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dragons were improvisers who've never role played

2:02

before, journey into the world of Dungeons

2:04

and Dragons. I am the

2:07

Great Wizard Bukake, your host. Our

2:09

heroes defeated the Heathen and saved

2:11

Selgond. Butthole battles the War Forge

2:13

to its bitter end. Quinni discovered

2:15

a stinky secret weapon before slaying

2:17

the Heathen, and Gartok recruited the

2:20

Bronze Ravens to the Asgard's town

2:22

watch. But will Cormir's

2:24

army accept Selgond's letter of support,

2:26

or is a war about to

2:29

start? Find out next on Dumdums

2:31

and Dragons! Charter

3:18

of Future Freedom. Thank you. Just see if you get

3:21

to a future with those freedoms.

3:23

How much ass must we guard? Exactly, exactly.

3:26

So you have arrived back in

3:29

Asgard. You feel a momentary sort

3:32

of almost vertigo, but horizontally just stepping out

3:34

of a portal. It's just

3:36

a little disorienting. You've been through a lot.

3:38

You haven't really had a tremendous amount of

3:41

time to take a rest. But you find

3:43

yourselves back just outside

3:45

the Black Castle. Looking up, you can

3:47

see there's scaffold set up around

3:49

the very bottom. And

3:52

people start to get to work carving the

3:54

future freedoms into the walls. That said, the

3:56

term impenetrable fortress doesn't mean it's a super

4:00

easy to carve. So it is slow

4:02

going. There's a lot of work, but

4:04

it's, you know, like any, if any of you

4:06

are unlucky enough to live in a large city

4:08

that occasionally has transit construction, it's

4:10

that level of, there was, I'm sure a lot

4:13

of them in vigor when this started, and now

4:15

it is really just like, okay,

4:18

back to it. Okay, so that's the

4:20

break time, take five. So a lot

4:22

of that going on. But Asgard

4:24

is bustling. There is, you know, people running

4:26

hither and thither. The place is busy. Of

4:28

course, you've just appeared on the ground level.

4:31

So it's not as though you have a

4:33

perfect bird's eye view. You're not honey last,

4:36

but you can already see that people

4:38

are starting to arrive in Asgard. There's

4:41

a lot of industry going on around you.

4:43

It's literally like you dropped into a busy

4:46

town square. And despite

4:48

the threat looming over the city, it's very

4:50

clear that particularly given how generally barren this

4:52

region is in terms of large city centers,

4:54

anyone who has been holding out for a

4:56

place to kind of put down roots is

4:59

starting to find their way in now that

5:01

the walls are down. So a lot of

5:03

unfamiliar faces, a very

5:05

lively space. And

5:07

the three of you find yourselves there with

5:10

the rest of your crew that you brought with you, the

5:13

bronze ravens that you brought along who

5:15

have joined Town Watch. You

5:18

have realized in our July 12th

5:20

vlog from last episode that you

5:22

left behind all the hammer and

5:25

Rick Slick's canoe, truly the

5:27

most important of all objects in our quest.

5:30

But that one druid who gave us a

5:32

nice fire and then we jumped into a

5:34

lake. Yeah. So you have

5:36

sent Captain Vismith to go

5:40

round them all up. So that

5:42

is going to be her task.

5:44

It brings us to

5:46

this moment. Is there anything you do immediately upon landing?

5:49

I think

5:52

it's just we got to get into that castle. We

5:54

got to check in with everybody, make sure Ann is

5:56

there. We can send a formal invitation to Cormier we

6:00

can go to them. They seem like they're weird outside town.

6:03

Yeah. Yeah, they brought armies to the party. Why

6:05

don't we bring the party to the army so

6:07

we can put together a delegation and an official

6:09

time will show up. I don't really want to

6:12

ambush them with like, read this letter, we're cool.

6:14

They seem jumpy. I see. Well,

6:16

and I should point out, since it's been

6:18

a hot second for us, that the current

6:20

plan is to enter the Lord's alliance in

6:22

order to legitimize the nation

6:25

of Asgard in front of the eyes of Cormir.

6:27

So you can show them the letter, but who

6:29

you really need are the various delegates who have

6:31

come with Sogar's little

6:34

delegation. Obviously, a letter

6:37

of this nature will go over well with Primrose of

6:39

her heart, but she's made it pretty clear that the

6:42

nation that has been terrorized by a coffer

6:44

for generations is not ... They're

6:47

not going to be on side with a quick

6:50

like, they did good one day. It's like, uh-huh.

6:52

What? Oh yeah, it's been a hot second. So

6:54

I also realized we should go talk to the

6:56

Lord's alliance because we're going to need them to

6:58

also give us a letter slash, I guess, boons

7:00

of support or whatever they

7:03

do to show ... Yeah, this will induct us

7:05

into the alliance. There we go. Yeah, I want

7:07

to get inducted. That sounds intense, but

7:09

I'm up for it. This is one of their conditions, right? To

7:11

show that we can be good neighbors to other nations and help

7:13

them out. So yeah, we show them the letter, should

7:16

be fine. Yeah, see, this is why you're a

7:18

very good minister of culture because I sort of

7:20

remember exactly what we're doing and then like really

7:22

long-term goals, and I'm not necessarily graded operational details

7:25

over time. Well,

7:27

I didn't know that was

7:29

minister of culture responsibility, but I will try

7:31

to help out with that. No

7:33

one's around, so a minister of culture gives

7:36

a big wink. Yeah, yeah. I also just

7:38

didn't know that it was minister of culture

7:40

big wink responsibility, so I will try to

7:42

keep tabs on that. Well, we'll all do

7:44

this together. And as you say that, guards

7:47

materialize around you out of the crowd,

7:49

walking with great purpose, you

7:51

know, the middle

7:54

of downtown Asgard. That's not a

7:57

great moment for the fledgling state.

8:01

Hey, all right, I was worried we were gonna

8:03

have to do a whole war down here, but

8:05

instead this is much more appropriate Congratulations, you're the

8:07

king again. I'm not in charge everybody else. Good

8:09

work. Good work. I feel like peace has been

8:11

maintained He looks around at a bunch of they

8:13

all yell for peace bash their weapons against their

8:15

shields. Okay. Yeah, I like the energy I like

8:17

it a lot. We might not need

8:19

to draw the weapons every time we yell for

8:21

peace It seems to be working antithetical to the

8:23

overall message, but I like the

8:26

bashing. I like the strength Reginald

8:28

approves he yells And

8:31

there's just various nodding little little thumbs up, you

8:33

know from from the waist thumbs up to each

8:35

other I say like belt their weapons and start

8:37

testing how to bang bang the shield the way

8:39

that looks cool without Which is

8:41

very difficult. So there's a lot of that

8:44

is they kind of Disappear back into the crowd

8:46

and you just hear Reginald disease What could be

8:48

like that banging isn't easy but hammer is don't

8:50

do easy things and he's just very proud of

8:52

himself Well,

8:55

all right It's all

8:57

the same with you two. I'm gonna go

8:59

say hi to the family before we do anything

9:01

else I'm gonna drop some stuff off maybe meet

9:04

you all at the castle in a little bit.

9:06

I Mean, yeah,

9:08

but you your family's like in the

9:10

castle. Remember we have to keep them safe from

9:12

all the enemies of the realm Yeah

9:15

I was also gonna Visit someone

9:17

else Who

9:21

else are you gonna visit? Oh, you

9:23

know that Vinton Charlemagne

9:27

Right. Why do you gotta go see her

9:30

minister of culture reasons big wink

9:34

Just that bottle has to do a snap prayer. Oh

9:39

It's because you're in love okay You

9:42

don't have to say it's work if it's gonna be personal when

9:45

he's like looking at his face Waiting

9:48

for the wink. It's not coming. I know he thinks

9:50

I'm maybe it's just easier this way,

9:52

Quitty. It could be both reasons It's

9:55

okay to admit it to yourself. All

9:58

right. Yeah got me I'm

10:02

I'm in love you

10:04

roll me a I want

10:08

like a self-insight check can you roll

10:14

me a how

10:16

even fucking do that I mean I have

10:18

I as

10:21

the player know what it is

10:23

about venting that attracts Quinney right so

10:25

I guess okay so that you know refuses

10:28

to quit yeah no

10:32

points of exhaustion on her butt spend a lot of

10:37

stress to get it there yeah now she's there the

10:40

battle mass right so I guess then

10:47

I mean this is gonna

10:49

tip the hand to us the players but honestly the

10:51

characters does Quinney need a deception check

10:53

for this is

10:59

he also lying to himself thing I don't

11:01

know absolutely absolutely

11:04

um I

11:07

don't think it's love yeah yeah yeah

11:09

well wait so but you

11:11

want them

11:18

to think it is love so you do need to roll the okay yeah now

11:20

you're deceiving us not you

11:22

yeah it's not self-deceptionist deception of

11:25

your loved ones deception 25 deception

11:27

okay I need

11:32

I think insight from guard talk and

11:34

butthole please bottle can beat me on

11:36

an inside I think I can but

11:38

I didn't okay I got that one

11:40

I got a 16 I mean

11:43

Laura you did immediately respond yay

11:45

there's a wedding

11:48

coming you firing warlock wedding

11:51

I'm like really happy for you

11:53

but I don't know if you can do you

11:56

know what if you need dual citizenship

11:58

at some point we can talk talk this

12:00

out. Oh, hey, that might be

12:02

a good inn. Yeah, yeah, okay, yeah, with the other

12:04

nation, right, right, okay, yeah, like tap the side of

12:06

his nose, wink, like, okay, yeah, sounds good. Anyway, I'll

12:08

see you guys at the castle. Nope.

12:12

Okay. Are you okay, butthole? You seem

12:15

disturbed. Yeah, butthole just... Oh, yeah. Well,

12:18

you said it would get you in with the nation,

12:20

and I don't know if that's like a nickname you

12:22

have for her or... No, like

12:25

something... Well, you said you were in love, so then

12:27

I thought you could be a dual citizen if you

12:29

were to like get married. Okay. Well,

12:31

and then like... I would have expected a wink,

12:33

though, if it had been a double entendre. Snare,

12:36

snare, job's yours, yours. Is that

12:38

right, Quitty? Was

12:40

it a double entendre? Or was it a single

12:43

entendre? How

12:45

many entendres are you presenting to us? Yeah,

12:48

why can't it just be an entendre? I've

12:50

never really understood double unless it meant two

12:52

things that were of a sexual nature. What

12:55

does entendre mean? It's just quietly

12:57

melting into the crowd of downtown

12:59

hustle and bustle. Where did Quitty

13:01

go? Well, I

13:04

bet it was a sex thing. I bet it was. I've

13:06

seen him dance. He's good. I bet he's

13:09

great. Yeah. I'm not a dancer,

13:11

and Merle Streep seemed pretty happy. What?

13:16

I thought you were relating dance to sexual

13:18

prowess, and then you said you're not a

13:20

good dancer, and Merle Streep still liked sex

13:23

with you. Canonically, for

13:25

Butthole, he got taught that sex was

13:28

doing the true lies dance in armor.

13:31

So he's not a good dancer when

13:33

he did the routine, and Merle Streep

13:35

liked it. So imagine how good Quitty

13:37

must be as a good dancer doing

13:40

the true lies routine. So you're just

13:42

talking about benchmarks. Yeah, yeah. Butthole sees

13:44

himself as a low point that still

13:46

is pretty good. So imagine how great Quitty

13:48

must be. I forgot that it

13:50

was the true lies. Yeah, he did

13:52

the true lies dance. No

13:56

notes. All right, so Quitty disappears

13:58

into the crowd. and

14:00

Butthole aside from determining how many entendres

14:02

are required. Which we didn't determine. No.

14:06

What's your, what are both of you going to do? I'd

14:09

realistically, Butthole needs to check in with Annan.

14:11

That's the person who's been running the majority

14:13

of the kingdom outside of his stead. Reginald

14:16

Ran, which means he doesn't want any

14:18

authority in this meeting or to have to give a report, but

14:20

it also means nothing is terribly wrong. If

14:23

Reginald feels comfortable ducking out on his responsibilities,

14:25

it means there isn't a crisis. Correct. And

14:27

that is the general sense you're getting. Aside

14:29

from, you know, the trebuchets are still lined up

14:32

outside the city, but they are lined up in a

14:35

roadwork kind of way where they're also just, they're

14:38

there, but you know, it's not like the fire

14:40

has been lit in all of them. They're

14:43

just, you know, birds are landing on

14:45

them. Yeah. So Butthole would check in with Annan and

14:48

then wait until he had Quinnie, like

14:50

Reginald, make sure that Gartok

14:53

or whatever persona Gartok may

14:55

choose to become, are all

14:57

present before he approaches the Lord's Alliance. He wants

15:00

to make that a little more official. Gotcha. And

15:02

Gartok, is there anything you'd want to do? It's

15:04

okay if there isn't at this

15:06

point. This is really just kind of, just got

15:08

in the door and hung up your hat kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably have

15:10

a nap. Eventually,

15:13

he'll want to chat

15:17

with a Town Watch. I don't

15:19

think there's been like any formal discussion with,

15:23

who's in the Town Watch now?

15:26

Who the fuck is in the Town Watch? Well,

15:28

you have at least, I think it's been like 20

15:30

episodes. Yeah. Well, I think the

15:32

Town Watch kind of got invented

15:35

in Selgon. I

15:37

don't think we had an official Town Watch.

15:39

We had Reginald, like he disbanded the army.

15:41

Reginald put together the hammers. Yeah. There

15:44

were also the haters that Quinnie was running. But

15:46

in terms of just like people walking around, I

15:49

think just over time, there's been this assumption of like, oh

15:52

shit, we got to have non-military.

15:55

We had debates, I think previously, about the

15:57

idea of like making the army into the

15:59

police might not be. the best move as

16:02

far as the presentation got. Well then maybe

16:04

Guard Talk will put up sign up sheets

16:07

around the town.

16:09

The dude in Mel can help with that. To

16:12

request interview times. People

16:14

can sign up. It's like

16:17

audition notices. Okay. Yeah, yeah. So the

16:19

three of you go around and start doing that.

16:23

Mel the cannon is still having

16:25

to stick with his standard sticks. So he's

16:27

putting them all upside down. And

16:29

the dude's like, no man you just got to room. We're

16:31

like, oh Mel, Mel didn't know. Silly

16:33

Mel. And the dude's like, no man

16:35

we're all silly. We're all silly in our

16:37

own ways. It's okay Mel. But

16:40

almost immediately a glass bottle shatters on

16:42

the wall next to these signs. And

16:45

like a fury out of a

16:47

furnace itself, Patty Two Eyes comes

16:49

storming up and she says, oh

16:52

okay you two smarty pants going around putting up

16:54

posters and they're telling you to go to town

16:56

choir. That's not going to fly around

16:58

these parts. You got to go through Patty Two Eyes.

17:02

This doesn't see you. She's just yelling at the dude

17:04

in Mel the cannon. Hi

17:06

Patty. Who? Oh,

17:08

he's guard talk. Yes. Hello

17:11

Patty. I'm so sorry that I didn't notify

17:13

you. These signs are very important. Are

17:15

they justice related? Yes. And

17:18

you're the chief justice so they don't think you

17:20

didn't need to tell them. I was just worried

17:22

about these two chuckle fucks. No, they're

17:24

cool. Are they your chuckle fucks? Yeah,

17:27

they came with us from Sogont. That

17:30

sounds made up. It's not.

17:32

Okay, Patty's learning something new every day. Okay, well

17:34

that's fine then. If it's a justice related matter

17:36

you don't need to come to old town choice

17:38

but if you want to get the word out,

17:40

your audition notices I'd be happy to go tell

17:42

anyone who will listen. Yes, actually Patty,

17:44

I wanted to come fly to you anyways

17:46

to ask you specifically

17:48

to do that. You're good at getting the word

17:51

out. Like a little bit of blush.

17:53

Like, oh, okay, thanks Chief Justice. We

17:56

need reliable people with good character

17:58

to be the town wife. Okay,

18:02

that's a lot of requirements, but

18:04

I'll be sure to tell everybody that's who they gotta

18:06

be if they're gonna sign up. I mean it's

18:08

kind of two requirements, reliable and good

18:10

character. Oh, that's what I'm worried about.

18:13

Oh, no, I think you'll be

18:15

able to find them. People surprise you. Okay,

18:19

I'm a little jumpy for surprise. What

18:21

should I do to make sure they have those things or should I just

18:23

put the sheets up and they can tell us? Yeah,

18:25

we can do interviews. Okay, okay,

18:27

okay, all right. Well, okay, well

18:29

listen, you two issues over there. Oh, wait, add

18:32

to the signs, only those with

18:34

good character need apply. Oh,

18:37

that's pretty good. Oh, reliable, sorry,

18:39

reliable. Only those who are

18:41

reliable, those with good

18:43

character who are reliable need apply.

18:46

That's it. So only those

18:48

with good character who are reliable need apply.

18:50

Yes. Okay, and then she goes over to

18:53

the dude and says, you got some

18:55

outdated signs there, Mr. You got to

18:57

change them up right quick, okay? And

19:01

Mel's like, yeah, Mel

19:03

understands, reliable, good character. Yeah,

19:05

Mel, like shift the

19:07

eyes, turns to the dude. Mel cannot write.

19:09

And the dude's like, I got you, man. I

19:12

got you. I just got to workshop a little bit, get

19:14

the vibes right. You know, got to make sure it really

19:16

speaks to people because you know if you want, and he

19:18

just starts monologuing. And Patty

19:20

just pulls a quickie, except

19:22

she's got clanking balls. She

19:26

just shuffles away, winks at you, Gartak, and

19:28

runs off. Yeah, they got it. Amazing.

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Open your store now. Hey

22:28

everybody. It's me, Bucky. They're letting me read an ad

22:30

on very excited. This one is for the dumb dumps

22:33

and dice. Patreon. If you go

22:35

to patreon.com/dumb dumb dice, you can

22:37

join the $15 per month

22:39

tier and name NPCs that appear in the

22:41

series. You can be a

22:43

bunch of new friends to say hello to. And

22:45

I'm very excited about that. I always admired Mr.

22:47

Butthole for being able to say hello, new friend

22:49

to anybody. And they immediately like him and they've

22:52

all become his best friend. And that's all I

22:54

really want is to have new friends as well.

22:56

It gets a little lonely here at the castle.

22:58

And then, you know, it would just be really nice if

23:00

we become friends. So if

23:03

you got someone in mind, you know, someone with

23:05

maybe one of your other campaigns or your own

23:07

OC or something like that, you want to, you

23:09

know, say hi to me. Well, I really like

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over to patreon.com/dumb, dumb dice,

23:16

that's D-U-M-B, D-U-M-B-D-I-C-E. You can,

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you can make it happen. Looking forward to

23:21

meeting you. Bye. Thanks

23:27

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starting June 4th. Alright,

25:12

meanwhile, back in the castle. Butthole, you are checking with

25:15

Ann, and Ann is coming out to meet you

25:17

as you come in. The second she saw

25:20

commotion outside. You're just

25:22

pocket little hand crossbow when she sees

25:24

it's you. And she says, welcome back, your

25:27

highness. Was our, was so

25:29

gunky. Are we gonna die? Are

25:31

we gonna die today? Nope,

25:33

got the letter made friends. He's

25:35

gonna hand the letter right over. He

25:37

doesn't need to have that on his person, in his tummy bag.

25:41

That can exist in some sort of protected way moving forwards. We're

25:43

gonna have to get everybody together with the Lord's Alliance. We gotta

25:45

make that official. Then

25:47

we gotta deal with Cormier. We can make that

25:49

official. Made a deal

25:51

with a farm religion. So hopefully

25:53

we can get some more food. Send out word not

25:55

to burn at this time. That would be very

25:58

good. Is

26:00

there anything going on here? Are there any new fires? She

26:04

just kind of broadly gestures to

26:06

the crowds and she says, none

26:08

other than opening our gates

26:12

and taking down our walls

26:14

and saying we're open for business has been

26:16

taken rather literally

26:18

by the entire region. We have

26:20

people arriving from all over

26:22

setting up shop. We have new businesses

26:24

opening. We have all manner of

26:27

administrative. It turns out we didn't actually have any

26:29

licenses for anything. There was no concept of licensing.

26:31

There was no concept of oversight. I think Akata

26:33

just kind of had what it had and if

26:36

it needed something new it would steal it from

26:38

somewhere and then just install it. Is that? Yeah,

26:40

just kind of a libertarian

26:42

tyranny. Well,

26:46

in any case, we're spinning up the

26:48

wheels of administrative

26:51

nonsense. It's really not as

26:54

different from running a hotel, I thought. All

26:56

that to say, it's a good thing, generally speaking.

26:58

We just are growing at

27:01

a much faster rate than expected. It

27:03

will tax our food and water. However,

27:05

if you have this new deal that

27:07

should help. Otherwise, the

27:09

delegates of the Lord's Alliance have

27:11

been rather twitchy,

27:15

rather keeping to themselves

27:17

based on all the unpleasantness

27:20

that we don't speak about that occurred before you left.

27:22

Okay. We're not talking about that. Good

27:25

to know. They keep a lid on it. They've been as

27:27

good as their word in keeping a lid on it, assuming

27:30

that the perpetrator is

27:32

brought to justice. I understand that

27:34

the ... I don't want to

27:38

know too much about these things. If

27:40

there was a hand that was difficult to

27:42

see, it is reaching for information about Rache

27:45

Gray. Oh, that makes sense. Good. Yeah,

27:48

that's good. Just hypothetically speaking, of course. So

27:50

we're still waiting on reports from that. As

27:53

she blicked gestures to the castle, she says, work is underway.

27:56

Things have been calm. Ginny seems to be

27:58

settling in a little bit to her right. role as

28:01

stepdaughter of a car. Great,

28:04

great. The

28:07

person who manages the hand that

28:09

should not be named is currently

28:11

off visiting the

28:13

love of his life, but I'm

28:15

assuming after that. Reginald? I

28:18

thought that too for a while, and it turned out,

28:20

no, that was just a lie. Oh.

28:23

That was- That's a shame.

28:25

Well, no, and I'm going to- he looks around and makes sure he

28:27

has the right- Yeah, he committed a murder and he was lying to

28:29

cover it up. Oh, no, that

28:31

makes more sense. Yeah, yeah, it explained a lot afterwards.

28:34

It was sad, but like it explained things. Yeah,

28:37

no, so he's just head

28:39

over heels, completely obsessed with

28:42

Vint and Charlamagne. The

28:45

warlock knight. Yeah, he's using so many entendres.

28:47

I'm not even sure how many. Do

28:49

you know what an entendre is? I

28:52

worked in a hotel, yes, unfortunately. Okay, what

28:54

is it? Well,

28:56

this wasn't a test. My

29:02

understanding of it having worked near several

29:06

houses of interesting repute, as

29:08

you know, is that if

29:10

one wants to convey information of a sexual

29:12

nature in a way that is both obvious

29:14

and obscured for reasons that I still don't

29:17

fully understand, one can use the double entendre,

29:19

which I assume means that an entendre

29:22

is simply information, and a double entendre

29:24

is that information should she pass

29:26

it like two different, it's got like a double meaning,

29:28

but it's horny. Yeah, it's a

29:30

horny double meaning, as opposed to a

29:32

horny single meaning, which would just be saying he's

29:34

gone to have sex, I suppose. Yeah,

29:37

I don't know if that's true. I know that he

29:39

loves her very much, and I assume, I mean, he's

29:41

pretty horny. You know, that's our quinny. Of

29:44

all of us, he's the only one that I know masturbates.

29:49

And then it says, and

29:52

then just like her, just

29:54

purses her lips slightly, and like, You

29:58

can just see in her eyes. How

30:01

much information she has about every one

30:03

that is in any way associate with

30:05

the dum dum crit everything else and

30:07

she just uses the let that pass

30:09

and nods and says and. Yes,

30:12

The only one we now see the I

30:14

much everyone masturbates you know the subject or

30:16

had hotel says she knows what's up. The

30:19

I the only one I know so okay so will

30:21

will sell for that meeting. That's good. I.

30:24

Got you on licensing. I'm so glad eating have

30:26

some his administration because I feel you would really

30:28

bugged out most of my days and might not

30:30

be that that useful or entertaining having written your

30:32

book for you sir it's better that I do

30:34

this vs get it was a good book. I

30:37

mean I did read it, but people bought enough of that. I

30:39

assume it's pretty guy. I don't think they're reddit either people to

30:41

buy them to say they have it. Out. Like

30:43

a trophy. Okay, I like I've I've defeated these

30:45

words in the need you put it on the

30:48

wall. That like that? better than hunting. Oh yeah,

30:50

we might have to invite Gov. Sam Milan used

30:52

Veyron here. He's obsessed with hunting. Ah, Kei

30:55

yes was a bird. Hub

30:57

of my another animal does is the bird

30:59

along with goblin junior at least. A

31:02

system for the Euro and insect. Oh

31:06

yeah they're best friends. They get along so good

31:08

I wrote like it for. Okay,

31:11

well as long as they are on friendly

31:13

terms as in or is not do that.

31:15

I just don't want a menagerie of animal

31:17

fights. In the past I think that

31:19

they've been a cause thing previously out for his

31:21

like to avoid it. Oh yeah we made everything

31:24

fight heroes a really bad place. Ah okay so.

31:26

We're. Going to businesses and licensing boards

31:28

lions had been quiet which is good

31:30

which is he to officially joined than

31:33

we can do with get that result.

31:35

Also get to do couples therapy that

31:37

that really you saying? Ah. The

31:39

him a letter has a damn sure how

31:41

to make sure Quinney is happening. We get

31:43

to Newtown Watch but a pretty sure go

31:45

talk is on that which is good. Oh

31:48

God Huxley inspirational speaker also. The.

31:50

Chief Justice one of the things we should think about and

31:52

in his I'm not sure. Several

31:54

of the masses persona is

31:56

are criminals. And. i don't

31:59

really know Who is a Chief Justice

32:01

and who isn't depending on persona if it's all of them

32:03

because I think it's a good tool to have How many

32:05

people can be Chief Justice because that seems to be where

32:07

we put our criminals? What this is the question is is

32:10

a persona a person which feels like it's a legal thing

32:12

have we hired any of those foreign judges? No,

32:15

I thought that was kind of one of your make

32:17

the lumberjacks be the army and vice versa ideas We

32:19

should just let simmer for a bit. Do you actually

32:21

want us to hire some foreign judges? Yeah,

32:23

if you're thinking we can let it ride until

32:25

we come up with something better The

32:28

lumberjacks probably be judges Previously

32:33

I would have said No,

32:36

let's wait it out. But you have to point

32:38

out that our chief justice is a collection of

32:41

various career criminals So

32:43

maybe again, I'm not judging career criminals. No career

32:47

criminal Like

32:51

an incidental happens to be

32:53

a criminal. Yeah, well Yeah,

32:56

the short answer is maybe we should unless

32:58

there's any Citizens

33:00

you want to elevate to the position. Yeah, let me let

33:02

me think for a second now that we have access to

33:04

the fortress We have more people who could theoretically come out

33:07

and help us We

33:09

should also Soon have

33:11

much wider reach. I understand that of

33:14

all people Seamus the future

33:16

boy Is apparently quite good

33:18

with portals. I understand there there may be

33:21

some results there soon So

33:23

if he can find us a portal to justice then

33:25

it could be him Otherwise

33:29

We need somebody who's like pretty wise and

33:31

people have to respect their authority And it'd

33:34

be good for them to be kind of like

33:36

strong and creative. Well warning you say Patty to

33:38

us. I will quit Oh, no, no,

33:40

no, no, not Patty. She's she's all of those things,

33:43

but she doesn't strike me as a judge She likes

33:45

yelling too much Maybe

33:49

the fantastical front do It

33:52

would send a rather interesting message to have

33:55

an ageless dragon as a judge.

33:57

It feels like yeah, you know and the idea of like

34:00

rehabilitation, if you're around long enough then you

34:02

can see people go from good to bad,

34:04

bad to good. People can change

34:06

on a way bigger scale than people who are like,

34:09

I'm 25, I went to a not great law school.

34:12

Everybody's evil. Oh let's not hire

34:14

that one. No, I agree. They had no form of

34:16

prosecution. What are we,

34:18

never winter? Oh that

34:20

would be so convenient. Okay. Alright,

34:22

so yes we can speak to Fantastico Frondi.

34:24

We might have to set up a... I

34:28

wonder if we can repurpose the

34:31

spyglass that you use to communicate

34:34

with Declan and Honor Systems so that

34:36

the giant dragon doesn't need to live in a

34:38

tiny courtroom or we need to build a dragon-sized

34:41

courtroom. We have

34:43

the space. Yeah, we also had

34:45

that one spot where there used

34:47

to be the gate that kind of

34:49

just blowed up so we know that there's a

34:51

lot of bricks around there. Maybe we could do

34:53

like an outdoor amphitheater thing because I feel like

34:55

we want justice to be publicly available, not to

34:57

many people, but just so it's kind of transparent

34:59

and not awful. Well if you couldn't convince the

35:03

friendly neighborhood halflings that

35:05

the arena would be better

35:07

used for this purpose than for rehabilitating

35:11

criminals. Well I mean we need

35:13

both though. So what if we build an outdoor amphitheater where

35:15

the gate was and then the arena is where we just

35:17

house people. We make that like a cool housing

35:20

unit. We do have a lot of lumberjacks.

35:22

Okay, yeah, I'll see what we can do

35:24

on that front. Great! Let me

35:27

know if there's somebody I need to talk to or you

35:29

need me to sign something. There is someone you need to

35:31

talk to. Oh, okay. Farthol

35:33

is currently building a mega

35:36

church. Great! We've

35:38

been needing that for a while. There's no churches

35:40

here. There was that one place, there was a

35:42

hospital, that everyone was dead inside. That was weird.

35:44

Yeah, that wasn't great. My

35:46

concern is more one of

35:49

having a god king who then

35:51

also has a mega church for all

35:53

the other gods. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, but to be clear

35:55

that's also gonna be a church to me. I understand...

36:00

that I'm just thinking it might end

36:02

up being a bit of a playing

36:04

favorite situation if the God of the

36:06

church... One of many. It's

36:09

sure but one is there. No,

36:11

I'm not a guy. If you're a worshipper,

36:13

it's going to feel a little weird to be

36:15

like, I'm here to worship my God of War,

36:17

for example. Okay, yeah. Given the

36:19

region and the former religion of here. Unfortunate, but

36:21

yeah. I'm here to worship Tyr. I walk in.

36:24

Uh-oh, there's the guy who killed everyone. Oh, I'm not

36:26

going to go there. I pray to me here. Okay.

36:30

So I won't be there. Have you

36:32

heard about the statue he's making? No,

36:34

I only was aware of a mega church. Is

36:36

there a statue? In the

36:38

mega church, yes. He really likes you, sir.

36:40

In a... Okay.

36:43

In a... If... What

36:45

I understand, Xanthas is attempting

36:47

to do, taking

36:50

all the various versions of himself to make himself

36:52

more powerful. Now imagine that Bucky did that, but

36:54

instead of power, it was just liking you. Okay.

36:58

This is what Farfowl is doing. Okay. Well, we're going to

37:00

have to have him move the statue out. It can't be

37:02

in the church. He can put it near his house. He

37:04

needs to separate church and home. Does

37:06

Farfowl need a house now? Where

37:09

is he currently living? The mega church. You're

37:12

going to need to show me this mega church. And

37:15

just... Yes, Jesus. Right.

37:18

What does the... Define the horizon? What

37:21

does the mega church look like? Okay. I have

37:23

to roll a persuade to see how many people

37:25

Farfowl has got to help him build his mega

37:27

church because it may be not very many. Okay.

37:31

That is an eight, which

37:34

means he got a thick key on his persuasion. A

37:38

thick key. Okay. All

37:40

right. So, why don't you roll

37:42

a D12 and add two?

37:46

Okay. Okay. To see how

37:49

many people, how many true believers? These

37:52

are the most important questions we can ask. He's

37:56

got 13 people helping him. Okay. That's

37:58

impressive. He's got like a week. So,

38:00

you've been gone, Butthole's been gone,

38:03

and it has been doing her

38:05

best, but also knows to stay out of the way of things

38:07

you've ordered. Do you think

38:09

Farthol would have spent a point of prosperity

38:11

from the city tracker to build the church?

38:14

No, I don't think Farthol would have

38:16

taken things without Butthole's permission. Yep, Butthole

38:18

helps those who help himself. I understand.

38:20

So, how did Butthole help himself,

38:22

also you, to build this church? What

38:25

does this church look like? Any building

38:27

that had burned down or been destroyed

38:29

in the battle that was not currently

38:31

being lived in, those are

38:34

all gifts from the butthole.

38:37

So, he has 13 people

38:39

with him that have been looting

38:42

collapsed buildings, but

38:44

not for things from within the buildings.

38:47

That's for other people. They have just

38:49

been pulling bricks and wood and nails

38:51

and anything they can out of those,

38:53

and any tool that they see, specifically

38:56

hammers, are considered sacred and then used

38:58

in this task. If

39:00

we assume that a halfway

39:03

competent group

39:05

can raise a barn a day using

39:08

medieval technology. Raise a barn on

39:10

Sundays and then raise another. Yes. These

39:12

are not competent people. So, there

39:14

is the equivalent of four

39:17

ramshackle barns that if you look from

39:19

above make a cross that are just

39:21

fully open structured in the middle. Every

39:24

part of this is burnt, ruined,

39:28

been hammered together, or occasionally just had bricks

39:30

built up to a point where they added

39:32

a beam to get to the height of

39:34

the barn. Inside

39:38

there are five

39:40

plinths, and the plinths are just

39:42

kind of like a picnic table that

39:44

are clearly designed to have statues on

39:46

them. And it says like who donated the

39:48

table. There's a little plaque. And for which

39:50

god? For the park. Yeah. It's

39:55

really just an incredibly shitty

39:57

gazebo. But it's five in

39:59

shape. Of all of

40:01

the plants, only the plant

40:03

to butt hammer, which is right in the

40:05

center. There are five, one in each section.

40:10

The butt hammer is in the middle, and it's

40:12

the only one with a statue on it. And

40:14

there's an opening in the roof so the statue

40:16

can be tall enough to peek out. And

40:19

you can see, if you look at it,

40:21

it's like watching a drunk guy celebrating out the

40:23

roof of a limo of just...

40:25

There are legs inside and it's just butthole

40:27

up top, like holding a hammer and giving

40:30

a thumbs up. And

40:32

they're currently building a giant wolf to go

40:34

next to it. That people can

40:36

pet for good luck? Oh yeah. Good

40:38

luck wolf. None of the other plants have statues

40:41

or anything. Along all of the

40:43

walls, there are frames

40:45

that have been put up for various gods that

40:48

also have sponsors names on them. Those are all

40:50

nicer because they were donated. But none

40:52

of them have art in them yet. So, reference

40:54

to every other religion is eventually going

40:56

to be here. But after getting

40:58

the skeletal structure up, it is fully just

41:01

an insanely large statue of butthole. So, it's

41:03

kind of like a TGI Friday or something

41:05

where there's just all these frames on the

41:07

walls, but they haven't been filled.

41:09

But it's just like misshapen various wacky shit,

41:12

just Uncle Beau's family feed bagged all over

41:14

the place. Right.

41:17

Can I ask, with this

41:19

statue protruding out

41:21

of the building that they've intentionally created

41:23

a hole, is the hole sinked

41:27

or like in any way so that it's

41:29

like he's emerging out of a butthole? Why

41:31

are you asking? Is he coming out or

41:33

is he going in? Nobody knows. Maybe it's

41:35

both. Who's to say? Yeah. I just want

41:37

to know, is the roof puckered? What

41:39

I will say is the roof makes

41:41

it cross, but it is narrower towards the

41:44

top and bottom. So, it's a little bit

41:46

like an X. And there

41:48

are vaunted, they've got like awnings

41:50

that hang down made of cloth to give

41:52

people shade. So, if you look from above,

41:54

it is pretty much just a butthole with

41:57

a guy with a hammer rising out of it. Got

41:59

it. Got it. honey last view. Yeah,

42:01

oh honey last is gonna be disgusted by

42:03

this thing. Alright, so butthole that's

42:05

what you arrived to. And

42:09

then in the

42:11

original title, we're gonna have to move that statue. We have

42:13

very funny now. Behold.

42:21

Okay, I could see

42:23

where this might seem excessive.

42:26

Yeah, you see I thought at

42:29

the fortress when they started making the statues that

42:31

this was a problem. This seems to me to

42:33

be a somewhat larger problem. Maybe

42:35

it's not that bad. Maybe we can

42:37

just tone it down. And that's when

42:39

you hear a creaking and the statue

42:41

just starts waving the townsfolk animatronicly from

42:43

outside. No! There's

42:46

two goblins pulling levers. And you see

42:48

the mouth opens like a ventriloquist dummy

42:50

and inside is fart hole holding a

42:53

giant like megaphone that comes out the

42:55

eye of the statue. And he's like,

42:58

it's Mr. Beavo! He's doing

43:00

great everybody! Nice job selling stuff!

43:02

Good job picking a city! I

43:05

can be your god now! Every

43:07

hour on the hour. I

43:11

asked him if he could also say the time of day

43:13

and he said, quote, it's the

43:15

time! It's the time.

43:21

Yeah, so anyway, I... So

43:25

why did you give him a permit? I

43:29

told you, our licensing was

43:32

behind on things.

43:34

But also I assumed that Royal Edicts circumvented...

43:38

I didn't tell him to do the statue

43:40

thing. This is crazy. I've said, I... God,

43:42

King, separate. I don't want...

43:44

This is not a theocracy. I'm not interested in

43:46

that. I understand that, but I believe he thinks

43:49

that the castle is for King Butthole and

43:51

the megachurch is for God Bubthole. See, I would be fine

43:53

with that if this was just a church, but it's a

43:55

megachurch. So it's ever... If he just wanted to build one

43:57

for me and we could build one for all the rest...

44:00

and then he was in there yelling out that it

44:02

is a time, that's not a problem.

44:05

Well, here's the real question. Do you

44:07

need me to handle this administratively or

44:10

do you want to speak to your disciple? He'll probably

44:12

see you as like a weird holy conflict he has

44:14

to get around to, you know, like you're making him

44:16

prove that he deserves to build a statue he could

44:19

yell out at the mouth of. He

44:21

and Yevgenovitch are going to end up having a fantasy poker night at

44:23

some point. I really don't want that to be the topic of conversation.

44:25

I just think they're going to get along very well or hate each

44:27

other or fall in love. It'll be one of those three. Oh,

44:29

that could really complicate the marriage.

44:32

Okay. Everybody's falling

44:34

in love right now. Maybe

44:37

one day it'll be me. And

44:39

she reaches out, has to like reach

44:41

up and like on her tiptoes doesn't quite get your

44:44

shoulder. And she looks at

44:46

you without a hint of guile and she says,

44:48

honestly, sir, yeah, it will be. That'd

44:51

be nice. Okay, I will talk to

44:53

him, but we need a solution that will also

44:55

keep him functional. Do

44:58

we have a space to build a

45:00

mega church, like a proper bigger church or

45:02

a bunch of churches that are this size?

45:07

Now that we don't have walls

45:09

around the city, we have ample

45:11

space. Okay. So basically we're a little bit

45:13

limited by that. I will say

45:15

that industry is springing up all around the

45:17

city. So if you want to, you

45:21

know, sketch out a giant space for a

45:24

amphitheater sized dragon judge or for,

45:27

I know I've already got that

45:29

one. Perfect.

45:32

If you want big spaces, you should really grab them now because

45:34

soon, I suspect if we aren't

45:37

leveled by the trebuchets later today, then there will

45:39

be plenty of space. Okay. Pick

45:41

a couple of main roads where there isn't

45:43

everything around already and nobody gets to just

45:45

claim empty space as though that's theirs. They

45:47

got to actually get it. We're working on

45:49

the permits, but. Which

45:52

is great, but we're going to need like probably a market street.

45:54

These got to be main streets. We're going to need something for

45:56

religions because a lot of the time they end up with like

45:58

a temple row of some kind or something like that. And any

46:01

of the other major affairs you would expect. Show me

46:03

an insight. You

46:08

recall that in Celgont they actually had a pretty

46:10

solid model of this. And so someone like Lexi

46:12

who spent a lot of time on Temple Row

46:14

could really help out here. Oh. Celgont

46:16

actually was built really well for trade

46:19

because they're like a trade hub. And we

46:21

brought back a bard who spent a lot of time

46:23

walking through there. Her name's Lexi. Technically, she

46:27

got freed, I guess, of working in Celgont by

46:29

Gautak. But we didn't actually give her a job.

46:32

We should hook you up with Lexi. That would be

46:34

great. And then you can steal

46:36

whatever you want from her. You know hotels. We

46:38

figure it out. Because we want everybody who's here

46:41

to stay, here to stay, contribute positively. And everybody

46:43

else, we want to

46:45

do this morally and ethically. But also like a

46:47

restaurant. Come on in, have a nice time, spend

46:49

your money. Okay, good bye. And like send them

46:51

out if they're just touristy. We want to have

46:53

a nice time. But we got

46:55

to figure out like what's sustainable here. Yes. Well,

46:57

in particular, if they're making use of our infrastructure,

46:59

the hotel guests are going to

47:01

use our towels. They need to fucking pay for the towels.

47:03

Agreed. Agreed. I agree with that. Okay, then I got to

47:05

talk to Farthol. This is... There

47:09

are a lot of gods. We can't possibly have temples

47:11

this big for every god, right? No, no. You

47:14

just really need to make sure there's room for anyone who wants

47:16

to stop off for a

47:19

moment to pay their respects. If they're travelers from out

47:21

of town, they want to see a familiar sight. But

47:25

they don't all need a giant fucking animatronic. They just

47:27

need somewhere they can go in and make a little

47:29

offering and say, hey, thanks for not murdering me on

47:31

the road. Or like, hey, I need luck. I'm falling

47:33

in love and I want to make sure I get

47:35

a first kiss or some shit and then they can

47:37

burn a candle or I don't know, throw some money.

47:40

That sounds great. At the hotel, we had a number

47:42

of small rooms of worship. People just go into and

47:44

they could do whatever the fuck they wanted in there.

47:46

I like the idea of shrines instead of tempura. That

47:48

seems smart. So we do all the shrines. We got

47:50

this giant place. We have a walkthrough, a walkthrough, a

47:52

walkthrough, a walkthrough, a walkthrough, a walkthrough parkade area, except

47:55

for the huge statue. Did

47:58

you accept the donations? Everything I'm seeing

48:00

plaques with names on them. Does that money go

48:02

to you? Oh, I was not involved in

48:04

any of this fart hole. Oh No,

48:07

okay. And then again just points to the

48:09

statue. She's like I think you can see the donations from here

48:13

All right. We may need to do some state-funded

48:15

shrine building to try to balance this out Okay,

48:18

that really keeps that separation of houses.

48:20

We're supporting everybody right? I got or

48:22

I gotta find a different Cleric.

48:25

No, it's fine. It's fine. Also admittedly

48:29

Despite and again just peering

48:31

up into the sky at this fucking statue

48:33

like aside from this People

48:38

were quite touched that he allowed

48:40

anyone who wanted to speak of

48:42

religion to speak during his large

48:44

ceremony went on for a Couple

48:47

of days. No one stayed for all of it. Everyone

48:49

thought it was very boring But

48:51

also that there was nice sentiment a

48:53

lovable idiot. I believe was the term thrown about so

48:55

it's not as though You need to replace them as

48:57

cleric religion does seem to be Respected

49:00

in Asgard. Okay. Okay. Here's what I'm

49:02

thinking I think I may have a

49:04

solution because patty two eyes is the

49:06

town crier So she says things that

49:09

I want people to hear that come

49:11

from me So if

49:13

I convince fart hole that he shouldn't

49:15

speak for me. He's climbing up in that mouth

49:17

He's speaking for me then we can put patty

49:19

two eyes in there. She can

49:22

yell the news and You

49:24

wanted her to yell what time it is. I'm

49:26

sure she can figure that out. Well, I don't think we

49:29

need the time I just thought it'd be more useful than

49:31

just yelling. Oh, I don't tell yourself short. It was a

49:33

very good idea We need the time. What time is it

49:35

right now? The

49:37

time exactly is that helpful? No.

49:39

Yeah, that's why if patty two eyes yelled

49:42

an actual time. That'd be pretty good Okay

49:47

You are so wise. Thank you You're

49:51

welcome. Also Be

49:54

careful with foul my ping blossom. I know we've

49:56

talked about this before but oh,

49:59

yeah, I talked with a I talk with the others

50:01

and I even acknowledge her with Fallon Meyer like I trust

50:03

Fallon Meyer and seems good But Fallon Meyer also has her

50:05

own objectives that are different than mine and it makes me

50:07

a little bit sad I wish we could be more friends,

50:09

but maybe she'll help with the magic school And

50:12

just like a genuine grin split that and say so

50:14

just says Sir, that

50:16

is tremendous personal growth. Oh,

50:18

thank you and

50:21

just Kind of like

50:23

a little taken aback that honestly just says

50:25

okay I have licenses to send out and

50:27

in other words to make good luck speaking

50:30

to your chief cleric She

50:33

has her own journey that I have

50:35

to be careful from butthole farts Strange

50:39

new world and off she goes All

50:42

righty. Let's go find this gablet With

50:45

that butthole you march into your own

50:47

temple Ryan to confront yourself Yep

50:57

This episode is brought to you by

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52:43

right, wait, where are you? Friend?

52:46

Uh, Fartho? Oh, it's missing my phone so bad.

52:49

You got such a nice beer

52:51

to live in so much where you bury me. That's

52:55

not what I'm here to talk about. I'm

52:57

here to talk about the church. Oh, that's

52:59

great. I did so much. At 13 helpers,

53:01

I was only going to have eight and then five

53:04

more came, and then everyone donated things, and they

53:06

gave me money because they were donating, and

53:08

I was like, that's nice. I

53:10

have so much money now. I

53:13

don't think that money was for you, I think. Did

53:17

they expect things to be in the frames? They

53:20

said a lot of words like art and

53:22

paintings and tapestries, but I was like, what?

53:24

Who needs that? You pray to a God.

53:26

See, the name, it's a good name. You're

53:29

telling me you were supposed to

53:31

buy art. No. God's

53:34

working in mysterious ways. They thought

53:36

they wanted art, but what they

53:39

really wanted was religion. So

53:43

you took their money and you just put

53:45

frames up everywhere with nothing in them to

53:47

teach them a lesson? Yeah, they give me a

53:49

lot of money. This

53:53

has become an organized religion faster than I'm comfortable

53:55

with. If

53:58

the art doesn't matter, why not? Why

54:00

did you build the statue? Oh,

54:02

because you're the biggest and best god. I love you so

54:04

much. You have such a nice beard. Will you marry me?

54:08

We're going to come back to that later. I

54:11

understand that you like me. Do you know who

54:14

likes, and he looks over and he's like, Tempest?

54:16

Oh, I wish that wasn't the example I picked out of the

54:18

wall, but people really love Tempest, right?

54:20

Oh, yeah, they won't shut up about that here. They

54:23

love Tempest so much. Gave everybody a couple

54:25

of minutes talking about religion and people were

54:27

like, ooh, war for life. It's so many

54:29

days. So many days. We're not even at

54:31

war. If

54:36

we go to war right now, everyone loses and we die. I know.

54:40

I'm not a Tempest guy either, but

54:43

you're distracting me. We have to stay focused here. I don't know if

54:45

that's true. You can think whatever you want. You're a god. Will

54:48

you marry me? I'm

54:51

going to ask you to put the proposals just on

54:53

pause. Just give me three minutes of that proposal. I'll

54:56

try. That's

54:58

all any of us can ask. Now,

55:01

you built a statue because you think I'm the

55:03

biggest best god, and apparently several days worth of

55:05

people that were going to let that go think

55:08

Tempest is the best god. Thank

55:11

you for not asking me to marry you. Oh, it was

55:13

hard. So I need

55:17

you to understand that they probably think there

55:19

should be a big statue of Tempest. Yeah,

55:21

but they're wrong. Yeah, but that's what you

55:23

think. They think you're wrong. What? I'll fight

55:25

them. No, don't. They believe in

55:27

the god of war and bad for you. Or for them. Or

55:30

both. So

55:34

if they think that is who

55:36

should have a statue and you think I should

55:38

have a statue, and you had all

55:40

the money, and you didn't make their statue

55:42

that they gave you the money, and you made your statue,

55:45

what does that mean? Will

55:50

you marry me? No, that's not what it means. Yeah, it

55:53

could mean it. It could, but it doesn't. We're

55:56

having a serious talk right now. You robbed a

55:58

lot of people, and you built a giant statue. of me.

56:01

And this is supposed to be a church for everyone

56:03

and right now it's a collection of barns that look

56:05

like a butthole. Side note, that

56:07

was very smart and correct. But

56:10

there's nothing here for anyone else and it's all

56:12

about me now. So people are going to think

56:14

that I'm a god king. People use the word god king outside. But

56:17

you're a god and a king

56:19

and like that's different. I

56:21

completely agree. I keep telling everyone and I don't

56:23

know why they're confused. But then I find out

56:25

you think they're separate like you do. Oh yeah.

56:29

You think they're separate too. But

56:31

the way you're putting this together really makes it

56:33

seem like this is a bit of a theocracy.

56:35

Well you're in charge of everything and you make

56:37

all the decisions and you're a god. I

56:40

understand where you're coming from

56:43

but this isn't a theocracy.

56:45

Why? I don't want that.

56:48

Why you're perving? You're such a good beard

56:50

and you're so smart. I

56:53

know. Listen, when

56:57

people try to find a god I hope I'm going to be

56:59

a great one. But like I'm also what if I give birth

57:01

to a god and it's not even me. What?

57:04

You're crazy. That's never going to happen.

57:06

You can't do that. I don't

57:08

know what I could do or not do. I talked to Chantilla.

57:11

You met her? Yeah, she's great. Oh that's

57:13

so neat. I'll get her a picture. You

57:16

can't just pick favorites. You're the chief

57:18

cleric. You have to be a cleric

57:20

for everybody. What

57:24

do you think that means? They

57:26

come to me and they say I like a god

57:28

and then I turn them around the like a you.

57:31

No. Okay,

57:34

that's a regular cleric. Yeah,

57:37

but you are a different kind of cleric.

57:40

What? You're different. Didn't

57:42

you just wander around telling everybody they should

57:44

follow moon hammer all the time and then

57:46

kind of steamrolling their objections until they agreed

57:48

to say we're tired? I

57:53

mean yes, but

57:55

that was different because moon hammer

57:57

wasn't the king of the country saying I'm

58:00

Not a queen and a god. What?

58:04

I don't know either, but you can't

58:06

do the statue thing. It's too weird and it makes

58:08

it seem like we're playing favorites. It makes it seem

58:11

like I don't like the other gods. But

58:13

he's in Shantia with school! Okay,

58:15

okay, we got it. We got it. This we can work with. Where's

58:19

the statue of Shantia? Oh!

58:23

Nobody gave me money for that. We don't got no farms!

58:26

So what you're saying is you made a statue

58:28

for me and not for my best friend Shantia?

58:31

Oh no! Yeah, yeah, you fucked that

58:33

up, didn't you? You can't just pick favorites because

58:35

what if you miss out on my friends? Oh

58:38

no, what other gods do you like? I

58:41

like them all. What? If

58:44

you pick a fight with another god, what if we end up going

58:46

to war? Oh, but war's so bad we're all

58:48

gonna die! Exactly, and that's what you

58:50

were telling me. That's how I know it's true. Oh

58:53

no. Oh no, but I'm whole! So

58:55

can you build other statues this big? Oh

58:58

god, no, I'd spend most

59:00

of the money! But

59:02

everything in the statue was on fire. Yeah,

59:04

but there's a lot of new people and some of them

59:06

were selling the burnt wood. Why

59:08

didn't you buy new wood? Because that

59:11

didn't come from your apotheosis! Do

59:17

you have the ability to make all the god statues this big?

59:19

Oh no! No,

59:21

not at all! Well

59:23

then, how are you gonna show that I

59:25

think all of my friends are equal to me? Because it's

59:27

weird if I seemed like I was bigger and more important

59:30

than my friends. Isn't that weird? Yeah,

59:32

I don't know. Would it

59:34

be weird if I made

59:36

a big statue of you and all your friends had small

59:38

statues? I think that'd be funny! What

59:42

if... Who's the most important person

59:44

to you right now? You! Okay, what if

59:46

you made a bigger statue of you than you made of me? Oh no. That'd

59:51

be so bad! That's what you're doing right now.

59:54

What? A big statue

59:56

of me is actually a little statue of

59:58

me. Oh

1:00:00

my god. I have to

1:00:02

make the littlest statue. That's right, that'll be the biggest statue. The

1:00:05

biggest statue in my heart will be the littlest statue. I

1:00:08

can wiggle. Perfect, you got a

1:00:10

lot of wood, man. Alright, so just,

1:00:12

you gotta, this is gonna be a statue

1:00:15

that becomes a part of the city. You

1:00:17

don't get to go in there anymore. What?

1:00:19

Why? Because that statue's wrong. Oh

1:00:21

yeah, I'm so sorry, will you marry me? Stop it.

1:00:24

I don't want to. Okay.

1:00:29

Maybe later. Oh, I can wait. I

1:00:32

can wait for an answer as long as it's yes.

1:00:34

Okay, so you can't go in anymore. I'm

1:00:37

gonna send Patty two-eyes in there to say things to the people and say what time

1:00:39

it is. It's now! That's not

1:00:41

helpful to you or other people. I

1:00:44

think it could be helpful to me. Okay.

1:00:47

You need to make a small statue of me,

1:00:49

the smallest one, you can't. That'll be the one

1:00:52

that impresses me. And then, you know,

1:00:54

if you think other gods aren't quite as good, maybe

1:00:57

make a little statue of me, because we secretly know that's

1:00:59

the biggest, and then make some bigger

1:01:01

statues of them, like maybe everybody's the

1:01:03

size of a person, because then, imagine how small

1:01:05

their statues will be. I don't get

1:01:07

it. I work in mysterious ways.

1:01:10

I get that, okay. So

1:01:12

I make a little statue of you and I make

1:01:15

people-sized statues of all the other gods,

1:01:17

and then you're the best. And

1:01:20

then to say I'm the best, you have to not say

1:01:22

that part. I don't get

1:01:24

it. It's the same way. You gotta

1:01:26

say a little compliment to me and a big compliment to

1:01:28

the other gods, and then they're still my friend, and I

1:01:30

know that you like me the best. So what

1:01:32

you want me to say is like, Bup-hose, man, this

1:01:35

is pretty great, but... I

1:01:37

love all the gods equally and fully

1:01:39

support your worship, strangers. Yep,

1:01:41

that's it. That's what you gotta do. Well,

1:01:44

this is gonna be hard. But

1:01:46

if it ends in a wedding, I'll do it for you, Bup-hose.

1:01:48

I love your beard so much, please marry me. I

1:01:51

have to go. Laura

1:02:00

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