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on the latest episodes without

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the ads. All

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right! The time is nigh

0:22

and we're ready for the season finale

0:24

of Dragon Ball! Woo!

0:28

Here's my sister, yeah. She

0:31

made a blood pact. It

0:34

was to save her friends. But

0:36

now, but now, but now, but

0:38

now Dragon friends must die. Dragon

0:42

friends must die. Dragon friends must die.

0:45

Dragon friends must die. Dragon

0:48

friends must die. Dragon friends

0:50

must die. Picture, if you will, that glorious

0:53

testament to modern fantasy commerce is

0:55

the Northlands Well Market, long past

0:57

its prime, now falling already into

1:00

disrepair and abandonment. The

1:02

shops seem prematurely closed. The corridors

1:04

seem eerily empty. And as the

1:06

dragon friends, and then newfound friends,

1:09

the beef babes, make their way

1:11

into the service tunnels in the

1:13

hideous back rooms of the well

1:15

market, it only gets stranger, emptier,

1:18

and weirder. Back here, the walls

1:20

make little sense. The

1:22

corridors whim and wind their

1:24

way. There is a strange

1:27

and sickly yellow paint over everything

1:29

as you descend further, deeper,

1:31

down, down, down into

1:34

the bowels of the well market.

1:38

Past the sub-basement shops,

1:40

past the sub-sub-basement

1:42

horse-drawn cart parking,

1:44

past even that

1:47

to a slightly upsetting

1:49

themed restaurant, and beyond that,

1:52

even more into an area

1:54

marked only as basement storage.

1:57

What theme is the restaurant? A

1:59

theme? Yep. It's a great

2:01

question. It is the theme

2:03

is it's the it's called

2:05

Cobalt pizza palace. It's

2:08

an animatronic themed restaurant and

2:11

the yes. Yes.

2:16

Crump e. Cobalt, good time

2:18

Jamboree band, which

2:20

were very popular in the 14 80s. They

2:22

are reckoning, but now

2:25

subject to a brand

2:27

realignment. Is it

2:29

thin crust or deep? It's pan fried. Okay,

2:32

pan. And there's arcades and there's penny arcades

2:34

as well. Do we have

2:36

time? It's closed. Damn

2:38

it. Well, next

2:40

time guys. And down beyond even

2:43

past Crunk e. Cobalt, good time

2:45

Jamboree pizza palace. You see a

2:48

a hatch at the end of a

2:50

corridor listing on its name in all

2:52

forgotten ruins. Other words

2:55

basement storage. Bastogne walks

2:57

up towards it. Not

2:59

Bastogne because he's dead.

3:02

But Bouchou walks up towards

3:04

it and solemnly lifts the

3:07

hatch. There is a creaking

3:09

sound as a ladder

3:11

skitters down down down on thunks

3:13

on the concrete underneath and you

3:15

all climb down past shelves covered

3:17

in brick-a-brack old relics of a

3:19

forgotten desert of an even more

3:21

forgotten crusade. 400 years

3:24

of forgotten realms history and unerringly

3:26

calling to you like a beacon freezer at

3:28

the end of the corridor. You

3:30

can feel that there is the figure,

3:33

the Comitos figure still now in repose of

3:35

Bastogne Indrirovich. You can feel him

3:38

like you can see him. Just 20 yards

3:40

ahead of you. But all you can

3:42

see is a giant iron bound casket.

3:46

Interesting. In

3:48

this world, I thought you were

3:50

going to ask him at the themed restaurant and I was going

3:52

to fucking blow my lid. Do

3:55

you know how Fraser has all the different

3:57

powers? Did you know?

3:59

Does he have Magneto powers? You're

4:03

waiting nine years to ask this. Do you reckon

4:05

I have Magneto powers, Dave? I do, I reckon

4:08

you... No! I don't reckon you have... Do you

4:10

have the spell telekinesis? Yeah, I have the spell

4:12

telekinesis. I have all the spells. Well then, you

4:14

have Magneto powers, but for everything. I'm gonna

4:17

cast Telekinesis and unlock the casket.

4:19

Alright, there's a whipping sound like

4:22

silk on steel as

4:24

the iron bands around the crate whip

4:26

themselves around the old timber and assemble

4:28

themselves into an obscene gesture in a

4:31

statue in the corner. Unnecessarily,

4:33

I might add, as the timber

4:35

falls away and sand pours out

4:37

between the timbers because

4:40

what is in its place now is a huge

4:42

mound of sand. This casket clearly

4:44

was filled with sand. Sand?

4:46

And sitting... Nestled

4:51

in the top of that sand is a

4:53

shovel. Huh. So,

4:58

they buried a shovel. Do

5:01

we think they made Baston dig his own grave? And

5:04

then he got out, and then threw

5:06

the shovel in. And then... Is

5:09

anyone gonna dig in the sand? I'm gonna dig in the sand. Oh!

5:13

Logan, Logan, Logan, Logan,

5:15

Logan. Logan, the huge

5:17

steps forward and digs in the sand and

5:19

20 minutes later

5:21

because he's doing it really slowly, grain

5:24

by grain. There is

5:26

a funk of steel on iron

5:28

as you scrape away the remains

5:31

of what's left of the sand

5:33

now which is obscuring,

5:35

what was once obscuring, a giant

5:38

iron, not a casket, not a coffin, but

5:41

a tube, an old, frosted tube

5:43

of iron that looks very familiar

5:46

to all of you. If you

5:49

want, you can all make for me intelligence checks.

5:51

I've never seen anything like this in

5:53

my life. Well, bush bush you can't actually, none of the

5:55

beef babes can. Okay, right. Plus

5:58

4, okay. That's a 20, that's

6:00

a 20. You

6:02

say it's a 20. Yeah, yeah, that's

6:04

the Magic the Gathering guy. Someone use

6:06

a smart cookie, huh? Alright, Bobby, you

6:09

step forward and you look at it,

6:11

your eyes lighting up as you see

6:13

it and you brush quickly the sand

6:15

away from a plate that shows a

6:17

timer ticking down. There's only seconds left

6:19

in it because you recognize what this

6:21

is. This is a now updated and

6:23

improved model of Mereline Valve's cold cell

6:25

engine. And

6:27

it is ticking down to a time that is

6:30

6 seconds away, 5 seconds away, 4 seconds. My

6:33

chromatic time theory serves me correctly, then if I

6:35

do this, everything should turn

6:37

out just right. You press

6:39

a red rune, there's a hiss

6:41

of escaped steam as the casket

6:43

opens up. There is a pneumatic

6:45

whoomph as the oxygen stabilizes inside

6:47

and outside and standing majestic and

6:49

proud in the middle is a

6:51

figure of a great Peruvian son

6:53

of a Bergamite so that we

6:55

have not seen for 18 months who

6:58

is looking no worse aware for a travel through 500 years

7:01

of time. It is of

7:03

course best done in Dreyrovich. And

7:11

also a weird lighting unit that

7:13

he's rigged up to backlight him dramatically

7:15

at this moment. Where

7:19

am I? Wait, wrong accent.

7:22

Where am I? Wait

7:24

a minute. Oh,

7:27

you're here. And

7:30

you as well. Am I best

7:32

on? Is that what

7:34

they called me? Didn't

7:37

seem to matter what I

7:39

do. I'm

7:42

not enough for you. You

7:45

guys left me back in

7:47

time. Oh, I

7:49

think I seem to have forgot

7:51

my name. Crying

7:54

and in pain. You

7:57

all left me there to die.

8:00

But I'll walk again tonight,

8:02

cause I'm not dead I'm

8:05

in a level not attend

8:08

How could you leave your friends

8:10

to die and go through time

8:12

and just abandon me? I'm

8:16

not dead, and I do

8:19

love my dragon friends What

8:21

was my name again? I

8:23

think I was a handsome

8:26

man, remember me I'm

8:30

Baston, and he's a lion Someone

8:33

gives me a hot

8:35

five So hey guys,

8:37

check me out, yeah I'm

8:39

not dead I'm

8:43

Baston, and he's not dead And

8:46

I'm great at skipping heads

8:49

That's why please check me out,

8:52

yeah I'm not dead Baby

8:58

I'm not

9:00

dead What?

9:13

There's a small pup, a two four hundred

9:15

year old confetti cannon First

9:19

behind him I cannot tell you how glad I am that

9:21

that is the case Wow

9:25

it's good to see you guys, uh Wait,

9:28

didn't I have a... a thing? Byron?

9:34

Have you guys seen

9:36

him? What

9:40

happened to my son, my precious boy? Oh...

9:45

I think he went evil

9:48

Well I tried my best For

9:51

the record, I did an okay job As

9:57

far as I can tell, I'm not dead I'm not

9:59

dead, I'm not dead I knew while I was alive

10:01

so Just the most well-meaning

10:03

deadbeat dad He

10:06

did all he could and that wasn't much Well,

10:11

it's good to be back what did I miss? Wait

10:14

so you're alive? Yes

10:18

I am Yes I am Did

10:21

you not hit any of the clones? We're

10:24

on a clone You're the same Baston as

10:26

before No when you guys fucked off And

10:29

left me back in time My beautiful son put

10:31

me in another one of these tubes And he said

10:33

I'll go find another tube And I said alright bye

10:35

bye I

10:39

love you I

10:42

thought we left you in the cult or

10:44

whatever Yeah yeah yeah so my son came

10:46

back I was in

10:49

the desert it was very dramatic I didn't

10:51

think I'd make it through Oh yeah it

10:53

was a battle maybe Yeah the silver chorus

10:55

came through I didn't get through all the

10:57

episodes But I assumed that I had a

10:59

very important role And you guys

11:01

really cared about what happened to me right? Right?

11:05

You're the only reason I'm here Devine

11:07

you bring you back You guys know each

11:09

other No I don't think we officially haven't

11:11

met But you kind of live in my

11:13

head Rent free is some of the kids

11:15

used to do this Fucking all This is

11:17

your replacement This is the portal This guy

11:20

You should say this is your replacement Well we needed

11:22

five for the party or whatever it was Getting

11:25

a little too real here Well

11:28

uh What You

11:32

guys are terrible at introductions I'm going to be honest

11:34

I'm Logan I came through I guess we've all been

11:37

through time to um Be here But I'm

11:39

glad you're back You're here with the You're

11:42

with the dragon friends And now the dragon friends are

11:44

Right back together Although now we've lost

11:46

Phil So you could be her replacement now You lied

11:50

As long as there's one person down I'm

11:52

going to be around here forever Can

11:55

you open me quickly make for me perception checks I

11:58

love to perceive I

12:01

love to perceive love.

12:06

Oh yeah, 18 brother. Well,

12:10

best on and... You know what? All of

12:12

you suddenly notice in between

12:15

these... The cowboy. Of

12:18

the confetti cannon, the

12:21

musical parodies and the reproachments, you

12:23

can hear now suddenly the sounds

12:25

of what seems to be like

12:27

sleigh bells coming down the

12:30

corridor. Kind of sounds more like

12:32

a tambourine, Dave. Well, you know what?

12:34

I asked you if you had any fucking sleigh bells,

12:37

Tom. Yeah, you did. And you told me you did.

12:39

I didn't. Oh my

12:42

god, I thought it was a sleigh bell. That's

12:44

much better. Is

12:46

this that thread that we left open

12:49

last episode? I'm gonna be

12:51

honest. I was not alive at that

12:53

time. Alright,

12:56

any of you gonna do anything at all? What

12:58

do we perceive besides the sound of sleigh bells?

13:00

The sound seems to be echoing all around, but

13:02

it's coming down the corridor. It seems it's coming

13:04

down the corridor the way you came. It better

13:06

not be part of Gribbitt's revenge funeral. Wait a

13:08

minute. Who is this devil and

13:11

this cat? Wow.

13:15

I'm saying that in character. Obviously I

13:17

know me as a player, Eden, I

13:19

understand. That's a great question. But I'm

13:21

trying to maintain a certain level of

13:23

investment in the shared... You know, imagine

13:25

reality that we're trying to create. So

13:27

do you remember when I was gone

13:29

for a bit and instead

13:31

you had a different... My

13:34

replacement. The ham. No, before the

13:36

ham. Before he became the ham. There

13:39

was a character that I played whose

13:41

name escapes me right now. Are you

13:43

serious? But... Wait, are you serious?

13:46

Bank note. Bank note. Okay,

13:48

that's enough about time of that. You

13:50

get attacked. Congratulations. All

13:52

opportunities set up and ambushed. Do anything

13:55

clever to react. Lost as we go

13:57

into combat because suddenly mist swirls down

13:59

the... the corridor as three figures

14:01

stalk through. You can see that

14:03

their eyes glow blue. They look

14:05

like strange dogs carved or even

14:07

perhaps grown out of ice and

14:09

they don't so much move as

14:11

skitter towards you in freeze frames

14:13

like a flipbook drawing. These are

14:16

called snap spirits. They snarl, they

14:18

snap, they crack and then one

14:20

of them charges at you. Kit,

14:22

you are the one closest towards them

14:24

but you also are the fastest on my initiative

14:26

order so you go first. Okay,

14:29

I'm going to fuck. You're

14:31

going to whip. Yeah. No,

14:34

it's just a good look. Finally

14:38

some hot cat on dog action. No, no,

14:40

no, no, no. I'm going to fuck them

14:42

up with my mace of my team.

14:44

Make an attack. That's a 22. How

14:47

far has that hit? Okay, that is

14:49

six bludgeoning damage. Alright, six bludgeoning damage,

14:51

great. You hit one of them, they

14:54

howl, they fall backwards. Freeza, you're up

14:56

next. I will, I'll

14:58

Eldritch Blast one of them. Yeah, go for

15:00

it. It's an attack. It's an 18. Is

15:02

that hit? An 18, no yeah, an

15:04

18 just hits. What does that do? Okay, cool. That

15:07

does eight damage. Alright,

15:09

so you draw purple signs in the air,

15:11

form a bolt of Warlock Eldritch energy and

15:13

it blasts one of them and falls tumbling

15:16

backwards into the smoke and steam the next

15:18

one up is Bethany who pulls out her

15:20

holy Avenger longsword and attacks twice one of

15:22

her attacks because both of her attacks miss

15:24

and now everybody quickly roll wisdom saves for

15:26

me. What? As it fails, continue to ring

15:29

in the background. Uh oh. Uno,

15:31

I got a, Bushu got a one and

15:33

Baston, wow, I'm double fisting here, shit. Uh,

15:36

Baston passed. Yep, 14. What

15:38

do you mean pass? What did you get? Uh,

15:40

just split. You passed, did you? You passed 14. Yeah,

15:43

yeah, yeah. But Bushu failed. Okay, I got a 14, yep.

15:47

11, alright, great. In that case, uh, excellent,

15:49

alright. Nothing happens. Don't worry about it, don't

15:51

think too much. Bobby, you're up next, you

15:53

can attack. Um, I'm gonna

15:55

cast, um, uh,

16:00

Misty Step and

16:02

a P.F.F. and a Step behind them so that

16:04

they... So for my X-term

16:06

I'm directly behind them so they can't see me. Okay

16:09

great, so you've... So I'm essentially hiding. So if you

16:11

fall into the dust, you get behind them, you'll get

16:13

an attack with Sink Attack on your next turn. Bushi,

16:15

you're up. I'm going to cast Synaptic

16:18

Static. Yep, great. With

16:20

the P.F.F. level spell I'm going to use a Meta Magic to

16:22

like shape, shape, shape it so

16:24

it doesn't attack my dudes. Do

16:27

you know what I mean? It's a Meta

16:29

Magic. I know it's in here somewhere, I just can't find it right now.

16:31

Okay, so it's not going to attack you did you say? No, no, no.

16:34

Oh, you're going to use Meta Magic? Yeah, great. Yeah, yeah, I'm doing the

16:36

Meta Magic so it's a careful spell. But what's the spell? It's

16:38

called Synaptic Static. Alright, great. So

16:40

like Synaptic Brain stuff zaps the

16:43

dudes, they've got to make a

16:45

DC 18 Intelligence save. Alright,

16:48

one of them succeeds, two of them fail, the

16:50

other two take... How much is it? 36 damage.

16:54

It's a 5th level spell, brother. Alright, great. That

16:56

kills two of them. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The other

16:59

one howls, look... Dude, you killed a dog. Oh,

17:01

whoops. The other one howls,

17:03

gets back up on its feet, it's looking angry, it

17:05

still hasn't noticed the bobbies behind him. Logan, you're up.

17:08

How close do you reckon this dog is to being dead? It's

17:12

about half dead. Okay, I'm going to

17:14

use a flaming spear spell. Yeah.

17:17

Because I think, wow, ice, what's bad for

17:20

ice? Say

17:22

ah. Dexter, 16 saving please.

17:26

16 save, alright, it makes

17:28

it successful unfortunately. Half damage.

17:31

The bad thing is I don't cast a lot of spells

17:33

as a druid, so I've never actually done this before. But

17:35

I don't know where the damage is on this sheet. He's

17:38

just roving his head for a minute. And

17:41

Mr. Speaker, I say that the next 30

17:43

16 saving is absolutely inappropriate for this time

17:45

of year. It's fine, it will average to

17:48

a level of 9 points of damage, which

17:50

means that it is still up, now it's

17:52

turned around and attacks you, Logan. It

17:54

attacks you with its consume warp

17:56

attack, but it rolls and it fails, however

17:58

it uses its weapon. bonus action it

18:00

does a sub-zero how and it screams

18:03

in pain as its allies here at

18:05

two more of the wolves sneak forward

18:07

and the next one up is freezo

18:10

oh it's blasted again that's right do it

18:12

again cha cha that's a 19 19 hits

18:14

yep and then

18:16

damage that's a 6 damage yep great

18:18

that's 12 damage so damage hit and that kills

18:20

it now there's only two of them left Bethany

18:22

attacks with a holy long sword hits once only

18:24

once successfully 18 21 points of damage Bobby

18:29

you're up okay I'm gonna get it with

18:31

my moon touch sword sword it

18:33

hits for 27 this

18:35

is a sneak attack yeah that's

18:38

8 damage plus 1 2 3 4

18:40

5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14

18:46

15 16 17 damage so cute

18:50

that you count like that but well done it's

18:53

a lot of it manual die I'm

18:56

dual wielding character sheet so come with

18:59

a flash 15 what are you

19:02

talking about your welding character sheets you've only

19:05

got Bobby ginger and Bobby just make a

19:07

mark and Patrick should not have the dual

19:09

wheel character sheet I find it inappropriate just

19:11

15 hit 15 does not hit with Logan

19:14

you're up do

19:17

the flame spear again mmm-hmm

19:19

why fear again I'm gonna do it

19:21

fucking good I gotta do yeah let's

19:23

rock it dexterity 16 please sir yep

19:25

that 16 just say yep yep unfortunately

19:27

that misses as well which means that

19:29

we're back to freezo sorry what you

19:31

said kid haven't

19:34

had a girl who's kid keep jin jus

19:37

man none of you at this moment remember

19:39

or know who kid jin jus in is

19:41

what I've ever heard of kid ginger but

19:43

I gotta go over kid jin jus in

19:45

doesn't exist anymore that's surprisingly easy for me

19:49

yeah table talk for a second since the

19:51

first round all of you have forgotten that

19:53

kid jin jus in exists ever since you

19:55

all made wisdom saves so what about Baston

19:57

we forget him too yeah you said you

19:59

succeeded but you rolled a 15 and a 15

20:01

was not enough. What do we need to get? You

20:05

know what? That's my prerogative. Okay, so as I said one of

20:07

them is almost dead, the other one's left, Frieza you're up, you

20:09

can do one more stab at your one. Yeah I'll stab it

20:11

one last time. 18 does

20:13

that hit? And 18 hits, yep. And

20:15

then damage is uh seven. Seven, seven

20:18

hits, enough to kill that. The last

20:20

one looks at you all snapping is

20:22

about to dive towards Bobby who's revealed

20:24

himself in the shadows when you suddenly

20:27

hear a roaring whoosh of promethium and

20:29

barreling down a side corridor coming towards

20:31

you at a tremendous speed is what

20:33

seems to be a sled

20:36

that has been jury-regged with

20:38

rockets and a huge hopper

20:40

of fuel. It barrels, crashes into

20:42

a corridor, scattering relics

20:44

across the corridor and smashes into the

20:46

dog and the doorway and hatch that

20:49

led you into this basement eliminating

20:51

and blocking off this final

20:54

dog which snaps screams and howls at

20:57

you and barreling around down behind it

20:59

in front of you in the wake

21:01

of this promethium steam and gas is

21:03

a figure of an old senior

21:06

citizen in a burrito

21:08

stained yormus king

21:11

out there of regi stubs

21:13

who yells you become mother

21:15

yormus and

21:20

pulls you all into a storage

21:23

closet. What? What the fuck

21:25

is going on? First

21:28

of all, can I just say you

21:30

did a good job. Thank you. Who are

21:32

you? Well and

21:35

he's wearing like you know he's right

21:37

he's got his fake beard on and

21:39

all that he takes off his fake

21:41

beard to reveal a splendid

21:44

real beard and

21:49

he takes off his like you know

21:51

shitty costume to reveal a slightly

21:54

nicer costume and

21:58

he was like that was very hot Yeah.

22:01

I don't need all that. Doesn't

22:04

matter who I am. With

22:06

a twinkle in his eyes and the sound of sleigh

22:08

bells in his step. Because

22:10

he's tweaked from a Coca-Cola. But

22:15

you're all in a lot of

22:17

danger. I've been waiting for you for a while. Now,

22:20

you surely must have... One and

22:22

a half episodes almost. Yeah, you

22:24

might even say. Because I

22:26

thought you'd be here earlier, to be honest. But

22:29

I think you got caught up doing... The

22:31

Muncha Bullshit. Hahaha. You

22:36

guys noticed, surely,

22:39

that something's weird about this mall, right? Yeah,

22:42

they wouldn't let me burn it down. Hahaha. Yeah,

22:45

I mean that's a sort of standard mall thing, I think.

22:48

Any sort of mall in the... In

22:50

the country, they'll sort of frown upon... What

22:53

about like a Westfield? Yeah,

22:55

no Westfield. They'll get pretty crossed. Hahaha.

23:06

But have you noticed how empty it is? Half

23:09

the shops have gone. People

23:11

are just disappearing. Well, that's just

23:13

the economy. Yeah, it's on my shopping, really. Well,

23:16

that's what I thought at first. But

23:18

no one seems to notice or remember anything. As

23:21

he says this, he's actually taking off

23:23

his second resplendent Jormus coat.

23:25

And he's beginning to unbutton it, revealing a

23:27

sort of burly chest underneath. No,

23:32

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, we're

23:34

not okay. No, put

23:36

it back. And as he

23:38

takes it off, he's like, but

23:41

I think I've figured it out. I'm

23:44

as confused as you guys, but check this

23:46

out. I doubt it.

23:48

And he drops his robes

23:51

and he is every inch

23:53

of his skin is tattooed. You

23:58

can see, written across the... enormous

24:00

king's chest in huge words,

24:02

small phrases written hurriedly with

24:04

crooked hands. The halls are

24:07

empty across one bicep, too

24:09

many are missing down his

24:11

abdomen. The bell sound before

24:13

she sings is written around

24:16

his neck, around one

24:18

of his nipples in circles. When

24:20

you hear her song it is too

24:22

late, just on his belly, the tattoos

24:25

help me remember. We're

24:28

doing memento. And then,

24:30

as a sort of tramp stamp at

24:32

the back, we will stop them together.

24:34

There's just one in a west like

24:36

stick and poke of a rat sucking

24:38

its own dick. And he's like, I

24:40

don't know why I did that. There's

24:42

also the Stussy S at one point.

24:45

I think I can only assume that the Stussy

24:47

S was when I was trying to figure out

24:49

how to do it all. You know what I

24:51

mean? It's like the Japanese country. Have you done

24:53

these tattoos on yourself? Yes. Is

24:55

that crazy? What? Because

25:00

when you do it on yourself, you have to

25:02

do it mirrored, so you can

25:04

read it in mirror. Or do you read

25:06

it? Like, how do you, because, are you

25:09

only able to read it? It is the

25:11

thing. Because how do you read the one

25:13

on your back? I don't remember doing any

25:15

of these. But why do you remember his

25:17

name then? He

25:20

turns around and he shows and

25:22

it's written on his side. The

25:24

annoying blue one is freezo. I'm

25:27

not blue anymore. Yeah, but you're

25:29

kind of coarse. And

25:32

then that's crossed out and in fresher ink

25:35

it says the blue one is pink now.

25:37

Wait, wait, wait. Are there

25:39

other tattoos on him that look like

25:42

traditional tattoos? No, no. Just the

25:44

Stussy. Just the Stussy. But

25:46

even that. The Stussy is quite tasteful.

25:48

The Stussy was maybe done by a good hand. Okay.

25:51

Can I roll a perception check? Or

25:54

an insight. What are you trying to understand? I'm trying to

25:56

see if I recognize this motherfucker. That's

26:00

an iron. You

26:02

would recognise him the way that all

26:05

children of Faerun would recognise him because

26:07

this is the Uilmas King. Reggie Stubbs

26:09

was a cover. This is the actual

26:11

mythical figure, the warlord who bested the

26:13

Krampus hordes at the Battle of Skull

26:15

Pass. He who ruled with

26:18

the Uilmas Queen, 400 terrible years of

26:20

bloodshed and presents and cinnamon. This is

26:22

the Uilmas King. And then

26:24

he puts the fake beer back on and goes, or

26:26

am I? Well where did

26:28

he go? Nah,

26:31

I taped it off. So

26:33

you're the actual Uilmas King? And

26:35

then he takes his real beer

26:37

off and there's a fake beer

26:39

underneath it and he goes, ohhhh!

26:42

I bet he takes that off and there's another

26:44

beer. I'm so hot. Now

26:47

he has currently dragged you all into

26:49

a small storage cupboard that looks like

26:51

it's been barricaded from the inside. Someone

26:53

has improvised a beam over the door

26:55

to lock it. I'm sorry, I don't

26:57

have any functional pants to hide my

26:59

arse and beam. There's a small military

27:02

style cot and a stove in the

27:04

corner. There's a table with two bowls,

27:07

two plates, two knives, two forks, two

27:10

cups. There is a small desk on

27:12

the wall with an industrial tattoo gun.

27:16

I figure that I've been working on this on

27:18

my own for a very long time, at least

27:20

three weeks. Two plates is wishful thinking,

27:22

isn't it mate? What? What?

27:26

Do you want to shed his burrito? Oh,

27:28

I bloody love a burrito. Sorry, I'm distracting.

27:30

Go on, please. Why

27:32

did you choose tattoos and not like pen and ink?

27:37

Excuse me? Like why would you just write it down on

27:39

a piece of paper and be like, motherfucker?

27:44

And then he looks on his calf

27:46

and it just says, use pen and

27:49

paper. And he's like, why did I put it

27:51

there? Why

27:54

did I put it there? It's like so dramatic.

27:56

You're always so dramatic, but like you could just

27:58

put it there in a book. We

28:00

have books, the technology of books exists.

28:02

Can I tell you? There's a smiggle upstairs.

28:09

There's three stationary shops in

28:11

this Westview. I understand. Can I

28:13

tell you? When

28:15

I saw you today, free Zephry's office

28:17

in... Doesn't

28:20

quite work. This is going

28:23

to get very timey-wimey for a second. I

28:27

thought I was just the Ullmus King bringing

28:30

cheer to a mall, as I

28:32

assumed that I thought every other day. And

28:35

then I took off my robe and

28:37

I saw my arm. And on

28:39

my arm it said, Read the

28:41

other arm. And

28:44

I went, What's all that? And I looked at it. That's a wasted

28:46

tattoo. Yeah. And

28:50

I said, Read your leg. So

28:52

I read my leg and it said, Trust

28:54

me, I'm you. And I

28:57

went, Alright, what the fuck? And

28:59

I went into the bathroom and I got

29:01

all naked. And I saw all this. What

29:05

he's referring to, of course, is that the

29:07

Ullmus King, as one of his powers, that

29:09

he saw when he ate the still-beating heart

29:11

of the Krampus, he gained

29:13

the power to know when champions are coming,

29:15

so that he could utilize them for Ullmus

29:17

quests. One day he

29:19

obviously realized that the six of you

29:22

would be here to find whatever is

29:24

haunting this well market. Yeah. And I

29:26

think I figured it out. Was

29:29

it Bastog? What?

29:32

Never mind. Sorry. I was just trying to play along.

29:34

No, but it's good that he's here. Hello. Hello.

29:38

What's haunting the market? Fantastic between his knuckles.

29:40

It's like, Bastog is the nice one. Yeah,

29:43

that's good. Very

29:45

good needlework there. That must have been in

29:47

week three. Because a lot of this is

29:50

dog shit. Hey,

29:55

it's Ryan Reynolds, owner and user of Mint

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Mobile, with a special holiday message. If you

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30:27

Look, I know I've just woken up after 400 years,

30:29

but I'm a little lost. Listen,

30:33

there's something in the well market.

30:35

Okay. I think I came here

30:37

to kill it. Well, let's

30:39

kill it. All I know is that

30:41

it makes you forget. And it... Forget

30:44

what? I

30:46

don't know what I've forgotten. As

30:48

it says written over him, it's the bell sound

30:51

before she sings. When you hear the song, it

30:53

is too late. The song makes

30:55

you forget. Okay. No

30:58

doubt. And I think this creature

31:00

has made its nest somewhere in

31:03

the plaza, and that's the genius of it. We

31:05

could have already seen it, but we've forgotten that

31:07

we've seen it. Do you understand? Are you saying

31:09

that one of us could be the creature? No,

31:11

I'm not saying that at all. If you see

31:13

it... Are you the creature? If

31:15

you see the creature and she's singing, you wouldn't even

31:17

notice. You might walk into her and fall over, and

31:20

you wouldn't even know. Yeah, he has a tattoo that

31:22

says exactly that. It's

31:25

a she, so don't worry. This is a complete

31:27

sausage fest. There's absolutely no chance it's

31:29

one of us. Except for Bethany, who's

31:31

definitely here. Hello, I'm still here. I've

31:35

been very quiet this adventure, but

31:37

that's because I had some taffy. Well,

31:42

maybe we should split up. That

31:44

seems smart. That way, only half of us will

31:46

forget. That's a great idea. No,

31:49

I think we've got to stay together. Okay,

31:51

okay. Listen, the one thing...

31:53

And if you look at the tattoo on my

31:55

balls... Anyone want

31:57

to see the tattoo? Pull

32:00

it tight, let's have a look. Look

32:02

at the smell of my back. Yeah. I

32:05

don't know why I bloody... That

32:07

would have hurt a lot. You know

32:10

what I mean? A lot of the journeys of

32:12

your tattoo bodies start around the taint wall. Yeah,

32:14

just like... What's the

32:16

mechanic of tattooing your

32:18

eyeballs with... Shaking them

32:20

tall with one hand. Presumably when you're

32:22

being chased by some kind of monster.

32:25

Yeah, I'm really impressed with myself to be honest, to

32:27

be able to do this. But

32:29

I think I fought it. I think I

32:31

fought it once. And I think I...

32:34

Well, I know I survived. But I think while

32:36

I was fighting it, I managed to take one

32:38

of my Yulma's sleigh bells and

32:40

throw it around her neck. So now

32:43

we know, and when we hear

32:45

the bloody sound, she's near.

32:48

Alright, let's lions and tigers

32:50

and bears oh my, this shit. So

32:53

you're ready to leave this little haven and

32:55

make your way back up to the main

32:57

plaza? We're listening for sleigh bells. Father

33:02

Yulma who looks at you and is about

33:04

to walk with you when he suddenly steps

33:07

and staggers and he quickly puts his hand

33:09

on his thigh and tries to hide but

33:12

you can see that he's been badly injured while

33:14

running towards you. Oh no. Oh, it's

33:16

nothing guys. Which is funny

33:18

because he's nude. So I don't know how you

33:20

miss that. He's been naked for a

33:22

long time. Really long period. But

33:25

before you go... He

33:27

can't come with you. I can't, I

33:30

guess I'll have its die hard. So...

33:33

Die... oh. I didn't mean to do

33:35

that. I was gonna say I like you

33:37

didn't. Oh no. Okay. No,

33:40

Ben. Sorry everyone, Ben just

33:42

is fucking obsessed with die hard references and

33:44

it's just sad. That

33:49

was when the weather... Whatever.

33:52

I think we're

33:54

supposed to have this. I've got

33:56

some Muslim presents for

33:58

you. You know,

34:00

once I ate the heart of the Krampus

34:02

and started anticipating here... What are we getting

34:04

present-wise? I love a gift! He knew you

34:06

were coming, as I said, and as is

34:08

his power, once he knew that the Jormus

34:10

champions were on their way, he had the

34:13

power to manifest you all gifts.

34:15

Bobby, which he has done and

34:17

I have for you... Oh

34:19

my god, it's a gift! I

34:22

hope it's a new bike. Bobby

34:25

Pancakes, this is from me.

34:27

Oooooooh! Jormus King.

34:29

Logan is huge. I'm just going

34:31

left to right. Congratulations, it's a

34:33

portable hole! So you get... Woooooo!

34:36

It's a small piece of fabric if you

34:38

smooth it out. I know what a portable

34:40

hole is, Dave. Alright, Roger Rabbit, you've got

34:42

it, exactly, it's yours now. Bugs Bunny. And

34:46

Logan, I haven't forgotten you. Thank

34:49

you, Jormus King. Congratulations,

34:52

it's a second chance globe! So you get a

34:54

snow globe and you can see a spinning, what

34:56

looks like a star in the centre of a

34:58

vertex. If you ever crush it

35:00

in your hand, the entire plane of

35:02

existence that you're on goes back in

35:05

18 seconds in time, and nobody knows

35:07

except for you. You've got a hole,

35:09

Dave. It's one

35:11

year, you've got one go with it. And

35:13

Baston! I've got six

35:15

clockwork soldiers. Oh, I think you'll

35:18

like these a lot, Baston. These

35:20

are small clockwork soldiers. He's really getting

35:22

into it, he's doing his shopping centre bullshit. They

35:24

have a little brass key that you keep that

35:26

winds them up, which gives them about 10 minutes

35:29

of locomotion and sink works before they wind

35:31

down and fall asleep wherever they are. They

35:33

are so tiny, one point of damage will

35:36

kill them, they can't do more than one

35:38

point of damage with their toy swords, but

35:40

they can listen, they can report back and

35:42

they call you the General. Right! Let's

35:46

go, boys. And Frieso! Frieso,

35:48

I haven't forgotten about you. Frieso

35:51

opens his envelope and there's just a bunch of white powder

35:53

in there. No, no, no. Congratulations.

35:57

It's a Glock 22. 40mm

36:00

handgun and 15,190 groin

36:05

hollow point rounds there's a

36:08

grain hollow point round they stand in

36:10

a magazine I thought they were like

36:12

dick seeking rounds well

36:14

I suppose the heart wants what the heart

36:16

wants but it's the

36:19

same gun that Tommy Lee

36:21

Jones had in the fugitive

36:23

and the last thing is Krampus King

36:28

and he gives a small that's not

36:30

what that'd be opposite of what I am

36:34

last thing I killed the Krampus, what the

36:36

fuck? that's

36:38

like calling Jesus the

36:41

Pontius Pilate guy well

36:44

thank you Pontius Pilate he

36:47

looks around and then he looks sad for

36:49

a second as if everything that he hoped

36:52

didn't happen and transpire and then he pulls

36:54

out one more gift a long small thin

36:56

gift about the size of a ruler and

36:58

it has a card on it and there's

37:00

a card on it that says to Philge from the Yomis King

37:03

and he gives it to Bobby now

37:07

you know the old thing that's

37:09

not what he sounds like but he's putting on a thing you

37:12

know the old thing about opening other people's

37:14

presents if you open

37:17

somebody else's presents I'll rip

37:19

your fucking balls off and

37:23

it stares at him while he has him

37:26

a present that doesn't belong to him when

37:28

Philge is back this is for me

37:30

for her right

37:32

off he

37:34

had a slide down the cover in St.

37:36

Helio are

37:39

you probably putting it in his backpack? just putting

37:41

it in his first pocket alright you slip the

37:43

little package into your pocket

37:45

with Philge in smold

37:47

as she is inside your pocket and

37:50

with that the Yomis King sits down

37:52

heavy and he's looking white with blood

37:54

gushing between his hands he pulls the

37:57

compass against his thigh and he

37:59

throws the key to the barricaded door

38:01

to you Bastard. And just as he

38:03

throws the thing and he has

38:06

the compress there and he

38:08

looks over at the two bowls and

38:10

the double bed and there's

38:13

a picture of him and Mrs.

38:16

Yilma's queen. And

38:19

he's like, this damnedest thing.

38:24

I could have sworn there was someone

38:26

living with me. And

38:30

then he twinkled into stardust

38:32

and disappears. Well,

38:36

marry you, Miss Everyone. Thank

38:39

you very much. And

38:43

everybody dies. Okay. All

38:45

right, men. And I turn on one of

38:47

my... You're gonna wind up at Stinkworks? My

38:50

clockwork's so... Sorry, yes, sir. Report for duty, sir.

38:52

Reconnaissance, too. I want you to spread out through

38:54

the supermarket. I want you to bring back any

38:56

report of sleigh bells. Do you understand me? You

38:59

heard the man, maggot. No matter how many of

39:01

you die, we will fulfill our mission. Rolla!

39:05

And the six little clockwork men

39:07

start walking down the one corridor

39:09

leading... The problem is,

39:12

don't forget, you have a barricaded door leading up

39:14

the hatch. Okay, well, wait a second. Sir, we

39:16

did. We discovered some kind of sleigh impacted on

39:18

the hatch, sir. All right, well, let's get out

39:20

of here. Things that are egress is limited. And

39:22

another one of the little clockwork men on the

39:24

other side says, sir, we've identified

39:26

a ladder leading up. It appears to be

39:28

some kind of themed restaurant, sir. Grr! Great

39:31

work, men. Go through the themed

39:34

restaurant. Do not be distracted by

39:36

the contoural, colorful decorations. I repeat,

39:38

do not be distracted and return

39:40

with reconnaissance. Yes, sir. They run away.

39:43

And 10 minutes later, you hear them.

39:45

Let me see how many of them survive. Ooh. You

39:48

know that once they're dead, they're dead for good. Uh,

39:50

okay, they're clockwork. Who gives a fuck? Well,

39:53

you're lucky. All

39:55

six of them come back and they go... Because

39:57

that thing works. Great job, men. I care about

39:59

it. every one of you. That

40:02

think works is starting to wind

40:05

down. He's like, sir, yes, sir,

40:07

we have found our way through

40:10

the restaurant. The doors still seem

40:12

active. Your escape is possible through

40:14

the main stage. We do not

40:17

engage the good time jamboree. Baaa.

40:20

Great job, man, in my bucket. All

40:23

right, Bobby. Did they find any

40:25

sleigh bells? No, they didn't, but they know

40:27

the way out. Yeah, they do. Take this

40:29

ladder if you want. Okay, let's take the ladder. All right,

40:31

so you're all going for it? Who's leading the way? I'll

40:34

lead the way, sneakily. Yeah, Bobby, go sneaky.

40:36

All right, so you start sneaking through this

40:39

old themed restaurant past the arcade, long in

40:41

disrepair. You can see most of it is

40:43

being found up in sheets and packing tape,

40:45

and there is an old disused animatronic band

40:47

on the stage. Oh, which they're fucking insane.

40:50

Which the theater, which is abandoned and is

40:52

not going to come through. Yeah, I know,

40:54

but it's just, it's not. Horrible

40:56

little sippy just saying that. I like

40:58

the aesthetic, all right? I like the

41:01

aesthetic. It's just, it's defunct chic. So

41:03

you walk through the stage, and

41:06

so you can make your way to the stage if you want. You're going to

41:08

have to go through the band. Yeah. Yeah.

41:11

All right, and is everyone following him, or is

41:13

Bobby- Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're just, we're letting him

41:15

go 30 feet ahead, because he's sneaky. Great, so

41:17

can you make for me a stealth check, please?

41:19

Bobby Pancakes. Okay. Sneaky.

41:24

Sneaky. Sneaky.

41:27

That's a 25. Oh, great, all

41:29

right. That's the sneakiest. You sneak your way

41:31

forward through the restaurant, and you start getting

41:33

ahead of yourself as you head back upstairs.

41:35

Soon you can't hear the others behind you,

41:37

though you're traveling at a speed that you

41:39

think that they can follow you, but you've

41:42

lost contact. Do you want to keep going,

41:44

or do you want to double back? You're

41:48

traveling at a pretty reasonable speed. I'll

41:50

keep going, and I'll come back if there's

41:52

any reward. Great, all right. You sneak forward

41:54

further, and you make your way back towards

41:57

the main plaza, being very, very careful, and

41:59

as you do. because you rolled a 25,

42:01

let me just do an opposed. Okay,

42:03

great. You make your

42:05

way back to that mound of

42:07

bones and carcasses that is the

42:10

lovingly rendered battle of the Krampus

42:12

hordes. And for the

42:14

first time you find yourself truly looking

42:16

at that mound of sawdust

42:19

and old sewn clothes. And

42:21

you can see, although it's

42:23

back is towards you, that

42:25

there is a bulbous grotesque

42:28

figure, what looks like a

42:30

sack of skin and organs

42:32

with large tendrils wrapped

42:34

lazily around it, intertwined in

42:36

the fabric with two powerful

42:38

tentacles wrapped around the thrones

42:40

at the top of the

42:42

village and three heads lolling

42:44

and slumbering. And as you

42:46

look at them, one of

42:48

those heads shifts and snorts

42:51

as if in sleep and

42:53

there is a loud clang clang

42:56

of sleigh bells. It's back is facing

42:58

towards you and has not noticed

43:00

you, but you fear if you move, it

43:02

will hear you and awake. Your

43:06

friends are still behind you, you don't know where they are. Has

43:09

anyone seen Bobby? I

43:13

haven't heard him and he was so stinky. We're gonna stay

43:15

with Bobby for a while because he's a little bit ahead

43:17

of everyone. Okay.

43:22

Sorry, I'm gonna be very, very quiet. What's

43:26

around me? Am I just like in the

43:28

forecourt of the mall? Is that kind of?

43:30

You're at the Uelmus Village in the main

43:32

plaza. So the centerpiece is the display where

43:35

the thrones are and the replica of the battle. There's

43:38

also a lemonade concession stand. There's like

43:40

a boost juice, all

43:42

of these abandoned. And there's also

43:45

one of those places that's called like

43:47

mobile phones to go. But

43:50

it's for sending stones. Okay.

43:53

You get like a case of your sending stone. But

43:58

it doesn't fit, it's the right. wrong type. I'm going to

44:00

missy step and I'm going to missy

44:02

step out of the view and probably

44:17

sound range of the... See somewhere you can see. Run

44:19

away. You're going to have to turn around. You're still

44:21

going to have to move. It's a lot less movement.

44:23

You're just going to have to turn around if you

44:26

want to go backwards. Okay. I'm going to sound step

44:28

to the sending stone

44:30

chaos. Behind it. That puts

44:32

something between you and the bulbous form. Okay. You

44:34

bamf and you stand behind it and now you

44:36

can see that the figure is not so much

44:39

asleep as sort of idly sitting,

44:41

blowing its head and toying

44:43

with something in front of it,

44:45

wrapping it mechanically with

44:47

two tentacles that are pulling a kind

44:49

of gossamer strand around a figure that

44:52

you now recognize is the supine form

44:54

of Kit Jinserson who is being enwrapped

44:57

in webbing. And as you

44:59

do, you turn around and see, you can see blithely

45:01

the dragon friends. And do you think it would be

45:03

fair at this moment after nine

45:05

years if we just assume that if you

45:08

haven't told me that you're walking quietly, you're

45:10

doing what you normally do, which is strutting?

45:12

Is that fair? Can we agree at this

45:14

moment that when the dragon friends adventure they

45:16

strut? Yeah. So beyond

45:19

its vision, but you can see

45:21

essentially singing, staying alive in

45:27

the heads, the figure of the dragon

45:29

friends, walking, just kicking things along the

45:31

way. One of them, you know

45:34

what, Freezo's best on sound is

45:36

soccer ball and he's trying to do that

45:38

thing with his knee. I'm juggling. Okay. Here

45:40

we go. Athletics. Oh yeah. I

45:42

got plus everything. I love. I'm going

45:44

to grab a sending stone,

45:47

presuming they're around. Yes, there are

45:49

some sending stones. And just

45:51

like throw one at the

45:55

group. Great. All right. Who are you throwing it

45:57

to? Logan. Logan makes me a dexterity check. You

46:00

know I'd love to. This is a

46:02

heavy one. Look at this one from... Seven...

46:06

Hahahaha Plus one!

46:09

Hahahaha You

46:11

throw a sending stone and it clonks eight.

46:14

It clonks Logan in the head. He's

46:16

a little way away from the rest of the

46:18

group. It spins around. There is a dash of

46:21

sleigh bells as the thing turns,

46:23

spins around and spots Logan thinking that the

46:25

noise has come from him. And as it

46:27

spins... Three heads

46:29

spin around each of them a horrified...

46:32

Horrifying, terrible face wraps in a

46:34

veil, snake around and as they

46:36

snake down the ground they seem to

46:39

grow. The creature does not need to

46:41

move. Its neck stretches like taffy as

46:43

the three heads start to slither towards

46:46

Logan and one of them begins to

46:48

sing. Immediately wake for me a wisdom

46:50

save Logan. Reaction? Can I

46:52

count, Spill? You don't

46:54

know what's happening. The only person who can take a

46:56

reaction... I will let Bobby take a reaction. Fine. That's

46:58

eight. Eight.

47:00

And Logan, you immediately

47:04

notice a really

47:06

cool bag. Awesome.

47:09

Which you can have if you want. It's in one

47:11

of the displays of a shop that's closed for

47:13

no good reason. I suppose I want

47:16

the bag? Well you can't remember why you came to

47:18

these shops but it would make sense that you came

47:20

here to get a bag. I came to these shops

47:22

and you know it's closed but they wouldn't mind if

47:24

I took it. So how would you at this moment

47:26

like to use your entire action for the round? I

47:28

want to grab the bag. Alright. Congratulations.

47:32

You get a bag. Hell

47:34

yeah. The rest

47:36

of you all see Logan move and start taking

47:38

a bag. I would let you all make checks

47:40

because I think you would think this was normal.

47:42

But again for the dragon friends unfortunately it is.

47:45

Do I get an action? You can have a reaction. I'm

47:47

going to use my final spell flight. No, no,

47:49

it's a reaction. Oh it's a reaction. Or

47:52

you can do something that's a reaction. You

47:54

can't use an action at this point. Otherwise we're going

47:56

to go to freezer. Okay go to freezer. Satchel or

47:59

like a backpack. It's

48:02

like, you know what, it's a combination satchel backpack so

48:04

it comes with a little ride and then... You didn't

48:07

have to put a spell on me for me to

48:09

grab that bad word. You

48:12

can also write that down in your character sheet. You

48:14

can take that to the bank, that's yours. Wow. Does

48:17

Fraser recognise what kind of creature this is? Are you looking at

48:19

the creature? You listening to the creature?

48:22

I heard the sleigh bells. I guess I would see it from

48:24

behind. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If you want, you

48:26

can look at it. No, it feels like if I look

48:28

at it, you're going to do something. No, you're allowed to look at

48:30

it. There was nothing on the old man's belly so you couldn't look

48:32

at it. Okay, I'll look at it. Do I recognise what kind of

48:34

creature it is? Yeah, you think that

48:36

it looks to you like a creature of

48:39

hell, like it is grown out of a Lemure, something

48:41

from the lower levels of hell. It's hard to tell

48:43

because you can't see its faces because they're covered in

48:46

veils. Maybe I will try

48:48

out one of my new spells. Does

48:50

it look undead at all? It looks infernal.

48:54

No, no. Okay, I'm going to cast Hold Monster

48:56

on this spell. Oh yeah, I'll let that work.

48:59

So it needs to make, I think, an intelligent

49:01

saving throw or something? Yep, it's quite intelligent. It

49:03

rolled an 18, 24, which unfortunately means it succeeds,

49:05

but it doesn't mean that it's seen you and

49:07

the second of its three heads spins around, slithers

49:09

towards you as a reaction, and

49:12

sings in your face and I need you to make the mere

49:14

wisdom save. Wisdom saving throw?

49:17

Um... Oh, it's one of those things.

49:20

Uh, that's a fucking Nat 20, eh? What

49:31

the... Once

49:33

in every generation there is born a special

49:35

child, a gifted child, a child with the

49:38

blood of the Yormus King and his veins,

49:40

a child whose magic is so potent, eh,

49:42

the chosen one, if you

49:45

will, uh, the most special

49:47

little boy whose blood and life

49:49

is so special that he is

49:51

immune to the magic, not just

49:54

this round, permanently immune to the

49:56

char-magic listeria of streaks, which

49:58

means that you can see what's in the happening you

50:00

can act you can try and check people

50:02

out of it her magic has no hold

50:04

on you freezo and you instantly see and

50:07

understand that this is your great adversary and

50:09

what must be done that

50:11

bad ugly what

50:15

I had reacted

50:17

that by going

50:19

who said no

50:21

no no see she hasn't eaten him so you remember him

50:23

still but he's just said your bag is ugly oh

50:34

you cannot see that a fight

50:36

has broken out and there's something

50:38

in front of you you

50:40

look ah

50:44

a little rusty what I do

50:46

anything you want charge again oh

50:49

yeah 15 1 mrs. 2 what's up thank

50:51

you thank you very much for asking

51:00

me that's very nice of me for no 17

51:03

yes yes yeah

51:05

for hits dude right doom yeah I'll

51:07

give you the math in a second

51:09

all right so you best on stop

51:11

punching punching punching kicking fighting and attack

51:13

you any but as he does the

51:15

face the third face slithers up in

51:17

bass on space make them either quickly

51:19

a wisdom saving Oh Oh that's a

51:21

2 oh that's on

51:24

you suddenly notice the boost juice

51:26

and it has been 400 years

51:29

you have got refreshed and when

51:31

you cannot remember why you came

51:33

to this place I'm so parched

51:35

on makes his way and

51:37

thus pouring himself a juice which will take

51:40

the next day three actions that's two of

51:42

your actions the next one up is Bobby

51:44

pancakes I'm gonna cast using

51:47

my last spell slot ten thousand fours so

51:51

you need to do an intelligence

51:54

saving throw get 11 it fails

51:57

okay no there's a

51:59

ten foot cube around it that is deceivable

52:01

only to the target, which is of

52:04

the empty forecourt. So it sees nothing

52:07

anymore around it. It is perfectly as

52:09

if it is completely empty even though

52:11

we are standing around. Alright, let's theory

52:14

object thinks that all of you have

52:16

vanished. She fails her intelligence test, which

52:18

means she squeals in pain, not her

52:20

dread song. So she just squeals

52:22

in pain and she flails as her bells

52:24

go everywhere and everyone who's currently charmed gets

52:26

a chance to make one more wisdom saving

52:28

throw. Twenty!

52:31

Well done! Woo!

52:33

Seventeen plus! Seventeen

52:36

plus is enough which means you all passed! Eleven! And

52:40

Bobby, you've done the spell, you've successfully trapped

52:43

her and now you think you're just practicing

52:45

your spell on an empty forecourt as you

52:47

have the glazed expression, continue to maintain the

52:49

spell but cannot hear anyone around you. I

52:51

just put my portable hold down and get

52:53

half in it. Yeah, ten

52:55

feet down and it's from the ground. I suppose it's in

52:57

the kind of pillbox. The rest

53:00

of the dragon friends however are all up as

53:02

Bethany looks at it, also fails with a two.

53:04

This is no time for juice and

53:06

Baston looks around and he sees a

53:09

scoop of boba and he just starts

53:11

ramming it in his ears. Great! Just

53:13

as many boba as he can putting them in his

53:15

ears. You're deafening yourself with boba? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Alright,

53:18

it's dry, it's uncomfortable but it works. What about you,

53:20

Freezo? I'm gonna

53:22

cast Witch Bolt at this thing,

53:24

this creature. What's

53:26

it's armor class again? It's a seventeen. That's

53:30

a sixteen plus. That'll work, sixteen plus

53:32

will work. Yeah, plus charisma, that's twenty

53:34

one. Yep. That hits. So

53:37

I'll do two C-12 damage. Every

53:40

round. Two twelve. That's fourteen

53:42

damage. Fourteen points of damage. That

53:45

hits, she screams in pain and shocks, surprised

53:47

as she seems to be being attacked from

53:49

all sides but she cannot see where they're

53:51

coming from. Logan? The bells

53:53

aren't the thing that's charming us.

53:55

It's the song that she sings,

53:57

yeah. Okay, I'm gonna cast Grafting.

54:00

vine around those those. Alright

54:02

you start twisting vines around them you attacker is

54:04

it dexterity save? Thanks Dave. Alright each head two

54:07

of them fail three three and a twenty which

54:09

is weird which means that one of the heads

54:11

is released but two more of them are smothered

54:13

by vines and start to sink down into the

54:15

mounds of Krampus which means that there is only

54:17

one of the heads left as it spins around

54:20

desperately trying to see you all and it gets

54:22

a second chance on its turn to break through

54:24

the spell and it succeeds as your prismatic cube

54:27

shatters re-alerting you to the reality of

54:29

the room but also re-alerting her

54:32

as she turns looking at all

54:34

of you for someone to sing

54:36

but before she can fast on

54:38

you have your next action. A

54:41

boushous actually. Boushous? Arrive, light. Boushous

54:43

is going to try

54:46

and polymorph this thing

54:48

into a turtle. A

54:52

turtle? Yeah like a little turtle. Like

54:54

a terepin. Yeah like a terepin like

54:56

a little pet. Alright well um. DC

54:59

16 wisdom save. Yeah

55:04

and she has a plus nine but that's

55:06

a two so um. I'm

55:10

good at the ending I'm so good at

55:12

the ending. Hey just go your video notes

55:14

where it said she turns into a turtle.

55:16

Let me just zoom

55:19

in quick. Alright so uh she

55:21

shrinks down to about a two and

55:23

a half inch terepin, pops in the

55:25

air and falls down at the feet

55:27

of Baston and now it is Baston's.

55:29

That is absolutely an emperor's new groove

55:31

thing in your head by the way.

55:33

The way that just happened like. Yeah

55:35

it was like. I want you to

55:38

know that um Logan looks and goes what are

55:40

you gonna do with that? What are you gonna do? Well

55:43

I this little guy doesn't have

55:45

a home and it looks like

55:48

you've got a bag with nothing in

55:50

it. Do you

55:55

want to take care of it? I just want to

55:57

remind you that polymorph lasts for approximately a minute. Well.

56:00

That's a problem for later us. Don't

56:02

adopt a pet that you're not

56:05

prepared to take care of for

56:07

more than 59 seconds. Well

56:11

what about that hole that Bobby's got? You

56:14

drop it in the hole. Sure.

56:17

Well I've climbed out of the hole by this point. And then

56:19

what are you going to do with the portable hole? I would

56:21

drop it in the hole, fold the hole up. Yeah,

56:23

what happens if you like put a hole on the

56:25

ground, put something in the hole and then

56:27

take the hole away? Is that what you're doing? Yeah. Okay.

56:33

Are you disappointed we used the tools that you

56:35

gave us to solve the problem? Sorry

56:38

Dave. The archfiend, the listeria

56:41

of strict, forged

56:43

500 years ago in terrible torment,

56:45

in pain in the first circle,

56:47

of the nine circles of hell

56:49

who ascended to such clarifying and

56:51

edifying heights as queen of nightmares

56:54

of the Nesian courts of the

56:56

damned, who distinguished herself in the

56:58

wars against the Tarask, those internal

57:00

wars that claimed so many devilish

57:02

lives, who lived a powerful

57:05

life in the underworld with but

57:07

one promise, a promise that one

57:09

day Bethany Smiles would serve her,

57:12

has found herself in the last six seconds

57:15

having a very bad day. As

57:19

she has turned into a small

57:21

novelty turtle of the type given

57:24

by distant fathers. To

57:27

poor children. And

57:30

then placed 10 feet

57:32

into the concrete of a paved

57:35

over desert anorak in

57:37

a hole that is then removed from

57:40

reality. The

57:43

last thing she thinks is

57:47

bother. Because

57:52

this has been

57:54

the final and greatest moment

57:56

yet of those

57:58

terrible, terrible... adventurous

58:02

that they call the dragon

58:04

friends and as the Even song gives its

58:06

way tonight and the well market is closed

58:09

Bobby holds out a hand to Baston who holds

58:11

out a hand to Bethany who holds out a

58:13

hand to Logan who holds out

58:15

a hand back to Bobby while Frieza watches

58:17

benignly. Just

58:21

like got a blindfold on and he's

58:23

like taking the cap out and then

58:26

put it back into his gun. How

58:31

far, how'd I do? As Baston's gun

58:33

is clipped over calling from his

58:35

ears reaches around an old abandoned cart

58:37

and pulls out a boost juice and

58:40

hands one to each of the dragon friends

58:43

and they think to themselves what

58:46

a wonderful time of year. Thank

58:50

you! My

58:52

son, don't you forget to hear it!

58:55

Take a bow! He

58:58

is racing! And

59:00

J.J. Don't you carry

59:03

it! J.J. Don't

59:05

you carry it on the cage! Oh,

59:07

it's not a dragon hammer! Oh,

59:09

it's a dragon hammer! Oh,

59:12

Nick's hiding on the cage! You're

59:14

the one who uses the kara-cage! You!

59:18

Oh, it's too hard in the building out here to have

59:20

a wonderful job with you! Thank

59:22

you so much everyone! You

59:30

should have made it more challenging, Dave. We

59:35

are waiting for everyone else to come back. Yeah. Do

59:38

you remember what was it? I think it was the

59:40

last one of these you did. The

59:43

last one of these you weren't here because

59:45

you were recovering from surgery. Luckily I didn't need to

59:47

have surgery. That's not the funny bit. That's the nice

59:49

bit of the story. I was

59:51

put on morphine, however, and...

59:54

and I ended fucking good.

59:58

But I... I didn't think too much

1:00:00

about it until I got home. And at

1:00:02

this point I'd been on morphine for about two days. And

1:00:05

then the first time when I was off morphine, I was

1:00:07

lying in bed and I opened

1:00:09

up my phone. And my phone was

1:00:12

on Google on a search result

1:00:14

for list of

1:00:16

inspector gadgets, gadgets. Which

1:00:21

I had no memory of typing into or

1:00:23

why. I don't think

1:00:25

I've ever really thought about inspector gadgets. But

1:00:28

off my nut, I had decided that I needed

1:00:30

quantifiable proof of all the inventions that he had.

1:00:32

And we joking around assumed that it was because

1:00:35

you were gonna be like, while I'm under doc,

1:00:38

can you give me a propeller hat or whatever? Yeah,

1:00:40

yeah, yeah, give me the full gadget special. Due

1:00:43

to me what Dr. Claw did to him. So

1:00:46

I didn't think

1:00:48

too much about this. I told just a few friends in a

1:00:50

group chat. And I still don't fucking know

1:00:52

who this is. But every

1:00:55

two weeks to the day

1:00:57

since that has happened, I

1:01:00

get inspector gadget shit mailed

1:01:02

to me. And

1:01:06

here's the fucking thing of it. The

1:01:08

people that are buying it or the person

1:01:11

that's buying it is filling in the slips

1:01:13

to make me think I've ordered it. So,

1:01:16

so far. Well,

1:01:18

I think probably the most rational explanation. So

1:01:20

far, I received, I got like a little

1:01:23

pop cap doll and I didn't think I

1:01:25

was like, ha ha, that's funny. And then

1:01:27

I got a DVD, I don't even know

1:01:29

the DVD player. I got Matthew Broderick in

1:01:32

Inspector Gadget. I

1:01:34

then was sent a Chinese. You gotta

1:01:36

go French Stewart in Inspector Gadget. Maybe that's

1:01:38

in the post. I got invoking French Stewart

1:01:40

in Inspector Gadget. I got a knock

1:01:43

off Chinese, Bricklands, Lego kit. And I

1:01:45

couldn't actually work out how to get

1:01:47

the manual. But I did notice the

1:01:49

Lego kit comes with a propeller hat.

1:01:52

But then I also got sent, I got sent a costume.

1:01:54

I got sent a, a inspector, a horrifying Inspector

1:01:56

Gadget costume. My question, which I would

1:01:58

like to ask now. amongst many of the people

1:02:00

that are in that group chat is which one

1:02:03

of you fuckers is it? Cuz

1:02:06

I I assumed it

1:02:08

was Jordan Rascopoulos. Dave I have something

1:02:11

I have something to admit. I

1:02:14

couldn't afford any of those things. I

1:02:18

don't even have a phone. Why do you need to narrow it

1:02:20

down? Somebody in a group likes to waste money because

1:02:23

I there's this stuff is not ex- Again,

1:02:25

it's been set up to make me think I order it

1:02:28

so I get receipts for everything It's

1:02:30

deeply weird and why do you think why do

1:02:32

you think it isn't Jordan because this is textbook

1:02:34

Jordan? I think it's Jordan. So I got

1:02:36

Jordan's ex-wife to No,

1:02:39

it's their friends. It's weird. I was going crazy.

1:02:41

I had to dive deep into this so I

1:02:44

got her ex-wife to check in on what

1:02:48

What they were doing while I knew that something was

1:02:50

coming and I found out that they were out and

1:02:52

so the timelines don't work So it's not Jordan. Very

1:02:54

well. And then I thought it was Demi. Yeah,

1:02:57

I have the smell of Demi on it I would

1:02:59

be Demi and Lardner. Demi and Tom. But a lot

1:03:01

of the email addresses use an old email I only

1:03:03

had when we were all at uni. Demi

1:03:06

knows that email address. The wishing well

1:03:08

that we all gave to is going

1:03:11

to Then

1:03:14

I thought it was hing but

1:03:16

then I thought that fundamentally even though this

1:03:18

is bullying this is still gift And

1:03:20

I don't think

1:03:24

a joke starts or ends with

1:03:27

him giving somebody a lot of gifts and not

1:03:29

taking credit for it So

1:03:32

I don't know at this point. I don't know who it is.

1:03:34

So which one of you fucking is

1:03:36

it? I'm absolutely stumped. I guess you'll

1:03:38

get me next time gadgets Tired

1:03:45

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