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2:00

Spotify or wherever you listen

2:02

to podcasts. Welcome

2:10

back to Dum Dum's and Dragons, where

2:12

improvisers who never roleplay before journey

2:14

into the world of Dungeons and Dragons.

2:17

I am the great wizard for Kake, your home.

2:20

Our heroes are in pursuit of the

2:22

Heaton. Butthole interrogated the Night Knives to

2:25

get an explanation. Quinny failed to spot

2:27

several traps leading to the King throwing

2:29

a body around. And Garthok didn't cast

2:31

beast speech, so Quinny dealt with Mr.

2:33

Bidy instead. But what will our heroes

2:36

do now that the zombies are activated

2:38

and Jimbo Jimmothy has been kidnapped? For

2:40

the most... of Dum

2:43

Dum's and Dragons!

2:48

Dum Dum's, you are headed to the

2:50

library in Galen Manor, an abandoned mansion

2:52

in Old Chaunsel, the rich part of

2:54

Selgant. Having triangulated from

2:56

your various zombie adventures that

2:59

this is the root of

3:01

the zombie process

3:04

problem. Having arrived here,

3:06

you sent Quinny to investigate. He did a little

3:09

bit of recon while

3:11

the two of you, Butthole

3:13

and Garthok dealt with a

3:15

band of Night

3:17

Knives masquerading as Silver Ravens,

3:19

the local peacekeeping

3:22

force. They tried to pin their ne'er-dwell

3:25

deeds on the Comptroller. However,

3:27

Butthole saw through the ruse

3:30

and discovered that their

3:32

leader was amongst them. She tried to kill

3:34

Quinny, blew herself up with exploding

3:36

zombies. However, it would seem that

3:38

the Heaton, as you now know

3:40

him to be known, has activated

3:43

zombies across the city. And they are

3:45

mad and doing bad things. So

3:48

having... Jimbo

3:50

got kidnapped. Jimbo... Kidnapped

3:53

if we're lucky. Jimbo, you

3:55

received word from Mr. Bidy that Jimbo...

3:57

that they got Jimbo in the... the

4:00

sewers, that the night knives

4:02

are active down there and the zombies seem to be

4:04

going off around the town. Having

4:06

dragged a dead dwarf corpse in and

4:09

used it as all manner of trap

4:13

investigation-y... You can make

4:15

fun of it, but that corpse didn't work? At

4:17

least one time. Yep. No, I'm

4:19

not knocking it. Every time. I'm not knocking it.

4:22

Look, it's good. I think it might be another

4:24

brand. You can get Ann into cell. It's going

4:26

to be fine. So you

4:28

investigated, found that the wains of the

4:30

basement where the heating is seemingly holed

4:32

up is barred by kind

4:34

of a one way

4:36

in, no way out sort of big

4:38

metallic plug that is charged with electricity.

4:42

However, Mr. Bidy was able to point you

4:44

to some rat rumors of

4:46

the library and the kitchens. The kitchens

4:48

are supposed to have a dumbwaiter that

4:50

could fit Quinny. The library,

4:53

there's something off about the library. Upstairs

4:55

you found the master bedroom kind

4:57

of disheveled with a couple of corpses. You

5:00

found an empty guest room and a bathroom

5:02

that now has some dwarf smeared on it.

5:05

That is where we stand. You are on your

5:07

way to the library. What do you do? Quinny,

5:09

just FYI, you do have resistance to

5:12

lightning damage for the next hour or for

5:14

as long as I can hold concentration on that

5:16

spell. Oh, all right. I'll

5:18

note that. And then when we get down

5:20

to the ground floor, you just hear, huuh, and

5:22

a dwarf torso thuds into a library. The

5:25

door opens with a rustling

5:28

of pages. It

5:30

doesn't open too far. It just kind of opens a bit,

5:32

but kind of like there's, you know, like when a door

5:34

gets caught on a rug, it just doesn't

5:36

quite open as cleanly as you'd want. And you see

5:39

pages kind of sticking out from under the door. I'll

5:44

go take a look. Thanks, Sten. Right.

5:47

And I'll put my minor illusion Sten

5:49

mask on and poke my head

5:51

into the doorway. The

5:54

library is a fucking mess. It

5:56

has been ravaged. There's just pages everywhere,

5:59

books torn. and open. The bookshelves,

6:01

most of them have been looted. There's a few

6:03

books kind of at weird angles here

6:05

and there, but shelves are broken.

6:08

The little reading table and reading

6:11

chairs that we're in here are smashed. You

6:14

can see another couple of dead non-zombie

6:16

servants who seem to have

6:18

been on the receiving end of whatever all this was, and

6:23

scratched into the walls. You

6:25

see little

6:29

fragments of thoughts, so things like

6:31

why can't see doesn't

6:34

work, what is it, just

6:37

kind of jaggedly carved into the walls.

6:39

Oh, all right, this is my movie moment

6:43

of like, uh, guys, I

6:46

think you're gonna want to see this, but

6:48

I'll check for traps first because I don't

6:50

want to bottle the yell at me. Sure. I'm gonna cast guidance

6:52

on you this time. I'm gonna fart

6:56

one on you, so add a

6:58

d4. All right, 14 plus a

7:00

d4, uh, 17 plus investigation.

7:02

I assume, well, I'll give you a perception if you

7:04

don't want to go in. If you're trying not to

7:06

get butthole mad at you and you actually want to

7:08

give it a closer look, then I'll give you investigation.

7:10

I'll take investigation then, because yeah, this is the reason

7:12

I'm doing it is because I'll cop to it. I

7:14

didn't catch those spikes, you know what I mean? Did

7:17

not, uh, 17 wall. You

7:20

didn't catch a painted wall, not realizing

7:22

it was real. It was very well

7:24

painted. Yeah, and I got shot by

7:26

a cannon. Oh yeah. So

7:29

anyway, uh, investigation, uh, is six plus 17, my brain for

7:31

23. Yep. So doing a

7:33

quick look around

7:41

here, there don't seem to be any

7:43

traps. Um, it, it seems like the

7:45

room was just absolutely trashed. That

7:47

said with your,

7:50

uh, 23, you do find that one of the

7:52

bookshelves is slightly a jar. A

7:54

jar like a, a bookshelf doubling as

7:56

a door. Correct. Got it. Okay. However,

7:59

there is, a lot of debris

8:01

around it, it doesn't

8:03

look like it's been opened in some time. Okay.

8:08

Leaning out of the doorway back into the main

8:10

hall with all of you, say, it's

8:13

a mess in there. There's like

8:15

some weird anane scrolling

8:17

on the walls. There are dead

8:19

servants, not zombies, but full on

8:21

dead. Again, looked like they were murdered.

8:25

And it's a mess and there is indeed a

8:29

bookshelf that is definitely adored. Doesn't look like it's

8:31

been opened recently. And

8:35

there's a lot of paper everywhere, but it

8:37

doesn't look like it's booby trapped. Okay.

8:41

Then just a second. The buttholes get a step into

8:43

the room and pick up Stem's corpse. Be like, that's

8:46

the door one? And I'll gesture, I'll

8:48

point to the, a jar, slightly

8:51

a jar shelf. Okay. Just

8:53

a second. The hook stems torso into

8:55

the door, jar, uh, in bookshelf, slams

8:57

the bookshelf door shut. Well,

9:00

I guess that's okay. All right. Here's

9:03

hoping we can open that again. Also ricochets off it

9:05

and hits the graft. I want everyone to remember this

9:07

is just a bouncing torso. Yes. All

9:09

right, Gweny, open it up. Let's do this. All

9:11

right. I'll see, uh, what's this, uh,

9:13

well, everybody else come in. What do you

9:15

make of this room? Oh yeah, Garth, you can come in. I'm coming in. I'm

9:18

following. Let me know what you make of all this

9:20

mess, but I will specifically look at this, uh, door

9:22

and see if I can get it to open again. Yeah. This

9:25

is, I'm not going to make you roll for this because you already rolled

9:27

high on your investigation. Uh, this is

9:29

a pretty easy as secret entrances go

9:31

kind of secret entrance. Um, this is

9:33

a very classic bookshelf door situation. Okay.

9:37

Um, it's clear. I imagine it would have been trickier when

9:39

all the shelves were up and had books on them. Yes.

9:43

But with like only one book kind of standing in the right place. Um,

9:46

that said, uh, that

9:48

book has some scratch marks across it. Uh,

9:50

it looks like it was the

9:53

target of the same sort of general

9:55

havoc as the other books. Um, from a glance,

9:58

so it doesn't look like it's a good book. look like it's been

10:00

disturbed in some time. All

10:02

right, I'm gonna try to open it. Sure. So,

10:05

you know, you crank the book back

10:07

and the door clicks and just slightly,

10:10

silently opens and just a little bit. So it's the kind of

10:12

thing where even if you're to pull the book off the shelf,

10:14

it just feels like a sticky book for whatever reason. And

10:18

it doesn't like swing broadly open, it just pops. So

10:20

if you know, now you can pull it off. And

10:22

those that don't know, we'll just miss it. Yeah, we

10:24

just think it's a weird book, especially with the weight

10:26

of the entire bookshelf on it normally. Yeah.

10:28

I think Butthole would just like to look through the

10:30

madness of this room to see what he can get

10:32

out of it. So is this a classic like, You're

10:35

not licking stuff, but. The old lickets and

10:37

the baddest shit's going around. Melling stuff, flipping

10:40

through things, touching everything, and farting. You

10:42

know? Yeah, no, there's no smart

10:44

butthole. No, investigators. Oh,

10:46

God, no, no, he's, he's, he's an

10:49

Intuitarix. Fuck, I

10:51

dropped my dice. That's how bad he is at

10:53

this. You just sit and wander around and, all

10:55

right, so let's go to your usual anxiety based.

10:59

No, I have no new nonsense for this. Oh,

11:01

oh, oh... Oh,

11:04

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Careful. Oh,

11:06

oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh. Oh,

11:09

oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh.

11:11

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh,

11:13

oh, oh, oh, oh. Oh, oh, oh, oh. That

11:15

is a 14, 14. Butthole,

11:19

what has been your experience with, well,

11:22

actually, no, I don't even need to ask you

11:24

this because we know this. You didn't know how to

11:26

read for a long time, right? Yeah,

11:29

I did not read. Yeah, I did not

11:31

read. Nipple brain. Sorry, I remember there was

11:33

some form of teaching reading. So,

11:35

butthole, what's your experience been with books?

11:38

Like, what are your childhood, basically? I

11:40

mean, mainly the stuff you get hit

11:42

near. You can open them

11:44

up and sometimes you can learn. Most of the time

11:46

they're boring and then people hit you if you don't

11:49

memorize them very well. And you like

11:51

can't remember it because it's so pointless, but then

11:53

they hit you and then you're like, ooh, then

11:55

you meet the mean teachers who also hate you,

11:57

sometimes with magic. So like...

12:00

I found like four good books and

12:02

then all the rest are basically a

12:04

source of, as far as I can

12:06

tell, boredom and cruelty or evil power,

12:08

which I don't entirely understand. Okay,

12:10

so this room speaks to you in a very

12:12

clear way because the

12:15

kind of writing you're seeing on the walls and the

12:18

sentiments being expressed are a more

12:20

frustrated and violent version of how you

12:22

felt about books when you were being

12:24

asked to memorize tomes of like local

12:27

lore or books related to tempest. So you'd

12:29

be a better vessel for him. These

12:32

are the same sorts of sentiments

12:34

you felt of someone incredibly frustrated

12:37

with seemingly not getting it is sort of what

12:39

you're seeing. Oh, this person

12:41

might not read good. Well,

12:44

they seem to write okay. Yeah,

12:47

but they said like, I hate this place. I

12:49

don't get it. You could see. Yeah, you can

12:51

see the note like somebody who's not

12:53

getting it. Dr. Tark, do you want to roll an insight for

12:55

me? Yeah. Dr. Tark, what do

12:57

you think? Ten. I think

13:01

ten. I mean, yeah, he's bottle-pinked some

13:03

good points. You don't get any additional information off that.

13:06

Quinney, would you be engaging this or are you working

13:08

on the bookshelf at this point? He's bringing it up.

13:10

So I feel I've got the bookshelf licked.

13:13

So yeah, I'll see if I can

13:15

add anything to this. Sure, go ahead. Yeah,

13:17

see what you can smell. Yeah, this is

13:19

investigation or insight or... I

13:22

would say this is insight. Insight, okay. I think that's plus

13:24

zero for me. Yeah,

13:27

so a two. Yeah, bottles

13:29

bring some good points, but you don't have anything to add.

13:31

All right, I'll take your word for it. All right, this

13:33

seems just like me. There's probably room perhaps

13:35

raised in a car. Oh my God, could there

13:38

be a third original? Well,

13:40

my second book. Hold it, too. This all

13:42

makes sense to me. There's so many. A

13:45

different kind of hole or a different kind of butt. I'm

13:47

following your lead. Come

13:50

on, Stan. Let's go. If Stan opens the bookcase.

13:55

Great. You have to

13:57

pull it against kind of the books and debris

13:59

of the... shredded books at your feet

14:02

and you're hit by

14:04

just the smell of the stale air. I'm

14:07

inclined to add a trap now just for

14:09

this point. You're

14:17

here with the smell of stale air. It's

14:20

the sort of that musty kind of

14:23

like basement or crawl space smell

14:25

of air that just hasn't been

14:28

disturbed in quite some

14:30

time. Behind the

14:32

bookshelf is a curved

14:36

stone staircase leading down. It

14:40

is very small. It's

14:42

sort of if you've been kind of

14:44

up a watchtower or something, it's that little

14:46

like very cramped sort of space.

14:51

Again from what you're seeing of this

14:53

mansion, it's big but it's only

14:55

really as big as Old Chaunce

14:57

will allow. So there's a big

14:59

greeting room but there's like no

15:02

ballroom. There's only two bedrooms upstairs

15:04

and similarly this is very much

15:06

a if you need a secret

15:08

passage way it's here but it's not grand. It's not

15:10

meant for taking people down. It's just a

15:13

sort of a classic secret passage. Go

15:15

in. What? Okay.

15:18

There's two options. You could go down here

15:20

first. Yeah and then

15:22

we could follow you.

15:30

Or we could go

15:32

down here because we're allowed and you could

15:34

go to the kitchen and go down the

15:36

dumbwaiter. So if there's a demon

15:38

who hates bugs, like he could be like

15:40

I could try to befriend a man. It

15:43

goes bad. Man, it's short in the ass. Okay, why

15:45

don't I go down here first? Okay. I'll

15:47

check for traps for you guys. Yeah and I'll come back up again

15:49

and I'll take the dumbwaiter down. Okay.

15:53

Okay. I with devil's sight. You're

15:55

gonna do great. And I pat him on the back

15:57

but I secretly cast guidance on him. You

16:00

don't have to do it. No, I mean, you did it Steven, so I don't know.

16:03

But you do roll, you roll perception. You

16:05

do rate. Oh man, perception? No,

16:07

like, five. I think every

16:11

white whale do I get guidance on

16:13

the perception? No,

16:15

it would take effect just afterwards. So

16:17

that's a 12. All right,

16:19

he rolled his stealth check. That's

16:23

a 15. Nope,

16:26

you don't notice. Nope, yep, great. You just

16:28

are going to do great. Yeah, smells like fire. I

16:30

know. I know, I'm going to do great. I'll

16:34

keep this D4 up. And

16:37

yeah, I want to check for traps as I make

16:39

my way down the stairs using like Devil's Sight and

16:41

just all the things that happen in my disposal. Sure.

16:44

Go ahead and roll perception and add your, oh,

16:47

sorry, up to you whether you use it or not Tyler, you got

16:49

it for a full minute. Yeah, I'll use it, yeah. Well,

16:52

I mean, I don't know if I'm using it, but yeah, Quinny's going to

16:54

use it. It's going to be deployed. You

16:57

say perception. Yep. This

16:59

D20, man. So that's a 2 on

17:01

the D20 plus 1 on the D4 plus

17:04

my perception of 5 for

17:06

a total of 8. That's

17:09

very incredible that you managed to bring Everett

17:11

Frydice to this game. And

17:14

you can have them. But you

17:16

can all be yours. Take them. Take

17:18

this burden from Tyler. Okay,

17:20

so no

17:23

traps here. You

17:25

make your way down the spiral staircase. You don't see

17:27

any traps. It is,

17:29

again, tight quarters. You make it

17:31

to the bottom and it opens up into

17:34

a small landing similar to what's up top.

17:37

There is a solid wall in front of

17:39

you with kind of a clear stone button

17:42

in the center of it to pop whatever

17:44

is on the other side of this. Just

17:49

basically, it's like if you'd gone up the stairs

17:51

and the bookshelf closed, you'd also just get the

17:53

back of a bookshelf. So this is the back

17:55

of whatever is in the

17:58

basement. Yeah,

18:00

you see dust around here, it does not

18:02

look like it's been disturbed in some time.

18:04

I think what I wanted to do is

18:06

set my friends up to

18:09

basically be able to move in unimpeded.

18:13

And I also maybe, not maybe, I

18:15

also would like to see if

18:17

I can spot where the dumb way is going to come out.

18:19

So I'm going to check

18:21

this button first, but then I intend to press

18:23

it to open the door. Gotcha. And

18:26

I'm sorry, you've got a double side on? I do. Okay.

18:30

With devil's sight above the button,

18:32

you see the sigil of Orcus has been

18:35

painted on the wall. Oh, yeah.

18:38

Very old, very well worn. Right. Orcus,

18:41

I know is not a good dude. And

18:44

like I know if I just talk about Orcus, but I don't know how

18:46

much coin he would know. He's not really a god

18:49

kind of guy. I think the devil's sight is enough

18:51

to just be like, no, that's not great. Right. But

18:54

yeah. Okay. Above the button. I

18:58

want to take a very careful look at this

19:00

button then. The Orcus button. Yeah. Press

19:03

for Orcus. Yeah, you

19:07

don't want to spam the Orcus button now.

19:09

Yeah, I think I'll go for three of

19:11

them. Okay. Oh,

19:13

I only brought two dollars. I made three dollars for this.

19:16

Oh, I only got Grumps. Yeah,

19:20

the world's worst slot machine.

19:24

Just turning this game into a... If I play long

19:26

enough, I'm getting a loth out of it. Yeah,

19:28

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23:19

Hi, we're the narrators of Midst. Midst?

23:23

It's very simple. It's a weird, surrealist,

23:25

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23:27

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24:00

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24:02

like VR for your brain. Maybe

24:05

you won't, but there's really only... ... better

24:07

than that. And the end was the best.

24:19

Looking at the button, the button does

24:21

just look mechanical to you. It does look like

24:23

a... A push to summon orchus button? A gotcha.

24:25

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, oh. Oh!

24:29

It's somewhere could ambience writing down ideas.

24:31

Yeah. No, it looks like

24:33

a mechanical button to open a door. This

24:35

looks very classically... ... fee-fee

24:37

to you. This looks like something that you would install to

24:39

open a door. The sigil

24:41

just seems to be an

24:44

indication of sort of what this...

24:48

Can I attempt to recall the

24:50

information I would know about

24:52

orchus? Yeah, give me a history check, please. And

24:54

the D4 is gone

24:56

because I spent it, as I understand. Okay.

24:59

Investigation, you say? History. History,

25:01

sorry. History. That's

25:06

a 12. Okay, as

25:08

you said, you're not really a god guy. I

25:11

think what you would know, Quinny,

25:13

probably honestly from your stint in prison

25:15

more than anything. Although, no, you were

25:17

in hell. You were in hell for

25:19

a long time. Been to hell. Yeah,

25:21

so that will change your DC actually

25:24

because you've been around this a lot.

25:27

But yeah, he was known as the

25:29

Blood Lord, among other things. Lord of

25:31

the Undead, Prince of the Undead, Prince

25:33

of Undeath, Master

25:35

of Vampires, the Shadow that was, the Godhorn

25:38

Demon. You know, good stuff. But

25:42

yes, orchus is generally one

25:44

of the bad ones in

25:46

terms of gods. You didn't encounter him while you

25:48

were down under. However,

25:52

yeah, very much known

25:56

for being very Self-absorbed

25:59

and. The deep hatred of all

26:01

things are just very much one of

26:03

those gods that desires the destruction of

26:05

reality as as you know it, rather

26:07

than. Ruling so. Yeah,

26:12

that's a that's what you know about.

26:14

I'm I'm ice think man he would

26:16

have warned you that ah. Direct

26:19

many Had you kill a lot

26:21

of demons when you are under

26:24

his his swayed in in hell

26:26

odd orcas would have been one

26:28

of the you need to call

26:30

for backup on this guy ones

26:33

can day. Maybe. Don't better

26:35

if this guy just does what he does new.

26:37

leave him alone and he doesn't know where here

26:39

then a. Lot. In

26:41

front of the Us Spy. Yup yup

26:43

yup yup. It's ah so yeah. I

26:45

also have been from your time in

26:47

prison stuff. You know what cults of

26:49

orcas are are bad and relatively common

26:51

among people seeking the destruction of establish

26:53

or is the it's the usual summon

26:56

a bad god cults which are like

26:58

me who we are friends I am

27:00

in no children else but we're cool

27:02

and gets rid of everything but. Mean.

27:04

It's different for us, hell and will

27:07

get more power somehow maybe. And aka.

27:10

Ah rice or. Do

27:14

I think that I can discreetly

27:16

open this door by pressing the

27:18

button and having some control over.

27:21

Like. If I hit is it going

27:23

to be like hello? just they don't

27:25

have a drawer. Fanfare plays. Welcome.

27:27

Carpet rolls out. Or can

27:29

I can I like. Hit

27:32

the latch release and control.

27:34

The. Door Opening Well, based on

27:37

what you saw upstairs, the

27:39

door opened Super super quiet

27:41

is true, So I think

27:43

you're fairly confident that the

27:45

mechanism down here would probably

27:47

be the same case The

27:49

but I'll just give give

27:51

this on to you for

27:53

free. It's something you have

27:55

noticed his. These two mechanisms

27:57

are distinctly more elegant and

27:59

co. It then the other ones

28:01

you've encountered that seem to have

28:04

been installed. I'm. Later.

28:07

So like this kind of came with the

28:09

house and then whoever does like the laser

28:11

cannons and shit were clearly install a three

28:14

man but this the seems to to be

28:16

part of of the structure proper. Okay. Than

28:19

I'm going to try and quietly open the store. Okay

28:22

going role of these. At

28:26

the Dirty Twenty. Odd

28:29

years right? Yeah, okay you press the

28:31

button or it's never not funny when

28:33

you already wrong size. I would love

28:35

for this the twenty they go up

28:38

and thirteen. You know at some point.

28:41

No. Obvious

28:44

as. Via

28:46

the door of button

28:48

clicks in quietly and

28:50

the door similarly just.

28:53

You feel the pressure of the door pop at.

28:55

It's almost like a seal has been broken. like

28:57

the store's been closed for a long time and

29:00

but doesn't swing wide open it there, doesn't pull

29:02

a hello, it just. Clicks and

29:04

and and opens. So she's got a you

29:06

staring at this. this goat. Siege.

29:09

All some ringed with skulls and

29:11

or the door has is now

29:13

open okay than similarly to how

29:15

he did things upstairs. I want

29:17

to take a like is almost

29:19

like a dentist mirror. know Macys.

29:21

two kids. And. Just kind of

29:24

see if I can peek out

29:26

this doorway and get a sense

29:28

of the room beyond shirt. So

29:30

in the room beyond I'm you

29:32

can see a number of or

29:34

instruments fum arranged sort of haphazardly

29:36

in a in a small. A

29:39

small chamber. and

29:41

it it almost looks like a a

29:43

vault or something like people just thrown

29:45

seemingly thrown his friends in her law

29:47

them or smashed use a cluster me

29:49

up his was or and spicy like

29:52

a large bell does are gong as

29:54

just a bunch of broken stringed instruments

29:56

others a piano that has been cracked

29:58

in half in a corner In

30:01

the center of the room, there's

30:03

some kind of mechanism hanging from

30:05

the ceiling, similar to the laser

30:08

cannon you saw upstairs. It

30:11

is a ... The

30:13

best way to think of this is kind of vaguely

30:17

real world matrixy, where everything

30:20

that Nebuchadnezzar is just super

30:23

janky and kind of badly

30:25

slapped together. It's

30:27

a bunch of mechanisms kind of drilled into the

30:29

ceiling, and hanging down from it, there's

30:31

like a ... It's a weird pull.

30:35

Kind of like a Wolverine Weapon X helmet, just like

30:37

a full head silver

30:40

helmet, with a lot

30:42

of wires and things coming out of it. There's

30:45

no faceplate on it, so it seems to cover

30:47

half your face. There doesn't seem

30:49

to be any eyes on it,

30:51

but you can almost see large cups on

30:54

either side. Quinny

30:56

has never seen your phone, so you have no idea what this is.

31:00

That's kind of hanging down from

31:03

the ceiling. Below it, there's a also

31:05

Dance Dance Revolution setup, so a little

31:07

pad on the ground with a little

31:10

railing around it, with two

31:12

small pillars, with orbs

31:14

on top of either one. Beyond this,

31:17

you can see a doorway opening

31:19

into a much

31:21

larger space, but

31:23

the door is only

31:28

slightly ajar, so you can't really see past it. That said,

31:30

you can see a purplish

31:32

glow from beyond, and

31:35

that is what you see in this room.

31:37

Okay. I don't necessarily

31:39

see that the dumb waiter would

31:41

come down into this room. It would absolutely not.

31:44

Okay. I think there's a much larger space under

31:46

this mansion than meets the eye. Then I better

31:48

come up with my friends and bring them up

31:50

to speed and bring them down here so we

31:52

can all move through here together. I'll

31:54

come back up the stairs and

31:58

say to everyone... Um, okay,

32:02

I checked the stairs for traps. Pretty clear.

32:04

I went up and down them twice, so I

32:06

think pretty thorough there. Okay. Uh, at the bottom

32:08

there was this door with a button to open

32:11

it. I did, just to, you know, so you

32:13

guys don't get stuck with like another trap kind

32:15

of thing. Check that room out. Um,

32:18

bunch of weird shit in there. Busted up

32:20

instruments, like a weird helmet attached to the

32:22

ceiling, and some orbs on pillars, for it

32:24

looks like someone would like wear the helmet,

32:26

and like stand in the center of the

32:28

room and do something. Okay.

32:31

Symbol of Orcus, for

32:33

those of you who know that guy, he's

32:35

not great. Not a

32:38

cool dude. Uh, that's

32:40

too bad. Scary enough that Manny

32:43

in hell told me to like steer clear of him.

32:45

Oh, geez. Yeah, he's a big deal. Think

32:47

about like murder death cults. They love the guy.

32:51

Okay, that's not great. Yeah, he like seeks,

32:53

you know, oblivion. Like he doesn't like anything.

32:56

Oh, so boring. Oh, yeah. One

32:58

of those poopy gods. I don't know why people do

33:00

that. They're going to just like not have any interest,

33:02

you know? At least I can, like certain evil gods

33:05

I kind of get, like there's a lure there, but

33:07

that's just bullshit. But can you roll me a religion?

33:09

Yeah, sure. Frickishly

33:12

good religion roll for me. Uh, that

33:14

is a 19. 19. Uh, you

33:18

would also know from the

33:20

derisive way that, uh, the

33:23

folks in a car and the unseen hand, specifically

33:25

her father, but also like his upper band talks

33:27

about it. Orcus is

33:29

technically a demon prince. He's like

33:31

a supposedly a

33:34

primordial, but there

33:36

was this little like, he's not even a real

33:38

god. Like fuck this guy. And among a cod,

33:40

that's saying something because theoretically this guy would have

33:42

been their jam, but they picked tempest over him.

33:44

tempest is a real god. Uh,

33:47

I mean, let's not call him a god. Technically, he's

33:49

kind of just like a guy with a big hat.

33:51

Like whatever you're in hell, you're a big day. You're

33:53

not a god, you're a demon. There's a lot of

33:55

people who are demons. Sure. He's strong. Okay. That's, oh,

33:57

that's that's that I know. about

34:00

him. Oh yeah, that's fine. I mean I'm a demigod

34:02

so probably stronger but like okay so he's strong. Great.

34:06

If he's down there you get

34:08

first crack at him. Great. That being said I didn't

34:10

see the dumbwaiter down there. Okay. So this place is

34:13

bigger underneath. I think we should go together further

34:16

in. Okay. Because I don't, I can't guarantee that we'll

34:18

link up if we split up now. Okay. Which one

34:21

of us should try the ceiling hat? I

34:24

don't, I don't want to do it. Why

34:27

are we trying it? Yeah. Why do you want

34:29

to? I don't know. It just feels like something

34:31

weird to leave behind and not try. Like

34:34

shouldn't we learn? I've got to go out on

34:36

a limb that it might be what's

34:38

controlling the undead. If Sten had a

34:40

head I'd recommend him. Or what the

34:42

strands are attached to. Yeah but then we could,

34:44

like we heard screams so maybe something bad's happening with the sound which

34:46

we could stop happening if we try on the hat. Oh

34:49

that's a good point. Yeah. Maybe.

34:52

Come on down and have a look. Why don't we put the hat

34:54

on Sten just to make sure that like. Sten has never had. Sten

34:56

doesn't have a head. Well why don't we just put it on

34:58

his stump? I don't think it's

35:01

pretty thick. I mean let's see. Come down and look

35:03

at it and decide. We should have a corpse in

35:05

here. But I don't, I don't

35:08

get the musical instruments thing.

35:10

There it is. I'll usher

35:13

them downstairs. Sure. But I'm gonna roll

35:15

Sten's corpse down the stairs ahead of

35:17

them. Seems like no traps. Yeah.

35:19

I know. So

35:23

Fuddle and Quinnie, I think helping Gar

35:25

talk on this one since the chairs

35:28

mechanics wouldn't have a lot of room to

35:30

work in this like weird

35:32

tight staircase. Tight staircase. So kind of

35:34

helping Gar talk down the three of

35:37

you arrive in this room.

35:39

Now as I said the door is a jar but it

35:42

is like yeah

35:44

the, you have a bit of privacy. If you close the

35:46

door you have more privacy but then you have to move

35:48

the door. Okay yeah at the door I say okay full

35:50

disclosure I peeked into this room.

35:53

I haven't actually set foot in there. I

35:56

can do that now but I

35:59

don't know what's What's going on in there? Butthole

36:01

is going to point at its eyes with two fingers. The

36:04

point of your eyes, the point of the room. The

36:06

point down its den. And then

36:08

my amount of tumbleweed rolling into the room. I

36:11

think it'd be a thumbs up. Okay, this hasn't worked in the past,

36:13

so roll me a perception, please. Natural

36:17

20. You get it, man. First

36:19

one in a little while. Yeah, it's on such an

36:21

important roll. Yeah, you understand. Yeah.

36:24

What do I understand explicitly?

36:26

Because Butthole is like, it's

36:29

just like, you have looked. Yeah.

36:32

So now, Stan can look by rolling into the

36:34

room to set off any traps on the floor,

36:36

so you and I don't get hurt. Great. You

36:39

and I can have a full conversation like that. Yeah, yeah,

36:41

natural 20 gets you. Honestly, the Nat 20, you realize, this

36:45

actually would have made a better piece, can't, than beatboxing.

36:48

Some kind of hand gesture stuff. But now, here we are. So

36:51

you pick up Buttholes. We're

36:53

all victims of our decision. I

36:56

know, I have to replace so many of mine. Some

36:59

of you are coming over here. Yeah, boy, the wolf comes

37:01

down the stairs. Yeah, sure. Strange

37:07

happenings are occurring in the world of Exandria.

37:09

Slayed creatures and beasts from days of yore

37:11

are returning to the land of the living,

37:13

and it's up to a band of unlikely

37:15

heroes to re-slay them. Welcome

37:18

to the re-slayers take. Join

37:20

Jasmine Bular, Jasmine Chung, Jasper

37:22

Cartwright, and Caroline Lux, alongside

37:24

Game Masters Nick Williams and

37:27

me, George Primavera, in this

37:29

Dungeons and Dragons fifth edition

37:31

role-playing adventure through critical roles,

37:33

fantasy world of Exandria. But

37:35

don't worry, you won't need to

37:37

know the rules to follow this story. All

37:39

you need to know is that nothing the

37:41

players do is scripted or planned, and their

37:43

fates are determined by their own cleverness and

37:45

the role of a 20-sided die. So what

37:48

the heck are you waiting for? Adventure awaits

37:50

in the re-slayers take. New episodes

37:52

drop weekly on Mondays wherever you stream

37:54

your podcasts. The

37:59

Fable and Folly Network. supports creators of

38:01

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38:03

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38:05

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38:08

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fableandfolly.com/survey today. Then

38:43

I will put a hand on the door and be

38:45

like, you ready? As

38:48

bottle picks up Stem's arm, forces a

38:50

thumb up, it just holds the hand

38:52

out of here. That's grisly. And then

38:54

I'll just gently push the door open.

38:57

I thought it was cute. I'm just going to roll the corpse into the

38:59

room. You

39:02

roll the corpse and it's a

39:05

little, you're just, I think it's not

39:07

super loud, but it rolls over just

39:09

busted pieces of instruments. So you hear

39:11

like a discordant

39:13

string, like a

39:16

single piano key. A classic cymbal. Just a little

39:18

floor wrestling. Just a little ole wrestling. And he's

39:20

going to hit the gong at the

39:22

end. And he doesn't get too far

39:24

because there's a lot of smash cluttered

39:26

in here. He doesn't

39:28

get too far. We're giving it so much

39:31

dignity. He's giving it his headless legless torso.

39:33

I played him. He was my character. I had

39:36

a character sheet for him. I

39:39

had a character portrait drawn for him.

39:41

I'm tattooed. It's too late now. Goodbye,

39:45

Sten. So his

39:47

torso rolls not too far into the room. All

39:50

right. Does that satisfy you or?

39:52

Just gestures and after you to Quinny. And

39:55

I will carefully try to enter the room. Can

39:58

you give me an acrobatics, please? to step amongst

40:00

the broken instruments. That's

40:03

better D20, more like that. Okay,

40:06

Dada. Good. It is.

40:09

That is better. That's my working point. So

40:14

yeah, Quinnie, you're able to pick your way

40:17

into the room very easily. Once

40:19

you're inside, you can see

40:21

that the walls bear the marks of

40:23

a lot of these instruments being smashed

40:26

against them. The room

40:28

was clearly some kind of sitting room or

40:30

lounge previously. Now that you're

40:32

in it, you can see there are very

40:35

plush couches. There seems to be like

40:37

stone tables carved into the walls.

40:40

You can see more of the sigils of orcas carved

40:44

into the walls around it. However, they

40:46

are marred by the instruments

40:49

that have been smashed. And

40:52

then yes, there's the big device at the center and Sten's

40:55

torso. Okay. I'll

40:58

say, all right, come on in, I guess.

41:01

There's more orcas stuff here. I think this was all

41:03

here with the original build of the building, like the

41:06

gale in this state, the Galen's worshiped

41:08

orcas. I

41:10

don't know so much about the Heathenist

41:13

because it's all been

41:15

smashed up by instruments. But I was

41:17

going to walk right up to Quinnie and be like,

41:19

should we be quiet because of the purple light through

41:21

the next door? Do you want to keep yelling across

41:24

the room? Oh, I thought I was

41:26

just using like a regular speaking voice. But I will speak to

41:28

provider. This door that's like really close, man.

41:31

Okay. And I'll call

41:33

the alarm button and I'll like, can you hear

41:35

this? Just make it. Okay. So.

41:38

Let's do this. He's going to pick up Sten's body

41:40

and jam it into the helmet. I'm going to go

41:42

look at the purple light. Okay.

41:45

Nothing happens when you jam the stump

41:48

into the helmet. It doesn't fit properly.

41:50

You rearrange it as much as you want. You get like a

41:53

shoulder in there. Oh no, you just need to do that much.

41:55

But I was just going to take it back down. Pardon

41:58

me. Take it back down. He's

42:00

gonna look over to guard sock and he's gonna point

42:02

to himself and then he's gonna make the little talky

42:04

hand gesture Then he's gonna point to guard talk Good

42:08

luck roll perception. Yeah. Good luck our talk 14

42:13

all right. Yeah, you get what he's putting out Ryan.

42:15

What do you mean? I told you Laura

42:25

did not extraordinary

42:34

You know Okay,

42:49

so yeah nothing nothing happens you Mind

42:52

that to guard talk. Yep, and he's gonna look to

42:54

Quinn. He was you go check the door I

43:00

don't think that you should put on the hat. Oh,

43:02

you want to put on that? Oh, I

43:05

think it should be either might probably

43:07

myself. Honestly. All right, you wanna boost

43:11

Do I need a boost I can come down from

43:13

the ceiling. Oh, yeah, I didn't think about taking it

43:15

down from the ceiling I'm

43:23

looking I'm gonna try and investigate this

43:25

purple light. Okay, so going up

43:27

to the door. Yeah. Yeah Okay

43:32

Queenie you peek

43:34

out of the door and Are

43:39

immediately blasted? Wasted

43:42

with stale air Emotional

43:47

support there's an angel All

43:51

of you are mispronouncing arcane cannon so strongly right

43:53

now, okay, what's your 18 17 17 17 17?

43:56

Yeah, okay So

43:58

that'll hit yeah You usually do.

44:01

Yep. And I only have one D8. Well,

44:03

that's a bummer, so I'm just going to roll out a few times. Oh

44:07

man, you got very lucky. So that is only

44:10

nine points of damage. Okay. It's

44:12

targeting me? Yes. Now

44:14

Uncanny Dodge it. Okay, great. Let's double

44:16

check. I think I have to be able to see it, and if

44:18

it's maybe hitting me from an unknown spot, maybe I can't. Well, it's

44:20

a known spot once you open the door, or once you look out

44:22

the door, but half damage

44:24

from attacks against you from attackers you

44:26

can see. Yeah. And I think you

44:29

rule on that, of whether I can use it or not.

44:31

No, I think because it's literally like you peek out and

44:33

the second one was waiting for you. Oh,

44:35

he's a guard dog. I didn't give him stand. He

44:37

says, looking down at the corpse that didn't save

44:39

Clinty. Yeah, fair enough. And Clinty, I need you

44:41

to roll a strength

44:44

save, please. I'm so good at those. You're

44:46

not. No, you're no longer within 10 seconds. I'm probably not

44:48

within range. No. This is a big room

44:51

from the sound of it. The room outside is big. This

44:53

room is actually small, but still, I think you're outside. If

44:55

I'm at the edge and you're a guard dog,

44:57

you're not center. Yeah, broken piano is a feature.

44:59

Yeah, it's a bigger room. Strength

45:03

save? Yeah. I think

45:05

it's probably minus one. Yeah, so 10. You

45:08

are blasted backward and knocked prone

45:11

as you pull a stent and

45:13

just slam the entrance or instrument.

45:16

And here's where we get the one gong

45:18

smash. Yeah, it's just I get like the

45:20

drum roll as I fully

45:22

go, brrrrrrr, as I hit a cymbal.

45:24

I love it. With

45:28

the door now that it's

45:30

been blasted open, you

45:32

can see a massive chamber that

45:35

was clearly at one point built

45:37

for the sort of summoning of

45:40

demons and orcas, that sort of jam. So

45:43

it's a big pentagon

45:46

shaped space leading to a

45:48

small sort of central altar

45:50

to orcas, a

45:52

top which there is a sort

45:55

of shimmering purple orb

45:58

of energy just kind of cracked with with

46:01

fire and electricity in the forged

46:08

a sort of

46:10

mechanical person he is

46:14

clearly built for war you

46:17

can see just sort of a heavy

46:19

chassis big shoulder

46:21

pauldrons but otherwise

46:23

very skeletal very

46:26

kind of like thin

46:28

robotic legs and

46:31

is wearing a

46:33

robe of some finery that's kind of been

46:36

torn and pulled over over his

46:38

body and he sort of

46:41

he's got a massive gruesome slash

46:43

through the side of his face

46:45

that has been sort of soldered

46:48

and redone

46:50

in a bit of that I was really

46:52

the name is when you break pottery and

46:55

then use gold to put it back together

46:57

yeah sort of like badly done kintsuki I

46:59

believe we've we've we pause to look it

47:01

up I'm not gonna lie bugging all of

47:04

us we did it but yeah so he's

47:06

got kind of a deep scar across his

47:08

face that's been repaired and he floats suspended

47:11

in this this sort of circle and with

47:13

your even being blasted away with

47:16

your your devil site going Queenie

47:18

you can see the strands kind

47:20

of circling into this this orb oh

47:23

my eye of true sight yes no

47:25

sorry yes you're after sight I got

47:27

a lot of sites yep you can

47:29

see he has a variety of sort

47:31

of large mystical gems that have been installed

47:34

across his his arms

47:37

his legs either side of his head he

47:41

almost almost looks bedazzled like there's just

47:43

like gemstones have been kind of attached

47:45

to him in all manner of places

47:47

and you can see the wisps kind

47:49

of leading into those individual stones the

47:52

center is a large altar to orcas that

47:54

has been shattered he is

47:56

floating in the midst of it Clining

48:00

the walls of the Pentagon are

48:03

more of the servant zombies that

48:05

you saw upstairs. That

48:08

said, each wall contains four. We're

48:10

standing kind of at alert. Directly

48:15

across from you, so the two walls

48:17

you can see directly across from you to the left and right. The

48:19

ones on the left, their arms have been

48:22

painted up to the elbow, bright

48:24

white. The ones to the

48:26

right have kind of a

48:28

Furiosa style smudge of white across

48:30

the forehead, eyes, and nose.

48:34

You can see more rooms like the one

48:36

you are in at each corner of the

48:38

Pentagon. So directly

48:42

across from you beyond the Heaton, you can

48:44

see there's another space, another room with an

48:46

open door. You're not sure what's in there.

48:48

There are a fuck ton more zombies though.

48:50

Zombies on every wall. He

48:54

turns to observe you. However,

48:57

as Queenie was doing this, you're

48:59

putting the helmet on Gartok. So let's cut to

49:01

that. This

49:04

is unfortunate, I say, as I finish putting the

49:06

helmet down. They're reacting but not smart enough. Bring

49:08

me back if I die. Gartok,

49:11

can you please roll me a Wisdom Save?

49:18

Yeah. Dirty

49:20

20. Dirty 20. Okay.

49:24

You are immediately

49:26

overwhelmed as you put the helmet

49:29

on. Your vision seems to kind

49:31

of... Well, the

49:34

helmet doesn't have a visor point. So

49:36

you put on, immediately your senses just

49:38

overwhelm you. Oh, that's a lot. It's

49:41

a cacophony around you. However,

49:44

as the shapes and sounds

49:46

and other things kind of invade your

49:49

mind, you're an inspirational

49:51

speaker. You're used to being different people.

49:54

You're used to having to parse your

49:57

senses through a variety of different...

50:00

Like all factory senses and eyesight across all of your

50:02

different personas. So this is actually much easier for you

50:04

to wrap your head around Which

50:07

is why it's so unfortunate when I have to say give

50:09

me your character sheet I'm kidding. I'm

50:11

gonna give you a character sheet Fuck! Fuck

50:13

you man! Fuck! Fuck

50:16

you man! No! Fuck!

50:18

Oh! Gartok!

50:20

I swear to fucking god! That

50:22

was real. That was real. Oh

50:25

my god. I'm gonna cry. Just a flip of the

50:27

tongue. Gartok, you

50:29

suddenly lurch

50:31

forward feeling heavy

50:33

footsteps and

50:36

looking up you find yourself in the

50:38

cathedral you were in earlier. The

50:42

choir is no longer singing Instead

50:45

you are looking at a bloodied

50:49

Lexi who has a rapier out and

50:51

is fighting off two other zombies that

50:53

are rapidly approaching and

50:55

clawing at her. You notice that these

50:57

zombies aren't just expanding and

51:00

exploding It seems that they

51:02

are working with purpose. So similar to some

51:04

of what you saw earlier It's

51:08

not that they couldn't explode, it's that these

51:10

ones aren't yet And

51:13

you find yourself in the body of one of

51:15

these zombies. Lexi is on her

51:17

back foot She swings a loot sort of

51:19

like across her as a weapon Smashes

51:22

it across one zombie's face Holds

51:25

her rapier up and just says I'm warning you for the last

51:27

time. I'll I'll fucking die.

51:29

Kill you. Shit. What do you do? Hey

51:32

Lexi. What's been happening? This

51:35

episode of dumbdumbs and dragons features the voices

51:37

of ryan the plant and on

51:40

twitter tyler huitt at tyler underscore huitt

51:42

on twitter laura hamstra at el hamspring

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on twitter and rdm tom mcgee at

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mcgee Gd and Twitter. This episode

51:48

sound was edited and a mix by Laura

51:50

Hamstra and Dumbdubs and Dragons. Artwork is by

51:52

Delboravic who can be found at delboravic.com Our

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you. struggle

54:30

against the odds. This is my

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to your vision of a perfect, efficient department.

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They don't live up to my vision of a stampede in a

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barnyard. Ooh! Gee, that's

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how you know it's working! And

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now, it returns at

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last. Alba

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Salix, Royal Physician.

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Ooh! Alba

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Salix, Royal Physician. Sable,

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