0:00

What does your paradise look like? I bet

0:02

it looks a lot like your hell. Absurd

0:04

Ventures presents the original audio fiction

0:06

series, A Better Paradise. Enter the

0:08

new world created and written by

0:10

the storytellers behind the Red Dead

0:12

Redemption and Grand Theft Auto series.

0:15

We unlocked hell from Mark Teiberg. We're

0:17

gonna do something incredible here. My father.

0:20

My father and that awful thing he

0:22

made. It was demented. It

0:24

was amazing. The whole thing terrifies

0:26

them. I haven't seen whatever is watching

0:28

me. I swear I sense it. And it's

0:30

not a data miner or a pattern

0:32

hunter either. It's watching me. No matter

0:35

how far I run, I will see

0:37

it again. It's everywhere. I know you're

0:39

trying to run away from me. They

0:42

are bait and the bait gets eaten.

0:45

I like to remember how I used to think.

0:47

I was two days old and I like to

0:49

play games. But something

0:51

is playing a game with

0:53

me. Follow a

0:55

better paradise on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or

0:57

wherever you get your podcasts. What does

0:59

your paradise look like? I bet it

1:02

looks a lot like your hell. Absurd

1:04

Ventures presents the original audio fiction

1:06

series, A Better Paradise. Enter the

1:09

new world created and written by

1:11

the storytellers behind the Red Dead

1:13

Redemption and Grand Theft Auto series.

1:16

We unlocked hell from Mark Teiberg.

1:18

We're gonna do something incredible here.

1:20

I'm a father. My father and the

1:22

awful thing he made. It was demented.

1:24

It was amazing. The whole thing terrifies

1:26

them. I haven't seen whatever

1:28

is watching me. I swear I sense it. It's

1:31

watching me. No matter how far I

1:33

run, I will see it again. It's

1:36

everywhere. I

1:39

have acquired enlightenment.

1:42

No, I'm not. I have seen everything

1:44

and I have realized I like vanity.

1:46

For a digital illusion, I'm actually petty

1:48

and proud and pompous and riddled with

1:50

a myriad of...insecurities. Greetings,

2:01

Travelers! Did you know that this

2:03

year marks the 50th anniversary of

2:05

Dungeons and Dragons? Well, to celebrate

2:07

passing our collective history check, we're

2:09

making some of our favorite D&D

2:11

adventures available as podcasts for the

2:13

very first time. As always, you

2:15

can find video versions of these

2:17

adventures on youtube.com/Geek and Sundry, but

2:19

also make a perception check, because

2:21

we might have some other fun

2:23

surprises coming down the pipeline. And

2:26

I'm not talking about gelatinous cubes. I

2:29

hope. Hello,

2:35

adventurers! A few weeks ago,

2:37

you received a very strange letter, and the interesting

2:39

thing about it was that it was written in

2:41

ink that only you could read. You showed it

2:43

to other people, and no one else could see

2:45

the writing on this piece of paper. And

2:48

in it, it told you to go on this

2:50

quest to find a few magic items. As

2:52

you started on that quest, you met each other, and you

2:55

went and successfully found these items, which you have

2:57

now brought with you today. You

2:59

received another letter shortly after that,

3:01

inviting you to this address, which

3:04

is surprisingly for adventurers, a kind

3:06

of awkward little curio shop in

3:08

the middle of a small town

3:10

called Bellbrook. When you

3:12

come into the curio shop, you're greeted by

3:14

this plump, cheery little old gnome woman. She

3:17

says, hello, dearies! My name is Professor

3:19

Roundland, and welcome to relics and rarities.

3:22

You must be the adventurers I ordered.

3:24

Oh, yes. As ordered, here

3:26

we are. Fantastic. Please come have a seat. Welcome.

3:28

So she invites you to come in and sit

3:30

down, and she says, yes, as you see, we

3:33

have lots of interesting things here. And

3:35

we are very impressed with what

3:37

we have seen of your adventuring

3:40

past. Well, of course.

3:42

Yes, we've been watching you for quite some time.

3:45

And in fact, Viros, I know you hail all

3:47

the way from Azure Haven, my liege. Oh,

3:49

well, you've heard about that, then. Yes, that's

3:51

where I hail from. I didn't know

3:53

you were royalty. Now, we've talked

3:55

about this, don't we? No. Amongst

3:58

drinks we might have forgotten. Yes, that's what happened. I

4:00

can't say that I'm surprised a lot of women

4:02

watch Veroos a lot of the time. Oh,

4:05

so, so true. And

4:08

Beryl the Brutal, oh, we are

4:10

so honored to have you in our presence. You're welcome.

4:15

And Annabella? I am very ready

4:17

to go on a mission for

4:19

you. Oh my. But

4:22

before we came in, you just said you

4:24

were gonna rob her for everything that she

4:26

has. No, no, no, no, no, no, she

4:28

didn't say rob. I

4:30

said borrow. Borrow, borrow. Well

4:33

don't you worry at all because there will be loot in store

4:35

for you. And of course, Ricky,

4:37

we have encountered you on both sides of our

4:40

investigations. I'm very glad to have you on our

4:42

side of the table. Well thank you for your

4:44

services rendered and I'm happy to be of service

4:47

to you. Ricky Huxter. We

4:50

are honored and blessed to have you here. Look

4:53

at how little he is. You

4:55

always do that. Sorry. I

4:58

suppose I should tell you a little bit about myself. As

5:01

you know, my name is Professor Roundland and

5:03

I was one of the editors on

5:06

the renowned Compendium of Curiosities. In fact,

5:08

I am one of the few people

5:10

with the only first edition copy. Yes,

5:13

of course. However, after I completed my

5:16

work on the Compendium, I started to notice

5:18

all of the terrible things that were happening

5:20

in the realm. And so I used my

5:22

contacts with my adventurer friends and we formed

5:24

a little brigade of sorts

5:26

calling ourselves the R&R

5:28

Brigade. Oh. Yes, rest

5:31

and relaxation is very important. That

5:33

or perhaps relics and rarities, which

5:35

is of course what the Compendium

5:37

comprises. They both start with R as well, you

5:39

see. Yeah, that's good. Anyways, we would

5:41

like to extend an invitation to you

5:44

to perhaps do some work

5:46

for the R&R. Well now, we

5:48

obviously are very valuable

5:50

people. This we have

5:52

noticed, yes. And it might be worth

5:55

our time if there was

5:57

some exchange of goods.