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CONAN at checkout. Hi.

1:58

My name is Chris Robinson. And

2:03

I feel confused about being Conan O'Brien's friend.

2:05

I don't see why you'd be confused. I

2:07

think we have a natural affection. We do,

2:09

but I get mixed messages from you. I'm

2:11

a Sagittarian and I'm very sensitive. And you

2:13

know what? I need more attention. You need

2:15

more attention for me? Hey there. Welcome

2:20

to Conan

2:23

O'Brien Needs

2:25

a Friend.

2:41

Joined as always by my chums, I

2:43

suppose, contractual chums. Conan O'Session. That's a

2:45

good way to put it. We have

2:48

contract. Matt Dorley. And we're chums? Yours

2:51

is written on a lettuce leaf. Listen,

2:53

I was trying

2:56

to do the introduction and you kept badgering me

2:58

about my face, which you say is... It looks

3:00

extra red, like you got a little sunburned. I

3:02

did, or I'm having some sort

3:04

of stroke. It could be

3:06

that. But I think it's because I

3:09

got a lot of sun and I'll tell you why. I

3:11

was in New York City for a couple

3:13

of days on business. I'm a

3:16

man that's got affairs to manage. And

3:19

I was walking around Manhattan

3:21

a lot. You love to walk.

3:23

I do like to walk. The tropical paradise

3:25

of Manhattan. Well, it's this

3:27

time of year. Okay. This

3:30

time of year, late spring, early summer.

3:32

Yeah. And so... Nothing

3:34

provides shade there. Well, okay. This is

3:36

a fun thing that you're doing, you know? I'm

3:39

Fred Astaire trying to dance and you keep throwing

3:41

concrete cinder blocks at my feet. Anyway,

3:44

yes. I was there and it rained

3:46

the entire time we were there. Oh! What

3:49

is going on? And you know what? Adam

3:51

doesn't look at all like he got any

3:53

sun. Adam, to clarify, the

3:56

first day that we were there,

3:59

it was... sunny and I was walking

4:01

around a lot on that day and it doesn't take

4:03

me very long to get red. Now

4:05

that'll buy. So I did, yes. So I did, I mean, so

4:08

yeah, okay, Perry Mason. He

4:11

did get you. I'm soaking the Almanac.

4:13

He did. It rained. I

4:16

think I was there for four days, but I got a lot

4:18

of sun the first day walking around and then the rest of

4:20

the time it was raining. I

4:22

did have a very unique, just a

4:25

very New York experience. My agent was

4:27

walking with me, Rick Rosen, we

4:29

were walking hand in hand as agent and client do. Yeah,

4:31

he was skipping. Yeah, it was skipping. La, la,

4:33

la, la, la. He was taking 10% of my

4:36

joy. But

4:38

anyway, walking down the street

4:40

and this was on the sunny day and this

4:42

guy was probably in his 30s and

4:45

he had that New York look of, you know, everyone

4:47

there was honking their horns and up high.

4:49

Yeah, they honk a lot. They

4:51

honk a lot because the traffic

4:53

was bad and people were uptight.

4:55

Big honkers. Yeah, and I'm walking

4:57

along with my agent and this

5:01

guy is walking by and he looks kind of intense and

5:03

he sees me and he says, I really

5:05

fucking like your show. It's fucking good.

5:08

But he said it and my agent said, what's

5:10

he so mad about? And

5:12

he's a fan of the podcast, but he said

5:14

it like, I'm going to fucking kill

5:16

you. Yeah. But if you just

5:18

look at the transcript, what he said was quite nice.

5:20

He said, I really fucking like you. I like that

5:22

fucking show. And then he kept

5:24

walking and off to, I think, stab

5:26

someone in the eye. But I

5:28

was wondering, do you

5:31

find people often like your material against

5:33

their will? Yes, I think. Oh,

5:35

that makes sense. That is one way to look

5:37

at it, is every it was going against his

5:39

better judgment and he was angry. But

5:42

I also felt like that's probably how he proposed

5:44

to his wife. Yeah. I'm going to marry you.

5:46

I'm going to marry the shit out of you.

5:48

I'm going to put a fucking ring on your

5:50

finger. We're going to be together for 50 years

5:53

and be happy and create eternal bonds.

5:55

Be buried side by side.

5:57

Fuck her. But that's how that's. That

6:00

kind of felt like who he was. I get

6:02

a little angrier in New York because you

6:04

have to be on your A-game. You're walking

6:06

and then you're behind someone who's slow and

6:08

you're like this fucking person who's slow and

6:10

then you walk around them. Everybody's

6:12

sunburned. Yeah. Okay. I'm

6:15

telling you, this is what happens.

6:18

If I'm someplace for four days and one

6:20

day is sunny, I will come

6:22

back looking like a

6:24

tomato. I just will. I

6:27

should have put on some sunscreen. I

6:30

usually am pretty good about it. You are. You

6:32

are what? You are good about putting on sunscreen. Yeah, but

6:35

I didn't do it when I was in New York because I felt the same

6:37

thing you guys are thinking. I'm not going to put on

6:39

sunscreen and walk around New York City. Again,

6:41

it didn't even seem that sunny out.

6:43

I shouldn't live on planet Earth. I

6:46

don't think I belong on Earth. All

6:48

right. What happens now when you get a

6:50

little burnt? Do you have to like ghost

6:52

your dermatologist? No. Okay. All

6:55

right. I don't know how it works for you. I don't think

6:57

I'm with me. Yeah. I have

6:59

to go into a hyperbaric chamber and I

7:01

have to be attended to by Mormons for

7:04

nine weeks. What?

7:06

They put creams and stuff on your

7:08

feet. Yeah, they cover me with creams.

7:10

Really? The Howard Hughes reference. He

7:12

was attended by Mormons. You got to know your

7:14

references. Why are you for Mormons? Howard Hughes was

7:17

very controlling and he wanted white

7:20

male Mormons to take care of him.

7:23

I think he thought, I mean, look, the man was

7:25

kind of kooky. Yes, a little

7:27

kooky. I don't know how you

7:29

sidetracked me, but I did what

7:31

I thought was a clever reference and you could pick it up

7:34

or not, but then. I just

7:36

asked. No, I know. And I'm telling you. I

7:38

just asked. You know what? You know

7:40

what? Okay. And you know what?

7:43

If you were working for Howard Hughes, he'd be right now clawing at

7:45

you with his 10-inch fingernails. To be fair, I kind of

7:47

am working for Howard Hughes. Oh, please. I have

7:49

more money than him. Oh, geez. I'm

7:51

gonna ask me that for my small work. Wait, what happened? What

7:53

is that? Oh, no. Oh,

7:55

no. Oh

8:00

my god! Let me explain! Oh no!

8:03

Let me explain to the listener what just happened. Why

8:08

did your alarm go off? Because it was, because I

8:10

had to put money. That's the microphone. I

8:13

had to put money in my meter. And

8:16

people are probably going to be like, what? You have to

8:18

pay to go to work? And you know what? You

8:20

give us all free parking spaces, but it's too

8:22

far. What is that? These

8:25

are very sensitive electronics underneath this

8:27

table. Now Eduardo freaks out because

8:29

Eduardo built this studio. And

8:32

Eduardo, why don't you explain what

8:34

could be happening to the electronics? Can

8:36

we finish the story? Because you didn't

8:38

explain what happened. We'll get there in

8:40

a second. Will

8:42

you let the coach run the team? Are you

8:44

the coach? Yeah, I'm a very masculine coach. This

8:47

is Friday Night Lights. You are not coach Taylor.

8:51

The water spilled over two microphone

8:53

ports that we don't use that often. I've

8:56

got a port I don't use too often. But

8:58

if we try to connect microphones to them,

9:00

the likelihood is they're not going to work

9:02

now. Oh, is that true? Yeah.

9:05

Now do we have to take the whole

9:07

table apart? I'll probably have to take the table

9:09

apart at a future date and replace those two.

9:12

Wait, why did you build something that could... is

9:14

it made of sugar? Why

9:16

did you build something that was so fragile? Electronics

9:19

and water are usually not a good combination. Unless

9:21

you know what you're doing. Now

9:24

I'm just saying, Eduardo, I'm not... There you go again.

9:28

God, did you even

9:30

mention, coach, that you'd spilled water all over

9:32

the table? Well, I think you're the one to

9:34

blame because your alarm went off. I went to

9:36

get your phone to turn it off. My

9:39

microphone knocked over a glass of water. All

9:41

I know is I'm not the one. I

9:43

retract the formula. Electronic water

9:45

and Conan, not a good one.

9:48

I have a question. But shouldn't we, if we're

9:50

not using ports, shouldn't they be covered? Aren't there

9:52

port covers that we could be using? Oh my

9:55

God, you're not going to blame Eduardo. No, Eduardo,

9:57

don't you think that might be pure? Can we

9:59

put covers on... the glasses? No, it wouldn't work

10:01

because people frequently sip from the glasses. But

10:04

if a microphone port is not in

10:06

use, it should be covered. It

10:08

should be covered. Should it not? Now,

10:10

tell me if you think I have a decent idea here, Adam.

10:12

Be fair. Okay, you're

10:14

so far away from a microphone. He said it

10:17

was raining in New York. I

10:19

think we should cover the microphone ports because- Port covers is

10:21

a brilliant idea. And Eduardo, I forgive you

10:23

for not thinking of it. Okay,

10:27

wait. That only covers part of the problem.

10:30

What if your water just spilled all the

10:32

way to Sonah's mic potentially and Gorley's original

10:34

mic? I would get to the water long

10:36

before that happened. I have a comment to make. When

10:38

you heard my phone go off, did you try to reach

10:40

for my phone because you thought the phone was ringing and

10:43

you wanted to answer it? No, I thought it

10:45

was ringing with a soft G. Oh, God.

10:47

But I've never put up a rap sign

10:49

more fervently than that. Maybe you need

10:51

to grow up and not reach

10:53

for my phone or you're going

10:55

to tip over your water. Maybe

10:58

it's behavioral. Okay. Well,

11:00

I guess- I agree. Oh, of

11:02

course, Eduardo's on your side because he was the one that failed

11:05

to build the challenger

11:08

properly. So what you're saying is that you're

11:10

saying, Sonah, you're saying bad boundaries is what

11:12

tipped over that one. I'm saying if

11:14

you were a little bit more mature

11:16

in handling my phone going off, then

11:18

this entire situation- During a

11:21

podcast? I think that's an egregious mistake.

11:23

Give me a parking spot. Give

11:25

you a parking spot. You

11:27

see how much space is back there.

11:30

I know. Now, Jeff likes to come

11:32

and park in kind of a funky way. Yeah. Of

11:34

course, Adam has to be here. Yeah. Right?

11:37

Yeah. He

11:39

has someone drive his car over and wedge it into

11:41

the parking space. Some

11:43

of it has family. Yeah.

11:46

Yeah. Andy comes with a

11:48

big van that runs on castor oil. So

11:51

there's no room back there. I know. And

11:54

in your defense, I don't know why I'm defending

11:56

you after just criticizing you. You do give me

11:58

a free parking space. It's just like a- block

12:00

away and I just don't want to I

12:02

don't want to walk there. Of course, when you're from LA

12:04

you don't walk, you guys never formed legs. Oh wow. Alright

12:06

so. Wow, you can't. Anyway. You

12:09

can't be out in the sun. Who wins? There

12:12

was enough sun for me to get burned in New York, so

12:14

Adam you lose. The microphone port should be covered and

12:16

you should have thought of that Eduardo. Sona you have

12:19

a free parking space that's only a block away, you

12:21

could have gotten there and you should turn off your

12:23

alarm when you come in. That's true. Conan

12:25

wins again. Hey, my guest today

12:28

is a musician and co-founder of the

12:30

Black Crows whose tenth studio album Happiness

12:32

B Bop News. You

12:45

are going to get so much attention from me. I

12:47

adore you, you know that. I

12:49

am a massive fan of your work. We

12:52

can get into all that, but

12:54

boy, you talk about, oh man, I've always wanted

12:56

to meet Chris Robinson and then from the first

12:58

time I met you and you would come on

13:00

the late night show, you were so goddamn hilarious.

13:03

And then I ran into you recently and let's

13:05

just say we hung out for a little bit.

13:08

Let's just say. Let's just say. Why are you going to-

13:10

See what I mean about these mixed messages. Let's just say there

13:12

was a hang. There was a hang with the Robinson brothers.

13:15

Robert Bank? Maybe we

13:18

did and maybe we did. Since

13:20

Akila was involved, some high-end Akila, we had

13:22

a really good time and you were making

13:24

me laugh so hard and at one point you

13:26

said something to me. I think

13:28

you mentioned your wife

13:31

and you said, oh your wife

13:33

and you said, yes, yes, my third wife and

13:35

then you said, I'm not afraid to love Conan.

13:37

And I said, laughing. And it felt true. I

13:39

started laughing so hard. And

13:44

you were that level of funny the whole

13:46

time. I was so delighted. Yeah,

13:49

because you're a very talented musician, frontman for

13:51

one of the great bands of all time. And

13:54

I also think you are a comedian. I

13:56

think you are a really funny fucking comedian.

13:58

My initial foray. into

14:01

the business we all know as

14:03

show. Thank you. And when I

14:05

was a teenager, I knew I

14:07

wasn't probably going to be

14:09

the manager at Barnes & Noble

14:11

or whatever. Because you didn't try.

14:13

You need to really dedicate yourself.

14:16

My dyslexic reality has made it very

14:18

difficult for me in the day job

14:21

world. So I had an acting

14:23

class and I was horrible. I

14:25

was a horrible actor. But the guy who

14:27

ran it had a local cable show. It

14:32

was like a sketch comedy show. And I would

14:34

be like, oh, I can do the rabbi who

14:36

sells barbecue. Yeah, exactly. I

14:40

wasn't a good actor, but he thought I was funny. And

14:42

he was like, oh, write some sketches. And

14:45

then I started doing that. And then the

14:47

very first thing I ever did was stand-up

14:49

comedy at this club. I opened for, what's

14:52

the guy's name? Washington?

14:55

Older? George

14:58

Washington. Not that guy. No, he never did. There's

15:00

other people that did George Washington. I mean, he's

15:02

a very big one. You

15:08

went right to the oldest and the most

15:10

famous Washington. Yeah, which is cool that we

15:12

could just narrow it down so quickly. Yes,

15:15

was made it big. No, but he's big.

15:18

He's a black comic. He's

15:20

older. He wears a kengo

15:22

backwards. George Wallace. Yes, George Wallace.

15:25

You confused him with another famous statesman. George

15:28

Wallace. Make

15:31

America George Wallace again. They're

15:33

doing it in Alabama. You opened for George Wallace.

15:39

But yes, George Wallace. I opened for him.

15:41

That's crazy. That was horrible. I

15:43

didn't know any of this. This is funny. And

15:45

I do wonder sometimes though, if I had, you

15:48

know what I mean? Like

15:50

anything else, you practice the dark arts.

15:53

Comedy is a whole entire

15:56

dimensional thing. But trust me,

15:58

Chris, you chose wisely. Obviously, because

16:01

every comedian, myself included, we dabble,

16:04

I walk around, I play my guitar in

16:06

front of the mirror still at my advanced

16:08

stage. I dream about getting to live that

16:10

life. And

16:12

I don't even mean in a big way. I mean,

16:14

if I was just touring and just barely getting by

16:17

in an old van, I would do that. I'm

16:21

at the chuckle bucket in Oklahoma. I

16:23

put on 50 pounds, Jake Lamotta talking

16:25

at the end of his career. I

16:33

dream too. You can

16:35

dream. You can dream. You guys

16:37

should switch. You take on the Black Crows and

16:39

you take on this podcast. I know, but he's

16:41

been very successful. His

16:44

music dream goes to my mind with

16:46

it. I'm telling you, I would take

16:48

Johnny Thunders in New Orleans the

16:51

last day before it's all over. One

16:54

bit of crime, we don't know. I would

16:56

take down the Black Crows instantly. You

16:58

would let me borrow the Black Crows for one day and

17:00

it would be, nope, it's over. You can

17:02

never use that name again. I

17:05

remember very clearly, and I've talked to you

17:07

about this, but your band was

17:10

very important to me at a very

17:12

important time. So around 1990 is around

17:15

the time I'm leaving SNL and I

17:17

go work on The Simpsons. And

17:20

I am driving around a lot alone

17:22

and I am listening to

17:24

Shake Your Money Maker until the thing just

17:26

... I think I had a ... It

17:28

was back when you would slide a CD

17:30

into the Ford

17:33

Taurus you were driving around and that's a true story.

17:35

Well, God forbid a cassette gets in there. Yeah, God

17:37

forbid, yeah. I think my problem was

17:39

I was shoving a cassette into the CD slide, but

17:42

it sounded great still. I listened to that

17:44

and I thought, this is so great. And

17:46

then flash forward a little time and I'm

17:49

about to leave The Simpsons and I know that

17:51

something big is going to happen in my life.

17:53

I can just sense it. I'm about to take

17:55

on this late night show and The Southern

17:57

Harmony and Musical Companion comes out. And

18:01

for my money, as much

18:03

as I know Shake Your Money Maker

18:05

was the atomic bomb blast, I think

18:07

The Southern Harmony and Musical Companion is

18:09

a perfect album. Thank

18:12

you. I mean, I think it's probably our best

18:14

one. It's absolutely fantastic. And I listen to it,

18:16

and I listen to it, and I listen to

18:19

it, and I would listen to Remedy

18:23

and then into Thorne and My Pride. And

18:25

I would drive around at night like a serial killer

18:28

without the killing part. Which kind

18:30

of ruined it. But just the obsession and

18:32

the focus and the... Staring.

18:38

And choosing my victims but not doing anything. Yeah,

18:40

and a van. Let them... You

18:43

have a van that's ready, but you just never use

18:45

it. I have all these tools, but I

18:48

don't use those either. Let the madness overtake

18:50

you, but not completely sweep

18:52

you away. Of course, everyone walks to the

18:54

edge. You know what I was? I was

18:56

the slacker serial killer. I

18:58

never quite could get my ass up

19:00

and do the actual crime. Or you're

19:03

like the serial killer with obsessive compulsive

19:05

disorder who's like... You

19:08

don't like slides. I don't want to...

19:10

I can't touch entrails and wool. There

19:16

must be a chat room for that. But

19:19

anyway, that was huge for me. And

19:22

then over the years on The Late Night

19:24

Show, you guys would come on.

19:26

And one of my favorite memories, and I

19:28

have a still photo of it somewhere. You

19:31

were touring with the great Jimmy

19:33

Page. You and your brother, the

19:35

Black Crows with Jimmy Page. We call him Jim. I'm

19:38

just kidding. I call him Mr. Page.

19:42

You call him Sir Page. Sir

19:45

Page. But

19:50

you guys did something with him, which

19:52

was mind-blowing. And then you came over

19:54

and you sat down and you had

19:56

said just before the show, you said, hey, Conan, I

19:58

want you to... bring out the masturbating

20:01

bear while I'm sitting there. The only reason I thought

20:03

he would be here today. Yeah. He's

20:05

really pretty here. Now

20:07

it's like we have a lactating raccoon. It's

20:10

the male of that raccoon. He's

20:18

like, here again. He's lactating. We're out of

20:21

oat milk, but bring that raccoon in here.

20:27

The raccoon's nipples are hanging on the

20:29

table like, leave me alone. Enough.

20:32

What's wrong with him? Get some fucking

20:34

oat milk. Like

20:36

everybody else in Los Angeles. I

20:41

said yes. The great thing is

20:43

that, of course, you and Rich, you

20:45

know what's going on. You've watched the

20:47

show before. You were chatting with

20:50

Jimmy Page, the creator of Led Zeppelin, when

20:52

all of a sudden we had a

20:55

bear come out and start masturbating in front of

20:58

Jimmy. You and your brother

21:00

are howling, laughing. Jimmy has

21:02

this look of like, I've seen it all.

21:05

I'm sorry. He didn't know what

21:07

it was, but a bear came out in a diaper and

21:10

started masturbating in front of him on

21:12

national television. He was just like,

21:14

oh, this happened in 72 in

21:16

Seattle, my boy. He's like, I

21:18

live in Alistair Crowley's home. You

21:22

know what I mean? This is

21:24

nothing. You think a masturbating bear

21:26

will face me? The

21:29

Led Zeppelin check was flown by a masturbating bear.

21:33

He's like, yeah, in his mind, he's

21:35

like, that bear's not really masturbating. He

21:37

just simply shot the bulge in his

21:40

diaper very quickly. My

21:44

boy, let me show you how it's done.

21:47

Let me bring out my whips. Yeah,

21:50

it was so I, there was a picture. I got

21:52

to find it, but I got it framed. I love

21:54

it so much. And it's you and your brother and

21:56

Jimmy between you and the bear batting at the bulge

21:59

in his diaper. Also, because of, I was

22:01

so excited. You

22:03

know what I mean? Make America great again.

22:05

Bring that motherfucker back. You know what I

22:07

mean? That's something that- We did

22:10

an episode once towards the end where

22:12

we revealed the identity of the bear and his master

22:14

bidding and then we removed it and it was Jim

22:16

Carrey. That's right. And Jim Carrey was in the suit.

22:20

I was around too. I'm no Jim Carrey, but

22:22

I could have jumped in there and- You could have

22:24

jumped in there. You can still do it. Yeah, my

22:26

God. We still got that costume. We can hose it

22:29

off. But

22:31

you know, you have said that

22:34

all those years of touring, the drugs

22:36

interested you not as much

22:38

like the sex. You'd read about all these

22:40

other heavy metal groups that were into group

22:42

sex and you had this great quote where

22:45

you went, please, group sex is unhygienic. And

22:49

I was like, he's right. Maybe

22:51

that's why I've never done it. Let me tell you

22:54

something. Maybe

22:56

I don't know why I'm the way I am, but it's

22:58

like I didn't do group sex and I don't do all

23:00

you can eat sushi. You know what I mean? When

23:04

you see all you can- I don't know if

23:07

that's something that I want access to as much

23:09

as I can till I vomit. Yeah. Or

23:12

whatever. It's just weird. I mean, yeah,

23:14

I don't know. I was always

23:16

a one woman

23:19

kind of person. I liked the

23:21

relationship. Doesn't

23:23

mean I was very good at him until very recently.

23:25

The jury is still out. But

23:27

what if you meet a girl and she

23:30

doesn't have any big star records? You know

23:32

what I mean? Like,

23:34

your shoes don't go with this

23:37

outfit. We're not going

23:39

to hang- you know what I mean? I have certain-

23:41

Wow, your bar is so high. All

23:46

I need to know as far as I'm concerned is that I

23:48

was on television. You

23:51

were a game show host? Good enough. You

23:53

want a movie or something? Yeah,

23:57

whatever. Let's go. I saw you

23:59

on an episode. to catch a predator. Yeah, whatever,

24:01

sure. And I did get caught,

24:03

so what? It's incredible to have

24:05

the flexibility to work in all

24:07

sorts of places, whether it's

24:19

taking video

24:23

calls from the park or emailing large files

24:26

while you're grocery shopping. So, this is good

24:28

for you. Is it? Because you're

24:30

always doing whatever work you do for me

24:32

from fun locations. But I like blaming

24:34

it on not having reception. I know,

24:36

but you can't do that here. Working on

24:38

the go seamlessly requires a strong network, which

24:40

is why you should check out T-Mobile, Sona.

24:42

Okay. Then you got no excuses.

24:44

They're America's largest and fastest 5G network. With

24:47

T-Mobile, you'll be covered in more places with the

24:49

5G speed you need for your life on the

24:51

go. Plus, they also cover

24:53

more highway miles with 5G than anybody else.

24:55

Check it out if you don't believe me.

24:57

Hey, Blay, you've got T-Mobile, right? I do.

25:00

I was actually just up in the woods in

25:02

Idlewild. It was fantastic for the weekend, and my

25:04

T-Mobile phone didn't miss a beat. You

25:07

know, I wouldn't think you'd need a cell phone

25:09

because you speak so loudly into a microphone. Well,

25:11

I had to look some stuff up. Just take

25:13

it down, Nosh. I didn't know what brunch was.

25:15

I can hear him. When the restaurants open for

25:17

brunch. Okay. So, I used

25:19

my T-Mobile coverage to check out brunch. That's

25:22

right. Anyway, wherever you are,

25:24

take it from the loud-speaking Blay. If you're

25:26

on the go, you want to be in

25:28

the know. You want to make the show.

25:30

What? T-Mobile. That's the one

25:32

for you. That was weird. I should have rhymed

25:34

it with go. Anyway, find out more at t-mobile.com/network

25:36

today. Coverage not available in some areas. Fastest

25:39

based on median overall combined 5G speeds

25:41

according to analysis by UQUA of speed

25:43

test intelligence data Q3 2023. See

25:47

5G device coverage and access details

25:49

at t-mobile.com. Thank

25:53

you. You

26:02

know me, so I love to grill up some

26:05

nice beef every now and then. I'm

26:07

a grill master. Or

26:09

sometimes the grill maestro depends on which country you're

26:11

in. Anyhoots! No one's called you that. When I'm

26:13

grilling stuff up, I need my Miller Lite. I

26:15

really do. And I like Miller

26:17

Lite because they keep it simple. It's undebatable quality.

26:19

It tastes as great as your barbecue. Yes, the

26:22

beer that strips away everything you don't need holds

26:24

on to what matters most. It's a light beer with

26:26

the most taste, less filling, and only 96 calories. That's

26:28

good. That's how I stay so lean. Humblebrag.

26:33

Anyway, the original light beer is since 1975,

26:35

a perfect companion for grill masters across America.

26:38

So, next time you're grilling up, grab your

26:40

Miller Lite, chomp, chomp, and

26:42

then slurp, slurp on the Miller Lite. Those

26:45

sound effects really sold it with the Miller Lite in hand! Grilling

26:47

doesn't just taste great, it tastes like Miller time. To

26:50

get Miller Lite delivered right to your door,

26:52

visit millerlite.com/Conan. Or you can find it pretty

26:54

much anywhere that sells beer. And hey, celebrate

26:57

responsibly! Miller Brewing Company, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, 96 calories

26:59

for 12 ounces. If

27:11

most people are being honest, no one

27:13

really knows what you do for work, right? Yeah, it's

27:15

true. Yeah, especially if you're in what I like to

27:17

call B2B. Oh, what is that?

27:19

Oh, it's mine. Okay. That's a

27:21

business doing business with other businesses. You know what I'm

27:23

saying? I call it B2B. It's a little thing. It's

27:26

also, it's a boy band I'm working on. Anyway,

27:30

fortunately, LinkedIn has a network

27:32

of professionals who get what

27:34

you do and you can

27:36

reach the right people who matter most to

27:38

your company. Because they're LinkedIn. That's

27:41

what they do. LinkedIn

27:43

has over, this is the fun part to say, 1 billion

27:46

members. Are you serious? Yeah, that's more people

27:48

than are on Earth because there are people

27:50

on the moon using it in Saturn. And

27:55

over 1 billion members on its platform,

27:57

including 70 million decision makers. I'd

28:00

like to meet a decision maker. Since LinkedIn

28:02

members are regularly updating their work history, you

28:04

can precisely build a target audience by job

28:06

title, industry, company, and more. Man,

28:08

you can reach the right people

28:10

for your, I'm gonna say it again,

28:13

B2B business with LinkedIn ads. Gets even

28:15

better because LinkedIn will give you a

28:17

$100 credit on your next

28:19

campaign. Go just go

28:21

to linkedin.com/Team Coco to claim your

28:23

credit. That's linkedin.com/Team Coco. Terms

28:26

and conditions apply. LinkedIn, the place to

28:28

be, to be. The

28:41

trajectory that you guys

28:43

went through, I think in the space

28:46

of, I don't know if it's

28:48

like a year maybe, you go from playing to,

28:50

I think you've said maybe 18

28:52

people in a room. Sometimes I wish it was

28:54

18. 18 people in a

28:56

room, let's say, and a year later after

28:59

Shake Your Money Maker, you're playing to hundreds

29:02

of thousands of people in Montau. All

29:04

around the world. All around the world,

29:07

and you're how old? 23, turning 24. Rich

29:10

is just turning 20, 21. I've

29:13

always said, again, I don't have a lot

29:16

of experience with drugs, but I defy anyone

29:18

to find a more powerful drug than

29:20

adulation from a big crowd. I think that

29:22

goes right into your heart. Very

29:25

powerful cocaine. You know, it's funny, Izzy Stradlin

29:27

from Guns N' Roses invited Rich and I

29:29

to his house in like early 1990. We

29:32

were out here and we were like, I

29:34

mean, that's Guns N' Roses, they're still Guns

29:36

N' Roses, but then they were like Guns

29:39

N' Roses, like, you know. And

29:41

we were like, cool, and he was like, oh man, thanks

29:43

for coming over, I just wanted to meet you

29:45

guys. And I don't know if you're prepared for

29:47

what's gonna happen. And we were like, you're

29:50

gonna pay for lunch? I didn't know. We're

29:52

prepared for that. I have $8. You

29:55

know what I mean? You just sold 800

29:57

million records. Yeah. getting

30:00

lunch tonight, nevermind, nevermind. But that, what

30:02

fame and the, you know, he goes,

30:04

you just hang on. And you know,

30:06

it's funny that was, you

30:08

have no idea. You don't, I mean, you think

30:10

about those things. It's the same thing I was

30:13

teasing before about reading a book or whatever. At

30:15

the end of 1991, we're

30:18

in Europe and David Bowie is

30:20

in a band called Tin Machine with

30:22

Rees-Gabrell, guitar player who's now in The

30:24

Cure, fantastic guitar player, great guy. I

30:26

haven't seen him in a little while,

30:28

but we were all in

30:30

Dublin together and he was, and it was funny.

30:33

I had this, I looked back on this day,

30:35

it was funny. You want

30:37

to have breakfast with me and David, David Bowie.

30:39

And I was like, yeah, of course I do. He's

30:42

paying, right? I'm just kidding. You're obsessed with

30:44

that. I know, okay. Well, I'm just thinking

30:46

at the time. The water's on us, by

30:48

the way. But at the time,

30:51

I was probably very nervous. But again, I had made

30:54

one record. My life is

30:56

changing, but I've made one

30:58

record. He's fucking David Bowie.

31:01

I mean, he's Rock's Chameleon. Yeah.

31:03

But he's David Bowie. He's already

31:05

this iconic, he's already

31:08

this archetype of a certain thing

31:10

that we associate culturally with rock

31:12

and roll. And

31:14

what am I going to be like? Well, there was

31:16

that time I was in the studio last week. You

31:18

know what I mean? I hadn't traveled. I haven't

31:21

done anything. And he was very

31:23

aloof. But

31:26

I realized, what

31:28

did I have to offer that conversation?

31:30

Even if I'm smart, whatever,

31:32

it wasn't adding up. We go

31:34

that night, the Edge has a

31:37

birthday party at his mansion. We're

31:40

invited to that. So Bono was

31:42

there. He was dressed as Che Rivera, which

31:44

was what he was. He

31:47

didn't have, you know, it was Che

31:50

Rivera night in Ireland. Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

31:52

I mean, he had to, he was

31:54

completely, so I thought he was.

31:56

Yeah. It wasn't ball pot. I tell you that.

32:00

But he was that

32:02

was Friday. Yeah, that was a private party.

32:05

I didn't think it would be good to

32:07

have a you know a costume party but

32:09

it has to be private where everyone comes

32:11

as the worst person in the world. I'm

32:14

like there's two Jim Joneses here. Guys, I

32:16

thought you were coming as Herman Hess. I'm

32:23

like, the wrong size

32:25

boots. God damn it.

32:28

But I'm not saying

32:30

Shay is a bad part. I'm not at all he's a

32:32

revolutionary. But the point of the

32:34

story is Bono's like, oh you're in the black crows. I

32:36

go yeah and he goes, oh you poor bastard. You'll

32:39

never sell that many records again you know that.

32:41

I was like Jesus Bono this is, I mean

32:43

I don't know what's gonna happen. Oh I do,

32:46

I'm Bono. Look at me I'm in my fatigues.

32:48

But he said that and in a way though

32:50

I get it. You

32:55

know what I mean? Because other bands, bands that we love,

32:59

every story is different in your, you

33:01

know to get to where you end up. And

33:05

I always envy the you have one

33:08

record. It's pretty good. You know that

33:10

you could terrace up this thing and

33:12

start to learn your way around an

33:15

industry and a business that can

33:17

be horrible. A horrible, some of the worst

33:20

people in the world. Again it's

33:22

the same thing when you sign your first

33:24

record contract and the lawyer goes, this is

33:26

the worst thing you'll ever see. I'll

33:30

sign that. No

33:32

for the first one. Hold on

33:34

a minute. So even if

33:36

it is successful my children will

33:38

know, no I'll sign that. You know what I mean? You

33:42

do it because at the

33:44

time there's nothing else. You just played

33:46

in front of 18 people and

33:48

someone's saying we will make this record

33:50

and we will put it out. But.

33:53

Just sign this and you will sign it. The,

33:55

Lauren Michaels said to me that one of the

33:57

truest things, I know it's true now. And

34:00

he said, Conan, that's my chair. He said,

34:02

that's my chair. That's

34:04

my show. But he

34:07

said, because I was, many

34:10

people would say I was signing crazy, signing away

34:12

a lot of things, but I was brand new.

34:14

You don't have a lot of leverage. I had

34:16

no leverage. And so what he said to me

34:18

was he said, look, and he had that kind

34:20

of my boy. And he was absolutely right. He

34:22

said, many of the smartest things I've heard about

34:24

show business have been from Lauren Michaels. Conan,

34:27

they take advantage of you for five

34:29

years, then it's your turn. And

34:32

I didn't know what he was talking about. But

34:35

if you put in the time and you can hang

34:37

in there, then you get to say, if you want

34:39

more of what I'm doing, I would like to set

34:41

the terms now. And isn't it weird before the Kardashians

34:43

came on TV, five years seemed like a long time?

34:46

Now it's like 83 seasons of that bullshit. You

34:48

know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

34:52

Yeah. No, it is true how people

34:54

always come to me. I've never even seen five seconds

34:56

of it. I thought it would

34:58

be funny. But I don't know if

35:00

it's funny or if you're just big knives. No, no,

35:02

no. No, it is very funny. It

35:05

is very funny. It is, I'm

35:08

always stunned now at, it used to be like

35:11

an epic run if a TV show was on

35:13

for six years. It was like, wow, you guys

35:15

did six years and you're going to go into

35:17

syndication. And now I'm constantly

35:19

seeing that a show that I swear to

35:22

God sounds like it just went on the

35:24

air like three years ago. Like

35:26

not even the bachelor or the bachelorette, but

35:29

bachelorette's on stilts and they'll

35:31

say, we're celebrating our 40th

35:33

season. And he

35:35

goes, what happened? Show came out in

35:37

1971. Can

35:42

I tell you a funny story though about- Nope, no time. See

35:45

you guys later. Bye. Shut

35:47

the door. The day we had

35:49

made Shake Your Moneymaker, it's in the

35:51

can, it's finished. The artwork is done.

35:55

They're going to give us the release date. We

35:57

had a show in a place called Rome, Georgia. There's

35:59

a boarding. school there called Darlington that my dad

36:01

and Rich actually went to. And they

36:04

had a little bar up there and we'd play there occasionally.

36:06

We'd drive the van up, it's like 90 miles, and

36:10

we were called Mr. Crow's garden

36:12

and it just didn't fit. Our

36:14

little jangly psychedelic 60s kind

36:16

of name didn't fit what we were doing.

36:19

And so, you know, George and everyone said

36:21

we needed a new name. We liked the

36:23

crows. That's why we keep the E in

36:25

it because of the book. Mr. Crow is

36:27

like a proper noun. So on the

36:29

way up to this gig, we

36:31

say in the van, that's it. Today,

36:34

we had like a couple of names.

36:36

We're the black crows from here, no

36:38

matter what happens. We

36:40

are all in on this. Yes, we

36:43

make that decision. We go to the gig, we

36:45

set up our gear, we do sound check. There's

36:47

a band that's opening for us. It's like a

36:49

dad and a daughter and like a cousin and

36:52

it's like some family band. I don't know if

36:54

they were Christians, I don't know what they were

36:56

doing. And we're like, that's weird. So we go

36:58

down the street to get something to eat. We

37:01

come back, those guys finish their set. We're

37:03

dressed like the, I mean, we look

37:05

like, you know, we're doing a gig. It's

37:08

a real fucking gig. We're

37:10

the fucking black crows. We made an

37:12

album. We walk out on

37:14

stage, we fucking open with jealous again.

37:16

The only people in the club are

37:19

the dad, the daughter and the cousin.

37:22

And they're sitting there and they're

37:24

eating Subway sandwiches while we're playing.

37:34

Four people. Oh my God. Yes.

37:47

You know what I mean? Like

37:49

here we come. World beaters. Fantastic.

37:51

It was funny because the dynamic,

37:53

your brother could not be less

37:55

like you. It's so fantastic how

37:58

different you guys are. I've

38:00

got to know him a little bit, and you've

38:03

described yourself as a dyslexic

38:05

extrovert and rich as

38:08

an OCD introvert. And

38:11

I thought when I read that description- I mean, I said

38:13

that in a therapy session and it got out. Yeah.

38:17

I was the therapist. I

38:19

was a bad idea. Yeah. I was

38:21

like, I just came in for the med, and now all of this. It's

38:26

fascinating that it works so well, and then

38:28

in other times, you guys would

38:30

have to say, that's it, can't do this anymore

38:33

for a long period of time. Yeah.

38:36

And for every band,

38:38

every business, every partnership, everything has

38:40

its ebb and flow and good

38:42

and bad. I love the people that

38:44

kept their ship private. We were just not going to

38:46

be that way. To

38:48

us, our connection with music and

38:51

everything is an emotional connection. It's

38:53

a feeling. We didn't learn music.

38:55

Rich and I don't know any music if you put

38:57

it in front of us. I

39:00

don't know what key I'm singing. You know what I mean? It

39:03

is something that we've developed. Yes,

39:07

of course, we know a little bit

39:09

of music 35 years later, but it's

39:11

really just by a visceral connection to

39:13

what it is in the same

39:15

way that's how we write. Rich

39:18

will play me the little... It could be

39:20

the littlest thing. It could

39:22

be a rhythmic thing, a seventh note. I don't

39:24

know. It could be whatever it is

39:27

dictates. That's where I come in. This

39:30

song is whatever

39:33

the theme is going to be comes from

39:35

something that Rich... She Talks Angels is a

39:38

great example. We were still living at Mom

39:40

and Dad's house and he just played that

39:42

little thing and he just started mucking around

39:44

with open E. And that song is funny

39:47

because it was very

39:49

easy to write a scene

39:51

or a story about... I

39:54

knew someone that looked a certain way who

39:56

I at the time had heard. was

40:00

into heroin, right, or, you

40:03

know, hard drugs. But I don't know. They never had

40:05

a child or lost a child. You know what I

40:07

mean? Like I just fill in the

40:09

blanks of the story I want to tell. But

40:11

I'm not even beginning to tell that story

40:13

without just whatever that little thing is Rich

40:15

plays me. Because I've written many

40:18

songs by myself, written songs with other people,

40:20

and it's different. You know what I mean?

40:23

That's what he and I do.

40:25

So between our OCD and dyslexia,

40:27

we make one functioning songwriter, I

40:29

think. You know, we're one Billy

40:31

Joel. So

40:40

I'm picturing... A very Billy

40:42

Joel who doesn't shower. I'm

40:46

picturing when little kids, when one gets on the other's

40:48

shoulder and they put on a big trench coat and

40:51

try to go to the movie theater as an adult,

40:53

and the hand comes out of the crotch to pay for

40:55

it. Instead they play piano. By

40:59

the way, what's the Billy Joel song when he goes, uh,

41:01

what's the one where he breaks into like a

41:04

vampire voice? You know what I'm talking about? I

41:06

don't know that one. Long

41:08

Island Vampire? No, it's one of his big heads. Yeah,

41:11

the Long Island Vampire. You put on some big shots.

41:14

That's why. Big shots. That's why.

41:16

That's why. Big shots. Yes.

41:19

That's so fucking crazy. I was like, what is

41:21

he? That's so crazy. I started to scan my

41:23

brain and I just said, Billy Joel Vampire, and

41:25

I went to him and I kept going, you

41:27

think the toward a big shot? Big shot. You

41:30

know. Count Chocula. Yeah, Count

41:33

Chocula. Well, you're not coming to

41:35

my castle. Someone talk

41:37

to the bass player. Someone

41:39

talk to the bass player because I'm in the key of

41:41

E flat. What? After

41:47

every concert his band, his three fleet disappears.

41:49

What is that? Get him on your, just

41:51

ask him what the fuck was that? I

41:54

would ask him about the other song where he's like, JFK

41:56

blown away. The one where he's just

41:58

listing things that happened. in history. That's

42:00

when I remembered that him being on Billy

42:03

Joel was on Saturday Night Live and he

42:05

was performing that song. We did it. But

42:07

then it's the whole list of like, you

42:10

know, True and Dores Day, Red China, Johnny

42:12

Ray, South Pacific Walter Winfield, Joe DiMaggio. Okay,

42:14

well you're fired. You're, you have a now,

42:16

get out. I have

42:19

a rectile dysfunction after that. Yeah. Really?

42:21

I have a huge bonus. But

42:23

anyway, I remembered, I remembered watching, being

42:26

back near the Kraft food service table,

42:28

where the double doors are and starting

42:30

out live where the food is. And I'm standing

42:32

there and he's singing that song, listing things. And

42:34

Jim Downey's standing there and he turned to me

42:36

and he went, He's just listing things. This

42:41

is when it was like the number one song in the country. But

42:44

Jim Downey knew he's just

42:46

listing things. Just reading the

42:48

credits. Like,

42:52

oh, bring me my Encyclopedia Britannica.

42:56

Which ones you want? All of them, all of

42:58

them. Get them all. This is a long song.

43:00

A to Z. Sorry, I didn't know

43:02

why he does the breaks into the

43:05

vampires. Well, you know, it was the

43:07

70s. He was feeling it. You think

43:09

you're doing a big show. You

43:15

know, what's fascinating to me is that

43:17

people get all jumbled up about time later

43:19

on and doesn't matter. But you have to

43:21

understand that in 1990, nobody was dressing like

43:24

you. There was a Seattle punk

43:28

thing that was starting to happen. And then

43:30

there was also metal, hair metal. And then

43:33

you guys and you've, I think

43:36

you've called it, it's Mick Jagger circa

43:38

like 1970. Well,

43:40

yeah, we really loved like

43:43

72 stones. Like that was

43:45

like the way Keith kind

43:48

of looked. The Stooges. But it's

43:50

funny because I always

43:52

remember, you know, it was hard

43:54

to find clothes

43:56

like that. And everyone had

43:58

looked like Guns N' Roses. We

44:01

went to England for the first time and they had

44:03

a place called Kensington Market. It was a fabulous, amazing

44:05

place. Like crazy

44:07

stalls and homemade wild

44:10

clothes and all sorts of stuff.

44:12

Punk things, goth things, rennet,

44:15

whatever it could be. And

44:17

I bought a pair of maroon

44:21

kind of bell bottoms. And we came

44:23

back to the States and we were

44:25

on tour with Aerosmith, funny enough, our

44:27

first tour bus. But we played a

44:30

gig in Rochester, New York at, there's a

44:33

baseball stadium there. And it

44:35

was Black Crow's warrant, Metallica,

44:38

Aerosmith. We're on

44:40

first. And I remember this. And

44:43

I come out of the thing and I'm

44:46

wearing my bell, the way we look. And

44:48

people are like snickering at me. And

44:50

I'm like, yo, motherfuckers, laugh all you want. I

44:53

look cool. You know, like I feel

44:55

cool. And we

44:58

went up and did the gig and people, like a lot

45:00

of Metallica fans are like, you know,

45:02

carving pentagrams and bleeding in their hands.

45:04

Fuck yeah. Oh,

45:08

I get that a lot. You know, they

45:10

were like, we were the worst thing they've ever

45:12

seen, but we're still kind of street, you know,

45:14

we're from Atlanta and I get up there and

45:16

I'm like, rubbing my butt and looking at them,

45:20

kissing them. I'm like, all right,

45:22

bring it up here, big boy.

45:24

You know, they're fucking throwing tennis

45:26

shoes and golf balls and shit

45:28

at us. I'm like, who's bringing

45:31

golf balls? Put

45:38

a pocket full of fucking golf balls to

45:40

this gig. Security. You know, so we do

45:42

the gig though. And we, you know, some

45:44

people like it, I imagine we're still here,

45:47

but but we did it. We were like

45:49

this, you know, fuck y'all. We're going to

45:51

do our fucking thing. And this, you can't stop

45:53

us. That's part of this weird rock and

45:55

roll thing. Yeah. So we

45:57

go backstage. We're like, whatever. We played 30 minutes.

46:00

or whatever. Warrant is going

46:02

on next. They come

46:04

out of the trailer in these little matching

46:06

outfits. They look like the

46:08

Osman family. Crazy horse

46:10

hands. I remember that. They

46:13

would do their little dance and they would

46:15

have little matching ones got blue shirt, ones

46:17

got a white shirt, blue pants, white legs,

46:20

little outfits. These guys

46:22

are wearing these little ... At the time, I

46:24

guess they had never saw

46:26

the Osman family. Right.

46:29

The stadium, I don't know, there's 50,000 people in there.

46:33

You just hear, Lawrence sucks.

46:35

Lawrence sucks. Jesus. That

46:37

whole place is ringing this out. It's

46:40

loud. They look at each

46:43

other and they

46:45

went back in their trailer, put on their sweatpants

46:47

and got on the bus and they laugh. No.

46:51

I was like ... I mean, I get it. They

46:53

didn't even know we were the black crows enough to say

46:56

we sucked. We would have gone out anyway. Insert

46:59

name here sucks. These people wanted

47:01

Metallica and Aerithin, which is totally

47:03

cool. Of

47:10

course. I was like, if you really

47:12

believe in what you're doing, you weather

47:14

the storm, get up there,

47:19

give it to them. You don't know. You know what

47:21

I mean? You can't just fold.

47:24

I mean, I'm not picking up them. I'm

47:26

sure they're rad dudes. I

47:28

don't hang out with them. You

47:30

can eat sushi plays. But

47:35

they're here in 20 minutes. No.

47:42

You have to say, this is what we're

47:44

doing. You can't ask, is this okay what

47:46

we're doing? You have the essence of not

47:48

just rock and roll, but comedy is,

47:51

this is what we're doing. There's

47:54

no going back. You

47:56

just have to say, this is what it is. If

47:59

you're asking for it, you can ask. permission, it's

48:01

not going to work. Ever. It

48:04

would never, ever work. And I

48:06

think, I don't know, I think there might

48:08

be an argument that today, music, they're asking

48:10

for your permission more. Yeah. I

48:13

mean, because there's definitely part of the

48:15

appeal of rock and roll, but part

48:17

of the reality of art, of being

48:19

an outside person in the world, of

48:21

not...it's not about conforming,

48:24

it's just no...we're not

48:26

doing that. You know what I mean? Like,

48:28

it's just not going to fit. I

48:30

mean, if you think this is mental

48:32

illness, wait till you see, like trying

48:34

to force something that doesn't work in

48:36

that way. And

48:39

I think that that's

48:42

part of what you want to say, part of the way we

48:44

wanted to sound, the way we wanted to look, was

48:47

defiant towards other

48:49

things that were going on. And

48:52

I think in the corporate landscape

48:54

of today, and just the

48:56

way the culture works outside of what

48:59

is the...to me, its

49:02

status really rules everything.

49:05

But to obtain a certain amount of

49:07

status, you have to comply. And

49:11

you know what I mean? So our whole philosophic

49:15

slant was defiance. You're

49:18

defiant in the face of the business

49:20

that says, you're from Atlanta and you're

49:22

not in LA and you're

49:25

not wearing the right clothes. You're not playing the game.

49:27

I mean, we had lots

49:31

of managers listen to Shake Your Money

49:33

Maker and said, that singer, he's horrible.

49:36

Because this is at the age of... Everyone's

49:39

very high voice and metal

49:41

and rock sings like that.

49:44

And I didn't sing that way. And

49:46

it was like, we don't know what

49:48

this is. Which is kind of

49:51

funny today that we have a record

49:53

out now that...it's different because of course

49:55

we have three decades plus of people knowing

49:57

what it is, but that it

49:59

has the... Action that it has, you

50:01

know what I mean? I've been

50:03

blasting it in my car. I

50:05

upgraded from a Ford Tourist to

50:08

the new Ford Tourist, just coming out.

50:11

Ford make me a new Tourist. That's

50:13

the kind of cloud I have. It's made

50:16

of gold. Happiness

50:20

bastards, and I've been blasting this,

50:22

and it's great. It's fantastic. And

50:24

you guys haven't missed a beat.

50:26

You really haven't. It

50:28

doesn't feel like it at all. I think it's been

50:32

15 years since the last time you guys

50:34

worked together. Yeah. Since we're in

50:36

the studio doing stuff new, you know,

50:38

original song, original things that we've... Did

50:42

you do this with George? George... No.

50:45

No. We did it with this

50:47

guy, Jay Joyce. Jay Joyce. Okay. He's

50:49

Undas Uba Padusa. Oh, he has a

50:51

little submarine, does he? Yeah, yeah. He

50:54

dies, dies! He has two submarines. Oh, wow. Okay,

50:57

nice. I

51:01

mean, because also, I mean, the guitar sound is

51:03

fantastic. I know... I

51:06

mean, we really... You know, we

51:09

went through the things that we've gone

51:11

through, and people always say, well,

51:13

how did you do... You

51:15

know, the cynic... The cynicism in the

51:17

world is, oh, you're gonna do this.

51:19

It's a money grab. And

51:22

it's funny, because Rich is like, people who don't

51:24

know about the music business, we're... No

51:26

matter where we are, we're still the Black

51:28

Crows, and we're worth tickets. You know, people,

51:31

we have an audience, we have a history,

51:33

we've made good records, we have

51:35

songs, people live in their lives, and

51:37

we put on a good show. So every

51:39

year we didn't do the Black Crows, someone calls up

51:41

and goes, you know, they're gonna tell you what,

51:43

if you guys get it together, we'll put you up

51:46

there. Here's what money's gonna be.

51:48

I just think of a guy... You guys

51:50

know Chet Clampett? Ross Stanley?

51:54

That's just a guy in cowboy boots and a

51:56

gold chain. You gotta get out and there's a lot

51:58

of money. Okay, well just be... better like, hey,

52:00

listen, you guys want to get out there? I like that

52:02

guy. Hey, you. I

52:06

worry about the agent. You worry about the union

52:08

representative. I don't even know what you're

52:12

talking about. You just want to play

52:14

the show. But there was always an

52:16

offer for us to do it. But

52:18

I think the time we... I just

52:21

had had enough of the Black crows. I'd had

52:23

enough. And knowing full

52:25

well that I'm a part of the problem, I'm

52:27

not the solution. I mean,

52:29

I am a part of the problem. We all were

52:31

at the time. But I did have, for whatever

52:34

reason, I blew the scene up. But it was

52:36

great for Rich and I. You know what I

52:38

mean? Because what does every band say in the

52:41

documentary? I was watching like, my

52:43

Bloody Valentine or something, some shoegaze documentary. And they're like,

52:45

if we just take it six months off, it wouldn't

52:47

have blown up. And you don't do it.

52:50

You just don't do it. I don't know what

52:52

that is. Youth, ambition, that

52:55

thing Izzy's traveling said, when it takes off, just

52:57

hang on. We just didn't want the ride to

53:00

stop maybe that first decade. It's interesting

53:02

because I heard your kids helped

53:04

you and your brother patch things

53:06

up somewhat. Is that true? Yeah.

53:08

Well, they get older and they're

53:10

like, I have cousins? Yeah,

53:17

you do. I don't know

53:19

their names. How

53:22

come we don't know them? I

53:24

don't know them either. Yeah. That becomes

53:27

something else. The whole family,

53:29

I mean, my wife Camille as well,

53:31

I mean, eventually was

53:33

like, what is

53:36

it? Let's talk about it. What's with

53:38

the anger? What's with the resentment? And

53:41

and it just turned out to be a perfect time. And again, we're not

53:44

that clever. It's just it

53:48

felt right and we could deal

53:51

with each other. And subsequently, it's

53:53

been fantastic. And

53:58

that us versus them sort of made mentality is

54:00

real and I think it's important in terms

54:02

of like It's just

54:04

authentic to our to who we are. We felt

54:07

that way about art. We felt that way about

54:09

rock and roll We feel that way about a

54:11

lot of things Because we're

54:13

passionate and we believe that there's

54:15

something else that's not just status

54:17

It's not just success the way

54:19

it looks like there's something magic

54:22

In making music there's something

54:24

magic about listening to it about being

54:26

inspired by it about

54:29

going to see live music Or

54:32

listen, you know what I mean? Our house is

54:34

just full of records and when i'm

54:36

not making music I'm driving everyone crazy

54:38

because that's we just listen to music

54:40

and It's probably because

54:43

of my yeah the way my

54:45

mind works music starts to make

54:47

the unreal real. Yep. It

54:50

gives it a certain construct

54:53

Your daily life, you know what I mean? I

54:55

don't know what it is I mean everyone's experienced

54:58

this but I can I try to Stay

55:01

in shape as much as I can especially as

55:03

I get older and I will I really don't

55:05

want to go for a run I really don't

55:07

want to get on my bike. I just don't

55:09

want to do it but if I

55:11

put the earbuds in and a

55:13

good example is listen

55:16

to black crows and

55:18

cranked into my ears

55:20

I can suddenly Do things

55:23

that I couldn't do before and I don't I

55:25

don't know what that is but

55:27

i'm suddenly And and everyone's

55:29

experienced this isn't a new thing, but I Uh,

55:32

and then I start to have ideas and I start

55:34

to feel like i've got this I get them up

55:37

with all these ideas for fun cool things i'd like

55:39

to try and do and

55:42

As soon as my heart rate starts to slow down afterwards

55:44

I go I'm

55:46

not doing it. I'm not doing any of that. I'm

55:48

a man with no dream The

55:51

dream's over because I stopped listening to

55:53

the black crows, but I do have

55:55

that There is a

55:57

magic there and I think you

55:59

were talking earlier about status in show business, I

56:01

do think one thing that has changed is

56:04

there is an obsession not just in music,

56:07

but in an obsession

56:10

across the board, comedy, music,

56:12

film, with the business side of

56:14

it as a status thing. And

56:16

I don't think artists used to talk about

56:19

that, but now it's kind of

56:21

seen as a cool thing if you're

56:24

seen as like a corporate brand.

56:26

And I don't think that used to be the

56:28

case. No, I mean, as a matter of fact,

56:30

a lot of our hero, you know what I

56:33

mean? And I think the hero is not just

56:35

like Joseph Campbell talking or whatever, but the hero

56:37

as a part of like who we are and

56:39

who we identify with is very important. And again,

56:42

I understand I'm 57 years old. I'm not a person

56:46

of this century. I'm a

56:49

mid-century product of the last century, but

56:51

it's like, whether

56:53

it was Gregory

56:55

Corso, William Burroughs, Keith Richards, Alex Chilton,

56:57

Robert Altman, I had heroes, not like

56:59

that guy's great at video games. You

57:02

know what I mean? I'm like, whoa,

57:04

oh my God. His mom lets him

57:06

wear a diaper so he doesn't have

57:08

to go to the bathroom. Very

57:12

committed champion. But

57:17

I do, do you

57:19

see what I'm sort of getting at, which is a

57:21

lot of times when our That's what I mean, but

57:23

our heroes would be the people in comedy who could

57:26

be that too. But also people who went against. It

57:28

was never part of the story. Sometimes it was, but

57:30

it was not really part of the story of how

57:32

much they made or how many ads

57:34

they did and now it has become the

57:36

narrative for everyone. And I think

57:40

that's so much to navigate. Just

57:42

focus on what's the thing you're

57:44

making? Try and make something

57:47

that makes- I mean, we're not- Our first record

57:49

was such a big thing. I mean,

57:51

are you kidding? It's not going through my head like, you

57:53

know, John Coltrane never sold

57:55

six million records, you know what I mean? Or

57:57

whatever. That first thing, of

58:00

like, wait a minute, it did the

58:02

opposite of me, of course, dyslexic, we do

58:04

the opposite. Yes,

58:07

my ego or whatever as a

58:09

singer, Sagittarian, young

58:12

person. But it humbled me in

58:14

the face or in the presence

58:16

of the tradition that I'm working in. And

58:19

you know what I mean? I think also being the

58:21

kind of band we were because of

58:23

our influences, like I'm meeting my

58:26

heroes. I'm not hanging out so

58:29

much with my peers, which is, I

58:31

do that more now. But

58:33

at that time it was like, oh, Joe Cocker

58:35

knows my name and wants to give me a

58:38

hug. Or Ian Hunter from The Hooples, the first

58:40

rock star came to one of our shows in

58:42

New York. The great Ronnie Lane

58:44

was in his wheelchair when his partner

58:46

brought him down. He wanted to meet us in

58:49

not even a dressing room. And the ice, we

58:52

were opening for this band and our first time in

58:54

Austin in March of 1990. And there's a knock on

58:58

the door and the guy goes, there's some guy in a wheelchair under

59:00

named Ronnie Lane who wants to meet you guys. I'm

59:02

like, all right, really? And the

59:05

waiters are filling up the ice buckets while

59:07

he's in there and we're putting our

59:09

clothes on after the show. And he was just like, oh, I

59:12

just want to meet you guys. You've said so

59:14

many nice things about my music. And

59:16

I will remember it forever.

59:18

Yeah. You know what I mean? And Rob

59:21

Tyner from the MC5, first time we

59:23

play in Livonia outside of Detroit. There

59:25

he is in the dressing room. I've

59:27

always said the people that blow my

59:29

mind, it happens less and less and

59:31

less as I get older, but meeting

59:33

the people that I saw on television

59:36

be funny when I was eight

59:40

years old. It's like seeing

59:42

a Greek God in real life. I had a

59:44

weekend with Don Rickles one time and it was

59:46

like heaven. You know what I mean? It

59:48

was like, oh yeah, more. I

59:51

could take it. I could take

59:53

it. Yeah. I was that way

59:55

the day I met Don Knots

59:57

and I was just couldn't believe

59:59

I'm meeting. I'm Bernie Fife. And

1:00:01

to this day- One of the funniest people of that

1:00:03

character- To this day, I can't accept that. No,

1:00:10

I saw him in Brookline, Massachusetts sitting

1:00:13

on the floor. I'm sitting

1:00:15

in a high chair watching him on ... I was

1:00:17

in a high chair very late. This

1:00:20

is like 10 years ago. I had rickets.

1:00:24

You don't hear rickets much

1:00:26

anymore. Don

1:00:28

Ricketts, not as funny. Not as funny.

1:00:32

Listen, I've kept you a while, and I did

1:00:34

it selfishly because I love

1:00:37

your music, and I also

1:00:40

think you are one of the ... You're

1:00:43

such an authentically funny person,

1:00:45

and really honest, and I love talking to

1:00:47

you. I really do. Thank you very much.

1:00:49

Thanks for having me. I would ... Anytime

1:00:52

you want to lower yourself, we'll hang, and

1:00:54

finish that tequila. I'm in. I'm in. Let's

1:00:57

do it. Thank you so much for being here, and I

1:01:00

want to tell people, check out Happiness

1:01:03

Bastards, because I've been loving this. Thank

1:01:05

you. It's fantastic. Yeah, we're very ...

1:01:07

It's good. It's nice. We're

1:01:09

going on this tour, and

1:01:11

yeah, we're just thrilled. We're having a

1:01:14

great- Are you going to give the group sex a

1:01:16

try this time? Oh my God, I might throw my

1:01:18

knee out. That's

1:01:22

the first thing to go with me. When

1:01:24

I have group sex, it's the first thing that goes.

1:01:27

I'm like- Yeah. The old

1:01:29

trick knee. I'm like, listen, I don't know

1:01:32

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netsuite.com/Conan. I'm gonna say it

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one more time just for emphasis, netsuite.com/Conan.

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I love live events. You love them. I really

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SeatGeek now. Conan

1:04:03

here, got a little segment to do and

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I don't know anything about this segment because

1:04:07

Matt Gorley has some scheme up

1:04:09

his sleeve. What's up? A long

1:04:12

time ago, I don't know if you remember this, we

1:04:14

actually did, I think you did a riff about inspirational

1:04:16

posters that you might see in like

1:04:18

a grade school class or something, but

1:04:21

with some unexpected phrases on them. Well,

1:04:24

a wonderful, wonderful listener named Timothy Sanders

1:04:26

who has some of the nicest penmanship

1:04:28

I've ever seen. Beautiful, looks like a

1:04:30

Cyrillic typewriter, yeah. Taking it upon

1:04:33

himself to make

1:04:35

some of these, starting

1:04:37

with these lovely turtles.

1:04:40

You're the one that you knew you had to be.

1:04:42

Oh, are these ones that we sat on the air

1:04:44

making up bullshit? Those are great. Watch

1:04:48

yourself get married with a glass

1:04:50

of water. That's fantastic.

1:04:53

Whatever you think you were, that is what it

1:04:55

was. It's

1:04:58

a Volkswagen thing, I believe. Oh my God.

1:05:00

Popular car in the 70s. A story

1:05:03

of spontaneous podcast banter. Tomorrow is yesterday's

1:05:05

idea of what you ate. A team

1:05:07

code. Paper

1:05:10

bag. You

1:05:12

can't judge yourself from within. Well, that's actually

1:05:14

a good one. Yeah. And

1:05:16

I love that cat just hanging in there. Is it good?

1:05:18

Does it make sense? Sure it does. Okay.

1:05:21

I don't know if it does. Sunshine is the regret

1:05:24

you used to know during daylight. Are

1:05:26

these ones we said? Some

1:05:29

of them are. Some of them are. Are these AI? Maybe

1:05:32

it's AI. Some of them are. I

1:05:34

remember this. Who farted? William

1:05:36

Fakare. Yes. Back

1:05:38

that shit up, of

1:05:40

course, Jane Austen. That's

1:05:43

my favorite one. I remember

1:05:45

that one. Now it's coming back to me. And for

1:05:47

the listeners, if you want to see these, you can

1:05:49

go to our YouTube channel and check them out or

1:05:51

go to at Team Coco on socials and take a

1:05:54

look. Yeah, these are fun. Oh my God. I

1:05:56

like it's hot ho, of course Melville, during his

1:05:58

drop in the air. Like a hot

1:06:00

phase. And finally. God hit that. Mary

1:06:03

Todd Lincoln. And a picture of sexy

1:06:05

Lincoln. Those are great. Yeah, aren't those

1:06:07

amazing? I love that. He is

1:06:09

sexy in that picture. Yeah, I had hit that for sure.

1:06:12

Look at that. You'd hit that? No, I

1:06:14

don't think you would. He's very depressed. I mean,

1:06:16

look at his face. He's got great bone structure.

1:06:18

Nice high cheek bones. Six-four, just like your friend

1:06:21

Conan. Don't compare yourself. Is there some question about

1:06:23

his sexuality at some point too? Yes, someone wrote

1:06:25

a book and I think it was a lot

1:06:27

of it was based on the fact that Lincoln

1:06:30

shared a bed when he was on the circuit.

1:06:32

But then it was revealed that everyone had

1:06:34

to share beds. So just because

1:06:36

he shared a bed. I mean, I regularly share a bed with

1:06:39

a good friend of mine. Who's that? Derek

1:06:41

Rife. Anyway, that's our business. It's

1:06:43

good friends. And when we're

1:06:45

on the circuit together, riding sometimes, coming to

1:06:47

an inn. What is this? The

1:06:50

vaudeville circuit? What do you? I'm just making

1:06:52

shit up. This is babble. Did

1:06:54

you guys sleep in bunk beds when you were in college? We

1:06:56

did freshman year. Who was on top? I was on

1:06:58

top. Who was on the bottom? I

1:07:00

like that top bunk too. Now I love the top bunk. It's

1:07:02

like, we are way up high. This

1:07:05

is as a freshman in college. I was like, yay, I'm

1:07:07

up high. We. Yeah, I

1:07:09

can't believe you guys didn't have bunk beds growing

1:07:11

up in your house. My brothers and

1:07:13

I slept three in a room for a while. Yeah,

1:07:15

that's why I'm so sorry. Before Dustin was born. So

1:07:18

it was Neil and Luke were in twin beds and

1:07:20

I was in a cot at the foot of their

1:07:22

bed. So by two years and my

1:07:24

cot was up against the wall. And my

1:07:26

mother used to put us. This is way back in the

1:07:28

day. She'd put us in these little brown shoes with hard

1:07:31

heels. Kids

1:07:33

say they all wear sneakers, but back then mid

1:07:35

1960s or whatever, they give you these

1:07:37

little brown shoes that you wore. My mother would make

1:07:40

me take a nap every day at three in the

1:07:42

afternoon and I didn't want to take a nap.

1:07:44

So I put my back on the bed and

1:07:46

with my shoes on, I would kick at the

1:07:48

wall with my heel. Why would you

1:07:50

nap in your shoes then? Because I wouldn't

1:07:52

take them off because I'm not going to kick the wall with my

1:07:55

bare feet. And my mom would

1:07:57

just let me kick it out and I swear

1:07:59

to God. has since been replastered and

1:08:01

repainted, but part of me wants to go

1:08:03

back to that house in Brooklyn, Massachusetts because

1:08:06

my parents still live there and I want

1:08:08

to take off the paint and

1:08:10

you will see little cone and feet that

1:08:12

are crushed into the plaster because I was

1:08:15

so enraged that I was being told I

1:08:17

had to take a nap at three. Now

1:08:19

I would love it if someone told me to go take a nap

1:08:22

at three. What? What?

1:08:25

Cuts are small. Did your feet dangle

1:08:27

off the edge? I was a little

1:08:29

boy. Sona, when someone's a little boy,

1:08:31

they aren't who they are now wearing tiny clothes.

1:08:33

I know, but you also... You're

1:08:36

thinking it's like a sketch. Here

1:08:38

comes baby Conan. Hi everybody. I'm

1:08:40

wearing a diaper and goo goo goo.

1:08:43

Dump your head six foot four Conan baby.

1:08:46

No, I was a little boy and then

1:08:48

I grew over the years. Yeah, then when

1:08:51

you grew, because you lived at home until you went

1:08:53

to college, so where did you sleep?

1:08:55

Did you sleep all the time? Well, eventually I got moved up to the

1:08:57

attic. Oh, okay. They moved me to the

1:09:00

attic. They banished you. Well, it was a controversial

1:09:02

move. Everyone else agreed it was the right

1:09:04

place for me. I was at the end

1:09:06

of a long haul in the attic. All

1:09:08

I wanted was a desk up there and a

1:09:11

bunch of rubber stamps because I wanted to

1:09:13

stamp papers. Oh my God. And

1:09:15

I was obsessed with having a little office and

1:09:17

I was always like, not going to go tend

1:09:20

to my affairs. Bing, bing, bing, bing, bing. And

1:09:22

I had signed papers and I had some stamps

1:09:24

that meant nothing like remit. Rubber stamps and

1:09:26

pencils and shoes. I know, I know. Stupid.

1:09:29

What a weird kid. What a weird

1:09:31

man. I was Tuesday Adams long before

1:09:34

Tuesday Adams. Anyway, I grew

1:09:36

up in a Wednesday. Oh,

1:09:38

you know what? I'm

1:09:40

sorry. You know, I just

1:09:42

got off from the Shelby Anders family.

1:09:48

No, and on leap year, she's Tuesday.

1:09:50

Oh my God. All right. I'll give

1:09:52

you that. All right. I

1:09:54

got myself out of another scrape. All

1:09:57

right. That's our time for now. Remember, I

1:09:59

was a weird. Child! Conan

1:10:03

O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan

1:10:05

O'Brien, Sonam Osefian, and Mac Gorley.

1:10:07

Produced by me, Mac Gorley. Executive

1:10:09

produced by Adam Sacks, Nick Liao,

1:10:11

and Jeff Ross at Team Coco, and

1:10:14

Colin Anderson and Cody Fisher at

1:10:16

Earwolf. Theme song by The White Stripes.

1:10:18

Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take

1:10:20

it away, Jimmy. Our

1:10:25

supervising producer is Aaron Blair, and our

1:10:27

associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering

1:10:29

and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan

1:10:32

Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick.

1:10:34

Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista,

1:10:36

and Brit Khan. You can rate and

1:10:38

review this show on Apple Podcasts, and

1:10:40

you might find your review read on

1:10:43

a future episode. Got a question for

1:10:45

Conan? Call the Team Coco hotline at

1:10:47

669-587-2847, and

1:10:50

leave a message. It too could be featured on

1:10:52

a future episode. And if you haven't already, please

1:10:55

subscribe to Conan O'Brien Needs a

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