0:00

Hey. Baby A, Naomi

0:02

and Andy here will

0:05

and quick q/requests. Yes

0:07

South Okay. a cast is doing these

0:09

audience surveys. Okay, we put the lake

0:11

in the show Notes: the link is

0:13

going to be in. The link tree

0:15

on our on Instagram and everything

0:17

like that. Here's the thing, Naomi,

0:19

you know where are pretty choosy

0:21

about the ads right? that we

0:23

allow on the show no Weapons

0:26

manufacturers Raytheon Get out and yeah,

0:28

screw off Raytheon. But we want

0:30

to make sure that the ads are kind of

0:32

tailored to y'all right? Right? So you want to

0:34

hear ads for a different world db the box.

0:36

We need to know that we know how that

0:38

a damn we can get the word out. but

0:40

we'll you can get the word out. If you

0:42

give us the word. so. You gotta fill

0:44

out the survey. It is quick, quick,

0:46

Quick. And it just lets us know if

0:48

the ads you're hearing on the right ads for you. So.

0:50

Get on over to the show. Notes without

0:53

link is or the. Couple's therapy linked tree

0:55

and fill out that quick survey so we could

0:57

pass the word on a get our right are

0:59

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2:10

your heart loosen your

2:12

but it's time

2:14

for couples therapy Hello

2:31

everyone and welcome to couples therapy.

2:33

My name is Andy. My name

2:35

is Naomi We're

2:52

a real life couple a real life couple of comedians and

2:54

on couples therapy We answer a

2:56

couple different questions from a couple

2:58

different listeners. Hello Naomi. Hey girl

3:00

Hey, welcome to this week. It

3:02

is now June. Happy Pride everyone.

3:04

Happy Pride everyone I want to

3:06

begin this episode though. Okay,

3:09

I want to talk to you Naomi about how

3:11

our jobs have warped my mind Okay

3:14

job in the entertainment industry here

3:17

in Hollywood, Los Angeles, California

3:20

Yes, so the other

3:22

day I was walking Mabel and

3:24

I ran into our other neighbors

3:27

The neighbors we like I mean, I guess we like all of our

3:29

neighbors at this point But the

3:32

ones I've talked about before they are like very

3:34

good people. Yes, they're decent

3:38

God fear in America But

3:42

we were talking and the woman

3:44

in the couple is Becoming

3:48

a therapist. Mm-hmm and We

3:51

were talking about that about therapy and I

3:53

talked about how I had fired my therapist

3:55

And we were talking about how expensive therapists

3:58

are here in Los Angeles And

4:00

instead of just saying, oh yeah, Naomi was talking

4:02

to this one therapist and she had stopped

4:05

her Like part

4:07

way in and said by the way, I cost 350 dollars

4:10

I don't take insurance right instead of just saying that

4:12

like a normal normal. Oh god, would you do what

4:14

I do was? I'm like, oh, well, hey, you know

4:16

name is a stand. Oh He

4:19

has a joke no about

4:21

about I

4:23

couldn't just say what what you just say what I

4:25

said because you can't just be telling people out here.

4:27

I Well, I

4:29

don't know if they knew you're That's not

4:32

the thing. The point isn't that that

4:34

I know the point was that like so

4:36

this is a joke that you did on that

4:38

David Letterman show, yeah, right My

4:42

understanding of your life wasn't taken from

4:44

your life. It was taken from the

4:46

joke you wrote about the real experience

4:48

Yes, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. So my

4:50

knowledge of you was filtered through your

4:52

act. Yes sick. Yeah Yeah, we share

4:54

a marital bed. That's it. Whereas I

4:56

can't just tell a story right you

4:59

can't Yes,

5:01

I'm like, oh this is from Naomi's act or

5:03

like oh, hey, you know, Naomi and I have

5:05

a podcast the other day On the podcast you

5:07

talked about It's

5:10

like no, yeah, that was a real thing. Yeah, it

5:12

was real. She doesn't make up it off You knew

5:14

it you were there. I told

5:16

you when it happened It's

5:18

not like you only heard it via the bit You

5:21

hear it in the house, but my stories about

5:23

you two strangers. Oh, no are Almost

5:26

always now like I

5:29

have to start I have to start out with like oh, she's

5:31

a stand-up And this is a bit from her act. This is

5:33

based on real life. It's just saying the real thing. I know

5:36

I'm glad that you're noticing that hopefully you will stop

5:38

that post-taste. Yes. Well if I find a new therapist

5:41

We'll work on that. You'll work on that

5:43

part. Okay, Hollywood has worked your brain You

5:46

can't just tell an anecdote yeah, you have to

5:48

be like let me cite my sources so Okay,

5:51

what you're talking about there be really reminds me

5:53

that time You know Naomi was on that's my

5:55

time with David Letterman on Netflix and in episode

5:57

three during her five minutes that she did also

6:00

something on a similar topic. Oh,

6:02

you're talking about jogging. Well, Naomi has a

6:04

bit in her comedy central half hour where

6:06

she talks about 2016. At the

6:08

seven minute 48 second mark, cite your sources. And

6:13

Rebecca, one of the worst sketches I ever wrote, it

6:17

bombed badly and one of the worst

6:19

sketches. And afterwards, this is

6:22

very early on. This is before I even moved to New York.

6:24

This is in Philadelphia. The

6:26

thought wasn't, hey, maybe I should write something

6:28

more comprehensible. For the audience, if they can't

6:31

get it, it was, you know

6:33

what, I should cite the references

6:35

and add it. Oh, no. And give everyone

6:37

a sheet at the end. Well, I thought

6:39

it was a joke. As a joke. Well,

6:42

sure. It was a fun bit. It was

6:44

a fun bit. I don't mean to seriously, but part of the

6:46

bit would be, hey, instead of writing it comprehensible,

6:49

it's going to be the same nonsense. But

6:51

I'm just going to give everyone a sheet of

6:53

paper at the end that cites the references. Yeah,

6:55

that's what's funny a lot of times. You like

6:57

to complicate things. And so what you've done, instead

6:59

of making a better sketch, you've now added prop

7:01

work. You got to find a printer. You got

7:03

to get all these copies. Give them to each

7:05

person in the audience. Hey, it's like

7:08

you actually just gave yourself more to do,

7:10

but not in the good way. My instincts

7:12

aren't bad because Conan O'Brien also has the

7:14

same instincts. He was talking about it on

7:16

a recent episode of his,

7:19

you know, his podcast started the whole podcast thing. I was going

7:21

to say Conan O'Brien, the guy who started the podcast. Yeah, the

7:23

guy who started the podcast, right? But he

7:25

was talking about how his, when he's in

7:27

a bad situation, his first instinct is to

7:29

make it worse. Okay. It's too like,

7:31

if it's awkward, he's going to make it more awkward. Why

7:34

is that? Did you explain? Because

7:36

he thinks it's funny in the same way.

7:38

I think instead of writing, I mean, now

7:40

it's different. Now I'm trying to be more

7:42

comprehensible. Yes, I am. I am more. So

7:44

I'm writing, I'm still writing something silly, but

7:46

also now it's silly and comprehensible. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

7:49

I've got your voice in my head

7:51

going, what? Good. Good. I'm

7:53

going to give you a glass of that's what you've

7:55

gotten from me after all these years. There's a judgy

7:58

voice going, why I've replaced my parents as my students.

8:00

with you, with my wife as my super ego. Oh

8:02

no! Just comedically. Just

8:04

comedically, well you know, I'm one of the

8:06

greats. Otherwise I have, I have

8:09

like a legion, my super ego

8:11

is mostly like leftist writers. Uh-huh.

8:14

You got a little Gramsci, you got little,

8:16

little Chomsky, you got. Little Chomsky, god why

8:18

don't we make that cartoon? Little

8:20

Butler. Little Chomsky. Little Butler, James Butler.

8:23

Yeah, Judy. Little Judy. Judy's

8:25

not Octavia. Right. So,

8:27

so anyway. Naomi. Before

8:29

we get into the episode, we have a comment and

8:32

an update. Uh-huh. And I want to

8:35

read this comment first. So this is from Asif's episode,

8:37

two episodes ago. I remember.

8:39

Two episodes ago. I was there.

8:41

We answered a question, a woman,

8:43

I think, white woman, her boyfriend

8:46

or husband is Palestinian. And

8:49

the question was, you know, I think he needs.

8:51

He needs help but he's resistant. Right. Mental

8:54

health help. Mental health help. He's resistant to therapy. What

8:56

can we do? I've had some

8:58

great advice. Try

9:01

to get him to agree to just like three. Yeah. Three

9:03

and then see where it goes from there. Someone

9:06

wrote into us on

9:08

Instagram, Nor. Nor

9:10

writes, thank you for reading the letter by the

9:12

caller of the Palestinian partner. Might be

9:14

too raw for him to start therapy now. Nor

9:17

has some good advice. Okay. That's why

9:19

I want to read this because sometimes our

9:21

listeners have advice we haven't thought of. I'm

9:23

not sure where they are located but I

9:25

would encourage him to be around other Palestinians

9:27

in the diaspora in the moment,

9:29

at least socially. It may be a way for

9:32

him to feel comfortable to vent. Please

9:34

let her know she's not alone. Many folks

9:36

I know in the movement have also stated

9:38

that they are hesitant or believe they shouldn't

9:40

have children in this moment. It

9:42

may also be too much for him to see a

9:44

Palestinian therapist. I know it's a kind gesture but it

9:46

might be too much. I think we're

9:49

all in a zombie-like state. I do think

9:51

he probably needs time and I would be hesitant

9:53

to ask him to have a child right now

9:55

in this time of trauma and grief. Thank

9:58

you for your grace in holding. space for Palisines

10:00

in this moment on the pod. We

10:29

have an update from Dylan Adler's episode. Now this

10:31

is a couple months ago. Well I remember Dylan

10:33

Adler. Do you remember? He makes me

10:35

laugh so much. Of course, we love Dylan. But do you remember

10:37

the questions? One of the questions was for

10:40

a couple, they are getting married, they

10:42

have a lot of queer friends, but

10:44

they have a conservative family. Yes, yes,

10:46

yes, yes. And they were like, should

10:49

we try to teach our

10:51

family? Or should we try to talk to

10:53

our friends about it? How do we broker

10:55

this to prepare everyone to not act a

10:57

fool? Basically. We are all just insulting the people

10:59

we love. Exactly.

11:01

Okay, update. I'm the bride

11:03

who wrote in about whether or not to tell

11:06

my predominantly cishet family to anticipate a diversity of

11:08

queerness amongst my friends and attendants at our wedding.

11:10

In retrospect, I was highly anxious about

11:13

managing people's expectations. After listening to

11:15

your advice with Dylan Adler, I decided that everyone is adult and

11:17

I don't need to warn adults that they are going to meet

11:19

other adults who are different from them. My

11:21

husband and I gave our families the benefit of the doubt that they wouldn't

11:23

be outright inappropriate or ignorant. Privately,

11:26

there was some confusion, so my husband and

11:28

I talked to any family members curious enough

11:30

to ask about gender identity and expression. Everyone

11:33

had an amazing time. I

11:36

was reminded to write in after listening to

11:38

today's podcast. Knowing

11:40

what I know now, I think Andy is right, that you

11:42

can't coddle the biggest. In my situation,

11:44

I wanted to protect my friends from emotional

11:47

labor and harm, but I realized now that

11:49

they've got thicker skin than that. I

11:51

was actually worried about family meeting androgynous, non-binary,

11:53

gender neutral, or trans people and not knowing

11:56

how to act, i.e. ask ignorant

11:58

questions or make unintentionally hurt comments

12:01

but they surprised me by being kind and

12:03

open. Wow. I love

12:05

this for you. I am so happy

12:07

that you had a wonderful wedding and

12:09

everybody acted right. I'm very

12:12

happy for you. That's so exciting. Send me a

12:14

picture. Send me a wedding picture. I want to

12:16

see how everyone was looking. It's true you can't

12:18

coddle bigots. You can coddle bigots, fuck them. But

12:20

I do think you have to start making space

12:22

to try to bring them into the moral fold.

12:25

The moral fold? Well then they can't be bigots anymore if

12:27

you bring them into the moral fold. Exactly.

12:29

Again there's, you know, what

12:31

was the, I can't remember the person, but

12:34

there was a there was a guy down

12:36

south who would just have these

12:38

long conversations with clans members. Oh yeah yeah.

12:40

And then eventually he would get them to

12:42

stop being bigots. All of them? I don't

12:45

know about all of them but I remember from the story, this

12:47

is I think on what was that

12:50

what's the This American life. Yes. He had

12:52

a collection of like some like dozens of

12:54

robes. Yeah. Of people who he had, like

12:56

clans members who he had disrobed so to

12:58

speak. Who had brought back into the moral

13:01

fold. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. So

13:03

still I think it's possible. Yeah yeah.

13:06

But Naomi do you know what else is possible? What?

13:09

It's possible we have one of the best episodes

13:11

we've ever recorded today. What? Returning

13:13

guest. Returning. Meghan Gailey, Naomi. Back

13:15

by popular demand. It's true. Okay.

13:17

I put a thread up so

13:19

there's like this discord like feature

13:21

on the patreon now. And

13:23

so I put a thread up that's like who do you want to

13:25

see on the show? And a lot of people are like we want

13:27

Meghan. I go you know she's been on the show before. They're like

13:29

we want Meghan back. Yes. So they did and

13:31

it's like I'm always looking to talk to my

13:34

sister. You know I miss her in the lifetime

13:36

podcast universe when we got to get together once

13:38

a week in Actifull. So honestly it was Freddie

13:40

cuz having you there was almost like I'm between

13:42

my two wives. You know? I'm used to being

13:44

in a pod with Meghan and I'm used to

13:46

being a pod with you. But you and Meghan?

13:49

There's an overload of love in my

13:51

heart. Should we call Scott Ackerman between

13:53

two wives? Between two wives! Instead

13:56

of Ferns it's me and Meghan. But it was

13:58

so funny because you know I asked Megan

14:00

to come on but you know because I'm working I

14:02

can only do weekends and obviously she's got between

14:04

shows and raising her child it's like tough and then finally she

14:06

was like girl I'm going on a road can I come on

14:09

a pie? I said absolutely sis

14:11

you can be real with me because

14:13

yes y'all at the time that this

14:15

episode drops just eight days later

14:17

Megan Galey starts her East Coast tour okay

14:19

so that's why she come out here reminding y'all

14:21

that she is out here and I know me

14:23

and Andy we got East Coast followers we got

14:25

East Coast listeners so y'all need to come see

14:28

baby girl Megan I seen the stats I'm

14:30

Andy seen the stats I know you guys are out

14:32

there June 12th she's gonna be in Boston June

14:34

13th to 15th Vermont Comedy Club now you know I

14:36

don't been to VC Comedy Club twice so some

14:39

people better be listening go check out

14:41

Megan June 19th Stanford Connecticut June 20th

14:44

she's at Stanford and it's the whitest city

14:46

I don't know Stanford's not that white oh

14:48

isn't it Greenwich oh yeah but okay Megan

14:50

does have a Juneteenth show and I do

14:53

not so we need to address that as

14:55

a society I need to make a change

14:58

June 20th come on now Union

15:01

Hall in New York City now you know

15:03

if you up in here you better go

15:05

see Megan at Union Hall June 21st Philly

15:08

okay punchline Philly great so she got options

15:10

she all up and down at

15:12

Eastern Seaboard assuming that Philly

15:14

has not changed in the last 20 years there's a

15:16

great gelato place a couple a couple

15:18

of blocks from the punchline ooh I'm

15:21

thinking of the right maybe I think

15:23

a lot you're not helping the focus

15:25

don't get people sidetracked with gelato we're

15:27

focusing on Megan at the punchline okay so

15:30

the point is our girl is on the road

15:32

you better go see her support her honey she's

15:34

leaving the house leaving her baby behind to make

15:36

y'all laugh show up and show her a good

15:38

time I would be there if I could honey

15:40

okay I don't know about the food outside of the

15:43

punchline Philly but I'll tell you this if

15:45

you live in Philadelphia and you go see Megan you

15:47

can order mozzarella stick well

15:53

let that galvanize you without

15:55

further ado the one the only love of my

15:57

life Megan Gailey rolling.

16:06

I'm sure that. Said.

16:08

Back into our to get real Wtf

16:10

mare and on this we're going to

16:13

get a great how did how did

16:15

you model relationships based on your pair.

16:19

Up with it. I mean almost to a

16:21

T. And then when I realized that is doing

16:23

that, the officer. A while know I think

16:26

that we talked about or there are few things right?

16:28

Well for smokers megabit the lives on what it

16:30

out what our midst of the bad you. Know what

16:32

can I tell you when I love Cj? as is

16:34

doing as he gets. I thought

16:36

we did it together and was as though

16:38

that's the lifestyle honey. As soon. as this

16:41

is what out one for the podcast

16:43

and him said okay this is a

16:45

bizarre want to hear about sneakers. With

16:49

ice body and. Know

16:52

we will go back to that the because of this

16:54

is the first the to point out to like worked

16:56

on my malingerers. Lindzen was things I think of you

16:59

that I find so I'm. Enviable,

17:01

but like interest as. Your.

17:04

Appearance: Are. here. visiting

17:06

you all the time. They're

17:08

here. All the time you're going to

17:11

them, you're absolutely us of. That's. What?

17:13

This is way out. By that it's a

17:15

great but boy and a great points. To

17:17

the feel like every six weeks at made

17:19

us yeah at maximum and that is like

17:21

wild to be a Cebu. Haven't seen our

17:24

parents since we got married over a year

17:26

ago of the get your purse. Hold.

17:28

On okay but American financing I'm

17:30

going to keep pouring are a

17:32

lot for child or an obstacle

17:34

hear the obese dealing. with

17:37

a was loud their. Roots

17:41

are encouraged to. Burton. A

17:43

kitten six and I wouldn't wear a K And ninety

17:45

five. I want to tell. I want to tell her

17:47

last. weekend we're at the park

17:50

and a score all went

17:52

into my purse a squirrel

17:54

a wild squirrel went into

17:56

my purse any eight conrad

17:58

starbucks banana bread Okay,

18:02

was it wrapped up in plastic? No,

18:04

it was in like the little

18:06

Starbucks like brown Maggie they give

18:08

you. And I like looked

18:10

over and I'm like, this man must be

18:13

out of his mind. So I went and

18:15

he had rooted in tootid. I think he

18:17

took a sip out of my water.

18:19

Like he was having a full picnic out

18:22

of the Meghan Galey purse. So I

18:24

went and I like zipped it up. And

18:26

then he got like, then he was sitting

18:28

on my purse. And crawling over to us

18:31

and I'm like, do you not fear humans?

18:34

You should. We're not well. Okay,

18:37

back to my parents. We

18:40

need help with childcare. And

18:42

so as much as I do love them, they

18:45

also want to see

18:47

Conrad all the time. I'm

18:50

their only daughter and their youngest,

18:52

which means they can meddle in

18:54

my life much more than my

18:56

brothers. My brothers

18:58

set up boundaries and I

19:00

set up boundaries and then let them just

19:03

Indy 500 right through me. And

19:06

so they are here. We are all going

19:09

on a group trip where

19:11

I will be doing stand up and

19:14

it will be CJ, myself, Conrad,

19:16

my mom and my dad in

19:18

New York City. Oh

19:22

my God. It just feels like it's like a,

19:25

it reminds me of like a nineties family film.

19:27

Do you know what I mean? Like it has

19:29

the energy of just like, Gailey's take Manhattan and

19:31

it's like a production of Catherine O'Hara's your mom

19:34

and Mary Kay and Ashley should be in it.

19:36

Yeah. Like it feels like adventures

19:38

and it's like a whole group. And this is

19:40

where you're union. Yeah. Or I

19:42

mean, right? Well, this is because I'm doing,

19:44

I'm gonna, I'm doing like 12

19:47

days on the road and I was like, I

19:49

can't be away from Conrad for 12 days. No

19:51

offense CJ. 12 days for me. Totally

19:54

fine. And then Conrad, I

19:56

can't be, I'm not Mormon. You know, it's like, I don't need

19:58

to see my husband every day. I don't care. My

20:00

my son I choose that so I was like

20:02

I need you to come To

20:05

for part of the trip and he was like, okay,

20:07

we'll come to New York But I need your mom to

20:09

come and then if my mom not coming my dad's

20:11

coming Haha, so there

20:14

about not a this is this

20:16

is definitely like a Steve Martin

20:18

would play your father. Yes Yeah, I'm

20:20

90s. Yeah, uh-huh. Uh-huh. Who's the mom

20:23

Bernadette Peters? I think Catherine O'Hara Catherine

20:26

O'Hara my mom also looks a lot like

20:28

the mom from the same lot That's

20:31

her name. I always forget her name, but she's

20:33

an icon So yeah,

20:36

it's gonna be that way they're staying in

20:38

a hotel I'm staying with Conrad

20:40

and CJ in our friends apartment for

20:42

free And they

20:44

were like can we stay there and I was like no

20:47

I asked you can't I didn't ask but they can't And

20:50

then we'll see they keep asking me if

20:52

they're gonna be safe. I'm like, no you're

20:55

gonna get killed They

20:59

say did they watch Taxi Driver and they're like, well,

21:01

this is still New York like what no I

21:03

don't even know what it is and like

21:05

they're not Republican and they don't even watch

21:07

like they watch Lester Holt And I think

21:09

I can't get with a grain of salt

21:12

So I don't even know what they're watching but

21:14

they're like, oh My mom

21:16

said if she's gonna listen to this. So hello She

21:19

was like are we gonna be

21:22

safe as two elderly people in an

21:24

uber at midnight? I go you're never

21:26

safe in an uber at midnight. That

21:28

is you're not safe in Indiana. You're

21:31

not safe Yeah in the Atlantis. You're

21:33

not safe at Disney World You're taking

21:35

matters into your own hands their peg

21:37

and that's living life on the road I

21:39

was like midnight. I said you gonna be an

21:41

uber at midnight. I think she was gonna be

21:44

yeah I want them to babysit Conrad so CJ

21:46

and I can go do things Hey,

21:49

I see what you've done like midnight at

21:51

New York in New York I'm like, yeah,

21:53

You're gonna be fine Like You're gonna

21:56

be safer in Brooklyn at midnight then

21:58

in Indianapolis. No Offense to Indianapolis. But

22:00

know that. The Facts: Midnight New York. Is to

22:02

Pm and in the in app. The I played with the

22:04

whole of my either walk but I'm not that

22:06

us now. But and it's like know when it's

22:09

like an eight minute goober. I've had to do

22:11

so much mapping out. For them. So

22:14

we'll see but it or everyone in the opposite side

22:16

of their com it. Is better than

22:18

just getting a baby sitter into. Your

22:20

know, it's not. Hold

22:24

on second, so these movies are really

22:26

based on with whenever I saw any

22:28

like like whoa, Follow the Bride, any

22:30

of that shit at sea undersized. This.

22:33

This weird this parent child relationship seems so

22:35

foreign to me. It's real. Yeah, there's real

22:37

who do this. And I noticed though others

22:39

allowable with kids. It's like because I know

22:41

something someone else in my coworkers you like.

22:44

It was something were like oh her mom,

22:46

her mom was unsound. Help her take your

22:48

heard keepers or hung out with a way

22:50

yes and app. But I was like I realized

22:52

that the also must be like a class think

22:54

the idea like flying. Across you drive a car.

22:56

I have four hundred broker and we go visit

22:59

my sister. A lot to say Disassemble? Yeah hair

23:01

of yes of our of them movie. I did

23:03

not want to come see us though, he simply

23:05

would. We're not enough. On our own they're

23:08

not like oh no my job you

23:10

think like only become an adult also

23:12

a job that a fourteen year old

23:14

kinda Okay Blake as I say that

23:17

subject to like menu with their children

23:19

and like half of the most up

23:21

and instead my parents has down here

23:23

and I'm like I need an herb

23:26

garden. I want my town are cleaned

23:28

off and what's right for a breeder

23:30

like there's like a sincere threats like

23:32

it involves the grandchildren and you know

23:35

the grandchildren of it. My mommy. That

23:37

has a sign in our house

23:39

not killing your teenagers. It's like

23:41

grandchildren are the reward for not

23:43

killing your team. Answers or something

23:45

like. This

23:48

is white Christian or yes Christian

23:51

who? This person had it last

23:53

half of us. okay I'm in

23:55

the form of the right meds

23:57

and without the and reader. it

24:00

anymore. Conrad's not baptized. I

24:02

mean CJ's Filipino, we

24:04

got the two most Catholic crews and

24:07

we barely care. What

24:09

would the Pope say? What would the Pope say about the

24:11

Pope? The Pope would probably say,

24:13

your wife talks a lot.

24:18

So CJ, and I go, well, Pope,

24:20

sorry. Can women be priests yet?

24:24

Hey, your wife,

24:27

wait. Your wife is your

24:29

toxic too much. Me and the Pope.

24:31

I think you South American actually, right?

24:33

No, I'm not going to do that. New

24:35

Pope just dropped. Anyway, I'm not going to do

24:37

that, actually. Megan, you know, I just feel like

24:39

I'm going to transport it back, me and you,

24:41

across the Zoom. You're just hydrating the

24:44

classic Lucas Oil Stadium, 2,060.3 miles, the sign

24:46

behind you.

24:48

I never know what it's for, but I should be dichotomy.

24:52

It's the exact mileage from

24:54

where Conrad's baby shower was, which

24:56

you were at. So it's the

24:59

exact mileage from Pasadena to where

25:01

the Colts play in Indianapolis. Okay,

25:03

where the Colts? Oh, Colts, C-O-L-T. Yeah,

25:06

I'm sorry. C-U-L-T. I know,

25:08

but you give me a good C-U-L-T and I'll

25:10

watch that too. I'll watch any C-O-L-T, C-U-L-T.

25:13

Well, speaking of Colts and watching, you know, Megan, are

25:15

there any Indianapolis Colts? C-U-L-T, I'm

25:18

sure. Yeah, I mean,

25:20

there's a lot of pyramid

25:22

schemes. So like that's the

25:24

Colts. Lula-Roe had a field

25:26

day in Indianapolis. So

25:29

it's the Indianapolis Colts as

25:32

MLM. Christianity mixed

25:34

with MLM. No. Classic

25:37

combo. Yeah. Newsy. Because

25:40

there's a lot of wives, a lot of tradwives were

25:42

giving MLM. Yeah. A

25:44

lot of Mrs. Harrison Buckhurst.

25:47

Who's Mrs. Harrison Buckhurst? That's

25:50

the kicker who said like... Oh, the

25:52

kicker. Wow, Andy. Okay, let's go back, because this

25:54

actually brings me back to like, Megan, You

25:57

know, you've been busy. You're a wot about town. I've been

25:59

a little. We have no voice noting

26:01

as much. however it did. I did

26:03

start watching basketball as a beer. is

26:05

your the first person I contacted, the

26:07

last a foothold. the last. the was

26:09

five. last couple minutes of a couple

26:11

playoff games we saw the most. Exciting

26:13

sports you can watch as the

26:15

last couple met S A and

26:17

B A playoffs. So like you.

26:20

You. Know Vince is a deep the that. And

26:22

I said this is what it should be. Never get him

26:24

out with a team. O K

26:27

C O De Vries There

26:29

isn't a keepsake. For hims than

26:31

eliminate as I didn't. Know. Hindsight, oil haven't read.

26:33

message me as frequent as we would see

26:35

my story them like they're gone now and

26:37

as I. See. And without even know

26:39

I don't think about it, my ausmus, whoever

26:41

in the moment is closest Smith usually. For

26:43

me it's like if you're behind by to

26:45

I'm about yeah yeah. Yeah, yeah, we're

26:48

you want like us to underdog

26:50

that the actually not really gonna

26:52

have to overcome anything exactly. You're

26:54

just one basket away from glory and

26:56

I love that tension. But

26:59

I I I texted you immediately a with emitters

27:01

of medical with make It can you just wants

27:03

the last four minutes of gate and that you

27:05

did tell be multiple apps and channels specificity tell

27:07

me how just what a game isn't big and

27:10

I was like that could be a way for

27:12

us to get into this and will. yeah I

27:14

mean I do like basketball lot I just don't

27:16

watches yeah you'd noom way more humane, way more

27:18

stuff First while he identified Mark Cuban by face.

27:22

Is very famous. Snail mail added that

27:25

Remember what even even if you've never

27:27

sleep the seen a sporting event mostly

27:29

was seen a shark tank. I'll

27:31

say this, I also identified Jason Kidd.

27:34

So like I know I now feel

27:36

lousy my I decide who are you.

27:38

It look I were him. I

27:40

would love to go see basketball

27:43

games. I don't have a. I

27:45

just don't. I don't I know. I we

27:47

know last couple I didn't steal. Ah yes

27:49

I will play bass. Well I don't like

27:51

the kind of like I'm. Male.

27:54

and or see us as well as

27:57

well have fun yeah dude who else

27:59

shoot hoops Set some picks. I love

28:01

setting a pick. You know what? Set

28:03

a pick. Maybe even do a roll. Set a pick

28:05

and roll maybe. Do it? I don't know. Maybe

28:08

even foul someone. CJ plays

28:11

pickup like three times a

28:13

week and is in a

28:15

rec league. Wow. And

28:18

I've learned so much through it, where

28:20

there are varying levels. There are games

28:22

where it's like these guys are taking

28:24

it too seriously and they have nothing

28:26

to lose. And he's like, I hate

28:28

that. He's like, I'm not with them anymore.

28:30

And then he's also like, then there's this

28:33

successful producer game where none of

28:35

them want to get hurt because

28:37

their livelihood is on the line. And

28:40

then there's a midpoint where it's like, hey,

28:42

we're all just kind of out of work

28:44

writers. So you

28:46

can find sort of, there's a

28:48

dad game, I think, where they're

28:50

like, if I come home injured,

28:52

my wife will leave me. So

28:55

there are varying levels of intensity

28:57

that Andy, I think you probably

28:59

could find just

29:01

like a very low stakes. I'm here

29:03

to get my sweat on, as my

29:06

dad would say. And

29:08

then be having a nice time.

29:10

We went to the Spark Fever game

29:12

last night. Now that's WNBA. And

29:15

that is so fun. And you

29:17

two would love it. We're

29:20

talking elder lesbians. We are

29:22

talking happy little young girls,

29:25

black people, Latina

29:27

people, white people,

29:29

obviously Asian people. You

29:31

know, every one of

29:33

the Asian

29:35

people love basketball. Love

29:38

it. They

29:41

love it. That stereotype I've ever heard. Oh, yeah.

29:43

Filipinos, Filipinos. In the Philippines,

29:46

there's like people whose

29:48

first name is Kobe Bryant. That's

29:52

how much they love it. That's their first given name.

29:54

Wait, is that real? That's not a joke. No,

29:57

that is real. That is real.

30:00

Wow Making

30:07

Conrad do a three-point drill right now

30:11

Sandler to invite me to a game we pay

30:13

it but it's low stakes. We're just uh-huh I

30:16

think green lights my silly move you've got to find a

30:18

game with other short King where like King

30:21

their short King, you know, they're

30:23

shorty Then there's definitely like you can

30:25

always tell when like a former division

30:28

three player shows up and they're like,

30:30

oh And you're

30:32

like, oh my god, this guy played at Montana

30:34

Sky State So

30:36

that's accordingly Okay

30:39

back to your parents. Oh Modeling we're gonna

30:41

flip flop. Yeah, okay. Flippity flop it flip

30:44

it and flop it go back and forth

30:46

It's gonna be it's gonna go from WTF

30:48

to call her daddy I Don't

30:52

know keeps name-chicken call her daddy and I

30:54

was like DJ is

30:56

bringing it up to is it cuz I think

30:58

they just got like a 20 or 30 million

31:00

dollar Spotify deal. Okay I

31:04

just know like from doing improv. I always

31:06

like keep a couple of like stupid references

31:08

in my head I've never yeah, I don't

31:10

even yeah I just know

31:12

that it seems like a podcast that that You

31:16

know some someone to listen to in their

31:18

Ford F 350 or whatever like Wheels

31:33

the size of Shaquille O'Neal like that's how big

31:35

the wheels are. Yeah Yeah, yeah a

31:39

350 I I honestly think that people

31:41

listening to call her daddy are listening in

31:43

there like Volkswagen that their parents bought them

31:47

Okay, okay that actually paints

31:49

up I think it's like Gen Z

31:51

girls Gen Z ladies, okay I

31:57

call everyone girls like I was my mama girl.

31:59

She's like seven but it's like, oh,

32:01

I, I guess, girl. Yeah. I

32:03

was a gender expression. I'm like,

32:05

girl, girl, always, always girl by, you

32:07

know, I

32:11

didn't know. So you're wearing the petty sweatshirt in a

32:13

color that it was not sent to me. They sent

32:15

it to me in like a muddy color and I

32:17

had the original and muddy, but they made new

32:19

ones. And I was like, and immediately, how

32:22

do I get that? And okay. Great. Yeah.

32:24

This color is like crooked media, petty. All

32:26

right. Sorry. I needed to get that off my chest. Cause it was

32:28

going to be sitting here going, why didn't I get that color? And

32:31

now I can move on. Don't worry. No,

32:34

I actually think it's me being

32:36

petty about a sweatshirt that says

32:39

petty and that's a real caller

32:41

daddy. So

32:45

your parents growing up,

32:47

are you consciously modeling your relationships?

32:49

What's your, what's your first boyfriend?

32:51

What age? I actually really, you

32:53

know, I think I had like

32:56

a quote unquote, like boyfriend in

32:58

second grade, Ben, I

33:00

almost said his last name and I'm like, that's

33:02

an invasion because we

33:04

were doing a very high level multimedia

33:08

project that we did get first

33:10

runner up at state. We

33:14

got robbed by these kids that pretended

33:16

that they didn't do that. I

33:19

can't get into it. Basically they went to a,

33:21

they went to a fire station and said that

33:23

they did everything. And even as a kid,

33:25

my parents did this and ours was so

33:27

good that people thought our parents did it, but no, we

33:29

were just smart little kids. And so Ben and I, our

33:32

job during the multimedia presentation was to run

33:34

the boom box and that

33:37

obviously breeds romance. So

33:39

we fell in love. We were boyfriend girlfriend

33:42

maybe a day and then,

33:44

and then really not, I didn't have,

33:46

I had a boyfriend for like a

33:48

few days in middle school, but

33:51

no high school sweetheart, none of

33:53

that. Wasn't your

33:55

college very high quality by the way, I

33:57

was very busy. had

34:00

a very busy schedule. Yes. Very

34:02

busy. Meghan Gailey Pretty and Pink Award. Yeah.

34:04

That's an award that exists. What?

34:07

Oh, Meghan, why don't you tell it? It is

34:10

an award at my high

34:12

school for a senior golfer

34:15

who displays leadership

34:18

and something else. A rips

34:20

ass. Meghan Gailey Pretty and Pink. Because I had a

34:22

pink putter. My putter when I was in the golf team was

34:24

pink. She had a pink putter, Andy.

34:26

That gives me such a headache. I

34:30

was really bad, too. I was not

34:32

good at golf. I was really bad.

34:35

Why did they make an award? Have you ever

34:37

seen Rudy? Sometimes

34:40

when someone's bad, everyone is like,

34:43

that's fun. So

34:45

it's more like that. You had good energy. You're bad,

34:47

but you've got good energy. You're committed to the team.

34:50

Yeah. Yeah. So OK. You

34:52

know what? You're living clueless in Indianapolis.

34:55

Yes. Wow. You're Indiana

34:57

clueless. Wow. Indiana

35:00

clueless. I did have a Jeep. I did have

35:02

a Jeep. Oh,

35:04

snap. Oh, everything falls into place.

35:06

Wow. You've made a really, really

35:08

good point. You made a discovery for

35:10

himself. Wow. And I had a boat.

35:13

I had a boat. What do you mean you had a

35:15

boat? Well, we lived on a lake. So we

35:17

had a boat. Oh, you're

35:20

family. You didn't have a boat. Family had a

35:22

boat. Not me, personally. My

35:24

parents had a boat that I used

35:26

every weekend. You didn't work at the

35:28

supermarket for years, just so you could afford a

35:31

schooner. No, no, no. Megan did not have to

35:33

earn things. That's not

35:35

true. That

35:37

is not true. I had a

35:39

job starting when I was 14. What

35:42

was it? I think I got, like, safe

35:44

sitter certified, which was like learning CPR. So

35:46

I started babysitting when I was like 10.

35:50

And then I worked at, like, a real estate office.

35:52

And I did not like that. Wait, and you were 14?

35:55

You were 14 at a real estate office. Yeah.

35:58

I would like come up. You know, this is more like. Zillow

36:00

and stuff so realtors would call

36:02

and I would give them the MLS So

36:05

they could like look it up. Yeah, and

36:07

then and then I started working at a

36:09

restaurant I was a hostess from like 15

36:12

on oh I remember that restaurant where you'd have to

36:14

like go out the back because I was always like

36:16

the most lifetime movie Experiences you having to like take

36:18

the garbage out to the back. That's when I

36:20

was a bartender in Chicago That

36:22

was so scary So

36:25

scary different. Okay, you weren't that yeah when you had to

36:27

like go Hold

36:31

on go back to the go

36:33

back to the restaurant and then we'll have

36:35

a high school restaurant. Yes high school restaurant

36:37

Yeah, would you do there? I was

36:39

a hostess hostess So okay, you were the person

36:42

they would come and be like I like a

36:44

table for three Yeah, and it was like

36:46

you don't have a table No

36:48

It was a restaurant that was at the marina because

36:50

I did like it was all part of the lake

36:52

and there was like a really Happening

36:55

restaurant on the lake. That's not where

36:57

I worked And then there was

36:59

like so that was for like the that

37:02

was like the fancy fancy restaurant right on

37:04

the lake and then we were Like

37:10

spillover like if that restaurant was full and

37:12

there was a restaurant right next to us

37:14

that was the pizza place That's where all

37:17

like the cool pothead girls worked. That wasn't

37:19

that wasn't me. That wasn't me a good

37:21

girl I was a good girl. So I

37:23

worked at the good girl strip mall restaurant

37:26

The the potheads were they all dressing like

37:28

tie-dye and grateful. Yes stuff cuz that's the

37:31

one I know you're younger than me But

37:33

yeah in my high school they were everyone

37:35

isn't the pot kids were oh really they

37:37

were integrated Well, that yes and all

37:40

the girls all had a huge boot

37:42

I don't know what prerequisite that was

37:44

but it was like you

37:46

like fish You're gonna have a

37:48

double D. Like that just seems

37:50

to be what genetically happened Wow,

37:52

not my high school But

37:57

let's go back okay, so you're at and then

38:00

Sorry, what was so dangerous about taking the trash out

38:02

when you were in bartend? When I was

38:04

in Chicago. So I'd have to go into this

38:06

back alley. Like I'd have to

38:08

go out the back

38:10

door of that, that

38:12

led into an alley that like when

38:14

you open the door, rats

38:17

scurrying everywhere. Yes.

38:19

I mean, and the rats

38:21

in Chicago are huge, massive.

38:24

They're right. They are

38:26

eating good. They're

38:28

really big and they're just

38:30

everywhere. And it

38:33

was, it would be like 3 a.m. and

38:35

I would be in an alley by

38:37

myself taking the trash out. It's

38:41

a lot of order, cold open. There

38:43

were definitely like guns and drawers, places.

38:45

One of my closing duties was to

38:47

wipe cocaine off of the toilet paper

38:50

dispenser. So it's like, I'm

38:52

in the city now, you know? You

38:55

got to pitch this show as a, you

38:57

know, to be in the same hour as

38:59

the bear. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It

39:01

was the bear and then, yeah.

39:03

Well, honestly, like that's why I don't,

39:06

I don't watch the bear. I've definitely seen episodes.

39:08

I thought the episodes I watched were like great,

39:10

but everyone was like, you got to watch this.

39:12

It's like, I, yeah, I worked at a family

39:15

owned restaurant in Chicago. Like I think

39:17

I'm good. I lived this. I lived.

39:19

Yeah. Yeah. I think I, I think

39:21

I'm good. Yeah. Yeah. You said, where's

39:23

my Golden Globe? And so, okay. So

39:25

I think I've shown up. Okay. All

39:27

the, all the, so I'm a worker

39:29

though. No, I know you're a worker, but let's go

39:32

back though. Cause when you're talking about being busy where I'm

39:34

like, cause I mean, this is, let's talk about, let's I'll

39:36

do the top line. What are you running

39:38

from? Okay. Because you

39:41

are, you know, you joke, but it's like, you

39:44

were a good girl. You had a lot

39:46

of activities and you were working. And now

39:48

even you as a mother, you're the only person who

39:50

I feel like was on stage with the placenta hanging out.

39:52

You said, yeah. Let's go.

39:54

Yeah. So you're obviously always been

39:56

somebody who needs to go, go, go. And.

40:00

Where does it come from? I think. How often

40:02

is she having a good time? I mean, not that she doesn't work

40:04

and obviously she's an early- She goes more

40:06

than me. She cannot. I

40:08

just woke up from a nap. My

40:12

mom would have been, the whole downstairs would

40:14

have been reorganized. I

40:16

nap, I lay, I watch my

40:18

TV shows. I honestly think it

40:20

probably comes from

40:23

not even a fear of failure because I

40:26

do fail all the time and I have

40:28

no fear of it. I think it probably

40:30

comes from a somewhat

40:32

of a lack of

40:35

confidence or deep hidden low

40:37

self-esteem that I feel like I

40:39

need to have all

40:41

of these accomplishments on top of to

40:44

not feel

40:47

less than. So

40:49

you got to keep doing, doing, doing. Yeah. But

40:52

you were very affirmed growing up, right? I

40:54

guess the question is, is this an internal drive?

40:56

You know what I mean? Versus feeling like- My

40:59

parents were obsessed with me. Right.

41:02

Loved me. Yeah. I

41:05

mean, at its core, and I've talked about

41:07

this in therapy at great

41:09

lengths, my mom was diagnosed

41:12

with MS when I was

41:14

eight and that was very,

41:17

I didn't, you

41:19

know, you're eight, you don't know. And

41:21

I definitely thought she was going to die. I

41:24

heard her talking about dying. She did

41:26

not mean for me to hear, but I did. I

41:28

had a friend whose parent died. Like I

41:31

knew that that was a possibility. And so

41:33

I think that sort of like shook my

41:36

ground a little bit. And

41:38

then my dad

41:41

is in recovery now, but my dad

41:43

did struggle with alcoholism

41:45

to varying degrees throughout

41:47

all of my childhood.

41:50

And so I lived in a

41:52

house with a white picket fence, did

41:55

have a boat, but there

41:57

was something inside of me

41:59

that fell- like, oh, maybe

42:01

it's not as secure

42:03

and stable as it's presenting to

42:05

the world. Yeah, I don't mean this as a

42:07

joke, but it was very David Lynch, you know,

42:09

the whole thing with his, like

42:11

his idea, like blue velvet, right? Is this like,

42:13

look at the suburban exterior that you think is

42:15

all just cheery and nice. And now we're gonna

42:17

like, I think there's like, it's been a

42:20

lot since I've seen it, but I think early

42:22

on, there's a shot and it goes below the

42:24

ground, you see like the worms in the dirt.

42:26

That kind of thing, like, no, there's actually like

42:28

stuff going on behind this kind of white picket

42:31

fence exterior. Yeah, and I would

42:33

never be like, my family, we

42:35

have skeletons. Like, it's like, everyone's

42:37

family has something that's not just

42:40

like, oh, they're perfect. Even families

42:42

that we grew up around, and

42:44

I'd be like, wow, they've got

42:47

it all. It's like, there's

42:49

always something going

42:52

on. And that's just like

42:54

the reality. And so some of

42:57

my, like, I gotta be good

42:59

at everything was trying to just

43:01

like write to my world, myself.

43:05

Great. Try to create your own

43:07

even keel, because you're like, if I can control

43:09

this output, good boat metaphor, we're talking

43:11

boats, babe, we're talking boats, and like, try

43:13

to like, keep it kind of steady. That

43:16

makes sense. That very much makes sense. You know,

43:18

I think one of the things I've always, I've

43:20

always enjoyed about you, Megan Gailey, it's how honest

43:23

you are, you were very someone who like, just

43:25

says the real but very matter of fact, like,

43:28

it doesn't feel like you carry shame around

43:30

things. And not in a

43:32

way that I find to be so, so wonderful.

43:35

I think that's probably what also makes you a safe space

43:37

for me. Because I feel like I can tell you anything,

43:39

and like, you're not gonna be pressed. You know what I

43:41

mean? Or you're not gonna be like, are you okay? Or

43:43

oh my god, no. You know what

43:45

I mean? Because I feel like you put yourself out, and

43:48

you're like, yeah, that's just like, it is what it is.

43:50

Yeah. But was that always the case? And I think always

43:52

I know that means a lot because you've said to me

43:54

before, where you're like, you started therapy at a very young

43:56

age. So you started processing

43:58

and kind of looking inward earlier.

44:00

How old? I started when

44:03

I was probably 12 or 13. I

44:05

did lose a friend

44:11

to suicide in seventh grade. And

44:13

I think that put my parents, especially

44:15

my mom on a high alert for

44:17

my mental health, which I was struggling

44:19

with. I was a girl in seventh

44:21

grade. Not the best time. And

44:24

so they like sent me to a counselor

44:26

that my brothers had seen, I think for

44:28

like maybe some like minor behavioral issues. And

44:31

the guy after two times was like, she's

44:33

above my pay grade. And I

44:35

went to, I went to see a woman

44:37

who specialized in adolescent girls.

44:40

And, and it really did

44:42

probably save my life, help

44:44

me. I do not

44:47

think this would have been the arts

44:49

in Indiana. I do not think that

44:51

was normal. And, and

44:53

I, and it wasn't like, here,

44:55

we need to put her on

44:57

medication. Like, I don't think I

44:59

even started medication until probably five

45:01

years into seeing this woman. And

45:04

that was very

45:06

helpful. I have not always

45:08

been this way. I think, Stan, that probably

45:10

made me this way. Where it's,

45:13

it becomes sort of like an

45:15

issue when I'm talking about like

45:17

CJ or my family or like

45:19

I'm totally comfortable

45:21

saying anything that's happened to me

45:23

and any thought to and feel

45:25

like I can weave it into

45:27

some sort of like funny anecdote.

45:29

But I have said things about

45:31

people I love and they're like,

45:34

hey, that doesn't necessarily apply to

45:36

how I want to be talked

45:38

about. And I'm like, fair

45:40

enough, fair enough. Yeah. Yeah. When you

45:42

were creating this even keel for yourself,

45:44

was it a conscious thing or was

45:47

it just a reaction? It was just

45:49

in reaction. And like, I have two

45:51

older brothers who were really, really good

45:53

at school, really

45:56

popular, really handsome, went to

45:58

the same class. A

46:01

Paternity A I think some of the

46:03

to as I felt sort of like

46:05

out of place even in my own

46:08

family dynamics answer some of it was

46:10

like a subconscious like i've got a

46:12

be good at everything to just. Feel.

46:15

Like life. My. Life matters.

46:18

Of her. This. Is a completely

46:20

different Megyn Kelly, You know he didn't know he's

46:22

dead. Now do you understand why with non? are

46:24

some a. Little

46:26

bit. annoying

46:29

it's a business build on. The

46:31

lights on adjacent brand was authentic. Oh

46:33

why. I

46:39

know you from your stand. Up. And obviously like from

46:41

from out the bow and we know yeah

46:44

again, we gotta love. You. Know Conrad's

46:46

birthday party and most part we go

46:48

to Do you because honestly, perfect time

46:50

And there's not a pizza party that

46:53

starts a. New. Zalman

46:55

as a puppet show as a

46:57

lot of multi called see Kids

47:00

running Around. Side note: with

47:02

a nice afternoon and about

47:04

this afternoon dominoes Surprisingly. Could.

47:07

Be that's where ordering it tonight. Exceeds

47:11

his first love, his greatest,

47:13

his greatest love. We can

47:15

see a Domino's. From our house?

47:18

Is that why you move there? That. That

47:20

you're not the first person to ask

47:22

that set and this with Cj his

47:25

house tech and so I don't know.

47:29

We may have his and like the thing

47:31

is so we moved at any level. We

47:33

gotta order from the dominoes that like as.

47:35

As. Like people that quarter from chains

47:38

a lot, There's varying degrees like on

47:40

our old support lay not good. he

47:42

wants to go in there and undercover

47:44

boss and I'm like it's not our

47:46

business anymore. Physicists are new. Simple

47:49

like they're making everything with love so you

47:51

don't know what you. It's the luck of

47:53

the draw. Like we live. We live by

47:55

a really good Mcdonalds. Okay, you get what

47:58

I'm saying. You live it is. Hold

48:00

on. Yeah from Indiana. I understand. He

48:02

is saying you to her roots. That's

48:05

not what I was talking about I

48:07

talked it's honestly more CJ than me

48:09

like CJ CJ ordered Burger King last

48:12

night Like he is he can't

48:14

be stopped. He I told him today. I

48:16

go you're like a character in blank check

48:19

you are You're like

48:21

a child who has money you're

48:24

just buying he is drinking as

48:26

we speak right now a Starburst

48:30

flavored pop And

48:38

I'm like is it good he's like yeah, and

48:40

he has to drink it He's drinking it like

48:42

three different sittings because it's so powerful sugary

48:48

Wanted to try it oh Rising

48:51

never need to say we need John larrick

48:53

eta. No I from

48:55

blank check with me Isn't

48:57

even bad guy blink check. Oh, yeah, I'm

49:00

like CJ's an alien third rock from the Sun

49:02

you're right That's

49:04

John Lisco Lisco Marrakesh

49:08

Dan Fielding from The

49:14

great Don't want

49:16

to go in there Wikipedia don't want to don't want

49:18

to learn anything below the surface, you know But

49:21

the good news is this Domino's they do great

49:23

work. That's good the one great work that's John

49:27

larrick has not in blank check who was the

49:30

bad guy going check this I'm going to guess

49:32

it is Miguel

49:35

Ferrer that's my gal Ferrer.

49:37

He's got a bad guy. Yes often the bag.

49:39

I could also be James Reborn Who

49:42

goes back and forth between bad and good guys well

49:45

well well so listeners if you know who

49:47

the bad guy in blank check Miguel

49:50

Ferrer is so good It's also crazy because

49:52

he's looked the same age for 90 years

49:54

meaning like when we like watch Robo. Yeah He

49:57

was looking 40 then and that was I

50:01

didn't realize he passed away. Yes.

50:04

When? Oh

50:06

my goodness. Yes. Because he was not

50:08

in the, I don't think he was in the Twin Peaks reboot.

50:10

He wasn't in the reboot. Or he wasn't in the...

50:12

I thought you were going to say he wasn't

50:15

in the Imagine video. That's how... I

50:20

didn't see him show up in that Galvish audition.

50:22

That's how we know. And that's how we know

50:24

if someone is alive or dead. Imagine.

50:28

Now, Andy, you should get off of IMDB

50:30

because you're going to go down to Rabbit

50:32

Hole. We're talking about... I'm trying to find

50:34

out what John Larraghette, what kid's movie John

50:36

Larraghette was. I do have a

50:38

vision of him, yeah, with a

50:41

pie and his hair kind of fluffy. Well,

50:43

he's always got a tie and hair kind of fluffy. I

50:45

even watched Little Librarians, okay? It's been a long

50:47

pandemic. There's a show called The

50:49

Librarians that was on TNT, but I watched it

50:51

on Hulu. And I think it's

50:53

based on a book series and they travel through

50:56

time and collect... And John

50:58

Larraghette is like kind of the Giles, for lack

51:00

of a better term, if anyone's seen Buffy. So

51:03

he's a guy who knows things and keeps track

51:05

of the library. And it's literally just him in

51:07

a tweet. Richie Rich! Richie

51:09

Rich. Yeah, he is the dad's... Because

51:15

the dad is the boss, but then he's

51:17

lower and trying to... Can I

51:19

also say John Larraghette was in

51:22

a movie, I think, called

51:24

Till Dad Do Us Part. Alright, that's

51:26

a TV movie, to be clear. Put

51:29

it on... Naomi, put it on the

51:31

list for the new pod. Definitely

51:34

something to watch, definitely dark.

51:37

But wait, Megan, when did... You said it was a

51:39

reaction. He's taking a bag and he's thinking it's a

51:41

magic. You said it was a reaction, but when did

51:44

it become a conscious choice to be go, go, go?

51:46

College? It still isn't. Really?

51:50

No. You just gotta do it.

51:53

I definitely talk about it in therapy,

51:55

but I've never been one of these...

51:58

When you hear... seat on TikToks

52:00

and stuff too of like women were just putting

52:03

everyone else first. I don't do

52:05

that. Like me,

52:08

myself and I were definitely on the

52:10

list. I mean Conrad's probably first but

52:12

there's definitely some days where I'm like

52:14

you know what Conrad I'm gonna need

52:16

you to take a backseat to mom

52:18

and get in a facial. Like I

52:20

it's not like I say yes to

52:22

everything I give and give and get

52:24

like I don't do that and I

52:26

would never even pretend that that's the

52:28

type of like wiring I

52:30

have so even if I'm going

52:32

going going it's still like self-serving like

52:34

it's not even to like help myself.

52:37

Oh my goodness Megan Gaylee keeps me

52:39

going keeps

52:50

me alive. Well you know when

52:52

you see those things though that like women

52:54

just give give give and I'm like nope

52:58

nope nope nope nope taking

53:00

I'm taking I'm taking. I take I take a

53:02

lot I did like gosh

53:05

this is how bad at 38 I finally heard

53:07

someone be like you know there's givers and takers and I

53:09

was like oh I gotta

53:13

start giving

53:16

because I've been taking for a

53:19

bit. You stick

53:21

your finger in your collar

53:23

you're like yeah well

53:25

you know what Megan you can try giving

53:27

by answering some people's advice questions. Oh are you

53:30

prepared are you prepared to give in that

53:32

way? Absolutely prepared to give in that way. What's

53:35

your room before we get there? What's your relationship

53:37

style? Is that a question that you would ask

53:40

on a normal podcast? What

53:44

does that mean? So my love

53:46

languages are all of them. I

53:52

need everything. I want to be

53:54

able to do whatever I want. with

54:00

no consequences while the person

54:03

I'm married to, CJ, does

54:06

whatever I want and anticipates

54:09

my every need. Wow,

54:11

so impossible. Impossible.

54:14

Yeah. So

54:16

your love language is fantasy. Yes.

54:18

Gotcha. But I'm also like, I

54:20

think I'm like a pretty good wife too. I

54:23

like, I cook, I'm a really good cook. I

54:25

would just hit my shelf in the head. I

54:28

am a good cook. I think I'm like

54:30

a good mom. You know, like I've got

54:32

some upside, but I do need a lot.

54:35

And like, CJ lives in

54:37

fear of like choosing the

54:42

wrong restaurant to take me to,

54:44

you know? Like, there, we pray,

54:47

I don't, I, I

54:51

would love to be like, CJ's not afraid of

54:53

me. And I do believe he is. And that's

54:55

okay too. Like I

54:58

wouldn't want it to be like a lot of

55:00

fear, but I think men can use a little

55:03

fear, you know? We have,

55:05

there are so many things we're afraid

55:07

of that like, yeah, I can't go

55:09

jogging at night. So I wouldn't, even

55:11

if I could, but maybe

55:14

you should live in fear

55:16

of me a little bit. Just

55:18

to keep the justice balanced. Yeah,

55:20

yeah, yeah. Keep a little balance. Keep an

55:22

even keel. That's what I'm doing in all

55:24

forms. A little fear is what makes love

55:26

stick. I think that's what

55:28

makes love stick. Yeah. Do

55:32

you have another question Andrew? Yeah, where the fuck is

55:34

Indianapolis? You keep talking

55:36

about, you keep talking about this lake

55:38

and I am, I'm

55:41

very good with a lot of different

55:43

subjects. Geography is not one of them.

55:45

Yeah, geography is tricky. So Indianapolis

55:48

is like smack dab in the middle

55:50

of Indiana. So

55:53

when you think of the Midwest, it's

55:55

like right in the middle and a

55:57

ton of highways pass through it. So

56:00

it's a massive trucking

56:02

train. Everyone has to

56:04

go. Whenever I

56:06

tell people I'm from Indianapolis, they're like, I drove through

56:08

it. And I'm like, I believe it. So

56:11

it's like a lot of people pass

56:13

through it. But the lake, to be

56:15

clear, was a reservoir. So it was

56:17

a man-made. You

56:20

live outside, it's like you grew outside of the city

56:22

of Indianapolis. Right, what's the name of the truck? I

56:25

grew up in Indianapolis. Oh, yeah, I

56:28

know. 31731 Heaven,

56:30

Indianapolis proper. All

56:33

of Indianapolis is contained in Marion

56:35

County. And it's sprawling, it's

56:38

massive. But we lived in Marion County.

56:40

And then if I drove 10

56:42

minutes north, I

56:44

would have been in Fishers or

56:46

Carmel as the rich suburb. Carmel

56:49

and Vienna? Is it a comfortable

56:51

place? Oh, yeah, and they feel

56:53

so good about themselves. It's

56:56

actually Carmel High School is what

56:58

Glee is based on. Wow, I

57:00

had no idea. Ryan Murphy

57:02

is from Indianapolis. I

57:05

believe he went to Warren Central. I

57:07

went to Lawrence Central. And then there's

57:09

also a North Central. Is

57:12

there a Warren Lawrence rivalry?

57:16

No, so like, are we? Yes,

57:19

there is. Like, they're good at football,

57:21

we're good at football. There was a

57:23

Lawrence Central and then a Lawrence North.

57:25

That was our like in-township rival. And

57:27

Lawrence North is like a very, very

57:29

famous basketball school. Okay, so this, sorry,

57:32

when you were talking before, I

57:34

was imagining Ozark. You were

57:36

talking about it? No, no, no,

57:39

no, but like, I mean, my best friend,

57:42

she's out on the lake right now. She's sending pictures of

57:44

old house. Because like, no one

57:46

I know really like lives on, I'm

57:49

sure they do, but you definitely

57:51

go out on the lake and

57:53

see Trump flags and see stuff

57:55

that you're like, okay,

57:58

this is what's happening. here

58:00

now but but it wasn't happening

58:02

when you were growing up everyone just

58:04

quietly like George Bush except

58:08

for my mom I remember my mom telling me

58:10

there are no weapons of mass destruction and

58:13

I was like whoa hey mom my mom

58:15

is saying Colin Powell's a liar don't

58:18

know it's peg is all but always been a real one

58:20

okay peg I'm gonna tell you

58:22

peg is a cab peg was

58:24

raised by New York Democrats so

58:26

peg got to Indiana and said

58:28

what is happening here what is wrong

58:30

with these people

58:33

and she's and she's stuck to it well

58:36

you know she thought she got voter suppressed

58:39

and not this most recent midterm the one

58:41

before and she called the

58:43

FBI what

58:48

I go mom what were you wearing she

58:50

goes my Kate stayed lemon jeans I go

58:52

they are they are voter

58:54

suppressing women white women and Kate

58:56

lemon jeans they've gone too

58:58

far behind say why she said I

59:00

got voter suppressed

59:04

and they said please hold and then

59:07

they pass they passed her around 87

59:10

times and then she spoke to someone you know and

59:12

all she wants is speak to someone and they were

59:14

like you you were voter suppressed

59:16

we'll write it down thank

59:19

you the agent

59:21

on the other end just in the

59:23

air like okay ma'am thank you

59:29

for calling the FBI because I

59:31

guess they'd like she's a registered Democrat

59:33

and in India another like 14 of

59:36

those and so she went

59:38

and they had like purge all of

59:40

her information and she's like no and

59:42

they weren't gonna give her they weren't

59:44

gonna give her a ballot she

59:47

said she said

59:50

you picked the

59:52

wrong white bitch

59:54

this ain't going down like this lover

59:57

sorry man we have to go back to doing

59:59

nothing thing about new

1:00:01

Timothy McVay's. Sorry we can't

1:00:03

look into this. Sorry we

1:00:06

have to go back to

1:00:08

actively closing Planned Parenthood's. Sorry

1:00:11

babe. We can't deal with this.

1:00:13

We have to go back to

1:00:16

framing Muslim teenagers. The Indiana FBI

1:00:18

is also who ignored Larry

1:00:20

Nassar. Oh,

1:00:22

okay. Yeah. Yeah,

1:00:24

yeah. We are, this is not a good

1:00:27

organization. We are. Yeah. How these government institutions

1:00:29

don't be doing it to their health. But

1:00:31

they got in big trouble. I think they just

1:00:33

lost the $300 million settlement,

1:00:36

the Justice Department. That's

1:00:39

good. Yeah. There is one FBI

1:00:41

division that does go after domestic terrorists, like

1:00:44

actual ones. And I'm like white

1:00:46

supremacists, domestic terrorists. They need a

1:00:48

CBS show. Oh

1:00:50

my God, yes, because we just watched a movie last night. The

1:00:53

Ministry for Ungentlemanly War Family. Oh

1:00:55

yeah. Oh my God.

1:00:57

Do you love it? Is it good? It's fine. First

1:01:00

of all, we love Reacher. We love Reacher.

1:01:02

Okay. We love your fans.

1:01:04

This is my new thing. No matter what movie or TV show

1:01:09

Allen Richton is in, canonically, that

1:01:11

character is Reacher. No

1:01:14

matter what the character is named, it's Reacher. He's

1:01:16

Reacher. That is Reacher. Now

1:01:18

have you ever read any of the Reacher books? No,

1:01:21

no, no. We don't care about the books. We

1:01:23

just want to watch. Just watch

1:01:25

Allen Richton. Just watching Reacher slice the

1:01:27

throats of Nazis. It's literally killing Nazis

1:01:29

the whole movie. Yeah. And

1:01:32

that's good. Yes. And in a world where that's

1:01:34

now debatable, whether it's good or

1:01:36

not, you watch two hours of

1:01:38

people murdering Nazis. It

1:01:41

was nice. Yeah. It was nice. When

1:01:43

the movie was over, I said, Guy Ritchie's done it again. That's

1:01:46

what I said out loud, because I'm a

1:01:48

real Ritchie. Rich. Gosh. Whether it's Ritchie or

1:01:50

Ritchie, Naomi's into it. And

1:01:54

the Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, I think

1:01:56

that sounds like a good set. That

1:01:58

could be good. but

1:02:00

you know actually like they've got to kind of take

1:02:02

down some Nazis and so it's like okay, okay,

1:02:05

okay Yeah, yeah spends a lot of the

1:02:07

screen time shooting a bow and arrow into

1:02:09

Nazis. Yes And also like whoa Swedish and

1:02:11

so I said he's doing accent work because

1:02:13

I actually believe Alan Richardson is my favorite

1:02:15

drag performer I believe that he

1:02:17

understands like whenever I watch a retry go this

1:02:20

is camp and he understands the assignment Yeah, I'm

1:02:22

like yeah, I'm your percent knows what we need

1:02:24

from him He was like he's like the purpose

1:02:26

of my body my physique is to serve Yes,

1:02:30

I mean Reacher would be an iconic

1:02:33

Snatch game character. Oh my

1:02:36

god. Yeah. Oh My

1:02:39

god, yes just a tight fee

1:02:41

and yeah facial expression. Just go

1:02:43

full aggro Yeah, oh

1:02:45

my god. Anyway, so yeah, you guys should watch that but okay,

1:02:48

that's the kind of good stuff Do we like now?

1:02:50

Can we answer questions? I just gotta go you should

1:02:52

be having a hard out in this bitch. Oh, do

1:02:54

you know we're gonna know I don't we're gonna go

1:02:56

to The park after okay, why don't we take a

1:02:58

quick break and we get back. We're gonna answer your

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Get started with green light today

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and get your first month free

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at greenlight.com/a cast. With

1:04:43

love of my life, Megan Galey here to

1:04:45

help you handle your scam. Okay. We

1:04:48

got questions from all over. Everyone therapy

1:04:51

costs too much. There's not enough therapists

1:04:53

to go around. Yeah.

1:04:55

Okay. Okay. So our listeners

1:04:57

are calling in our writing

1:04:59

in, in crisis. Yes. Okay.

1:05:02

And we get, we get, uh, letters

1:05:05

on Gmail. We

1:05:08

have DMS from Instagram. We get,

1:05:10

of course, our favorite is voicemails.

1:05:12

Naomi, what is the phone number

1:05:15

for the voicemail? 3 2 3 5 2 4

1:05:17

7 8 3 9. Remember there is a three

1:05:19

minute limit. So you better get into it up

1:05:21

top. All right. Top line. What's

1:05:23

the question? What's your pronouns? Cause I don't be out

1:05:25

here trying to offend nobody for some bullshit. I need

1:05:27

to know. I need to know the

1:05:30

pro so I don't fuck it up. And then you

1:05:32

got to tell the O.D. a problem. Okay. Cause you

1:05:34

be meandering. I love y'all,

1:05:36

but when you meander, we don't get to the question. Then we

1:05:38

can't help you help yourself. And that's why

1:05:40

I have to be tough like this, Megan. I have to be tough like this.

1:05:42

Yeah. You don't come up with a

1:05:45

three minute time limit unless something has

1:05:47

happened. It

1:05:51

doesn't feel arbitrary. No, no. It's actually too

1:05:53

long. Even I think I believe. Yeah. Yeah,

1:05:55

actually it is. Do you want to read

1:05:57

this first one? I mean, it comes to

1:05:59

us. Susan from Gmail. Okay,

1:06:02

Susan. Hi, Naomi, Andy and

1:06:04

guest Megan Galey. I'm

1:06:06

a she her husband is a he him. You may call

1:06:08

me Susan is that it's not my real name. My

1:06:13

name is not Susan. Okay. My

1:06:15

husband and I are very much in love. Sometimes we

1:06:17

text each other when we're at work to say I

1:06:19

love you or I miss you.

1:06:21

But when my husband texts me

1:06:23

this, I sometimes say, Oh, why?

1:06:26

Or what made you think of me? I

1:06:28

sometimes do this in person to this

1:06:30

makes him frustrated. And he'll say, Can I just tell you

1:06:32

I love you? But I want to know

1:06:34

why. It's just quote, thinking

1:06:36

about your boobs, or like, can't

1:06:39

wait to watch Below Deck with you later.

1:06:41

Am I being annoying? I just want to

1:06:43

know what makes him want to say that

1:06:46

is this an invasive question? No, no. I'm

1:06:49

on Susan's side. Susan, you're

1:06:51

correct. And he if he's annoyed, by it, he should

1:06:53

just have a list of things that he can go

1:06:55

to immediately. And you know, be

1:06:59

like, ah, you're you

1:07:01

always hang the clothes the right

1:07:03

way. You got really nice shoes.

1:07:06

Like it doesn't. But I have

1:07:08

this it like I always I

1:07:10

I we have this thing I'll be like, you know, I love

1:07:12

you. I love you. And then I'm like, and I like you.

1:07:14

And I'm like, do you

1:07:16

like me? And he's like, well, I

1:07:19

love you. And I'm like, that's different.

1:07:21

I need you to like me too.

1:07:23

And he I don't think he does.

1:07:25

Because he's always like, what are you?

1:07:28

So it's like, yeah, we like, and

1:07:30

maybe it's a woman thing, Susan, but

1:07:32

I totally am with you, especially if

1:07:34

it's coming out of the blue, like,

1:07:37

oh, miss you. Like, what made you think of

1:07:39

that? So then I can have a little cherry

1:07:42

on top. You want a little sauce on it.

1:07:44

You want a little. That's what it is. Because it's like

1:07:46

you got especially because this is par for the course for the

1:07:48

two of you, right? It's like compliments

1:07:50

and like out of the blue. So you're like, give me

1:07:52

a little more. Tell me. Yeah. Yeah,

1:07:55

maybe if CJ wasn't so afraid of

1:07:57

you. Of course. You

1:08:03

know, it's my it's

1:08:05

usually my butt. Usually. You're like,

1:08:07

that's a good answer. You're like, I'll take

1:08:09

that answer. He can reuse that. He can

1:08:11

reuse that. Yeah. Yeah. What

1:08:14

you say? I said, is that a good answer from your

1:08:16

husband? Yeah. It's either my it's

1:08:18

either my butt or he says you're really

1:08:20

good at stand up. Those are perfect response.

1:08:22

Those are perfect evergreen

1:08:25

compliment. Okay. So,

1:08:27

so, okay, Susan. My name is not Susan.

1:08:29

By the way, it would be a good

1:08:32

lifetime movie. Yeah. Put it on

1:08:34

the left. That's what made my name is not Susan. No, hold

1:08:36

on. I need this for a second. Oh, I'll look it

1:08:38

up. So I think you need to tell your husband to

1:08:40

as Megan says, not just have a mental list. I

1:08:50

think he has to just write down a list. Have

1:08:53

a list ready to go have to get a

1:08:55

one of those legal pads, the yellow legal pads,

1:08:58

the yellow legal pads. Yeah. Fill up

1:09:00

an entire page with compliments that he can deploy.

1:09:02

Take it to his cubicle. Take it to his

1:09:04

cubicle. Take it right there and you can just

1:09:06

look at it. And then whenever you ask this

1:09:08

question, he can just refer to it and then

1:09:10

you can always put a little check mark next

1:09:12

to his mark. You know what? We

1:09:15

stand very corrected. My name is not Susan. It is

1:09:17

a Whitney Houston song. I know it is. I know

1:09:19

what I know. I know what I know. You know

1:09:21

what? We sat here

1:09:24

with our white skin laughing at you

1:09:26

thinking you don't know what Whitney Houston

1:09:28

sings and doesn't sing. I know. Wow.

1:09:30

I know. And you know what? My

1:09:32

name is... Well,

1:09:35

it just like immediately came up and I was

1:09:37

like, wow, there's a music video. I know. Like

1:09:40

there's a whole, my name is not

1:09:42

Susan world. Honestly, I do

1:09:44

apologize. I'm sorry. However,

1:09:46

it sounds insane. It does. That

1:09:48

sounds like a Nezier song. No, it's like a Whitney Houston song. I

1:09:51

remember it was like, my name is not Susan. It's something like

1:09:53

that because it's like obviously he like used the

1:09:55

wrong word and talks about another girl. Bobby called

1:09:57

her Susan and she was like, I'm... not

1:10:00

Susan. And I just vaguely remember it. Someone do

1:10:02

a mashup of my name is Jonas and my

1:10:04

name is not Susan. Okay. Some of the listeners

1:10:06

do that for him. I'm assuming my name is

1:10:08

Jonas is a Weezer song because Jonas is giving

1:10:10

Weezer. So I was like

1:10:12

that might be what that is. Good

1:10:15

Lord. All right. Let's

1:10:18

do this one now.

1:10:20

Hi, Andy and Naomi. I'm

1:10:23

calling with a question. So

1:10:25

I have started

1:10:28

a relationship and

1:10:30

I am living in

1:10:32

Seattle. Me and my

1:10:35

boyfriend are both transplants

1:10:37

to Seattle and we would

1:10:39

be going back to Detroit to visit my mom.

1:10:42

As I'm talking to my mom about coming to visit

1:10:45

and how excited we are, she

1:10:47

tells me, oh girl,

1:10:49

there are some lovely hotels now

1:10:51

in downtown Detroit and around the

1:10:54

house in Midtown. That'd

1:10:56

be great for you guys to stay. I then

1:10:59

ask her, well, you know, mommy, why would

1:11:01

we stay

1:11:03

at a hotel when we have

1:11:05

a four bedroom house, a

1:11:07

beautiful house that we can stay in?

1:11:10

And she responds with, you're

1:11:13

not staying in my house until you're married with

1:11:15

any man. You know, I

1:11:17

didn't realize how traditional my mom is and kind

1:11:20

of took me by surprise.

1:11:23

What do we do? I don't

1:11:27

want to come to Detroit and

1:11:29

spend money on a hotel and clean tickets

1:11:32

and do all of that. I would much

1:11:34

rather go on vacation. I

1:11:36

don't think that I want to get married. We

1:11:39

are both very grown. Me, 32, boyfriend,

1:11:41

40. I feel like I don't bring me

1:11:47

home often. She's probably my two

1:11:49

boyfriends of mine. So if

1:11:53

you can help me on how to navigate this

1:11:55

conversation or maybe even

1:11:57

setting a boundary with her about how

1:12:01

I feel like she should be like

1:12:03

a child. That would be great. Sorry

1:12:05

for my previous message. Started

1:12:08

off a little rocky, but I think we ended up

1:12:10

a good foot. Cheers. I'm guessing,

1:12:12

so sometimes what happens, actually what often

1:12:14

happens is we will get two or

1:12:17

three recordings and by the

1:12:19

second or third one, the caller has

1:12:21

got down. What they wanna

1:12:23

say. So we did,

1:12:25

that should go to whatever that is, an

1:12:27

apology, should go to Mimi. Screaming.

1:12:31

Screaming, the calls. So

1:12:34

we've only heard this one. Yeah, so you don't have

1:12:37

to apologize for anything. As far as we hear, you

1:12:39

are concise. You're perfect. Yes, you're perfect. It never changed.

1:12:41

I get the whole gist of it. But

1:12:43

it's funny because I think Andy, you and I both, our

1:12:45

first thought was like, my mom's here to stay in a

1:12:47

hotel. We're like, yeah, that sounds great. That's awesome. That

1:12:49

sounds perfect. That's lovely. But then also I

1:12:51

fully understand, you're like, I spent money on

1:12:53

a hotel in Detroit. If I'm about to go to

1:12:55

the D, it's gonna be as close to zero cost

1:12:57

as possible. That's like parking when we're going home. It's

1:13:01

different choosing to stay in a

1:13:03

hotel as opposed to being like,

1:13:05

you will be staying in a

1:13:07

hotel. Those have different intentions behind

1:13:09

them. But at the

1:13:11

same time, but this is an assault idea of a boundary.

1:13:13

I don't necessarily, because I know

1:13:15

my mom was the same way. I think

1:13:17

she let us stay, but I remember

1:13:20

having her be like, okay, like for instance, she

1:13:22

could say you guys can come to my house and sleep in separate rooms.

1:13:24

Like my mom has done that too. She's like,

1:13:26

you're not gonna be like, I'm not gonna encourage you to

1:13:28

be in bed with a man under

1:13:31

my roof. It's very much something my mom. Didn't we stay

1:13:33

in separate rooms the first time? Yes. Cause

1:13:36

she was like, she was like, she's like,

1:13:38

why would I be co-signing such a thing? Yeah, like it's

1:13:41

just how she felt. And it's like, but

1:13:43

I was like, but I feel like I've heard that

1:13:45

before. That's a common. We were late twenties. I know

1:13:47

you were 31. It is

1:13:49

a common thing. These boomers are, you know,

1:13:52

but it's always so strange too. Cause

1:13:55

it's like, what if they lived together?

1:13:57

Like it's like, we already are staying under a roof.

1:14:00

together. I guess we're paying

1:14:02

for it and like so that's our

1:14:04

sin and you don't want to be

1:14:06

a part like I never know like

1:14:08

is it religion is it just like

1:14:10

holding on to sort of these

1:14:13

ideals of

1:14:16

a bygone era? Yeah.

1:14:19

I don't know what you say like it

1:14:21

sounds like you do what she does want to see her

1:14:24

mom I mean

1:14:26

I would be like great do you want

1:14:28

to pay for the hotel? Oh that's

1:14:30

nice yeah yeah and the mom's probably

1:14:32

gonna say no. I think you just

1:14:34

have to be honest like hey we

1:14:36

can't really swing that and part of coming home is

1:14:38

that it's a lower cost to be able to stay with

1:14:41

you so if we can't stay with you then we

1:14:43

can't come home we can't come visit and I bet that'll

1:14:45

make her change her tune because she wants to see you.

1:14:47

Yeah hold that over her head. Say

1:14:49

we're not coming then sorry. Well it sounds like

1:14:51

they can afford it but they're like that's not

1:14:54

what I want to send my money on. I

1:14:56

say that honestly for me that's entertaining

1:15:00

I can't afford it I can't afford it

1:15:02

I don't want to. Okay okay I go

1:15:04

you're saying. I cannot. Yeah so then

1:15:06

the two options are we can stay

1:15:08

in the house under in separate

1:15:11

rooms would you be comfortable doing that

1:15:15

or can you pay

1:15:17

for the hotel because that's not

1:15:19

what we had in mind. I would like everyone

1:15:21

to know this is a rare moment where the

1:15:23

thing I'm about to say neither of you have

1:15:25

said. Wow okay great and so usually what happens

1:15:28

is the guest in Naomi say

1:15:30

the good advice and there's nothing left for me to

1:15:32

say so I say something dumb like poison them. Tell

1:15:35

your mom explain hi we're adults

1:15:37

like have an actual talk with her

1:15:40

what is why are you saying this

1:15:42

we're adults now this is not like we're

1:15:44

I'm 18 I'm coming home from college with

1:15:46

my boyfriend. Like I think he's a full

1:15:48

40 year old man. Yes I think when

1:15:50

I brought a girlfriend home from college we

1:15:52

probably stayed and they probably stayed in the

1:15:54

guest room and I stayed in my old

1:15:56

room and you know surrounded

1:15:58

by mappies. of

1:16:01

the Lord of the Rigs and Nirvana

1:16:03

posters. Yeah, yeah. And

1:16:07

I would have, at this point in your life, if

1:16:09

you can't have that talk with your mom,

1:16:12

what's the point? What's the point if

1:16:15

after a certain age, you

1:16:18

can't be honest with them about certain things?

1:16:20

Yeah. Yeah, or it's like,

1:16:22

hey, why do you wanna visit them? What's the point of

1:16:24

having that kind of... Andrew,

1:16:28

this is where you and I fundamentally differ. There are

1:16:30

things you owe your parent as a child,

1:16:33

even if it's not fun for you. Nope, I added up

1:16:35

the amount of money my parents spent on me. I

1:16:38

wrote them a check and I said, we're even now. You

1:16:40

did? Anything, no. Oh my God. Anything

1:16:44

after this is purely out of pleasure.

1:16:47

Because we enjoy each other's company. But there's a very

1:16:49

big difference. I think for me, what I would also

1:16:51

do, another option too, is I mean, you have to

1:16:54

try to have the conversation. Because I

1:16:56

think she was like, mom, don't worry, I'm

1:16:58

not horny in your house. It's like, is

1:17:00

that what she worried about? I

1:17:02

think that's how parents feel of like, I don't

1:17:05

wanna... Because again, it's good that parents and there's

1:17:07

certain parents who cannot see

1:17:09

their, have a very hard time seeing their child as

1:17:11

an adult. So it's like, they have a hard time

1:17:14

accepting. It's like, I am your kid, but I'm also

1:17:16

a 32 year old person who's in

1:17:18

a relationship with another person. And like, for them,

1:17:20

you being on, sharing a room, being under the

1:17:22

same roof, that feels like, I

1:17:24

think they can't deal with it. I think it's like a dissonance. Oh,

1:17:26

my kid's an adult now. And like, a man's gonna come out of

1:17:28

a room with her. And I think they don't like

1:17:30

it. And they don't wanna like face

1:17:33

it. And so the, and I think that's

1:17:35

what's deep down. But then I think the

1:17:37

top line is always like, you're not married and so

1:17:39

I must support. And it's like, actually, this is an

1:17:41

emotional problem you're having, it's not, it's a moral one.

1:17:43

You need to, look, I'm not

1:17:45

saying like, have

1:17:48

someone draw erotica of

1:17:52

you and your partner. Megan is confused as so

1:17:54

am I. And send that to your mom. Oh,

1:17:57

okay, interesting. I'm not saying, I'm not saying.

1:18:00

I'm saying it should be artistic. And then your

1:18:02

mom can face the fact that you're an adult

1:18:04

by looking at that erotica. Well, I mean,

1:18:07

Naomi said, you say, mom,

1:18:09

I'm not horny in your house. And

1:18:11

I, unfortunately, I'm not horny

1:18:13

in my parents' house, but I am horny

1:18:16

in other people's parents' house. You

1:18:18

are? Yeah,

1:18:20

there's something naughty about it. Wow.

1:18:23

You know what it was? Because I was not doing that in high

1:18:25

school. Neither was I. So

1:18:27

now I'm like, now's my moment. Now

1:18:30

is my moment as a 38-year-old mother. I'm

1:18:34

in a boy's bedroom. I'm

1:18:37

in his childhood. Yes, there's

1:18:40

nothing more delightful than being as silent

1:18:42

as possible. Like,

1:18:44

I'm like, but I think it's, you

1:18:47

can try to have the conversation, but at the same time, it is her

1:18:49

home. And I think that's why I think the hard line is also like,

1:18:52

OK, that's how you really feel. Like, it's your house. I can't

1:18:54

do nothing you don't want to do in your house. But then

1:18:56

I can't come visit because it is a much more expensive trip.

1:18:58

You know, a decent hotel. That centrally located is

1:19:00

at least $200 a night. And

1:19:02

it's like, how long are we waiting? You

1:19:05

know what I mean? It's like, hey, I don't have a- Yeah, we're talking $800

1:19:07

to $1,000. And

1:19:10

if I'm going to do that, I'm going to go to

1:19:12

Cabo. Right. Exactly. We're talking

1:19:14

Atlantis resorts. OK, something

1:19:16

fun. Going to the Bahamas. So

1:19:19

that's, I'm like, and I think you could just be honest about

1:19:21

that. And then hopefully, you know, you can- Also,

1:19:24

like, I'm wondering if the mom, if the

1:19:26

mom wants to come to Seattle, would she

1:19:28

be like, I'm not staying in your house

1:19:30

because you guys live here on the web

1:19:32

to each other? In sin? That's

1:19:35

the question. Because we'll also have to be

1:19:37

the thing that's like, why don't we do that instead? Like,

1:19:40

you know, you know what's cheaper than both of you flying and paying

1:19:42

up a hotel? You get one ticket

1:19:44

for mom. Yeah. Come visit. Fly her into-

1:19:46

Yeah. Then she's in your house on your

1:19:48

terms. But what if she's like, what would

1:19:50

the pope say? She's tut-tutting. Yeah, she says,

1:19:52

well, the pope would say, love

1:19:54

your children. I think the pope is fine with it. The pope is

1:19:56

like- this pope, I think, likes

1:19:59

gay people. Like I think this pope

1:20:01

is like, whatever, we've lost control. Or

1:20:05

he's like, oh, we're still like

1:20:07

the highest, the richest landowners in the

1:20:09

world. Why don't we just like

1:20:11

calm down? Probably what he's

1:20:13

saying. Probably. He's like, you know, we have a

1:20:15

lot of lawsuits that we've managed to skirt. We

1:20:17

should live. Yeah. Wait,

1:20:20

what's wrong with the Catholic Church? Oh,

1:20:25

that's so funny. Meanwhile, earlier, Andy's talking about

1:20:27

reading about like the Jakarta Massacre of 1970.

1:20:30

So the idea that he wouldn't know

1:20:32

anything about the Catholic Church is so

1:20:34

funny. Short,

1:20:37

short, short. What are the world's largest criminal

1:20:39

organizations in the Catholic Church? He's

1:20:41

fun, Meg. Oh, I know that. Wait,

1:20:46

do you want to do one more? Or do you want

1:20:48

or what do you feel? Let's do one more. Naomi, do

1:20:51

you want to read this one? Sure. I'm doing some reading

1:20:53

today. This is fun. Okay.

1:20:56

Dear Andy, Naomi, and delightful guest.

1:20:58

That's true. Thank you. I

1:21:01

have a relation problem around mismatch

1:21:03

libido, which is kind of complicated. And I swear

1:21:05

I'm going to get back into therapy soon. But

1:21:07

my employer cheaped out on our insurance this year

1:21:09

and getting medical services has been a mess. See

1:21:11

what I'm talking about? I propose stay anonymous when

1:21:13

my pronouns are she her. Thank you. Now,

1:21:15

I'm saying that was actually a very good log line in a way. To

1:21:18

start off, my partner and I are in our

1:21:20

mid to late, our mid late 30s have been

1:21:22

together since our late teens and have a 12

1:21:24

year old kid. Basically, it's

1:21:26

no longer cute that my partner is horny all

1:21:29

the damn time. We're grown ass adults with responsibilities

1:21:31

ain't nobody got time for that. Some

1:21:33

complicating factors are that while we were broken

1:21:36

up for a time about five years into

1:21:38

our relationship, I

1:21:40

experienced a sexual assault, which

1:21:42

at least partially motivated me to get back with

1:21:44

my partner in order to feel safe. Shortly

1:21:48

after that, I became pregnant and we decided to try

1:21:50

and be a family. The kid is my partners and

1:21:52

not my abusers. Don't worry. Prior

1:21:54

to all this, I was a fairly carefree, modern

1:21:56

young woman who had had several partners of varying

1:21:59

levels of concern. commitment and felt okay about

1:22:01

all of it. Needless to say,

1:22:03

these events really turned my sex positivity on

1:22:05

its head. At this point,

1:22:07

I can occasionally enjoy sex, but mostly it

1:22:09

feels like a chore and rarely all have traumatic

1:22:11

feelings about it. I've done

1:22:13

a fair amount of therapy around these issues and made

1:22:15

some progress, but I still can't get

1:22:17

past the idea that male sexual desire

1:22:20

is a nuisance and potentially

1:22:22

a danger. It is actually a

1:22:24

nuisance, for real. I've gotten

1:22:26

exasperated with my partner for the persistence

1:22:28

of his initiating sex and or excusing

1:22:30

himself to take care of it on his own. Could

1:22:33

you just like not? We've got stuff to do. That's

1:22:35

a quote of like what she was saying. And

1:22:38

apparently that isn't an option. He

1:22:40

insists that I can't understand because I

1:22:42

don't have glands demanding to be

1:22:44

emptied at least daily. Ahh, daily.

1:22:47

Daily. Also, and this feels

1:22:49

like TMI, but it is relevant, he

1:22:51

does not prefer a quickie. Being

1:22:53

less than at least half an hour with

1:22:55

a generous foreplay does not allow us to

1:22:57

get on with our lives. Okay, Megan. What?

1:23:01

What is happening? He's like, it

1:23:03

has to be three to five hours. A

1:23:07

part of me imagines that there must be

1:23:09

something he could do to cool it down

1:23:11

and he's making it worse by indulging himself.

1:23:13

I really have no idea. I

1:23:16

would very much appreciate your sex-neg sex-newtch, you

1:23:18

know, we're sex-negative sex-newtch, perspective on this issue

1:23:20

that is causing a stupid amount of conflict

1:23:23

between me and this man who I otherwise

1:23:25

find to be a pretty great and supportive

1:23:27

partner to me and father to our kid.

1:23:30

Thanks for the pod and all your wonderful

1:23:32

work. It's an oasis in the parched landscape

1:23:35

of late-stage capitalism. So,

1:23:37

are you sex-positive? Yeah. I'm

1:23:40

like sex-tired. But

1:23:44

is that a result of just becoming a

1:23:46

parent? Yeah. Okay, yeah. So,

1:23:49

where I am now is probably neutral.

1:23:51

Okay. Two

1:23:53

newtches and a negative here. Two newtches and

1:23:55

a negative. This is so layered. And my theory is,

1:23:57

and also... So

1:24:00

sadly, I think very, very

1:24:02

relatable for a lot

1:24:04

of women, especially. So I

1:24:07

really feel for this person. I

1:24:10

definitely understand this. Um,

1:24:13

I think it's really brave

1:24:15

to even be able to

1:24:17

articulate what they

1:24:19

know. The like root of

1:24:22

the issue is. Yeah. Um,

1:24:24

and I'm wondering if that has

1:24:26

been done with the partner.

1:24:30

I'm assuming, I'm assuming yes. Cause

1:24:32

they seem transparent. Um,

1:24:37

first of all, she's got to

1:24:39

compromise. Um, like you can't be like,

1:24:41

well, we need to be having sex all

1:24:43

the time and it needs to be long.

1:24:45

No, like it, like you, sir,

1:24:48

if you're offered a quickie, you need to

1:24:50

take it. Yeah. Okay. So like some, some,

1:24:52

I think some compromise on his end would

1:24:55

be helpful to refer to it

1:24:58

as glands needing to be emptied. I'm

1:25:00

imagining like how bulldogs need to have

1:25:02

their like butt glands. Please.

1:25:04

Like it's like, yikes. That's

1:25:06

able to got to express

1:25:09

the, oh my God, all dogs have

1:25:11

anal glands. That is the sequel to

1:25:14

go to heaven. I

1:25:18

mean, but this is, you know, what you're saying, and this

1:25:21

is, this is something. So, you know, obviously

1:25:23

you. Experience

1:25:28

you were the victim of a

1:25:31

trauma that fundamentally changed your relationship

1:25:33

with intimacy. And

1:25:35

I think the first things were

1:25:37

like, you're not

1:25:39

a bad person or a bad

1:25:41

wife to have this change, right? So

1:25:43

if we come at it first from that, where this

1:25:46

is not about like, how do we make you like

1:25:48

sex? You, as you

1:25:50

said, you came to sex, negative sex, nudge. So it's like,

1:25:52

I'm not going to sit here being like, this is how you have

1:25:54

to like it and find a way. But what

1:25:56

I do want is

1:25:59

for you. have a happy relationship.

1:26:03

And so meaning, you know, as

1:26:06

you said, as you just said, Megan, there has to be compromise

1:26:08

from him, but then also like, there

1:26:11

also, I don't say this

1:26:13

lightly, but there is a world where you are

1:26:15

not romantic partners.

1:26:19

Where if you and this person, you should be like someone

1:26:21

I love very much, someone who's a great parent, you know,

1:26:23

I think a lot of times, because again, this is

1:26:25

causing conflict in our relationship, you know, something,

1:26:28

you know, this idea of being in a

1:26:30

relationship for a child for the kids. And

1:26:32

it's like, well, what exactly are you giving

1:26:34

them? Or what exactly are you showing them?

1:26:36

It might be a better relationship if you

1:26:38

don't have this thing that you

1:26:40

are fraught over, trying

1:26:42

to push through constantly. Well, wait, do

1:26:44

you, but this is the thing that

1:26:46

I'm curious about for the writer, anonymous

1:26:49

from Gmail. Do

1:26:51

you want to get to a place where

1:26:54

you're enjoying it more? Right?

1:26:57

Well, that's what I said. I don't say that. They

1:26:59

said that how do I deal at this point? I

1:27:01

can occasionally enjoy sex. Do you want to get to

1:27:03

a point where that's not occasional

1:27:06

or are you happy occasionally enjoying it? I think,

1:27:08

yes, but I think our issues is that I'm

1:27:10

sick of the pressure I feel from my partner.

1:27:13

That's exactly right. And I'm like, and to me, I'm

1:27:15

like, I don't know if necessarily

1:27:17

like, you know, I'm like, no, and

1:27:19

you said you need to go into therapy for this. But also

1:27:21

it's not like you go into therapy being like, hi,

1:27:23

therapist, I want to like sex again. It's like, what

1:27:25

you want is to be free. What

1:27:28

you want is to not, you know,

1:27:30

is if possible to not

1:27:33

feel the feelings that were triggered

1:27:35

by this experience that you had. Right?

1:27:37

And if on the other side of that, that is, oh, yes, I

1:27:39

want to have sex. Great. Yeah.

1:27:43

But that's the end goal. Right. Yeah.

1:27:46

And that being sort of pressured or

1:27:48

talked into it and makes

1:27:51

those feelings come right back up

1:27:53

to the top as opposed to

1:27:55

like, hey, I'm feeling good. We're

1:27:58

having a connection right. now and

1:28:00

I am maybe the initiator. Is there

1:28:05

a dynamic that can be

1:28:07

created between the two of

1:28:09

you where those feelings are

1:28:11

less likely to come up?

1:28:13

When you are occasionally enjoying

1:28:17

it, what is the situation then and

1:28:19

can you try and have that be

1:28:21

the situation more often and then him

1:28:23

being like, can we all go have

1:28:25

sex for a full episode of

1:28:28

Frasier? Right, right.

1:28:32

That's great. I think that's really great. And also,

1:28:34

I mean, this is something we say a

1:28:36

lot, but this is also to me, this is

1:28:38

a prime example of a couples therapy sitch, meaning

1:28:40

where you guys go and talk to somebody because

1:28:43

I think this is one of those things

1:28:45

where what can also be hard about this is you don't

1:28:47

like the pressure from your partner also you don't want to

1:28:49

have to keep explaining yourself. There's nothing that makes you feel

1:28:51

less like desirous of someone than having

1:28:53

to repeatedly explain why you are not into

1:28:55

them in this moment. Yeah, first, he has

1:28:57

another. He just has to. Well, he has

1:29:00

to. That's why he might need we might need

1:29:02

a third party to kind of break this down

1:29:04

for him in a way that doesn't feel like

1:29:06

he's being rejected. I don't mean to laugh when

1:29:08

you said third party. I thought you were saying

1:29:10

like a third like a, uh, a throuple. Yeah.

1:29:12

No, I met no. I understand that

1:29:15

I'm saying no. And like, I

1:29:17

think this is like the

1:29:19

knock on monogamy of like,

1:29:21

we are expecting so many

1:29:23

things from one person and

1:29:26

it and like, is that fair?

1:29:28

Is that realistic? And

1:29:31

I, it doesn't like, she's not

1:29:33

even suggested like, should I

1:29:36

let him go explore other, but like,

1:29:38

that's always my fear. I mean, that's

1:29:40

why men always cheat when their wife's

1:29:42

are pregnant because they're like, why

1:29:44

is this pregnant? Where do I stick it?

1:29:46

And like, they are animals in, in a

1:29:49

way. Um, and

1:29:51

so then I start to go, Oh my

1:29:53

God, like, this is like the, the, the

1:29:55

Indiana man, like, is he going to cheat?

1:29:57

Like I hear this, I'm like, and it's

1:29:59

like, That he he's got a

1:30:01

that's on him That's

1:30:04

not on on you to fix for

1:30:06

him. Yes, right. He's an adult. He can fucking

1:30:08

go with it well but this is

1:30:10

why I think they need to talk together because

1:30:12

I think it's like what does it look like

1:30:15

to really be present for a partner who has

1:30:17

been the victim of sexual assault and everything that

1:30:19

comes with it because That

1:30:21

is he he needs to learn

1:30:23

what that is And if he doesn't take care

1:30:26

of himself and because here's the thing I will say where

1:30:28

it's like You know Him

1:30:30

excusing himself to take care of it on his own Could

1:30:33

you just not we've got stuff to do that

1:30:36

is where I think maybe you could compromise Let

1:30:38

him go do it do not shame him Let

1:30:40

if he say I got to go say go

1:30:42

ahead and I am a flashlight Honey read a

1:30:44

book take your time, but I think but this

1:30:46

goes back to what I'm saying Where's I like

1:30:49

it's not it's not just sex or not wanting

1:30:51

sex it is as you said Mm-hmm. She says

1:30:53

I still can't get past the idea that male

1:30:55

sexual desire is a nuisance and potentially a

1:30:57

danger Yeah, that is what that's why when

1:30:59

he says I gotta go take care of

1:31:02

myself You're disgusted and that

1:31:04

needs to be addressed is because like that's

1:31:06

what it brings up in you like why

1:31:08

can't I just not? Why do

1:31:10

you need to have this and that is

1:31:12

all a result of obvious not all but

1:31:15

largely result of this Terrible thing you went through

1:31:17

that. I'm so sorry that you went through Yeah,

1:31:19

I think I just like say that she's like

1:31:21

and you know, you said I've done a fair amount

1:31:23

of therapy around these issues I've made some progress but

1:31:26

and that's all like we got to handle

1:31:28

that but and you know If you know the

1:31:30

money is tight if you can only kind of

1:31:32

do one therapy I do

1:31:34

wonder if it would be worthwhile to start the

1:31:36

couples just so Somebody

1:31:38

can talk to him a little bit. So

1:31:40

you don't have to know that really just

1:31:42

I don't know and and I know sometimes because

1:31:44

like I Also struggle

1:31:47

with intimacy some of it too

1:31:49

is like maybe 20 milligrams Alexa

1:31:51

Pro You know some

1:31:53

past trauma trying to work through

1:31:55

very very layered and

1:31:57

it's like maybe take sex on

1:32:00

the table and like

1:32:02

we're gonna make out or

1:32:04

we're going to cuddle or

1:32:07

we're going to touch and

1:32:09

and sort of take off of

1:32:11

like especially when there's like a long-term

1:32:14

relationship with a child involved you're like all

1:32:16

right and it's like

1:32:19

that's a lot of like pressure it's

1:32:21

also not really like natural that's not

1:32:24

what how it would like be

1:32:26

if you were like first dating out

1:32:28

in the wild so like maybe taking

1:32:30

that that pressure out of it like

1:32:33

it's really just a nuisance or a

1:32:35

danger is this is why

1:32:37

I think most women hate UFC

1:32:39

fighting because we seem to men

1:32:42

beating each other beating each other to

1:32:45

to the hop to be into

1:32:47

the hospital almost all the time

1:32:50

and go oh so you

1:32:52

guys are watching this for entertainment we are

1:32:54

watching this going if that were turned on

1:32:56

me which is a possibility

1:32:58

and a likelihood sometimes I

1:33:01

die and you're still processing

1:33:03

no sorry I was I was imagining UFC

1:33:05

I've never seen UFC am I so violent it is and

1:33:11

it's so violent and like I'm a

1:33:13

sporty girl and I see it I

1:33:15

was like at where we were

1:33:18

on like a couple of strip there were

1:33:20

four women of all different walks of life

1:33:22

four men all different walks of life the

1:33:24

men were like couldn't turn their

1:33:26

eyes away and the four of us were

1:33:28

like we are physically ill can you please

1:33:31

turn this off it is making us so

1:33:33

unsetful yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah but

1:33:35

I mean it's but I

1:33:38

think that is I also think to any

1:33:40

relationship any long-term relationship because

1:33:42

I do think is a very different thing to be

1:33:46

in a sexual relationship somebody for a long period

1:33:48

of time when you're first dating it's exciting

1:33:50

and it's different and it's part of how

1:33:52

you connect part of that right like

1:33:54

part of part the difference between like you

1:33:57

know the the person you

1:33:59

are friends with person you're dating is that you have

1:34:01

sex. So the sex is the thing and you have to do

1:34:03

that when you're younger. And then we have a relationship for a

1:34:05

very long time where for instance, you know,

1:34:07

between, let's say just not

1:34:10

even going through something as terrible as this, but

1:34:12

just the act of again, having a child. I

1:34:16

say this to say our relationships to

1:34:18

our bodies change over time. And the

1:34:20

ways we experience pleasure change over time.

1:34:22

Like I definitely felt like when I

1:34:24

was younger and when I was very

1:34:26

insecure, I needed the hookup because that's how I

1:34:29

knew you liked. And then once

1:34:31

I realized, I'm like, literally nothing makes me happier

1:34:33

than when Andy goes, I'll pay

1:34:35

for dinner tonight. And it's like, that's it. And

1:34:37

it's not even because I need the money as

1:34:39

much as I'm like, I just love what it's

1:34:41

taken care of. Do you know what I mean?

1:34:43

Like it's like, but it's a different thing

1:34:45

that makes me feel connected and like rooted

1:34:48

in connection, let alone going

1:34:50

through something that changes the way you feel

1:34:52

about sexual intimacy. And

1:34:54

that's his own, it's going to be his own journey.

1:34:58

But I think it's also, you know, and again, being with

1:35:00

somebody for such a long time period. And I think what

1:35:02

you, yeah, we were like, we're in our mid late thirties.

1:35:05

And I think what you kind of felt was you probably

1:35:07

thought, I thought that like, when you

1:35:09

get older, you're not supposed to need all of this. Yeah.

1:35:11

That he would, that he

1:35:13

would slow down a little bit too.

1:35:15

I, this conversation. Yeah. It was a curse. I

1:35:17

really meant that it is a nuisance. It's, it's living

1:35:20

hell sometimes arriving testosterone. Well,

1:35:23

but this is also, and, but I also

1:35:25

think there's also something, there's a few things here, cause this

1:35:27

is another thing that, you know, I, when

1:35:29

she, when she experienced this

1:35:31

assault, at least partially motivated

1:35:33

me to get back with my partner in

1:35:35

order to feel safe. Yeah.

1:35:37

Shortly after that I became pregnant and we

1:35:40

decided to try and be a family. Yeah.

1:35:42

That jumped out to me too. And so,

1:35:44

and you are, and that, but, but, but,

1:35:46

you know, but yeah, yeah,

1:35:49

I know, you know, and so it then becomes a question

1:35:51

of, you know, what,

1:35:55

that's why, and again, this is why I go back from like, I

1:35:57

never just say break up with somebody and that's not even, yeah. But

1:36:00

what I am saying is like, I think

1:36:02

investigate that motive. Yeah. In being

1:36:05

with this person. Right. And whether

1:36:07

it's changed over time, over the

1:36:09

last 12 years. Right. Exactly.

1:36:12

If it hasn't, then you

1:36:15

have to talk it through and

1:36:17

see whether it's now serving you.

1:36:20

Whether this relationship is, again, we're not

1:36:22

saying break up. We're saying like, if

1:36:24

that was the original motive and there

1:36:26

isn't anything, and there isn't like a

1:36:28

deeper intimacy or something else that has

1:36:30

taken over. That

1:36:33

seems to be a problem to me. Yeah. Explore

1:36:36

the reasons you're together now. Exactly. And celebrate

1:36:38

those and maybe try and find even more

1:36:40

reasons. Yes. I also just think, and the

1:36:42

reason why I say all this kind of

1:36:44

stuff, because I think that like, you know,

1:36:46

mid to late thirties, you know, I guess

1:36:49

I'm the kind of, because I think we

1:36:51

talked about this in some episode, somebody where

1:36:53

I'm like, I don't think that breakups and

1:36:55

divorces are necessarily a death sentence. Right. There

1:36:57

is certainly a big change. There is grief.

1:36:59

You are losing something, but I don't think it

1:37:01

has to be the end. And to me, I

1:37:03

think what I want always is like, get out

1:37:05

before resentment festers. Because I think

1:37:08

that you can co-parent with somebody. You can even

1:37:10

be good friends with somebody who

1:37:12

you have been with. If you walk

1:37:15

away before you've

1:37:17

both made yourself too resentful.

1:37:21

And I thought you were going to, I thought you

1:37:23

were going to say, get out while you're still hot.

1:37:25

Well, there's an option to that. But

1:37:28

I think that like you have a lot that you

1:37:30

need to do to take care of yourself. And also

1:37:32

you have a child, so you need to

1:37:34

also take care of that child. And

1:37:36

there may not right now be the

1:37:38

energy to also be a wall. And

1:37:42

I don't say that, I don't say that

1:37:44

lightly, but you really came to us with

1:37:47

your honest truth and reading it in black

1:37:49

and white. That is

1:37:51

my impression. That I think that,

1:37:53

you know, I want you to be safe and

1:37:56

feel safe and be comfortable. And I want

1:37:58

you to be happy. And I don't

1:38:00

necessarily, when I say happy, I don't mean having

1:38:02

orgasms. I literally mean a cuckoo. No. You

1:38:05

may mean never having sex

1:38:07

again. I mean,

1:38:09

but like that

1:38:11

may be happy for you and that may

1:38:13

not be happy for your partner, it sounds

1:38:15

like. And if they're not matching,

1:38:18

then what do we do? Right. Then

1:38:20

what do we do? And we have to just be, which is why it

1:38:22

goes back to my first thing, which is like, I don't say this being

1:38:24

like, you listen to this and then you go, I'm leaving. It's like, we

1:38:26

need to sit and have some couples therapy and I

1:38:29

need to start to work really dig down

1:38:31

on this because

1:38:33

I don't want to think you're a nuisance. I

1:38:35

don't want to think you're dangerous. I

1:38:37

don't want to feel that way about you because

1:38:39

you are someone I love. You're a wonderful parent

1:38:42

to our child. I want to stay liking you.

1:38:45

So what do I need to do for that? We

1:38:49

went over our time, but you know what? You

1:38:51

go deep here. Well, Megan. You get deep here.

1:38:53

Megan. You get deep here. Really?

1:38:56

Megan. We are grateful to you for coming

1:38:58

on the pod, for coming here with an open heart and a loose

1:39:00

butt. We

1:39:03

really ran the gamut of emotions. This

1:39:05

one was a roller coaster. By

1:39:07

the way, I think

1:39:10

the pot ladies in

1:39:12

my high school, better than average chance

1:39:14

that they were buxom. I

1:39:17

think you've been thinking

1:39:19

about it since. I've been trying to- You've

1:39:21

been in the mental rolodec. Yeah. It was

1:39:24

a better than average chance. Not everyone, but

1:39:26

it was a better than average. Yeah, but no, they-

1:39:28

Versus the regular high school population.

1:39:31

I appreciate you admitting that to me. I

1:39:33

just think everybody on the East Coast is so lucky that they're going to be

1:39:35

able to have you soon. At

1:39:39

the time of this era, it'll be a

1:39:41

week and then you're going to be out

1:39:43

there. It's like Vermont, Philly, New York. What's

1:39:45

the problem? We're doing it in the intro,

1:39:48

but I also like to sew it up so that you're

1:39:50

here. Yeah. It does

1:39:52

seem like the Pacers are going to

1:39:54

lose to the Celtics. I

1:39:56

don't know. They're down to O2. Our star

1:39:58

player can't play tonight. I do need Boston

1:40:01

to come out. I know we're

1:40:03

really having issues with each other

1:40:05

right now, but no matter what

1:40:07

happens, I do need Boston to

1:40:09

show up. Yeah, so last Boston, you're gonna have

1:40:11

to really pull up from Mama Gayely. Okay, she's

1:40:14

like, she's got half the family on the road

1:40:16

just so she can do these shows. So you

1:40:18

need to make it worth her damn while. Okay,

1:40:20

you need to be stepping up,

1:40:22

stepping up. Yeah, I'm going outside

1:40:24

of just the nuclear family. I'm

1:40:26

bringing generations. Three generations are hitting

1:40:28

the road so I can

1:40:31

talk about how we should kill

1:40:33

both residential candidates, you know? All

1:40:38

right, everyone, we'll see you that time. Bye.

1:40:41

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1:40:44

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1:40:48

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1:40:50

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