, you know,

1:12:09

in the commercial. What are you shooting the

1:12:11

commercial for? Your wedding thing, your t-shirt thing,

1:12:13

your ass play thing? It's sort of like

1:12:15

a all encompassing sort of like good corp.

1:12:18

Just good corp. It's like a goop kind of

1:12:21

thing of like where you have a lot of

1:12:23

facets of the business. Yeah, but you don't pronounce

1:12:25

the OO that way. It's a different sort of

1:12:27

sound. Yeah, good, good. Good. Good. Instead of goo.

1:12:30

Yeah, yeah. She's confusing. English is

1:12:32

confusing, isn't it? I mean... Should be

1:12:34

standardized across the board. Gwyneth Paltrow is suing him. Really?

1:12:36

Gwyneth Paltrow is suing you? You will not believe

1:12:39

what she whispered to me. Oh no. What

1:12:43

did she say, my good b****? She said... Well,

1:12:46

it was actually really mean. What? I don't want

1:12:48

to say it. She's... So she says something nice

1:12:50

when she knows the cameras are on her. And

1:12:53

then when no cameras are on, what she says? She

1:12:55

sort of whispered to me like in like a Freddy

1:12:57

Krueger way. No! She's like, I'm gonna f****** kill you.

1:13:01

Was she wearing like a glove with knives on it? She had

1:13:03

a glove with knives on it. And like a fedora? Yeah,

1:13:06

and she was wearing a striped sweater. You were

1:13:08

dreaming. You think I was dreaming. I think you

1:13:10

were dreaming. I think there's this Freddy dressed up

1:13:12

like Gwyneth Paltrow to be funny in

1:13:14

his dreams, because you know how funny he is. You

1:13:16

think I was asleep and I was visited by Freddy

1:13:18

Krueger himself. I believe you were. Did you ever... Did

1:13:22

you ever go to school at that place where he was the

1:13:24

janitor? Yeah, I went to school. No,

1:13:26

at the place where he was the janitor. Oh,

1:13:28

where Mr. Krueger was the janitor? Yeah, Elm Street.

1:13:30

Yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah. I

1:13:32

went there. Yeah, you've been nightmarrowed Elm Streeted.

1:13:35

That sucks. That does

1:13:37

suck. If he kills you in the dream, you die in

1:13:39

real life. Good thing I always end

1:13:41

up sucking him off in the dream. Alright, okay,

1:13:44

alright. Look, we're running out of

1:13:46

time. We're running out of time here.

1:13:49

Are you having another wedding any time soon

1:13:51

or what? No, man, I'm happy. Everything's cool

1:13:53

here. That sucks. The Poppy over here, she's,

1:13:56

you know, she's got a ring. I'll think about it. If

1:13:58

anybody ever needs a wedding, hit me up. I'm happy

1:14:00

to help plan it and just know that it's just

1:14:02

going to be like a very like sort of normal

1:14:04

type of thing. But if you want to, I

1:14:07

mean, even if you just want to start have a party where

1:14:09

you can like dance with your parents for like a really long

1:14:11

time, like that's we'll do that. You'll do that. So

1:14:13

just head over to goodweddings.com/fuck. That's right. All right.

1:14:15

We have to we're running out of time. We

1:14:17

only have time for one final feature on the

1:14:20

show. That is of course a little something called

1:14:22

plugs. Oh, wow,

1:14:24

that was delightful.

1:14:40

That was Plugbag Within by PrettyMouthie.

1:14:43

PrettyMouthie and subscribe to their

1:14:45

Patreon. And

1:14:47

PrettyMouthie, you're famous for a week. If you

1:14:49

have a plugs theme, head over to cbbworld.com/plugs

1:14:52

and upload it. All the stems are there and

1:14:54

everything. So have a ball and you

1:14:57

can be a famous you can be a famous musician

1:14:59

for a week just like PrettyMouthie. And

1:15:01

all right. What are we plugging here? Poppy,

1:15:03

obviously Space Cadet comes out this week. People

1:15:07

can check it out on Amazon Prime and

1:15:09

maybe they'll get the thing that Amazon

1:15:11

put on there where it's like this was brought to you without

1:15:14

any commercials. But you got to watch a really

1:15:16

long one. That's true. They'll

1:15:18

be like in the beginning, you know how they have

1:15:20

the countdown for commercials? It'll be like 120 seconds. Exactly.

1:15:25

And the thing is, is they're like, oh, this is without commercials. Guess

1:15:27

what? You're showing me one

1:15:29

right now. Liars. Anyway, so it

1:15:31

comes out this Thursday. And

1:15:34

one thing about this movie I'll say is that

1:15:36

it's really good with any member of your family.

1:15:39

Sometimes like even the other day, my dad

1:15:42

was over and we were watching a movie and

1:15:44

there was like a sex scene

1:15:46

and I was mortified. We're sitting on opposite ends of the

1:15:48

couch and I was like, oh my God. Even

1:15:50

though your history tells us that both of you have

1:15:52

had sex. Even though our history does. Yes. In

1:15:55

fact, you'd think it'd be something bonding. In fact, it's

1:15:57

the opposite. We have both experienced this

1:15:59

father. even me on

1:16:01

screen. But exactly.

1:16:03

Happy Father's Day, Dad. You and

1:16:05

I are both, you

1:16:08

know, so I would say

1:16:10

if you're worried about watching a film

1:16:12

with your parents and then having to

1:16:15

sit through a sex scene, it's not like that. It's

1:16:17

not like that. It's not like Titanic. It's not like

1:16:19

Titanic when you're five and you're, we had just immigrated

1:16:22

here and you know, my parents don't know movie ratings

1:16:24

and you're watching Titanic and there's Kate Winslet naked and

1:16:26

then you have like naked dreams about her for like

1:16:28

10 years of your life. Only 10.

1:16:31

Yeah. So then I still go in the same year because again,

1:16:33

we don't know movie ratings that we just immigrated here. You watch

1:16:35

Silence of the Lambs as you're as a five year old and

1:16:37

you also do a boy, Hannibal, Dr. Shampoo and you're here. It's

1:16:39

not like that. Okay. The space cadet is not like that.

1:16:42

Space cadet is not like that. You can watch it with

1:16:44

your family. No one's going to have sexual Hannibal,

1:16:46

Lockerry dreams for decades to come, which,

1:16:48

you know, in the dream I'm always Clarice and that's

1:16:50

something that I can't change anymore. You're always knocking on

1:16:52

that door, but they do the fake out where

1:16:54

it's like they think the FBI is bursting down.

1:16:57

No, it's just me and Hannibal alone

1:16:59

in a room. He's shampooing my hair

1:17:01

gently. I know he could kill me,

1:17:03

but I know he won't. Remember that second movie where they eat

1:17:05

the guy's brain. Yes, I do. It

1:17:08

would be nice with a little bit of raisin. All

1:17:10

right. Donna, what do you want to plug? You have

1:17:12

anything here? Yeah. If you want

1:17:14

to check out another podcast, check

1:17:16

out Yes Also. It's a podcast

1:17:18

that interviewing improvisers, many of them

1:17:20

have been on this program. Aren't

1:17:22

they boring? They're not boring, Scott.

1:17:24

They're some of the most interesting,

1:17:26

hilarious people. I hang out with

1:17:29

some of them sometimes. It's like Yawn City.

1:17:31

Name names. Which ones? No, that's all right.

1:17:34

Rank them. But yeah,

1:17:36

many of your favorite people are on

1:17:38

there. Carl Tarp, Vic Michaelis, Jess McKenna. Check

1:17:40

it out. Yes Also. Oh, he's yawning.

1:17:44

And Ray Good. Ray Good, what do you want

1:17:47

to plug here? I listen to a podcast. I,

1:17:49

when I'm not planning weddings, I play video games.

1:17:51

So I listen to this video game podcast called

1:17:53

Get Played. That's hosted by Matt Apodaca, Heather Ann

1:17:55

Campbell and Nick Weiger. And they talk about video

1:17:58

games. They have a Patreon where they to talk

1:18:00

about anime patreon.com/get played. Check

1:18:02

it out. Check it out,

1:18:04

brother. And I want to

1:18:06

plug. Hey, we're we're out

1:18:08

on tour. We that

1:18:10

we just completed one leg of the comedy

1:18:12

bang bang tour. It was very successful. Really

1:18:15

nice to see all you folks out there. The shows

1:18:17

were great, I thought. And

1:18:20

nice meeting everyone after the shows. And so

1:18:22

if you want to come see us, the

1:18:25

tour starts up again next week in

1:18:27

Arizona and then San Diego. And then

1:18:29

we go to Utah and Denver and

1:18:32

Texas and then the whole Midwest and

1:18:34

then Toronto. And then we're doing the

1:18:36

West Coast after that. And then the

1:18:38

UK. We have UK dates, England,

1:18:41

and we also are going to

1:18:44

Ireland and so many places. Head

1:18:46

over to CBB world.com/tour. You can still get

1:18:49

tickets for a lot of those shows. And

1:18:51

also, if you want to listen to the shows

1:18:54

as they come out, if you are a Maximus

1:18:56

subscriber at CBB World, you can listen to all

1:18:58

the shows. They're put up within 48 hours

1:19:00

of us doing them. And one thing that I

1:19:02

did want to say is if you are a

1:19:04

Maximus subscriber and you're saying like, hey, where why

1:19:06

aren't I getting these shows? It's a new feed.

1:19:09

Go to CBB world.com and

1:19:11

then go to the

1:19:13

part that says access.

1:19:16

Hit that. Hit your feed. It's a new feed. It's

1:19:18

the bang bang in your mouth feed. And

1:19:20

while you're at CBB World, become a Maximus subscriber.

1:19:23

Why don't you get all these

1:19:25

great shows like CBB Presents and The

1:19:27

Neighborhood Listen. Scott hasn't seen so much

1:19:29

great stuff over there. All right. Let's

1:19:31

close up the old plug bag. Oh,

1:20:09

that was Nobody Left the Plugs by Nels4Smells.

1:20:12

Kind of a bop. Yeah,

1:20:14

pretty good. Nels4Smells? Yes,

1:20:17

smells. Nels4Smells. A

1:20:20

song to have unprotected sex to. Yeah,

1:20:22

although that's any song with me. Just

1:20:25

put on some music, strip the condom off. Your

1:20:28

favorite song's Happy Birthday, right? You

1:20:30

wear a condom all day. It's

1:20:32

not for sex. It's like Mr.

1:20:34

Rogers. Just, you know, it's time to relax. Let's take it

1:20:36

off. Guys, I want to thank you

1:20:39

so much, Poppy. Great to meet you. Thanks for

1:20:41

coming on the show. Thanks for having me. So fun. You're

1:20:44

very funny and thank you so much for being here. And

1:20:46

Donna, good

1:20:48

luck for you. You know, I'm calling the authorities

1:20:50

the minute you walk out the door and... I

1:20:54

have a good relationship with all of them. Are

1:20:57

they in on it? Well, I bake them

1:20:59

some brownies every year. It

1:21:02

takes a year to bake brownies? That's right.

1:21:04

Give them annual brownies. Annual brownies. At

1:21:06

the end of the process. You know,

1:21:08

prune pits are quite hard.

1:21:10

You have to soften them. I'll tell you after

1:21:12

the pop. Yeah, I don't have time for

1:21:14

that. But Anne-Ray good. What

1:21:17

more can be said? What more can we say, my good

1:21:20

bitch? You know what I'm saying? Yeah, I love you, baby.

1:21:22

I love you. I wish I had another wedding, man, because

1:21:24

I'd love to spend more time with you. Let's just hang.

1:21:27

I don't know about that. Have you seen the movie

1:21:29

Wedding Crashers? I have, yeah. We could do that. You

1:21:31

want a wedding crash? I'll crash a wedding with you.

1:21:33

Yeah. That would be so fun

1:21:36

to play that football game out in the

1:21:38

backyard of that big estate, you know, with

1:21:40

Bradley Cooper. Oh, yeah. Let's crash

1:21:42

his wedding. Oh, that'd be awesome. Who

1:21:44

wants to be Vince Vaughn? Not it. Oh, shit.

1:21:47

Am I Vince Vaughn, really? Yeah, you're sort of taller. Sort

1:21:50

of. You're already like

1:21:52

6'2", yourself. Hey. I'm like 6'2

1:21:54

and a half. Tall is tall,

1:21:56

baby. That's a good

1:21:58

point. first team you and

1:22:00

me. Um, I'm done. Okay, we'll

1:22:02

see you next time. Thanks. Bye. My

1:22:16

name is Nicole Kidman and I've wanted

1:22:19

to do a rom-com for so long

1:22:21

and along came A Family Affair. It's

1:22:23

a great romantic comedy and it's laugh

1:22:25

out loud. You feel like

1:22:27

I just need to curl up and watch

1:22:29

something that feels very comforting. It's the Netflix

1:22:32

experience. There's laughter and there's joy. That's

1:22:34

A Family Affair. A Family

1:22:36

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1:22:38

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