0:03

What has three letters and starts with gas? Car.

0:11

I dated a dolphin for a while until she broke up

0:13

with me. We just weren't clicking.

0:20

The reason aliens have never visited our solar

0:22

system is because of the reviews. We've

0:25

only got one star. What

0:32

city do eggs live in? New

0:34

York. How

0:45

many years does Captain Kirk have? Three,

0:48

the right, the left, and the final front

0:50

ear. How

0:54

do you turn a 3D printer into a 4D printer?

0:57

Give it time. This

1:03

morning I informed my conjoined twins

1:06

patients that their insurance has approved

1:08

separation surgery. They were

1:10

beside themselves. My

1:14

girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night

1:16

and watch Gaslight. I told her

1:18

we already watched that together, don't you remember? How

1:26

do you cut the sea in half? With

1:28

a seesaw. My

1:35

family's concerned about my obsession with

1:37

Japanese probiotic drinks. They're

1:39

worried I might have joined the occult. What

1:47

does a priest drink? The

1:50

Holy Spirit. More

1:55

dad jokes are coming up after this quick break.

2:00

With Vizio's Quantum Pro 4K QLED Smart

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TV, with over a billion hues of

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vibrant color, plus wide viewing angle and

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no matter where you're sitting. It even

2:10

comes with over 300 free TV channels

2:12

and thousands of on-demand titles with Vizio

2:14

Watch Free Plus. And of course, all

2:16

your favorite apps are built in so

2:18

you can start blasting your favorite music,

2:21

radio and podcasts from I Heart Radio

2:23

straight out the box. Find

2:25

the walmart.com to find the Vizio Quantum Pro

2:27

today. I'm

2:29

doing my own breaks very poorly. There's

2:32

nothing you can do to stop me. I

2:40

went to the symphony last night. I didn't care too

2:42

much for a lot of the instruments, but I really

2:44

liked it when they played the harp. It

2:47

really struck a chord with me. My

2:54

puppy isn't fat. He's just a

2:56

little husky. A

3:04

man wearing a green suit has been scamming

3:06

people saying he's raising money for research on

3:08

Hansen's disease. Don't

3:10

be fooled. It's a leprechaun.

3:18

Nights come from many different age groups. But

3:21

most are in the middle ages. I

3:30

confused everyone at the poker table when I sat down

3:32

and held my meat in the air. But

3:35

I was just raising the stakes. I'm

3:43

trying to pass my history class. If

3:46

I fail history, I'm doomed to repeat it. I'm

3:53

Bob Jeffy. And I'm Montgomery Jones.

3:55

We have a bonus dad joke for you at

3:57

the end of the episode. contagious,

4:00

so let's spread it around. Have

4:03

a good night, and I'll be back tomorrow with more

4:05

jokes. Thank you for your

4:07

support. Enter

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a new era of color and brilliance

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with Vizio's Quantum Pro 4K QLED Smart

4:16

TV. With over a billion hues of

4:18

vibrant color, plus wide viewing angle and

4:21

anti-glare film, it delivers perfect clear picture

4:23

no matter where you're sitting. It even

4:25

comes with over 300 free TV channels

4:27

and thousands of on-demand titles with Vizio

4:29

Watch Free Plus. And of course, all

4:31

your favorite apps are built in, so

4:33

you can start blasting your favorite music,

4:35

radio, and podcasts from iHeart Radio straight

4:37

out the box. Head to walmart.com

4:39

to find the Vizio Quantum Pro today.

4:44

Looking for the gift for Dad? We

4:46

have the official Daily Dad Jokes Podcast

4:49

electronic joke button now available on Amazon.

4:52

A massive 500 preloaded Dad Jokes guaranteed

4:54

to make you laugh and groan. Check

4:57

the Show Notes page for the link. The

5:02

Daily Dad Jokes Podcast is produced by

5:05

Classic Studios. See

5:07

the Show Notes page for social media links

5:09

and joke credits. This

5:11

show was recorded in front of a canned

5:13

studio audience. I

5:16

sign up for barbecue competitions whenever I'm feeling

5:18

lonely and want to be around nice people.

5:21

There's always plenty of folks there to rub shoulders

5:24

with. The

5:37

Medal of Honor is the highest military

5:39

decoration in the United States. Since

5:42

it was established in 1861, there have been 3,517 people awarded

5:44

with the medal. I'm

5:49

Malcolm Gladwell and our new podcast from

5:52

Bushkin Industries and I Heart Media is

5:54

about those heroes. What they did,

5:56

what it meant, and what their stories

5:59

tell us about the nature of

6:01

courage and sacrifice.