0:02

Talmor is my

0:04

home. My family have

0:07

worked the land for generations. My

0:11

gran says the island does not belong

0:13

to us, but we belong to the

0:15

island. And

0:18

we must be ready for a great evil. This

0:21

coming is a bad calendar. And

0:24

death follows with it. Subscribe

0:28

to the latest season of Undertow,

0:30

The Harrowing, a storyglass production presented

0:32

by Realm. Available wherever you get

0:34

your podcasts. Hi,

0:37

I'm Alexis Ohanian. You

0:39

may know me as one of the co-founders of Reddit, but

0:41

more recently, a large part of my

0:43

identity is being a father to my

0:45

wonderful daughters. In

0:47

my podcast, Business Dad, I hope to open

0:50

the conversation about working parents a bit. You'll

0:53

get to hear from a wide range

0:55

of business dads, from Rainn Wilson, and

0:57

Guy Roz, to Todd Carmichael and Shane

0:59

Batier, to find out how

1:01

they balance being a dad with a successful

1:03

career. Business

1:05

Dad is available now, so be sure

1:07

to listen and subscribe wherever you get

1:09

your podcasts. Greetings,

1:14

travelers! Did you know that this

1:16

year marks the 50th anniversary of

1:19

Dungeons & Dragons? Well, to celebrate

1:21

passing our collective history check, we're

1:23

making some of our favorite D&D

1:25

adventures available as podcasts for the

1:27

very first time. As always, you

1:29

can find video versions of these

1:31

adventures on youtube.com/Geek and Sundry, but

1:33

also make a perception check, because

1:35

we might have some other fun

1:37

surprises coming down the pipeline. And

1:39

I'm not talking about gelatinous cubes.

1:42

I hope. Well,

1:47

hello adventurers, welcome back to Relics

1:49

and Rarities. So, I, Professor

1:51

Roundland, have spent the night scouring through

1:54

the compendium of curiosities, looking for something

1:56

that came from the clue that you

1:58

figured out. Something about- out the

2:00

sun and gems and barrel and...

2:04

She took your note to heart. And stones

2:06

and I think I came across an item

2:09

that might fit the bill. It is called

2:11

the Gem of Fire. And

2:14

it is said, you were so good, it

2:16

is a Corundum Gem, however, not quite a

2:18

barrel gem. However, it is said

2:20

that it contains a moat of elemental energy

2:22

and that when broken, an

2:24

elemental will spring forth and be at

2:26

your command. Oh. How

2:28

useful. How useful, yes. However,

2:31

it also carries a minor curse. Anyone

2:34

who possesses it is terribly afraid of it

2:36

being stolen. And so

2:38

the history of it is somewhat unsteady. It

2:40

comes in and out of history. We see

2:42

it in some people's hands and not in

2:45

others. However, we have a tip that was

2:47

most recently bought at auction by an extremely

2:49

wealthy gentleman named Charles Getherston. Unfortunately,

2:52

he has gone off to live

2:55

in a small village in Pine

2:57

Swallow Valley near Briarcleft Forest. This

2:59

is a very small community. They tend to

3:01

live off the land, but we think that

3:03

is the best person to go and talk

3:05

to about it first. Briarcleft

3:07

Forest is a very dangerous woods. Many people

3:10

have been lost in its dark passages. So

3:12

I have asked a dear friend of mine,

3:14

Eonys, please. Greetings. I am

3:16

Eonys, otherfoot, and I will be

3:19

taking you through Briarcleft Forest. He's one of

3:21

the very few that have been able to survive

3:23

many days within the woods. Whoa, impressive.

3:26

Thank you. Would you like to tell them a little bit about yourself?

3:28

I've spent many days and years

3:32

tracking and forging and learning the ways of the

3:34

wood, as I call it. And

3:37

it is to be respected. Absolutely.

3:40

There are ingredients that you need to

3:42

preserve and make sure they cultivate to

3:45

use them properly. It's all about respect,

3:47

really. I'm so happy to

3:49

hear that. Yes, and I guarantee

3:51

I won't get lost. Oh,

3:54

that's reassuring. Yes. So

3:56

at this point, before you head off, again, we would

3:58

like to offer you your... your choice of an

4:00

item to take with you. Eonos,

4:03

would you like to start this time? Yes.

4:06

Anything in this room that has a special price tag

4:08

on it, you may take as

4:11

your own on this quest. Minomes,

4:13

I'm having a hard time reaching these higher, higher

4:16

shelves. I'm a little bit of a no-mish. Say,

4:18

how do fellow gnomes. Gnomesh? In

4:21

gnomesh, yeah. Ooh. They couldn't hear what I

4:23

was saying. We have a little conversation then leave

4:25

you out of it. Ooh. Yeah, yeah.

4:27

Oh my gosh, it's so nice to be working with another

4:29

gnome. I

4:31

hope not. It better not be. This

4:33

little book. This little book, okay, please come have a seat. It's

4:36

a regular sized book to me. I

4:38

was gonna say, a little book for a

4:40

little man. I think

4:42

that you will find that when you write in

4:44

this book, other words shall appear that will help

4:46

you translate the things that you write. Interesting.

4:49

It's like a clue book, a book that gives,

4:51

you know, information you need. Yes.

4:54

Oh, I know. Just let me know if you need help along

4:56

the way. Viros. Take

4:59

your turn. Oh, right. Whatever you would like.

5:04

I'd like to take this. Ah, the

5:06

water skin. We are going into the jungle.

5:08

You are. You can't be

5:10

too prepared, folks. I

5:12

would say that you will find that if you pour this

5:14

water out, you will never run out of water. Oh.

5:17

Oh my gracious. I'm

5:23

satisfied. What happens if we fill it with beer? Oh,

5:25

don't tempt me. Don't go there. What if it

5:27

just keeps coming out? Oh

5:29

man, just stop it, please. This is too good to be true. Beryl,

5:32

your turn. Well, after

5:34

that last adventure we went on, I

5:37

feel like I have no need for

5:39

magical trinkets, just for, oh.

5:43

You know what goes with the water skin? I

5:45

know where you're going with this. Crackers.

5:47

Take this one. You will find that if you fill

5:50

that, that it might change color and give you

5:52

some information about the thing you've put in it. This

5:54

is the perfect combination. I can't believe, we're

5:56

so together, we're so, what's the word we

5:58

were like? You're thinking about the. Same

6:00

thing, anyway. Yeah, it's

6:02

called Two Man Wrecking Crew. Ah!

6:06

Annabella. See if that's what it's called. Don't

6:09

worry, we're correct. Okay. Yeah.

6:12

You write down One Man Wrecking Crew and it

6:14

appears in a number of different languages on the

6:16

other half of the page. So it translated that

6:18

phrase. I see. Wow. The

6:21

shell. You hold this up to your ear and

6:24

you hear the crash of waves and your feeling

6:26

is that if you smashed it, it would become

6:28

even louder. Can

6:30

I use this against people? I mean, you could

6:32

throw it at someone. Don't

6:35

throw it at me. But

6:38

this is a one-time use. All

6:41

right. Your turn, Ricky. I've got my

6:43

eyes on this. Look at him go. He's

6:46

taking the child's shoe. The child's shoe. What

6:50

about your size, then? Yes. Those are

6:52

massive. But

6:55

not that small. So

6:57

yes, as you go to put this on your

6:59

foot, you find that your foot shrinks as does

7:01

the rest of you until you perfectly fit the

7:04

size of that shoe. Oh, good. Even

7:06

a little. Look how small I am. I'm

7:09

a little freaked out. Okay, I'm gonna take

7:11

them off. Okay, thanks. So

7:13

wonderful. You have your trinkets. We are

7:15

sending you to Pine Swallow Valley. Let's

7:18

go. I'm

7:28

like, looking at the Sunshaft? ul

7:46

I'm like, looking

7:49

at the Sunshaft?

7:51

It's across Viros'

7:54

face. It's like,

7:56

setting the scene.

8:00

I wanna make it. I wanna make it.

8:02

I wanna make it. Right? These are actually

8:04

moonshafts. So as you have been hiking north

8:06

towards Pine Swallow Valley, and it's a few

8:08

days walk, you notice that the days get

8:10

shorter and shorter to the point where you're

8:12

only getting about an hour or two of

8:14

daylight in the middle of the day. Everything

8:16

else is pretty much dark moonlight. However, you

8:19

do have a full moon. So you get

8:21

these kind of beautiful, eerie lights that come

8:23

through the tree branches at the top. Everything

8:25

kind of glows green as you approach. It's

8:28

colder as well. Professor Rundland has provided

8:30

you with the appropriate winter gear for

8:32

that. As you get closer to Pine

8:34

Swallow Valley, you notice that the trees

8:36

get a little denser and the canopy

8:38

becomes denser, less light comes through even

8:40

during the daytime. You start to approach

8:42

where you believe the Pine Swallow community

8:44

is. And here you can see

8:46

that there are ropes strung between tree trunks and

8:49

sort of animal furs have been strung over them

8:51

like a tent. And when you peek in, you

8:53

can see that leaves have been kind of bunched

8:55

together to make little beds. You continue to kind

8:57

of weave through this and every once in a

8:59

while you see another of these sort of setups.

9:02

Finally, you see and smell a

9:04

campfire about 60 feet from

9:06

you. And we know that

9:08

Pine Swallow is supposed to be like a town,

9:10

right? Community is what it was told to you,

9:13

a very primitive community. Got it. I'm

9:15

gonna see who's at that fire. Do you wanna sneak

9:17

up on them? Do you wanna just walk in and

9:19

say hi? I wanna sneak up and like kinda just

9:21

from far like kinda scout who's at that fire. You're

9:23

gonna scout a little bit ahead? Oh, is that cool

9:25

with the recipe? Yes, it's totally fine. I was watching

9:27

it go. You're gonna roll a stealth check. So

9:30

you're gonna roll a D20, which has, there you go.

9:33

Perfect, go for it. Oh

9:37

no. You rolled a whole one. On your first

9:39

roll of this game. On my very first roll

9:41

ever. Yay! You're gonna go off on that. You're

9:43

gonna go off on that. What happened to beginner's

9:45

luck? Yeah, right? Oh no. Good

9:47

gracious. Now you're gonna possess this non-beginner.

9:49

For this one? Yeah. So you,

9:52

regardless of your modifier, as you start

9:54

to creep up, maybe because

9:56

it's been kind of dry recently, all the twigs

9:58

under your feet start to go. Oops, oops, oops,

10:00

oops. Making noise. You hear up ahead of

10:03

you, someone goes, who's there? No

10:05

one. You say no

10:07

one? They go, oh, it's

10:10

all right, we're not dangerous. We

10:13

hope that you are not. Please come and say hello.

10:15

That's usually what dangerous people say. When they're

10:17

dangerous, they say they're not, you know? Just

10:20

keep up. I'm very quick. I'm very quick.

10:22

Okay, good. I'll approach. You reveal yourself. I'll

10:24

reveal myself. As you come forward,

10:27

you see that there's a sort of small

10:29

group of humans gathered around a roaring fire.

10:31

There's some children off to the side that

10:33

play with a wheel and some sticks and

10:35

they kind of toss it around. As you

10:37

come up, one man comes up, he says,

10:39

why hello, are you lost? No,

10:41

I know these for us very well. Oh,

10:44

well we do not see strangers here very often. Oh,

10:47

well we come to travel. I'm with a

10:49

group. Oh dear, well thank

10:51

you for telling us. Yes, please invite them to

10:53

join us. Can I run back and

10:55

then get there? Yeah. When you all

10:58

come and enter the camp? Yes, is everything cool? Yeah,

11:01

everything seems legit here. You've

11:03

got children playing with wheels and sticks. Seems,

11:06

you know. Well, welcome. This is Pine Swallow

11:08

Valley. We do not see strangers very often,

11:10

as I have said, but

11:12

we are happy to have you and you may join

11:15

us for stew if you would like. Oh, stew? That

11:17

sounds wonderful, thank you. Oh, you're so

11:20

welcome. Now I will tell you, I've

11:22

got some secret ingredients that could enhance

11:24

any stew. Oh dear, are they natural? Of

11:27

course, I only deal in natural ingredients. Well

11:30

please, go speak with Magnus, please Magnus is

11:32

our cook. Oh. And he would love

11:34

to hear what you've brought. Now I would love, love

11:36

to talk to the cook, but I'm afraid I'll have

11:38

to talk to the financier, the treasurer, someone

11:40

with a little cash flow. My

11:43

dear, I'd regret to tell you that we here

11:45

in Pine Swallow Valley do not use any currency.

11:47

I'm leaving. When, I'm still, oh.

11:49

Wait, now wait, don't make haste.

11:51

There are many dangers, please do not travel alone.

11:53

Okay. Yes, no,

11:56

here, when you join our community, you give

11:58

up all your earthly possessions. We share. They're

12:00

everything here. Well, now

12:02

wait, maybe the little man has a point

12:04

here. I don't know about that. I'm giving

12:06

up my war hammer. It is not for

12:08

everyone, but we enjoy it. Life is simple and

12:10

pleasant here. We're just guests, so we don't have

12:13

to give up anything, right? No, no, no, of

12:15

course not. Oh, good. See, that's fine. It's radish.

12:17

We just have nothing to offer you. Oh no.

12:20

Except your hospitality. Yes, oh, thank you very much.

12:22

Look at these people. They have nothing, and yet

12:24

they offer what little they have. It warms my

12:27

heart. Well, it's like a kind or

12:29

something like that. It's good. I'm

12:31

gonna play with those children. A sort of

12:33

large man comes forward. He's got a big

12:36

smile on, and he says, yes, stew is

12:38

ready. And there's a big cauldron that he

12:40

sort of sets on top of the fire,

12:42

and it starts to kind of bubble, and

12:44

it smells amazing. Can we check to make

12:46

sure it's not poisoned? I

12:48

can. I can. Yeah, can you check

12:50

it out? She takes out her cup. I

12:55

wanna make sure these people listen.

12:57

Sometimes with people that live in

13:00

the forest, you don't judge. In

13:03

my tribe, they might put some mushrooms in

13:05

there. They might put some things in there.

13:08

I think I should give it a try,

13:10

because I'm used to eating wild mushrooms, but

13:13

it might not be, I mean, you

13:15

can have some too, obviously. Wild mushroom

13:18

soup, but last time I

13:20

had wild mushroom soup, I woke up naked

13:22

on a mountain. Oh, this

13:24

is an interesting story. They

13:26

never heard anything like that. The

13:29

large man goes, oh, I know what

13:31

I'm doing. I cook good food. So

13:33

you can look at it. The cup remains the same

13:35

color, it does not change. There's no poison

13:38

in this stew. Perfect. I drink it.

13:41

It tastes amazing. Hearty? It's

13:44

delicious. It is all root vegetables, and clearly

13:46

some kind of game meat, whether that's sort

13:49

of a venison or a rabbit that's been

13:51

stewed for a long time over low embers.

13:54

He looks proud, he looks to you, because good, eh? Oh,

13:56

it's delicious, I love it. Oh, good, help,

13:58

dig it, help yourself. That takes some,

14:01

yes. Magnus specialty. I'm having some stew,

14:03

of course. No question. Magnus,

14:06

do you cook for a lot

14:08

of people before joining this community?

14:10

Did you ever cook for any,

14:13

like, wealthy parties or really fancy,

14:15

you know, higher up men? Anyone

14:17

named Charles Featherstone? No,

14:19

this name I do not know. Before

14:22

I come here, I'm just a simple

14:24

peasant man. I take care of my

14:26

farm, but I come here with the little that I have,

14:28

the little knowledge that I have, and I try to give

14:30

what I can. I have no family,

14:32

and so this is now my family. Oh,

14:34

that's very tender. Very sweet.

14:36

Is this a community of found

14:39

people? Yes, I think all

14:41

of us. We have sort of

14:43

disliked our lives in civilization, all

14:46

of the trappings and temptations that go with that, and so

14:48

we have come here. Our

14:50

people have a long history with this

14:52

area, with the forest. I

14:54

see that you treat it with respect. This

14:57

is most important, yes. Even when

14:59

we trap our game, we do it humanly. I will

15:01

take a bowl. So they've

15:03

made kind of, even just like it's kind of

15:05

a bark bowls that they have, and you just

15:08

kind of scoop, and it's a good, like, heaping,

15:10

steaming stew pot. I've seen

15:12

Chef's Table. Yeah,

15:15

so they all sit down around the table and say, tell

15:17

us, where do you hail from? Where do you come from? We

15:21

come from, we

15:24

are here to see you as

15:26

inspiration. We've

15:29

heard tales of this community, and

15:31

a friend here was kind enough

15:33

to guide us here, and so we're

15:35

just trying to see the way that you live. Oh,

15:38

well, this is a very good thing you

15:41

choose to do. We live very well. We

15:43

enjoy our life here. In fact, how about

15:45

Minna? Minna is our storyteller. She

15:48

will come, she will tell you the story of our tribe.

15:50

I would love that. Excellent. Storytime!

15:52

So you do, you sit

15:55

down, and they give you something that feels

15:57

like a fermented honey, like a mead in

15:59

a little tanker. and they give that to

16:01

you and that tastes just like sweet pure goodness

16:03

as it goes down. It warms you inside and

16:06

Minna stands up and in the firelight begins to

16:08

tell you the story of this tribe. She

16:10

says, many many years ago, long before

16:13

your great great grandmother even took her

16:15

first steps, we lived here in Briarcleft

16:17

Forest and we had our dear

16:19

dear friends who were the people of the

16:22

forest and we were good friends and we

16:24

lived and we loved together. However,

16:27

after a few generations people began

16:29

to be tempted by the trappings

16:31

of the civilized world and one

16:34

by one they left, abandoning their

16:36

friends. After the last

16:38

person died who had left and

16:40

the last person who remembered their forest

16:42

friends left and that

16:44

memory faded from them, so

16:47

did the people themselves. We

16:49

now call them the hidden ones. We

16:51

have returned because we believe that these

16:53

past ancestors made a mistake and

16:56

that we should come back and hopefully earn

16:58

the favor of the hidden ones once again.

17:01

I'm familiar with this. Oh, you are?

17:03

I've been through these forests before. The

17:06

hidden ones are the sort of

17:08

soul of the forests. This is true. You

17:10

speak wise words, sir. It's important to give

17:12

tribute and have reverence for them as we

17:14

go through. Are they magical? I

17:17

would say most definitely they are. When's the

17:19

last time they were seen? Well, they're hidden.

17:21

It could be centuries. In hundreds of years.

17:23

Hundreds of years. And it is our fault.

17:25

We feel we must make penance for this

17:27

by taking good care of the forest to

17:30

apologize for losing the memory of them. But

17:32

how do you know they still exist? They

17:34

guide us through the lands if you pay

17:37

tribute and if you are a reverent, they'll

17:39

guide you through the forest. They'll give you

17:41

signs. Hence, if you will. This is very

17:43

true. I know. Oh, yes. Another

17:46

member of your community talked about the

17:49

dangers around here. What

17:51

sort of things have you witnessed

17:53

or are there legend stories of?

17:55

Oh, yes. Well, the wood itself

17:57

is very, very dangerous. The... is

34:00

one charisma. All

34:02

right, you've done this, and you sort of close your eyes and wait. Suddenly

34:06

a little light off to the right. Ooh.

34:12

Ooh. Just a little floating ball

34:14

of light, and it starts to go off down

34:16

the path towards the right. It's this way, to

34:18

the right. Let's go. All

34:20

right, you walk for a little while down that

34:22

path, and suddenly you come across a huge, like

34:24

a five foot across hole in the

34:27

ground, and you can hear something off

34:29

the path, and it's

34:31

off to your left, and it sounds

34:33

like huge teeth chomping on bones. So

34:37

there's a hole in front of us. A five foot hole

34:39

in the ground. And we're hearing from the side. And off

34:41

in the woods to the side. There's a little path that

34:43

kind of goes off the main path, and you think down

34:45

that way, you can hear the sound of crunching bones. Can

34:47

we see how deep it holds? You wanna look down on

34:49

the hole? Well, you can't see anything. But,

34:52

uh. I'll take a gander. You

34:54

wanna look down? So you look down, and it's

34:56

a tunnel. It almost looks like it's been burrowed.

34:59

By human hands or by claws? No,

35:01

this is huge. It's a five foot

35:03

wide, in diameter hole. So

35:05

something really big seems to have

35:07

burrowed under the ground and come

35:09

up, emerged up in this spot.

35:12

Would I have any experience with these

35:14

types of things? Since I have the

35:16

wanderer, outlander sort of

35:18

background? Yeah, I mean, you could

35:21

certainly make a survival check, maybe a nature check.

35:23

Okay. Can you just tell us

35:25

what you think of this? Maybe do a nature

35:27

check. Yeah, yeah. I just wanna see if it's

35:29

dangerous before everyone pokes their head. My rolls right

35:31

now are just not great. Yeah, you don't really,

35:33

you don't think you have any idea what this

35:35

could be. This is outside of your scope of

35:37

experience. If I experienced one of these before, I

35:39

could make a nature check. 12.

35:42

A full 12? So you look at

35:44

it, it's not, again, it's not something

35:47

you specifically experienced either, but you think

35:49

it's clearly big, it's

35:51

clearly dangerous, it has sharp enough either teeth

35:53

or talons or whatever it is to kind

35:55

of climb through the rock, and

35:57

it may not be something you wanna tangle with. This seems...

36:00

dangerous and it seems like it's ahead of us,

36:02

but underground. I think if

36:04

we tread lightly and quietly, that's

36:07

our best case of action right now because

36:09

we can't go around and above. Because

36:11

it's a whole underground. The whole is

36:14

underground, but you hear the sound above.

36:16

Oh, you hear the sound above ground.

36:18

You do. Let's travel down this hole.

36:21

There it is. But what? More.

36:23

I don't think we should do this. No, I think we should

36:26

eliminate it as we go. Well,

36:28

if we illuminate it, it might draw

36:30

the attention. This is clearly a large

36:32

beast's burrow. We should not go down

36:34

this hole. Well, it's the only path.

36:38

I would rather swing from the trees in

36:43

a beautiful acrobatic

36:46

fashion than go into

36:48

this dark hole of a

36:50

giant beast or worm. Or

36:53

demon. How many feet am I missing? The

36:55

hole is five feet in diameter. You're

36:58

not sure? I mean, you could

37:00

certainly try and make a check to see if you can sense how

37:02

far away it would be based on

37:04

the sound. How high up is the? Is

37:07

it what? The tree branches. The tree branches?

37:09

And we're talking, I mean, these trees

37:11

are like 40 foot tall trees. So you

37:13

could, the first branches are within reach. Before

37:16

we move into here, we've

37:19

gotta get a vantage point, see what it is ahead.

37:21

If we go into this hole, we might

37:24

end up right in its burrow and be

37:26

trapped. Single file, and it'll eat you, it'll

37:28

eat him. You hear another large crack of

37:30

bones. Oh, I don't like

37:32

that. It's eating right now. I don't like that. It's distracted.

37:34

It's distracted, we need to move. Well, I go up in

37:36

the trees and scuttlehead a

37:39

little bit. Go for it. Before you

37:41

do, drink this. And

37:43

he pulls out and it's a tiny

37:45

heart shaped bottle with a bright purple

37:47

liquid in it. Down

37:50

that, no questions. No questions. What

37:53

was that? This is,

37:55

you are now protected from poison. I

37:57

had heard that these thorns in the trees, they're

37:59

very. and

40:00

how far down is it? There's like a bend in

40:03

the path, so you're talking another like 60 feet. Okay.

40:06

But it is in our way. It is in your way

40:08

if you stay on the path. Oh, I've got an idea.

40:10

We go down the hole and we send it over

40:12

behind us. Like

40:15

getting in the hole. Like a lure. Like a lure, so then

40:17

it goes behind us. Yeah. And then

40:19

we get up and we book it. Yeah. Or

40:22

you distract it, and

40:24

then it goes to that distraction and we go the

40:26

other way. That's also a good idea. Ah, there we

40:28

are. Down to the forest. There we are. Totally

40:31

different idea. I would like to do a

40:33

minor illusion. You're safe. Before you do, I'll

40:35

be getting in the hole. I'm

40:38

hole. Sounds like it. I don't wanna get

40:40

in this hole. I

40:42

just love this hole. Okay,

40:45

who wants to get in the hole? I'll go. Take

40:47

him out. Who wants to

40:49

go hole digging? I will either decapitate the bug

40:51

or I will go in the hole. But we

40:53

need action. Yes. If

40:55

we get in the hole while I do this

40:58

minor illusion, I want all of our weapons going

41:00

up in case this thing tries to come down.

41:02

So you can all be readied. Is that the

41:04

thing? Yes, you can all be readied for. Okay.

41:06

Okay. Weapons up. Okay. And in the

41:09

hole. Weapons up. Okay, I

41:11

am doing a minor illusion of

41:13

a lion's roar. Okay. Coming, oh.

41:17

But if we put it back from where we were,

41:19

that's where the people are. It goes to the lounge.

41:21

That's true. Okay, so let's put it east. Let's

41:24

put it east. Did I just pick a

41:26

direction? Ahead

41:28

of it from where you are? So

41:31

like you're here on the path, it's

41:33

here, and you want to put the lion roaring

41:35

here? Nowhere where we're going or

41:38

where we've been. So somewhere just off to

41:40

the side. Off the median path. Okay. Because

41:43

then, right when the lion, I mean when

41:45

the elk thing is like running, it'll get

41:47

hit by all the poison and it'll just

41:49

die on. Well, it lives here. So it's

41:51

probably. It's made its way. You

41:53

just thought this through. Yes, I thought it through.

41:55

Lions roar, go. Okay, so are you still, everyone's

41:57

in the hole. Are you still in the

41:59

tree? I'm just filling the tree right now. You're still in the tree?

42:02

Okay, you all get down the hole and you're

42:04

readied with your weapons. I'm in the hole with

42:06

my axes up. Okay, same. Yeah. Okay,

42:09

fantastic. So 30 feet off to the

42:11

east. To the east. Suddenly

42:13

you hear the loudest lions

42:15

roar. Roar! Right

42:18

through, through, that even sort of rattles the branches

42:20

up high where you are. I think there's a

42:23

lion up there. You

42:25

see the umber hulk

42:27

stops eating and

42:29

it turns to look in that direction. And even

42:31

from your vantage point, you can see that it

42:33

has four eyes on

42:36

its front of its face and they all kinda

42:38

seem to look in different directions. Very

42:40

still. But

42:43

then you can see these little hairs

42:45

on its arms and legs start to

42:47

twitch a little bit, like it's trying

42:49

to sense something. It turns

42:51

in the direction of the roar and

42:54

looking back at its bear, it

42:56

digs into the ground, making a

42:59

second burrow, grabs the bear and

43:01

pulls it down into the burrow

43:03

with it and disappears from

43:05

your sight. Okay,

43:08

good. We'll just wait until he gets back. Guys,

43:11

get out of the hole. Did you come

43:13

back down? I'm coming back down to the ground but not

43:15

into the hole. Okay. You see all of

43:18

us like huddled holding weapons. And

43:20

I saw that. You saw it dig

43:22

down and disappear. You're not quite sure where it

43:24

went though. What should we do? I think guys,

43:26

get the hell out of that hole. A barrel

43:28

going off all of you. So barrel

43:30

and I get out. I think it

43:32

sensed us. I think it knows that we're here. I just

43:35

wanna point out, I think there's a lion out here too.

43:37

So we should be ready for that, okay. So what, do

43:39

we book it? Off in the direction

43:41

where you made the lion roar, you hear as

43:44

if the dirt has been upended and something has come

43:46

out from the ground right where you made that noise.

43:49

Quickly and quietly moved down this path. We've

43:51

got a little bit of time. Yeah, while it's

43:54

distracted, let's go still search for that. Are you doing this

43:56

stealthily? Yes. So you're going slow

43:58

and doing it stealthily. Absolutely. I guess you

44:00

can't go fast. You kind of can. Okay. So

44:02

you can maintain speed and do stealth. Okay.

44:05

And I think that applies to your party. I'm pretty quick. Oh,

44:07

yeah. I believe that applies to your party as a

44:09

ranger. So you still have to make the stealth checks,

44:11

but you can move your full speed in this time.

44:14

So, everyone makes stealth checks. Oh god. Here

44:17

we are. Hey. A crit for

44:19

VRS. Redemption is mine. Oh,

44:22

a six. A six? Nine.

44:25

A nine. Right, because we had our initiative.

44:27

No, you're adding your stealth bonus. So

44:31

you have a 10? Okay, Ricky? I

44:33

have an eight. You have an eight. I'm 17. And

44:36

you have a 17. This time, although

44:38

the two of you, Virus and Eonys, you're

44:40

trying so hard to kind of keep everybody

44:42

together, unfortunately, although a few of you can

44:45

see, one of you, I think,

44:47

stumbles, and you hear the rattle

44:50

of glass. Suddenly the noise far

44:52

off to the side stops. Full

44:54

of a noise. You hear another digging noise,

44:56

crunch, crunch, crunch, and the

44:59

sound ends. Climb. Go.

45:02

Battle stations. Come on. I

45:05

need to be ready. I listen to him and I

45:07

run to the nearest tree. You run to the nearest

45:09

tree and start climbing up? Yep, give me an athletics

45:11

check. Oh boy. Now

45:14

I'm close by athletics. Eight.

45:17

It's an eight. You're able to scramble up, but you're

45:19

only like four feet off the ground. Cool, us. You're

45:23

gonna stay there holding onto this tree. I stand

45:26

in the middle of the path, pull out Betty.

45:28

Okay. Start swinging. You're ready

45:30

for some trouble? I know what's coming.

45:32

Okay. Oh, the war hammer

45:34

is out. It's out, you two like back to

45:36

back. Yeah, battle stations. That's right, okay.

45:40

I get up high in the tree and ready a

45:42

bow. Okay, so you're going to also make

45:44

an athletics check to climb? Okay,

45:46

great, yeah, then you'll add Fluffy's four. Okay,

45:48

okay. It's

45:51

an eight. You guys picked the wrong

45:53

tree. Fluffy's really, he's trying, but he can't get

45:56

a purchase with his nails. So again, you

45:58

only get up about like five. within

46:01

this time. I blame the tree guys. What do you

46:03

do, Anabel? I put my gloves on. Okay.

46:05

Because I brought gloves. Okay. Okay. And

46:08

I am also gonna climb a tree. Okay. Okay.

46:11

Give me an athletics check. Great. 11

46:14

plus two. So 13. So

46:16

13. So amazingly, Anna Bella,

46:19

her beautiful cashmere glove gets

46:22

up higher than the little

46:24

forest gnomes. That's the best.

46:27

I'm gonna say, fellas, she's spry. So she's

46:29

able to get up about 10 feet off

46:31

the ground. So you scramble up that high

46:33

and kind of cling to the tree up

46:35

there. At this point, rising

46:37

up out of the ground right next

46:39

to you two is what looks like

46:41

a giant kind of insect with its

46:43

mandibles going like this. And we'll roll

46:46

initiative, please. That's

46:48

better. Woo! Anna Bella. Anna

46:51

Bella has a 12. That's a 19 for me, just to put it out there. Ricky.

46:56

17 for Ricky. Get a one,

46:58

but an overall four. Eunice

47:02

is having a rough night. Maybe, let's

47:04

get in here. It's

47:06

fine, you're getting it up now. That potion, dude. And

47:09

then your panther. Does he takes

47:11

his own initiative? I think he takes his own initiative. He

47:13

takes his own initiative. So you can roll an initiative for

47:15

Mr. Fluffy. All right, Mr. Fluffy. And

47:18

on that panther page, you'll see his decks bonus.

47:21

So 21. So Mr. Fluffy's

47:23

gonna go first. Faithful companion.

47:26

That cat can go. So

47:28

you are right now on Mr. Fluffy. But

47:31

Mr. Fluffy is up there in there. Now, you know

47:33

what, let's just draw this out. So

47:36

this is gonna be your main pathway

47:38

that you were on, coming around

47:41

like that. This was the first hole.

47:43

You are in trees off

47:45

to the side like this. Yeah, place yourselves

47:47

where you were. You

47:51

think? Oh, here. Those

47:55

of you in the trees. And then Fluffy, and

47:57

oh, here, I can help with that. Yeah, we were

47:59

like, back. to bat. Oh sorry, it's fluffy

48:01

too, so. Oh,

48:03

back to back. This guy pops

48:05

up right over there. Stay

48:09

tuned for the thrilling conclusion, next

48:11

time on Relics and Rarities. Contained

48:18

herein are the heresies of Randolph

48:20

Burntwine, erstwhile monk

48:22

turned traveling medical investigator. Join

48:25

me as I uncover the blasphemous truth

48:28

of a plague ridden world, that

48:30

ours is not a loving god, and

48:33

we are not its favored children.

48:36

The heresies of Randolph Burntwine,

48:38

coming January 2nd, wherever podcasts

48:40

are available.