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fresh for everyone. If

3:17

you are in a relationship or married, look

3:20

to your left or to your right, wherever your partner is. That

3:24

person will not be the same tomorrow.

3:29

Dead ass. And

3:32

if your spouse does not

3:34

change, I'd

3:36

be worried. Dead ass.

3:40

Hey, I'm Khadim. And I'm Davao.

3:42

And we're the Ellises. You

3:45

may know us from posting funny videos with our boys.

3:48

And reading each other publicly as a

3:50

form of therapy. Wait, I

3:52

make you need therapy? Most days.

3:54

Wow. Oh, and one more important thing

3:56

to mention, we're married. Yes, sir, we are. We

3:58

created this. podcast to open

4:01

dialogue about some of lies most taboo

4:03

topics things most folks don't

4:05

want to talk about through the lens of a millennial

4:07

married couple dead hats is a term that we say

4:09

every day so when we say dead ass we're actually

4:12

saying facts 100

4:15

the truth the whole truth and nothing but the

4:17

truth we about to take billows off to a

4:19

whole new level deadass

4:23

starts right now story

4:26

time so this

4:30

time I could have picked a lot of different stories

4:32

a whole lot of different stories but I want to

4:34

go back to 2009 I

4:39

had just got cut from the

4:41

Browns and we were playing in

4:43

the wedding and K was still you know

4:46

she's been believing in me so you can pick up another

4:48

team I looked over at K and

4:50

I said I

4:52

don't want to play football no more she

4:55

said huh I

4:59

said I don't want to play football no more she said

5:01

why and

5:03

I was just like I'm tired of doing

5:05

this and it's hard to get back in the NFL and

5:07

she was like what about Canada what

5:09

about arena there's so many different options and and

5:11

I was like yo I said I don't want

5:14

to play football anymore like I made the decision

5:16

I don't want to play and then after about

5:18

10 seconds of her looking at me she said

5:22

okay so

5:24

what are we doing next and

5:26

in that moment I realized I

5:29

got a rider because

5:31

she's not trying to hold me to what she thinks

5:33

I should be she gonna rock with me

5:35

no matter I do what I want to do or not

5:38

so I love you and now

5:40

look karaoke

5:44

time this song came to mind we have two versions

5:46

of it though I'm gonna go ahead with the

5:48

you know the way it came

5:50

out I the fun thing is I only know

5:53

the reggae version are you serious yes so funny

5:55

you definitely grew up in flatwish I'm so flatwish

5:58

alright well I'll sing the version that I know and that you

6:01

can follow soon. Changes

6:03

I've been going through cause

6:05

I wanna be with you

6:07

baby don't you wanna be

6:09

with me? Changes

6:18

I've been going through cause I

6:21

wanna be with you baby don't

6:23

you wanna be with me? I don't

6:25

even know. Like that's the only version I know.

6:27

That's a fact. Who sings the original R&B version? Who

6:29

is that? It sounds merry. I don't even know who

6:31

sings that. I don't even know who it is. I

6:33

don't think it's merry though. No, it doesn't. Yeah. I

6:36

don't remember who it is. We aging ourselves. You know who

6:38

Mary St. Mazzogon is. Anita Baker. I

6:41

think it's Anita Baker. Patty LaBelle or someone wondering that. No it is Mary

6:43

J. Blige. Oh it is? It is Mary J. Blige.

6:45

I told you it was Mary J. Blige. It's Mary J. Blige. I'm

6:47

sorry. I'm sorry. I'm

6:50

sorry. I'm sorry. It's Mary J. Blige. It

6:52

is Mary J. Blige. Oh it is? I

6:54

told you it was Mary J. Blige. That was my love. You don't

6:56

ever listen to me. What's the 411? See she

6:59

don't listen. I told her Mary J. 411. That's

7:01

what was on the 411. I should have known

7:03

that off the top of my head because that

7:05

was my album. That's like my all-time most favorite

7:07

Mary album. My only favorite Mary album. That

7:10

was 92. Yeah it

7:12

was recently released in 92. I was eight. What

7:15

were you 16? We

7:18

gonna take a break right now. Are we changing spouses too

7:20

because I want to see him. We

7:23

gonna take a quick break and when we come back. Yeah I'll

7:25

tell you my story time about what was going through my mind

7:27

when I thought he lost his shell. Okay.

7:33

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Y'all

7:37

this year is going by so quickly.

7:39

Can you believe that it's already May?

7:42

And like I said before man I feel

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8:44

During the break, let's quickly talk about a couple of

8:47

things that are important to most people I know. Comfort

8:49

and style. Crocs, classic clogs,

8:52

and sandals have both covered. When

8:54

I'm talking about style, I mean personal

8:56

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8:58

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9:00

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9:02

unique. You can dress up your Crocs to

9:04

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9:06

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9:09

up day to day. I mean, ultimately,

9:11

you can stand out from the crowd in a

9:13

way that only you can because it's your personal

9:15

style. And now, let's talk about

9:18

comfort. You know, it doesn't get

9:20

better than Crocs, clogs, and sandals when

9:22

it comes to being comfortable. Style and

9:24

comfort are usually a trade-off, but here,

9:26

they're a package deal. It's

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9:30

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9:32

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9:34

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9:36

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Nah, too basic. Hi there. Ah, still no. What

11:19

about... Hello handsome? Ugh,

11:23

is it possible to give yourself the

11:25

ick? Yep, it's possible. Ugh. Well,

11:28

that's why we're changing how you start conversations

11:30

on Bumble. You can now make the first

11:32

move or not. With opening moves, you simply

11:34

choose a question to be automatically sent to

11:36

your matches, then sit back and let your

11:38

matches start the chat. Download Bumble and try

11:40

it for yourself. All

11:46

right, we back. All right, now. You

11:48

really thought I was losing my mind? To

11:51

be honest, I thought you were just

11:53

in the moment defeated by the whole

11:55

NFL culture, the process, not

11:57

having real autonomy over it. for like your

12:00

future. So I'm like, okay, maybe this is

12:02

just not the right team for him, maybe

12:04

he needs a new agent. Like I'm just

12:06

thinking because I just saw how hard you

12:08

worked through college and then

12:11

to be a walk-on, you know, and

12:13

then the lions, like the pursuit of all

12:16

of that, it just felt like your

12:18

path was being cut short. And

12:20

I felt like you had so much more to give.

12:23

You said that. The NFL space. You said that

12:25

so much. There were records to be broken. There

12:28

were touchdowns to be made. You

12:31

didn't even get a chance to make your splash

12:33

in the NFL. And it was almost like for

12:35

me, you weren't

12:37

able to live out your redemption story. And I

12:39

say redemption story because there was so many people

12:41

counting you out because of your size and because

12:43

of who you were stacked against. People

12:46

who were being drafted in when you were

12:48

there, busting your ass every day. That

12:50

just felt like I wanted like one good season for

12:52

you to freakin' kill it. And

12:55

then you move on to the

12:57

next thing. I just feel like your NFL career,

12:59

you didn't get to really give it your all,

13:02

but it was really only because of other people's

13:04

decisions, not your lack of hard work. So as

13:06

long as you felt content, like you had given

13:08

it your all and you didn't feel like you

13:10

were cheating yourself, then I was okay

13:12

with you moving on from that. Cause I was gonna support

13:14

you whichever which way you went. It's like,

13:17

I met you, the NFL and you playing football was never

13:19

even an idea in my mind. So I'm like, all right, well,

13:21

that was just the added bonus. I'll be

13:23

honest about that. The NFL was never

13:25

my dream. Like I

13:27

was content after college, being an All-American

13:29

and breaking records and being the

13:31

first receiver to have 75 catches,

13:36

two years in a row, 2000 yards over two years, and

13:39

20 touchdowns. Like I was content with football because

13:41

I always wanted to be in entertainment. Yeah, I wanted

13:43

those stats for you in the NFL. I wanted you to be

13:45

like, yo, I did this, I made that, and it's been yards

13:47

that many, but you know. I feel you,

13:49

I feel you because you see me work so hard to get

13:52

there. I never saw myself

13:54

at any point saying like, I want to win a Super

13:56

Bowl, I want to be an All-Pro. It

13:58

was always a means to an end. The only goal

14:00

in the NFL was to make enough money so that

14:02

I didn't have to be a starving artist. Once

14:05

I achieved that, I also feel like

14:07

I lost some reason to play.

14:10

So that's why it was easy for me to just

14:12

walk away. Because I knew, it's different. When

14:14

you're getting up and you're a walk on in college,

14:17

and you got that chip on your shoulder, you

14:20

getting up extra early to beat everybody to workouts,

14:22

to get extra working, you know? When you get

14:24

to the NFL and you're a free agent tryout,

14:26

you get in there early to prove to people

14:28

that you made it but then you make

14:30

it. And then I only wanted to make

14:32

a practice squad to make 100K to buy us a

14:34

house. And I ended up making 275K because I

14:36

made the team. So

14:39

I made it. In my second year, I made the

14:41

team again. You know what I'm saying? I got hurt, which

14:43

kind of like, I think

14:45

in my second year, if I didn't

14:47

tear my meniscus and my patella tendon,

14:49

my career would have been different. Because

14:52

I had the momentum from being a

14:54

free agent, a rookie, that that

14:56

was carrying me through my second season. But

14:58

also that work ethic and the intensity that

15:00

I put into training is how I got

15:02

hurt. Because I never rested for two

15:04

and a half years and I ended up tearing my knee.

15:07

But once I did

15:09

tear my knee, that created the perspective of what

15:11

I really wanted to do. Because

15:14

when you love football so much and that's all you

15:16

want to do, nothing is stopping

15:18

you from doing that. But when

15:20

you can't play football and you don't miss

15:22

it, and now you have to go

15:24

back to that routine, and there's other things

15:26

you want to do, I wasn't able

15:29

to put in a type of work to make those teams

15:31

the way those other men were. Like that's just the bottom

15:33

line. Because for them that was their passion and

15:35

it wasn't for you. And once I realized that too, that's

15:37

why I'm like, for me it

15:39

was never about the NFL or whatever money it would

15:41

have provided or stability. It had done what it needed

15:44

to do for us. It did give a nice little

15:46

nest egg for the beginning. Of

15:49

course we were heartbroken when the stock market and

15:51

the recession hit and everything crashed. All

15:53

that money you invested was lost, but

15:56

it was just part of your story. Nothing

15:58

ever came easy to you. So you changed. changing paths. The

16:02

one thing I did have was confidence in you

16:04

that whatever the next thing was, we're gonna

16:07

be all right. Because

16:09

we hear so many women talk about supporting

16:12

men only

16:15

having potential to look at. How

16:18

were you able to stay so like steadfast

16:22

and unyielding in your support when

16:25

all you really had to go off of was

16:27

my potential? It wasn't like I had

16:30

a bunch of contacts in TV or

16:32

starting training businesses that you knew. Like

16:35

how were you able to just be like, you

16:37

know what, I'm going to support him no matter

16:39

what it is? Because so many women talk about

16:41

the horror stories of trying to support someone through

16:43

their own vision that they claim is their vision

16:45

and nothing happens. How

16:48

did you do that? I guess because I

16:50

was able to watch you through all of

16:52

college just having that burning desire. There

16:54

was something in your eye. There was the way you spoke

16:56

about things. There was the plan and course of actions that

16:58

you took. It's always having

17:00

the plan A and not really a plan

17:03

B, but just like yo, in the event

17:05

that I needed to pivot, I could.

17:07

And watching you make the team in college. Well,

17:10

when I got there, you already made the team,

17:12

but just really fighting for your place, working

17:15

hard. Them 6am runs that you

17:17

would get out for. And I'm just like,

17:19

wow, he really is relentless in his pursuit

17:21

of being the best football player in this

17:24

moment. And then your path to the NFL,

17:26

seeing how you worked through that. I

17:29

mean, you had the mental fortitude that I

17:31

hadn't seen in anybody. No pair

17:33

of mine had that. So

17:35

I was like, man, anything he says he's going

17:37

to do, he's going to put his mind to

17:39

because I know I was the same way. So

17:41

it was interesting for me to find somebody who

17:43

I felt like, wow, really matched my intensity with

17:45

wanting to be successful and wanting to say I'm

17:47

wanting to do this and actually doing it. That

17:51

was enough for me to say, yo, whatever it is

17:53

he want to do. And then of course, feeling like

17:55

we were greater together. And it

17:57

could have been part delusion too, because I was just.

18:00

so in love with you and I was like,

18:02

yeah, it was in part delusion because I'm like,

18:04

at that age you think you're invincible, you think

18:06

your husband's invincible, your boyfriend at the time is

18:09

invincible. So to me it was like, all right,

18:11

well we're gonna figure it out either way. But

18:13

knowing that I can see those little tidbits of you, like

18:16

it was easy for you to be like, fuck it, I'm

18:18

not gonna get up and go to run this morning. Oh,

18:20

don't worry about it, I'm gonna stay here, I'm

18:22

not gonna go to study hall or whatever.

18:24

Like you really were about your business from

18:26

a young age. So I think it was

18:29

part seeing that and part freaking just being

18:31

insanely in love with you and being like, we

18:33

can tackle whatever it is. You just

18:35

gave me my moment of truth, which is crazy.

18:37

Yeah, you went out. Because

18:39

everything you said describing me was literally

18:42

how I felt with you,

18:44

right? And part of the reason why

18:46

I was able to make

18:48

pivots or changes comfortably

18:51

was because I knew I had a woman

18:53

that if shit hit the

18:56

fan, Kay can go earn.

18:58

Kay can go, you know what I'm saying? Like

19:00

Kay does this, like she's a worker. Like

19:03

I've watched you all the college graduate

19:05

with honors and be the

19:07

best RA, then AD, then RD, like you

19:09

won RA of the year, AD of the

19:11

year, RD of the year, you got your

19:14

scholarship. So I just knew that whatever it

19:16

is that you wanted to do, you were going to

19:18

achieve it no matter how difficult

19:20

it may seem. So

19:22

I don't want to give away my moment of

19:24

truth, but it was in part just using discernment

19:26

to pick the right partner, that

19:28

I just know whatever changes are going to

19:31

come, I can weather through

19:33

that change because she's going to be successful because

19:35

I've watched her work. It's like faith without works

19:38

is dead, right? I watched you work.

19:40

You don't just say it, you actually do

19:42

it. And call

19:44

it a level of delusion or a level of

19:46

faith that we had in each other. But it's

19:49

like at that age, I don't know what was

19:51

so, that's what a lot of this for me

19:53

feels like. This was just like a divine connection

19:55

that we had because who would think that we

19:57

really were that invested in each other at that

19:59

age? age to just really still

20:01

be so dedicated

20:03

to each other at a young age

20:06

and just work together. You

20:08

know, so that's why I don't shun couples now who look

20:10

at us and they come to our live shows and they're

20:12

like, Oh, we're 21 and 23 or we're, you

20:15

know, and we look at that, we're

20:17

like, Oh, we're, y'all are babies and y'all

20:19

have time. But you remember people told us

20:21

the same thing. They told us the same

20:23

thing. And I think the comfort as we're

20:25

talking about change and supporting your spouse through

20:28

change today, the comfort that I had is

20:30

regardless of the change that we were going

20:32

through. A, we had each other

20:34

B, we had a plan C, we

20:37

had the work ethic that we put into motion

20:40

to make it happen. And then

20:42

ultimately we felt like if it didn't work out,

20:44

we had each other and wanting

20:46

to change and wanting to grow and

20:48

having dreams and goals and like seeing

20:50

it and then working towards it.

20:52

That's the change you want. Like I

20:54

said, in my sound by earlier, if your spouse is

20:57

not aiming to change, then

20:59

what exactly are we doing here? This

21:02

is, this is, I understand what you're saying,

21:04

but this, I want to, I want to bring out an

21:06

important point though, because a lot

21:09

of times in relationships, the

21:11

idea that the part that your partner is

21:13

changing often projects itself as if

21:15

you're not doing something. So your partner has to

21:18

change. I like a negative, right? And

21:20

the negative, like, I like who you are right

21:22

now. So if you choose to do something different,

21:24

something is wrong with me because

21:26

I liked who you were then. And

21:28

I want people to understand that that's

21:30

not always the case, right? If we

21:32

look at these facts and stats, it

21:35

says some factors that can contribute to

21:37

changes in behavior and personality include influence

21:39

of the partner, getting comfortable and loss-based

21:41

events. Research shows that relationship changes are

21:43

associated with changes in personality and

21:45

life satisfaction up

21:47

there at life satisfaction, right? I

21:51

watched people our age as we are

21:53

both now on the fourth floor. It's

21:57

the Lydia so far. is

22:00

Lidhito. You get

22:02

to a point in your life after, I

22:04

would say, 25, where

22:07

everything you thought was

22:10

important is not important.

22:12

As we continue this, I can never mean, this

22:16

whole season is gonna be dedicated

22:18

to perception versus reality, right?

22:20

We're force-fed so much information

22:23

between birth to 20, right? Because

22:26

your parents curate what your life looks

22:28

like, your friends curated, your

22:30

educators, everyone is giving you their ideas and

22:32

opinions of what life is supposed to be.

22:35

Once you get to about 20 and you leave the

22:37

home and now you're in college or

22:40

you're working in a workforce and you're starting to travel

22:42

a little bit further than your front porch, you

22:44

start to develop your own perspective of the world.

22:47

And if you happen to meet someone while you're going

22:49

through this perspective change, that

22:52

person is gonna meet you in

22:54

that moment, not realizing that you're

22:56

ever so evolving, because

22:58

as you live life, your perspective

23:00

changes. But that person

23:02

often says, man, I met this person right

23:04

here and I love that

23:06

person right here. So as

23:08

that person changes and then you're just like, well, I don't like to

23:11

do this no more and it's just like, what'd you mean you're changing?

23:13

Is something wrong with me? Is there something I didn't do? It

23:16

has nothing to do with you at

23:18

all. That person is

23:21

evolving. And now we're at 40, I

23:24

see the world so differently than I did

23:26

at 38. I

23:29

see it differently than I did at 35. I

23:31

see it differently than I did at 25. And

23:33

I'm thinking to myself now, like, man, imagine

23:36

if I had the type of wife who was just

23:38

like, nope. And I use

23:40

fictional characters because it's easy because you don't

23:42

have to blow anybody's spot up. But think

23:44

about Tasha in Ghost in Power. Okay, all

23:47

right. And he wanted to evolve. He's

23:50

like, I don't wanna be in this game no more. I

23:52

wanna be able to, and she was like, no, I want

23:54

you to be the biggest drug dealer. That's the man who

23:56

I love. Right. And it's like, wow.

23:59

And look, where you at? I'm like, I'm headed into her now. Denim,

24:01

they kid killed them. Which

24:03

is a tragedy in itself. Crazy. It

24:06

actually is a perfect example of

24:08

someone being satisfied with their life.

24:11

So they don't want anything to change around

24:13

them. But the spouse is like,

24:15

I'm not satisfied. Yeah. You

24:17

see what I'm saying? I know another couple

24:19

who's the same exact situation. And

24:22

it's funny because it's not even that. So

24:24

the husband, so I'm gonna say husband and wife. So

24:26

the wife met the husband

24:28

when she was young. She

24:30

didn't have much, very, very like sheltered view

24:33

of the world. And

24:35

he, being a little older than her, was able

24:38

to expose her to a couple of different things

24:40

and opportunities. And she's like, oh wow, there's life

24:42

out here, right? So then she got a

24:44

taste of what life could be like if I do a little more.

24:47

So she started doing a little more. And then she

24:49

started doing a little more. And then to the point

24:51

where she's doing now to him the most. And

24:54

he's now regrets that I've introduced you to

24:56

more because now you're doing the most when

24:59

I was just satisfied with the

25:01

least that I exposed you to. So

25:03

it's not even now that he's looking at her like,

25:06

Jam isn't me. She's just outgrown

25:08

him. And that's where some of the resentment

25:10

lies because she's like, I

25:13

want more. Why can't we

25:15

do more? And he's like, you're a

25:17

completely different person than I met. You

25:19

met a sheltered, more reserved, more meek

25:22

young lady. That's

25:24

why you liked her. But now she's

25:26

more outspoken and she's achieved things. And she's

25:28

like, I've seen more life. There's more

25:30

out there. Why don't you want more?

25:32

You know, and it's like, no one's

25:34

wrong necessarily in that dynamic, but

25:36

it's sometimes hard for people to support

25:39

a spouse through change because the change,

25:41

like you said, alters their reality. You

25:43

just, you know, it's funny. Remember we talk about

25:45

this being therapy

25:48

for us. I've

25:50

seen how we've both done that for each

25:52

other. Right. I

25:55

gave an analogy to one of my homies, Rob

25:57

Devon. Shout out to my boy, Rob. Robert. But

26:00

I'm Angie meerkats But

26:05

um, we were talking about people having windows in their

26:08

room, right so I made up this

26:10

whole analogy just stick with me, okay, but Two

26:13

kids are born in prison Right

26:15

two kids are born in prison born within the prison

26:19

In a prison in a prison, okay, so

26:21

they grew up in life They each had

26:23

their own cell Right and

26:25

in those cells the only time they could either see

26:27

each other was when they went out into the prison

26:29

in the common Areas and they started

26:31

talking right so they started talking and

26:34

now they say hey you in the prison What do you want to do

26:36

when you grow up and the

26:38

one guy was just like I don't know

26:40

at some point I guess I'd be a prison

26:42

guard because they're the ones who have

26:44

control in here. Mm-hmm. And the other

26:46

one was just like Prisons

26:49

prison guard I'm getting the fuck up out of

26:51

here Mm-hmm, and the one kid was like what

26:53

you mean you getting about here like you sound

26:55

crazy Like this is what life is

26:57

they had an argument they go back into their rooms The

27:00

one kid who said he wanted to be a prison guard. He

27:03

had just a cell right just

27:05

a cell nothing The other guy

27:07

had a window in his room So

27:11

even though their life every day

27:13

was exactly the same same regiment They saw

27:15

the same people his perspective was different because

27:18

he had a window So

27:20

since he could see that there was outside he

27:22

knew there was more. There was more What

27:25

happens when you have a window in your room and you're

27:27

able to share with someone who doesn't have a window You

27:30

change their perspective and sometimes if you can

27:32

change someone's perspective and they go when they

27:34

travel They can bring you up and

27:36

now change your perspective right a lot of ways

27:38

you and I have done that for each other

27:40

Because we were both both very shelter. Yes growing up

27:42

Definitely and it was like there were ways that you

27:45

showed me different things like I

27:47

didn't travel that much No, the country. Nope,

27:49

and now you can't stop me from wanting

27:52

to go someplace, right? You know what I'm

27:54

saying? There are different like lifestyles. I Since

27:57

I was able to make money in a younger age was able to show

27:59

you how to travel differently. Yeah. And

28:01

now you're like, oh, we can

28:04

go first class. We're going to private

28:06

jet. We can get a yacht. You know what I'm

28:08

saying? And now it's like you exposed me to traveling,

28:10

and now I expose you how I like to travel.

28:12

And now you want to travel like that. Right. And

28:14

it's like we keep showing each other windows. Windows,

28:17

yes. And we keep changing. Yes. And I

28:19

want to implore couples to not look at

28:21

change in your spouse as a

28:24

reflection of you not being

28:26

enough. But just look

28:28

at it as, man, I opened up

28:31

a window. Another window. To my spouse.

28:33

Yes. So that that person can see

28:35

more. Right. And just be like, yo, take me

28:37

with you. Then you can blow that joint together. You see

28:39

what I'm saying? You can run off into the sunset. But

28:41

you see what I'm saying? No, that's a really good analogy.

28:43

Listening to you talk really made me think about that. But

28:46

look at us opening windows here during this conversation.

28:48

No, seriously. Having the conversation

28:50

really made me think about it. When you

28:52

have changed, when your spouse is beginning to

28:55

change, that should be a positive sign that

28:57

evolution is happening. And start asking

28:59

questions. Well, rather than being like, why are you changing?

29:01

Why don't you do this? Be like, whoa, what sparked

29:03

this change? Try to get an

29:05

understanding of what that change is and see if you

29:07

can be involved in that change. Because you don't

29:09

know how that's going to open up a window in your

29:11

mind. That's true. Because it can be exciting.

29:14

It doesn't have to. Complacency, for a lot

29:16

of people, is comfortable. Yes. Right. But for

29:18

others, it's not. Complacency is like, what's next?

29:21

I need to keep moving. So keep opening

29:23

each other's windows up. That's

29:25

such a great analogy. And this is literally how Duval and I

29:27

be talking too. Without mics, without cameras,

29:29

without a crew, this

29:32

is like a random conversation over dinner one

29:34

night. No, it really gave me an epiphany. I

29:36

want to look at some of these tips. But

29:38

even some of these tips, it says communicate. Ask

29:40

your partner for their views on things and communicate

29:42

about changes. I haven't read these,

29:44

but that's what we just talked about. Be

29:47

empathetic. Try to understand your partner's perspective.

29:49

We talked about that. Show support. Let your

29:51

partner know you care about them and that

29:53

you support them when they are down. That's

29:55

what I meant to Duval said he wanted to retire. I'm like,

29:57

all right. So what we got to do. What

29:59

we doing. It says create shared experiences.

30:03

Go for a walk, cook together, or

30:05

try to share something they like. Yep.

30:07

Travel. You've been trying

30:09

to get me downstairs to play pool some days,

30:12

you know? Watching movies

30:14

together, I was never a big movie buff. Now you can't

30:16

get me out of that watching a movie. You know what's

30:18

funny? Yep. I

30:20

just can't, I have a whole, like

30:23

the window's opening right now. Okay. But

30:26

even on my moment of truth, why

30:29

do people say marriage is

30:31

important? In

30:33

general, marriage, because you have a companion

30:36

to roll with. A companion. Yeah. There's

30:38

this whole thing about marriage. If a man doesn't bring

30:40

this to the table, he's worthless. If

30:42

a woman doesn't bring this to the table, she's worthless.

30:44

I'm gonna tell you how full of shit all of

30:46

that is, right? As from a

30:48

man's perspective. Okay. Women

30:52

are chasing high value men. High

30:54

value men are just men who make a certain amount of

30:56

money, believe in God, take care of themselves, blah, blah, there

30:59

is nothing a woman can do for that

31:01

man that he can't pay someone

31:03

to do. Okay. Which means

31:05

whatever she's bringing to him has

31:07

to be deeper than just, she can cook, she can

31:09

clean, she fucks, she's pretty. Because he can get all

31:11

of that. If he's a hive, he can get all

31:13

of that. Paid for or free. Do you know what

31:16

it is? A woman can bring to a man, other

31:18

than just nurturing him, opening

31:20

his mind to evolution.

31:24

Seriously. Because if you as a woman can

31:26

make this man think something further and create

31:28

more and do more, all he's going to

31:30

do is grow and to be a better

31:32

version of the man he already is now.

31:34

Yeah, that's sure, that's literally us. Like just

31:36

opening perspectives. And that's what it's both ways.

31:38

Yeah, same. You want a high value woman,

31:40

right? If a high value woman says, I

31:43

got degrees, I earn my own money, I

31:45

stay in shape, I do all this. There's

31:47

nothing that a man can do for that

31:49

woman that she can't pay for

31:51

herself, right? If she got five

31:54

degrees as a high earner, then

31:56

she don't- Own property, do all that, yep. So then

31:58

she don't need a man for protection. and she can

32:00

hire security service. She don't gotta cook and clean.

32:02

She's already stays in shape. If she wanna fuck,

32:04

she can find a young boy to heat. She

32:07

can just be like, yo, I'll take you to

32:09

buy some PS5s. You can

32:11

come by the house. When you come by the house, we can

32:13

fuck. Like, I'm just being honest. Not sugar momma with

32:15

the PS5. A high value

32:17

woman does not need anything,

32:20

but her mind expanded. And

32:23

that's why marriage is so important. You

32:25

have two different perspectives and the further

32:27

apart the perspectives of these two people

32:29

are working in synergies to be together,

32:31

the greater the windows, because now her

32:34

perspective is so different from his perspective.

32:37

The growth can be so much more. That's where the creativity and the

32:39

uniqueness and them really just,

32:41

oh, that's a good one. It just

32:43

hit me why change is so important in

32:45

marriage and how it broadens the horizons and

32:47

opens up the windows and changes the perspective.

32:50

In talking, this is why talking to someone who

32:52

has a different perspective is important, because when you

32:54

started talking, it hit me

32:56

like, oh, I ain't think about that. And that's

32:59

just like a human thing in general, because it's

33:01

like, okay, one human being, because this is like

33:03

thinking about same sex couples, for example, one just

33:05

may have a completely different perspective than the other.

33:08

So it's like, if you're bringing

33:10

some things that are so different,

33:12

but you guys united in similarities,

33:15

that's really just another way

33:17

to further expand on how

33:19

the relationship can grow deeper.

33:22

You're then empowered to go out into the world and

33:24

conquer and achieve and do all the things that you

33:26

want to do. That's literally, you're right,

33:28

that's what we do. That's what we do

33:30

as humans. And that's why marriage is

33:32

so important. That's why friendships and

33:34

relationships are so important. Friendships are the same

33:36

thing. Right, stop looking for friends

33:39

that all just believe the

33:41

same things you believe. Stop looking for

33:44

friends who live the same exact lifestyle

33:46

you live, because then if everybody has

33:48

the same amount of windows in their

33:50

room, no one can teach anybody anything.

33:52

That's true. And that's why it's

33:54

important to look for change in your spouse. Because if

33:57

your spouse has changed, stay the same, 10, 15. 20

34:00

years if they haven't grown that means that they haven't

34:02

even pushed you to grow Yeah And you have to

34:05

start looking at yourself like and am

34:07

I in the same spot for 15 years doing

34:09

that doing because and it Doesn't matter

34:11

how much money you have growth doesn't

34:14

it doesn't only mean No for sure

34:16

not doesn't mean economics. It's like you

34:18

could be a billionaire say you was born into money

34:22

He's born into money and you marry a woman who was

34:24

born into money Yeah, I got all the money in

34:26

the world But all y'all do is

34:28

sit at your house and y'all y'all and

34:30

do the same things. It was no growth

34:32

there Yeah, you died accomplishing nothing and bringing

34:34

nothing to humanity or bringing anything to each

34:36

other. Yeah I'm

34:38

still on the friendship portion of it too because

34:40

I think about how important this is when we

34:42

talk about the friendships that we choose to engage

34:45

in and then sometimes letting those friendships grow a

34:47

goal Sorry, because

34:49

a it's not sharing the

34:51

similar similarities Also, too is hard

34:53

as friends when you grow past your friends

34:55

and you change Then you it

34:58

kind of catapults you into a different realm Like

35:01

now yeah You're in a different friend group and it's

35:03

just like damn like the people who I used to

35:05

be friends with the people who I used To you

35:07

know be in the group chat with chopping it up

35:10

about random things Like we don't even have things in

35:12

common anymore because their windows are not

35:14

open, right? That is the truth

35:16

They haven't and even if I do say

35:18

hey come in my room and look through

35:20

my window It's good to be something innate

35:22

to make them want to yes No,

35:25

make that move you right cuz you know because I

35:27

really with friendship No, you're absolutely right cuz some people

35:29

can see a window and then just be

35:31

like I'm not interested I'm how I'm happy where

35:34

I am. Yeah and understanding that is that that's

35:36

okay, too Right, right, right even if you you

35:38

do have a spouse who is just

35:40

like my spouse is not interested in changing at all

35:43

Finding empathy and being okay with the fact that

35:45

cool you can do that Right,

35:47

I want to change right. You know what

35:49

I'm saying also understanding that

35:52

change scares people. Mm-hmm You

35:54

show somebody a window. Yeah, I think

35:56

it was was it sojourner truth or

35:59

Harry? Tubman. The Journey of Truth came up the other

36:01

day too with us. You said something wild about Sojourn

36:05

the Truth. I

36:07

don't think it was Sojourn the Truth. I was trying to say

36:09

somebody else and I said Sojourn the Truth by accident. Yeah,

36:11

you did, but it was something crazy though. It was

36:14

something with pop culture. Who said that? He was like,

36:16

was it Sojourn the Truth? And I was like, yeah,

36:18

in the 1400s. What

36:20

the fuck are you talking about?

36:22

I'm so annoyed that I can't remember that

36:24

right now. But anyway, don't let me use my thoughts. Yes,

36:26

go ahead. I

36:29

think it was Harriet Tubman said, I freed

36:31

thousands of slaves and I

36:33

would have freed thousands more if

36:35

they knew they were slaves. Yes. The truth of

36:38

the matter is a lot of us are enslaved

36:40

mentally. Oh, yeah. And the idea of change scares

36:43

us. So we'd rather stay

36:45

in whatever circumstances we are in. Yep.

36:47

Because they also say this, the devil

36:49

I know is better than the devil

36:52

I don't. That's a fact. You know

36:54

what I'm saying? Emancipate yourselves for mental

36:56

slavery. None but ourselves can free our

36:58

minds. You know, this

37:00

round of podcasts all

37:03

have the similar like

37:06

message, perspective versus reality. Challenging

37:08

yourself. It's like an enlightening that's been

37:10

happening for us. I think it's because we're

37:12

on the fourth floor. That's what it is. It's because

37:14

we're on the fourth floor. So we give you

37:16

all the cheat codes to all of my people

37:19

listening who are in there like late teens, early

37:21

twenties, thirties, like we're trying to get you out

37:23

to be trying to put you on to game

37:25

from early from now to be like, guys, this

37:28

is what you look forward to. Because think about

37:30

it. We had recently said, you said, I can

37:32

see why my Godfather, for example,

37:34

uncle Frank moves the way he moves because

37:36

he's in his sixties and he didn't seen

37:38

all of this already. So when

37:40

you see older men and women who are, they're

37:44

not bothered, they're not worried about

37:46

the riff raff. Who do

37:48

we say more recently? Denzel was it that he

37:50

just be chin. He mind his business. They

37:52

says because he's seen all of this already. He's

37:55

not getting, like we're like at this age

37:57

in life, they're not getting involved in all of

37:59

the heat. They gonna sit by their

38:01

window, look out their window, and

38:05

like the view from where they're at. Y'all can stay

38:07

over here in prison. Let's

38:10

take a break. Let's take a break. Got some

38:12

windows we can look out of in

38:15

the bedroom. Okay. How

38:19

did we get here? Okay. During

38:28

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42:04

we back. All right. This

42:06

is your letter time. That podcast went in a

42:09

completely different because of the epiphany, but

42:11

that's also God working. Yeah. Because

42:13

we're talking about trying to curate ways to talk

42:15

to people and then God gives you a message

42:17

and say, talk about this. Just talk about this

42:19

right now. Just to, whenever you was talking about,

42:21

don't fuck that. God said that to God,

42:23

I was like, fuck that. And that's the beauty of like

42:26

the podcast that we've been doing with you guys more

42:28

lately. Like it's not just like finding these really structured

42:30

topics to talk about. It's kind of like whatever's in

42:32

our heart in this moment. And we just ask God

42:34

to be a vessel to deliver whatever it is that

42:37

he wants us to deliver to y'all in that moment,

42:39

because it's going to help somebody. It helps us along

42:41

the way. And we love it

42:43

here. You think God, because... Absolutely.

42:46

Because God be looking down at us sometimes. Like,

42:48

look at this thing. Absolutely. The fuck is you

42:51

doing? That is not what I told

42:53

you to do. That's what I said. That's

42:55

not how I intended for it to be.

42:57

You know what? It's mute.

42:59

Now you can't talk no more. Now you at a

43:01

stroke. Why? Because you ain't do what

43:03

God told you to do. Now look, now look. Deval,

43:06

you are a mess. How

43:09

did we get here? Oh no. We never know how we

43:11

got here. God told me to tell y'all that too, man.

43:13

Start playing with God, bro. Period. I'm telling him. Period.

43:16

I'm telling him. Period. Let

43:18

me go first. All right. Hey, Kadena,

43:20

Deval. What's up? First, I want to thank

43:22

you for doing what you're doing. You are so relatable.

43:24

You're still young on the fourth floor. You

43:28

offer wonderful advice content. Thank you so

43:30

much. Which is why I'm reaching out.

43:32

I've been with my boyfriend for close to two

43:34

years. We live together and overall he has a

43:36

wonderful boyfriend. He makes me laugh. He's

43:38

just similar to you both. My father is

43:40

from Brooklyn, Crown Heights. Yeah. Big

43:42

up. And he is also Caribbean. Big up

43:45

Belize. All right, now. Like a

43:47

lot of Caribbean families, they raise their daughters

43:49

especially to be of value to take your

43:51

education seriously and to be self-sustaining. I

43:53

have honed in on that advice and I'm blessed to

43:56

have my master's in education. I

43:58

am a teacher with a good salary. hearing

46:00

kind and compassionate. So those are the pros, but

46:02

that's all he is. That's

46:04

not gonna be enough to

46:06

sustain a relationship. Potentially. Caring,

46:09

kind and compassionate, no. That's

46:11

not gonna be enough to sustain it, sis. Like

46:13

you are. I

46:15

will say this though, I will say this. It

46:20

sounds like he's a nice guy, right?

46:22

But when you're looking for a life partner, you're not

46:24

looking for a nice guy to be a life partner.

46:27

And I'll tell you why, right? If you're going into

46:29

the wilderness, right? And you have to fight

46:31

off bears and you need someone to help you hunt

46:33

and do all this. Are you gonna grab the guy

46:35

who's the nice guy who can make you laugh? No,

46:37

you're gonna grab the guy who's resourceful. Yes,

46:39

his ingenuity can figure it out. And

46:42

that goes both ways. If

46:44

I'm going into the wilderness, right? I'm not

46:46

gonna just grab the prettiest girl to

46:49

survive in the wilderness, because life is the

46:51

wilderness, we're all working. I'm gonna grab the

46:53

most resourceful person who if I don't know

46:55

what's going on here, I can look at her and be like, can

46:57

you figure this out? Facts. I'm not just gonna look

46:59

at her and be like, oh, she looks great. And

47:02

then we're gonna go in the wilderness and

47:04

get killed by a bear. And die. And

47:06

right now, sis, you're on the road to being

47:08

killed and mauled by a bear. Facts. In the wilderness

47:11

with homeboy. Facts. We're all about love. I don't know

47:13

how much more to say about this. And we love

47:15

that you love love, but you just told us why

47:17

it was not gonna work. And it's one of those

47:19

things too, where I had a conversation recently with someone,

47:22

and she was asking me, like, how do I

47:25

motivate my guy to

47:27

want more and to be ambitious? Like, what can

47:29

I do to be able to

47:31

like spark that in him? And

47:35

my advice was more like, okay, some

47:37

people have ruts. Some people have moments where it's like,

47:39

damn, you know, you have your downtime, especially if you're

47:41

a creative, you know, you may not be in a

47:43

creative mood in the moment. You need something to kind

47:45

of spark that. But there's certain

47:47

things you can't teach someone. You can't

47:49

teach someone how to be ambitious. You

47:52

can't teach someone how to be self-motivated.

47:54

You can't teach someone to want more.

47:56

You can show them. You

47:58

can expose them to it. Ultimately, it

48:00

has to be something innate and it doesn't

48:03

seem like he right now Innately

48:05

has that now. I don't know how old this couple

48:07

is. They could be 19

48:10

and 21 and he's just still trying to figure things

48:12

out. He's got a master's degree though. So she does

48:14

Oh, okay. So then yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. So

48:17

you're definitely a little bit older than that. I like 25

48:20

Yeah, you know Maybe roughly around there but

48:22

that there's certain things that you just can't

48:24

teach and you can't will someone to have

48:26

They either have it or they don't and

48:29

I think this is a circumstance where he may just

48:31

not have been exposed to that kind Of life and

48:33

though being with you you would think okay. Yeah, he

48:35

sees how I'm ambitious. I'm driven I'm doing all these

48:37

things. These are the things I want out of life

48:40

It may not be something he wants but this goes

48:42

back to what we talk about

48:44

a lot on this podcast is using discernment

48:47

And and not being afraid to say hey

48:49

this relationship was what it was. I learned

48:51

a lot about myself I learned a lot

48:53

about the type of person I want to

48:56

date and you're just not that that's not

48:58

Yeah, don't mean that you're a bad person.

49:00

That's not the person for me and being

49:02

okay saying that's cool Cuz I'm not gonna

49:04

settle in my life Right to make you

49:06

and everybody else feel happy about how I

49:08

should live my life because I'm the only

49:10

person responsible for that Using discernment

49:12

means I can tell after dating and dating

49:14

takes time Yeah dating is not two days

49:16

you might date someone for a year or two years

49:19

and saying, you know What over this two year span? I

49:21

realized that this is not what I want for the rest

49:23

of my life So we can go out separate ways. Hey,

49:25

you know, that's what I agree. I just think you know

49:27

based on what she said I would

49:30

say hey mama Go and find

49:32

someone else that has the same type of work

49:34

ethic and will and drive that you have and

49:36

don't feel Based on listening to

49:38

the internet But everyone telling you your standards are

49:40

too high and you're gonna be by yourself Cuz

49:43

what you gonna do lower your standards and end

49:45

up being miserable with someone I'd rather be by

49:47

myself with high standards and be

49:49

with someone that I gotta carry Yeah

49:51

for the rest of my life, right?

49:53

So all right now. Good luck to you

49:55

sis number two Hey,

49:57

Dev I

50:00

can truly take something positive from each episode,

50:02

whether it's related to my marriage, family, personal,

50:04

or just parenting in general. That is the

50:07

spares, I love it. When

50:09

I was listening to the Practice Kid episode,

50:11

it really put parenting into a better perspective

50:13

for me. For context, I'm 28 with two

50:16

kids, my son is nine, my daughter is

50:18

two and a half. Currently I'm struggling with

50:20

my nine year old son constantly lying, even

50:22

about the little things. We have

50:24

had constant conversations on the importance of being

50:26

truthful. We have tried many

50:28

different discipline mechanisms such as taking away

50:30

electronics, writing the same

50:32

sentences many times, you must be listening to it.

50:36

Hardcore workouts, spanking, et cetera. Have you

50:38

dealt with this and how do you navigate

50:40

this with your practice child? Thank

50:43

y'all, much love. I've dealt with this in

50:45

my mentorship program. Yeah, and that was our gift directly

50:47

with the lying. We haven't dealt with lying with our

50:49

kids, but do you know why? Why? Lying

50:51

doesn't come from lack of discipline. Lying

50:54

comes from a child not feeling safe to tell

50:56

the truth. So when

50:58

you create an environment, like what she said, hardcore

51:01

workouts, spankings, writing sentences, this child probably

51:03

doesn't feel comfortable because if I tell

51:05

you the truth, I'm going to get

51:07

in trouble. Some sort of punishment. You

51:09

have to create, stopping

51:12

children from lying comes from them

51:14

feeling safe. If a child

51:16

doesn't feel safe or comfortable communicating with

51:18

you, they're gonna lie. Yeah. And if

51:20

you really want them to stop lying,

51:23

make it okay for him to tell the

51:25

truth and he doesn't get in trouble. That

51:27

doesn't mean you take away consequences. It just

51:30

means that they don't get in trouble. Trouble

51:32

means like a disciplinary action. So it was

51:34

like, yo, what did you do? Let's

51:36

discuss how to do this again. And

51:38

let's try not to make the same choice over

51:41

and over again. After a while

51:43

of doing that and it takes patience, they call

51:45

it gentle parenting. And I know a lot of

51:47

black and West Indian parents don't like doing the

51:49

gentle parenting thing, but we do

51:52

like a hybrid, right? My kids are allowed to

51:54

make poor decisions and do things in real time.

51:56

So I want them to learn how to pick

51:58

themselves up off the ground. So my biggest

52:00

thing is I let them make a poor decision. We

52:03

talk about, what's up, what happened? Why'd you do that? Like

52:05

for example, Jackson, you know, skipping on his

52:07

reading and then his grades dropped, right? What

52:10

happened, why'd your grades drop? Oh well,

52:12

because you know, I thought that this and this and that

52:14

and making it huge, I didn't have time. Jackson,

52:18

you had time. You chose to

52:20

use your time for other things. I'm

52:22

not mad, but this is what happens. Well

52:24

you do that. And are you

52:26

happy with getting a 70 on the test? No. So

52:29

then you got to fix it, bro. But what

52:31

I didn't do was be like, you got a 70, no

52:34

more video games, no more of this, because

52:36

now the next time it's like, I'm not even telling my pops.

52:38

I'm just fixing it. It's fair

52:40

now at this point. It's fair. It becomes

52:42

hiding. Those are all the things that

52:45

you start to kind of manifest in them. Like I

52:47

love that with our boys, we've given them, like you

52:49

said, a safe space to be able to say how

52:51

they feel. So even if it was something that, and

52:53

I had to curb my own reaction. Yes, you

52:55

did. I remember. I had to curb my own

52:57

reaction because just coming from my environment where like my mother

52:59

also too stressed the importance of not lying and cheating and

53:01

you cheat, you go to jail and you go to jail,

53:03

you do this. There was like this like

53:05

subsequent chain of events that happens if you told

53:07

one lie, you end up in jail. You said

53:09

if you lied and you cheat, if you cheat

53:11

then you steal. If you steal, you go to

53:13

jail. Don't call me. And I was like, how

53:15

did we get here? You know what I'm saying?

53:17

Like, how did we get here? So I had

53:19

to curb the way I reacted to things when

53:22

the kids did something that was not to my

53:24

liking. So it doesn't even have to be a

53:26

lie. It can just be something that they do. And

53:28

I'm just like, they're like, oh God, mom is gonna

53:30

be upset. So it's changed so much now that where

53:32

I don't react in a way that

53:34

they feel threatened or they feel like, oh my God, mom

53:36

is so upset. It's more of a like, all

53:38

right, buddy, it's all right. It's okay, what happened? Hey,

53:41

mistakes happen, right? No big deal. Mommy

53:43

used to spill things. Mommy used to do this too, right?

53:45

It's okay, you tell mommy I help you rather than them

53:48

trying to sneak and clean up and then do it poorly.

53:50

And then they're scared to tell me. And then you're trying

53:52

to figure out who told a lie and all of them

53:54

are thickest thieves and they're never gonna tell on each other.

53:56

So you really don't know who did it. So

53:59

you always wanna. to have that and I love that we have that

54:01

with our boys so that your son is nine there's still time

54:03

to be able to penetrate that.

54:06

Not a lot of time though. Because once

54:08

they get to middle school that's when

54:10

they start to become who they are

54:12

going to become. But ultimately it

54:14

all becomes about feeling safe. Kids

54:16

only lie when they don't feel safe.

54:18

Right, or they feel like they're gonna be in

54:20

trouble. They tell the truth when they're comfortable with

54:23

someone who they just like okay this and what

54:25

you said is perfect. Sometimes

54:27

a discipline can even be a lot. As

54:30

long as they still feel safe. For example, Jackson

54:33

don't do something. He know he got to get on the treadmill and

54:35

he got to get it done. But what affects

54:37

him is how I respond. Yep, it's

54:39

all in the response. Dad, I didn't do so

54:41

and so and so. Aight bro, well you

54:43

made that choice. So remember what we discussed.

54:46

You owned me 30 sprints on the treadmill and he's like

54:49

aight. As opposed to dad I didn't

54:51

do so and so. Why the fuck wouldn't you? And

54:53

now he feels unsafe. He's still gonna have to do

54:55

the same sprints. But my response, which

54:57

is the perfect point. How

55:00

you respond to your kids as a

55:02

parent shows them what they should be

55:04

afraid of. So no matter

55:06

how bad it is, if you learn how to keep your cool

55:09

and stay even and you still discipline them. Well hey yo, you

55:11

stole so and so. You

55:13

know what the consequences are for that. Listen,

55:16

and once you have a relationship with them where

55:18

they feel comfortable and they feel safe. They

55:21

also don't want to disappoint you. Yes. So

55:23

if they know the consequences, they see the hurt and

55:25

the disappointment in you when the lie is told. You

55:27

sit him down and you say, baby do you understand

55:29

that that really hurt mommy's feelings. That you lied

55:31

and you felt like you couldn't tell me the truth in that

55:33

moment. I

55:35

really really want for you to be able to

55:38

feel safe to tell me how you really feel.

55:40

Because it'll give them then the space

55:43

to feel like, okay. I can

55:45

tell mom regardless of what it is. What it is. She's

55:47

not gonna react. She's not gonna fly off the handle. We're

55:49

gonna just figure it out. That's always my

55:52

thing. Don't worry about it. We'll figure it out buddy.

55:54

We'll figure it out. I said we'll figure it out.

55:56

We'll figure it out. We'll work. All

55:58

right. If only it was the same way with me. No, no,

56:00

I got hit. I got punched in

56:02

the chest. I got smacked. I got

56:04

beat with a belt Oh, they took

56:06

my car away took the video games

56:08

away. You weren't a big liar though as a kid

56:11

No, not but no not for lying But I did

56:13

lie because of stuff like that like remember I signed

56:15

my my form one anybody who went to andrews huddy

56:17

junior high school shout out flatbush Know

56:19

that if you get in trouble or you you miss

56:21

an assignment You got to get your parents to sign

56:24

a form one a form one shows that you did

56:26

something and your parents I signed

56:28

them shits and gave it to my teacher because I wasn't even

56:30

trying to hear my mother mouth Right and and it really it

56:32

had nothing to do it. I didn't want to get hit It

56:35

was it was just like it was like i'll figure this

56:37

out. I can't be bothered. I can't be bothered I wasn't

56:39

a liar, but you lie by omission. Yeah until

56:41

parent teacher night comes And

56:43

they're lying by omission and they're like well miss ellis. We

56:46

have these form ones that you signed and my

56:48

mother goes Oh

56:50

really And this is me

56:52

no eye contact I'm

56:55

just looking straight. I'm just straight ahead like

56:57

and I if if looks could kill she

56:59

was burning a hole through my temple Yeah,

57:01

and the lasers coming out the other side

57:04

and this was just me the whole time

57:09

Like i'm not hearing none of this Oh

57:12

my god, good luck to you and your

57:14

boy. I know I know it gets better.

57:16

It definitely gets better. All right y'all Listen

57:19

letters keep writing in we love to

57:21

hear from y'all email us at deadassadvice@gmail.com

57:23

If you want to be featured on

57:25

the show, yes, that's

57:28

d-e-a-d-a-s-s-a-d-v-i-c-e at

57:31

gmail.com All righty moment

57:33

of truth time Well, you should go first because you feel

57:35

like you had it at the tip of your tongue when

57:37

the show first started So i'm anxious to hear what it

57:39

is. Do you remember what your moment of truth is? Yes,

57:41

my moment of truth actually goes

57:43

back to before your partner has

57:45

changes. Okay, it's please use discernment

57:49

with the people That you give

57:51

your time to Because if

57:53

you choose the right people to give your

57:55

time as they change and evolve They will

57:57

carry you with them through that evolution and

57:59

you will