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fableandfolly.com/survey today. Welcome

1:46

back to Dum Dum's and Dragons, where

1:48

improvisers who've never role played before journey

1:51

into the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

1:53

I am the great wizard Bukake, your

1:55

host. Our party have stopped

1:57

to visit an abbey. Butthole is taken on

2:00

the new Lycra's brother Ted and his

2:02

working as an arbor. Quiny is curious about

2:04

this but doesn't know what to do,

2:06

and Gartok used his magic to bless the

2:08

ground before finding an old friend. Can

2:11

our heroes convince the king to rejoin them

2:13

and save Asgard? Find out

2:15

next on Dom

2:18

Dom's Gendry Gom!

2:24

Gartok you were being embraced by

2:26

a lost citizen of Toomslab, Sheriff

2:28

Moss's old digs, one

2:31

of the many universes lost

2:33

to the Great Collide. Wild,

2:35

wild. And he's never met

2:38

Gartok before but he sure

2:40

knows Deputy Sheriff

2:42

Moss. So he pulls back from you

2:44

in the dirt, now he's covered in

2:46

dirt too but that's fine, he's wearing

2:48

the abbey of the Golden Sheafs, sort

2:51

of like burlap outfit anyway. And

2:53

he just says, Deputy

2:56

Sheriff it's such an honor to

2:58

find you after all this time,

3:00

we all, I mean it's

3:02

been a hell of a journey, you're

3:06

a goblin now? It's like full

3:08

time or what? Oh no, just

3:10

at the moment, I would change back into

3:12

the form that you're accustomed to seeing but

3:14

I might turn into a werewolf by accident.

3:17

Sounds like you've been through some stuff too but you

3:21

couldn't transform last week we

3:23

all saw you, you were kind

3:25

of stuck between things, does that change?

3:28

That's true but I merged with an

3:30

alternate dimension version of myself and that

3:32

seems to have given me some limited

3:34

ability to change again. You

3:37

know normally that would sound real weird but after

3:39

everything I've seen that sounds about right, yeah, yeah

3:41

okay, well that's great, well it's good

3:43

to have you here Deputy Sheriff. I

3:45

mean I mean I haven't seen anyone from Tomb Slab myself

3:48

but yeah it was the damned thing

4:00

we all got pulled away from you as as

4:02

we were doing that whole like into the portal

4:04

thing and and I just got tossed

4:08

through space and time I think and it was

4:11

real strange and then suddenly I

4:13

was wet and getting poked in the face with a stick.

4:15

Oh Fuhar! That's right yeah Fuhar found

4:17

me out in the water and

4:20

he was he said you know there's a place you

4:22

can go or you know you can be

4:24

of use because I was a loser I don't know

4:26

what to do and you know I could only give

4:28

him so many haircuts before he said you know that

4:30

that's that's good you could you can move along. The

4:32

skunks didn't want haircuts. They got them they weren't thrilled

4:34

with them I gotta tell you I'm better with with

4:38

a humanoid hair setup than then

4:40

a skunk setup. Environments weren't my

4:42

specialty back in in

4:44

home so I found

4:47

my way here and you know

4:49

they they were good enough to

4:51

take me in and I've just been

4:53

been helping grow things and give haircuts ever

4:55

since. She doesn't like to talk about it too

4:57

much but I gotta keep keep sister

5:01

Harkness's scalp looking looking fresh looking clean so

5:03

I help her out with that and I

5:05

help here with with some of the gardening

5:07

it's been a it's been a nice a

5:10

nice place for me. This is incredible and

5:12

it's just you you didn't get the sense

5:14

of anyone else from our realm being thrown

5:16

at the same time. Oh yeah no they got

5:19

they got thrown just in in other places.

5:22

There might be some other ones here in in

5:24

this fair room I think that's possible but

5:26

I you know you kind of like

5:28

gestures to kind of how old he is he's like

5:31

well I'm not really built for travel these days so

5:33

I thought it was best to just try and make

5:35

a new new place here that's that's as

5:37

you remember that was kind of how how tombs lab

5:39

cuts started to be honest as just a bunch of

5:42

us decide and we could make it in a place

5:44

so I just figured I'd try and make a living

5:46

here it's been it's been nice it's been nice

5:48

to have purpose again. That's

5:51

great I mean there's no greater

5:53

joy than understanding your purpose. Exactly

5:56

exactly and I always thought my purpose was

5:59

cut in half. Here and it turns out

6:01

maybe it's cutting hair and cotton don't stocks

6:03

green. Wow Do you think you'd

6:05

be just as happy back in team? slab?

6:08

Of to slap still around i cause. I

6:10

don't I just say it as actually.

6:12

Everything's gonna have to go back the way it

6:14

was. I

6:17

mean, if if it has to be

6:19

than I suppose, but I think I'd

6:22

wanna bring a little bit of a

6:24

jaunty a bag with me and make

6:26

sure that that. Side I think there's

6:28

just as she is when there are,

6:30

ah, let's say two versions of a

6:33

person. the coexisting. In the

6:35

same reality. I

6:37

beat me. Myself I'm currently to

6:39

of B N One Body. And.

6:42

I'll be honest, It's. Allow that fucked

6:44

up. A you know, salvo fucked

6:46

up as it all like that stage

6:48

play The Highlander were there can be

6:50

only one. Who.

6:54

Know. I

6:57

mean one per realm. Now. Only

6:59

one. That that's kind of like the bunch

7:01

of that piece of shit that this. Who.

7:06

I don't think you need to concern yourself

7:08

with accept that if he ever be somewhat

7:10

consensus, just Rodney. One

7:12

looks down his throat a decrepit was I will

7:15

try deputy sheriff I will trust Won't listen looks

7:17

like you're right in the middle of doing some

7:19

grow and that's incredible. I wanna interrupt is too

7:21

much but still it's A and I'll be to

7:23

work it the abbey over there we are to

7:25

new recruits ago you'll see her to Berta you

7:28

know it's A It's so good to see you

7:30

know I sincerely hope you find some real of

7:32

folks from from to slap out there. I'm sure

7:34

if I could do to be you need. To

7:36

add if you see any what along the

7:38

way please send them over to Ask Guard.

7:40

Formerly known as a car. Arrived

7:45

via oil leave. Tell. Them to send a

7:47

letter so I know where they are cited. Collect that

7:49

What? We eventually have to go back. To flab

7:51

are you aware is that. Is

7:54

at a scar? Oh. Just I need

7:56

a few if you just mentioned asked

7:59

hard for billie note as a car.

8:01

For. An adult? Whatever he said. Well, Know

8:03

what you're talking about Us and it's not as

8:05

scary as it used. To be okay was like

8:07

a rebrand and problem. Exactly. You

8:09

get it, they are. You know how we were

8:12

like tube, slap the shit, whole town dead. They're

8:14

just became known as Tubes Lab. Yeah, that's

8:16

I'd have said beyond argue that market.

8:18

Ah yes Sir David Sheriff A happy

8:20

to do That said you. Are

8:24

at. Will Do I. Get to keep growing

8:26

plants. You. Know what? Me

8:28

to die and be subsidized ahead

8:30

or it was often introduce a.

8:34

Good lab is so good. Assist

8:36

assist or I'd ah so with

8:38

guards are continuing to grow, could

8:40

continue into brewed slowly but surely

8:42

the sun goes down And are

8:45

you know the hammers been out

8:47

there helping as well. Ah and

8:49

or the the bell rings or

8:51

for this shift to end and

8:54

are you know fresh faced accolades

8:56

are coming out wave and everybody

8:58

the some high fives to some

9:00

secret handshakes, exchanging of pocket nuts.

9:02

ah you know. And and stacks

9:05

and or the the days Peru

9:07

comes in tired but happy and

9:09

defeats has been laid out there.

9:11

People from from all around and

9:13

or. That sister Harkness scanner raises

9:15

a hen says oh okay all right all right

9:17

everybody could come on and get some to get

9:20

some food and you get get your bones warm

9:22

if you need it is it. You can hit

9:24

the hot tubs if you need or if he

9:26

to soak if you need or to me you

9:29

know work out some of the stress of the

9:31

day. I'm. Please. Make ourselves at

9:33

home to our visitors. Ah! We.

9:36

Are we welcome you in the name of a

9:38

jaunty or. Ah, we wanna make

9:40

sure that you know you well you're

9:42

seer the help out were you where

9:44

he also take what you need ah

9:46

that's that's important and her her will

9:48

as bountiful and and wonderful so please

9:50

enjoy the food enjoy the company and

9:52

are we we bid you all as

9:55

a good evening and she goes and

9:57

to serve smil go about her avidly

9:59

duties ah So Ted, you've

10:01

come in with Bernard,

10:03

your dog. Of

10:06

course. Quinnie, you've been waiting

10:08

to see- Please stop legitimizing this

10:10

stuff. We're just other

10:12

acolytes. We're just here. Brother Ted and Bernard, we

10:14

did our job. It's a good

10:16

day. Maybe we'll hit those hot tubs and maybe we'll just eat some

10:18

food. Right. Quinnie, you've

10:20

been waiting for this to happen, so

10:23

what do you do? I

10:25

approach him. And

10:27

if you see me coming, I don't like- if you got a thing to do,

10:29

but I'm not hiding- Are you trying to sneak out or are you just- No,

10:31

I'm not- Yeah, I'm walking up to you like openly. Oh,

10:34

sorry, you are hiding or anything? No, I

10:36

am not hiding. Oh, well, turns out I

10:38

might have to turn more poop. And he just turns around

10:40

and is like, I'm Brother Ted, and walks back to the

10:42

manure room. Is

10:46

Sister Harkness around? Yeah,

10:48

she's making sure all

10:50

the various tribute stations are

10:53

set up and everything else. Hey, Sister

10:55

Harkness. Yeah, what do you

10:57

want? Brother Ted, he's done his shift,

10:59

right? I can talk to him. Well,

11:02

and she looks at the poop door closing. She's

11:04

like, seems to me Brother Ted isn't too interested

11:06

in talking to you, so no, you can't.

11:10

Yeah, but he's finished his holy work that he's committed to,

11:12

right? He did his time kind of thing. This is just

11:14

extra bonus time, I guess. We

11:16

don't think of it as bonus time. We

11:18

think of it as additionally serving our goddess.

11:20

Sure. He's bringing a prison

11:23

mentality to be like, get trying. But

11:26

he's not like, he's off the clock, right? The

11:29

clock is our lives. Our lives are due

11:31

for... What do you want? You want to do a clock?

11:33

I want to talk to him, but he's avoiding me, and I think

11:35

he's using the rules of this place to keep us separate. So if

11:37

I could go in there and talk to him without pissing

11:40

everyone off, I would appreciate it. Great.

11:43

What did you do to help out today? Nothing. Then you're

11:46

pissing me off. So I'll tell you what, you put on

11:48

a robe, you go out there and you help some things

11:50

grow for a day. I'll let you talk to him tomorrow

11:52

at lunch. Why don't I put on a robe

11:54

and tend to the manure? Because

11:56

Then you just talked to him. I'm not

11:58

fucking stupid. Look

12:00

around the people sharing and shit. Looks.

12:03

Too stupid to me. But anyway, and things

12:05

like i'm like cool, slow, good weapons was

12:07

pretty stupid. a big sunset is of thing

12:09

and yeah, I. Have.

12:12

Time for that. Ah well, idea Polish

12:14

had a helps things grow during the day so

12:16

standard around peloton. Think

12:20

in. The. First person ever to

12:22

skype gray the like that my letters like

12:24

media Lab and house you know that exacting

12:26

see a. Literal

12:30

Check. Go. Know.

12:32

Like this is like time is of the essence as

12:34

far as he's concerned, like we have like. National

12:37

concerns As like We were sent

12:39

on a mission to. Deal

12:41

with some beer and six their problem.

12:44

And like. I miss

12:46

my. Brother

12:49

Ted just showed up. Ah

12:51

did the guards added the hammers and

12:53

trend in help out. Guess they did.

12:55

Look at the asher did not get

12:57

the deficit so they helped out. So.

13:01

They're. All in on this kind of thing.

13:03

it sounds like so. I. Think

13:05

I'm just gonna. Get.

13:07

A meal, rest up and I'm gonna

13:09

leave. Or semi it immoral start. Yeah,

13:11

so you you some of these avoiding

13:14

the and I can't get to him

13:16

and there's not enough time right now.

13:18

I'm. So. Uh.

13:21

Oh this is a harkness like watches you

13:23

go to collide narrows rise and goes back

13:26

to sort of us tend to attributes and

13:28

and seeing other things are that's one the

13:30

acolytes who is is kind of tending things

13:32

as smart as you walk away and you

13:35

watches site says arkansas act or and and

13:37

or she does kind of gets up from

13:39

from the bench where she was in enjoying

13:41

a meal and as the two of you

13:44

leave that she goes over the poop room

13:46

and said opens the door and let yourself

13:48

in on. And. Rhino

13:53

a lady and her says the room

13:55

car behind behind you turn around. it's

13:57

another acolytes com and she's very much.

14:00

It reminds you to some degree

14:02

of like the you before your troubles

14:04

like just like serve Big bubbly

14:06

personality. You've talked to her a couple

14:08

times. she was really making like aggressively

14:11

making sure everyone was comfortable. Had food

14:13

out there before. And

14:15

or she just kind of the comes

14:18

and takes a with hims. I hope.

14:21

That. Is some good maneuver through some good shit

14:23

going on in here? yet his room rules. Yeah,

14:25

that's great to keep us Michelle Oh hell

14:27

yeah. Hit me up as a shell over prejudice

14:29

don't like grabs his digital worlds as I'm.

14:32

Not bad. There is a bad shuttles you know what

14:34

of a batch of those shoveling shit next you at

14:36

ease off the shelves. Bet I'm new at this and

14:38

brother Ted are protetch Yeah Notes is a push to

14:40

thank you so much for joining our order. Oh thanks

14:42

for avid media No no that's great. Yeah look if

14:44

it if it squeaks if she likes sushi shows you

14:47

that it it doesn't it was a six or she's

14:49

treasury. What doesn't work on a good thing the I

14:51

really I got it. Yeah they've like the pieces move

14:53

law that would you try and and shovel or would

14:55

you just holding and like as a bad shovel and

14:57

eventually going to turn the shit and the shall i

14:59

just gonna flip and then to shit can end up

15:01

on you. Were the floor? Oh yeah, that happened

15:04

early. I broke to shovels. get those bad

15:06

shovels. God about it. A bad I'd assumed

15:08

is just like I use until it breaks

15:10

you like whoop shovels. I. Mean I

15:12

appreciate the idea of trying to use of until it

15:14

breaks to think that's a good idea but also like

15:16

your is about show again on have to wear them

15:18

much cpu by are you are and see. Like.

15:21

Just let one rip of very very loudly as

15:23

I was a single. She's like height of making

15:25

eye contact with you and she can't really look

15:27

away. Those points if I am deeply sorry about

15:29

that. That was the most romantic thing that's ever

15:31

happened to me as well, so that you like

15:33

the countless as long as that's a lesser kind

15:35

of either sex to listen you, you said earlier,

15:37

you shovels broker you. You get the hang of

15:39

this. Okay, are you figure another the shit shoveling

15:42

situation. I figured day one, you know got a

15:44

lot to learn. I'm going to do my best.

15:46

Kind of a big guy in a move and

15:48

a shovel around so that's doable. You know does

15:50

her. and I and. I. Know suit, you brought a

15:52

wolf with you that isn't trying to bite us

15:54

or kill us. Oh yeah, that's my dog Bernard.

15:56

Okay, we'll hyper darn like garbage your job like.

15:59

snort start. That's a funny pig noise. Yeah, he

16:01

likes to make pig sounds he's confused. Oh,

16:03

all right. Yeah, I think it's fun Well, it's

16:05

north snort to you Well little pig and the

16:07

Goblin juju is like fuck you talking about like

16:09

just give you both a look of like no

16:11

No, this is my brother Ted persona, but neither

16:13

you need a yes north snort and I pet

16:15

pet Bernard on the head Yeah, maybe he likes

16:17

it, but you're good Bernard it's

16:20

not and so she goes back to like shoveling shit next

16:22

to you and So

16:25

while you've joined you join the order. Oh,

16:27

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm all

16:29

in Yeah, so you're not just trying to

16:31

avoid talking to that that that halfling out there looks

16:33

really pissed off What

16:36

halfling he talking about? I'm just brother Ted Hello,

16:47

I am Berber and sherbert the survivalist Robert

16:49

from dumb dumb zen dragons And I am

16:51

here to help you survive the boredom of

16:54

day-to-day life by helping to engage in a

16:56

wonderful storytelling Whimsy comedy and

16:58

occasional tragedy of the dumb dumb zen

17:00

dragons adventures If you would like to

17:02

support us you can go to patreon.com/dumb

17:04

dumb dice That is do you MB

17:06

D? UMB D? I see and

17:08

you can join for as little as one dollar

17:10

a month which will gain access to our patreon

17:13

only discord where you can Hang out with other

17:15

people who have also listened to the things you

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have listened to and seen the things you

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you or at higher levels You can get

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17:30

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17:32

own NPC that you build at the highest

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level and your name in the credits name

17:37

in the credits name in the credits Sorry,

17:40

I had to say that three times because

17:42

it is very very very cool This has

17:44

been bourbon sherbert encouraging you to go join

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patreon.com slash dumb dumb dice See you in the

17:49

future Shovel

17:58

shovel in silence for a

18:00

few minutes and then says,

18:03

okay, okay, well, I understand that.

18:05

I understand that.

18:08

So do you plan on telling Sister

18:11

Harkness that you're a god or is

18:13

that just something you're keeping on the DL? That

18:17

happens when I die, I think. I don't.

18:20

I don't. I don't. I don't

18:22

know. I don't know. That's

18:24

not really how that works, I don't think. But also,

18:26

you're getting kind of a... Wait,

18:29

who are you again? That doesn't

18:31

matter. I want to circle back to back. It

18:33

feels like you're not who you seem here either.

18:35

Well, first of all, you never ask my name. So I might

18:37

be exactly who I seem. Chantilly? Oh,

18:40

that's so close. That's adorable. Yes, it's Chantilla,

18:42

yes. Oh, crap. They say Chantilla around

18:45

here a lot. I don't want to correct them. It's

18:47

rude. The Chantilly thing, it's cute. I like it.

18:50

I could grow used to it. Oh, listen,

18:53

your name's Chantilla. Chantilla. Chantilla. That's

18:56

what I'm doing. But now I'm seeing your expression, I'm

18:58

not going to use it. It feels very

19:00

familiar, which I'm not against. But it feels familiar if I

19:03

haven't got a chance to... If I don't know their pet

19:05

name, it's weird for them to have a pet name for

19:07

me. And I got somebody who's

19:09

followers. That's really difficult to be willing to know all of them.

19:11

You've got to pick your favorites. Well,

19:14

try not to do that either. Clerics

19:16

are kind of a little bit of everybody's favorites

19:19

just magically speaking. Sure. Sure.

19:22

But I mean, I also just... Look at his own moon hammer hang

19:24

up. She's not aware of her. She's like, Clerics' favorites, right? Yeah, they

19:26

better be. She's like,

19:28

sure, but I mean, I also just appreciate farmers.

19:31

They aren't trying to channel me or anything. They're

19:33

just doing what I want the

19:35

world to have. And I can do some, and I can

19:37

help grow the crops and stuff and all

19:39

that. But I also have all these other realms I

19:41

have to protect and appear in in different forms and

19:43

guises, the whole thing. I

19:46

got to tell you, bad shovels, every realm. Every realm

19:48

has bad shovels, and it... I'm

19:50

going to check those out. Yeah, we got to watch out for

19:52

them. We do. It's a minor

19:54

problem. It's not like on a scale of universes

19:56

colliding to not colliding. Not huge, but

19:59

worth knowing about. In any

20:01

case, yeah, so you're getting a weird vibe off you

20:03

though, brother Ted.

20:05

Oh, okay. Um, but

20:07

Hammer in that you seem to both be

20:10

a mortal but also carrying

20:12

that kind of like it

20:15

goes beyond clerking, right? Oh, yeah,

20:17

yeah. No, I mean, if you're, if you're Shantae,

20:19

then yeah, sure. I mean, you can call me

20:21

Chantilly. That's good. No, no, no, I'm,

20:23

if, if we work, probably by your own name, that

20:25

makes sense to me. All right. Yeah,

20:28

no, I, I'm brother Ted now.

20:31

I was butthole before, but I think

20:34

logically and philosophically I've been the butthammer

20:36

the whole time. Oh, I see. I

20:38

see. Godhood gifted upon a

20:40

mortal and now the

20:42

rules are at the fucking window. Okay. So

20:45

are you a demigod? Like, were you born of like a

20:47

couple of, like a god in a human, like had some sexy time

20:49

in a dam? Oh, no, no, no, no. I

20:51

was born in a tube. Oh, where

20:53

someone's trying to like make you an avatar or something?

20:55

Yeah, and then a different god made me their avatar

20:57

and they left the realm. So technically I'm the only

20:59

version of the avatar. So I think I'm transcending. Great.

21:02

What god, what god you got? You got

21:04

a moon hammer? Moon hammer. No, I don't

21:06

know moon hammer. Brother Sun's size. Okay.

21:09

Okay. One of those forced American captain plant

21:11

here for a bit. Oh,

21:13

wait, are these all, is this like pantheon from that

21:15

like weird future? Yeah, exactly. That's why I'm here. Oh

21:17

man, I gotta tell you, I don't fuck with that

21:19

dimension too much. They don't really like, they prefer their,

21:21

their soylent colored food, you

21:24

know, it's just like all sorts of engineering shit. Oh

21:26

yeah, food shit is terrible. Yeah, it's very hard

21:28

to grow things in there, although, you know, I

21:30

could probably get some traction there now, but yeah,

21:32

okay. So yeah, so it's like, yeah, the captain

21:35

plant here guy, moon hammer, Sun's size. Okay, so

21:37

pantheon from a different realm, but

21:39

she was, they were like lost and some of

21:41

them came over here. There was a whole thing

21:43

with this guy named Grayson type, this heinous asshole.

21:46

So he came over and like some

21:48

of the gods kind of got stuck over here, some of them

21:50

went back. So moon hammer came here because I was

21:52

praying to moon hammer. I knew about moon hammer. And

21:54

then captain plantier came over and then Sun's size

21:56

came over to try to free moon hammer because moon

21:59

hammer was like. kind of technically married to

22:01

Captain Plantear, and let it get along. So

22:03

we like broke up that marriage, and then Captain

22:05

Plantear went crazy and got burnt, and

22:08

Moon Hammer and Sun-Scythe returned to their home

22:10

realm, so they have no presence in this

22:13

reality anymore. And before she

22:15

left, she made me her avatar at this dimension,

22:17

but then named me the Bot Hammer, so I

22:19

think I'm becoming my own god in

22:21

this realm, because she's no longer

22:23

here. So I am a cleric who

22:25

prays to himself. I was, I was. I'm

22:28

not that anymore. I'm Brother Ted. Understood. Brother

22:31

Ted. Okay. That's

22:33

Bernard. Yeah. Wow. Okay.

22:37

That is, that is a tricky one. I've never had to deal

22:39

with that. I've just been a god kind of the whole time.

22:41

Yeah, that's like the beginning of time, which really

22:43

has been a weird ride. There's been,

22:46

at times I almost feel like people are trying to just

22:49

randomly shake things up, you know,

22:52

just to reset everything so that it's easier to get

22:54

involved with the comings and goings of Faerun, so sometimes

22:56

they just like rip up the spell weave, and it

22:58

comes back, and like buildings just reappear and reappear. Yeah,

23:00

history can become more easily or less easily understood depending

23:02

on the era. Very, yes, exactly that. And I mean,

23:05

we live in interesting times, but look, I didn't come

23:07

in here. Yeah, the fifth era. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

23:09

Five E as they call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's

23:11

a good one. I'm gonna, I'm gonna use that. Although

23:13

I was thinking of maybe calling it

23:15

next, but you know what? I

23:19

might walk that one back, or one. Oh, if

23:21

you combine all of them in together, we really only

23:23

live one life. Yeah, okay, that's good. That's good. I'll

23:26

think about that, but who knows? Maybe I'll walk it back. I

23:29

mean, this isn't about me. Look, I'm very

23:31

happy that you're working here at the Abbey.

23:33

Oh, thank you, thank you. And you seem

23:35

really committed to turning shit over.

23:38

I've never been more committed to anything in

23:40

my life. Amazing, amazing. Okay, well, I don't

23:42

want to mess with whatever's going on with

23:44

you and the halfling and

23:47

the goblin, but yeah,

23:49

I rarely see someone with the divine spark

23:51

just randomly come in. I've literally never heard

23:53

of someone praying to themselves before, so I

23:55

figured I'd introduce myself. Bye.

23:58

See How you're doing, and also. The I think ask

24:01

why you're serving me when you kinda

24:03

have. Your. Own stuff going on

24:05

like you're you're you're becoming your own

24:07

god. Which is as. Theologically

24:09

complex, but like. It's

24:12

cool that you're helping me out the using school

24:15

really badly for the realm when like one god

24:17

start serving other. Usually it's in wars, not like

24:19

I'm just friendly. Them here do. It's of this,

24:21

you're like a pilgrimage or something. power to you.

24:23

Don't fuck with us, but like if you're gonna

24:25

worship me now oh no I'm not going to

24:27

wear should be. That's the one part that I

24:29

kind of saved about. I was like I'm here

24:31

to do the job. I like a good I

24:33

didn't want you to create like we're closed loop.

24:35

oh I know that would be really annoying and

24:37

imagine oh yeah that's that cause I see no

24:39

electricity works at a couple of places and Anna

24:41

one across any wires His words and yeah, Yeah

24:43

yeah I was more thinking like plant in wrong

24:45

crop in the wrong feel but that years as

24:47

I have yours is that makes more sense Idea

24:49

Yeah there was a reach or it will listen

24:51

brother Ted oh let's go back to show on

24:54

your shit but. If

24:56

you if you need. Anything. Or

24:58

years here. Let me know if you

25:00

need a better shovel. Dutch back

25:02

and show you which ones are bad. Have done

25:04

a lot shit shoveling. Hear myself to Canada. Want

25:06

my followers to do anything I would be willing

25:09

to do that seems kind of like a dick

25:11

move. So the guy get out there a plants

25:13

the odyssey the sister does suits the for figure

25:15

it out. it's meets it happens every time they

25:17

never figure it out it's they saw it I

25:19

look like the fucking statue of they never figure

25:21

it out so on. But yes you need a

25:23

thing where you hear bullet please let me know.

25:25

A great you have any friends. Oh

25:27

yeah, I got friends over the place for like who?

25:30

Well. I mean I assume the other

25:32

gods got to have mortal friends. I've got

25:34

some immortal friends, I've met some planes, walkers

25:37

were sushi weird but codified. They got weird

25:39

stories from all over the place or what

25:41

about also you? I hope I hope okay

25:43

I will remain friends has authorized me to.

25:45

Got on the way up is always exciting.

25:48

Oh thank you thank you that for like

25:50

an avatar or whatever bet they'll know that

25:52

was yanked. Ah you know. So.

25:55

Yeah, but what mortals has that worked? Out

25:58

well, it's. It's

26:00

kind of looks a goblin.

26:03

Junior/bernard Ahman. And. Kind of

26:05

like box often put her hands over garbage

26:07

users. Six What It's all that like getting

26:09

a dog in that you're kind, inviting, a

26:11

little tragedy and your life every time you

26:13

become friends with with a mortal. Ah, because

26:15

like you're probably going outlive them. Know that

26:17

said, because you're an afternoon aspect, you might

26:19

just kind of cease to exist in the

26:21

idea of the bought hammer might become the

26:23

things. Also, you don't worry. but like you

26:25

become a god, you have to be the

26:27

goddamn me Nabil, How this works. So it

26:30

was a where where we're kind of through

26:32

the looking glass. Normally avatar supplants the whole

26:34

personality. The person and it takes

26:36

over. Okay. Okay,

26:39

Yes, you're saying. Ah I did

26:41

it. They are god will have the God will come out

26:44

of me. He says having done

26:46

a quick snap parents as had to the gonna come

26:48

out of me it just be a god and then

26:50

I'll just be gone. Or

26:52

think. There's. A mean. If

26:54

I were to venture a guess, the

26:57

probably split. so you can think of

26:59

it almost as ah. Talk

27:01

with your giving birth to the moon

27:03

hammer of this realm and are we

27:05

don't have a moon hammered here. Ah

27:08

so. You're. Gonna go through

27:10

life to get to pick up lessons and

27:12

you're gonna learn things and you're going to

27:14

have opinions and make mistakes and all that

27:16

will kind of shape what this god entity

27:18

is and either. Your. Ascend which

27:20

has happened before he could happen again Uses

27:23

Dick was the do with on the become

27:25

like super villains and then you know as

27:27

all day but sometimes I people to aside

27:29

i target to like you could us and

27:31

it could be surprised no no you know

27:33

Bob or is God could be an option

27:35

Ah mooted. Brother. Ted Thank

27:38

you. Could become a

27:40

god You how to ditch the brother part though

27:42

cause I carol have one of my Acl. it's

27:44

become a different gods. It's very confusing that I

27:46

really like ios at a a white you're like

27:48

me being a gotten A because I didn't he

27:50

just cool. He has his own thing and like

27:52

a feeling a pretty good explanation will go paragraphs

27:54

so either you could send my that's less abode

27:56

moon hammer giving you something and more about just

27:59

like the process of. A cheating got

28:01

it? So like that one root for their but

28:03

it's also possible as as an avatar is that

28:05

you are built to try to be a vessel

28:07

for a god rays What I is what people

28:09

tell me yeah okay so normally when that happens

28:11

the guy goes into you are just like but

28:13

there's no you, it's just like you're like us

28:16

off or a flush suit Now care for the

28:18

god and then they like become uni, get like

28:20

God powers and generally your supervillain to use his

28:22

dick while to do the cost of yes I'm

28:24

I think that's what's gonna happen plenty of Be

28:26

honest and I like it. It gets ah but

28:28

if. He didn't work for

28:30

you if they didn't if the process got

28:33

ruined in some ways, clearly Leo who is

28:35

was be a vessel for i think god

28:37

of war out Tempus. Yeah that's as far

28:39

as a dick or it. So us must

28:41

be tough as be. You're not Tempus. The.

28:43

Great. You really don't seem very had. This is not

28:45

your like shoveling shit. You mentioned your cleric. oh yeah

28:47

don't care because of the God of War. And

28:50

I was cleric of Moon Hammer. And right

28:52

right right now we accidentally a cleric of

28:54

Atheism for a stretch may have all been

28:56

there myself included. Before.

28:59

I continue the story just quick

29:01

question to the gods have rules

29:03

about like killing god's will pop

29:05

up sizes. And

29:09

a gripper? Shovel those under. Yes, I didn't.

29:11

She doesn't. This is pretty sure she can

29:13

win, but she goes. He did vote. gods

29:15

kill each other all the time, and sometimes

29:18

of six, and sometimes it doesn't. The challenge

29:20

of being a god is that you are

29:22

inherently tied. these little tragedies eager to know

29:24

and sometimes mortals will just. Brings.

29:26

You back in a way you can't even imagine.

29:29

So yeah, you can kill a god. where they

29:31

stayed at are not that okay glide of animator

29:33

that enough to get like a god track or

29:35

where I murdered a bunch of like weird little

29:38

gods. I don't have a problem or any other

29:40

guy. gyros, just an atheist murderer face. you know,

29:42

like everybody has a sock me a. Pool

29:46

of Get Me A I am

29:48

persuaded me an answer I go

29:50

guides himself as the oh my

29:53

Gods and Goddesses. While.

29:55

There we go. Twenty. Nine Twenty

29:57

Nine. And see.

30:00

She gives you kind of a hard look and

30:02

she says, okay, well, that

30:05

kind of seems like you needed something

30:07

so you just went out and killed a bunch of gods.

30:11

It's the equivalent of just going into an alley because

30:13

you're sad and murdering someone, and that doesn't seem great.

30:16

So like maybe don't do that

30:18

again. Oh, it's been years. That's not happening again.

30:20

I'm not doing the forsaken thing yet. Also, somebody

30:22

else took the identity. It's fine. Okay,

30:25

well, I don't really care about labels in that

30:27

regard. I'm looking sort of about the I killed

30:29

a bunch of gods because I was in an

30:31

atheism phase. You could just be in an atheism

30:33

phase and figure out a way to embrace

30:36

morality and self-actualization

30:38

that doesn't involve me

30:40

or one of my buds or one of my enemies. But

30:43

you don't need to kill a bunch of gods for that. And again, as I

30:46

said, a bunch of gods will probably come back. Oh,

30:48

great. The ones who are bad, maybe not,

30:50

or maybe come back super strong and vengeful and then hunt

30:52

you down. Yeah, you know, then we could do that. Sure.

30:55

And I think in all likelihood, since

30:58

you became your own entity rather than

31:00

just being a vessel for a god,

31:02

the fact that you are now carrying

31:04

this godly aspect within you but still

31:06

walking around as Brother Ted would suggest

31:08

to me that when you die

31:11

and you're like done, done, you don't get anyone to

31:13

res you or any nonsense like that, then you

31:15

probably move on to whatever realm you believe in. And if you

31:17

don't believe in anything, you know, your energies just goes back into

31:20

the spell we've liked the rest of us and like gets spat

31:22

out as a new level one adventurer or some shit. Or

31:26

if you're bad, maybe an NPC. Or

31:30

so that might be where your soul goes.

31:33

But like, the god aspect you've been

31:35

developing becomes its own thing. But I don't, if

31:37

you're worried about just having to be a god all

31:39

the time, like, I sincerely doubt that's

31:41

how it works. Oh,

31:44

yeah, I think you're more so shaping a

31:46

god and then delivering a

31:48

god into the universe, which is great. That's

31:51

really cool. You seem like a good dude. Oh, shit.

31:55

Well, but I don't know. I don't know, man. None

31:57

of us know. This is weird shit. god

32:01

damn it I

32:18

have to do chores now hey don't

32:22

don't keep mortals out of your life though I'll tell you

32:24

that much for free before I fuck off to go grow

32:26

some stuff there's a goblin who's really doing some good work

32:28

outside we're really desperate I want to talk to you about

32:31

before I go yeah

32:34

mortals die and sometimes

32:36

they come back and sometimes they don't just like gods but

32:39

I gotta tell you the

32:41

gods who just forever if you do

32:43

become a god you're stuck with them

32:45

they're around forever the grudge is lost

32:48

forever the one-night stands are remembered forever

32:50

everybody remembers everyone's shit forever it

32:53

sucks mortals come and

32:55

go in all variety

32:57

of shapes and sizes and ideals

32:59

and interests getting to know

33:01

them is fucking awesome because they have something

33:03

we don't which is temperance

33:06

they don't exist for a little while and their lives

33:08

are so much more interesting and varied than ours will

33:10

ever be you yourself as a mortal probably have this

33:12

right now and if you don't later then like we

33:14

can talk when you're a god and hang out or

33:16

whatever but like I

33:18

don't know I value the friendships I've made with

33:20

mortals more than any of the friendships

33:22

I've made with gods because honestly at the

33:25

end of the day they're just a bunch of weirdos I'm stuck

33:27

with whereas mortals are the weirdos they get to choose so that'd

33:30

be my take and if your mortals are like my

33:32

mortals and she like gestures outside she's like they

33:35

do fucking amazing things there's all these

33:37

people they're growing shit and triangles so

33:39

fucking weird I didn't tell them to

33:41

do that they decided to and they've

33:43

been doing it for generations so don't

33:46

don't keep the mortals out let them people to

33:48

shit with you yeah

33:51

I'll keep that in mind but sometimes you like

33:55

want to take space or for people

33:57

to like try to engage

34:00

with you on your terms

34:03

and then they refused to do that and

34:07

only wanted to be on their terms repeatedly

34:10

and then you set

34:12

up I don't know maybe

34:14

some small challenge for

34:17

them to see if they could overcome it like

34:19

let's say they were the most secretive assassin in

34:22

all of hell okay yeah and then

34:24

they came back to earth and by came back I

34:26

mean you made that happen and

34:28

then you set up like a

34:31

closed door and

34:33

asking permission and

34:36

that's too much for the most secretive assassin

34:39

in all of hell okay

34:44

is that immortal that

34:47

you'd be really worried about or does that sound

34:49

like someone who's like more interested

34:51

in them yourself and maybe not the

34:53

friend you were hoping for honestly

34:55

kind of sounds like both because

34:58

they're going through that door because they're worried

35:00

about you I assume but they're

35:02

also not respecting your boundaries what I mean is bad

35:05

you came through the door they didn't come

35:07

through the door I'm talking about the halfling outside I'm gonna make some

35:09

more literal so you can understand it's literally what

35:11

I see I see oh wow oh I was getting

35:13

really metaphysical yeah you went big and I appreciate it

35:15

cuz I'm normally a big idea but I got really

35:18

small man she just starts laughing she's she's so happy

35:20

to have this conversation she's like you were so much

35:22

more down-to-earth than all the other gods have to talk

35:24

to you this is incredible okay so you wanted to

35:26

see whether or not he'd come through the door I

35:30

wanted him to have to do something that would

35:32

be like at a level of engagement we're like

35:34

if I wanted space I could take it yeah

35:36

no I had to fight that like seven times

35:39

okay and then like get space to figure stuff out and

35:41

then maybe you just want somebody to have to do a

35:44

little work and a little introspection to talk where you

35:47

both need time to cool off and then instead they

35:50

just give up they won't do the

35:52

thing that they are literally known for

35:54

doing in their their whole career mmm

35:56

of breaking rules and

35:59

sneaking through wars. And then they're like,

36:01

do you know what? Pass. And

36:04

then you get to talk to a God. Honestly, this is a

36:06

pretty great silver medal on the scale of how I expected this

36:08

to go. So

36:11

I feel like

36:14

I may have fucked this up for

36:16

you. Did you teach your

36:18

friend to respect like religion or anything? I

36:21

could not do that. Okay. Okay. Did

36:23

he respond strongly to blunt

36:33

people calling him

36:35

out on things. Because I just

36:37

watched Sister Harkness just

36:40

kind of read them real bad. And then

36:42

he kind of huffed off. And I think

36:44

maybe if you'd set up

36:47

like a clear, clear pathway of,

36:49

of, of, of, you know, like magic beans for

36:51

him to follow. I feel like

36:53

my acolyte man just like booted those beans out

36:55

of the way and been like, get out of

36:58

here, stop pouting, help the fucking Abby, you son

37:00

of a bitch. I mean, that

37:03

sounds great. I think what I

37:05

wanted was for him to then, I don't know, do

37:08

that. Yeah. Because at the start of my trip, I got

37:10

told that I was going to go off with friends and

37:12

I could talk to them about my feelings. And then he

37:14

was an asshole and then I needed

37:16

space. And now it seems like he just

37:18

done. Hmm. Well,

37:22

here's the question, I guess. Do you want space or do

37:24

you want to, you want to have

37:26

that? I want different things at different times. Like

37:28

a human. Again, I'm trying

37:30

to wrap my head around this. I'm

37:33

currently growing a crop in

37:36

Kult with my brain right now. So I got

37:38

a lot to be clear. I'm not mad at

37:40

you. No, I know. This is misplaced. No, no,

37:42

no. Trust me. I've been around

37:44

a long time. I've had wars fought against

37:47

my acolytes of growing things because

37:49

of misplaced damage. Oh, that's weird.

37:51

Yeah. Yeah. I get it. It's

37:53

okay. Again, history spectrum. Blah. Look,

37:56

okay. So no, I understand that. But like right now,

37:58

obviously you want to have a Shit and is

38:00

how did you need space? What? I can also

38:02

just leave it assad God glow kind of arrived

38:05

or like, well that's interesting that I had to

38:07

judge. Like is this disaster nation attempt on like

38:09

me and my people or is this is the

38:11

cool getting enough to dope cool pseudo. got hanging

38:13

out and that's awesome. So there's no greats. I'm

38:15

bowels, realize you want space and here I am.

38:17

John out. Yeah, Beryl my metaphysical Monsanto. I've never

38:20

been able to talk to anybody, were metaphysical dancer

38:22

and no one has believe that I'm at the

38:24

spark of anything. So bases frankly very really okay.

38:26

well that's goods aren't So I guess my question

38:28

is do you wanna talk to him or do

38:30

not want talk to him like right now or

38:32

in the near future? Failure? As

38:35

an uninvolved god, I can

38:37

time to become involved as he did kind

38:39

of last the mid my to employer so

38:41

that's true. If you want him to it

38:44

is show up somewhere due to some magical

38:46

vine nonsense I got your back. But if

38:48

you need some space. I

38:51

can give you some space. To.

38:54

Shit is crazy. I

38:58

could challenge and I don't know what to say

39:00

is it seems like he doesn't. Want.

39:03

To talk other than to probably yell at me

39:05

and make me do what he wants. He's. Not.

39:09

A good listener following saying okay and

39:11

I'm an excellent plus. I've never I

39:13

were. I look at the people, I

39:15

see their souls, I see their hearts

39:18

and I'm here to just listen and

39:20

like help them become who who name

39:22

they should be Com. And

39:24

then he just it usually gets very mad.

39:27

Men: That's. Actually

39:30

the end of the state. Okay

39:32

okay yeah that sounds tough I have. I've

39:34

met morals like that, the rogue who broke

39:36

his tight oh and all the other only

39:38

of it ah yes it's very common com

39:40

and saying okay well ah I don't know

39:42

how to teach them to be a good

39:44

listener her but our ally time us or

39:46

have got that down okay well what will

39:48

good some a great listener I don't know

39:50

if if interrupting for the second act. As

39:55

though the motherly Playstation is strong in

39:57

charge. And yes, And and as is

39:59

Again, no. Of. Of course, of course. So,

40:01

okay. It sounds like

40:04

you two do need to have a conversation. It sounds

40:06

like you might need some space during

40:09

it. Are you just, I mean, you're here

40:11

being Brother Ted for a bit.

40:13

Yep. So, it sounds

40:15

like you guys can just hang out for a

40:17

bit. I mean, he might need to go off

40:19

and I don't know, steal things or sneak around

40:21

somewhere. But you both, you just, you're traveling adventurers

40:23

or what, you just have

40:25

time now, right? You can just be here in gardening and

40:28

that's great? I think a day

40:30

or two wouldn't hurt anybody. Okay. We're

40:32

on the road. We're just having a time. Okay.

40:34

All right. Well, that's great. It's a quest at

40:36

the end with the undead, but that's for later.

40:38

Oh, okay. But hang on though. Nobody said how

40:40

long it was going to take. And the undead

40:43

are doing their processes and those are totally fine.

40:45

What, they're doing therapy? I assume so, but we

40:47

also had theory that they were going about their

40:49

daily jobs. We're not sure. That's

40:51

a question mark for down the road. Oh, that's fun.

40:53

That's fun that you get to do stuff like that.

40:56

Yeah, it's good as well. Honestly, I like the questing.

40:59

Well, so, but he's, I know

41:01

he's not really helping here at all, but is he

41:03

going to leave? I

41:08

mean, I assume to

41:10

go on a quest. I would assume

41:12

that if he isn't coming through the door, maybe

41:15

he's off doing those chores he got told about, then

41:17

that he's going to come check on me after that.

41:19

Okay. Well, okay. Well, that sounds good. Well, look, I'll,

41:21

again, I'll leave you to it. If

41:23

you want to talk any more metaphysical shit, I'm

41:25

around. You can always like yell into an ear of corn and

41:27

I'll be, I'm kidding. Okay. That's not how it works at all,

41:29

but Oh, that would be cool. Sorry. It's a thing I've told

41:31

a few people and it's just, it's kind of funny because you

41:34

know, they're just out there yelling at a corn. I'm usually very

41:36

close by. They didn't need the corn, but, but

41:39

look, if you need me, I'll

41:42

plant a seed somewhere. Okay. Which

41:44

gives you like a little, Oh, thank you. Yeah. That was going

41:46

to be the tricky part. Yeah. No, no, no. I mean, it

41:48

takes the seeds. Yeah. Just plant a seed. It

41:50

might take a little bit for me to, to,

41:53

to feel it kind of among the spider web

41:55

of, of kind of interdimensionality that I'm kind of

41:57

certain now, because I appreciate that your, your moon.

42:00

is a single dimension God. I'm

42:03

not, a lot of us aren't, we have to kind

42:05

of oversee things. I'm sure maybe one day Moon Hammer

42:07

will be that, but right now it sounds like she's

42:10

very like... We've dubbed it 2099 Faerun

42:12

just because we've been

42:14

looking... I know it doesn't correspond to the year it is

42:16

there because it's 2100 there, but like numbers are fun. Just

42:18

how many... that was the number it was on the galaxy

42:20

chart. You know, I know regardless. Yeah,

42:23

if you plant something, if I'm available,

42:25

I will come find you. Just

42:28

give it some water and let the seed... you know,

42:30

just hang out in the ground for a little bit

42:32

and I'll find you. I can't come immediately, but like

42:34

if I'm available I'll come and we can talk more

42:37

about this or something else or we can just hang

42:39

around and fart and shovel shit. Okey-dokey.

42:42

Plant, seed, God,

42:46

arrive. Yeah, that's exactly it. You

42:50

nailed it. I'm writing that down inside my

42:52

mind. Yeah, I could hear it in your

42:54

mind palace, right? Yep. Oh, you're cool. Okay.

42:56

Alright. Well, alright. Well, I hope everything

42:58

goes well with your mortal. Yeah,

43:01

it sounds like a complicated... it sounds like you

43:03

know this person very well to be this upset

43:06

about things. So I know it

43:08

sucks right now. This is probably something worth keeping.

43:11

I made some mistakes early on where I was like,

43:13

fuck you, you're mortal. I guess like I'm

43:16

just gonna go be a god. Goodbye. And

43:18

then I'd like go and grow some things and I'd

43:20

be like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I realized how

43:22

little time I actually had with them. And

43:25

that's a bummer. And it's not quite the same

43:27

as using someone in one of the heavenly realms

43:29

or one of the hell plan years or anything

43:31

else like the planes of hell. It's

43:34

not the same. Awkward, you know?

43:36

Yeah. Yeah, that was

43:38

not great. Plus, I'm not allowed to go there.

43:41

They're gonna get banned from hell and heaven.

43:44

Ball is a bit of a jerk, but

43:47

haven't met him. Seemed cool, but I guess it's not okay

43:49

what I did. So I get it. Yeah,

43:52

this seems like a conversation relative. Very excited

43:54

to hear how you got booted out of

43:56

hell. Yeah, that's interesting. Okay. Well, look, I'll

43:59

let you get... Shovelling your shit both

44:01

emotionally and literally. Oh, thank you or my

44:03

shit. I guess cuz you're you're helping my

44:05

Abby So thank you for shoveling my shit

44:08

Yeah, great. I can and Yep,

44:12

brother Ted great and Don't

44:15

tell anyone you met me outside because they'll never

44:17

believe you also think it's so jealous. Oh,

44:20

yeah Now that's between us. We're friends. I don't need to brag

44:22

about the friends. I make that's really nice

44:25

Good gonna give you a hug on the way of the

44:27

door. Oh, yeah Let's do this bud and she gives you

44:29

a hug and just lets another one rip and she's like

44:31

no, that's your thing Oh, yeah, that's good. That's good. All

44:33

right. Well, well praise you buddy. She just like punches you

44:36

in the head right back at you fam All right, thanks

44:39

And then she starts walking back going whoo phasing through

44:41

the door This bumps into the door turns around opens

44:43

it goes back through just show this like whoo

44:46

even the bits are good all

44:48

right, so I'm

44:51

either a god or I'm

44:54

pregnant This

44:57

episode of dumb dumb the dragons features the

44:59

voices of Ryan LaPlante at the right of

45:01

the plant on Twitter Tyler Hewitt at Tyler

45:03

underscore Hewitt on Twitter On

45:09

Twitter this episode sound was edited and a mix

45:12

by Laura hamstra and dumb dumb the dragons artwork

45:14

is by Del Borovic who can be found at

45:16

Del Borovic calm our theme songs are and now

45:18

for that massive coronary and skipping through the orchestra

45:20

Is it part one by Peter Gresser and our

45:23

ad music is no control and chiefs by Jazzar

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45:45

M B D U M B D I

45:47

C E and tune in next week for

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47:15

Thanks to them and a little bit of thanks to you.

47:21

The Fable and Falling Network

47:23

where fiction producers flourish. I

47:28

got this really strange email last night.

47:31

I need to see what's going on with this mystery

47:33

file. Hey, it's a map of

47:36

a town called Ocean Bay. Someone

47:39

sent these images to you for a reason. I'm

47:42

so lost right now. When

47:44

was the last time you chose a direction and

47:46

followed it? I'm going

47:49

to Ocean Bay. sent

48:00

you an email. I don't even know you.

48:03

And why exactly are you here? The

48:06

map is the reason we're here. Maps

48:09

help when you're lost. Do

48:11

you know what a trap street is? Trap

48:14

streets aren't real. They don't

48:16

exist. Don't trust anyone unless

48:18

they give you a reason to trust them.

48:21

I think you said. How could

48:23

so much damage happen to a human body in

48:25

such a short period of time? What

48:27

the hell is going on here? From

48:31

the creators of Strange Air, this

48:34

is Trap Street. So

48:37

maps can have secrets. Yes,

48:41

maps can have secrets.