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More at uh1.com. You

0:19

know what's crazy? The first half

0:21

was so good, and you guys had clearly worked

0:24

so hard on that. But now, for the next

0:26

however long we do this campaign, you have to

0:28

be like monks who have taken vows of abstinence,

0:30

right? Because the second either of

0:33

you finds love, the quality of this show

0:35

will decline. Yeah. The

0:37

heroes of Earth, brave heroes

0:39

of Earth. Destiny be

0:41

done, these four freaks will become heroes

0:45

of Earth. In

0:54

a musty-smelling apartment. In

0:59

the center, a dining

1:01

table with

1:04

no chairs. Swirling. Above

1:09

the couch, a pendant lamp. And

1:12

bursting through the door

1:14

of this dingy, single

1:16

man's apartment comes

1:19

our heroes, the minotaur, sunbelt

1:22

gong bonger. A

1:24

duckling rogue, Polly Waddle. A

1:27

handsome... Someone would say too

1:30

handsome. A human

1:32

ranger, Charion Valerian. And

1:35

closing the door with a

1:37

slam behind him, none other

1:39

than Dinner Munchabout. Human

1:42

wizard and occupant of

1:44

this sad, sad

1:46

domicile. Take a seat, I guess

1:49

on the couch or the floor.

1:51

I don't... There's no seats around the dining table.

1:54

Hold on. And then I roll up my puzzle

1:56

mat. I

1:59

put it in its special... Draw. Were.

2:01

Butler mind if we hang out here. Let

2:05

me ask him. Out

2:07

of me. See. You

2:09

might as well. No, he lost that.

2:12

A little bit. And

2:14

I might listen. Pull up a beanbag. And

2:18

you pull up a beanbag. Counts! I have a nice.

2:21

Little one. Why

2:24

has it come? On.

2:27

Your cats but you do have whiskey stones

2:29

on that show for the day. I

2:33

got. I got to pick what

2:36

I wanted to keep. Yeah,

2:38

I did. And you kept his hosts.

2:40

You kept a whole wall of board

2:42

games. And.

2:47

Have you seen the dining table

2:49

is? ah Dutch. And

2:52

extendable I do not extended. also. Oh,

2:54

I've got a question about the dining

2:56

table uk. Like.

3:00

Like press. Residents

3:04

check this. Out and the lights off in the red

3:06

and blue. Sky. Of

3:09

us. Have that was

3:11

the birds is that broke down. There are.

3:16

No good. She took all of your pictures of the family.

3:18

Be left all the pictures of you guys at Comic Con.

3:23

Doubt. In my two small

3:25

set. Some

3:27

soap adding up to you

3:30

is a one eyed mangy

3:32

looking wolf. Yep. I.

3:37

Said. Would. Kind

3:40

of his that wow. This

3:42

usually his blessing from

3:44

my degree in Cs.

3:47

Thousand Different was a snack.

3:53

On I asked my friend Jessica see

3:55

funny says against us Guys on about

3:57

all sorts of things are just remember

3:59

my dad. God. Because

4:04

I heroes have come directly

4:06

from the blasted. Credo.

4:09

She's of a moment. I

4:11

want. Anything I

4:13

thought what do you like of the I could put

4:16

peas in order for you. Ah

4:20

please. Her dad's side's

4:22

put these in wine.

4:25

See them on. Ah,

4:29

I guess Im Pei's and wine and I put him

4:32

in a dish. And

4:35

I'm like i'm really sorry I would put them

4:37

on like a chair that sort of your kid

4:39

high but if I don't have those like I

4:41

said I'm gonna put on the on an accountant

4:43

I think I've only got one of those that

4:45

things that is like they liked. It was only

4:48

four dollars on catch the day and it goes

4:50

over the american this as and it makes it

4:52

slightly more. I think

4:54

that they're they're resin in the middle of that. I

4:57

think made his arms dinner is going to be

4:59

cooking peace and one I think that requires a

5:01

chance of silk truly. Yeah

5:05

but I still use of suck it up

5:07

says okay with this the save lives decks

5:09

check you know I didn't. Say.

5:16

What? Zero? Very. Full. Plus one.

5:18

Assess assess a few fees for

5:21

on the floor as you say

5:23

them out who. He

5:25

bends down. Has this happened? Like all right?

5:27

Sweetie else had something. Like and. During

5:32

around the peace. So

5:37

it's hasn't been half an

5:39

hour since the Mother of

5:41

the Earth. So. Let's

5:44

see I returned. Struck.

5:46

Down all of your.

5:49

Champions. Employees for an

5:51

eye. On something really quick. Absolutely! Who

5:53

is my guys? Ah, I'm a

5:55

lexicon. Yell

5:59

yeah. The walked over my

6:01

may know. He see a he he

6:03

doesn't acknowledge she of like to publicly

6:05

acknowledge reducing we made you for over

6:07

an interview any other characters. Were

6:11

on the side effects Some

6:14

so since the disaster

6:16

at the stadium. Lexicon:

6:20

Disappeared made himself scarce and

6:22

the city has been in

6:24

bedlam. You've retreated. To.

6:27

Dinner. Much about apartment to get

6:29

your bearings and decide on your

6:31

next. Course. Of action. Thriller.

6:45

Barrel of. My

6:50

name is Sun Gone Bomber

6:53

and it's a cool name.

6:56

Fit I'm committing. Do this whole time.

7:00

Zingers authored the Guy. The

7:02

guy I lost. Telesis.

7:09

Audience in the town by the image

7:11

of or at of a short on

7:13

was what does he ran dog off

7:15

He random mind that I worked is

7:17

dumb. Or. Packets

7:20

of mine. Square. My

7:22

wife says she's just about eight and

7:24

a half months pregnant. And

7:27

outcome of this adventure and I like concern

7:29

is that would the end of the world.

7:32

I. Am going to miss. The.

7:34

Birth of my child's That is

7:36

a concern that I have. And

7:39

but but I also know that get a

7:42

you guys to come back with me to

7:44

my village so I can see. The birth

7:46

of my child. may not be interesting for

7:48

all of you, but it is quite emotional.

7:51

He is meaningful to me. I guess I'd

7:53

to be torn about every. Last.

8:00

All right, I I don't

8:02

have a phone. Because

8:06

they are invented.

8:08

Yes, I'm

8:14

request night I'd love I'd look I love earnest

8:16

deadbeat dad. I'm I'm going to be a good

8:18

I'm going be a good as. Mine. Was

8:23

why I'm here. I just thought like we

8:25

had to do it like every month. I

8:32

did realize. You could not take time off

8:34

to your wife's a knopf months pregnant or

8:36

whatever. And I guess

8:38

I didn't know that. Adds

8:41

at so that that night we had a conversation

8:43

about it as she said she was cool but

8:45

now that I'm here I am. Worried.

8:47

The kids were giving birth any moments and

8:50

I turn my phone off. Know what? Because

8:52

I'm on stage and I don't want. So

8:56

it's it's. something I'm dealing with

8:58

right now. Those as a character

9:00

and as a guy. And

9:05

as a character and as a woman

9:07

Alex lead character poly what may have

9:10

a unique. Perspective on this. List.

9:16

Got a couple of. My.

9:20

Space. Is

9:23

at the age or the number. You

9:27

have same city girl guzzling.

9:31

Rights from Zero to Sixty. Actually

9:33

got one on one on me somewhere.

9:36

In eg, once one at one

9:38

has popped out his movies inside.

9:42

And then they are. Sluts

9:46

How you're a duck with arms.

9:48

Is it an egg with arms?

9:50

s. C. love me

9:52

some of us a square space is

9:54

an egg with faith in south yeah

9:57

case isn't egg with the stumbling around

10:00

Oh don't worry, it'll figure itself

10:02

out. Now listen. You

10:06

can't, let me tell you something about

10:08

kids. You can't change your whole life

10:10

to suit these kids. The

10:12

children are like seeds that grow up around

10:15

the tree. What? The

10:18

children are like little seeds that fall in

10:20

the ground that grow up around the tree.

10:22

And am I the... You're the tree.

10:24

I'm the tree, right? I

10:27

wasn't sure. And the tree can still,

10:29

you know, go on adventures or fly to

10:31

Melbourne to do the project. For

10:42

example? The important thing is that

10:46

you bring them a toy back

10:48

from the airport. Yeah,

10:51

no I think I get what you're

10:54

saying, yeah. And with all this talk

10:56

of parental love over in

10:58

the corner, Chilairion sort of gives like a... Looks

11:02

a little uncomfortable. Yeah.

11:09

I know I look cool.

11:13

Wait, what's he doing at that point in time? Is he

11:15

doing something cool? He's like sitting on the chair so weird.

11:19

Like one of his foot is up really high

11:21

for some reason. I feel like his

11:23

buttocks are quite low. And

11:27

he said I know I look cool. I'm

11:29

not a dad myself, but

11:32

if I can offer you some advice. Sure.

11:43

What? Yeah, go ahead. I... Like

11:45

when you're offered advice you've got to have

11:47

something, otherwise... Because what it seems to me

11:49

like now, anything you say now it's going

11:51

to sound like you're just making it up.

11:54

Because I gave advice but I had the whole

11:56

tree and the seed thing. It was an analogy. She

11:58

was talking about... I have an analogy as well.

12:00

Being a dad is a lot like holding a

12:02

drink. Sometimes

12:12

you'll spill a bit and

12:16

it'll go everywhere. But

12:18

that's okay because there's

12:20

always more drinks. Hang on. Sorry.

12:27

And sometimes... Just so I understand what you're

12:29

saying... And sometimes someone will hand you a

12:31

drink and you say, I didn't even ask

12:34

for a drink. And

12:36

you'll drink all of that drink and it wasn't

12:38

even a drink you wanted. But that

12:40

all goes inside. I

12:42

have... Dude, I

12:44

have so many questions. In

12:48

this analogy, are you saying that

12:50

children are unlimited supply so

12:52

it doesn't matter if some of mine, I

12:54

guess, die? Question

12:56

number two. In this analogy, what

12:59

is drinking? Okay,

13:02

okay. I guess some people here aren't

13:04

operating on the same level as the

13:06

rest of us. Let

13:10

me take the first one first. Last

13:13

time I checked, we make babies with

13:15

our dicks. It's

13:18

pretty easy to do. Okay?

13:21

It's harder not to. Jenna's taking notes.

13:24

Wait, what did he write down?

13:27

We were babies with our dicks. Also,

13:30

our lady dicks, whatever they may

13:32

be called, will look like. Lady

13:36

dicks. What was the second question? What's

13:38

drinking? Drinking is a good

13:42

time. A

13:45

good time is people coming

13:48

together. And what are we here

13:50

if not people? Coming

13:52

together, having a good time. Her

13:54

dad just died. Just

13:58

because your dad... If my dad died,

14:00

I would be cool with it. Look,

14:07

the people just let you talk

14:09

because they just enjoy watching the

14:11

face move. Yes, also

14:13

I'm very rich. Ohhhh.

14:17

Ohhhh, okay, I'm starting

14:19

to understand. Anyway,

14:22

who is that big chick with the tentacles? I

14:28

think that was the spirit of the earth.

14:31

I just wanted Celestia. So

14:34

that's real? Confusing because she was Vanessa,

14:37

the stagehand who we all met, and now

14:39

she's... I think that was real.

14:41

I mean, those people look

14:43

very dead, including my... father.

14:48

Fucking up the timing a bit, dinner says,

14:50

I know I look cool. Wait,

14:55

what's dinner doing? As

14:58

he starts saying that, he goes to like... You know

15:01

when you lean and put your arm on your knee?

15:04

But it's like, the cupboard, it's like

15:06

one of those old TV cupboards

15:08

and he puts his leg way too high

15:11

up. Do you want to roll a Dex roll for

15:13

that? Yes. Ohhhh,

15:16

15. Okay.

15:21

Surprisingly limber for a man of

15:23

his height. I know

15:26

I look cool. But

15:29

I think we might need to just

15:31

sort of... Let's

15:34

just figure out what happened, because

15:36

I don't feel great about killing

15:38

a man gooch-wise. Oh

15:42

yeah. And having that be the last thing he

15:44

tastes also doesn't

15:46

feel good. I

15:48

wish I'd put a strawberry in there with it. But

15:52

I didn't, because a lot was happening. Well

15:54

that would involve a level of pre-meditation that

15:56

would frankly border on psychotic. Have

15:59

you? Everyday carry because I can

16:01

sorry some stuff. I've

16:04

always the trail mix they drive strawberries.

16:06

that would be better than a good

16:08

reason. I was really salty in their

16:11

due to set up as a playing

16:13

cards the it is would you like

16:15

to see a trick I'm ah I'm

16:17

sorry we were talking about your said.

16:20

I think it would distract it's know if

16:22

is would distract yourself right with monsieur Truth.

16:25

Is. My dad died or not. as good as your

16:27

truth. I gotta. I

16:30

gotta agree with that. I'm

16:32

it's about that said, what's your Dad's to us.

16:35

It's good to know this about your friends. I

16:38

was asked. To

16:40

license dog. I.

16:42

Have. Seven Dad's.

16:46

A minute. So. That.

16:49

Reliable. Some.

16:52

Was enough Hundred u. S

16:56

I love to is a bullying is

16:58

so we decided to them as I

17:00

have I have seven dad's and I

17:02

have. Seven. Mother's So

17:05

this is how does

17:07

how Members whose are.

17:12

And higher a than half months pregnant.

17:14

Nazi I was at seven other hudson.

17:18

She's home with like Gary Taco.

17:21

Bell and Stefan and.

17:25

Will Smith. Was

17:28

six other husband's them the last

17:30

one is. Kind

17:32

of it was. I missed how he. He

17:37

he he he sees about him

17:39

is with kills isn't know we

17:42

did We get to believe. As

17:46

as you are as close as

17:48

a viper, you killed one of

17:51

your Zutons. I hear a sub

17:53

sub sub sub sub of the

17:55

door. Lose, Lose! My daughter's done

17:58

that sometimes. Literati.

18:04

I might be snacks. Let me get this. I

18:07

know you're in a much about seven and I

18:09

opened the door and wouldn't say. Bustling.

18:11

Through is none other.

18:14

Than. Six on the Magnificent. Who

18:16

is this guy? He

18:18

was last used be any grabs

18:20

you around the call is the

18:22

wearing of and financing the long.

18:25

Knives on my besides. We just came in. Everyday

18:27

guess and he grabs your on the backpack stress

18:29

and he says much about you gotta hope we

18:31

gotta run away out of his hunt. I just

18:33

as citizens as as as it is it that

18:35

that there was a might have a step was

18:37

of what you that was what we wrote whatsoever

18:39

to said let's do the cataclysm Let's do it

18:41

again. The zoo is a origin story. it'll be

18:43

great to do so that we were middle of

18:45

it was as as it's it's it's it's rules

18:47

real. You weren't paying attention then? What?

18:49

What? What? What did I miss? You missed? Why?

18:55

Do. it was real. I was covering I would try to sell

18:57

it was if it turned out to sit at you phrased. What

19:01

Psychosis? Go. To

19:04

sort of l. Was

19:08

like your relationship with

19:10

his employer. And

19:12

boss. Him like boss when you're the

19:14

muslim. What? The butler. I'm.

19:17

Not the but I'll have some hot nuts. A

19:21

hot or some hot sauce and ah, Holes

19:24

with Drink or less less could

19:26

look azinger less like a bottle.

19:28

I like how disabled cities cool.

19:30

If I was like Zubin Medco

19:33

in his head like mail strong

19:35

out spitzer Me actually I liked

19:37

Hayes is nice. blue velvet. You

19:40

need Me to get you out of their. I

19:43

just needed. The. Rest of the

19:45

men or the six with like black email

19:47

her came out of nowhere. they were trying

19:50

to talk about of coke still trying to

19:52

drag me under I live forgot about it

19:54

as important as much as my real poisoned

19:56

or really the sweater for I've always thought

19:58

i guess I'd look. Got a complete

20:00

with you? I'm not what you think I am.

20:03

I mean all into it's all illusions. I'm

20:05

the I'd attempt to sit right? Looks

20:07

as the A now the world I'm pretty

20:09

sure she said it's easier to come back.

20:11

She said earth and the world is either

20:13

or to do with as he is a

20:15

massive banking and scraping the coming of your

20:18

little so much every match. The

20:22

want? get the wind. Up

20:25

we have a bow vow of wine. And

20:27

please try to get that. It's a tiny

20:29

oh I am a regular size. I thought

20:32

you were a wizard. Shrink yourself. So

20:36

I'd say what? What

20:38

kind of where we went into the

20:40

original for selfless? Yes, they were billboards

20:42

or that lexicon. Or at what kind

20:45

of celebrities lexicon? Is he like? I'm

20:47

busy, like the Governor? Easy of know,

20:49

he's like he's like Brad Pitt crossed

20:52

with Captain America. who is kind of

20:54

like he's just a catchall superhero. He

20:56

sounded like a super saw of the

20:58

you. Even in the far off lands

21:01

that you come from, you've gotten bootleg

21:03

Dvds have left it on the magnificent.

21:05

Ah, so we'd be like what. Excited

21:07

to see yours for the yes You thought

21:10

this guy was the most powerful and he

21:12

says absolutely set the been five youth and

21:14

told you that says and a terrifying. So.

21:16

Dense. same as he doesn't have how's he doing.

21:19

Why does or I can't

21:21

I can't bring a cat?

21:23

Stop on, Stop world. Adults

21:25

do man lessons on the

21:27

list. Items so important in

21:29

In In Thrashers to. Would.

21:31

You write that motorcycle off the and

21:33

the do that job was yes, but

21:35

without real crushes. we're getting closer. Well

21:39

yeah I do you Oh

21:41

my fucking about. Points.

21:47

Or class because my

21:49

dad role he just

21:51

loves her one replied

21:53

all the characters. The

21:57

muddies. confessor Yeah,

22:01

that was so funny! And

22:03

you did the voice of all the... You

22:05

did a ladies voice. You did an old

22:07

ladies voice. Hello! Oh, it's so

22:09

funny. I love that Chinese character you

22:12

do! He's so

22:14

funny! Oh, it's

22:16

so funny. I'll do the voice. There's a gang

22:18

of people in hoods with daggers standing at the

22:21

door, but they're waiting quietly while they hear... Lexicon

22:26

do his wonderful character. He's

22:29

always apologizing! Lexicon,

22:37

Lexicon stands for a

22:39

second, spins and runs

22:41

and dives through the closed window

22:44

with a smash of glass and

22:46

the cultists with their black emo

22:49

masks rush into the door

22:51

and we are in combat. Wait, can

22:53

I try something really quick? Yeah, alright.

22:55

What's my... You've got a split second

22:57

to do something before these weird emo

22:59

dudes fly into the room. Alright, alright,

23:01

I say to them, you went that

23:03

way and I pointed the painted tunnel

23:06

on my wall. Can

23:09

one of them do an intelligence check? You

23:11

gotta make a deception check for me, David.

23:14

Make a deception check. What's my deception? Hold

23:16

on. Boy or boy? Okay,

23:18

last one. These emos are stupid.

23:21

Oh! Oh, that's a 20! Yeah. You're

23:25

not, you're not, you're not! The

23:31

cultists spin and with

23:35

absolute shawty. Wily

23:37

Coyote-style slams into the... My

23:39

hero. I think that it's been often like

23:42

post-room around. If you've got a natural 20,

23:44

would he run up the road? He

23:50

runs into the tunnel, yeah. But

23:54

lunging towards you, seeing

23:56

that he has failed at

23:58

that, lunging towards... You dinner

24:00

munch about a cultist pulls out his

24:03

sword and fucking misses you and the

24:05

next one hits What?

24:09

Six points of damage I

24:13

pre-rolled because Dave showed me how Six

24:23

and we didn't have a we never No Cool

24:29

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24:31

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24:46

good good you go say out loud you want to

24:48

take a rest otherwise you don't rest you gotta learn

24:50

we got to Teach him Polly waddle it's your turn

24:54

I wrote how many other there are two there

24:59

Three three the one Okay

25:06

Stringer promoting words that a creature

25:08

okay, and they must succeed on

25:10

a wisdom saving throw. Well, what

25:12

will Polly waddles? Taunting

25:15

words. Yeah, do the thought I'm a sort of emo hair

25:18

Yeah with her wings on it without her arms

25:20

on her body and her wings on her

25:22

body This

25:28

is the signature Polly waddle stance of

25:30

double hands on him Nice

25:41

haircut And

25:52

He lunges at you because you've successfully

25:54

taunted him that's what you wanted to

25:56

happen and he's pissed and lunges at

25:58

you, but he misses because he's

26:00

so infuriated. Sunbelt, Dong Bonger,

26:03

it is your turn. I

26:06

will attack the emo with

26:08

my great axe. Actually, you know what? I'm

26:10

furious about this. Okay. They burst

26:13

in on us when we're having a lovely conversation about

26:15

what we talked about. Oh, dad. Dad,

26:17

yeah, oh yeah, when I was trying to explain

26:20

the complex situation I was in

26:22

with my many husbands and wives, and

26:25

I will, I'm so furious about

26:27

this, I'm gonna attack him in the head with

26:29

my great axe. Three

26:31

and four, neither of them hit. Swing

26:34

and a miss. Swing and a miss.

26:37

Chariot and Balarian, it's your turn. All right, I'm

26:40

gonna get my, draw my short swords. Yes,

26:42

two of them. Cross my arms over, pull them

26:44

out. Whoa. And for the first time. That

26:46

does look cool, actually. Thank you.

26:49

That's all my characters. And then.

26:51

This is really, this is really cool.

26:54

Very cool, very cool. Is that your

26:56

arm? You're not your wing. This

26:58

13 hits? 13 hits. Okay,

27:00

so, two

27:02

shots, two hits. That's a

27:05

seven and a one.

27:07

That's a eight in total of

27:09

damage. You like this dude from

27:11

rib to gooch. I say, I

27:13

say, I say, I say. It's

27:17

nice to meet you. And

27:19

he says, what do you, ah. And

27:23

he's like, why? And he's

27:25

absolutely dead. The look of disappointment on

27:27

his face. Dinner much about is your

27:30

turn. How close am I? You're

27:33

probably about 20 feet

27:35

from the two who are. How big is

27:37

my apartment? 10 feet, 10 feet, 10

27:39

feet. Okay. You're

27:42

on the far side of your apartment, there are two dudes. I'll pull out my

27:44

gun. Not

27:46

like a proper gun, though, so I'm. 3D

27:49

printed the parts off the internet or what? I

27:52

think you can hear a wearing from the next room.

27:57

I've got angry tears running down my face. them

28:00

drip into the bullet holes of

28:02

my gun where they freeze. That's right do you want

28:04

to explain what was your subclass that we made? I'm a pity wizard.

28:08

What was it? I'm a pity wizard. Pity

28:10

wizard. So like you

28:12

know how you can become enraged when you're

28:15

sure I can get very

28:17

sad. Is

28:20

this real being? Do you make this

28:23

up? It's real! It becomes real! Okay

28:25

that's the rule! It's real being gave my face! So

28:28

I'm letting my frozen tears fall into my

28:30

gun and my hands shaking as I

28:32

point it at the nearest emote. There's

28:36

one right in front of you. No! I see

28:39

you! He's trying to help! What

28:42

can I have? What can the tears do?

28:44

The tears go in the gun

28:46

and become frost bullets or you can activate

28:48

your The great thing

28:50

about that is when the police come

28:52

there will be bullet holes but

28:54

no bullets. That's exactly what I was doing Simon!

28:58

There will be not bullets!

29:00

So just be all of dinner's DNA inside

29:02

the person. Where's the

29:04

bullet holder? I

29:07

think they go and they shove

29:09

his DNA right into this person's

29:11

head. Why would you do that? Looks

29:14

like you just stabbed him and then cried into

29:16

the hole. This

29:18

is one sick fuck! Do

29:21

you want to activate your pity aura? I

29:23

think we decided that you get

29:25

disadvantage. Other enemies get disadvantage on

29:27

you because they get really sad.

29:29

Why is it like shaking hand and

29:31

yelling I don't need this right now? He's

29:33

going to make it. He's

29:35

going to cry into a gun is pretty rough

29:38

as well. He's about to lunge

29:40

you with his sharp pointy sword but he's

29:42

like Are

29:44

you okay? I

29:48

will be! I know I will be! So

29:51

he's not going to attack you

29:53

this turn and It's

29:56

back to his turn and he kind of... We have

29:58

two A-Moes, one of them super bad. The stop with

30:00

the oh yeah I one of them is is like

30:02

oh my gosh. My emotions

30:05

and he comes in and he's like. You.

30:09

On a hot. Mess. Up

30:11

yet. I

30:14

think I can use one. Okay, so

30:16

he goes. and so it's your turn. Toy

30:18

Wattles via the remaining cultist has gone and

30:20

is hugging. Within a

30:23

month survive or him for his. Okay,

30:28

as a zigzag baby is a sneak. Attacks

30:30

of eight years. After all that. Seven

30:35

runoff voting categories that.

30:39

Yeah that is. Hopeless

30:42

You Thirty six? Thirteen

30:45

them. It's yeah. You. Feel

30:47

a shop point in your chest.

30:49

Denim dinner? much about not enough

30:51

to. Piss. Here's the skin.

30:54

but then it hurt my jacket again.

30:56

Yeah, He adjusted has another hole

30:58

in it has. And. The

31:00

guy the coldest hugging you looks you

31:02

in the eyes is like. You.

31:05

Can. Do. You

31:08

the kind of an exhaust not

31:10

blood me like oh are some

31:12

has blessed us with your. This

31:17

Ave I've made this about me. As

31:25

is one. I just think

31:27

religion, Is that

31:29

the president for each other? I

31:32

didn't wanna know that rock. Auto

31:35

be afraid now. Scientists look it over

31:38

to get her. Yeah, I

31:40

just some. I touch his eyes

31:42

and I slowly set them as and then

31:44

I saw it. As I say. The.

31:47

Gods needy for a moonbeam. I

31:52

don't. I am absolutely for.

31:54

The when you're when did you write

31:56

that line Was that strength of the

31:58

digest? What either? You pull

32:00

out your pad immediately and go, I can

32:03

use that later. I can use that later

32:05

son So Polly waddle that

32:07

is your turn. There is one Cultist

32:12

dude standing left in

32:14

the doorway and he looks at what he's

32:16

seen and he spins

32:19

and runs out We

32:21

chase I'm

32:24

actually gonna use my gourash.

32:26

Yeah dash to him And

32:29

then hit him and I'm gonna do hammering horns to pin him against

32:31

the wall. Yeah Rage

32:34

attack is what's the diamond loss 12?

32:37

It's 15 plus 5 is 20 that hits well, so I hit

32:39

him with I rush and

32:42

I hit him with the axe and

32:44

I pin him to the wall With

32:47

the horns, so you just kill him to

32:49

death. No, I do it No,

32:51

no Okay,

32:54

I finished I get his head and I pin

32:56

his hand into the wall with my horn Okay,

32:59

I roll so you slash him. He spins

33:01

around puts his hands up his surrender and

33:03

your two horns And

33:07

your Your

33:11

face is so fucking close to his face

33:20

Hahahahaha Hands

33:25

and wings on him Good

33:29

work, this is my friend Polly He

33:37

can't Cuz

33:40

like my face is in front of his Really

33:47

I never thought I'd have two faces this

33:49

close to me So close

33:52

charion comes in and just like stick to space. I

33:54

think of a good man the other side. Oh boy

33:58

Take kill me. I don't even I

34:00

wasn't running away because I was scared. I had a lot of

34:02

stuff to do. Now we

34:04

want some information. Are you gonna give it to us

34:06

or do we have to go through your other hand?

34:09

I've got your information right here. You all stink.

34:11

I hate you. And

34:13

he tries to turn his head but he can't. I slap him. Ow!

34:21

That didn't hurt that badly. I didn't even care. You

34:24

can't make me talk. I'm too cool. Look at

34:26

how I'm standing. And

34:28

he's got his legs crossed at the ankles because that's all

34:30

he can do. That's cool. I can't. What

34:34

are you gonna do? Do it. I

34:37

put my pig inside his mouth.

34:41

And I open my pig. What are you

34:43

doing? Run,

34:46

run, run! And his tongue is

34:49

waggling inside your mouth now. Charyon

34:52

throws up. It's

34:55

so hard. Everyone else

34:57

make a constitution check. That's

35:00

a nat 20. You don't

35:03

borrow. I think,

35:05

honestly, I'm not gonna lie to you.

35:08

What about you guys? I

35:11

got a 9. I'm like spitting on the ground. Something

35:15

that Dinner Munchabout definitely has a lot of

35:17

is those dare chilies that come in the

35:20

mail. So I put

35:22

the chip from the one chip challenge into his mouth.

35:27

Wait, you got it. Do you get

35:29

your duck mouth out of there? Oh, it's on

35:31

his tongue. While it's open, I put it on

35:33

his tongue. I don't think ducks have a tongue. Yeah,

35:35

they do. Alrighty, not big ones.

35:39

Okay. So is your tongue under

35:41

his tongue? No, no, no, no. So it goes

35:43

human head, duck beak, human

35:47

tongue. No, no, no. Chip, human

35:49

tongue, duck tongue, duck

35:51

beak, human mouth. Yeah, great. She's

35:55

not. It's

35:58

what we call the world's hottest hand wave. She's

36:02

not like pashing you, I can like, knock his

36:04

tongue. I'm prizing his jaw

36:06

open as a method of torture. So

36:08

wait, so you think that your

36:11

beak strength is stronger than the

36:13

human mouth's strength? Yes, no, because the beak

36:15

will open up more than the human jaw.

36:17

I think this requires a strength check, otherwise he'll

36:19

be eating chips. Okay, well

36:22

look, once that, he's about to bite down

36:24

on you. Good luck. But once

36:26

he's got that chip in his mouth and he tastes that hot

36:28

ghost chili pepper, he doesn't want to

36:30

bite down at all. So

36:33

it's like when you put a stick in a cartoon mouth? Yeah. Yeah,

36:36

you've got a stick beak. Yeah.

36:39

He's like, ahhh! I'm

36:41

like, that's too hot. And

36:44

I'm like, I don't have any milks. Because

36:47

if we go over and we look

36:49

in dinner's fridge, it's very sad. Mostly

36:52

peas and wine. Peas

36:55

and wine. Eight mother energy

36:57

drinks. Yeah. There's three

36:59

yowies. What's your

37:02

plan here, Polly? I

37:06

pull my beak out of his mouth. And

37:09

he crunches down and he's like, oh god,

37:11

please. Not just

37:13

smart, smarty mouth now, are you, mister?

37:15

It's not even that hard. Now, listen

37:17

here. We want answers to three questions.

37:20

Okay, well, start, I do them one at a time.

37:23

Oh god. Who are you working for? That's

37:26

actually a really good question. What

37:29

is Celestia's plan? Yeah.

37:32

And a third one I'll open to the group. I

37:34

don't know, like, does he know any good recipes? Or

37:36

like, west coast, nearby? Do you know any good recipes?

37:38

Do I know any good what? Simple

37:40

ones in like, under 30 minutes. Like, something

37:42

Claire Stafford would say. I would say like,

37:46

maximum five ingredients. Yeah, but actually

37:48

30 minutes. He doesn't have the chance to say

37:50

30 minutes, but anything in the shopping is magically

37:52

done by who? Or

37:54

something you can put in a bag that you just dump into the

37:56

pressure cooker. Yeah. And

37:58

I'd end up... And I'll just say

38:00

Claire Saffitz is doing a wonderful job with that

38:02

Grey streak. I think it's really beautiful.

38:05

I agree. Because, you know, watch is

38:08

a lot of Claire Saffitz. I'm out of this

38:10

on fire! Oh God! Just kill me! Just kill me

38:12

now! Who do you work for? I, we, we'll unmake

38:14

the world. Oh God, I wish the world would end

38:16

right now. She'll unmake the world. She, she can't. No

38:19

one make the world. Okay, so you're working for, ooh.

38:21

That's delicious. That's delicious. That's delicious. Oh

38:23

God, please. I'm not gonna do that. I'm

38:25

not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do

38:27

that. I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna do

38:29

that. Oh God, please. Any milk, milk at all. Anything,

38:31

any, I'm getting pepper. Where is she at? Someone spit in my

38:34

mouth. I don't even think, wait. Listen.

38:36

What? One thing, one

38:38

thing that I did keep in the

38:41

separation was the

38:43

last generation's Dyson vacuum cleaner. I

38:47

will vacuum your tongue if you give us all we need.

38:50

What? What do you need? Anything,

38:53

anything please. Answer a question. Well that's a

38:55

question number two. What do you all remember what it was? So

39:02

how much less do you want to do? She wants to make the world.

39:04

I, I want, But now

39:06

we get ten more questions. But now we get 10 more questions. And that's why

39:08

I said to go one at a time, but you went, you double loaded them

39:10

first, and you, you've wasted the whole question. I don't. Oh

39:13

don't you get madly with me young man?

39:15

Just kill me. Where is she?

39:17

Oh, I don't. I

39:19

don't, I don't, I don't know. Okay.

39:24

All right. Well, I guess that just brings us to the recipe.

39:29

Oh, I'm vegan. Oh, he's vegan. Look, it has to

39:31

be vegan. I know it's controversial. But he needs a lot of protein

39:33

as well. I won't say who buy.

39:35

But it's kale, it's chickpeas, summer. Oh, that's you. That's

39:37

called a bloody curry, mate. I mean, zap him in the neck. Oh,

39:40

that's a lot of protein. Oh, that's a lot of protein. Oh, that's

39:42

a lot of protein. Oh, that's a lot of protein. I

39:44

won't say who buy. It's a bloody curry, mate.

39:47

Whoa. Zap him in the neck. And

39:52

he drops to the ground. Body drops

39:54

to the ground. Sunbelt

39:56

holds like, unhorns him,

39:58

I guess. Yes. his body and

40:00

holt his cradle to his body and just sort of looks

40:03

at his eyes and sings When I

40:05

was a young boy

40:09

my father my seven

40:11

father took

40:13

me into the city

40:16

to see a marching

40:18

band. And

40:22

Lexicon walks out in the hallway he's been

40:24

singing along he knows that hey thanks for

40:26

saving me guys that was awesome. Okay

40:31

well what are we going to do about saving

40:33

the world am I right? Am

40:35

I right? Hey so while I

40:37

was back there cowering on

40:39

the fire escape not

40:41

cowering cowering

40:44

cowering cowering seems I

40:46

remembered my old I want you guys

40:48

to do something for me go

40:51

see my old screenwriting teacher.

40:53

Oh my god this fucking guy again he's

40:55

not a screenwriting teacher. What are you talking

40:57

about? He's noob and he told me to

40:59

my face he's not a screenwriting teacher you

41:01

keep calling him that he's sending people there

41:04

he doesn't like you that much. It

41:06

becomes very apparent that Lex has

41:08

been sending his apprentices and everyone

41:10

to a very powerful wizard who

41:12

keeps calling his screenwriting teacher. Look

41:15

he's got the best stories though look

41:18

he knows about all this shit okay

41:20

I've got one little portal

41:22

stone left that I made out

41:25

of Lego but it's magic it's

41:28

magic I 3D look you

41:30

wouldn't know because you 3D print everything but some

41:32

people buy things from the store and

41:36

kids look if you look

41:39

dinner what I pay you

41:41

want you you want to keep your fucking

41:43

job man? No! Okay well

41:45

there is a great crash at the

41:47

bottom of the stairwell as more cultists

41:49

come in. No no no

41:51

no no no no no no no no look I've got to get the

41:53

fuck out of here. Are you coming with us? You're staying here. Why would

41:55

we be helping you? I've got it what will this city be without you?

42:00

Don't answer that question. And

42:02

boom. He opens up a portal and

42:04

through the portal, the

42:06

blinding snows of the

42:09

west. Alright, come on

42:11

guys, I've done this before, it's fine. Alright,

42:14

thank you, goodbye Lexapro. Lexicon!

42:19

And he jumps out the window again. So

42:22

I guess we... Oh, am

42:24

I bringing my dog? Can I? You

42:27

can take the dog if you want. Alright, this is my dog, therapy dog. And

42:31

uh... therapy dog jumps right through and

42:33

I'm like, look, it's fine, I've been

42:36

here, come with me. This shit's all

42:38

fucked anyway. As we go through the

42:40

portal, I think we're all like commenting on all

42:43

the cool stuff that dinner

42:45

is leaving behind in his apartment. Yeah.

42:49

We're commenting on the cool stuff I'm leaving behind, my sword.

42:52

Yeah. Wait,

42:54

you don't want your sword? It's just for

42:56

looks. I see. Oh

42:59

look, I don't know, I don't know who

43:01

I've become. I mean, I've killed so many

43:03

people. What? I'm gonna bring

43:05

my dog something. I mean, I'm a

43:07

mother, can I do this? I

43:09

think mothers can do anything, including murder.

43:17

Support women. Back at the ranch, I'm something

43:19

of an ally. That

43:23

means a lot. Thank you, Sunbelt. As

43:25

you walk through this portal, you come

43:27

to this huge dark frozen tundra and

43:29

you find as the portal winks out

43:31

of existence behind you, a black

43:33

wasteland with the only light is this

43:36

small hut which is just in front

43:38

of you. And as

43:40

the portal winks out of

43:43

existence, the hut door opens and quite

43:45

a tall broad... A

43:47

tall broad? A tall broad says,

43:49

well hello, sailor. What

43:52

you doing around this, boss? No. Or

43:56

maybe. A tall broad gentleman,

43:58

a bald of... head and

44:00

hairy of shin opens

44:03

the door plastic reverse hair and he's

44:05

doing a handstand as well i

44:09

think he bumped his head once and

44:11

all of his hair went through his

44:13

head down to his chin what's his

44:15

pube situation oh i reckon

44:18

go on his butt cheek yeah like ball it's

44:20

similar right are

44:23

we saying ball above the dick and then like

44:25

beard on the ball is that what i think

44:27

all the but all the people on the butt

44:29

cheek all the people they came out the back

44:31

yeah yeah it's

44:35

kind of like a downstairs mullet yeah

44:39

he's got a bum hair that goes across

44:41

his two cheeks instead of up and down

44:44

and he said a lot of very

44:46

specific hair transplants doctor

44:48

give me the ass mullet i

44:51

need this why would you go across

44:53

the cheeks because he's the worst possible place

44:55

in the half he's a he's a trendsetter the

44:57

figure has a door open and he looks at

44:59

the three of you and he looks at

45:01

dinner and says oh my

45:04

god what are you doing here much about dude

45:07

i didn't even want to come what what

45:09

what what what what what

45:12

lexington sent us back lexington let's

45:14

let's let's let's approach i don't

45:17

appreciate him but his name is lexen

45:19

send us back here come

45:21

in come in it's cold it's fucked dude what you

45:23

had your little party you had your little soul sister

45:26

i didn't want to be at the party i spent

45:28

most of the time on my back why are you

45:30

even here what do you mean you you fell over again didn't

45:32

you oh

45:34

my god he comes over he kind of gives you a

45:36

prod dexterity check it's

45:40

a two one

45:54

winner chicken dinner much about who are

45:56

you three well

45:59

my name It seems Pulley Waddle and

46:01

I have killed three men today!

46:03

Ha ha ha! Looky, look,

46:05

that's you. I'm Cherry-on Valeriant and

46:07

I've killed two men

46:09

today. But in my life, many

46:12

more. So it's not actually a competition, so

46:14

we don't have to keep on listing how

46:16

many people we've killed. Sure. But let's just

46:19

all know, it's heaps. And

46:23

my name is Sunbelt Gongbonger. I've

46:26

never killed a man. Well

46:28

that's not true, you killed a man earlier today. We didn't see him.

46:31

I never killed a man.

46:34

Okay, a bunch of assistants, not with any of your masters

46:36

it seems. Why aren't you at the

46:38

big dinner party or something like that that Lexicon is probably

46:40

having? Eh, Dunzo. Everything

46:43

starts so nice. Oh, so Dunzo.

46:46

Absolutely Dunzo! Dinner's

46:49

ready! And out of

46:51

the door from the kitchen, a

46:53

little flappy ice imp comes

46:56

in and says, Oh,

46:58

Nilmaya, didn't tell me we were having bloody company for dinner.

47:00

Here we go! I didn't, I

47:03

didn't. I've made guarana. Everyone,

47:05

this is Gavin. This is Gavin,

47:07

my ice method. Hi Gavin. Yeah,

47:09

hi Gavin. Oh hello, hello Max. Well look,

47:11

there's plenty for everyone. Why don't you all

47:13

come in. I mean, come

47:15

in. Have a bit of grub, have a bit of

47:17

taka. I have a question. How

47:19

long did this text of cook? 30

47:25

minutes, little heifer. Oh!

47:28

Was that the actual cooking time!?

47:30

Hahahaha! No, no, no, no, no,

47:32

no, no, no! It

47:34

is so much, of

47:37

drag and free! Whoo! Ok!

47:44

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep,

47:46

beep, beep, beep, beep, beep! The

47:49

cast of Dragon Friends campaign two is Alex

47:51

Lee, Simon Greiner, Michael Hinn, and Demi Lard.

47:54

Our dungeon masters are Eden Lacey and Tom Coddy,

47:56

and we've a lot of compliments for making it.

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I'm Barnadale Producer, the broadcaster edited, mixed

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and mastered by me, a few guests,

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and new episodes recorded live every month

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at the Vanguard Theatre in Sydney, on

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Gadigal land in the Eora Nation. This

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week's episode is brought to you by contributors

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to the Dragon Friends Patreon, who get early

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access to ad-free episodes, show recordings and exclusive

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content for just $5 a month. Until

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next time. When

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the Goddess returns from years

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of imprisonment, Three missing ruins

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for all, The

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rich and the poor, Please don't

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let them take us, She

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will protect us from

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all that is strong.

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For heroes of God, great heroes

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of God, Let

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the evil and the people drink their beer, And

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let the evil win. Yeehaw,

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that when you get a Brazilian butt lift,

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you can't sit down for four months? Yeah

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Eden! I'm on month three Danny,

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I'm calling you a cunt! And

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stop back here! Give

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it a spin Nicky! The

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doctor told me not to spin too much! What

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the hell! Yeah! Get

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in!