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DICKSBF. Hi,

1:25

I'm James Deakin and welcome to Desert Island

1:27

Dicks, the shows that sees you marooned on a

1:29

desert island after a plane crash with the worst

1:32

people and worst things imaginable. Who they are

1:34

and why they're a dick is up to

1:36

our guest. And here to share their Desert

1:38

Island Dicks with us today is stand-up comedian, writer

1:40

and actor Morgan Rees. Hello, Morgan. Hello,

1:42

how are you doing? I'm

1:45

fine, folks. How are you? A

1:47

bit gutted to be obviously stranded on

1:51

this awful plane crash. I never thought

1:53

it would happen. No, you

1:56

don't anticipate it because everyone tells you that it's

1:58

the safest way to travel. Yeah,

2:01

no, not when I'm on board. Why

2:05

do you say that? I am

2:08

fine, but it is a ritual now, I've got

2:10

to have a drink before I'm on board on

2:12

the flight. What about you? Oh

2:14

yeah, yeah, yeah, take the edge off. Regardless

2:17

of... and I'm a

2:19

pilot, but... It

2:23

didn't matter what time of the day as

2:25

well, for me it doesn't matter. Well,

2:28

it's always stupid, you have to get to

2:30

the airport, so your flights are 8, so

2:32

you've got to be there at 6, but

2:34

Wetherspoons is open. So even

2:36

if you're not in the mood for a

2:38

Guinness, you can always just get a bloody Mary or something.

2:40

You've got to have something. Yeah, no,

2:42

I get it, because I get the same as well with regards

2:44

to... My drink of

2:47

choice is a Guinness, I just love

2:49

an airport. Me too, me too. For

2:51

some reason I have to have Guinness

2:53

in an Irish pub or

2:55

any airport. I cry for it.

3:01

I was just saying, I love a Guinness too, and recently

3:04

I've had to do the gluten free thing, which is really

3:06

annoying, but if I'm in a pub, I just can't help

3:08

myself. I just can't not have

3:10

a Guinness. Oh, that's

3:12

what I'm... I'm new to London, so it's

3:14

now on the hunt for good Guinness pubs,

3:17

and now we're more moving into Guinness weather

3:19

as well. I'm

3:21

kidding, I'm excited for it. Okay, so

3:23

how did you find choosing the people

3:25

and things for Desert Island, Morgan? A

3:28

little stuff, because there's very few people

3:30

I hate. I'm Mr. Post-Therapy, so I'm

3:33

all about letting go, I'm all about

3:35

not holding grudges, da da da da

3:37

da. There are just some proper evil

3:39

people in the world, and you just

3:41

go, well, the people I hate are

3:44

evil. They're not dickheads. It

3:47

probably feels like an understatement. That

3:50

bloody Pewton, he's a bit of a

3:53

dickhead, isn't he? You're

3:56

right, he's such a weird label to put on

3:58

someone like that. because

4:00

I've got best friends at a dickhead. I've

4:02

got friends that I won't introduce to other

4:05

friends who go, oh, they shouldn't meet there

4:07

with dickhead. But

4:10

yeah, it hasn't been

4:12

too difficult. It hasn't

4:14

been too difficult. I know that there

4:16

are other sections, but the people wise

4:18

were too tough to be honest. Okay,

4:21

okay, so on that note, who's gonna be your

4:23

first choice for the desert island? First

4:26

choice for the desert island, I kinda

4:28

regret choosing this person because I chose

4:30

them while I was at home visiting

4:32

my parents. And I should say,

4:34

this person, I totally agree with 99.9% of what they

4:36

say. It's

4:39

just what they're the figurehead of.

4:41

And that is James O'Brien. Oh,

4:45

wow, wow, okay, yeah, yeah, yeah,

4:47

yeah. He is so

4:49

on it, he's so great, he's

4:51

so this, but I hold such

4:53

reservations for people that portray

4:56

themselves as Mr. Right, or I have all

4:58

the answers. And also

5:00

you just go, oh, history

5:02

takes you a rotten. Ha ha ha ha ha ha

5:04

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

5:07

ha ha ha ha. So the chances are, the

5:09

chances are, it's not all as it seems.

5:12

And I agree, the worst part about it is I

5:14

agree with about everything he says. And

5:17

also I think what happened was, and I tell you what it

5:20

is, I don't think he's a dickhead at all. I do, you

5:22

know, he's on LBC, isn't he? Yeah,

5:25

yeah. And I think I

5:27

have very difficult feelings about

5:29

that channel. He's

5:31

got leading, and they're really proud of it

5:34

as well, of going like leading Britain's conversation.

5:36

You just go, I've heard

5:38

the conversations on that. Ha

5:40

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

5:42

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. And you just go,

5:44

the last thing I would want is people thinking I'm leading

5:46

them. It's a shame, it's almost like it's where he's ended

5:48

up. And because he's got such a following, they would never

5:50

get rid of him, do you know what I mean? Like

5:53

they obviously love it, but it just

5:55

doesn't completely seem like the right fit.

5:58

No, and I do, I like it. it because

6:00

obviously it's the whole thing is balance isn't

6:02

it because they have some right right wingers

6:05

they have some left wingers but also it's

6:07

the fact that and it's not his fault

6:09

i should say that he's uh he's been

6:11

lumped in with this lot it's the fact

6:13

that my parents love him they

6:16

adore him and you know you

6:18

just rebel against whoever your parents are into

6:20

it's just that okay right oh

6:22

you should have seen this thing james oblai

6:25

and had the other day oh you should

6:27

have heard this person call them they were

6:29

so stupid it's like that's because they only

6:31

get those stupid people in the fords but

6:33

you know because it's just an

6:35

angry fight it's an anger machine isn't it that's all

6:37

lbc is yeah yeah

6:40

it's it's not there it's not a

6:42

place for debate is it it's a

6:45

place it's just to get everybody

6:48

wound up yeah it

6:50

is it is it's like they're

6:52

just whoever's producing those shows just no

6:54

not that cool i know that oh

6:57

okay you're gonna okay you're gonna fire

6:59

everyone up right get them on air

7:01

quick yeah who

7:04

has the most non-delicate

7:06

ham-fisted ill-educated argument that

7:09

we can turn into a

7:11

soundbite wicked james naphtha or

7:14

nine one quick yeah yeah

7:16

yeah yeah yeah yeah

7:19

yeah oh this guy thinks we should build a

7:21

wall around london let's get them in yeah

7:24

this person thinks we should privatize baby

7:27

milk or whatever you know quick

7:30

get them on yeah oh my god

7:32

you're right you're right it

7:34

does like it does a similar thing to

7:36

like um someone mentioned on here the other

7:38

day gerrym vion show like um like

7:41

the callers that they get on it's just like

7:43

obviously they could get loads of people on that

7:46

have like got a great opinion or like um

7:48

a really good argument for their

7:50

point they don't they're like yeah this

7:52

is gonna this is gonna cause complete chaos get

7:54

them on air yeah because that's

7:56

the thing he's just he's just another face

7:58

of that sort of stoke in the

8:00

fire machine, which is really disappointing because I

8:03

think he's great. But

8:07

it is just, I think there's so much

8:09

division. Well, I take that back. I don't

8:11

think there's as much division in the country.

8:14

I think most people just want to get

8:16

on with their lives. And if your life

8:18

doesn't affect mine, happy days. But

8:21

that doesn't really sell papers, does

8:23

it? Yeah,

8:25

it's not. Would your parents listen if

8:27

they didn't get that person on every

8:29

week? Yeah,

8:31

I don't know whether we, I

8:34

listened into this radio show the other

8:36

day and everyone was agreeing and sort

8:38

of realizing we all had differences, but

8:40

it's usually to shoot a different upbringing

8:42

or stuff. No one's tuning in for

8:44

that. No, no

8:46

one wants that. I mean, it'd

8:48

be great. Maybe we should do it. Maybe

8:50

that's the show. Maybe that's the thing. And

8:53

it's like, what's that film with Eddie Murphy

8:55

where everyone tunes into the God channel because

8:57

he just makes you feel good about yourself.

8:59

Yeah. Oh, I know the one you,

9:01

but that's the thing.

9:03

It's just the face. I'm so sick and

9:05

tired of that. They know that it's the

9:07

cultural wars thing at the moment, isn't it?

9:10

We have many things that

9:12

unite us, but unfortunately

9:14

we spend all the time arguing about the things that

9:16

divide us. Yeah, it's so

9:18

true. I think it's a good choice. I

9:20

have never listened to his podcast, but apparently

9:23

it's good. Oh,

9:25

I bet it's brilliant. I think, but

9:27

all I get is on TikTok is

9:29

the LBC things, uh,

9:32

firing up. Well, that's my fault because it's

9:34

the algorithm. I could, because it's me being

9:36

my parents. It's me being a complete hypocrite.

9:38

Ah, look at these idiots. Look

9:41

at these idiots like Cher Sen.

9:43

Obviously you really need a TikTok

9:45

cleansing. I feel like you

9:54

need to just watch some like quite

9:56

like wholesome non LBC videos and get

9:59

that algorithm that. Oh

10:01

they've got they've I'm right under their thumb

10:03

I'm right under their thumb. Was

10:06

it the news agents? They're bang they're

10:08

every other clip. I can't believe people

10:10

have opinions like this. I'm a complete

10:12

hypocrite. I'm like parents to and through

10:15

and that's why I'm retaliated and putting

10:17

the person they love on this island.

10:20

That's great okay yes and also

10:22

quite a difficult character to deal

10:24

with on the desert island I

10:26

imagine right? I think

10:28

so if you're just trying to sit at

10:30

a desk trying to where's all the other voices?

10:35

All in here James all in

10:37

here. Okay

10:39

James O'Brien I think that's right isn't

10:41

James O'Brien that's how you say it.

10:43

I think so yeah for sure yeah

10:45

James O'Brien a fantastic first choice who's

10:47

going to be your second choice? Well

10:50

this is the one thing that I wanted

10:52

to give loads of context around the fact

10:55

that I don't because they these people are

10:57

not equals. For the next person I want

10:59

to put in is Nigel Farage. I

11:03

absolutely despise him with everything in

11:05

my being. It's and the fact

11:08

that like oh as we know

11:10

I think at the moment he

11:12

is arriving in Australia is he

11:14

not to most likely be on I'm

11:17

a celeb. I

11:20

just I

11:22

get it he's good he's going to be

11:24

good value on that thing because people are

11:26

going to hate watch it. Exactly that I

11:28

was just talking about those LBC clips everyone's

11:30

going to hate. Obviously

11:33

my thing is just down to Brexit

11:36

speaking as a Welshman from the valleys which

11:40

is not to get on any sort of I

11:42

grew up really really well not

11:44

really well versed but over

11:46

toned knowledge of European

11:50

handouts in Wales because 30% of Wales is under

11:52

the poverty line so we used

11:54

to get loads of EU handouts and the only

11:56

reason I know this is because my mum's job

11:58

was helping to show that. to do EU

12:00

funds to impoverish

12:03

areas of Wales. And

12:05

it was really rewarding. And it

12:07

was so great seeing these facilities, seeing

12:10

everything open up because of EU funding.

12:12

And then all of a sudden, bang,

12:15

gone. Gone. And

12:17

we know all the reasons why this, that,

12:19

the other. We were all tired tropes now.

12:22

I know it's a broken record, but he was

12:24

the spearhead of it. And every time I see

12:26

him, I just, ah, the

12:28

fighting is so smug about it. No.

12:31

Because he is our Trump, because nothing will stick

12:33

on him. Nothing will stick on him. I

12:36

know. I know it is. It's

12:38

bonkers. And also, like, for

12:40

someone with actually genuinely so little

12:42

real power, he managed to have

12:44

so much influence at the time.

12:46

It was crazy. It's

12:49

OK. It's a really

12:51

impressive feat, or fascinating feat, maybe,

12:53

rather than impressive what he's accomplished

12:56

as a man with zero power. Isn't

12:58

it mad? He was not

13:01

really in politics. He was never, was

13:03

he ever elected possibly once? I don't

13:05

think, well, maybe, but not that I

13:07

remember. I don't know. I don't know.

13:09

He was an MEP, wasn't he? So

13:12

like, AKA the European government, but not

13:14

the British government. He was, yeah. But

13:16

he just, he's had such, and it

13:19

is the smugness. And knowing

13:21

that nothing will, nothing will stick on him.

13:23

Nothing will. And then the fact that when

13:26

bad things do happen to him, he is

13:28

so quick to play the victim card. Right,

13:31

yeah. Yeah, some absolutely bonkers stuff has happened

13:34

to him, though, because I guess if

13:36

you put yourself out like that in the

13:38

firing line, wasn't he in a plane crash?

13:40

I'm sorry I've seen a picture of

13:42

him covered in blood, which is

13:44

like, I mean, that, for

13:46

one, is bizarre. I mean, was the pilot on

13:49

a camera closet, was he trying to do us

13:51

all a favor? I don't know. You

13:54

crashed on Desert Island. He's been through it before.

13:56

Yeah. That's

13:59

the reason why. on him on, I was like he

14:01

fucking knows how to get out of this. He was a

14:03

survivor, yeah. But then there was

14:05

the whole milkshake incident, right? Someone took a

14:07

milkshake to his face and a very

14:10

odd, very odd man. Oh,

14:13

but in the fact that, like,

14:15

the fact that he's a bit

14:17

Katie Hopkins-esque, in the fact that

14:19

being hated is their fuel. They

14:22

don't hate being hated, they love

14:24

being hated, because that is just

14:26

another form of attention. And,

14:28

oh, I'm being spoken about. That's

14:30

what you see about when all these controversial

14:35

anger, people are just

14:37

pumping out. You just go, you don't

14:39

believe this. You're too clever to believe

14:41

this. This is just

14:43

scratching some really toxic, warped thing.

14:48

I'm on the telly. I'm on the telly.

14:50

Of course, I've got to say, all babies

14:52

are racist or something. But,

14:54

all just some bonkers things

14:56

that people don't agree with.

15:00

Yeah, I mean, Nadine Doris has recently

15:02

gotten that slipstream, right? She'd like to

15:04

see her name in the headlines every

15:06

week. And so she would just come

15:08

out with some absolute Ross supporting Boris

15:10

Johnson or whatever it is, you know.

15:13

Yeah, it's just, and

15:15

I just hate, well, obviously, he's

15:17

of that ilk now. But

15:21

what he's done to the country and what, and obviously,

15:23

he wasn't the only person with that. But

15:28

it's the head up, shoulders

15:30

back, big old grin, nothing touches me.

15:32

You can try. Yeah, well, and then.

15:35

That part of Nigel Farage. I think

15:37

you're right, yeah. And like the man of the

15:39

people, he's always got, I

15:41

can always imagine he's got a pint in

15:43

his hand. He's the conservative man's man with

15:46

a pint. I

15:49

mean, he's in the pub all the time. He's

15:51

that bloke with the war stories. He's like really

15:54

mugged himself to be that guy. And now he's

15:56

going on on celebrity and it was reported to

15:58

say that he's getting one. 1.5

16:01

million pounds or something. Yeah, I think

16:03

the most anyone's ever been paid for

16:05

it I

16:07

mean it's outrageous. It's but

16:09

that's the thing it just he's just

16:11

a magnet it just of all

16:13

of this Bonkers stuff all

16:16

this mad stories. They just keep on

16:18

coming his way. Oh I'm

16:21

lost for words of how much I hate him.

16:23

I Wholeheartedly

16:26

agree and also can I just

16:29

say It's not as

16:31

if Nigel broad hasn't come up on this podcast before

16:33

but I feel like you've put your point across so

16:36

So eloquently, I would say it was up

16:38

there with the best. It was really really

16:40

spot-on Okay,

16:43

so Nigel products gonna be a second choice Is there

16:45

anything else about Nigel products before we put them on

16:47

the desert island? I think everything

16:49

that needs to be said about him is said

16:51

about him, right and who's gonna be your third

16:53

choice of desert island This

16:55

is a group of people if that's

16:57

not too vague but these people My

17:01

third choice is anyone that holidays in

17:03

Dubai This

17:06

is good. This is really good I'll

17:09

be honest I talk about it a little

17:11

bit in my show but good god I

17:13

everyone I know that holidays and Dubai is

17:15

an absolute Decade

17:19

I don't think that they've got people that

17:21

are from Dubai going back to the Bible

17:23

people with family in Dubai go into the

17:25

bite People that go oh, I'd love to

17:27

buy you just go. Oh, it's so shit

17:31

Have you been yeah? Well, I

17:33

got I got a really good treatment as

17:35

well because I actually knew someone that worked

17:37

for the shake who put us out But

17:39

just see it. It's just all

17:42

the same Okay.

17:44

Yeah What

17:46

are you talking about put us out They

17:49

flew it we flew over and like

17:51

we got to like be around in the desert

17:53

Jews Mootoo around Abu Dhabi and Dubai and all

17:55

this sort of stuff. But but now I know

17:58

I hear it out loud It's insane What

18:01

did we do a comedy show there? No. No,

18:03

I was about 20 and there was

18:05

a guy at uni who said, oh my

18:08

dad flies a plane. And

18:10

we go, okay, we go, yeah, cool, cool,

18:12

cool, cool, cool. And then it turns out,

18:14

oh, he's the private pilot for The Shake.

18:17

Ooh, that is so funk. We

18:20

all went out there and they just got put

18:22

up and then we got there and our mate

18:24

guys took us around on all this, that and

18:27

the other. And I tell you what, it was

18:29

fun for about a day. But otherwise Dubai is

18:31

just a city set. Well, I describe it as

18:33

slugging letters with an ego. Wow.

18:37

I think it's so rubbish.

18:40

Oh, big city centre, this sort

18:42

of Western Supermoor

18:45

paradise in the middle of a desert.

18:48

And all people do for me to

18:50

buy is it's not about having a

18:52

good time. It's about signaling in your

18:54

wealth. And you just

18:57

go, well, that's not that you're not

18:59

having a good time there because you've taken

19:01

too many photos. Well, that's the

19:03

thing. Yeah, that's all I've seen because it's

19:05

just social media. It's like it's

19:07

just you go for your Instagram

19:10

pictures in the sun. Right. I don't I

19:12

don't understand. It's not even fun. Sun is

19:14

not good sun. It's also like, oh, go

19:16

for a straw, a little bit on the

19:19

it's 40, 50 degrees. You

19:22

cook, you could cook an egg in it. You

19:25

know what I mean? If people are I remember

19:27

when I was there, people were screaming, running across

19:29

the sand into the sea. They

19:31

get so hot, you're not allowed

19:34

outside. That's not a holiday. That's

19:36

not a holiday. That's intense. Yeah,

19:38

that's remember that remember the

19:40

movie The Call, where they just have to go

19:42

down in the train. That's what that is. It's

19:46

not that hard to be fun. And

19:49

I don't know if the rules have changed, but like,

19:52

isn't it like you can only really like

19:54

have fun during parties and stuff that only

19:56

happens in the hotel, it's like a technicolor

19:59

or something. Yeah, they're sort

20:01

of like designated places. So it's

20:03

not like, I love Barcelona.

20:05

I know I'll end up in

20:07

Barcelona. I adore that. You

20:09

just go, that's beaten sun. And you know,

20:11

there's a gay beach and a straight beach

20:14

and everyone's having a great time and, you

20:16

know, bodies are allowed to know. And not

20:18

even in like a sort

20:20

of a Pee Pee Tom sort of way. It's just

20:23

this nice and free and there's no overly

20:26

predatory vibes. It's

20:28

just a good city, good vibe. You

20:30

go, that's holiday and you're surrounded by

20:32

history. And even if you do all

20:34

the do the history, there's parties, there's

20:37

festivals. You go to Dubai, you just

20:39

go, I'm partying

20:41

in the hotel for a week. And

20:47

then I'll just take two

20:49

photos outside. And also

20:51

as a queer man as well. I mean,

20:54

I respect other cultures. I'm not going to

20:56

respect your culture if I can't hold my

20:58

boyfriend's hand. Yeah, no, no,

21:00

no. Even that you

21:02

sort of just go, oh, it's

21:05

just rubbish, isn't it? Yeah, that

21:07

is. Yeah. I see queer people

21:09

enjoying it out there. Okay,

21:12

right. Yeah. I mean, so like,

21:17

when you say you see queer people out there, like, they'll

21:19

have to like hide

21:21

themselves, right? Yeah, I

21:25

believe so. I don't, I'm

21:27

sure there's places people go

21:30

that are very well coordinated and

21:32

they're undercover sort of thing. You've

21:36

got the risk of like, being imprisoned for

21:38

life. Yeah, big time. I

21:42

don't know. It just doesn't seem fun

21:44

to me. It's just like, it's so

21:46

restrictive. And like, like you said,

21:48

it's too hot to be outside. You're only allowed

21:50

to have fun in the hotel, which is like,

21:52

unless you're staying in some incredible hotel with a

21:54

lot of options. You want to get

21:57

out and do something. Do you know what I mean? There's only so

21:59

many taxi drivers. to a different hotel that you

22:01

can do is stupid.

22:04

And it's not even like you walk around like the

22:06

old town and get to know the history of the

22:08

place. It's all brand new. It's just things

22:10

made in the middle of the desert. Just this whole

22:17

tax free. We did

22:19

the Burj Khalifa, the tallest building in the world.

22:21

We went up to the top and you just

22:23

go, oh yeah, more sand. Did

22:28

you go up to the top and you didn't just see

22:30

sand for ages? It's mad. It's

22:32

made of wood. The

22:34

platform that you stand out of,

22:37

the highest tech building I

22:39

think I've ever been in, you go up I think 150 something floors,

22:41

maybe even more in the matter

22:46

of seconds and the whole building is

22:48

high tech. You go to face print,

22:50

scan, get your face scans again in,

22:54

you go up to the top. There's just

22:56

this wooden platform. Was

22:58

it terrifying? It

23:03

was a little bit. You sort of get

23:05

used to it. It's almost like, oh

23:08

well if anything happens, I'm dead. You

23:11

know, it's painless. I never thought I

23:13

would be at the highest point

23:17

in the world man-made

23:19

and get a splinter. You

23:22

know. You must

23:24

be caged in, right? You

23:26

must be caged in. Yeah,

23:31

you are. There is a little gap that you

23:33

can stick your phone out of and take photos

23:36

and all that. No,

23:38

no thank you. Not today's day. No, no, no.

23:40

I'm not interested in that. I'm actually

23:44

dropped it and killed someone at the

23:46

bottom. I think

23:48

so. Yeah. Okay. So the people that

23:50

go there specifically, like

23:53

how is that an ambition? Do you know

23:55

what I mean? Why are you saving your

23:57

hard-earned to go out there and do that?

24:00

For me personally it does sort of

24:02

betray all British core holiday values Because

24:05

to me British core holiday values are

24:08

Sun booze debauchery Who

24:12

goes Sun booze debauchery? Hmm

24:14

the United Arab Emirates No,

24:23

I'm sure like if you're just like

24:25

a history buff there's some phenomenal places,

24:27

but it's not Dubai No,

24:30

no, it's true. If you're like

24:32

partying You

24:34

can't take anything. You can just about

24:36

drink there. Yeah. Yeah Surely

24:40

like if you want to go do that like

24:42

go club in and that IV says in a

24:44

lot nearer Lovely weather lovely

24:46

people and yeah an absolutely

24:49

bonkers debauched time should

24:51

you wish that? So that's why

24:53

I figure it ultimately is I think it's

24:55

about signaling in wealth Which to

24:57

me always makes me a bit icky. I

24:59

don't mind having nice things, you know, so

25:01

get a good coat You've got to spend

25:03

money on a good coat, don't you but

25:05

it's about signaling in that oh I can

25:07

afford to be in Dubai So

25:10

you yes, it's just a status thing. It's

25:12

a status thing more than anyone else But

25:14

well Brown where I live there's a lot

25:17

of country lane site, but like Families

25:20

are buying the biggest Land Rover

25:22

you could you could imagine it's

25:24

not it's not convenient for anyone

25:26

Especially for them here, but it's

25:29

about the status, right? You're

25:31

back. Yeah, sorry about that That's

25:34

alright I know

25:37

exactly what you mean. So I come from that I come from

25:39

I come from the countryside as well. So

25:41

it is that it's Singling

25:44

the wealth always makes you feel uncomfortable Yes,

25:47

I'm with you. Okay good choice

25:49

people that holiday in Dubai at least on the

25:51

desert island because we're imagining it'll be hot They've

25:56

been holding in Dubai they'd be used to being outside

25:58

in 40 50 degrees heat right?

26:00

Yes. One

26:02

redeeming feature if any. Morgan thanks very much.

26:05

Now mercifully among the wreckage of the plane

26:07

there was some food and drink left over

26:09

unfortunately for you it's your least favourite food

26:11

and drink in the world. What are they

26:13

and why are they so bad? Oh

26:16

the first one is so bad and

26:19

but I don't know why because again

26:21

I'm such a hypocrite on paper I

26:24

would love it Turkish delight. I

26:27

really dislike Turkish delight. I

26:29

don't like it at all

26:32

either. I have

26:35

no idea what it is I think

26:37

possibly part of it is the mystery

26:39

of what it is I can't nothing

26:41

I know is properly that purple and

26:44

it just it's I

26:46

would love to describe it but it's been

26:49

so long since I've had it I can't

26:51

really put my tongue on it per se.

26:54

I remember just feeling when I cast

26:57

myself back to it I just remember like

27:00

a really full body sense of oh

27:03

what's this and I'm

27:05

a questioning. I know

27:07

what you mean and it's got like if the

27:10

flavour is like it's like a

27:12

perfumey flavour over anything else I mean

27:14

it doesn't taste like fruit or whatever

27:16

you expect it to. Yeah

27:18

and my boyfriend of

27:20

them is I was about to say at

27:22

the moment he's always Indian but

27:28

that has occasionally because it's a lot of

27:30

cardamom a lot of rose a lot of

27:32

this sort of stuff so I'm sort of

27:35

getting possibly used to that sort of perfumey

27:37

sort of flavour and things but he just

27:39

goes I like Turkish food I love delight

27:41

and you have it you go oh I agree I

27:52

agree I just like I tried I've tried

27:54

and tried again like I've been in the

27:56

Turkish restaurant it's come round and I was

27:58

like I'll give it a go And

28:01

every time strange disappointment and

28:03

like a very odd

28:05

way to finish a delicious meal I feel like.

28:08

Yeah, no, because I know it was because

28:10

the close seconds were going to be like

28:12

Anna Seed, I hate Anna Seed. This is

28:14

always a very peculiar. I remember my

28:17

family were like, no sweets, you can't have sweets,

28:19

no sweets. In the house, if you're out about

28:21

occasionally treat yourself, but no sweets in the house.

28:23

The only people that would have sweets are my

28:25

grandparents, but they would only have those Anna Seed

28:27

ones. Oh wow. So,

28:30

uh, licorice all sorts. So

28:33

it would just be like, like, oh my God,

28:35

I've got to have something. Oh my. Just

28:41

any sugar you could get. Yeah, just

28:43

my override in child and me was like,

28:45

you must consume the sugar. But then

28:48

just my inner critic going, I hate Anna

28:50

Seed. Oh wow.

28:52

Yeah, I, uh, I agree with Anna Seed.

28:55

Definitely. I don't like that at all. But,

28:57

um, I remember being younger and there was like Anna

28:59

Seed balls that you could get from the sweet shop.

29:02

I never was like, I'm going to get Anna Seed

29:05

balls. It was like, I caused it. Like if you

29:07

could handle eating the Anna Seed balls and I was

29:09

like, yeah, I'll get some of those. And I just

29:11

remember eating them. Disgusting. Um,

29:13

I imagine

29:16

as well you open the cargo hold of that plane

29:18

and you're like, surely there's some food. Surely

29:21

there's something I could eat in here. And it's just a

29:23

mound of Turkish delight. Yeah, there'd

29:25

be so much of it as well. It'd

29:27

be disgusting. Like give shop Turkish

29:30

delight. Yeah, I guess maybe

29:32

you could make like a, from all the

29:34

foil from the sweets. You could then make

29:36

yourself a makeshift sort of like sleeping

29:39

bag from all that foil. Wow,

29:41

that's very ingenious. I

29:43

know. I'm only thinking about that now. God,

29:46

I'm smart with a run up. Okay.

29:52

Turkish delight. I agree with Turkish delight. I

29:54

can't get on board with that. I don't know

29:56

what it is. I don't understand that

29:58

at all. And what is it? What's going to be

30:00

your drinks choice? Oh, whiskey

30:02

and everything about me,

30:05

everyone would think, oh, I do like a

30:07

drink, I'm a bit of a, I don't

30:09

know, a bit of like a sturdy bloke,

30:11

this sort of rugby boy, and that sort

30:13

of stuff, but I just can't, just everything

30:15

about, every time I taste whiskey, it's like

30:17

I'm having my first sip of alcohol again.

30:21

I do. Oh,

30:23

that tastes horrible. I

30:27

don't have the palate that picks up notes, or

30:30

tones, or hints, so

30:33

for me it's just like a, is it always

30:35

supposed to go to the back of the throat?

30:38

It's just like burns. Yeah.

30:42

It's not petrally, I just can't get involved with it

30:44

at all, like the flavour of it is disgusting, and

30:46

people have offered me lovely whiskies, I've been at friend's

30:48

house and they're like, do you like whiskey? And I'm

30:50

like, no, and like, you've really got to try this

30:53

one, it's like

30:55

a 30-year-old age cask, something, and you're

30:57

like, oh, well, maybe this is the

30:59

one, maybe like

31:01

that's something special about this wooden whiskey that

31:03

I'm going to like. Yeah. I

31:06

just can't do it, it's horrible, it's

31:08

such a waste of money, someone getting me a whiskey,

31:10

I can't do it. I know,

31:12

and I feel so terrible, because like

31:14

that sort of, that whole

31:16

spiel and bollocks is right up

31:19

my street, that, oh, it's

31:21

casky. I've

31:23

been casting this wood for so long,

31:26

and it was casting like this oak that

31:28

we can only find in California

31:30

in a certain region, and it's been kept in

31:33

these conditions in a dark cellar for minus 37

31:35

degrees for 37 years, because

31:38

it has to have that amount of time, and

31:41

then it's actually at that time the spores are

31:43

just like, I'm like,

31:45

oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, and you taste it, and you're just

31:47

like, oh, I'm, you know, I'm

31:50

a petrol station, is it? I'm

31:53

gay. It's disgusting, yeah. I'm

31:56

the same as you, I get sucked in, like

31:58

we went to the Guinness Store, have

32:00

you been there? When you go round and I'm like my family like

32:02

James come on and I'm just stood

32:07

there and I'm reading every plaque. I'm

32:10

like exactly the same. I'm

32:12

like oh you did what when yes

32:14

oh that's the fermentation process talk to

32:16

me again do you know what I

32:18

mean? Yeah I love the Guinness

32:20

Storehouse it was so good and it was I

32:24

was on holiday with my accent and we

32:26

had a right old argument that morning and

32:29

like it was an argument that should like should

32:31

have lasted 48 hours that sort

32:33

of level of argument but the moment I was

32:35

in there just I was like a child and

32:38

I was so happy and

32:40

they were so furious at me

32:43

being happy and I'm just skipping along

32:45

going like oh my god they

32:47

changed the colour scheme in the 70s. I'm

32:54

the same as you that so we're both getting stuff

32:56

in like I clearly

32:58

like you're in Dublin right you should be

33:00

trying the whisky you should be getting some

33:02

you're giving that a go but I just

33:04

can't I just can't do it Edinburgh no

33:06

can't do the whisky tour. The

33:09

harshness of it just overrides any

33:11

sort of flavour that

33:13

I've I've heard rumours exist

33:15

in whisky but

33:18

nothing nothing you have to water it down

33:20

you know definitely

33:22

and not squash. Morgan

33:25

now fortunately you won't be without entertainment on

33:27

the island the plane's entertainment system continues to

33:29

work but just your luck it only has

33:31

two working settings one is your least favourite

33:33

film of all time and the other is

33:36

your least favourite song what are they and

33:39

why? No well they're my most

33:41

unfavourite song it's by one of

33:43

my favourite artists but I just

33:45

hate the song Uptown Girl

33:48

by Billy Joel. God I

33:50

hate Uptown Girl

33:55

so rubbish Uptown

33:57

Girl woo. I hate it.

34:00

so much. Do you like

34:02

Billy Joel? I really like

34:04

Billy Joel. I play

34:06

piano and I just

34:09

loved it. I thought his voice was superb.

34:11

I think underrated his voice. I love

34:14

his piano playing. I love his songs which is

34:16

Uptown Girl. I don't know what butt this press

34:18

is in my head. I hate

34:20

it. He's

34:23

got some great songs. It's the

34:25

cheesiness of it. It's

34:29

the doo-wop that you just imagine them

34:32

walking into the diner. Is

34:39

that knocking us? Yeah.

34:41

Who was it that brought out

34:43

a version in like the 90s?

34:45

Do you remember? It wasn't

34:48

blue was it? Or was

34:50

it like Westlife or something? I think it might

34:52

be Westlife or one of them. It's Westlife actually.

34:54

I just hate it. I

35:00

don't

35:05

know what it is. I know it's very much almost

35:07

like a very 60s vibe isn't it? This

35:10

is a son of getting the

35:12

girl. I think I just

35:15

find it so cringy and

35:17

cheesy rather than anything about the music itself.

35:28

Probably I bet I scratched the

35:30

surface and it's a textbook amazing

35:32

song but I just find it

35:34

so cringe. It's really difficult when

35:36

it's an artist that you like and they release

35:38

a song that is embarrassing

35:40

or you can't get behind but

35:43

you're so behind that artist. When

35:46

it's someone that you love and then they just do something

35:48

like that, it's disappointing. Yeah.

35:52

I probably don't even portray

35:54

any of it on any of his

35:56

sort of like, oh this is my usual tone. This

35:58

is my detrimental. I

36:01

just felt so like, I wish I

36:03

could put into words. It's

36:06

an unjustified trigger. I

36:08

come from a family of people that have unjustified triggers.

36:12

Like my mum hates

36:14

Leonardo DiCaprio and can't watch anything he's in.

36:20

And he just got why? Yeah, he just

36:22

got why. That's why, I just don't. I

36:25

grew up with the

36:28

reasoning for everything that I would challenge is,

36:30

that's why. It would be, that's

36:33

why it was the running theme of my child. Why

36:37

can't we do that? That's why. That's

36:43

why, that's it. Yeah, that's

36:45

why. That's what my parents

36:47

used to say about everything. But to

36:49

alleviate it from the point, but that

36:51

was just like everyone, my

36:53

granddad couldn't watch anything with Meryl Streep in.

36:55

She kept on going, oh, Meryl Streep. You

36:58

go, what's she doing? You know, I just don't like her. I

37:02

just don't like her. And

37:05

I think, nothing. She's done, I

37:08

would say, I'm happy

37:10

to have on record, Meryl Streep has done nothing

37:12

to my granddad. And

37:15

he knows nothing about her either, but he can't watch

37:17

a thing that she's in. That's

37:20

wild. That is so funny. Like,

37:24

I understand it, though. There's some people that just

37:26

wind you up and you're just like, for

37:29

me, it's Richard Hammond. Yeah,

37:32

I know. I can understand that. That

37:34

makes perfect sense. Okay,

37:38

I can get behind this, I think. Yeah,

37:40

a lot of nothing that's going on in

37:42

this song. And like, yeah, the sentiment is

37:44

odd. I

37:48

feel the crushing disappointment of being on the

37:50

desert island and only having this one song

37:54

by an artist that you actually know and love, and

37:56

only being able to listen to this. Do you know

37:58

what I mean? It's

38:00

like having China Girl by David

38:02

Bowie. Do you know what I

38:04

mean? Yeah. Yeah, that would be

38:06

difficult. Yeah. And you

38:08

thought it would have an upbeat song

38:10

be good on the desert, I didn't

38:12

get your hopes up or get wooed

38:14

up or is it just like not,

38:17

not worth it? Like do you, because

38:19

when you get down, do you listen

38:21

to depressing music or do you listen

38:23

to music that counters that? Counter,

38:25

come on, it's got to be. Oh

38:28

really? Oh no, what do

38:30

you listen to? Do you stay down? I'm

38:32

a wallower. Yeah, I'm a wallower. Wallow in

38:34

the melancholy. Yeah, okay, okay. I hear that,

38:37

I hear that. I feel

38:39

like you've come out the other side though

38:41

of therapy. I feel like for me anything

38:43

like in a minor chord is going to

38:45

have me a bit. So, you

38:48

know. Oh, I just imagine,

38:50

I just always think that's

38:52

a funny image, people that listen to

38:54

things that counter their mood. In

38:57

my head I just imagine people just like

38:59

falling their eyes out and it's

39:02

just, no funk on. Oh

39:08

that's good, that is good. Right, up come go, it's going to

39:10

be a song twist and what's going to be a film twist?

39:14

Oh well, again this is sort of a group

39:16

of films, a bit of my pardon. Anything

39:20

based around the war, I find

39:23

it so, this

39:26

is probably really a naive

39:30

or small-minded or that we get

39:32

it, we get it. The

39:38

Nazis were bad, we won, everyone's

39:41

a bit, we all came out of

39:43

it awful. I find it

39:45

so boring. More

39:51

so I'd actually almost take it

39:54

down to period dramas. I find

39:56

period dramas so boring. We

39:58

mustn't be left alone. alone, Mr Darcy,

40:01

what would people think? I can't

40:03

be asked to put in myself in

40:05

the footsteps or

40:09

the shoes of people that think like that.

40:11

It's so boring. Yeah, I'm with you. I'm

40:13

with you. I think we do have a

40:15

kind of a morbid obsession with the war,

40:17

which is like, really, we should

40:19

probably look back and be like, and

40:22

we do, I guess to a point, is like, look

40:24

back and that was horrific. But it's almost one of

40:26

those things where, oh, we shouldn't, we're

40:29

like, maybe we shouldn't, we shouldn't be talking

40:31

about that, really. But it is like, I

40:33

think any stems from my parents, I should

40:35

say I love my parents a bit. But

40:37

my dad is a big history person. And he's like,

40:39

you got to know your history, Moggs, if you want

40:41

to see the future, you want to you got to

40:43

your to you don't read enough books, you don't need

40:46

a book, I read a book a week, but they're

40:48

not, they're not on

40:51

history, though. They're not on history. They're

40:54

sci fi and dumb thrillers and rubbish,

40:57

rubbish detective things set up north. That's

40:59

what they are. That's great. That's great.

41:02

You're reading a book a week, though. I'm coming

41:04

to you, I'm coming to

41:06

you, he reads. Yeah,

41:08

well, I should say, I'm impressed. Some of

41:11

them might be audiobooks if I go, right,

41:13

yeah, I've got 30 hours of driving this

41:15

week. You know, boom, boom. That's good. That's

41:17

good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Between that and James

41:19

O'Brien, right? And I know. Both

41:21

are relics. Okay, so

41:24

like, yeah, you're, yes.

41:26

So the

41:28

choice is a group and like any

41:30

film based on Second World War, any

41:32

war film, really? Yeah, yeah.

41:35

So obviously, there's exceptions that just anything

41:37

based around the war, or anything,

41:40

or any period films, I find

41:42

period films so frustrating to watch.

41:45

Do you know what one I love, sir? There is

41:47

one that I've watched recently called 1917. Did

41:49

you watch that? Well, I mean,

41:51

that's why I mean, there is an exception

41:54

to the rule that one's quite good. That

41:56

was really great. That was really good. Yeah,

41:58

yeah. When I

42:00

said that to start, like, how do I want

42:02

to be described? Is a stand-up

42:05

comedian, writer, actor, hypocrite? That's

42:12

it, it's all that film. Writer,

42:19

actor, comedian and man who hasn't really

42:21

thought of thought through his list because

42:23

he actually likes all the things. Actually

42:26

quite like a couple of other people. Yeah,

42:30

let's go. Okay. Yes, I'm with

42:32

you on this and as well, quite tiring,

42:34

like, especially if it's an old war film,

42:37

like an old 70s, 60s war

42:39

film, and it's just got to

42:41

watch that every day, like three

42:43

hours long, painful. Yeah. Okay.

42:46

Thank you very much, Morgan. And finally, the island

42:48

is overrun by the biggest dick of all the

42:50

animals. Which animal is it and why? Monkeys.

42:55

Oh, okay. Yeah. Monkeys. I don't

42:57

know whether to get, I don't trust them. And

42:59

it's not their fault. They're too smart. I

43:03

don't, I don't like, I can't,

43:06

I can't overpower them.

43:09

I can't outthink them. I

43:11

can't, if anything, they're better than me. I've

43:13

just, but I just don't trust them. I

43:16

remember I had a friend that worked in

43:18

a zoo and he said, you said, you

43:20

have the apes and you've got like the

43:22

spider monkeys and you've got the,

43:24

oh no, you've got the ape bamboons and spider monkeys.

43:26

You've got, you've got to be careful with them. So

43:28

one of them will just pick it as a toy.

43:31

One of them will use it as an escape to get

43:33

out and the other one will merge you with it. You

43:35

just go, oh, you don't get this

43:37

with cats. No,

43:40

they are too

43:42

smart. And also

43:44

like some of them are

43:46

terrifying. Like you see videos of like these massive

43:48

baboons that like come in, like

43:51

Rob people or like, you know, going to the

43:53

house and night. I don't know. Again,

43:55

Rob you probably just looking for food.

43:58

But like that would be. terrifying.

44:00

Imagine trying to sleep whilst knowing

44:02

that they're there. Yeah,

44:05

and you know, it's the last of

44:07

one thing, it's not like, it's this,

44:09

I would just find them terrifying. Oh,

44:12

I find them so spooky, because they're

44:14

so polite, and because they shouldn't be

44:16

in cages, they shouldn't, they should be

44:19

out and about. And obviously, so now

44:21

we've just, we've sort of just made

44:23

this humongous group of animals that rightly

44:25

want to kill us. We've

44:29

got a big X on our backs,

44:31

and I just go, oh no, I'm

44:33

part of the problem, can we put

44:35

the monkey on the island please? Yeah,

44:38

I agree. I can't remember the last time monkeys

44:40

were chosen all here, but I think it's a

44:42

great choice. It's like, they're too

44:44

smart, they're gonna outsmart you, you can't sleep

44:46

around them just in fear of them attacking

44:48

you, and like, all the Turkish delight is

44:51

gone overnight, right? They're taking that, you've got

44:53

nothing to eat and drink for the rest

44:55

of your life. And yeah,

44:57

Faraj is dead, he's wearing his clothes.

45:01

Yeah, imagine

45:04

monkeys pissed on whiskey as well. Morgan,

45:07

this has been real fun, thank you so much

45:09

for coming on, I really appreciate it. You

45:12

are a busy guy, it seems like

45:14

you've got a lot going on at the minute.

45:16

Fingers crossed, fingers crossed, you know, that there's ups

45:18

and downs, I've just gone full time, so it's

45:21

just fun, I'm self-employed, how weird is that? Oh,

45:24

that's amazing though, that's so good, then you've got a

45:26

big old tour book for next year, right? Yes,

45:29

230, all about 230 and like, just a new

45:33

chapter, it's about the first decade of my

45:35

life I get to live authentically, because I

45:37

came out a little bit late, and it's

45:39

not just about being queer, it's all about

45:41

that sort of unshackling, you know,

45:43

it's about living with your head up

45:45

in your shoulders back, and it's all about all the

45:47

mishaps. I'll be honest here, there's a

45:50

lot of jokes around bumming too. That's

45:56

the spirit, this show is just like a party, I

45:58

just want to... everyone to

46:00

have a great time. I want people to

46:02

use it as a breeze. I want people

46:04

to just have it as a whale of

46:07

a time because it's going to be shown

46:09

that there were people stroke their chin. Honestly,

46:11

I just want people to have a great

46:13

time. It's got a dress code as well.

46:15

It's got all this thing. I just want

46:17

people to have a party. There'll be photographers

46:20

as a DJ. We're raising money for local

46:22

LBTCQ charities at every event. So we're doing

46:24

like events in the break to raise funds

46:26

for all those charities. I want people walking.

46:28

I want them to have a good time

46:30

with musical entertainment. I want them to have

46:33

a good time when I'm not on stage

46:35

either, which is why we've got the queer

46:38

charities coming in to put on events. That's

46:41

so good. I have no idea that's what you

46:43

were doing. It's such a good idea. It really

46:46

makes like an event of it. Rather than just

46:48

watch my show and watch me talk for one

46:51

hour and then go home. It's like you're properly

46:53

doing something with it, which is cool. I

46:56

want everybody to have a good time. Most

46:58

of the venues are wheelchair accessible. Some of

47:00

them, you just know the nature of the

47:02

beast of these sort of venues. They're in

47:04

rooms and the pubs. It's just to have

47:06

a space. I think there's only about two

47:08

or three. I think that might be possibly

47:11

Edinburgh and possibly Glasgow. Apologies if

47:13

that is on the website, if not.

47:15

But we want to make all the

47:17

shows really accessible as well, which is

47:20

why most of the big shows we've

47:22

got a British sign language interpreter as

47:24

well. With my old job, I used

47:26

to work in safeguarding, helping a lot of

47:29

people with disadvantage. Just because

47:31

there was nothing out there for

47:33

people that needed sign on it,

47:35

so such little. Do you

47:37

know what? If one show a year can put it on,

47:39

I'm happy to do it. Yeah, that's

47:41

great. Make it accessible. That's so good. You've got

47:44

a podcast as well, I've seen.

47:46

Yeah, we're chatting with Cherries, me and Josh Jones.

47:48

It's a queer leading podcast, but it wasn't really.

47:50

It's just too queer. Lads are talking about their

47:53

week and light-hearted things in

47:55

the news, to be honest with you. We talk for

47:57

an hour and we cut it down to 30 minutes.

48:00

So it's just like if you want just a 30 minutes

48:02

like just a real punch of just

48:05

two queer lads fucking up every week

48:09

Talking about it and having a great laugh. Just

48:11

a half hour dose a week. Yeah chat with

48:13

cherubs. It's called We got to adore making it

48:16

So good. He's been on this podcast and it was a

48:19

brilliant episode. So yeah, yeah And

48:22

and you put a load of brilliant clips on

48:24

your socials as well I imagine people can hear

48:26

about your gigs and that on there Like is

48:28

it your name Morgan Reeser? Yeah,

48:31

Morgan Reese. Follow me up Morgan though Reese

48:33

on all the socials Just Morgan Reese will

48:35

take you to my website and yeah, I

48:37

try and post about a minimum five times

48:39

a week So there's always something up Thank

48:43

you so much Morgan. There's no

48:45

problem. Thank you so much for having me. I've had a wonderful

48:47

time You