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who. Were

1:35

going back to.gov The Dragons were. It

1:37

provides that if you've never played before,

1:39

journey into the world of Dungeons and

1:42

Dragons. I am the great Wizard Roka.

1:44

Okay your host our heroes are travelling

1:46

to send me but whole computer the

1:48

group to deal with a group of

1:50

rogan. Ted Juniper got her sword repair

1:52

to be ready for combat. And quitting.

1:54

tried to say goodbye. to judy before being

1:57

interrupted by fart whole and have to confess

1:59

your sins What will happen to our

2:01

heroes on the road? Find out next

2:05

on Dobs and

2:07

Trigods! So

2:13

having left Ginny Brown-Barrow

2:15

in the capable hands

2:17

of Fart-Hull-Farch for Confession,

2:20

Quinnny, you meet back up with the rest of the

2:22

group and collectively you are ready to make

2:25

your way on a long journey to Sembia.

2:28

Is there anything else you want to do before you all leave?

2:30

Yeah, we're not going to see the Fart-Hull-Jinny scene. Yeah,

2:33

we have a suggestion box in the studio

2:35

here that's just Laura's

2:37

stuff again notes. They're

2:42

like, more Fart-Hull! I

2:45

love them so much. That's

2:47

a very funny question. We're not going to

2:49

see that? We're not going to do that?

2:52

We're not going to see NPCs at this point. No,

2:54

we're not. NPC. No

2:57

way to talk about Fart-Hull. Yeah,

3:00

he's got a character sheet kicking around. It's

3:02

right here. We

3:05

can do the opening of the Ginny Fart-Hull

3:07

scene here. Oh my god. Oh

3:10

my god, it's happening. I never

3:12

expected this. You are

3:14

going to pay for this, but I think it'll be worth it. So

3:16

it has no stake in it? I

3:18

think it'll be worth it. I don't even think

3:20

it'll be worth it. You

3:23

leave and Ginny

3:26

has been sitting outside just turning the

3:28

snow globe over and back. So

3:31

how'd that go? That was

3:33

a fucking nightmare. Oh good. I'm

3:36

sorry, I'm sorry for what you're about to go through.

3:38

Look, I love you, I'm going to miss you, I'll get you something nice, I promise

3:41

I won't die. I

3:43

love you, I miss you, and I promise I

3:45

won't rule the kingdom while you're gone. Yeah,

3:49

I'll take it. You know, be a kid.

3:52

Have fun. Alright,

3:54

yeah, okay, maybe I'll go see how Seamus is doing

3:57

with that portal stuff. I think he

3:59

said he saw an- year, uh,

4:01

an elf year through it. Uh, so I think he might

4:03

actually be making some progress, which is kind of fucked up,

4:06

but he seems really smart. I think being

4:08

in that other dimension may have given him some like skills

4:11

or something. So yeah, I'll, I'll go either help

4:13

him or, or kind of make fun of him.

4:15

Like kids do. Okay. Yeah. No, that sounds great.

4:17

Yeah. Okay. Cool. Go

4:20

junior. Jace, where'd you

4:22

learn that? Did I do that? I mean, it's

4:24

around people talk about you and, and, and uncle

4:26

butthole and Alan and you know,

4:28

your, your adventures and go junior days. Yeah. Go

4:31

to your days. Okay. Good. Yeah. Thanks. Um,

4:34

into the realm of nightmares we go and she shuts the

4:36

door and sits down with a player character named farthole farge.

4:39

Okay. So, um, uh, confession. That's,

4:41

that's kind of neat. Um, I've never done

4:43

one of these before. Oh, you haven't done

4:46

one before. How old are you? Um,

4:49

how many years? Oh, does,

4:51

does that really matter? I know how much

4:53

sense you got, but I've done. Okay.

4:57

Well, I think canonically

4:59

I'm like 16 maybe. Oh,

5:01

that's like 1.6 goblins. Oh,

5:06

should I be taking notes? I don't think I know that.

5:08

I got my own sheet right here. It has a couple of

5:11

things written on it. 1.6

5:13

goblins written on now. So like, did you

5:15

do a murder? I, listen, I was a

5:17

little more freeform with your dad because he

5:19

like, we didn't know, but now I got

5:21

some notes. So, oh, wait, wait, sir. Are you new

5:24

to this? Is this like a new thing for you?

5:26

I haven't done a lot of confession before, but now

5:28

I'm an expert. Okay, great. Okay, cool. Well, don't, don't

5:30

worry. We'll, we'll, we'll, we'll figure this out together. Okay.

5:32

That's good. Have you done any murders? No.

5:37

Oh, I mean, I've tried, but dad kept stopping

5:39

me. It would have been bad about that. Well,

5:41

I just, I want to be

5:43

so fucking cool and I don't think I'm not fucking

5:45

cool yet. And well, I mean, your dad did some

5:47

really uncool murders. One time he just went back to

5:49

a guy and was like, you're going to dream or

5:51

whatever. And then he was sad. Normally I wouldn't share

5:53

this, but that wasn't really a sin. He just has

5:56

like a narcissism problem. Oh, you mean? Okay.

5:59

Yeah. No, that's. What did you know about it?

6:01

Oh, I forgot to eat this sheet. He's involved

6:03

in the sheet, he's like, I didn't say that

6:05

part, leave that out. And

6:07

as you chew on your sheet, Ginny just sits

6:09

there and goes like, profession's

6:12

awesome. At which point we

6:14

cut back out to the point where you're all

6:16

ready to, you're welcome. Happy

6:18

advanced birthday. Bart

6:20

hole runs back out with Ginny. He's like, you haven't done

6:22

one together, that was part of the agreement. Later,

6:25

Bart hole. You sure? We can do it

6:27

when you're back, but what if you're dead? I

6:31

fucking hope so at this rate. I'm

6:34

canonically out here, so I think I heard

6:36

you say what happened. What?

6:41

You fucking told her my confession thing, I never replied it.

6:43

No, no, no, that paper, I don't know nothing no more.

6:47

And it just shows up, it's like, Bart hole,

6:49

there are still some people delivering speeches at the

6:51

church. Are you, can you shut that down please?

6:53

They've been going since yesterday. No, they all get

6:55

a turn, they wrote their names down, they get

6:57

them in it. Okay, well you gotta go keep

6:59

an eye on this shit. No I don't, they

7:01

just say the same thing so much. They just

7:03

said that Bub holds an idiot. What

7:06

the fuck? He's gone. She

7:09

goes back to Quinn, she's like, you fucking owe me.

7:12

Alright yeah, call it in whenever that works.

7:15

Who the fuck is on my

7:17

back? And

7:21

with the dulcet tones of Bart

7:23

hole screaming at various religious

7:26

pictures, the team gets

7:29

together. Any last things

7:31

that butthole would want to do before he goes? Quinn

7:34

has done his thing, Juniper you got your sword, so we got

7:36

kind of your two things, but butthole is there anything you would

7:38

do before you go? Butthole's got

7:40

Gabbo Jr. ready to travel, he

7:43

would just hide and feel sad

7:45

and alone and stare out windows.

7:47

So he's doing a lot of

7:51

1960's album cover style poses near

7:53

windows looking out at a desert. So

7:59

and finally arrived. and says it's time to

8:01

go sir. Hoogie doogie. Just

8:05

I guess I feel

8:07

like I got to do a lot of speeches for other people

8:10

but just like you got this. Yeah I got this. Hey I

8:13

don't know if this is even possible given the say things but

8:15

can you try and maybe enjoy this a little bit. I feel

8:17

like this is what you guys used to do all the time

8:19

and I don't know how many more of these you get to

8:21

do which is kind of you guys out on the road and

8:23

yeah the stakes are high and stuff but like you've got a

8:26

few days where you're just traveling. So maybe

8:28

try and use those to you don't have to talk

8:30

about gestures broadly like all

8:32

this but try and reconnect with

8:34

your friends a bit. I mean you guys have ventured for

8:36

a long time and I feel like it's kind of been

8:38

go go go since you got back from hell. Yeah

8:41

that's a reasonable thought. Okay yeah I'll

8:45

talk to them. Yeah thanks. Yeah

8:48

I don't know I just think it might do you some good. Yeah

8:53

that's a reasonable idea. Alright I'll do it. I'm

8:55

going to talk to them about things that have

8:57

changed since the last time we were together. Okay

9:00

and I'll make sure that this doesn't fall

9:03

apart while you're gone as much

9:05

as I can and I

9:08

will make

9:10

it nicer for when you get back. No

9:13

that'd be this place. Yeah if you want to

9:15

redecorate in here like. Yeah no I've got some

9:17

ideas I was in hospitality for a long time

9:19

and I know it's I also

9:21

haven't really been leaning on that skill set for a

9:23

bit but this place is fucking grim. You are literally

9:25

never going to be not depressed living in this place.

9:27

Yeah let's bounce some of that around. If you find

9:30

any like unseen hand shit anywhere just put it in

9:32

Quinnie's office.

9:34

He has an office right? He's got to have something. I

9:36

don't think so. He's been no I'll make Quinnie an office.

9:38

Okay great let's make Quinnie an office and then if we

9:41

find any unseen hand stuff we'll put it in there. Otherwise

9:43

yeah just if you keep it on

9:45

keep it on. I

9:47

think we got a whole military to turn into construction

9:50

but we don't really have that much money to pay

9:52

them. So honestly we'll get back

9:55

to semantics when I'm back. Yeah I'm going to

9:57

try to enjoy a vacation full of murdering

9:59

the undead. which is something I'm

10:01

a little passionate about. Yeah, fair

10:03

enough. And I will continue

10:06

to get things going here. So,

10:08

safe travels and good

10:10

luck. I don't think you'll need it. Right

10:14

back at you. I don't think you'll

10:16

need it either. And she

10:18

just kind of like looks over at Patty2eyes, who is just

10:20

stacking what she thinks are bagels. Just like, just run some

10:22

nuts and stuff on a table. She goes, I might need

10:24

a little bit, but thank you. I appreciate

10:27

your blessings. I appreciate

10:30

the sentiment. Guys, you're

10:32

back. And he turns to go. She

10:35

just gives him a thumbs up and she goes, Patty,

10:37

we got to talk about baked goods. And then

10:40

off you go. So all of you meet

10:42

up outside. The little caravan is ready. You've

10:44

got the good horses, none of these shitty

10:46

noble horses. And

10:49

yeah, Reginald and Buck, you're there to see you

10:51

off. And

10:54

any parting words or are we getting on the road? I

10:57

would just say, do what you have

10:59

to do. Do what you need to do. And do a little bit

11:01

of what you like to do. Goodbye.

11:06

Goodbye, everyone. You'll have fresh bedsheets and laundry for

11:08

when you get back. Thanks,

11:11

Bucky. Just, yeah, remember

11:14

to nap and take

11:16

care of yourself and do what you want to do.

11:19

Remember? Yeah. How many am?

11:21

That's a good point. All right. Come with me,

11:23

Bucky. Now we're going to talk about how each

11:25

day might only need to be one

11:28

day. And Reginald's walking with Bucky under

11:30

one arm. Great. And

11:32

with that, you give... I don't even know

11:35

what the proper term for this is. It's like, give you shield of the

11:37

horses. Well, that seems mean, but that is kind of what it is. You

11:39

just like, you set off.

11:42

I speak with animals and say,

11:44

all right, horses, let's

11:46

go. Make horse go now.

11:49

You all heard the lady? Let's get

11:51

this moving. Whoa. And

11:54

all the horses like, stalk twice and take

11:56

off. They're fucking war horses of a god.

12:00

built for murder. I've seen some shit. Yep.

12:03

And with that you take off into the desert. There's

12:06

a sort of a regiment from Cormier that kind

12:08

of salutes you as you go. You

12:10

can see that, again, they

12:13

have set up all their siege weapons, but they are

12:15

standing down for now. You can

12:17

see kind of the Grand Pavilion there, the crime

12:19

scene in the distance that has been guarded

12:22

by Asgard troops. And

12:25

then slowly the city of Asgard

12:27

begins to fade into the distance behind you.

12:31

These are big fucking horses, so they are

12:33

going at a proper gallop. Oh,

12:35

wow. And there's enough roads in and out of the

12:38

form of a nation of a car that even

12:41

though there's like a

12:43

lot of different defensive walls and things that you're

12:45

passing and barricades and traps and other nonsense you

12:47

could set up if you're really trying to keep

12:50

out invaders, you

12:52

are able to make fairly good time getting out of the

12:54

city. And slowly but surely

12:56

Asgard disappears into the distance behind

12:58

you as you gallop

13:01

into the horizon. Around you

13:03

the desert begins to just kind of consume

13:07

the vistas in all directions. You

13:10

see sort of small groupings of

13:12

rocks. You see all sorts

13:14

of desert scrub, various creatures kind

13:16

of making their way. In the distance

13:19

occasionally you can see winged creatures flying

13:21

by. Today is

13:24

clearish sky, few clouds, it's

13:26

hot, but there's

13:28

enough of a breeze from the gallop and

13:30

in the far distance you can kind of

13:33

check the map and make sure you're going in the right

13:35

direction. The Hammer is right in silence.

13:38

They're again former military from a car, so they're

13:40

used to this sort of

13:43

condition. And all of

13:45

you just kind of have a moment to your own thoughts as you

13:47

make your way away

13:49

from a car. Is there anything

13:51

in particular going on for any of you as

13:53

you take the sort of first gallops of freedom?

13:55

Obviously we'll check in with everyone once

13:57

you've been on the road for a bit and you're talking to each other, but

13:59

I just... feel like anytime I leave a place and

14:01

I'm like on a train or I'm driving away from

14:04

it or whatever, I usually have a moment of like,

14:06

oh wow, like I'm out of that. And for all

14:08

of you, you haven't been out of Asgard in a

14:10

while. And prior to that, it

14:12

was like action, action, action, action, action.

14:15

Now you're just on a horse

14:17

on the road, heading towards undead

14:20

admittedly, but a little bit of

14:22

a different vibe. Is there anything going on for any of

14:24

you that you want to bring to

14:26

the table? I think when he's probably

14:28

after talking about like confession with

14:31

Farthol, but also like everyone

14:33

else stopping by being like, hey, we might die.

14:35

You are the error. If everyone

14:37

else dies, just don't forget that to his

14:39

daughter. He's like, I think there is

14:41

that excitement

14:44

of like, finally, just like we're a

14:46

small group, getting hands on

14:48

getting some action. And then like also

14:50

like having to reconcile with like, action

14:52

also means like putting my life in

14:55

danger in the lives of my friends

14:57

on the line. And that is becoming

14:59

a heavier and

15:02

heavier burden to carry into

15:04

these things, knowing that like, I

15:06

know I have other people who like depend on me that I would

15:08

want to see again and things like that. So

15:11

it's like, yes, finally, we're back at it. And

15:13

also there's a new kind of thing of like,

15:15

I don't know how much longer I can do

15:17

this for without feeling

15:21

awful all the time. Yeah.

15:24

Yeah. Cool. Juniper?

15:28

Juniper is enjoying the

15:31

change in scenery. She's

15:34

enjoying being on connecting

15:38

with a living being this warhorse.

15:41

It's just nice. It's

15:44

just nice to be in a different environment

15:46

and explore. She hasn't done a lot of

15:49

things that feel explore-y. It's always been very

15:52

so scary lately. So she's just breathing it in, soaking

15:55

up the sun, generally

15:57

enjoying herself until something horrible happens again.

16:00

Fair enough. How about you, Butthole? Butthole

16:03

is on the road. It's a weird combination

16:05

of memories of having done

16:07

this with friends before, with these friends

16:09

before, and it just having how

16:12

much has changed and leaving doesn't feel like leaving.

16:15

It's that weird sense of like, oh, I'm still

16:17

aware that I have this full nation and I'm

16:19

traveling and in a legal sense,

16:21

I am the nation. And

16:23

I can't set that aside. You don't get to

16:26

stop being king on a holiday. Especially if your

16:28

holiday is to go do work for another country,

16:30

to prevent your country from being massacred. But

16:33

it's that plus the ride and

16:35

he's had work to distract him. Even if

16:37

he was tired, like people are constantly just

16:39

coming up and asking him to make decisions

16:41

on things. And he

16:43

doesn't have that currently. And that could

16:46

be his own stress. So he's also like, how do I

16:48

get a wyvern? If

16:50

we could get like three of those, then I wouldn't have to bring

16:52

the guards and then we could just bring the people who are important.

16:55

Oh, yeah. There was that

16:57

dragon back at the fortress and

16:59

he had kids and those kids were going to get to the

17:01

point where they could fly. So I need to write a letter

17:03

to the fortress and I could pass

17:05

it through my painting at night and then

17:07

I'll be able to fly. So I'll be busy.

17:10

So I won't have to deal with these feelings.

17:12

Oh, I found the feelings again. And it's just

17:14

it's that it's constant planning following back into feelings.

17:16

I'm writing right now. Okay. Oh,

17:24

on February 22, enter the world of

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17:36

friends, Aang will go on an epic

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journey to master the four elements, water,

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It's Star Nation time. Book a

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fire. Let's go. Listen to Avatar,

18:29

Braving the Element, wherever you get

18:31

your podcasts. Hey

18:36

everybody, it's me, Bookie. They're letting me read

18:38

an ad. I'm very excited. This one is

18:40

for the Dum Dums and Dice Patreon. If

18:43

you go to patreon.com/dum dum dice, you can

18:45

join the $15 per month tier

18:47

and name NPCs that appear in the

18:49

series. You can be a bunch of

18:51

new friends to say hello to, and I'm very

18:53

excited about that. I always admired Mr. Butthole for

18:55

being able to say hello new friend to anybody,

18:57

and they immediately like him and they've all become

18:59

his best friend. And that's all I really want,

19:01

is to have new friends as well. It gets

19:03

a little lonely here at the castle and

19:06

it would just be really nice if we

19:09

become friends. So if you got someone in

19:11

mind, maybe one of your

19:13

other campaigns or your own OC or something like

19:15

that, and you want to say hi to me,

19:18

well I really like that. So if

19:20

you go over to patreon.com/dum dum

19:22

dice, that's D-U-M-B-D-U-M-B-D-I-C-E, you

19:26

can make it happen. Looking forward to meeting you.

19:28

Bye. As

19:40

all of you kind of have your own

19:42

experience on the road, you travel

19:44

in sort of companionable silence even if you are

19:47

struggling with the effects of

19:49

state or of the weight of kind

19:51

of responsibility and the eventual cost of

19:53

all this, or just getting to ride

19:55

a cool horse. And

19:58

slowly but surely, You know

20:00

you after a lot what seems

20:03

like a long hard ride and

20:05

again these horses aren't hiring. They're like Super

20:07

juiced up you begin to see mountains

20:09

in the distance and the the sort

20:12

of signs of it But it's still a decent

20:15

Way away you figure you can

20:17

make it by Probably

20:19

midday tomorrow, so you're gonna have to like break for camp

20:22

Sometimes soon it is a very fucking

20:24

big desert It's a bit like a Canadian map where

20:26

like you look at everything you like yeah Whatever Canada's

20:28

like just like eight cities and a bunch of town

20:31

and then you start actually try to drive someone you're

20:33

like Oh Jesus Christ like it's fucking everything is so

20:35

far away. Yeah, yeah, Ontario's a real bitch for that

20:37

where it's just like Oh, yeah, it's like from here

20:39

to here and like that's that's like eight hours. No

20:43

No So

20:45

you'll have to break it make camp along the

20:47

way and then make for the mountains

20:49

tomorrow So gradually, you know the

20:51

horses are tiring but like in a really pissed off

20:53

way like they clearly are There's a lot of like

20:56

I'm good. I'm good. I know we're good to keep

20:58

going But you know, you know,

21:00

you know, they're getting tired so

21:03

eventually you kind of find a small

21:06

outcropping of rocks that's like Defensible

21:08

enough that everyone feels comfortable kind of setting

21:10

up amongst them you do have I think

21:13

you said what like six hammers Tent

21:15

typically including credit. Yeah, so you've got like a

21:17

good amount of people for setting up watches and

21:19

everything else You don't you worry too too much

21:21

about that you have the glamping tent from Reginald

21:23

Which I believe is like much bigger on the

21:25

inside. Yeah, it's a regular tent from the outside

21:27

and inside Yeah, it's the whole apartment. Yep.

21:30

Great. So you've got the apartment to stay in So

21:33

you get set up everyone kind of you know,

21:35

they get food going that sort of thing

21:37

and trending approaches just as you're

21:39

kind of starting to get the tent set up

21:42

or else and he says sorry

21:44

to bother

21:47

you guys, but I Been

21:51

talking with some of the troops

21:53

here and I'm

21:56

noticing there's a bit of a difference in how

21:58

you guys

22:00

have approached things with me

22:02

and with the tremendous amount

22:04

of leniency and

22:06

understanding you sort of showed to me

22:09

after we met. These

22:12

folks, they're loyal, they follow orders, but

22:14

a call is a much different place.

22:16

Sir, I think you... I

22:18

just have to put it like, I think you understand kind of

22:20

what we're dealing with. Oh, yeah. I

22:23

think it might be helpful

22:25

for you to start to

22:27

think about some...maybe some ways you

22:29

could inspire these folks to think a little

22:32

bit differently about what this all means. Because,

22:34

again, they'll fight and die for you right

22:36

now, but I think you

22:38

can probably provide them with a bit more than that. They're

22:41

also curious. None of them will ask, but I mean,

22:44

my Lord, you were the

22:47

lost son of their former rulers

22:50

and you've come back and they

22:52

still talk about you and Reginald and

22:54

the hushed tones of seeing the tingly

22:56

boys in the Coliseum right before Lichfall.

22:59

So they are excited, but they're curious.

23:01

And I think all of you have such interesting stories

23:03

to tell. A story of valor, a

23:06

story from your past might really...from each of you

23:08

might really help help

23:11

them understand who they're fighting for, you know, rather than

23:13

just that they have to fight and die because they're

23:15

ready to do that. But

23:18

I think they could be inspired rather than just

23:21

loyal. Yeah,

23:24

that makes sense. I'd already planned on doing some hammer training

23:26

with them because we could do that at night in the

23:28

morning because the hammer is not, let's

23:30

say, Akash's first choice. It tends to be

23:32

a lot of blood stuff, which the hammers

23:34

make, but like ritual knives and

23:36

stuff. So yeah, yeah, we'll do

23:39

some training in the morning. We'll do some training at night.

23:41

And then I'd say we could do like a campfire

23:43

evening thing. Yeah, campfire sounds good. If somebody, if any of

23:45

the hammers are traveling with us, we could

23:47

do a little Q&A. Anything they want to

23:49

know, we'll just have a little chat so we can share

23:51

stories. If they just want to know stuff that's going on,

23:53

like we could find out about them too. It's all good

23:55

stuff. So yeah, all right. Once

23:59

dinner's ready. We'll talk

24:01

to everybody who's not on watch and make

24:03

sure that the talk, can't fire

24:05

chill times, extends enough that we get people on both sides

24:08

of a watch. That sounds good

24:10

to me. That were for you, Juniper? Whatever

24:13

you say. Alright, we're

24:15

doing that. Great. So food gets cooking,

24:17

watch is set up. Because this is

24:19

a small rocky outcropping, it's easy enough

24:21

to set up a watch and it's

24:23

the desert, so you would kind of

24:25

see things coming. Very Monty Python, like

24:27

assaulting the castle kind of like someone's

24:29

going to, like it's very easy to

24:31

catch that. So everyone's feeling good

24:34

about this. This feels like a nice defensible position. Also,

24:36

a giant war state in the middle of the

24:38

desert is a scary thing. So it's not like

24:41

there's just like random bandits being like, Oh man,

24:43

we should attack that war

24:45

nation's caravans. You

24:47

know, Emily and Archibald

24:50

were not nice people, but they did deal with

24:53

the bandit problem very effectively. So

24:55

it gets set up, meals cooking,

24:58

the smell of delicious things cooking over a

25:00

fire is on the air. And

25:03

slowly and somewhat tentatively, you can

25:05

see the hammer start to kind

25:07

of gather around. And

25:10

it's in a very timid,

25:12

almost dog that doesn't know if

25:14

you're a friend yet kind of way, where they're not

25:16

used to talking to their commanding officer, they're certainly not

25:18

used to talking to their king. But

25:21

Crendan has been telling them, like, no, everyone, like

25:23

you should really come to the campfire. There's gonna

25:25

be a campfire and hammer drills. So

25:27

I think it'd be safe to say hammer drills happen

25:29

first. Oh, yeah, absolutely. So they've been doing the hammer

25:31

drills and that's all fine. So they do feel a

25:33

bit more close to you because they've been working with

25:35

you on something. And so a bit

25:37

of that barrier has fallen, but to be able to

25:40

casually approach, they love that there's a

25:42

glamping tent. They're like, that we get, you're

25:44

going to go somewhere nicer than we go tonight.

25:47

But slowly but surely, they kind of gather

25:49

up and there's a bit of a, we

25:53

want to be comrades, but we're not sure if we're allowed to

25:55

be yet. And Crendan kind of clues us

25:57

through and says, all right. at

26:00

the ready and they'll bring the hammers up and

26:02

say, alright good, that was a

26:04

test, you all passed. And they all kind of like, looking at

26:06

me and he goes, oh, I'm

26:08

sorry, that was a joke, shit,

26:11

okay. Join

26:13

us at the campfire, I believe our king

26:17

and our minister of culture and our chief justice have some

26:19

things they want to say, but

26:21

don't be a word or a line.

26:23

Yeah, do you know what, I'm gonna take over, Brendan, thank you for

26:25

the moment. So, we're

26:28

all very formal at the castle because we gotta

26:30

be, because there's ambassadors, there's envoys, there's all this

26:32

stuff going on. We're

26:34

on the road, your hammers, that's

26:38

gonna have special privileges. For

26:41

the next two hours,

26:45

we're just gonna be people. I'm Butthole, that's Quinny. Hey.

26:48

That's Juniper currently, sometimes she's somebody else, right

26:50

now she's Juniper. That's Brendan,

26:53

anybody who's not on watch, just

26:55

you, why don't you sit down and tell us all

26:57

your names and we'll do some name game stuff so

27:00

we can all learn them. Name

27:02

game, all right, yeah, all right. All

27:04

right, I need charisma saves

27:07

from Quinny, just Quinny. You

27:10

plus three. Thank you, because that

27:12

was a low number. That's

27:14

probably not gonna be enough, let's see. Total

27:17

of nine. Nine, everyone

27:21

else gets along fine in the name games.

27:23

You learn everyone's names, it's a little awkward,

27:25

a little fun, like every corporate retreat. Quinny,

27:29

you fucking hate this. Quinny,

27:32

Bo Binnie, Banana Fana,

27:34

Fofini, B-5-O, Minnie. Quinny.

27:37

Quinny, they all yell. Yeah,

27:40

so Quinny, I'm gonna give you disadvantage on

27:42

the next charisma-based check with this

27:45

crew. Yeah, yeah. But

27:48

yeah, the names get going, it's

27:50

awkward. There's like that standard first

27:52

night at camp kind

27:54

of vibe to it, but yeah, you get

27:56

a good sense of who all is there.

27:59

And Juniper would take it. turns basically

28:01

like taking Butthole's hand

28:03

and like turning into each of

28:05

her personas to just be

28:07

like hello like from from all of

28:10

them just in case she's changing during

28:12

combat or something they're not feeling oh

28:14

my god who's that same

28:16

child she turns into a lot of people

28:18

and how many personas you have uh

28:22

eight but I wouldn't introduce the dark

28:24

so seven functionally great

28:27

so statistically she also turns into a werewolf

28:29

sub no no bad bad bad okay

28:32

so she

28:34

does that we're working on that that's bite force friend

28:36

is a part of this the Sigma squad by force

28:39

is gonna be great once we get them all werewolf

28:41

up we're also on it and a

28:43

lookout for a couple of different werewolves I don't know

28:45

if anybody's heard any about this anywhere and he walks

28:47

them through the alpha gumbo and the

28:49

four different wolves like that's just like a passive

28:51

thing we're just trying to sort this out oh

28:53

it's a reasonable question for a group like this

28:55

are any of you suffering under any magical curses

28:57

or hexes or any sort of familial troubles like

28:59

that where we should know that because we might

29:02

be able to help you to

29:04

a person no one

29:06

of them kind of an elf kind

29:08

of clears her throat and says I

29:11

appreciate you asking that but generally

29:13

any of us who are under

29:15

curse or affliction died serving a

29:17

car and or were killed

29:19

by the affliction for failing to serve a

29:21

car those of us who remain are strong

29:24

and hearty although I do appreciate

29:26

how many of our wounded comrades

29:29

you managed to bring back into the fold

29:31

and none of us were entirely comfortable with

29:33

the whole stub a toe

29:36

left to die in the old

29:38

marketplace situation yeah we're never

29:40

doing that again that's some

29:42

evil also stupid she

29:44

wasteful yeah it's insane no everybody gets healed

29:47

if you have any afflictions or any problems

29:49

you can absolutely come to us and I'm

29:51

not just talking like which cursed me so

29:53

my foot fell off I don't know

29:55

a lot about curses but like you know

29:58

we've seen that one okay good if you got I'd

30:00

like will help sort that out, but also like if

30:02

you're having problems with like you took a

30:04

loan from somebody dodgy Or you're gambling or

30:06

you're drinking or just like you're lonely or

30:08

sad these are all things We

30:10

want to help you with so you can live like full meaningful

30:14

positive lives And a

30:16

human at the back raises his hand. Oh,

30:18

yeah, go for it service

30:21

I'm sorry This is for blackmail purposes right

30:23

like you learn all those things like if

30:26

I'm feeling sad and that way You

30:28

have something to use against me if I were to ever rebel

30:31

if I could take this one your majesty

30:33

Says guard talk. I mean sure

30:35

this is guard talk. I'm hoping I agree with what's gonna be

30:38

said. We'll find out Well, I'm

30:40

really speaking on behalf of dr.

30:42

Martha because there is another one of

30:45

us in here you met her briefly dr.

30:47

Martha She's a therapist and she's

30:49

actually helped me quite a bit deal with

30:51

the fact that I just

30:53

haven't been around much And don't really know who I

30:55

am Well, we're working on

30:58

that and exploring that is in small spurts

31:00

when there's like, you know five minutes of

31:02

free time and I can just come out

31:04

and see the world and experience

31:07

thing anyways all that to say that

31:09

dr. Mars has really been helping me

31:11

with you know Determining who

31:14

I am post post

31:16

strange goblin warehouse that I

31:19

Appeared in one day. Okay. Okay. So once

31:21

she knows that she can then use that

31:24

to break you should you turn on the

31:26

rest of the Personas I know You

31:28

just need to answer your question because that felt like

31:30

there's might be a little more about guard talk about

31:32

you No, there's no blackmailing.

31:34

This is about enabling you

31:37

to Simultaneously

31:39

be the best person that you're gonna

31:41

be and the best

31:43

hammer that you're gonna be or if you're not gonna be

31:45

a hammer You're gonna be something else I don't if

31:48

I can black okay if we're gonna talk

31:50

two different levels because I've been in a car before

31:52

did Queen He had you know So

31:54

we're gonna talk kind of a car language and

31:56

then the language that we as people from outside

31:58

a car generally dealing with in

32:00

a car language, if I can blackmail

32:02

you, so can someone else. So

32:05

I want you to

32:08

be unblackmailable, which means

32:10

I want to set you up to be as capable and

32:14

excellent as possible for your protection and for mine

32:16

and for the nation. This is a real O-capture

32:18

by Captain moment. People are applauding.

32:21

There's someone just sitting there

32:23

galaxy-braining going like, course. Simple.

32:26

Okay, that was the cynical read. Now I'm going

32:28

to say some stuff that will confuse you and

32:30

hopefully over the courses of ideally

32:32

days, but realistically years, you may come

32:34

to believe some of this, which

32:37

is I actually care about

32:39

all of you as people

32:42

regardless of the transactional value

32:44

that you have

32:46

to the nation of Asgard. I

32:49

care about you as people and I want you to

32:51

be happy as people. And if you would be happier

32:54

as people, not being hammers and doing something else, that's

32:57

equally valid and super wonderful.

32:59

And I want to help you do that. This

33:02

is not going to be an easy job, especially now

33:04

that you're going to be doing peacekeeping and it's going

33:06

to get complicated and you're going to have to like

33:08

do the right thing in ways that are inconvenient. But

33:13

if that's the job you want, it's

33:15

going to have a huge payoff and it's going to

33:17

be great for you as a person or if it's

33:19

not, that's fine too. I actually just want

33:21

all of you to have meaningful and

33:24

as happy as possible lives where you can be

33:26

connected with other people and

33:29

find joy and find

33:31

love and find good things.

33:34

Because I feel like we've all been abused

33:36

by a previous generation of a car and

33:38

then having read histories that were like coming

33:41

out of some sort of weird talking stone that sprayed

33:43

goo at us. There's been centuries

33:46

of that and I'd

33:49

really like to change that cycle and

33:51

to do that, I have to love

33:53

everybody and I do. And

33:57

the elf just nods and says... That

34:00

makes a lot of sense, sir. I don't

34:03

think any of us have ever really thought beyond

34:05

being a means to an end before, so this

34:07

will take some adjustment. But

34:11

this does sound like a better

34:13

way forward. And to be unblackmailable,

34:16

that is truly incredible. Can

34:18

you imagine? And the gruff

34:20

human just kind of turns and

34:23

looks meaningfully at Gartok and

34:25

then raises his hand again. All

34:29

right. I think, Gartok, that might be a question for you. Yes.

34:31

You have a question? Well,

34:34

I just wanted to say that I'm a

34:38

fan of you, little goblin. I know

34:41

you're just saying you don't really know who you are, but

34:44

I think you've helped us quite a bit. And like there's a

34:46

lot of mumbling. I think we all like to see

34:48

you around. Wow. Can

34:52

you please describe in which way I helped you?

34:54

It will help me understand what I should continue

34:56

doing in the future. Well,

34:59

you listened to our problems, and

35:01

you didn't really solve them because you were kind of talking about

35:03

yourself. But that was also interesting because we

35:05

don't really hear a lot of people talking about themselves

35:08

unless it's, you know, from

35:10

the top of a tower where they kind of like raise

35:12

their arms out. There's usually flags and things, and it's really

35:14

like, ah. So it was nice to just hear some of

35:16

that. And I think we can all... So

35:19

sharing my story of personal growth

35:21

inspired you to follow your own.

35:24

Yeah. Well, I mean, like it helped too that

35:26

the King kind of helped make us

35:28

understand how it applied to us. But yeah,

35:30

it sounded interesting. And also, I mean... I

35:32

should be an inspirational speaker. It's

35:35

possible. Yeah. Also, I mean, I got to tell you,

35:37

I spent all my time being me. You get to

35:39

spend one-seventh of your time being you. So

35:41

it, you know, I understand

35:44

why you don't really know who you are. That's

35:46

tough. I think we can all... I don't

35:48

know. I think I'm... It's

35:50

just what empathy feels like. I

35:52

think I've heard that before. They're all like, oh, yeah, yeah.

35:54

That sounds like a thing. Yeah, I've heard that. Yeah. People

35:56

can't have empathy with you unless you tell your story too.

36:00

That's why you've probably heard some stories about

36:02

us, but what I'm interested in

36:04

hearing is a story from each of you,

36:06

because I think we should all get to know each other, and

36:09

it's going to help us all be better people. All

36:13

right. Well, let me just open my 20 pages if you can.

36:16

No, the evening carries on, and

36:18

slowly but surely people start to

36:21

try and tell

36:23

stories. But I'll hold from you, I think I'm

36:25

going to need a persuasion check,

36:28

I think. Sure.

36:33

Yeah. Although,

36:35

I don't know if you want to make

36:37

this a religion-based thing, but I think it's probably

36:39

persuasion. I think you're just trying to inspire them.

36:41

Persuasion is good. I'd say he's subtly guidanceing himself

36:43

through this experience to help balance his other bullshit

36:46

he's got going on. Farting by a campfire

36:48

is a Melbourn's tradition, so you know, you

36:50

just lift it up to the good level.

36:53

All right, yeah, it is

36:56

tremendously awkward that

36:58

some of the stories are in the same way that

37:00

the misunderstanding of blackmail is there. There's just a lot

37:02

of like having

37:04

to undo some long-standing misunderstandings

37:06

about the world. But

37:09

each of them delivers a little bit of a story,

37:11

and they're surprising each other, because none of them, similar

37:13

to what you saw kind of at the festival, none

37:15

of them have really talked about this stuff very much

37:17

before. It's a lot of co-workers

37:20

who actually don't know about their lives

37:22

outside the job. So

37:24

it's a lot of like, oh yes, remember that time

37:26

when we all defeated this? And that's the only story

37:28

they've told each other. So hearing someone be like, oh

37:30

yeah, I'm scared of thunderstorms. They're like, what, really? It's

37:32

like, oh yeah, that shit could just kill you any

37:34

time. It's big and loud, it's in the sky, we

37:36

can't control it. And I was like, fuck man, all

37:39

right, yeah, that does make sense. Just a little, it's

37:41

that sort of thing where you're just slowly watching a

37:43

group of strangers actually get to know each other for

37:45

the first time. And

37:47

as the evening progresses, people are eating

37:49

and talking, the watch is switching in

37:51

and out. And Crendan just comes

37:53

over and says, sorry,

37:56

I just really want to thank you for that. I think

37:58

they really needed that, and I think that'll be great. really

38:00

help pull it all together. At some

38:02

point they're gonna have questions about you,

38:04

Quiny, I'm sure, but yeah,

38:08

I think this is a really good start.

38:10

We're good now. If you guys want to

38:12

turn in, I know you're being great about kind

38:14

of leveling the playing field and everything, but you're still our king.

38:16

You're still the king's

38:18

council. You still have

38:21

been dealing with quite a bit. We can

38:23

keep watch. That's something we are very well

38:26

trained for. And if anything goes bad, I

38:29

will turn into a wolf and kill it. Wow.

38:32

Wow, that sounds great, but like before

38:35

we go, right now it's

38:37

been us leveling the playing field with them and

38:39

you in the middle feeling like you're not a

38:41

part of either group, so shit the hell on

38:43

down buddy, it's your half hour here. And he'll

38:46

just force him to sit down and be a

38:48

part of this experience before piecing out after that.

38:50

Understandable. Well, given that Gartok is now our public

38:52

speaker, personal speaker, Gartok, what do you

38:54

say to Crendan to inspire him to tell a story?

39:00

Crendan, it sounds like you've been through a

39:02

lot just from what I've kind of observed

39:04

through Juniper's eyes. How

39:08

do you think that your

39:10

past influences are having an impact on

39:12

how you move through the world with

39:15

intentionality now? And

39:18

Quinnny, what negative facial expression are

39:20

you making that Crendan muscles through

39:22

to share his story? Just kind

39:24

of like intentionality. What the fuck?

39:26

Dr. Martha is

39:29

fantastic. Crendan is

39:31

also thinking that but in a positive

39:33

like, oh wow, she knows a lot

39:35

of impressive words. Intentionality, necessarily, it's all

39:39

gobbledygook. So

39:43

Crendan just kind of nods and he says, well,

39:46

I mean most of you know this

39:48

but my brother and I both also

39:51

received the Alpha gumbo and

39:54

as a result have been wrestling with

39:56

our own demons. He was a bad

39:59

guy. And I was also

40:01

a bad guy, but

40:03

he was quite a bit

40:05

worse. So I always

40:08

assumed I would die being

40:10

dragged in front of the hit that would kill him

40:12

was kind of the

40:14

plan, I think. And it wouldn't necessarily

40:16

be that, but I just didn't imagine a world

40:18

where he survived something or where

40:20

I survived something he didn't. Not

40:23

because I believe that he was

40:25

so much stronger than me that he could just

40:27

survive anything, but rather that he would, for

40:30

him to die, I would have had to be very long dead.

40:35

So when you

40:37

kind of grow up around that and

40:39

then you are given transformative

40:41

wolf powers that back that,

40:45

you kind of get to thinking about your

40:47

place in the world like you Gartok, I

40:49

guess. And I

40:52

don't want anyone serving

40:55

under me or under Asgard

40:57

to feel expendable. I

41:00

think life has been cheap in a

41:02

car for a long time. I know

41:04

with the fries life was deeply, deeply

41:06

cheap. I know it

41:08

wasn't always that way. I mean, butthole,

41:11

from what you've said and what

41:13

I've...the legends I'd heard of the fries under

41:15

Commander Potatoes, it mattered.

41:18

The camaraderie mattered. Greywater meant

41:22

something. There

41:24

was brotherhood there. There was camaraderie and now

41:26

the law that's gone out

41:28

of the world. So that's, I think, how I'm trying

41:31

to approach it, which is I thought I would be dead

41:33

by now and I'm not. And

41:35

I don't really know what to do with that, but after that

41:38

chat on the roof with this butthole,

41:40

I realized that I got a part to play

41:42

here. And then with you, Gar-Tok

41:44

and Judo-Per and your wolf, I

41:46

found very clear purpose. But for all of you, when

41:48

he points to the hammer, he says, and everyone back

41:50

home in Asgard, it's important to me that

41:53

if we're going to die, we die for a reason. That's kind

41:55

of why I want to have this fireside chat. I wanted us

41:57

to kind of have a sense of who we're fighting with. but

42:00

also what we're fighting for. And

42:02

that can't just be a flag in a

42:04

nation that's gotta be the people in it. And I don't

42:07

think any of you have had that experience and I hadn't,

42:09

so I want to share that with all of you. And

42:12

thank you for sharing that, Crenn. Thank you for all of this.

42:14

We're gonna go in a moment, but I wanna make sure that

42:17

we cover the one last blind

42:20

spot that I feel has been missing in this whole

42:22

campfire talk. Queenie, you've

42:24

been sitting here listening to a lot of people

42:27

talk about brotherhood and their own problems

42:29

and their own challenges. And I think just

42:31

because I know you've been quiet because you've been

42:33

thinking about the best story you have because that's

42:35

just who you are. If you

42:37

could just share your story from

42:40

our adventures together that

42:42

really expresses the love

42:45

and brotherhood and the sisterhood and

42:47

just your bond with the world so that

42:49

everyone understands where you're coming from. So they

42:51

know that you're as emotionally available as myself

42:53

and Gar Talk and that you're here for these

42:55

people. So I'm just gonna give you the floor and

42:58

I just love to hear that story from you. I'm sure

43:01

everyone else would too. Am I right? Am I right? Yeah,

43:03

come on, Queenie. We

43:05

can't walk, William. I'm tired. All

43:17

right, let's see. Brotherhood,

43:20

camaraderie, sisterhood, friendship.

43:25

Okay, so I went to hell

43:28

with actually these folks here. Had

43:31

a score to settle with

43:34

A devil, V devil at the time.

43:37

He had kind of bamboozled

43:40

me into a demonic pact there and

43:43

it was like payback time kind of

43:45

thing. And

43:51

well, I mean, you all kind of saw how things

43:53

kind of got like weird here with, well,

43:56

maybe you didn't know, but like hell was getting

43:58

full, guys, so to speak. peak. There was

44:00

a lot of weird stuff going on in hell. A

44:05

lot of like the... I had been there

44:07

before. A lot of the people that I

44:09

knew like there before, like a lot of

44:11

changes happening and things like that, everyone was

44:13

like scared. Demons and devils and just the

44:16

souls of the dead, scared in hell, which

44:19

was not necessarily the case before. Oh

44:22

yeah, to be clear, Quinnie died and then we battled our

44:24

way through hell to bring him back. That's not the story

44:26

of Brotherhood that we're telling? No. No

44:28

good to win future? It's a follow up journey to hell. So much

44:30

light in all their eyes. What? So yeah,

44:32

anyway... I threw this all we've all

44:34

done. We fight through hell, we kind of

44:37

create like a little bit of

44:40

a resistance situation

44:50

and we gain some more allies, more comrades, that

44:53

kind of thing. Anyway, we

44:55

end up at like the big bad guys, kind

44:59

of like office building. It was really paperwork

45:01

based kind of vibe that he

45:03

had. He loved contracts and all that kind

45:05

of stuff. And

45:07

it was a big thing between him and

45:09

me, but I just could not do it

45:11

alone. He was so strong. I mean, I

45:13

think he killed me in hell and

45:16

you kind of like don't come back from that generally without

45:18

the help of in this case, I believe a god,

45:22

his god,

45:26

Moonhammers. He's not here anymore. So we have me

45:29

as the avatar of Moonhammers. Yeah.

45:31

That's a story for a different campfire. We're telling the

45:33

story. Anyway, yeah. The whole

45:36

thing that I'm trying to say is like, I

45:38

tried to take him on solo

45:41

on like his terms and like that's... I

45:45

was defeated before we even started kind of thing.

45:48

Working with my friends here, it was like really tough and

45:50

I didn't make it. But the reason

45:52

I'm back is because of my friends. And the reason

45:54

he's not is because he didn't have any friends. He

45:57

basically coerced, betrayed.

46:00

He'd tricked everybody

46:02

that he ever dealt with. And

46:04

so he didn't really have anyone really and truly

46:06

in his corner in the end. And

46:08

that was what made all the difference. He's

46:11

gone. He's not coming back. Nobody wants

46:13

him back. These

46:16

people wanted me back. So

46:20

there. Can you roll a performance

46:22

check at disadvantage? What will

46:25

happen when we take that 8, I

46:27

think, performance, you say? Yep.

46:33

And everyone just kind of nods and says, yeah, yeah, okay. Cool. Cool.

46:36

Hey, guard talk. Tell us more about the warehouse. Are

46:39

you happy, you big fucker? I'm

46:41

pretty pleased. I think the

46:44

message... I mean,

46:46

to rephrase Quinnie's story, to make

46:48

it clear, he told it the

46:50

cynical way, the old Akawe, which

46:52

is, if you don't have

46:54

friends, you'll go to hell and get murdered like

46:57

a chump and no one will care. Oh, yeah,

46:59

yeah, like a chump. And if you do have

47:01

friends, they'll bring you back from the dead, so

47:03

only with friends will you live forever. But

47:08

the emotional way is, he's

47:10

acknowledging, if we look into it

47:13

as a metaphor, that we all have

47:15

goals that we can't complete on our

47:17

own. We

47:19

often move towards those goals in toxic ways

47:21

because we think that we have to do

47:24

it alone. And then it goes

47:27

really bad because no

47:29

person is an island. We're

47:32

all just dolphins in the sea. So

47:35

we swim together and apes

47:38

together strong. So just

47:40

know that working together, we can

47:42

not only achieve our goals, but

47:44

we live longer, we have

47:47

more meaningful connections, and we can achieve things

47:49

we never could alone. And

47:51

that's not about work, that's about friends. Think

47:54

about me without Dr. Martha. I

47:57

would have no purpose in life. Oh

48:00

yeah, okay, yeah, this all makes much more sense

48:02

than what the halfling said. Yeah, okay, yeah, yeah,

48:04

okay. Whatever guys. I feel like I'm

48:06

going to bed. And

48:09

so with the group kind of like mumbling in a sense,

48:11

like nodding to butthole, it kind of comes out like, all

48:13

right everyone, we got to give back on watch, we got

48:15

to give these guys some time to rest, we also got

48:17

to start planning to fight these ape

48:19

dolphins who sound like a real strong

48:22

group, but we are the ape

48:24

dolphins. Sorry, the metaphor was confused. Fuck, yeah,

48:26

all right, so good, we're ape dolphins. Back

48:30

on patrol and we'll make for the

48:33

mountains in the morning. And

48:35

there's like, everyone gets up feeling better than they were when

48:37

they left. They didn't, like they're being nice to you and

48:39

stuff, like they're patting you on the back. Okay,

48:42

that motion right there was like, am I getting fucking

48:44

headpats because I will. Oh no. Based on rank? No,

48:47

based on like, if

48:50

they're just buds maybe, but no, it's like pats on

48:52

the back, it's very camaraderie and everything else. And

48:55

feeling better about kind of the state of the

48:58

Hammers and your adventuring party, the three of

49:00

you begin to turn into the night. You're heading

49:02

to the glamping tent when

49:04

someone says, look, a shooting star.

49:08

And all of you look up to

49:10

see something arc across the sky. It

49:12

doesn't stop, it doesn't pay you any heat at all.

49:14

You're far too small for it to notice, but

49:17

racing across the sky, high above

49:19

you, you see Captain

49:22

Plant here zip by a stark

49:24

reminder of what's out there and how

49:26

very small you are in this very

49:28

large world. This episode of Dumb Dumbs

49:30

and Dragons features the voices of Ryan

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