Episode Transcript
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0:04
Sometimes I say I'm going to talk about something exciting
0:06
and it's just not. I've pretty much lied to our
0:09
listeners, but I think this is exciting. Recently
0:13
we celebrated our five-year anniversary
0:16
of doing the podcast by releasing
0:18
a vinyl album. It's
0:21
so cool. And it has
0:23
really cool artwork and it
0:25
was fun to make. And it's
0:27
called Conan O'Brien Needs a Friend,
0:29
Quinquennial Celebration Vinyl. And the
0:32
reason I'm bringing this up is we released it not
0:34
that long ago and it
0:36
immediately sold out. And so
0:38
we've decided to make a
0:40
second pressing. It's a
0:43
limited edition vinyl album and
0:45
it's of course presented curated by myself, Sona
0:47
and Matt in celebration of
0:49
our podcast fifth anniversary. We curated it.
0:51
Yeah. And this one,
0:54
the vinyl is orange. This
0:56
is a limited edition orange. So
0:59
let's just say you, I'm going to
1:01
flash forward like 15, 20 years, maybe 50 years.
1:06
And the listener right now has one
1:08
of these and goes in and
1:11
says, hey, I've got this Conan O'Brien
1:13
Needs a Friend fifth
1:16
celebration vinyl. And the old
1:18
guy, maybe it's one of those shows like antique
1:21
road show or whatever, Pawn
1:23
Stars. And they say, oh
1:25
yeah, that album, yeah, that was quite a podcast back
1:27
in the day. One of the big ones. And I
1:29
was like, yeah, yeah. So anyway, I've got that. And
1:31
so I am guessing you just got the old regular
1:33
vinyl, black vinyl. Well,
1:35
actually no, sir. My
1:39
grandfather bought this because he
1:41
was a Conan fan. I've since listened.
1:43
I'm not a fan. I don't get it.
1:45
But anyway, it's this and he
1:47
pulls out and the guy's going
1:49
to go, this is
1:52
orange. You got an
1:54
orange one. You
1:56
got an orange Quinn
1:58
Quinnio. start shouting
2:00
alarms will go off. We got
2:03
an orange quinquennial, a
2:05
Conan orange quinquennial. And
2:08
he's gonna say like, do you have any idea
2:10
what this is worth? Well actually I really don't.
2:12
I'm just you know it's not important to
2:14
me. I don't value material things. 500 million
2:16
dollars! No way! Yes! In this scenario in
2:19
my mind it's 500 million dollars. But of
2:21
course this is about 80 years
2:23
in the future. Where that's like a month's
2:26
rent. I see.
2:28
Also this is the largest printing we've done
2:30
and it's the second so the first printing
2:32
was less. Yeah you were shooting on the
2:34
black one. But the black one is
2:37
more valuable because there was only a
2:39
limited quantity. This one's a special color.
2:41
Let me try it again. Yeah. You
2:43
probably got that crappy orange one. No
2:45
no no no. No? That's too far? Don't
2:48
shoot on the orange. Yeah we still need
2:50
to. Okay how about this? How about this?
2:52
Well if you got the orange one that's
2:55
gonna be worth a lot. Yeah.
2:57
Okay good. But if you got
2:59
the initial black pressing well that'd
3:01
be worth even more! Is that
3:04
right? Yeah. But also in this scenario originally
3:07
you said oh 15 years in the
3:09
future. I'm adding more time. I want it to be 80. I want
3:11
it to be more like 100. Okay.
3:13
Like post-apocalyptic? Yeah.
3:15
Okay. You're gonna go oh oh here come the
3:19
Robotron! Get out of here! Put on
3:21
your exosuit! No! Humans
3:30
detected. Humans detected. Is that
3:32
an orange Conan O'Brien vinyl?
3:34
Or the more
3:36
slightly more precious black. I
3:40
will return this to the head of
3:42
the Robotron. A
3:45
long time collector of
3:47
vinyl. So
3:49
yeah it's the future. Well we have a little
3:51
treat here today though just the taste. This is
3:53
a taste because boy you must be thirsting for
3:56
some Conan stupidity right now. This
3:59
is a taste of know, because we don't play the
4:01
vinyl, because then you could record it yourself and you wouldn't
4:03
need us and we couldn't exploit you. So
4:09
here's a taste of an old
4:11
timey ad we recorded exclusively for
4:13
the vinyl, never heard before by
4:15
non vinyl owners. And you can
4:17
get your vinyl at podswag.com/Conan. Yeah,
4:20
podswag.com slash Conan.
4:22
Give a listen. Ready?
4:30
You're free of that 1917
4:33
flu that's going around? If
4:37
so, you want Doc
4:39
Palmer's asbestos face mask.
4:42
Asbestos, the new miracle cloth that's
4:45
been proven to destroy all
4:48
infectious vapors. Yes, of course,
4:50
many people say that asbestos
4:52
has not been tested for
4:54
long term health effects, but
4:56
take it from old Doc
4:58
Palmer. Asbestos is the best
5:00
cloth to have wrapped around your
5:02
mouth. Available at
5:04
a five and dime in
5:07
your instanti-tea just jump on
5:09
the old large wheeled bicycle,
5:12
wax up your stash, and
5:14
get down to Doc Palmer's. Hi, Doc
5:16
Palmer. Oh, hello there. What you wish?
5:19
It's Johnny Youngblood here, just wondering
5:21
if you're Doc Palmer face mask
5:23
for safe for kids. Of course,
5:25
they're safe. There's nothing safe for
5:27
the put around your mouth than
5:29
asbestos. Thanks, Doc Palmer.
5:34
That cloth is probably not related
5:36
to the mask. Everyone
5:39
in this era is sickly. Get
5:41
one now, one for a dime,
5:43
two for three pennies.
5:45
It doesn't make sense, but
5:47
that's the way things were at the
5:50
end of the First World War. Wait
5:53
a minute, how do I know there's
5:55
going to be two? That's strange. Well,
5:57
so it goes. Toodly
5:59
doodly. You've
6:02
called Conan on your
6:04
computerizing machine. The machine
6:06
would be invented in about 80 years. Until
6:09
then, try it on an abacus,
6:11
you motherfucker! When
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you need mealtime inspiration, it's worth
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