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1:05

you leaving or are you on your way back home? Either way, we want to

1:07

be there. Doesn't matter how much baggage you

1:09

claim. Give us a time and date. Terminal

1:11

and gate. We'll be there. We'll be there.

1:14

We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll be

1:16

there. We'll be there. We'll be there. We'll

1:18

be there. We'll be there. We'll be there.

1:20

We'll be there. We'll be

1:22

there. Terminal and gate. We

1:25

want to send you off in

1:27

style. We want

1:29

to welcome you back home. Tell

1:33

us all about it. Were you scared or

1:35

was it fine? Mouthhorn.

1:53

Do you need a

1:55

ride? Do you need

1:57

a ride? Do you need a

1:59

ride? Do you need a ride?

2:02

Do you need a ride? Do

2:04

you need a ride? Do you

2:06

need a ride? Do you need

2:09

a ride? With

2:15

Karen and Chris. Welcome

2:20

to Do You Need a Ride. This

2:22

is Chris Fairbanks. And this is Karen

2:24

Kilgariff. And we are driving

2:26

and what I have proven today,

2:29

proven to me to be today, a car

2:31

that is very safe. Did

2:34

I say that right? No. I was

2:36

on the way, I was the exit before

2:38

your place, you know the exit. Sure.

2:42

I looked behind me and sure enough, it's one

2:44

of my biggest fears since being rear-ended

2:47

quite literally years

2:50

ago. It was a Tesla

2:52

going very fast and their face was clearly

2:54

looking down and I'm like, oh they're gonna

2:56

hit me. And on its own, it

2:59

just stopped. Does your car do that? It

3:02

does if I switch it on to autopilot, which

3:04

I don't trust it to do so I never

3:07

have. Well this person looked up like, oh

3:09

my god, what just happened? Like clearly there's

3:11

someone that depends on it and they have

3:13

a second laptop in their lap or something.

3:16

They should not be doing that. Yeah,

3:18

oh I did not give a

3:20

thumbs up of approval. I showed

3:22

a different phalange. I

3:25

did not. I just thanked

3:27

my maker, you know how

3:29

religious I am. Yeah. And

3:32

then we had quite an adventure in our

3:34

living room. Oh my god. A lizard that

3:36

looked very closely related to the one in

3:39

my living room. There's a specific breed

3:42

of living room lizards. Corner

3:45

of my eye, saw it on the brick, same

3:47

color as the brick, taking on the color of

3:49

the brick. Maybe it was a chameleon. And

3:51

then we, on all these, put

3:54

it in a salad bowl. It was so

3:56

brave, I was not willing to

3:58

do anything. to help, but it

4:01

was my home. But

4:03

that's what great producing looks like, is what

4:06

I settled on when we were done. Yeah, I

4:09

would have hesitated and it was fast. It

4:11

could have gone terribly awry. And

4:13

it was also pretty big. I would say

4:15

it was the size

4:17

of your average person's

4:19

palm. Right. Adult

4:22

person. Yeah, I'm glad that's what you said.

4:26

And seemed nervous.

4:28

I don't know, not that lizards usually

4:30

look cool as a cucumber. Well,

4:34

I think he really felt stressed out because

4:36

you know that the dogs had something

4:38

to do with him being in there, in my opinion. You

4:41

were pretty sure of that. Yeah, they

4:43

love to find little

4:45

living creatures and bring them in the house. That's

4:48

their passion. With coercing or with the

4:50

jaw? With the mouth, yeah. Oh wow.

4:53

Just, no, it's all physical.

4:55

But not, it didn't look damaged.

4:58

No, it looked happy actually. And now it

5:01

has a new lease on life. Yeah, and

5:03

if anyone wants video, I captured it

5:05

all on my phone. It's very, if

5:08

the story isn't as exciting enough. Oh,

5:10

you're gonna see Annelise take care of business.

5:13

Yeah, so don't tell me we

5:15

don't have video on our podcast. Don't

5:17

say it. And also shut up. Stop yelling, it blew

5:20

me away. Seriously. Oh, I got my

5:22

face. And

5:26

what? And introduce the guest. What

5:28

about that? Yeah, I think the right

5:31

answer is no reason to go back. The

5:33

perfect, no, we're only going forward. You've

5:35

seen today's, wait, when are we

5:38

picking up? Oh, there, he's

5:40

in the car behind me. He's

5:42

already in the car. He's already here.

5:45

Pretending. I was coming with all

5:47

these places I could have been coming from. Wait, we

5:49

have to introduce you. Oh, fuck, sorry. He

5:53

does colleges and clubs.

5:56

Not in that order all over the country. Put

5:59

your ears together. For Zach, Noahie

6:01

Towers. Yay!

6:04

Dice, take your middle name correctly. Yeah, you did,

6:06

Noahie. Everyone, so many people say it wrong. Like,

6:08

people will introduce me on stage like, he's one of my

6:11

best friends. Give it up for Zach,

6:13

Noahie Towers. Yeah, because they're so used.

6:15

They have a friend named Joe, and

6:17

they don't want to... Exactly. Um... Hi.

6:21

Hi. Did that work well, the

6:23

reveal? I'm asking our

6:25

audience. Oh, well, here, wait. We'll

6:28

test it out right now. Zach, where

6:30

did you come from? Yeah. A colonoscopy!

6:34

Could you imagine though, if you were like, my

6:36

medical pick up from something? Has anyone ever

6:38

done that? Has anyone? No. I'm

6:40

like, Leisik or something. I... Maybe.

6:44

But if maybe it was something too private

6:46

for them to... I guess not. I guess

6:49

not. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you

6:51

meant like, through the city or something. Oh.

6:54

Like a friend. You mean just a friend that

6:56

would come and... Like that Cadillac commercial, where they

6:58

circumcised the baby in the backseat to show how

7:00

smooth the ride was? Wait, no, that wasn't a

7:02

thing, was it? That's not real, is it? I

7:05

think it was an SNL sketch. I'm now realizing.

7:07

Oh, okay. Yeah. I'm confusing it

7:09

for that Greg Poupon mustard thing. You know,

7:11

where he pulls up and said, pardon me,

7:13

but do you happen to have a baby?

7:15

And it's a... Moyle. Anyway. Did

7:18

you really have a colonoscopy? I mean, you

7:20

know what's funny is I have had one.

7:23

Yeah. But not today. I

7:25

need to have one. I think about it all the

7:27

time. Really? Yeah. Wait, have you ever? No. And

7:30

I'm of a certain age. Yeah. You should

7:32

get someone looking up your booty. I

7:34

am. I already was checking out the names,

7:36

doing a little Yelp reviewing today. You

7:38

know where they were being really stingy, and

7:41

by the name of your insurance, was on anesthesia,

7:44

like going... being put under? They're like, some people,

7:46

they're like, you don't need to be put under.

7:48

You're just like... Bullshit. For a colonoscopy? Yeah.

7:51

No. Yeah. I mean, I got

7:53

my way, but... Yeah. I

7:55

do know people that have done

7:58

it without any anesthesia, but there's...

8:00

Local and yeah, like not even local.

8:02

That's so rock and roll. I

8:04

guess it is. I am thinking of a series

8:06

of punk rock friends. That's

8:09

a great way to prove that you're

8:11

really edgy. Yeah, yeah. We're

8:13

just like, then you have to stop people at the

8:15

big show. And bring it up. Yeah,

8:17

be like, guess what? Guess how edgy I am.

8:20

Not the mohawk. This is a new

8:22

song, by the way. Yeah,

8:27

no, today I took a nap. That

8:30

was a big part. I picketed as part

8:32

of SAG WGA shenanigans. Yes.

8:34

And it's a good nap. Where

8:36

did you pick it? I picketed at Netflix.

8:39

It's kind of my go-to spot. Oh,

8:41

nice. It's not too far from home,

8:43

et cetera. I was gonna add, because

8:45

your podcast is with the Netflix people.

8:48

So is that on hold?

8:50

No, it's not, question

8:53

mark, but. Because it's radio. So

8:55

it's not utilized. Sure, sure. It's

8:57

not scripted either. It's being

8:59

a comedian talking about sex, the filthiest subject

9:01

of all. Yeah, and I'm not even suggesting

9:03

for a moment that you're breaking the rules.

9:05

It felt like that, though. It felt like

9:08

Gotcha journalism for a second. Because you're going

9:10

in the building. Yeah. Gotcha journalism.

9:13

He will set you up. Oh, you're gonna

9:15

relax, and you're gonna start talking freely. Oh,

9:18

no. And then wub-lam, here comes Chris. I

9:20

have to say, I was getting very nervous

9:22

as I approached this podcast, because you two

9:24

are very much like, to me, if

9:26

comedy's high school, and in a lot of ways it is,

9:29

you're upperclassmen. Oh.

9:31

Do you know what I mean? Well, I've never been.

9:33

Yeah. It feels,

9:36

yeah. Of course. Of course we

9:38

do frosh, see that penny on the

9:40

toilet seat. I went to high school in the 50s.

9:43

Lick it. I don't know what they do

9:45

with that. No, I don't know. I think

9:47

you had to, it was like a creative

9:49

early bullying where you had to

9:51

push the penny to a full

9:53

360 with your nose, maybe? Or really

9:55

like pick it up with your butt cheeks. That's

9:58

better. That's more than mine. Kind of

10:00

sounds like a bridal shower. Yeah.

10:03

It's just something... Oh, I got

10:05

bullied today. These guys made me run

10:07

with a raw egg and a spoon,

10:09

competing with three other people. Our legs

10:12

were tied. I'm using those psychopathic games

10:14

they play at baby showers. Yeah. Where

10:17

they heat up chocolate candies and put them

10:19

in diapers and you just smell and lick.

10:22

Yeah. And tell them what it is. Why

10:24

do I like it? Because

10:28

it's fun and it's edgy and it's

10:30

ladies having a white wine at noon,

10:33

saying, fuck it, you're about to become a

10:35

mother. Have the fun while you can. Have

10:37

a Snickers girl. But I swear

10:39

to God, there's stuff like that where I'm like,

10:42

I sat there and as

10:44

the supposedly friend, sat

10:46

there just getting as drunk as I could as

10:49

fast as I can. Like, I don't want to

10:51

be in this world. I want to be on

10:53

the great white way. I want to be on

10:55

Broadway. I don't want to be here with this

10:58

diaper crew. What

11:01

is that? I want other examples

11:03

other than the chocolate diaper. Well,

11:05

I was thinking like if for that's a baby shower

11:07

for, and

11:10

those are all crazy and you might have more

11:12

of those. But I was thinking for like bridal

11:14

showers where you have to make a

11:16

wedding dress out of toilet paper and whoever

11:18

makes the nicest one wins. And

11:21

there's a bunch of prizes or like, you know,

11:23

all that kind of shit. You

11:25

have to write what you

11:27

think is going to happen. Like it's almost like

11:29

Mad Libs, but it turns out you describe what

11:31

the honeymoon night is going to be like. And

11:35

then people are having Moscow mules. Let's

11:37

say do it. I would go to

11:39

more weddings if the vows were Mad

11:41

Libs. Do

11:43

you take this to Molly? To

11:45

be your fart bucket. That

11:48

actually, would

11:50

that one be seen under the eyes of the law

11:53

and Lord? And like your old

11:55

great aunt or somebody that's super judgmental.

12:00

I think one of my favorite childhood

12:02

memories is we were doing mad libs

12:04

in the car in the old Volvo

12:06

my mom. My sister and

12:08

I and we're in the driveway at my aunt Jean's

12:10

House. But they had been

12:12

giving me all the nouns and adjectives

12:14

the whole drive so then what like before we

12:16

got out of the car to go eat dinner,

12:19

I was like let me just read this and

12:21

it was the funny now I was 8 years

12:23

old. So but it was the funniest thing any

12:26

of us have ever heard we were all 3

12:28

laughing like crying laughing

12:30

in the car and we had to like I just

12:32

remember my mom being like. Like

12:37

she had to get herself together. Before

12:40

we got out it was just like the

12:42

most yeah like that's what they invented it

12:45

for yeah good family times pure fun. Yes,

12:48

like I'm glad we have to talk

12:50

now instead. But

12:53

it did its part, you know back

12:55

in those am radio days we're like

12:57

we didn't have much that it was

13:00

very entertaining because everything was entertaining when

13:02

there is nothing to be only 5

13:04

movies out of time. But

13:07

you got liking for like half

13:09

a year and then yeah the

13:11

fugitive or something. I

13:14

remember renting movies and forgetting to watch

13:16

them taking them back and renting them

13:18

again. Well ridiculous,

13:20

yeah, the difference was like

13:23

a king. Yeah,

13:25

I anytime upperclassmen that I am

13:28

still. Thank you for saying that

13:30

maybe on that one. Seniors

13:36

rule. Yeah,

13:38

I yeah, I pretend I money but I

13:40

it was a long time ago. We

13:43

all did you participate in the

13:46

red box part of our society

13:48

I did I right when

13:50

it came out, I thought it was the best. I

13:52

think I did for a hint of

13:54

time sure all us all just

13:57

for him right we just kind of visited it

13:59

that was. Oh, wait. I

14:01

want McDonald's and a bad movie. Right

14:04

now, because we're at Starbucks. Hi,

14:07

do you guys have those frozen lemonades

14:09

here? Can I

14:11

have one of those, the strawberry one, in

14:13

a grande? I

14:15

like a grande cold brew

14:18

with almond milk. Did

14:20

you hear that one? Grande cold

14:22

brew with almond milk? A

14:25

chocolate chip cookie. And

14:28

a chocolate chip cookie, please? Do

14:30

you want it warmed up? No, thank you. No, thank

14:32

you. I'll sit on it. Anneliese. Oh, can I have

14:35

an Arnold Palmer? And then can we get a grande

14:37

Arnold Palmer? It's my influence. That's

14:39

all. I'm still

14:41

obsessed with the spinach feta wrap

14:44

at Starbucks. What is?

14:46

Oh, I've never had a wrap. Oh my god.

14:48

I ate too many of them got burned out. OK.

14:50

You see, when you're on the road and something

14:52

in a weird place, like, oh, it's so comforting

14:54

that you can get this mildly

14:57

not horrible for you. Breakfast.

15:00

It is the healthiest of all

15:02

fast food items. It's

15:04

like egg whites, feta, spinach, and roasted

15:06

peppers, and like a wheat tortilla.

15:09

Yeah. And it's very good.

15:11

It's good, especially if you get a side

15:13

of sriracha, where they're not the best, but

15:15

decent guacamole, and you put it on there

15:17

as a condiment. You know

15:19

what I always enjoyed is they have their plowman's

15:22

lunch, which is just cut up cheese and

15:24

apple slices and a third

15:27

thing like. What are you talking about, a

15:29

Lunchable, ma'am? Well, it's the Starbucks answer to

15:31

Lunchables. It's like Lunchables for adults.

15:33

Sure. And it's all kind of cut up

15:36

in little sections. I love that. I love

15:38

it. A little bit like an egg. Yeah,

15:41

or like grapes. Maybe a handful of

15:43

cashews. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Oh, the protein

15:45

box. The protein box. Yeah, sliced

15:47

cheese. What's a plowman?

15:50

Yeah, you really threw me at the beginning.

15:52

Guys. You nailed us with that one. It's

15:54

special. Inside

15:58

joke. Don't have time. Don't

16:00

have time to bring you all back with us. I

16:05

think a plumb and it's like the idea of a farmer's

16:07

lunch where you just have a couple

16:09

little things as opposed to one sandwich.

16:11

You have three. A charcuterie. Yeah, exactly.

16:14

Oh my God, in one of those like metal things

16:16

that you sit on like a. A

16:18

lunchbox? A pipe to eat in the

16:20

sky. A pipe? I

16:23

know what you're saying. You're saying a lunchbox,

16:25

aren't you? Yeah, a lunch pail. Yes.

16:27

It's very different. A

16:30

lunchbox is made of plastic and has

16:32

some dupes of hazard on it, Karen.

16:34

A pail can survive a fall. Oh, you're

16:36

saying those ones that almost look like mailboxes.

16:39

Yes, you're with me now. Yes, yes. And

16:42

the pipe is of course a steel beam that

16:44

my brain has now given me the words for. And

16:47

it's floating in the sky. Because you're thinking

16:49

of that poster from when they were building

16:51

the Empire State. Yeah,

16:54

yeah. For rustic

16:57

friends. The

16:59

hype men of the sky they were called.

17:01

They were the plowmen putting that

17:03

fountain together that they could then

17:06

dance inside of. We've

17:09

referenced that girder, the

17:11

beam, and

17:15

walking out on it. Mr. Magoo, a

17:18

baby crawling on it. That come out.

17:20

Yes. It's our funnest

17:22

thing to think

17:24

of. Also, has anyone seen the picture

17:27

of the guy taking that picture? No,

17:30

is it frightening? It's amazing. He

17:32

is standing. He's holding one of

17:34

those kind of old-fashioned cameras so it has like

17:36

the doo-doo-doo-doo out the front. Like

17:38

a telescoping? Yeah, like you

17:41

can hear it. If you pulled it

17:43

out, it would make that paper-y sound.

17:45

Yeah. And he's standing there, but he's

17:47

holding onto his own beam just with

17:50

his legs, calves, and feet. Nope. Taking

17:52

the picture. Oh, wow. That

17:55

makes me dizzy just thinking about it. Yeah, yeah.

17:57

That's a great picture to look at. back?

18:01

Someone's looking up on their phone because

18:04

it's pretty great and we're and apparently

18:06

this something's happening at the window at

18:08

the Starbucks we're gonna be here for a

18:10

while. Well it's okay we're safe. Thank God.

18:13

You've got about 48 more minutes left. Do

18:18

we have a picture of the person taking a picture of

18:20

the person taking the picture? How far

18:23

back does this go? I mean wouldn't that be

18:25

amazing and then it just goes all the way

18:27

down to the first floor. Yes. Each floor has

18:29

taken the picture. And it's

18:31

David Schwimmer as a baby. I'm getting so

18:34

risk cavalier. I just threw in the

18:37

word iconic photo. Why? Okay. You're gonna

18:39

be wearing Gen Z kids at a

18:41

Taylor Swift concert. That's

18:43

iconic photo. Can somebody just put

18:46

their tongue out and the piece

18:48

sign sideways? Yes. Yes. Empire,

18:50

it was the Empire State Building light. It's kind

18:52

of a guess. Could be the Chrysler Building. Well

18:56

it was a state building. You should look up. Why

18:58

are my I have tiny

19:00

hands but until I'm typing

19:02

on a phone or bowling

19:04

I become well chamber. I

19:07

just. If only we were at

19:10

what's that story? Oh wait

19:12

it's the standing one.

19:15

Wait wait. Oh did

19:17

you both do it's that one. Yeah

19:19

we're photo finder twins. But I think

19:21

I found like a different angle or

19:23

something. Oh. Look at that

19:25

guy. And he's like hot

19:28

handsome. He's super hot. Oh my God.

19:30

Look at that cheek. He

19:32

looks like Jacob O'Lorney

19:34

from Euphoria. Someone's on the

19:36

wrong side of the camera. He's

19:40

got a belt and suspenders. And cool it's

19:42

a white belt. I like his outfit. Yeah.

19:45

I love when pods turn

19:47

visual exclusively. Yeah. Yeah. Our

19:50

audience. They're so very valid point.

19:52

This is a no. That was

19:54

an adult tab. Actually if we

19:56

can go back we'll plant. We'll put in a

19:59

like ding. audio cue where

20:01

everyone you know I'll go

20:03

Google it. Oh, put this in. We'll

20:06

put it in there. Yeah. Now

20:08

we'll Google it along with us. Yeah. Then we'll

20:10

get it. Google with us. They'll have their

20:12

devices handy. What's our Google with

20:15

us audio cue? What should

20:17

that sound like? Brrr. What

20:19

if that's the only sound effect I can do?

20:21

The lens coming up. The

20:23

weird papercloth lens. It

20:27

is an interesting way to read. They'll

20:29

be like, I am also have big

20:31

fingers all of a sudden when I type. It'll

20:34

be very relatable. Everyone's going to be

20:36

in this with us. I can tell. Yeah. That was

20:38

at a time where safety was not, like, it's not

20:40

harnessed. It's not a thing at all. No. No,

20:43

that guy was holding on with his lower

20:45

calves. But being so hot while doing it.

20:48

Yeah. It is weird how

20:50

he, Charles. I wouldn't let anything happen

20:52

to that man. Charles Clyde Ebbets. Yeah.

20:55

Good job, Charles. Yeah. Follow Charles

20:57

on all social media platforms. Look

21:00

at his cool wingtips. White

21:02

and black wingtips. The wingtips match

21:04

the belt. Yeah. He's wearing a white belt. What

21:06

if they're actually tap shoes? I

21:08

know. Like a little number after that. He was just

21:10

on a break from 42nd Street. Mm-hmm.

21:13

Duh-duh-uh-uh. Mm-hmm. Oh, I'm

21:15

so impressed with that fellow.

21:18

Yeah, that was totally worth it. He's a good egg, as

21:20

they would have said. A

21:24

plowman's egg. This

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offer, all lowercase. That's That's

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shopify.com/ special offer. Here's

21:59

an interesting fun. about

22:01

Zach Noe Towers. He

22:03

sees every single movie the moment it

22:05

comes out. You cannot, you can't, you

22:07

won't have seen a movie before him.

22:10

Are you two seeing a movie today? It's a

22:12

sickness. No, no,

22:14

but in general, I've seen many movies

22:17

with him and most of

22:19

the time I'll be like, oh, do you want to go

22:21

see Blee Blue? And he's like, I saw it four days

22:23

ago at 11 a.m. Yeah, but I

22:25

go see it again if it's good. True. I

22:28

think this is the thing, and this is not

22:30

a sponsored moment. I have AMC A-list, you get

22:32

12 movies a month as part of it. So

22:34

I see everything

22:37

without a care in the world. It's,

22:40

everyone's gonna be furious with me. I think

22:42

I still pay for that and I- Don't

22:44

use it? I go to a

22:46

movie once a year, what's wrong with that? Wait, why? You

22:48

know, it's air conditioned in there. I know and

22:50

I just, I

22:53

should get back into the age- I want you to promise me

22:55

you'll get back to it. I will, because I do have movie

22:58

fever. Oh my God, there's a lot of

23:00

good stuff out right now. Yeah, it's

23:02

a great, it feels like the old

23:04

days of like summer releases and I

23:07

haven't seen Barbie or Oppenheimer or

23:09

any of them. I saw the West,

23:11

I, the reason I'm worried

23:13

about my AMC membership is I've discovered

23:15

the Alamo draft

23:18

house downtown and it's cooler than the ones

23:20

in Austin. We get a couple straws too.

23:23

It's quite an experience. Thank you.

23:26

Thanks so much. This

23:29

is the thing, Alamo draft house, I'm not gonna like

23:31

even try to argue, is like a

23:33

very cool space, but it's also a space

23:35

where you spend like $50 before

23:38

you leave, correct? Well,

23:40

there is free parking, you just can't even

23:42

Google it. So don't, do

23:44

not play our signature sound effect.

23:48

The, we had to figure out

23:51

that you can park in the parking and

23:53

that alone is a fun experience because it's

23:55

like a winding, I felt like 13 floors

23:59

your way up. in driving

24:01

in a circle. But wait, and it's downtown.

24:03

Yeah. Another check against it. Yeah,

24:05

that's right. It's not the best. Well, as

24:07

long as I'm not parking my car on

24:09

the streets and walking past

24:12

cartoonishly scary people. Yeah.

24:15

And I have to say that

24:17

the Alamo Draft House's popcorn is

24:20

some of the best in the biz. It's

24:22

like truffle popcorn, no? It's, I mean, I

24:24

don't, if there's truffle, it's subtle enough that

24:26

I didn't notice. Okay, I think there's probably a

24:28

couple of different flavors. Oh, okay. I've

24:30

never had truffle, but the regulars. They have

24:33

it. They took me a minute, but they

24:35

do have it. And I had, I got

24:37

like a Parmesan popcorn. Were they? Yeah, it

24:39

was like a cheesy, and they're like, do

24:41

you want butter or no, it doesn't really

24:43

need it. It was like someone passionate about

24:46

preparing the butter. Not take this and go

24:48

over to the slippery tub area. You

24:51

know how they make you squeeze your own butter in. No,

24:54

you see, I liked that moment in history because

24:56

I won't control my butter. I just didn't

24:58

want to be good. Yeah, the butter

25:00

curtain, I want it to be handed to me.

25:03

I'm confronted by what I'm putting on it

25:05

when it's. In a metal bowl, if I

25:07

remember accurately. Shower of butter.

25:09

Yeah. Yeah. It can

25:11

be gross. But it's

25:13

just, they play like the Alamo,

25:16

it seems like you're going to a movie nerd

25:18

place because they had, for the Wes

25:21

Anderson movie, they had like curated the,

25:23

like the opening was. The

25:25

town. Yeah, well

25:28

it showed all these bizarre indie movies

25:30

and they showed a little retrospective about

25:32

Wes Anderson. And before all of that,

25:35

they showed the actual black and white

25:37

ABC show where they did live script.

25:40

And it was like a

25:42

sitcom, but it's a drama and it's what

25:44

that movie is based on. Oh, it's something

25:47

Playhouse, right? Something 90, Playhouse 90.

25:49

Playhouse 90, yeah. We did it together. Nice.

25:51

That was like Sesame Street. Wow. The

25:54

two words. Yeah. And

25:56

that made me like the movie more. And I'm

25:58

like, wait, would people even appreciate this movie? without

26:01

having seen the curated

26:03

Alamo experience. And I'm, I'm...

26:06

I mean, I saw it from, I watched it from home

26:08

and I really liked that movie. And,

26:11

but I think it's because I already saw

26:13

people kind of trying

26:15

to say maybe they didn't love it as

26:17

much as the average Wes Anderson, which is

26:19

just like, I don't, I

26:22

don't know. I think people, I think when

26:24

I get people's opinion too early, it

26:27

really does step on. That's why I get so jealous

26:29

that when you're like, I saw that already where I'm

26:31

like, God damn it. I need to make a

26:33

more of an effort because I really am negatively

26:36

affected by people being like, it's not as

26:38

good as Moonraze Kingdom or whatever dumb shit.

26:40

Or it's like, who cares what you think?

26:43

I don't listen to anyone anymore. Good.

26:46

Yeah, especially. Especially authority figures. Or

26:48

Siskel and Ebert. Oh crap.

26:51

May they rest. Yes. All

26:53

Wes Anderson films be Wes Anderson and they, like,

26:55

they are just like a thing. Like

26:57

just enjoy the ride. Watch the pretty

27:00

pictures. Like the quippy dialogue. Yeah. He's

27:03

not going to make Rushmore again. He was a kid,

27:05

you know. Well, and also this

27:07

thing that he's in now is going toward that.

27:11

Who's the director that did Playtime? Jacques

27:13

Tati. Yeah. Yeah. He

27:17

also did Mon Uncle. Yes. Oh

27:19

my God. I've never heard any of

27:21

those words before. It's bizarre that I

27:23

can't believe it's early French new wave.

27:25

He, uh, low dialogue comedy. Yes. Where

27:28

there's a lot of wide shots with things taking

27:30

place all over. Okay. Yeah.

27:32

Great. One movie and

27:34

it's, is this, it's Playtime where the, it's the

27:36

side, the whole thing kind of like rear window

27:39

takes place, uh, in a building, but the, the

27:42

walls are removed. So you see everyone. It's like an

27:44

open face building. Yes. Okay.

27:46

Good. I thought I was making

27:48

that up. We should, we should watch that sometime. I'm down. Okay.

27:52

Yeah. They're very good movies. And then

27:54

you feel smart. Like you read a book. Right.

27:57

And, but you don't have to sit there and read a book for hours. No.

28:00

School in Montana is optional.

28:03

But the cool thing,

28:05

and I'll stop talking about this soon, because

28:12

someone's coming to pick me up. Time

28:15

for my colonoscopy. I dive in the

28:17

back of a- It's an emergency colonoscopy.

28:19

It was an ass ambulance. The

28:23

Bob Balaban, that's just a name I like

28:25

to say, the

28:27

executive from Seinfeld, he was in

28:30

Best in Show and everything, the

28:32

music coordinator, or in Waiting

28:35

for Guffman. He talks about how

28:37

Wes Anderson, in lieu

28:39

of storyboarding, he does full

28:42

animations of each shot. So

28:44

everything is planned. Is

28:47

it cartoon? Yeah, that's the

28:49

way he was describing it. And

28:52

him talking about it was actually really

28:54

fun to listen to. He's clearly a

28:56

fan. And it

28:58

makes cartoon animated

29:00

storyboards. That's cool. You're

29:03

gonna be exactly here, no move two inches. The

29:05

camera will be exactly here. And I guess it's

29:08

like a smooth running. Well, I bet that's

29:10

nice for the actors, because it really is

29:12

like, if you're in the foreground, here's what's

29:14

gonna be going on behind you. Because

29:17

all of that comes into

29:19

play, especially when they do those camera moves

29:21

and suddenly it's like, we're here,

29:24

now we're over here. And you would have to

29:26

know what's happening to, I

29:28

bet it helps people hit their marks so much

29:30

more. For sure. Well,

29:32

everyone makes very small

29:35

choices in those movies, don't they? It's

29:38

kind of very contained reactions

29:41

and responses. Nothing's ever super over

29:43

the top. And you can't

29:45

have actors going, oh, I'm supposed to be over there.

29:48

Right, right. That would ruin it. Like, bitch, you're

29:50

off camera. Bitch, you're not supposed to

29:52

say that out loud. You're on camera. Zach,

29:57

have you dabble? in

30:00

filmmaking. So I have a

30:02

script that's been gently fondled by this

30:05

town since 2018. And

30:08

it's, yeah, it's in

30:10

its third set of hands.

30:13

And I've removed all emotional connection to

30:15

it. Like, I feel nothing when I talk

30:17

about it. But it

30:19

could happen. Yeah, that

30:22

happens all the time where something sits

30:24

on a shelf for a decade. Absolutely.

30:26

It's just wild. Yeah, I love

30:29

scary movies. I love

30:31

a pop horror, kind of comedy

30:33

horror vibe. Scream and Clueless

30:35

are my two favorite movies of all time. And

30:38

I wrote a gay scream. Oh,

30:41

you're gay? You know, I'm

30:44

on the fence doing lots

30:46

of research for the past 20-odd years.

30:52

With Scream, I was actually, and I like gore,

30:54

and I like gore effects, and I like

30:56

the art of that. And I even wanted

30:58

to do that when I was young. But

31:01

Scream, the actual, oh, you

31:03

like this person? There's, she's

31:06

going to get killed with a knife. It

31:08

actually makes me sick to my stomach when,

31:10

when, uh. Drew

31:12

Barrymore? Thank you. Oh, yeah. So

31:15

far on the tip of my tongue that you just reached over

31:17

and grabbed it and put it in. Thing.

31:20

Yeah, the knife, I really

31:22

am triggered by knife murder. Guns,

31:24

sure, I can relate even. But

31:26

knife murdering, ugh. Very gory. I

31:28

don't mean so cowardly. Knives,

31:31

you gotta be right up. You gotta smell their

31:33

breath. I don't like how personal it is. Yeah.

31:35

It's horrifying. The only thing scarier than a knife

31:37

going in you, I think, is being the one

31:40

pushing it. Unless you're

31:42

a psychopath and then you don't care. Yeah. Like

31:44

Zach in his script. Yeah. Staffing

31:47

someone is very empowering in my

31:49

script. Oh. There's a lot of

31:51

teenage girls in junior high becoming

31:54

empowered through murder. Oh, my favorite

31:56

genre of film, I think, is

31:58

woman getting revenge. or

32:01

like women coming to like collect balls. Like,

32:03

oh, give me, give me, give me, give

32:05

me, give me, give me, give me, give

32:07

me. Yeah, yeah, I do like those women.

32:09

What about you? Are you a filmmaker, Chris?

32:12

No, I just, I don't even know why

32:15

I asked. I just thought that maybe you

32:17

were. And I've

32:19

just been thinking lately how much fun it would

32:21

be to make a film. I want

32:23

to make a movie that, and I don't know

32:25

how many people know about Sin Espia the

32:28

movies in the cemetery, but they

32:30

do movies in Hollywood Forever Cemetery in the

32:32

summers. And like, it's always like these like

32:35

con, like it's like, bring it on. Death

32:37

becomes that. Did you see Romeo and the

32:39

Roamie and Michelle? Yes, it was so good.

32:41

And I just thought I had seen it

32:44

because of the post-it notes scene. Yeah. But

32:47

it is so funny when that

32:49

guy, ooh, nice suit, what do you

32:51

do? And he's like, I'm a suit

32:53

salesman. And she goes, can you

32:55

excuse me? I cut my foot

32:57

before and my shoes filling with blood. And

33:00

then she limps off. Everyone

33:03

laughed. And every

33:05

time Janine Gravelow was on screen,

33:07

everyone clapped. I had made

33:09

me, I wish she had seen that. We

33:12

should let her, we should figure out a way to let

33:14

her know because at that moment where she lets the waterfall

33:16

out of her mouth. Oh my God.

33:18

It's the funniest thing of all time.

33:20

I was thinking about it. He's

33:23

after like, and Blum was a football player for their 49ers.

33:26

Yeah. She's great

33:28

in it. Are

33:31

y'all friends with her? I'm friends with

33:33

her, but I haven't seen her in years,

33:35

sadly. They're from like the same comedy

33:38

stomping ground. By that, I mean the

33:40

90s. Well, she was a

33:43

snow, but she came there

33:45

and did sets and she was definitely like

33:47

a junior when I was a freshman. And

33:49

when I started stand up, I've told

33:51

the story many times, but I thought that

33:54

I was like the first person of my

33:56

kind to do stand up, like a girl

33:58

that's wearing like black. with Jean

34:00

shorts and baby bangs and the

34:02

whole stupid shit. And

34:05

then literally the week I started

34:07

stand up, I saw, so

34:09

I had done the thing that I'd wanted to

34:11

do for so long. Finally had done it. And

34:13

then like, it was four days later and we were

34:15

all watching half hour comedy hour.

34:17

And she comes out and literally is wearing

34:19

the clothes I'm wearing with like

34:22

combat boots and the whole thing. I remember it. I

34:24

remember. And then how's that set that is every

34:26

joke is beyond the funniest joke you've ever heard when

34:28

she's like, when you tap your

34:30

wrist, like to ask someone silently what time

34:32

it is. And then they go, what? And

34:34

you're like, what bone is this? What? She

34:37

goes, what? What could I have meant? What

34:39

bone is this? Like a

34:41

joke like that where I was

34:43

watching it. What's something's happening? Should

34:45

we chase these fire trucks? Yeah,

34:47

they're smiling. These

34:49

guys just go on sport runs.

34:52

Oh, yeah. They're just going

34:54

to pick up food. They want they want

34:56

to make sure it's hot. But when they get

34:58

it back to the firehouse. Oh, dear. Anyway, we

35:00

came out. I saw that. I saw that set.

35:03

No. My comedy was so terrible at the time.

35:05

And then I just when

35:07

she was done with her set because I

35:09

was like breathless as I watched it. And

35:12

then I immediately just started sobbing and all

35:14

of my roommates were like, Karen. They

35:17

knew why. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's great.

35:20

Yeah, it was really hilarious. And it was like

35:22

a sad cry. It was like, oh, I

35:24

I'm one of many and I'm not even that

35:26

good at it. It was like just this realization.

35:29

My career is already happening and it's not

35:31

me. And I'm yeah, I'm she's doing

35:33

it so much better and so much cooler.

35:36

And then I got to meet her like, you know, three

35:39

years later and she was the coolest

35:41

and best. Oh, yeah. She's a

35:43

great person. I love hearing

35:46

that iconic awesome comedians are

35:48

also nice people. Yeah. Oh, yeah. She's

35:50

one of the great ones. Were you also surprised

35:52

when everyone cheered every time she was on screen?

35:55

Yeah, I mean, well, yes and no.

35:57

Like I knew she's like a favorite character

35:59

in that movie. Like in were LA

36:01

so I don't know just Yeah,

36:04

right right if we were yeah that

36:06

I was just chalking it up to

36:08

that where we were But it was

36:10

a lot of young people there, and

36:12

I again. I'd never seen I

36:14

thought I'd seen it and knew right away Oh

36:16

wait, this is it just

36:18

stood the test of time yeah Oh, that's the type

36:20

of movie I want to make is like yeah one

36:22

that they're showing at in the

36:24

cemetery Yeah, we'll my half-dead ass

36:31

And then they all cheer You

36:34

want to play a dead person yes, yes of

36:36

course um can I just say in

36:38

addition? I one time very briefly got to

36:40

meet Lisa Kudrow, and she was the coolest

36:43

like we were at a party Me

36:45

and Georgia were at a party together And we

36:48

were standing there and someone had come up and asked

36:50

us like how's the network going or something like that

36:53

And then I was standing there, and I ordered

36:55

my drink so Georgia continued to talk to that

36:57

person And then I turned and Lisa Kudrow was

37:00

standing on the other side of me, and she

37:02

goes you have a network What

37:05

do you have? And

37:08

I was like oh, it's podcasting and it

37:10

was like so taken aback because I was

37:13

I always go into that mode if there's ever any Anytime

37:17

a famous person is around I'm like they

37:19

don't want to be bothered They don't want

37:21

to talk to them like don't bug them

37:23

knowledge Yeah, and and so the idea that

37:25

she was like hey, what's going on? I

37:27

was like oh my god an network. She

37:29

talked to me for a little while. That's

37:31

so very sweet Yeah, and she wasn't being

37:33

like trying to call you what she's actually interested

37:36

and wanted to Completely asked

37:38

me like four questions. It was very

37:40

likely so kudrow. Oh, yeah, she's

37:43

so normal She's funny in this movie. I

37:45

mean she's she's always been the funniest

37:47

like she should have Everything

37:50

she should have it all I know

37:53

some of it. She does oh wait you're right.

37:55

Yeah Quite

37:57

a bit. I just think like that level of

37:59

comedy like I don't think she

38:01

gets her flowers correctly for the work she was

38:03

doing on friends. Oh my god. Because her character

38:05

was kind of, you know, like air

38:08

heady. So it's like, so people are like, oh,

38:10

so she's air heady. Where it's like, no, no,

38:12

no, that's one of the many characters she can

38:14

get. Making choices. Yeah. I mean, in the comeback,

38:16

do you guys watch that? Oh my god.

38:19

I need to re- go

38:21

back to that. It's the greatest. It's

38:23

so good. The comeback is... Because

38:25

I love the... She's basically

38:27

playing herself, right? No. But

38:30

you know, in a way, because she was like on

38:32

a hit sitcom, and now it's like, oh, I'm back

38:34

on TV. She's playing the

38:37

person that would have been on

38:39

a hit sitcom and loved that life

38:41

for herself. Loved the fame, loved everything.

38:43

But it wasn't- she wasn't famous because

38:45

the sitcom was great. It was just

38:47

like, you know, kind

38:49

of a corny sitcom that she bought into.

38:51

Yeah. So there's this

38:54

vulnerability that she's like, she's

38:56

trying to keep the same thing going, but

38:59

it's very actress-y in

39:01

a way that I think Lisa Kudrow

39:03

herself is a comedian. Not

39:06

an- like, not a- she's a very talented

39:08

actress, but she's not just an actress. She

39:10

is like much, much more. And she's playing

39:13

just an actress. Yeah. Who's kind

39:15

of like, I'll do anything. And

39:17

she's like the memorabilia framed and

39:19

like all the little

39:21

things. Oh, that's great. It's so funny. It's

39:24

kind of like a Moira Rose. Exactly.

39:26

Yeah. And Mira Sorvino is-

39:29

I was like, wait a minute.

39:31

I forgot how great- she

39:33

was like talking a little bit

39:35

like Wayne and Garth at the same time.

39:38

It was the voice choice? Yeah.

39:40

Which is crazy. Yeah. She's

39:43

really- I was just like really

39:45

captivated by her. Have you seen that movie?

39:48

I have, but it was so long ago that I

39:51

only had back to watch it. It's because it rewatched. We

39:53

put that on the list. Giant, giant TV. Oh

39:55

my God. I'm just not talking about that.

39:57

Oh, okay. Watch it on your- TV,

40:00

you got a nice new TV, it's decent.

40:03

Good take. Not as good as mine. Uh,

40:06

yeah. That

40:08

TV is so symbolic of obnoxious,

40:11

like obnoxiousness. I'll

40:13

do it, I was doing it. My

40:15

car does that sometimes too, and I swear it's going to

40:18

make me get into an accident. Or

40:20

I'm like, oh, what, what? Yeah. And I slam

40:22

on my brakes or something. Cause you're not looking

40:24

at the road anymore, you're looking at where the

40:26

source of the beep. Or where I'm supposed

40:28

to, my phone. Exactly.

40:31

Don't bug me, I'm texting. That's

40:35

what the guy in your Tesla, who was

40:37

almost rear-ended you, I bet you. Yeah. It

40:39

was a text that like, the text, it

40:41

was like a normal conversation, where I was checking the

40:44

road, checking the road. And then the person said something

40:46

insanely compelling, where it's like, you know what, can I

40:48

ask you a question? Can you just be honest for

40:50

a second? And then they couldn't take their eyes

40:52

off of you. Yeah. What it does.

40:54

I look back and instead of a face,

40:57

it was a male pattern balding bird's eye

40:59

view. Like his chin

41:01

was against his chest. I'm

41:04

like, oh, a man

41:06

with a hair with a hole in it for a

41:08

face. Could have

41:10

been more did better. It's gonna give

41:12

me whiplash. In

41:15

the end he did have a face. Zach, when's

41:18

the last time you were in a car

41:20

accident? Yeah. Oh my God. I hit

41:22

a person with my car. No. Well

41:24

not a person, a twink. What's

41:27

a twink again, please? It's terrible. I've

41:29

never been ever, can I guess? Yes,

41:31

please guess what a twink is in

41:34

the most homophobic way possible. Young.

41:42

You're right so far. A young gay man. Yes.

41:46

That scares me, cause of Jesus. I

41:48

did the character. You did

41:50

the whole vote. Yeah, in like a Cliffs Notes,

41:52

it's like a young, thin,

41:54

hairless guy. Hairless. Kind

41:57

of like very young looking. Yeah, they're

41:59

like, do you guys remember? Tiger beat

42:01

was that a thing? Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

42:03

It's like like shiny shiny young men

42:08

Yeah, okay, I'm a hairless

42:10

thing it's interesting. Yeah. Well because

42:12

a twink with body hair is an otter

42:18

And and an otter with

42:21

much more Fat on him as

42:23

a bear bear. Yeah, and bear is really

42:25

the only but what are some of

42:28

the other animals? smaller bear is a

42:31

Cub, oh, okay. I do

42:33

that one. Um, so I'm like lean Lean

42:39

muscular hairy guys are wolves. Oh

42:41

really? Yes Then you have like your

42:43

standard jock, which is not an animal

42:46

per se but it's another like group

42:48

and then there's like nerds and Oh

42:58

Yeah, oh my god, you know what's over

43:00

here is Pinocchio's. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, it

43:02

was like my hangover food spot That

43:05

place is so good but

43:07

oh, yes, I hit a twink of my car and This

43:10

is an insane. First of all, I

43:12

speak about it with pride because it was 100%

43:14

his fault I

43:18

don't think that's the way the law No,

43:21

no, totally what's like the insurance companies. I

43:24

got my letter and said zero percent my

43:26

fault really That's when

43:28

I realized that there should be insurance agents

43:30

for relationships But

43:35

no, um, they were on a fucking scooter That's

43:41

I was going down the street and He

43:43

had a stop sign that he did not Acknowledge

43:46

he flew through it and when I

43:48

tell you he went into my windshield

43:50

Oh flying off Like

43:53

it it was $11,000 worth of damage

43:55

to my car. Holy shit. Yes, so

43:57

he knocked that mirror off going up

43:59

it He shattered the windshield.

44:01

He bent the, like, where the

44:03

hood meets the glass. And

44:06

then he took that mirror off when he

44:08

went off it. Oh my God. Wait, can we

44:10

just talk? Was he okay? Yeah, yeah,

44:12

that's- Oh, yes. They bounced back quickly.

44:14

Yeah. That's cutly. No, this

44:16

is, it gets so much crazier, y'all, because

44:18

I had gone

44:20

on a date with this boy. No. No

44:23

way. A coffee and walk pandemic

44:25

date two years ago. Like, he had

44:27

just moved here from this hour. And

44:29

you got out and you're like, Caleb. I was like, yeah,

44:32

well, he's getting- It's a twinkie name. He's

44:34

getting off the ground and he's like,

44:37

Zach, what happened? I'm like, wow.

44:39

I was like, babe, you were gonna stop signing.

44:41

I don't think we- You immediately recognized each other?

44:44

Oh, yes. Oh, that's great. Wait,

44:46

sorry. That's from a movie. But in, it

44:48

was two years before the accident that

44:51

you saw. Okay, that's crazy. Yeah. Yeah.

44:53

That's wild. Isn't that nuts? And this

44:55

is also nuts. He was wearing, I

44:57

think it's called a Canadian tuxedo. Sure,

45:00

denim on denim? Denim on denim. Yeah.

45:02

Randomly. So he had

45:05

bloody knuckles and his

45:07

glasses were broken. And I did pick up

45:09

his phone, which was very far away from his body.

45:12

And it was shattered. And I was like, oh my

45:14

God, your phone. He goes, no, who's locked that before?

45:17

You hit me. Oh, wow.

45:19

So yeah, then I like sat with him and

45:21

he didn't want me to call an ambulance

45:23

because he didn't have insurance. And I was just

45:25

like, okay. He was just like, obviously

45:27

like- Scraped up. Yeah, he was

45:29

like very panicked. Like I was panicked.

45:32

I called my mom first thing. Yeah, yeah. Then we

45:34

called the cops, they took a statement. And then I took

45:36

him to urgent care. He was filling out paperwork for urgent

45:38

care and he passed out while filling

45:40

out paperwork. So then they're like, we have to

45:43

send him to the hospital. Oh, cause he had his

45:45

adenits at concussion. Or they're just like, if

45:47

someone passes out, like we're sending

45:49

them to the hospital, I guess. Yeah. Like

45:51

they saw him. It's just the vapors. I mean,

45:54

he was probably adrenaline leaving his small

45:56

framed body. Yeah. Yeah, like

45:58

it suddenly caught up to him. That's horrifying.

46:01

I mean, that's traumatic. But then

46:03

when did it become a discussion? Obviously

46:06

not with him in person of who

46:08

was at fault. Like, did you

46:10

ever talk about that with him? I mean, when

46:12

the police took both our statements, he was like,

46:15

yeah, we see this all the time. It was his

46:17

fault. He needs to obey the rules of the road

46:19

if he's going to be on a motorized object.

46:22

Yeah. The fact that those,

46:24

when I first saw Bird Scooters, I'm like,

46:26

well, that's going to be over in a

46:28

week when there's 10 dead people. They

46:30

go 30, like, five miles per hour. You're

46:33

exposed to everything. It's

46:35

insane. I just saw TikTok, and

46:38

I sent it to my niece that's a

46:40

woman who works in the ER. And

46:42

she was like, please, I beg you, do

46:44

not get on those motorized scooters. She's like,

46:47

we see head injuries. We see, like, because

46:49

people get on them and it's fun, fun,

46:51

fun. You fall because nobody's wearing

46:53

a helmet. You're going 30 miles an hour,

46:55

and you fall. And if you fall on

46:57

your head, that's it. Oh my God. People

46:59

getting, being

47:01

paralyzed. Yeah. Skin grafts. I mean,

47:04

crazy, where it's like, and

47:06

nobody is prepared for it, because they're like,

47:08

oh, well, it must be safe if. Right.

47:10

Like, everyone's assuming, since they don't make you

47:12

wear a helmet or whatever,

47:15

it should be fun. Well, with skateboarding, people

47:18

are always like, you should be wearing a helmet. And

47:20

I've never in 30 years

47:23

have hit my head. But

47:25

once you include cars, and you're out in

47:27

the street. Yeah. Oh my God. That's what's

47:29

horrifying to me. I'm like, oh, you're just

47:31

in traffic. I'm not, I don't feel like,

47:34

even at a high rate of speed, if you just

47:37

fell off the thing, that

47:39

would be fun to watch. Cars? No,

47:41

yeah. It is, that's what's insane to

47:43

me. And I've told the story of

47:45

driving, yeah,

47:48

you can't turn left in front of me, sir. Oh,

47:51

you, you see from the other

47:53

day? I've

47:56

told the story of the three, what looked

47:58

like high school girls. on those

48:01

scooters, at night I'm

48:03

driving down Vine and all of a sudden

48:05

three girls on scooters come in my lane.

48:08

Laughing in unison. Yep, scooting

48:10

right up. And no, they were all screaming at the top

48:12

of their lungs. Oh my god. And

48:14

they were on the wrong side of the road.

48:16

They were coming toward me and I had to

48:18

slam on my brakes as they all split like

48:20

the blue angels and went around me where I

48:22

was like, and I got some, I was like,

48:24

God damn it, you guys are gonna get killed.

48:27

Yeah. And then I'm gonna be

48:29

laughing and screaming. But I'm gonna feel bad about

48:31

laughing so hard. I do wanna know in what

48:33

way, not that you need to give a sample.

48:35

They're screaming in fear like, oh my god, we

48:38

don't know what we're doing. Yes. Oh

48:40

wow, that's terrifying. Idiot. So my friend

48:42

was on one and he like was

48:45

in this situation where he had to pick between getting

48:48

kind of like sideswiped by a car

48:50

or going onto these like potholes and

48:52

he chose the potholes. Oh no. It

48:54

flung him off and he

48:57

was on the ground. He went to

48:59

get up and shrieked. He had like

49:01

shattered his pelvis. No way. Yes. And

49:04

then the ambulance came and they like,

49:06

I guess separated his legs and he

49:08

passed out from the pain because his

49:11

pelvis was broken in like four different spots.

49:14

And that's okay. Isn't

49:16

that gnarly? And the car didn't do that. I

49:18

guess I gotta retract my hole. No,

49:20

retract your hole, yeah.

49:23

Yeah, I gotta, well,

49:25

it's prolapse. I have

49:27

a prolapse joke right now. And

49:30

I did it, I performed at the Largo for the

49:32

first time ever and it was magical. Oh,

49:35

isn't that the math? Talked

49:37

to Flanny. Flanny, yes. He's a very

49:39

great friend of yours and he was so

49:41

kind to me before and after I performed,

49:43

which you notice when people are not as

49:45

nice to you before they see you perform

49:47

and then they're nice to you after. He

49:49

was a joy both before and after. Yeah,

49:51

he was a good person. What a good, yeah.

49:54

And he cares so much about that place. He

49:56

watches each show and he watches jokes and he

49:58

keeps track of how jokes. changed

50:01

since the last time you were there? Oh he would

50:03

be, he like in the past has been like he'd be like

50:05

do you want to be on the show and be like yeah

50:07

I guess I'll just go sing those songs. He goes oh just

50:09

do your regular stand up. And I'm like

50:11

okay. He

50:14

will absolutely let you know like the kind

50:16

of what he wants you to be working

50:18

on. The only show booker, if someone at the

50:20

Improv or anywhere said hey will you do, I

50:22

want him, I

50:25

want him to give me a sign. Yeah. And

50:28

because he's hilarious himself. Yeah. He's

50:30

one of the funniest people. Yeah. Yeah. That's

50:33

great. And that accent. Oh

50:36

no just that I christened it with a

50:38

prolapse show. Oh that's where you had failed

50:40

to guess. You

50:44

gave those people what they came for. Yes. Exactly.

50:47

Well they came for Taylor Tomlinson and they got a dash of

50:49

Zag Noe Towers. That's great. You

50:51

know with your medicine you must take a spoonful

50:54

of prolapse.

50:57

That's a lot of comedy. Zach

51:00

tell us a little bit about your is

51:03

it a Sirius XM radio show

51:05

or is it a Netflix radio show?

51:07

So it's on the Netflix as a joke channel.

51:10

Okay. Which is channel 93

51:12

but it's on Sirius XM. I don't

51:14

know if anyone has Sirius XM these

51:16

days. But it is on there.

51:19

Oh they do. And it's called After

51:21

Hours with Zag Noe Towers and

51:24

now I feel like I've launched into like promo

51:26

mode. Let's do it. It's fun. We

51:28

love it. It's me and like a comedian talking about sex

51:30

and I would love for either of you or both of you to

51:33

be on it anytime you would like

51:35

to. Okay but I have to wait

51:37

until everyone in my family dies or they'll get really

51:39

mad. What if I start killing picking off members of

51:41

your family? I'd get mad at you. Well

51:44

no you aren't. That's a good idea for

51:46

a movie. Yeah. There's your

51:48

movie. Trying to get someone on your radio show.

51:51

And you just have to kill them. Yeah

51:54

we've had like Bob the Drag

51:56

Queen, Taylor Jollison, Dave Marhaj, Steph

51:58

Tolove, Billy Dwayne Davis doing

52:01

Sabrina Jilies soon. That's

52:03

great. But it's fun. That, that I, the

52:06

last time I did a

52:08

sex podcast, it was a mother

52:10

and her son. So

52:12

it was interesting. It was fun. Cause obviously

52:14

he was the one that would get embarrassed

52:17

and she was kind of

52:19

felt that dynamic. Yeah. And then at

52:21

the end, they gave me my first

52:23

bidet as a parting gift. Wow.

52:26

This was sponsored by Tushy. Okay. Yeah.

52:30

Is bidet slang for something? They get, yeah.

52:32

Oh no, not the kind of you put

52:34

in the, that's where the son sits below.

52:36

It's on your ass. And the mom is

52:38

the toilet seat. It's a

52:40

family. And

52:43

they're covered in pennies. Mm-hmm. It's

52:46

a light hazing, little sexy. You'll

52:50

love it. You'll love it. And at

52:52

the end, you graduate. Yeah, that's

52:54

what they call it. But yeah.

52:56

And then I was like, where have these been

52:58

my whole life? But yes, I have sex stories.

53:01

I agree. I agree to come on. Oh

53:03

great. Nice. That's a booking. Yeah.

53:05

I love the concept of bidets. I

53:07

have a bidet, but I don't use it

53:09

cause I have since experienced a heated water

53:12

bidet and I cannot stomach

53:14

splashing cold water on my whole life. And

53:16

that's what, and when my dad

53:18

first tried it and came out of

53:20

the bathroom ordering one, he

53:25

wanted to get a warm one. And

53:27

I was like, I think you'll like

53:29

the cold. Cause for me, it's as

53:31

refreshing as getting a glass

53:33

of water. It's

53:36

just that it's just, my BH

53:38

gets thirsty and I don't want,

53:40

I'm not a drink or a

53:42

tea. I want it

53:44

ice cold and on the money. I've

53:47

never used a cold one. The

53:50

first one I ever experienced was at the

53:52

Madonna Inn. It was when Georgia was

53:54

getting married and- Did

53:56

she get married there? She got married there. Yeah. It

53:58

was great. It was so fun. But

54:01

our room, I was sharing a

54:03

room with Lizzie Cooperman, and the room came

54:05

with a bidet. And so I went in

54:07

there, and it was this thing where you're sitting there,

54:09

and it's, remember, I don't know if

54:11

you remember in the 70s, sometimes people

54:13

had cushioned toilet seats. Oh, I've seen them.

54:15

I've experienced those. Yeah, so that's what it was

54:18

where I'm like, I love it. This is

54:20

weird. But then I see that there's

54:22

little buttons, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm

54:24

about to try a bidet. And

54:26

it was warm water, and it was, I started laughing,

54:28

and I'm like, oh my god, Lizzie, there's a bidet

54:31

in here. And I was telling her about it as

54:33

I was using it, because it was, it's

54:35

such a good idea. Once you're using

54:38

it, you're like, this makes

54:40

perfect sense. Why don't

54:42

we all use this all the time? That's what I thought,

54:44

as it hit me for the first time. This

54:47

is why the West, the Western world,

54:49

the rest of the world, I

54:52

get lost in my own mouth. But

54:55

my first time was at some party, and

54:58

there was a roped-off bathroom. Like, guests don't

55:00

use this bathroom, so of course I used

55:02

it. And I was on the,

55:04

I didn't know what it was. There was a remote,

55:07

like, affixed to the wall. And

55:09

I thought it was like, ooh,

55:11

what a fancy shower. Let me turn it off.

55:14

And so I didn't even know it was coming. And

55:16

I, it was cold, and right

55:18

away I'm like, oh, this is the best.

55:21

And then I tried hot, and I went

55:23

back to cold. That's how much I prefer

55:25

it. Then the batteries fell

55:27

out. Into the toilet, going

55:29

through my poop, looking for the batteries. A couple

55:31

of them were in front of me, but one

55:33

more rolled down the stairs. I was up on

55:35

a terraced upper level. I was up her deck.

55:38

And they, and the one battery. Was it

55:40

in the bathroom? Yeah, and there's no manual

55:43

shut-off. So I was just sitting in this

55:45

bathroom that I wasn't supposed to be in,

55:47

with the geyser hitting. So I

55:49

actually had to cup, put

55:52

my hand over the, and

55:54

grab the, and people

55:56

were knocking. And what

55:59

90s movie? I know. In the 90s

56:01

movie someone walks in and makes a lie contact.

56:03

And then your bangs were gelled up with cum

56:05

and that whole thing? Yes. And then the coolest

56:07

guy in school walks in and I'm like, is

56:10

it clean yet? And then

56:12

they fall in love with my butthole but

56:14

not clean. Yeah.

56:16

And then they have a long distance relationship.

56:19

They take glasses off your butthole. I have

56:21

like a curtain, a curtain partition, so I'm

56:23

not part of their relationship. And

56:26

I'm just always busy with work. My

56:29

butthole wants to be a country music star. I

56:31

don't even like that kind of music. Do you

56:33

remember the conjoined twins? Matt Damon,

56:35

Greg Kinnear. Oh, Greg Kinnear. Stuck

56:38

on you. In real life there are conjoined

56:40

twins and one of them wanted to be

56:42

a country music star. And her sister did

56:44

not and she would perform and there was

56:46

literally like a curtain. Oh,

56:48

wow. And she was like, I'm really supportive

56:50

of my sister. It's actually sweet but Twilight

56:53

Zone. Wow. Ask.

56:57

Ask. Yeah. Anyway,

57:00

I... Your butthole's a country.

57:02

Yeah, in the joke

57:04

version someone walks in but no, I

57:07

eventually found all the batteries. But

57:10

it was wet everywhere. I couldn't figure out how to

57:12

turn it off. Oh, that's such a nightmare. But it's

57:14

the cheapest you can get a good bidet. I just

57:16

keep talking about it. For like 50 bucks. 25

57:20

bucks. My dad got one for like 25 bucks. Don't

57:23

get the 25. It's cool. The water's

57:25

too large. It's just I personally... BPH,

57:28

BPA. Now listen to me

57:30

you guys. 25 bucks. Cool water. One

57:32

button. It does the job. If

57:35

you want heat in a heated toilet. Oh, because

57:37

when they get fancy then it's like a hair dryer's part of

57:40

it. It's soy like... Yeah. Oh,

57:42

okay. Now we're talking. Yeah. A

57:44

lot of air blower. Yeah. Spend a

57:46

couple grand. Yeah. I didn't

57:49

know they had the hair dryer. Come to Hollywood

57:51

and have someone blow hot air up your

57:53

butthole. Yeah. From a golden bidet

57:55

with a padded vinyl seat.

57:59

Crinkly. Padded vinyl.

58:01

Yeah, all our grandmas have a

58:03

sticky vinyl toilet seat next to

58:05

a bowl of potpourri. Yeah,

58:08

they don't seem as clean for

58:10

whatever reasons. The squishy toilet seat.

58:12

Let's not be introducing any extra

58:14

materials. It's all, it needs to

58:16

be hard and bleachable in my

58:19

IMO, in my opinion. What

58:21

are your thoughts on a oak and

58:23

brass toilet seat? That was popular. I'm

58:26

so glad you asked because my parents in

58:28

their guest room of the house I

58:30

only lived in one year before I went off to college. They

58:33

had, I don't know if it was oak, but

58:35

they had a wooden toilet seat in the guest

58:37

bathroom. Like, cause they, I guess my mom wanted

58:39

a wooden toilet lid, like that

58:41

it all matched with the cabinets

58:44

or whatever. Sure. And

58:46

that thing, when those things get old, it's

58:48

gross. Yeah. Like, cause they, cause

58:50

again, it's like people bleach them or put,

58:52

you know, disinfectant on them and stuff. So

58:54

they get old and then they just look

58:56

like incredibly used. And the thing

58:58

is like the classic toilet is

59:01

made. So you, you know, you keep

59:03

it clean. It's hopefully

59:05

white or a lighter color so that when

59:07

you're cleaning it, you know, it's clean. And

59:10

it's not a, it's not a porous

59:12

material. Yeah. Wooden, I mean,

59:15

wooden knives, as we know, are outlawed

59:17

in 38 States for restaurant use because

59:19

they will have salmonella in. Oh my

59:21

God. In the porous wood. Yeah. Right.

59:24

So of course it, and I've been to the, just

59:27

if you're going to have a wooden toilet seat, get

59:29

a new one every year. I've been on old ones

59:31

where it's split. Yeah. And

59:34

you sit on it and it pinches your ass. And

59:37

then like a family of birds mixing nest in it.

59:43

And then splinter, splinter, splinter. And

59:46

you're like, that's why this toilet, that's why this bathroom

59:48

was tapered off. Wait,

59:50

should we guess the 12 States that they're

59:52

still legal? Good idea. Texas. Yeah.

59:57

New Mexico. I

1:00:03

love it. What are you guys doing this weekend?

1:00:05

Are you guys talk about time in the car?

1:00:07

Like about future events? Well, that is. Thank you.

1:00:10

Sometimes. Sometimes we record many weeks before

1:00:12

it comes out. So sometimes we're like,

1:00:14

hey, next week, let's go to everyone.

1:00:16

Go to this. Yeah. We can talk

1:00:19

about what we're doing now. Yeah. I

1:00:21

think I'm going to see Barbie this weekend

1:00:24

because I was before I I was really

1:00:26

enjoying observing everybody else getting into it. And

1:00:28

then the more that I hear people talk

1:00:30

about it and talk

1:00:32

about just the overall experience,

1:00:35

not just the movie itself, but like what

1:00:38

it's like to go. I'm like, joyful experience.

1:00:40

Yeah, I need to go. I

1:00:42

would go to see you again. You would? Yeah. Oh,

1:00:44

OK. I loved it. Perfect. It's so fun. My only

1:00:46

fear is that it might be sold out already. Oppenheimer's

1:00:49

been being sold out. Oh, I love that. Yeah.

1:00:51

Every time I looked at it, it's sold out.

1:00:54

I would love that. I'll go in a month. I don't

1:00:56

give a shit. OK. But I just want to. Before

1:00:59

it gets entirely ruined, like on TikTok,

1:01:01

because now there's clips and everything. I

1:01:04

do want to see. Are you intrigued by Barbie? Are you

1:01:07

threatened at my top of the patriarchy?

1:01:09

I'm just worried about toy

1:01:11

sales. No, I've been I've

1:01:14

been talking about it and and accidentally

1:01:16

saying Jill in Hall instead of

1:01:19

Gosling. But I that's

1:01:21

just something I I I I

1:01:24

like Jake Gyllenhaal. And he would have been

1:01:26

good in it, too. That's all I'm saying.

1:01:28

Yeah. No, I'm a Ryan Reynolds. Chris feels

1:01:30

like he always has to fight for Jill

1:01:32

in Hall. Yeah. Really? He'll make it someday.

1:01:34

He'll be OK. My only thing with

1:01:36

Jill in Hall is I don't know if he'd make a good

1:01:38

blonde. Right. Yeah. Picture it for whatever.

1:01:40

I'd rather two big and dark.

1:01:43

Yeah. Yeah. It would be a little unnerving. Yes.

1:01:45

That those Colin Farrell caterpillars up

1:01:47

there. Have it has everyone seen

1:01:50

the pictures of Colin Farrell on the SAG strike

1:01:52

line? No. Literally no joke.

1:01:54

Three different people sent me a picture

1:01:56

this morning. It was so hilarious. So

1:01:58

he was out there. With the

1:02:00

equally hot and great Shaye Wiggum, who

1:02:03

is an actor who is Colin Farrell's

1:02:05

good friend. Oh. And Colin Farrell had

1:02:07

his sag strike shirt on,

1:02:09

but he had rolled up the sleeve. So he was

1:02:11

wearing it like a muscle shirt and he just looked

1:02:13

like the hunk that he is.

1:02:16

Yeah. Everyone was very excited. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

1:02:19

He's a magnetic person. Salmon

1:02:21

pink tesla. Sorry. Yeah. God, it

1:02:24

looks so cool and ugly at the same

1:02:26

time. God. What

1:02:30

a combination. I liked it and

1:02:32

then I didn't. Oh. Within

1:02:35

the same set. Yeah. No,

1:02:37

that was when I was talking

1:02:39

at length really about

1:02:42

all the independent films

1:02:44

that were being advertised

1:02:46

before that West movie.

1:02:48

Barbie was one. Actually, so many of the

1:02:51

actors in that Wes Anderson

1:02:53

movie were in these

1:02:56

trailers and I really did think it was

1:02:58

like in Tropic Thunder where they were fake

1:03:01

trailers. Oh, yeah. Because they all looked

1:03:03

funny and weird and like no one would ever make

1:03:05

them and Barbie was

1:03:08

one of them and I hadn't seen any

1:03:11

trailers for it yet. I think I had a hunch

1:03:13

that was real or maybe that was one that I

1:03:15

was like, okay, that has to be real. Sure.

1:03:18

But it was not what I expected. I thought it

1:03:20

was a movie for kids. I

1:03:22

thought it was a movie for kids too. Yeah, it is. It was 13

1:03:24

and very much. So I'm in after

1:03:26

that. Yeah. Yeah. But a

1:03:28

little worried about the patriarchy. You are

1:03:30

correct. Yeah. I mean. So

1:03:33

fragile lately. Fragile is

1:03:35

those tiny hands you got. Guys, the

1:03:37

sun is going down on you. That's

1:03:43

for sure. Yeah, that's okay. Bring it.

1:03:46

There's a really good TikTok

1:03:48

because they have Barbie, they

1:03:50

look like gigantic Barbie

1:03:52

doll boxes so you can

1:03:54

step into it and get

1:03:56

your picture taken. It's a

1:03:58

selfie opportunity. And so

1:04:00

there's a TikTok of this girl posing

1:04:02

in it, and then this big old

1:04:04

guy coming over, leaning in

1:04:07

to kind of

1:04:09

ruin her picture and pose in with her. And

1:04:11

he's clearly drunk. And he

1:04:13

leans in, and she kind of

1:04:16

looks so she doesn't know him. And then

1:04:18

he basically knocks this whole thing over forward,

1:04:20

and he goes down with it, and so

1:04:22

does she. Oh my god.

1:04:24

Somebody wrote just like, it's

1:04:26

just so symbolic. Oh,

1:04:30

that's great. Some big,

1:04:32

dumb, straight guy. Trying to be like, who

1:04:34

are you in your dumb movie? And then

1:04:36

the whole fucking thing goes over just like,

1:04:39

just go and do your movie, dumbass. Oh,

1:04:42

wow. You jerk off during Christopher

1:04:44

Nolan's masterpiece. Master. Killian

1:04:49

Murphy is a tour de

1:04:51

force. Let's not let he gets to have

1:04:53

his day. Yeah. Come

1:04:55

on. 28 days later. I said

1:04:57

I told you before not to bring up Killian Murphy. You

1:05:00

dare. Do not say his name. How

1:05:02

dare you. He's

1:05:04

great. That's

1:05:07

so fake. But no, I

1:05:09

didn't think he's great. Was

1:05:11

he in Christopher Nolan's Batman 2? Yes.

1:05:13

Scarecrow or something? Yes. The

1:05:16

Megamask man. I

1:05:18

think that was his name. He

1:05:21

was the burlap sack guy. Yes. Yes. Yeah.

1:05:23

Yeah. Wow. I

1:05:26

didn't know he was such a tiny man until

1:05:28

I saw Oppenheimer. Yep. And they have him climbing

1:05:30

a ladder at one point. I'm like, look at

1:05:33

this little kiddo. I

1:05:35

saw a picture of him when he was like 19

1:05:38

or something because he was

1:05:40

in the like Manchester EDM

1:05:42

kind of dance scene. And

1:05:44

there's just a shot of him in a crowd.

1:05:47

And he looks like he's 12 years old. He's

1:05:49

just like, but the thing is, as we all

1:05:52

know and have learned in this town, every

1:05:54

celebrity, like you look at pictures of

1:05:56

him standing with the cast,

1:05:59

they're all. only a tiny

1:06:01

bit taller than him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like

1:06:03

most major actors are like five four. Yeah.

1:06:07

Wow. It's just how it is. Except

1:06:09

for a couple, then you got a couple in there

1:06:11

and then there's, you know, your Margot Robbie's are like

1:06:14

print model size and there's

1:06:16

some taller people, but on average,

1:06:18

because it's better. Like five, six

1:06:20

guys. Yeah. Yeah. And

1:06:23

then my dad always loves to talk about

1:06:25

in the old days how you had to

1:06:28

be six something to be a leading man.

1:06:30

Yeah. Then he describes their physique.

1:06:34

But it used to be a thing. And now yeah, I'm

1:06:37

a little too tall to be an actor at five

1:06:39

nine going on five eight. I think. I

1:06:41

think my spine is shrinking. But

1:06:45

yeah, it is interesting. All

1:06:47

the most talented

1:06:49

actors are the short ones. Yeah.

1:06:53

Except for your, I can't think

1:06:55

of any Adam Driver's. Adam Driver's

1:06:57

tall. Sure. I bet Chris Evans is

1:06:59

tall. Yeah. Right?

1:07:03

Yeah. Yeah. He'd have to be tall to pull off

1:07:05

that cable net sweater, the way he did. Or

1:07:07

fishermen's sweater. He stole a tweet from me. Did you

1:07:09

guys know he has a, did he? Yeah.

1:07:11

No. I know. Wow.

1:07:15

It was just. Wow. It's

1:07:17

not a one get into it. It is

1:07:19

about how I never plug in USB

1:07:21

cords correctly on the first try. It was

1:07:23

a, you know. I do. I

1:07:27

saw you liked it. And then I'm like, well, that's where

1:07:29

he got his idea. Oh

1:07:31

my God. And

1:07:34

I tweeted about it and everyone attacked me

1:07:37

and I just like washed my hands off

1:07:39

it. I'm like, okay, people like Evans more

1:07:41

than me. Yeah. Better Chris. You'll

1:07:43

ruin the day. Yes. Well.

1:07:45

Do you know he has a gay brother? No. Who's

1:07:48

in the Barbie movie. Oh really? Yeah, he's one of the

1:07:50

kinds. Is he in other movies? Other

1:07:52

movies? Yes, he's in like Hulu

1:07:55

features. Oh, okay. And

1:07:57

other like he's on the rise. Sure. Okay.

1:08:00

Yeah, I just thought it was interesting and

1:08:03

worth telling your audience. It is.

1:08:06

They love film facts

1:08:09

and fun facts. Do they really? Filming

1:08:11

fun. Okay. Yeah,

1:08:15

we, what do we talk about the

1:08:17

most in here? We used to address

1:08:19

traffic now. See line ants. Now we

1:08:21

just, yeah. Over and over. I have

1:08:23

this cat. Here, let me tell you

1:08:25

the whole story. I've retold a story

1:08:28

about my cat. So many times not

1:08:30

remembering that I've already told her. Oh

1:08:32

sure. And it's how

1:08:34

people address

1:08:37

me after shows now. They're like, how's your feeling?

1:08:39

It's cat. I'm like, all right. All right. I

1:08:41

know. I know. Are

1:08:43

they living with AIDS? It's

1:08:46

long dead. Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Yeah.

1:08:49

Yeah. It's a dead old cat. Oddly,

1:08:52

it didn't die at the AIDS. I don't know if

1:08:54

I've added that to the story. We just

1:08:56

feel like AIDS not, I was going

1:08:58

to say. Yeah. It's

1:09:00

not as bad as for people.

1:09:02

Apparently cats can have it forever. Oh

1:09:05

no. I've already said that. I

1:09:07

know I have. You definitely have. He

1:09:09

just died of a bladder infection. The

1:09:11

point is we had topics and then,

1:09:13

and we've worn them all out. Can

1:09:15

people get feline AIDS? That's what I

1:09:17

asked the doctor and she laughed in

1:09:19

my face. And

1:09:22

then, and I felt really dumb. And then when

1:09:24

I put the cat on a plane to the,

1:09:27

some lady asked if people

1:09:29

can get feline AIDS. They won't wear

1:09:32

them. And then I laughed at her. Yeah. Yeah.

1:09:37

You can't know. I was

1:09:39

worried though, because the cat had had fleas

1:09:41

and the fleas had gotten on my ankles

1:09:43

and I'm like, well, certainly it can't be

1:09:45

a healthy elixir. But

1:09:48

no, unaffected cats have their own

1:09:51

thing. But couldn't

1:09:53

cats get COVID? I just like animals.

1:09:56

Didn't like monkeys at the zoo get vaxxed

1:09:58

before a lot of humans? Really? Is

1:10:00

that true? I don't know like Google that Like

1:10:03

they tested it out. I

1:10:05

know I think like like monkeys

1:10:08

at the zoo got the vaccine.

1:10:10

Oh early

1:10:13

Because they thought well, it's a man has a

1:10:15

great joke about it. Oh really? That's why I

1:10:17

think it's okay She seems like she

1:10:20

would not lie. Yeah, that was maybe

1:10:22

early on when everyone Didn't

1:10:25

know anything and we're all washing our lettuce

1:10:27

with Oh wiping

1:10:29

down the cereal boxes First

1:10:32

drinking hot liquids every 20 minutes That

1:10:37

seems like a very three and a half

1:10:39

years ago decision like before they people we

1:10:41

gotta we gotta Vaccinate all the

1:10:43

monkeys and bats And

1:10:48

then we'll see what happens to them hang back a little bit

1:10:52

My only I'm so anti Testing

1:10:55

for animals unless it's for makeup Just

1:10:57

get out What

1:11:03

a delightful drive around Basically

1:11:06

greater Burbank. That was that yeah, I

1:11:08

had the best time. I'm so glad you

1:11:11

let me do this. Yeah, and you're right

1:11:15

You're a nice calming fun

1:11:18

presence Oh my god, really? I've been screaming in

1:11:20

your ear this whole time Well, we're

1:11:22

trying to put you on edge. Oh, they're option. Do

1:11:24

you have you can't yell in my face? Do you

1:11:26

like that that you can't see our faces? Um, kind

1:11:28

of it's giving me like Confessional,

1:11:30

right? I was just gonna say I'm

1:11:33

like the confessional priest of comedy No,

1:11:36

but I think it it is it is when

1:11:38

you're deprived of that I feel like our

1:11:41

guests because I'm comparing it to the years

1:11:43

of zoom podcasting Oh,

1:11:45

right people look at people's

1:11:47

ugly. Yeah, look at faces

1:11:50

ugly or pretty It

1:11:52

it makes you hold back. Also. Yes,

1:11:54

and that's a good date a piece of dating

1:11:56

advice Do something where you're like

1:11:59

on a hike or you're walking or

1:12:01

you're like, you're moving and you're not

1:12:03

just sitting across from someone staring into their

1:12:05

eyes. Cause it's kind of antagonistic. Right. That's true.

1:12:07

Yeah. That's a good idea. That's why they did

1:12:09

that dating game show where they're in a booth

1:12:11

and you don't even see them. Yes.

1:12:13

Wait, the blind date thing. Wait, bachelor

1:12:16

number three or whatever. The original one.

1:12:18

Yeah. The dating game. And

1:12:20

there was a killer on it. Yes. Yes

1:12:22

there was Rodney Alcala. And he won. He

1:12:24

did win. Did you, sorry to point. Very

1:12:27

aggressive. Very aggressive. I

1:12:29

put my finger in Karen's mouth. It

1:12:33

was rude. Sorry. I was,

1:12:36

was that on your other podcast?

1:12:38

Yes. Okay. That was one of the first

1:12:40

ones we did. Cause it's so crazy. And

1:12:43

he's the worst. Like there's so

1:12:45

many unsolved murders that they think he's

1:12:48

responsible for. And he has pictures of lots

1:12:50

of things. Oh no. Is it YouTube-able? Oh,

1:12:53

absolutely. Okay. Everything is. Everything

1:12:55

is. It's all, it's all

1:12:57

been talked about a thousand times. Well,

1:12:59

let's see if I can be scraped

1:13:01

in here. Do you think I'll fit? Well,

1:13:04

thanks for being on Zach. Are you

1:13:06

YouTube-able? Give me a plug. Find me anywhere

1:13:08

at Zach Noe Tower,

1:13:10

Z-A-C-H-N-O-E-T-O-W-E-R-S. I

1:13:13

think you've got room. You've got a lot of room over

1:13:15

here. It's just a paranoid car. Yeah.

1:13:17

It's gotta make noise. That's what I like. Well,

1:13:19

if anyone, this is how I got to

1:13:21

know Zach. Cause Zach and I have been friends for a while now,

1:13:23

but we met through our friend,

1:13:26

we have to give him props. Who's

1:13:28

currently fondling my movie? Oh, great. That's

1:13:30

the third fondler. Yeah. Oh, that's great.

1:13:34

And he's from the Canadian cult classic

1:13:36

comedy, Letter Kenny, and he's the director

1:13:38

and he's on it. But

1:13:41

we met and the way that my friend

1:13:43

Jacob said, Oh, you have to meet my

1:13:45

friend Zach. And I was like, I'm

1:13:48

not, I'm not up for new friends. I don't, I

1:13:50

don't need any more friends. And he was like, just

1:13:52

watch this show. And it's called. Dating No Filter. Dating

1:13:54

No Filter. And it was on the E channel

1:13:57

and it was Zach. And what was the.

1:13:59

Kelsey. Kelsey, so they're

1:14:01

watching film footage of two

1:14:03

people going on a blind date and

1:14:05

then they're just sitting there making jokes.

1:14:07

Yeah, I didn't put it together that that

1:14:10

was you. Oh, and there's like a bunch of

1:14:12

iterations of the show. But like, yes. And

1:14:15

there was like, and on the show itself,

1:14:17

there were different combinations of two comedians. So

1:14:19

just riffing on the footage that they were

1:14:21

watching. But it's so funny, like in a

1:14:24

way, cause I've written on a lot of

1:14:26

like pilots and shows for E and they

1:14:28

were never funny because they never let

1:14:30

them be funny. And so watching the show, I was like,

1:14:32

I don't want to watch this. And then four

1:14:35

seconds into it, I was like, this is

1:14:37

so hilarious. And Zach was the funniest one.

1:14:39

Oh, that's great. Yes. Yeah. I'm

1:14:41

going to watch it. Upperclassmen just gave

1:14:43

me a little nod. Yeah. They

1:14:46

said hi in the hallway. And

1:14:48

then right then I slap all the books out of your

1:14:50

hand. Thank

1:14:53

you for being on Zach. You're the best. You've

1:14:55

been listening to, Do You Need a Ride?

1:14:57

D-Y-N-A-R. This

1:15:09

has been an Exactly Right Production.

1:15:12

Produced by Annalise Nelson. Mixed

1:15:14

by Edson Choi. Our talent

1:15:16

booker is Patrick Kotner. Theme song

1:15:18

by Karen Kilgariff. Artwork

1:15:20

by Chris Fairbanks. Follow the

1:15:22

show on Instagram, Twitter, and

1:15:25

Facebook at Dynar Podcast. That's

1:15:27

D-Y-N-A-R podcast. For more

1:15:29

information, go to exactlyrightmedia.com.

1:15:32

Thank you. Oh, you're welcome.