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Hi everyone!

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I'm good. I'm good. To quote

1:36

Roxy Andrews. I'm good.

1:40

I'm good. And I'm on Ogapia and

1:42

you're listening to the one and only

1:44

RuPaul's Drag Race recap podcast. Ooh

1:47

baby! I'm so excited to be here

1:49

with the the

1:51

OG. The original. The first winner

1:54

of Bad Drag Race then called

1:56

UCB Drag Race. Writer,

1:59

comedian. Just a bad

2:01

bitch. It's Jesse Asparza.

2:05

Hi, yes. Thank you so much energy.

2:07

I love it. Hello. Do you buy

2:09

it? Do you buy it? You know

2:11

what? Jesse.

2:14

Yes. Hi. Jesse, how

2:16

the, how the fuck

2:18

are you? You

2:21

know, fine. Just fine. I

2:23

think that's everyone's kind of reaction these days,

2:25

which is fine. You know, it's, you know,

2:27

fine. I'm fine. We

2:30

were just talking about day drinking. We were talking

2:32

about being a pool girly because it's summer and

2:34

we're gay. Do you have any tips for being

2:37

gay in the summer? You know,

2:39

I, I, I did wear a

2:41

speedo once and it was a lot of

2:43

fun. So I say don't be afraid and

2:45

just do it, you know, at

2:48

the end of the day, no one's really looking at

2:51

you specifically. They're just looking at you with them looking

2:53

at everyone else. Yeah. So like,

2:55

why not have fun? It's liberating. It's

2:57

bloody fun. It is, you know. And

2:59

that's my tip is not, no one's

3:01

looking at you, you know, people are

3:03

looking at like the hotter ones, you

3:05

know, but what if that's me? Okay.

3:09

Then they will be looking at you. Then

3:11

you shouldn't be worried. Shouldn't be worried. No,

3:14

but I mean, you know, what's the, what's

3:16

the harm in letting someone knowing what you're

3:18

like, let them know what you're working with

3:20

because who cares and whatever you're working with,

3:22

there's something to love. You

3:24

know what I mean? Whether it's

3:26

booty cheeks, whether it's your shlong,

3:29

there's something to love there. Or maybe you just

3:31

have a really smooth taint. Maybe it's just your

3:34

taint. Maybe that's all you have

3:36

to offer and that's enough. That's it. And you can

3:38

see that a little bit in this beat. Oh, another

3:40

great tip drink water. This is what I

3:42

learned. Yeah, this is like, but this is like a

3:44

really good like practical tip is to drink some water

3:46

in between your white claws. I could have done that

3:48

a little bit more yesterday. Again, we

3:50

talked about this, had the worst midday

3:53

hangover of my life. So just stay

3:55

hydrated. You know, my morning, I was

3:57

humiliated this morning. I woke up hungover.

6:00

We're gonna get right into All Stars 9, but

6:02

I just wanna say a little, first of

6:04

all, that you are a fucking hilarious person.

6:07

You killed me at this latest bad

6:09

drag race finale. You played

6:12

Jennifer Lopez in a way that

6:15

really served me, killed me,

6:18

slayed me, fucked me to death. Tell

6:21

me. Thank you. And

6:24

at the end of the show, you said, never

6:26

asked me to do this show ever again. Yeah. So

6:30

what are your thoughts on doing drag? Listen,

6:33

listen, listen. It's

6:36

fun. It's fun, but it's

6:38

more fun in like a once in

6:40

every four years, like a leap year

6:42

thing. Once in every four years.

6:44

I don't know if that's how long the leap

6:47

year is, but that's it. But I'm like, I

6:49

remember the first time I did it,

6:51

fine, whatever, I literally just had Connor shouldn't do

6:53

my makeup and throw on a wig. The second

6:55

time, when you asked me back,

6:57

I was like, I was on the whole

6:59

30 for a month. I was working out.

7:01

I was training. I was dancing. I was

7:03

doing like rehearsals with Amy Hessler. I remember

7:05

that you did the dress. You

7:07

did like the pedal dress thing. Yes.

7:10

We're Ego Wodem, SNL

7:12

alum, and Lacey Moseley

7:14

fucking. They were under my

7:17

dress and then became my back. It was like a

7:19

huge to do. And after that, I

7:21

was like, I'm dead. And it took like four years, I

7:23

think, to do it again. When you asked me, it was

7:25

like all winners. And I was like, you know what? Why

7:27

not? This is why not. It was so hard. It's

7:30

so much work. Even just getting into the

7:32

makeup, I was like, oh my god. It

7:34

took like an hour and a half, no,

7:36

no, no, no, no, like three hours to

7:38

get into makeup. I had to buy wigs.

7:40

I had to buy costumes. It

7:43

was so expensive. It was too much. Did

7:45

you return anything? Because that's my advice. Every

7:48

single thing. Every single thing I bought from

7:50

Amazon, I returned. And it was easy. But

7:53

you had some good wigs. You kept the wigs. No,

7:55

absolutely not. I'm sorry. And they were

7:57

all lace front. And I glued them.

8:00

and shoot them to my head and still

8:02

return them. That's my tip. That's my

8:04

gay tip of the summer too. You can return anything

8:06

to Amazon. They do not care. I don't think they

8:08

check anything. I return everything.

8:10

Every single bodysuit, every single like

8:13

wig, every single prop, they're

8:15

all back at Amazon in the warehouse.

8:17

They're back. Jeff is smelling your wig

8:19

right now going, this

8:22

bitch, this bitch. The

8:24

shoes I bought for JLo, I

8:26

returned them. I returned everything. But

8:29

still, that's more work than I want

8:31

to do. Having to go to UPS,

8:34

print out all these like return things.

8:36

It's just a lot. You can- But

8:38

again, fun. Yes, I just wanted to

8:40

let everyone know, you can see Jesse's

8:42

JLo. It's still

8:44

at the Dynasty typewriter video vault

8:46

website. Forever and ever

8:48

and ever. I cannot

8:51

say enough how exciting your JLo

8:53

was and no one has ever

8:55

roasted the bitch more.

8:58

Thank you. I love JLo. I

9:01

really do. I mean, she's going through it right now

9:03

and like her fans are going through it. Flying commercial?

9:07

Yeah. Also her fans are

9:09

kind of turning on her and I'm

9:11

in the middle where I'm like, listen, I

9:13

love JLo. I love what she's done. I

9:15

love what she's, she's just, she came from,

9:18

it's great. She does

9:20

it all. But now she's taking herself a little bit too

9:22

seriously where she's doing this self-funded movie.

9:24

She's trying to be Beyonce with Lemonade. She's trying

9:26

to be Beyonce with the Coachella documentary. And I'm

9:28

like, girl, just do your rom coms and have

9:31

one little hit every now and then. That's my

9:33

hot take. You don't need to be a pop

9:35

star. I think she's a great entertainer. I think

9:37

she's actually a better actor than anything else she

9:40

does. But again, she's

9:42

an amazing entertainer and I agree. I like

9:44

her. I just, yeah, she's just accidentally kind

9:46

of hilarious. Yeah, she just needs to go

9:49

away for like a few months and

9:51

then do a good movie and we'll

9:53

love her again, I think. But yeah,

9:55

that's what really got me going for

9:58

the JLo snatch game. I

42:00

love the earrings, I love the shoes. I love

42:02

everything except for what she is wearing. I know,

42:04

I don't like, I don't like, she's giving me

42:06

street walker. I

42:09

don't like the asymmetrical sleeve. I'm like, if you're gonna

42:11

do the sleeve, do both, I think.

42:14

I don't know what the yellow, you know, what the neon

42:16

is giving. It's not, bring

42:18

the beat. No, I don't think this is bringing

42:21

anything. You know what

42:23

it's bringing is botulism. Yes,

42:25

she beat this look to death, it's terrible. Funny,

42:27

beat me and leave me in the gutter because

42:29

I don't want to live after seeing this. Yeah,

42:33

this is- It's giving Forever 21, but like

42:35

from like three years ago. Bitch. You

42:38

know, it's, it's not, this is Wet

42:40

Seal, it's giving-

42:42

No. It's giving that. Forever

42:44

21 days in jail because I am

42:46

a prostitute. I am a sex worker

42:49

and I have been caught. Paris

42:51

Hilton's 21st birthday outfit, but like through

42:54

like a shredder. I don't, it's not

42:56

giving it for me, it's not. Paris's

42:58

new BFF, this is Paris's worst enemy.

43:00

This is, this

43:03

is not it, this is not it, but

43:05

she's really pretty, but no, it's the, and

43:07

the cutouts are making, she has a gorgeous

43:09

body, but the cutouts are just making her

43:11

look more narrow and

43:14

it's not working. She's not giving

43:16

body at all. She's giving, you know, she's giving

43:19

stick, which is fine in some cases, but not

43:21

in this one, the silhouettes on. It's

43:23

not right, especially with the shoulder pad because now

43:25

she just looks like an exclamation point. Yes.

43:29

No. Again, and she had two maybe, but even

43:31

then still probably not. I'm burping it

43:33

and it feels good. Yeah, I'm also burping it. Not

43:35

as bad as the first one, but I'm burping this

43:38

one. Oh shit, we're all gonna come back and talk

43:40

about the rest of these looks, but first we gotta

43:42

take one more break. Heh

43:44

heh heh. Heh heh heh.

43:46

Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh. Heh heh heh.

43:48

Heh heh heh. Okay,

43:52

picture this. It's Friday afternoon when a

43:54

thought hits you. I

43:56

can spend another weekend doing the same old whatever,

43:59

or I can h- call

1:04:00

someone ogaly when he said,

1:04:05

it's nice to see a comedy queen doing well

1:04:07

in a season full of pretty girls. Oh,

1:04:10

no notes. Thanks,

1:04:12

Yin-See. I did say

1:04:15

that, didn't I? Damn, damn. Well,

1:04:17

tune in, see you next week

1:04:19

for another steak-less episode of Drag

1:04:22

Race. Till then, let the music

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play. That

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