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3:07

magic and the golden yellow

3:10

stingray. I

3:19

found that line half submerged in the watery

3:21

muck at the edge of the stream, caked

3:24

in filth and rusted all to hell. Someone

3:28

had left it there to slowly rot away, and

3:30

I, a boy in desperate need of a

3:32

bike, had been guided by the hand of

3:35

Providence to rescue it from its watery grave.

3:38

It had been a long time since Lady Luck

3:40

had shown her face in my little corner of

3:42

the world. I was so

3:44

happy I almost wanted to cry. I

3:47

dragged the bike up the crumbling slope of the

3:49

embankment and laid it in the sun to dry

3:51

out. I had

3:54

more than my fair share of worries that

3:56

summer, but at that moment I

3:58

was glad as hell to be alive. on such

4:00

a fun and sunny afternoon. I'd

4:03

almost forgotten how good it felt to smile.

4:07

It felt like coming home. It

4:12

was early July in the year 1981,

4:14

and although I didn't know it

4:16

at the time, I was entering

4:18

the last summer of my childhood. I

4:21

had just turned ten years old. By

4:24

the time I was eleven, my father had

4:26

run out on us to shack up with

4:28

another woman. We'd

4:30

moved into a trailer park and I was

4:32

working part-time in a scrapyard to help my

4:34

mom with the bills. But

4:37

that was all in the future. In

4:39

July of 1981, the world

4:42

around me had not yet lost the

4:44

last vestiges of the magic that blurs

4:46

the edges of reality when you're young.

4:49

It is a pure and simple kind of

4:51

magic, a potent blend of

4:53

naive wonderment and childish hope. And

4:56

my God, do I miss it dearly.

5:01

In 1981, a good portion of the

5:03

planet was reeling from the effects of

5:05

a massive recession. Times

5:08

were tough all over, but it

5:10

seemed like they were especially tough in Renville,

5:12

a small town that was

5:14

getting smaller all the time. The

5:17

lumber mill closed its doors in early

5:19

March and the pulp mill down the

5:21

road in Havriston was limping along with

5:23

the skeleton crew. One

5:26

out of every six adults were out

5:28

of work, out of savings, and out

5:30

of prospects for the future. Renville

5:34

was a ghost town by Christmas. A

5:37

lot of my friends moved away and none

5:39

of them ever came back. My

5:41

father lost his job at the lumber

5:43

mill along with everyone else. My

5:46

mom was a receptionist at a dental clinic

5:48

in Renville and the dentists vowed to keep

5:51

their staff working for as long as they

5:53

could. With her

5:55

paycheck barely keeping us above water, there

5:57

wasn't much wiggle room left after After

6:00

the bills were paid, my

6:02

parents had promised me a new bike for

6:04

my tenth birthday, but that was

6:06

before the recession reared up to stomp our

6:08

little town into the dirt. When

6:11

the big day finally came, I was presented

6:13

with a cheap pair of roller skates and

6:15

an apologetic, happy birthday,

6:17

kiddo. We did what we could.

6:21

I was old enough to understand the

6:23

gravity of our situation, so I crushed

6:25

my disappointment into a prickly little ball,

6:28

shoved it deep down inside, and said thank

6:31

you with as much sincerity as I could

6:33

muster. I wanted to cry,

6:35

but I didn't. Crying was for

6:37

babies, and I was a big kid now.

6:41

My new roller skates were uncomfortable,

6:43

unsterable plastic pieces of shit. The

6:45

wheel bearings were shot within a

6:48

week. I hid them

6:50

far back in the depths of my closet

6:52

and forgot about them until I started packing

6:54

up to move into our new home, a

6:57

small trailer in a real ghetto known

6:59

as Renville Courts Trailer Park. I

7:02

went into the backyard and threw the skates up

7:04

into a tree. As far as

7:06

I know, they're still hanging there to this day. My

7:09

old bike was no longer an option. The

7:12

seat was already clamped to the very end of

7:14

the post, and my knees down

7:16

near came up to my ears when I was pumping

7:18

the pedals. No bike

7:20

means no freedom for a kid who

7:22

lives in the middle of nowhere, and

7:24

that was intolerable. I

7:27

was ten years old, it was summer

7:29

vacation, and the world around me was

7:31

lush and vibrant with the possibility of

7:34

adventure. It was

7:36

a fairy tale landscape of deep gullies

7:38

and dark forests, all

7:40

of them connected by dozens of meander

7:42

and deer trails and forgotten side roads.

7:46

Any one of them might lead to just

7:48

about anywhere if he followed it far enough.

7:51

One simply could not embark on

7:53

such time-consuming adventures on foot, not

7:56

if he wanted to make it home in time for supper.

7:59

I desperately need to be there. Headed a bike, and

8:01

sweet serendipity had delivered one into

8:03

my hands. Ironically,

8:06

I stumbled upon this gift of

8:08

freedom while hiding from the tyranny

8:10

of one Jason Richter, the

8:13

terror of Renville Public School. Jason

8:16

was a swaggering wall of red-faced fury,

8:19

a terror in sixth-grader who was

8:21

notorious for his air-trigger temper. In

8:25

keeping with the general tone of that

8:27

awful year, I'd somehow managed to make

8:29

myself the focus of Jason's boundless rage.

8:33

And once Jason Richter had identified you

8:35

as a target, those crosshairs could

8:37

stay on your back for a

8:39

long, long time. It

8:42

all started during a spontaneous game

8:44

of dodgeball during noontime recess. In

8:47

a rare moment of athletic prowess, I

8:49

snatched an incoming zinger out of the

8:51

air and fired it back at some

8:54

fourth-grade squirt on the other side. He'd

8:56

been talking a constant stream of shit to

8:58

us for the entire duration of the game,

9:01

and I was determined to knock him right on

9:03

his smug little ass. The

9:06

ball screamed past him by a scanned

9:08

inch and hit the edge of the

9:10

basketball courts. It

9:12

launched skyward in a long, curving

9:14

arc before plummeting earthward to bounce

9:16

with great force off

9:18

the top of Jason Richter's unsuspecting

9:21

skull. In a

9:23

stroke of tremendously bad luck, Jason was

9:25

relaxing in the shade of the old

9:27

elm tree next to the basketball courts,

9:30

taking some time off from being an

9:32

asshole to hack a few lung darts

9:35

with his buddies, Jerry Krantz, Phil Burton,

9:37

and Lou Damaso. The

9:40

ball made a loud hollow boing

9:42

sound as it bounced off his

9:44

head, and a hush immediately descended

9:46

over the entire playground. The

9:48

sudden quiet was shattered by Phil Burton,

9:50

who pitched over into the scraggly grass

9:53

at the foot of the tree and

9:55

started braying his demented machine-gun giggle at

9:57

the top of his lungs. Phil

10:00

pointed at Jason and hollered. Oh shit,

10:02

Jay. It sounded

10:05

like a fucking cartoon. Some

10:10

of the onlookers from our dodgeball games

10:13

started to crack up along with Phil,

10:15

and Jason flushed as red as a

10:17

brick. He sprang to

10:19

his feet, pitched his smoke and stomped

10:21

over with his hands already clenched in

10:23

the fists. Someone

10:25

was about to get their ass handed to

10:27

him, and that someone was me. The

10:30

fourth grade squirt stared at me in

10:32

horror and moaned. Oh man,

10:34

you were so dead. A

10:37

split second later, Jason Richter was

10:39

standing among us, trying

10:41

his best to stare down everyone at

10:43

once as he scanned the crowd for

10:45

a guilty face. Jerry

10:48

Krentz wandered up and lurked a

10:50

short distance behind him, grinning in

10:52

unpleasant grin as he kept watch

10:54

for the teacher on recess duty.

10:57

Jason growled. Who did that?

11:00

And thirty fingers instantly pointed in

11:02

my direction. I

11:04

backed away from him without stretched arms,

11:06

pleading my innocence as I searched for

11:09

an escape route. But Phil

11:11

and Lou were already waiting for me on

11:13

the other side. My backside

11:15

collided against the side of the school,

11:17

making me grunt and surprised. I

11:20

was trapped. Jason crowded

11:22

in close and jabbed the finger into

11:24

my chest, making me squirm beneath the

11:26

drilling pressure of his blind fingertip. His

11:29

eyes were crackling with the promise of

11:32

violence. You hit me

11:34

right in the head, shit perbrains.

11:37

You got a problem with me? I

11:39

blinked up at his broad furious face

11:42

and stammered. No, it

11:44

was an accident. I didn't mean to do

11:46

that honest. Mary

11:48

peeked over Jason's shoulder and crooned

11:51

in a lisping falsetto. No,

11:54

it was an accident. Shut

11:56

up, nut sack. Admit it. You hit him

11:58

on purpose. Jason's lips

12:01

curved in a small razor of a

12:03

smile, and my legs started to shake.

12:06

I'd seen that smile on many occasions

12:08

over the past five years, and I

12:10

knew exactly what it meant. It

12:13

meant I was about to get hurt. He

12:15

seized me by the hair and tilted my head

12:17

back, forcing me to look him in the eye.

12:20

You think you're gonna talk your way out of

12:22

this? Are you fucking stupid or

12:25

something? I'm gonna beat the

12:27

piss and shit out of you, kid. From

12:30

somewhere close by, an indignant voice

12:32

shouted, What's going on over there?

12:35

And we all jumped a little. It

12:37

was Mrs. Rutherford, who was

12:39

to teach her on recess duty that day. She

12:42

was waving her arms and hustling across

12:44

the playground as fast as her long

12:46

brown corduroy skirt would allow. Hey,

12:49

break it up. You let him go.

12:52

Jason promptly released his grip on my

12:54

hair and growled, Keep your

12:56

mouth shut, Dicklick. Don't you dare

12:58

tell on me. Mrs.

13:01

Rutherford swooped in and wedged her bulk

13:03

between us. She turned to

13:05

Jason and shook a stern finger in his face.

13:08

What's going on here? She demanded. Jason

13:11

shrugged and stared at the fifth grade

13:14

teacher was casual defiant. He

13:16

didn't fear Mrs. Rutherford's authority in the

13:18

least. She was merely

13:21

an inconvenient witness. He

13:23

knitted his eyebrows and mocked confusion.

13:26

Nothing's going on. I was playing

13:28

dodgeball with my friends. What are you

13:30

talking about? I saw what

13:32

you were doing to him. She snapped. That

13:35

isn't how you play dodgeball. Jason

13:38

pointed at me and said, Oh, him?

13:41

I wasn't messing with you, was I? Tell

13:43

her I wasn't messing with you. I

13:46

looked into those muddy, murderous eyes and

13:48

shook my head. I

13:50

squeaked. No, I'm fine.

13:53

Mrs. Rutherford grimaced and let out the

13:55

tired sigh. She said, I

13:57

know you and your friends were smoking behind.

14:00

that tree again, Jason. I can smell it on

14:02

you. Come on, we're going

14:04

to the— We ain't going nowhere, lady."

14:06

Jason corrected her and dodged her grasping

14:08

hand with a quick whirl and a

14:11

mocking smile. He strolled away

14:13

with his hands stuffed into his pockets

14:15

and his goon squad fell in line

14:17

behind him. Mrs. Rutherford watched

14:19

him go with her hands on her

14:21

hips and the relieved expression on her face.

14:24

It dawned on me that even the

14:26

teachers were afraid of Jason and his

14:29

tribe of overgrown miscreants. The

14:31

teachers had no real authority over the

14:33

kids at Renville Elementary. It

14:36

was all a carefully orchestrated illusion

14:38

of confident body language and authoritative

14:41

speech patterns. Jason Richter

14:43

could see through the illusion, and

14:45

without it Mrs. Rutherford had no

14:47

power at all. He's

14:49

gone now. You can tell me what

14:51

happened. Don't worry about him. I

14:54

looked down at my shoes and insisted that

14:56

I was fine. Mrs. Rutherford

14:58

gave me a disappointed look. She

15:01

pushed out another deep, defeated sigh and

15:04

said, That boy is rotten to

15:06

the core. Steer clear of

15:08

him, and maybe he'll forget about you. He'll

15:11

be gone to middle school next year. Just stay

15:13

out of his way. Sure.

15:16

I croaked, and I manufactured a

15:18

smile. I try my best.

15:21

I went back to my classroom and told

15:23

my teacher I wasn't feeling so hot. My

15:26

parents came to pick me up, and

15:28

they bickered about money the entire way home.

15:32

They were so busy arguing with each other

15:34

they both forgot to ask me if I

15:36

was okay. I think they

15:38

may have forgotten I was in the car with them, or

15:41

why they had even left the house in the first

15:43

place. Looking back,

15:45

I now understand completely. When

15:47

finances are tied, money is the only

15:50

subject that matters. Everything

15:52

and everyone else takes a back seat. Friends,

15:55

your own family, even yourself.

15:58

The Cost of Living becomes a reward.

16:00

him and his blood god who demands

16:02

cost of sacrifice and no matter how

16:05

many slices of your existence you offer

16:07

as appeasement. It will never

16:09

be enough. The

16:13

rest of the school year was a midnight

16:16

stroll through a man's field. Jason

16:18

was the tallest kid in the schoolyard,

16:20

but he had the uncanny ability to

16:23

blend in and pop up when you're

16:25

least expecting. On. Narrowly avoided

16:27

getting my ass kicked in the

16:29

schoolyard on several heart pound and

16:31

occasions, but my look finally ran

16:33

out on the last Friday before

16:36

summer vacation. I was horsing

16:38

around in the hallway with some of my

16:40

friends after the dismissal mail. All.

16:43

Of us happy as hill to be bask in in

16:45

the lab at the end of the tunnel. Before.

16:48

I knew it must school bus was driving

16:50

past the window. Now. Under

16:52

normal circumstances, missing the birth wouldn't

16:54

exactly be the end of the

16:56

world. Miles. Was a forty

16:58

five minute walk from the school. Which.

17:00

Was certainly not an insurmountable distance

17:02

for a healthy, tinyurl tear. The.

17:05

Catch of course was that the

17:07

insula wandered out said the protective

17:09

umbrella the school grounds. I was

17:11

fair game for Jason Richter. Who.

17:14

Wanted nothing more than to punching

17:16

kicking me into the netherworld. The.

17:18

Walk across town was nerve wracking.

17:21

I didn't relax until a best down

17:23

limits and with revealed by hand at

17:25

which point I prayed the volume oh

17:28

my walkman and started seeing and along

17:30

with the cars at the top of

17:32

my lungs. I. Was ten years

17:34

old, son was warm oh my face

17:36

and summer vacation was less than a

17:38

week away. A flip that my

17:41

shirt collar and muffed my way down the

17:43

road and a joyous state of rock and

17:45

roll bliss. Completely. Unaware

17:47

that Jason in his coat of mouth

17:49

breather is were racing that behind me

17:51

on their mass sickles. At

17:54

the last moment or since, some sort

17:56

of commotion barrel and down upon me

17:58

and I turned around. I

18:01

was greeted with address bar punched in

18:03

the mouth bus feel burdened. By

18:06

twirled away from the impact and collided

18:08

with Jason. Who. Lived off is

18:10

still rolling back like a Hollywood stuff

18:12

man to sees me by my shirt

18:14

and drove a knee into my Versa.

18:16

I went down with the screen with

18:18

pain and Jason said i'm much just

18:21

pin in my arms down with his

18:23

knees on the shoulder of the road.

18:26

Jason screamed you such in

18:28

with it affected and he

18:30

started hammer and on my

18:32

face. The. Back of my his

18:34

bounced off the ground from the forces

18:36

as blows. Up flailed my

18:38

legs and started to cry. A

18:41

sobbed an issue with a

18:43

bow. And.

18:47

Jason made a disgusted sound in the

18:49

back of his throat. He. Panted

18:51

at don't think I see that it

18:53

was an accident. You've made him laugh

18:56

at me. He. Stood up

18:58

and glowered down at me with make

19:00

it hatred in his eyes. Amazon

19:03

and do that every time

19:05

I see he crooned. Every.

19:09

Fucking time. They

19:11

dragged me off the road and he's me

19:13

into the ditch. A

19:16

road to the small be more them and

19:18

crowd for a while and weeds. When.

19:21

The tears dread I'm a drag

19:23

myself home. My

19:25

bed just shook his head and left the

19:28

room. When I slumped through the front door

19:30

with mom was furious. A

19:32

begged her not to call the police. And.

19:35

Stared at Convinced her to talk to the

19:37

principal over the phone on Monday morning. And

19:40

after she exchanged sometimes words through clenched

19:42

teeth, I was granted permission to stay

19:44

home for the last few days of

19:47

school. I think them

19:49

both from the bottom of my heart, but

19:51

I knew it was only a temporary stay

19:53

of execution. Reveal was

19:55

a small town. it

19:58

was only a matter of time before

20:00

we cross paths again. Angie

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21:03

angi.com. I

21:07

spent the next week moping around the

21:09

house, playing centipede on the Atari, while

21:11

mom and dad quarreled and hushed voices

21:14

in the next room. I

21:16

woke up Friday morning and realized I

21:18

was three days into the official summer

21:21

vacation. I had to get out

21:23

of the house and feel the sun on my skin,

21:25

or I was going to lose my mind. My

21:28

face was still mottled with scabs and

21:30

bruises, but I decided it didn't matter.

21:33

No one was going to see me anyway. All

21:35

my friends were gone. My entire

21:37

world boiled down to just me and

21:40

two angry grown-ups who seemed to have

21:42

forgotten about my existence. I

21:44

slurped down a bowl of cereal, put on

21:46

my shoes, and yelled, I'm going out for

21:48

a while, dad. See

21:51

ya. I kicked out the side door. I

21:53

started heading for town, thinking I could

21:56

maybe go drop a shiny dime on

21:58

the popsicle at the variety store. But

22:01

Jason Richter's voice popped up in my

22:03

head and sneered, Sure thing, fuckface, come

22:05

into town so I can kick your

22:07

ass again. Instead, I

22:09

headed into the cornfield that bordered

22:11

our property and descended into the

22:13

depths of the gully that lay

22:16

beyond. It

22:19

was a humid scorcher of a day, but

22:21

at the bottom of the gully it was

22:23

cool, shady, and dim.

22:26

I followed the wand and brook that

22:28

gurgled along at the bottom of the

22:30

gully, waving away mosquitoes and skirting clumps

22:32

of poison ivy. And

22:34

all I could think was, if I had

22:37

a bike, I could just zoom right

22:39

past those assholes and flip them all

22:41

the bird, because I'd be like the wind.

22:45

I followed the creek until the gully eventually

22:47

leveled out into a flat wooded area, and

22:50

the creek joined up with a deep stream

22:52

that cut through the middle of the forest.

22:55

I was a good way from home at this

22:57

point, and my stomach was telling me that I

22:59

was late for lunch. I

23:01

was tired, sad, and more alone than

23:04

I'd ever imagined possible, and it was

23:06

at this point when I spotted the

23:08

Schwinn lying at the edge of the

23:10

stream. A child's dream

23:12

abandoned to corrode in the murky

23:15

shallows. I

23:17

walked it all the way home, pushing

23:19

it on flat tires as the pedal

23:21

repeatedly bumped against my shin. I

23:24

hosed it off in the driveway and carefully

23:26

greased the chain. The

23:28

bike looked a lot better with all the muck

23:30

washed off. Not brand new

23:32

by any means, but it wasn't nearly as

23:35

rusted as I had first thought, and the

23:37

brakes seemed to work just fine. I

23:39

hauled out my dad's air compressor and was

23:42

surprised to discover the tubes could still hold

23:44

air. Given the age

23:46

of the bike and the conditions it had been

23:48

exposed to, it was damn near a

23:50

miracle. My dad

23:52

came outside as I was riding the bike up

23:55

and down the driveway. He was

23:57

on his way to drink a cheap six-pack in

23:59

the garage. favorite pastime since he

24:01

had lost his job. He

24:03

raised an eyebrow at the bike and said,

24:05

Where'd you get that from, bud? I

24:08

told him I found it lined in the stream,

24:10

and he shook his head in disbelief. That's

24:13

a Schwinn Stingray. I

24:15

can't believe someone would just throw it away,

24:17

he muttered, and he cast a longing glance

24:19

down at the six-pack cradled in his arm.

24:23

Dad bike is a classic. Well,

24:25

it's your lucky day, I guess. Good

24:27

for you. Dad went

24:29

into the garage to down his sorrows, and

24:32

I devoured a couple of peanut butter and

24:34

jelly sandwiches on the porch as I admired

24:36

my new bike. I

24:38

decided I would repaint Xavier, the same

24:40

joyous shade of golden yellow as the

24:43

original paint job. That

24:45

was his name, I decided. Xavier.

24:48

It just seemed to fit. I wondered

24:50

about all the places he may have

24:52

gone and the untold stories of the

24:54

miles which had rolled beneath his wheels

24:56

in years gone past. Xavier

24:59

was wise, and he

25:01

was brave, but above all, he

25:04

was fast. I knew it

25:06

like I knew my own name. Mom

25:09

pulled into the driveway as I was

25:11

finishing the last bite. She

25:13

stomped right past me like I wasn't there

25:15

and yelled through the screen door. You're

25:17

home all goddamn day and you can't even mow

25:20

the lawn? I stared up

25:22

at her and in a tiny voice I

25:24

said, Dad's in the garage. She

25:27

snarled, doing what? Drinking

25:29

beer? I shrank

25:31

away from the intensity of the anger in

25:34

her voice. I held up

25:36

my hands and babbled. I don't

25:38

know. I think he's maybe working on

25:40

something, but don't even worry

25:42

about that because I can mow

25:44

the lawn. I can go do it right now. Mom

25:47

withered my smile with the crackling heat

25:49

in her stare. She snapped,

25:51

Go take a walk somewhere, kid, and

25:54

stormed out to the garage like an

25:56

oncoming monsoon. I Set

25:58

my plate on the porch. Scram The

26:01

make myself scares. I didn't

26:03

want to listen to the yell and anyway. It

26:06

frightened me on a deeper level than Jason

26:08

Richter who was merely a movie man of

26:10

the here and Now. My. Parents

26:12

incessant sudden made me afraid for

26:14

the future. Out on

26:17

the Schwinn and peddled down the driveway.

26:20

Behind. Me, my mother's shrill fury blasted

26:22

through the walls, the garage and beers,

26:24

the sun or a squad of the

26:26

lazy summer afternoon. The

26:29

first hundred yards on the back was

26:31

a bit rough, but after that the

26:34

redland squeaking began to smooth out. Another

26:37

hundred yards and that faded away

26:39

entirely. My. New back rolled

26:41

like a dream. And. It was

26:43

fast. It was like the wind.

26:46

I could go just about anywhere on that bike

26:48

and still get home in time for dinner. I

26:51

was free. Much

26:53

trouble slipped behind and a blur

26:55

of cattails did swedes and rippling

26:58

more grass. All that

27:00

remained was the pure joy of motion

27:02

and wind beneath the tower and scar.

27:04

I. Took a random lived at Terence

27:07

Sad Road, a single lane gravel

27:09

road that offers heavy equipment access

27:11

to a long stretch of farmland.

27:13

I. Encountered in unfamiliar trail of hard

27:15

packed dirt roughly half a mile down

27:18

the road, a narrow read and little

27:20

pocket skirted around the edge of a

27:22

cornfield. I. Put through a dance

27:25

patch of forest and led to an

27:27

enormous meadow. Avast and gently

27:29

roland explosion of green and gold

27:31

and the late afternoon sunshine. Wild

27:34

flowers of every description nestled in

27:37

the tall grass and startling bursts

27:39

of vivid colors. And above

27:41

it all was the majestic mantle of

27:43

the rules summer scour. The

27:46

middle was so beautiful the was

27:48

almost a serial. A whimsical Disney

27:50

landscape come to last. I

27:53

jumped off the Schwinn and ran through

27:55

the tall grass with both arms extended,

27:57

Laugh and like a loon with tears

27:59

in my eyes. I was

28:01

a love. I was free. And.

28:03

On that glorious afternoon, there was

28:06

still magic in this world. I

28:09

miss debt ceiling you know, When.

28:11

You're young. Anything seems possible.

28:14

But. Uses here and go on in the blink

28:17

of an are. All

28:19

the bad decisions we make,

28:21

the endless foot dragging. All

28:23

that bullshit. It's. Still

28:26

your time away. A

28:28

day here a week? there. And

28:31

then you wake up one morning real

28:33

there's there's no time left for you

28:35

to waste. Much. You keep

28:37

read on with the med decisions

28:39

in the foot dragging person away

28:41

those less good years without a

28:43

second thought and why. Why?

28:46

The hell do we do that? Because

28:49

somewhere along the line you forgot how

28:52

the hope. You get tired

28:54

and you can't force yourself to care

28:56

anymore. He gets harder

28:58

and harder to remember the magic. And.

29:00

When the even the memory is gone from

29:03

good. It's all over after

29:05

that, you just waiting for

29:07

the grave. But on that

29:09

Friday afternoon the magic was

29:11

still very much alive. And

29:14

I was as free as I ever would be

29:16

in this life. For the

29:18

rest of that long an awful summer, The

29:20

Meadow was my home away from home. Even

29:23

now, almost forty years later,

29:26

I can close my eyes and see it

29:28

all in the finest detail. I

29:30

will never forget that place. Not if I

29:33

live to be a hundred years old. If

29:36

I could ever go back and would do

29:38

it in our meat and this time. I

29:41

would stay with her. Can

29:43

never happen. Because. My

29:45

magic is go. I

29:48

got old and tired. And

29:50

even though are still draw breath

29:52

by him for dead. Places

29:54

like The Meadow don't belong to the

29:57

did. Their. Magic. And

29:59

they but. To the Live in. The

30:05

next morning open the garage door and

30:07

did a double take my bike. Sometime

30:10

during the night, it had been given

30:13

a glossy new coat of paint. And

30:15

it looked like it was brand new

30:17

a reason my father most of pain

30:19

is it while he killed a six

30:22

pack in the garage. Although I could

30:24

see no evidence that any painted taken

30:26

place not the nails made any since.

30:29

I made a mental note of think

30:31

him later into golf at top speed.

30:34

down the road, grin and in the

30:36

breeze as the countryside role past and

30:38

an exhilarating blur. I

30:41

decided to throw caution to the wind and

30:43

headed for town. I wanted

30:45

to, but popsicle at the variety store.

30:48

When I came out of the store,

30:50

I saw that my market drawn a

30:52

small crowd of admirers. A

30:55

big party fellow in a blue

30:57

work shirt caught up to me

30:59

and steel toed boots and almost

31:01

wistfully, he said, i haven't seen

31:03

one of those nears. It's a

31:05

classic, weird good. I shrugged and

31:08

said someone is it away from

31:10

I found it and cleaned it

31:12

up. The man

31:14

frowned at this and shook his

31:16

head. It's a shame someone would

31:18

do that like something special about

31:20

this much, you know? I

31:23

threw it away on a crying

31:25

shame where I guess it's years

31:27

now. You know, take care of.

31:31

My route away with a gleam in

31:33

my in a giant goofy smile on

31:36

my lips. I had the coolest back

31:38

in town and everyone! Louis. a

31:41

cruise through really feel like a

31:43

beloved kings who had returned from

31:45

a long and bitter exile wave

31:47

into mud doors subjects as at

31:49

toward the streets i'm a trusty

31:51

steed my tour eventually took me

31:53

to andres magazine and smoke shop

31:56

whereas been some term furtively read

31:58

comic books i couldn't afford Old

32:01

Andre went about his business and pretended

32:03

he didn't notice I was loitering. He

32:06

knew I didn't have any money, but

32:08

he understood that without a child to

32:10

treasure it, a comic book is nothing

32:12

but a joyless husk of pulp and

32:14

colored ink. It

32:16

is inherently worthless. It's

32:19

only the magic of imagination that

32:21

gives value to the stories contained

32:23

within. It was a good

32:25

day. It was a great day,

32:27

even. Right up until

32:29

I strolled outside and locked eyes

32:31

with Jason Rickner. Jason

32:34

was sitting on the wooden bench in front

32:36

of Andre's store with Jerry Phil and Lou,

32:39

the four horsemen of my personal

32:41

apocalypse. Jason was

32:43

rolling cigarettes on my stolen Playboy

32:46

magazine, Bond Scott shrieking about

32:48

the highway to hell from the crackling

32:50

speakers of a battered boombox and his

32:52

feet. He did

32:54

a double take at me and exclaimed,

32:57

Holy shit, look who it is. I

33:00

didn't even see you there. What

33:02

you doing, little lady? You buying some

33:04

rubbers for your boyfriend? I

33:06

made a beeline for my bike and

33:08

they followed, leaving their contraband littered across

33:10

the bench as they trailed after me

33:13

in a hungry little pack. Jason

33:15

barked, Hey, turn around and look at

33:18

me. You're not going anywhere.

33:21

I felt a hand clamped down on my

33:23

shoulder as I fumbled with my bike lock.

33:25

A split second later, I was lying

33:27

on my back with a scuffed Adidas

33:29

sneaker planted on my chest. This

33:32

fucking kid is dumb as a rock. Jason

33:35

growled. Didn't I tell you what

33:37

was going to happen if I saw you again? Did

33:40

not fucking tell you. Phil

33:42

Burton slapped his hands together and

33:45

glee and unleashed his trademark lunatic

33:47

laugh a rapid fire that

33:51

tore at my eardrums like nails on

33:53

a chalkboard. He Leaned over me

33:55

and cackled, but we should take them around back

33:57

and throw them in the river. That.

34:00

We should see the can swim. Jason

34:04

nodded and slip field on the

34:06

shoulder. Of a small children at

34:08

the corners of his mouth. Sounds.

34:11

Good. Sounds like a plan. Only

34:14

will time to a cinderblock first. Seal

34:16

squealed with unhinged delight at the laird

34:19

the of this image. He

34:21

waved his arms and crowed. we

34:23

did their seats and skinheads is

34:25

it with. Jason. Ship them

34:27

back and snapped. Set. Up

34:29

your fucking half wit on that silken. Grab.

34:32

His legs. Feel. Smile

34:34

faded into a puzzled brown, he

34:36

cast a sharp glance over at

34:39

Juri. Who. Was already shaking

34:41

his head and back in a way.

34:43

Juri Murdered. I don't know, Man, I

34:45

don't think we should do that. He

34:48

could like dram or something. Jason

34:51

rounded on him and exploded. You

34:53

can set the fuck up to

34:55

Jerry could be in a fucking

34:57

pussy grabs legs command grab him

35:00

before someone sees say is why.

35:03

Were. You born don't earn.

35:06

He. Will leave him alone. On

35:08

Jury was standing in the doorway of

35:10

his job, glaring at Marseilles through the

35:12

sticks, miri lenses of his buffalo bills

35:15

as he shook his cane and year.

35:18

Jason. Reluctantly took his smooth off. Months

35:20

is the most Googled the unlock my

35:22

bag from the street lamp. I

35:24

was trying not to cry and was doing a

35:26

piss poor job of it. My. Hands

35:28

were shaking so badly I can barely

35:30

get the key and the luck when

35:33

we were doing any time Blue murdered

35:35

at the ground. Go sell

35:37

your magazines! Is certain

35:39

sure to va a girl

35:41

for Rome. One andre rest

35:43

and jason face flushed Brett

35:45

read your boots are certain

35:47

sick cowards. A viewer a

35:49

few years older are not.

35:51

go forward you sideways. Oh,

35:54

woods, and now Jason as and

35:56

he started to drift closer. You.

36:00

Data so I'll let. You

36:02

keep your distance punk Andre demanded

36:04

by Jason, Closed the last few

36:06

yards between them in a flash

36:08

and nice to gain out of

36:10

his hand. He. Dusted the

36:12

seal who proceeded to execute a clumsy

36:15

dance routine shuffle in this bill crow

36:17

first and them boomers and random patterns

36:19

as he grinned at some distant point

36:21

down the block. Hello my

36:24

baby, Hello my darling. Hello

36:26

my Ragtime yeah how He bellowed

36:28

and Jason burst into a

36:30

gale of mocking laughter. Andres

36:33

face with pill is meal. He.

36:35

Grabbed his young tormentor by the back

36:37

of the color. And Jason world

36:39

to slap his hand away. Andre

36:42

grab them again. his lip skyn

36:44

back from is yellow gold teeth

36:46

and the grimace of embarrassed rage.

36:48

And Jason these we brought his hands away.

36:51

Well I guess it's a good

36:53

thing I'm not a few years

36:55

older. Rest Jason smiled. Oh you'd

36:57

be beaten my as right now

37:00

rat. Andre licked

37:02

his lips and mildly proclaimed i'm

37:04

not afraid of you. Step away

37:06

From me Born And I mean

37:08

right now for you, Get what's

37:10

coming to you? But

37:13

this was a lot. Andre was

37:15

very afraid. I could see

37:17

it all over his face and

37:19

so could Jason. He reached have

37:21

pulled the shopkeepers glasses off his

37:23

face with a smirk and toss

37:25

them into a nearby garbage can

37:27

with a nonchalant polygamous realized what

37:29

he gonna do magazine man. Come

37:32

out I'm white and. Out

37:34

of here. Andre quavered for

37:37

our call. The cops. Juri

37:40

waved his hands to get his

37:42

friends since in an interjection soccer

37:44

man whatever less killed forecast cup

37:46

zones. What if we

37:49

don't lead? I'm Jason Boot deep

37:51

in thought as if he were

37:53

ponder and some interesting philosophical conundrum.

37:55

What have we taken both Down

37:57

to the river? They. can

38:00

both have a cinder block. I don't even give

38:02

a shit. He's getting away!" While

38:05

their attention had been diverted by Andre,

38:07

I had quietly unlocked my bike and

38:09

pushed it a short distance down the

38:11

street. Blue sounded the alarm,

38:14

hopping up and down and pointing at

38:16

me as Jason's head swiveled in my

38:18

direction. I jumped on the

38:20

Schwinn and gave all four of them the

38:22

two-fingered salute. Come on, assholes!

38:24

Try and catch me! I

38:27

hollered and I took off like a bullet. My

38:31

fan club scrambled to give chase on

38:33

their own bikes, screaming for my blood

38:35

as they hunched over their handlebars and

38:37

tried their damnedest to catch up. Houses

38:40

shrieked past and startled motorists honked

38:42

their horns, yelling a string of

38:44

curses at the maniac kid on

38:46

the old-timey bicycle. My

38:48

blood sang in my ears as I stood

38:50

on the pedals, giving it everything I had,

38:53

and when I dared to look back again, Jason

38:56

and the gang were long gone. I'd

38:59

let them in the dust. The

39:01

encounter took all the wind out of my

39:03

cells. Jason Richter was apparently

39:06

not going to be satisfied with

39:08

merely kicking my ass. Not anymore.

39:11

A popsicle was not worth an ass-kicking,

39:13

and it certainly wasn't worth death. Like

39:17

it or not, I was officially in exile

39:19

from the town of Renville. But

39:22

I still had the meadow and I still had

39:24

my bike, and I still had my life. Those

39:27

blessings would have to do, because they

39:29

were the only blessings I had left.

39:35

I came home just in time to witness

39:37

Mom shove my dad from behind as he

39:39

was walking to the car. I

39:42

hid behind the boxwood shrub and watched

39:44

the squalid drama play out in secret.

39:47

Mom screamed, Give me back those

39:49

keys! and tried to snatch them

39:51

out of Dad's hand. Her lips

39:53

were peeled back in a rictus of fury.

39:56

Dad Jerked him out of reach and shook a

39:58

finger in her face. What? The

40:00

hell's your problem he shouted. I'm

40:03

going out for a few beers. so

40:05

What? Jesus Christ Woman. Mom.

40:08

Through hands in the air and sputtered

40:10

are these beers of years go with

40:12

to Be Free you selfish asshole whose

40:14

money is my and that beer mine,

40:17

mine money. Your unemployment ran out three

40:19

weeks ago, were drowned in here. Don't

40:21

you understand that? Were fucking drown And

40:24

and you want to piss all my

40:26

money away at the bar. That.

40:28

To give me those

40:30

keys. Oh so there's

40:32

his dad's new birth.

40:35

When. I was working overtime. it

40:37

was Armani was in this. but

40:39

now that I work in were

40:41

suddenly it's all your money. Yeah,

40:44

See how it is with you. Have

40:46

you jackass mom? street argue kitten

40:48

mates? It's all my money Because

40:50

it's literally Oh my God damn

40:53

money. You are making anything stupid

40:55

son of of fits. How dare

40:57

you try and put this on

41:00

me. At that point out

41:02

the sudden to keep home run. Mother.

41:04

of the room had noticed me and that was

41:06

for the best. A

41:11

motel to the middle when spent the

41:13

remainder of the morning relax and them

41:15

in their drew him a goof hang

41:17

in Bonds Watson, the butterflies witten dance

41:19

in the tip a breeze. Or

41:21

wish that I can live in the

41:23

middle far away from the complications of

41:25

this rotten the new world. It

41:28

would just be meme a bug

41:30

in the blizzard silence of was

41:32

empty spaces. No

41:36

one was home when the same known him

41:38

shortly after one. Way the

41:40

bullets cereal and was t v until

41:42

dead thanks way in through the door

41:45

at five o'clock. Now I'd seen

41:47

my dad get a few beers deep

41:49

on the number of occasions, but this

41:51

time he was completely drunk off. is

41:53

this. The. grail the string

41:55

of guttural curses as a mouse is

41:58

way down the from hall struggling to

42:00

make it into the living room in one piece.

42:03

He blinked at me without comprehension for

42:05

a moment, trying to place a name

42:07

to the unexpected face that had popped

42:09

up without warning in his field of

42:11

vision. Well,

42:14

there he is. He slurred. Where's

42:17

your mother at, bud? Where'd

42:20

she go? I

42:22

murmured. I don't know. She

42:24

was gone when I got here. Um,

42:27

are you okay? He snapped.

42:29

You're the one who got beat up,

42:32

so I guess I'm doing

42:34

a lot better than you are, kid. Dad

42:37

collapsed into his armchair and thumped his

42:39

feet on the coffee table. He

42:42

studied me with dark glassy eyes,

42:44

then rumbled. That mother of

42:46

yours, she's a loud-mouthed

42:48

bitch, you know that? She's

42:52

a disrespectful, loud-mouthed

42:54

fucking bitch. Did

42:56

you know that kiddo? I

42:59

gaped at him, struck mute by the

43:01

coarse ferocity in his words. He

43:04

snickered at my expression of dismay and

43:06

struggled to light a cigarette. You

43:10

lose your job, no fault

43:12

of your own, and

43:14

suddenly you're not worth a damn anymore.

43:18

You don't deserve to be treated like a

43:20

man, Jesus ever-loving

43:22

Christ. If I

43:24

want to have a few beers, what's the harm

43:26

in that? If I

43:28

want to go into town and tip a few

43:31

back, well, let me go.

43:33

Who gives a

43:35

shit? No, I

43:38

ain't working, but I'm still a man,

43:40

god damn it. I'm

43:42

a man, and I'll do

43:44

whatever I goddamn well want to do.

43:48

I licked my lips with a tongue that

43:50

was dry as a desert and croaked. I

43:53

don't care if you drink some beer, Dad, but

43:56

I don't think you should drive when you-

43:58

She said I'm no good, you know. Read

44:00

did, and he abruptly slammed his fist on

44:02

the armored the chair. Last

44:04

was seven me. Her husband's.

44:07

Zero father's. C

44:10

Serum A Sporting Goods. His

44:13

eyes narrowed into a couple of

44:15

serious little slits. He

44:17

leaned in closer and breezed who

44:19

are easy good, News

44:23

anchor own father is no fucking

44:25

goods. Or shook

44:27

my head and melted back into

44:30

the couch. Deg glared at me

44:32

and taps masses on the coffee

44:34

table, completely missing the estuary. I'm

44:38

still a man. He growled.

44:41

Are you go the bar for was when

44:43

I can drink some beer as well. One.

44:46

And I do have some fucking dignity

44:48

for Christ's sake. Spagna.

44:50

As some goddamn mother

44:52

fuckin' so of of

44:54

Britain dignity. Granted, I.

44:57

Was. There too much to ask for. My

45:01

was only ten, but I was old enough

45:03

to know my father wasn't looking for an

45:05

answer. He. Just wanted to yell

45:07

at the top of his lungs because it was

45:09

all he had lived. There was

45:11

nothing more he could do except you. A

45:15

group for something to say that

45:17

would the escalators. Boylan theory. I

45:20

didn't know this hateful stranger with is

45:22

slurred speech and gritted teeth. He

45:25

was in my father. I

45:27

wanted my father to come back. I

45:30

rubbed away the tears that threaten the spill

45:32

for miles and said. It's it's

45:34

paint. Not by did. It

45:37

looks really cool. I really

45:39

like it. He. Gave

45:41

dirt me with a slack on comprehend

45:44

and expression and he murdered. Barks.

45:48

Own Fate. Your bike. Our

45:51

you talk on there. are

45:54

some a mouthful open and

45:56

a quick teal skittered them

45:58

spawn if dead paint my

46:00

bike who did. Dad

46:03

crumpled back into his chair and groaned.

46:06

The fuck out of here. Go

46:09

on, let me sleep. He

46:11

was snoring within seconds, his cigarette

46:14

still burning away between his fingers.

46:17

I carefully eased it out of his grasp and

46:19

stubbed it in the ashtray. I

46:22

tiptoed to the front door. Before

46:24

I left, I whispered down the hall. You're

46:27

no good. Is

46:29

that what you wanted to hear? You're

46:31

a shitty old drunk and you're no good. I

46:35

rode back out to the meadow and spent

46:37

the rest of the day exploring my secret

46:40

kingdom. I biked along

46:42

the deer trails which cut a

46:44

looping grid work of narrow paths

46:46

through the long grass, stopping occasionally

46:48

to graze on the tangled tendrils

46:50

of wild raspberries which grew in

46:52

abundance beside the trails. At

46:55

the far end of the meadow, I

46:57

discovered a place where a brisk little

46:59

forest stream cascaded over a rocky incline,

47:02

creating a diminutive little waterfall.

47:05

The water was cold and clean. I

47:08

drank my fill and relaxed on the sandy

47:10

bank of the stream, gazing up

47:12

at the sky with my bare feet cooling

47:14

in the water. It

47:16

was in heaven, but in that moment

47:19

in time, it was close enough. I

47:22

watched the sun sink past behind the trees

47:24

in a blaze of gold and crimson, and

47:27

then I reluctantly headed home. I found

47:32

my mother sitting by herself in the

47:34

living room, staring out the west windows

47:37

into the thickening gloom. Dad

47:39

was nowhere to be seen. I ventured

47:42

a quiet, and

47:45

fidgeted while I waited for a response.

47:48

Your home, she said. It wasn't

47:51

a greeting, just a weary acknowledgement

47:53

of my presence. I

47:56

asked, where's dad? And

47:59

mom tensed up. like a clenched fist. "'Sleeping

48:02

it off,' she muttered. She

48:05

was still looking out the window. "'Go

48:08

make yourself a sandwich or something. I

48:11

want you in bed by ten.' I

48:13

lingered for a moment, blinking at my

48:15

mother's slumped silhouette in the dark. There

48:19

was a hole in the drywall by the stairs,

48:22

and Dad's ceramic ashtray was laying in

48:24

pieces on the floor. I

48:26

asked Mom if she was okay. She

48:29

blew out a long shaky gust of air and

48:31

shook her head. "'No. Nothing

48:35

is okay right now. Go

48:37

eat your sandwich.' It

48:41

was a long time before I could fall asleep

48:43

that night. When

48:45

I eventually drifted away, I dreamed

48:48

I was riding Xavier through the meadow,

48:50

laughing and riding and living free

48:52

beneath the boundless sky. As

48:56

long as I was riding that golden

48:58

yellow stingray through the tall grass, there

49:00

would be no pain in this world. The

49:03

sun would always shine, and

49:06

I would never be afraid again. Not

49:09

ever." For

49:14

the rest of the summer, my daily

49:16

routine consisted of avoiding the house and

49:18

the tensions that boiled within. I

49:21

would crawl out of bed, pack a haphazard

49:23

lunch by the light of the open refrigerator,

49:26

and I'd be rolling down the driveway before

49:28

the sun was much more than a smudge

49:30

of red on the horizon. I

49:33

lost myself in deep gullies and

49:35

rolling cornfields. As I

49:37

said earlier, the countryside was scored

49:39

with dozens of deer trails and

49:42

forgotten side roads, and a

49:44

new adventure lay at the end of each and

49:46

every one of them. Like

49:49

the rough condition of these roads less

49:51

taken, I never once hit a pothole

49:53

or got soaked while rolling through a

49:55

deceptively shallow-looking mud puddle. It

49:58

was almost if the stingray on there and

50:00

only steered itself and I was merely hitchin'

50:02

a ride. There were many

50:04

days, however, when I just hung around

50:06

in the meadow and merely existed, thinkin'

50:09

of nothin' in particular beyond what ever

50:11

happened to fall within my line of

50:13

sight. I did as

50:15

I pleased, fillin' my days with

50:17

languid errands of no particular importance.

50:20

Life was different in the meadow. It

50:23

was the one and only place where I could be

50:25

in control of my own fate. The

50:27

meadow was black, a

50:30

shimmer in the void where I could become

50:32

anything I desired. I

50:34

could be an astronaut on an alien world,

50:37

a rugged pioneer, a

50:39

time-travelin' explorer from the future, or

50:42

a humble shepherd of the butterflies. I

50:45

could be anything and everything, or

50:48

I could simply exist in the moment

50:50

and be nothin' at all. At

50:52

the end of each day the dream would

50:55

end with the lengthenin' of the shadows and

50:57

it would be time to go home. Our

51:01

house was the polar opposite of the meadow.

51:04

It had become a forbidden burrow

51:06

of heaped ashtrays and barren cupboards,

51:09

enshrouded by a thick silence and

51:11

covered in dust. There

51:13

were always empty beer bottles scattered on

51:16

the counter and the lawn

51:18

had degenerated into a sparse jungle of

51:20

weeds. My happy

51:22

home had been stolen by the recession

51:25

and replaced with a sinister changelin'

51:28

and I was powerless to do anything about

51:30

it. As

51:33

the days passed into weeks I

51:35

slowly forgot about Jason Richter. Jason,

51:38

however, hadn't forgotten about me.

51:41

For a darkly twisted and

51:44

deeply narcissistic personality like Jason,

51:46

there could be no forgettin' such

51:49

grievous insults, not while I

51:51

still lived and breathed. In

51:53

order for Jason to live with himself

51:55

there could be only one conclusion to

51:58

this bitter one-sided rivalry. I

52:00

had to die. The

52:05

last day of summer vacation arrived

52:07

under a blanket of threatening clouds.

52:10

As usual, I woke before dawn and

52:13

snuck around the house as my

52:15

father's drunken snoring echoed down the stairs,

52:18

getting ready to head out for the meadow. Mom

52:21

had already left for work. It

52:23

was just me, a couple of baloney

52:26

sandwiches, and a leaden feeling that weighed

52:28

heavily on my chest. Summer

52:31

was over. My fantasy

52:33

world was coming to an end. When

52:36

school started, I wouldn't be able to

52:38

hide from reality in the meadow anymore.

52:41

I would be trapped all day in a

52:43

classroom, and there would be homework to

52:45

do in the evenings. Fall

52:48

would come with its cold rains and

52:50

driving winds, soon followed by the deep

52:52

chill of winter. In

52:55

the meantime, I would gradually lose

52:57

touch with this fantastic world by

52:59

degrees. And what would happen

53:01

when spring arrived? Would the

53:03

meadows still be a land of wonder, or

53:06

would the magic be forever doused by

53:08

the gray rains and heavy snows? I

53:11

wrestled with this awful possibility as I

53:14

wheeled down the driveway deep in thought,

53:17

and I didn't even see them waiting for

53:19

me on the road until Jason Richter stepped

53:21

in my path. My

53:23

heart lurched as I tried to dodge around

53:25

them, but Jason seized me by

53:27

the shoulder and yanked me off my bike.

53:30

He snarled, Where the fuck are you

53:32

going, ass white? And

53:34

all three of his goons jumped on me,

53:37

dragging me to the road and pinning my

53:39

arms and legs with their knees. I

53:42

started to yell for help, and Jerry Krantz

53:44

promptly gave me a smack in the mouth.

53:47

Jason leaned over and hissed, Shut

53:49

up! You didn't think I'd find

53:52

you. Your dad's in

53:54

the fucking phone book, dumbass. Where

53:56

were you going? I guessed. business

54:01

and Phil started giggling. Oh

54:04

it's a secret he's got

54:06

a secret Jay. Whatever Jason

54:09

scoffed and he shrugged off his

54:11

backpack. Doesn't matter. Jason

54:14

plopped a bag onto the road smiling

54:16

his narrow blade of a smile as

54:18

he pulled open the zipper. Yeah

54:20

get the marker. Phil grinned. We're gonna draw

54:22

dicks on your face kid. You're gonna go

54:25

back to school with a bunch of big

54:27

fucking wanes on your face. You're

54:30

gonna be an actual dick face. Lou

54:32

said and Jerry started laughing. Come

54:35

on Jay. He giggled. Yeah hurry

54:37

up someone might come driving by.

54:40

Jason pulled something out of his backpack

54:42

and Jerry's grin abruptly curdled on his

54:45

lips. Jason wasn't holding

54:47

the marker. He

54:49

was holding an old slot head screwdriver

54:52

long and rusted to a dull brown

54:54

color. The head of

54:56

the screwdriver however was bright

54:58

and shiny from a recent sharpening with

55:00

a grinder. He

55:02

tapped the business end in his palm

55:05

and nodded to himself as if he

55:07

was agreeing with some dark voice inside

55:09

his head. Hold him down.

55:12

Jason grounded. Lou

55:14

DeMasso said what the fuck

55:17

and all three of them let go of me in

55:19

unison. I popped up

55:21

in a crab position and scooted out of

55:23

reach. Jason tried to follow

55:25

but he was intercepted by Jerry who stepped

55:27

in his path and made a grab for

55:29

his weapon. Jason held

55:32

the screwdriver out of reach and gave

55:34

Jerry a one-handed shove that sent him

55:36

staggering. What are you

55:38

doing man? Lou demanded. You

55:40

ain't gonna kill him. Are you crazy? You

55:43

want to get locked up in juvie or something?

55:45

The nuthouse? Put it down. Phil

55:48

chimed in. Oh shit can you

55:50

imagine that? Getting locked up in the nuthouse?

55:53

Put it down Jay. You're a

55:55

bunch of pussies. Jason spat.

55:58

He pointed the screwdriver at Jerry. and

56:00

very softly he added, Get out

56:03

of my way. Last chance. Jerry

56:06

raised his hands in the air as if he

56:08

were attempting to approach a wild and unpredictable animal.

56:12

He pleaded, Come on, man. This

56:14

is over. Put it down. Jason's

56:18

face hardened like stone. His

56:20

eyes went dark and blank. They

56:23

all laughed at me, he said.

56:26

All of them laughed. And you guys,

56:29

you laughed at me too. Jerry

56:32

tried to run, but Jason was

56:35

already in motion. He let

56:37

out a berserker screech and drove the

56:39

screwdriver into Jerry's sternum, sinking

56:42

it in right up to the handle. Jerry

56:45

uttered a grunt of surprising pain

56:47

and Jason launched a brutal headbutt

56:49

into his face. Pulling

56:52

the screwdriver out of his torso as

56:54

Jerry fell backwards. The

56:57

injured boy went down with a

56:59

strangled cry and Jason descended upon

57:01

him, his teeth bared in a

57:03

primal snarl. No one

57:05

laughed at me. And

57:07

he plunged a screwdriver into the side

57:09

of Jerry's neck with a sickening splat.

57:13

Jerry gobbled and squirmed on the

57:15

road, struggling to escape. But

57:18

Jason was relentless. Instead

57:20

of helping their fallen friend, Lew and

57:22

Phil jumped on their bikes and fled

57:24

in terror. Peddling like the

57:27

devil himself was coming to drag them

57:29

to hell. I jumped

57:31

on the stingray and yelled to get

57:33

Jason's attention. He looked

57:35

up at me panting and spattered with

57:37

blood and almost faltered for

57:39

a moment. He didn't look

57:41

like a boy anymore. He

57:43

looked like a monster. I

57:46

said, you want me? Come get

57:48

me then asshole. Jason ran

57:50

for his bike and I started heading for

57:52

the meadow. I knew what had

57:54

to be done. And when I had

57:57

to sacrifice in order to do it, some

57:59

of Was in than. The. Magic

58:01

was Phaidon. And. Jason would

58:04

never rest until one of us was

58:06

gone. It wasn't necessarily

58:08

the right choice. you understand?

58:11

But it was the choice I made. I

58:14

could have easily left him behind, but

58:16

I allowed my nemesis to follow me.

58:18

I. Coasted down the dirt path and waited

58:21

for him at the entrance to the meadow.

58:23

Jason game streak in up. A minute

58:26

or two later, Panton for breath with

58:28

his hair sticking up and sweaty clumps

58:30

and spikes. He jumped off

58:32

his bike and ran into the clear

58:35

and is as burn and and his

58:37

lips stretch back in Asylum Warcraft. The

58:40

front of is t shirt with

58:42

speckled with Jerry's blood. I called

58:44

out you're not in charge here.

58:46

And the floor above Nieces V

58:48

spring up the wind and curled

58:51

around his legs. Jason.

58:53

Stumbled and bolted to a halt,

58:55

frozen in place by rope like

58:57

tendrils of tall grasses and creep

58:59

in. Charlie. He stared

59:01

down and his legs and disbelief

59:04

and jailed what the fuck is

59:06

this? The clouds overhead dark

59:08

and from like silver to almost

59:10

black lightning rift across the sky

59:12

and att jag and flash. A

59:15

harsh gust of wind came weapon

59:17

across the meadow and a wave

59:19

of ripple and vegetation. I

59:22

stared at Jason with my hair

59:24

flapping around my face and he

59:26

stared back with a look of

59:28

pure terror. In. A

59:30

pleading tone he asked. What

59:33

Is this place? Where Are we?

59:37

In expected tears welled up.

59:39

Admires hot and better. at

59:42

what I'm always. Metal.

59:46

It doesn't really exist. And

59:49

made it up. Jason

59:51

gate to me and shook his

59:53

head. He looked quite last and

59:55

very much diminished. He

59:57

stuttered. Move. But

1:00:00

you mean you made it up. It's

1:00:02

real, I can see it. We're

1:00:04

standing right here. No,

1:00:07

we're not standing here. We're

1:00:10

not standing anywhere. We're

1:00:12

somewhere in my mind and you're not in

1:00:14

control here, Jason. I am.

1:00:18

How? He begged and

1:00:20

I realized that I was smiling.

1:00:23

My eyes were leaking tears, but I

1:00:25

was smiling too. It's

1:00:28

magic. That's it.

1:00:31

And with a broad wave of my hand, a

1:00:34

phalanx of ravens came blasting out of

1:00:36

thin air. They swooped

1:00:38

down at Jason and strafed the air around

1:00:40

him. He shrieked

1:00:42

and cowed against their beaten wings.

1:00:45

Magic can be used for good. And

1:00:48

I guess magic can be used for bad too. But

1:00:52

even the most powerful magic doesn't last

1:00:54

forever. I told him

1:00:56

and I picked the stingray up off

1:00:58

the ground. This place

1:01:00

would have faded away over time. And

1:01:03

I think it probably would have happened pretty soon.

1:01:07

It's for the best. If

1:01:09

I didn't start living in the real world, I'd

1:01:11

fade away too. And

1:01:13

then I'd be gone for good. Jason's

1:01:16

face twisted with a sudden dread.

1:01:19

He didn't fully understand what was happening,

1:01:22

but he could sense the end was coming.

1:01:26

What the fuck are you talking about? He

1:01:28

demanded. His voice was raw with panic. I'm

1:01:32

going to turn my back and leave this place behind.

1:01:36

It'll be gone just like that. And

1:01:40

so will you. Jason

1:01:42

began to scream, flailing

1:01:44

his arms and cheating like a trapped animal. I

1:01:48

swallowed back the last of my mercy and

1:01:51

took a deep breath.

1:01:53

And I turned my back on him.

1:01:55

Think of an eye the middle was no more. And

1:01:58

So was Jason Richter. Gone

1:02:00

Forever. I

1:02:06

was standing by myself in a

1:02:08

patch of scraggly weeds alone in

1:02:10

an unfunded field. There

1:02:13

were no fruit trees. Know streams

1:02:15

and know waterfall. Instead,

1:02:18

there were only nettles, rusty beer

1:02:20

cans in clumps of poison, sumac,

1:02:23

It was all go home because it

1:02:25

has never been there in the first

1:02:27

place. I wasn't

1:02:29

surprised to see that the Schwinn had

1:02:32

transformed back into a rusted out rec

1:02:34

in my hands. I. Could

1:02:36

sense that there was still some

1:02:38

magic in that bike. but it

1:02:41

wasn't for me. Not anymore. I

1:02:44

would never be able to read it again.

1:02:47

This time there was no stop and

1:02:49

the flood of tears and even though

1:02:51

it hurt to let them go. It.

1:02:53

Felt good to good

1:02:56

and clean. And

1:02:58

so I lowered my head and

1:03:00

cried. Standing by myself and Holden, a

1:03:02

junkie old bus, sick when the

1:03:04

middle of nowhere. When

1:03:07

it was over a push the sting ray

1:03:09

all the way back to the same stream

1:03:11

or add found it. And I

1:03:13

threw it into the murky shallows. In

1:03:16

the distance or heard a swell and

1:03:18

have multiple sirens. It.

1:03:20

Was time to go home and

1:03:22

face whatever much come next. The

1:03:27

murder of Juri Cranston, the

1:03:30

disappearance of Jason Richter never

1:03:32

made national headlines. But the

1:03:34

case rocks. Poor little rin the or read

1:03:36

down to it's core. People

1:03:38

pointed fingers at a devastating effect

1:03:40

of the recess. They.

1:03:42

Pointed fingers at rock music, They.

1:03:45

Pointed fingers at every possible

1:03:47

thing except Jason Richter himself.

1:03:50

To. This very day I believe I

1:03:52

did the right thing. Mrs.

1:03:55

Rather for had been correct. jason

1:03:57

was rotten to the core The

1:04:00

world is very likely a better place without

1:04:02

him. I stuck to

1:04:04

my story like superglue. Jason

1:04:07

had chased me out into the fields,

1:04:09

and after a terrifying pursuit, I finally

1:04:12

managed to lose him. When

1:04:14

I heard the sirens, I came out of hiding and

1:04:16

made my way back home. End

1:04:18

of story. I think the

1:04:21

cops knew I was lying, but they

1:04:23

couldn't find the body, and Phil and

1:04:25

Lou both insisted it was Jason who

1:04:27

killed Jerry with the screwdriver. It

1:04:29

was presumed Jason had gotten lost in the

1:04:32

woods and possibly fell into the river. I

1:04:35

was more than happy to leave it at that. The

1:04:38

homicide detectives would have never believed the

1:04:40

real story. I could

1:04:42

see in their cold faces and hard

1:04:44

stares that the magic in their hearts

1:04:46

was long since dead. My

1:04:49

father continued to drink, of course, and

1:04:51

he was gone by April of the

1:04:53

next year. He

1:04:55

met a younger woman at a honky-tonk in

1:04:57

a nearby town, and he fucked her in

1:04:59

my mother's car that very night. Two

1:05:02

weeks later, he was heading out the door

1:05:04

with his battered old suitcases in hand. The

1:05:08

next time I saw my father was

1:05:10

at the visitation before his funeral. I

1:05:13

didn't even recognize the old man lying

1:05:15

in the casket, which is probably for

1:05:17

the best. If I'd

1:05:19

recognized him, I'm not sure if I

1:05:22

could have resisted the urge to slap

1:05:24

his corpse across the face. We

1:05:27

were desperately poor, Mom and I, and

1:05:29

I dropped out of school to work

1:05:31

full-time at the scrapyard. I

1:05:34

habitually got into fights, and I often

1:05:36

found myself in trouble with the law.

1:05:39

I started drinking with my friends,

1:05:41

just like my old man, and

1:05:43

the drinking paved the way for the drugs.

1:05:47

These days my life is still a bit

1:05:49

of a mess, but I am clean, sober,

1:05:51

and thankful to be alive. The

1:05:54

magic in my heart is dead, but

1:05:56

it is not completely forgotten. story

1:06:00

comes to an end. Almost.

1:06:04

About a week ago I went out

1:06:06

on a long Sunday drive and found

1:06:08

myself driving through Renville. I haven't

1:06:11

been there in almost thirty years. I

1:06:14

was sad to see that it never recovered

1:06:16

from the recession. Most of

1:06:18

the buildings on Main Street were boarded

1:06:20

up and crumbling from neglect. Weeds

1:06:23

were growing from the cracks into sidewalks,

1:06:25

and there was hardly a single living

1:06:28

soul walking down the streets. Renville

1:06:31

had become a ghost town. I

1:06:33

passed by Andre's magazine and smoke shop,

1:06:35

and I was surprised to see that

1:06:38

it was still open. On

1:06:40

the whim, I parked the car and

1:06:42

went inside. The middle-aged man behind

1:06:45

the counter was Andre's nephew, and

1:06:47

he wasn't terribly interested in making

1:06:49

small talk with a rough-looking stranger.

1:06:53

I bought a can of Coke, bid him

1:06:55

a good day, and walked

1:06:57

outside into the biggest shock I've had

1:06:59

in many years. There

1:07:01

was a young girl sitting on the

1:07:03

splintery old bench out front, squinting at

1:07:06

her phone in the bright sunshine. There

1:07:09

was a bike leaning on its kickstand

1:07:11

beside her, but not

1:07:13

just any bike. It

1:07:15

was a golden yellow Schwinn Stingray.

1:07:19

I felt my heart lurch in my chest.

1:07:22

The girl looked up at me cautiously and

1:07:24

said, Are you okay, mister?

1:07:27

Yeah. I nodded. Sure,

1:07:30

I'm fine. Uh,

1:07:33

that bike. Where'd you

1:07:35

get that bike? The

1:07:37

girl shrugged and said, I found

1:07:40

it. Someone threw it in the river,

1:07:42

so I brought it home and fixed it up. I

1:07:45

nodded again, a mechanical wagon

1:07:47

of my skull. I

1:07:50

felt like I might grey out and tumble

1:07:52

under my ass on the sidewalk. Well,

1:07:55

that's a shame. I croaked.

1:07:58

It's a classic bike. But

1:08:00

their loss is your gain, right? They're

1:08:03

a lucky kid." She

1:08:05

hesitated and shrugged again and said,

1:08:07

"'Sure, I guess. It's

1:08:09

a cool bike.'" "'I bet

1:08:12

you it's fast,' I smiled, and

1:08:14

the girl smiled back. I

1:08:16

could see the shadow of hard times lurking

1:08:18

behind her gaze, and my heart

1:08:21

twisted a little in my chest. "'Oh,

1:08:23

man, is it ever,' she grinned.

1:08:26

"'I can hardly believe how fast it is.'

1:08:29

"'It's magic,' I stated,

1:08:32

and the girl's eyes lit up. "'Yeah,

1:08:35

it is,' she murmured. "'It

1:08:38

totally is, like,' she

1:08:40

trailed off, uncertain if she should

1:08:42

voice the bike's magical properties out

1:08:45

loud. I gave her a

1:08:47

no and nod and turned to go. "'Hold

1:08:50

on to that magic,' I told her.

1:08:53

"'Hold on to it as long as you can.'

1:08:56

"'I've learned that a person's ego can

1:08:59

coexist with a lot of unpleasant truths,

1:09:02

if your will to live is strong enough.

1:09:05

I'm not a great guy by any means, but

1:09:07

I was more sinned against than sinning, and

1:09:10

I've made peace with my inner demons. My

1:09:13

magic may be long gone, but as

1:09:16

long as my heart still beats, I'm

1:09:18

technically still alive. I'll

1:09:21

never forget my misfortunes, but I

1:09:23

can forgive, and by

1:09:25

extension, I can still hope. You

1:09:28

all take care out there, everyone, and

1:09:31

if you happen to see a little girl

1:09:33

rip past you on a golden yellow stingray,

1:09:36

you'd better get the hell out of her way. She's

1:09:39

got things to do and places to be. After

1:09:42

all, there's dozens of deer trails and

1:09:44

forgotten side roads out there, and

1:09:47

any one of them might lead to just

1:09:49

about anywhere. If you follow it

1:09:51

far enough, you'd

1:09:53

better cheer that little girl on, folks,

1:09:57

because not even the most powerful

1:09:59

magic." can last forever.

1:10:23

And that was Death Magic

1:10:25

in the Golden Yellow Stingray

1:10:27

by TWGrim. A good

1:10:29

reminder to hold on to the magic of youth

1:10:32

as long as you can. After

1:10:34

all, it's tough to write a banana seed

1:10:36

with an enlarged profane. Ain't

1:10:38

that right, Jeff? You hibity-hoppin' bastard?

1:10:42

Hey, a little about the author. TWGrim

1:10:45

lives in southwestern Ontario.

1:10:47

He's the author of 99 brief scenes

1:10:50

from the end of the world,

1:10:52

trippin' over Twilight, available in audio,

1:10:54

by the way, when the stars

1:10:56

fall and most recently from Vaylok's

1:10:58

books, a different kind of

1:11:00

magic, which he would love for you to

1:11:02

check out. You can

1:11:05

find TWGrim on

1:11:07

Facebook at facebook.com/TWGrim

1:11:09

author and on

1:11:11

Twitter or whatever it's called at TWGrim

1:11:14

underscore official. He's

1:11:17

got a Patreon

1:11:19

too and that's

1:11:21

patreon.com/TWGrim. You're planning

1:11:24

to visit patreon.com anyway today, aren't

1:11:26

you? Might as well pop by.

1:11:29

Thanks, TW. The

1:11:53

upper menu. You'll find

1:11:55

yourself at Chillin'Tales4DarkKnights.com or

1:11:58

you can become a patron for his little... Five

1:12:00

dollars per month and get access to

1:12:02

their entire ah the over Cav All

1:12:04

and free and available to download or

1:12:07

stream. Thank you for your time and

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for supporting our sponsors. When you support

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our sponsors he support this show he

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Blood Dark Tales podcast is accepting

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Drew Blood our as email.com the

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have selected you'll get the full

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treatment. Timber Manners, I'm

1:12:56

afraid this is where we part

1:12:58

ways to my. Room

1:13:01

drink for the road for and the

1:13:03

smaller uncommon to see fences weirdos walking

1:13:06

down the street in these parts. Failure

1:13:08

might even make some for. A

1:13:11

big hello and welcome in a big

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big thank you to all my news

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