0:00

Hosting a summer barbecue? A backyard

0:02

movie night? A slip and slide party? Serving

0:05

up Aperol spritzes? Whatever

0:07

you're hosting, don't do it without Drizly,

0:09

your go-to app for drink delivery. With Drizly,

0:12

you can shop local stores and compare prices on

0:14

beer, wine, and spirits, then get them delivered

0:16

to your door. Boom! Hosting handled.

0:19

Now, before you get back to folding napkins,

0:21

download the Drizly app or go to drizly.com.

0:24

That's D-R-I-Z-L-Y dot

0:26

com today. Must be 21 plus.

0:28

Not available in all locations.

0:30

Hi, I'm Dan from Desert Island

0:32

Dicks and this episode features

0:35

comedian Rob Copland. Some

0:37

of you might remember when we

0:39

did the Pawfoot episode that I said I'd

0:41

went and saw Pawfoot do a work in

0:43

progress at a club called the Poodle Club

0:46

in South East London. And that night,

0:48

Rob Copland did a little set as well

0:51

and I thought he was absolutely brilliant.

0:53

So I was really glad to get him on

0:55

the podcast. That's one of the lovely

0:57

things about doing this podcast is that you can see

0:59

people that you think are great and then invite them on

1:02

and have a chat with them. So yeah, it was great

1:04

to sort of have a chat with Rob and

1:06

I think he's really funny. I like this episode

1:08

a lot. It's a nice long one. And

1:11

yeah, he's up in Edinburgh at the minute, but

1:13

I think by the time this goes out, he

1:15

might have finished his run because he was only doing

1:18

a short one. He talks about that a little

1:20

bit right at the end. But yeah, if you

1:22

get the chance to see him when he's back from

1:24

Edinburgh, I really recommend it because

1:26

I think he's very good. So

1:29

anyway, before

1:30

I turn into a complete

1:32

and utter fanboy, I'm going to

1:34

move on and just say thank you for

1:36

downloading this podcast. It means a lot that

1:38

you will listen to it. And if you're

1:40

new to this podcast,

1:42

well, thank you for downloading the podcast.

1:44

It's the same message, basically. We're

1:47

just thankful that you downloaded it. If

1:50

you subscribe, then obviously you will never miss an

1:52

episode. And hey, if you'd like to

1:54

leave us a rating and a review, we like

1:57

that very much indeed. I am a

1:59

needy.

1:59

person as much as anyone else and

2:02

it is nice to hear your feedback and

2:04

nice to see what you like and that kind

2:06

of thing. I've got to be honest, it's quite

2:08

late, it's quarter to eleven at night and

2:10

I've just finished editing this episode so

2:12

I'm quite tired and babbly and I

2:15

think probably it's best for all of us if I

2:17

just shut the fuck up and we

2:19

get into the podcast where it will also

2:21

be me talking but also mostly it will

2:23

be Rob and we'll just have a

2:25

nice time. Look, you get the format of

2:27

the show, it's easy to explain

2:29

so let's get on with it shall we, it's Desert

2:32

Island Dicks with Rob Copeland.

2:48

Hi, I'm Dan Benedictus and welcome

2:51

to Desert Island Dicks, the show that sees you

2:53

marooned on a desert island after a plane

2:55

crash with the worst people and worst things

2:57

imaginable. Who they are and why they're a dick

2:59

is up to our guest and here to share their Desert

3:01

Island Dicks with us today is comedian Rob

3:04

Copeland. How are you? I'm alright

3:06

mate, it's nice to be here with you.

3:09

Well it's nice to have you on. We're not together, that's

3:11

the thing. I'm up in Edinburgh now and I've been living

3:13

by myself for a while, it's nice to speak to somebody.

3:17

Well I'm happy to be

3:18

a nice

3:20

voice for you in your darkest

3:23

hour but unfortunately we are

3:25

going to talk about some pretty bleak stuff,

3:27

obviously the people and things you would least

3:29

like to be stuck with on a desert island. How

3:32

did you find the process of whittling

3:34

down your choices? I've been thinking about it

3:36

for quite a while, it's interesting isn't

3:38

it because there are, there's different

3:41

reasons you might not want to be stuck on an island

3:43

with somebody. There are people in my

3:45

life who are friends but they bring

3:47

out the worst in me and someone

3:48

like

3:51

that, you know the hedonistic side of yourself,

3:53

you know those friends that you just hang out with and get fucked up

3:56

with, like you're thinking well

3:59

would they be a person who you don't want

4:01

to be. But then you're on desert island so you're just like why

4:04

not just get hedonistic until you go crazy and die.

4:06

So there was that you don't want to

4:09

be like oh yeah by the way mate yeah you'd be the

4:11

least person I want to be trapped on a desert island with even though

4:13

we love hanging out. So

4:15

there was thinking about that kind of stuff.

4:17

There's people that you know in the

4:20

comedy circuit or people who

4:22

are like part of your life and you see on a regular basis

4:24

who you might think god fucking hate to be but you

4:27

don't want to name them on a podcast and then bump into

4:29

them and be like I'll

4:29

leave you sorry but I'll be out.

4:34

And then there's like your classic celebrities

4:37

that I bet people say all the time like

4:39

Bear Grylls or Donald Trump

4:41

or blah blah blah blah Boris

4:44

Johnson. You don't want to hit like the

4:47

just like you mean I don't know these people they

4:49

might be hilarious to people

4:52

watch. You know it might be quite funny being stuck

4:54

on a desert island with Boris Johnson because he might be so

4:56

pathetic that you know and you could

4:58

eat him he's porky he'd be

5:00

tasty. It's

5:04

been one of those things that's been at the back of my mind for a long

5:06

time I've been thinking about it a lot and I've got three people

5:09

and I'm proud to put them in my desert

5:11

island of Dickery. Okay

5:14

great well I'm excited to hear

5:16

your choices then and who

5:17

made the list. Who's

5:19

going to be the first person joining you? The

5:22

first person on my list is my

5:25

old maths teacher Mrs Phillips.

5:27

Okay good good I like it when there's like

5:30

a nice sort of I suppose it's like revenge

5:33

is a dish best served cold and this feels

5:35

right when you're talking about an old teacher. I just

5:37

hate to be it's I mean you say revenge

5:40

like I'm getting one over on them.

5:42

I'm stuck on the island with them it's it's going to be

5:44

awful for me that that's the way I've thought

5:46

about it like who would be the worst people to be stuck

5:49

with on this island. Yeah. And my maths teacher

5:51

from year 10 and 11 so GCSE level

5:55

Miss Phillips.

5:56

Fucking cunt of a human being.

5:59

I hope she. I hate her so much

6:01

man. I'm sorry I just used the C word so early

6:03

on. Okay, well

6:05

what was so particularly bad about her? Well

6:08

I had, I have learning difficulties

6:11

and

6:12

going through school was,

6:14

it was so dependent on how

6:16

well I did in the subject on how

6:18

well the teacher could handle my,

6:21

me. And I could find

6:27

a teacher who'd be like, Rob, yeah that's funny

6:29

but come on we're in maths. Or a teacher

6:31

who's just like, get out of my classroom

6:34

right now. And it's like that

6:36

kind of like zero tolerance to

6:40

my energy or my playfulness

6:43

was in equal measures painful

6:46

and difficult. When someone's not

6:48

willing to kind of, come on we're in maths,

6:51

this sucks, we both know this sucks.

6:53

Like, let's try

6:56

and find some joy in it. I remember

6:58

she got, what's it called when you

7:00

almost die? Well

7:03

like a near-death experience. Yeah like an illness

7:05

that people get. She got really ill,

7:08

she got really really ill and she was off

7:10

school for like two months

7:12

and it was amazing. I

7:15

actually got better at maths in those times. We

7:17

had a substitute teacher who was a teacher I

7:19

used to have called Mr Child

7:21

who made maths, weirdly somehow,

7:23

I don't know how, give the man a Nobel

7:25

Prize. He made maths really fun and

7:27

engaging. And with

7:30

Miss Phillips, I remember once Miss Phillips caught

7:32

me, I devised like

7:34

a new technique for zoning out during maths

7:36

where I was like, if I look at the whiteboard and

7:39

just like look at the numbers she's writing on the board

7:41

but don't think about anything. If I just go

7:43

to like an empty

7:45

place in my mind she'll never know

7:47

because I'm looking at the board

7:50

so she can't say shit and

7:53

she, about five seconds in she

7:55

was like, you can't just look at the board and not think about

7:57

anything. Wow.

7:59

So she saw through it. She saw

8:02

through it man. She could read The Matrix.

8:04

She was she was evil. Short hair

8:07

really into cars and Had scissor

8:09

sister earrings The only time I ever

8:11

saw her smile was a night after she'd seen

8:14

this is her sister's live And I was like

8:16

they fucking rule like okay, you have a fun

8:18

side. Let's see it. Let's see it in the classroom She

8:22

just came down on me hard She'd always send me out

8:24

But the worst the worst part about this is

8:27

the thing that like brought her into my mind

8:29

was

8:29

the year I finished uni I

8:32

worked at Tesco's at the checkouts during

8:34

uni and I came back to

8:36

Southampton and was working

8:39

for a short while on the checkouts of my local supermarket She

8:42

came in. Oh, she

8:44

I'm checking her out. I'm doing her beep beep beep

8:47

and I said

8:49

hello, mrs. Phillips and she's like,

8:52

I'm sorry. Who are you? Oh It

8:54

was like that scene in world's end, you know, where he

8:57

he confronts his bully and his bully has no idea

8:59

who he is. Oh

9:01

Man, yeah, that's really nice. Although

9:03

I suppose the other side she could be like ah Rob

9:06

I knew you'd end up working on a checkout or

9:09

something like that, you know Not obviously there's

9:11

nothing wrong with that but she but

9:12

she still she actually still managed

9:14

to say something like that She

9:17

said something like oh, it's good to see you've

9:19

a map what you've amounted to I she genuinely

9:22

said something like that No, oh

9:24

man, what a bitch. I hated this woman so

9:27

much Being to stuck on a desert island

9:29

with her would be health Yeah, no, she sounds like

9:31

a mean person that would just be really difficult

9:34

to live with I mean I hated maths and

9:36

similarly just found it quite difficult and

9:38

challenging with the way my brain works and

9:42

I'm sure that like there were other subjects

9:44

that I disliked But I felt

9:45

like I had a better ratio of like good

9:47

to bad teachers, you know Like I

9:50

was never very into history, but I had some good history

9:52

teachers and some bad ones I felt like my entire

9:54

run of math teachers throughout school was pretty

9:57

bad Like I don't think there was ever one that I really

9:59

enjoyed

9:59

sort of thinking, okay, I hate maths, but this

10:02

guy's okay. Yeah, man, like a maths

10:04

teacher who knows how to have fun is like a, it's

10:06

like finding new on Pokemon is

10:08

essentially impossible. They are

10:10

out there somewhere, but for

10:12

the most part, it's yeah. And

10:15

I, and like, when they're like years and years into

10:17

the profession, and they've just lost the joy or the patience,

10:21

the zero tolerance

10:22

approach to, to Tom

10:25

Foolery in the classroom was the biggest

10:27

thing, you know, like I could be I could

10:29

I before I turn around to speak

10:32

to the person behind me before I'd even

10:34

spoke to them. Rob go stand outside

10:36

for five minutes. This

10:39

is chaos. This is actually

10:41

like chaos for me. So on a desert

10:43

island, that would be difficult, man. Yeah, because I think

10:45

also, I

10:46

don't think like that dynamic

10:49

of teacher student would ever leave,

10:51

you know, wouldn't be like, okay, look, we're on this desert island. We're

10:54

both grown ups now. What are under the bridge and all that?

10:56

How are we going to survive? I think you'd still end up having

10:58

this awkward kind of teacher student relationship

11:01

with them. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.

11:03

It would, that would be really, really difficult to

11:05

navigate. And the the the

11:08

incident when she forgot who I was and

11:11

stuff like she had a kind of a profound

11:13

impact on my confidence

11:16

in an intellectual and a personal sense. And

11:18

then to not remember me that has

11:21

like that that knocked me for six

11:23

when that happened. So to be on the island, I'd

11:25

be like pacing around. Forget about

11:27

Rob. How can you not remember me? You

11:29

know, I'd be going

11:32

crazy. Come

11:33

on. I was I was second

11:35

row, always talking. How can

11:37

you not remember me? I'd

11:40

be fuming about that for a long time. That

11:42

would be horrible. Yeah, that is one of like

11:44

the really harsh things about bad teachers

11:46

is that it just stays with you forever. And

11:48

they will obviously forget about you because they're

11:51

teaching hundreds of people a year. And

11:53

it just feels like there's no justice

11:56

in that because it's I mean, it's so

11:58

shit being I mean,

11:59

As an adult you can have an annoying

12:02

boss or something potentially and that can like

12:04

make your life quite bad but I think at

12:06

least you have the rest of your life and you're grown up and

12:08

you can do what you want. Just school just feels like you're

12:11

always in this grind of like of

12:14

just putting up with this person and often you know you

12:16

change years and you might still get the same teacher

12:18

and when they sort of follow you around like that it's terrible.

12:21

I would dread the class

12:23

going to her maths lessons and time would seem

12:25

to stand still and if those two

12:28

things transferred across onto the island

12:29

time stands still and I'm dreading

12:32

being around them that that is like

12:35

a like a purgatory.

12:37

Yeah okay well I think it's a really

12:39

strong first choice for the island just even

12:41

thinking about some of my maths teachers

12:44

I can't even remember their names now but

12:46

I can just sort of see their faces and just the idea of being stuck

12:48

with those people on an island just sort of gives

12:51

me the fear to be honest. I'm trying to think like

12:53

what they'd be what she like

12:55

you know with her mathematical skills and

12:57

her penchant for the scissor sisters

13:00

you know maybe you know we could get some like fermented

13:03

coconut water in her and get

13:05

a sing in the scissor sisters like that'd be a bit of entertainment

13:07

but I mean what what

13:10

is she gonna do find the the mean you know

13:12

the mean of how many coconuts are on the island

13:14

and the average the average sea

13:17

temperature throughout the year like what what

13:19

good is maths gonna do you when you're on a

13:22

fucking desert and you're starving

13:24

to death what good are your numbers gonna do

13:26

you're now almost, oops! Fair

13:31

enough well I think it's a strong start so

13:34

it's already a hateful place and you've only picked one

13:37

person

13:37

so who's gonna be joining her who's the next person

13:39

with you on the island? Okay my next one I struggled

13:42

I struggled to I struggled

13:44

with my second one

13:47

first I wrote down John Taffer

13:50

do you know who John Taffer is? I don't know.

13:53

John Taffer presents a TV show that

13:55

me and my girlfriend are obsessed with my

13:57

fiance are obsessed with called

13:59

called Bar Rescue. It's

14:03

basically Gordon Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares,

14:05

but for bars, and it's great. It's got

14:07

this guy called John Taffer. His parents

14:09

owned the Troubadour when he was a kid, so he's

14:11

like a bar expert. He helps

14:13

struggling businesses. He goes in and he's

14:16

very Gordon Ramsay-esque. He fucking opens his

14:18

eyes nice and wide and he says shit like, what

14:20

does he say? He says, I don't embrace excuses.

14:23

I embrace solutions.

14:26

He gets real angry. He shouts at people.

14:29

He's

14:29

kind of unbearable.

14:33

But there's this side to him that's like

14:35

Gordon Ramsay, and there's an aspect that I quite like

14:37

about tough love, and

14:40

although being firm,

14:43

being fair.

14:45

I kind of thought if he's

14:47

on the island, we'll probably end up

14:49

having a father-son relationship and it'll probably

14:52

be quite good, even though he's a nightmare

14:54

at times. So I crossed

14:56

him off my list. So he's not coming

14:58

onto the island, but he's an honorable mention. I

15:01

basically wanted to mention that because I wanted to talk about this TV

15:03

show. Everybody has to go and watch Bar Rescue on Amazon.

15:05

It's the best TV show on TV. Yeah, I'm

15:07

going to have to check it out now. Then I wrote,

15:10

this one's crossed out as well, but it's another honorable

15:12

mention. Beard Meets

15:14

Food. Oh yes, yes. I've seen

15:17

this person on YouTube. Yeah, so

15:19

he has a beard and he does

15:22

like food eating challenges. Like what

15:24

was it? Man versus food. It's that kind of thing, isn't it? Like,

15:26

God, that's the biggest burrito in the world. It weighs

15:29

as much as a tiger. Can I

15:31

eat it? That sort of thing. Yeah. Not

15:33

only eat it, but eat it fast and with

15:35

my, well, I mean, burrito is a bad example because it's

15:37

okay to eat a burrito with your hands, but he'll

15:40

eat like the UK's biggest

15:42

fry up and he'll eat

15:43

it all with his hands, like fried eggs, lift

15:45

it up with his hands and he's all going in his beard

15:48

and then he's mopping up. He's mopping everything

15:50

up. He's getting it all in a little pile. He's eating

15:52

beans with his bare

15:53

hands. Get the fuck off my

15:55

desk. I love you. You're in big beans with your bare

15:57

hands. What are you doing, man? You're just...

15:59

Spoon! At

16:03

least use the toast as a spoon. The man's

16:05

fumbling beans. It's

16:09

such a weird thing, isn't it? Where we find ourselves

16:11

like a place in humanity

16:14

where like you can earn a living from

16:16

eating too much food with your

16:18

hands and videoing it. Yes. What

16:20

the fuck are we doing? It is. We've

16:23

crossed a point of no return now

16:26

and people are selfie videoing

16:28

themselves in little quiet,

16:30

quiet, quiet. Quite often he goes into these like

16:32

quiet little cafes and they'll be

16:34

just like a family because quite often it's in the UK.

16:37

They'll just be like a family, like, you

16:39

know, aunties and aunties and grannies

16:41

sitting near him and they're like,

16:43

oh, bloody hell. Oh, look at you. And he's

16:45

like, yeah, different from my YouTube

16:47

channel. And just

16:50

just makes an absolute embarrassment

16:52

of himself. It's

16:54

it's intense. And he kind

16:56

of like jokes around about it coming out

16:59

as well, like, oh, this is going to be a bit of a nightmare

17:01

coming through. Some

17:03

of his videos end with like,

17:06

like, you know, like maybe the

17:08

camera's on the ground and you can see his trousers around

17:10

his ankles on the toilet. Like, what?

17:12

What is what is going on, man? We've

17:15

all eaten food. We're familiar with the process

17:17

and the eventual exit. I don't think it's adding much

17:19

to the video here. No, it's it's

17:22

really off putting to watch a man

17:24

scoop beans into his face

17:26

and then talk about it coming through.

17:30

And, you know, being on a desert island

17:32

with that guy, he'd be gobbling

17:34

up all the coconuts. Yeah. Yeah.

17:37

He'd be gobbling them straight up with his bare hands.

17:40

And I bet he is

17:42

friendly. I bet he is fine. But

17:44

with that kind of like OCD

17:47

eating and because it's not he

17:50

can't be he can't

17:53

be normal. None of us are normal. He can't

17:55

have a healthy relationship

17:57

with food.

17:59

He can't have. of like

18:01

he's got something going on. Like you don't end

18:03

up knowing that you can eat that amount of food that

18:05

quickly. Like an anaconda, like

18:08

going weeks without food and then shoveling

18:11

loads of it in. He's gonna have some

18:13

psychological stuff going on that I don't want to

18:15

have to deal with. There's such

18:17

a sort of bleakness about those kind

18:19

of things where it's just like an impossible

18:22

amount of food for no reason

18:24

and you're just sitting there trying to get through

18:26

it. And it's like, you know, I don't wanna bring up all the

18:28

starving people in the world, but is this the best

18:31

thing you could be doing? It just feels so kind of

18:33

just, I think the anaconda metaphor

18:36

is quite good because you know, you just see them like choking

18:39

down a gazelle and you just think there is no

18:41

joy there. It's just like, food

18:43

must be in me now, get in my

18:45

fucking body. How old are you, how old are you

18:47

Daniel? I'm 41. I'm 33

18:50

and I'm just getting to that age where I'm like,

18:52

I need to slow down when I eat.

18:54

I need to chew my food properly. I'll

18:57

tell you what though, I have taken

19:00

something from this guy's videos, beard meat's

19:02

food. When he's, you

19:04

notice when he's like shoveling it

19:06

in and he kind of, for every bite

19:09

he does, he does a sip of water, bite water,

19:11

bite water. And it's supposed to lubricate

19:14

the food on the way through your intestinal system.

19:17

I, that kind of always comes

19:19

into my mind when I'm eating like

19:21

a big meal now. And I'm like, make sure you get

19:23

some drink in there

19:24

as well. I think I might,

19:26

I think I actually wanted, I actually

19:29

think I want him to be my next person. I had,

19:31

I had him crossed out, but

19:33

the more I think about it, the less I want

19:35

to be on the island with him. I

19:38

just think as well, the fact that it's just,

19:40

you know, he has a big beard and it's called

19:42

beard meat's food. And I just think, is

19:44

that your defining characteristic? You know, like some

19:46

people have beards, that's fine. But if

19:48

you're like, hey guys, I'm the guy with

19:50

the beard, you know, it's, it's like,

19:53

do you not have anything else? No, I know exactly

19:56

what you mean. Cause I have a mustache

19:57

and I, I worry that, that

19:59

I, Sometimes I see guys who have

20:01

mustaches and they've built

20:04

the personality around the mustache rather

20:06

than the mustache around the personality. Do

20:08

you know what I mean? So it's waxed up on

20:11

the corners and they're wearing

20:13

like tartan and a waistcoat and they've got a

20:15

walking stick. It's like all of those things, it's

20:17

like the mustache came first and then those things followed. Whereas

20:19

with me it was just like, I don't know, I've

20:22

just weirdly always had a mustache. I was

20:24

born with a mustache. Everyone

20:27

on my island has to have a mustache. I tell

20:29

you what, I

20:29

would hate it if everyone on my desert island had

20:32

a mustache. I recently

20:34

have been working in like a shared

20:37

work office space and I

20:39

sit near a guy who works for another company and

20:41

he has a very similar mustache to mine where it's

20:43

not like a personality driven one, it's just

20:45

a mustache. And for some reason we

20:47

just can't look at each other in the eyes. We

20:51

can't like, we can't

20:53

just have like, I've had friendly conversation

20:55

with pretty much everyone else in the office but for some reason,

20:57

me and him, it's like two magnets

20:59

going like, you know, two negatives. Like

21:03

they can't, we just, for some reason we can't. So

21:05

if everyone on my island had mustaches, we'd all

21:07

be like, Just

21:12

repelling each other. Of the cars I'm able to truly

21:14

connect. Well,

21:19

yeah, I just think like, I

21:21

don't know, I think that you like you say, there

21:23

are people who have who have them and can wear them

21:25

well but sometimes I just feel like it's covering

21:27

up a lack of something else. And

21:29

obviously that is not the case in your, I mean, I'm,

21:32

I currently am very unshaven myself

21:34

but I like to think I've got more stuff going on that

21:37

if I started a YouTube channel I could think of, think

21:39

of something else to call it, you know. Yeah,

21:42

and he probably got a bit hung up on the meats

21:44

food because it's MEATS, like

21:46

beer meats food. I didn't even notice

21:48

that. And there's that double, I need,

21:51

you know, people who aren't, you know,

21:53

semi-professional comedians like myself, will

21:57

hit on a delicate, like a very easy

21:59

breezy part.

21:59

and be like, what's fucking genius, that?

22:05

This is bringing out the worst

22:07

in me, by the way. I feel like I'm being

22:10

cruel. I generally keep it a rule to be

22:12

quite a nice person, but this is, I'm making

22:14

fun of people for doing

22:16

shit puns. But that's okay. I mean, look, we're

22:18

gonna, we're gonna, this is a safe environment

22:20

for you to expunge all your anger.

22:23

And then, you know, we can have a

22:25

happy go lucky Rob Copland afterwards

22:28

once more. Yeah, he's 100% on there.

22:29

He's

22:33

also, I'm jealous of him because he's probably, he's

22:35

probably making a shit ton of cash doing it. He's

22:37

traveled the world with it. He eats,

22:40

I'm a horrible little pig boy. I love

22:42

to stuff my face with food. And

22:45

he eats some really delicious stuff that I

22:47

want to eat. Yeah, I just think everything

22:49

around kind of like competitive eating

22:51

is a bit odd. Like I watched a documentary once

22:53

about him. There was this famous Japanese guy

22:55

who like took America by storm

22:58

and like his dad

22:59

is like a Buddhist priest and was sort of going,

23:02

yeah, obviously I found it quite difficult to

23:04

come to terms with my son's career being

23:06

that it's like a horrible fucking waste

23:09

of food and I'm a Buddhist, you know, but

23:11

eventually I just sort of realized he was trying

23:13

his best at something and that's what he had to find,

23:15

you know, that was his destiny. But then like,

23:18

you know, you'd see like the one guy who

23:20

then, you know, this American guy who could

23:22

then was the only person who could like challenge

23:24

him and eventually kind of usurped him.

23:27

And he was doing like, he had like a regimen

23:30

of like special exercises to like

23:32

strengthen his neck and stuff like this

23:34

that he could like force down the hot because

23:36

a lot of it was like hot dog eating contests and stuff.

23:38

And he was like doing these weird sit up

23:41

moves that he'd invented that kind of helped like

23:43

helped him choke it all down. And he just think fucking

23:46

hell man, like, what are you? This

23:48

is insane. Yeah, that's a lot

23:50

to put your body through. It's kind of admirable

23:53

to see commitment to an art form like that.

23:55

But when it comes to something that

23:57

is seriously off putting

23:59

for nine. 20% of the people who see it

24:01

happening. It's like

24:04

you're actively trying to make yourself

24:06

more grotesque. Yeah. And

24:08

I just think, you know, like the places that offer

24:10

those kinds of foods as well. And it's like, I guess it

24:12

is just a sort of, hey, if we offer like an

24:14

insane fry up, maybe, you

24:16

know, you'll get some publicity for it. But it's like,

24:19

of course, we're going to eat that. Because you've put like five

24:21

packets of bacon on a plate and a loaf

24:24

of bread. It's like, oh, it's Wales's

24:26

biggest bacon, but it's too big.

24:28

Like you don't need all this

24:29

stuff. Yeah. Yeah. It's

24:32

just that's just ridiculous. Yeah.

24:34

I wonder what the profit gain loss

24:37

is on those, how well

24:39

they actually do. They're kind of it's

24:41

kind of like for a chef, it's kind

24:43

of like putting bait out into the ocean

24:46

for like the Moby Dick. Like, do you think

24:48

that chefs kind of like see

24:50

these competitive eaters and they're like, yeah,

24:53

we'll show him. They try and like throw stuff.

24:55

I saw one in America actually of bid, bid

24:57

meets food where he went to, he went to

24:59

a place where they

25:02

did, they did like a really, really, really hot

25:05

ramen. And it was like gallons

25:08

of ramen, but like boiling

25:10

hot because ramen is supposed to be served

25:13

inedibly hot.

25:16

And the spice levels on this thing were like crazy.

25:19

Like, you know, like when it's like Scoville rating

25:21

a million or something, you know, and he

25:25

tried to take on one of those and it's

25:28

such a horrible video to watch because

25:30

not only is he suffering

25:32

and struggling with it,

25:34

you get the sense that the guys who invited

25:36

him in and asked him to do

25:38

it, kind of like bullying him like,

25:41

oh yeah, you're like, you're like gallons of food. How

25:44

about this mate? And it's like

25:46

consumed quickly could potentially

25:48

kill him. And

25:50

he's like

25:54

going through it. Oh God.

25:56

It's, I just find it really

25:58

bleak.

25:59

It's really bleak, competitive eating.

26:02

Yeah, talk about spicy stuff. I've seen it before

26:04

where they're like, oh, this is America's spiciest chicken

26:06

wing and we have to use a gas mask. We have

26:08

to wear a gas mask in the kitchen when we're preparing

26:11

it because the fumes of the chili are so strong.

26:13

I think, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but I

26:15

think once you're having to wear protective

26:17

gear, like a gas mask to stop you

26:19

inhaling the fumes, maybe you shouldn't

26:21

serve that to people, you know.

26:24

It's just all so stupid and pointless. It's

26:26

such a funny, it's a really funny

26:28

form

26:29

of machoism and alphaism

26:32

to be the man who can stomach

26:35

the hot, you know, like you see it. If you go out for a curry

26:37

with your friends, there will be a bit

26:39

of like, oh, he's got the fucking window, oh,

26:42

he's got the fucking helmet, you

26:44

know. If you look at

26:46

it like that through the lens of like toxic

26:49

masculinity,

26:50

as soon as he opens his mouth and starts talking,

26:53

he's like, he's a beta male.

26:55

He's like, oh, you're right, hey, hey,

26:57

yeah, I'm just gonna eat all of this. And

27:01

not that, you know, I

27:03

like to think that I exist outside alpha or

27:05

beta, because it's a bit of a,

27:07

it's black and white, isn't it? You know, people

27:10

are different in different situations. You know, the

27:13

beard meets food is alpha when he's at

27:15

the food eating competitions, but oh

27:17

God, it's all so bizarre. It's all so chauvinistic.

27:20

Yeah, I think it would be difficult to establish

27:22

a bond with him on the island because it feels like

27:25

you've got that as a talking point. And once you kind

27:27

of go, I kind of think what you do is pointless

27:29

and disgusting. There's not a lot past

27:31

that. So true. Apart from talking about his

27:33

beard, maybe. So, right, so

27:35

we've got Miss Phillips

27:37

and the

27:39

man from beard meets food. Let's just call him the

27:41

beard, I suppose. So this

27:43

is a good, strong couple of dicks

27:46

we've got here. Who's gonna be your third person?

27:48

My third person

27:50

is somebody that I used to, I

27:52

worked with on a couple of occasions. She's

27:56

kind of a British national treasure,

27:59

I found her to be,

28:02

just like, you know when you like

28:05

kind of joke

28:09

or fantasize about celebrities

28:12

being a nightmare, like, man, I

28:15

demand this and I demand that, stop it

28:17

and stop that. So I worked with Angela Rippon. Okay.

28:20

She's an old BBC presenter. I think

28:22

she was a newsreader. Yeah.

28:26

Or she used to present. I

28:28

always get confused with like Gloria Honeyford.

28:30

It's that sort of vibe, isn't it? Like just sort of... Well,

28:32

so her, Gloria Honeyford and Angela

28:35

Rippon, Gloria Honeyford and one

28:38

other. So I worked on this TV show, Rip Off Britain,

28:41

as a runner

28:42

and she was one of the presenters on that.

28:45

And just, you know, like, kind of like imagine

28:47

like the biggest nightmare

28:49

talent when you're working with... She

28:52

was just that. When I introduced myself,

28:55

I tried to be so courteous. So,

28:57

oh, oh, Angela.

29:00

I was like, oh, hello, my name's, you must be Angela.

29:02

I'm Rob. Nice to meet you. And

29:05

she was like, of course I'm Angela. What kind of stupid

29:07

question is that? Haven't you seen the show? And

29:10

I was like, oh man.

29:12

I tried so hard to just be like soft

29:14

and welcoming. Yeah, that's

29:17

just so abrasive from

29:19

the start, isn't it? It's unbelievable.

29:22

She didn't want to try

29:25

and create a dynamic where

29:27

we could work together and have a nice

29:29

time. She wanted to create a dynamic

29:32

where I was the stupid idiot who

29:34

should stay out of her way and

29:38

it sucked. It creates a working

29:40

environment when you're working with toxic people

29:43

where you kind of hate yourself,

29:46

hate them, hate the TV show, can't

29:48

get your head around the power dynamics, can't

29:51

understand why someone would want to abuse

29:53

their power. Just really, really nasty.

29:56

I wonder if it's because she was the sort of person that was like

29:58

quite big in the 80s.

29:59

I think that's like a different kind of fame. You know, if you're used

30:02

to being like one of the main news readers and TV

30:04

hosts, when there's only four channels,

30:07

you know, you're gonna be massive. And I think that, you

30:09

know, probably fucks up some people a little bit.

30:11

But I mean, just being that rude straight

30:13

off the bat, I just think if I was that rude

30:16

to someone, I wouldn't be able to then look at them

30:18

again after like the incident

30:20

had happened. So to then keep working with

30:22

them, how do you fucking just come out with that? I

30:24

don't know. Yeah, I

30:27

remember one time, I've like only ever

30:29

really

30:29

lost my temper with another

30:32

human being who I didn't know like once.

30:34

And it was because I was having a really, really bad day.

30:36

I'd just been rained on. And I was cycling to

30:39

a Stanley Kubrick exhibition

30:41

at the summer hall. And I got

30:43

there, it was tipping with rain. I was soaking wet. I

30:46

locked my bike up to a gate and then I walked into the exhibition.

30:48

And just the guy who like worked on the grounds there was

30:51

like, mate, you can't lock your bike there.

30:53

And I just flipped on him and I was like, ah, why,

30:55

like what's the, it doesn't matter. You okay, well you fucking

30:58

loofy rule. And I was such an asshole

30:59

to him. And then I went around the exhibition

31:02

and I just couldn't enjoy it. Cause I was like, oh my God,

31:04

I'm a piece of shit. I can't believe I just flipped

31:06

at that guy and then left and had

31:08

to go and find him and apologize. And

31:11

Angela was just happy to work

31:14

with me all the time, constantly

31:16

being that shitty person. And

31:19

then also like, I had to go

31:21

and get her lunch. And it's like, how

31:23

can you be so confident that I'm not gonna put

31:27

a

31:27

dog shit in your sandwich? Yeah,

31:30

it's very bizarre. Cause you kind of deserve

31:33

it. I suppose they have such a high regard of themselves

31:36

and the power they wield that they just assume

31:39

that you're gonna be sort of subservient and

31:42

take it and that's fine. I mean, what

31:44

I find, I've worked with similar people

31:46

to

31:46

this and the annoying thing

31:49

is like, I still find my, I don't know if it's

31:51

the same with you. Like I still find myself trying

31:53

to be nice and polite and sort of grease the wheels

31:55

a bit, even though they've just like set out their

31:57

stall as a complete prick. You know

31:59

what I mean?

31:59

And I think, well, it's already a horrible

32:02

working environment for me. So why do I care

32:04

if it is for you as well? But I'm still like, oh, I'll

32:06

laugh at your jokes and get your tea and stuff.

32:09

And then you just end up hating yourself because

32:11

you're like, why don't I just tell this person they're

32:13

a prick? I don't know. It's just such a weird

32:15

way of being in life. Yeah.

32:18

Yeah, that is a really cool

32:21

trick of being

32:23

on the positive side of things that are like,

32:26

it's so hard to step up and be like, like

32:29

as, as like a, because I was like a runner on these TV

32:31

shows to step up and be like, hang

32:33

on a second. You shouldn't speak to me like that. Like

32:36

we're going to be working together all day and I want to have

32:38

a good working relationship with you. So

32:41

but for some reason you just can't vocalize

32:43

those kind of things. You just like,

32:45

yes, yes, boss, I ran off and get the

32:47

sandwich for you. I'm sorry. Yeah,

32:49

it's horrible. I think with these people, it's generally

32:51

the people who are doing the less work, the

32:53

least work out of everyone, but getting paid

32:56

by far the most. And you just think, God,

32:58

you should be walking into work like skipping

33:01

along just so happy or like, you

33:03

know, I'd be so sort of grateful for it. And

33:06

just thinking, God, what if I lost this gig just from being

33:08

a prick for no reason? You know, most

33:11

most people are. Most people really are. I've

33:13

shout out to Alex Horn, who I worked

33:16

with on a TV show called The Button as a runner

33:18

on a Saturday mornings.

33:20

We do. And that could

33:22

have been awful. I had to travel all the way across London

33:24

to get there like bright and early, start record.

33:27

I'm going around getting everybody's breakfasts, handing everything

33:29

out. And Alex Horn was like,

33:31

obviously, he was I think it was like one of his shows.

33:34

He was doing the voiceover stuff. And

33:37

wait, I was waiting on him like hand and foot, but he was just

33:39

so cool. Like he was so

33:41

like, your name's Rob, Rob Cuppland.

33:44

OK, great. Thank you so much, Rob. And how are you doing?

33:46

And everything all right for you, mate? We can get

33:48

you stuff. And like, like just making

33:50

the job a pleasure.

33:52

It's such an easy decision to make

33:54

to be the asshole or

33:56

like, you know, the tyrant or the or the

33:59

or the buddy. And it's like, just

34:01

pick, like, just choose light, just

34:03

choose the light. I just think it's easier

34:06

to just be neutral than be like

34:08

mean. You know, if you just think, oh, I

34:10

can't be bothered to speak to this runner, here's another

34:12

one, I've seen loads of them before, I'm bored, blah,

34:14

blah, blah. But you just think, just be like,

34:16

just be slightly aloof. Or like, you

34:18

know, that's better than just outwardly being

34:20

an idiot, you know. So

34:23

yeah. So true. And I mean, Christ, that energy

34:25

with your old maths teacher as well on the

34:27

island, Rob, I mean, that skin, that's

34:30

not great. Yeah. They probably buddy

34:33

up.

34:33

And I'd be stuck with beard,

34:36

meats, food. It's annoying that

34:39

I don't know his name either. I don't ever

34:41

want to know his name. On the island, he should be called

34:43

beard, meats, food. Every

34:45

time I say it, I'm like. Yeah. And Angela

34:47

Rippon just will never, it doesn't matter how long you're

34:49

on the island, she'll never understand the premise of his

34:52

thing. So let me get

34:54

this straight. You eat food on

34:56

camera

34:57

and that's it. That's it. But really big food.

35:00

Really? Let's get this straight.

35:02

Like for fuck's sake, he's told you. This

35:04

is what he does. What an awful thing to do. What a terrible

35:07

thing to do. Disgusting. Don't you know

35:09

there are starving children in Africa who

35:11

I never help. No.

35:13

No. Yeah. She'd be a nightmare.

35:15

She's very old as well. And I always

35:18

felt that like, because on that show,

35:20

the presenters were elderly ladies who

35:23

also are their target demographic. That's why the

35:25

presenters are old ladies. And

35:28

I'd noticed that they would have this kind

35:30

of defense shield

35:32

up because really

35:34

they should be pottering around a garden center,

35:37

getting tired, having a cup of tea, going home and going to

35:39

bed. They're old ladies, but

35:41

because they're on TV,

35:43

they're like, I'm not old, I'm young,

35:45

I'm sprightly. I can still do it. I can still

35:48

pull it out the bag. And actually

35:50

they're knackered. And when you're

35:52

knackered, you're a bit grumpy. You're in a place

35:54

you don't really want to be. The stories

35:56

are weird. Cause it's like, oh, someone came

35:58

and did my gutters.

35:59

and then they sucked all the money out of my savings

36:02

account. And they don't

36:04

really know fully what's going on. So

36:07

quite often, I feel that they're in a vulnerable

36:09

position. They're about to be on camera. They're

36:12

tired. So

36:15

what they're doing is coming from a place of defensiveness.

36:18

They're kind of like,

36:19

I don't want to be here, so fuck you. And

36:23

it's like, we were on the desert island. That's

36:26

like a ground rule.

36:27

No one can do

36:29

that. None of us want to be

36:31

here. So let's just try and work together.

36:34

Yeah,

36:35

yeah, definitely. And yeah, I just don't

36:37

think that attitude from her is going

36:39

to change. I think she's going to always treat you

36:41

like a showrunner and treat you badly. Your

36:44

math teacher is always going to see you as a pupil.

36:46

Oh, man. So it's you and beard meets food.

36:48

My power dynamics on the island are fucked.

36:50

Yeah, they are fucked. You sit and you watch

36:53

me eat food, boy. You

36:55

sit and you do numbers in silence, boy.

36:59

You run off and get your... I'm

37:01

all like, yeah, I'm all on the receiving end

37:03

of a backhand

37:05

from all of these people for some reason.

37:07

Yeah, it doesn't look good for you, Rob. But

37:09

look. Hi, Dan here. This

37:11

is an advertisement from Better

37:13

Help Therapy. One of the nice things

37:15

about doing this podcast is when we've had people

37:18

get in touch and say that listening has been a help or

37:20

a nice distraction during tough times they've had, which

37:23

obviously we love to hear. But sometimes

37:25

you might have some problems that won't be helped by

37:27

just listening to a silly podcast for a bit.

37:29

And if that's the case, then you might benefit

37:32

from trying therapy. I've had therapy a

37:34

few times when things have been tricky in my life and

37:36

I've always found it really helpful. And

37:39

if things get tough again, I'd definitely give

37:41

it another go. It's a really good way of getting

37:43

your thoughts in order and getting some good advice,

37:46

whether that's help to change negative

37:48

thought patterns or just another way of looking

37:50

at a situation or just having someone to talk

37:52

to and just get everything off your chest. I

37:54

think it's great. And if you think you'd benefit

37:56

from therapy, then give Better Help a

37:58

try. It's completely off. so it's

38:00

easy to fit into your schedule and all you

38:02

need to do is fill out a brief questionnaire

38:05

to get matched with a therapist. You can

38:07

even switch therapist at any time for

38:09

no charge so you can be sure you'll

38:11

find someone you feel comfortable with. Let

38:14

therapy be your map with BetterHelp.

38:16

Visit betterhelp.com slash

38:18

DID today to get 10% off

38:21

your first month. That's betterhelp.com

38:25

slash DID.

38:28

We're going to distract you a little bit from the people

38:31

now because mercifully amongst the

38:33

wreckage of the plane there was some food and drink

38:35

left over. Unfortunately for you it's

38:37

your least favorite food and drink in the

38:39

world. What are they and why they so bad?

38:41

Okay so my worst

38:44

food is one specific meal

38:46

from my life. It is

38:48

a meal that I had while I was on holiday

38:51

with my fiance Una and

38:54

we were in Ireland. Someone

38:57

on her side of the family has a family

38:58

home and it was

39:01

on the west coast of Ireland, really really rural

39:03

and Una bless her got incredibly ill

39:07

on this trip and she was just

39:09

knocked out and I was

39:12

kind of waiting on her hand and foot the whole holiday

39:14

just making sure she was alright. We're talking cold

39:16

flannels on the forehead, opening

39:19

windows to get fresh air so well she couldn't go outside

39:22

and yeah

39:24

she was in a sorry sorry state and

39:26

one day she started to feel a little bit better and

39:28

so I was like I'll cook us up a real real nice

39:31

meal

39:31

and I decided to do like

39:34

pork ribs real slow cooked

39:36

in the oven for ages like all day

39:39

and I like made like a real nice

39:41

seasoning like onions

39:43

in there, garlic in there I

39:45

was so excited about these ribs

39:48

I did a side of like mash and veg

39:50

and stuff and served

39:53

the meal out. Una got out of bed

39:55

like it was like you know seeing her walk around

39:57

it's like she's on the mend sat down and started

39:59

diet eating and as soon as

40:02

I bit into the ribs I realised that I bought

40:04

like a type that were meant for

40:07

I don't basically

40:09

they were just insanely salty

40:12

and they were like a type

40:14

they were in they were like shrunk wrap and

40:17

I think they were meant for a certain type

40:19

of cooking

40:20

or I don't know

40:22

what I bought and I kept like pulling

40:25

the bag out of the bin and looking at it and being like what

40:27

what have I done I spent all

40:29

day cooking these ribs and they were in

40:32

edible they were you could not eat them they were so

40:34

salty I'm trying to think

40:36

what purpose they could have like they just like

40:38

you put put one rib into a

40:40

huge pot of chilli to season

40:42

the entire pot or something it's like is

40:45

that weird I don't know like I can't

40:47

I don't know what if anyone out there knows

40:49

why they'd be that salty I think

40:52

they were supposed to be cooked a certain way or something

40:55

but and then I felt like an idiot for

40:57

not understanding

40:58

that as well and I'm sat there in front

41:00

of this inedible meal that I spent all

41:02

day on and it affected my

41:04

you know made me feel like an idiot and

41:06

I was hungry I was hungry man it's

41:10

so bad like the weight of expectation

41:12

on a long long slow cooked meal

41:14

like that and then to have something so inedible

41:16

as well and it's like you know it's not like

41:18

just you didn't like it very much like you physically

41:21

can't eat it is horrendous and

41:23

imagine that on the island as well you've got that

41:25

beard meats food is trying his best but

41:27

you know you're breaking him down

41:29

because he can't he can't

41:30

do it but that's his thing he has to he has to eat

41:32

it all but you know even he is finding it tricky

41:36

when you started you once you started the clock mate

41:38

you can't stop you know you've

41:40

got Angela Rippon just like giving you withering

41:43

stares because oh Rob

41:46

how could you what have you done this isn't

41:48

how they're supposed to be what did you do you

41:50

silly man yeah yeah miss Phillips

41:52

has got the she's got the packaging of the ribs

41:54

out and she's looking at the salt content on the back

41:57

she's like if

41:57

you've done your maths you would have realised

42:00

I'm like, no! But

42:02

I think as well it's like, you know, like you're

42:04

saying, it's the sort of mystery around

42:06

it as well that makes it so annoying. It's like there's

42:09

no reason that this should taste like this

42:11

and you can't find any explanation that

42:13

makes it better. It's just a really

42:15

annoying, unexplainable, frustrating

42:18

thing. Like, what are you going to do? Like write to the factory

42:20

and ask them what's going on or something like, you

42:22

know, then I'll send you some more ribs.

42:25

Yeah. I

42:27

will, if anyone knows, can you reach

42:29

out and DM me why there would be ribs

42:32

that are so salty that they're inedible?

42:34

Why would they be on the shelves? What are

42:37

they for? Are they for like dogs

42:40

to eat? Is that eating

42:42

dog food? Do dogs need more salt? I don't know. I

42:44

don't know. I don't know. I don't know why I said that.

42:47

No, I like the idea that dogs need,

42:49

you know, like horses and stuff have a salt lick.

42:52

Like some animals have to like take in

42:54

salt. Yeah. Maybe it's

42:56

like that. There are animals that have salt licks.

42:59

What's that all about? Yeah, come and have a lovely big block

43:01

of salt to lick. That'll make you feel better. Now,

43:04

in rib form. Have you salty ribs? Well,

43:08

that does sound like a crap thing to be stuck

43:10

with on a desert island just because, I mean, it's

43:12

even making my mouth feel a bit dry, just thinking of

43:14

the saltiness. So, but what are you going

43:16

to try and wash it down with? What's going

43:17

to be your drink to save the day?

43:20

Wait, it's a good drink or a bad drink? It's

43:22

a bad drink. Sorry, I misled you there with clumsy

43:25

language. It's not going to save

43:27

the day. Yeah, absolutely ruin it. This

43:30

is a drink that was made for me on

43:33

a holiday in 2008 in Turkey on a lads

43:35

holiday.

43:37

We went

43:40

to an all inclusive hotel and

43:42

the bar staff on one

43:44

night said, we'll make you a drink

43:46

that will like fuck you up seriously.

43:49

Because we were like 18, we were like, drink

43:51

it all the time. And

43:53

they made a drink that was essentially just every

43:56

type of alcohol that they have mixed together

43:58

with green food.

43:59

coloring. They called

44:02

it, I think they called it a fuck face and

44:05

they made a pint of it. I think

44:08

about this a lot. It just comes

44:10

to me and I shudder and I just get

44:12

scared. I get really scared about what

44:14

might happen if someone drank all of it. Oh man,

44:16

that's a great name for a drink like that. Yeah,

44:19

it was like petrol. It

44:21

tasted like petrol and licorice.

44:24

Oh man,

44:25

I mean I'll take one Oh

44:27

God, it was really

44:30

really intense and to get around like there

44:32

was like this kind of like sense that you know we

44:34

had to drink it. You know that horrible

44:36

feeling when

44:39

you're younger and that kind of toxic

44:41

drinking culture of someone getting up in your

44:44

face and being like finish your drink,

44:46

neck your drink, scullet, scullet,

44:48

scullet. You know that weird

44:50

peer pressure? Yeah,

44:52

yeah, yeah definitely and so

44:55

was it one drink

44:55

between all of you or did you all have a

44:57

fuck face each? I think I got

45:00

it from the bar and then I brought it back to where

45:02

we were sitting and no one wanted

45:04

to drink it. I couldn't drink it but there

45:06

was part of me that was like you gotta drink this to

45:08

be like legendary or whatever just

45:11

like that really stupid. Oh God,

45:13

I'm getting anxious

45:15

thinking about the drink. Yeah, yeah.

45:18

And the way I got rid of the drink was

45:20

to start like I

45:23

had two empty, I had another cup that was empty

45:25

and I pour it all from like glass

45:28

to glass being like a cocktail

45:30

mixer like whoa but like

45:32

spilling it all all over the shop

45:34

just to get rid of it. Nice.

45:37

Yeah, it's very much in the sort of beard meets

45:39

food drink sort of aesthetic isn't

45:41

it? It's like you know this fry up doesn't need to be

45:43

this big this drink shouldn't have

45:46

all these drinks in it you know like this this

45:48

is not a cocktail this is a bet. Exactly

45:50

yeah this is not a cocktail this is a bet this is not

45:53

this is not like nutrition

45:55

this

45:55

is not something that will help you this

45:57

is a challenge or like

46:00

something that can really hurt you. Like if

46:02

you ate too much food, your stomach could explode.

46:05

If you drank too much alcohol, your heart could stop.

46:08

It wasn't like a cocktail, it was like a loaded gun.

46:11

Do you know what I mean? I'm like holding something that could kill.

46:13

Yeah, and I just think if I was running a hotel

46:16

and I had a bunch of 18-year-old

46:18

English lads in on a holiday, the last thing

46:20

I want to do is give them like the strongest cocktail

46:22

note to man, you know? Yeah, I mean,

46:25

or they were trying to like teach us a lesson, like

46:27

we were annoying

46:29

English tourists and they're like, yeah, this

46:31

will shut them up. Kind of like the ramen

46:33

was for beard, meats, food when

46:35

he went to America and those guys set him up with a ramen

46:37

that could have fucking ruined his life.

46:43

Oh my God, imagine being in an intensive care

46:45

unit and they're like, what happened to him? Ramen.

46:49

So he spent his life around

46:51

food. Ironically, it was the food that killed

46:53

him. Oh, rest in peace, beard,

46:55

meats, food. And

46:59

we never knew his name. He's

47:01

got his,

47:02

instead of like the dates he was born and died,

47:04

he's got like his YouTube subscription

47:07

followers number on his headstone.

47:10

3.5 million.

47:10

A really long

47:12

unwieldy link. Just like carved

47:14

into the stone. Hyperlink.

47:18

Oh man, well, that does indeed sound like a horrific

47:20

food and drink pairing. So, yeah,

47:23

it's working for me. Now, Rob,

47:26

fortunately, you won't be without entertainment

47:28

on the island. The plane's entertainment system

47:30

continues to work, but just your luck,

47:32

it only has two working settings. One

47:35

is your least favourite film of all time and the other is your least

47:37

favourite song. What are they and

47:39

why?

47:41

I wrote, I studied film at university

47:45

and film is like a real, real great

47:47

love of mine.

47:49

It's next

47:51

to stand up. It's one of the most unique

47:54

and interesting art forms in my opinion.

47:59

I...

47:59

I've written down

48:03

anything by Wes Anderson and

48:07

that's a new opinion for me. I

48:09

used to think Wes Anderson was the fucking bollocks.

48:12

I thought he was really cool, really interesting,

48:14

like so unique. But every

48:16

time I watch his films, so my

48:18

favorite kind of films, we're talking

48:21

something like This Is

48:23

England or Short

48:26

Cuts or Magnolia,

48:28

films that show people

48:31

being very human, all of their

48:35

kind

48:37

of, all of the worst aspects

48:39

of ourselves but trying to be the best

48:42

and you know films are kind of like break

48:45

down the human psyche and are

48:47

just you know very human stories, I

48:50

like human stories,

48:51

The Tree of Life, Terrence

48:54

Malick, baby. Wes

48:57

Anderson's films are

48:59

so

49:00

alien to really

49:03

understanding what human beings, I think

49:06

Wes Anderson might be like OCD

49:09

quite far along the

49:12

spectrum of autism and Asperger's

49:15

or like and not that there's

49:17

an issue with that you know, I have ADHD

49:19

and sometimes you know I've got autism in the

49:21

family and I think you know where do I sit on the spectrum

49:24

and but when I watch a

49:26

film I want to have an experience

49:28

where I'm like fucking man, we're

49:31

just human, we're just human,

49:33

we're just complicated beings and we're

49:35

all trying to work it out and that's okay. But

49:38

Wes Anderson's got this kind

49:40

of like,

49:41

this fantasy

49:44

of what people are like and the way they even turn

49:46

their heads isn't human, like it's so

49:49

alien and weird and

49:52

non-organic and

49:55

I've seen making of Wes

49:58

Anderson films and he...

49:59

is so hands-on that

50:02

I reckon the crew hate him. Like,

50:06

he wants to go in and do everything

50:08

himself. He wants to be in control of every last little

50:10

aspect of it. And like,

50:13

sure, every frame does look

50:15

like a dollhouse. It

50:19

is kitsch and cute. But

50:21

like, the stories are just

50:23

like... People who aren't

50:26

really human. I

50:28

don't feel like the people in Wes Anderson films are fucking

50:30

human anymore. Yeah, it's

50:32

weird, isn't it? Sorry, I've gone off on one. No,

50:35

this

50:35

is your space to do exactly that.

50:37

I mean, I think he's interesting

50:39

because it's like when people make albums

50:41

and after a while you go,

50:43

you know, sometimes it's like exactly the same thing

50:45

album after album and that's okay. And sometimes

50:47

you're like, why is this just the same as your last album?

50:50

Like, I don't know why with Wes Anderson,

50:52

it's sort of like... I think because he just sort of go,

50:54

oh, look, there's the little cutaway shot and

50:56

there's that everything's in that font. And it's I suppose

50:58

it's kind of familiar and comforting in some way.

51:01

But it is quite like when the film, when

51:03

the story behind it isn't that good, you

51:06

just kind of think what is all this bollocks? Like the

51:09

French dispatch, I just thought felt

51:11

like a film someone made

51:13

to imitate Wes Anderson, you know what I mean?

51:15

With all these funny little touches and like the

51:17

way it's done. I hated that. I

51:20

hated that film so much. It was not a good film.

51:23

And then it just... So much. That's when it that's when

51:25

everything flipped for me. Yeah, because then at that

51:27

point where you're like,

51:28

this isn't actually a good film, and

51:30

you've just put Wes Anderson stuff all over

51:32

it to make it so to sort of distract us from

51:34

it, you know, and I'm about halfway through, you're like, I think

51:36

this might be shit, actually, you know,

51:38

and I think I would have realised soon, how do

51:41

I not just been looking at all the flourishes? It

51:43

shows it showed that film to me

51:45

showed a real lack of respect for the

51:48

consumer. And

51:50

a real lack of care

51:52

for truth or

51:54

like it's about this, this

51:57

newspaper.

51:58

It's about like this newspaper. and

52:00

I can see when

52:03

you're first coming up with the idea, okay, that's

52:05

a great way to have different

52:07

avenues and we have the sports people and

52:09

we go off and find about all the sports world

52:11

and then there's the political side. That's

52:14

a great way to explore humanity

52:16

and the ecosystem of society. A newspaper,

52:19

that's an amazing way to investigate

52:21

society. But it's not, it's Timothy Chalamet

52:24

smoking cigarettes and these cool shots

52:26

of buildings from the outside where the camera

52:28

goes up and along and

52:29

everything moves at a fucking 90 degree angle,

52:32

up or down and it doesn't

52:35

get under the surface of its own, of

52:38

itself, of the style, its style

52:41

over substance. The last,

52:44

the one before that, The Grand Budapest,

52:46

is like a good film because the structure

52:48

of the film is satisfying. I

52:50

can't remember any of the characters names, I can't remember any of their

52:53

motivations really, but

52:56

the story is exciting. The way it plods along

52:58

is quite good. So it's quite an exciting watch. But

53:01

again, everyone in the film is robotic.

53:06

Oh God, I wanna beat Wes Anderson up. I'm

53:09

not a violent person, but I just wanna shove him around

53:11

and I wanna pull his little

53:13

cravat off him and

53:16

be like, who are you, Wes? Who are

53:18

you? What's going on under the surface? Did

53:20

your parents love each other? Do you

53:22

like yourself? What do you really wanna fucking

53:25

do with your life? No one gives a shit about all

53:27

of this fucking style, brother. Like

53:29

you look amazing, mate, but you're boring

53:32

as fuck. There's a

53:34

friend of mine, Brian Murphy, who was also

53:36

on this podcast a very long time ago. And he

53:38

always says about artists

53:40

and musicians, particularly, the musicians

53:43

should have a

53:44

contract where you get five albums or 10

53:46

years and you have to decide at the beginning

53:48

of your career what it is gonna be. And I feel

53:50

like with Wes Anderson, that could be applied to

53:52

him. I think five Wes

53:54

Anderson films would be a perfect amount. I feel

53:56

like now the longer it's going on, and I do

53:58

enjoy his films.

53:59

from that French dispatch one. I

54:01

kind of feel like the longer it's going on he's sort of like

54:03

becoming like a pastiche of himself and it's

54:06

like you know and you get the thing on YouTube with lots

54:08

of people like sort of doing their day in

54:10

their life in a Wes Anderson style and

54:12

it just sort of feels like

54:14

you know the genie's out of the bottle we know how it works

54:16

now people are doing spoofs you know

54:19

of your stuff and I just feel like how how long

54:21

can it go on for? Yeah yeah

54:25

I want to see him take the camera off the tripod and

54:27

turn it on himself I just

54:29

yeah. Wes Anderson films.

54:32

I mean I would probably enjoy it if it was like

54:35

if the Darjeeling Limited was the film I'd be

54:38

okay but let's make it let's

54:40

make it the French dispatch. Yeah

54:42

because I was gonna offer you a box set of his films

54:44

but I mean some of them are I think a lot better

54:46

than the French dispatch so maybe just having that and

54:48

I think because of the nature of his style you're

54:50

just gonna keep noticing things that are gonna

54:53

grate on you over time you know because there's so many

54:55

little things that will just you know wouldn't

54:57

annoy you the first time but you're like oh just look at

54:59

the way

54:59

they open that bottle of wine yeah

55:01

that's not how you do it yeah fucking hell and cuz

55:03

it's the only thing we have to watch on the island people

55:06

on the island might start saying things like oh look

55:09

at that it's a bit Wes Anderson-y.

55:14

Okay what's your song choice

55:16

gonna be? Okay my song choice so

55:18

initially I've thought of

55:20

like what's a song that I've had stuck in

55:23

my head really badly because

55:25

I have I don't

55:26

know undiagnosed OCD

55:29

or like you with my ADHD and my dyslexia

55:31

and blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah I'm a bit crazy.

55:35

I've had periods in my life

55:37

where I've had songs obsessively stuck

55:39

in my head and it's actually been to

55:41

a degree where I kind of want to speak to a psychologist

55:44

or a doctor because it's actually causing

55:46

me psychological pain where

55:50

it's just on a look like I don't know if you've ever what

55:52

kind of experiences you've had with drugs but if

55:54

you've done like ecstasy and things

55:56

like that on a come down quite often

55:58

you can have like one

55:59

train of a song stuck

56:02

in your head over and over again to a point where

56:04

you're like, you know, suicide is a way

56:06

out of this, you know, the

56:10

drop, the ultimate drop of life. So I

56:18

thought

56:22

would it be a song

56:24

that has like a hook or a melody

56:26

that gets stuck in my head? So the song

56:28

that when I was a kid that I got stuck

56:31

in my head that I was like, maybe

56:33

I need to speak to my parents about this was

56:35

the Red Hot Chili Peppers song. Is it

56:37

the Zephyr? The Zephyr?

56:40

Is it Zephyr song? Yeah.

56:42

There's a bit in that song where they go,

56:45

take a look,

56:46

it's on display for you

56:49

coming down, but not today. I

56:51

had that bit stuck in my head for like

56:53

a month as a kid. And it was

56:56

like to the point where I was like psychologically

56:58

worried. So

57:02

that song got stuck in my head really bad once. And I thought about

57:04

that being an option. Then

57:06

I thought about, do

57:09

you remember the song Baby Cakes? Oh yeah,

57:11

that's a garagey song. Yeah. Baby

57:13

cakes, you just don't know, know how

57:17

I like it down. Oh, and

57:19

I just wanted

57:20

I thought it would be that because that's like

57:22

a really, really catchy song. But then I put it on and

57:24

I fucking love that tune, man.

57:28

It's UK garage

57:32

is not something I appreciated at the time.

57:34

But my partner Una

57:37

loves UK garage. That was her fucking jam

57:39

growing up. And she puts it on sometimes

57:42

and I fucking hear ladies crew

57:44

coming in. Oh, ladies,

57:47

shout out. I love it

57:50

so much. It's I like

57:52

how I like how British it

57:54

is. I like how it's very, very

57:56

London and it fit anything,

57:59

anything that is

57:59

unashamedly uninfluenced.

58:03

As an artist myself I feel

58:05

it very hard to not be inspired,

58:09

not have the things that inspire me affect

58:11

my work and it's something that I'm always

58:14

focused on always being like to be

58:16

the true Rob Copland, to be the true artist I

58:18

have to cut this out of my act, I have to stop thinking

58:21

like this person, I have to stop like watching

58:23

this person. I mean all those things are

58:25

in the way of pure artistic expression.

58:28

When I listen to UK Garage I'm

58:30

like these people are

58:32

being so pure right now and it's

58:34

wonderful. So, so,

58:37

so, so, Baby

58:40

Cakes is, I can't, I thought it would be on, I

58:42

thought it might be something like Baby Cakes but it's not. Okay.

58:46

My answer is between two

58:48

songs and I think, I

58:50

think my answer is All the Small Things by Blink 182

58:53

and this is coming from

58:55

somebody who has a Blink 182 tattoo.

58:58

Oh, interesting. Okay, so,

59:01

I mean was that, well, explain

59:03

your thoughts behind that then, is that just like for you like

59:05

their one misstep or what is it

59:07

about that song? It's a perfect pop

59:10

song, All the Small Things, it's perfect,

59:13

it is a great, I can, I know why it's

59:16

as popular as it

59:17

is, it makes sense

59:20

but you know what else is really fucking popular? McDonald's

59:23

and it's gross, like no one enjoys

59:26

eating McDonald's, everyone eats it and they're like,

59:28

oh fuck I ate McDonald's. Like

59:31

the things in this life that have the

59:33

biggest mass appeal

59:35

quite often are the fucking worst.

59:38

Yeah, yeah. And it's,

59:40

it's, it's so

59:43

simple as a song. A lot of people

59:45

play it at me because they know I love Blink 182.

59:47

One of the worst pieces

59:50

of music I've ever seen in

59:53

my

59:56

entire life was

59:58

a guy

59:59

An actor, an American actor

1:00:02

who's in the American Pie films, he plays Kevin

1:00:04

in the American Pie films. His name is Thomas

1:00:07

Ian Nicholas, aka

1:00:09

the Tin Man, right?

1:00:13

He performed an acoustic

1:00:15

set at the Boston Music

1:00:18

Rooms in Archway in

1:00:20

London. And I have

1:00:22

a podcast that isn't even released yet,

1:00:24

but I'm recording it. It's called Explaining

1:00:26

the American Pie Universe, and it's me

1:00:29

and a friend explaining every

1:00:31

American Pie movie, scene for scene.

1:00:35

It's going to take us years to complete, but

1:00:37

one day it will be out there. But as

1:00:39

part of research for this, we went and watched Thomas

1:00:42

Ian Nicholas live because he's an actor from the American

1:00:44

Pie movies, and he was performing

1:00:46

an acoustic set. He played

1:00:48

all the small things on the acoustic guitar,

1:00:51

just him. Power chords

1:00:53

and an acoustic guitar. It

1:00:56

was so like I felt so

1:00:58

much shame and embarrassment for

1:01:00

myself, for everyone there.

1:01:02

It was just... That

1:01:06

does sound horrendous. That was the only

1:01:08

song available. I would just never press play. Are

1:01:10

we going to go with his version of it then, do you think?

1:01:12

Would that be fun? Oh,

1:01:15

that's fantastic. That is fantastic,

1:01:17

Dan. I would be

1:01:19

pining for the original. Yeah, something

1:01:22

you hate still better than this version of it. I

1:01:24

know that cringing thing. I watched recently,

1:01:27

did you see that there was like the British Grand Prix

1:01:29

and Damien Lewis sang the National Anthem?

1:01:32

Did you see that? I haven't cringed so hard

1:01:34

at music in a very long time. Who's

1:01:36

Damien Lewis? He's like... He's

1:01:38

an actor. He's an actor and he's in

1:01:41

Homeland. You know that series. Yes, Gingerhead

1:01:43

guy. And for some reason, he and...

1:01:46

I can't remember... There was

1:01:48

one guy accompanying him. I can't remember if it was on like

1:01:50

a saxophone or a piano. But it

1:01:52

was like in this jazzy style

1:01:55

that was kind of like he was trying to be a bit throw away

1:01:57

and a bit kind of fast and loose

1:01:59

with...

1:01:59

timing you know like you know when the people

1:02:02

like hey I'm gonna do some

1:02:04

like smooth jazz style singing

1:02:06

now and it's like oh just

1:02:08

getting the timing all weird like wrong

1:02:10

on purpose I was so

1:02:12

bad but I feel like imagining

1:02:15

that actor from American Pie

1:02:17

doing all the small things on the acoustic guitar

1:02:20

it would be close to that because it just feels like the

1:02:22

most earnest thing you could be doing

1:02:26

He played it he played it he didn't he

1:02:28

didn't like make it his own he just

1:02:29

played it like As

1:02:33

a song it's just Dun na

1:02:34

na na na na na na na na na na

1:02:36

na na na na na na na na na na na

1:02:39

na na na na na na na

1:02:41

na na na na na na na na na

1:02:43

na na na na na na. Like

1:02:49

I imagine if someone was really good

1:02:51

at classical guitar they could

1:02:54

do a version of it where they take the root chord

1:02:56

and then they play like beautiful serenading

1:02:59

kind of

1:03:02

You know, they mess around with it, but this was

1:03:05

just a guy who... yeah had

1:03:09

the tabs for all the

1:03:11

small things and was playing it. It was

1:03:13

just brutal. I

1:03:16

really want to see Damian Lewis doing a soft

1:03:18

jazz version of the national anthem there. Yeah,

1:03:20

you'll have to check it out because it is I mean, I can't,

1:03:23

I don't know if I can bear to watch it again. Honestly, I haven't

1:03:25

had such a visceral reaction. I've been to something

1:03:27

in a very long time, you know, when you like,

1:03:30

I think it was just on Twitter and someone put 30 seconds

1:03:32

of it and I almost couldn't even watch the short

1:03:34

clip. It was so bad. But

1:03:36

yeah, I just think, I mean,

1:03:39

cover versions, they need

1:03:41

to be handled with care. I mean, obviously

1:03:43

we have the greats, you know, some of the best songs,

1:03:46

you know, like all along the watchtower, you

1:03:48

know, it's one of the greatest rock songs. Obviously it's

1:03:50

a cover, but in the wrong hands.

1:03:52

I mean, I don't think anyone needs an acoustic version

1:03:54

of all the small things sung by an actor from American

1:03:57

point. Yeah, man, it was crazy.

1:03:59

He also did a cover of

1:04:02

Bowling for Soup 1985 but changed the lyrics to 1995 and

1:04:05

that was the

1:04:10

year that American Pie came out so

1:04:12

the lyrics were about the characters in American Pie and

1:04:15

he did a cover of Stacy's

1:04:18

Mum but he changed the lyrics

1:04:20

to Stiffler's Mum. Oh no

1:04:22

this is just getting worse and worse.

1:04:25

Dude I can't even tell. This

1:04:27

night was so funny when we went to that show and we were

1:04:29

following him around. We tried to get an interview with him but he didn't

1:04:32

want to interview us because he was too busy chatting up this girl.

1:04:35

It feels like you either

1:04:38

exclusively, you know, you just own the

1:04:40

American Pie thing or you go off and have

1:04:42

a fledgling music career. You can't combine the

1:04:44

two unless you're going to make it funny in some

1:04:46

way which this just sounds so

1:04:48

tragic. So it's making

1:04:51

me feel quite sad thinking about it. Yeah,

1:04:53

yeah it was, it depressed

1:04:56

me as well a little bit. What would you think

1:04:58

would be worse having

1:05:00

just all the small things by him or having

1:05:02

the entire recording of that evening's

1:05:05

music? Maybe just having the one song

1:05:07

would be worse because there's no variation. I

1:05:10

think just the one recording and

1:05:12

it should be my recording off my phone where you

1:05:15

can hear me singing along pretending that I'm

1:05:17

having a good time. Like this

1:05:19

fake version of myself I'm

1:05:20

like, all the small

1:05:23

things. Truth get,

1:05:25

this is crazy too. We're having a good

1:05:27

time.

1:05:28

There'll be so much like

1:05:30

self-loathing and stuff. Yeah,

1:05:33

yeah. OK, well that's going with you

1:05:35

to the island. I think it's a very good choice. And

1:05:38

Rob, finally, the island is

1:05:40

overrun by the biggest dick of all the animals.

1:05:43

Which animal is it and why? This is probably

1:05:45

a very common answer for you.

1:05:48

This is probably a seriously, seriously common

1:05:50

answer. But I'm just going to say Seagull.

1:05:53

OK, yes, I think we have had it, but not

1:05:56

it's not what I don't think is one of the top ones. So

1:05:59

I think we still.

1:05:59

What to say on the topic? They can just fuck

1:06:02

off, can't they? Seagulls can just fuck right

1:06:04

off. I don't know what they add to

1:06:07

our, like, our

1:06:09

food chain. I don't know how much they do

1:06:11

to kind of, I don't

1:06:13

know, just keep the balance. But

1:06:16

I can't see us missing them if

1:06:18

they were all gone. No, no. I

1:06:21

think sometimes when you go to a seaside town,

1:06:23

you kind of like, when you get off the train and you

1:06:25

hear them in the distance, there's a part of you like, oh, I'm

1:06:27

by the sea. And then within maybe 10

1:06:30

minutes, you just think, what is this fucking

1:06:33

avian klaxon going off all the time?

1:06:35

Like, you know, it's like, I

1:06:37

don't know what that... And they're just mean bastards.

1:06:40

Yeah, they are. They're birds

1:06:43

in general seem pretty...

1:06:46

Uh... They're

1:06:50

very, they're very, um... They're

1:06:53

very fucking... I

1:06:55

don't want to say evil, because evil just feels like

1:06:57

the easy grab of a word to say. But

1:07:00

they are, they're rough birds.

1:07:03

Like, they live outdoors... Well... All

1:07:08

animals live outdoors.

1:07:11

They feel like prehistoric

1:07:13

and calculated and simple,

1:07:17

like, intelligent enough. And

1:07:21

there's kind of like birds that kind of, like

1:07:23

a robin. It's like, oh, little robin. But

1:07:25

then there's seagulls and there's crows

1:07:28

and things like that, where you're like, keep an

1:07:30

eye on that.

1:07:31

Yeah. And I think like

1:07:33

a crow, at least sometimes you can sort of... They

1:07:37

seem quite intelligent, as a seagull just seems

1:07:39

just like a bastard. You

1:07:41

know, like you said, they're intelligent enough

1:07:44

to get stuff done, but not to sort of do it with any

1:07:46

dexterity. They just steal your chips, you

1:07:49

know. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Very

1:07:52

simple-minded, seafood

1:07:54

get food.

1:07:59

same road, it was just across the road, and

1:08:02

there was a flat roof opposite us,

1:08:04

and there was like a whole

1:08:06

generations of seagulls that were born,

1:08:09

raised, and died on that rooftop. There

1:08:12

was carnage up there, there'd be wars,

1:08:14

there'd be orgies, there'd be

1:08:17

everything and anything going on on that rooftop.

1:08:19

Seagulls just getting wild up

1:08:22

there. Yeah, and I think it's weird because

1:08:24

birds are normally something we never

1:08:26

get close to. It's very rare that you

1:08:28

can get more than a few feet away from

1:08:29

a bird, but seagulls have

1:08:32

kind of crossed that boundary. They're not

1:08:34

afraid, like they're in your face, they're

1:08:36

like flying at you and doing a drive-by

1:08:39

and stealing your food and running off or

1:08:41

dive bombing at you and stuff. I

1:08:44

think that's maybe what's so unsettling. Also, they're

1:08:46

massive as well, which doesn't help. One

1:08:48

time, this is when I was at uni.

1:08:50

This is one of the weirdest things that's ever happened

1:08:52

to me, and I think about it quite a bit. We've

1:08:55

been, a

1:08:56

group of us hanging out, smoking

1:08:59

a lot of weed all day, and we

1:09:01

were heading to the pub. We were like, let's go

1:09:03

to the pub, start our evening. We

1:09:05

were walking as a group,

1:09:08

there's like six of us, and we're walking

1:09:10

down a kind of thin back passage, kind

1:09:12

of shortcut. You can kind of only

1:09:17

really walk single file

1:09:19

at a certain point, and we see a

1:09:21

group of kind of like heavy-looking

1:09:24

locals. They look a little bit tough

1:09:27

when you're in a place like that, you're a bit stoned as well.

1:09:29

You're like, oh, we're not going to have a confrontation,

1:09:31

are we? These people look like they could

1:09:34

just say something nasty or something could kick off. As

1:09:36

they get closer, I'm

1:09:39

not at the front, I'm not at the front of the pack, I'm in the

1:09:41

middle of our group. Everyone's

1:09:44

kind of moves to one side,

1:09:46

so there's a row of people coming through

1:09:48

us, like through the middle, and

1:09:50

us kind of parting as they

1:09:52

come through the middle. But there's like

1:09:55

a space at the front of this group

1:09:57

that's like really open, like there

1:09:59

should be a

1:09:59

person walking in that spot, but there's no person.

1:10:03

And as the kind of the body of people

1:10:05

move towards me, I come back,

1:10:08

I get out the way and

1:10:09

I look down and a seagull is

1:10:11

leading this group of guys. Seagull's

1:10:16

like the alpha at the front, like, oh, fucking

1:10:18

boys getting into tonight. Hey, fuck

1:10:21

off. Turned

1:10:25

to everybody, I was like, did we all

1:10:27

see the sea? There was a seagull

1:10:29

leading that group of lads. And they weren't

1:10:32

kind of relaxed enough to be like, oh, he's

1:10:35

not with us. It seemed

1:10:38

like this seagull was the leader

1:10:40

of this group of scary lads. Wow.

1:10:43

Maybe it was, I sort of believe that it's

1:10:46

the next logical step, isn't it? Yeah,

1:10:48

alpha girl. Yeah. Oh, you fucking

1:10:51

up, you fucking do it. Oi,

1:10:54

oi, oi. Just controlling the humans.

1:10:56

Use your human hands to make me some chips,

1:10:59

because that's what we eat. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,

1:11:02

he's got

1:11:02

them up here, mate.

1:11:05

Yeah, I think they're nasty

1:11:07

things. And they're just, it's not like you would

1:11:09

ever tame them. If you're on an island surrounded

1:11:11

by seagulls, you're never going to sort of reach

1:11:13

an equilibrium with them where like they suddenly

1:11:16

understand that if they're patient, you'll

1:11:18

throw them a bit of fish now and again. They're

1:11:20

just going to steal your stuff, make a lot

1:11:22

of noise. And they don't seem to sleep. But when

1:11:24

I lived in Brighton, they were 24 hour

1:11:26

birds. Like they never slept. Like you'd hear

1:11:29

them. They are 24 hour parlours. Yeah.

1:11:31

Yeah. But not in a fun way. Do you think they'd be

1:11:33

tasty? Like if you

1:11:35

caught a seagull and barbecued it? No.

1:11:37

Because I'm thinking like chicken meets fish,

1:11:40

but then fishy chicken is not an ideal

1:11:42

situation. No, no, it reminds me

1:11:44

of a Frey Bentos pie I had once. And I was like,

1:11:46

I think this, I don't know, I couldn't tell if it was like

1:11:49

chicken or tuna. It was like, and

1:11:51

that's kind of how I imagine a seagull meat would

1:11:53

taste. I used to run the social media accounts

1:11:55

for Frey Bentos. And maybe I should have tweeted

1:11:57

that.

1:11:58

Hey, it's what.

1:11:59

seagulls taste like. Do

1:12:02

you seagull bite? Yeah

1:12:05

okay well look I think it's a very fitting animal

1:12:08

to what has been a terrible island

1:12:10

Rob. I really feel

1:12:12

you on this on your choices and I think you've

1:12:14

made a superb selection

1:12:17

of people and things for your own island

1:12:19

hellscape and I just hope it hasn't been too depressing

1:12:21

for you and you know as you say you're

1:12:23

a positive person I hope that you can return

1:12:26

once more to a positive place but

1:12:29

Rob look you're in Edinburgh

1:12:29

as we speak tell us tell everyone

1:12:32

about what you've got going on. I've

1:12:34

not got a lot going on I'm I'm kind

1:12:36

of using this fringe as

1:12:39

a personal boot camp to

1:12:43

work and perform

1:12:45

on in a different way every day I'm

1:12:47

I'm last year I had a like a finished

1:12:51

and prepared show that I was really really proud of

1:12:54

and that did really really well and

1:12:56

I had a great time performing the show pretty

1:12:58

much exactly the same every single day but I'm

1:13:02

in a place with stand-up where I want to grow

1:13:05

and progress and I didn't

1:13:08

write a show this year that I had nothing to write about

1:13:10

or I didn't I just didn't feel

1:13:12

like it and so I'm doing

1:13:14

a short run this year of a kind

1:13:17

of experiment to see what I can

1:13:19

do each day with not

1:13:22

a lot of prep without a lot of

1:13:24

like written material so each

1:13:26

show I think is gonna be me doing

1:13:28

like working on a new 20 minutes

1:13:30

at the beginning like like building that

1:13:32

over the month I mean over the two weeks

1:13:35

so that's kind of like pre-written

1:13:37

jokes and

1:13:38

like that that would be something that I could do at clubs and

1:13:40

festivals or whatever and

1:13:43

then after that it's just gonna be crowd work

1:13:45

and improvise stand-up

1:13:48

and

1:13:49

trying to grow and learn and become a better

1:13:51

comedian nice cool well I

1:13:53

urge anyone who's up in Edinburgh at the minutes go

1:13:55

and check your show out because I

1:13:58

saw you relatively recently

1:13:59

absolutely loved it so yeah

1:14:02

I recommend it. Thank you Daniel. But I hope

1:14:04

it goes really well Rob and thank you

1:14:06

for coming on Desert Island X-Day mate, it's been a real pleasure.

1:14:09

Thanks for having me, it's been really really fun. I'm glad

1:14:11

to put all of this somewhere,

1:14:14

do you know what I mean? It's not good to hang

1:14:16

on to weird rage. No, no, well it's

1:14:18

safely tucked up in the podcast now for

1:14:21

lots of people to enjoy but you can forget

1:14:23

all about these awful people and things Rob. Arigato.

1:14:26

Cheers.

1:14:40

So there you go, Rob Copland there and

1:14:42

I hope you enjoyed that. I had a great

1:14:44

time doing it and yeah like I

1:14:46

say go and check him out if you get the opportunity. That's

1:14:49

one of my sort of, not New Year's resolutions

1:14:52

because it's August but my just

1:14:55

general resolutions is to get out

1:14:57

and see more comedy. I just think why wouldn't

1:14:59

you want to go and be made to

1:15:01

laugh a lot for a couple of hours.

1:15:04

I mean it's a good way to spend

1:15:06

your life isn't it? God knows we've got enough to

1:15:08

be upset about these days.

1:15:10

So that's what I'm gonna do and if I have

1:15:12

any recommendations then I shall of course

1:15:15

tell you or even better get

1:15:17

them on the podcast. If there are people

1:15:19

that you would like us to get on the show then

1:15:21

please do let us know. We're always sending

1:15:24

out emails and reaching

1:15:26

out to people to get on the podcast so

1:15:28

yeah by all means get in touch and tell us who

1:15:31

you think would be a good guest. They don't have to be comedians

1:15:33

they could be anyone at all. You

1:15:36

can email us by going to

1:15:38

dickspod.com contact

1:15:40

or you can get in touch

1:15:42

on Twitter and Instagram at Dick's

1:15:45

Pod and we will try to make your dreams

1:15:47

come true if your dreams are

1:15:49

just to have someone on the podcast. But

1:15:51

yeah we're always up for suggestions

1:15:54

so do get in touch and we'll see what we can do.

1:15:56

Desert Island Dicks has been a sync

1:15:59

clap production.

1:15:59

created and produced by James

1:16:02

Deacon. It was produced and presented

1:16:04

by me, Dan Benedictus. A

1:16:06

big shout as always to the big man

1:16:08

John Deacon. And yeah, I

1:16:11

think that's it. We'll be back with more Desert Islanderics

1:16:13

very soon. Thank you for listening. Goodbye!