0:00

This episode is brought to you by

0:02

Progressive, where customers who save by switching

0:04

their home and car save nearly $800

0:06

on average. Quote

0:09

at progressive.com. Progressive

0:12

Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

0:14

National average 12-month savings of

0:16

$793 by

0:19

new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between

0:21

June 2021 and May 2022. Potential

0:25

savings will vary. When

0:27

you need mealtime inspiration, it's worth

0:29

shopping Kroger, where you'll find over

0:31

30,000 No

0:36

matter what tasty choice you make, you'll enjoy

0:38

our everyday low prices. Plus, extra ways to

0:40

save, like digital coupons worth over $600 each

0:42

week. You can

0:44

also save up to $1 off per gallon at

0:46

the pump with fuel points. More

0:48

savings and more inspiring flavors. The

0:58

Fable & Folly Network supports creators

1:00

of exceptional audio stories, including the

1:02

one you're listening to right now.

1:04

If you love our shows, we

1:06

want to hear from you. Complete

1:08

our listener survey at fableandfolly.com/survey. This

1:10

will help us learn more about

1:12

you, what you like, what you'd

1:14

like to hear more of, and

1:17

how we can maintain an inclusive,

1:19

safe atmosphere. As a thank you

1:21

for your participation, we have extras

1:23

and behind-the-scenes content from your favorite

1:25

shows. Fans make the Network Thanks

1:27

for listening, and we can't wait to hear from you.

1:30

Find our listener survey at

1:32

fableandfolly.com. Welcome

1:38

back to Dum Dums & Dragons, where

1:40

improvisers who've never role-played before journey into

1:43

the world of Dungeons & Dragons. I

1:45

am the great wizard Bukake, your host.

1:48

Our heroes have returned to Asgard. Quini

1:51

went to visit Vint and Charlemagne and his

1:53

family. Gartok set up a process for recruiting

1:55

new guards for the town watch. And

1:57

Butthole was forced to deal with Farthole's megachurch.

2:00

that only featured the Bot Hammer. But will

2:02

these heroes be able to join the Lords

2:04

Alliance and survive facing the Purple Dragons? Find

2:07

out next on Dom

2:09

Dom's and Dray Goms.

2:16

Quinnie, you are approaching the residence

2:19

of Vinton Charlemagne.

2:22

Eee! Yeah. And of course, Chompy.

2:25

The diplomatic, was it the

2:28

Vassar embassy, I

2:30

think we've established as sort of the house

2:34

on a hill that has been secure

2:36

for Vassar as a longstanding ally of

2:40

Akkah and sort of a place of

2:43

great honor amongst the other sort

2:45

of embassy type buildings

2:47

and places ambassadors can live. You

2:50

are approaching to check in on your love

2:53

of your life, question mark maybe, according to

2:55

some people, Vinton having been

2:57

gone for a bit. Before we go to further though,

2:59

Ryan, I do want to give you a point of

3:01

inspiration for having a full blown

3:03

golem with yourself last episode. Great,

3:06

does that go to Farthol? It

3:09

goes to Ryan. Oh, okay, I will make a

3:11

note that I have one for... You

3:13

can use it for any of your three boys. Thank

3:16

you. Yep, good job. So,

3:20

Quinnie, what are you doing on route

3:22

up here? Is this just a walk?

3:24

Normally you rob people to bring Vinton

3:27

prizes and things. I'm curious about your kind of intent here.

3:29

I think with the hustle and bustle of Asgard

3:32

now, it wouldn't be too difficult

3:34

to purchase something. Oh, so easy.

3:36

Okay, yeah, I'll buy another bottle

3:39

of wine and another ham

3:41

hock for Chompy. And

3:45

this is just... We

3:49

showed up outside of the castle. If we had teleported

3:51

to inside the castle, Quinnie's first thing would have been

3:53

to like, see his daughter and parents now that he's

3:55

outside, he knows he has to go to the castle.

3:57

So he didn't want to go

3:59

back. and forth too much. So this is more of

4:02

a keeping up appearances kind of thing.

4:06

Quinnie's been away, he feels like it's

4:08

probably prudent to pop

4:10

in and say hello to the woman who could kill

4:12

him if

4:14

he hurt her feelings. So yeah,

4:17

he's... Whatever you

4:19

got to tell yourself, man. Exactly.

4:21

Yeah. Greats for work.

4:23

Yeah. He says visiting

4:25

before he visits his daughter. Yeah. Sorry,

4:28

Judy will get it. She's used to

4:30

disappearing for extended periods of time. So

4:32

you approach the gate

4:35

outside. There's no chompy kind of up on the... Normally

4:37

you get dog pounced by

4:40

chompy on

4:42

the way up, but you are not in this

4:44

particular instance. All

4:46

right. I'll knock on

4:48

the door. Yep. So going through the

4:51

gate. The gate is unlocked in

4:53

a very clear signal of you could rob

4:57

this place. Yeah. I don't

4:59

dial 911 doormat there as well

5:02

as just a picture of a

5:04

revolver. Yeah, 100%. Okay.

5:06

Be aware of dog and this is... Very much my uncle's house, cool. Yes. Okay.

5:10

Yeah. So you go up, you knock on the door. Can you roll

5:12

me a perception check, please? Yeah.

5:17

Nine. You hear nothing. Great.

5:22

Are the lights on? I'm

5:25

trying to think in fantasy terms. It's

5:27

daytime, so... How are the sconces

5:29

on the wall? How are the sconces? Yeah.

5:31

Yeah. Okay. No, that's fair. I had a night...

5:33

Or illuminated gems, if this is a fancier place.

5:36

Yeah, it was. You know, you tap it and

5:38

it's like those lamps. You tap it and there's

5:40

a couple of different illumination calls. Yeah. These

5:42

all trap souls of the warlock knight's enemies, you know,

5:44

through the classic sconce. Oh, she brought them

5:46

from home. It's

5:49

so rare to see a Visayan lamp in these days. What's

5:55

the final word on light coming from

5:57

outside the house there? A Visayan lamp. lights

6:00

up those warlock nights. Oh. Wow.

6:07

You've got a jail in this town. Those ghosts there too. So

6:10

yeah, Quitty, the curtains

6:13

are drawn. You can't

6:15

really see light much past them with your nine. But

6:19

yeah, you're uncertain. All

6:22

right, he will

6:24

leave the wine and the ham

6:26

hock like on the doorstep. And

6:29

he'll, does he have a writing implement? I

6:31

guess he doesn't. I'd

6:33

be willing to say you. Yeah, just to like leave a note,

6:35

even just like right on the like the label of the wine

6:37

bottle, just like back in town, thought I'd

6:40

say hi, sorry I missed you, Q. And

6:42

just put that on the doorstep and then he's

6:45

heading to the castle. All right, sounds good.

6:49

So you

6:51

meet back up with Butthole having

6:53

dealt now with Farthol and the

6:55

mega church, Gartok. You've

6:57

returned from postering. You're

6:59

getting word out about getting the town watch set up.

7:02

Patty is doing what Patty do, going

7:05

around and causing a ruckus. So now getting to open

7:07

up the mouth of a giant statue that has amplifiers

7:09

by eyes. Soon, she's currently busy, but when she gets

7:12

back from that, she'll learn. Oh my God, I see

7:14

a word. Yeah, but who could you

7:16

send? Who cries to

7:18

the crier? Patty loud eyes. That

7:22

is what the statue is. Patty town cries. How

7:25

did we get there earlier? How did we get to

7:28

that one? Town

7:30

cries. It's

7:34

gonna be a technical term for the things she yells. Welcome

7:38

to Patty too, how is town cries? My

7:41

name's Steve. All

7:43

right, so you

7:45

all meet back up at the Black Castle.

7:48

Annan has been sent

7:50

off on a number of things, but you're able to

7:52

check back in. Quinnie, you did, I think, wanna check

7:54

in with your family as well. I did, yeah. So

7:56

I think safe to say that, you know, as the

7:59

council's kinda being. called in preparation to be

8:01

made, there's enough time to quickly stop by

8:03

and see those folks. Are

8:06

you going to your parents' order, or Ginny first? Ginny first. After

8:08

your booty call, who is next on the list? The

8:11

people you would go see? In order of people who could kill

8:13

me, yeah. Oh man,

8:15

Penny's got to go off that list. Yeah,

8:17

fair enough. So you go to see Ginny.

8:22

So you hear furious

8:24

scribbling as you approach Ginny's room

8:27

of that classic quill pen on

8:29

parchment sort

8:31

of style, and just hear

8:34

her just muttering things like, is that

8:36

the right phrase? No,

8:38

that sounds stupid. I don't sound stupid. I don't sound like

8:40

a kid. Oh God, I think I'm

8:42

a kid. I don't know, just like scratchers, crumple,

8:44

crumple, crumple. That's so fucking dumb. You're like a

8:47

little thump into a waste paper basket. Yeah, so

8:49

fucking dumb. That's like, she's my kid. That's

8:52

what I say about stuff. Can

8:55

we just like take a second here? Like what's going on?

8:57

And just if he hears this through the door, he's like,

9:00

my interest is Pete. Right, go ahead and roll on

9:03

perception check please. Not

9:06

much better. Okay,

9:11

yeah, she's muttering, so it's not impossible

9:13

to hear. You

9:16

listen for a few moments and hear her

9:18

again just like fresh piece of paper hits

9:20

the table more, more scratching and scratching, and

9:22

just kind of my

9:26

newfound subject. No, that sounds, no.

9:30

Friends

9:32

ask guardians, country people. No, that doesn't work

9:34

either. How do you, like how

9:36

do you even address a lot of people in a thing?

9:38

This is so stupid. Should I just, should I just wing

9:41

it? If I wing it, does that make me seem like

9:44

a better, like I'm

9:46

in control or does that make it seem like I'm

9:48

out of control because I didn't write notes? Should

9:50

I get Ann in to write it for me? Fuck,

9:54

I hope I never have to use this. Dear

9:58

Asgard, it's me. Geez!

10:02

Oh boy, knock knock knock. It

10:04

put her out of her misery.

10:07

She just like, shuffled papers quickly.

10:09

And she just says, Seamus,

10:11

I'm not, I don't have time right now. Bucky,

10:14

if it's you, I'm sure it's awesome. You

10:16

did a great job. I can see it

10:18

through the door. It looks great. You're

10:21

very talented. No, it's

10:23

uh, qui- uh, Dad,

10:25

it's Dad. It's qui-Dad?

10:27

Is that what we're going with now? Qui-Dad?

10:30

Yeah. Great. Qui-Dad. Alright,

10:33

well I'm glad to see you. You want your

10:35

loot or do you want your- Oh shit, there's

10:37

loot? Yes, I got it. Okay, I

10:39

really buried the lead there, qui-Dad. Welcome back.

10:42

You're not dead. No. There's

10:45

probably a plenty of way to put this. Did we fuck it

10:47

up? Are we all going to die? Or is, do

10:49

we still have a big nation here?

10:51

Everything should be cool. Yeah, I don't know how

10:53

much I'm allowed to say, but

10:55

yeah, it should be fine. Great.

10:57

Okay, well that's pretty good. Uh,

10:59

did- what was the process

11:01

thing? Oh,

11:03

again, not sure what I'm allowed to say.

11:05

Fuck it, it's you. There was like a

11:07

crazy warforged. You

11:10

know what a warforged is? You remember the warforged? Uh,

11:14

is that like, uh, Mr. System?

11:17

Kind of, yeah, I guess. So like,

11:19

metal and like walks around and- Sort

11:21

of like a robot. Talks like this.

11:25

And so this

11:27

one, we didn't get his whole life story, but

11:30

he was basically manipulating all

11:32

these undead to experience all

11:35

of life's best stuff.

11:38

Oh, because he was like a robot, so it was

11:40

just like sad that he couldn't like taste and stuff? I

11:42

didn't ask. I stabbed him in the neck. Yeah,

11:45

okay. Cool. Yeah, he was just

11:47

fucking shit up for everybody. He was harming a lot of

11:49

people because every time his little zombie puppets didn't

11:51

get their way, they would explode, and they were doing a lot

11:54

of harm, so. Wow, didn't even know that was an option. Uh,

11:57

did you get to do any sneaky like, thiefy stuff? Yeah. Yeah,

12:00

I did. Did it go well? It

12:02

went all right. I got some for you here. And

12:05

we didn't talk about this, Tom, but some

12:08

of Quinnie's confession,

12:11

what would these be called?

12:13

Repent? Penance? Yeah,

12:15

it's penance. Penance. Penance.

12:18

Your hail buttholes? Yeah, yeah. Some

12:20

of Quinnie's penances from talking

12:23

to Farthol were like, steal 100 gold

12:25

worth of stuff but give

12:27

to Ginny and to give 100 gold

12:29

worth of stuff stolen to mom and

12:31

dad as well. So

12:35

he would have done that if it's

12:37

okay with you to... Yeah, sure. You want

12:40

to spend some stress before taking a long rest

12:42

at the end of this quest? Sure. Happily,

12:44

thank you. Yep. Yeah,

12:46

I think... Well, A, he's got

12:49

the dragon skull from when we

12:51

absolutely toasted that ogre and two

12:53

chimeras. Yeah. So

12:55

he'll be like, bam, what do you think of that? Holds

12:58

out a dragon skull. Holy shit, that must have been

13:00

an incredibly complex and layered fight. I

13:03

like that you think that. I'm

13:06

gonna give you a point of inspiration for

13:08

hurting the DM's feelings. She

13:12

just looks at it. A dangerous game. Yeah, she looks

13:14

at it and... Oh, let's see. How does she feel

13:16

about it? Oh yeah, she's like,

13:18

whoa, you killed a dragon? Like

13:20

a small dragon or like a big dragon? What color was

13:22

it? Part of a dragon, I guess. Yeah,

13:25

it was a chimera. So a bunch of different heads.

13:27

I picked the cool dragon ones that have like the

13:29

goat head. Wait, there's

13:32

a dragon that has a goat head? There's

13:34

a chimera that has a dragon head. That's

13:36

fucked up. Here, this is it. What? Okay.

13:39

Like she takes the skull, but also

13:41

just again, someone discovering a wider

13:44

world than she knew. She's

13:46

like, okay. Well I'm glad

13:48

they can die at least. This

13:50

is awesome. This is so cool. Thank

13:54

you. She

13:56

looks around the room and is like, where should we hang

13:58

this? Oh, wherever you are. you think would

14:00

be good, it's yours. Yeah,

14:03

I guess I just kinda used to not have

14:06

my own space. What

14:09

says future, maybe,

14:11

region of this country that

14:14

used to kill things, how

14:18

do I hang this and not look like a tyrant? It's

14:22

a skull, so maybe

14:24

don't, if you don't want the tyrant

14:27

thing, maybe this is a- It puts it on

14:29

her desk, it just throws a handkerchief

14:31

over it and it doesn't hide

14:33

anything, just covers the top of that and she's like, okay,

14:36

it's a work in progress. It's

14:38

really cool, Dad, it's really, really

14:41

cool and I'm glad it didn't kill you.

14:44

I'm sorry it also had a goat head

14:46

and other things. That sounds terrible, but I'm

14:48

glad you guys killed

14:51

it so easily, apparently. Yeah, no, it was not an issue. I

14:53

can't stress to you enough how easy it was. Okay, that's great.

14:56

Wow, wow, just

14:58

a world of possibilities here, a world

15:00

of endless tactical options and circumstances and

15:02

just nothing, huh? Yeah, no, it's a

15:05

wide, wide beautiful world and I can't

15:07

tell you how easy it is. Okay,

15:10

well, that's great. And you stealthily

15:12

infiltrated a mansion, apparently, just fine

15:14

with no hitches? Yeah.

15:17

Well, the subject should be the decision. Looking

15:21

to get out of the ads and back to the story?

15:25

Fable and Folly Plus is a new way

15:27

to support the creators you love. The podcast

15:29

you're listening to right now and more than

15:31

60 others can be heard ad-free for

15:34

as little as $4 a month by visiting

15:36

fableandfolly.com/plus. And

15:39

now you'll start to see Fable and Folly network shows are

15:42

offering bonus content to all existing and new

15:44

supporters. Find exclusive new episodes

15:46

from shows like Civilized

15:48

and Realms of Peril and Glory. Fable

15:52

and Folly Plus. Sign up

15:54

today at fableandfolly.com/plus. Plus.

16:30

patreon.com/dum dum dice. That's

16:52

D-U-M-B. D-U-M-B. D-I-C-E. And

16:56

if you pay that dollar to join that

16:58

discord, you get a chance for me to

17:00

say hello, new friend to you. Natural

17:14

one. I'll reroll. Ten.

17:20

You did just get an inspiration for hurting the

17:23

DMs feelings. That's like a 23 to 70.

17:25

Yeah. Yeah.

17:27

Ginny did not roll that high. She's

17:29

like, awesome. That's awesome. Okay. From said

17:31

mansion, I stole this item and this

17:33

is from now one of Courtney's penances.

17:36

I think for Ginny, he'd had gotten

17:38

her a nice sized painting. I think

17:40

he would have just yanked something off a wall

17:43

and said, I don't know. I don't know how much

17:45

this is like what

17:48

you're into, but I thought

17:50

it was kind of cool. So you can

17:52

have that as well. This

17:54

was taken. This was

17:56

stolen. I took this. Just like.

18:00

Just eyes light up. She goes. Oh, this

18:02

is awesome. This will go so well with

18:04

my new skull. Uh, wow I I hate

18:06

this Which means it must be

18:08

really rich like there must be really expensive. That's what

18:10

I was thinking I don't understand why you

18:12

you'd paint a guy looking at an apple like that. That's

18:15

amazing. Yeah I'm gonna put that up right here. She just

18:17

like puts it up just on the

18:19

wall right when you come in Yeah, yeah, I thought

18:21

it would either be art or you could do like

18:23

knife throwing target practice if you didn't like it I

18:25

thought either way awesome. That's good. Awesome It's

18:28

worth money That does make it

18:30

more awesome. Yeah, I think about this. I

18:32

think about whether the destruction is worth the yeah This

18:35

is the beautiful thing of me giving you Loot

18:38

gifts is like absolutely pawn this off if you

18:40

don't like it. Yeah. No, I do not As

18:44

you know like, you know Grand

18:47

grandpa kind of like given lessons as gifts and

18:49

then also really good food and like both of

18:51

those things are fine I guess I'm just having

18:53

like cool expensive shit Yeah, mom and dad love

18:55

to give lessons as gifts for birthdays and stuff

18:57

like that and I ran away from home

19:01

Yeah, that's a good point. Yeah, that's a good point and I also

19:03

ran away from home Taking stuff

19:05

and and I went to go kill

19:07

zombies in an abandoned town.

19:09

Okay. Yeah So, you know, okay room a little

19:11

bit over correction maybe on my part of like

19:14

I will just give you things but yeah Cool.

19:17

Cool. Well, thanks Thanks.

19:20

I think you're been good good. The city

19:22

seems to be okay I assume he doesn't get like leveled and

19:24

and stuff. We're working on keeping

19:26

that from happening. Yeah. Yeah Cool

19:31

and just like eyes dart to

19:33

the pages which is just moving the skull

19:35

to cover. Yeah. Is there anything else? No,

19:37

what's that? Oh This

19:40

is nothing of great import

19:42

roll the deception check. Jenny Go

19:45

three, you know three plus stuff, but not enough

19:49

Well, hang on cuz I rolled a seven on insight

19:51

she might beat me inside is

19:53

plus zero so seven, okay you beat her She

19:56

gets a plus three. So you beat her by what?

19:59

Okay So

20:01

Uncle Bot Hole got me thinking about the

20:05

nature of power and ruling

20:07

things, and I'm just trying to get

20:09

better at what I might need to

20:11

do in those regards. If you

20:13

have to like say things to people and stuff to

20:15

make them respect me

20:18

as their leader and you know, shit like that. Remind

20:21

me how old you are again? No.

20:25

Alright, yeah. You're

20:28

too young to be so worried about

20:30

it. Is this a thing that's been

20:32

on your mind all day, every day? Look,

20:35

I stumbled out of a portal, real happy to

20:37

see you guys, and I was just told like

20:39

I'm next in line and

20:41

you guys go and fight goat dragons

20:43

and shit apparently now. It's a lot, I

20:45

know. And so, yeah,

20:48

but no, it's not like I'm not like losing sleep

20:50

over it. I'm losing sleep over a bucky banging on

20:52

the fucking door trying to show me pictures he drew

20:55

which are like they're good, but I don't need to see him. You

20:57

want me to talk to Bucky? No, a

20:59

little break is hard man. He's got some care. I

21:02

know you don't. That's why we're different. I'm trying to be

21:04

better than you. That's the whole thing, right? Yeah, good. Yeah,

21:07

so like no, he just needs this. He's

21:10

just figured out naps. It's a whole,

21:12

anyway, no, it's fine. I

21:14

want to, I train with

21:16

my knives. I train with being

21:19

stealthy and sneaky and sneaking around and that's cool. I'm getting

21:21

better at those things. I'm good at those things. My area

21:23

that I'm great at is having to talk to like large

21:25

groups of people about all the things and I see Uncle

21:27

Butthole talk about them. I've seen you talk about them. I've

21:30

seen like Juniper talk about them. I

21:33

just need to get better at that. And I don't want to just like

21:35

go there and do it because I'm going to sound like a fucking idiot.

21:37

And so I'm like working on it in here alone

21:41

when people aren't listening or prying, okay,

21:45

like you. I

21:50

just, I don't, this stuff sucks.

21:52

It's not the same as just sneaking into stealing shit and

21:54

like stabbing someone in the dark. That's what I want to

21:56

do. But now apparently I got to wear some crown maybe

21:58

and like, yeah, maybe not today. But like you guys

22:00

go put yourselves in dangerous situations all the time you won't let

22:02

me come so I can't like watch your backs or anything Even

22:04

though it did do pretty fucking good that one time. Yeah, so

22:07

I don't know just Just working

22:09

on it. I'm just practicing because I want to make

22:11

sure I'm as good a leader as I am a

22:13

thief And I'm a pretty good thief so and

22:16

and Quinnie I'll just put both hands on her shoulders and say

22:19

I Hear you

22:21

okay, the world gets bigger and

22:23

bigger and we stay the same

22:25

size and that's real scary

22:28

scares me, too I'm

22:31

just like Maybe we could talk about it sometime

22:35

Yeah, you were king right? Oh Yeah,

22:39

very briefly and very poorly Okay,

22:42

well, yeah Maybe you could impart some of your royal

22:44

wisdom or something even if you hated it or were

22:46

bad at it or something I could like learn from

22:48

it. Maybe yeah, I could tell you all the things

22:50

I did and you could know not to do them

22:52

Yeah, okay, that would be great Because

22:54

she looks at you. She's like King Quimby I'm like,

22:57

okay Quimby who told you

22:59

that look he doesn't shut up man. He's yelling

23:01

stuff from the top of that statue a lot

23:05

What the goblin guy the little little stinky

23:07

goblin guy, I think he's like uncle butthole's

23:09

mascot. Oh Okay

23:14

Whole town, huh all of Asgard knows. Oh, I

23:16

don't think maybe them drew the connection I just

23:18

figured it out because there's only one person I

23:20

know who could be that I think

23:23

Still think he's talking about butthole to be honest, right?

23:26

Okay, maybe I won't have to kill him You just

23:28

hear a voice on the wind from the distance Big

23:35

and big is little just want you all

23:38

know your gods are the best

23:40

guys And

23:45

King Quimby's back case anybody was

23:47

working quibby's back. I Don't

23:50

know if he's in trouble in confession. You

23:53

have to ask me personally. I can't make the

23:55

announcements anymore He's

24:00

a real little son of a bitch. He's our minister of

24:02

culture. You want to go talk to him about it You

24:04

absolutely can the time is now 2 p.m. Time

24:07

is now 2 p.m. Like

24:11

I said, we're that going here. It

24:13

smells real bad Yeah,

24:16

I do Okay,

24:20

so now all of Asgard

24:22

knows and now all of Asgard knows yeah, yeah,

24:25

that's great, but no thanks I

24:27

ripped on the Ogre encounter,

24:29

huh? So,

24:38

uh, Jimmy just smiles no, thanks dad,

24:40

that's um I know that

24:42

wasn't an easy or good time for you and I know

24:44

the talking thing isn't really our thing yet And we're kind

24:46

of figuring that out. But no that

24:49

That'd be good. Yeah, I just don't don't

24:51

we caught flat-footed, you know, like no all your

24:54

exits Like you're teaching me know kind of like

24:56

what doors are locked what windows open easily what

24:58

ones make noise what floorboards Creek? I

25:00

figure maybe know how to Talk

25:02

to the nation that you might suddenly be running one day

25:04

if I don't know like When captain

25:07

plan tier shows up and blows up uncle

25:09

butthole or something Okay,

25:12

just make sure you're taking time for

25:14

yourself too because you might be

25:16

the leader of this nation someday But

25:19

you're definitely gonna grow up. So

25:24

You know clocks taken On

25:27

fun and she just like takes

25:29

a second that says Hey

25:33

Bucky, do you want to go? Kick

25:37

a ball and then she just kind

25:39

of wings you she's like I'm gonna

25:42

steal something from open. No, she goes perfect

25:46

and now just got to drop this

25:48

candelabra that I stole a mom

25:51

and dad's place Opened

25:54

Forward opens the door. Oh, hey, Nick when you're

25:56

back. Hey, yeah back got

25:59

you candy Oh hey, we

26:01

don't have one of those. Oh, there you go. Thought you might

26:03

like that little centerpiece for the table or something. And

26:06

he just like looks at you at this point

26:08

and says, now, Quinny, that's not where this is,

26:11

it's not, it's too big for a centerpiece, it's gonna take up the

26:13

whole table, you gotta hang one of those from the ceiling. That's

26:16

a chandelier, I think. Oh,

26:19

and just like, just shoved out of the

26:21

way by your mom. Just like, oh,

26:23

you know, there's a reason, we just let him do the cooking

26:25

and you know, we do the real work. This is beautiful candelabra

26:27

there, Quinny. Thank you for getting this. Did you do it for

26:30

this? Yes. No, I

26:32

didn't, no. Well, did, she

26:34

takes the text, she's like, did

26:37

they deserve it? Yeah,

26:39

yeah, I think so. Well, okay then.

26:42

We'll just take this piece

26:44

of contraband and put it right in the middle of the table so we can see

26:46

it and think about it every time we eat. Great.

26:50

Do you guys want to have dinner tonight? Just

26:53

like, grin lights up and she says, yeah,

26:55

I mean that is the one good thing he's good

26:57

at and Ford's like, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna start like

26:59

smashing stuff together and rattling pots

27:01

and pans and stuff and she just smiles and

27:04

says, you make sure to invite a hud

27:07

genie and you know, if there's anyone

27:09

special in your life that

27:11

maybe you want to invite to dinner that maybe

27:13

you probably should have told your parents about if things were getting serious.

27:16

What has Farthol been saying through the giant

27:18

bald statue? Oh,

27:20

no, that wasn't him. It was a

27:23

butthole swung by and told us that there was some good news. Oh,

27:28

I was just trying to not

27:30

have a conversation with him that

27:32

I should have. So I will have

27:34

it later. There isn't anyone

27:37

to bring. No, no, no.

27:39

Warlock nights. That's

27:42

a whole different thing that I

27:45

can't really discuss. Okay,

27:47

well, when you're ready to talk about it, you can

27:50

swing by. We can have some tea, we can have

27:52

some pie, we can have a little chat about your

27:55

feelings there quitting. Oh my God, Mom. Okay,

27:57

I have to go. I'm just saying we have a very

27:59

successful marriage. Goodbye, I just

28:02

go okay bye. Never from in the back.

28:06

As the door closes forward, just goes what was all that

28:08

about? All right, so you go back to meet up with

28:10

everyone. Laura,

28:14

would you stay in guard talk or would you? Yeah,

28:19

butthole's not around. Well, no, you're going

28:21

to meet butthole right now. Oh, I'm meeting you now. I

28:24

like being guard talk, it's been fun. I'm

28:27

gonna hang out like this for a bit. Great, love

28:29

it. So you

28:31

roll into the council chamber, bagels have been

28:33

set up and you

28:35

have a moment to kind of plan your, plan

28:39

how you want to approach the judgment

28:42

that will be rendered by the Lords Alliance. Now

28:46

these are bagels. Okay, so here's

28:49

what I'm, like we gotta figure this out. First of

28:51

all, I had

28:53

the shit beat out of me by

28:55

that heat and so like I gotta sleep before I

28:57

gotta do this trial. Yeah, I think we all need

28:59

a good long nap. Yeah, okay, so that's gonna be a part

29:02

of this. We gotta

29:04

eat dinner, we gotta do that. In terms

29:06

of this Lords Alliance thing, just

29:12

a second, it just goes to close, like looks out in

29:14

the hallway, closes the door and comes back. He's like, all

29:16

right, so we're just gonna have to level here. We need

29:18

to know if any of your people found out anything quitting

29:21

on what's going on with Rache Gray because I

29:23

think any answers there are gonna be very appreciated

29:25

and you've got the only leverage. I've

29:29

also just been generally thinking about our complete inability to

29:31

discuss any of this and how frustrating this is gonna

29:33

be on an ongoing basis and it complicates our friendship.

29:35

So you

29:38

can just be my best friend. You can still be the

29:40

minister of culture. You're my best friend, you're a criminal.

29:42

Maybe you're stealing from me and a bunch of other people.

29:45

I've got blind spots. You know, you're worried,

29:47

Fallon Meyer, Pink Blossom, whatever is that in

29:49

real life. What if we just pretend you're

29:51

that and then you just get to be my best friend and we

29:53

hang out all the time. That sounds fine. Congratulations,

29:56

good to know. Okay, so we gotta find

29:58

out what we know about Rache Gray. we

30:00

got this letter, we've kind of got

30:02

favors to call in. Anybody

30:06

else got any ideas? Otherwise it just seems like we walk

30:08

them in a room and they're like, here's some bagels, are

30:10

we in the club? Well,

30:12

I've had all their conditions. I was

30:14

gonna say, yeah, we've done the laws

30:17

thing, we've done the rounding up necromancers

30:19

thing. Yeah, this was

30:21

kind of like the last thing that we needed, wasn't

30:23

it? Helping out a neighbor. That letter says we

30:25

helped a neighbor, so we're good. And

30:28

we actually did help them, it's not just a

30:30

letter of lies. That's

30:33

true, we did do the thing, we

30:36

didn't read the letter. Annan? You

30:38

didn't read the letter? The comptroller said

30:41

it was good. Annan, does that letter actually say

30:43

what we think it says? And

30:45

she just pokes her head

30:47

in the door and says, I didn't open it, there's a

30:49

seal on it, do you wanna? Oh,

30:52

see, there's an interesting question. Do we roll the dice on

30:54

this, or do we open it up to see what the

30:56

letter says? Well, it might

30:59

be important to deliver it to

31:02

the large alliance still sealed, so

31:04

they know that we haven't tampered with it.

31:06

I agree with that in spirit,

31:09

but there are a lot of people relying on the

31:12

comptroller delivering what we need and not,

31:14

I don't know, having a sense of humor or trying

31:16

to screw us over or something, or trying to leave

31:18

us a secret. We

31:20

have some people with criminal talents, with forgery talents,

31:23

with other things. Is there any way to know

31:25

what it says in this letter? Well,

31:28

I mean, Mrs. Paisley in her

31:30

forgery kit has a variety of papers,

31:32

and parchments, pens and inks, seals and

31:35

sealie wax, therefore, I

31:38

imagine she could remove it and replicate it.

31:40

So if Mrs. Paisley was here, we could

31:42

probably check this out just to make sure.

31:44

Yeah. Then again, there's

31:48

only one inch of this, and he takes it and he, what

31:51

are you doing? Why don't you just let

31:53

Mrs. Paisley come out? His beard forms into boobs

31:55

over his own chest. This is always disturbing.

31:58

The magic flows through him and he just says. All

32:00

right, me. We

32:03

earned this letter appropriately. We did the

32:05

task. We received the letter and it's

32:07

good. Do

32:10

we want to make it into a forgery

32:13

just to make sure it says what it's supposed to? If

32:17

we do that and get caught, we may as

32:19

well have just forged it the whole time. And

32:22

I don't know why we didn't think of that. To

32:25

be clear, I was just gonna replace the seal. Let's

32:28

see. Let

32:30

him do his whole make a decision thing.

32:33

I think as the magic flows

32:35

away and this beard turns back into a beard, he says, I

32:38

think you're right. I think we got to check. We got to

32:40

be sure there's too many lives riding on this. If there's a

32:42

typo or something that he says like

32:44

did a great, you know, a great job and then you

32:46

just think about it, right? It's great-ing. Then it seems like

32:48

we're a total problem. We get murdered. There's

32:50

a lot of lives out there relying on a copter roller and I

32:52

still don't know what that means. I

32:54

don't think we ever will. I'm

32:58

Mrs. Paisley. Oh

33:00

good, I didn't touch you. Oh man, that was high

33:02

risk right there. Whoa. Oh no, dear. You were right

33:04

there. I knew I was safe. You

33:08

checked the spell slot. What

33:11

was I casting again? It was lesser

33:13

restoration or remove curse. Remove

33:16

curse. Remove curse is

33:18

a little higher up on there than lesser restoration.

33:24

I just got to confirm this for air. Oh

33:27

no, I was tapped. If you'd gone

33:29

wolf, we would have been fucked. Oh

33:31

man. Whoops.

33:37

It's fine. We're all fine. Yeah, it worked out fine.

33:39

It worked out fine. All right. Honestly, I just

33:41

got so excited with that last bit

33:43

of the the fingerprints. It

33:47

just got me in the mood to

33:49

do more forging. I

33:51

like you, Mrs. Paisley. Oh,

33:54

okay. Well check this out then. All

33:57

right, can I get a sleight of hand too? melt

34:00

the wax. Well, yeah, yeah, if you

34:02

want to maintain the existing wax. I

34:05

do. OK. If possible, it would be

34:07

like trying to using everything

34:09

I have to like warm it. If you want to get

34:11

into fancy forgery of these kind of things, you actually use

34:13

a knife to go below the seal and remove it one

34:16

piece, and you can just reseal it and put it back

34:18

down. Go ahead. That

34:20

is absolutely what you'll do. You can have advantage because

34:22

you've got your forgery kit. My

34:26

proficiency bonus is doubled. Never

34:29

mind then. Just do that. So it's slight

34:32

of hand plus what

34:35

is? Oh, five. So it's plus 10. Plus 10.

34:37

Oh my god. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's good.

34:40

So it's actually plus 12 because slight of hand is plus

34:43

two already. Sure.

34:47

Yeah, I think that's. I mean, Hashmir

34:51

did this quickly. For him, this was

34:53

just like a task on his to-do list. So he

34:55

just went at Giamatti speed, you know? Just got to get

34:58

it done. Got to get out the door. So seal's

35:00

a little messy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Perfect. For

35:03

you as your entire nation rests on it. And

35:05

he's just like, sure, whatever. That's

35:07

how you close an envelope. Great. So

35:09

yeah, you pop the seal. Opening the

35:11

letter, it is as good as you could

35:13

hope for. It is just a very clear declaration

35:17

of the deeds

35:19

of Gartok, Butthole, and Honeylass. That

35:26

of all the nations and all the

35:28

individuals who came to assist Selgant

35:31

in its time of need, only

35:34

the fine people of

35:36

Asgard were they were able to bring

35:39

an end to the undead menace plaguing

35:41

the town and reopen the port

35:43

of trade. Tom, I have a historical

35:47

question for you. OK, yeah. This letter

35:49

was written before our meeting with Thamelon

35:51

Uzhgverin, where Quinnys adventures were stricken from

35:53

the record. If the letter was sealed,

35:56

then Quinnys would still be the hero,

35:59

which means this is an interesting question. a fantastic reveal because

36:01

if this letter is read, Quitty fails

36:03

his confession. Read

36:06

aloud? Yeah, because if they announce

36:08

that Quitty was one of the heroes who saves

36:10

the town, he fails his confession. Correct. Okay,

36:13

fair point. Tyler

36:16

is like very slowly shaking

36:18

his head. Everyone in Selgott thinks I'm a loser

36:20

and it's for nothing. Hey

36:24

man, I'd like to help you, but I think this encounter's too easy.

36:27

So, yeah. I don't. Okay,

36:31

so here's the question then. Yes, so

36:33

forgive me. Quitty is

36:35

listed as the grand

36:37

hero. But

36:42

also, Quitty, would you be reading this letter? Like Mrs. Paisley,

36:44

you opened it, you're reading it. Oh, this

36:46

is in our favor. Oh,

36:49

that's, do you know, read it out loud. I wanna know

36:51

if there's any technicalities. All right, now you all know. And

36:55

you two don't know that that's a condition of

36:57

mine. No, you don't. So just Quitty just looking

37:00

like crestfallen. Quitty,

37:04

sorry, did I misread something? No, this is

37:06

good. This is quite positive. It's fine, yep. The

37:08

letter's good, the letter's great. This is great, we

37:10

can have Patty two eyes read it out through

37:12

the statue. Great, we can't, you don't

37:15

wanna change that materially in any way, just kind

37:17

of really juice it up. Why would we wanna

37:19

do that? This is exactly what we needed. I

37:23

can't think of a reason why they would make sense to do

37:26

that, so. You wanna roll me an

37:28

insight check there, buddy? No reason. Yeah. Oh,

37:30

him. That

37:32

is a 14. Yeah,

37:35

no, I can't seem to think of a reason. Just

37:39

checks out, make sure I'm looking at the right sheet. Yeah,

37:43

that's great. No, I mean,

37:45

this is exactly what we need. It mentions all of

37:47

us, we helped a neighbor, it's an official record. We

37:50

seal this back up. It's good to go. Great.

37:55

Cool, yeah, let's do it then. I

37:57

just gotta figure something else out. with

38:00

an unrelated fart

38:02

hole confession requirement. What's the unrelated thing?

38:06

I gotta look, I

38:09

gotta like mess up and look uncool

38:12

to make someone else look cool. And I had

38:14

done that with the folks in

38:16

Celgont. I had no credit on

38:19

how that all shook out. Made someone

38:21

else look good. That was a

38:23

requirement of my confession session with

38:25

your buddy there. So I just

38:28

gotta, between now

38:30

that I know that that letter is like that and the

38:32

next time I have to go to one

38:35

of his dumb confessions, I gotta figure out another way to fulfill

38:38

that one. I thought that one would be the

38:40

hardest. So I'll have to figure something out. Oh,

38:43

but that- And I don't think you're allowed to help me

38:45

because I feel like that's- No, no, no, I'm not gonna

38:47

make you do anything embarrassing. I would never do that to

38:49

you. Everything I've ever made you do is incredibly heroic. So

38:52

I love my friends. You

38:56

do point out an interesting problem though. What?

38:59

If anybody follows up with Celgont about this

39:01

letter, that detail is wrong because they

39:03

won't get the information in the letter. So

39:07

we can edit it? Well, here's

39:09

the problem. We end up in a weird

39:11

Ouroboros, which is, if

39:13

we edit the letter to

39:16

say that you didn't do

39:19

anything heroic, and then they follow

39:21

up with Celgont, the

39:23

Comptroller could be like, oh

39:25

yeah, that part of the letter is wrong in

39:27

the feedback. And then they know that we forged

39:29

the letter. But if we- You're

39:31

saying we have to kill the Comptroller. That

39:34

is not what I'm saying. I'm, I got

39:36

it. Let me explain the other part of

39:38

the snake. So the other problem is

39:41

if we don't fix

39:43

this and then they find out that

39:45

it's different and the Comptroller isn't involved,

39:47

then they could say the letter's also

39:50

wrong. So the

39:52

letter's wrong no matter what. That's our problem. It

39:54

could be wrong either way. Is it better to

39:56

have a forgery that's wrong or the truth that's

39:58

wrong, but a more confusing version of wrong? talk

44:00

to Kymir tomorrow night. Tomorrow morning, Lords Alliance.

44:02

Tomorrow night, Kymir. I don't think they're gonna

44:04

wait forever. So if shit goes bad, we have

44:06

a day to figure out a new plan. Otherwise,

44:08

we just let it ride. All

44:11

right. Please find

44:13

information. Okay.

44:17

Thank you. Kymir, he like makes like

44:20

a trying face as he waits helplessly.

44:24

Oh, go find Ann and you have an office now. Oh,

44:26

all right. That's kind of cool. And

44:29

wait up. Yeah.

44:31

Trying to get far from

44:33

this fucking conversation. He doesn't

44:36

want to stay here. He wants to catch up to Ann

44:38

and yeah. All right. So you're

44:40

going with Ann into your office. Butthole

44:42

and Mrs. Paisley, where are you going

44:45

to turn in for the night? Down

44:48

to the quarters I've been staying in, which. Butthole

44:51

is going to wear it is. Pretty

44:55

sure you're because you

44:57

moved from the Grove. Yeah. So now

44:59

you just have, I think, a bedroom in

45:02

the sort of same royal wing that you'd

45:05

also discuss the idea. This is just like

45:07

you'd also discuss the idea of setting up

45:09

like headquarters for the town watch near the

45:11

Grove. Yes. So that's

45:13

also a possibility if you wanted to stay there instead

45:15

of in the castle. It's really up to you. Otherwise,

45:17

everybody's got rooms in the castle. Standard. I'm

45:20

just going to go to my chambers. Have

45:23

a little lion. And

45:25

then we'll deal with the town

45:27

watch later. Are you going to eat a lion? Have

45:30

a lion. What's

45:34

that? Sleep

45:38

beyond the point that I would usually sleep.

45:43

You're going to double sleep? I'm

45:45

going to sleep until I feel

45:47

rested and recovered, but not beyond

45:49

the time of our meeting with

45:51

the Lord's Alliance. I

45:53

think most people just call that sleep. Yes,

45:56

it's just another way to. It's it's.