0:02

Now I know you've got a lot of questions

0:04

about where you are and what in the

0:06

heck is going on. First, the

0:09

bad news. The world is

0:11

no longer habitable for human

0:13

life. Now for the good news.

0:16

Your new life starts today. You

0:19

can help us rebuild the planet

0:21

without ever stepping outside.

0:24

Just follow the instructions from the

0:26

computer and we'll be out

0:28

of here in no time. Watching the

0:30

sun set over an ocean

0:32

that's not on fire. Remember,

0:36

it's up to you. Janet,

0:38

how was

0:39

that? I felt like I kind of stumped. It

0:41

is year cycle 214,

0:43

deep underground work. The proud troubleshooters

0:46

in service of their complex, their people and their

0:48

friends, the computer. This may be dragon

0:50

friends, but depending on your security clearance,

0:53

this is paranoia and

0:55

high above the bustling

0:57

complex that is sector CYN,

1:00

the mag chutes of the central

1:03

transporter dive into a

1:05

myriad of tunnels taking you upwards,

1:07

downwards, leftwards, withershins all

1:09

the way around what is

1:11

sector CYN and presumably what

1:14

is alpha complex. The three

1:16

of you with your new friend Lonnie

1:18

are clinging to the side of

1:20

a mag chute wind

1:22

buffeting you, inching forward

1:25

towards a tunnel that goes straight down

1:27

that that Lonnie assures you will take you to sector

1:29

CY4, the sector where

1:31

your mission to clean up an abandoned textiles factory

1:33

takes place, one that you should have been deposited

1:36

on by a transporter but are being forced to make

1:38

your own way. So, if

1:41

you guys are ready, it might get a bit gnarly in there,

1:44

but you guys seem up to it. But

1:47

oh, hang on a second. Why

1:49

don't I admit? He starts his

1:50

eyes in unfocused immediately and he starts

1:52

sort of looking off into the middle distance.

1:55

I... yeah...

1:57

Oh yeah...

1:58

Sorry, somebody... from the bird

2:00

watching society had uploaded something

2:03

into my comm link saying that is this

2:05

a bird and it was a chair but you

2:07

guys got any messages you

2:09

guys should check?

2:11

Oh okay. Because culture clubs

2:13

can send messages via the cortex

2:15

so. Friend computer, your work Bradbury,

2:17

people can send you high ball messages

2:20

and you can get them at any time. You

2:22

look in fact all of you look and you

2:24

now see that there is a little glyph of a flashing

2:27

Envelopes sitting just next to your navigation.

2:30

Now before you get too excited It's probably just your

2:32

various culture clubs giving you inductions

2:34

and telling you when meetings are and telling you who

2:36

brings the Biscuit paste it's

2:39

like biscuits, but it's paste. You know what I

2:41

mean? And it's black

2:43

and it's and it's black.

2:44

So it's all just sort of, you know Turned

2:47

up on Tuesdays Bring the bring

2:49

the paste that sort of stuff But why

2:52

don't you just clear those because if you're anything like

2:54

me if you've got something on your heads up this way

2:56

and it's got a little notification on it. You're just not gonna

2:58

get anything done. You know what I mean?

3:01

Project inbox zero, my friend.

3:04

All right, let me check mine. Okay, now,

3:06

if, Alex, if Clancy

3:09

is checking her messages then I actually

3:11

need Simon and Hing to both leave the room because this

3:13

is secret. So, see

3:16

ya fuckheads. You

3:19

check and you see that there is actually an ad for

3:21

a new neutrino red paste. You skip past

3:23

that and then you see a figure wearing white

3:25

robes and wearing a

3:28

medallion with an old, made of a strange

3:30

non-plastic material that

3:33

you recognize suddenly you know the name of,

3:35

even though you

3:35

don't think you've seen it in this life. It's

3:37

made of old carved wood and it's

3:39

in the shape of an arrow pointing down with an H

3:42

on it. And they're wearing white robes

3:44

and a high collar. And you instantly know

3:47

the uniform because flashes

3:49

of your infrared memory are coming back

3:51

to you as you remember that before

3:53

the mandatory memory wipe

3:55

that saw you promoted to troubleshooter, You

3:57

were a member of the first church

3:59

of the... Consolidated Maker, a grey

4:02

culture club operating clandestinely

4:05

in this sector. And this figure is

4:07

your cardinal, a imperious

4:11

woman by the name of... Moira

4:15

G. C-Y-N-3.

4:19

First church of the Consolidated Maker.

4:22

So, I wouldn't write that down on

4:24

your main notes.

4:25

Yeah, this is classic. This

4:27

is classic. I mean, I am dumb.

4:30

So just so you know that many... I'm

4:33

just gonna put a line through it. The first church

4:35

has found copies of a book that

4:38

is hundreds of cycles old, which

4:40

is strange because the year 214, it's

4:42

been the year 214 since friend computer

4:45

outlawed calendars and the progression of time. But

4:48

they found an old document that listed

4:50

the secrets of the universe and

4:52

the consolidated understand, Holy

4:55

texts of all people that came pre-wild

4:58

reckoning and they formed a church and that's

5:00

the first church or the brethren. You're

5:02

a member of them. You seek their holy light and their

5:04

salvation and you have been a member

5:06

of them your whole life. Okay. And

5:09

Moira is your cardinal, your confessor and is

5:11

now talking to you. And is this like a video message?

5:13

Yes. No, it's a video

5:15

message, but when she sees that you're there, she turns

5:18

it into an uplink and you can see her baby voice. So it's a

5:20

live stream? It starts with brother

5:22

Clancy. By the time

5:24

you see this wait, oh sorry, one

5:26

second. Are you

5:28

getting me, brother Clancy?

5:30

Yes, totally

5:32

good. Well I had a whole video

5:34

that I was gonna sort of upload.

5:36

Oh no, don't let me stand in your way. Moira,

5:39

sorry. You do have just a, I don't stop

5:41

memories. No, I understand the procedure you have gone through. That's fine.

5:47

What do we say, hail you? Should I just do

5:50

this, should I just, Well,

5:52

first of all, all of us at the

5:55

church wish to congratulate you

5:57

on your rise to red.

6:00

From a lowly infrared In

6:02

no small part

6:03

due to the mysterious ways of the workings

6:06

of the church that have seen your promotion So

6:08

never forget where you came from Now

6:11

that you have reached a well, I was going to say

6:14

upper echelon of power, but let's it's pretty

6:16

it's pretty low Yeah

6:20

We have a mission for you

6:23

We understand you are on your way to a cleaning

6:25

job in cy4

6:28

That's great. You will find, not

6:31

to put too fine a point on it, some

6:33

corpses there. You

6:35

will be asked to clean and incinerate them.

6:38

Nasty stuff. Those of

6:40

the historical society you may discard

6:43

at will. There are two

6:45

fallen brothers and sisters. Their

6:48

bodies must not, under any circumstances,

6:51

be incinerated. You

6:53

know well our practices when

6:56

it comes to the disposal of bodies.

6:59

Put them in my bum. There

7:03

is a drop site in CY4 that you are familiar

7:05

of and in fact now you can remember an old disused

7:08

transporter bus stop. Ah, the

7:10

old disused bus stops. Do you want

7:13

me to put a pair of sunnies on them and

7:15

prop them up with the bus stop?

7:17

As is our custom, yes. The

7:19

sunglasses will be provided for you under

7:21

a rock by the bus stop. Your

7:24

teammates in the troubleshooter

7:27

unit must know nothing, you understand?

7:29

So they're not church members? They are

7:32

not one of us. You must also

7:34

not foreshadow this knowledge with

7:37

them. No. Your priority

7:39

mission is to make sure that the bodies are

7:41

not reclaimed by either internal security

7:44

or friend computer. If you cannot achieve

7:46

this, they must be destroyed on

7:48

site. This however will be a black mark

7:51

on your name for the church, do you understand?

7:53

Yes, quite. And what's the church's

7:55

general vibe? Like if we had a slogan

7:58

or what's our thing we like to...

8:00

What are we sort of going for

8:02

here? You actually

8:03

remember now some of the customs of the church

8:05

and the ones you particularly liked. Yeah.

8:10

It's getting fucked up. Yes.

8:14

The sacramental wine. The sacramental wine.

8:16

The sacramental wine was a rare privilege

8:18

that you as an infrared once in Biod

8:28

service of the great. That's actually true.

8:30

You are one of the privileges of being

8:32

a member of the brethren of the first church

8:34

is that you've tasted alcohol which is

8:37

so forbidden because there is a small

8:39

sacramental but you've actually have gotten fucked up.

8:42

You remember it and it was one of the best moments of your life.

8:44

It's something you hope to do again one

8:46

day. Yes, I haven't done it for five months.

8:50

Yes, wonderful. How may I know

8:53

a member of my

8:56

brethren. You must not. This

8:58

is the genius of the brethren. And

9:01

boy where's where you? The

9:03

point, the point, you will we shall

9:06

never meet God help us. God,

9:08

so God that's our thing. All

9:11

religions, all human religions are sort of a

9:13

heady mix of the first church. But

9:16

you remember that if you rise in the ranks

9:19

of the church you will receive

9:21

certain privileges, not just

9:23

the the sacramental wine which is very very

9:25

good but you will gain access as well

9:28

to some of our more potent incendiary

9:30

weapons with which we burn the unbelievers and

9:32

scorch the forbidden documents. But show us

9:34

we can trust you first in the name of

9:36

the asteroid.

9:37

Oh in the name of the asteroid.

9:40

Yes you just said it back to me good

9:42

job it's all coming back anyway I've

9:44

got tennis bye

9:45

bye. Tennis! And your eyes

9:47

refocus and you are back on the mag

9:49

tube and can you bring the next Pressing in. Buff call,

9:51

and a buff four. You check your messages. Bing!

9:55

And you do, and you see an annoying ad

9:58

for the Tina O'Miley. and

10:01

sort of the new mandatory beds

10:03

that are now rolling out into your sector, BOF, but

10:06

also you see a message from a figure

10:09

in a, what looks like a normal

10:11

green regulation jumpsuit, but half

10:13

of their face are covered by sort

10:15

of weird chimeric scales

10:18

and

10:18

as you look at them

10:19

you recognise them

10:22

as a face that you've seen before because you realise

10:24

that

10:25

this is the face of one

10:27

of your cell leaders and B-O-F of

10:31

the cell that you belong in because you were in fact a member of a Grey Culture

10:33

Club. You are a member of a culture

10:35

club called Sion and have been

10:37

since about the time of your second decanting

10:40

when you fell in with the mutants of

10:42

Sion and you have been working with them since. Oh?

10:46

All memories you had forgotten until you see the face

10:48

of your cell leader whose name is? Fred.

10:55

Fred? All right. Bothcon.

10:58

But it's spelled P-H-R-E-D. Yeah,

11:01

Fred. Bothcon. It is Fred

11:03

here.

11:05

Bothcon, do you remember me? Do

11:08

you remember this voice?

11:11

Vaguely, I don't quite remember

11:13

anything else about you. Bothcon, you have been through much

11:16

to rise to the point

11:18

of red. When

11:19

you were a little infrared peon, running

11:24

around, dying at the

11:26

bowling alley, dying by

11:29

those horrible children. I

11:31

hate those children. The children were actually

11:33

sent by us. It was important to throw insects

11:36

off the trail. These specific children

11:38

were. The others, no idea. I

11:40

think they saw that and then it was a trend

11:43

or whatever. I know

11:45

you have many questions, but I want to open

11:48

with the truth. Bofkorn.

11:49

Yes? You are

11:51

a mutant. What? After

11:54

decanting your mutant... Is this why

11:56

I'm so girly? Don't write it down on your main... Oh

11:58

for fuck's sake. Thank you, right

12:00

down on the main character sheet everybody

12:02

will know it is a secret. I

12:04

am telling you now you are special you were born

12:07

and there are more and more

12:08

like you every cycle the computer

12:11

thinks that we are an aberration but we are

12:13

the next step we are

12:15

what happens when you cram people

12:18

in a complex like alpha complex for hundreds

12:20

of years. Your mutant ability will

12:22

not show itself yet. By the way I'm

12:24

Fred's brother my name is Freisi two

12:27

phases. Why? You say Murin ability

12:29

like a

12:30

like some sort of X-Men. I don't

12:32

not understand. Yes, exactly. Like

12:34

the X-Men. OK, Dr. Xavier

12:37

from the old stories. You

12:41

will not have an ability just yet, but

12:43

I want you to know hours after

12:45

your decanting and you've

12:48

already died. What?

12:50

What? What? You've

12:51

all we have so much energy

12:53

into your promotion and you've died. I was.

12:55

There was like a cleaning robot. The arrow

12:58

was too big. You died? Do you know how

13:00

many people... Hang on, sorry, no wait, sorry,

13:02

thread. You died to a cleaning robot?

13:05

That arrow was too big. I can't... This cost us 30

13:07

lives to get you promoted and you

13:09

died by a vacuum cleaner? Let's

13:12

say 31 now, because of me. Arumba? You

13:14

don't count! Don't pretend you count!

13:16

Real mutants died! Real mutants! Look,

13:19

Buffcorn, your powers will come to

13:21

you in time. You will remember your powers. and

13:23

think, try to remember what it is that you did

13:26

because your powers are great. But if we merely

13:28

told you,

13:30

then friend computer who is still analysing

13:32

you may come to us. You must remember

13:34

in your own time. You know, there was another guy we

13:37

met and his mutant power was jerking

13:39

off and choking himself. No,

13:41

that's just Lonnie and he's a pervert. We

13:44

like Lonnie, but he's not one of us. Now

13:47

listen to me. Two things are very

13:49

important for you to understand right now before

13:51

your memories come back.

13:53

friends

14:00

must know that you are a mutant.

14:03

You will sometimes have to, as a troubleshooter, do terrible

14:05

things. You will sometimes even have to work

14:07

against us. We understand

14:09

you must protect your identity.

14:10

As Fred says, too many lives have

14:12

been sacrificed, putting you in the

14:15

position of authority that you are. The second

14:17

thing is this. Hopefully your

14:19

memories will come back soon, but now

14:22

that you have a higher clearance you can know

14:25

the myth that surrounds this

14:27

place is a lie. We

14:29

do not know what the truth is but we know that there

14:32

is something very wrong with

14:34

friend and I don't know if you heard

14:36

just then but I put friend in like air quotes

14:39

you know what I mean like oh no I could tell from

14:41

your toe yeah like friend computer

14:44

it's great voice acting buddy thank you very much

14:47

something is very wrong and we

14:49

are the precipice of finding out what it is

14:51

now this thing you are what is it the cleaning

14:54

in cy4 yes there is nothing we require

14:57

of you here but keep an ear out, keep an eye

15:00

out. Yes we believe that our enemies

15:02

and other grey culture clubs are

15:04

active. The free enterprises

15:06

are scrambling. We hear news from the Sierra Club,

15:08

the first church, the brethren. They

15:11

are proud, they're excited almost

15:13

about something. It could only mean bad

15:15

things. When other clubs are excited that

15:17

means mutants suffer, you understand? Can you

15:20

You guys... I

15:23

need

15:23

to buy a gun. What? I

15:26

need to buy a gun. I was wondering if you guys could

15:28

loan me some credits. Yes,

15:30

of course. You're right. You will need a gun. What

15:32

sort of gun will you need? I would like

15:35

a...machine gun.

15:38

All guns are

15:39

machine guns. Okay. Maybe

15:43

an automatic rifle?

15:46

some sort of a cone rifle, a cone rifle,

15:49

a solid, a super solid, I love a cone rifle. After

15:52

you get out of the tunnels there

15:54

is a printing pod in the West

15:56

Corridor. It should be on your way

15:59

to

16:00

C Y for

16:02

there will be activation code for it

16:04

is Delta six fire

16:06

brand there

16:08

should be what you need there now

16:11

I have to go play some tennis we both

16:13

do oh how's your serve it's doubles

16:15

goodbye Simon

16:18

thank you for joining us back at the table thank you for having me and

16:20

as strawberry quickly scans through

16:23

their messages you see a couple of mandatory

16:26

updates from the Tila O'Miley fan club

16:28

which there is a note from Friend Computer that

16:30

they will need to be memorized before the next meeting. Under

16:33

threat of penalty, you see that

16:35

there is going to be a party in your barracks

16:38

pod tonight where they will be serving slightly

16:41

warm red neutrino paste, which

16:43

is something of a delicacy. And then you see

16:45

a message with

16:47

a symbol that you think is strange because you

16:49

don't recognize it. And then suddenly

16:51

you jolt inside your mind,

16:54

looking at it as you realize that

16:57

it is the logo of Insec, the

16:59

security firm that does not exist,

17:01

the part of the armed forces of which there is no records,

17:04

internal security. Don't write it down. Oh

17:06

my God. Why not?

17:09

Because this is very secret. Yeah,

17:11

this is, you realize at that moment.

17:14

Well, so why does a secret security firm have

17:16

a logo? No, the

17:18

firm isn't secret, that you might be

17:20

a part of it is secret. Oh, right.

17:23

So

17:23

this is, you are a member and have been

17:25

since for your infrared and you went deep undercover,

17:28

you were green security clearance and

17:30

you worked for internal security.

17:33

You volunteered to

17:33

go through the mandatory deprocessing to

17:35

go back down because you were being activated

17:38

as a deep

17:39

agent. This is of course just standard procedure.

17:42

Insec has spies in every

17:44

sector, in most culture clubs,

17:47

certainly in all gray culture clubs, all

17:49

doing their bit to protect the

17:51

interests of friend

17:53

computer. Hello, are you there?

17:55

Strawberry? Uh,

17:57

yeah, I recorded. I expect

18:00

that you're a little bit discombobulated and etc

18:02

etc etc. Let's keep

18:04

this quick. Do you remember who you are? I am a

18:08

strawberry. I'm

18:10

recalling that I have a green little access.

18:12

Don't try and bluff me strawberry. Just ask any

18:14

questions you need. I've got very busy. I've got to play

18:17

a game of tennis later. What

18:19

is my objective here? Alright,

18:22

well I appreciate your candle. God

18:24

I've got to do something about the memory wiping. Listen,

18:27

you work for us in for a sec.

18:29

This is

18:30

Doris.

18:32

Dorian Doris. This is Dorian

18:34

Doris. You were once a...

18:37

What level of clearance are you?

18:39

Me? Yeah. I'm like fucking, like

18:42

pretty indigo, I reckon. You're indigo. I'm violet. Oh,

18:44

okay. No, no, it's

18:46

all right. You, Commissioner

18:49

Sticks and Bricks.

18:53

Sticks and Bricks, yes, that's me. Sticks and Bricks

18:55

is doing this. This is a sort of a recent

18:58

promotion job for him. You're doing very good. I'm just here

19:00

to observe. Thank you very much. Try

19:02

to- Is that Frank Computers?

19:05

That's Sticks and Bricks. That's not Friends Computers.

19:07

Sticks and Bricks, I'm Dorian Doris. That's Dorian Doris.

19:09

Do try and keep up. And for God's sake, don't

19:11

write this down on anything that

19:13

anyone will see. Listen,

19:16

your job in a nutshell is to root out

19:19

anybody who's a member of a secret society. I

19:21

don't know how likely it is that any of these most

19:24

recent decanted are, but

19:26

keep an ear out and an eye out and report

19:28

back whenever possible. Do you understand

19:31

me? I understand. How do I contact

19:33

you?

19:34

We'll contact you. If

19:37

you absolutely

19:38

need it to us, we have a safe house

19:40

in sector CYN where I

19:42

believe you're currently stationed. It's

19:44

designed to look like a disused

19:46

hab complex. Mark up to the doors,

19:49

the codeword is razzberry.

19:53

It should be difficult for you to remember. Now

19:55

listen, this CY4 Jobbie

19:58

that you're on... Just

20:00

a tiny little thing. We

20:02

had some agents involved in

20:04

it. It was a horrible mess. You'll

20:07

see it when you get there. We

20:09

need the security camera footage. It

20:12

would be a little embarrassing to the firm

20:14

if it came out. So I need you to sniff around,

20:16

find it, make sure that video doesn't ever come to

20:18

light. Make sure you do it without alerting

20:21

your colleagues, however, because, well,

20:24

obviously, there might

20:26

be some seditious elements, or they might

20:28

just think you've gone mad. mad.

20:30

Roger that. Yeah, it was a nasty

20:32

business, a cell wipeout. We used a double agent

20:35

inside another

20:37

grey culture club. What was it? The free enterprises?

20:39

The Sierra Club? No, it was the bloody

20:41

history people. Oh no, it was

20:43

the first church. We used the religious leaders.

20:45

Oh yes, we used the first church to wipe out the bloody

20:48

history people. We used a double agent with the first

20:50

church to attack the local history

20:52

research group. Unfortunately,

20:54

we think his name, His face was captured on camera.

20:57

So if you find footage, it must be destroyed.

20:59

Obviously, any orders that you had

21:01

from our friend computer, though, of course, we

21:04

all serve and happy we are, are superseded

21:06

by these new

21:07

orders. The footage must be destroyed

21:09

and not entered into the troubleshooter

21:11

system. You do understand this? Yes, so the strikes

21:14

and bricks. And as is standard

21:16

operating procedure, no one on your team

21:19

must know of this. You have, obviously,

21:21

and we commend you for it, Activated

21:23

standard protocol which is to volunteer

21:26

as team leader to give yourself a measure of independent

21:29

performance We suggest you use this pull

21:31

rank if necessary any

21:33

questions before we go because honestly

21:36

we've only got the court for another couple of hours

21:39

as a

21:41

With a memory wipe I appear to have accrued

21:43

a number of

21:45

star points Yes,

21:47

of course nasty business. Yes. No not much

21:49

we can do about that unfortunately we need

21:51

to keep your cover. If you do die however,

21:54

do know that you die in the service

21:56

of something greater than yourself and more

21:59

clones will be forth.

22:00

I've heard it hurts quite a lot. Oh,

22:02

it's very painful. But honestly,

22:04

you've got five more goes. So I'm chin

22:06

up. Oh boy

22:08

All right. Is that everything? I suppose

22:10

so. Thank you. Oh and and

22:13

and and and Do

22:15

try and keep your head down. We

22:17

have worked terribly hard

22:20

to get you to this level So

22:22

remember you volunteered for this mission We're happy

22:24

for us to strip you of your services

22:27

such was your devotion to friend

22:29

computer and it does serve you well Absolutely

22:32

sir. It's just my innate cheekiness

22:34

does sometimes get in the way So

22:37

I couldn't hear you. I'm putting

22:38

on my shorts very well tennis shorts. Goodbye.

22:40

All right. Can you bring the others back in? Thank

22:43

you Simon troubleshooters 3 the

22:45

all of you take this tiny glyph

22:48

of an envelope in your corner and your eyes defocus

22:51

as you receive a stream

22:53

of messages most of them irrelevant some of them spam

22:56

nothing from Bradbury and

22:58

any other messages that I mentioned to you before well

23:01

did you guys get any sort of secret messages

23:04

I didn't at all I wasn't

23:09

saying anything out loud was I guys that was like literally less

23:12

than a second I I

23:17

just had so what like from my perspective what happened

23:20

guys just like so you know from my perspective is

23:22

I said Hey,

23:25

you should check your messages and then you all went okay,

23:28

and then like literally a second past and

23:31

then you started acting weird Well,

23:33

I don't know why I started acting weird

23:35

cuz nothing happened. I didn't have any

23:38

messages at all You

23:40

didn't have any messages from your culture club

23:44

Yes, I had one message. It

23:47

was from the beautification committee telling

23:49

me to pick up some litter.

23:50

Maybe, that's what they said. They said pick up some litter.

23:53

That's what I'm gonna do now. Oh,

23:57

um, I'd like to make a check for litter

23:59

day. Yeah

24:02

sure, making me another alpha complex,

24:04

um, brains. It's

24:07

a 3 to 5. You can't find any litter. But

24:09

you sort of just start scurrying around. You know why you can't find any

24:12

litter? Because it's a giant metal tube

24:14

suspended above the city. But you do

24:16

look for some.

24:18

So guys, um, now

24:20

we've gone through the spam in box zero,

24:22

as Clancy said. In

24:25

box zero, you got it. Yeah,

24:28

just a bunch of spam, wasn't it? I had a

24:30

bunch of horny singles trying

24:33

to eat my asshole. What

24:36

did you guys have? Hey, why did you fold that?

24:41

Hey guys, we gotta go. We gotta go.

24:44

All right, you continue inching along the tube.

24:46

Everyone's be careful so you don't need to roll for it. It dips

24:49

down, as I said, and then it goes into a tunnel

24:51

that has been carved a sort of bevel

24:54

square tunnel that just goes right into the walls

24:57

of the sector. and now you are in the

24:59

narrows

25:00

between sectors. And

25:03

this is an area that in this life, certainly

25:05

none of you have ever been

25:06

before, but even as inferets, because inferets

25:08

are not shipped sector to sector,

25:11

unless it is a matter of extreme importance

25:14

after their initial designation. So some

25:16

of you weren't born in this sector, but you would have been moved

25:18

in hours after. And by the way,

25:20

are we clear that you have all

25:23

lived some manner of year cycles

25:26

before promotion to red security

25:28

clearance as infrareds, the lowest

25:30

level, menials. You have no memories

25:33

of them, there's a mandatory memory wipe, but also the

25:35

pharmaceuticals that go into

25:37

black infrared neutrino paste contain

25:40

sex inhibitors, fraternity inhibitors,

25:43

guile inhibitors, and also memory inhibitors.

25:46

I remember my wife inviting me to

25:48

a bowling alley. Your wife? Sorry,

25:51

but I just remembered who his voice reminds

25:53

me of. Yes, I, yeah. Jennifer

25:55

Coolidge. It

25:57

definitely is.

26:00

I can't stress this enough as

26:02

an infrared if you had a wife that

26:04

would be cause for concern because Sex

26:07

is illegal in alpha complex. There is a perfected

26:10

form of It's like it's

26:12

like in Georgia well say for

26:14

we if you get stiffy big brother just

26:17

Literally neutrino paste up

26:19

to anything below about indigo has

26:21

potent sexual repressors in it Yeah,

26:24

but Lonnie's like, you can get around it.

26:29

An elastic banner on your ding dong. I've

26:32

been watching some hyper-penography. Lonnie's

26:35

like, doesn't do anything but choking yourself.

26:37

I mean it'll kill ya. You just try.

26:40

Sometimes you just gotta try. What you gotta do,

26:42

alright, is like you gotta take like, cause you can get

26:44

about a 20th of a stiffy. But

26:46

if you can like make them stack. 20 times?

26:51

No, what I remember is a sneeze is

26:53

still one ninth of an orgasm. Yeah. So

26:56

I just rub pepper on to my nose. No, the paste

26:58

unfortunately suppresses sneezes as well for

27:00

this very reason. Hey

27:02

guys, we're going to go

27:04

through the tunnel. Like I said before, it might get a

27:06

bit gnarly, so stay frosty, all right? Other...

27:09

Okay. All right, so you all inch your way

27:11

down through the tunnel,

27:12

and as you cross through

27:14

that beveled square, it becomes

27:17

very,

27:17

very dark. But Lonnie

27:19

obviously seems to know his

27:22

way through the mag tubes and he hops down

27:24

and you realize that there is Floor

27:26

underneath the mag tube in the tunnel only about

27:29

two feet from the bottom of the tube Yeah, and also

27:31

Lonnie goes out to be fucking back in here

27:33

Frank computer. Yes. How

27:35

can I help you? That

27:38

would be 200 credits

27:40

Oh Actually, there has been

27:43

a requisition of night vision credits for all

27:45

missions operating between zones where

27:47

you seem to be now

27:48

Well, that's just wonderful news computer

27:51

friend wonderful uploading now and then

27:53

his He's subscribed, he says that we four zettabytes

27:56

of augment storage. his

27:58

eyes, he closes his eyes.

28:00

I can't remember what toes are anymore. And

28:03

he opens his eyes and even though it's dark, his eyes

28:05

are glowing green now and you can see

28:08

them as two points of light. That's better, I can see

28:10

all the stuff. I'll give us one of them. Oh a

28:12

friend computer. We all get that. Yeah, you gotta ask

28:14

the computer. Guys, what were you born yesterday? No,

28:18

I'm kidding. It's a little joke I use on the newbies. Yeah, it

28:20

was today. You were born today, yeah.

28:22

Oh, a friend computer. Yes,

28:24

how can I help you?

28:26

Give me one of those glow in the dark ears. You

28:28

want a night vision, uh, night

28:30

vision augment package? That's

28:32

the one. Uploading the relevant specialist skill.

28:34

Now remember this must be returned with

28:36

an intact central cortex

28:38

by the end of the mission or you will face restrictions.

28:42

What does that mean? Sign here.

28:44

Yeah okay with your eyes you're able to

28:46

sign and you suddenly feel a rush

28:48

of bits and bytes into your head as a new

28:51

skill. The ability, your eyesight at first it

28:53

doesn't feel like it changes and then it goes grayscale

28:55

and then it clears and suddenly you can see inside

28:58

the tunnel. Oh great! The rest of you could do this as

29:00

well if you want. Yeah, let's do it. Alright, you all buy

29:03

the same package. And I forget my

29:05

wife's face! You

29:07

can write this down if you want actually in your... I

29:09

forget the bums are funny. In memory you can

29:12

write night vision because you've downloaded the package. Night

29:14

vision 4 because it takes 4 zettabytes.

29:17

You have 16 zettabytes

29:20

of storage in a basic core tech

29:22

package. Now all

29:24

of you can see there's a tunnel leading

29:26

down. It's downhill, but it's not so

29:29

steep that you can't make your way down. Who's

29:31

leading? I will lead.

29:35

What direction are we heading, Dave?

29:36

You're heading down and I guess west. So

29:39

you're making your way as Lonnie tells you that

29:42

he's sure it's not too far to sector

29:44

CY4. Yeah, this is great. So

29:47

how are you guys finding sort of being alive?

29:50

It's a I mean I've

29:52

said it before and I'll say it again I'm a baby

29:55

and I'm a I'm a big baby. I'm a big baby.

29:58

Uh, it's hard to be-

30:00

feeling confused

30:02

and knowing that confusion can

30:05

render you a punishment just

30:07

by trying to work out what's going on. Can I

30:10

offer you a bit of advice, friendo? Please.

30:12

Just bloody go with it and

30:14

if you see your friends acting fucking weird,

30:17

report them. But go with

30:19

it, go with it and just have a lot

30:21

of fun with it. But if you see them being fucking weird...

30:25

I guess my question is... Because that's a great

30:27

way of getting some credits. But how can you have a

30:29

friend if

30:30

you're questioning

30:32

them at every turn?

30:35

Computer! Yes,

30:37

how can I help you? Never

30:40

mind. Listen mate, when

30:43

I say go with it I really do

30:45

mean go with it. He

30:49

also explains to you that

30:51

the one of the quirks

30:54

of the cloning system is that clones

30:56

are returned without treason stars

30:59

they are usually returned in good good

31:01

health and they are returned with the dose

31:04

of Dvenge which is a D-revenge

31:06

increasing stimulant basically they're not wanted

31:08

for anything they have no reason to act revenge

31:11

and they do not seek revenge the

31:14

destruction of clones is a sad brutal necessity

31:16

and reality in Alpha complex but it doesn't

31:19

need to be the end of a good friendship

31:21

yeah I've a lot of good mates die I've

31:24

been a lot of good people's

31:27

friends and I've died and I've just come back and all

31:29

glistening and weird and gooey and they've just gone,

31:32

oh

31:32

g'day Lonnie, have some paste!

31:35

You know, just like it never happened. You know, I've

31:37

had five trees and stars above my head

31:39

before and second I

31:41

was terminated and all of

31:43

a sudden I'm everybody's best mate again. So...

31:46

But they do remember what happened? Yeah,

31:49

but I remember what happened. I remember

31:51

what happened but I'm a new guy. How do you

31:53

know that? I'm a new guy! Also

31:55

the Dvenge is an inhibitor for anger.

31:58

It's a pharmaceutical

32:00

suppressant of the impulse for revenge.

32:02

And everyone gets D-venge? Only clones.

32:04

Clones as a precaution, even if they don't, even

32:06

if friend computer doesn't think that anyone,

32:09

that they would have a reason to be angry, and quote, friend computer

32:11

never thinks anyone would have a reason to be angry

32:13

in the utopia that is alpha complex. They

32:16

are given a dose

32:17

of D-venge as preventative. Got it.

32:20

So anyway, it's just through here. But

32:23

as he does this, you're leading the way, scanning

32:26

around with your nifty new night vision. Yes.

32:29

you hear a squawking

32:30

and a rush and there is a huge, what

32:32

looks like leathery figure comes lunging

32:35

out of the distance in front

32:36

of you and is racing towards your head. What do

32:39

you do? I will

32:42

tackle them. Yeah.

32:44

Try and grab them? Yeah. All right. Make for me.

32:46

What are we doing? Violence Malay? I

32:49

think we'll call violence Malay. Um, that's

32:56

one success. at one success?

32:59

Yeah. All right, you suddenly grab on as

33:01

a figure of what you all recognize as a tunnel

33:03

bat. It's a strange kind of mutant

33:05

pest that occurred some of the dead species. That's

33:07

a tunnel bat I was worried about, tunnel bats. You

33:10

grab it by its wings as you try

33:12

to keep your footing. But with only one success,

33:14

you manage to rip your head away from its

33:17

fangs. But you go rolling down

33:19

the chute away from the rest of the party

33:22

as it tackles you to the floor. You can act

33:24

if you want. Shoot it with my laser pistol. Well,

33:26

actually, I'm going to now give you all action

33:28

cards. You don't need to use these because shooting with

33:30

my laser pistol is a perfectly fair response. Can

33:32

you give four of these to everyone? But these

33:35

are special cards that you can use at

33:37

any time to sort of

33:40

change the fates in your favor.

33:42

They

33:45

sort of have a way to sort of seize control of the

33:47

narrative. They can also be used when

33:49

you fight against each other for initiative. In a very complicated

33:51

system, we're not gonna go into now. But for now, if any

33:53

time you want to have a little look them you can usually

33:56

play them to change the scene in

33:58

a way that might help you.

34:00

But for now you're going to shoot

34:02

it with your laser pistol. Yes please! It's

34:04

very very dark, it is rolling around with

34:06

your friend Bofcon. So make

34:09

for me a violence guns

34:11

check. Okay, Dave,

34:14

how am I going to do that? You have a

34:16

one for violence and you have a... What

34:18

is it? Three for guns? One for guns. I've got

34:20

a minus one for guns. And you have one for violence?

34:23

Yeah. Okay, so normally you

34:25

would roll one dice. I haven't explained this yet

34:27

either, but any time you want you can spend Moxie. Moxie. If

34:29

you spend a point of Moxie you get a free re-roll much

34:32

like Inspiration and Dungeons and Dragons or

34:35

you can spend Moxie before you roll to

34:37

gain bonus dice. So

34:40

you can choose now do you want to spend any

34:42

Moxie? Do you want to stress yourself out with the shot or are you

34:44

happy to just... Eh, I'll just give it a little

34:46

go. Then roll one dice plus one for Friend

34:48

Computer. Oops. Oh, I got

34:51

a one.

34:51

No, but

34:54

the Friend Computer is a five which counts as a success. So

34:56

you clip off a shot and

34:58

the beast squawks as its wing goes

35:01

wild and it flips off Bofcon

35:03

and starts squawking into the dirt but

35:05

two more tunnel bats are racing down the tunnel.

35:08

The next one to act is strawberry.

35:12

I'm gonna do a shot as well. I'm

35:16

gonna use one Moxie. So I've got one

35:18

violence and zero guns. So

35:21

what am I? One violence, there's

35:23

one roll. So you roll one plus your computer dice.

35:26

Okay. That's how many dice you roll plus computer.

35:28

Okay, and if I use a boxy, do I add? Oh, two.

35:32

So that's

35:33

a four, three, and a six. Unfortunately,

35:35

the six is on the computer dice. So you grab your

35:37

gun, you start to line it up for a shot,

35:40

and suddenly your entire

35:42

vision appears, this little window blinks up

35:44

in front of you. This is the first time we've had computer

35:47

dice activated, right? This is the first time we've rolled

35:49

a computer on the computer dice. Hello there, troubleshooter.

35:51

What seems to be the problem? You appear to be aiming

35:54

a weapon at your friend Buffcon. Is

35:56

he a troublemaker? No, there are- Is he

35:58

a subversive? There is a...

36:00

Safety issues in the tunnels, there are bats

36:03

that we are trying to eradicate

36:05

to make safe the tunnel area. I have a

36:07

ton of bats that were eradicated in cycle 214, zero

36:10

cycles ago, which as you know now has

36:12

been over 60 month cycles. This

36:14

is an unidentified safety

36:16

issue that we are exploring

36:19

and addressing. All right,

36:21

I'm gonna let you, if you want to quickly make

36:23

for me

36:25

a bluff check, you can make a chutzpah bluff check.

36:29

Okay, um... So

36:32

intimidation doesn't do anything for me this far. No,

36:34

no, this is bluff.

36:35

Okay, that's a four. Alright,

36:38

that's unfortunately a fail, which goes, Oh, unfortunately, it

36:40

seems that you were trying to attack a troublemaker. I'm

36:42

going to have to temporarily suspend

36:45

access to your weapon. And your weapon, the

36:47

lights on it suddenly go off

36:49

as your entire gun goes offline. And

36:51

also, just to be sure, an extra treason star.

36:54

This is five, so if you could do us a favour and hand

36:56

yourself in at the nearest blue coat centre,

36:59

that would be appreciated. Remember, working

37:01

for Friend Computer works for you. That is unfortunately

37:03

your turn. Next one up

37:06

is Lonnie. So

37:08

he does a couple of things at once. He sees

37:10

the five stars over

37:12

Strawberry's head, clocks them,

37:15

and then sees the bats coming toward him, and

37:18

he goes, alright. So he

37:23

looks at him again, thinks

37:25

about those fucking 200 credits that

37:28

would get him to The bats are a very clear

37:30

and present danger. I know, I know. So

37:33

what he does is he removes

37:36

his sidearm and

37:38

aims it

37:40

at the bat. Alright he fires at

37:42

a bat and one of the bat squawks as

37:44

it goes, falls down, it's de-winged

37:46

and it's sort of wrapping. Now there's two of them on the ground,

37:48

one of them is still looping, and the next one up,

37:51

now free, is... Bofkon.

37:54

Um, are there any, like, rails

37:56

around or anything? Yeah, there are. magrail

37:59

above your head which is

38:00

most of the tunnel, but there's also,

38:01

there are maintenance rails inside. So the

38:04

bat that Clancy shot,

38:07

is that dead dead? It's

38:10

dying, it's a squawking, but it's still a threat to anyone

38:13

nearby it? I might pick it up and throw

38:16

it into the wires. Oh,

38:18

into like the live wires. All right, that's great. Yeah,

38:20

onto the third rail. A violence throw check for me.

38:23

Violence throw, ooh, no. You

38:26

would've wanted me to do that. Yeah, I

38:28

have terrible throws. You've got to make

38:30

the roll though. Give it a go. So it's two minus

38:33

four. So I roll minus four dice, minus two

38:35

dice. Two minus four is minus two dice

38:37

plus computer. So you roll two dice plus computer.

38:40

And I just need all three successes. No

38:45

fails. All three fails. Which

38:48

is impressive in its own way. So that was three failures?

38:50

Yes. All right, you grab the bats. You

38:53

grab up one of the bats and it bites.

38:56

As you go to throw it, it bites onto your

38:58

wrist powerfully. They think about the

39:00

size, by the way, of a poodle, I suppose.

39:03

They're big for a bat, but they're not

39:05

big for a person. It's

39:08

not even a poodle. You know, we'll go a bit bigger. We'll say they're like the

39:10

size of a... Like

39:12

a standard poodle or like a moi. No, they're

39:14

bigger than that. I'm trying to think. They're like the size

39:16

of a sausage dog. And they're the like- So smaller than a

39:19

poodle. No, oh, it's this thing. I don't have a dog. They are

39:21

the size- Well, we're in the dog system now, Dave. Oh

39:23

yeah, okay, no. They're the size of

39:25

a Rottweiler.

39:26

They're the size of a Rottweiler.

39:28

And they're as angry as a Rottweiler. You

39:30

grab one. But with wings. They've got wings. This

39:33

one is grounded, but it bites onto

39:35

you and you become hurt first

39:38

and foremost. Hing, Bofkahn

39:40

takes on hurt. So you've got minus one dice for

39:42

any note checks that you take from now on. And

39:44

you grab it and you try to smash it

39:47

against what you assume to be the electrified railing.

39:49

But because it doesn't

39:50

disconnect, the electricity surges

39:52

through you and you become injured.

39:54

So you take another point of damage, you fall

39:57

wildly. However, the bat is

39:59

a smoking and you have successfully killed

40:01

it. The next one up is Clancy. Are

40:05

there any other bats left? There's one grounded

40:07

and there's one swooping above your head. Oh, and the

40:10

one swooping above your head actually sort of races

40:12

around screeches and dives at you when you fall over,

40:14

but you're still there, Clancy. When I said it dives

40:16

at strawberry. I'm

40:19

going to, I'll use

40:22

a Moxie this time and

40:24

I'll shoot at it with my laser pistol.

40:27

I got one success. and

40:29

the computer got a... It doesn't matter, it's not a 6. So

40:32

you clip it and it goes swinging and it

40:35

falls against the mag chute and

40:37

it dies. All of a sudden the mag chute begins to rumble

40:39

as if there is a heavy vehicle

40:42

about to... Guys, it's a heavy vehicle

40:45

about to descend on us. I reckon get off

40:47

the rails. Next one up

40:49

is strawberry. I'm gonna just sort of

40:51

drop to the floor. Drop to the floor? Alright.

40:53

Quickly make for me an athletics violence check. No,

40:56

you know what? Make for me a brains

40:59

athletics check. A six. A

41:01

six. You fall forward before you remember that

41:03

you've seen mag tubes, you realize how heavy

41:06

they are and how low they hang in the tunnels and

41:08

a better part of your brain makes you roll

41:11

underneath the surface gantry to

41:13

the side and out of the center of the tunnel. You're,

41:15

but you are now down and hopefully out

41:18

of the way. What about Bofcon? Um,

41:22

I'm going to...

41:27

So wait, we were going down a corridor

41:29

and we fell down a tunnel as well. No,

41:31

you're going down a very

41:32

steep tunnel down. There's a central big

41:35

chunk of metal, which is the mag chute. Right.

41:38

Okay. I get to the side and I'm going

41:40

to get to the side of... Well,

41:42

first of all, what I'm going to do is claim those fucking credit points

41:45

and then I'm going to get to the... For

41:47

what? For what it's... How

41:49

are you going to do that? Um, by saying, hey computer,

41:52

I guess. Yes. Um, I've

41:54

dealt some fatal electrical- Phew!

41:57

Have I dealt while I'm walking, though? Is that not?

42:00

You did say first I'm going to do it, so

42:02

I really wanna know the priority. Oh sure,

42:04

okay fine. Oh my

42:06

goodness. I'm walking, fuck

42:08

hell. I'm walking

42:11

down the, is there part

42:13

of the tunnel I

42:15

can stand in where I won't get hit by the train? Well

42:17

you've just seen Strawberry duck

42:19

under the service, the service vents.

42:22

But on the left or right hand sides

42:24

of it, will I get,

42:26

cause he just said get off the rails. Yes.

42:29

Does it look like it's gonna fill up the entire...

42:32

No, it looks like this probably sets the space. Okay,

42:34

let's get to the very side of it. Yeah.

42:37

And I'll edge down that way. And

42:40

I'll claim the 150 credit points for... What

42:43

are you gaining credits for? For

42:45

dealing fatal electrical damage to an enemy of the

42:47

computer. Well, I... So

42:51

I was on the side. Well, I threw

42:53

that bat into the electrical rails at

42:55

the top. I thought that's fatal electrical

42:57

damage. takes your eyes, your eyes, your eyesight

42:59

goes black for a second, you can't see, and it looks, it says,

43:01

oh yes, nasty. Okay,

43:04

do I get my credit points? Oh, absolutely,

43:07

and there's a little ding and you get 150 credit points. Do

43:09

you have anything else you want to report? No, no, I'm

43:11

fine. All right, then, don't be a stranger.

43:14

And it winks out again and you can see, and it's just

43:16

enough time to whip your head back because a train

43:18

is blasting through as quickly as it can.

43:21

But meanwhile, what has Clancy done on this conversation?

43:24

Has Clancy seen the

43:26

move that

43:28

Strawberry did? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I

43:30

think he just copies it. All right, so you take your action, you race

43:32

forward, and the train bursts through

43:34

and absolutely annihilates the two

43:37

remaining tunnel bats as they are slammed

43:39

by the trains that now seem to be operating

43:41

again, and a second later they're clear,

43:44

and as they do, you see a small number buff

43:46

con in the side of your HUD as 150 credits are deposited

43:49

into your central

43:51

cortex. Can I

43:53

have, can I have friend computer? Yes.

43:56

J-jolly gonna play this, er, you might see that

43:58

it'll be me and my chips. Did our part

44:00

to make the transport tunnels safe? Oh,

44:03

very good. Was there a problem in the transport

44:06

tunnels? There was some sort

44:08

of mutant creature

44:10

here that we dealt with quick smart, the

44:13

thing that you talked about before. Oh,

44:15

the friend computer only talks to mutants, to

44:17

people above your security clearance, are you sure?

44:20

Well, I'd just never seen anything like

44:22

it, but it looked nasty and I thought, you know what? Friend

44:25

computer would not like

44:27

whatever that is.

44:28

And so I blasted it with my pistol.

44:31

Pill-pew I went, oh you'd be so proud of me,

44:34

freak computer. Well, it's your first mission, so

44:36

blasting that aside, sure, take 50 credits.

44:38

Woo-hoo. So,

44:41

those are taking out those two achievements, which means there's only two achievements

44:43

left, to report a fellow troubleshooter for treason-adjacent

44:45

wrongthink, or to report

44:48

proof in existence of two or more great culture clubs

44:50

that are operating in the sector. Can I ask a question? Yeah.

44:53

If you, did your credits transfer

44:55

to your, to your, um, clone? Of

44:57

course, that is a guarantee by friend

45:00

computer. Friend computer?

45:01

Yes. I have to report.

45:04

I have to report a

45:07

fellow troubleshooter for treason, adjacent, wrong thing

45:09

for friend computer. And

45:24

is currently involved in treason-adjacent

45:27

wrongthink.

45:28

Strawberry R.C.Y. 4-1. What

45:31

is the nature of his wrongthink? The

45:33

nature of his wrongthink is questioning

45:36

and desiring fraternization

45:38

beyond his station.

45:40

Have you any evidence or way to prove his

45:42

wrongthink? Yes, he will

45:45

freely admit to it, if asked, by

45:47

friend computer.

45:49

Well, in that case, once he is detained,

45:51

we will deposit 75 credits

45:53

in your personal

45:55

file. Congratulations. I have him

45:57

right here. No!

45:59

Can you put him- Yes, hello

46:01

here, it's our strawberry. Is

46:04

it true that you have been...oh is that five trees

46:06

and stars? That is correct. Well this

46:08

is a very sad day to think and on your first

46:10

assignment, how disappointing, what

46:13

would strawberry R-C-Y-4

46:15

think of you?

46:17

Not very much, I

46:19

do apologize Frank Computer. Well,

46:22

please report to Bluecoats in the next sector.

46:25

I am unfortunately updating your

46:28

five stars to mandatory termination.

46:30

If I was to terminate him

46:32

myself here... Sorry, is this

46:34

Strawberry C.Y.4 or Strawberry

46:37

C.Y.4? Hey, Strawberry C.Y.4. I

46:39

make you on the report about... If you could terminate

46:42

him right now, I would consider... I throw myself under the

46:44

third rail of the... Fuck

46:46

yourself with killing

46:47

yourself. Alright, well done. 75 credits

46:50

go in, the trees and stars go back to zero.

46:52

Lonnie, that was just exactly what you needed, I

46:54

think. That was the 70 points. That was

46:57

the exact, well, I mean,

46:59

Valle, et cetera, but like Jesus

47:01

Christ. All right, let's get to the textile factory. The rest of you

47:03

keep-

47:03

So are we down a man now because he's got a still

47:06

like-

47:06

He's got a flumph. I got a P. You clump

47:08

elsewhere. Oh, there you go. You crawl, you keep, now just the

47:10

three of you keep crawling down the mag tube and soon it opens

47:12

up. And you can- At the base of the mag tube,

47:15

I have a memory, Dave. Okay. there

47:18

is a

47:20

replicator pod. Yeah. At

47:22

the base of that. I'm gonna check that. Okay,

47:24

you do see

47:25

that there is technical services, one

47:27

of these service staffs

47:31

of Alpha Complex. They have 3D printers

47:33

and there's a 3D printer unit. Yeah, I'm gonna check

47:35

it. I've got a code for it. Yeah.

47:38

It's a Delta Six Firebrand.

47:40

All right, you enter in a code and there is a sort of glow

47:43

and a hum. and then suddenly

47:45

there's a, what

47:48

looks like a pfft noise and there's a puff

47:50

of a super dense smoke that dissipates and

47:52

coming out of the three. You have some time

47:55

to grab it before the smoke dissipates if

47:57

he wants. Yeah, yeah, yeah. because everybody

47:59

else...

48:00

is watching so just he's the only one right in front of it yeah

48:02

yeah and there's a 3d printer and inside that 3d

48:04

printer you can see a cone rifle and two

48:07

rounds of super solid ammunition so

48:09

the ammunition is are these long foot long

48:11

rods of what looks like titanium

48:14

and they're fired through the cone rifle in immense velocities

48:16

they can punch through walls but you only have two rounds

48:19

okay so

48:21

you just turn around to the rest of your troubleshooters yeah

48:23

so what do you guys say

48:25

we can't if

48:27

someone's already taken a reporting

48:29

to friend computer. There's no achievement

48:31

for it, no. But of course, as citizens

48:33

of friend computer, it's up to you to decide

48:35

what's right and what you want to

48:38

be able to say in the debrief. But

48:41

also, he has a gun

48:43

now. Can

48:46

I, I've got plus three athletics.

48:49

Yeah. So.

48:50

I'm trying to find me for the gun. Yeah. The

48:52

gun that I'm holding. And who's got the auto mob? I'm

48:55

not here yet. I'm not back yet. No, you're not. At

48:57

the moment, it's just, and Loni, yeah, what does Loni say? By the way, the

48:59

auto mop, I believe, Hing has three

49:02

doses of the scum begun. The

49:04

auto mop is now sitting in next

49:06

to a puddle of what was once

49:09

strawberry. Do you know what Lonnie says? Strawberry

49:12

goo.

49:13

Lonnie says, like, he

49:15

doesn't seem that, he's a little bit

49:17

surprised, but he's like, someone's got mates.

49:21

I'm just gonna- Check out big mates,

49:24

big mates boff gone over here. Can

49:27

I quickly, as quick as I can, use

49:29

my mop to pin him up against the

49:32

wall and ask some questions?

49:33

Yeah, sure, all right. Make for me very clearly. You

49:36

can both make for me. We'll

49:38

call these athletics melee. I wanna see who gets the highest,

49:40

most successes. You go first. So

49:42

I've got, I- Right, athletics melee, athletics or melee.

49:45

No, sorry, a violence melee. Oh,

49:47

why couldn't I use the thing I have lots of?

49:50

I have zero for melee. Yep, so you're gonna

49:52

roll one dice. And the computer or

49:54

not? Yeah, yeah.

49:57

The seeks on the computer but not

50:00

Nothing. All right, so you turn around

50:02

and the second time one of the troubleshooters looks

50:05

with violent intent at one of the other troubleshooters

50:07

and exactly like it happened for Strawberry, your

50:10

vision goes white and you suddenly hear a voice

50:12

as you seize up and it's like,

50:14

sorry, this is friend computer.

50:16

I noticed that you are acting with violent

50:18

intent towards a fellow troubleshooter. Please

50:20

explain and justify your actions.

50:23

Oh, yes, that's absolutely correct.

50:26

My

50:27

computational buddy. It's

50:31

good to have a buddy, yes? Oh

50:33

yes, there's Chap here. I

50:35

just noticed him put in a

50:38

code, open up a little door

50:40

and get a big weapon out. And

50:43

I just wanted to stop him for questioning

50:45

in the name of the different

50:48

computer. Oh, I

50:50

understand what has happened here. As a newly decanted

50:52

clone, it will take time to remember

50:54

the ways that this futuristic society

50:56

operates. What you saw was

50:58

your friend operating a 3D printer,

51:01

a device that appears magical, but is

51:03

in fact intended to recreate many

51:05

useful objects. Doubtless, he had

51:08

programmed it to create the objects you saw.

51:10

This is normal in Alpha Complex.

51:13

Now, if you can promise not to

51:15

attack a fellow troubleshooter, I am happy

51:17

to

51:17

let this matter off with a single treason

51:20

star. Oh, well,

51:22

first time for everything. Pop pot on. Blink,

51:25

and you get a treason star. Which

51:27

means that you see, uh, Bofkorn, a

51:30

figure of one of the other troubleshooters run towards you, see turn

51:32

around, and then sort of stand back as a single

51:35

star appears on their head. Oh,

51:37

yeah, you know, you can't, um, try and attack

51:40

me. Uh, I've got a gun. I'm

51:43

not sure that's why. each

52:00

other without evidence, then it becomes

52:02

sort of a difficult situation to adjudicate

52:05

because in my experience most red troubleshooters

52:07

are still coming to terms with their Santians.

52:10

Do you understand? Do not forget that your Cortex

52:12

has a full recorder and filming unit

52:14

inside. If you simply blink your left

52:17

eye, I will understand that you are filming and

52:19

you can retrieve that recording in the briefing

52:21

if necessary.

52:22

Ah, okay, alright. Good

52:24

to know. Um, what

52:26

do you got there old chap? Oh,

52:29

oh, oh this whole thing, it's just a gun,

52:31

it's a tool rifle. How

52:34

did you know that this was here? Uh,

52:37

Dave, I'm gonna... I'm gonna

52:40

bluff Clancy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

52:42

I'm gonna say... Oh,

52:44

you didn't get told about this? We all found

52:47

out about it in the in vitro

52:49

briefing we had. Bluff,

52:51

bluff, bluff. Yeah, yeah, make for me a great, uh, uh, chutzpah

52:54

or brains bluff, whatever you feel. Two, four,

52:57

five, six, seven.

53:01

What's computer dice? Oh,

53:04

that's a computer dice, it's a six. And then there are

53:06

one, two, three, four successes. All right, four

53:08

successes is enough. And especially

53:10

as you blink and you sort of hear the voice of a

53:12

friend computer who go, good to hear that the in vitro

53:14

recordings did work. I was ready to provide you with

53:16

an alternate briefing before your next mission, but it seems

53:19

that you all know everything that you need to know and it

53:21

disappears again. But you do

53:23

rethink now that you've just missed something. I mean,

53:26

I wasn't bluffing, I was telling the truth, Alex. Guys,

53:29

we've got some floors to clean. Are you ready? Oh,

53:32

and bring that massive gun. Lani,

53:36

would you like a vial of

53:38

a scumby gun?

53:41

Well, I mean, not really.

53:43

To help with the cleaning.

53:46

Well, we're all going to be there at the cleaning. No,

53:48

but I've got three, there's four of us. I thought you might

53:50

like one. It's mission equipment, we all

53:52

get it. I mean shi-

53:54

I- You're wheeling me out man, just give

53:56

me the bottle. I'm gonna toss him a thing of scum

53:58

begun, Dave. Let's see what happens. All right, well make

54:00

for me a throw check. We're going

54:03

brains, chutzpah, mechanics or violence. What are

54:05

you trying to do? Explain to me what you're trying to do. Just tossing

54:07

it to him to see what happens. Can

54:09

you describe, are you tossing it in the manner

54:11

that you were tossing it to a small child? No, like you'd throw

54:13

someone some keys. Are

54:15

you trying to get him hurt though? Oh,

54:17

we'll see what happens. Are you trying to plausibly, deniably

54:19

get him hurt? No, of course not, Dave. Dave, what

54:21

are you, Frank computer? Come on. Make for me

54:23

a athletics throw check. Athletics

54:26

throw or violence? Violence brain. That's what

54:28

I must. Oh yeah, violence brain. Oh yeah, violence brains, chutzpah

54:31

or mechanics. Make me violence throw, yeah. All

54:33

right, so that's two

54:35

for violence, but then negative four for

54:37

throw. So that means negative

54:39

two plus that. You're already gaming the system.

54:44

What do you know, Dave? I succeeded once

54:46

and failed,

54:46

a computer dice

54:48

failed, another one failed. So that's a negative one. All

54:51

right, well, unfortunately, that means

54:53

that you try to grab at Lonnie and you have shadows

54:56

in your hand and you scream as the very,

54:58

very violent chemicals.

54:59

Oh, Jesus, it's the last thing I

55:01

need. I'm on my last bloody climb. Corrode

55:03

and wither your hands. You sort of scream

55:05

and you grab a piece of bandage around your

55:07

jumpsuit and you tie off into a makeshift

55:10

splint. Your arm is not useless. You

55:12

have only one useful arm. Well, thanks a bundle.

55:16

But you do feel like it was an honest mistake. I

55:18

mean, sorry to snap, but I'm

55:21

just... I am so

55:23

sorry about that. And so as all

55:25

of you climb your way down the tubes

55:27

with London, you finding it a lot more difficult

55:29

since you lost an arm, you make, taking

55:32

the sights of a brand new sector, huge

55:34

abandoned textiles factory,

55:36

belching black smoke out of an industrial

55:39

hab complex behind it. This is obviously

55:41

a very industrial sector. A bus stop

55:43

just outside the textiles factory where a very wet,

55:45

very shiny strawberry

55:48

RC Y4-2 is

55:50

sitting in a puddle of amniotic goo.

55:53

I'm a baby. Well, welcome

55:55

back to the mission. as

55:57

Lonnie beckons to all of you to come. making

56:00

his way up towards the doors

56:02

of the textile factory.

56:04

Alright guys, gloves on, masks

56:06

on, let's go. And he opens

56:08

the door. Everyone puts, I assume puts on

56:10

their goggles, puts on their masks. We only, I didn't

56:12

have goggles. Yes, no goggles for you, I've got to know

56:14

that. Yeah, wherever you got them, just pop them on. Okay.

56:16

Lonnie

56:17

puts his goggles on as all you get in for some, your

56:19

first job of troubleshooting industrial cleaning

56:22

as you make your way into a wide production

56:24

floor. There are huge textile

56:26

looms, automatic fabric makers,

56:29

as giant spindles and spools

56:31

whizzing overhead on a kind of articulated

56:34

gantry. All of it still automated, all of it

56:36

still moving bots, occasionally racing

56:38

through underneath. Even though this is abandoned, there

56:41

are dying robotic systems that still serve

56:43

these dead and pointless areas in

56:45

Alpha Complex and all of them racing

56:47

through. You seem

56:49

to be ignoring one thing, that to you is

56:52

inescapable because the floor

56:54

of the factory is covered in

56:57

debris and what looks like

56:59

bodies of different red,

57:02

orange, and yellow uniformed

57:05

citizens of the complex. Their

57:07

bodies broken and torn, a couple as well

57:09

in what looked like strange robes

57:11

standing next to a torn down piece

57:14

of precision equipment on a tripod

57:17

as you realize that a cleanup job may

57:19

entail more than just a nasty spill.

57:22

There is 10 to 12 corpses

57:24

in front of you and one simple mission

57:27

with of which failure is

57:29

not an option. Because

57:31

this is Alpha Complex

57:33

and the game is Paranoia.

57:37

The cast of this week's episode of OK Computer

57:39

is Alex Lee, Simon Greiner and Michael

57:41

Hing. Our dungeon master and friend computer

57:44

is Dave Harmon, the NPC voices provided by

57:46

Ben Jenkins and music provided by Tom

57:48

Cardy. Shakira Khan is our producer

57:51

and the podcast edited, mixed and mastered by

57:53

me Hugh Guest. OK Computer

57:55

is brought to you by contributors to the Dragon Friends

57:57

Patreon, who get early access to ad-free

57:59

episodes.

58:00

as well as other exclusive content just $5 a month.

58:03

Until next time.